Holiday Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

Memorial Day sales are starting to kick into gear, and I’m hoping to do another round-up this weekend with more of my favorites. For the weekend open thread, though, I’m drooling over this stretchy button-front blouse — it looks perfect for running around on the weekend and looking pulled together but still being super comfortable. It’s part of the James Perse online sample sale — was $155, now marked to $89.

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  1. Does anyone have a product recommendation for sunscreen I can use on my hair part? Does something like this exist? I suffered my first part burn of the season last weekend and spent all week picking dandruff-looking peeling skin out of my hair. In the past I’ve just sprayed sunscreen on my scalp or tried to put the lotion kind on the part, but my hair is fine and blonde, so it looks fairly gross when I do that.

    Thanks… and remember your SPF this weekend :)

    • Since you’re blonde, I think you should just dust some zinc oxide into your part.

    • Couldn't Wait to Quit :

      If you need your hair to look OK later, and don’t want to goop it up with sunscreen, try a hat.

    • A hat. Pick a baseball cap or a wide-brimmed floppy one to protect your face and neck, too. Or just a scarf.

      • I have a few hats, it’s just that is is so unbearably hot and humid here in DC that wearing a hat makes things even hotter. I do try to wear my hair pulled back when I think of it to try to hide my part.

    • Weird that I, poster child for sunburn, have not one but two sunscreen-related posts this weekend!

      I saw a product in Target last week – Banana Boat’s Quik Dri Sport Body & Scalp Spray Sunscreen. Since it has “scalp” in the name, I was thinking about purchasing for my father, who is balding and sensitive about how normal sunscreen leaves his few remaining hairs so greasy. This is supposedly oil-free and non-greasy, so might work for you.

      • This sounds like a good bet. I’ll pick some up next time I’m at Target – thanks!!

    • They make SPF for hair— you could use that and make sure it gets into your scalp, too. I like the Aveda SPF hair protector, which I use b/c of my color.

    • Jenna Rink :

      Ugh, I did the same thing last weekend! I’m very fair skinned, and it was one of the worst sunburns I’ve ever had. Glad to know that scalp sunscreen exists, I will be buying some next time I’m in Target!

      • Remember BB brand and many mainstream American ones don’t have the ingredients that protect against cancer, only burns- so if it doesn’t have avobenzene, zinc or titanium oxide (or more obscure ones like mexoryl) you aren’t actually protecting from damage.

        • New poster :

          You could also try Kinesys–it’s my favorite one because it’s a very light clear spray and you don’t have to rub it in. It’s made for triathletes to reapply through races, so it’s a very fine mist. You can get it at drugstore dot com.

  2. Anyone else have to work all weekend? I actually have a pretty low-key job for a lawyer (1600 billable requirement) but we have an appellate brief due on Tuesday and of course we couldn’t get our act together to finish it in time for the holiday weekend. Sigh.

    • Me! I thought I was the only one. Sigh. People, keep posting things this weekend so I have something to read when I take breaks!

    • Me too. On call. Could be nothing, could be a disaster. Will report back on Tuesday

    • Yep. Same story here, though the project is drafting loan documents, not an appellate brief. If we had been able to get our act together at any time in the last three weeks, this would not be happening. At least I can do the work from home; I don’t actually have to go into the office. I do have a few fun things planned this weekend, though; hopefully you get a bit of free time, too!

    • karenpadi :

      Me too!

      • onehsancare :

        Me, three. A trial at 9:00 Tuesday morning, and I lost three days this week to a migraine. Not to mention trying to finish my May timesheets.

    • Yep. After an eye of the storm March and April, all of a sudden everyone wants to get their deals started. My goal is to spend a few hours outside each afternoon!

    • MissJackson :

      Yes. Incredibly, there is a NON-billable “emergency” so I’m going to work all weekend and won’t even get any billable credit.

      I’m trying to say PHOOEY and move on, but I’m grumpy about it.

    • Me too! And I work for government. Sad.

  3. A little bummed that my job search has been going so badly. Two rejections this week and I liked both those roles, very much. I have a job now (which I know makes me more fortunate than most), but I hate it (for various reasons).
    Some time ago we were talking about rettes giving their spouse “permission” to quit at a certain date, if nothing worked out by then. I talked it over one night after a particularly down day at work and got similar permission. I am very close to that date now.
    My DH (not backtracking but concerned) is telling me it is very hard to find a job if you dont have a job, and has always been advising me to hang in there if possible. I know this is the accepted wisdom. But so many leads and possible-leads have led nowhere (not hiring, got a more experienced candidate but really like you, have put hiring candidates on hold pending a ‘reorg’, and a couple of first and second round interviews that didn’t work out) that I am really disappointed and burned out and sad. I have been looking for more than 7 or 8 months now. And I’m just sad.
    Only one lead still in the pipeline (scheduled 2nd interview) but it pays half of what I make now, I would have to take a position and title cut, and it’s in a completely different industry that may just fence me in. That’s IF I get it, anyway. My background is very different so I may not.
    I guess I just need to be told to keep hanging in there. And I want to know, is it that bad if I quit?

    • Couldn't Wait to Quit :

      I just quit last month. I planned it in advance and have 6 months worth of my part of the family budget, as well as spending money and money for things I could anticipate like oil changes, hair cuts and cell phone bills saved up. I was so burnt out at my job, and had a big trip coming up, so it made sense to use the trip as a quitting point. I have just started looking, but it seems to be going well so far.

      I would not advise quitting if it will force you to eat up your regular savings while you look, unless you can easily fall back on something like waiting tables, etc. to tide you over. If you don’t have the savings, perhaps working on building a savings balance will provide you encouragement while you keep working and looking, with the expectation that you will be able to quit when you have enough money to cover yourself while you look.

