Coffee Break: Stacy Pump

Anyi Lu Stacy PumpI think the sophisticated Mary Jane heel can be a rare bird — so I was excited to see these lux Anyi Lu heels (a brand also renowned for comfort). These bordeaux suede heels are on a baby sale (20%), which means there are still some sizes left — there’s greater availability with the full-priced black calf version and the black suede version. There’s a very similar shoe (the Sophia) marked 40% off in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale (bringing it down to $254.98); that one has lucky sizes only. The pictured bordeaux heels were $425, but are currently $340 through 11/17. Anyi Lu Stacy Pump

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(Psst: check out Kat’s clothing picks from the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale, as well as her picks for everything else!)

Comments

  1. Can anyone recommend a concealer for visible blue veins? I am very fair. I used to always joke that if I got any paler, I would be see-through, and alas….it’s occurred to me that there are blue veins on my temples that are rather prominent. Does anyone else have this issue? Have you found an effective concealer? These are not spider veins, but larger ones visible beneath the skin.

    • Amazing Cosmetics Amazing Concealer is really good choice. They’re something like 80% pigmented (which is apparently very high). I’m very pale and actually use dark beige under my eyes. I’m not sure how that figures out since I normally use the lightest foundation shades, but I imagine it means their paler shades are very light.

  2. Light box for SAD? :

    Any recommendations? It is 2:45pm and I am tired! I have decided to bite the bullet and get a light box, preferably closer to $50 than $100 . I’m looking at Amazon reviews, but I thought I’d check to see if anyone had good/bad experiences with specific products.

    • I bought one for my daughter on eBay, but it was close to $150. The few reviews I read say the lightbox needs at least 10,000 lumens. The cheaper ones were all a much lower number. I bought the Sunrise Systems i-Lite 10000 LUX SAD Therapy Daylight Box SRS300 Day Light.

      She hasn’t had it long enough to tell if she likes it or not.

    • Verily Happy Light 6000.

    • I asked a co-worker who recommended a brand called Daylight. Just bought the Daylight Sky myself since I’ve been meaning to get one. Amazon seems to have the best price on it.

    • I have the Nature Bright SunTouch Plus. I think it was less than $100 on Amazon.

  3. So just have to see what you other wise ladies think of this -

    Husband and I went to dinner the other night. We arrived at our car in the parking garage after dinner and I started kissing him in the car (no one around). He played along for approx. 60 seconds and then said what’s the deal. I said I just wanted some kisses.. He said we’re too old to make out. Ummm….what?!? I told him that no one is too old to make out. He said he’s an adult he’ll just take the real thing please. I said, it’s not like you don’t know that you’ll get the real thing when we get home.

    Ever since I’ve been really annoyed by his comment that “we’re too old to make out”. This kind of dove tails into the fact that he doesn’t really understand what foreplay is or why anyone would do it. I’ve explained the concept of foreplay multiple times and that women need it more than men. So he’s like I touched your boo*b, your lady garden and gave you a kiss so let’s get down to business.

    Any insight? Am I crazy for focusing on this?

    • Yikes.

      I think this is a situation where you know the answer you your own question.

      Let me add my own opinion: this is an issue. Especially if you have already spoken with him about his attitude, especially concerning foreplay, and he hasn’t taken the information into consideration.

    • Hah! My SO is the same way. I just put it down to a weird man thing. Yes, I have had other gardeners for whom this wasn’t a weird man thing, but I am willing to overlook this one strange quirk of my SO in favour of his many positive characteristics. He just needs to be reminded sometimes that f0replay, and kissing for no reason in general, is fun.

      • This was my exact response too. I think (hope) some of the other commenters are misinterpreting Anony’s comment. My SO is the same way in that he doesn’t understand the point of foreplay. He’s ready to go after two kisses. It’s not that he doesn’t care to please me, it’s just that he doesn’t always get that sometimes I need more time.

        • This makes me feel a lot better that other people are saying the same thing. I think men don’t need it the same as women so they don’t get it. I just get annoyed that I have to ask…it really takes any kind of excitement out of the picture.

          • I’d recommend talking to him outside of the situation. From your other comments, it sounds like he’s just a straight-forward, level-headed guy, which can be hard for a more passionate/opinionated woman to understand. If you know there are certain things that really turn you on, tell him. It does take some work and you really do have to be very upfront about what you want. If he knows what exactly you want him to do (ie: be more passionate/forceful by running his hands along your body, kissing your neck, etc.) rather than just asking for more foreplay, he’ll most likely be game.

    • Woah, set the make out issue aside, you have much bigger problems. Your husband doesn’t do foreplay?! Are you being vocal with him that you are not being sexually satisfied?? It is a serious, therapy-worthy problem if he’s not willing to take the time to meet your sexual needs. As a first step though, the next time he is in the mood and wants skip kissing/foreplay to “get to the real thing” (ugh), I’d get out a vibrator and tell him that if he won’t please you then he’ll have to wait while you do it yourself.

    • Not crazy. I would be annoyed. Definitely no such thing as too old to make out and foreplay is important. I do feel like I constantly have to remind my husband of this but he is willing to play along when reminded.

    • How does he react when you tease him a bit? Whisper something in his ear while you are out doing errands, mention you might have forgotten to wear underthings while at dinner, send him a suggestive text, lap dance, etc. That might change things up from his routine of rounding the bases and let him enjoying the effects of delayed gratification.

      • Oh man, that opens a whole other can of worms. I sent him some naughty pics when I was out of town on a business trip (I’ve done this multiple times expecting different results). The first time I got no response at all the day I sent them. The next morning he said – hot! sorry my phone was on silent and I didn’t get this until this morning. That’s all I got. When I got home, I asked him, do you still have those pics hoping to stir the conversation. He said no, he deleted them in case he lost his phone or something.

        These are things we’ve been working through for the past 6 years. I married him knowing these things (we’ve been married 2.5 years). He’s a great guy and he does have some sort of interest in s*ex, I’m just trying to figure it out.

        • Honestly what I think it comes down to is that he was raised in a strict Catholic household. Although he no longer attends church, etc. I think what he was taught as a young child has bruised him a bit. It makes me want to kick his parents.

          • My husband was raised in a strict household (not Catholic) where the only discussion of sex was don’t have it. He has an interest in sex, albeit different from mine in some ways, and we have sex regularly, but I feel like he often thinks a lot of normal things are “dirty” in some way. I’ve done the same– sent pictures and he doesn’t seem to get it.

