Suit of the Week: Mila Schön

For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional.

Yoox has a number of Mila Schön suits right now, and I’m really liking the clean lines, feminine touches, and general look. This skirt suit (which Yoox describes as having a “Chinese collar”) looks ladylike but businesslike all at once. It’s available in limited sizes in black and dark blue at Yoox for $215. Mila Schön Women’s Suit

(L-5)

Comments

  1. I must start out the comments with a threadjack: I just interviewed someone who had a hair band around her wrist. Hard not to giggle thinking of the comments about it the other day. That said, she was otherwise quite appropriately dressed and probably would be my second choice of the 4 candidates I’ve interviewed so far. But still, I have to wonder why you wouldn’t just shove the hair band in your purse, surely you wouldn’t need to put your hair up during an interview?

    So I won’t ding this candidate on it, but I did think it was funny.

    • Yes, but what about her nails? You can’t leave us hanging here. We gots to know!

      • I love the suit, but I worry that the pencil skirt will be a little to tight for me. I do NOT want to spend alot of money on a suit only to have my skirt look to small for me.

        Right now, I must wear a size 6, but want to get back to a Size 4, where I was in college. I was also on the pep squad at my school. The manageing partner thinks my seat is to big when compareing it to the rest of me, but I still am considered svelte in my family. Fooey on him b/c my sister is a size 12.

        So I hope I can loose about 5 lbs so I can get back to size 4. I hope I can do it by Memorial day, b/c I want to rent a share in West Hamton, and I do NOT want to look fat in a batheing suit.

        • How could your md think that way about you and be vocal about it? This kind of behavior confuses me. Even at my work, I’ve seen ppl tapping other ppls feet/feeling the material of blouses and tights. Even if you’re good friends, I think you have to maintain a level of professionalism at work.

      • No nail polish that I could see.

        The one thing that was weird is that she was a very small woman, so when we shook hands the hair elastic sort of slid down and bumped my hand. I will say, she had beautiful hair. We have much different standards for “professional hair” here, so long hair, nicely layered with a bit of curl was just fine. I have serious hair envy now.

    • Anonymous :

      she may have just forgotten it was there.

    • lawnonymous :

      Yeah – I wouldn’t ding her on it either, but if it came down to a hair, it would probably be one of the things that I would consider.

    • I will never again go into an interview with a hair band on my wrist!

  2. Eh, not really liking the suit. I have to protest that is most definitely not a “Chinese collar” – Mandarian collars are flat and don’t fold over.

  3. I’m so tempted by this suit but I already bought the dress featured earlier! Stop tempting me, Kat!

  4. need a friend :

    Threadjack…Is there anyone else out there who feels like they don’t have any friends? I’ve never been good at forming close relationships but when I was younger I did socialize with folks from school or work or sports teams. Now that my school friends are scattered, I’m fairly senior at work, and I have no time for teams, I’m finding myself with only DH to talk to. I’ve literally not had a chat with a girlfriend on the phone in over 10 years. We try to socialize with other couples on rare occasions, but I inevitably don’t feel a connection and would rather not follow up. So, my 3-part question is 1) does anyone else feel this way? 2) what specifically do you do about it? 3) how do I teach my kids to make and preserve friendships so they don’t end up like me (and my parents who seem as lonely as I am). Thanks

    • not in a mean way, but there have been a lot of posts about feeling this (number 1 and 2)way lately. try a google site search

    • 1. Yes
      2a. I have lots of virtual friendships, with people I know in real life or meet online. It’s convenient and easy to answer while I’m commuting.
      2b. My bff and I have a motto for this year, “This is the year of not saying no.” So, if an event comes up or an invitation, we go no matter WHAT. No matter how annoying the person is, how tired I am, how anxious I feel about the event, etc, etc. So we go to places, barring serious illness.
      2c. I signed up for 3 professional organizations I’m interested in and have been going to meetings, even though it’s really not my cup of tea (see 2b).
      3. Get them involved in something that they have to attend once a week, every week, no matter what. Give them a place outside of the home where they eventually feel comfortable and can be themselves.

      Also, we can be friends if you want =).

      • I have a friend who is a real introvert, and when he moved to a new city, he made a point of saying yes to everything (yes! I will go see your band; yes! I will participate in this volunteer day; etc.) for the first several months. His thinking was that if you say no to things within the first few invitations, potential friends will not invite you out again. If you are game, you have an opportunity to see if you fit with the potential friend + you will be invited to everything, even if you say no here and there later. I watched many of his friendships take root right away. It’s a smart idea.

    • lawnonymous :

      Maybe try reaching out to people for one-on-one dates instead of other couples? Try contacting some of your work friends to have a casual lunch and go from there.

    • Another friendless :

      I am right there with you and I have no idea what to do about it.

    • Maybe you should stick it out with couples for a few more get-togethers? Not everyone makes a strong first impression, and hanging out 3-4 times doesn’t mean you’re committed to being best buddies.

    • Totes McGotes :

      I think the best way to start is to join professional and/or community groups and push yourself to follow up with people, whether it’s lunch or being “partners in crime” at a networking event or a day trip to go outlet shopping or whatever it is.

      Once you’ve gotten strated, you can’t let people fall by the wayside. Whenever I get together with someone, before we leave I schedule the next lunch/brunch/happy hour/pedicure/whatever, even if it’s a month or two out. That way it’s on the calendar and you can’t just say “This was so much fun! We should do it again” and really mean it, but just never get around to calling the person again.