    • I just came off 10 months of unemployment. It’s still quite tough out there and my situation was made more difficult by not being employed. I had to field the question (unspoken or not) of why I wasn’t currently employed.

      If you can stick it out at all, I urge you to stay employed while continuing to look. Yes, it’s really hard to job hunt in the face of outright rejection or no response but it’s easier to do that when you can pay all your bills.

    • I think I’m with your husband on this one. It is tough out there so if you can keep hanging in there it will help your chances. Also, I know the past 7-8 months of job searching have been tough on you, but imagine 7-8 more months of job searching without a job and with the added monetary stress. Maybe if you post about some of the reasons you hate your job, we can help you figure out ways to make one or more of those ways less onerous? Good luck!

    • That’s a tough spot.

      I think you’re right to be questioning your earlier decision about the “permission to quit” date. Is there anything that will change when you quit that will change the responses you are getting? You don’t give any signs of such in your post. That sounds like you should stay, unless you have some other way to pay the bills until you find something.

      What can you do to make your current situation more bearable? Changes in responsibility or office routine? Changes in routine outside the office, ways of rewarding yourself for sticking through the ickiness?

  4. eastbaybanker :

    Momentary panic regarding my choice of event dress! I’m attending a conservative church wedding this weekend in California. C*cktail attire, afternoon ceremony, evening reception. My dress is a knee-length sheath dress with a white bust; the rest is 3-inch tiered layers of black chiffon. It sort of looks like a bandage dress, but the fit and length are tasteful.

    When I bought the dress I was nervous about wearing a white-busted dress to a conservative wedding. But it fits perfectly, makes me look fantastic, and was also ridiculously cheap. I’m pretty sure I can pull it off, but can someone please assure me the dress won’t violate the Don’t Wear White to a Wedding rule?! I will avoid pearls so I don’t look bridal.

    (I’m not worried at all about wearing black with this crowd, which wears black to everything; I know black wouldn’t be suitable for other types of weddings.)

    • SF Bay Associate :

      You’re fine. Don’t worry :). Interesting non-bridaly jewelry and/or awesome red lips will help you not look bridal from the b*st up, and you definitely won’t look bridal when the black part of your dress is in view. Go be fantastic!

    • You’re fine! No body is going to think you’re the bride, which as SFBA said, is really the point. I say throw in some awesome bright red jewelry if you have it with a bright red shoe. That would look baller.

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      If you are in need of a bright red shoe, the Mossimo Pearce Pump from Target is only $30 and comfortable straight out of the box. I love shoes that don’t need to be broken in.

    • As long as you don’t wear a veil, no one will confuse you. I agree that an unexpected bright shoe would look awesome — red, turquoise, teal, yellow? All would also scream “not a bride”

    • You’re fine.

      You know what would look awesome? Orange accessories. Bright orange necklace. Orange purse. Teal/navy/blue shoes.

      Personally I’m not a huge fan of the black-white-red combo. I must have worn it too much in high school or something.

    • eastbaybanker :

      Thank you, all! I’m going to take the bright lips suggestion, and see if I can pick up a pair of bright heels this evening.

      Phew. Disaster averted.

  5. Locomotive :

    This may get lost because this thread is oh-so-long already, but to whoever put up the link to the $100 Cole Haan purple violet pumps last week during the warehouse sale – THANK YOU! Thank you thank you thank you!! They came yesterday and I have been wearing them all day and I have never found a pair of heels so comfortable before. They are so beautiful and I never thought I could be comfortable in heels.

    • shhhhh. I want those shoes so badly and I’m on a shopping hiatus and you’re KILLING ME over here.

      But I’m glad they’re making other people happy. :-)

  6. Apparently my car just got broken into while in the locked, unaccessible-from-the-outside apartment garage. It’s so comforting to know I live alone in a place with criminals…

    • Two out of three roommates had their cars stolen out of our gated, must have a clicker to get in OR out, parking lot. Both cars were later found by the police and returned; however, one of the two had the same care stolen *again* out of the same parking lot. People are the absolute worst. (Also, consider moving)

    • karenpadi :

      I used to live in one of those places. But the fence was ridiculously easy to jump. Heck, I even jumped it a few times when I forgot my keys.

    • I’ve always lived in gated apartments, and one with a fully-closing garage door like you see in houses (i.e. no open airspace to jump or squeeze through). In every one, it was ridiculously easy to get in the complex if I misplaced my remote. Cars tailgate in, people tailgate in the pedestrian entrances, the gate breaks and is left open, or handymen roaming the property leave the gate open all day so they can move about freely.

      In other words, please don’t trust that your car or your person is safe just because there’s a gate. Don’t leave valuables in your car, and always play it safe and be aware when walking to/from your car.

      I’m sorry this happened to you :(

  7. I just got an unsolicited/unscheduled 10% raise. Woohoo!!!!

    • Congratulations! What a way to start the weekend!

      • Thank you! My husband has been telling me to ask for more money given that my workload will likely increase due to recent staffing changes (I know everyone here would tell–nay, order–me to ask, too), but I trust my boss to do right by me. As nice as it is to get the money, it is even nicer to work for someone that actually appreciates the work I do and to not have to haggle over pay. A wonderful way to start the weekend, indeed!

    • Research, Not Law :

      Whoa! Congrats!

      Can I rub you for good luck? ;)

  8. Lands End sweaters? :

    I was excited to stock up on some new cardigans and shells at the Lands End 30% off sale, but all the sweaters in the colors I want are an 85% acrylic/15% nylon blend. The reviews are pretty mixed WRT the material — anyone have any experience with these? I would prefer cotton but there’s not as much variety.