          • DC Association :

            I had the same issues that your ex has. I am catholic. it really does affect one’s ability to express themselves sexually. I find it a bit offensive that you say you want to kick his parents about it. It’s not really their fault either…they probably experienced the same thing. What else do they know? You can say it is silly or whatever, but it is a believe they have…you wouldn’t want to kick a jewish person’s parents for not allowing their kids to eat bacon (OK not an apples to apples comparison, but still).

            For me, it was NOT my parents who said anything. it’s subtle stuff you’re taught in catholic school/sunday school My parents actually never said a word to me about sex. Didn’t even teach me about it. which also has an affect.

            Just sayin’.

          • Not saying anything about it to your kids/completely shutting down discussion of it = just as bad

          • You are not crazy for thinking this is a problem, no matter what his background is. Therapy.

          • Catholic =/= repressed. You can still be Catholic and have a healthy relationship with s*x.

        • Is that how he is about most things? Food is there to eat, but doesn’t have any major favorites? He bathes himself so he doesn’t stink, but doesn’t do cologne? Clothes are just things to wear to keep you warm and he’s not too particular about them otherwise?

          I think women (on average, not as an absolute) tend to be more sensual/tactile then men. I wonder if engaging some of his other senses and condition them to accept and recognize pleasure for the sake of pleasure could be helpful. (I’m totally making this up off the top of my head, fwiw.)

          • Ha ha, it’s funny that you say that, because yes this is exactly how he is. He says I’m always trying to “figure him out” but there is nothing to “figure out” because he actually is as simple as he leads me to believe. Knowing him, I truly do believe that he really is that simple of a guy, which can be nice. But sometimes it makes me yearn for someone who has strong feelings about something, is willing to take chances, etc. I am the opposite of him in that I am quite opinionated about certain things and will stand behind my opinion (respectfully). This is an interesting thing that you pointed out.

            Is your SO the same and that’s how you came up with this?

          • Ha – I haven’t dated anyone is a couple years, and he was nothing like that. My brothers can be like that a little (in terms of food – we do not discuss s*x). Food is totally an afterthought sometimes, and mostly an annoyance that gets in the way of doing other things. I have no idea how I came up with it :)

            But maybe it would help him to understand to take it more big picture – it’s not just about f*replay, but about doing things just because if feels nice. Like ice cream tastes good, or cashmere feels nice, or taking a nap in a sunny window is a nice way to spend an afternoon. See if he can connect to any of those ideas – doing something just for that moment and not because it goes anywhere else. Indulging the senses just for the sake of doing so, and not because it serves some other purpose. Maybe focusing on the other senses and things in everyday public life, it can connect something without triggering the Catholic Guilt you mentioned above, and then you can use it to compare how you feel about just making out.

            Shrug – totally making this up as I go along. Also, sounds like a plot for a romance novel wherein the heroine introduces the hero to the small joys in life, leading up to the grand finale in bed.

          • Or non-Catholic Guilt, as the case may be.

          • Anony, your guy and my guy totally need to get together. It sounds like they are two peas in a pod. My SO is always telling me that he is a simple guy who likes simple things.

    • My dh is great at foreplay, but he also agrees with your dh – he’d rather have the real thing than make out. We do kiss sometimes, but never a full on make out session without it ending in… I remember early in our marriage feeling sad about it, but 19+ years later it doesn’t bother me anymore.

    • Not crazy and agree with what many people have said. I applaud you for trying to “figure out” what your DH likes s*xually. I’m working on that, too! I don’t want to steal your thread, but wondering if any of you wise ladies deal with partners who completely lose interest in LGPs when stressed or really busy at work (for weeks, months, etc.). This is a big thing for my DH who is also a bit older than me…he tries to explain it with stress, age, his mind is elsewhere, etc. He’s always affectionate, but when stressed that affection never turns into LGP and I worry! When relaxed, he’s allll about it. I feel like connecting and s*x could be a good stress reliever for him but don’t want to push. How do I maintain my own needs and desires while being respectful of his stress levels and still feeling connected to him? Hmm…

      • Joanna Toews :

        Mr Toews and I have been together 11 years; we got together when I was 21 and he was 30. Years 3 through 7 were exactly as you describe: Some good times and lots of affection but fer reals… MONTHS without any LGPs at all. It was awful. I felt bad for pressuring him, he felt bad for letting me down, and all the negative feelings just made the problem worse. Couples therapy didn’t help… it just made him feel worse.

        I’m afraid to say that we fixed it by me laying down an ultimatum: If we didn’t start having regular sex, I wanted an open relationship or to break up with him. (We were about to get married, and I was starting to have panic attacks re. spending the rest of my life without sexual fulfilment.)

        So that did it — we now have sex at at least every two weeks, usually more. It SUCKED to hurt him like that, but I guess it was the motivation he needed? Here’s hoping you don’t need to go to those lengths.

        Nowadays… when I’m in the mood and he’s not, I sometime just start up my own LGP and sweetly ask for his “help”. Since it’s not a fraught subject anymore, it ends in good times for us both (regardless of who’s doing what work).

      • I don’t know how to deal with it but I’m in the same situation. I go to therapy and try to talk to him about it and that’s all I’ve got for now. I’m hoping that when a certain extremely stressful situation ends he will be his normal self, but it has been over a year so I’m not sure anymore.

        Laying down an ultimatum doesn’t work for me, the whole point for me is the connection so forcing him to do something he isn’t interested in wouldn’t do anything for me either. I’ve tried and I just started crying in the middle of it and that made everything worse.

        I’m miserable obviously. Sorry, not helpful, just wanted you to know there are others out there.

        • Joanna Toews :

          Aw, I’m sorry, Anonn. That really sucks. I feel for you. One thing that really caught me was, I want to be wanted. Him wanting me turns me on. Him not wanting me turns me off. I can imagine you feel similar?

          The thing about ultimatums is, you need to mean them. I did. If Mr Toews was a different kind of guy, or if we had a different kind of relationship, or if I wasn’t *really* serious about leaving him if we couldn’t solve this issue… it would have been a different story.

          For Mr Toews, it took a while for him to get into the habit of not shutting me down when I wanted it and he was tired. For my part, I had to adjust my expectations: I might *want* to be pounded on the couch like a piece of meat, but I learned to be grateful for his kisses and caresses while I got myself off.

          Not gonna lie: The first few times felt forced, but we both put on a brave face, thanking each other and complimenting each otherand “oh my god”-ing and cuddling afterward. And eventually, it felt genuine and natural: He felt great about making me feel amazing, and I felt great about him wanting me again.