      • Totes McGotes :

        Also, times when I have noticed that other people around me seemed closer to each other than to me, I realized that they had already shared lots of personal stuff with one another while I was being friendly, but more reserved. I don’t know you, but it’s possible that you may need to be more open as far as talking about yourself. If something puts you in mind of a funny story from childhood, share it instead of telling yourself it’s not important enough to mention. Obviously you don’t want to *only* talk about yourself, or share really heavy stuff or TMI early in a friendship, but things like that really are the way that people get to know and become comfortable with one another.

    • karenpadi :

      If you are in the Silicon Valley, we are having a meet-up on March 24th. Join us and maybe meet some friends.

      email me to be added to the list: karenpadi at hotmail

    • westwoodmom :

      I often feel the same way. I think it is hard to maintain friendships when you have both kids and work as well. I keep in touch with friends from high school, college, law school, but never seem to have time to get together with them (and none are in the same city). I also live in an area where many folks grew up here and then returned to raise their families. Its hard to compete with 30plus year friendships. Anyway, I think the advice above is good. Just keep putting yourself out there by attending events, and maybe go a little beyond your normal comfort zone.

    • I feel this way, and I am not yet married, nor do I have children! All of my high school and college friends moved to other states, so I am left with only law school and work friends. It makes me sad to think that every person I might ask to be a bridesmaid at a future wedding is not as close to me as I feel to them–and I will not have been in any of their weddings. All of these feelings are exacerbated by the fact that ALL of my boyfriend’s friends live nearby. I certainly am making efforts to gain friends, but it’s difficult to get in where people already have well-established friend bases.

    • I’m not married with no kids, and I feel similarly. I have friends, but I don’t seem to be able to make deep friendships anymore. A while ago my mother and sister were talking about how essential they think it is to have a best friend who you can tell anything, and I realized I haven’t had one of those since elementary school. It’s kind of depressing.

      • Making Friends :

        What I find is that it is important to attempt to make friends with people who you know you have a good chance of becoming friends with. In other words, as a 40-something lawyer with kids, I am more likely to form a friendship with another professional with kids than with someone a) much younger or older, or b) without much education, or c) without kids, or d) who doesn’t work, etc. I live in the present, so the friends that are appropriate for me now are not the friends from different stages in my past. I look for friends that share a sharp wit, passionate interests, etc., because those are the people I like to be around. I join organizations where I am likely to meet people like that. If you are selective like that, you are more likely to form friendships than if you just try to make friends with your husband’s friend’s wife, your neighbor, etc. I also find excitement in meeting new people and learning of their histories and interests (at this age, we all have alot of history, so there is alot to talk about). I don’t consider that I have alot of friends, but enough friends, and always the possiblity of making new ones.

    • First, something funny:

      You could always start Friends of the Friendless 2.0

      Then something not so funny:

      I’m the same. I struggle with opening up to people and maintaining friendships. Plus, the Hubs and I don’t have kids so all I do is work. Leisure time is spent with him. When he is out of town for extended periods, I notice it the most. I have three very dear friends who I can always count on for anything, and vice versa, but our lives are so different that we never just hang out together. I yet haven’t decided whether I’m bothered by it. I’ve always been a little bit of an intentional loner.

    • Same here. I’ve had a good group of friends in school, but for the last 4 yrs things have changed so much. I got married 2 yrs ago. I meet his friends’ girlfriends/wives but am never friends. I am lonely most times. I miss talking about makeup, shoes, bags, clothes, books, food, coffee, generally whining about everything, judging things that people we know do, everything. I am not able t o bond with ppl, ESP girls, as much as I used to.

      • Call me crazy, but I have an imaginary friend, that I talk to. This is quite embarrassing, but hope it doesn’t lead to a bigger problem. Everyday, on my way to work I tell myself that it’s ok I don’t have friends, tht I could keep myself busy with books, and that it’s ok to shop on my own (when I decide not to drag my poor hubby down for buying makeup).

        • For some reason, these posts really struck a chord with me. I read Corporette religiously and have never commented, but I often find myself complaining that I’m lonely and don’t have many friends, although I’m outwardly outgoing and social. Perhaps being a career woman, along with the competition among women, fosters isolation and makes it difficult to form friendships. I just wanted to leave a comment to let all of you know that your comments get me through tough workdays. Kudos to all of you for making the working world a little easier to manage.

    • I have this problem as well, coupled with a move to a new state when I was 31. I’ve only made 1 real friend here since 2007 and my husband has made none. The latter part is what has held me back most of the time as my husband is not social, while I used to be very outgoing and social. Now that we have a child it doesn’t bother me so much and I’m just hanging in there until our son is a little older and we start to meet other parents.

      No idea what to teach my kids about this or how to make sure it doesn’t happen to them. I think the lasting friendships problem is something I ‘inherited’ from my parents and I’ve never been able to pinpoint what the real problem is or how to address it.

    • Francesca :

      Regular poster, using a different name.

      I’m not married and don’t have kids, but I recently moved back to the city in which I grew up (Cincinnati), and feel the same way. I hang out with some friends-of-friends, but no one I’m close to. (All my friends from childhood/high school have moved away, and I went to undergrad and law school in different states).

      I’ve been going to a few organization/event/meeting type things, on topics that interest me, with the hope that I’ll make friends through those. This hasn’t worked so far, but I’m going to give it more time. Even if I don’t make good friends that way, I live alone and am a big introvert, so I at least know it’s good for me to make myself leave the house sometimes.