    • i haven’t tried any of those sweaters, so I don’t have tops, but can I just say that I am So Annoyed that LE Canvas took all their regular sweaters down for the summer!?! WTH? that makes no sense, i wear cotton sweaters to work all summer long! ggrrr

    • Kudos to Land’s End. I placed a full-price $270 order on Tuesday and haven’t received it yet. I didn’t know they were having a sale until I saw your post. I chatted with customer service and they gave me the full 30% credit.

      So kudos to OP, too. Thanks for the heads-up!

  9. Dudettes, nothing has ever so undermined my faith in humanity as “Say Yes to the Dress — Bridesmaids.” Its like a train wreck.

    It makes me want to send an e-mail to my bridesmaids weekly to tell them how much I loved them.

    • You know what this means? A new show I have to start watching.

      Train Wreck TV is my guilty pleasure – Real Housewives of New Jersey? check. Mob Wives? check. Shahs of Sunset. Oh my yes.

    • I have a harder time watching the Atlanta show in general (let’s jack her up!), but the Bridesmaids spin-off is a total train wreck. That doesn’t mean I’ve stopped watching it, of course…

  10. I will be having a major career transition in September, as in taking a new bar exam, moving to NYC and don’t yet have a job. It’s due to the husband’s job, and I am totally on board with the move, but it definitely means that there are a lot of unknowns on my end. I will have 2 years of IP litigation/transaction experience, and I think I will go nuts if I have to continue working in a firm. I have massive anxiety 24/7 and I can’t keep it up. It is just a very bad fit for me and my sanity.

    I want to go work for a company or start-up, doesn’t even have to be entirely legal, where I can put some of my knowledge to use, but also learn new things, like e-commerce or HR, or whatever…I need a change. But where do I find these jobs? I have no idea where to look for these things. With firms, you can figure out if they have your practice area, see who they list as the hiring partner, etc…but if I don’t even know which company I want to work for, then how do I go about finding the job?

    Anyone have great job search strategies, or have good stories about transitioning away from the firm experience without having a lot of practice years under your belt?

    • Well, having done the move-to-NY-as-junior-lawyer bit, now living in Seattle as person working corporate with many start-ups bit, I will add I didn’t see a lot of that in NYC. Mucho law, finance, etc. But could just be that I didn’t know about it. I recently read about an incubator org based in NYC that helps launch entrepreneurs there but forget the name- it was in Inc. magazine.

      • There’s a ton of start-ups in NYC. DH has worked at several in recent years and his friends at many more (in a technical capacity). Two of his former coworkers are currently starting-up startups. They all get jobs through word of mouth though. I would look forward to some heavy-duty networking.

    • Joan Holloway :

      There are so many tech meetups and startup events here in NYC all the time. I would suggest getting plugged into some of these things right away. Perhaps also look into a resource like In Good Company–not that you want to start your own practice, but they know people who know people . . . networking. The advantage of these activities is that you’ll begin to build a network of contacts. Hopefully you’ll enjoy yourself at the same time. It’s an active way to see what’s out there and to talk to people to figure out what you’d like.

  11. I am seeking help from the hive to track down an ad that I cannot seem to find, now that I need it. For what feels like 10 years, I have noticed a one-inch ad in the New Yorker featuring a glass bowl engraved with two names. I want to get one of these for a wedding present for a young couple and now I cannot find the name of the company. I googled like crazy but none of the results seemed as nice as the one in this New Yorker ad. Any help would be appreciated.

      • I have no idea if this is what you’re looking for, but may I just say that I registered for some of my wedding presents at Simon Pearce and everything they sell is beautiful and of amazing quality (and hand-blown in their factory in Vermont). They really are a company well worth doing business with.

        Pitch done.

        • Seconded – we received some off-registry gifts from Simon Pearce, and all of them were kept with love! (This should be particularly impressive given the “should I buy off-registry” threads on here…)

          • You guys are amazing! This is exactly what I was trying to find. They are a broke young couple (he’s recently back from Afghanistan) who eloped to avoid family drama. My SO and I have agreed to send them one beautiful thing to commemorate the marriage and a big fat check to say, “Thanks for avoiding the family drama!”

          • Oh, that’s lovely! You’re so sweet.

      • That’s gorgeous. I wish I could afford it as a gift for my sister’s wedding! You’re definitely giving an amazing gift.

    • We did vases for our parents one year through Simon Pearce — I don’t think that is the same company with the advert in the New Yorker — they turned out beautifully but extremely pricey. So if SP comes back with a really high number, keep your eyes open for the other company.

      I adore Simon Pearce. Would convert all my glassware to them in a second, if I could. Their seconds are great, too.

  12. Blonde Lawyer :

    Memorial day question –

    Growing up, my family always visited the graves of our deceased and planted flowers over memorial day weekend. None of my friends’ families did this. Today, someone at my office mentioned having to pick up flowers for “the graves.” I seriously had begun to believe my family was the only one that did this. Certain family members made it a real somber occasion instead of a fun summer is here party weekend.

    So now, I’m trying to figure out if it is a regional thing, heritage thing, veteran thing, etc. I’m guessing some of my friends’ families didn’t follow this tradition b/c their family was scattered across the country and not buried at the cemetery down the street like my grandparents.

    So — did you/do you visit graves and plant flowers at them this weekend? If yes, any idea why?

    • layered bob :

      Yes, we did growing up. Now I live very far away but my family still does and I will send flowers for the graves, if I remember in time. And then we go eat pancakes at the high school after the ceremony in the cemetery. (Still not Memorial Day without pancakes.)

      I didn’t realize this was not a thing. As data points, my family does have veterans. We’re rural and Midwestern.

      • Another Sarah :

        My rural midwestern family with veterans does the same thing. My Aunts and Uncles (and Mom, but she’s not in the area anymore) coordinate to bring my Grandma (who I think is the only one left out of her brothers and sisters) to go to “visiting” with flowers.

