Frugal Friday’s TPS Report: Silk Keyhole Front Blouse

White House | Black Market Silk Keyhole Front Blouse | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Happy Friday! I tend to love keyhole blouses like this one — with the caveat that the keyhole is tiny! They add a ton of visual interest without a necklace, and let you focus on earrings or a brooch on your jacket lapel instead. It was $94 but is now $49.99 at White House | Black Market. Silk Keyhole Front Blouse

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Comments

  1. Lo & Sons PSA :

    a Lo & Sons banner popped up on my facebook feed this morning. I know that a lot of you like their stuff, so I thought I’d mention that there are some colors/styles on sale right now: like a plum OMG for $195. There are only a few select styles/colors on sale, but it’s nearly 30% off for most.

  2. It looks awful on the model as shown, but looks better on the video and the reviews are good. I’ll have to check it out.

  3. Lily-student :

    I like the pleating but not the keyhole – probably because I don’t wear earrings or brooches so a necklace is the only piece of shiny I tend to wear!

    • Yay!!! Fruegel Friday’s!!!! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this fruegel SILK Blouse. I agree with Kat that the Keyhole HAS TO BE SMALL b/c of guy’s like Frank. When I wore a keyhole blouse in after I first started, Frank put his finger in and asked if I had the Key. I said NOT for him, only my HUSBAND. He got the idea NOT to put his finger’s where they did NOT belong. FOOEY on him. If he want’s to stick his finger’s somewhere, he has a WIFE for that, NOT me.

      The hockey guy was around yesterday on his way back to Pitsburgh and he said we should date. He still has a beard so I said NO. He said he would cut it off for me after Stanley Cup’s. I have NO idea what that has to do with it. FOOEY on that I said. I onley date clean shaven guy’s.

      This morning I saw a picture of some guy with a baseball cap they are lookeing for that was gropeing women in Astoria, and I think he has the exact same baseball cap as the guy who grabbed my tuchus a few month’s ago in the subway. I think it must be when a guy wear’s a baseball cap that he need’s to think he is MACHO, and for looser’s, that mean’s haveing to grope a woman’s tuchus (and/or boobie’s).

      Sam is very happy that Willem is out of the picture. I am also b/c I did NOT want to be his housefrow in Belgum with his mother and grandmother teacheing me wifely dutie’s. I could only imagine haveing to wait all day for Willem to come home and then have to give him his pair of wooden clogs to wear and then me haveing to provide him with a healthy dinner, with the mother and grandmother looking over to make sure we then went to bed to procreate baby Willem’s! FOOEY! He did NOT care that I was a trained lawyer. He and his family just wanted me to be a breeder for them. Lynn could be a breeder, but NOT me. FOOEY!

  4. I actually really like this. It’s simple, elegant, it’s not polyester. Apparently if you spend $80, you can get $20 off, with code 10607. Haven’t tried it, but that is what google tells me.

  5. Blazer alterations :

    I have a blazer that fits my waist and I can button it. I’m a pear with a short torso (but not too tall to be petite) and it’s hard to find a jacket that really fits. The problem is that it’s a bit too large in the chest. Not awful, but not as perfect as the rest of the jacket. Is this an alteration that is easy to do and (more importantly) won’t cost as much as the blazer itself to fix? The blazer’s a keeper anyway but if I can do a $50-$75 fix and have it work, I will make a treck to the alterations guy tomorrow (his hours and mine don’t mesh, so it’s not just the trip, it’s being without clothes to the next saturday I can get to his place).

    • I think the torso would be easier to alter than shoulders, but it will depend on what he has to do with the armholes so make it work. It will also depend on fabric, lining, etc. The “chest” may involve also the back, depending on the fit problems. The tailor will probably have to look at all that to tell you if it’s possible.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I haven’t had any luck altering blazers. I am much larger in my chest than my waist. The size that would fit my waist correctly is probably four sizes smaller than the size that would fit my chest properly. I compromise instead and buy a size in the middle where I just button the bottom one or two buttons, and leave the top one open. It is a bit bigger than I would like in the waist and a tad tighter than I would like in the chest but still looks professional and saves me a fortune in attempting to tailor it. When I’m richer they will all be tailored.

    • You cannot change the shoulders – these should always fit when you buy a blazer. Depending on where the seams are, you might be able to have the chest/back taken in slightly, but this is much more difficult than getting waist suppression. Either way, you’re looking at at least $50 in alterations.

  6. Hi everyone. My boyfriend of 2.5 years and I just broke up last night. I had to move 3 hours away for my first legal job, and he stayed back in the town where I attended school, as his career is there. We’ve done long distance for 9 months, visiting eachother every other weekend. There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and he was continually making life choices that confirmed he was not looking into moving near me or committing to me for the long term (like applying to grad schools in his home town and different states without discussing with me). I was not in a rush to get engaged, but felt that after over 2 years, he should have been able to talk about the future, and whether he sees me in his. (He’s 28, I’m 26). There were probably other red flags I was ignoring. It was probably for the best. I need help getting through the workday. Please tell me some positive stories about moving on from someone who wouldn’t commit. Or how to get through the day at work?? Or anything???

    • The only thing I can say is that horrible breakups truly do get better with time. And that the right guy is out there for you, but he won’t be there when your heart is broken. Find hobbies and activities to immerse yourself in and spend some time focusing on you. It does get better. Sending happy thoughts your way!

