Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Striped Two-Button Blazer

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Gap Striped Two Button BlazerGap has a number of cute, not too expensive blazers right now. I think my favorite of the bunch is this gray stripe blazer, which looks fun and fresh without being too nautical. It was $69.95, but is currently marked to $55.96. Gap Striped Two Button Blazer

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  1. River Song :


    I am taking my PhD Comp Exams this morning, writing essay responses throughout the weekend (basically, it’s the equivalent of the Bar for academics). I’ve been studying for a YEAR, and am anxious! Can you send smart, efficient vibes my way? Hugely appreciated!

    • MaggieLizer :

      Good juju going your way. You’re going to be great.

      And I have to ask… River Song from Doctor Who or Firefly?

      • River Tam is Firefly, River Song is Doctor Who. :)

        • MaggieLizer :

          D’oh, nerd fail!

          • But you can make up for it if you know what the name River Song was originally (before it was translated by the forest people?) when River was born (SPOILERS!)

          • Melody Pond!

            I remember my PhD exams. After our first year (genetics program), we had I think 2 days of written tests. My advice on that would be to write clearly and concisely, remembering that some poor souls have to read all the answers (or maybe you are the only one taking the exam at this time?). Also, if you get stuck, give yourself permission to write crap, then go back and fix it up.

            I realize my advice will be totally worthless if you are really pressed for time or are in the humanities. But anyway, good luck and just think, in 48 hours it will be OVER!! Hope you have a nice dinner or brunch planned, with lots of tricky cocktails!

          • Seriously, my post is awaiting moderation for c*cktails?? Let’s try again, apologies for the double post.

            Melody Pond!

            I remember my PhD exams. After our first year (genetics program), we had I think 2 days of written tests. My advice on that would be to write clearly and concisely, remembering that some poor souls have to read all the answers (or maybe you are the only one taking the exam at this time?). Also, if you get stuck, give yourself permission to write crap, then go back and fix it up.

            I realize my advice will be totally worthless if you are really pressed for time or are in the humanities. But anyway, good luck and just think, in 48 hours it will be OVER!! Hope you have a nice dinner or brunch planned, with lots of tricky c*@ktails!

    • ROCK IT! I remember my comps, and it was the worst. No need to explain it to me! I barely knew who I was by the end. But you will feel great when it’s over. Sending lots of good energy to you!

    • We all know what a brainiac you are, Dr. Song. Good thoughts are completely unnecessary in your case, but they are being sent nonetheless.

      • River Song :

        Thank you all! Waiting to receive the questions via email. I am in the humanities, PollyD, but the test format sounds similar to your own. And I have a massive basket of junk food planned for this weekend–and a big ole season of “Game of Thrones” waiting for me afterward… Hello Sweetie, indeed.

      • I agree. Good vibe’s to you. I have a question. What would you do if you found your boss (in my case, the manageing partner) rumaging through your gym bag while you were at lunch? I think he has a FETTISH for me, but do not want to loose my job.

        • Oil in Houston :

          to be honest, I’d do nothing and went if something else like that happened..

        • I would buy another gym bag so that he wouldn’t go through mine. That doosh.

    • >>>>> efficient vibes>>>>

      I’m only sending efficient vibes, because you’re already very smart, my dear. :-) You may be very efficient, too, but I wanted to send *something*.

      You’ll do great and I hope you’ll celebrate lots afterwards!

    • I did my comps 5 months pregnant, and it went fine. :) Just remember to breathe, and that *everyone* wants you to succeed. You’ll make some mistakes, and that’s ok. They just want to see that you’ve mastered enough material to be fluent and coherent in the field.

      You will be fine!!!

    • Good luck!

    • GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD VIBES!

      You know it!

    • Best of luck to you! Sending lots of good vibes!

    • Tired Squared :

      Good luck + smart/efficient vibes!!

    • Also in Academia :

      I took comps the weekend before I got married. It was a relief to not think about the wedding.

      You will do great. Just remember, answer the question they are asking, rather than dumping out all of the information in your brain about the topic. Focus your answer down on what your readers really want to see.

    • good luck! you’ll rock it.

    • Good luck! You will do great ! I distinctly remember mine- 2 days of Econ problems! I arrived 1.5 hrs early on the first day. The room was still locked and I helped the proctor set up…hah!

    • Good luck! You can do it – especially if you have been studying for a year.

    • Good luck
      Stay hydrated and don’t forget to energize through micro-breaks and fuel your body.

