Wednesday’s TPS Report: “Loryna” Silk Ruffled Blouse

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Ralph Lauren “Loryna” Silk Ruffled BlouseSometimes, a black and white silk blouse is just what the doctor ordered. I like the feminine ruffles at the placket, the simple floral print, and the “shaping seams.” It does look a bit sheer, so I’d layer a white camisole beneath it . Note that the v-neck can be either low or fairly high (see the Bloomingdale’s picture). All in all, it’s a lovely blouse. Bloomingdale’s has a size S only for $104.30, and Ralph Lauren has sizes M-XL for $109, and Dillards has all sizes for $149.


Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected] with “TPS” in the subject line.

(L-2)

Comments

  1. Anonymous :

    The Dillard’s pricing is interesting…

  2. For wearing with my incredibly boring gray pinstripe suit! I have something similar, also in a black and ivory pattern, that I already got for this purpose, but this would have done well too. (I’d likely get it as an alternate if it had some color.)

  3. I’m not particularly thrifty, but I cannot imagine paying more than $40 for a top, and even that seems expensive to me. Anyone else?

    • found a peanut :

      my personal limit is $200 (not that I would pay $200 for this, but if the top were *perfect* I would). somewhere between the two of us there is a middle ground.

      This is my perfect top (and is sold out): http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/diane-von-furstenberg-della-silk-top/3137041

    • I think prices have been discussed on this blog before and the basic conclusion was that we all have different reserve prices depending on our income and priorities. Kat’s choices aren’t meant as a shopping list but as starting points for thinking about our wardrobes. For example, I could never afford the slurges she posts, but I enjoy seeing them and thinking about how to incorporate similar ideas into my wardrobe.

      • found a peanut :

        i think my beef with these comments are people who claim that more expensive things are the same quality as a less expensive thing (a $200 vs. a $50 skirt, a $400 vs. a $100 dress). This just isn’t true. I don’t spend $200 on a top because I enjoy wasting money – I spend $200 on a top because in my experience, the more expensive thing will look better, fit better, will wash better, will last longer and has more interesting patterns and/or brighter colors.

        And I have found that if I buy cheap things I don’t wear them because why would I wear a cheap gray shift dress that fits OK when I have a more expensive, better-fitting one in my closet? When I first started working I stocked up on Banana Republic and Ann Taylor dresses because I needed clothes and they were inexpensive (~$100 a dress). When I got some more money I started buying DvF dresses, theory, DKNY (~$300 a dress). They fit MUCH better – the difference is noticeable. All the BR and AT dresses went to my (younger) sister because why would I wear a BR dress that looked so-so on me when I could wear a theory dress that feels better on my skin and makes me look amazing? In retrospect I wish I had just dealt with having fewer clothes at the beginning and saved up to buy the quality – I probably would have saved money in the long run.

        • Can I just say that I have been practicing almost three years now and essentially did the same thing at the beginning when I first started working. So today most of my theory, black halo and david meister stuff was at the dry cleaners and it took me an impossible amount of time to get dressed B/C everything looked old and worn out and just not nice enough for work anymore. And I have a huge meeting today.

          Venting…not my best morning.

          • Littlest Attorney :

            I like the idea of having theory, dvf, etc. clothing but it really doesn’t fit my body shape (short and curvy). I do ok at Ann Taylor in terms of fit, but other than Classiques Entier there don’t seem to be any higher end options for people like me- thoughts?

          • found a peanut :

            @ Littlest Attorney:
            What about DKNY or Lafayette 148? Also DvF wrap dresses might work on you (I am too curvy for some DvF dresses but the wrap dresses fit much better)

          • lafayette is brilliant for curvy ladies!

        • I think in aggregate you’re right, that more expensive clothes are high quality. I definitely have some white elephants in my closet though.

          I also think that diversification is an important point here. I don’t want to have too much of my clothing budget much allocated to one item because a bad coffee stain could decimate my wardrobe. This is why I won’t be stocking up on DvF.

          Do you have any experience taking Anne Taylor /BR dresses to a tailor? I’ve always wondered if that could reproduce the effect of higher quality clothes.

          • In my experience, it depends a lot on the dress (which is true of clothing from any price point). I have a LOFT dress that I got completely tailored for almost as much as the cost of the dress, but it looks amazing. I get tons of compliments. I also have more expensive items that I never wear b/c they just never fit right.

            My feeling is that fit and drape are most important. Often, the better designers pay attention to cut so that they fit better, and they use better fabrics that drape better. But it varies quite a lot. I’ve found great quality silk at AT, and cheap polyester in brands like DVF and BCBG. Also, a lot of designers are cut for someone much taller then me.

            Bottom line, I think there isn’t a hard and fast rule here. I spend money on what looks good, and I’ve happily spent $100+ altering AT clothing into something I love while passing up higher end brands on super sale b/c I know they’ll never look great on me.

          • Littlest Attorney :

            DKNY sometimes work – though not pants generally. Will try Lafayette 148 and somehow wrap dresses just don’t look professional enough on me except for Fridays in my already business casual office.

        • South of Houston :

          Totally agree with this. Particularly since (as noted many times by commenters on this site before) BR and AT quality seems to have really declined over the past few years. Even though their clothes are cheaper than Theory, DVF, etc., I really think they’re less value for the $.

          • Agree – I refuse to shop at BR and AT as I like to keep my clothes for 10 years+. I prefer Theory, Hugo Boss & Classiques.

          • found a peanut :

            @Bianca – I want to try Hugo Boss but even I balk at the price! $500-$600 a dress is still out of my price range.

    • For those who have seen this in person, what is the bottom of the shirt like. I.e., must it be tucked in? I like this quite a bit in theory, but cannot tuck shirts in with my body shape.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I really like this top, so I suppose I would buy it if I had the money to spend. But normally $50 is my limit for tops, and even then I really have to think it through. I’m still at the building point of my wardrobe and not at the point where I can upgrade things yet.

  4. Ladies, when we discuss skirt length, are we talking about sitting or standing? I am tall so I try to get all my skirts to come to knee or mid-knee length otherwise it just looks like I’m showing a lot of leg. But no matter how long I get them, when I sit down, they inevitably go inches above my knee.

    I’m wearing a pencil skirt today and even though it is to my knee standing, it is about two inches above my knee when I sit. Am I doing something wrong? I try to smooth it out before I sit.

    • Standing!

      I have this same problem when I sit, especially with those skirts that are just at mid knee when standing – they can go close to 3 inches above the knee when sitting. I just try to stuff my legs under my desk, make sure I don’t cross my legs as that makes the skirt go even higher, and hope no one notices.

    • I buy mine so that they still completely cover my knee when I sit. About 2 inches below knee when I stand, I think. Audrey Hepburn style :) I’m 5-8, and it is tough to find skirts that are long enough! Wish more retailers made tall sizes (and that more of those who do would recognize that a 23 inch pencil skirt isn’t exactly a “tall”…).

    • Anonymousskirt :
    • Maybe it’s just me, but I think that sounds normal. I don’t think it’s a problem, unless you’re flashing a lot of thigh.

    • I think you want to pick a skirt that is the appropriate length while standing. How often can you even see a woman’s thighs when she’s sitting at a desk or table? You can help keep a skirt from going up when you sit by making sure the waistband is tight enough that it does not ride up. Since I have a relatively small waist, I often have that problem before alteration.

    • soulfusion :

      Most of my height is in my legs so I hear you in terms of a couple of inches above the knee can translate into a lot more leg than a woman who is shorter or has shorter legs. That being said, I see no problem with skirts that are 2-3 inches above the knee when seated as long as you keep the skirt smoothed out and make sure you aren’t flashing anyone when you cross your legs. I recently bought the most amazing dress which seemed just a tad short when standing but due to the style was extremely hiked up when sitting so I had to return it (and was heart broken).

    • Standing. IMHO skirts below the knee look dowdy.

  5. Threadjack-

    My husband and I are taking a trip to California in late August. We plan on spending 3 days in San Francisco, 2 days at Yosemite National Park, and then 3 or 4 days in Napa/Sonoma. Neither of us have been to California, and I was hoping to get some suggestions for things we *must* see/do, restaurants, and wineries.

    If there has been a conversation about this previously on Corporette, if someone could direct me there, I’d appreciate it! I don’t mean to repeat a previous threadjack.

    • We went 3 years ago in late June – here were my favorites:
      Wineries – definitely have someone drive you so both of you can enjoy yourselves. Our 2 favorites were Shaffer and Schramsberg – you need reservations at both.
      Dinner in San Fran – The Slanted Door was great. We ate at Gary Danko (I called exactly 3 months before the night we wanted to go, starting at the time the reservations line opened to get the table) and it was a good meal, but had been over-hyped.
      Go to a baseball game – SF was on the road, so we went to Oakland and had a great time.
      And you have to go to Alkatraz – yes, it is touristy, but I really enjoyed it.

      • Take the Alcatraz at night tour … it’s guided, you get to see more places, and it’s really a better sense of what it was like. Watch the “Mythbusters” show on the re-creation of the jail break first for more associations while you’re there. It can be colder and more windy on the rock and the trip to/from that you might expect. “Houston’s” restaurant right across from that pier is good, although a chain here in Houston, Texas.

        Have a great time!