    • We always planted flags on veterans’ graves with the Boy Scouts. We were the only branch of the family to live in Kentucky, so there were no nearby family graves to visit.

    • We visit my hubby’s grandparents on Memorial Day and Veterans’ Day and lay flowers. His grandfather was a Veteran (1918 US Naval Academy grad) and we used to take his grandmother there every year to lay flowers before she died. She was one of my favorite people so I like to continue the tradition. The cemetery has the flag that he was presented with and they fly hundreds on Memorial Day, Veterans’ Day and July 4th.

      His grandparents were both mid-western and traditional. All of my family members are buried on the East Coast or in the South and I’m on the west, so we’ve never done it for my side.

      So I guess that this doesn’t answer your question. :)

    • We did on some, but not all Memorial Days. Usually the veteran relatives, like my great-uncles who fought in WWII and the like. We would also bring extras to visit the graves of other veterans who didn’t have flowers.

      So not alone. But we also still had a party, it was just part of the day.

    • I’m not this weekend, but I remember doing this with my parents when I was younger. Usually on Sunday after church. My grandfather was a vet, but we did this before he died too. Now that I think of it, I always associate this more with Easter time than Memorial Day, but it has been a while so I’m not sure. Either way, it wasn’t expressly tied to veterans b/c we did it for all graves, vets and non. We only did it for relatives buried nearby. For what it’s worth- white, protestant, blue collar fam but not especially military-oriented (there are several vets in the wwI/II/vietnam generations, but none current), grew up in rural area on east coast.

    • I remember visiting the graves and planting flowers when I was a kid. But, we lived about 3 blocks from the cemetery where my great-grandparents, grandfather and now many relatives (including my mother) are buried. We could ride our bikes up there and did, and also went sledding on the side of the hill that didn’t have graves. I think we made more of a big deal about it on Memorial Day. Now I live in a place where it is the custom to visit graves and take flowers on Nov. 1 (All Saints Day) and I don’t live anywhere near where I grew up and neither do any of my family. I feel badly that I haven’t been to my mom’s grave in so many years.

    • SO’s wardrobe update!
      After much delay, last weekend we went to Nordstroms and the SA there worked *miracles*. He talked my SO out of pleated pants, into slim-cut up shirts, and may have slightly opened his eyes to the world of men’s fashion. The concept of “quality clothing” really got through to him- clothes that will last and look nice are worth the expense. (…the expense here being spending any money at all on clothes!)
      We walked out with a pair of slacks, two dress shirts, and then hit up Gap and Sears/Lands End for more basics. Still a work in process, but I’m so glad I can finally throw out those pleated pants.

      • sorry, I have no idea why that ended up as a reply.

        • Oh god. Do you think they could convince my husband to wear non-pleated pants? He refuses. :-P (Also, sorry to comment on this in such a serious thread, but did want to reply to this.)

        • MissJackson :

          Yay! I’m so glad that you had success at Nordstrom! I told you that they are miracle-workers!! Honestly, if they converted my husband, they can convert anyone! TCFKAG, the Nordstrom sales associates can convince anyone to get rid of pleated pants — I was sure that my husband was a lost cause, too.

    • My family has always done this with all deceased relatives – not just veterans. We don’t typically make a huge deal of flowers, but we’ll put some flowers or such at each site, pray, move to the next one.

      I’ve also noticed now that very few of my friends do this, though, so I don’t know how common it is. It might just be something people don’t typically discuss.

      • New poster :

        I can only remember doing this occasionally on Memorial Day, but there was usually always some kind of ceremony elsewhere (like on an aircraft carrier with a band). My granddad was a Pearl Harbor survivor, in San Diego, so big Navy town.

    • Before it was Memorial Day, it was Decoration Day:

  13. Jenna Rink :

    A few days ago, my neighbor had a small fender bender in our driveway while my outdoor cat (a stray who I adopted and he refuses to stay inside during the day) was nearby. I’m worried that my cat distracted her and caused the accident. Is this just my outdoor cat guilt speaking (I have a lot of it) or should I be offering to help out with the repairs?

    • This is definitely not your fault. Not even close. Even if the cat distracted her, that’s on her- imagine if you rear-ended someone at a light and said you were distracted by their wacko bumper sticker. Is it then their fault? Of course not.

      • Jenna Rink :

        Thank you! I kind of recognized that I was being silly, but every time I saw her bumper I started feeling guilty again. A neutral opinion is just what I needed!

    • Seattleite :

      Don’t feel guilty about your outdoor cat. My two, adopted from shelters, were ‘street kitties’ for several months before they were trapped and brought to the shelters. Although they clearly love a constant source of food and petting, warm fires, and soft beds, they also turn neurotic if not allowed to go outside. I lived in a high-rise for two months last year, so no outside access, and one cat got really depressed and anxious. Moved to a townhouse and he bounced back immediately.

    • They live in a neighborhood. There are distractions sometimes. It’s not your cat’s fault. They should have been paying attention to driving, not your cat.

  14. My SO told me last night that he is definitely moving to his other home (in another state, a significant distance away), as planned, in the fall. We have been together six years and I guess maybe I thought he would change his mind and his plans, but he’s going to do it. He wants us to go along for the next few months as if everything’s okay and I just don’t know if I can do that. I love him and I guess, despite “knowing” I thought he might change his mind. I feel like, at my age, I shouldn’t be having my heart broken like this. But he’s the first man I’ve ever had in my life who really treated me well. This really sucks. We were supposed to be on vacation together this week and I don’t even know if I can look at him without being angry and upset.