  2. recent clothing purchase PSA – purchased: Target’s Merona Women’s (duh) v-neck cap sleeve value dress…for a whopping 19.99. Received yesterday, wearing today in x-small southern pine. i love love love love it. i’m so shocked/pleased at how nice it looks and feels – in quality, it feels the same as/maybe a little nicer than a similar dress i have from Loft that i’ve worn into the ground. link will follow, but i just wanted to share the greatness of this dress – the fit is very flattering, for way of reference i’m 5’6, about 130, the v neck is flattering but not too low – but im also not very well endowed, but it would be cute with a cami under it. the southern pine is a little lighter in person. i also ordered the merona caridgan in oatmeal, it’s a crew neck and it was 17.99 i think, i ordered a small because i have really long arms and it fits great too, nice weight and feel to it.

    • I have the same dress in Navy, Pine, and Grey. Love it! It’s so flattering, and easy to dress up or down. The material on the Grey is different than the Pine or Navy, and doesn’t look as nice.

      I’m a busty size 8, and the Medium is very flattering. It does dip a bit low in the front, but there’s room for a cami if it’s too low.

    • It looks really short in the picture, where does it hit you? I’m 5’7″, but I like things to hit just above the knee, like just touching the top of my knee.

    • thank you!! i’ve been wanting more cotton dresses for summer, to replace the ones that dont fit any more. Buying right now!!


    • Gooseberry :

      Sweet! KC, how does it fit? I’m hesitant to buy an “XS” in anything, but I’m usually a 2 in JCrew and AT, and a 2 or 4 in BR. I’m thinking SM — what do you think?

    • Oil in Houston :

      very cute! can I ask what the length is? I like my dresses to arrive just at the knee… also, is the material very light? (cellulite issues… :()

      • The fit is big…I’m rarely an x-small, i am also a 2, or sometimes a 4 in Jcrew and a pretty consistant 4 in BR…i’d say go for the x-small. any bigger and there would be gaping issues in the chest for me and it would probably be too much fabric in the butt.. It falls maybe 1 inch above the knee? the material is not super light, but it’s not heavy either, it’s a pretty nice standard jersey feel…it is kind of clingy in the butt but not indecently so. it’s definatly a “summer weight” fabric (i’m pushing the season here in dc but i couldn’t wait to wear)

    • so cute that I want one now… thanks ;)

    • Love it. Can you return Target clothing in stores even if you buy it online?

      • Yes! You can just use the packing list that came in the package as a receipt, or if you don’t have that, you can go to the website, open your order, and print receipts for the items you want to return.

    • PSA- this is also available in petites, though in a much more limited color selection. To get there you have to go to the petites section first (under special sizes) and then find the dress.

      I discovered only recently that Target even sold petites, so I thought there might be a chance others were also not aware… It’s online-only.


    the sweater was on sale last week so now it’s a little more but still, great deal

  5. Gift-giving thread jack:

    I have been dating someone for about a month. His 35th birthday is coming up, and I have absolutely no idea what to get him. I have a difficult enough time coming up with ideas for people I have known for a very long time, let alone someone I haven’t been dating long. Any ideas? I am drawing a complete blank. In fact, I don’t even know what is appropriate to spend!

    • Anonynonynony :

      Bring him out for dinner and get him a book.


    • Midwest Attorney :

      I’ve been with hubby for 11 years, so I’m not sure of the protocol for such a new relationship anymore. But, it’s baseball season and if he’s into sports, you can’t go wrong with that. If you live in a town with a team, take him to a game and/or get him a t-shirt/sweathshirt and a bag of peanuts (in the shell, of course).

      • Oil in Houston :

        I second the sports idea if he’s into it – it’s a fun date, and it shows him he can take you to those things too and you won’t be bored by things he likes, kind of like killing 2 birds with 1 stone!

    • A nice bottle of scotch/other manly beverage, especially if you’ve seen him order something like that when you’ve been out?

    • What are his interests and hobbies? Does he enjoy reading? What sort of music does he like?

    • Take him out for drinks & dinner. That’s more than sufficient for a 1-month old relationship.

  6. @AIMS: confirming receipt. I see why bringing lunch might be problematic, unless it’s a quesadilla every day. (That actually doesn’t sound bad…) But anyway, let us know if you end up keeping it!

    • As much as I love quesadillas, I don’t think I could eat them daily. I have not pulled the trigger but will report back if/when I decide to get it. I think they have the same bag on sale at Bergdorf so plan is to swing by this weekend and see it in person (I am terrible at sending back returns). Fingers crossed it works out!

