Wednesday’s TPS Report: Gilda Broadhurst Print Skirt

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Kate Spade New York Gilda Broadhurst Print SkirtI love the optical crosshatch print on this Kate Spade New York skirt, newly marked down at Neiman Marcus. It looks fresh and modern, particularly as styled here with the bright turquoise cardigan. I wish it were longer, but I’m guessing that if you’re not model-height you’ll be fine. It was $278, but is now marked to $139. Kate Spade New York Gilda Broadhurst Print Skirt

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Comments

  1. I’d love this skirt with some colorful tights. (Brightly colored tights might be the reason I’m in academia versus the corporate world. It certainly isn’t because of the pay).

  2. The Skirt --> the skirt :

    Inquiring minds want to know…who likes the new the skirt? I tried on the old version and it didn’t work for me at all…granted I was a little heavier then but my shape was the same. I am super apply (hi, pregancy questions!) with relatively muscular thighs, not much of a waist definition (obviously). So…would the new the skirt work better for me? Am rather far from the nearest Nordie’s so I’d have to order it…

    • I am apple-y, and I ordered 3 of the New Skirt from NAS. I am eagerly awaiting their arrival, but when I finally get them I will post the verdict.

    • I'm Just Me :

      I should be getting one today, I’ll post tomorrow about how it fits. I only own one of the old version, and had been looking forward to buying more.

    • I tried on and purchased one of the skirt (in black). It definitely has less waist definition so it MAY work better for you, but I’m not sure. My bigger issue with it is that the fabric is less thick and has less give — but, if it is a better fit that may matter less.

      Might be worth trying. Hard to tell based on one try, sorry.

      • I love it! I’m wearing mine today in tan! I’m pretty similarly built to the OP – no real hips, musuclar thighs (thanks soccer) and it fits me great, way better than the old skirt which had too much fabric in the waist/hips. I sized down from old skirt as well.

    • I really like it. I wore a 4P in the old version and it was just a touch snug in the waist so I had to wear it a little higher than I would’ve liked (the 6P in the old version was too big everywhere else). I’m a 6P in the new version and the fit is perfect. The waist to hip ratio is less dramatic so I needed to go up a size to accommodate my, um, derriere, and the waist now sits lower where I like it. The fabric is definitely thinner, but it still drapes well and definitely doesn’t strike me as *too* thin.

    • I like the new skirt a lot, but I never tried the old one. I’m 5’1″, and about 118lbs, give or take. I don’t really have a waist to speak of, but I have muscular thighs/rear. I generally wear a zero petite in skirts but have to size up for pants, and a zero petite fit me well in the new skirt (though I cannot gain any weight). Hope this helps – free shipping and returns = give it a shot!

    • MissJackson :

      I haven’t tried the new skirt (didn’t realized it had changed, so I didn’t bother) — but I’m rather straight up and down from my waist to my hips, too. (I like to think of it as having “no hips” but it’s really probably more like having “no waist”…) I am not sure that even with the new adjustments the Halogen skirt is going to be a winner for me — I think that I need some kind of banded waist line to fake some definition there, and it doesn’t look like “the skirt” has a banded waist.

      Have you tried the J Crew No. 2 Pencil skirt? It is cut very straight and is very flattering on my figure without any alterations. Never pay full price, though, because most of the colors make it to the sale rack eventually.

      • long-time lurker :

        Yes, the number 2 pencil skirt works for me and I am straight up and down with a little tummy. The Skirt was terribly unflattering on me and I found the high waist uncomfortable.

    • I like it. I am pretty athletic (tall and lacking curves). It works for me. I bought TTS on the new Skirt rather than sizing down. FYI-the Roccocco Red is actually coral with a slight tint of red.

    • I am an apple too with no waist definition, and I purchased my first this weekend. I usually have to size up for any type of skirt but not in this case. I didn’t try the original skirt though

    • Just got the new skirt in tan and it’s going right back. It’s just not as flattering as a cut. I’m pretty straight through the hips, but I have large thighs. Less give in the fabric = pulling across my thighs and sits weird on my waist when I’m standing. Plus, the fabric feels cheap, even for the sale price.

  3. I am headed to Nordstrom after work today and interested in becoming a member… Do any of you ladies have the debit card? How does it work? Do you like it? Also if I apply in store today, can I put my purchases on it? Thanks!

    • I have the debit card. I like it (when I got it, we were mid-refinance on our house so didn’t want a change in our credit report, plus no extra bills). You get basically the same benefits or exactly the same benefit as the credit card. Yes you can use it the same day.

      Someone on here mentioned security concerns recently associated with store debit cards, but I’m not sure what those are. So I guess…kanye shrug?

      • I think the concern is having something linked directly to your bank account, perhaps? I have the debit as well and haven’t had any problems. Big fan of the card.

      • recent grad :

        So they don’t run a credit check for the debit card? It’s just linked to my bank account? Wow, I wish I would have signed up for that before I spent tons of money at NAS

        • Depending on the amount of hassle you’re willing to endure, you could probably open one, and apply the purchases to that by “returning” and repurchasing. The SAs are either rewarded or evaluated based on the number of cards they sell, so I’d imagine you’ll find one more than willing to help you :).

          • They will definitely do the “return and repurchase” for you. I signed up in-store but didn’t have my bank account info (who still carries checks?), so they filled out as much of the app as they could and then I had to call in with the remaining info. When I was at the store, they charged it to my bank debit card, and once they completed the transaction they were able to do a return and repurchase on the computer system. I can’t remember if I had to go into the store for this, but I know I didn’t have to bring in the merchandise.

    • SoCal Gator :

      I have the debit card and love it. Never any problems at all and I love getting my Notes.

    • a passion for fashion :

      i have the credit card and i love it. i spend so much money at nordstrom every year that the notes make it all worth while. i also get free alterations, which is a nice little benefit.

  4. Hate to be a downer so early in the morning, but I have a funeral tomorrow (my great aunt, she was sick for a long time so it’s sad but not terribly sudden) & need wardrobe recs. Actually, we’re just going to the wake, because the funeral is on Friday morning and my parents will be representing our branch of the family.

    I haven’t attended a wake or funeral as an adult (that’s happy I guess!), so what do I wear? I remember hearing that all-black is actually not recommended, just conservative and solemn attire (ie not hot pink). Should I wear a suit (black with a conservative blouse), or would a black pencil skirt & gray sweater set be more appropriate? Or since it’s in the evening should I wear a conservative black dress? I’ll go be going straight from work, but all of these looks would be fine at my office. The crowd at the wake will be older and Catholic, fwiw…

    • I’m so sorry for your loss. Even if it’s expected, this type of thing is still sad.

      I live in the Midwest and all of the outfits you described would be fine. My pick would be the black pencil skirt/gray sweater set, but a dark suit or dress would be fine as well. I agree that black, navy, gray or brown are all appropriate — just as long as it’s relatively muted and respectful.

    • I’m sorry for your family’s loss.

      I believe the ‘rule’ about not wearing all black is for when you’re not family, so in your case black would be ok. I agree with ANP – all the outfits sound fine, and the grey sweater and black pencil skirt maybe sounds the best.

    • lucy stone :

      I’m sorry for your loss. I think the grey sweater set and black skirt sound best. I usually wear something like that to a wake and then a conservative dress or suit to the funeral.

    • thanks- that was my initial thought as far as what to wear, but wanted to make sure.

  5. Love this skirt! Unfortunately, am pregnant so this is off the table for me for now.

    I have an early TJ: I’m working on employee evaluations (love my staff!) and there’s one person in particular who’s very interested in leadership training and development. Obviously you can take all kinds of seminars on leading and leadership, but the best bosses I’ve had weren’t the ones who went by some sort of preset rulebook. I’m having a hard time jotting down what I think makes a good leader — or, more importantly, how you become one.

    Obviously you need followers in order to lead. But I know there’s something more to this and for some reason, words are failing me this week. What do you think makes a good leader? What were some of the qualities of the best leaders you’ve worked for and with?

    • I think a good leader is able to build consensus among a group of possibly diverse interests using tact, intelligence and sensitivity to varying agendas. I also think that a good leader is willing to deviate from the status quo when necessary to accomplish a task, but also explains and justifies that deviation to satisfy concerns from the group.

      Just some off the cuff thoughts.

    • Qualities of good leaders I’ve worked with: Listen to people (or at least make them feel like they’re being listened to), keep meetings and tasks efficient, give clear directions and feedback, be consistent, treat people with respect but exercise authority. I realize this last one is vague, and easier said than done.