    • Anne Shirley :

      Breathe. Your life is going to suck for a little while now. Let it. Feel sad and disappointed and confused and scared. During this time, wine, chocolate, and ABC family can help. And one day sooner than you think, your going to feel excited that you aren’t stuck with a guy who’s not into you. This is the perfect time for making out with cute bartenders. You’ll get through today, because you have to and you are strong enough to.

    • Blazer alterations :

      Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.

      I’ve never found anything that takes the sting away except for time. And for passing the time, I have found that LOLCATS and the d*mn-you-autocorrect site are excellent for this.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      Just this morning (about an hour ago), my husband and I left the house to go run stairs at the park down the street. On the way, we ran into the woman who, 111 years ago, almost became my mother in law. (Her son, a brilliant attorney, and I were dating seriously for about a year and discussing marriage. Eventually, he informed me that he does not enjoy sex with women because it is not like “it is supposed to be, the way it has always been in the porn I watch.” A bizarre set of conversations, that boiled down to “can we be married and only ever have full LGPs with no foreplay and I don’t have to touch you or pay any attention to your needs — but our marriage will be great because we are intellectually well matched?” ensued. I said no, thank you.)

      I had been single for many years before him, and I was single for a few more after him. Eight years ago, I met my husband and am blissfully, giddily, contentedly happy. So much so, that I can stand on the sidewalk and chat with her and introduce my husband to her and then go about my day (running stairs, sitting here and having breakfast and writing to you).

      This guy upended my life in ways that even my previous divorce had not done. I made professional changes for the sake of our relationship (don’t try this at home!). It was hideous. And now here I am with my husband and our life.

      It will happen for you, too. You just have to get through the couple hours until lunch. And then the couple hours until dinner. And then the couple hours until bedtime. And then the night. And then you do it again for another day. And another day. I read about five novels a day the first few weeks. Had we had Netflix and binge watching then, it probably would have been that. Anything to make the minutes pass. And they do pass. And it is better.

    • Time is definitely your friend here! Speaking from experience, it might take a while to get here, but I am so much happier on my own than with someone who doesn’t want to be with me. That is the worst feeling in the world. (Probably a slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean.)

      Another thing that helps is really good sweaty workouts. Probably why we see so many celebrities with “revenge” bodies! It’s not about losing weight; it’s about working out your anger and sadness. The great body is just a bonus.

      • +1 to the sweaty workouts. Actually, for me, it was swimming — hard, compulsive swimming sessions morning, lunch, and night because I had a pool outside my apartment and could get home for lunch back then. And hobby classes. I took a ton — sailing, Spanish, speedreading, surfing. I am a better person for it. And he wants me back, and I will never go back there.

    • Been there, done that. First congrats at ending it. I went through same type of thing and after 2 years I said this is just too hard, it shouldn’t be so hard and I let go. Friends tried to talk me out of it but in my heart I knew I had done the right thing. It was so hard. Those first few days I was in shock, it hurt so much, I felt like someone I loved had died. But it was the best thing I ever did. I am now married to someone wonderful. You have so many good things ahead of you. Hang in there. One thing that helped me was planning a great vacation with friends. Every weekend I’d be on TripAdvisor researching TTD in Vegas, helped so much having something to look forward to.

    • I’m so sorry. Take care of yourself.

      I don’t necessarily have any stories of moving on because my relationship like this ended over a year ago and I’m still single. But I will say it is for the best. It was really painful at first – I watched a ton of law and order SVU because it was the only thing that would distract me without having a romantic component to it.

      Give yourself time to be upset or carve out a time of day i.e. I’m going to get through the work day but will give myself permission to fall apart at home at 5:15pm.

      It does get better – I was a disaster a year ago. Today I don’t even think about him anymore. And on the plus side, being single made all my friendships so much closer. I lost a boyfriend but that resulted in 3 new friends + closer relationships with all my other single girlfriends. At the end of the day, it’s not even a question of what’s better in my life.

      I’m so sorry – let yourself hurt. You will heal and you’ll be amazed at how much stronger you are once you get to the other side.

    • I’ve been there, and it does get better. 3 years ago, I broke off an engagement, because my fiance wanted to delay our already-scheduled-wedding because after 4 years of dating, his mother wasn’t comfortable with our getting married (I was 27, he was 30).

      Short term – its going to suck. But I took the opportunity to stay busy. I set up dinners/outings/events with friends. I attended exercise classes, and group events to meet new people. I did try match.com as a way to meet new guys, but on a “just having fun” basis.

      Long term – its going to be so much better. I found an absolutely great guy, got married, and have a 3 month old baby and couldn’t be happier. But even if that’s not how your life progresses, it would be so much worse to be stuck in a marriage with someone who isn’t truly a partner to you. I think that’s the most important thing I learned from that breakup — having an SO who truly is my partner, and I his, is so much more important than age, career, religion, etc.

      Good luck!

    • Take the day off. You won’t be able to get anything done. Mental health sick day.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I separated from my husband a little over a year ago and yes, breakups suck. Two things I kept telling myself in the worst of it:

      “I just have to feel like this until I don’t feel like this any more.”

      and

      “The only way out is through.”

      Also, think about how you’re going to feel this time next year, with the breakup behind you and your new life in full swing. I did that a lot, and it helped. And I am here to tell you that it is indeed awesome one year out, and I’m not even quite divorced yet and have no new man on the horizon — and it’s still awesome!

      Hugs. It’s gonna suck for a while. I’m so sorry!!