    • Yo AIMS, my navy bag is smaller than the one you linked to and in addition to my two wallets and random napkins/receipts/pamphlets, I manage to shove in a flat tupperware container (no more than an 1-1/2″ thick), a banana, an orange and a yogurt in there everyday without the bag suffering from TOO-STUFFED syndrome.

  7. Dudes, there is a straight-up blizzard happening right now. And since the snow tires are off my car, on account of the summer-like March we had, I may be stuck “working” from home.

    What a shame, really.

    • Oil in Houston :

      so jealous…. it’s 82 and sunny here… I wish I could work from home!

    • Ha! Those spring snows – I’ve been snowed in in PA a couple of times in that situation. But it’s 68 and sunny here in southeast Lousiana and I am off work. Driving to Baton Rouge to shop til I drop!

      I hope you get to stay home, Kanye. Sounds like a good snuggle day.

    • So jelly, yo. I miss snow.

    • I was supposed to go to my university town and it’s snowing.
      But I got stuck at the office, so missing my alma mater’s annual job fair.

    • girl in the stix :

      snowing in the mountainous Pacific Northwest of and on–below freezing this morning :-(

  8. This blazer is so pretty! I don’t think I could pull of a striped jacket but I see they’ve got tons of cute jackets in solid colors, too.

    • I swung by the Gap today and tried this on, bought it in gray/white – definitely a casual day piece but very cute. The pinstripe jacket went with, I kid you not, pinstripe shorts. Horrifying. And J Crew didn’t have the paisley shirt from last week or I would have tried that on too. Sadly, Brooks Brothers had an awesome black check summer wool jacket with pants and sheath dress and apparently I needed all three pieces…. I am now going to put my Amex in a container of water and freeze it.

  9. I like this jacket but it’s probably too casual for my office. There are quite a few pinstriped items I like though. I wish I knew if they were the same pinstripe.

  10. For those of you who have clerked, do you have any suggestions on helpful things to read to prepare? I’ll be starting a district court clerkship at the end of the summer, and I’ve got some free time on my hands in the meantime, so I’d like to read anything that would be of use. I’m not sure if it would be useful to brush up on any substantive areas of law, or maybe just read the FRCP again? Or some legal writing guides? Any advice would be appreciated.

    • When I started clerking, my judge gave me a copy of “The Elements of Style,” by Strunk & White. It’s a good place to start. Also, I think reading the civil procedure rules is a great idea.

      As far as substantive law, it’s hard to predict what will be coming at you with any given case. You could start keeping abreast of recent cases that come out. I get a daily email from my state’s bar association that summarizes appellate and supreme court opinions that have just come out. The service is free with my membership.

      • Maybe review Habeas!

        • D. Ct. Clerk :

          Before you spend time on habeas, make sure that will be part of your job. In my court, we have staff attorneys who do all prisoner cases.

    • I would recommend checking out the local rules in addition to the FRCP.

      • I agree to look at Strunk & White and become familiar with the local rules. If you still have access to Westlaw from your law school (or at a public law library) you could look up a few of your judge’s written opinions to get a sense of his/her writing style, etc. However, there’s not much you can do to prepare on substantive law don’t bother. For the nuts-and-bolts work — exactly how an order or opinion should look, etc. — you can get that information from the judge’s secretary or courtroom deputy once you’re on the job. They are used to new clerks every year or two years and they are happy to help you (as long as you are pleasant and don’t act like you know it all already, which I saw from a couple of clerks during my time).

        I started my clerkship one August after working full-time as a summer associate while studying for the bar in my home state, halfway across the country from my law school, then moving back east for the clerkship. Um, free time? I would have loved that. My advice is not to focus on reading and studying but to have fun and enjoy that time.

    • D. Ct. Clerk :

      I agree with Emily I and KLG – the FRCP and Local Rules will be very important in your day-to-day work. I also recommend brushing up on evidence (Mueller & Kirkpatrick is one great resource) and federal jurisdiction (even just re-reading 28 USC 1331, 1332).

    • Good suggestions. I would add to go online and read some of your judge’s past opinions. Get a feel for his writing style, etc. I worked for a judge who always wrote I, never the Court, and had a few other idiosyncracies. Obviously, you can’t pick up everything but I think he really appreciated not having to correct these things on my drafts.

      There’s also an interesting old book called Opinion Writing by Ruggero Aldisert, if you want to be a total nerd about it. Might be hard to find though.

      Oh, and there is a column I mentioned here before called the Legal Writer by Judge Gerrald Lebowits, and I think he has past columns on how to write for the Court. You can find his stuff online.