      Qualities of bad leaders I’ve worked with: Belittle subordinates, fail to give sufficient direction or micromanage, let people walk all over them.

      It’s really nice of you to take this person’s career goals so seriously and want to help him/her.

    • Heh. I think my boss, who I consider to be a not very good leader, thinks she is because she totally goes by the rulebooks. I think good qualities of leaders include being able to see things from your employees’ points of view; standing up for your employees whenever possible (I had a great boss previously who I knew had my back, made it much easier for me to be a bit more daring, in a good way, in my work); providing all your employees with opportunities for advancement, not just the loud ones or the ones you “like” more (we’re having huge issues with favoritism in my office, it’s not pretty); being clear about your expectations; holding your employees accountable but making sure they have the tools and information they need to get a task done – keep in mind an employee may not ask for information that they don’t know exists.

      Got to run, so this may be incoherent, but as I said, we are having serious leadership issues in my group so I just felt compelled to put some things out there.

    • A lot of what’s come up is about being an effective manager, rather than a good leader. For a good leader, I’d throw in something applicable in and out of corporate settings, like the ability to set goals and inspire others to share and strive collectively towards those goals.

      It is not clear if your employee is generally interested in leadership training or specifically looking for an opportunity to take on supervisory duties. If the latter, you may want to be ready to speak specifically about her path to this – what are the qualities and skills she needs to develop and how eg. are there specific projects she should get staffed on etc. And be prepared to push hard for her to get the added responsibility and recognition when she successfully hits the targets.

    • Good leaders are fair and have the same expectations of everyone, treat people with respect and compassion, are good mentors, give people challenging responsibilities, listen to their needs and try to fit them into what works for the organization, give their staff an idea of the big picture so they can see the importance of their work within the larger organization, set a good example by being productive themselves, are available (within reason), don’t give people “make work,” develop staff to reach their potential, don’t call people out in public, are clear about their expectations, have their back, but also don’t let anyone get away with making the rest of the group look bad.

      Just some thoughts. I’m sure I’ve forgotten a lot!

    • Good leaders listen, they don’t wait to talk. Good leaders value input from every member of the team and create an environment where subordinates can ask questions and offer opinions with no fear of repercussions. Good leaders are creative and welcome innovation. Good leaders give credit where credit is due, and work as hard as if not harder than their subordinates.

    • Best qualities
      * When something goes wrong, rather than focusing on blame-laying, focuses on (1) solving the immediate problem and (2) identifying how to avoid making the same mistake again in the future.

      * Disagreements aren’t personal. No belittling.

      * Gives thought to development opportunities for supervisees.

      * Collaborative, seeking input and buy-in rather than simply issuing dictatorial orders. No “my way or the highway” attitude, even if everybody knows they’ll follow Boss’s direction regardless of agreement.

      * Gives praise when warranted.

  6. Hi A., I missed the garden party thread from a few days ago and just caught up. I had the same problem with my SO and finally went to a doctor who could help me (I’ve never had pain with any other partner, just my SO). She gave me dilators to insert prior to s*x, which are basically like clinical d**dos. They look like large candles. Essentially, you work up to the larger size and eventually you “train” yourself to adjust to the larger size. Admittedly, it’s not the most romantic thing in the world but it really, really works. It’s not an understatement to say that it changed our s*x life. Good luck!

    • When I had a similar problem to a.’s after a severe lady parts problem involving swelling that resulted in painful you know whatting, this treatment was discussed. But first, my PCP recommended using l*be, in generous (more than you think you need) quantities to see if that cleared the problem up. And it did. Over time. But this is a valid and important treatment protocol…s*x SHOULD NOT hurt!!!! One note though, if you are in a new or transitive relationship, use only water based l*bes that are friendly with latex protection. Later in the relationship, after testing, you can mix it up with the more industrial strength stuff.

      There are actually physical therapists who specialize in this treatment, btw, if there are any lurkers out there having these issues who don’t want to speak up but see themselves in these posts.

      • Yes, I did have to go to a physical therapist for this issue about 6 sessions and she helped me immensely. I think I had a more serious problem than what the original writer wrote about though, but physical therapy was amazing for me.

  7. Always a NYer :

    Not feeling any part of that outfit, at all. Now onto my threadjack. I’m in the very early stages of planning a trip to Paris for my cousin’s thirteenth birthday. We’ll be going in August (not next month, I just want to have all my proposed plans down when I see her and her parents over Christmas) and only for a three-day weekend.

    It will be the first time either of us go to Paris so I want it to be a weekend full of pampering that she wouldn’t get if she were travelling with her parents and younger brother. We’ll be departing from London so I have that all down. My plans as of now are to do a cruise down the Seine and visit the Louvre, other than that I’m drawing blanks. She’s very girly so I thought we could get our hair blow dried our first afternoon there as well as get her makeup done. She speaks French rather well, mine is limited to the extreme basics.

    I’m looking for recommendations for a hotel that won’t bankrupt me, restaurants that will be suitable for picky eaters (she’s vegetarian and I’m all for steak but willing to go to places she’ll enjoy), fun cafes with indoor seating, shopping centers, hair/nail salons. What about packing – suggestions for a long weekend with us not looking touristy? Also, any thoughts on where I can take her and buy her something she’ll have for years and always remember our trip when she sees it? This can be a bit more expensive as thirteen is a very special birthday =)

    I know there have been threads on this before but I can’t find them. If anyone’s bookmarked them or can tell me the search terms to use, I’d be very grateful. Thanks in advance!

    • Check out the Hotel Castille on Rue Cambon. Right next to Chanel and Coco Chanel’s apartment. Ask for an apartment on the Chanel side (all black and white decor) — very elegant and comfortable while not over-the-top expensive.

    • Invite me. Please.

    • No suggestions but … whoa. You are a pretty killer aunt. What a lucky girl!

    • Paris, my favorite! She’s so lucky to have an amazing aunt. My uncle sent me to Paris when I graduated from high school and I’ll always remember that trip. Consider staying in an apartment, you feel a bit more integrated into the neighborhood and have a bit more space. Check out

      I’d wear anything you’d wear in a city normally. I typically wear ballet flats or chucks or low profile pumas. Jeans are fine. I don’t imagine you’ll be breaking out the mom jeans and big white sneakers so I wouldn’t worry too much about wardrobe. August is quite warm (it’s over 90C there at the moment) so things comfortable for that kind of heat.

      In terms of things to see and do, some of the smaller museums (Picasso, etc) are cool as is the Centre Pompidou. The museum shops and cafes are always fabulous. Definitely spend time on the Left Bank, lots of boutiques and bookstores and cute little restaurants. Maybe the flea markets?

      13 is a bit tough for a big present, she won’t quite appreciate a hermes scarf, or be able to wear nice jewelry or a fancy handbag. I think I’d buy her trinkets, things she likes, but the memory will be the most important bit.

      • The Musee D’Orsay is worth the trip as well. Lots of cool impressionists. Get baguettes and take her to get coffee or hot chocolate. I got a scarf at an outdoor market in Paris when I was there and it has been my go to item for the fall and winter. Those are inexpensive and she can pick out her favorite color.

        As for clothes, I would do dresses and flats. Comfy and cute, and you will not be overwhelmed by the heat.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      You are a really awesome cousin. Just so you know!

    • kerrycontrary :

      Is there any way you could go another month? I realize it’s for her birthday, but a lot of stuff is closed in Paris during August including shops and museums. Even late July would be better, but I’m sure September would be beautiful (May and September are amazing in Paris). Try not to make your schedule too jammed-pack because some of the joy of Paris (and France) is wandering around without plans. You want this to be relaxing, not exhausting. Whatever you do this will be a trip she will always remember! You are a great Aunt for planning something so special.

      • Another logistical thought – traveling with a minor, especially to another country, can be complicated. I believe you may need a parental permission letter, but I would check with your airline and the French consulate to be sure that you have everything ahead of time.

        • Not only do you need a permission letter, but it needs to be notarized.

          Signed,
          Someone who was frantically waiting for a notarized letter from the parents while at the airport

        • Always a NYer :

          I hadn’t even thought of that…something I’ll need to research. We do have the same last name but I’ll check into it, thanks!

          • You will definitely need a notarized letter. There is a good chance that nobody will ever look at it (that was the case when I took the little sister to Europe) but you mustmustmust have it.