    • I’m so sorry. I was in a somewhat similar sort of situation several years ago with my now-DH where we knew he was moving away in several months and, at the time, we thought it might be the end of the relationship. Obviously, it wasn’t. But before he left, I really thought it was. I remember how awful it was to have a looming end to something that was otherwise going so well. What we ended up doing was deciding to just take it one day at a time, both before and after the move. He’s here now and you love him, so don’t pre-emptively end it (kind of the romantic equivalent of don’t leave before you leave). Try to recognize how good it is and enjoy it while it lasts. I know this is so much easier to say than to practice, but it helps to sort of accept that the future is out of your control and all you have is the present.

      What does he want to happen when he moves? break up and move on, long-distance, you moving? Do you disagree with/resent his reasons for moving?

    • This does really suck – I’m so sorry to hear it. But I wouldn’t want “to go along for the next few months as if everything’s okay.” And I would not go on vacation with him. You deserve to move on with your life – not to be tied down to a guy who has already told you he is going to leave you.

    • Oh NOLA! That sucks!

      I’m not clear though. Is he moving and intending to end the relationship? Or is he moving for other reasons and trying to keep your relationship going long distance?

      If the former, I’d kick his lazy ass out today.

      • Well, that’s the weird thing. I had always thought that when he moved that would be it. Then again, I thought that when he retired, and that’s now two years ago. He lost everything in Katrina and relocated within the state, but still worked here. A couple years ago, he had the opportunity to buy his dream house in a location that he has always loved and planned to move to when he retired (he retired fairly young in a political situation). He goes there for 2-3 weeks at a time now and has seemed to enjoy the stimulation of having one foot in each place. I can’t go with him (I have to work) so we videochat every day and he says he misses me horribly and can’t wait to come “home.” At any rate, now he’s looking to swap things – move there and make it his primary residence but come back here to see family members and check on his house. I think, if I were willing, he would continue the relationship long distance. It’s weird because every time we have thought, in the past six years, that something had changed dramatically and we might not be able to see each other as often, etc., it’s all worked out fine so I’ve just taken a “let go of having to know how it’s going to work out” attitude and everything’s been great. This, I’m not sure.

        • Okay – at first it seemed like he wanted it to end when he left. But I still don’t think it’s wrong for you to be upset and not want to “play pretend” until he leaves.

        • NOLA, it sounds like your SO wants to keep things vague because it works for him But you are perfectly within your rights to insist that the two of you have a specific plan for continuing your relationship. Or not. But after six years together you need to know.

          On the other hand, if what you really want is a conventional marriage, this is probably not the guy for you.

          • You are a wise woman, mamabear, and I think you’re right about him wanting to keep it vague. I’m not sure if he’ll commit to a specific plan. It’s a long drive (9 hours) and not really a great place to fly to and from. We’ll see.

            I don’t know if I need or want a conventional marriage at all. I’ve been married, I’m too old to have kids, and, since I’ve been with current SO, I’ve become so independent that I don’t even know if I could live with someone, let alone be married. I work a lot, work out a lot, keep house on my own schedule, and I like it that way. That’s why this relationship has really worked for me. He takes me out of my stress zone and keeps me mentally healthy. He has done a lot for my confidence and he is a tremendous support for me about my work. But I also have my space and I was completely smothered in my marriage. So there it is.

          • ((((((hugs)))))) Nola

        • NOLA, you sound pretty ambivalent about what you want out of this relationship, and you’re 6 years into it. Maybe that’s a sign that while you really like and care for this person, he’s not really a long-term keeper?

          Also, hard to tell exactly how this went down, but it sounds like he just made a major life decision without meaningfully involving you. You deserve better from a partner. Hard to see why this would be the last major life decision he unilaterally makes.

          This situation sucks. Keep us posted.

          • Hmmm… well I don’t feel ambivalent. I love what we have, which is a loving supportive relationship where we are passionate about each other but we don’t live together and don’t expect marriage. I know that’s probably not realistic long term for most people but it has worked for us so far. For various reasons (past infidelity when married, his very conservative political and social views, he says he has a bad temper), I don’t know if I would marry him.

            We went out to dinner tonight with a really good friend and he didn’t want to talk about it with her, but she knew and brought it up and she said when we dropped her off that she may never see him again and started to cry. He won’t admit that it could be true!

            I did get him to talk about it a little bit this afternoon and I told him that it hurt me that he was being so matter of fact about it and acting like he could just turn off our relationship. He apologized and got pretty emotional. I guess we’ll see.

            I’ll keep you all posted.

          • It sounds like you have some stuff to work out with him. Even if you two aren’t on a marriage track, partners talk about life decisions and do what’s right for each other and the relationship, not just what’s right for one of them.

            Sending lots of hugs.

        • Divaliscious11 :

          Are you going to be in the same state? Next state over? In the same country? Piece of cake, dear, piece of cake!!! A relationship does not depend on being in the same house or within a certain set of miles of one another. As long as you are together in your hearts, distance is just a bump in the road….

    • Divaliscious11 :

      What are you upset about, exactly? The prospect of a long distance relationship, or that he didn’t change his plans for you? Why is he moving? For work or some other opportunity? Also not sure why your upset if he told you this is what he intended? Long distance relationships are challenging, but they are completely manageable, but it sounds like there is something else you are upset about…..

  15. Sale TJ: apply Promo Code SALE20 when purchasing sale items on Bloomingdale’s website – the site doesn’t provide that valuable detail; I simply googled “Bloomingdale’s Promo Code;” I just used it and saved a lot, so I wanted to share this info.

  16. anon in DC :

    I just joined Netflix and am confused… Do the series rotate? I was looking forward to watching The Big Bang Theory and all of Downton Abbey but they aren’t available. Will they ever be back or did I miss out?

    Also, what series/movies would y’all recommend? Thanks!

    • Midwesterner :

      You may want to try Hulu for BBT and PBS for Downton Abbey.