    • I went through a similar issue when I graduated from law school. I dated someone for all three years of law school, then we accepted jobs in different cities that were four hours away. We tried making the long distance work, but 6 months after we moved, we broke up because he was not interested in discussing the future or in moving to be with me (he hated his job, I loved mine). At 3.5 years, I felt the same way as you – he should have been willing to discuss a future with me. I finally decided that it would never happen, and that I was not willing to wait. I won’t lie, it was a hard decision to make, and I dragged my feet for months. The day I ended our relationship, I did some shopping, had a pedicure, and read a good book before having the talk with him. Fortunately, it was a Saturday when it happened, so I had all day Sunday to mourn. For a couple of days, I worked with the door to my office shut. I told a few other associates in my office what had happened, so everyone was very understanding.

      I vowed to myself that I would not spend months being depressed over the break-up. I signed up to be a Big Sister with Big Brothers Big Sisters, made some friends, signed up for a 5k, and just made some time to take care of myself and my needs. Within a week of the break-up, I also signed up for Match and started to go on dates. This helped me get my confidence back, because, after 3.5 years of being with someone who wouldn’t commit, I started to feel that there was something wrong with me (Silly, right?). Three months in, I met my current SO, and we have been together for two years. We now live together and are discussing a future (slowly, but surely). I am so much happier with him than I ever was with my ex, and I am so glad that I made the decision to move on.

      I’m sorry you are going through this, but know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Make time for yourself, treat yourself to some of your favorite things, and spend time with your loved ones. Develop a new hobby, volunteer, or even throw yourself into your job to take your mind off of him. And no matter what, remember that you are a strong, intelligent, caring woman who deserves, and will find, someone who is willing to commit to building a life with you.

    • A good friend of mine had been dating this guy since college — nearly 6 years — when he started making life choices without even telling her what was going on (even though she consulted him for everything). The breakup was inevitable, messy and drawn out over six months while she found a new apartment and moved out. She was single for more than a year, and though she didn’t miss her ex (he was a jerk in so many ways), she felt she had wasted 6 prime years of her life. Until she randomly took a swing dancing class. She partnered up with this guy, who within 10 minutes of talking, asked her out on two separate dates for the following week. They just got married last September after four years of dating and are just so smitten.

      So, eat some Ben & Jerry’s now, but know that it will get better!

    • Min Donner :

      A few years ago I was in a somewhat similar situation – I moved very far away for work, there wasn’t a defined end-plan, and while he had initially said he would eventually move to be with me (“wherever you are, I’ll be there” were his exact words I think), long distance took its toll and he ended the relationship.

      I was definitely a wreck for a while, at the urging of my friends cut off all contact for a while (because being “friends” when you’re long distance but no longer a couple turned out to be really really hard), and threw myself into activities. I also signed up for OKCupid because I figured I could at least practice my small talk and maybe go on a few nice dates or at least get some interesting stories, but since I wasn’t planning on staying where I was, I wasn’t looking for anything serious.

      The fourth guy I went out with and I clicked in a way I had never experienced before, soon shed ourselves of our mutual “not looking for anything serious” attitudes, and are now married. I know that I was extremely lucky and it’s not a formula or chronology that will happen for everyone, but I am so grateful every day that my ex chose the time he did to break up with me, because I know I wouldn’t have met my husband had the timing been any different. Sure, I might have eventually met someone else wonderful, or maybe I wouldn’t have… but I’m really happy with how things turned out.

      All that said, what you’re going through right now really really sucks, and you have my utmost sympathy and empathy, and if we were friends I would take you out for wine or cake or yoga. Virtual hugs!

    • I moved back home from a different country for a guy. Then he promptly dumped me. I had just about given up on trying to find someone when I met my husband. He’s awesome and we are still super happy together 10 years later. It will get better & you will find the right guy!

    • Hi Breakup,

      I find it easier to tell my self that things get different. Time moves on, other people change, the world changes, you will change, and one day you will realize that you are in a different place, and everything is OK. It helps me more than thinking “it will get better” because perhaps it doesn’t get better, or perhaps you don’t want anything “better,” at least right now. Some years ago, three friends of mine died on the same day. It’s never gotten “better,” but it’s gotten different, and I have a joyous, albeit different life.

      Take your time to mourn your dream, and then as you feel up to it, you drive different for you at a comfortable pace, confident that eventually you will have a different, wonderful life.

      • Just saw your comment about things being better as opposed to different. It sounds like I am directly contradicting you below, but I didn’t see yours before posting. I think when I say “it will get better” what I really mean is, you will find other things that make your life happy and fulfilling.

      • I love this, and you’re right — “things get different” is so, so true.

        Another way I’ve seen this sentiment expressed is: “Everything changes. You will be surprised.”

        Hugs to the OP.

      • Senior Attorney :

        This is a lovely insight. Thank you.

    • Just another person to say that it WILL get better. One of things that really helped me recover was focusing on other people. I signed up to be a mentor to a high school student who is now in college and who I am still close with. And I made a really big effort to invest in friendships. I also made a point of doing things that I wouldn’t have done while I was with him (cooked food that he never liked, took trips I wouldn’t have taken with him, got into bikram yoga, etc.). It helped to put the focus back on myself and what kind of life *I* wanted to make for myself, without having another person to worry about. Now, looking back, that period of self-exploration and focus on myself was such an invaluable luxury, although of course there were a lot of painful moments as well.