          • I think mine just said that they (named parents) were allowing Sister to travel to (countries) with (my full name), and that I was her legal guardian for (dates of trip). But all in legalese, of course.

          • And yes, it had to be notarized.

            The legal guardian part was in case, goddess forbid, I had to make any decisions on her behalf while we were gone. I don’t know if that part is required to allow you to do the actual travelling.

    • Not sure you were looking for museum recommendations, but I do have to recommend the Musee Rodin. It’s in a beautiful old house (his?) with lots of the largest pieces in the surrounding gardens (like the Burghers of Calais). I’m a pretty girly girl and went there for the first time when I was 16 and completely fell in love.

      • There is also a collection of Camille Claudel pieces (Rodin’s mistress). Her stuff is breathtakingly beautiful and so emotional. The garden surrounding the house is gorgeous too. This museum is on the Paris Museum pass as well.

      • I’ve never been, but my husband swears Musée de l’Orangerie is his favorite museum in Paris. It’s right next to the Louvre, but much less crowded.

        Also, you are an awesome cousin.

        • The Monets in l’Orangerie are not to be missed. Room-sized panels of waterlilies. Stunning.

          • Second!

          • I live in Europe and took my 22 year old sister to Paris this spring. Not quite 13, but still, over a decade younger than me. L’Orangerie is my favorite, and Musee D’Orsay is a close second… and she really liked both of those. I also love Pompidou. If you’re going to hit up more than a few museums, it probably makes sense to buy the Paris museum pass.

            Her favorite thing, which I highly recommend, was a bike tour. I’d say do it your first day if you can — it’s such a great way to see the city and get your bearings and you get to at least bike by and learn a bit about a lot of places that you might not have the time to go visit. There are quite a few companies that do these tours — I’ve done Fat Tire bike tours in Berlin and Paris. Frankly, the Berlin one was better, but I think that was just because I had an exceptional guide. The Paris one wasn’t bad at all, it just wasn’t as great as Berlin. A bunch of the companies offer a night bike tour in Paris, and in the summer (when it’s light out quite late) that might be a great option. Another fun thing that my sister and I enjoyed was the sunset cruise on the Seine — there are a few companies and most leave from the docks near the Eiffel Tower. If you want to go up the Tower, book online WAY in advance. Sacre Couer is another fantastic place. You can climb the tower, and the views are phenomenal. At dusk it’s kind of a scene — musicians, street performers, people selling weird things, and lots of people selling beers, and the steps are swarmed with folks just hanging out ready to watch the sun set over the city.

            When looking for accommodation, I would make sure to check out what metro lines are nearby. One visit I stayed down in Montparnasse, but I was right off the 6 (I think) which was super convenient. Even though it was a bit out of the way and the area itself wasn’t particularly compelling, it felt safe and I basically had a straight shot almost everywhere I wanted to go. When my sister and I went, we stayed in Montmartre, which had more ambiance, but meant longer metro rides and more changes wherever else we went.

    • Take her to Cafe Angelina (near the Louvre) for dessert – it’s beyond fantastic. Will definitely be memorable and a highlight.
      Is she a vegetarian that eats fish? Most restaurants will have lots of great fish options available. Otherwise, a fun idea for lunch might be to go to the Marais and get falafel. There are a few places that are really great: L’As du Fallafel is the famous one, I think; Chez Hanna, is also really great and somewhat less touristy.
      Other ideas — go to the market and get some fresh cheeses and a baguette and have a picnic in one of the parks. Climb down and walk along the Seine. Go to Montmarte and visit the Basilique du Sacre Coeur – very quintessential Paris and the view of the city is so great from up there.
      Make sure you get a subway pass – Paris is really spread out, it’s the easiest way to get around.
      Hotels are all going to be expensive. Last time we went, we stayed near the Luxembourg Gardens and it was somewhat reasonable. It’s a good area to look in.

      • This. Whatever you do, take her to Cafe Angelina for the hot chocolate. I second falafel as well, but keep in mind that a lot of the Marais will be closed on Friday night and Saturday, even L’Aus de Falafel which is super touristy.

    • L’Espace Dali is pretty awesome. I went with my 17-year-old sister and she loved it (I know that’s older than 13 but teenagers love Dali, right? At least the ones that are into art museums?) – there’s a lot in there I’d never seen before, which was really cool.

    • I’m the one that was asking for Paris recommendations a few months back and recently returned from my first trip there. For museums, I prefered Musee D’Orsay and Rodin to the Louvre; the Louvre is so enormous it’s pretty overpowering – though it was great to see Winged Victory and Venus. Definitely hang in the Tuilleries after the Louvre. Le Souffle near there was really good for (guess what kind of food?). Day trip to Versailles was meh for me, but a girly girl might love it. We got a box of “Paris walks” cards that was really helpful for sights in various neighborhoods. Loved Notre Dame and Sacre Couer.

    • anon in SF :

      Try to make it to Angelina for lunch or tea one day. It is a super girly restaurant & patisserie near the Louvre and the Tuileries. It is a favorite with the glamorous ladies who lunch and the fashion editor set. I think all the beautiful pastries would be heaven for a 13 year old girl.

      http://www.angelina-paris.fr/#/home/

    • Second the recommendation about flats – really, just avoid sneakers that look like you’re about to go work out.

      Love the D’Orsay, but my favorite museum is the Rodin. The Louvre is fantastic, but it can be overwhelming, so (depending on her/your interests) you might want to just hit the highlights. I believe Rick Steves has a “best of” Louvre tour that does that.

      Paris has it’s own version of the Highline (google Paris elevated park), which is really cool (also close to Chez Omar – see below). Montmarte is gorgeous. Also, Rue Cler is one of those stereotypical streets that you think of when you think of Paris. It’s really close to the Eiffel Tower, so easy to swing by and grab a croissant. If you can spare a day, Versailles is amazing – ornate, opulent, over the top… fabulous and completely what you’d expect.

      For restaurants: Le Petit Pontoise, Chez Omar (their vegetable couscous is amazing), L’As du Fallafel (seriously the best falafel I’ve ever eaten) (in the Marais). All of these are easily google-able.

      Just keep in mind that in August a lot of the Parisians go on vacation, so restaurants might be closed. All the tourist-y areas should be fine though.

    • This is an awesome idea! I adore my nephews but they are such boys.

      • Always a NYer :

        I’m still wondering what to do with her younger brother when he turns thirteen. I’d never take one of them on a trip and not the other. He is such a boy as well but I’m thinking skiing or snowboarding in one of the European Alps since his birthday is the end of October. I’ll figure it out when the time comes. NOLA, I’m sure whatever you do with your nephews they’ll love! Btw, how did surprising the one go?

        • It was a great weekend! He wasn’t surprised exactly – they tried to cover up the fact that they were coming to the airport by going to the air museum, but when they got to the baggage claim, he figured out they were picking someone up then he saw where his brother was looking on the arrivals board and figured out it was me. But that was only a few minutes before I arrived and he was very happy I was there and disbelieving that his younger brother had cooked up the whole thing for him. We just hung out all weekend. He is obsessed with flying planes and does a lot of flight simulation games, so his parents got him a flight lesson on a Cessna that was supposed to be Saturday. Unfortunately, the bad weather postponed it to after I left, but it was an awesome gift for him. The funniest thing that would happen during the weekend was I would be upstairs in my room on my laptop with one of the boys and my gmail chat would pop up with the other one saying “Where are you?” “Is my brother with you?” “I’m coming up!”

          • This is SO Adorbs!! You are the coolest aunt ever. I hope i can be as cool of an aunt as you someday, Nola ;o)

      • Oh and one more thing – it would be fun to take her shopping for a Paris outfit!

    • Consider a short term apartment rental. I’ve used these folks http://www.vacationinparis.com/. The nice thing about them (and maybe other companies do this too) is they are US based and fedex the keys/building code to you BEFORE you fly. No waiting for someone to meet you when you’re tired beyond belief from the overnight flight.

      Also, does it have to be August? It’s prime vacation season for French and businesses close…

    • Always a NYer :

      Thanks everyone for such awesome suggestions!!! I’ll be looking into them all tonight =) My cousin is such a sweetheart and we’ve been talking about this for years because we spent so many birthdays together, either them coming to New York or me going to London. I also tried searching again for the old threads on Paris but am not doing it right. Did anyone bookmark them and could you post them? Thanks!

      • I didn’t bookmark them but have tons of other suggestions and not enough time to type. Happy to respond to an email tntkate at gmail.