      I also am trying to become closer friends with the friends-of-friends I mentioned above. Even if they’re not entirely the sort of people I would have befriended in undergrad, I do think you can become good friends with people somewhat dissimilar to you if you have some shared experiences. So, I’m giving it a shot.

      I also am making a real effort to contact friends who live in other cities on a regular basis, via e-mail, skype, or phone calls, depending on the friend. I actually recently reconnected with a good friend from undergrad, and am now invited to his wedding, which has made my incredibly happy.

      Finally, I am fully aware of the fact that reading anonymous comments online is not a substitute for real friendship, but corporette really does sometimes make me feel as though I have people to talk to, and I feel a bit less lonely (wow, that sounded pathetic – my life is really not awful, I promise; I have a good job, my family loves me, etc.). I am really jealous of you people in NYC, DC, and San Francisco who have these meet-ups, though. I’m in the Midwest, and haven’t heard anyone else here say they’re in my city, so I’m not sure if there are corporettes here. That would be a good idea for a forum, Kat: people could post their city if they’re interested in meeting up so anyone who checks it could see, rather than having to call it out on one post and hope people don’t miss it.

      Finally, please don’t discount people who are a different age from you. Two of my closest friends here over the last few months have been a couple who are my parents’ age. We have lots of things in common, so although I don’t think they would meet me for drinks after work, we do have great conversations and invite each other over for meals semi-regularly.

      Anyway, please know you’re not alone, and I hope you manage to find a few good friends soon! And if you’re in Cincinnati, let me know!

  5. Need Dress Help :

    Threadjack – I need help finding a dress to wear to an upcoming (fairly formal) wedding. I am nursing twins, and my chest has expanded astronomically from my pre-pregnancy size, so none of my dresses fit anymore. I’d like to find something that will somewhat show off my new assets (it is very exciting for me to have cleavage, and I know it won’t last forever so I’m trying to enjoy it while it lasts) but still be appropriate for a church. I’d also like something that is budget-friendly as I know my size will fluctuate once I wean and whatever I buy likely won’t fit in the future. The rest of my body is still in a 6/8 range–it’s just my chest that has gone from a B to an F. Any suggestions?

  6. Ugh, I can’t believe it’s only 2:45pm! Longest day ever. Sigh.

    • This! Only, it’s only 2:05 now where I am.

      I have ZERO motivation right now because I’m in that “could go in to labor at any moment” phase of pregnancy, have transitioned my cases to other attorneys, and am up-to-date on my CLE credits for the next two years. Basically, I’m in the office so that people don’t forget I exist before I go out on maternity leave. I believe I have read the entire internet today…

      • JJ my daughter was born 11 years ago today, and I have been reliving that day in my memory all day long, as I do every year on this day. I so remember the feeling of when-the-hell-is-my-labor-going-to-start. It was worse with my son, because I had five days of prodomal labor with him, but it’s so frustrating to be ready to pop, yet not quite popping. :)

        Anyway, she’s a February 8 baby and she’s awesome. So it’s a good day to go – push push push!!

      • GO HOME! I had my first in December, and spent a few afternoons strolling Barnes & Noble, Home Goods, etc. in the days leading up — and it felt GREAT!

  7. Woods-comma-Elle :

    You know when it’s 8pm and you know you have at least another four or five hours in the office?

    *must think of bonus, must think of bonus*

  8. BlackBerry Boundaries :

    Every day reader, infrequent commenter (mean IT folks blocked corporette) with a question for the hive.

    How did you set boundaries for your work issued blackberry? What are those boundaries?

    I’ve been working for a couple of years, and will be moving to a new assignment which requires that I have a blackberry. The main purpose is for a certain group of people outside the company to have access to me when I’m not in my office. I have always worked my set hours, and then “left work at work” when I leave for the afternoon or weekend. How do I make sure I don’t set an expectation that I’ll answer emails and phone calls while I’m on vacation or late at night, while still being available when I’m needed?

    TIA!

    • Former MidLevel :

      I would just not respond to emails late at night or while you’re on vacation. For late-night emails, respond when you start working the next morning. For vacation emails, set an auto-away message then send a quick acknowledgment if anything seems time-sensitive. Even at a law firm, where “responsiveness” is one of the most-valued qualities, people learn that certain people won’t write back until the next morning if they get an email super-late (or, in the case of night owls, that late-night emails will be answered but early morning ones will have to wait until 9 or 10 a.m.). The key is that you show them, through your actions, that you will respond in a reasonably prompt manner.

    • On regular days, I check my bberry off an on through an evening, but then around 10 it goes in my purse and I don’t look at it till I’m almost out the door the next morning. Only in real urgent times do I keep it close to me past 8 pm/before 8 am.

    • Agree wholeheartedly with @Former MidLevel. You set the expectation. If you respond late at night or while on vacation, then people will expect you to do that all the time. If you respond at an appropriate time though, i.e. as soon as you get in to the office, then people will come to realize that. And when I’m on vacation, I set the auto response, say I don’t have access to email and give a contact name/number for them in my absence.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      Agree with the others. If you must reply out of hours, keep it short and to the effect of ‘ok, noted, I’ll get back to you tomorrow/Monday/when I feel like it’.

    • I check my blackberry all weekend, because it’s my only cell phone and I have my personal email and texts on there as well.

      If I see a work email that needs an answer, I usually answer it. I’m not too concerned with my personal boundaries as I know my position in the company, and I also know I’m not a doormat.