    • Licenses expire and Netflix acquires new ones all the time, but the TV shows are fairly consistent. I’m pretty sure that I saw Downton Abbey on there earlier today, they only have the first season now, but I’m sure in a few months they will have the second. (I got impatient and bought it on iTunes, $2o well spent!) I don’t recall every looking for Big Bang Theory, so I can’t say. Some series that I’ve watched are Friday Night Lights, Louie, Dexter, Parks and Rec, and Breaking Bad. All recommended!

    • anon in DC, check out Sherlock on PBS. You can watch Season 1 on Netflix on Demand. I -think- most of the Season 2 episodes are available on PBS online (look under Masterpiece Theatre).

      Also, Revenge. *Love* Revenge (though, give it a few episodes–it took me probably until episode 3 to really, really TOTES OBSESSED get into it).

      • Revenge is the most delightfully soapy show on tv right now. It has really grown on me. And the finale was amazing!

      • Adore Revenge. So soapy, yet so good. It walks the line of intense cheese, but I have the sense that the actors and writers, etc know that they are producing cheese — they aren’t thinking they’re making The Wire, so in that way it’s great.

    • I spent a long time looking for rental options for BBT and never did find them. We ended up purchasing all seasons. I was really annoyed. I do love the show now that I’ve caught up and started watching it regularly again.

      • I think episodes of BBT are on three different channels here. I have a hard time following them in order but I’ve probably see most of them by now, just not when they first air. We are obsessed with it. I even have a Knock Knock Knock Penny! tank that I wear to the gym.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          Jim Parsons signed my program tonight! (He’s in the play Harvey this summer in between BBT taping seasons).

          Sorry, just needed to share that exciting bit of geek fandom.

      • I noticed it was at redbox. I’m not sure which season(s), though.

    • As I posted below, I’m watching Drop Dead Diva right now on Netflix…though be aware, may annoy if you are a lawyer. :-P

    • White Collar on Netflix.

      • Ditto – anxious for Season 3 to get added. Must resist buying it on Amazon VOD.

        • We gave in and bought it on Amazon. Easier to stomach once I realized that the cost of the beer we were drinking while watching was greater than the cost of buying an episode.

          Also, I discovered recently that my library has all of BBT available to check out, so for those of you looking for it, that’s another option.

    • Downtown Abby is on netflix

    • Anonymous :

      I am waiting for Game of Thrones to become available on Netflix.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Just a warning–it won’t ever be available on streaming, most likely, just discs. HBO currently refuses to allow their shows on netflix streaming.

  17. Midwesterner :

    Anyone have experience with making their own work clothes? I’ve had some success with clothes that didn’t matter. Fleeces for layering in winter/outside exercise; casual skirts for spring/summer weekends. Usually for under $5/piece including fabric, notions & patterns.

    I’m wondering if this could be expanded to basics such as work skirts, shells, or basic pants or shirts. There is a store nearby that will put the vogue patterns (basic pants, skirts, wrap dresses in a more modern take) on sale for $1.99, $2.99, or 25% off and suiting or shirt fabric for 50% off, depending on the week. Store coupons can be added on top of the discounts.

    A coworker with experience in this area said it is cheaper to buy the clothes on sale than making them. She is a 00 or 0 though and may have a different experience.

    • Midwesterner :

      Also, those that sew their own clothes and are fans of the skirt, the pink sprite is on sale for $19 right now. I tried they grey on in-store and the stripes weren’t that bad. Those that can make patterns from intact clothing could have a cheap, flattering skirt and pattern for low cost. Others could take it apart and have a pattern that way without too much outlay based on the cost of paper patterns.

    • One of my colleagues learned how to sew and she’s saved a lot of money making curtains, etc. She also got into making dresses for awhile and she found some patterns and got the fit just right, then she could make the same dress in different fabrics and they looked different. She was talking the other day about possibly sewing a formal gown for a Carnival ball because they can be so expensive and she could experiment between now and then.

    • layered bob :

      I’ve done this, but only when I lived closer to my grandparents and could use my grandma’s serger to finish things. I just have a sewing machine myself and prefer serged finished edges.

      Can’t do pants – they are way too complicated to cut and fit, with waistband, pockets, zipper, beltloops… no thank you. Totally not worth the effort.

      Basic pencil skirts I can do and have done. (Used a pencil skirt that I had already as a pattern.) I’ve never done a dress for work but I’ve sewn sundresses for casual wear – I like to do that because I can alter the bust/neck/waist/length to accomodate my tall, busty frame. I like to sew so I do it as a hobby when I have time, but I don’t think it’s necessarily cheaper – it does take time, so even if the fabric/pattern is cheap cheap cheap, my time to make it is “expensive.” And it can be stressful.

    • Skirts and shells will be easiest, followed by pants, and shirts. The hardest part will probably finding fabrics – the bigger chain stores have tons of fleece and quilting cotton, but tend to be a bit thin on garment fabrics. Work wear will look more polished when you get the finishing details right – finished edges, button holes, interfacing, etc.

      You’ll probably get the most bang if you have a couple of patterns you are comfortable with (and flatter you) and can crank it out in different fabrics. A serger is helpful for using with knit fabrics, but isn’t strictly necessary for other fabrics.

    • I’d love to sew some clothes! I’ve started with a few small projects–aprons for friends’ kids, simple backpack for DS, pillowcases. Problem is, I don’t have a machine so I either have to do it by hand, borrow Mom’s when I visit or use odd substitutes, like lots of fabric glue. I’m ready to buy a machine, but need advice on what kind to get. I don’t have lots of room or money. I’m back and forth between having one built into a table that swings down when not in use and a portable one that I could stick in the closet when I’m not using it. Do any of you sewing Corporettes have advice on machines?