    • Agree with above and local rules if any for that particular district

  11. Individual counseling to do with marriage problems :

    Based on some past discussions of marital woes, I just wanted to share my recent discovery. To make a (very) long story short(er), my husband and I have been having serious problems. We’ve been seeing a marriage therapist together for over a year (and various others off-and-on for many years). The long-term stress has been hard on me, so I decided recently to return by myself to a therapist that my husband and I had seen in the past together. (I liked this therapist a lot, but hubby wanted to see someone else.)

    Since the therapist knew the history of the relationship and based on the more recent behaviors that I shared with him, he was able to tell me that he thinks my husband has a specific personality disorder. He gave me concrete things to do to deal with my husband’s behaviors. I can’t tell you what a difference just one session made. I was able to talk about things that I just can’t say to my husband because of the personality disorder and figure out how I can best address the issues between us.

    I wish I had done this sooner. I know it may not be the answer to all couples who are experiencing trouble in their relationships, but I think talking to someone individually is definitely worth trying if you find yourself in a situation that is similar to mine.

    • I’m glad the experience was helpful for you. Sending good vibes your way for continued success!

  12. Wynn Duffy :

    Is doing your full makeup on the metro common? The lady next to me did her whole face today. Obv I would never say anything (its not affecting me at all) but it did feel… unseemly? (I was going to use the word rude, but its not rude exactly since its not imposing on me at all) It just felt like I was seeing something I shouldn’t be seeing (included plenty of “foundation faces” (you know when you make weird faces to put on your makeup)

    • I think it’s weird. Prudie did a wonderful chat on this a while ago. It pops up several times during the chat, enjoy.

    • Jacqueline :

      I am guilty of having done this. I would prefer to keep it to lipstick only on the train, but some days it just can’t be avoided. And I did feel like I was doing something I should have done in private!

      • I did it on an hour long train ride.
        I did my full make up from moisturizer to blending my eyeshadows.
        But for my defense, I was headed to a plenary session at a ministry and bare face just wouldn’t do it.

    • It’s common enough in NY. It’s kinda fun to watch.

    • big dipper :

      I love your user name.

    • I see this at least once a week on the NYC subway. I agree it’s bizarre and would never do it myself but it doesn’t really bother me unless the woman is invading my personal space while doing her makeup (i.e., elbowing me).

      Love the Justified reference

      • so anonymous :

        I often do my makeup when I arrive to work in the bathroom. It allows me to leave 10 minutes earlier, which can save me from hellish traffic. Is this a faux pas in terms of bathroom etiquette?

        • no.

        • Generally, no, but there was a poster here once complaining about a coworker who did that because it was the only ladies’ bathroom and she felt weird pooping in there every morning while the woman was doing her make up.

        • I do this 3 times per week because I just want my extra 15 minutes of sleep.
          The other times I just go bare faced.
          But then, we have individual capsule restrooms (each has: stall+ door and sink + door).
          So I just close the door and do my make up while my emails are loading to my inbox.

      • Wynn Duffy :

        Right it didn’t bother me since she wasn’t in my space, its like what gooseberry said, it feels like I am seeing something too personal.

        Also I think Justified is one of the best shows, possibly that I’ve ever watched. The writing is so good, the acting is really good, and the relationships are awesome. None of my friends watch it! I’m glad corporette has some fans so we can talk next wednesday.

        big stupid baby head.

        • I love Justified! The dialogue is like poetry, and could sound stilted with less skillful actors, but they really pull it off.

        • Appalachian :

          I love Justified. I watch it with my mom. Both of us are from Appalachia, and we live in the Northwest now. Listening to the accents makes me feel like home. :)

          Brilliant show.

    • Gooseberry :

      I’m always totally impressed when people can do this, in part because of the actual mechanics (other people, bumping, the number of things — including a mirror — you need to hold, etc) and in part for the exact reason you mentioned: it’s so *personal*. It just seems totally open and devil-be-damned to “put your face on” (as my grammy might say) on the train.

      • it’s actually against DC SLUG (strangers commuting together) rules to do it in the car so no one gets injured and sued!

    • My mom always drilled into me that a lady doesn’t do here make-up in public. Not even lipstick touch-ups after dinner at the table.

      Weirdly, it doesn’t bother me to see other people do it, but as a result of the law my mother laid down, I canNOT do my own make-up in public. Can’t. It feels like I’m dressing myself in front of other people.