    • You're not alone and you're not crazy! :

      Just kidding, but it sounds like several of us could be married to the same person: dissimilar levels of interest in f*replay, opinion of s*x seems to be “all or nothing” (thus doesn’t see the point of doing anything less than “everything”), and some kind of underlying discomfort re s*x that inhibits being fully participatory or playful. All we can do is continue to advocate as best we can for our own ways of seeing and doing things. Sigh. Advocating is a lot easier when you can just blast away verbally because you don’t care about hurting the feelings of the other party. But this is DH, not some random adversary. Like anon at 4:03 pm said, I don’t want to push, be disrespectful of his stress levels or stop feeling connected to him.

      • I’m honestly just glad to know that I’m not the only one in this situation. In every other way I feel like my marriage is 100% fulfilling and awesome, so this is the one thing that nags at me.

        • Yes! I’m anon at 4:03 and it is actually really comforting to hear from professional, wise, respectable ladies that are dealing with the same thing. I try to focus on the fulfilling and awesome parts and making/keeping myself happy so that I’m happy, healthy, feeling loving towards him and therefore up for the LGPs whenever he’s not stressed. Ha!

  4. Okay, I completely caved to the Last Call 40% off one item sale yesterday and bought one of the pretty dresses NOLA and i were drooling over last week…. even though I really don’t NEED a new dress… and probably shouldn’t spend the money….. buuuuuuuut……..

    http://www.lastcall.com/Taylor-Sequin-Sweep-Satin-Dress-Plum-Taylor/prod20070112___/p.prod?

  5. Most Anonymous :

    I just wanted to say thank you so much to all of the very wise commenters who gave me very helpful and confidence-boosting advice this morning on the job search issue. I know this might sound goofy, but honestly I really needed to hear some kind words and that helped tremendously. I realized after reading your comments (and after having a mini crying jag in my office) that I have more control over this situation than I give myself credit for (which I guess I always knew, but didn’t really KNOW.)

    I have a plan now to (a) restart therapy, pronto (which I should have done years ago – I’m both naturally shy and prone to both anxiety and depression, which often results in me isolating myself, which results in being more lonely/depressed/anxious); (b) evaluate my potential network and reach out to as many people as possible; (c) keep sending out the resumes; and (d) start working through headhunters. On the social/networking front, I guess I just have to keep faking it till I make it, as the kids say. (Right?)

    Hopefully one day I can be as helpful to someone else as you all were to me.

    • One of the commenters (wise?? um, maybe, sometimes) :

      :-)
      Someday you will definitely be helpful to someone else. You may have been already, without knowing it.

  6. Wedding costs :

    I’ve been wondering – I’ve been seeing all kinds of articles about how the cost of the average wedding in the U.S. has been climbing up and up. How do people actually pay for these weddings? Do people tend to have enough cash in savings or do they take out loans or put it on credit cards? I’m in my 20s and I find it hard enough to save money for retirement and my emergency fund. Even for weddings that cost in the 8,000-20,000 range, I just don’t really get how most people come up with the money to pay for it. Anyone want to share your story of how you did it?

    • I guess I’m not answering your question as asked, and I’m not married yet myself (though in the planning process), but I think another way to look at this is – what are these people including in their weddings, and why? Do you really need those things in your wedding? Weddings don’t have to be that expensive, but if you want the $3k wedding dress, the live band and the fancy schmanzy hotel ballroom, you are going to pay for it. You just have to decide what is important to you.

      And FWIW, in my 20s, there is no way I could have paid that much for a wedding either. I would either have had (and almost did have) a much smaller wedding, or simply waited.

    • We were lucky enough to both have Biglaw jobs, and combined contributions from both sets of parents covered about 1/3 of the costs. We also were engaged for about a year and a half, so we booked places early and had a payment plan until the wedding, so the costs were spread out. I also switched to paying the minimums on my student loans for about 6 months.

      For me, the expenses weren’t in order to have a “dream wedding” – my dress was from a sample sale, we had it at a modest location, no crazy 10-course meal or something – and I never even had a “dream wedding” to begin with. We made sacrifices in order to have an event with everyone we loved (which ended up being a lot of people!) in a location that meant a lot to us (that also happened to be an expensive city) and without interfering with our busy jobs (aka, DIY was not an option).

    • Bride to Be :

      I never thought I’d be one of those brides having a fancy wedding. But here I am, planning a $35k party. Honestly, I felt sick about it at first, but now I’ve come to terms with the choice I (and my fiancé and parents) made and am starting to enjoy the planning process. As far as budgeting, yes, it’s a TON of money to come up with at once. But my parents had been saving for it, and my fiancé and I are also contributing to the cost. So I guess my point is, it’s not as much if you split the cost among several people. I’ve been super thrifty for the past two years in order to pay off student loans (which are gone, yay!) so I’ve been taking the same monthly amount I’d been paying on those and putting it into the wedding fund. Definitely not building up the savings right now, but I can handle that. What I couldn’t handle is spending beyond my means or going into debt for a wedding.

      • Bride to Be :

        And one other thing….your financial situation might change a lot in the next decade. What I’m describing is a lot easier to do in your thirties, when you’ve had some time to pay off debt and save for retirement. Since I already had a strong financial base, it felt OK to be a little frivolous with my money for a short period of time. I would not have felt the same way when I was 25 and just starting out.

    • So…I wonder this all the time as well. I eloped, but I guilt-watch those wedding dress shows. There are always people on there that make me think “HOW ARE YOU PAYING FOR THIS!” I mean, my husband and I both make 6 figures, and a $5000 dress would put a pretty big hole in our budget/savings. What do these people do? Is it just tons of credit card debt?

      • If you and your husband both make 6 figures, why would 5K put “a pretty big hole in your budget/savings”? Sounds like you either have crazy high expenses, or your expected savings rate is 50+% (which is awesome, but definitely a different priority from the people having huge weddings).

        • Anonymous :

          HCOL is the obvious answer to that question – it’s easily possible that they each make $120K a year, but have a house in a high cost of living area that eats up a lot of their money. Just because someone makes a lot of money doesn’t mean they don’t spend a lot of money.

    • (Former) Clueless Summer :

      We’re not married yet, but getting married in a year. We’re saving pretty aggressively, at the expense of other things (paying off student loans and saving for a house) to be able to afford the wedding we are primarily paying for. I don’t really see other options. There are societal expectations, plus our expectations, for a wedding and we don’t have rich parents. We’re saving about 2 grand a month for the wedding, expecting to spend around $20,000. It won’t be fancy either. But we are lucky enough to have well-paying jobs (big law for me) and limited other expenses (cheap rent, only one car).

      • This was me too, in my late 20s. We are frugal by nature and had a pretty big savings account from our pretty cushy jobs, with no parental help. Almost $20K was hard to spend out of savings, but we tried to justify it as the one time in our lives we’ll throw a huge party for all of our friends and family. (Over $10K was the reception place, food, and booze because a large city location was closer to most attendees. We tried to make sure everyone had a good time, and then skimped on everything else. No flowers, no nice dress, etc.) But from what I understand with my friends, most comes from parents’ money – both sides.