    • You’ll get more luxury for your buck renting an apartment on Airbnb than staying in a hotel. Not to be a downer, but vegetarian food in France tends to be pretty bad by California standards, even at the places that are said to have “good” vegetarian food. However, there are great cheese shops and produce markets for eating well as a vegetarian if you stay in an apartment with a kitchen.

      • SO MUCH HAM IN PARIS.

      • Agreed that vegetarian food is on the whole not that great in Paris. I went to several vegetarian restaurants on my last trip there and was disappointed. One place that was pretty good was Au Grain de Folie, in Montmartre — it’s not fancy, more quirky, but the food was good, the area has lots of fun little shops and is very close to Sacre Coeur. I struggled to eat *anything* on menus at french restaurants, but I had better luck at Indian restaurants and couscous places. I think the best way to enjoy french cuisine as a vegetarian is to do as CA lawyer suggests and by yourself some cheese and produce and have a picnic somewhere (I recommend the park near the Tour Eiffel, it may be touristy but nothing says Paris like eating your baguette and cheese with a view of the Tour Eiffel!)

        • Also, North African/Middle Eastern food can be a good option. And Asian. But definitely definitely not French food. As per above, SO MUCH HAM.

    • Jane Fairfax :

      I highly recommend Context Travel for a guided tour of the Louvre. I am usually not a tour person, but my husband talked me into a Context Travel tour of the Louvre when we went to Paris 2 years ago and it turned out to be one of my favorite parts of the trip. Their tour groups tend to be small (ours was only 6 people including the guide), so they book up early. When my husband booked the tour they asked him what we wanted to see and the guide planned the trip accordingly. The Louvre is huge and overwhelming, so it was really nice to have a guide show us around.

    • I took my daughter to Paris when she was 13, and we bought a Paris shopping book in advance, highlighted all of the stores that sounded cool and tween-oriented, and used that to help us map out our days. Then, depending on the neighborhood where a particular store was located, we’d combine a visit to the store with a visit to the nearest tourist site and restaurant or cafe of interest. It worked really well for us and meant that each day was a combination of shopping, food and culture.

  8. Anonymous :

    Early career-related threadjack.

    Private practice lawyer here, and I am pretty much fed up with the practice of law. Just some inherent things about the practice get to me (and I’m surprisingly ok with billing hours, workplace politics, hours worked [sorta], etc.). A job at a major consulting firm recently opened up directly within my business and interest area, and I am seriously considering transitioning into more of an advisory/management consulting role — more on the business side of things than on the law side. Has anyone made the transition from biglaw to consulting, or know anyone who did? Any advice from consultants out there? I would be potentially coming in to a more senior position than the usual entry level, but more “senior consultant in specialty X” than a management role within the consulting firm. Any advice would be much appreciated!

    • Anonforthis :

      I’ve sort of done this but out of necessity, not a desire to leave the law. What aspects of law do you dislike and what attracts you to consulting? Also, what type of lawyer are you (litig, corp, reg)?

      • Anonymous :

        I am in litigation in a niche area (health care/health insurance) and the consulting positions would be implementation of health care reform roll outs. What I dislike about the law is that nobody is working toward a goal, and instead are nitpicking at each other, undermining each other, and creating inefficiencies and unnecessary disputes. What attracts me to consulting is the idea generation mentioned below, creating efficiency and working toward developing an end product (similar to a corporate lawyer, which I have done a little work — working toward getting the deal done).

        • Anon — those three things you listed, are they your primary problems with the law? Because that’s not an issue with the practice of law, that’s an issue with a potentially toxic workplace. I don’t think there’s anything inherent in the practice of law that prevents working towards a goal — in fact, quite the opposite. Not to shoot down your consulting idea because it might be quite right for you … just something to think about.

          • Anonymous :

            I have actually worked at two different law firms, and the same issues applied. You are constantly in battle with opposing counsel, co-counsel, internally, with your client, with the judge, etc.

        • Anonforthis :

          I get that. I do like litigation, but I also understand how a lot of people feel the way you do about it. It seems to me that you could find consulting to be very satisfying. It would allow you to use your expertise and knowledge while moving away from the world of nastygrams. If you don’t mind long hours or billables, I think you’d probably be fine. I know some consultants feel like they’re doing busywork and just using a bunch of buzzwords, but I feel like if you’re in a niche area, you’re providing real guidance not just a bunch of MBA mumbojumbo (not saying that’s my view of MBAs, but I know some MBAs who feel that way about consulting). If consulting doesn’t work out for you for whatever reason, have you considered a regulatory practice? Not sure how much of that type of work is in your city, but it sounds like something you might enjoy.

    • Off the top of my head, one thing you may need to be prepared for is more idea-generation and pitching for new work. There is usually a ‘need’ factor when clients engage their legal advisors but management consulting services more typically have to be ‘sold’ and most firms will expect that their seniors take some responsibility for generating leads and ideas.

      • Anonymous :

        The pitching is something I have to do in my current position; and what I am attracted to is the idea-generation! Both of those prospects are actually really exciting to me. Good to know :)

  9. http://www1.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/french-connection-dress-fast-twinkle-sleeveless-lace?ID=610661&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

    Two things-
    First – i posted on this a while ago, but i purchased this dress as my wedding dress (super casual ceremony) and i LOVE it. fits perfect, looks perfect, blah blah. I need shoe help though! I honestly wear running shoes or flip flops on a daily basis and my “work” shoes are a pair of frye regina flats, so i’m not exactly someone who cares about shoes usually…but i have NO idea what to wear with this dress. It’s definatly blushy pink in person. My criteria are…need to be under 200$ – i’d consider going higher if there wer shoes i could wear for more than one occasion…and preferably not a GIANT heel. fiance and i are same height, so i’m obvi going to be taller, but i’d prefer it to not be a huge difference in pictures…yay! thanks all!

  10. I have fallen madly in love with this shirt (link to follow), but I can’t figure out how to style it! Help!

    • Ummm….for what type of event?

      • I don’t have a specific event in mind, so I’d like suggestions for all types. I’d thought of pairing it with skinny jeans and red heels just to go out to a bar. I don’t have any cigarette pants, but those could look good too, right?

        I’m just looking for a reason to buy it, okay???

      • Stuck in moderation:

        I don’t have a specific event in mind, so I’d like suggestions for all types. I’d thought of pairing it with skinny jeans and red heels just to go out to a bar. I don’t have any c i g * r e t t e pants, but those could look good too, right?

        I’m just looking for a reason to buy it, okay???

        • I like the idea, but I’m not sure I can find any event in my life where I would wear it. Maybe your life is different than mine in that respect?
          If I wore it to a bar it would get dirty and I would spill a drink on it. Since its white, that wouldn’t work. Definitely couldn’t wear to work at my conservative office. I like white tops for like picnics and garden parties and such, but the lacey, open nature on the back and the fact that I couldn’t wear a bra would kill it for that kind of event.
          I think I, personally, might get it in another color to wear out at night or something, but I just couldn’t deal with the white… Maybe for a black-light party? But that would make it a very single-purpose piece of clothing, which I don’t usually buy.

          Sorry, not styling advice. I can’t get my head around it.

        • A pencil skirt (black, grey, denim or any intense color) would also look great.

          • This. I was thinking black pencil skirt and red patent heels but there are tons of combinations that would work.

        • I love it. I’d wear it with slim jeans and patterned shoes to go out. For work, if you were sure to be wearing a full suit all day–i.e. not taking off the jacket–you could also wear it with a suit. Since it would appear to be a plain white peplum top, I’d prefer the suit have a pattern or heather to it, and to wear a scarf or statement necklace so it wasn’t too boring with all solids.

        • I just can’t think of how you would wear a white shirt with no bra. maybe one of those sticky bras? I think skinny jeans would be too casual with it. I like the idea of skinny cigrette pants or a pencil skirt though.

        • haha, I was just making sure it wasn’t for WORK. Even under a suit, I just can’t see this for work.

          I feel like for a night out on the town or for a s*xified date, this would look super hot with cigarette pants or a black (or maybe red?) pencil skirt with stilettos). I’m really not an expert on party outfits…I’m so lame I basically have none of them.

          • a passion for fashion :

            i would totally wear it to work with a conservative black suit, but then I take many a fashion risk and have a tendency to flout the rules.

          • How do you fit the peplum under the suit? does it just squish it down?

        • My substantive reply is awaiting the dreaded mod-bot. But may I just say, that even under a jacket, I really can’t see this for work. :-) And I like your ideas.

