Splurge Tuesday’s TPS Report: Printed Wrapped Waist Silk Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Issa Printed Wrapped Waist Silk DressWow: love this multiprink silk dress from Issa, available at MyTheresa. The blues, purples, and reds — along with what looks like several animal prints and at least one geometric print — all make for such a crazy dress that it’s too fun not to love. For the office, I’m particularly fond of the subdued neckline and elbow-length sleeves, as well as the sash detail at the waist. It was $635, but is now marked to $385 (limited sizes only, alas). Issa Printed Wrapped Waist Silk Dress


Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]

P.S. Please bear with us — as you can see we’re having some troubles with a backend theme update. Sigh.


  1. $400 for RAYON? Marked down from $600? Shame on Issa.

    Also, this looks like a minidress. Way too short for work (and I’m 5’4″).

    Gorgeous print though.

  2. I love this dress and that it’s styled with blue shoes. It’s probably longer on a non-model body. Still a lot for rayon.

  3. I kind of love it and want it now. And I’m glad it’s rayon — more durable than silk.

  4. This is way to expensive for my taste’s! FOOEY!

  5. Ladies, I need some encouragement and help from the hive! I am a 2nd year associate in a small firm and need to get out (I am not being paid my worth and want better opportunities). There is a great job opening and I want to apply for it but I am having the worst time coming up with a great cover letter. I had a great one that I used in law school, but now that I have been practicing, I need to completely change it up. Can anyone suggest some resources or examples? Plus, can you still submit a writing sample from law school?

    Thank you! :)

    • Have you ever been to askamanager.org? It is a great blog and she gives lots of good cover-letter advice!

    • I wouldn’t submit a WS from law school because it suggests you haven’t done anything more important since LS. I would make an exception if it’s particularly on point to the job (e.g., a law review Comment directly relevant to the practice area) – but even in that instance, I would probably send along a brief second and more recent writing sample.

    • We have been looking for a new 3rd-5th year associate at my mid-sized firm. We immediately toss anyone whose cover letter looks like one from law school and same with anyone who provides a writing sample from law school. To us, that shows that either they haven’t done any substantive work in 3-5 years or they can’t be bothered to spend 10 minutes to put together their application packet. Either way, not a good fit for a detail-oriented position.

      Is there a reason you don’t want to submit a current writing sample?

      As for the cover letter, you should explain what sorts of litigation (I assume litigation, given your moniker) experience you have gained in 2 years, what skill sets you have developed, etc. A firm is likely not interested in your law school achievements anymore.

      • anon for this one :

        I’m embarrassed to ask this, but in what city is your mid-sized firm? I know of someone who is looking.

        • agreed. I have a friend who recently graduated Stetson in search of a firm.

          • Litigatrix :

            Thank you everyone for your suggestions! :) I am cery grateful for the guidance- I think I am just overwhelmed and nervous about jumping ship. I was hopeful that I would want to stay at my current firm for a few more years, but alas, this is not the case.

            I have other options (motions, etc.) for a more current writing sample, but will need some time to pull them together and the job posting is closing in just a few days. I am already probably behind many other applications (it is a desirable position). My boss must have a 6th sense that I am looking and needing to apply, because I have been deluged with work, even in the evenings and have not been able to work on my application! Argh! :)

          • You need more than a few days to gather a writing sample?

        • DC Mid Law :

          My mid-size firm in DC is looking for an mid-level energy associate; I can point people towards it if interested.

          • Litigatrix :

            Hel-l0, yes it does when you work 12+ hour days and are managing a family to boot. I want to put some thought into what I select for a sample.

          • anon for this one :

            Thank you. My friend is interested.

    • related question on writing samples: if you’re looking for a new job, what’s the rules on using a writing sample from your current job? Normally I would put “redacted and used with permission of firm XYZ,” but what if I don’t want firm XYZ to know I’m looking for a new job?

      • Amelia Bedelia :

        I pulled a relevant section I wanted to use from a larger brief. I redacted all identifying information and changed some of the facts. Then I noted in my cover letter that I attached, as a writing sample, a portion of XX kind of brief. blah, blah, blah. It worked well for me.

        I then did the same thing on a client advice memo — and put a description in my cover letter.

        • Am I missing something? If you’ve filed a brief or a motion then it’s public – you shouldn’t need to redact (unless for space reasons). I understand redacting on an internal memo, etc.