    • It just seems gross to me from a bacteria standpoint. I *have* to wash my hands immediately before putting on makeup, even if I just washed them two minutes ago and then made my bed. I can’t imagine smearing stuff over my face after my hands had touched public transit surfaces. I guess some people just have way less acne-prone skin than me that this doesn’t matter for them?

  13. Three things to share this morning:
    1) Thank you to whoever recommended the Shiseido moisturizer with sunblock. I have been using it for the past week and it FANTASTIC!
    2) This is my new favorite tumblr: textsfromhillaryclinton(dot)tumblr(dot)com
    3) Crazy.Stupid.Love. – watched it last night for the first time and … why did I wait so long? Takes “Hey Girl” to a whole new level. ;)

    • AnonInfinity :


      Hey girl. Can I get any freaking hotter?!

      Love that movie, even aside from my honey bear.

    • I loved Crazy Stupid Love! It was so sweet, and D@MN, Ryan Gosling was hot in that movie.

    • Ryan Gosling :

      Hey girl,

      What took you so long? I worked really hard on those abs just for you.

      Also, how hot and funny is Emma Stone. Seriously.

    • Young Skin Forever :

      If you mean the Shiseido Urban Environment Oil-Free UV Protector For Face, that was I! Your post is timely because I just ended my one-week trial and meant to post the results today. I like this product and will probably start using it instead of the Shiseido White Lucent Brightening Protective Emulsion SPF 15, which I have been using and loving for years.

      The Urban Environment is different in two respects: (1) although it is equally as liquidy as the White Lucent, it doesn’t have *quite* the same slip during application, so you have to smooth it over your face quickly, and (2) it has a floral smell that isn’t overpowering but that I could definitely do without.

      On the plus side: (1) it has SPF 32 for UVB (instead of White Lucent’s 15) and PA+++ for UVA (instead of White Lucent’s ++); and (2) it did not make me break out.

    • AnonInfinity :
  14. How do you value clothes and books that you donate? I’ve seen some guides that give ranges, but they range from $2-15 per item so I have no idea what to do.

    • I just use the TurboTax guide.

    • this isn’t helpful for what’s already done, but turbo tax has a (new to me) web tool called its deductible. it helps you value these donations and then you can import them into turbo tax while doing your taxes for the year.

      • the tool i mentioned also has a sliding scale for value, based on condition, it’s pretty easy to work with.

      • I’ve used itsdeductible too – even now that I don’t use TurboTax.

    • MissJackson :

      I use the H&R Block software’s guide. After using it last year for the first time, I’m now a little bit more detailed in the notes that I take re: donated items. Previously I might have said something like “10 shirts” whereas now I say: “2 long sleeve button-front shirts, like new; 3 long sleeve dress shirts, gently used; 5 casual long sleeve shirts, gently used.” I try to err on the side of caution with my descriptions, but I feel like as long as you are being reasonable and you have a justification for your values, it’s fine.

    • I think there are some guides on the IRS website.

    • Rural Juror :

      Does anyone know if you can do this in Canada?

  15. How do you tell a staff member who often goes out with you to meet people that she needs to spiff up her wardrobe? And maybe get a hair cut? And not to wear running shoes? She is a good worker and smart but she dresses as though she rolled out of bed at the dorm to get to her first class in the am.

    • Is it a younger employee who just started working there? If so, I think you could have a mentoring conversation about it.

      • She has been in the office a few years now. And for what it is worth, the powers-that-be don’t care at all. I don’t want to hurt her feelings at all and I am in a quasi-supervisor position in that I assign work to her because we work in teams, but I am not her boss.

    • Pie in the sky :

      I’ve been in a situation with a more junior associate once. I was a mid-level so not her boss but what she said/did/looked like could effect my client’s view of me and the firm. We were biz-cas but were supposed to step it up for client days. I dealt with it in a slightly passive aggressive way, but it worked. Instead of just calendaring the client meeting, I’d call her and say “heads up, I need you in client meeting Tuesday so make sure you are wearing a suit or have one in your office.” I would follow it up with a sarcastic comment about “the one downside of business casual, remembering the days that aren’t.” Then, if something popped up out of the blue I wanted to take her to, I’d call and say “hey, are you dressed for a meeting with a judge? If so, you can tag along.” If she said, well I’m wearing x, will that be fine, I’d say “yeah, but it wouldn’t hurt to keep a suit here so I can invite you to more last minute things.” After a few of those she started stepping it up.

      So, I’d proceed as if you assume she is dressing for the office and not a meeting and make reminders for the upcoming meetings.