    • Oh, man, just thinking about this is making me homesick (I am a Sonoma County native but currently in NYC):

      In SF:
      – Spend some time in Golden Gate Park. I love the California Academy of Sciences (excellent aquarium) as well as the DeYoung, which is right next door and has great art, as well as usually some nice rotating exhibits. As a kid I always got a great kick out of the Japanese tea gardens but for adults it might not be as much fun. I believe the botanical gardens are free, however.
      – The SF ferry building, which is full of gourmet food (I believe that’s actually where the aforementioned Slanted Door is now located) and on some days has a farmer’s market.
      -China town for dim sum can be fun, and the neighborhood is interesting to briefly walk around in–depending on where you’re from, it’s quite unusual.
      – For restaurants, I’ve heard really good things about Flour & Water and Thirsty Bear brewery (which is more of a gourmet gastropub, as I understand).

      In terms of Yosemite, if you’re much of a hiker, the Panorama trail is epic. You take a bus up to Glacier point and then hike down, hitting the Mist Trail and other great view (I think it’s like 9 miles or so).

      I honestly don’t have much to say about Napa, but Sonoma county is wonderful. The Sonoma Square is adorable and has many excellent restaurants (Girl and the Fig, Harvest Moon, Maya, Basque bakery for sandwiches/ pastries) and a fun farmer’s market one night a week during the summer. You can also visit the Sonoma mission for a brief historical detour. Consider also going to Glen Ellen (tiny town–tons of good restaurants, and I’m a big proponent of Benziger winery as a great tour–they’re biodynamic) and also consider heading west to the Russian River area (Sebastopol, Forestville, Guerneville) where there are more wineries and a great crunchy/granola/hippie vibe amongst the redwoods.

      Final comment. If you are going in August, beware the fog. It could be seriously, seriously hot — but in SF in particular, it could also be very damp, foggy, and chilly, especially at night.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Oh yes, definitely go to the California Academy of Sciences! They have an incredible indoor rainforest and the rooftop is beautiful.

        Also, if you are going to be in Chinatown at all, take a quick trip to the fortune cookie factory. It will only be 10-15 minutes of your time, but it is fun to see how they are made.

      • I second the Russian River Valley. It’s fun to rent bikes there and go on a bike ride of the Dry Creek loop/wine tasting. I recommend Rafanelli and Ridge wineries. But late August can be hot.

        • SF Bay Associate :

          Wow, Bianca, my two favorite wineries! I was going to go to Rafanelli this weekend, but they are totally out of their merlot and zin until the next press in the fall. Only cab available for tasting. Sigh.

          Agreed – Napa, Dry Creek, Sonoma will be hot in August.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      One of my favorite lower priced restaurants in San Francisco is Squat and Gobble. http://www.squatandgobble.com/ There are a few different locations and it is perfect for lunch.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      What may be the most fun for you will depend in part on where you are coming from. No point in recommending Japanese restaurants or most museums to a New Yorker, for example. Or Mexican food to a Texan. You also didn’t provide any information on your budget or where you are staying.

      Don’t miss the Ferry Building, ideally during a farmer’s market day (3x a week). Seriously. Ideally, go on Saturday morning during the big farmer’s market – it’s probably my favorite thing in the city. Slanted Door is in the ferry building and very popular with tourists – the food is ok and expensive, but the view is spectacular. The dim sum in Chinatown, as is most of the food there, is really not that good unless you are a Cantonese speaker. The best Chinese restaurants are elsewhere in the city or south of it. Your best bet for in-SF dim sum is Yank Sing, though it’s pricey. Gary Danko is excellent and worth the high cost. Other excellent restaurants in SF are Perbacco, Range, Baker & Banker, Coi, Delfina . . . I could go on forever.

      Flour & Water is great but almost impossible to get into (see recent news story about how Steve Jobs couldn’t get a table). Thirsty Bear is a mediocre at best brew pub and not worth a visit. I also disagree with the Squat & Gobble recommendation – I eat there occasionally if I’m in the area, but it’s nothing special, especially if you’re in town only a few days.

      If you are a serious food person, then you should read up on Chowhound.com for specific restaurant recs – there are dozens and dozens of threads that will be very helpful. I am seriously into food and visit the site daily.

      I’m not that into baseball (yes, even after last year), but AT&T park is gorgeous and fun. It could be difficult to get tickets though.

      Napa and Sonoma are not really that close together. I really suggest you pick one of the two instead of driving all over the place. My favorite wine area is actually Russian River, especially Dry Creek. Napa has some spectacular wineries, but a lot of really mediocre ones. The better ones will require reservations. My favorite Napa winery is Chapellet. Schramsburg is very fun as well.

      Happy to answer more questions.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        See also the recently published Chronicle Top 100 – http://www.sfgate.com/food/top100/2011/ – I don’t agree with all of the recommendations, but it’s a very good place to start.

        Yes, layers are key in August. Famous Mark Twain quote re: coldest winter he ever spent was a summer in San Francisco. Somewhat exaggerated, but it is kinda sad to see all the tourists shivering in shorts in August.

        There are lots of wonderful inexpensive (<$15/person) places to eat in San Francisco, especially outside the tourist areas. For a value splurge (<$50/pp), I suggest Canteen or Chapeau's prix fixe. Other options to consider on the mid to lower end of price include Barbacco, Poc Chuc, Lers Ros, La Ciccia, Lahore Kahari, Turtle Tower, Dosa, Una Pizza, Zero Zero, Bodega Bistro, Burmese Kitchen, Little Skillet, Sentinel, Out the Door (Slanted Door's more casual sibling), Amber India's buffet lunch, tacquerias, Nopa, Bi-Rite and Humphrey Slocombe for ice cream. If you're here on a Thursday or Friday, check out Off the Grid – a parking lot full of gourmet food trucks.

        Try stay somewhere near Bart or the subway lines – you won't need to cab hardly at all.

        A wonderful inexpensive activity is to rent bikes and bike across the Golden Gate bridge and into the Marin headlands (bring a windbreaker). Many museums also have free museum days on the first ___ of the month (Wednesday or Saturday, usually). Fourth the Academy of Sciences. But prioritize the ferry building farmer's market :).

        Consider Sonoma or Russian River over Napa for wine tasting – many wineries there offer much cheaper or free tastings, which is now quite rare in Napa. But regardless of which area you go to, there are wonderful wines to be had!

        • Alex Mack :

          Wow! Thanks for taking so much time and effort to help me out. It is much appreciated.

          • SF Bay Associate :

            Happy to, and not just because you have the best screen name yet! I love my city and want every visitor to have a great time, too. If you have more questions before your trip, give me a shout in the comments. I’m a daily Corporette reader and sure to see it.

    • OP here. Thanks for all the suggestions! They are very helpful and have given me some things to think about. I especially appreciate the weather tip!

      To the extent it matters, I don’t come from a place known for any particular cuisine.

      We don’t know where we are staying yet! Trying to figure out what we want to do first. I’m not overly concerned with where we stay, as we’d prefer to spend money on food, wine, and outings than hotels.

      Our budget is somewhat modest. We’re taking the trip because I’m finishing an internship of sorts and will have a month off before I start my new job — meaning that I will have no income for a month. However, we’re happy to splurge on a few great meals and winery visits and balance those out by eating modestly the rest of the time or doing things that cost us little to no money.

      • soulfusion :

        I went to Yosemite last summer and stayed in Curry Village – some members of my group really disliked the “tent cabins” but it made me think of some sort of adult/family version of summer camp (which I never did as a kid but loved Parent Trap so romanticized it based on that). But you have to enjoy roughing it – you’re basically staying in a permanent tent. Dress in layers because the temperature will vary from really hot to cold throughout the day or based on where you are in the park – even in the summer. And if you are hikers up for a challenge, I highly recommend tackling Half Dome – one of the greatest hikes of my life. Also the hardest. But you will want to look into permits if you go on a weekend (or try and avoid the weekend). I went with a guide who was EXCELLENT if you want to try that route.

        For a less popular hike, we hiked to Raisin Lake (forget the name of the trail) and we were mostly the only people on the trail in August and it was gorgeous.

  6. *Formerly* Preggo Angie :

    I am slowly… but steadily… losing the baby weight, and I hope to be in a particular skirt I haven’t worn in awhile. What would someone pair with a black and white toile-patterned A-line skirt (for Easter)? I think I wore it with a black cardigan set previously, but I was thinking of something more Spring-like and fun.

  7. I have to stop buying just black and white but i love this. Maybe one more piece wouldn’t hurt…

  8. Wanting to Move :

    Threadjack . . . Another variation about moving/changing jobs. While I am searching for a new position in a different state, I am also considering the option of transferring to a different office within my firm. Two associates here recently did this. This is not a bad option for me, except that most of the work in my practice group is in my current office. There would be no one in my practice group at the new office. Any corporette’s switched offices? Thoughts and advice appreciated!

    • Was the work source different for the other two associates who transferred? O had a similar convo with work my first year. Turns out they would have let me switch to almost any office except the one I wanted because it was primarily a niche area I was not qualified or interested in.