          • Although it is public record if it has been filed with the court, that doesn’t mean practically speaking that anyone knows what’s going on with your clients’ lives or businesses or that they would like people to know. So just as a courtesy I usually change all names and maybe some facts slightly to preserve anonymity/privacy to the extent it still exists.

          • We also use publicly available writing samples. I would be curious as to why someone would change facts or names in a public document. Honestly, the changes would really trigger some big red flags.

            When submitting public documents, I appreciate it when the candidate notes the source of the public document. In patents, it’s usually a pdf of the published application (not the as-filed application) or a note stating that the document was downloaded from Public PAIR (the Patent Office’s document portal) on January nn, 2012.

          • What kind of “big red flags” would it trigger?

          • When I evaluate a candidate, I want to see their actual work product, produced for a client, on a budget. I don’t want to see a “polished” product–that’s what the cover letter is for. “fixing up” a writing sample, in this context, borders on dishonesty and lacking integrity.

            Plus, the documents are publicly available. They are not secret and there is no expectation that they be secret. Using a document you wrote to show to potential employers is not a big deal. I think most attorneys have enough discretion to view sensitive (if public) documents for the purpose it was given to them (evaluating a job candidate) without publishing it to Above The Law.

            In some instances, I will pull up the file history on a case to put the writing sample in context. I might have some questions about why things were done. If I have the unredacted copy, I can do this pretty easily.

            Plus, as a legal employer, and in the context of privilege, I want to be absolutely certain that the document I’m reading is, in fact, a public document. By changing facts or redacting details, I have no way of knowing this is not an earlier draft or an alternate draft or a privileged document. That makes me question how seriously the candidate views privilege and whether the candidate is dim enough to actually submit a privileged document to a potential employer.

      • I have submitted briefs I wrote and signed, which were filed with the court. I always use a file-stamped copy, so it’s clear it’s a public record. I don’t see any problem with doing that. It’s a little more difficult if you’re at the stage that your briefs are revised by someone higher up, and both names are on the signature block. In that situation, I explained that the brief was 90% my work product (or whatever, I tried to be very honest). I think I only had to do that once very early in my career, and as I recall, I did not get that job. It’s always better to use something that is 100% your work product.

        I have also used internal research memos, and in that case, always replace all names with generic names like ABC, Corp., and if necessary take out any other identifying information.

        • What if it’s not my name on the signature block? I have a motion I want to use that I drafted, partner made one or two tiny changes, but partner’s name goes on the motion? I don’t think I have a pre-revised version (we tend to just work in one word file rather than saving different drafts so the wrong version doesn’t get sent out. Had I realized I was going to use it for a writing sample, I would have saved my initial version elsewhere…) Should I just explain “this was 95% written by me with some revisions”?
          (I don’t have anything that’s not revised at least a little before it went out. I’m way junior)

  6. Oh.so.tired :

    Early Threadjack-

    Lately I’v enoticed that my mother has been feeling very down lately. She’s a lot more quiet and seems unhappy. She’s nearing 50, and I’m wondering whether this could be related to menopause or post-menopause. I’ve read on here about Hormone Replacement Therapy to combat post-menopause depression, and I think my mother could probably benefit from this. The problem is, she has no insurance and no regular ob/gyn. Can anyone recommend an ob/gyn in the Northern Virginia region? As well as offer insight into what the HRT process is like, what the cost might be, and cheaper (OTC or otherwise) alternatives to battle the depression?

    • If you want to read about HRT (and all else menopause-related), you might try “Our Bodies, Ourselves: Menopause.”

    • I’m the same age as your mom, and have been taking soy supplements as well as St. John’s Wort. I really believe it’s making a difference – not night-and-day-difference, but definitely taking the edge off my blue mood and occasional hot flashes. I hope she finds some relief from a simple solution like this; I’ve been very pleased. Both were recommended by my pharmacist.

      • Oooh, recs on the supplements you use? I used to be able to find soy supplements for my mom but they were discontinued. Bonus points for vegetarian/pescetarian supplements. Thanks!

        • I don’t have the bottle here and in Googling wasn’t able to determine if they are vegetarian. I use a product called SoyCare for Menopause, in a green box. The “e” in care swoops up into an arrow – I also found it on amazon. My pharmacist had it in a drawer behind her counter, not out on a shelf.