    • Same thing happened to me. At the time, I felt like I had been sucker-punched and basically had to step back from everything for a few weeks just to recover. Lots of breakup music, talking the ears off of my roommate/mom/sisters, drinking wine, watching movies–pretty cliche, I guess. But then a few weeks later, I started going out with friends again, and while I often ended up sad when I thought about not having my former-BF to call when I got home, I slowly but surely began to enjoy myself and my new freedom to flirt with any guy I wanted, not worry about travel to see my former-BF all the time, and a chance to get to actually be in my city more. I also got a new haircut that I loved but knew my ex would have hated, and actually lost a lot of weight because I just didn’t feel like eating and I started running to work out anxiety.

      Because my former-BF did the breaking up, he felt bad and at first tried to e-mail/text/g-chat me as “just friends” to make sure I was doing okay. That did NOT work for me. I told him I needed to cut him out completely, and that ended up being HUGELY important for my mental health. This happened 7 years ago and I still haven’t heard his voice since the day we broke up.

      About 6 months after the breakup I decided it might be fun to try dating again, and joined a dating site. I had really good luck, and actually ended up meeting the man who became my husband 4 years later! Because I’d been able to take post-break-up time to work on myself (think about my priorities, get in good shape, just be me), I think I was in a great spot to meet my forever person. It all worked out, and I can see now that the first relationship never was going to work… but at the time it just took a lot of deep breathing, wallowing, relying on the women in my life, and alone time. I promise you, even though there was no light at the end of your long distance tunnel (I used that same phrase is my former relationship), there is a light at the end of this break-up tunnel!

  7. slowing down :

    Eating/health threadjack. Any tips for slowing down while eating? I used to be a very slow eater as a kid, but my pace now has gotten way too fast, and I think it may be causing be to overeat and contributing to issues like reflux and general post-eating discomfort. Scarfing food down, just chewing food enough to get it down, etc. Any tips on how to slow myself down?

    • Wildkitten :

      Put your fork down between bites.

      • A Nonny Moose :

        And sip water between bites. Make sure not to eat when you’re distracted– no tv!

        • anon-oh-no :

          sipping water between bites might not be good — especially if she already has reflux — as it can cause reflux. this was a real problem for me when i was pregnant.

      • Senior Attorney :

        And relatedly, I made myself a rule that I was not allowed to have food on my fork at the same time I had food in my mouth. Put the food on your fork, put it in your mouth, chew. No more loading up the next bite while the last bite is still in your mouth. Fork can stay in hand or be put down, but it must be empty until you’ve swallowed.

    • What do you do when you’re eating? It’s much easier to eat too fast if you’re reading or watching TV. Whereas you’ll eat slower if you focus on your food or have a conversation with someone while eating. I also find that if I have smaller portions or smaller amounts of little things, I eat slower than if I have, say, a big bowl of pasta. It’s like having a lot of food in front of you sends a signal to your brain that you don’t have to savor it because you have plenty.

    • Don’t put everything on your plate at once. Put only small servings on your plate. As Wildkitten said, put your fork down. Be more mindful chewing. Try to have a nice chat or take your time eating, enjoying it as “me time.” Scarfing down food as you work will make you feel miserable. If you eat the small portions on your plate and are still hungry, you’ll have to go back to the kitchen (or lunch bag, etc.) to get more.

    • Don’t wait too long to eat – if you only eat when you’re super hungry, you’ll naturally eat way too fast and then feel unwell. I need to remind myself to eat a small snack before I leave work, or as soon as I get home, to prevent myself from being too hungry by the time dinner is ready.

    • Don’t do anything else while you’re eating but eat. (Waay easier said than done.) The more mindful you are of eating your food the slower you will eat it. A lot of times I scarf down a whole meal while writing a blog post or watching TV and don’t even realize it. Humans aren’t made to multitask effectively!

    • layered bob :

      +1 to the don’t wait too long to eat. Whenever I find I’ve gained a little weight it’s always because I’ve been too busy to eat regularly, and then when I do eat I scarf everything down like I’m defending it from hyenas. For me, eating more frequently = eating less and and enjoying it more, without feeling overfull.

    • Spirograph :

      Eat with a someone you can have a good conversation with! If you’re busy talking or actively listening, you won’t be able to eat as quickly.

      I had to retrain myself to eat slowly again after I spend months scarfing down food as quickly as possible in military basic training. Putting my fork down between bites and chewing everything at least 10 times really helped. But conversation is more fun.

    • Set a timer. Seriously. Divide your meal in half. Make the first half last ten minutes. Tiny bites, chew slowly, and chew until there’s no flavor left. Take a 5 minute break. Then do the same with the second half. If you feel full after eating slowly for ten minutes, you are still eating too fast. Slow down even more.

      Note, this only works with tasty food. Don’t waste your time on non-tasty food that you don’t enjoy. Your diet frozen meal will not have enough flavor in it, but well seasoned fajita meat will.

      Since I have been doing this, it’s been revelatory. I have learned I don’t actually like some foods I thought I did. Hummus tastes like dirt to me now but I used to shovel it in. Go figure. I am becoming a lot pickier about my food, and it takes a much smaller portion of it to satisfy me than it used to, because I am letting my stomach catch up to my brain.

    • slowing down :

      A belated thanks to everyone! One of my biggest problems is breakfast. I have to eat before I leave, otherwise I get super hungry quickly and feel sick, so I eat cereal while I read online. Between not paying attention and knowing I have to get myself out the door, I just race through it. These tips are great for dealing with breakfast and other meals.

      • cereal seems like it would be problematic to eat slow. It would get soggy long before you’re done. I’m not a breakfast eater but I would consider trying something else with more chew to it.