    • I switched offices in my second full year at my first firm. I would not recommend going to an office with no one in your practice group unless (a) you’re junior and can join one of the practice groups that’s strong in the new office, (b) it’s a temporary move (2-3 years max) and you plan to return to the “home” office, or (c) you’re senior enough to work very independently, have a strong workflow and can feasibly develop business opportunities in your practice area with clients of the new office. I lasted about 9 months in the new office but ended up leaving for another firm because I felt very isolated and lacked mentoring/training opportunities. I also felt like I was under pressure from people in the new office to take on work in their practice areas– I was billing close to 3o00 hrs that year (so I was making plenty of $$ for the firm as a whole), but I was taking up space/generating overhead for the new office without contributing to the revenues of the partners in the new office. In a smaller office (like the one I moved to), this can rub people the wrong way.

      • Wanting to Move :

        Hmm. I am a fourth soon to be fifth year litigation associate. The new office is very small (less than 10 attorneys), and they all do patent prosecution in field that I know nothing about. While I am versed in patent prosecution, I defintely would not be getting work from any of the attorneys in the new office and would instead be getting work from the partners at the old office. I did, however, recently go on a client pitch for litigation work in the new office location.

        I don’t think I would mind the work isolation. Part of the reason I want to leave the current city is because of the social isolation here. I would have more social/family opportunities in the new city. I am fairly isolated at work now because the people in my current city very much keep to themselves.

        Thanks for the insight!

    • It depends how senior you are and whether you’ll enjoy working alone/remotely. I ended up being the only person in my practice group at my office (not because of a transfer, but because the partner I was hired to work with lateraled out), and I really did not like it. The partners in the main office gave me work, but I could not get the same feedback or mentoring from them as I would if I were there in person. Also, I felt very isolated working on my own and it was stressful when I was working on something difficult and didn’t have anyone nearby that I could confer with for their quick (non-billable) thoughts. If I was close to making partner, it would have been a great opportunity for me to prove I can fly solo as that office’s expert in that practice area, but I was years away and not ready for that kind of responsibility.

    • The main thing I’d be concerned about is that out of sight is often out of mind. Your colleagues in your old office might forget to loop you in on things and eventually you could find yourself not getting work. Of course, having established yourself in the new city, it may be easier to move to another firm after a few months in the new city’s office of your current firm.

  9. Bun in the Oven; Belly in the Throat :

    Threadjack: I could use some good advice on dealing with morning sickness at work. I’ve read up on all of the suggestions to help alleviate the symptoms, i.e. ginger, small meals, eating regularly, etc., but I’m more interested in hearing thoughts, suggestions, comments on how to deal with co-workers. My husband and I decided we are going to wait until after the first trimester to make an announcement, but I don’t know that I can keep this up for 4 more weeks. My mornings are becoming quite unproductive and I don’t want everyone to think I’m slacking.

    • Oh no! Hope it gets better soon. Any chance you can go in later and maybe work from home etc?

    • lawyer mom of 4 :

      If your morning sickness is bad enough that it is impacting your ability to be productive, my advice is to go ahead and announce your pregnancy to your coworkers in whatever way you had planned. As a lawyer mom of 4 (oldest is 16) who spent ten years at a big firm in a mid-sized market and has now been in-house in increasingly senior positions for nearly 15 years, it is not going to matter in the long run. Also, in the event something goes wrong (god forbid), you may wish that you had told everyone so it would be easier for them to provide support. One of the things that I have learned about myself over the years is that if I am in the midst of difficult personal circumstance, it is better if people around me understand those circumstances. I don’t mean that I always want to have to tell them myself. Sometimes the best thing is to tell someone you know will tell the world and empower them to do so. Then whatever your news is (that you’re pregnant again, a death in the family, a miscarriage, etc.) will be out. I hope your morning sickness gets better soon, and that all goes well with your pregnancy.

    • Eek, I’ve been there! I ended up telling my boss and colleagues earlier than planned because I was so sick. I kept crackers and these barf bags at my desk: http://www.morningchicnessbags.com/. I also couldn’t join anyone for lunch for a long time as the smells of other food made me sick so I stayed at my desk and ate crackers for lunch.

    • Have you talked to your OB about drugs? Some are quite helpful (though some make you sleepy, so you’re trading on problem for another regards to productivity). Are you in a cube, or can you close the door to your office? If you keep it closed more often, it may be less obvious when you are feeling totally grotty.

      I was a surgical resident during my pregnancy. It was hard, especially early on when I was not telling people. I snacked constantly on graham crackers and ginger ale. I did tell the senior resident directly above me, who I trusted very much, and he kept a secret but also protected me a little bit (do you have anyone like that in your office?). I think a lot of people guessed, but pretended not to — I was scrubbing out of morning cases to barf, had to sit down a certain amount in the OR, and just generally wasn’t 100% myself. Once they found out, everyone had a good laugh and then life moved on. I had overall, a very easy pregnancy from a health point of view (not from a work point of view) so by 12, 13, 14 weeks I was back to myself. Not everyone is like that, but hold out for that.

      Hang in there.

    • Wear SeaBands (and long sleeves), ask for a Zofran Rx and take 1/2 regular Unisom and 50mg B6 at night (knocks you out but works for real.) Other than that, if mornings are worse than evenings and you can get away with it, come in a bit late and stay later to make it up – at my office I never see the junior associates before 10 a.m. and I remember those blissful days when I didn’t have a LO who sends out a wake-up call at 6 a.m. Other than that, if there is one person you work closely with and trust to be discreet, you may just have to tell them. I’ve had co-workers who have done this when very, very sick, and they didn’t want people to think they were slacking. I’m “lucky” enough to have no barfing but 24/7 nausea and I definitely feel useless most days. Hope it goes away soon for you!

    • Hang in there! I was sure I was going to wait until the end of the first trimester to tell, but ended up having to share the news earlier because of morning sickness. It was extremely hard to act as if I didn’t feel nauseous/wasn’t about to puke at work.

      Once I told, I was so relieved. I ended up getting a lot of support out of it, which helped me hold on! I’m still puking occasionally at week 15, but overall things are looking up. Wishing you a calm stomach and a healthy baby.

    • Bun in the Oven; Belly in the Throat :

      Thanks for the responses. I know I’m not the only one who has dealt with this issue, but it is much more difficult that I had expected. I have a reputation for being pretty tough and rarely call in sick, so I guess I just assumed I would be able to deal with it. I don’t think anyone has noticed yet and I hope I can keep it that way for a while longer.

      • Get an Rx for Zofran if you can. My SIL gave me one when we were pregnant at the same time and it was AMAZING – I felt like I was not pregnant again. I wasn’t really aggressive enough about asking for meds with my OB but I will get the rx next time if I need it.

      • Same story here. I wish I had not tried to be so tough and just taken off or scaled back. If I could send a message to myself back in time, I’d say, “You don’t have to prove anything!! This won’t last long, and you don’t have to hate it!”

        But I can’t, so I’ll say that to you. :-)

    • dress fanatic :

      Threw up on a plane, right next to parnter. Blamed it on motion sickness. He believed it. The stewardess saw right through me. Good luck!

    • If the reason you’re not telling anyone is in case something goes wrong, then whether or not to tell now must depend on what you will do IF something goes wrong. With my miscarriage #1, I was unconsolable and missed work and school for a solid week. Work not knowing I was pregnant would have served no purpose. By #3 (which was after healthy baby #1), the crying was limited to when we were alone and we didn’t tell even our parents we had been pregnant until after the birth of healthy baby #2. We neither wanted the sympathy nor needed the time off, so not telling saved us having to un-tell them, so to speak. (And saved our parents another round of grief.) Of course, this meant that we also delayed telling everyone we were expecting healthy baby #2 for so long that nobody was surprised.

    • Lawyering Mom :

      I told my boss earlier than planned because it was negatively impacting my work product. Unfortunately, it had already become an issue because my morning sickness came up right around the time annual reviews were due. I should have said something immediately. I was VERY sick and vomiting 5+ times a day every day in the office, even with Zofran. I literally could not function. If you are really ill, best of telling people right away so they can cut you some slack. I regret waiting.

  10. Threadjack!

    Not sure if there is any reasonable advice, so this may just be a vent.

    I’m a junior associate working with a fairly new patent agent who has this SUPER annoying habit of using my name multiple times in a conversation. Not just a “Dysis, do you have a second?” but “Dysis, do you have a second? I have a question about the XYZ case, Dysis. I’ve read the opinion, but I’m confused about ABC. Dysis, does that make sense to you?”

    I have no idea how to politely tell him to cut it out, and it’s getting increasingly annoying. I’m slightly paranoid that it’s a gender thing — he doesn’t appear to do this with the men (at least when I’ve been in the room). The office rumor mill told me that one of the senior women also noticed this and found it rude/disrespectful, but I haven’t heard anything directly from anyone else.

    I’m guessing it’s some “tip” he heard somewhere about how people like to hear their names — but this is way too much!

    As far as annoying co-workers go, it’s pretty minor, but….ARGH!

    • found a peanut :

      I can DEFINITELY understand how little tics can make you crazy (my officemate used to tap on the desk and I wanted to strangle him) but I think this is the type of thing that you just have to ignore. It seems relatively minor and he probably doesn’t even notice he’s doing it. If you have a comfortable relationship with him you could try joking about it – like, “Wow, that’s the most times anyone ever said my name in one sitting.” But I think you just have to let it go.

    • Just ignore it. He may have come from a field/job where they were trained to use the customer’s name regularly. I know when I worked in customer service that was part of the training. I don’t really do it now, but I am sure it sticks with people who do that job for years.