      If I can’t answer the question asked until I’m in the office in front of my computer or files, then I say so. But I don’t get my nose all bent out of shape about answering a question that only requires a couple of sentences in response on the weekend. I love my life, but I love my job too, and I appreciate that all business happenings don’t conveniently take place 9-5, M-F.

      There are also times when I haven’t checked my bb for hours, and then I see that an email came in asking me something some time ago. I just say, “sorry, just seeing this now,” and answer it.

    • I have my work email on my phone, but it’s not set to notify me when I have a new one. That way, I control when I check it, instead of feeling like I have to compulsively check every time it tells me there’s a new message. And I only read the ones that seem important from their subject lines. Everything else can wait until business hours.

    • karenpadi :

      I only check my email when I’m expecting something urgent to come down that night or over the weekend. But I’m in a niche where due dates are known in advance, fairly predictable, and usually extendible.

  9. I’ve just found out I have eczema and I am not really thrilled. Anyone have a good tips for minimizing the symptoms? I normally keep my skin very moisturized, don’t use harsh soap (except at work where I have no choice- my hands are a very bad area), and try to stay away from other harsh chemicals. I’m hoping to keep the flareups to a minimum and would love suggestions.

    • Hot showers can also cause flare-ups.

    • Bring your own soap to work. Or ask that they use something else.

    • try taking evening primrose oil or fish oil, helps the skin a lot. I find my eczema is flared by stress a lot, so I have found integrating yoga and massages (I know poor me) has helped a lot.

      • You don’t worry about going to get a massage when you have a flareup? I try to get a monthly massage, but don’t feel comfortable going now. I also go to yoga.

        • I’ve had eczema for years and get a monthly massage. No one has ever mentioned it when I have a flare up. Don’t worry about it, I’m sure they’ve seen everything.

          I’ve had good luck with the Cortizone-10 eczema when I have a flare up. I also find shea butter products work really well. I am really careful about chemicals too – perfume/dye free detergents, lotions etc. and I cannot wear perfume because it will cause a flare up on my wrists.

        • My masseuse has bad skin too and often has lots of great advice for me.

    • Sweetknee :

      My husband has eczema. He has flare ups every now and then, and a few things have worked for us. First, in the winter months, run a humidifier at home. The dry air really does a number on him. Second, hubby works out a lot, and it is imperative that he not sit around once he gets home in sweaty clothes. Finally, use totally non scented or gentle/baby type laundry detergent. Don’t use dryer sheets, etc.

      While it sounds kinda cheesy, the medicated lotion by Gold Bond also really helped too.

      Best of luck. By doing these things, he has only one or two flare ups per year.

    • Don’t wash dishes. My doctor said the combination of soap and very hot water was one of the worst triggers for eczema.

      When I was diagnosed, years ago, the doctor actually wrote me a prescription for an automatic dishwasher. I had told her that my first husband was too cheap to buy one, and too lazy to wash the dishes before the end of the evening. Seeing the need in writing from a professional changed his mind, albeit grudgingly.

    • Or, get a good pair of rubber gloves and use those whenever/wherever possible. What works is 1 pair of good rubber gloves for dishwashing and then a box of disposable rubber gloves (the kinds doctors use) that you can pull on anytime you need to do other chores or work that might involve chemicals/hot water/irritants and your hands.

      And by good rubber gloves, I mean the ones that cost $15-20 .. worth it.

    • Cats Ahoy! :

      I have had eczema since I was 8 and I’m almost 32 so I hope I can recommend a thing or two. Are you able to use your own soap at work? Moisturize every time you wash your hands. Use a thick moisturizer at night and get a humidifier. My favorite moisturizers are Glysomed, Avon’s Moisture Therapy line (you can buy it online, no Avon Lady required), and Burt’s Bees Almond Milk Hand Cream. Generally, petroleum products are your friend here.

      To be honest, the moisturizers help, but the only thing that has given (relatively speaking) fast results during a flareup is clobetasol, which is by prescription in the US, and it can still take weeks for larger patches to go away. If your hands are cracking, you might want to rub some neosporin on them so you don’t wind up with a bacterial infection, too. If any of your rings trap water underneath of them, give them a break for a while.

      I feel for you. The itching can be insanity. Good luck to you!

    • Thanks for the advice so far. This may have started after I did some major cleaning at my house, so I’m definitely going to buy gloves to wear in the future for washing dishes/cleaning. I may have had really small flareups on my hands before I was diagnosed, so I think this may be the starting point for me. I don’t normally take long hot showers, never take baths, and for the most part I wash my dishes in the dishwasher. I have some fish oil, so I will probably start taking those again as well.

      I already use non-scented laundry detergent/dryer sheets, avoid products with sulfates, regularly moisturize, and usually take off my sweaty workout clothing immediately after wearing.

      • Edited to add that at this time my skin is really not very dry. We’ve had a humid winter and I don’t have the cracking I often have at this time of year.

        • I find that mine is the worst during allergy season (late spring/early fall), not winter. I get dry skin in the winter, but my eczema only flares if I don’t keep up on moisturizing in the winter. Allergy season I am an itchy mess, even with allergy meds.

          • Thanks TK1- your situation sounds like mine. I have always had itchy skin with no rash this time of year, but this is the first time I’ve gotten the eczema to go along with the itching. I am already on quite a bit of allergy meds.

          • I wish I had an answer on how to control it better! I haven’t found a way to stop it from happening yet, just what creams to use to control it.

      • My husband’s eczema is triggered by dust mites. A major cleaning often exacerbates it (as will any round of vacuuming). Just another possibility to consider. If that’s a trigger, then dust mite covers for your mattress and pillows is a good start. Although, if it is concentrated on your hands, dust mites seems less likely.