      • Midwesterner :

        I have one of the singers from target black friday. Not the best machine available but serviceable w button options and stitch width ca be adjusted

      • Silvercurls :

        I got my current machine (vintage 1960s or 1970s) from a store that sells & repairs sewing machines and vacuum cleaners. If you don’t want or need any of the more modern features thins might be a good route for you. I’ve never looked online for used sewing machines but that might be another option.

    • I wear clothes I’ve made at least twice, usually up to 4, times per week. I started sewing again (after learning as a teen) in order to get clothes that fit me properly (small waist, full thighs & backside).

      Skirts are definitely the easiest and quickest to sew and fit. I doubt I’ll ever buy a pencil skirt again. Tailored shirts with a stand, etc, are probably the hardest (outside a tailored jacket). Of course, I have fitting issues with shirts that I haven’t worked out yet, so that might be talking there. There are simpler patterns for tops out there, though. Pants really aren’t that bad – there are great youtube tutorials for sewing a fly, etc. out there that I use every time I sew a fly. I’m actually wearing pants I made right now, and they fit without gapping at my back waist! I also sew dresses fairly often, and spent a couple of months getting a sheath dress pattern fitted properly, and I have plans to make several sheath dresses. Of course, my plans always outweigh my time.

      In the last year or so I started sewing knit fabrics on my regular non-sewing machine. They are fast, easy, easy to fit, and very instant gratification type projects. LOVE sewing knits now!

      If you’re looking for a good website, patternreview dot com has an active community and an extensive database of pattern reviews.

      The biggest issue you will have is getting quality fabrics. Sure, you can get cheap suiting fabric, but it will look cheap. I plan on venturing into wool pants this fall. They may not cost less, especially when my time is taken into consideration, but sewing is my hobby, and I know I will get a good fit. And nothing beats that sense of satisfaction when you sit back and look at what you’ve created. Oh, and when someone compliments you on something you’ve made (not knowing you’ve made it yourself). I love that too.

  18. Ladies, I could use some moral support. I’m a low-level associate in BigLaw and I’ve been killing myself all week trying to write multiple briefs by end of the weekend, all on tough issues. Just found out that one of them has been lost to cyberspace in its entirety. The third is not even started. Also, I’m pregnant (work doesn’t know yet). I just feel like I’m not cut out for this. Combined with the fact that I’ve now had to cancel the only vacation I’ve scheduled since I started (plus work this whole weekend) and that I feel like I’m risking the health of the baby by not getting any rest and living under this much stress (and the nervous breakdown I just had on the bathroom floor upon realizing that my brief has disappeared). . . it just seems so pointless. how are you supposed to not get too upset when your emotions are out of control and you’re trying to meet unreasonable work expectations? I just need a break, I guess but there is no end to this work load in sight and my efforts at expressing that I have too much on my plate are completely ignored. Oh and we added up my student loan balance — $160k so I can’t quit any time soon. Guess I’m just looking for some internet hugs or words of wisdom.

    • Midwesterner :

      Have you looked at jobs at the federal level? In the Midwest, there have been a few AGAs posted with Justice. They’ve also had a few that the position has been negotiable. Don’t forget Revenue, Patent, Defense, Labor or Treasury if your specialty aligns with them.

      Depending on when you graduated, you may be eligible for forgiveness on some of the debt. I’ve also seen people negotiate salaries at higher than the step 1 level so don’t just go by the base salary. Some have been able to get years of service credit that puts them in the safe zone in case of a RIF or increased placement order for new open positions if that occurs. Since the government can’t accept “free” labor, you would be paid at minimum a straight rate for every hour you worked over 40 hrs/week. They also tend to support and pay for professional accreditation since they are currently fighting the government employee stereotype with the public over salary/tax issues. Leave, and advance leave in case of pregnancy, tends to be inline with liberal private industries. (we had someone show up so sick on her first day that the nurse wouldn’t let her in the building bc of H1N1 that was actually pregnant and they held the job for her).

    • It sounds like a rough situation, and I can’t really chime in about the work, other than to be generally sympathetic, but I do want to reassure you about the baby.

      When people talk about maternal stress affecting fetal health, they are talking about famine, war, refuge status, prolonged malnutrition, violence, etc. They may (MAY) be talking about long hours on your feet with dehydration, poor nutrition, cigarette and alcohol use, etc. They are not talking about white collar stress from professional jobs. This is not to say that being pregnant isn’t an added stress on YOU, and the pregnancy isn’t making it harder to deal with all that’s going on in your job. And how this all plays out may be a telling lesson about how you want to ultimately structure your baby. But you are NOT hurting the fetus by working long hours and writing briefs and feeling like an emotional wreck. I was given the green light by my OB to work 80 hours a week as a surgical resident, including being up for 36 hours every four nights, and standing for long periods of time in the OR. Drink plenty of fluids, eat healthfully, take 10 minutes breathers when you need to, stretch your legs and go for walks but don’t worry about whether this is harming the fetus.

      • Sorry, I meant structure your work, not structure your baby. I’m assuming your baby will have arms and legs in the usual places, Etc.

        • ECMD…I have NO idea what this was in reply to anymore. But I must say, it’s one of the best non-sequiturs I’ve seen in awhile.

          • For reasons I can’t explain, the (longish) post is in moderation. Then I posted the correction without realizing its in moderation. I thought about posting another correction to my correction and realized that might be OCD. So I just left it and thought, well at least someone will laugh.

          • Oh yeah, in context it seems so normal now. :-)

          • Yeah, when I realized the mistake I was like, oh man, that’s a funny one. I was thinking so many thoughts at once evidently…

          • It DID make me laugh!
            But now that the full thing is up, it’s a very comforting message (imho)

    • Have yourself a good, ugly cry. Sucks to do it in the firm bathroom, but shiz happens, and you’re certainly not the first person to have a firm-bathroom meltdown (hi!).

      Can you reshedule your vacation so you have a light at the end of the tunnel?