    • Gooseberry :

      Could you say it in a “setting context for the meeting” way? Like, “I’d like you to come with me to x for y purpose tomorrow. The meeting is at [time] at [place]. Their culture is [business casual/business formal/more formal than ours/whatever] so I plan to dress accordingly.” In some ways I don’t like my own advice because I man would never “plan outfits together,” but it’s all I’ve got! :)

      • Gooseberry :

        *a* man.

      • I think that’s actually very brilliant.

        • Thanks for the ideas – I’ll try it for a meeting planned for next week. You know, men actually have it a little easier when it comes to business casual, I think. If I am not wearing a suit, it is a little harder to hit that just right level of put-togetherness.

          • The other thing is that I did tell a male worker in the same position that he needed to wear a shirt and tie for a certain meeting. But, it seems harder to broach the subject with a woman.

          • Maybe refer to her corporette. I used to wear sneakers to and from court all the time and never wore make-up and always came to work with wet curly hair and wore a shiny suit and wore a ponytail all the time. I WISH someone would have sat me down. I am pretty blunt so if you feel like it wouldn’t be out of line the direct approach is probably best. The only other professionals were men so I had all button downs that had a window and slacks before corporette saved me.

            Also, I once had a client come in a full suit and tie for an administrative hearing that he was not supposed to attend. I wore a polo and khakis because I noticed these hearings were more lax and it was Friday. But how stupid did I feel when I looked like the client and he looked like the lawyer! A story like that might help angle it as helpful not judging.

      • I’ve definitely had a male supervisor tell a group of male and female associates/ support staff to suit up because a client is business formal.

  16. PharmaGirl :

    I tried on this blazer last weekend and it looked terrible on me (busty, shortwaisted but tallish).

  17. Stressing Anon :

    Ladies, I’m sorry to do another miscarriage post, but I found out yesterday at my doctor’s appt that my pregnancy was measuring three weeks small and there was no heartbeat. My doctor sent me home to “wait” for things to end. She sounded as though she expected it to happen quickly, but I guess it’s impossible to know. Anyway, has anyone dealt with this while still working? Not to be callous, but I have several court appearances in the next two weeks and if something is going to happen, I just wish it would. What are my chances of making it through a normal workday with all this going on?

    • I replied to you but it came out as a separate thread below under anon. Sorry.

    • Westsidebee :

      How far along are you? I’m guessing at least 7 weeks if you were looking for a heartbeat. Was there a fetal pole or anything in the sac?

      If it’s an empty sac at 7+ weeks, no heartbeat, and you haven’t naturally m/c yet, then this may be what they call a “missed m/c” — this happened to me. My dr told me I could either have a D&C or take a drug (Cytotec) to induce m/c. He didn’t want me to just wait it out b/c my body was clearly not doing it on its own. I took the drugs on a Friday afternoon and m/c at home over the weekend, and was back at work on Monday. It was miserable, but then again all the options were miserable…I did what worked for me.

      I’m very sorry this is happening to you. I hope you can get some answers and decide what to do. Hugs.

    • I’m so sorry :(

    • Original anon – in my case at 10 weeks, the doctor said anytime from that moment to in the next two weeks, and they scheduled an appointment two weeks out in case nothing had occurred in the interim. It actually began 6 days later. I took a day and a half off from work – nobody knew I was pregnant, and I said I had the stomach flu.

      I don’t know that I could have made it through a full workday in front of people. My cramps were extremely strong. That said, with a lot of Advil I probably could have made it through 1-2 hours of anything, including a court appearance – although I don’t know that it would have been in my best mental health option to do so. For me, the strongest grieving came during the strongest pain.

      As I write this, I realize that there’s no real way to give you advice. We can all make it through incredibly difficult times…but just because we are physically able to do so doesn’t always mean we should. You are in my thoughts and prayers during this time.

      • MaggieLizer :

        “just because we are physically able to do so doesn’t always mean we should.”

        I guess it depends what your appearances are for, but if I were arguing in court and a judge gave me a hard time when I was in the process of having a miscarriage, I think I would break down crying. Be kind to yourself. Could you call your doctor and ask for the drug to speed up the process so you can have the miscarriage over the weekend? Hugs.

    • I happen to think: “How do I physically address a miscarriage when I am an attorney with upcoming court appearances and have not told my employer of my pregnancy” actually is just the sort of question this community is designed to answer.

      Thanks for posting, and no need to apologize. Hugs.