        I just saw that there is a new line of eczema products by neosporin (I think?). I have been considering trying them out. Otherwise, cerave works best for him right now.

    • Research, Not Law :

      CeraVe cream. Daily – plus probably after work on your hands. Can’t emphasize that enough. It’s amazing stuff. Was recommended by a dermatologist and a pharmacist – apparently it duplicates the protection performed by a protein often lacking in individuals with eczema, rather than simply moisturizing. FYI, although it’s OTC, I get it from behind the counter of my hospital outpatient pharmacy (where I work); I think it can be hard to find at drug or grocery stores.

      I also use vasaline at bedtime on cracks. If your hands are inevitably being exposed, then I highly suggest lathering them up with vasaline at bedtime and putting on a pair of cheap knit gloves overnight for a few nights in a row. It’s crazy, but works. My ears are my bad spot, and I find keeping them dry (avoiding wet hair) helps prevent issues.

      Wear gloves when doing dishes (we keep a box of surgical gloves on hand), bathe as infrequently as possible in not-hot water (and always lotion up after), and generally avoid water contact as best you can. Swimming, hot tubs, soaking baths, etc don’t have to be completely off limits, but maybe once a week or less instead of regularly. Obviously, mild soaps and detergent. Note that doesn’t necessarily mean “natural” – some natural ingredients can be irritating. FWIW, I use plain glycerin or castile soap for body/face and Planet laundry detergent.

    • My daughter has eczema. To manage hers we have her take a lukewarm bath every night, but only use a mild soap every other night. As soon as she gets out, while the skin is still damp, I slather her in Aquaphor or royal jelly (from JAFRA). I put hydrocortizone on any of the really dry patches. I run a humidifier in her room and a fan (sweating seems to really aggravate it.) Also, limiting dairy has helped also, so it seems to stem from a small dairy allergy.

  10. shamlet96 :

    TJ about waiting to hear back from an interview: I interviewed early last week at my dream job (after an initial interview four months earlier) and am on pins and needles waiting to hear back. I sent thank-you emails to all of my interviewers and got some positive responses (i.e., they liked meeting me, think I would be a great addition to the office), but haven’t heard a peep since then. The background is that this place is notoriously SLOW about hiring, and will frequently not even let candidates know they have been rejected (rude, I know). I have some inside contacts who helped me get the interview in the first place, but I don’t want to reach out until a sufficient amount of time has elapsed. The other issue is that I need to move to the city where this job is in short order b/c of a family situation, so I’m not sure how much longer I can wait around for them to make a decision. Thoughts/suggestions greatly appreciated. :)

    • In the same boat :

      No advice, but in the same situation and the silence is just killing me. I know I am a very strong candidate, and did well at the interview, but it’s been 3 days of no feedback at all, and I am starting to doubt myself and feel worthless.
      Even the recruiter who’d arranged the interview called me and asked if they’d gotten back to me, because they were not answering her calls!

  11. lawnonymous :

    Early threadjack. How would you deal with this situation?

    I’m in law school and feel like I am somewhat being bullied by people A, B and C. I don’t like them, they don’t like me, for whatever reason (there is a long backstory). So I just choose to be the better, gracious person, ignore them and go on with my day.

    That being said, me and my two best friends here are hosting a small party for friends in a couple of weeks, and invited people through Facebook. I left out A, B and C, but their friend D who is invited, asked “Hey, what about A, B and C?”

    I don’t know how to respond. I feel like I shouldn’t have to justify my choices – I don’t want negative energy in my house, I don’t feel they’d come anyways and I’d spend the whole evening being self-concious instead of having fun. What would you do? TIA. For now I’m planning to ignore the comment.

    • shamlet96 :

      i’d just say “oh, this is a pretty intimate gathering; I wanted to keep it small” and leave it at that (but i’m sure someone can word that better than I can, so it doesn’t sound quite so awkward).

    • Just sayin' :

      Who responds to an invitation by not-so-subtly insisting you invite other people? Weird. You have no obligation to invite these people – it’s your party. But you don’t want to be a b*tch about it, so ignoring it is a good course.

      • MeliaraofTlanth :

        I have a friend that did that once. Except she said “You forgot to invite X!” No, actually I didn’t forget…

    • Seattleite :

      “It’s a small group this time. We’ll catch them another night.” [when h3ll freezes over]

      That will work only if D is socially adept and catches the hint. If there is any chance that D will bring them along in a more-the-merrier approach, you may need to say, “oh, we don’t click in small groups, it happens.” Nonchalent (not sad) tone of voice is key.

    • Totes McGotes :

      I’d probably just put something like, “Oh we’re trying hard to keep it small and I’m not very close friends with them,” but I’m not sure how well that will cut off that whole line of questioning, which is your goal.

    • Your Facebook invite is not public, right?

      I would worry that if you ignore the comment, D with just bring A, B, and C. If you think that’s likely, I would say something like, “This is a small group, and I know you’re friends with A, B, and C, but we really never hit it off.”

      Are you really close with D? I had a big falling out with a friend, J, in college, and then she integrated herself into another group of friends that I had (J didn’t really hang out with them before we “broke up,” even though I had been pretty close to most of them, including K). When K always invited J to gatherings, even really small group ones where there would be no way for me to avoid J, that made me reevaluate how close I was with K. (Hope I didn’t mess up my lettering anywhere!)

      • Will, not with. Sorry!