          • Dang, it has gelatin, as per drugstore.com’s description. Thanks for the rec!

      • Oh.so.tired :

        Thanks, Elizabeth. I’m going to go drop by a few drugstores and see if I can locate these. I hope it gives her some relief.

    • tip of the iceberg :

      Also seek a psychotherapist – which an ob/gyn should tell you to do anyway. Honestly, I would start there, from the mental/emotional health side. You don’t say anything about lifestyle changes or precipitating events, but looking for those is also worthwhile. There may be psych graduate student clinics that can help her if cost is an issue.

      Good luck to both of you. This could be a very long process, unfortunately.

      • so I’m 26, so I have no experience with horemone therapy, but as far as an ObGYN in NOVA, the office of Dr. Reiter Hill Johnson Nevin (i wont put a link in so i dont get moderated but they are the first google search if you search them) I’ve had good experiences at the Falls Church office.

    • Has this just been in the last few months? It could be seasonal. Is she in a cold climate, and getting outside enough during the day?

      • Oh.so.tired :

        I guess it could be seasonal – she certainly doesnt go out as much as she should. Because of the timing, I correaleated her depression with menopause. It’s been about 6 months that I’ve seen her like this, and I’m at a loss for what to do. Do you have any suggestions for combatting seasonal depression? Or any information you think I should know?

        • My best friend gets SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, although it makes her sad) and she swears by those broad-spectrum lights sold to treat SAD. She uses hers a couple of hours a day in the wintertime. She also takes supplements – melatonin, Vitamin D, and a B-complex, as I recall.

          If you seek help for the menopause angle (which is a good idea – a couple of my friends are your mom’s age, and I cannot overestimate the effect the big M has had on their moods) and the OB/GYN is not much help, you might want to think about seeing a naturopath/alternative medicine practitioner (or Chinese medicine practitioner) to see if they can help. My friend went through several doctors before a doctor of osteopathy, who was also a naturopath, diagnosed her SAD.

  7. I like this print a lot and love the blue suede shoes pairing. I’m not sure how subdued the neckline would actually be on someone with a less subdued bust, but I think the length might be okay on someone of more average height (or, at least, on 5’3 me). But I do agree that rayon – even fancy rayon — is not worth the price here.

  8. Gorgeous pick, Kat! I’d buy a cheap knock-off of this (if it were longer) in a heartbeat!

  9. Looking for shirts for suits :


    I am looking for some shirts/tops for under suits for court. I have an extremely large chest, so button downs are out. For reference, I usually need an XL. I have been searching for 3-4 months and can’t seem to find any tops with sleeves that are not either too frilly or that are dressy enough to go underneath a suit.

    Any suggestions would be much appreciated!

    • I’m usually a small, but busty. I like August Silk shells. They have a namesake website, but I usually buy mine at Macys or Marshalls/TJ Maxx. I have sleeveless and short sleeve styles. They’re not the greatest quality, but they’re fairly cheap, very comfortable and professional looking.

      Because my upper body is bigger relative to my bottom half I like that these are thin and simple. I don’t to wear bulky fabrics or ruffles up top.

      • Looking for shirts for suits :

        Funny you should mention them… August Silk is so far the only brand I have found that really works and holds up over time!. Thanks for the suggestion, Red.

    • I have H cup breasts. I like silk knit shells, or woven ones with some spandex woven in for stretch. I have several silk tees from Ann Taylor, which are great. They stretch a little and have a slight cowl, which flatters my body type. For knit shells, August Silk is a good brand (available at Macy’s), and Land’s End also tends to have what I’d call short-sleeved sweaters that work well under a suit.

    • North Shore :

      I’m in a cold climate, so I like short-sleeved cashmere sweaters. They go on sale at Lord & Taylor with some regularity, look nice with a suit, and don’t need to be tucked. In my opinion, they are nice enough for court (I wore one to a fed app argument, even), though some might disagree.

    • I am also very busy and teeter on the plus-size on top. If I buy a women’s button down rather than misses’, Land’s End button-downs work for me. They also have great sweaters, as the poster above stated.

      Talbots usually has some nice short-sleeved blouses, especially in the spring/summer/fall seasons, which means there are good ones on sale now.