    • We got married young and while we were still in school and our parents did not have the means to help in any large way (they certainly helped with what they could.) So we had a very small ceremony.

      My best friend got married last year and had a huge wedding. Her parents helped with some of it, but the majority was paid for by her bonus money she received when she switched jobs the year before. ($20,000 signing bonus).

      My sister got married this year and had a fairly large, rather upscale wedding and almost all of it was paid for by her father-in-law. He had saved money for all four of his sons’ weddings and gave it to them as a “wedding present.” They could chose to spend it on the wedding, as a down payment for a house, to pay off student loans, etc. My sister and her husband did not have student loans and he already bought a house, so they used it for the wedding.

    • I got married a long time ago – 19+ years, but even back then I remember thinking weddings were so expensive. We had a very inexpensive wedding. My dress (which I loved and was exactly what I wanted) was from a prior season (and therefore on clearance & cheap) and my mom was able to do the necessary alterations (which weren’t much – hem & take in at the waist). Venue for the wedding & calling reception was at our local church & free. Calling reception refreshments were fresh fruit, cakes and squares from Costco (Costco was very new in our area). Family dinner was catered by a friend of mil. Flowers were from a local grocery store that had a wedding package. Photographer was recommended by my aunt & uncle, and was one of the bigger expenses. Invitations were also fairly expensive, but if I were getting married today I would have done them myself.

      Overall, the reason we were able to do things cheaply was because I was very low maintenance and easy to please. Looking back, the flowers weren’t totally my taste, but it doesn’t matter. We had a lovely day, and we got married – those were the important things.

    • My mom paid for it, and my husband’s parents pitched in. I don’t know anyone who has had an $20k plus wedding whose parents didn’t chip in, less a couple that got married later in life after earnings gobs and gobs of money. I know couples who have paid for $20k and under weddings themselves usually with a combo of life-savings and credit card debt.

      • Flying Squirrel :

        This. In some circles (and more than just my fairly traditional immigrant parents’ circle), it’s still very common for the bride’s parents to pay. I actually thought my Indian immigrant parents were an anomaly like this, but it seems that many families still do that (like my non-Indian DH’s did for his sister).

        That said, obviously many don’t as well. I think some go lower budget and others combine savings and debt.

        • anon this time :

          This is interesting. I got married 8 years ago and my parents contributed $15k to the wedding, but they made the decision they would contribute equally to my wedding and my brothers wedding, whenever that happened (about 2 years later, it turned out). I was totally fine with this and actually think its the right thing to do.

          My husband’s parents however, were super annoyed that my parents were not paying for the whole thing and they refused to pay for anything other than the rehursal dinner. Thier reasoning was that they would be paying, eventually, for my sister-in-law’s wedding (which still has not occurred, but likely will in the next few years — MIL and SIL have already been planning and it will be expensive — like $50k plus expensive)

          my wedding was lovely, but i had to be very careful with spending and make every cent go as far as it could. as i write this, i realize there is a bit of bitterness that my bro and SIL go a lovely, fancy wedding ($35k, b/c they had the $15k to add to the $20k from her parents) and my other SIL will also have a crazy fancy wedding plus Ill have to hear about it for months. im already hearing about it and they are not even engaged.

          sorry for the vent.

          • Sydney Bristow :

            My (hopefully) future SIL had an absolutely incredible wedding in Paris that just cannot be topped as far as I’m concerned. Tourists were taking pictures because the venue isn’t normally closed and likely thought it was some VIP/minor royal wedding and all the men in the wedding were in uniform. It’s just not even possible to think about trying to do something on the same scale. Because of her husband’s position, many of the big money items like venue were paid for so it wasn’t even that expensive!

    • I was 26 when we got married and it cost about $30k. My parents gave us $5k and his parents chipped in a comparable amount. I paid for the rest with savings. Now that I’m saving for a house, I wish we had had a small wedding.

      • saltylady :

        Ours was about $25K 14 years ago. My parents paid for most of it, his parents paid some. I paid for my dress and a couple other discrete items, and we paid for the honeymoon. Now, a house and two kids later, it totally strikes me as wasted money. We both agree that we should have had a family/close friend only destination wedding in Tahiti.

        • Man, that’s pretty funny because my mother is totally advocating for us to elope to Hawaii or something and just invite close family. Not what I would have expected from her at all (she is quite traditional) but she believes it would be way less stressful and a better use of funds!

          • saltylady :

            I am dead serious right now, you should do it. You will still have a gorgeous wedding with gorgeous photos and your family there, even a few close friends. Have it outside, then a nice dinner for your “reception.” Everyone will love it, and it’s crazy to have a big expensive wedding just so Aunt Bertha won’t be pissed, you know? Damn we should have done that.

          • Orangerie :

            I don’t intend this to sound snarky at all, but aren’t destination weddings cheaper because they are a form of cost shifting from the bride & groom to their guests? I mean yeah, you’re probably inviting less people so the dinner + drinks bill will be cheaper, but your guests still have to pay for a pretty expensive flight and at least a few nights in a hotel to make all of the travel worth it.

          • Yeah, this is the reason I’m not sold on the idea. A lot of our friends have small children and going elsewhere for the wedding will basically mean that people who would otherwise like to be there and are important in our lives will simply not be able to afford it. I don’t think that’s fair. If we eloped somewhere it would essentially just be us, maybe my parents (my SO’s mom likely couldn’t come) and possibly one or two siblings and my aunt and uncle, and I’m just not sure that’s OK to me. I don’t feel the need for a wedding with 200 people, but I do want to make it easy for the people who are really important to us.

          • saltylady :

            It’s not snarky at all, it’s a very good point. I’m thinking that I would only do it if it were a truly tiny wedding– our parents, siblings, and a couple close friends each. As opposed to say, a 50 person wedding. Not for everyone, but I would be willing to pare it down that far, and for me, I would actually spend the same money I did on my regular sized wedding, but put it toward plane tickets and hotel rooms for those few guests.

          • Yes, true, and certainly worth considering…

    • My husband and I had a wedding that cost about $25k. His parents (who live below their means and have a LOT of savings) paid for about $15k of that outright. They offered to. My family is lower middle class and my parents could not contribute nearly anything. My husband and I paid for our photographer, invites, harpist, and other smaller things. My grandpa gifted me my wedding gown.

      This being said, we were 25 and just graduating from law school, so we had no income. The things we paid for were saved and skimmed from working during school and our loans, honestly.