      • lawnonymous :

        Yup, its not public. I don’t think she’ll bring them, but if she does, I think it’ll be obvious that they weren’t invited and I think, imo, that bringing univited guests is super rude.

        I’m not close to D – we’re ‘friends’, so past acquaintances, but not really close. This makes me think twice about her friendship, to be honest.

    • I think you’re right to ignore it. There’s no reason why you have to justify inviting or not inviting certain people to a party. It’s really none of the guests’ business. If D gets pushy about it, suggest that she throw her own party so she can invite whomever she wants.

    • Was she raised in a barn? :

      D has exhibited terrible manners by commenting about your guest list. (Or, as my mother would say, “Was D raised in a barn? Has she no manners?”).

      The only thing that would be worse manners than D’s comment is responding to it on the merits. Whatever light, non-substantive comment you can think of to tell her “I heard you, and I am ignoring your request.” will work here. Others have suggested a few that will work.

    • Say nothing or else “I’m not really close with them.” No way would I want people who had been bullying me in my house and I wouldn’t want to be pressured into inviting them as this would feel like even more bullying!

      • I’d vote for this also. But does D know about the situation with A, B and C? If not, I would just level with D (in person, not on facebook), i.e.: “Hey, can we talk for a sec? I saw what you posted on facebook about the party. Honestly, A, B, C and I haven’t been getting along. It’s not really a big deal, but I think it would be super awkward if you brought them.”

        That’s it. Anyone who ignores this kind of face to face request is a straight up b*tch. I’m betting its more likely D is just kind of thoughtless and posted it w/o really thinking first.

        I think being passive about it (i.e. ignoring it and hoping they don’t come, claiming it’s just a small party, phasing D out of your circle) just adds to the annoying gossipy underhandedness of law school. Be above it and just tell her how you feel, gracefully.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      Tell D something that makes it clear that they can’t come–I think what shamlet96 said is a good idea, because in law school, a lot of people just bring extra people to parties because they assume that everyone is friends with everyone else (especially 1Ls).

      Also, I would recommend using email in the future rather than facebook. Facebook makes everything too public and open about events.

  12. I need suggestions about containers for bringing lunch to work. I’m looking for something that’s not plastic, that seals real tight so that my lunch doesn’t decorate the inside of my purse and is relatively light, as I have a fun commute. So, like an anorexic pyrex dishware contraption. Does anybody have any recommendations?

    • I purchased “Snapware” from Crate and Barrel. It’s got a leakproof snap lid with a glass body. I also saw that Ziplock has new glass containers with a leakproof lid. You can also troll through Bed Bath and Beyond and see what they have.

      • Research, Not Law :

        You can get Snapware from Costco, too. Love it! These suckers do not leak, lol, I’ve tested thoroughly. It’s not particularly light, but I don’t think you can get light + shatter-resistant. I package my lunch (and usually breakfast) and can handle it. Although, I will use plastic for items that don’t need to be heated if I have a particularly large load.

    • I recommend Glasslock containers (google it) … they fit all your specs including the weight issue as long as you use one of the smaller ones (depends on how big your lunch is, i suppose).

      They’re great – never spill, easy to clean, good for the environment, etc. Oh, but the lid is plastic. Well, if you can get over that, they’re great.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Another vote for glasslock containers. Costco has sets of them for a good price, and periodically a coupon, too. They don’t spill at all, and they don’t turn orange after exposure to tomato sauce or curry either.

      • i hate it when plastic does that. i have spatulas that are permanently orange. makes you think about the food coloring that must go into tomato sauce!

        • Anonymous :

          It’s called lycopene and it’s a natural pigment produced by tomatoes. It’s highly insoluble in water, but readily absorbed to plastics.

          • thank you! heard of lycopene (mostly the health benefits) but didn’t realize that was what was staining plastic.

          • SF Bay Associate :

            Quite right, 5:04. I vaguely remember writing a paper in college on how lycopene was strongly associated with reduced risk for test!cular cancer. As Elmo says, “eat your colors!” I eat a lot of tomatoes, so I’m especially enamored of the glasslock containers.

          • springtime :

            I wrote a research paper (like a real, overly complicated one that we published) on aspects of lycopene and other similar molecules. Eat your peppers, oranges, tomatoes, and anything else that is yellow, orange or red!!

            Oh the random things you learn in science.

        • Allergic to red dye but can eat tomato sauce so no dye in there!

        • I bought a silicone spatula (wooden handle) that is bright red, for just this reason! Williams-Sonoma . . . .

  13. Love that suit – been looking for a dark blue one. Saw a gorrrrrgeous one at Judith and Charles (formerly Teenflo). Canadian ladies – any one buy there? It’s almost $600, it seems good quality but want to be sure it lasts…

    • Equity's Darling :

      I *love* Judith and Charles.

      I have a blouse from them that I’ve had for a year, it’s silk and I usually handwash it with woolite and it’s doing well. But, it’s only been a year….but I find the stitching to be well done, and the material to be high quality, so I have high hopes. I also have a more casual sweater from them, it’s also doing well, but I do treat my sweaters well, with the handwashing in woolite and flat drying, etc.

  14. Seattleite :

    Threadjack! From Esquire’s list of 25 Skills Every Man Should Have:

    “Rock the Man in the Boat

    “Imagine that you are a cake decorator with a range of fancy nibs to affix to the tip of your pastry bag. You can pipe rosettes and leaves all day, but no one needs that much sugar. The theatrical flourishes and jabs you’ve learned from your trusty porn are like that: the frosting on the frosting. A good pastry chef uses his nibs sparingly and aims foremost for a thick, smooth application. Simply imagine the tool you’d need for such a job (no, it’s not a knife, mallet, meat thermometer, or tongs, and certainly not a turkey baster) and try to mimic its shape and action with your tongue, fingers, or sleek Japanese device. Go slowly, be sedulous and heedful, and don’t stop until the cake is done.”

    snicker.