      I’ve also had success at Coldwater Creek.

      • I got a catalog from Talbot’s a few weeks ago with some great sale prices on long-sleeved tees with embellishments (subtle ruffles, etc.) that would look great under suits, and have high-enough necklines to be work-appropriate on the more-end0wed-than-me.

    • I like the AT Cowl Neck Cap Sleeve tops. It looks the they are polyester this season, but sometimes they come in silk and those are the best.

  10. I bought the Jcrew lady coat in size 6 and am really annoyed that it’s too tight for me. I’m normally a size 4, but it looks like I should have gone up two sizes.

    My question is – are the coats truly final sale? I really want to return or exchange the coat for a bigger size.

    Finally, if anyone is in a similar boat and wants to do an even exchange, please let me know. I bought the lady coat in majestic purple (more like royal blue), size 6, $175.


  11. For the shorties :

    My DH is on the shorter side, about 5’6. He has the hardest time finding non-work shirts to wear to go out because the shirts are really long and make him look any shorter. Anyone know of men’s stores that cater to shorter guys? Or can you recommend brands that work? We haven’t had good luck with Banana as of late. Thanks!

    • My S.O. is a similar size. He never wears button downs casually because he hates how they look hanging down or tucked into jeans. Instead, he usually wears sweaters, sweatshirts, or polo shirts. His go-to brands are J.Crew (he’s not skinny, but their smalls and slim fits work well on him), Urban Outfitters, Brooklyn Industries, and Uniqlo and Top Shop in NYC.

      Now that I’m writing this out, it seems that he wears brands that are slimmer/skinnier than average. He has very broad shoulders but he’s short (like Mark Wahlberg, at least in my dreams), so perhaps the slim fits can double as short fits?

    • Research, Not Law :

      My husband’s the same height, broad/boxy build. He’s mainly a t-shirt or sweater guy outside of work. He doesn’t have much of a problem and doesn’t shop anywhere special. Honestly, most of his clothing comes from JC Penny via his mother (LOL, that makes him sound 22) or circa 1995. He has a sizable collection of t-shirts from travel, bands, and quirky finds. Most are random brands, but several are American Apparel. He has to size up since they run trim, but they fit well.

      If he wears a button-down outside of work, he still tucks. The exceptions are his flannel work shirts. I just bought him some new ones at Lands End (not Canvas, the regular store) and they fit him perfectly. They would actually be too short on someone 5’9” or so. Their other button-downs may be the same. (Although, if your husband likes flannel, I highly recommend. My husband has worn them like crazy).

    • Baby DC Attorney :

      My 5’7″ fiance LOVES the shirts from a store called Hugh & Crye. In particular, he loves that they offer a more tailored fit – he was getting annoyed at how blousey his dress shirts were when he would tuck them in for work. I know they’re not cheap, but they have sales pretty regularly and they’re really great quality.

  12. Question for my husband that I know someone out there will have some insight about:

    He wears suits 5 days per week and Brooks Brothers has been his go-to for years. Recently they changed the fit on the suit pants he usually buys to have a much lower rise. This won’t work for DH because he is very long waisted with average length legs and the low rise is not as comfortable and makes his legs look stumpy.

    Where do the men in your life shop for suits of quality comparable to BB? With regular-rise pants? Any ideas greatly appreciated!

    • Not as nice as BB, but Jos A Bank often has some great suiting options.

    • Try Nordstroms. They have a ton of nice quality stuff for men (I think their house brand is a particularly good deal, but they also have other stuff). I also find their on floor customer service to be really outstanding for me, while it was at times very average in the women’s department.

    • I got my hubby a great Calvin Klein suit from their outlet store that has held up great for several years and was under $300. Might be worth a look!

  13. Can anyone tell me how Ann Taylor pumps fit? I need to order some black pumps for a funeral, and I’m not going to have time to go by the store and try any on in the next few days, and they don’t have the style I want at my store anyway. I’m looking at the Perfect Leather Kitten Heel pumps. I have kind of a wide toe box, but a narrow heel, so shoes that run narrow just don’t work on me, but wides are usually too wide in the heel. I generally wear an 8 or an 81/2 medium, depending on how they run in size. Thanks for any help.