    • All of the above suggestions are great (especially the timer, Parfait – I never thought of that). As someone who responds better to external cues while trying to change my habits, I think this is a unique invention: http://www.hapi.com/products-hapifork.asp. It has pretty good reviews, but you do have to be willing to drop $100 on a fork…

  8. I got a job offer in San Diego! My boyfriend and I are in our very early 30s and have never lived on a beach. Is it worth living in North Pacific Beach for a year with a higher rent for an older place to get that experience? I’ll be commuting to the Nobel Research Park area, and coming from Colorado, I’ve never really had to deal with traffic in a city. Where else would you live? I don’t want to deal with any areas taken over by university students.

    • As recently as a few years ago, PB was still pretty full of college kids. One of my former coworkers (who is in his late 20’s) relocated from SF to downtown San Diego, I believe in the Gaslamp area, and seems to enjoy it.

    • I used to live in San Diego and have lived in PB (10 blocks from the beach, not worth it), downtown in 2 locations (nice), and in south Mission Beach (the best). I think living easy walking distance from the beach is absolutely worth it for at least a while. But the key is walking distance. If you have to drive you will rarely go because parking is a nightmare. North PB in my experience was somewhat less college-y than PB (especially if you get up towards Bird Rock I think, but it’s been a few years), and if you’re planning to learn to surf I really liked Tourmaline beach. I think the coastal communities as you go north from PB would be better than PB around Grand Ave). The commute is not going to be great, but it’s not as bad as in some other areas I think. For what it’s worth, my roommate commuted up La Jolla area, and I think she would say the commute was worth beach living. I really liked south Mission Beach — sure there were college kids and vacation renters, etc., but most of the time it was reasonably calm and there was plenty of room on the beach, and the bay was also nice to rollerblade or run along. However, in the summer I would never plan to leave the neighborhood in my car on a weekend day unless I was planning to be gone most of the day because the traffic into the beach was so terrible it made getting home take forever.

      Another option, if this is going to be a move for at least a few years, is find someplace closer to work/the freeways you’d need (maybe North Park, Hillcrest, Mission Hills, University Heights) and get to know the area, and get a taste of the different beaches and move in a year or so.

      • Thanks! That’s given me some things to think about. Hillcrest sounds nice. Pacific Beach might end up being too hard with trying to park 2 cars.

  9. stinky feet :

    Summer seems to have arrived overnight, and for me that means the dilemma of what to wear on my feet.

    At work, I cannot wear open sandals (work in hospital) and sweaty bare feet inside shoes just doesn’t work for me. I don’t know how so many women do it….

    Any tips?

    • Wildkitten :

      I commute in flip flops and put my feet in shoes only at work. Would that fix your problem or do you get hot feet in the office?

    • what about keds with those no-show socks?

    • I wear almost all my shoes on bare feet . I swear by Dr. Scholls foot spray in the summer (yellow can). A spray anti-perspirant might work too. I also sit at my desk barefoot in my office although I realize that isn’t practical for everyone.

    • Hue makes very thin, very low profile footies that work pretty well in closed shoes and help with the sweaty. They have rubber at the heels and I find they stay in place decently well. Not great if I was walking around all day, but they work for a typical day at the office. I’d look into some of the pointier-toed flats/low heels/wedges that have a higher vamp and will cover the footie, rather than ballet flats with a lower vamp.

      This year also seems to be the year for shoes with cut-outs – very small ones, more for design than function. I have a pair of ankle boots made of thin leather with small cut-outs and am considering wearing them for a meeting next week that is being held in a notoriously cold building. It will be in the 80s-90s next week, so I could wear the boots, which, being thin leather and having cut-outs, don’t look so heavy, and wear a pair of just below the ankle socks with them to keep my feet warm. So I think this type of shoe will comply with covered toes, possibly accommodate sock-type things, and still look more or less seasonally appropriate.

      What about sling-backs? I think Hue also makes socks that are basically just a cap for your toes.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      This is always a big problem for me. I tried a ton of brands of no-show socks to figure out what worked best for me. Sometimes the edges peek out but I just accept that because it is a million times better than my stinky feet.

  10. Maddie Ross :

    If men had to b**feed, there would still be a pill on the market to make you dry up immediately when you weaned. They would never ever stand for weeks of pain and binding their chest. That is all.

    • Back when my mom had me (30+ years ago), there was such a shot. It caused a whole host of problems and is no longer used. Hang in there.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Good grief. I had my baby 27 years ago and although I never used that shot, I knew of its existence. Had no idea it wasn’t in use any more.

        /old

        • Your Marine is 27? Is he single? :D

          /not a creepy tangent at all

          • Senior Attorney :

            ROFL why yes! Yes he is!

            Man, I would love to have one of you fab ladies as a daughter in law! ;)

          • ROFL too I love this non-creepy tangent!
            Senior Attorney, you sound like you’d make a wise, wonderful MIL! (Married and content so no skin in the game here).

    • If it helps, I found hand-expressing a little bit of milk in a warm shower helped ease the pain quite a bit and didn’t impede the progress of my milk drying up. I only did this once or twice when the pain was really bad but it helped a lot. I’ve heard cabbage leaves were also effective, but I was down to only nursing once a day at night so it didn’t take very long for my milk to dry up.

      • Maddie Ross :

        Argh, I was down to twice a day when I stopped last week. And I’ve tried the cabbage, but it didn’t help much. Also tried sudafed, benadryl, binding and a bunch of random teas. Not much has helped so far. I called my doctor and the nurse laughed at me. (Sidenote – I will be finding a new OB.)