  15. Anonymous :

    Random Linked-In etiquette question: what are the thoughts on accepting an invite from someone you interviewed but didn’t hire? I am a mid-level manager in a technical area, and one of my employees recently brought in someone for an interview that we liked, but not as much as another interviewee (who has since accepted our offer). It seemed a little strange to me, but maybe I’m just a little paranoid about getting stalked by someone we didn’t hire – I guess after all we do have some sort of professional relationship….

    I believe that the invite to connect was sent after she found out that she wasn’t going to get the job, but I’m not sure that it matters too much.

    • I think it’s fine, assuming the person seemed pleasant and professional (which, from your post, seems to be the case). Networking is networking, and she probably figures your professional paths may cross again at some point in the future. Which it very well might, right?

    • She probably wants to tap into your connections – by connecting to you she can learn about other people you’re connected to in your industry. I think it’s fine to connect to her. She may end up working somewhere else in your field and be a useful contact for you.

    • I’d absolutely connect to her. I think it would be pretty hard to stalk someone on LinkedIn.

    • This is what the “ignore” function is for.

      • Anonymous :

        Yeah, and keep in mind that she might attain a better position some day and remember that “ignore” function you employed.

    • I guess I am in the minority… I try to only connect with people on LinkedIn that I can personally vouch for and would be willing to offer a reference for. If she uses your network, are you willing to make an introduction to someone that she’s not otherwise connected to? That’s my litmus test for this sort of thing.

    • You know Linked In has a feature where it goes through your email list and invites everybody on it? If it was just a generic invite it may not have been the interviewee’s doing.

      Also, if you let the person know they were in the top couple of candidates it makes sense for them to link to you. Maybe the person you hire won’t work out / gets hit by a bus. It’s a hard hiring world out there and covering your bases is smart.

  16. Bleeding Gums Murphy :

    I just found out that I need to have a gingival graft on my lower 4 front teeth. Has anyone here that this done? How much did it cost? How soon did you go back to work?

    • I haven’t had one, but one of my colleagues has been having a series of them and he comes to work the next day. Can’t comment on the cost.

    • Anon for this :

      I had one years ago, but only along one, maybe two front teeth. I left work early for the appointment and returned the next day at my normal time. It really wasn’t a big deal. I have no idea how much it cost as it was covered by my dental insurance.

    • Charlotte :

      I believe there was a relevant discussion here on this topic sometime last week….

    • Terrible Gum Girl :

      I had one done last year, having another done this year. I go in on a Thursday afternoon, take Friday off, and then come back into work on Monday. It’s pretty painful afterward and I think that you need at least 2-3 full days of recovery time to be ready to go back into work. It costs me about $1450 per graft, no sedation. I have a friend who had 4 done at once and she said she was pretty miserable for 2 full weeks afterward because she couldn’t eat anything but liquids. I would ask the dentist what they recommend in terms of taking time off, because it may be different based on the placement of the graft.

    • I’m truly not trying to be snotty, but as a medical professional, I feel strongly that these questions would be best answered by the person who will be performing the procedure (or their staff). I would’t let anyone touch me until I had a full understanding of the procedure.

      • I generally prefer to hear personal experiences as well as talk to the doctors. Most doctors I’ve had seem so careful to say nothing but the “facts” that I have a hard time getting an idea of what it will actually be like. For example, I remember discussing medications with a few doctors who won’t go beyond “there is a small risk of x” when what I want to know is whether “small” is 10% or more like 0.01%, but if they don’t have exact numbers they don’t want to say something that could be misunderstood or not entirely correct. My current doctor is better, but when I was recently discussing IUDs with her, she told me it tended to be “moderately” painful at insertion, which is pretty useless. It’s been helpful for me to read other people’s experiences to see that it ranges from “a really bad cramp” to “hurt so much I couldn’t breathe” with most at “worst cramp of my life”.

        • Thanks, Jas. This is why I asked. My doctor did explain the procedure, but the question of readiness to return to work is subjective. As a patient, I think if I want to have appropriate expectations, I should ask people who have had the procedure and aren’t biased in favor of me having it. It’s my money and my mouth and ultimately I’m responsible for my choice to have an elective procedure, not my doctor.

  17. I’m not getting the pockets that appear to hit right under the breasts – don’t think this would be flattering at all. Maybe the model is just tall, but I can’t see that looking right on me.

  18. Vegas Baby :

    I’m headed to San Antonio for President’s Day weekend (Friday night through Tuesday), and will likely stay in the Riverwalk/Alamo district. Do we need to rent a car? Suggestions on places to eat (must allow kids)? Anything specific we should do?

    I’ve never been and I’m looking forward to getting away. Thanks in advance!

    • Oooh, fun! I love San Antonio. You can get away with not renting a car, but I recommend visiting the historic missions, and those are too far away (maybe five minutes outside of town?). Go to the el mercado (the historic market) near the Riverwalk. And seriously, eat all of the Tex Mex you can! I adore San Antonio’s food. El Mirador, La Paloma Blanca, Mi Tierras (definitely kid friendly), Roasario’s. For the most part, the best food is not going to be directly on the Riverwalk because it’s too touristy, but there are good ones within walking distance.