    • I love the Ann Taylor kitten heels. I have pretty narrow feet but not narrow enough to buy narrow widths. So I usually gravitate toward shoes that run slightly narrow in regular width. I’d put these in that category.

      • Thanks, sounds like they won’t fit me. I used to try Ecco shoes on all the time, thinking eventually I would find a pair that fit, but they just run too narrow, and never do fit. These sound like they may fall into that category. Shoes that run a little wide usually fit me in an 8, and if they run true to width, I can usually wear an 8 1/2 (which are usualy a little long, but fixable with gel pads), but if they run narrow, forget it. Stupid wide toe box.

    • I have these (wearing them right now, in fact) and like them as well. They’re attractive and a nice heel height. I think they work well on narrower feet, but I can wear narrow sizes. I usually wear a 7.5 or 8 in shoes and I have the 8.

      Not sure if you can order the shoes with overnight or express shipping – as I recall, mine took awhile to arrive.

    • Prob not the best for a wide toe box :

      I’d skip AT if you have a wide toebox. I have bunions and recently had to part with a pair of AT heels that caused extreme foot pain for me. I loved them, but I had red lines over the front of my foot after only a few hours of use.

    • I have feet similar to yours and I almost exclusive wear the AT perfect pumps and perfect kitten heels. To be completely honest, I own at least 8 pairs. They are very comfortable and stretch over time. FWIW, I usually wear a. 9-9.5 in most brands, and I wear a 9 in the perfect pumps/kitten heels.

    • I would order several from zappos and return the ones you don’t keep. Free return shipping!

    • just Karen :

      My feet are built just like yours, but an 8 1/2 to 9 size. Naturalizer is usually my best bet if I don’t have time to shop around, but in general I have discovered that I can buy a wide shoe in a slingback and have it fit great – if you can’t try anything on and a slingback (closed toe) would be appropriate, that might be your safest bet.

    • Have you ever tried Bandolinos? Also, I’m sorry for your loss.

  14. Ladies, today I had a second interview with the same person at a firm. I interviewed with this person two weeks ago, then someone in a different department late last week and then repeat with interviewer one today. Do I send another thank you note to the first interviewer (I sent one after the first interview). I guess I’m just sort of baffled how to make this not a direct repeat of the one I sent two weeks ago.

    • The only time this happened to me the second interview with the person (and another) was over dinner, so I sent a brief thank you because a meal was involved. I said something like this:

      “Thank you for arranging dinner Monday night and keeping me in mind as your firm moves forward. I hope I have the opportunity to practice with you, and contribute to the success of your firm.”

      Also, there were months between 1st 2nd and 3rd interviews, not two weeks.

    • I think keep it short and sweet, don’t pretend like you have some great new insight or something, but reiterate your interest in their firm and reference something that occurred in the actual interview.


  15. I love this dress, and the shoes with it. Looks like a perfect first date outfit to me!

    • Me too. I have a cobalt blue Issa dress that I adore (but silk jersey, not rayon) – so comfortable and so flattering. I am totally looking for an excuse to buy another Issa dress.

  16. Woods-comma-Elle :

    I’ve just finished my first all-nighter. Three years in BigLaw so it’s not so bad, but I was working for 38 hours straight and I feel like death… I really can’t understand how some people do this all the time…

  17. I am LOLing today, you guise. I just discovered my handle has its own definition on Urban Dictionary.

  18. MaggieLizer :

    Rant: I really wish it were socially acceptable to write discovery-esque deficiency letters to people outside of work who refuse to answer your questions.

    Dear Mortgage Broker:

    Thank you for sending me a mortgage pre-approval that included a first time homebuyer credit even though you knew my income disqualified me from such credit. I have emailed you several questions regarding how this error will affect my down payment and mortgage. Your responses have not been illuminating. Please respond to the following:
    1. Will my down payment increase? Your response “It will be in closing costs” is unresponsive. Please answer yes or no and provide an estimate of how much the down payment might increase.
    2. Will my mortgage increase? You did not respond to this question. Please answer yes or no.
    3. Will settlement assistance reduce the impact of the loss of this credit? By how much? Your response “We can request closing assistance from the seller” is unresponsive. Please answer the question.

    Sigh. Deep breath, must not be a B must not be a B must not be a B.

    • The letter is respectful and clear. It’s not mean or unpleasant. Why not send it?