      • Not really related, but I waited tables in college in a southern restaurant, and still occassionally catch myself dropping a “honey”, “baby”, or “sweetie” in place of people’s names. Never in business, of course, but it still makes me (a New Jersey born, fast-talking, completely ungrandmotherly type of person) chuckle when I catch it.

        • ME TOO. Except I at least grew up in a place where people say honey and sweet pea. But decades after my last stint as a waitress, I still “honey” people all. the. time.

        • Oh, wow, do they actually teach servers to do this? I’m a Southern woman, and I haaaate it when servers/customer service people/store clerks, etc. call me honey/sweetie/baby and so do many of the other (Southern) women I know.

          • Ha, no, they don’t teach it (at least, not at any place I know of). It’s just part of the culture for some reason. (I always thought that it was mainly due to high turnover+ stressful job. It’s a lot easier to say “pass me that, hon” than to remember the new server’s name when you’re rushed!)

            I actually kind of liked it, particularly from older women. I don’t know, it seemed kind of pleasant and comforting. And I always got a kick out of hearing older women call their younger bosses “honey”.

      • Why on earth do they train salespeople to do this? I really find it irritating when someone does this. It seems…overly familiar or something?

        • Lol, it bothers me, too. Who knows how they come up with this stuff.

        • soulfusion :

          I especially find it annoying when since they rarely to never pronounce my name correctly!

        • It also bothers me. Almost as if they haven’t earned the right to call me by my name.

          I also hate it at the grocery store. I have a last name that is tough to pronounce, and they always look at the receipt, and say like, “Have a nice day, Ms…. uh,…”

          • YES!! My last name always stumps the people at the grocery store. And they stand there puzzling over the receipt and I just want to get out of there!

            I had a job in high school where I had to wear a name tag. I hated the people who would call me by my first name–I thought it was really rude and overly familiar. Leering older men were the worst with it. Ugh.

          • Precisely! I worked at convenience stores/gas stations. Hated the name tag. I’m not going to call you by your first name, skeezy old man, and you shouldn’t call me by mine.

    • This is a pretty minor offense. I have a common name and a common last name and I have co-workers who mistakenly call me by the wrong name. Usually they call me by my last name (which can pass as a first name), but worse, they call me by the name of the other associate in my office who is of the same race. If this is your only issue at work, you are pretty lucky.

    • Oh, I agree it’s pretty minor. This was mostly just a vent about a co-worker’s mannerisms.

      Not sure why it bugs me so much — if someone had complained about this to me, I’d wonder what the big deal is!

      At least he uses the right name, I guess!

    • Yes, it’s often said no music is sweeter to a person than the sound of his/her name. I disagree vehemently. The overuse is particularly annoying, and very sales-y.

    • It’s probably something that works on men…

    • I was recently on a conference call with a potential vendor who did this, but with a twist: there were three of us (both sexes) on our end, and he alternated the name each time. “So what we would do, Denise, is to first… and then, Sue, we would…and, Morgan, then finally we would…” for 45 minutes. We almost had to mute the phone on our end to hide our laughter.

  11. Threadjack: I’ve noticed some posters recommending gel manicures recently. Are we talking about the fairly new gel manicures, or the gel tips (that are like acrylic tips, except gel). Anyone have experience with either/both? Do they both have to be removed at a nail salon? Do they both require filling? How do they look and how long do they last?

    Mainly, I want short nails that look polished. My nail polish chips easily (and I think it is supposed to last on fakes much longer), plus I’m terrible at giving myself a manicure. Thanks for any tips!

    • Taking your questions in order because I have to get back to work… When I get a gel manicure, my tech brushes on polish just like drugstore polish, but the formula is gel-based. I’ve also heard customers call it “shellac.” This is the specific stuff my tech uses:

      http://www.jessicacosmetics.com/miva/merchant.mvc?Screen=GELERATION_COLOURS

      I have no experience with tips or any other false nail. With the gel manicure, I go every three weeks and she buffs my nails with the squishy thing, then has me soak my fingertips in acetone for about ten minutes and then she gently scrapes the old color off, usually with her own fingernail. Then with the new manicure she simply brushes on the new color. There’s no filling involved. You could even soak off the color at home if you don’t want to commit to a regular routine at the nail salon – just be sure you buy 100 percent acetone ($2.50 at Target) and not the remover with lemon or moisturizer.

      My nails look fantastic. They don’t chip unless I break a nail (by slamming it into a cupboard – NOT via normal use like typing). I can wash my hair, peel garlic, and so on and my color does not chip.

      I never got my fingernails polished until my tech started using this product. Now I LOVE it and for me it is well worth the $25 every three weeks.

      • $25 sounds like such a deal! where do you live? i’m in chicago and have only seen no-chip manis offered in the $35-$45 range.

      • That is so interesting. I tried out the no-chip manis when they first started showing up around Chicago and thought that they just destroyed my nails. The mani did last forever, though, only had to get another when the new growth showed too much. Maybe I’ll try them again, in case it was just the salon that I was going to.

      • I do the soak off gels (that do not extend w/a tip) and love them. It’s $30 at my salon. Regular nail polish chips almost immediately, and these last almost exactly 2 weeks. I get some minor chips at the 2 week mark.

        The key is to make sure the salon intends to actually soak off the gel and does not use a dremel tool to grind it off. They just need to soak with acetone (ideally wrapping each nail with a bit of cotton and tin foil vs. in a bowl). Grinding is what severely damages the nail and is only required for thick acrylic or gel tips.

        I prefer Shellac brand soak off gels in the dark brown color Fedora. Some brands have more bright colors (Gelish is one) that I don’t care for. OPI makes Axxium soak off gels, but I have heard they take about 30 minutes to soak off vs. 10 for Shellac.

        Generally when you go in to have them re-done, the soaking/removal is included in the manicure price. Some places charge separately, but I think it’s rare.

        I LOVE Shellac – it’s great for people like me that chip easily (oily nail beds) and generally have shorter nails.

    • I haven’t seen the recommendations for gel manicures on Corporette, but I have been super busy the last 2 weeks, so I might have missed it. I have gotten a gel manicure a couple of times now. The one where the “polish” is a gel, and you dry under a UV lamp between coats, not the gel tips (as Mella described). It is great to have a manicure that lasts a couple of weeks without chipping (and it really does last and looks great). However, I have noticed that my nails seem to grow faster than one of my other friends who swears by gel manicures, so I have a much larger gap between the polish and my cuticle much sooner than she does. I have been using a light color, so its not as noticeable as it would otherwise be with a dark color. It is definitely worth it. I hated getting regular manicures only to have the polish chip 2 days later.

      • As far as I know there are 2 basic kinds of gel – “powder gel” and soak-off laquer/shellac.

        I got powder gel regularly for several months. A “full set” was 45-60 depending on the place and “fill in” was around 20.
        PROS: If it is done properly and allowed to dry, you can get a full set and just keep filling it in pretty much infinitely every 3 weeks or so. It looks amazing, and doesn’t chip (if done properly, but see cons!). They first put the gel layer on, then color on top. Color can be removed with regular nail polish remover but there is a thick hard glossy layer underneath that actually looks pretty nice.
        CONS: Your nail bed gets filed down with an electric file. It hurts and can’t be healthy to thin your nails that much before slathering chemicals on them. You have to do several drying periods under a UV light which drys your skin and I have heard is not that healthy. If the nails aren’t done right, they can “lift” or peel off which hurts A LOT. You cannot remove the gel without an electric file. After I got the last set of gels removed, my nails were thin, brittle, and sensitive. Finally, I had some dexterity problems related to how thick my nails were; I kept them pretty short but the thickness made it difficult to,eg, pick up a coin off the floor, or open the little charger flap on my cell phone.

        Despite the Cons, I really enjoyed the gel nails but decided to take a break after I read some articles about the health risks. I decided to let my natural nails grow in without being sanded. For a special event, I got the “soak off” laquer tyoe two weeks ago and they seem to be almost as good in terms of long lasting chip-free shine. The polish has peeled a little but it didn’t hurt the way gels did. The laquers come in a LOT of colors and do not involve the electric filing.

        Hope that helps!

        • PS – the powder gel is called powder because the tech wets a brush in some chemical, then dips it in a jar of powder. The powder instantly turns into a gel substance which is then brushed on your nails. Also, the laquer that I got last time was the Axxium stuff that East Coast Sunshine describes below. It hasn’t chipped, just peeled a little from the bottom.

    • East Coast Sunshine :

      My gel manicure experience: the OPI Axxium system is amaaazing. The technician applies the polish like one would at home, only it’s with a tiny paint brush and they use a UV lamp to harden it. I’ve gone 4 weeks with the manicure not chipping, and the polish looked just as shiny as if it had been applied the day before. That extended length of time does lead to your nails growing out and showing a gap between polish and cuticles, as anonymous mentions above. My skin is the same color as my nailbeds, so this gap doesn’t really bother me- and I don’t think anyone would be gauche enough to point it out even if there was a big color difference (if one is paying that much attention to my nails, one needs to get a hobby or something).

      It costs about $40 in Tampa, but my manicurist is also one of the three people in the county who does it (or, well, she was a year ago and I just stuck with her). The price might change based on your market and how many technicians are trained to use it. It’s great for really busy periods when you really don’t have much time to change polish (tax season, trials, vacations, etc.), but I do like to change my polish a lot when it’s not terribly busy, so the Axxium is not something I get done very frequently.