    • I think it would look cute with bright blue ankle pants or a short slim black skirt.

    • i have no idea how to style it either, but i am Jellus!!! It is gorgeous, and I wish I had the style to wear stuff like that. I loooove your taste in clothes, b23 ;o)

  11. I love this skirt but… who tucks in a cardigan? Is that a thing now?

  12. Calling TCFKAG and others… I’m a bridesmaid in an outdoor wedding in a few months where the ceremony and reception will be on grass. Bride has generously told us to wear either gold or blue/navy shoes of whatever style we want. I’m typically a 2″ heel kind of girl and I’ve been looking for low wedges in those colors and seem to be striking out. I was looking for something like the Kate Spade Tracey or the Badgley Mischka Zudora (links to follow) but am open to anything except gold glitter. I was hoping for under $150 but at this point would go over that for a shoe I liked and would wear again. Can you help???

  13. So, today is my first day having to work from home because my 5-month old baby is sick. I figure I’m not going to be extremely productive (thankfully I’m *way* ahead on hours since returning from leave…) and just need to do the bare minimum today and be responsive should anyone legitimately need something done today. Any other tips on balancing a sick baby with work?

    Relatedly, it really is heartbreaking to have an unhappy child who isn’t feeling well. I’d be happier just cuddling with him all day.

    • It really does suck when your kids are sick. I hope you are able to get enough snuggle time to make both of you feel better!

    • Work on things that you can put down and pick back up later without too much trouble. Ideally something that you can work on in short spurts as you have time.

      I hope he feels better soon. Is he a cuddle-bug/cling-on when he’s sick? If so, I’d go for full body contact today. If you have a carrier or sling then I’d use that if you need to. Don’t assume that he’ll take a nap away from you today, no matter what his normal schedule is.

    • Use his naps for getting work done and then let his mood dictate whatever else you can fit in. Also, anticipate that he may still be sick tomorrow and not able to return to childcare or may need to see a doctor. So don’t necessarily count on being back in the office tomorrow and plan accordingly. Most people will understand that caring for a sick child is hardly a vacation day. It happens to everyone at some point or another.

      • Try to do admin stuff that doesn’t take a lot of brainpower. Caselaw searches come to mind if the issue isn’t crazily nuanced.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I don’t think that is right. Did you take a sick day or a work from home? I think you have to much more than barely there if you are on a work from home day, but I’d work on easily stop and startable work, stuff you can put down and pick, without having to start over and thus functionally re-bill. If its a sick day, then just bare minimum is fine. Otherwise, this makes work from home more difficult to justify – because you are fully working. If my baby was ill, though, I’d have just taken a sick day so I wouldn’t feel guilty about snuggling/cuddling all day.

      • hmm, in my biglaw firm there really isn’t a difference between a “sick” day and a “work from home” day. sometimes, on vacations, I bill 15+ hours in a day; other times, in the office on a week day, I bill 2.

  14. What’s the phrase I type into g00gle to search for old threads?

    • site:[thissite] dot com [search term]

      • Has anyone else found that this technique doesn’t return all results? I’ve had a couple of instances where I tried it, didn’t get what I was looking for, but then found on my own through painstaking manual search through old threads. (And it’s not like I’m using the wrong keywords, e.g., searching for “blue” when the thread actually contains “navy”).

    • site:[insertthissitename dot com] [searchterm]

    • This is why we need a FAQ section.com

  15. My husband and I are celebrating our 2 year wedding anniverary and to make it fun we decided to stick to traditional gifts. Any gift ideas that are somehow related to cotton? I already considered stationary but I don’t think he would use it.

  16. I need some guidance. In yesterday’s discussion about what this site has introduced you to, a few people said pairing color with color. This is something that I’d love to start doing more of. I’m in kind of a rut of bright skirt, white top & neutral cardi, or neutral skirt, neutral top, colored cardi. I’d love to start pairing my kelly green skirt with a purple cardi, for example, but I always worry that I will just miss the mark, kwim? End up with an outfit that is close but doesn’t quite work. I also have a matchy-matchy tendency. Emma Pillsbury inspires me. However, I try to keep my matchy-matchiness in check so I don’t look like my grandma.

    When you pair color with color, how do you make sure it looks, not intentional, but, I’m not sure of the word I’m looking for. Maybe intentional works. Do you (and I mean specifically you, if you successfully wear color & color together) ever use a print top or a multicolored piece of jewelry, or do you just not worry about bridging pieces like this? Prints are something that my wardrobe definitely lacks. Most of the prints I own are tone on tone or black & white.

    I must admit that I find it easier to wear color with color when they are next to each other on the color wheel, like my kelly green skirt with an aqua top. Maybe that’s part of being successful in pairing color with color? I think I need to go look at the academichic archives & check out their color theory posts.

    And maybe I’m way overthinking this.

    • I think the options you have suggested in your post work well. If you feel more comfortable using a print/jewelry/bridge piece to mix color that is a good way to start. Some people don’t like the color blocking thing, so using those bridge pieces pulls everything together.

      Look at a color wheel. Colors on opposite sides compliment. I tend to do color mixing with opposites on the color wheel, like blue and red/orange, or purple/yellow. They make the colors really pop. But I also like keeping the colors in the same family (colors directly next to one another on the color wheel – your aqua/green combo would fit here).

    • AnonInfinity :

      I think you are overthinking it. Just try some combinations and if you like it, wear it. (Easier said than done if you are new to color)

      One way to start developing an eye is to use patterns or jewelry as jumping off points. So, take a patterned shirt. Pick out a color in the pattern that is a minor color in the pattern. Use that color for your cardigan or your shoes or your purse or your skirt. Do not use that color for all of those things or you’ll end up with the matchy look. I think that it starts to look matchy when you wear a cardigan (or whatever) of the same color as the dominant color in the pattern, too, but you may disagree.

      I know there is some disagreement on this site about color blocking, but I love it. It’s hard to describe how to make sure the colors go together, but one way is to make sure they’re all of the same type. By that I mean that you can put a pastel with a pastel or a jewel tone with a jewel tone, but I’d stay away from mixing, say, a pastel with a jewel tone until you are more advanced.

    • Love the academichic archives! And maybe I’m a neophyte, but I do try to have a multicolored necklace to “pull it all together,” or at least make things more cohesive. One necklace in particular is chunky, with lots of different tones, including gold and silver, but they are all dark tones, and I wear it a *lot* for this purpose.

    • I have trouble with this too. I tend to shy away from patterns, but I like AnonInfinity’s suggestion. I can think of colour mixes for other people’s outfits, but never for myself. I tend to wear a colour with grey, black, or neutral (like a linen or brown skirt).

      Can we do a case study of sorts (aka can I hijack this question for my own purposes)? I just picked up the pink No. 2 J Crew pencil skirt in neon tweed (for $25!). It’s a pink shot through with orange. I can’t think of anything to wear with it except white, or maybe black. Would navy work? Other colours?

  17. How about a nice set of luxury cotton sheets, and then take the day off to break them in? You will likely have them forever, and it is a sexy, romantic present that he will like. :)

  18. I just got the Etienne Aigner “Hitomi” sandal and it’s ridiculously comfortable. The gold straps are elastic, 2.5″ wedge.
    It’s gold and really shiny so I’m not sure if it’s what you would considered “gold glitter”, but I got mine from Zappos and recently saw them in more sizes at TJMaxx.

  19. Remember when we started a clothes-swap thread a few weeks ago? Well, I received my J.Crew Lady Day coat in the mail from Eleanor, and it fits perfectly and makes me veryvery happy. So I just wanted to say thanks to her, publicly, and also thanks to this site for being so awesome! No one can believe I got that coat for free, out of the goodness of Eleanor’s heart. Yay, Eleanor! And Yay! C0rp0r3tt3!!

    • How do I get on this exchange? I have a few things that I would love to exchange/donate to the cause.

      • Lol, I think if you offer them up (with descriptions and sizes), fellow readers will quickly volunteer themselves as recipients!

      • There is also a group on http://rehashclothes.com
        The group number is 183, but you can’t get to it until you sign up for Rehash. It’s pretty easy and you can send private messages to each other so you don’t have to post your address info in public. As soon as I can get my act together, I’m shipping a shift dress to In-House Europe!

    • Ha, thanks for the shout-out! Glad to share a coat I wasn’t going to wear with a fellow [reader of this site].