        • It takes a week, it’s terribly painful, and then it’s over. I weaned 6 kids and each time was the same. My first OB suggested putting ice packs in my bra, but I did not figure out how to do that. Hang in there.

          • Maddie Ross :

            I wish it was just a week. I’m 9 days in and still no change or relief. Despite trying every old wive’s tale out there.

          • I’m so sorry! I found that when it did finally start to abate, it got better quickly (like 24 hours).

          • Maddie Ross :

            Oh thank goodness – maybe there’s light at the end of the tunnel!

        • Drink lots of sage tea, peppermint tea. Wear a super tight sports b r a. Soak in tub to relieve pain. Good luck.

    • That’s why I weaned super slowly over about two months. It’s not a method for everyone, of course, but it worked for me. No pain.

    • Medic Maggie :

      I don’t have experience with weaning quite that rapidly–with both of mine, I had already stopped pumping, and they were down to just a few feedings/day (morning and evening, mostly), so my supply was pretty low anyway.

      I would just caution you to make sure you stay aware of signs/symptoms of plugged ducts & mastitis. Good luck

      • Maddie Ross :

        Yeah, I stopped pumping in December. I was only feeding 2/day – am and pm – when I stopped. And neither feeding was really much – basically just 5 minutes total of comfort nursing. I had NO idea that it would be this bad. And I couldn’t really figure out how to stop any more gradually. I have a plugged duct and am taking an antibiotic as of yesterday as a precaution. This is just insane.

  11. Good morning hive! I’m looking for recommendations on places to get cheap blouses. I have been going through a MAJOR weight loss over the last year or so, and consequently, I have just realized that I only have about 2 blouses that fit me. I still have another 30 lbs. or so to lose, so I don’t want to spend much, but I need a few transition pieces. Previously, I have only ever been able to shop at plus size stores so I really don’t know what is out there. I purchased a Large size blouse from Loft last week for reference.

  12. Famouscait - Strategy for annoucing pregnancy? :

    My friend and co-worker is a final candidate for a job at another nonprofit. She really runs the show at our current office, and it will be a complete blindside to our boss if she decides to leave. It will also be a nightmare to split her duties in the interim, and even when a replacement is hired it will fundamentally impact how we work. (For context, I work in the arts and she is the brains and business-like yin to our boss’s artistic yang.) My immediate concern is that I’m on the verge of announcing my pregnancy to our boss, including that I plan to take a maternity leave at the end of the year; if she were still here at that time, she would take over many of my duties. My concern is that if I wait to tell him after friend announces she’s leaving, he’s going to go into panic mode and his reaction to me may be…. not as it would be otherwise. I’m not afraid that he’ll somehow deny or make it hard for me to take maternity leave, more that he might say something along the lines of “I can’t believe you’re telling me this now when Coworker is already leaving. I don’t know how we’re going to function without her, much less without you too for three months!” I’m not trying to over-state my importance here, just illustrate that my boss is emotional and prone to lash out, especially during times of stress. So, should I try to pre-empt her news with my own? Or wait and see if she actually gets the job? Ideally I was planning to tell my boss at the end of the month, but now I don’t know what to do.

    • Well, you could move up your plans and tell your boss before your friend finds out about the new job. Assuming everything was going OK with the pregnancy, and I was really worried that my maternity leave might be cut short, that’s what I’d do.

      But really, her plans to leave and your maternity leave should have nothing to do with each other.

    • During conundrums like this, I always tell myself “this is why my boss makes the big bucks – to deal with staffing issues, people leaving, maternity leaves, etc. They’ll figure it out”

    • Senior Attorney :

      I think in this case you need to go ahead and tell the boss about the pregnancy. That way she will get the “how could you leave now, with Famouscait going out on maternity leave?” rather than you getting the “how could you take maternity leave now, with coworker leaving?”

      And yes, they should have nothing to do with each other but I totally get your concern.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Yeah, I don’t think it is fair to say “they should have nothing to do with each other.” There are legalities and then there are the realities of running a business. I’m by no means saying that Famouscait shouldn’t take her maternity leave, just that it is absolutely appropriate to realize “oh crap, we are going to have a problem” when your back up is going to be out too. At the end of the day the work still needs to get done and I think it is a very appropriate response to start planning both on how to mitigate the reaction AND how to mitigate the stress on your company and boss.

        I’d tell now and work in your head on a back up plan if and when coworker leaves. That way when boss goes into “what do we do now” mode. You have a plan.

        Just as an example, attorneys have a duty to their clients and that includes making sure there is a succession plan in place if they got hit by a bus. A solo couldn’t just take maternity leave without requesting continuances during that time and still fielding calls and emails unless she found another solo to cover her case load while she was away. Many solos have such reciprocal arrangements.

        Emergency management has mutual aid packs. If the whole PD is out with the flu, other officers from other cities can fill in.

        Unless you are in a big corp where you are just a cog among many, you are responsible for a plan in your absence.

  13. Can anyone recommend a daily moisturizer with SPF (and/or a night cream without it) that you love?

  14. Cold Feet? :

    I’m engaged to my wonderful SO of 3+ years and my wedding is about a year away. I really, truly, genuinely love my fiance and think he has so many great qualities that will make him a wonderful partner and husband. Sure, he has his flaws, like any person, but he also adores me and is committed to doing his best to make sure we have a healthy, happy relationship together.

