Thursday’s TPS Report: Spotted Matinee Blouse

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I like this simple, lovely white blouse from Madewell. It’s almost entirely sheer, yes, but many good white silk blouses are — and look how great it looks with a fairly substantial white tank beneath it (I also think it would look great under things, such as a springy sweater).  It’s $95 at Madewell. Spotted Matinee Blouse

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  1. For a brief, terrifying moment, I thought Kat was featuring formal shorts.


    • I think it’s a very cute outfit for the weekend! Certainly not for the office though.

      • Yeah, I secretly like it too. What kind of shoes would you wear with it? Heels or flats?

        • That is why I clarified “formal” shorts. I like these shorts for FUN….but not for say, being a doctor, even if you’re a doctor in a quirky southern town where hot neighbors walk around without their shirts on.

          That’s the distinction.

          • Woods-comma-Elle :

            I absolutely love this reference…

          • Love it! Even though I haven’t been watching lately.

          • So what I’m getting from this discussion is that yoga pants in the ER in the middle of the night = okay; but formal shorts in the ER in the middle of the night –> must find man with no shirt to accompany me?

          • EC MD — if you bring me hot neighbor Wade in the middle of the night in the ER (or really anytime) you can wear whatever you d*mn want. I’m not going to be paying attention to you anyway.

          • Amelia Bedelia :

            you always have my favourite comments, TCFKAG.

        • I would wear flats with dressy shorts. Or small wedges, perhaps.

    • Teehee. Me too. But yes, nice blouse.

    • I saw some formal shorts in my office today! The wearer had paired them with black lace tights and 6-inch bright turquoise platform stillettos to, um, eye-catching effect.

      • Oh dear. That is a whole lotta look for the office. Or really anywhere.

        • I hear that comment in the voice of Tim Gunn.

          • A. — you should feel free to just imagine everything I say in a Tim Gunn voice, that would make me immensely happy.

            Okay Corporettes — I know we have hairbands to deal with and blue nail polish fiascos every which way, but we have to make it work!

          • You should feel free to just imagine everything I say in a Tim Gunn voice, that would make me immensely happy.

            Okay ladies — I know we have hairbands to deal with and blue nail polish fiascos every which way, but we have to make it work!

            (sorry if this posts twice, for some reason the first one went to moderation).

      • Diana Barry :


        Maybe it was super-advanced slutwalk trolling?

    • My officemate often wears formal shorts, and I can’t find a polite way to refer her to this blog.

      • Romans et al :

        Dear office mate – look what I saw featured on corporette today! Doesn’t it make you want to go out and get (the item)?

        Of course, you’d show the front page of something which Kat curated and is fabulous in every way.

    • I wore shorts like that in the early 90s (remember 5-7-9??) and I’ll be damned if I ever wear them again. I’ll let the 20somethings rock ’em.

      • Twentysomething here. Not want. Also, would prefer that others not want as well.

        • MaggieLizer :

          Also a 20something. And I remember 5-7-9, particularly all of the arguments my mother and I used to get in there. Ah memories. Oh and, just say no to shorts in the office.

      • phillygirlruns :

        oh, 5-7-9. i had a great pair of baggy overalls in about 1994 (denim, embroidered peace signs and/or daisies at the hip, worn with one strap only) that i’m fairly sure i got there.

        • job hunting :

          I had overall SHORTS with daisies embroidered on them, and wore them with pride (not to the office)! And white socks sticking out of Ked sneakers. Oh my.

    • Me too!

  2. I read this as “spotted manatee blouse” and was looking forward to a blouse with manatees all over it.

    • Same! It was indeed disappointing. If owls/feathers/cats/horses/assorted woodland creatures can be featured on clothing, manatees should be as well.

    • SpaceMountain :

      That’s hilarious.

    • I saw the same thing too.

      Funny story, at an old job where I used to mentor new employees, a group of us mentors used to call our young charges manatees. Mentee —> Manatee

    • I actually dated a guy who looked like a manatee for a while. I tried, really tried, to get past his look, but ultimately succumbed and dumped him. It’s weird because I think ACTUAL manatees are cute, but guys who look like manatees – not so much.

      • Wait, what? How can a guy look like a manatee?

      • I can’t stop laughing now, because I’m imaging a couple that’s a woman and a manatee. They go out to dinner, take walks in the park. She steals the covers, he leaves sea water puddles on their hardwood floors. I like to imagine him looking like a hipster manatee, with black frame glasses and a bow tie.

      • Anonymous :

        There is a shark at my local aquarium that looks *just like* Lost’s Ben Linus (actor Michael Emerson). It stopped me in my tracks when I walked past the tank.

    • Business, Not Law :

      Me too!

  3. I really love a lot of things from Madewell. Its a little expensive, but they have some really pretty, well made (ha ha), classic clothing. It can skew a bit younger than say, Talbots, but they have some great stuff. I’ve been pleased with almost everything I’ve ever purchased from them and ended up wearing pieces quite a bit.

    • Well…Chicos skews a bit younger than Talbots. (And I’m kidding…I shop at Talbots. But its definitely not where the kids go. :-P) I’m glad the quality at Madewell is good because the prices always struck me as a bit high for what it is.

      • What I tried (and failed) to articulate is that while it seems to skew younger, one can find some great, classic pieces there. Although it appeals to somewhat of a younger crowd, its not like an American Eagle where you’d be hard-pressed to find anything worth buying.

        • Oh I know…I just found the comparison funny. Feel free to ignore me when I’m being pointlessly snarky. :-P

      • I would disagree on Chicos. My mother won’t shop at Chicos. I once got a gift (hideous bracelet & ring set) from Chicos and I spent close to 45 min. in the very small store just trying to find something, anything, to exchange my gift for and best I could do was a pair of small hoop earrings and a christmas tree ornament. Talbots, on the other hand, I lurve and continue to visit despite the fact that their quality has been going downhill lately.

        • I was exaggerating for effect. Chicos is hella old. No question.

          This entire post was a mistake, I apologize.

          • I call Chico’s The Menopause Store.

          • I got what you were saying TCFKAG ;)

          • I got it, and laughed :).

          • How old is hella old? Those of us IN menopause don’t really think we are hella old. Now I am stressed.

          • I only think you’re hella old if you act hella old. One sign that you might be hella old is if you shop at Chicos. But, you can counterbalance that by posting on Corporette! Yay!

          • I have to give them credit for making stylish, non-Mom jeans for the mature lady crowd. My mom is hooked on their jeans and they are really cute and fit her well – midrise, bootcut, no tacky details.

          • TCFKAG, I got what you were saying, too … sorry, just hate chicos with such a passion that must take any opportunity to say it, it’s just one of those days.

          • Uh oh… My *younger* sister shops at Chico’s.

          • I am hella old, and I won’t shop at Chicos. You have to have visible chin hairs to be on their Preferred Shopper mailing list.

        • Amelia Bedelia :

          hold up. you mean Chicos is NOT the shop of choice for those in their early thirties??????
          d*mmit. And here I thought I was finally on trend . . .

        • One of my friends (about 15 years older than I am) loves Chico’s so I go with her and might buy a scarf. Nothing else even remotely appeals to me. Too shiny and metallic and animal print. I used to go there with her and buy things like plain v neck cardigans (which held up really well) but now, nothing. I think they’ve gotten worse.

          • Yeah, what is up with that? Lose your period, start wearing metallics and zebra. It’s the law.

          • They used to have great plain cotton stretch v-neck t-shirts, but they haven’t had them for a while. I bought a lot of those while they had them.