  20. Pregnancy/Maternity Leave TJ – I am 37 weeks into my first pregnancy. My firm provides 12 weeks of leave, so I am trying to go as long as I can to maximize my time off after the baby is born, instead of wasting some of it waiting for the baby to be born. Fortunately, what I do lends itself to working from home, and my group is not a big face-time group. My commute is about a 45 minute drive, mostly highway. My husband is starting to get nervous about me driving out to work every day, and I am starting to get anxious about it too (laboring while stuck in traffic?!?!?), except I feel like a wimp (Sheryl Sandberg “don’t leave before you leave” running through my mind). I’m figuring at this point I’ve only got about 4 weeks or so left, and want to work from home 4 days a week and come in just once a week. Is that leaving before I leave?

    • AnonInfinity :

      My interpretation of the Leaving Before You Leave idea is that a woman should not turn down a promotion or a certain job when she is early in her career if the only reason for doing that is that she wants to have kids in a few years.

      In situations like this, you should listen to your body. If it’s really making your nervous and stressed to be in all that traffic and your group wouldn’t mind your working from home, then definitely do that! You are not a wimp. This doesn’t seem like it will harm you and will make your life better for the next few weeks.

    • I think if you had to ask you know the answer

    • No that is not leaving before you leave. Somehow that sanberg quote has really taken on a life of its own. In context, its about not turning down opportunities. Like don’t turn down a big promotion because you might get pregnant in the next year. For gosh sakes work from home woman! :) that commute sounds brutal, you should for sure work from home.

      • Regardless of the quote, I do think people will think you aren’t working during those stay at home days. So just make sure its a system where they can track your output, your available by email, etc. But if it is a culture of working at home then you certaintly should

    • I think this is a know your office type of thing (and it sounds like you are worried about how you will be perceived working from home 4 days a week), but I honestly don’t think that you will be stuck laboring in traffic. I have had fast labors (6.5 hours, 5 hours, and 4.5 hours), but typically labor starts off slow and you feel kind of off, so you would have plenty of time to get home, or to call your husband to get you. I have a 35 min. commute, but worked all day the day my third child was born (she was born at 10:45 p.m.). As you get closer to your due date, just really pay attention to how you are feeling, and then if you need to stay home, do so.

      • I’m with Anon on this one. Also, think of the absolute worst case scenario: you’re stuck laboring in traffic and it’s a fast labor. You get off at the next exit, call 911 and get an ambulance to come pick you up if need be. My first baby was almost a week late, FWIW, and I worked up until the end — but I could tell in the few days before labor started that I’d begun to feel different.

      • I wouldn’t telecommute until 1 or 2 weeks before – it is leaving before you leave in a non-Sandburg type of way. As a boss I’d wonder about your commitment, which I know is unfair, but it’s true. You’re also going to be wrapping up or transfering projects which often require meetings. My husband was also completely certain my water would break on the subway. But labor rarely both begins and progresses to intense within a time span as short as a commute; even if your water breaks you have plenty of time to get to the hospital. But not a wimp, I planned to telecommute my 40th week largely because the commute alone wore me out, but ended up in labor the weekend before.

    • a passion for fashion :

      totally not leaving before you leave. I did this with my 2nd pregnancy because my baby was born in july and i was miserably hot and nothing but sweats fit. lots of people do this. if you have work to do and no one you work with cares if you do it at home, do that.

    • Seventh Sister :

      It totally depends on how you feel…but it’s not all that likely you will go into labor in your car, super-fast (esp. with a first baby). One thing I did in my last pregnancy was go in a little later when the traffic was lighter, and not try to work a full day in the office (made up hours at home after dinner and on weekends).

      • T. McGill :

        Thanks everyone for the support! Truth be told, I’m feeling more productive at home than in the office. I am slow getting around the office, and always being stopped by people to chat about the pregnancy/my plans, plus I am more comfortable at home since none of my work appropriate clothes fit well at this point…

  21. Just an anonymous share that I just got my heart broken this morning by a guy I loved very much. We’d been together for almost a year and a half. I don’t really know what to say, but just wanted to tell someone.

    • I’m sorry, that’s really awful. Internet hugs to you, if you want them. Try to remember that at some point it won’t hurt so much. Take good care of youself until you get there.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      I’m so sorry. It sucks that time is the only thing that helps, but it is.

      Actually, that’s a lie. New shoes, takeout, ice cream and Netflix help too.

    • So sorry! Hope you have plenty of people in your life you can also tell. Sometimes with something like this you feel like not reaching out, but make sure you do. Take a little time to wallow in sympathy and I hope you start feeling better soon. I believe the official corpor3tt3 medicine for this is wine and cookies.

    • I’m so sorry – hugs. Give yourself time to wallow. I think some of the best advice I’ve heard about dealing with unhappy feelings (that I’m going to butcher in paraphasing) is to let the feelings move through you. Think of yourself as permeable, the feelings like a liquid or gas. Know that you’re going to have to ride it out, but that you will get better.

      And wine, ice cream, and movies do help.

    • I’m so sorry. Surround yourself with good friends or family and 2nd the wine and cookies idea. {{{HUGS}}}

    • I’m so very sorry. That just s*cks. You know when people try to make you feel better by saying that every time God (or whatever) closes a door he opens a window. All I ever want to say in return is…well, every time God closes a door, he makes me want to punch out a window.

      Treat yourself to the things you like most. Talk it out with your girlfriends. And give yourself time. But really, just know that we all know how much it sucks. And hopefully in three years you’ll be dating magically straight Matt Bomer.

      • well put TCFKAG, I Definitely know how much it sucks. Lots and lots of {{{Internet Huugggssss}}} In fact, Sad, if you are like I was, and none of your friends have the patience to deal with your endless talking about it, I’d be happy to be your bottomless break-up-talking email pen pal. I wished someone had done that for me, so if you need someone to talk to, drop me a line. It’s zoradances at the g mail. {{{More Hugggssss}}}

    • Any way you can get out of town for the weekend? This was what helped me during my last break up. Go visit your parents or a good friend. Go on a hike. Anything for a change of scene.

      When my ex-bf and I broke up, he rented out the party room of a fancy downtown bar and invited all 800 of his FB friends (which included some of my work colleagues…awesome). In an especially classy move, they were invited to comment in the RSVP re how lucky he was to be rid of me/how long it would take me to “come crawling back.” I wanted to quit my job and move to Thailand. Hugs to you. You will grow stronger from this.

      • oh.my.god.

      • Seriously. That is a crazy breakup story. Almost worse than mine (ex met a woman at a party while we were married, she started blogging about this guy she was in love with…)

      • There are no words.

      • Is this for realz?? This is something I can only ever imagine happening in a Reese Witherspoon movie.

      • Wow. You are well rid of him. Kudos.

      • Migraine Sufferer :

        Can I put this in my novel?

      • Haha, yes; true story. Now I can laugh about it, but I was certainly not laughing two years ago, when my parents arrived to pour me into their car.

        I do – sadly – get an ego boost from the fact that he still calls me, and has repented. Honestly, I might be inclined to give him another shot if I am still single in a couple more years. It is *so* hard to find quality guys out there. Sigh.

        • Motoko Kusanagi :

          “It is *so* hard to find quality guys out there.”

          This may be true, but please do not settle for one who would throw himself a FREEEEEDOM party and advertise it to 800 of his nearest and dearest.

          You can do better than this dude!

        • OMG do NOT give this guy a second shot! How hard it is to find high quality guys =/= going back to someone who threw a party in celebration of breaking up with you and invited everybody he knew on FB!!!!!!!!!

          If you ever consider giving him a second chance, please post here first so we can virtually talk you off that ledge!

        • You are better of single forever then with a a**hole like that.

      • I.can’t.cope.with…..o.m.g. I wish it had turned into a comment thread about what a d*ck he was to pull a stunt like that.

      • What?! This is cray cray!!

        Sounds like you dodged a major bullet. Motherfondue that guy.

        • Thanks, ladies. I really appreciate the empathy and encouragement more than I can express. The worst part of it is that we work for the same firm. I know, I know, I should have thought of this before dating him. There’s no avoiding him, and he is more successful than I am, so it’s all a slap in the face.

          • More successful at work. In life, probably not. Jerks are jerks and life has a funny way of catching up with them. There was a thread awhile ago that had tips on breaking your work crush – maybe some of those would help you? Focus on his bad/annoying habits!

          • I went through this when I was an associate. I dated an associate senior to me in my group. We had a tough break-up, but it got better. Honestly, it will just take time. I’m so sorry that you are experiencing this at work. Treat yourself to something great and surround yourself with friends.