    • Planning a wedding now. It is headed for the $25,000 range (including wedding rings / resizing and refurbishing heirloom engagement ring). Though maybe less, depending on how many people RSVP! It seems SO EXPENSIVE to me, especially because it includes DIY flowers ($200), ipod for music ($0), outside at a state park ($3,500), buffet dinner, DIY invitations, buying our own alcohol (wine and beer only). I’m hoping to resell my sample sale wedding dress. But the major costs are (1) venue (we are having it in a destination wedding place, because it is where we met and close to both of our families); (2) rentals (see outside); and (3) food. You can only scrimp so much on the stuff around the edges :)

      We are lucky enough to have a $5,000 contribution from his parents and $5,000 from my parents. We are paying the remainder ($15,000). We contribute 15% to retirement and will have saved $24,000 besides that this year (we make slightly over the $100,000 mark combined, and have been working about a year). So this is a huge dent in our saving-for-other-things (primarily, a down payment). But we have decided the $15,000 is worth it to us.

      If we didn’t have the contribution from parents, I don’t think we’d do a wedding. I can’t see how we could do one for less than $25,000, honestly. No one in either family has a big enough house or backyard in an accessible area (we live in a tiny apartment), unfortunately (I love the idea of a backyard wedding!).

    • Small Town Atty :

      When my grandparents passed away my mom took some of the money she inherited and put it into an account for her daughters’ weddings. She felt like it would have made them happy to be able to help pay for our weddings. DH and I got married in the eponymous small town and were able to do everything MUCH more cheaply than we could in the city. We ended up having a nice but not extravagent wedding for about $10k.

    • I’m 25 and have saved about $11K in a high-yield savings account and a few extra thousand in my newly opened Roth IRA. My boyfriend is 26 and has about half of what I have saved in a savings account (he makes more, but has had other unavoidable expenses) and about $10K in his retirement plan through work. I think we’ll end up doing a small wedding in a few years for family reasons, but it would be really, really nice not to spend a ton of money no matter what we do. Together we make just over $100K pre-tax and don’t really care about owning a home, but we’ll have different family obligations over the years that will likely be really expensive. It’s hard to imagine spending a lot on just one day when we’re kind of simple people to begin with, and even if we did want to do that, I have no idea where the money would come from. I think I’d find it hard to stomach taking more than a few thousand out of savings.

    • I would keep in mind that the “averages” that you are hearing are probably not true averages – my understanding is that they are collected and put out by wedding industry businesses (i.e., The Knot), which have a bit of a vested interest in making it look like you *need* to spend a ton. There’s nothing wrong with spending a large amount if you want to and can, but it’s not necessary and I really don’t think it’s what most people are doing. Remember that if most of your friends and families are getting married as professionals late-ish in life, they really aren’t representative of the public as a whole.

      For us (this was 2001), we had a long engagement and spent a lot of the money over time, so I’m not sure what it actually came out to – probably around $7,000 all things considered. We had some savings and cashflow (I was waiting tables and he worked for an office supply retailer, so you can imagine what that actually amounted to), my parents wrote me a check for, I think, $4000 or $4500, and his parents picked up a few of the bills. We cut a lot of costs and did a lot of DIY (used a friend who did photography on the side, made our own fake flower arrangements, my MIL made the cake), but it still had pretty much every thing that I would have wanted.

      • Also remember that average doesn’t mean median. A few million dollar weddings at the highest end can vastly skew the average.

        I got married about as cheaply as possible (in a park, reception at my parents’ house, ~35 people there, wine and beer, self-catered, dress from JCPenney) and it was absolutely a lovely day and we were as married at the end of it as anybody is. Maybe 2k altogether? I forget exactly.

    • We had a $30k ish wedding. $10k from DH’s parents, $10k from mine. We paid the rest.

      We paid cash for everything, and would have made different choices if we didn’t have the cash. As it were, we were young and this was how we wanted to spend the $$. We had an expensive photographer, a VERY nice honeymoon, and expensive rings. DH also bought a tux as part of the process/expense.

      When all was said and done we probably got $12k or so in cash gifts, so the event was bank-account positive for us.

      • I should add that the money fr DH’s parents was “take this and do what you want “- the money from my parents was explicitly for the wedding and wouldn’t have been
        available for sensible things like down payments .

        • My inlaws were the same way. Mostly because THEY really wanted a wedding (and one they could show off to their friends)…

          • saltylady :

            Same here. My mother in law even said that “weddings are for the parents, not the couple.” They ended up inviting people who couldn’t pick up out of a line up.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I’m not engaged, but my boyfriend and I have been discussing it. The more we talk and hear these figures the more we think we want to just do something casual in the park with just our family and close friends…or elope in Vegas. The problem is that our families and friends live on opposite sides of the country so at least 1/2 will have to travel and I want to make it worth it to them in some way. I know they’d come no matter what but I struggle a bit with this idea. If we were actually planning it now though the current thought is to have a friend get ordained, perform the ceremony in Central Park (its a pretty cheap permit fee), and get a sort of brunch smorgasbord with bagels, juice, etc. I really want to wear a pretty dress but probably try to rent it. It’s fun to talk about and think about together but also stressful to think about the costs when I’m desperately trying to pay down my substantial student loans.

      • I spent $10K on my wedding in 1995. My dress was beautiful but bought from a place that wasn’t expensive. We had a friend DJ and didn’t do much decorating at the venue (it was very pretty on its own), had c*cktail food and beer and champagne for the reception, etc., etc. We did our own rehearsal dinner at our house. We felt like we had a beautiful wedding and wouldn’t have spent more.

        Now, if I were going to get married again, I’d invite friends to join us for a ceremony between services on Christmas eve then we’d have everyone to brunch at home on Christmas day. No frills. I would have a pretty dress and flowers but that would be about it.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      We allocated the money and stuck to our budget.
      We made compromises and did a few things differently (bought my dress in pre-euro Barcelona and had it shipped b/c same dress was only in NY Saks and was three grand more…), opted for less expensive invitations and simple flowers, splurged on wedding video and pics etc…
      We came in at $2500 under our budget.

      What was key was setting the budget and then apportioning it to the expenses first. Once I knew my dress budget, I told the sales folks – don’t bring me a dress that costs more than X etc…

    • Anoooooon :

      Ours cost about $9000. Neither set of parents helped. We had a long engagement (2.5 years) that began right out of college and spent that time scrapping together enough savings for the wedding. We made a budget and prioritized what was important to us, and didn’t go crazy about the things that weren’t. The ceremony was particularly important to us – the reception not to much. We spent a lot on the bar, but not a lot on flowers or decorations. The dress was a large percentage of the budget (though probably still not a lot by most people’s standards) because it was important to me. We had our ipod, no dj. We got our wedding cake at Whole Foods (and it was awesome). We only had about 60 people. We probably could have paid less, but live in a high cost of living area and had the wedding close to our home.