        • MaggieLizer :

          Oh noes, I’m hella old! I’ve been to Chico’s a few times to accompany/appease my (admittedly) hella old mother, and I’ve found decent costume jewelry on about 50% of my visits. My favorite silver going out bracelet is from there, actually. It’s a bit embarassing that I get their magazines now, though….

        • At Chicos, the “mannequins” in the window scare the sh*t outta me. Uh, that’s not making your clothes look better. Humpf.

      • Chicos financials look a lot better than Talbots, so someone shops there! I know at least 2 professional women who love Chicos and look fabulous. I think they have some pretty things, but somehow there’s nothing there for me.

    • Agreed. If I had more money, I’d probably buy most of my clothing from Madewell. I only own a few pieces from them (like, two v-necks and a vest), but they’re comfortable, classic, and have stood up well over time. Unfortunately, they don’t seem to have as many sales as my old standbys J. Crew and Anthro, so I can never afford anything :\

    • Oil in houston :

      I gave in and bought it! I hope you were right :)

  4. Diana Barry :

    Meh. I have to say, you know all those guides re: “the 10 items every woman MUST own”? A white shirt is always on there, and I have bought many many many white shirts over the years, and I never wear them. Maybe sometimes as a layering piece under a sweater vest, but otherwise I never wear them. The one exception was a “poet shirt” from Victoria’s Secret that I wore all the time in the mid-90s (HS/college). I loved that shirt and the puffed sleeves!

    Also, I won’t buy white silk bc (1) I would spill something on it and (2) the armpits would discolor IMMEDIATELY. Not to mention the sheer issue.

    • Ha! My husband has practically begged me to stop buying white things — my clumsiness precludes it. Certainly not white things that aren’t machine washable!

      • Seattleite :

        You could spin it. How many white blouses = 1 laptop?

        • I don’t understand the spin though. I mean — his response would be…now I’d have to replace your laptops AND your shirts. :-P

          • Seattleite :

            No no no, yer doin’ it wrong. “Okay, I’ll stop buying white shirts. And with the money we’ll save, I can buy a ginormous laptop, the new iPad, and an incredibly vulgar big-@ss diamond ring.” THAT’S how you spin it.

    • I agree, and also, I think I had the exact same poet shirt circa 1996.

      • Me too. I was taking fashion cues from the movie version of Interview with a Vampire.

        • I still have mine. I keep it with the polyester black and white striped palazzo pants in case I am required to come up with a Hallowe’en costume on short notice. All I have to do is tuck the pants into tall boots and add an eyepatch and/or bandanna . . . .

        • Remember when Tom Cruise was as sexy as Brad Pitt? Those were the days…

    • I love white button up shirts with cute, patterned or bright skirts and a long necklace. I would wear that almost every day if no one would notice it.

      The trick is, I think, to go to Brooks Brothers and try on every different cut they make, and lots of sizes, and even petites if you don’t think you’re a petite. I found my perfect one, and I think it is very, very flattering, and it tones down a lot of skirts that I love but might otherwise be a little too dressy for the office.

      The Brooks Brothers ones are great because you stay looking pressed and well-kept all day.

    • My best friend bought me a poet shirt from VS for Christmas one year in the mid-90’s. It was my favorite present that year!

  5. Dancing in the District :

    DC and NOVA ladies: Which local discount store locations are your favorites?

    I already know the Rack at Pentagon City but I’m hoping to branch out. There seem to be a ton of TJ Maxx, Ross and Marshalls type places but there are so many and the quality really varies from store to store. Which locations do you tend to find yourself finding great deals at? I’m in need of some bargains and don’t want to negate my savings by driving to 7 different locations with gas being so sadly high right now.


    • I love Friendship Heights because there’s a TJ Maxx, Loehmanns, Nordstrom Rack (plus LOFT, J Crew, White House/Black Market, Talbots, Banana Republic, etc) all in one block, and all right on top of the metro station.

      • Littlest Attorney :

        Second the Friendship Heights collection of stores. The Loehmanns is a pretty good one too and Rack is ok. I miss Filene’s – oh Filene’s.

        • I know! I used to take afternoon shopping breaks at Filene’s. Now I don’t know what to do with myself. I thought they were so great compared to the other options, I don’t know what happened!

        • Thirded.

    • Not sure if it’s too far out of the city for you, but Potomac Mills in Woodbridge! Hundreds of outlets under one roof.

      • Agree with this – they have really done a good job of consolidating all of the higher-end fashion stores in one area so you don’t have to fight your way through the teenagers hanging out. I’ve had really good luck recently there at the Banana, Saks and Cole Haan outlets.

    • Another Zumba Fan :

      Leesburg Outlets

      • I always get great deals at Lord and Taylor. Not a discount store, but the sales there are always ridiculous. I like Loehmann’s best of the discount chains.

        • One of the salespeople at the Lord and Taylor (Landmark) told me that location is a clearance Lord and Taylor. *shrug* It looks the same to me. Only reason to go to that mall.

    • My favorite location for deals in D.C. is the Lord and Taylor in Friendship Heights. They have great sales and will send you coupons if you get on their mailing list. I go to the other stores in Friendship Heights mentioned but I get overwhelmed in them.

    • I’m a huge fan of Loehmann’s – I don’t find something every time I go, but love the stuff I have purchased there. The greatest variety and where I have the best luck is the one in Loehmann’s Plaza in Falls Church.

      That said my definition of bargain may differ from yours – I have purchased AG Jeans, cashmere sweaters, Theory pants, Longchamp handbags and the like from Loehmanns. On the bargain end of the spectrum all of my Hue tights are bought there (2 pair packages for $12), Franco Sarto shoes, and some of my favorite work dresses were from there (average price of $60). I have insider gold card (10% discount every day on top of whatever promotions they are having for $25 per year).

    • I couldn’t help but notice your handle. Any recommendations for beginning dance classes in the DC metro area? I’m open to anything from Salsa to Jazz (though I should note I’m a total newbie but still harbor dreams of learning how to shake it like Beyonce)

      • Joy of Motion offers many types of dance and has studios in (I think , haven’t checked them out in a little while) Friendship Heights, Dupont Circle, and I believe the H Street neighborhood.

  6. Dancing in the District :

    Trying again since it won’t post. Sorry for the dupe if they both show up!

    DC and NOVA ladies: Which local discount store locations are your favorites?

    I already know the Rack at Pentagon City but I’m hoping to branch out. There seem to be a ton of TJ Maxx, Ross and Marshalls type places but there are so many and the quality really varies from store to store. Which locations do you tend to find yourself finding great deals at? I’m in need of some bargains and don’t want to negate my savings by driving to 7 different locations with gas being so sadly high right now.


  7. Corporette babymamma :

    Pretty blouse! I love white blouses. I only have one, but I always get compliments when I wear it.

    Threadjack – I need some reassurance from other Corporette moms. I’m 9 weeks pregnant and very excited about it. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago and confirmed that I am in fact pregnant.

    The issue is that I don’t FEEL pregnant at all, and I’m wondering if it is possible that something is wrong and I don’t know it. I have zero morning sickness and don’t feel tired or fatigued. My breasts are heavier but not tender, and I have gained about 2 pounds (but I’m sure that’s due to overeating during vacation).

    So my question is – is it possible to miscarry and not know it? Not trying to be a Debbie Downer but I also want to be realistic. I haven’t bled at all or anything, but I’m wondering why I don’t have most of the symptoms that others have.

    I won’t see my doctor for another 3 weeks. Thanks for any advice.