    • somewherecold :

      I am not a big manicure girl, but I got a shellac manicure a few months ago, and I would definitely get it again. They painted on a special polish, and I put my nails under a UV light in between coats. I was supposed to go back to have them take it off for me (they said they would put cotton soaked in acetone on each fingernail), but I peeled it off right before the two-week mark. I don’t think peeling it was good for my nails, they looked kind of dried out for a while. I got a light color, so I thought the grow out wasn’t as noticeable.

    • I just recently had my first CND-brand Shellac manicure and I love it! No chipping for close to three weeks both times. I, too, get a very light pale color so the grow-out doesn’t show much, but it would show with a dark or intense color.

      In my case, I don’t like the sanding necessary for acrylics and my nails are so weak that I would break one once a day, sometimes so far back on the finger that it would bleed and be extraordinarily painful. Shellac eliminated that and I rationalize that it saves me that pain and bleeding from the torn nails. Knock on wood, I haven’t broken a nail in six weeks and only have a small chip from when we moved our offices last week and I had to box up all my files.

  12. Relationship threadjack: At what point do you think you *know* that the guy you’re dating is right for you? I’m dating a fantastic guy who I could really see a future with, but I keep double clutching. I’m not sure if it’s my gut telling me there’s something wrong or my brain telling me to panic because this guy could possible be The One. We have great dates where I’ll think everything is so amazing and that he could really be a great fit for me long term, but then I’ll panic because I never really felt that surge of butterflies in my stomach at the very beginning. In fact, I thought he was kind of nerdy. Is it possible for someone to be right for you but for your fear of being with the wrong person to ruin it for you?

    Full disclosure: it’s only been a few months. I know, I know.

    • Sounds like you’re letting fear of commitment get in the way. You don’t have to be wild about someone from the very beginning for it to work – some people just grow on you. I’ve been married a long time to a wonderful man, but our first date was only so-so. Here are the questions I would ask: is there something that’s bothering you (e.g., he’s overly controlling)? If not, are you grown up enough not to care that you originally thought he was kind of nerdy, and therefore that other people might as well?

      • There’s nothing specific bothering me. He’s seriously the most considerate, kind guy I’ve ever dated. I just wonder if my fear is getting in the way of me having that head-over-heels feeling that I’d expect to be having. I don’t care that he’s nerdy at all–I find that endearing now, but I just wonder why I’m not feeling so crazy in love when he seems like he could be wonderful for me. It’s like I’m boiling a pot of water on low–and maybe that makes for a better relationship long term, but I’m so used to things bubbling over in the beginning that I wonder if I’m trying to force things because he’s so great.

        He’s also very clear that he likes me a lot and I think that that’s part of the reason why I’m not bubbling over all the time–it just feels very stable and safe. And maybe I fear that that’s because I don’t care enough.

        Thanks for the therapy, corporettes! I really need some group think/stories about how you don’t always know right away. I’ve watched too many romantic comedies, I fear.

        • I am so glad you posted this question! I am going through the exact same thing right now and am rather bewildered by it. We have these fantastic dates, and he’s so sweet and thoughtful and generous and makes me laugh, but he’s not my normal ‘type’, so I totally understand and relate to your ‘pot of water boiling on low’ analogy.

          At the same time, I love how safe and stable he makes me feel. There’s no wondering if he’s going to call or when I’m going to see him again, which I really like.

          I have no advice, really. I just wanted to say you’re definitely not the only one dealing with this right now. :)

        • I am so totally going through this right now too! How strange. I read Batgirl’s post thinking I could have written it. Reading all replies with great interest….

          • me three! If you have ever had that giddy butterfly feeling for someone, and later realized it was just infatuation (as opposed to real “love,” whatever that is) and then you meet someone who is on all counts amazing but you DON’T feel that chemistry….how do you know?

        • this is exactly how i started with my boyfriend. i absolutely no plans to stay with him long-term, i just didnt fall head over heels and i actually persued him in a very unromantic, mundane way, and i thought it meant we werent meant to be together. but in the year and a half+ we’ve been together, i’ve fallen more and more in love with him, and now i can really see us getting married and having a future together. romantic comedies (and before we watched those, disney movies!) make us feel like the relationships that start with “boiling over” are true love, but that’s usually not the case. it sounds like he’s a great guy…don’t let the lack of sparks in the beginning deter you from a great relationship!

    • In my experience, the guys I got the butterflies with at the beginning tended to fizzle fast. My best relationships started with a slow simmer…

      Plus, the question really shouldn’t be what you felt when you met him, but what you feel *now*.

      • Fair point. I’m not sure how I feel right now. I have dates with him where I feel great, but then I’ll also have moments where I get a pang of “is this right??” I’m just not sure whether those pangs are “no, it’s not right!” or “God, the idea that this could be right scares the hell out of me!”

        • I feel similarly about my bf. He’s starting to get super serious about me (its been 1.5 years) and I’m still feeling a little confused. I’m happy – but he’s not perfect (of course neither am I). I feel like I have to figure out soon if he’s the ‘one’ or not. I’m also really scared because I’ve been in two relationships where I thought the guy was ‘the one’ and those both imploded. I don’t know if my fears are commitment based because of those other two relationships or if it’s because he and I don’t match the way we should. Sorry, I know this doesn’t help but I just wanted to comment.

    • Maybe you should give it some more time before you force yourself to make conclusions. Just see how you feel.

    • I’m going to be the devil’s advocate here… It sounds like you are trying to talk yourself into liking him more than you actually do. I have been there – great guy, nicest boyfriend ever, cute, funny, everything should be great. I even ended up marrying him, because it seemed like it should be the right thing. But it never “clicked,” you know? And sadly, we got divorced about 18 months into it. Looking back, I would have described it exactly the way you did – should have been the right person for me, but I was hestitant/ambivalent the entire time and didn’t listen to those feelings.

      Moral of the story: Don’t talk yourself into liking a boy. Find someone that gives you butterflies AND is a nice guy. They exist too. =)

      • That’s the impression I got too. I went through that situation with a relationship that lasted 2 years — I was trying to fit myself to the guy, I guess, because he was objectively great. Now I realize that we just weren’t right for each other. Now I’m with someone else, and I’ve never questioned it.

      • Ugh, this is exactly what I’m afraid of.

      • While I agree that you shouldn’t talk yourself into liking someone, I don’t think you should jump ship because you are having momentary doubts. I think questions in a relationship are totally normal. I also strongly believe that most successful, long-term relationships are not filled with drama and fireworks every minute of every day. A real relationship is what you’ve got left when the butterflies are gone.

        I’ve gone through this exact same thing with my long-term SO and even went to therapy for it because it was just tearing me up. My counselor and I had a lot of talks about making problems in a relationship where there are none and fear of true relationship success. Before you give this seemingly great guy the boot, I’d think about some of these things. IMHO, if you didn’t care about him, I don’t think you’d be asking the question.

        • As an aside, something that’s helped me is to just accept the uncertainty. Sounds kind of crazy, but in matters of love, there’s no way to know 100% what’s going to happen tomorrow.

          Since just accepting that I don’t have all the answers, but I care deeply for my SO, I feel like our relationship has gotten better, and those lovey feelings have started to reemerge. We’re actually moving in together (something else that caused me a great deal of anxiety), but now I’m happy knowing that I get to come home every day to my best friend who happens to be my boyfriend:)

      • I agree. If you are on a low boil now, where are you going to be 10 years from now? I was head over heels for my husband when we met several years ago, and I look fondly on those time now that we’re in low boil territory. And he was/is the ultimate “nice guy.” As Anon @ 12:38 said, there are nice guys out there who give you butterflies too. You shouldn’t have to convince yourself this early on.

        • I didn’t mean low boil like low interest–just more like stable interest. Like, I don’t get upset if he doesnt’ call (well, a little) b/c I know he’s into me. I meant low boil like no drama in terms of games, etc. I’m definitely very attracted to him. And there are fun, exciting times. I just mean that it’s not instable and I think I associate some of that uncertainty with love.

          • Uncertainty=love? I don’t think this makes any sense.

          • Meaning that I think I get obsessive about guys that aren’t forthcoming about their feelings. When someone’s stable, it seems boring by contrast. I meant that I think I’m mistaking feeling nervous for feeling the good kind of butterflies.

          • ugh my best friend is like this…not to be harsh, but you need to force yourself to stop thinking that uncertainty and neglectfulness makes a guy attractive and your relationship exciting. what it does is make your relationship fail, because the guy’s not interested or a jerk. and it makes you pass on great guys, like your current bf.

    • somewherecold :

      I didn’t feel any butterflies when I first met my sig other (he’s now my fiance). I didn’t want to date him when we first met. We met one summer in law school, and it wasn’t until I was on the plane on my way back to school that I realized I should date him (after a summer of turning him down). At that point, I just felt stupid and silly, not butterflies, especially since we had to be long distance while in school. Then we started dating, and I knew he was into me faster than I was into him. But we are a great fit, and I don’t know if he’s “the one” because I don’t know if I believe in that deal, but I do know that I can’t imagine not being with him and I’m really excited to marry him. I don’t think it matters that it took me a little longer to feel that way than it took him.