          • Well, i kind of buried my own comment (that was dumb) but {{{{hhuuuggsss}}} and if it would help to have a breakup email penpal, see my comment above.

          • I agree with L above. Unfortunately, the very qualities that correlate with success at work can make someone very difficult to deal with in the context of an intimate relationship.

    • Seattleite :

      I’m sorry. Pat pat pat. Please be very kind to yourself. Splurge on a pedicure or massage, and spend the weekend eating food he hated, doing activities he sniffed at.

      • Thank you all so much, and Zora, I may take you up on that offer! I think the hardest part is just powering through all the bad feelings and sadness, especially since I have a propensity toward depression (have been on Wellbutrin for year, with decent results).

        Rationally I know it won’t always hurt, but I really want to know when is it going to stop hurting and how do I fast forward to that time? I’ve heard all the different metrics, proportionate to how much time you were together, but I just want to know when I’m no longer going to mourn the Napa wedding we always talked about, and the dog and the imaginary house and the future.

        • Emphathizing Anon :

          I’m really sorry :-(

          I just went through this last month, but we were long-distance, which makes it both better and worse. Some days are great, some are less so, but overall it does get easier. And I just want to say, who says he’s more successful than you? Don’t put yourself down. There are all kinds of success. Maybe by some metric he would “win”, but I’m sure we can find many other equally important/valid metrics that you would “win” at, so please please please try not to fixate on that or think negatively about yourself. I like this song by Garfunkel and Oates (even though I don’t think my ex is an a$$hole), http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q0h0a27_jPQ

          Also, and this is SUPER cheesy, but my friend encouraged me to write these next 3 sentences in a little notebook every day, 2-3x a day, and honestly, I feel a little silly doing it, but I also feel… I don’t know, good?

          “I am inherently desirable”
          “I provide the best experience a [man/woman] can possibly have”
          “I am beautiful and complete exactly as I am”

    • Make yourself a great playlist of breakup songs. Saved my life. Play it in the car and sing at the top of your lungs until you thank your lucky stars that you’re not with him anymore.

      This is part of what my list was, back in 2007:
      What is love? (Howard Jones)
      Valley of pain (Bonnie Raitt)
      I heard a rumour (Bananarama)
      One and only (Maria Carey)
      Tonight the heartache’s on me (Dixie Chicks)
      Do I make myself clear? (Etta James)
      You don’t know nuthin’ about love (Marcia Ball)
      White flag (Dido)
      Monkey business (Bonnie Raitt)
      Shake it off (Mariah Carey)
      Things can only get better (Howard Jones)

      • Ooh, ooh, yes — this!
        I personally would add:
        Stronger (Kelly Clarkson)
        Before He Cheats (Carrie Underwood)
        Rumour Has It (Adele)
        Fighter (Christina Aguilera)
        So What (Pink)

        And it’s not EXACTLY the right words, but I love blasting:
        Wild Women Don’t Never Get the Blues – Sung by Francine Reed on Lyle Lovett’s “Live in Texas” album.

        We’re pulling for you, Sad. You are going to have such a better life without him in it!

  22. I have been struggling with my career since I graduated college. I think I know what I want to do but when I try to picture how to get there, I feel completely overwhelmed. It is hard for me to have a vision for my career and the type of life I want to live because deep down I don’t feel like it is possible or that I am capable. 

    My biggest fear is not doing anything with myself and staying in a mediocre job the rest of my career. But that is exactly the path I am on because I am too afraid to do anything else. And I know I won’t fail if I stay the course. 

    Ever since I was young I always wanted to be an accountant (I know that sounds crazy but it is true!). I always pictured myself eventually working as a partner in a large accounting firm and living in a large city. This is the only career vision I even get excited about. I am nowhere near this dream and I don’t know how to get there or I keep telling myself that it is near impossible to make partner so why bother. 

    I am so tired of sabotaging myself but I don’t know how to stop. Should I seek professional counseling or career coaching? 

    • Maybe, but I also recommend that read “The Defining Decade” by Meg Jay, which addresses a lot of these issues.

      Honestly, it’s great that you have a vision of yourself as an accountant and living in a large city because that’s more than a lot of people have, especially when they’re young, and that the idea of being an accountant excites you. Don’t worry about making partner right now because you’re several years away from that. Think about concrete steps you can take today to start making this dream a reality. Do you need to go back to school? If so, what do you need to do to make that happen? Etc.

    • Definitely look into both. Being an accountant is a totally achievable goal with specific metrics you can works towards. The AICPA has a nice powerpoint on steps to becoming a CPA. You can do it! Good luck! Just take one step at a time.
      http://www.aicpa.org/BecomeACPA/GettingStarted/Pages/default.aspx

    • Where are you now? Are you currently working in accounting, or taking courses towards that? If you can, I would try to find a mentor. Someone a few levels up from you at work, or an old professor, who can help you map out what you need to do to get to where you want to be. Try to map out the next few steps you want to take, with a timeline. I don’t know how it works in accounting, what kinds of things are considered key – but maybe something like taking continuing education courses or professional development courses in related skills (like project management, or leadership development), or volunteering to do pro bono work with a non-profit.. whatever the “extracurricular” things that people who make it to partner have done, try to identify, and make a plan for yourself.

      It can feel awful and demoralizing when you’re just sort of floating along and feel like all the work you’re doing is going nowhere and getting you nowhere. If you can make a plan and start doing something, you’ll probably feel much better. Good luck :)

    • If you’d like to talk about your career path with someone in a little bit of the same boat, I’d be glad for you to email me. I’m done with school and in the middle of studying for and taking the CPA exam. I’m also at the beginning of my career path, so I don’t think I could be a mentor, but I could be a comrade or help walk you through the process of applying for and starting to take the exam.

      • Oh, forgot to include my email address… cpa test takin lady (without the spaces, and yes, takin’ is missing its g) at gmail dot com.

    • Anonymous NYer :

      do you have a degree in accounting? Could you go get your masters in accounting? Look into your schools career center resources. If you think you need coaching, fine, but all you really need is a kick in the pants and the confidence to seek out and apply for a job in accounting.

    • watchthecityglow :

      The only book that has helped me with this sort of issue is “Undecided” by Barbara Kelley and Shannon Kelley — but really I’m commiserating with you. I’m 26 and just took a job as an admin assistant, which I’m grateful for after a long time of temping (and a long, long time as an intern). I don’t see myself staying at the admin job for a long time (honestly, I’m still kinda looking) but it’s a start. Just start. You don’t know what’s going to happen in the future – yeah, you might make partner, you might not. But how will you know if you don’t try?

    • Bruin Esq. :

      I am experiencing a similar situation in my life. I am unhappy in my current career but I’m afraid to make a change for a variety of reasons. Although I tried talking to a career counselor, that didn’t help me. On the advice of my friend, I started talking to a therapist and it is helping me immensely! It turns out that I was depressed and have fear/anxiety issues I need to work through. I really think it would be worth it for you to go at least one time to a therapist to see if it is something you are comfortable with and feel would help you figure things out. Wishing you all the best!

    • Thank you all so much. I agree with Anon NYer that I probably just need a kick in the pants, really. I think the biggest hurdle for me is that I would need to get a master’s degree in accounting. So when I start breaking it down and thinking about how I would do that I get overwhelmed thinking of studying for the GMAT and researching and applying to programs while working full time. The I start to wonder what if I spend all this time and money on getting my master’s and I can’t find a job? Or I think about how hard jobs at the Big Four are to get, and the odds are against me in landing one anyway so why bother. Or there are so many people out there with better credentials than me there is no way I can compete.

      Ugh. It really is hard to break out of this cycle.

      • Honestly, if you pick a feeder school to the Big 4 (which I imagine most reputable master’s programs are), it’s not all that hard to get a job at one coming out of a master’s program. Get your master’s in the city that you want to work in and once you get to school go to every networking event you can and talk to the recruiters for the Big 4 at any event they’re at. Those programs are basically designed to move you into public accounting and the firms spend a lot of time and money recruiting. Even if you don’t get a job at a Big 4 firm, you can still get a job at a smaller firm, which is what I did and I don’t regret it for a second (although I have never had dreams of becoming partner). Once you have a couple of years of experience in accounting you can basically move to any firm that you want, since so many people leave in the first two years that most firms need people with more experience.

        • Ditto this! My experience exactly.