      I loved my wedding. It wasn’t extravagant and I don’t think people walked away saying “that was amazing!” but it it really fit us and our values and what was important to us.

    • Saved $4000/month in biglaw for one year for my $50,000 wedding. And yes, one wedding planner did tell me my budget was too low.

  7. Therapist Q :

    Hello ladies. Can I pick your collective brain about therapists? I recently started seeing one and after a handful or so of visits I’m still not sure what’s supposed to be happening. I feel like my therapist doesn’t offer much concrete advice or guidance. Most of her suggestions have to do with meditation and calmness, which I’m open to, but how will that help me work things out with my overbearing, control freak of a mother?

    We talk about the need for boundaries, but not about how I’m supposed to figure out where they are or impose them. We talk about how I feel resentment, but not about how I’m supposed to deal with it in a healthy way. Is the therapist supposed to be providing more guidance? At the beginning just getting her validation was amazing (I’m not crazy! Yay!) but I’m ready to get to work and just don’t feel like I’m getting good advice from her and meditating isn’t making my mom more bearable. Are my expectations of my therapist too high?

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      Your expectations aren’t too high – a good therapist shouldn’t be telling you flat-out what to do (because then how do you learn/change/grow, right?), but it sounds like at this point she should at least be starting to do the “thoughtful leading questions that get you to your own conclusion about how to handle and then helping you refine that conclusion” thing. Have you explicitly said this to her? If you otherwise like her, I’d start with what you wrote here and see how she responds.

    • Have you said this to her? “I realize that boundaries with my mother would help. Problem is, I don’t know what those concrete steps are to set boundaries. Let’s focus on 3 steps I can take.”
      Example: your mom calls all the time. Solutions: don’t answer, set up a time for weekly phone calls, stick to those calls, role-play with therapist how to respond to mom complaining.

    • If it’s not feeling productive, I’d try someone else. This sounds like my first attempt at therapy. I was looking for a back-and-forth conversation, but what I got was a lot of “tell me how that makes you feeeeel,” which I would answer and then she would stare at me in silence as if she was just waiting for me to make some profound revelation. I waited too long before I stopped going because I wanted to feel like I was giving the process a fair chance, but realistically I think you know pretty soon whether or not you are going to click with someone.

    • I don’t know why you’re in therapy. If it’s to change something about yourself or help yourself cope better, I highly suggest finding someone who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. It is all well and good to be calm and meditate, but the issues many of us have are issues with how to deal with real life situations.

      I was in therapy for about two years with a therapist who specialized in CBT. It did me a world of good.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      It’s been awhile since I was in therapy but I think there are a couple of types. I have no idea what the technical names are but it sounds like you are doing talk therapy and might benefit from what I think is called CBT. My (CBT?) therapist had me do certain exercises to deal with specific situations, which I found to be much more practical and useful for me. Sorry I’m not clear on the details but I’d try to find someone who uses a different style.

  8. Anon lit. associate :

    TJ, I need some career advice, please! I’m a mid-level biglaw litigation associate. My hours are okay (9-6:30 or so, except for when heading into trial/arbitration), the people I work with are nice, and I’m making good money. I just feel so burned out and uninterested in what I’m doing. I know from doing pro bono work that what’s really important to me–and makes me feel excited about my work–is doing work for an organization (or person) whose cause I really believe in, and interacting with people more. (I haaaaate those days where all I do is draft a brief all day.) I have no desire to be a partner.

    For these reasons, I’ve been looking into in-house positions at non-profits. I figure that would both give me an organization I believe in to work for and solve the associate-stuck-in-my-office-all-day issue (my friends who have gone in-house tell me their days are full of meetings, which I actually really like). However, I’ve discovered that a lot of these positions aren’t looking for a litigation background (unless it’s in the employment arena), and I’ve turned up few results, until recently. I found a position with a very respected non-profit that sounds great and matches the substantive area of law in which I’ve done a lot of work. It would involve some litigation, but also general in-house advisory type work. I have an interview set up with them, and am really excited.

    However, it would involve a 50% pay cut. Now, coming from mid-level biglaw, it still would probably be a fine salary to many people, but for me (and my husband) it would involve a significant lifestyle change, since I am the breadwinner (by far)in our relationship. For one, we’d have to move to a different neighborhood from the one we really like (though I know there are other lower-priced neighborhoods that would be just fine). For another, I wouldn’t be able to pay off my student loans as aggressively as we’d hoped–my husband wants all of the loans paid off before we start a family. I’d say I’m 1.5 years out from that if I stay in my biglaw job and throw all extra money at that. If I take a paycut, that would probably require another year. I’m not dying to have a baby, but starting to think about it; I don’t think my husband is at all ready yet. I’d also have to give up lots of other things I’ve gotten used to (fancy gym, lots of weekend trips, shopping without real concern).

    I have been told there is room for promotion at the in-house position, so it’s not like I’d make this lower salary forever. Plus, my husband expects a big pay raise in a few years. If my ultimate goal is to go in-house, I think this would be an easier way to get there than working in biglaw litigation for a few more years. But, as my husband reminds me–my current job isn’t THAT bad. I have an easy commute, work decent hours, have a good office environment, and can afford to do whatever I want in my downtime. It’s just that I feel no motivation when I’m at the office, and this has been going on for quite some time. I’ve tried readjusting my attitude, changing things up, but that hasn’t really helped.

    So, I guess my question is–am I being really shortsighted to not put off the transition for another year or two, when I will have more experience and maybe be able to command a higher salary, not to mention will have paid off more of my loans? Am I just thinking the grass is greener, when really I should appreciate what I have right now? Or should I go for it, with the understanding that money isn’t everything, and I’ll be happier if I’m doing something I care about, plus I’ll be setting myself up better for long-term career prospects?

    Sorry for the length of this! Thanks in advance for any thoughts you may have!

    • I’m not in law but my thoughts are:
      1. You are interested in non-profits, which are not the way to riches. Even if you can command a higher salary in a year or two, it probably won’t be much higher, so I would adjust your expectations and lifestyle now. Hindsight is 20/20, but I would have probably adjusted once you started job searching so that you could prepare.
      2. Sometimes hiring in non-profits can take a really long time.
      3. How long had you been looking for a job before you found this one that fit your background? Are you okay with doing that again if you wait a couple years? If so, I would probably wait, downsize your lifestyle, throw all that extra money at the student loans to get them down as fast as possible, while continuing to search and apply (and maybe the hiring process at this current one is long).