      I know that in the past, I have let someone else’s feelings toward me flatter me and convince me that I should date them, but then I would realize that I didn’t really like the person, I just liked that they liked me. Given how my relationship with my current SO started, I was worried that I was letting that happen again. That’s kind of like a fear of being with the wrong person, I guess. I have had some emotional moments with my SO, but not butterflies, that have made me realize how much I value our relationship and him as a person.

    • “It’s in his kiss”?

      “Just trust your feelings”?

      Oh honey, there’s no bright line rule for this one.

    • Thanks, everyone. I think the bottom line is that I feel like I’m starting to develop stronger feelings for him, but wonder if I really am or if I’ve just gotten used to being around him and am mistaking familiarity with love.

      That said, there are times where I’m very excited about things and other times where I’m wondering if I’m forcing it. But I have a lot of issues with anxiety and this is the first relationship I have had in a while that had the potential to really go somewhere. I wonder if I’m misinterpreting doubt as something more.

      • I think familiarity and comfortableness is part of love, though. Building memories and experiences together and learning that you can trust someone is part of what being in love long-term is about. If you are, in fact, attracted to him physically now, I don’t think the lack of initial butterflies is any big deal.

    • 30 years experience :

      I think that pop culture has done us all a disservice by portraying “real” love as some very dramatic series of events. Do you feel more yourself when you’re with him? Does he complete you? Is he your best friend? Do you want to actually talk to him, sit quietly with him, spend time with him? That sounds like something lasting (like love). On the other hand, butterflies and boiling water might be simply lust or even fear. Picture yourself with him in 5 years on a Sunday night eating popcorn and watching a DVD in flannel pajamas. That’s real life: does it sound good or bad?

    • I know not everyone agrees with this, but I think the myth that a relationship has to be dramatic to be “right” can be one of the most damaging myths out there. It leads people into really destructive relationships — ones where they fight a lot or tolerate a lot of awful treatment because they are so head over heals in love. It also leads them to doubt perfectly healthy relationships because they’re too “easy” and there is no fire.

      The reality is, relationships don’t HAVE to be so hard. They don’t have to be dramatic. And they don’t have to include butterflies. You describe a guy who sounds pretty great. That’s probably all you really need to know.

      • I’m hoping you’re right. In all my relationships, including my long term ones, I’ve never had the butterflies, and I strongly suspect I just can’t “do” butterflies, so I’m really hoping I can eventually have a permanent relationship without them.

        • I’m not much of a butterflies girl either.

          But when my fiance sits next to me in a hospital bed, does all the housework, takes care of our dog, and never complains…I know that he’s a keeper!

    • I went through this, and came to realize that I liked drama in relationships. I liked feeling really, really up at the beginning, and didn’t mind the lows when they didn’t work out, because they had been so exhilarating at the beginning. (Better to have loved and lost, right?)

      But that is kind of artificial. And I was certainly afraid of commitment. True soul-mates may not know it the first few months that they are together. Relationships take time to grow.

      It really helped me to read this blog (which I found when another Corporette recommended it): http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/

  13. Not seeing it :

    I’m sorry, but this is silly. How is it rude or disrespectful to use a person’s name several times in a conversation? I can see how it could be kind of annoying, but there are much bigger and more important things to get annoyed about in the workplace, and this isn’t one of them. Do you have a unique name? If so, he might just be using it a lot to remember to pronounce it properly. I would let this go.

    • I don’t think it’s rude — it was the senior attorney who thought that — just super annoying.

      The only way I’d be concerned about it being disrespectful is if it was something he did exclusively with women. But my sample size isn’t large enough to determine that and I haven’t had any problem with him taking my assignments less seriously than the assignments from men.

    • I could see it being offensive if it was said in a patronizing way and/or if he only did it to women.

  14. I’m looking into buying a new laptop. Does anyone have one they like? I’m looking for a PC for personal use, to be used for mostly web surfing and some light video/photo editing. Looking to spend less than $1000.

    • My brother just bought an awesome light 13″ one which I can’t remember the name of (I’ll find out) but I would say do NOT get a netbook. I’ve had mine for a while now and I HATE IT. HATE IT. Sorry for the emphasis but it’s so slow and really can’t handle photos, regular web browsing and videos, oh how I miss youtube and regular netflix usage.

    • found a peanut :

      I got a Lenovo Thinkpad last summer and I love it. I think it was around $600. Works perfectly. I think I got the 14″ one but it could also have been the 13″ one. If I had to do it again I would definitely buy this one but may have splurged for the extended battery life model.

      • somewherecold :

        I think my sig other just got the new version of the Lenovo Thinkpad. Not sure if that’s what it’s called, but that is around what he paid. It’s nice and light, but he says it’s not super fast. Fine for word processing, but too slow for his liking for programming–not sure how video editing would be, since you said you’d like it for that. There is also a weird spinny/scratchy noise occasionally while watching Netflix; he looked it up, and apparently that’s a known issue with it that Lenovo is working on.

      • lawyerette :

        Lenovo X200 is more expensive than that (around $2k fully loaded) but awesome and very fast.

    • 1) Don’t buy a Dell, because they will break. Inevitably.
      2) I’ve got a Lenovo Thinkpad right now, and honestly I think the quality has gone down a bit from when IBM owned them. My first laptop years ago was a Thinkpad and still runs like 10 years later. My current one is struggling at 3 (which, admittedly, is about as long as any laptop is going to last now). It’s still pretty good, but I’m not sure it’s any better than other brands I could have gotten cheaper.
      3)I got my parents a Toshiba and that seems to be pretty good so far.
      4) I’ve never owned one, but I’ve started looking at Asus for when I have to replace mine. It’s an older company that’s new into the laptop business–they used to just make parts/components to go in other people’s laptops (apple, for example), but now they sell their own laptops. You may want to look at reviews for those.

      Cnet.com is a good place to research and compare.

    • Scarlet W :

      I just got a Mac Air because I mainly use my personal laptop for web surfing. I love it–it starts up and shuts down in 10 seconds (compared to the endless 5 or 10 minutes for my PC) and is very fast for the internet. It is a bit pricier than $1000, though, and I’m not sure how it would handle video editing.

    • Original Lola :

      I’ve bought a standard HP and Toshiba in the last 5 years – just whatever their normal, most popular model was at Best Buy. Both have lasted well and do what I want, and are in your price range.

  15. Anon for this :

    Threadjack: any suggestions for how to deal with irrational jealousy/inferiority issues?

    I love my BF, but we are struggling to deal with my insecurities. I have always had a sense of “not good enough,” did not date much at all, and become emotional and somewhat anxious when he discusses other women. I have complete trust in him and am 100% sure that there is no other women and that he isn’t interested in anyone else. But I’m driving a wedge between us with my completely irrational behavior and I’m having trouble putting the brakes on my irrational thinking before it translates into words/actions. Any advice? Deep down I know that I’m a smart, attractive, caring, lots-to-offer woman. I also know that, ultimately, if he wants a greener pasture, that is about him and not me. I’m just scared I’m going to drive away a wonderful man because of my irrational behavior driven by deep-seeded (seated?) insecurities that, ultimately, have nothing at all to do with him.

    Help? Words of encouragement/wisdom? I think he’s getting about ready to throw in the towel because this has been an issue for a while and I’m not really getting any better.

    • Anon for this :

      Sorry – to add more context, by “discussing other women” i mean mentioning a phone call with a female friend (married) whom he’s known since high school, mentioning a new woman at work, etc. He’s not pointing to random women on the street and making appreciative comments or telling me how hot/awesome/etc. my female friends are. Thought I should clarify. It really is just me being irrational/insecure, and struggling for how to remind myself how great I am so I can stop the nonsense.

      • have you told your bf what you’ve said here? maybe having an honest conversation with him about how you are trying to work through your jealousy/insecurity issues (through therapy, self-reflection, etc.) but that it’s a struggle will help him understand that you are making an effort.

        i sometimes feel jealously in my relationship even though, like you, i am 100% sure my partner would not stray (and that if he did, that it would not be a reflection on me or my value as a person). what has helped me is being honest about it with him (saying something like, “hey, i know this is irrational but the idea of you spending the day with your ex makes me feel uncomfortable – this is totally my issue, but it would help me if you could make me feel a little more included/in the know by telling me a little about what your relationship is like now”).

    • Go see a therapist to get to the bottom of why you feel this way. It’s a big commitment and scary to really go down that path of self-examination, and it can be expensive if it’s not covered by insurance, but it’s so worth it, whether you stay in your current relationship or not.

      • Anon for this :

        I am seeing one (new, been going weekly for maybe 5-6 weeks now). Thankfully my insurance is great and I only pay $40 per session. I haven’t brought this up with her, mostly because I’m embarrassed. I know, I know – if not with my therapist, then with who? Thanks for the reminder. I kind of feel like I need a “sh*t i need to discuss in therapy” post-it note in my planner so I can write these things down and bring them up next session.

        • As the daughter of a marriage and family therapist, please don’t feel embarrassed. They’re there to help you, not judge you or make fun of you.

          And if you don’t feel comfortable bringing these issues up with your current therapist, maybe you should consider finding a different one. Finding the right ‘fit’ with a therapist is important, to get the most benefit out of it.

        • Ballerina girl :

          Sometimes it can take a while to feel comfortable. Just be true to yourself.

    • Hey Green Eyes... :

      …no matter how jealous you may feel keep it to yourself. Don’t mention it unless you’ve seen something worth discussing.