    • Hi Corporette babymama — I personally have never been pregnant, so take this with a huge grain of salt. But while I’m sure its possible to miscarry without knowing it (though my understanding is that you would bleed if that happened) — its also possible that you’re having a nice, easier beginning to your pregnancy. Enjoy it! Not everyone gets all the symptoms you listed at the same time.

      And if you will allow me to give some completely unsolicited advice. Based on both this and some of your previous posts, you seem extremely excited, but also extremely anxious about this pregnancy. And while that is certainly understandable, the amount of stress you’re placing on yourself can’t possibly be helping. Try to relax a little — in six months you’ll probably be looking back on this time with fondness.

    • Don’t worry. I never had morning sickness or felt very fatigued. I worried, too, but everyone I talk to says you will KNOW if you have a miscarriage . None of this kept me from worrying, but everything was fine. I am holding my beautiful baby girl right now.

    • Seattleite :

      My first response is, OMG I hate you. (Two really uncomfortable pregnancies, sick the whole nine months, etc.)

      My *real* response is this: Don’t worry. Lots of women don’t ‘feel’ pregnant right away. I hear that some women even feel really healthy and strong during their pregnancies, and it sounds like you’re one of the lucky ones.

      Pregnancy, and then parenthood, is all about walking in faith that your body, mind, and heart know what they’re doing, and that you and your child(ren) will be okay. So enjoy this time, eat your veggies and vitamins, and trust yourself.

    • It could happen. The first trimester is the riskiest. You could take a HPT to alleviate your fear.

      • If you were hypothetically miscarrying a home pregnancy test would still likely be positive because it takes some time for the pregnancy hormones to leave your body (speaking from experience). Did you have an ultrasound at your last appt? Did you see a little clump of cells or grain of rice-looking fetus? I once miscarried so early we could see nothing on the ultrasound even though I was supposed to be 7 weeks along and I was still testing pregnant. I’m not trying to freak you out – just honestly answer your question. More likely you’re one of those lucky women who will breeze through pregnancy with few symptoms.

    • I had the same worries with each of my 3 preganancies. Some people are simply very lucky to be symptom-free, but I think you start thinking like a Mom (worry about everything) the moment you become pregnant. So TRY to enjoy it…and also wish that the boob-fairy precludes also other more-obvious pregnancy symptoms so you can really enjoy it. You’ll know you are pregnant soon enough. (BTW, this doesn’t stop…in my 3rd trimesters, even though I was obviously with-child, if the babies didn’t move in an obvious way on a set frequency, I worried about something happening….and now that they are 9,6, and 4…OH, I worry! They are perfect, but I worry!)

    • Congrats! Enjoy “not feeling pregnant!” You are probably just lucky. I’m about the same spot as you (nine weeks) and JUST started getting the fatigue, but only in the last day or two. It’s still early, and you may not be getting symptoms yet, or you may just be one of the blessed ones who does pregnancy really well. Relax–you have plenty of time left to “feel (and look) pregnant.” Enjoy this normalcy while it lasts.

      • Midori, congratulations! So did you get settled in your new state? How’s the bar exam process going?

        • Thanks! Yes, we’re settling in pretty well. Didn’t quite mean to add another kid to the picture right now, but we’re happy about it. I took the bar exam last week, and I think it went okay! Not as awful as I remember it, anyway…

      • Enjoy it lucky duck!! I had pain and a million symptoms from day one- including a scary threatened miscarriage via hemorrhage- I definitely knew it. I am home on couch today trying to work with agonizing ligament pain every time I move (28 weeks now). I am honestly glad there are people it is not torture for! Exercise if you can, eat, walk around.. live life. I miss so many things and can’t wait til it’s over.

    • Being newly pregnant with a first baby was one of the most terrifying (and exciting) experiences of my life. It is not unusual for you to be having no morning sickness – lucky you! Some people just don’t get it, and some people don’t get it until later. In fact, it can very from pregnancy to pregnancy even with the same woman. I had morning sickness with one of my pregnancies, but not my other two.

      Yes, there is a chance something could happen with the pregnancy, but chances are, you and your baby will be absolutely fine. From what I have heard, there is nothing can do to increase or decrease your odds of miscarriage. (I’ll assume you’ll avoid injecting drugs, drinking yourself into a stupor every day, and other extremely risky behavior.) Just try to relax and enjoy planning for your little one.

      One last thing – bleeding during pregnancy can be normal. Even if you have some bleeding, it doesn’t mean that you are or will miscarry. I had no/very little bleeding with my three pregnancies, but my two sisters had fairly heavy bleeding with four of their pregnancies. I have four very healthy nieces and nephews as a result of those pregnancies.


    • Congratulations!

      First – there is a whole range of symptoms, ranging from “none” to “dropping pounds and being absolutely incapacitated.” Consider yourself lucky, as in all likelihood everything is fine.

      That said. There is such a thing as a “missed miscarriage,” which you might see on The Internets referred to as a “mmc.” Basically it takes your body a little while to catch on. Because you said your br*sts are “heavier” I don’t think this is you – enjoy the new “girls” and this time in your life!

      • This – try to enjoy your easy preganancy and don’t stress yourself out. Before you know it your tummy will be growing, you’ll be feeling the baby, and then he or she will be born & almost a teenager before you know it! (my oldest just turned 12). Also, you’re only 9 weeks. Symptoms can start at any time. The range of normal for pregnancy is so huge it’s not even funny.

        But since you asked, I had a missed miscarriage. I had morning sickness and all the typical symptoms, but suddenly I started feeling much better and had some brown discharge. Red spotting can be normal, but brown is more cause for worry, generally.

        I was a worry wart when pregnant, and had reason to, so what I tried to do was focus on the things I could control – it helped me feel better. I concentrated on eating healthy & taking care of myself as much as possible. And I now have 3 great kids.

      • First of all, congratulations!!!!!

        Ummm it sounds like you already stress yourself out and I am sorry if this adds to it, but I had a miscarriage in week 9 and had no symptoms at all. My doctor had me come in almost every week and do an ultrasound, and that’s how we found out (a week ago heartbeats, a week later nothing). I had no pain, no bleeding, absolutely nothing. I also had no morning sickness and was freaking out because all pregnancy magazines while saying each case is different seemed to spend all the space encouraging women with awful morning sickness that their kids will be great, and not those without morning sickness.

        If your insurance allows it, maybe it would reassure you to have an appointment sooner? I just remember the anxiety wondering about every twinge when everything was still ok, and then after I found out, wondering what would have happened if I didn’t have that ultrasound

        Good luck!!!

    • The first few weeks of any pregnancy—the part after you “know” but before the symptoms–are difficult for anyone with even a speck of anxiety. Without “proof” that things are going along, the days seem eternally long and the weeks are unbearable. That doesn’t help you at all, but I hope it’s a little helpful to know that many of us have felt that way and that in most cases, it does indeed all work out ok.

      That first pregnancy is hell on your ability to concentrate on anything else… all you can think about is the “what ifs”.

      Take care of yourself… do things you like to do, treat yourself to more rest and healthy food and and indulgently sinful something or other . If you know you’re doing the best you can do for yourself, it might help a little too.

    • Diana Barry :

      You are lucky!!! Please try not to worry and to enjoy it.

      My doctors said to me when I first got pregnant, an extremely high percentage of miscarriages are due to chromosomal abnormalities and there is absolutely nothing you can do about them. I found that comforting bc it meant that there was really nothing I could do or not do that would cause a miscarriage or stop one (as long as I wasn’t being crazy and binge drinking or whatever), and that I should just put the worry aside as much as I could.