    That being said, I often find myself nervous and worrying about one day getting a divorce. Both of our parents split up and had nasty divorces after 20+ years of marriage, and I worry about following in their footsteps. I worry that neither of us ever really saw a healthy marriage, so how do we know how to have one? Since my parent’s split, I have worried about divorce in the abstract, but now that I’m getting married, any time we have an argument or he does something I find annoying, I’m now wondering if it’s a sign we’re not right for each other or that we’re destined for divorce.

    I did talk to him about my fears of divorce prior to us getting engaged (we were in the process of ring shopping, so marriage talk was on the table), and he was really understanding and comforting. We even discussed what we’d be willing to do to make our marriage work if we did hit a rough patch, which made me feel a little better. That being said, I haven’t said about my fears anything since our engagement, because I don’t want him to think that I don’t want to get married. I genuinely do – I’m just terrified of it going south and us hating each other in 20+ years.

    Did anyone experience similar nerves or anxiety before their wedding? Any advice?

    • Famouscait :

      Marriage is hard work and I think you’re better set-up for success if you realize that from the get-go (as it sounds you both do). Having a spouse who lets you say hard, truthful things (including stating your fears) without judgement is a wonderful thing and also bodes well for a successful marriage. It would be more alarming if you went into the marriage thinking “all you need is love” (sorry, Beatles). Return to the conversation with your partner if it helps you feel more steady and balanced; your fears are astute, not problematic.

      • I agree. I think being nervous about marriage and wondering about things going wrong down the line is a sign that you recognize the seriousness of this commitment. The people to worry about are the ones who think it’s all daisies and butterflies or that relationship problems are somehow for other people. There are no guarantees for any marriage, of course, but don’t think there’s anything wrong with you as a person or as a couple. And do talk to him if you think it would ease your tension.

        FWIW, I went into my marriage bracing for all kinds of “adjustment issues” because people warned me it would be hard. It’s ended up being the easiest aspect of my life say 98% of the time. You may find that the thought you’ve put into this just means that you really took your time in making a good decision.

        • Cold Feet? :

          Thanks, ladies. I was concerned that this fear meant something negative, but I like the idea of looking at it as going in with my eyes wide open and realizing that we’re going to have a marriage, as wonderful and as difficult as it might be, and not just a wedding.

        • Anonattorney :

          I had similar thoughts, but I ultimately just figured that if divorce is in the cards, I’ll deal with it when I get there. I think it’s unrealistic to NOT consider the fact that you may eventually get divorced. So many thing can happen to couples that can really change the dynamic of your relationship, and it’s impossible to anticipate those things. It doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t get married.

          Anyway, I’m really working on a “life is short” approach. Don’t sweat things that might happen 20 years from now. Enjoy your life with your partner now, and work on things as they come. If you end up getting divorced, you will deal with it and you’ll be just fine.

    • Senior Attorney :

      What is it about divorce you are afraid of? If any part of it is the financial aspects, that can be addressed by a pre-nup, which I heartily recommend.

      And also, have you thought about a little individual counseling to work through these issues?

      • Cold Feet? :

        Some of it is the financial aspects, yes. A close friend of mine practices family law and we did ask her about the possibility of a prenup for our personal situation. Neither one of us has substantial personal assets now or owns a home, we decided against it for the time being. However, if there are other arguments for a prenup when neither party is coming into the marriage with significant assets, I’d be really interested to hear it.

        I did do some individual counseling prior to our engagement around this issues, and it was helpful. I am considering going back if my divorce fears continue to bother me.

        • Senior Attorney :

          What about your earning potential? Are you going to be the high earner? Are you (or he) planning on staying home when and if you have children? Do either of you have jobs in which there are or will be pensions or other retirement benefits?

          If you have good earning potential, that is absolutely a substantial asset and in my view it needs to be protected. It’s fine to have your spouse enjoy the standard of living your earnings can provide while you’re married, but it really sucks when the court requires you to continue provide him with that standard of living after you split (which absolutely can happen depending on the laws of your state).

          On the flip side, if you are planning on taking time out of your career to stay home with children, you should be compensated for that by sharing in your spouse’s retirement benefits, by having spousal support, etc. All these things may or may not be addressed by your state’s laws in a way that is pleasing to you, and it’s good to know what the laws are and whether you want to contract around them.

          Bottom line: The earning potential, yours and his, are the biggest assets you have going into this marriage and it would be wise to make provisions for what happens to those earnings (and the fruits thereof) in the event of a split.

          And if you do this, of course each of you should have separate counsel if you want it to be enforceable.

          • Excellent comment.

          • Cold Feet? :

            This is fascinating – thank you. He is the higher earner and will likely always be, and I will probably stay home for a few years while our children are young. I didn’t realize that you could protect those kinds of things via prenup. Time for me to do some research around our state’s current divorce laws and then reconsider if a prenup could be more helpful than we originally thought.

          • Anonattorney :

            If you would automatically get spousal support under your state’s divorce laws because he is the high earner, you might not want to open the door to prenups. That might be inviting him to protect his earnings from you.

          • Thanks for this – do you happen to know if you can protect earning potential in a pre-nup? Is it a mutual waiver of spousal support in the event of divorce that you’d write into it?

          • Senior Attorney :

            I agree with Anonattorney. Generally it’s the high earner who has the most to gain by a prenup. If that’s not going to be you, you may want to let this sleeping dog lie.

        • Would it help to have your friend or someone else who practices family law go over how assets would be divided in the absence of a prenup? That way, you’d have a sense of the “default” way this would be handed under your state’s law/practices.

          (Sorry if this posts twice, I got the posting too quickly message.)