    • Breakfast tacos. This might sound dumb but the best breakfast tacos I ever had were in San Antonio. I don’t remember the name of the place we went to – my friend went to school at Trinity and knew about tiny hole-in-the-wall places that were awesome (sorry this is not helpful at all – but the point is, get breakfast tacos).

      • SAlit-a-gator :

        Taco Taco Cafe is world renowned and by Trinity. Definitely worth checking out. The tortillas are to die for.

    • SAlit-a-gator :

      I would definitely rent a car unless you only want to stay downtown the entire time. The Riverwalk is touristy (but you already knew that). There are a couple of good museums in town (McNay, and San Antonio Museum of Art (both are uptown)), and another fun area for dining and shopping is The Quarry at 281 and Jones Maltsberger (uptown). If you have time and kids, don’t forget about Sea World, Six Flags (not downtown) or the Children’s Museum (downtown). The missions are fun and should definitely be on your list (east of downtown?). For a good walk with lots of things to see I recommend La Villita (small artsy neighborhood downtown the concierge can point you too). You may also want to catch a show at The Majestic (symphony, off Broadway, opera, ballet, etc).

  19. Sorry to be a bother, but if you’ve been getting the “stack overflow” problem by using Internet Explorer, could you please tell me if you’re getting it now?

  20. This situation makes me feel a bit bratty, but I’m being switched from the best assistant in our firm to the worst. I’m completely bummed. My new assistant is perfectly nice; she’s just got a reputation for being very careless.

    • Former MidLevel :

      Sorry to hear that. And I don’t think you’re bratty – having a careful assistant can make a big difference!

    • I don’t think you’re bratty either. This happened to me and I was really bummed.

    • I’m glad to hear others have felt the same way. Now I just need to stop being pouty and get on with it. I am the least experienced person here (which is why I got shuffled), so it’s not like I have a lot to do. I just appreciated having an assistant who made me seem much smarter than I feel on my own.

    • Feel your pain. I don’t make staffing decisions for my office, and the receptionist just hired for my office, who is awesome, was just swapped out for someone who was floundering at another office. I have a terrific office manager, who gets placed in the position of attempting to rehab troubled staff…which means I get a parade of mess through my front office. Thank God for my manager and assistant, who both rock. I had to throw a hissy fit when they threatened to take my assistant. There is too much for one person to handle!

  21. Same here, use blackberry as my only cell phone for work email+ personal text and google mapping etc. I work in finance with trading in different time zones, Asia/Europe, so need to check for any urgent messages. If it can wait until next day, then do so. I have noticed in my group, some of the senior folks often reply to my day’s emails between 8-11 pm, so if I need to follow up, this is the best time to grab their attention and get the info I want instead of waiting till next day when they get very busy during market hours.

    Also, I am just not an early morning person, so I prefer to reply back to an email right away if possible (i.e don’t need to check my work computer etc) instead of keeping the other person waiting till next day.

    Just yesterday, I got totally caught up with Downton Abbey episodes online (thanks for
    corporette suggestion!) and was up till 2 am, there was a semi-urgent email from London and it was easy to reply right away in 2-3 lines than wait till morning.
    I just find it difficult to keep work and personal hours completely apart, it’s just convenient to prioritize when needed. For example, past few weeks I spent some time apt hunting on craigslist during work hours to not miss out a good deal.

  22. Job Offer Threadjack: I’m a 3L who got a job offer today. That’s great, and I’m excited, but–the salary is low. Shockingly low, for the size of the city and the firm. I’ve researched cost of living, attorney salaries for the area, etc., and I am nearly at the bottom.

    Should I negotiate up? I don’t have any other offers, which is the problem. I don’t want to be disrespectful by trying to negotiate in this job market, as a 3L, but I feel like I should do something.

    • AnonInfinity :

      Definitely try to negotiate up! They might not increase it, but you need to try. You can base it on the typical salary for your city and the type of firm rather than any other offers.

      • Agree wholeheartedly. What’s the worst that can happen? I’d bet my next paycheck that they don’t withdraw the offer. They’ll just say no.

    • karenpadi :

      I would. They aren’t going to pull the offer if you try. And if they say it’s a final offer, well, take it but plan to look for another job about a year after starting or keep looking now.

    • SAlit-a-gator :

      Check out the NAS salary calculator recommended by this board a couple of weeks ago. I think it will come up if you google it. It’s good to know what the norm is before negotiating.

    • This happened to me last year when I was a 3L – the offer wasn’t shockingly low, but seemed kind of low, so I tried to negotiate. I had no other offers, the legal market is bad, and they just said no to my requests. I might just be a bad negotiator, but I liked the firm and I like having a job even more, so I took it anyway. They did not withdraw the offer or even seem offended; they just said it wasn’t possible. You should go for it.

  23. The suit of the week posts always bum me out because the suits look so cute, but my workplace is defiantly non-suit-wearing, and so instead I have to wrestle with separates. Or wear dresses, which is what I do all the time.

    Oh! And to everyone who gave me advice on Crossfit: I’ve been doing it for three weeks now and kind of really love it. There is no faux-drill-sergeant yelling (which I was worried about) and nor is it super-macho (class is about 2/3 women). I was the last person to finish the workout today and there were seriously tons of people standing around just to cheer me on, which was pretty awesome (and helpful b/c I was dying).

    Perhaps more importantly: I’m actually having fun. Running is very goal-oriented for me (every workout has a carefully calibrated purpose), and this is a fantastic change from that.

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