      B**bs getting bigger is definitely a sign. Enjoy!!! :)

    • I think it’s perfectly reasonable to go to your doctor for an exam if you are concerned. Even if nothing is wrong, having that confirmed will alleviate your stress (and stress probably isn’t good for the baby). You could also take a home pregnancy test.

      I also think you’re fine – not everyone experiences pregnancy the same way.

      • I would actually NOT recommend taking a HPT – it will still show up positive even if something has gone wrong. This is because the “pregnancy hormone” it tests for does not immediately disappear from your body if something’s gone wrong.

        That being said, I agree with the others that you probably have nothing to worry about. I have a few friends who had easy pregnancies with minimal to no symptoms!

    • It appears you are gaining an appreciation for the women who appear on the show “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant.”


    • Aren’t there other forums for questions like this?

      • Anonymous Poser :

        Maybe so, but if someone has participated in the community here for a while, I can understand why they’d ask, here. And a factual, strictly medical reply is not always the most reassuring thing…

      • I find it strange that people post all sorts of threadjacks about going to Vegas, using Clarisonic, or honeymoon destinations and no one says anything about posting on another forums but boom – the minute someone talks about pregnancy, this question is inevitably asked.

    • This is the OP. Thanks for the reassurance, just what I needed to hear.

      • For what it’s worth, I’m just over 11 weeks. While my mother would tell you I am being neurotic, I bought a Sonoline B Fetal heart rate monitor and can listen to the baby’s heartbeat whenever I want. Best $50 I’ve spent recently (especially on Ebay). You’re right about at the point where you’d be able to start picking it up.

    • I’m just echoing what others have said, but chiming in to agree, I guess! I’m 10 weeks pregnant with my first, although I had a miscarriage last year. Although I have the extreme tiredness and all day nausea, I can totally relate to the worries about symptoms in the first trimester, especially the first time around. Every time I *don’t* feel bad, I start to worry that something is going wrong, and I have to reign myself in.

      It’s reassuring to hear everyone’s input… and it’s consistent with what my doctor has told me… as long as you’re not snorting coke or something, you can’t do much to cause or prevent a miscarriage at this point, so the best thing to do is stay as calm as possible! Especially as there are a whole range of opposing symptoms that are “normal” – spotting, not spotting, nausea, no nausea, etc.

      Seems like there are a few of us in the first trimester, at least from what I’ve gleaned (mostly) lurking on the boards, and it’s interesting to hear about all our different experiences!

    • A couple thoughts ….

      First, there is no one set of symptoms for pregnancy. There’s a list of common stuff, but each woman gets some, all or none of those “symptoms” in each pregnancy. And each pregnancy can be wildly different for the same woman. E.g., I had no morning sickness with #1. Zip, zero, zilch. With #2, I had mild queasiness.

      Second, absence of symptoms does not mean a miscarriage. Usually, it’s a bit concerning if you had a particular symptom and it disappears overnight. E.g., morning sickness vanishes. This, IMO, does not apply to some of the “squishier” symptoms which are so much harder to gauge. Please do not commence freaking out if your br*sts hurt yesterday but not today. :-)

      Third, I REALLY want to emphasize what a prior poster said re your anxiety levels. They seem really, really high based on the posts here so far. You might miscarry. It’s possible and it’s really sad. Been there, done that … several times through painful infertility, once on a suprise pregnancy between #1 and #2. But there is nothing you can do to prevent it from happening, so worrying about it is not going to help. If you fret this much now, trust me, later pregnancy, L&D, having a newborn, infant, etc is going to also be stressful. Talk to your doctor about it. Think about what’s driving it. Do you generally have high anxiety levels? If not, what is triggering it now? How are you going to handle it?

      • Hi there, this is the OP. Thanks for your thoughts. I must be coming across that way, but I’m seriously not overly anxious about this. In fact, I was barely thinking about my pregnancy this last month because I was so consumed with the bar exam. So don’t worry, I am overall fine (and normally a very laidback, stress free person). :)

    • My second pregnancy miscarried without my knowing it–went to the doc about the bleeding and was shocked when he said there was no heartbeat. How can I tell you this when you’re preggo? Because I felt worse the last couple days before I found out. Pregnancy is hard on your body, but it seemed to me that having a non-growing bud in there was way harder to deal with.

      And my first pregnancy? I didn’t even know until I had missed 3 periods. Besides sleeping a bit more than usual, I didn’t notice anything.

      My point is, the way you feel is not a valid indicator of whether or not you are pregnant.

  8. a passion for fashion :

    I like this, and am ok with the sheer look when worn right. I just bought a beautiful dress from anthro thats navy w/ white polka dots — and the top is sheer. (it also came in cream w/ navy.) I paired it with a nude or navy cami and a red or yellow belted cardigan open over the top and it looks great for work.

  9. so anonymous :

    PSA. If you eat yogurt at your desk, please refrain from scraping every last bit of yogurt from the container as if you are trying to slaughter it. The noise can be extremely grating to co-workers, especially when you enjoy yogurt

    • AnonInfinity :

      Corporette flashback — I feel like there was someone on a food thread a long time ago who eats yogurt with a baby spoon because a previous office mate complained to her about this noise.

      Did I make this up?

      • so anonymous :

        not sure, I’m new here myself :) Just had to vent because I don’t have the cojones to say anything to the person. The baby spoon would make sense because it is thicker plastic – I think the issue is the cheap plastic spoon against the cheap plastic container.

        • As I was reading this *exact* post, I was furiously scraping my yogurt container to get the last bits of fruity, yogurt-y goodness. Ooops. I have my own office, though, so suck it! ;)

          • Geezerette :

            Same here! I wonder if my colleagues are secretly gritting their teeth?? I do have my own office, so I hope not!

    • Swap out oatmeal in a clangy mug, and you have my former office nemisis. She was also fond of the afternoon crunching of hard nuggets of cereal. And every time she took a drink of water, there would be a sighing “Ahhh” sound afterward. Slow torture.

      • Salit-a-gator :

        *Gulp* Ahhhhhhh. Just kidding. That’s super annoying – sorry you have to deal with that s!

      • Eek, I’m having flashbacks! My former officemate ate plain (as in without milk) Grape Nuts. Every afternoon. And sometimes all night. Loved her, but couldn’t stand the chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.

      • One of my male colleagues slurps his tea loudly in meetings. Drives me nuts. I won’t eat in our staff lounge anymore because I cannot stand to eat with someone who constantly makes noises as he eats. Then again, I do scrape my yogurt cup with the spoon, so maybe it’s a good thing I eat in my office!

      • Uh-oh! I am totally guilty of office chomping (dry Kashi cereal, carrots).

        If I may add to the list of annoying noises, I’ll offer the administrative assistant who sits a few cubes away. Not only does she have Fran Drescher’s voice, but she also tends to put her phone on speaker when she gets put on hold – so the entire department gets treated to the Muzak. Rude!

  10. Co-Workers with Kids? :

    Sorry for the long threadjack –

    I have something on my mind I’ve been meaning to ask you ladies. How do you deal with picking up slack (or perceived slack) from co-workers with kids? I work on a small team within a larger practice group where everyone is married with kids. I’m in a non-legal field but we work for demanding clients with tight deadlines/billable hours I often find myself in the position of staying late to finish projects whereas my immediate colleague who has a small child leaves everyday at 5 in order to get to daycare or, alternatively, is able to work from home some days if the child is sick. It seems like (at least to me) management is sending the message that because I am single with no kids it’s okay for me to work late or pick up any slack if my co-worker can’t get to it. [To further complicate matters I asked to telecommute one day out of the week and my request was denied which is a whole ‘nother story]. Management is very much about “face time” here although I think they struggle with saying that they are “family friendly” at the same time. There are very few women in senior positions here and I really like my co-worker/hate to begrudge a fellow-woman but how do you all deal with feelings of resentment or anger over this issue? I feel really bad even admitting this but it’s starting to bother me. Any advice or anecdotes would be welcome! TIA!