      *Keep It To Yourself*

      • I disagree with the keep it to yourself advice, because that can end up being too much for you to handle. I recommend, like other posters have said, talking to him honestly about your issues, stating that you are going to try to get to the bottom of the problem in therapy, that you realize it’s irrational, etc., but that hopefully he understands that it’s something you’re dealing with.

        If you feel yourself starting to get into your pattern of behavior when he mentions a woman, say out loud something like, “Argh, I’m feeling that impulse again! It’s making me want to do X,” rather than just doing X. This might be a way to not ignore your impulses, but at the same time try to take some pressure off your boyfriend in indulging in them.

        • i think the “keep it to yourself” advice probably depends on how serious the relationship is. if it’s serious enough that being open about insecurities and vulnerabilities is a good thing, then of course you should be open about those – but if it isn’t at that point yet, i can see how it might be detrimental.

      • Anonymous for this :

        I also -totally- disagree with this advice. He needs to know how you feel, because it’s a problem that both of you are dealing with.

        I went through something similar a few years after I got married. It was pretty bad – anything that even remotely reminded me of my husband’s past relationships sent me into a serious funk. What I eventually came to realize is that my feelings of insecurity weren’t just about how I felt about myself (whether I was “good enough” without him, or “as good” as his prior girlfriends, whether there was something “wrong” about me for not having dated more or whether people would judge me for it, etc), but about how -he- felt about his past girlfriends (and, from that, how he felt about women in general). A lot of the pressure to date people is actually pretty misogynistic, and a lot of guys treat their girlfriends very nastily; I eventually realized -that- was what I had a problem with – that he had bought into this scheme which said that I was little more than a pretty plaything, even if he didn’t think of -me- that way and even if he wasn’t a jerk to his prior girlfriends.

        And honestly, once I realized that, I felt a lot better. We both started reading some classic feminist literature and some radical feminist blogs, and POOF! Insecurities gone, marriage intact.

        This may or may not have anything to do with what you’re going through, but I thought I’d throw it out there.

      • I have to disagree too, I had some major trust issues when I 1st met my husband (due to previous relationship). If I hadn’t told him he probably just would have thought I was insane. Instead he patiently dealt with me being jealous and not trusting him through no fault of his own until I was ready to trust. We’re still together 11 years later

    • I hear what you are saying – that it’s you and not him – but are you normally like this with all guys, or with him in particular? I have been insecure in relationships before, but in hindsight, it was because the guy thought he was really good looking (i.e., he thought he was all that), or he was so insecure himself that he talked a lot about his ex’s and/or girls who found him attractive. In hindsight, I can’t believe I was in a relationship with someone who made me feel insecure. In my case, it really was the guy, and not me. Being in a currently healthy relationship, I don’t feel insecure or jealous anymore. I’m not saying that your guy is like that, but you deserve to be with someone who makes you feel very secure and loved.

      • i totally agree with this. if my partner had responded to me saying “i am sorry but i’m insecure about [whatever] and it would reassure/help me if you could talk to me a little about where you’re coming from” by saying that it wasn’t his problem or by asking why he should make that effort, that would have been a red flag to me in the relationship for sure.

        even if your insecurity is your problem and not caused by your bf, if he cares about you he should be supportive and helpful as you try to work through it.

    • Therapy will help. It can be hard to be honest even in therapy sometimes, but it’s worth it. And being honest and open with your bf too is important. I’ve been on both sides of the jealousy coin, and it’s a tough issue to deal with.

      Also, don’t be so hard on yourself! You might not be acting as irrationally as you think. There might be a good reason the jealousy bells are going off, even if you can’t put your finger on it or point to an actual action or behavior on your bf’s part. You should feel like he has your back, and if there’s something in his voice when he mentions a new woman at work that raises your eyebrows, it’s worth exploring why it raises your eyebrows (exploring within yourself, not necessarily with him at first). And if he — or any guy you’re with — ever talks about how hot/awesome your friends are or points to random women on the street and makes “appreciative” comments? Dump him. Immediately.

  16. I bought this a couple of weeks ago. The photo really doesn’t show all of the ruffles. There is a LOT going on with the neckline of this blouse — lots of ruffles. I loved the photo and didn’t like it at all when I got it. Also, it’s really long — definitely not something you could leave untucked. And you’d definitely need a camisole — it’s pretty sheer. Nice pattern, though, and nice fabric.

  17. A-nonny-no :

    How do you manifest your insecurities? Are the women he’s talking about former girlfriends/flames, or are they friends and co-workers?

    I understand — although I’ve had a few long term relationships, my current squeeze has a colorful past and it does make one feel a little insecure. But one way to look at it is that he’s got experience, he knows what’s out there and he’s thrilled with you. Another (less comforting thought) is that it usually doesn’t matter how great YOU are if someone else is going to step-out on you.

    • A-nonny-no :

      whoops — this was supposed to be a response to the poster with insecurities.

    • Anon for this :

      They are friends/co-workers. Never anyone from his relationship past.

      I manifest my insecurities by becoming emotional and communicating poorly because of it (not telling him what is bothering me, lashing out at inappropriate times, etc). It isn’t his past that is making me insecure, I think it is a vicious cycle of “I’m not enough…he’ll know I’m not enough…is he talking about this other woman because I’m not enough…me acting crazy…me regretting crazy behavior and thinking wow, now he really WILL leave but not because i’m not enough, but because I’m a basketcase.”

      • Original Lola :

        Yeah, I suggest therapy, too.

        Perhaps there’s something else going on with you and this is just how it’s manifesting?

        Therapy doesn’t work if you’re not honest. They don’t judge.

  18. OK, threadjack. I’ve mentioned before that I’m not happy with my sort of a legal, not really paying anything job. Anyway, I had a clerkship before this, and there was one partner that I would see a lot (and I was friendly with a new associate who worked with him from law school) who mentioned several times that he was interested in hiring me. He even joked about firing my former classmate to hire me once. But his firm is pretty small (5-6 attorneys). However, the last time that I spoke to him, about 6 months ago, he mentioned that they were looking at taking on a new partner, and might have a need for a new associate in around 6 months. I haven’t heard anything since then. Sent a message to my classmate (who’d been cheerleading my working there), but haven’t gotten a response.

    Anyway, I linked with this partner on LinkedIn recently, and I was thinking that I should send him a message saying that I’m still interested in working for the firm. Thing is, I’m terribly introverted and absolutely hate reaching out to people. Truthfully, if I’d understood how “social” law practice really is, I probably would have stayed home, even without considering the recession. I know that it’s probably a simple thing, but I don’t want to look desparate or pitiful (which I am, I just don’t want to look it.)

    I’m thinking: “Hi, I hope that you’re doing well. A few months ago you indicated that you might have an opening for a new associate coming up. I just wanted to let you know that if you do, I would still be interested in discussing it.”

    Is that enough? Should I say something more/bolder/more direct? I don’t know! I hate this stuff!

    TIA!

    • The only addition might be a paragraph about your experience or why you are interested in his firm — but frankly, I think the shorter the better.

      Good luck!!!

    • found a peanut :

      I think what you’re trying to do is fine – even commendable. You are in a bad situation; there is an out; and you are trying to take it. Your sample email/LinkedIn message sounds good and I would definitely send it. Think about it this way: if he is totally turned off (which he won’t be), the worst is that you won’t have a job. If you don’t send the message, you will definitely not have the job. You may as well try.

      I agree with the shorter, the better. Don’t make it seem like you’re pitching yourself too strongly. Something like what you said – Hi, what’s up, I’m still interested, hope to hear from you soon! – keeps it casual.

    • -Trying out the new name thing-

      I would get together for a catch-up/advice phone call or lunch. In the email, let the partner know you are thinking of getting back into a full-time legal job. Does he have any advice about how to go about the job search? When you are talking over lunch, you can get a feel for the situation at the firm (“How’s business?” etc) and whether the offer still stands.

      I don’t remember your exact situation, but are you keeping your legal skills fresh? A great way to do this is volunteer some time at your state AG’s office or the public interest organization of your choice. This has led to a job for two of my friends in the class of 2010.

      I’m an introvert too, but I work around it by taking extra “me time” so I can be on during the work day. There’s also a difference between introversion and shyness- you sound like you might have a little of both. Shyness is a habit that you can overcome with some work.

      If you truly don’t enjoy most personal contact, have you considered other options? Maybe legal research?

    • Original Lola :

      I think that what you have come up with is perfect for your situation. :)

  19. Picked out a few ring options with my boyfriend, and now I’m “waiting” for him to propose. He wants it to be a surprise. I, on the other hand, am starting to lose my mind waiting. I never bought into tradition too much, and eschew a wedding and all that, but somehow I’ve become a weepy lady in waiting! (Not actually weeping, but I feel pretty lame.)

    Did anyone go through a similar experience?

    • My husband and I did something like that. We picked out the ring sometime in mid-November (he first brought it up when we had gone to the mall to X-mas shop, “hey, let’s look at rings while we’re here”), but didn’t give it to me until Christmas. (It was cute; he wrapped up a bunch of those letter magnets that kids use on the fridge to spell out “will you marry me”). Don’t feel lame, just feel excited that he really wants this to be a big thing and make it special for you!