    • If you stay longer in big-law it could actually turn out that the income disparity would be even greater if you make the switch later. In many in-house positions there isn’t that big a range in the counsel salaries even for different levels and the increases/bonuses tend to be less. If the money is import to you (and to me it would be, I’d take some sort of haircut but not 50%) I think they key is not waiting a few years but looking for something other than this non-profit now.

    • Diana Barry :

      You are not crazy. I took more than a 50% pay cut to work for a smaller firm. In my case it wasn’t the type of work, it was the people with whom I was working. This job sounds just about perfect for you. I would go for it!

      Also, if you get interviews, move through the process, etc., see how the people at the organization are. Are they nice people to work with? Are they overworked/underfunded, or does the organization seem well run? As a side note, sometimes 1-2 years before you want to leave is the best time to leave biglaw.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      In addition to considering the importance of spending your time doing something you enjoy and that is meaningful to you, please consider your long term finances before you leave BigLaw.

      Figure out how much money you need in your retirement account as of the age you will be when you stop working in BigLaw in order for it to stay invested and be enough to retire on when you retire. Consider not leaving BigLaw until you have that amount in your retirement account. Once you leave BigLaw, you won’t be able to add to your account at nearly the same rate every year. If you haven’t talked to a financial advisor yet, do it now (and do this with him/her) before you leave BigLaw.

      • Good advice on figuring out how much you need in retirement before leaving Biglaw – I need to do that myself. Any advice on an online calculator or two that can help?

        • Former Partner, Now In-House :

          I think it was Fidelity that recently released a calculator that says 8 times highest (or last?) salary?

          Frankly, I think this is a moving target because there are so many variables (how long will you live, what will your health be like, will you travel a lot and expensively, do you want to live off returns only and pass principle down or do you plan to use up the principle, will your expenses increase or decrease in retirement).

          There are a lot LOT of calculators online, and I do them all, all the time. The answers fluctuate widely, even though I input the same information. So far, all of the answers are more than what I currently have, so I just keep saving aggressively and investing smartly.

      • SAlit-a-gator :

        Ditto. And I would strongly STRONGLY encourage you to pay off your student loans before leaving big law. You mentioned wanting to have kids soon, and day care costs about $1000 plus per month. Being “fulfilled” at your work is very important, however, any new place might have office politics / interesting personalities you don’t know about and can’t learn about during an interview (happened to me!). So unless your big law job is unbearable (and it doesn’t sound like it), I would stick it out awhile longer to get more financially secure (student loans, retirement) and proceed to the non-profit world when I had all my ducks in a row. There is simply no reason to rush into making less money when you’re the primary breadwinner. Take your time, and do it when you and your family are ready and are in a good financial position.

        • Bahaha. Our (Boston area) daycare is $1800/mo for our one little guy, and that’s not even close to the most expensive one. Kids are pricey!!

    • -Adjust your lifestyle now. Even if you don’t take the new gig, you will have more money to throw at those loans.

      -The right job does not come along every day (esp. if they will take a litigator). Pursue this one and at least see if it is a good fit. In general I think it is easier to find an in-house job as you get more senior and have more to offer, but if you want to be at a non-profit, you might have a harder time proving that you are really committed to public interest work if you have spent a long time at biglaw (this has been the experience of many of my friends).

    • Anon lit. associate :

      Thank you all for your input! It’s very helpful to hear varying perspectives on this.

    • Divaliscious11 :

      50% of 1st year/ second year salary. It won’t go up as your salary goes up…..
      Prepare for that…

  9. Can anyone recommend a good online service for customized digital invitations? I am throwing my annual holiday party and I want to send out a funny invitation attached to the email. But I am really falling short on finding anything halfway decent. I don’t mind paying (not looking for free stuff).

  10. Frugal doc.. :

    Nice “pocket” calendar recs?

    I just cannot move to a digital calendar for my personal/social use. I prefer quickly opening a small calendar that shows one month at a time and I can jot down appointments. I don’t want something big /thick. Just with pages showing one month at a time… not a weekly/daily calendar.

    Anyone have one they get every year, that they like more then those $2.99 plastic coated calendars from Walgreens? Mine is a torn up piece of junk by Sept….

    • Miss Behaved :

      I realize you said monthly planner instead of weekly planner, but this place might have one:
      http://www.galleryleather.com/planners/weekly-pocket-planner

      I got a really nice academic year planner and I got it monogrammed from them.

      • Frugal doc.. :

        Yes – very good suggestion. I did stumble on this and was going to buy it if I couldn’t find one that was even thinner…. just months and a perhaps note pad. But these Gallery ones look very nice and would be my fall back.

        Glad to hear you liked yours.

    • I get the smaller version of the DayMinder monthly planner (G400) every year and have for over a decade. It fits into my purse easily and I’ve kept all of them, which has proved helpful if I ever need to go back and figure out something (like the actual starting date for a new job).

  11. Anonymous :

    The removable belt on my waterproof trench coat is all curled up/folded over and doesn’t look neat. Even if it’s neat on my waist, the tied ends are all messy. Can these belts be ironed? Is there a trick to keeping the belt flat?

    • If the belt is the same fabric as the coat, check the coat’s care instruction tag for info on ironing. It’s usually in the lower side seam.

      If you need help decoding symbols – http://www.textileaffairs.com/c-common.htm

      If you do press it, start with a low heat iron, and maybe use a pressing cloth to protecting the fabric.

  12. I’ve gotten into the tradition of sending my Grandfather a small, decorated table-top Christmas tree every year, right at the beginning of December, as he is not longer able to put up his own. I’m not in love with this year’s FTD and Harry & David offerings. Any recommendations?TYIA

  13. Gift for a college student in Santa Barbara? :

    Any ‘r e t t e s in the Santa Barbara area? I want to get a birthday gift for a college freshman (girl) in the $50-$60 range and I am leaning towards an experience gift (e.g., a gift certificate to a good local restaurant). I don’t really know what she needs and dorm rooms are small! She doesn’t have a car, so it would have to be something accessible by walking/biking/public transportation (although I’m sure if it was something she could invite friends along to, like dinner or something, she could make it to downtown, State Street, etc.).

    Any ideas or recommendations?

    • Killer Kitten Heels :

      Since you mentioned she’s in a dorm room, I assume she’s on the dining plan. At my college, our dining plans were a mix of meals (to be used at the traditional dining halls) and “points”, which were dollars that could be used at our student union and other on-campus-but-not-dining-hall food options, as well as at the campus bookstores. It would’ve been awesome to get a gift certificate of “points” since I did 95% of my eating on campus. Maybe see if there’s a system like that in place at her school?