    • I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If you haven’t gone through the process naturally, perhaps you might want to ask about having a D&C. I had one with my miscarriage and while it’s surgery, you are under anesthesia and the entire process is over in an hour. I know from other friends that going through it naturally includes horrible cramping and other side effects – to the point that going through it at work isn’t feasible.

      Good luck with whatever happens and whatever you decide, I’ll be thinking of you.

      • I cannot imagine worrying about this and going to court. Your doctor needs to find a better solution. Hugs.

    • The natural process can take several weeks. After a week of nothing happening, my doctor gave me medicine to make it happen along with narcotics. I took the meds at night and the miscarriage started about 4 hours later. It sucked. But I’m glad that I had some control and that the agony was not prolonged. Talk to your doctor about this option and take care of yourself.

    • Do not have any advice but, sorry to hear. Keep you in my thoughts this weekend :(

    • I’m so sorry. Sounds like lots of us have been in your situation. You shouldn’t hesitate to ask your doctor about timing and discuss whether it would be a good idea to schedule a D&C or drugs. You wouldn’t want a miscarriage to start while you were in court, and you’re stressed enough that if it makes sense medically you might just want to get this over with.

    • I am so sorry, and concur that this excruciating question is precisely the point of this community. The same thing happened to me, and I got a D&C – preplanned, over in a day, just some minor cramping and bleeding for about a week afterwards. You wouldn’t need to reschedule your appearances.

      Hang in there.

    • This sounds awful. I’m so sorry.

      Can you tell your work that you have a possible medical issue going on? Or a family emergency? (It kind of is a family emergency.) I can’t imagine being able to work with that happening.

    • I’m so sorry. I would echo the advice you’ve received so far. And don’t be afraid to bug your doctor (I just figured I was being dense when the dr’s office was vague.)

      I went through the same thing last fall, with my first pregnancy, and I was terrified to just hear from my doctor that I just needed to wait and the bleeding would start “soon” … I had no idea what that meant and as I hadn’t told anyone at work about the pregnancy (I hadn’t told anyone other than my husband) I couldn’t figure out how to say to my office “well, I am/was pregnant, but now I’m about to miscarry and I need some time off” – I felt really alone. I ended up starting to bleed about 4 days after my doctor told me there was no heartbeat, and I just called up our admin assistant (who we normally call when sick) and told her what was happening and that I was taking a couple of sick days. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but I was so glad that I didn’t try to work. The physical pain wasn’t unbearable, but I would just break down and cry periodically and it was a relief to be at home and not having to cry in my office and then make it to a court appearance.

      As others have said, hang in there, you will get through it.

    • I was somewhere between 8-12 weeks, and started bleeding on a Friday. Took M-Tu the following week off…went back to work once the pain let up and (unexpectedly) passed the egg sac on Wed. In a coffee shop bathroom, of all places. It felt terrible to do that in such a public place. After the first few days, painkillers kept the pain to a tolerable level and super pads were enough. I wish I had taken the whole week off, if only to avoid feeling so hurt and unable to share it with my coworkers.

  18. anon in tejas :

    anyone else stuck at the office today?

    here in texas, courts are closed, and county’s closed. it’s a ghost town today. and I am stuck at the office because my non-profit is open.

    I can’t rebel too much, but at least I am wearing a sun dress, flip flops and listening to the radio in my office.

    • Honestly, its basically business as usual around here. But I live in the godless north, so that is to be expected. ;-)

      • Ditto. But the starbucks here is closed. Whatever shall we do?

      • SF Bay Associate :

        Godless West, we’re open too. Lots of people out on international vacations because it’s spring break, but no one to my knowledge is traveling for Easter.

    • I’m in a part of the country that you’d think would have the day off, but we don’t. As a state employee, I’ll take whatever days I get off and be happy, thankyouverymuch :) So I’m here, business as usual for a Friday (everyone is generally in a good mood on Friday so that’s a plus!)

      • goirishkj :

        Closed, you’ll have to try harder than that to bring on the law school flashbacks. Your comment was rational and well-reasoned. The emails to which I referred were neither :)

    • Why are the government offices closed?

      • Good Friday–without getting into an issue of whether office should be closed, some are closed. My state is open, but a friend in another state is off work today.

        • Consider me officially not getting into the issue. Ugh.

          • What’s so wrong with government offices being closed on Good Friday? Public schools get off Holy Thursday and Good Friday, as well as Fridays in September for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

          • @anon: they don’t get off for those things where I live, though students get an excused absence for those religious holidays. It’s spring break for public schools around here, so I guess they didn’t have to deal with Good Friday this year. I don’t recall having off for that when I was in school unless it coincided with spring break (and it often did). The local gov/school holidays seem to depend on the demographics of your particular geographic area.