    • As Dan Savage would say, DTMFA! There are plenty of banks/mortgage brokers out there who would love your business. And in this mortgage climate where all sorts of things can cause the deal to fall through, you need someone who will respond to your questions directly and not sound like an automated bot.

      • Yay! I approve of applying DTMFA to things other than relationships. I apply it to all sorts of things. :-) (Unrelated to OP’s problem of course….I actually think you could basically send that letter….)

    • a passion for fashion :

      Um. . . I dont see why you cannot send this (or say this) to your mortgage broker and make him/her answer. Or you can go somewhere else to get a mortgage.

    • Seriously. You should send it to Broker and let us know what the response is. (And then start looking for a smarter broker.)

    • Sydney Bristow :

      D absolutely send it! It sounds like you don’t have a good working relationship with your broker in the first place, so at worst this makes it a little worse but at best it gets you answers to important questions and causes him/her to work more carefully with you from now on.

    • Send it! It’s respectful, but it also registers that you’re an informed, assertive customer who isn’t going to accept non-answers. You’ll either get better service, or you will know that the person isn’t worth working with.

      I sent plenty of “please refer to my original inquiry” messages when I got autobot “what is the purchase price of the house?” type responses to my detailed requests for estimates when I was shopping. I found people were more responsive after I politely called them out once.

    • I’m frequently tempted to send letters like this to one of the partners at my firm.

    • Ugh I had to cross examine the hubbo in re: his methodology of cleaning the kitchen floor the other night. I feel ya.

      You testified earlier that you wanted to help with the chores, is that right? yes
      You also testified that you were not asking to help just to be polite, that you really wanted to help, correct? yes
      And then you said you were going to mop the kitchen, is that right? Yes, I said I was going to mop and I mopped.
      (Me pacing room.) I see. Now, the floor remains dirty? Yes.
      And there were no intervening filthy floor events or other such increase traffic? No, but I think the mop was too dry. I didn’t know how to fix it.
      So your defense, is that you do not know how to “re-wet” something that has become too dry, is that correct? Husband admits defeat and makes dinner.

    • My husband and I frequently write letters like this to his kids’ mom.

      Sometimes we send them.

      She still never answers the questions.

      Also, she is not nearly as much fun to impeach with her prior inconsistent statements as a real witness in front of a jury because she doesn’t care about lying.

      I say you send it. Please.

    • MaggieLizer :

      Thanks for the replies, all. I didn’t send the letter per se, but I did pick up the phone and call Mortgage Broker to get the answers I wanted. He was much better over the phone. That being said, I prefer email for a number of reasons, so I think I’m still going to look for another broker anyway.

  19. burnt out anon :

    Every day at work I feel more and more inclined not to come back after lunch.

  20. springtime :

    Need to vent.

    I was set up by a friend last night with a guy he works with. We got along well, had lots in common, and there was lot’s of laughing and mutual interests. This morning, he tells my friend I’m not his type.

    Just find it super frustrating the level of pickiness in my city. I am attractive and smart and successful and athletic and happy and fun. I don’t see how you can write someone off so quickly. I feel like if I get along with someone I will at least go on another date with them. GRRRRRR. Getting really frustrated because I never meet anyone!!!

    Vent over :(

    • By not your type, he meant that you weren’t a 22 year old bimbo I’m sure. I’m always amazed at the women guys I used to date get serious with.

      • springtime :

        You know how many people have said that to me since I told them! It’s hilarious how everyone is on that same wavelength (I actually thought he was just expecting utter perfection).

        I unfortunately am beginning to think it’s true. So sad. Don’t ask your friend to set you up with someone you met at the law review if you don’t want a girl with a brain and opinions.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I was told that once when I was in college. Except it was delivered as “he normally dates girls who look like models.” Luckily he was the worst kisser in the entire world and I didn’t want to see him again anyway, but it still hurt.

      • Wow, unrealistic expectations on his part, and I bet he had very average looks, possibly has a tendency towards fat when he gets to middle-age, and only average income-prospects.

    • Not giving this guy any credit at all, but I wouldn’t necessarily think it’s that he wants a 22 year old model, etc.