    • Seattleite :

      My answer is going to depend on your answer to this question: How are you at boundary-setting and saying no in general?

      • Co-Workers with Kids? :

        Sadly, I am horrible with setting boundaries but getting better. We have blackberries so there’s always that “electronic tether” to the office but I’ve gotten much better about only checking once over the weekend and once in the morning if that. Small steps!

        • Oh, well then. There’s your issue. Learn to set boundaries and stop worrying about the co-worker (who has absolutely iron-clad time/space boundaries set in place by her kids’ childcare provider, even if she works her ass off at night)

    • I don’t have any advice, but I empathize – I’d find your situation very frustrating.

      Sadly (or maybe fortunately for me, as I am single), I work for a firm where having a family doesn’t seem to affect your hours or your time spent in the office.

    • Do you plan to stay in this position long-term? If so, I guess I’d try to think of it as fair play — hopefully when you have kids or an illness or something else, there will be people there to pick up the slack for you. I know that for me, with a chronic illness, when I’m healthy I always try to pick up as much slack as possible because I may need the favor returned in the future.

      BUT, I do think its crazy that they have such varying rules about face-time and the like. That seems unfair — maybe you could try to negotiate that with your boss?

      • I’m not picking on you (really!), but this argument always drives me batty. What if I happen to be a perfectly healthy childless individual? That means you get screwed because of others life choices (kids, not illness here). A company either respects all its employees personal time, modifies face time needs to people can work from home after hours, etc, or they don’t.

        • Well, then what happens when you get hit by a bus? Or break an ankle? Or just really need a break?

          While I agree that it sucks when its a permanent, seemingly never ending imbalance in work — I do think we all need to be prepared for the possibility that we’re going to need the same service in the future. And if you’re really so upset about it, ask to be paid more. Or look for another job.

          But if we can’t have jobs that are flexible around people’s lives outside of work — well that’s not a world I want to live in. Maybe you do.

          • I think we’re making somewhat the same point – I’m clearly just not getting it out right. What I mean is every employee should have some flexibility. If you break an ankle, need a break, or just like to eat dinner at home at a reasonable hour. Often times, those things seem to be afforded ONLY to people with kids. If you’re childless, you’re out of luck, and I don’t think that’s fair.

          • Well then, we agree. YAY! :-)

    • I don’t know if this is a legit way of looking at things, but the way I address this for myself when work gets crazy is that I tell myself that now is the time that I am able to put in those extra hours, pick up the slack, and really show my talent, dedication, and work ethic. In a couple years, when hopefully I’ll be having kids, I’m not going to be able to work those late hours as much, but in a sense, the 9-5 commitment (as opposed to the longer 8-7 days — not in law, so hours here are not as crazy) will have been earned by my extra effort now. This especially came up in a temporary situation this year when a close co-worker of mine was going through a difficult separation (with custody issues etc) and since we work on most of the same files, I did pick up a lot of the slack specifically for him. (He did acknowledge that I was doing this and thanked me.)

      At the same time though, if you really feel that there is an imbalance and this is sort of a permanent problem to the point where you are doing other people’s work, or your time-off/flextime requests are denied for no apparent reason because you’re not a parent, then it’s something that should for sure be addressed. I agree with Seattleite that you might want to assess your boundary-setting. A chat with your manager or someone you trust would probably be a good idea too. Good managers want to know if you’re overburdened (but be careful how you speak to it.. I would maybe suggest focusing on you, your workload, your scheduling, w/o talking about anyone else’s workload or schedule).

    • I agree with anon, above. I’ve worked with a job in the past where I thought that this was a big issue. But, on the flip side, I, by doing more work, got bigger raises and moved up more.

      It might be wise, when it comes to review time, to talk to your employer about this (carefully!) – you need to point out that your acheivments are greater without blaming others for not acheiving as much. If your employer indicates that this is noticed and compensated (in the form of raises, promos, whatever), then, great, you win. Of course, if you’re in some sort of lockstep raise/promotion thing and the extra work doesn’t make a difference, then I would completely agree that your company has a major problem.

    • a passion for fashion :

      I dont know if this is true in your case, but often when a parent leaves at 5 or 6, they are back on line and working hard from home after 8 or so when the kids are in bed. I know this is true for both me and my husband (we have 2 kids) and many of my co-workers. we usually leave the office at 5:30 or so, even when we are very busy, but then work another 2-4+ hours at home after the kids are asleep. In fact, my husband is often up until 1 or 2 am when things get really busy.

      So, my point is that maybe you are not really picking up the slack if they are getting their work done too. BUT, if you actually are picking up the slack, then your issue is really less with the fact that they have kids and more with the fact that they are not getting their work done — regardless of the reason. And that is probably something that can be addressed — just use caution and phrase it w/o regard to the kid factor.

      One final thing to consider is whether they have reduced schedules/are getting paid less etc. I dont know their situation, but it could be one where they actually have less work becasue they have worked out something for less money etc.

      • was going to make this point as well: are you 100% sure you are picking up the slack? i am pregnant but have been maintaining 12-14 hr days, just not always on same in-person way or times that others do. i have a colleague who i can tell thinks i am slacking, when in reality, i have higher level priority projects that trump his lesser projects he wants help on- he just doesn’t get it and frankly looks naive. but he dinged me in front of everyone last week- annoying.
        not saying this is same in your case at ALL- just saying to keep in mind that you may not know 100% of what they are doing.

    • Also childless :

      I empathize, although most of my coworkers with children are men. I come in before them, often leave after them, get paid less, and because they do higher profile work, it’s like what I do is not noticed. Even if someone tries to point out to management that I am doing much more than anyone else, it doesn’t matter because it is not a big case or project. Frustrating.

      • Men get extra points for being parents, whereas women get them subtracted.

    • SO with you on this. The explanations I always hear from working parents are “oh, but I’m back online after dinner with family.” To which I respond (in my mind) “Riiiight….so why are your billables 40-80 hours less than mine on a monthly basis, even though our salaries are the same??”

      This is the only reason I am actually thankful for working on a billable hour model. I can verify that I am not crazy – I really AM being expected to routinely work far harder than my married colleagues.

      • childless too :

        I know it really varies by your own place of work, but I used to feel the same way. I was always the one who had to travel and stay late. Still do frequently but have also been rewarded withadvancement and considerable work flexibility now (I’m on a prearranged work from home schedule that rotates). So what I’m saying is, keep your eye on the long term. I’ve advanced through the years while others haven’t. Sometimes it just takes a long time to get recognized. What really irks me though is a former coworker who used to take off all.the.time and leave projects high and dry. She is in a different gig now working part-time and always talks about how lucky I am to have gotten to where I am in management and have work-from-home days. I don’t tell her how “lucky” she is to have a day off –not working by choice–while they’re all in school now. Wtf? You work ridiculous hours constantly, then you shouldn’t be begrudged for when it finally pays off. She tells me constantly how annoying it is because I don’t even “have to work from home.” I’m actually working those days–if I were performing child care during those hours, then that isn’t truly working. Work is work, after all.