      It always helped me to remind myself that I was getting really good experience. Bill 300+ hours in a month? Yeah, that blew. But good experience under my belt. Walking home from work after 10 p.m. yet again? Totally blows; but I was developing valuable skills. It ultimately added up to something that allowed me to get out of Biglaw (for TX) and to an in-house job that I <3.

      Hang in there. This too shall pass.

    • Joan Holloway :

      Anon, I’m so sorry you’re having such a terrible weekend. Can you go home, get some sleep and start again in the morning? It sounds like you really need some rest, and there are 3 full days left to this weekend.

      You say that you’re low-level, but I suspect the people above you think very highly of you to be giving you so much substantive work. There are other first year associates who probably have no work because they haven’t earned the trust that you have.

      Here’s the thing: if you screw this up and destroy your reputation–and I highly doubt you will–you still have time to earn the money to pay off your student loans. Worst case scenario: you get a bad review and are given a few chances to redeem yourself but don’t. In that time, you save every last cent of your salary to pay off your loan. You do NOT live a lifestyle that cannot be sustained apart from Biglaw*. Continuing the worst case scenario, you are given a deadline by which to find another job, and you find one–you WILL because you have great experience and are obviously very smart–and life continues.

      The hardest thing about being a junior associate is the complete lack of control in your life. Add to that a little life growing inside you, and I can’t imagine what you must be going through. You’re allowed to feel emotional.

      Try to decide what’s important to you and what you will and will not compromise on. Biglaw is dysfunctional. There is no balance. If you don’t stake out what you need, no one else will give it to you. You may not be cut out for Biglaw for the long haul, but there are ways to get through it until it serves your purposes.

      *Having said all this, the one Biglaw lifestyle expense that I feel is totally justified is a life coach, preferably one who has worked in Biglaw and can advise you on all this. I had one named Elena Kaspi–I haven’t talked to her in ages, but she was amazing.

      • Joan Holloway :

        Okay, I miscalculated how many days were left in the wknd when I wrote that last night . . . but I still hope you were able to get some sleep.

    • Working Girl :

      I have been there and it was exhausting during those first few months when I had to hide the pregnancy. Here is the thing: most big firms give great maternity leave. Stick with it and before you know it you will be holding your baby while not even thinking about work and while getting paid for 12-18 weeks to bond with your child. It’s worth it. Once you go on leave, you can re-evaluate. You’re almost there.

    • You’re not alone; nobody’s really cut out for over-full time work and pregnancy. It’s an absurdity that modern US society has put us in. I was recently stunned in an on-line discussion to hear how many women said they had taken naps on floor of their office; until then, I thought I was the only one! It’s rough on everybody. If work doesn’t know yet, I’m guessing you’re in the first trimester. That was the hardest for me, physically and emotionally, and I think second tri is usually the best for most women. The closest to words of wisdom I have are that the stages of pregnancy and early childhood change fast so even though it may be hard, you don’t have to put up with it forever. (Same thing is true of the sweet parts–that’s why there are so many cliches about how fast it goes). Hang in there!

  19. Ladies, its clearly late in the weekend and I don’t know if people will see this. But my hubbie is away this weekend so I’m watching some new television.

    I’m watching Drop Dead Diva on Netflix on the advice of ladies on here. But I don’t know how far I’m going to be able to make it. I’m really struggling with how fast and loose they play with her whole “lawyerly” job. I mean, what type of lawyer is she? One week she does a torts case, the next employment and the next family law (which…btw…is her own parents divorce…can we say BAD IDEA!!!!???)

    Anyway. What sort of generalist is she? What sort of law firm is this?

    • Further question…I just got the the episode where she’s celebrating her new body’d birthday. And she didn’t know how OLD she was (or that it was her birthday.) HAD SHE NEVER LOOKED AT HER LICENSE???? Seriously, this show is pretty enjoyable, but some of the little inconsistencies are driving me cray-cray.

      • I’m not a lawyer, but I’ve worked in law. I’ve had the same issues with the show – too many inconsistencies with her profession and logic.

    • Heh, I think the show is cute but I really have to turn my brain off. Also, I’ve discovered that I can handle shows making up substantive law and I can handle them playing fast and loose with things like how long trials take, but when they start screwing around with legal ethics or criminal procedure my annoying lawyer brain activates.

    • I have to just turn off the lawyer part of my brain when watching any legal show. I mean, The Good Wife is amazing television, but both the law and the law firm are completely unrealistic, and talk about playing fast and loose with legal ethics and criminal procedure! (Although I haven’t seen the most recent season yet, and it sounds like some of the legal ethics stuff might be addressed).

      • I love Good Wife. I knew one of the writers of Drop Dead Diva. He seemed concerned about the same things – sometimes the legal accuracy is scrapped in favor of plot devices, etc.

  20. Beds- any good suggestions on where to get? Looking for stable frame for queen mattress, ideally coming with headboard soft to lean against. Needs to be minimal size/appearance (condo dweller, small room), light in color (pale wood/white etc.). I am having the internet thing where there are a million online but nothing that seems to fit the bill. Have checked Ikea, Dania, Macys, Wayfair, Amazon, Target.. willing to pay decent amount of right.

    • No idea if they’ll have what you are looking for, but additional places to check are Crate & Barrel, Pottery Barn, West Elm, Room and Board. That plus Ikea is where most of my stuff is from.

    • Seattleite :

      E.than A.llen and B.assett both have upholstered headboards. [trying to avoid moderation!]

      Also, google “designer furniture warehouse everett.” It’ll be a bit of a drive from downtown Seattle, but the Everett location is right off the freeway. They have stuff from many price points. I bought a dining room hutch and chairs there for less than 1/4 their price at a local upscale furniture store.

    • Try J.C. Penney for soft headboards and AllModern for minimalist frames.