            I’m not saying anything is wrong with it, just that it isn’t the same everywhere.

          • Nothing is wrong with today being a holiday, but I’ve seen these types of discussions turn into debates on whether religious holidays should be celebrated by state governmments at all. Too many obnoxious all law school emails have scarred me for life. Personally, I’m on Team Sleep-In, so the more the merrier with holidays! :)

          • No public school I ever attended (or private, for that matter) was ever closed for our holidays. My mom had to call the school and talk to the teachers to get my assignments and ask whether there would be any tests/projects and, if so, could I please do them another day. This was in the United States. In a state that typically votes Democrat. But these schools were always closed for everyone else’s holidays. I know this sounds bitter (and I hope I’m not scarring you with another long law school email thread!), but we are all supposed to be equal here. Well, we’re not. So let’s at least live in reality about it.

            So endeth the rant. Flounce.

          • Closed?, what holidays are you referring to? I’m curious…

          • Alanna of Trebond :

            @Closed–yea it’s always irked me a little bit–but I guess in some places they think that most people will take it off anyway and it’s just easier if it’s a holiday.

            @goirishkj–I guess I’ll take it as a sign that I am suited to being a law student? I don’t think the government should specifically celebrate religious holidays, even though I like holidays.

          • goirishkj :

            Aaaaack, my response to closed posted in the wrong spot! Holidays are tricky and the government shouldn’t choose which religions to celebrate (though I’ll take whatever days off I can get!). The comments here are far too reasoned to resemble the law school emails I’m referring to–basically they ended up going to the extreme that we shouldn’t have happy hours because monks brewed beer so beer is religious. I wish I was joking. I don’t want to relive that exchange–delete was my friend :)

          • I don’t think the closings are as much about “celebrating” the holiday as they are about common sense. If most of your employees (even in government) are celebrating, it makes sense to close. I live in an area where Passover is observed as much or more than Good Friday and we off today by the discretion of the supervisor in my government agency. When I lived in north Florida, we certainly did not get off for Jewish holidays.

          • @Anon3: my mom asked those questions for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

        • Appalachian :

          In West Virginia, where I grew up, schools in many counties took off the entire week of Thanksgiving, not just Thursday/Friday.

          Why? It was deer season, and so many of the kids would be pulled out of school for hunting trips anyway.

          For some of my uncles, that was their religion. :)

    • I’m at the office, too!

      But, leaving soon to go to lunch at a hot new resto and not planning on coming back afterwards! ^5!

    • MaggieLizer :

      The courts and other firms in town are closed but not mine. :( Working on resume….

    • Same here. I haven’t been on Corporette forever it seems like. I wore jeans, flats and a nice sweater and am catching up! On corporette, not work. It’s kind of awesome wearing jeans and not dealing with much traffic. Bed would have easily topped it though :)

    • Oil in Houston :

      same here… most of building is out too, but not my team oh no… just waiting for a decent time to go home….

    • I work for a court in Texas and we’re wide open for business today. Guess I picked the wrong court to work for :). Just kidding. I love my job.

    • Courts closed, office open, supervisor taking the day off. Guess who took a 2-hour lunch and is having the most unproductive afternoon ever…

  19. A couple of questions:

    Did you ask your doctor about how long she expected before it occurred?

    How far along are you? That makes a big difference. From what you’ve said, I’d assume ~10 weeks – but let us know.

    Have you told your employer about your pregnancy?

    • This was in reference to Stressed Anon above.

    • Stressing Anon :

      9 weeks. And she seemed to think relatively soon, I guess, because she told me to stay home from traveling this weekend for the holiday. And no, I had not told my employer, nor do I intend to unless forced.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Never been in your situation but know someone who has and she went the D&C route. So sorry you are dealing with this.

      • So sorry you are dealing with this (and for all the other hive members dealing with this as well, hugs to all of you.)

      • I’m so sorry this is happening to you. I had a missed miscarriage a few years ago – it took about a week before anything happened after my dr realized the pregnancy wasn’t progressing.

        I was a student at the time, and didn’t have any exams, so I just took a week off to deal with it all, so I’m afraid I’m not much help to you while you are working.

        I know it’s better for things to happen naturally, but if I were in your shoes I would probably ask my dr about other options so you aren’t stuck in limbo too long. Limbo sucks!

  20. Decisions, Decisions :