      • a passion for fashion :

        thats unfortunate that your situation is like that, but I can say from experience that most of my colleagues who are married and/or have children (including myself) do actually work at night or early in the morning, or both, from home. And our billable hours are not less than our unmarried or childless counterparts. I’m sure there are people who are slackers or who game the system, but that is true regardless of one’s marital status.

    • I was you when I was single. Then I had little people who needed me. So I learned to say no and ask for things I NEVER would have asked for before (like telecommuting). I generally leave at 5:30 (not big law) but stay late when I need to… but I’m back on the computer finishing up or answering emails at around 9 am. So I suppose what I’m saying is maybe say no a bit more?

    • I’m certainly sympathetic, but I often look back at my pre-kid self and want to tell her to set better boundaries. As soon as I had a kid and had to leave work at 5:30 once a week, I realized the world wasn’t going to come to an end if I said I couldn’t do a call during a window from 5:30-8:30. In fact, I very, very rarely had to even give the reason for having to schedule outside that window. All those years of working (at least the last few years pre-kids when I had some seniority) I could have taken a weekly class or had a standing weekly dinner date with my husband or any number of things I told myself I couldn’t do because my schedule was too unpredictable. If you’re unhappy with the situation, do what you can to take control of it and try not to blame others for setting better limits.

    • Find other ways for the co-worker to pick up slack that don’t involve being in the office at particular times. Before you do that though, you might want to make sure you know everything that said coworker is doing–might be that there’s more going on than you know about, and asking for parity when it already exists–or when co-worker’s work is above yours–would just be egg on your face.

  11. Pretty blouse, but so tired of this sheer trend!
    Busty gals – anyone find any nice staple wardrobe tops lately? I feel like my go-to’s have changed cut and I’m wearing cardigans and layering everyday, which is getting so.old.

  12. I know it’s early to hijack, but this is taking up mental space for me:

    I moved from urban to rural, and I’m having a hard time figuring out whether my pay expectations are unrealistic. Before I moved, I was a 3rd year associate doing about half/half litigation/transactional work at a small firm. I felt I was a little underpaid, at about $60k plus full benefits, but I liked my co-workers even if I hated the billable hour.

    Now I’ve started working at a smaller office in ruraltown doing all wills and estates. It’s highly specialized, and completely new to me, so my usefulness right now ranks somewhere below paralegal. There are no billable hours (oh, the bliss!), low-stress environment, and I enjoy the work. But I’m struggling with the pay. Am I crazy to want or expect more than $35k with no benefits right now? I don’t mind for the time being (I don’t need benefits, and it’s not really about the money), but I worry that I’m selling my career short and that the number means I’m not being taken seriously as a lawyer. Do any of you know what a new rural wills & estates lawyer should be making? Am I being unreasonable to want to make what I was making before? Have any of you worked with a sole practitioner before? What’s the compensation dynamic?

    • I have no idea, but that seems really, really low for a 3rd year lawyer.

    • I think 35K with no benefits is pretty paltry, even starting out, but what is the big picture at this job? Are you going to get a raise when you begin to be more self-sufficient/ get to eat what you kill at some point/ take over the practice eventually? I know you are looking at your pay rate as a reflection on how you are perceived, but it’s important to remember that a rural solo practitioner might just not have that much to pay someone who isn’t pulling his or her own weight yet.

      • Yeah, that’s my thought. I totally understand that a small outfit doesn’t have room in the budget for what comes down to funding apprenticeships. I’m willing to grow into a more substantial compensation package, I just want to be sure that’s a possibility. I’m thinking about accepting the pay, but asking for professional expenses (I need to get licensed in another state since we’re near a border, and CLEs are expensive!), and making it clear that after I get good at this, I’ll be hoping for better pay (and I’ll be willing to look elsewhere for it). I don’t think I can find a better place to work, environment-wise, and I have a toddler and a baby on the way, so work/life balance is a big factor at this point in life–bigger than salary and ego, I’m afraid.

      • Diana Barry :

        Agreed. How big is the town? I am remembering lawyers in Maine (not Portland, but other cities/towns) starting out at about 40K (for a first year), and that was ten years ago.

    • How rural are you? I am from a town of around 8,000 (closest city 3 hours away) and I’m sure my aunt who was a lawyer there was paid more than that. She worked with two other lawyers. Before you get too stressed about it, I’d compare to other professionals in the area – sounds like you are working with just one other lawyer – do you know what he/she makes? Other lawyers in the area you could confide in? Talking to other people about salary info. can be tricky, but if you can get some data you’ll be able to go in better prepared to ask for more if it turns out you are being shortchanged.

    • I’m from a small-city area in a really low cost of living part of the country, so the prices of various things (like rent) and the salaries of my fellow “rettes is often a little shocking to me. (So you have some context.) That said, yeah, I think that you’re really underpaid. What I’m seeing amoung my former classmates (class of ’09) is that a lot of small firms were starting out in the 45-55K with bonus range, but I’ve not heard of any going as low as 35K (I’m talking about for starting out, not 3rd year.)

      I realize that your job choices may be very limited, particularly if you’re in a rural area, but I do think that you’re running the risk of selling yourself short here. I might at least suggest that you ask about setting some plan which would allow you to moving into more responsibility (or taking on/bringing in more clients) and a higher salary over the next several months.

    • Is that all you make, or do you also get a cut of any cases you bring in or judgments you win? (Although there may not be many judgments in wills and estates.) I don’t think it’s unusual for a small-practice attorney to get a low base salary but get a percentage of new business and favorable judgments.

      I grew up in a very small town, and although I don’t have a lawyer in my family other than myself (and I don’t practice there), I can tell you that 35K would be considered a decent salary akin to what teachers and nurses make. I’d expect lawyers to make a bit more, but then again, the firm owner just might not be able to afford to pay you any more. There are only a few lawyers in my town but as I recall they are all either solos or named partners, except for a few working in the more lucrative field of natural resources law (lots of oil and gas where I’m from). My parents own property and a small business and have a lawyer, who charges them about $125/hr. There’s not a lot of room for paying an associate at those rates.

      • Oh, and by very small I mean under 500 people. My parents have lived and retained counsel in two similar towns, both in the western US.

    • Agree – that seems quite low!

    • How rural you are is a big factor. I am a third year who practices in a small city (40,000) for $62,000 + benefits, and I also bill ~1800 hours a year. I live outside of the city and the cost of living is so much lower here than in major metropolitan areas, it’s incredible. We have plenty of work and I can get home by 6PM most days. The closest rural town, about 40 minutes away, has 2300 people and legally things are much different there, in the following way:

      (1) there are no billable hours.
      (2) 35K is a perfectly reasonable as a starting salary. Everyone I know started with a very low initial salary, and then went up as they performed and wanted to. Specifically, everyone I am friends with has had their package change for the better at least annually, if not more often.
      (3) Once you don’t need money, the quality of life you live is so much more important.

      So no, I don’t think you’re selling yourself out at all. There’s a real disconnect between salaries, lifestyles, and cost-of-living between rural and urban lawyers, especially in big cities.

      • anonymous :

        Also, did you read that post below RE partner wants associate to be in after 11PM? There was a time in my life that I could pull that off, but right now, I wouldn’t do it for another $100,000 a year. Life changes.

    • I’m a first year in a small/rural area about 2ish hours from the close suburbs of a major city.