    • I haven’t had this experience but I have friends who have. And honestly, I don’t really understand it. I don’t mean to put you down or minimize your troubles, I just really don’t understand. If you are looking at rings together, aren’t you basically “on notice” that he wants to marry you? What will change/be resolved with a proposal?

      It might make you feel better to think about why it is that the actual proposal is so important to you, (eg- fear that he will change his mind? fear that you will change your mind? something else?) and then *why* whatever it is is so important, and see if (a) it’s an issue you need to discuss with him/therapist or (b) an issue you need to work on with yourself, (c) something else.

      I hope this is helpful and that everything goes great for you!

      • It’s definitely not fear that it won’t happen. I don’t doubt that at all. It’s more like excitement over that fact that it will happen at some point, but not knowing how to contain/focus that energy since I don’t know the time frame I’m dealing with. The best analogy I can come up with is a kid waiting for Christmas morning, but who’s been told that Christmas could come any day in the next couple months. Does that make sense?

        Obviously, this is an insignificant problem. I was wanted to hear others’ experiences, if any.

      • Hey, sometimes you just want to be “official” so you can move forward. I get that. I knew we wanted to get married in July, and as of April still no ring. All those things like shopping for reception venues, looking for a dress, buying invitations… Didn’t feel like I could do those without the rock. I know, it’s silly, but there it is.

      • I definitely understand it. She wants it to be official, to be able to start calling him her fiance, and to start planning (yeah, you can do that stuff without the ring, but it seems more appropriate one you have it). True, it’s not that big of a deal, but it’s still a medium sized deal.

      • Ha! I feel the same way — I had a friend who posted on facebook about going to buy her ring with her SO. So I congratulated her on being engaged. But they weren’t “engaged” yet….they had just picked the RING and agreed to marry.

        Yeah…a difference without a meaning if you ask me.

    • you mentioned that your SO wants it to be a surprise – but how do you feel about it? do you want it to be a surprise too, or would you rather it not be?

      • I’d rather it not be, to be honest. I started kicking into gender equality mode with, “How come he alone gets to decide when this goes down, when it is a huge step for both people in the relationship?” But of course that’s ridiculous because if that was truly my objection, I wouldn’t support the very one-sided tradition of one person getting a valuable piece of jewelry (which I’m fine with).

        I think it’s really that I just don’t love the vague idea of a “surprise” that I know will happen at some point.

        • maybe you could tell him that? if it being a surprise is super important to him and isn’t a huge deal to you, you could have a conversation agreeing that, for example, the proposal will happen at “some point in may” – so he gets to surprise you, but you get to know a general ballpark of when it is.

        • Emma…also on pins and needles here. We looked at rings several months ago and my SO has intimated that it is coming “soon” and has even suggested I begin looking at reception halls, venues and dresses! (I refused his suggestion because I don’t want to do anything until it’s official). Maybe I’m crazy. I keep (unsuccessfully) reminding myself to just relax and enjoy the build up!

          • Argh. Yes. Trying to think of other things here… but the problem’s exacerbated by the fact that work has been SO SLOW lately.

        • and re: the one-sided tradition – the gender dynamic of engagement is something my SO and i have discussed, and while he would prefer not to receive his own engagement ring, we have decided that if/when we do get engaged, it will be a mutual decision (not a surprise) and we will exchange items we chose together – for me, a ring, and for him, a watch. maybe that’s not the route that makes sense for you and your SO, but i totally get your concerns!

        • To put things in perspective, my male family and friends have often said that the proposal is one of the few things that are truly “theirs” in the engagement/ wedding process. In most traditional relationships, the bride does most of the wedding planning. The bride gets the credit (or dis-credit) if the wedding itself goes well (or badlly), despite whatever level of groom involvement existed. The whole wedding day is traditionally (and, admitedly, irritatingly) built up around the bride and her beautiful white dress. The proposal, on the other hand, is his alone to plan, execute, and get credit for.

          Plus, the proposal speaks volumes about the groom-to-be’s character to outside obesrvers. He wants to make sure that through the proposal he demonstrates his worthiness according to whatever standards your social circles will hold him. Think about all the questions that get asked during the proposal retelling – did he get down on one knee? Did he ask your parents? Did you know it was coming? etc… (I recognize – and appreciate – that the answers to these questions may be viewed positively or negatively by different crowds. For example, some circles will think asking the girls’ parents is outdated and sexist; whereas others will think it conveys respect for her family and tradition. But regardless of the viewpoints, the questions are usually asked – simply with different feedback from the inquirer.)

          But perhaps most importantly, this is HIS story to tell. Like a peacock showing its tail, this is how he proves to the world how much he wants to be with you. To what lengths will he go? What romantic Shakespearean prose did he lay at your feet? Was there a flash mob and Howie Mandell involved? The proposal is a story that will be told over and over for the rest of your married lives – that’s a lot of pressure. He wants to make sure that it’s a story you’re proud to tell! And a story in which he’s proud to be the leading character and Prince Charming.

          My advice would be to smile knowingly while you wait, understanding the pressure that he’s under. Give him his moment.

        • A few completely different perspectives:
          I was totally unaware that my now-husband had planned a proposal. He picked out the ring by himself, and didn’t tell my family until about a week before he asked me. Clearly, we were at a place in our relationship to take that step, and we’d had some discussion about “our” life and “our” future, which pointed at marriage. He knew I wanted a short engagement, but it was getting time to make some life decisions together, so he proposed “early”. I was so surprised and excited, and I had no problem with his timing at all.
          My brother and his fiance were planning their wedding unofficially for about a year before he proposed! They picked out rings together, and even semi-set a date, ie: early summer of 2011. She basically just turned a blind eye to the obviously proposal planning that was going on, and just let herself be “totally surprised” when he got down on one knee. We all thought it was hilarious that she said she had no idea it was coming and was soooo shocked, but that’s what she wanted.
          My mom and dad picked out her ring together, and he told her she could go in the store and look at it as much as she wanted until a certain date, just to make sure it was the ring she really wanted. After that date, he’d buy the ring and propose later. He only made her wait about a week and a half, but he really wanted to surprise her with something special, so that was the logic. Again, she was surprised, but excited to know it was on the way.
          All that to say, just embrace the process! From what I hear, this is the guy’s time to make some grand gesture to show how much he loves you, so I say just look the other way for a little longer :) And, congratulations on the impending engagement!

    • somewherecold :

      I am getting married in a couple of months. The proposal was basically a surprise–we knew we would get married at some point, but we hadn’t discussed when. We picked out a ring together afterwards.

      Just a little warning–I feel generally lame during this whole wedding planning thing. Even though I don’t buy into tradition all that much, I feel like all the details about planning a white dress wedding and all the questions people keep asking make me feel kind of sappy.

      And early congrats :)

    • I was going through this about this time last year with my husband (as of March 12!). We picked out a ring, and I knew about it when he went and talked to my parents. And then…he planned a couple weekends of elaborate proposal fake-outs which frustrated the CRAP out of me!

      It turned out that the reason for the delay had to do with some logistics in planning a surprise trip–he could get plane tickets and hotel reservations until a couple weeks later, so he had to keep me occupied. It was a really wonderful proposal.

      So…just relax! It will happen! Enjoy this special time in your life!

  20. Funny Threadjack –

    I just came across this post on dressing for the office and it had me rolling on the floor laughing. You don’t even have to read the text, just scroll down to see the outfits:

    http://galadarling.com/article/working-girls

    • Wow. I’m really curious at what job leopard print bunny ears are appropriate.

    • Augh!! Someone please stop that blogger from influencing young women!!

    • LinLondon :

      Oh my….. I’m hoping the “just kidding” at the bottom applies to every single outfit featured and not just that last one.

    • If you read some of the text, make sure you read enough!! I skimmed just the top bit and saw “working girls” and “street” and assumed this was going to be a tongue-in-cheek post on appropriate attire for the world’s oldest profession.

      Although, I do think many of the items featured would be more suited to the girl on the corner than they would in my office!

    • Those are like Claudia Kishi’s outfits from the Babysitter’s Club!

    • Wow. Just wow.

    • Can someone please explain to me the point of one-sleeved dresses or tops? I’m not talking about a single strap but an entire long sleeve. But just one. If I’m chilly, I’ll wear long sleeves, hot, I’ll wear short sleeves. It’s not like if I bare/cover one arm, it’ll cool me down/warm me up the way I want. I can see it as club wear but seeing this style in casual and formal clothing is so bewildering, especially when I was hunting for black-tie appropriate dresses – so many gorgeous ones one-sleeved dresses that couldn’t commit to being sleeveless or sleeved!

      • I believe they are “cool” in the same way leg-warmers or even leggings under dresses are “cool”.

        Questioning the actual utility of the item totally undermines the whole point!!! ;-)

        (And please…no responses about how useful leggings are. I wear them occassionally.)

      • Ugh there is no point! It is so strange! I love one shoulder dresses, but one sleeve just makes no sense.

    • soulfusion :

      breezed through some of the comments and they are definitely taking the suggestions seriously . . . EEK!

    • Ha. Remember the time Kat featured a skulls sweater on April Fools Day and people went apesh!t? Reminds me of that.

    • I work in what might be one of the most casual offices ever (sneakers, yoga pants, etc regularly make appearances), and not a single one of those outfits would not result in raised eyebrows. I read some of the text and she suggested that it could even work for a barista – I would love to see a barista wearing that floofy dress…

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