      • Or pre-marital counseling. It can get a lot of issues out on the table and you might feel better knowing you two have already talked through them.

        • +1. I recommended this yesterday to someone else. You don’t have to have any kind of problem at all to benefit from premarital counseling. A good counselor is not there just to help you work through existing issues, but also to help you develop tools to address any issues that may come up later on.

  15. I hate that gaining only four pounds means that all of my perfectly altered pants no longer fit. THIS IS SO CRUEL!!! Every bit of new weight always goes to my thighs/butt.

    So I should give up pants and move to skirts/dresses…. but THEN I HAVE TO SHAVE MY LEGS EVERY TWO DAYS and cover bruises/imperfections et al…

    Ugh… I am so middle aged. I am so tired of maintenance.

    Ok. Thanks for letting me vent.

    • I wear skirts and dresses 100% of the time and I do shave my legs every day or two. It only takes a couple of minutes in the shower, but I guess there are alternatives like waxing. I’m also middle aged. The downside to wearing skirts is that I did gain 7 unwanted pounds and all my clothes did still fit. (Thanks to some advice gleaned here, I’ve lost the weight, woohoo).

      • Senior Attorney :

        +1

        I shave my legs every few days (5 min or so in the shower), but I don’t worry about the bruises and other imperfections on my middle-aged lily-white gams. Life’s too short, man.

        And congrats on the lost weight, tesyaa!

    • You know how pants for little kids sometimes have elastic in the waist that you can adjust with buttons inside the waistband? They should have those for adults. I bet there’s a way to do it so the elastic doesn’t “pucker” too much, and between that and wearing untucked shirts, would make pants much more flexible.

      • Meg Murry :

        They used to make them in maternity -I think Gap or Old Navy called them 1st and 4th trimester pants for early pregnancy and postpartum. I looked online to recommend them to someone not long ago though and couldn’t find them.

      • My boys wear these and they don’t even need to open the buttons and zippers on their pants, ha ha

    • Only in the summer.

    • Do people really cover bruises/imperfections on their legs on a daily basis? I’m genuinely curious, but I’m torn on what I want this answer to be. On the one hand, I don’t need that kind of pressure. On the other, if the answer is yes, I might feel better about my bruised and imperfect legs.

      • I do not bother.

      • Anonattorney :

        Only with sheer hose (which I don’t wear on the hottest days, but do prefer to wear on most spring/summer days).

      • Nope, not one bit. My soccer-playing years, though long past, left me with tons of small bruises and discolorations on my legs. I also have a patch of bright blue-green veins on one of my legs (not a clue as to why). No one outside of my husband and roomates ever noticed.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        No, I don’t worry about it. (And I usually have at least a bruise or two because I have a bad habit of walking into the edges of furniture. And door frames. I’m uncoordinated.)

      • Anon in NYC :

        No, not at all. I can’t even imagine caring about it and I never look at another woman and think, “wow, she looks really great except for the fact that there’s an imperfection on her leg!”

        I’ll caveat this by saying that I appreciate how nude hose minimizes those issues on my legs,but when it gets too warm to wear hose I just stoically carry on, imperfect legs and all.

      • Hahaha. No. And I have lovely bruises all over my pale Irish legs from playing with my kid and generally being a klutz.

      • Orangerie :

        Not at all. My legs have a really uneven skin tone when you look up close, but there is no way in hell I’m wearing pantyhose or otherwise covering them up.

      • I absolutely do not care. If someone is staring at my legs so intently that they notice my tiny spider veins, then it is they who have a problem, not me.

      • lucy stone :

        I never bother. I have scars all over my legs from years of competitive sports and I usually have a few bruises from things that jump out at me, and I don’t feel the need to cover them.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Bruised and imperfect for the win!!

        I do wear sheer nude hose to keep warm, but when the weather permits I let my imperfections fly! (Most recently it’s a lovely blue lump/bruise on my shin bone where I lost an argument with a piece of furniture.)

      • I don’t even know if I have bruises on my legs at any given time. I have darker skin so maybe that’s part of it, but I never knew anyone did this and I can honestly say I have never noticed bruises or imperfections on another woman’s legs (although I think foot stuff is more noticeable since I obviously check out everyone’s shoes at all times).

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      I only shave like once every 2 weeks even when I am wearing skirts. I don’t really think anyone notices. I have dark hair and darkish legs.

    • Anonymous :

      I just tried on my shorts from last summer and they are super tight. And I’m like you, probably gained 4lbs. Can you try L’Oreal’s body bb cream for imperfections on your legs? Or use a gradual self tanner?

    • I will joint that vent. Everyone keeps telling me that at 8 months pregnant, I’d probably be more comfortable in a dress than pants but shaving is such a pain these days that I can’t bring myself to do it more than once a week!

    • Braun Silk Epil. $60ish bucks from BB&B. Took a few times to get used to it (it’s a little hurty at first) but now I can do both legs in about 30 minutes and don’t have to think about them again for weeks. WEEKS I tell you! Even then, the hairs are pretty fine (and I am hairy) so I don’t bother with them unless they’re super hairy.

  16. Charlotte :

    Confession time. My husband loves Shark Tank. I have been an entrepreneur and enjoy it too. But mainly I like it because I have a huge crush on Robert. I love staring into his dreamy blue eyes.

  17. Anyone else here find keyholes kind of risque? Like it’s drawing people’s attention to the skin underneath? I especially find it weird in the front, but I don’t love it on the back, either. I once saw someone on television wear an outfit where you could actually see cleavage through the peephole and all of the men in the room kept staring at it…

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