      While that does seem low to me, I’d ask a few follow-up questions: Where are you, geographically? What is the cost of living like? My rural town is significantly cheaper than the nearest major city, but is still more expensive than a rural town in the Midwest (because I am in the mid-Atlantic seaboard). Consequently, I make more per year than I would have if I had gotten a job in the Midwest, but am not making quite what I would be if I were at a comparable firm in a major metro. My firm is “small” at 16 attorneys, but is quite large for the area, so I also make more than a new associate with a solo or 2-3 attorney firm would make.

      I think the other comments about viewing this as an apprenticeship are good, provided that it appears that there will be upward growth. I don’t think that, at least in my rural area, the salary you’re making is necessarily tied to the value you’re given as an attorney like it was in the city where I went to law school.

  13. Seattleite :

    G.C.B. – I just watched the pilot of G.C.B., which looks promising because hey, Annie Potts and Kristin Chenoweth. I’m amused, appalled, and oddly intrigued by the clothes (Gigi is gonna give Lemon a run for her money). I default to demin and fleece on the weekends, but now I want to swan around the house in a jersey dress cut to here, with pearls the size of quail eggs. And say things like “crazier than an outhouse rat.”

    Anyone else watch it?

    • AnonInfinity :

      I meant to watch! Drat.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Annie Potts?! And Kristin Chenoweth?! I don’t know what this show is but now I really need to find it on Hulu.

    • canadian anon :

      It is absolutely on my list to watch! Kristen Chenoweth and nutty Southern drama and clothes? Um, yes please.

    • What is G.C.B and what channel is it on? I have never heard of it.

      • ABC “Good Christian B*tches” Sundays after Desperate Housewives

        I haven’t seen it, I just spend way too much time reading tv blogs.

        • oh, thank you thank you – I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what GCB stood for after watching the pilot. Which was decent in a evening-soap-opera sort of way.

          • Seattleite :

            Actually, ABC changed the name – it really is “G.C.B.” Apparently “B*tches” was a little too out there for them.

            I had a hard time finding it on hulu when I searched, but it’s there, I promise.

    • I watched it Sunday night and loved it! My bf even liked it, probably b/c of the low cut shirts and hot laides :) I am a huge fan of desperate housewives and I am hopeing GCB will my new Sunday night show once DH is over this spring.

    • I’m using GCB as my substitute for GG, HoD, Revenge and Glee during the month of March. Unfortunately, I’m not getting my usual clothes envy from this show. The only item I loved were the cargo pants she was wearing when she moved to Dallas.

      But it is over-the-top and amusing. And after watching it I was craving kolaches, too.

    • “crazier than an outhouse rat”?

      I’m in.

    • I really meant to watch it, hopefully will Hulu soon, I love Kristin Chenoweth and although this sounds a bit like desperate housewives (which I refused to let myself get sucked into!) I’m very curious. Did you really like it or just promising?

      • Seattleite :

        I really liked it. It’s not in my top 5, but depending on Potts and Chenoweth, it could well get there.

  14. Threadjack: Have any attorneys made the switch into management consulting? At what point in your career did you do this, and did they appreciate your work experience, or did you start from scratch? Did they hire you at an unusual time, or did you have to apply when they were hiring from business schools? Any other advice/warnings welcome :)

    Thanks in advance!

  15. I am reposting this from an earlier thread..
    I wrote on a previous thread how I thought I might have depression. Thanks to all of you I contatced a psychiatrist and she says my symptoms could be Adult ADD, depression, anxiety, or a combination. I am interested in getting tested for ADD since I do have a lot of the symptoms and I know it runs in my family. The doctor I am working with has a lot of experience testing for this and she would be willing to work with me if I am diagnosed. I was told it will cost somewhere between $800-$1500 out of pocket.

    That is a lot of money for me and I am trying to decide if the benefit outweighs the cost. Has anyone been tested for ADD and taken medication or had other treatment? Did it make a huge difference?

    • Anon for This :

      How did you decide who to contact? I have a feeling I’m in the same boat as you, but I don’t have a PC doctor (I know, I know) and I just don’t know where to start.

      • Someone suggested I start with the CHADD website. I found a woman nearby and gave her a call. I looked up some of the major psychiatric boards and organizations and looked for members in my region. I also found DRs through my insurance company’s website. A university nearby has a well-regarded clinical psych dept so I went to their website and found DRs affiliated with their program as faculty. Took a few hours of digging but it is worth it!

        My understanding that that *some* PC doctors will write scripts for depression or anxiety but not ADD. Either way I decided I would rather be under the care of a DR that specializes in mental health so she can accurately diagnose me. So I just skipped the PC route all together, which I am able to do because I have PPO insurance. When I called DRs offices their assistants were very helpful and knowledgable about the process and helped me figure all this out!

    • Here’s the thing about mental health-it costs a LOT, but it’s your mental health! Think about how much simpler your life could be if you spent $1500 and found out you have Adult ADD and therefore were able to learn how to deal with that and/or take medication to help combat it? I do not have Adult ADD but my sister and a brother in law both have it and I do think the treatment makes a difference.

      It took me a long time to be okay with spending money on therapy/drugs for anxiety but the reality is, that money is SO worth it. I just feel so much better and have learned so much about how to stave off the bad feelings. There are still bad days/periods but in general, things are MUCH MUCH simpler as a result of the money I’ve spent to diagnose the problem and then treat it.

    • I see a psychiatrist. When I started, she suggested counseling and some other tests. I flat out told her that I could not afford to do this with her, because she is out of network and it costs me a lot out of pocket to see her (my regular medication checkups are affordable but any sort of evaluation or regular counseling gets too expensive for me). She completely understood and gave me a list of sliding scale clinics that she recommends, and which will share the test results with her with my consent so she can prescribe the appropriate recommendation. I suggest you discuss your financial concerns with the doctor – she should be able to help you find an affordable solution.

    • May I ask what symptoms you have? I also wonder if I am borderline depressed, anxious, or maybe have adult ADD (can you have adult ADD if you had no childhood symptoms?) but feel like I don’t really know where to start!

      • I have experienced this off and on and I had a major life changing event 2 years ago which triggered the same symptoms: constant fatigue, lack of appetite, constant anxiety, crying all. the. time., cutting off contact with my friends/family, difficulty concentrating, history of starting projects and not finishing…

        I think webmd had some good info on it. I did read in a few places that depression, anxiety disorder, and ADD can have similar symptoms.

        • Thanks. It’s hard to sort it all out.

        • There is definitely overlap in the symptoms of these conditions – or you may have more than one issue going on. I strongly encourage you to continue working with a mental health professional to determine your exact diagnosis – so that you can get started on an appropriate treatment plan.
          I totally agree with previous posters regarding the importance of good mental health – in spite of the (frustrating!) costs.
          Good luck!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      My ADD was diagnosed after my primary referred me a mental health NP who worked w/ a psychiatrist. He had me fill out questionnaires and just asked me a bunch of questions. I don’t really think I was “tested” per se and my insurance covered all of it.

      • Wow you must have great insurance! I have BCBS and they told me that no out patient mental health is covered until I meet my deductible – which is pretty high.

        May I ask if you thought going through the exercise was worthwhile? Did you seek treatment and did it make a noticeable difference?

  16. White lies :

    I was placed in a bit of an awkward situation yesterday and found out that my supervisor told some white lies to our department head about my performance in order to help me get promoted. These were not lies I created, and I am not sure what to do if my department head approaches me about it. I always keep my department head in the loop, so I am sure he is really perplexed right now. Any advice?

    • PharmaGirl :

      This happened to me on the announcement of my last promotion. My manager wrote the announcement and there were items in the memo that I did not do, nor did I ever say I did. Since I had nothing to do with the memo (and was thankfully on maternity leave when it was released), I just let it go.