          Think about joining local CPA societies as a student member. Go to the networking events, chat up some CPAs who are just starting out in their careers, and ask them for coffee. Find out about their experiences with their firms – what kind of work are they getting, if it’s hard to get work, the type of guidance and support they get from their seniors/managers. How does the feedback process work, etc.

          Another thisng to think about is that in the Big 4 firms, if you don’t get an internship, you are behind all the people who had internships that are in your starting class. So they’ve established relationships, have some work experience, know the processes and the software, and generally get assigned more work than you do as someone who did not participate in an internship.
          Not bringing this up to dissuade you from trying for Big 4 jobs, but it’s something to be aware of. Also not saying it’s always the way things happen, but it’s been the experience of some of my friends who went into those firms.

          Another plug for smaller firms: you get a wider variety of experience earlier on.

          Also, before you go to the Masters (I am assuming you are thinking of a 1-year Masters of Professional Accounting, but that’s me assuming) and/or apply to the firms you will have to figure out whether you are interested in Audit or Tax practice. Again, talking with people who are in the field will help you figure this out if you havent already.

    • There’s a Barbara Sher book called “Wishcraft” that might be helpful. It will encourage you to consider and write down the things about this career vision that appeal to you, and then to look for ways to get elements of those things integrated into your current life and/or to consider other careers that have a lot of those elements. Who knows, you might wind up with some insights into different area of interest. At the very least, it may help you feel less afraid to consider anything else. And good luck!! It’s so very hard to figure out what to be “when you grow up.”

  23. anon for this :

    I’m starting a new position as an associate in a medium firm September 1 after clerking for a fed. dist. ct. judge for the past two years, and I’ve gotten an email from my soon-to-be-managing partner that they are beginning to plan for projects to assign to me and would like my input on what types of work I’m looking for – “we’d really like to get your input on what areas you’d like to primarily work in”.

    I just don’t know. All I’ve learned from my clerkship is that I don’t really like any area of the law, I have not liked my clerkship at all, and I’m really looking forward to doing anything different, and don’t care what it is – but I know that how I reply will probably affect my workload for years to come. I think I’d like to work in transaction vs. litigation, but I feel as though I don’t really ‘know’ anything about transaction, while I know lots about civil litigation. FWIW, my managing partner focuses on civil litigation, but I am working with several other partners who also do local gov’t and business law.

    Do anyone have suggestions on how to reply (either procedural or substantive)? I have a day or so to reply, and want to be thoughtful, but I’m just stuck, being unenthusiastic about anything (yet very thankful to have a job, and not wanting to screw this up).

    • AnonInfinity :

      Is it the type of place that you can try transactional work without committing forever? How approachable is the partner? I might honestly just call and talk this through with him, saying something like, “I have been so focused on civil litigation for the past 2 years that I’m really interested in seeing what transactional law is all about.” The reason I think a call is a good idea is that he can help you figure out what you might like if you can think of even a couple of issues that have been interesting to you during your clerkship. For example, did you like the feeling of knowing what you were doing after you got a couple of similar cases? Do you like trying to put pieces together in a big, complicated issue? If you don’t think you could must enough enthusiasm on the phone to talk about it, I would just email him and say the transactional thing and then say something like, “I’m not sure which broad areas of law are the most interesting to me, but I have enjoyed the following types of things in my clerkship X, Y, Z.”

      Do you think you don’t like any area of the law right now because you have disliked your clerkship?

      • AnonInfinity :

        Yikes, don’t know why I assumed managing partner was a he. I will assume that it’s because my managing partner is a he. Sorry for the possible sexist undertones.

    • I don’t work in a firm, so take this with a grain of salt… but can you just say that right now you are not sure what type of work you want to do, and maybe they could assign you a variety of things? Then in a few months you can re-visit this and have a better idea?

    • I think you can also say that you are interested in learning about a lot of different areas (maybe have 3-4 you can specifically mention that are on the transactional side). Since he is asking, you can ask for learning experiences to help you identify where you thrive. I’m just a summer, but partners keep asking me this question, and they really do give me a lot of variety in my projects so I can learn where I work best. I’m nearing the end of the summer, and have already successfully identified some areas I don’t want to work in (for example, bankruptcy is not for me), and some that I find I wouldn’t mind doing at all (civil litigation, employment work).

      Procedurally, I would mention a few specific areas you would like to explore, but temper this by mentioning that you are of course willing to help in any area of need that may come up in the firm. This will hopefully make you look like a team player while also not getting pigeonholed into an area you don’t love before you have enough experience to know what you want.

    • SpaceMountain :

      What don’t you like about your clerkship? FWIW, being a litigator with your own cases to develop is very different from clerking.

    • Former MidLevel :

      Did you summer for this firm or have some other opportunity to get to know the partners? If so, I’d pick the areas of law done/headed by the people who seem like they would be the most pleasant to work with. Doing interesting types of work for a terrible person is the WORST–trust me, I’ve been there. If you don’t know the partners, then could you provide some more information? Namely, what didn’t you like about clerking? If you hate legal research and writing orders, I agree that transactional would probably be a better fit. But I agree with people who said that being a litigator is very different than clerking, and even though you had a two-year clerkship, that’s still not sufficient to see *all* areas of the law. So there might still be something you would like. Good luck!

  24. I, for the lack of a better word, broke up with my mom today. After about 2 years of off and on epic fighting, I’ve decided to go no contact with her for a while. I have to go to a work lunch today, and I’m dreading it, because I’m afraid the slightest thing will make me start to cry. Any suggestions on how to make it through a very long day (all day at my regular job, and a night shift at my second job) without cracking?

    • Ugh, I’m sorry. Can you beg off on the lunch? Say you’re sick? When you’re at your desk, try listening to something “talk-y”- I like NPR podcasts. Sometimes when I’m upset, silence or even music leaves me too alone with my thoughts.

    • Cornellian :

      Oh no, I’m so sorry. I think in terms of getting through the day, I actually found focusing on some other, less negative but non-work project or problem helps. If your work is routine, it probably won’t keep you distracted, and you don’t want to keep thinking about your mom, but maybe there’s a room you’ve been meaning to repaint, and need to order brushes and drop cloths for, or a vacation or party you want to plan. It won’t be the most productive day, maybe, but I think making progress in another problem in your life might feel good.

    • Empathizing Anon :

      Just talked about my most recent break-up up-thread, but years ago I had a really truly horrible break up of the variety where I stopped eating and basically cried non-stop for a month… except when I was at work. For some reason, even if I cried all the way to work, and started weeping again as I was leaving the office (wow, this is painful to remember even now, almost 10 years later, while I was in the office or on work business, I was mostly fine. I’m not in any way trying to compare this to a parental break-up, but I’m just saying that when emotions are particularly raw, the human brain/heart have a great capacity for compartmentalizing, and I think if you allow yourself to grieve on your off time, or in the bathroom — get a good cry out and then wash your face with a lot of cool water — you CAN make it through this work day and subsequent days with your professional game face/reputation intact.

  25. WriterKate :

    TJ – I am mostly a lurker, but I know you ladies have great advice. I am looking for a work tote that can fit a Macbook Air, my lunch, normal purse items (phone, wallet, keys, cosmetic case), and some files. The problem is I have had upper spine surgery and need something ridiculously lightweight. I have the Longchamp Le Pilage, and it’s the perfect weight when loaded (I haven’t actually used it because I might return it, just loaded it and tried it out at home), but I hate the lack of pockets/compartments for my phone, keys, chapstick. Does anyone know of something that is a similar weight and looks nice but has at least one or two pockets to fit a few smaller items? I’ve looked at Lo & Sons – are they as lightweight as Longchamp? Are they actually as user-friendly as their website makes them appear? This needs to look at least decent (something I could carry at a professional medical conference). I wouldn’t want to go over $175 and even that is higher than I’d prefer, but that was around the price of the Longchamp.

    • I haven’t tried out any of the Lo & Sons bags (though I want to due to spending so much time here), but I like using a wristlet or small nylon cosmetics bag with my Longchamp tote to keep those items easy to find yet contained.

      • Anonymous NYer :

        I do the same thing. In my large work bag I have a wristlet where I keep wallet, phone, keys, and a cosmetics case where I keep, well, cosmetics & extra hair ties, etc. In school I also used to have a pencil case with pens, highlighters, flags/tabs, paper clips, etc. in the bag. Now I just have pens everywhere in my life, yet can never seem to find one when I need one. Perhaps it’s time to bring back the pencil case.

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