      I try to think of it as them doing me a favor (when I’m feeling charitable at least) b/c maybe they picked up on some sort of incompatibility that I didn’t and they’re just saving us both a little time. I’m just saying, don’t think it’s about your own deficiencies because it’s probably not. It’s much more likely that it’s about something that has much more to do with him than you. Maybe he’s seeing someone else casually or just got out of something.

      • springtime :

        Right, I guess my point is that I was written off immediately without much of a chance. Think about all of those posts over the weekend where most people give someone a few dates before they decide that.

        I dunno, to be able to concretely say you have some sort of incompatibility after such a short time really cuts off a lot of opportunities and makes me feel like he ran a mental checklist and I didn’t have some arbitrary quality.

        • springtime :

          Sorry for the run on sentence. I really should be working and not typing comments on corporette like a mad woman!

          • Yes, I do think that one date isn’t really enough to know whether there’s a connection…but it’s enough to sense that there isn’t. I’ve been out with guys who are great but just clearly not for me. I can have a good conversation with almost anybody if I try–but that doesn’t mean we were compatible. I had something similar happen to me a few months back and I’m glad that it did because I met someone better a week later. I might not have been open to the second guy had I not had the experience with the first.

            And my first date with the second guy? It was fireworks. Made me realize that sometimes you just know. Maybe you don’t know if it’s work forever, but you just know that it’ll work for at least a good run.

            Good luck! I know where you’re at–I’ve been there a ton.

        • Which means you are totally better off without him. :)

        • Seattleite :

          OTOH, he has shown you that he is quick to judgment and hard to please. Not optimal qualities in a mate. Thus, you and he really incompatible – just in a different way than he thought.

      • This. It is absolutely about him, and not about you at all!

      • I love this attitude!

        • Haven’t you ever gone out with a really attractive nice man who you didn’t really want to see again? That is why we date – we are looking for the right guy.

    • Here’s my take. I went on three dates in one weekend. All were good dates but one was spectacular. All three were deserving of a second date. So second got no second date and the third got a second date but I ended up telling him I wasn’t interested in pursuing a romantic relationship with him the next day.

      I have many friends I would not want to marry so it’s conceivable that a guy I go on a date with would be friend-material but not LTR-material. So I don’t have second dates if there is a base incompatibility.

      During the date, if I notice a base incompatibility but can acknowledge that he’s a good guy, I try to end the date on a good note and make the other person feel positive about the date.

      • springtime :

        If only I got 3 dates in one weekend- i meet someone probably once every three months. Other guys I meet ask for my number and say “I had a great time and I’d love to hang out again” when we meet but then never call. And that’s pretty much the status quo for most people I know. If I knew I’d likely meet another opportunity in a few weeks I wouldn’t feel so bad. But when you only meet people as rarely as I do, it stings.

        FWIW, I don’t live in the US- I live in a very closed off city where people DO NOT DATE. Sounds weird to say but everyone I know (guys included) feel the same and a large part of it is I hear people being SUPER picky and not giving people a chance.

        Whenever I travel to the US there are ALWAYS some guy who’s interested in talking and hanging out. It’s such a stark difference.

        Anyway, not looking for an argument but if I knew that there were indeed more fish in the sea I would be fine with it. Now I know it’s going to be dry until spring based on my 5 years experience here. Hence why I’m mopey about it.

        • Hah! From your description of where you live, I find myself wondering if you live in Vancouver (BC, not WA).

          • springtime :

            Not in Vancouver, but another major Canadian city. Seems to be country-wide!

        • Maybe this will cheer you up: a friend of mine dated a guy for SIX MONTHS and was waiting for a proposal/invitation to move in together when he told her that:
          A. she wasn’t really his type
          B. he didn’t really find her either all that attractive, or all that interesting;
          and C. he was basically just using her as a placeholder date (with benefits) until he found someone better, and he was telling her all this because guess what? he had.

          The guy you went out with did you a HUUUUGE favor by admitting to the lack of connection after one date. I feel your frustration, and I agree it sucks, but getting used/strung along is way worse.

          • 6 months? I’ve been dating a guy for a little over that, and a ring would scare the crap out of me.

            It’s awful to be used. He should have dumped her as soon as he knew she wasn’t the right one.

            But… not everyone wants to move as fast as you friend. Better that she found out after 6m than after she moved in with him.

    • secretly gay

Add a comment.

Questions? Check out our commenting policy. Tech problems? Please report it to the tech team.