      Did you know about the white lies and were you there when these things were said? You should probably ask your manager about what s/he is saying so you can be prepared.

    • Did the lies get exposed? If not, I wouldn’t say anything. If so, and he asks you about it, I would just say something like “wait, that’s not true. Where did you hear that?” and don’t let on that you know your supervisor made it up. I definitely wouldn’t perpetuate the lie; they’re unlikely to take away your promotion because your supervisor fudge things, but they could definitely fire you if you lie.

      If the department head has already asked you about it, I’d speak to your supervisor and let him know that the department head seems to have received misinformation and ask him/her how you should proceed.

      • White lies :

        It is something very easily verified. I did speak to his assistant about it and told her I was surprised because I had no idea how/where my supervisor would get that idea. Hopefully that will smooth things over. I really don’t think he wants to give me a promotion regardless, but I just don’t like thinking that my integrity is in question.

    • I wouldn’t worry unless it could come back to bite you. Think of it as sales puffery.

  17. I am dressed like Brad Goreski (evil female twin) today.

    Bright clover green JCrew capris, striped white-and-navy cardi from Target, cobalt blue jewelled flats from Jessica Simpson, pop of bright red lipstick.

    That is all.

  18. Spring cleaning :

    Yesterday’s discussion on spokeo got me thinking – I really need to do some comprehensive “internet spring cleaning.” Removing my info from information harvesting sites (there must be others out there), organizing my Gmail folders to corral the tempting shopping emails into one place, etc.

    Any recommendations on items to add to my to-do list? Sites from which we can remove personal info? Other privacy concerns? General online organization tips?

    p.s. thanks to Homestar for posting the FTC complaint link. I had removed all of my information from spokeo a few years ago, and sure enough, it had found its way back on the site. I removed it again and filed a complaint with the FTC.

  19. :

    Hi ladies! If anyone has some time to kill, I’m on the hunt for a law school graduation dress. I am 24, 5’7, 150 lbs and usually a size 10. I saw one at the Boden website- the silk petal dress. Looking for something I can wear more than once and under $300.00. Also preferrably something that is more “midi”- hits below the knee.

    On a side note- is a dress even appropriate for my law school graduation ceremony or should I be wearing a suit?

    • You’re going to be wearing a doctoral robe that covers you down to at least your shins and probably to your ankles, so wear whatever you like underneath. I think a dress is a good idea because it can get hot under the robe. I definitely wouldn’t wear a suit.

    • My thought is that anywhere a suit is appropriate a dress is too. Given it is the right style dress. I think a more conservative dress that you would wear to the office or business networking event would be perfect. Then you could wear it again once to start working too.

      • D. Ct. Clerk :

        Except federal court! I hate it when female attorneys show up to court in dresses (and around here, that usually means cheap/strange dresses).

    • Boden has 25% off today only on select items. I finally bought the Rainyday Mac I’ve been eyeing for about a year now. Down to $133.50 plus shipping, which is the lowest I’ve seen it when all colors and sizes are actually available.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      Piggybacking off of this: is this dress (http://bit [dot] ly/yhlW5c) appropriate if it is completly covered by by gown?

      • Yes, but dear Lord, I hope it looks better on you than it does on the model.

    • I would wear something you feel comfortable in. I’m from the south, and our graduations are outside, so I always suggest something that you aren’t going to die in. I really like the dresses from eshakti dot com. They have a bunch of great patterns and you can customize the skirt and arm lengths to suit your needs. It would be something that you can dress up or down later.

    • A dress is appropriate and what most people will be wearing. I recommend something silk or very light cotton because it gets hot in those robes, especially in late may or june. I wore a silk, sheath dress from Ann Taylor with a floral pattern.

      Something like this might be pretty:

      • This. If you are in a place where May will be hot, think about the breathability of your dress and what it will look like if you sweat. Those black robes are ovens!

    • I don’t even recall what I wore under my graduation robe. I recommend not springing for anything fancy schmancy unless you have big plans for after the ceremony. I do recommend getting a fabulous pair of shoes though. (I bought a pair in a school color and was sort of tickled with myself all day for how cute it looked with my graduation regalia.) :)

    • :

      Yay or nay? Wondering if this may be too formal…

      If I’m a size 10 at the Limited, should I size up to a 12 at Boden or size down, or same?

      • (Sorry if this posts twice, darn moderation, and c*cktail).

        That’s really cute and should totally work! You’ll probably see the full range from casual sun dresses to formal cocktail attire, so you should hit the nice sweet spot in the middle.
        I’ve found Boden to run true to size, but others might disagree.

      • I love that silk petal dress. It looks like something that would be appropriate for that occasion and many others (you’d wear it again). As for sizing, I don’t know the Limited’s sizing, but I find Boden to run smaller than US stores. Especially through the bust and hips, so if those areas are prominenent for you, I’d go for the 12.

      • Pretty! That would probably be fine if you didn’t think you would be too hot in it. Or you could wear it to whatever graduation celebration you may be participating in and wear something else to the ceremony. I wore a jersey dress that I had owned for quite awhile to my LS graduation because it was really unpleasantly hot that day and I concluded it was the most lightweight thing in my closet.

      • SoCal Gator :

        I love Boden dresses and have been eying that one. I have bought a few others, including the Floaty Jersey Dress in the royal blue flowerburst print (gorgous!).

        I find Boden dresses run just a wee bit smaller in the bodice than US brands so while I usually wear a 4, I buy Boden dresses in a 6 (USA sizing) and they fit perfectly.

    • phillygirlruns :

      i wore a black jersey dress under my robe for graduation. it was unseasonably warm for early may (i think the 80’s) and graduation was held in an outdoor venue. everyone was a bit gross and sweaty. i would not recommend silk, only because i’d be concerned about sweat stains.

      • Beach Bar :

        This is exactly what I was going to say. I had planned on a silk dress for mine last year but didn’t want to ruin it because the gown “instructions” said it could bleed onto silk if you sweated. It was 80 and muggy as all get out on our graduation day. Besides, no one saw my dress because I had my gown on all day. Instead, I wore the pretty silk dress for the speaker and reception festivities the day before graduation.

      • I also wore a black jersey dress. I had heard that sometimes the dye from the gown can run if it gets wet, so I didn’t want to risk a light-colored dress getting ruined if that happened.

    • From a recent graduate: DO NOT WEAR A SUIT. Doctoral robes will cover you (at my school, at least) to your knee. Mine were made of polyester/velvet, and it was almost unbearably hot.

      I wore a silk blend sheath dress to mine, and dressed it up with a nice necklace and heels. Though if your graduation is outdoors, I would recommend flats (and sunscreen!).

    • Agree with everyone else, no suit. I would be cautious about a dress as well. Maybe it’s just me and my body type but I wore a skirt/blouse with cute comfortable wedges and I look like I’m naked under the robe. A friend of mine wore contrasting color slacks (and I think a tank top) and she looked super cute and wasn’t any warmer than the rest of us. I hate my pictures, she had hers framed and are on her wall.

      My 2c!

    • ok — late here. But, what shoes will you wear? Graduations are pretty *yawn* but I love watching the shoes as the graduates collect their degree. Good luck!

      • Yes – speaking as a soon-to-be grad (!!), I went to graduation last year and there were definitely plenty of 3-4″ heels that people were not used to walking in. Teetering up stairs and across the stage = not great.

    • At my law school graduation, most of the girls wore super cute dresses under their robes. Go for it. I think I wore one from White House Black Market.

  20. I want the shorts but can’t find them on the website – anyone found them?