    • Orangerie :

      I went to college in Santa Barbara. Arigato Sushi was always a nice treat and $60 could probably get a good meal for 2, assuming booze is excluded since she’s a freshman. Ca’Dario is another favorite if you don’t think she likes sushi.

      Does she like yoga/pilates/barre/some other kind of specialized fitness classes? Those can get pretty pricey on a college budget, so perhaps you could look up a reputable studio in the area and get her a few classes.

      Another fun option would be to buy her a service at one of the luxe spas in the area (Bacara, Biltmore, Fess Parker). A mani/pedi would probably fall into the range you’re looking to spend.

      • All good ideas. Arigato is great. Cielito is the new awesome place. Would be super fun with friends. I don’t know how she’d get to Bacara, but that would at least be the closest fancy spa to school (and the pool is awesome).

        • Orangerie :

          Good point. Fess Parker is probably the most accessible of the three, since it’s right off the main downtown area.

      • anon-oh-no :

        im so interested in all the SB folks here. I too am a UCSB alum.

        If she goes to UCSB, you could also get her a few gift cards to places in IV — like freebirds or sams or woodstocks pizza (im drooling just writing this stuff). When i was in college, i always was low on $$, so having like a gift pack close, yummy places would have been cool.

    • Santa Barbarian :

      Current Santa Barbara resident here.
      Experience Gifts:
      - check out the Granada Theater and UCSB Arts and Lectures for tickets to fun stuff.
      - Random Restaurant Recommendation: Le Cafe Stella.
      - tickets to lotusland
      - let her pick out a leisure review class through the rec center.

      Other things:
      - Costco membership (seriously, it’s the place to be).
      - Zipcar membership and some amount of $$ on the account.
      Hope this helps!

    • OK, now I have to decide between options! I suppose she’ll be there at least another 3 years so I can space out the gifts…

      FWIW I didn’t go to UCSB but visited friends there regularly, and I can’t believe there are so many Santa Barbara connections on this site. I definitely remember late night Freebirds….

    • Mermaid In Heels :

      I work at UCSB and live in Santa Barbara — here’s what I suggest.
      She can ride the bus directly from campus to downtown, so I recommend that if you give her a gift certificate, it be for a downtown-area business (ie not the Biltmore or Bacara.) There are tons of great trendy salons downtown, and I’m sure she’d love a certificate for a haircut, massage, or mani/pedi. Or, even better, you could send her a card with a nice crisp $50 bill inside, which she could spend on Freebirds burritos.

  14. Anonymous :

    I just went into contract on a house. The next step is a mortgage commitment. I am moving from a studio not bringing any furniture. I need all new furnishings. Should I buy things slowly or take an extra say 15K on mortgage to furnish the house all at once? I was approved for twice the loan amount that I need so I don’t think it will be a problem. Plus, does anyone know if the bank will do this? I’m new to this whole process.

    • Bank may not lend extra like they used to. View mortgage money as “30 year” money. Will you have the furniture (and want to be paying for it) for 30 years?

      • I read this as decreasing the amount of down payment by $15k. We did this with our house because we didn’t t have PMI. But the below caution about the PMI cost is good advice.

    • Frugal doc.. :

      Call me frugal… but I would NEVER take out a loan to buy a bunch of furniture this way. Somehow I fear that a purchase of so many things, hastily all at once, often leads to regrets in the long run as well as buying things overpriced. Why not bring your stuff with you from your studio and replace it piece by piece with things that you love and will last? And even better… things that will hold their value?

      It is amazing what you can find on Craig’s list for a fraction of the price. Wait for end of season sales and buy things carefully. Talk to family about antique pieces that no one is still using/wants that you can have refinished and may be a bit of history you’d like to preserve.

      What’s the rush?

      $15k is a lot of money….. If you can’t afford it, I wouldn’t do it.

    • Orangerie :

      To be honest, I don’t think $15k would be enough to furnish a house with quality items that you’ll want to have in your home for 30 years, as ITDS notes above. Plus, do you want the pressure of having to pick out everything at once? I would buy things slowly, after focusing immediately on the essentials (bed, sofa, etc).

    • Buy slowly! Take your time to pick what you really like and what you’ll want to keep for many years. Start out with garage sales and replace as necessary and as you can afford it.

    • Anonymous :

      If you can pay 20% down, I would even if it means buying furniture over time. Avoiding PMI just saves so much money. After that, if the choice was between paying, for example 30%, or having 10k to buy furniture with, I would keep the money for furniture.

    • Anonymous :

      I’d wait, you need to live in the space for a while to figure out what you really like and need and want.

      And debt for furniture seems silly- the debt will likely last longer than the furniture. A friend I work with was so committe to having all new furniture, she took on an exra job to pay for it, which seemed like such a prudent financial decision, I was so impressed.

    • I sold a bunch of my law school furniture and ended up having to buy a new couch and dining table and totally regret doing that now.

      Unless you feel like burning your current stuff, take it with you until you figure out what you want and pick up the quality stuff then.

    • No way should you take out a loan to buy furniture! I’m pretty sure the bank won’t do it, especially if you say it’s for furniture. What are they going to do, repossess your used sofa when you don’t pay?

  15. Well I have returned from my holidays and I need a holiday to recover from running around (IN THE TARDIS!) and other shenanigans….. such as ending in the possession of a grey ponte leopard blazer and finding myself disturbed by the unadulterated love I have for this thing. :D

    • SO JELLUS!!!!!! and now i hate you forever…

      … and also, welcome back and I’m so happy for you and your awesome blazer! ;o) i missed you!

  16. anon-oh-no :

    If i was buying a mary-jane type shoe (these are really t-strap), i think i’d have to go for this gucci one:

    http://www.gucci.com/us/styles/323494BNC004400#

    Im drooling and may have to pull the trigger

  17. It’s possible that this is a stupid question, and if it is, I apologize!

    I’m interested in getting as much detail as possible on a civil case heard in a state appellate court in 2002. I found the opinion … is there a place online where I might find a transcript of the proceedings? Or any other information?

    Thanks for any help.

    • Try the contacting the clerk of court for that particular court. They should be able to tell you what is available and help you order copies of pleadings, transcript, etc. if you want. The copying fees might be a bit pricey. Electronic filing wasn’t allowed in some state courts in 2002 so the pleadings likely don’t exist in some of the legal research subscription sites like Westlaw/Lexis.

  18. What a fabulous pair of shoes and lately I have been recommending this color shoe to so many of my styling clients. A bold pair of burgundy shoes or leopard ones is a great way to add a little drama and pop of color to a neutral outfit. Love this recommendation!!

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