Weekend Open Thread

1901 'Retro Stripe' Cotton Blend Crew SocksSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

Happy weekend! Just in time for Father’s Day, Nordstrom has kicked off the Half-Yearly Sale for men — and while hey, I’m sure my dad and husband need new stuff, I’m always excited to raid the guys’ section for fun, colorful socks for myself. (I’ve always been a bit weird about my socks — especially in my suit days, wearing wacky socks was my way of staging a tiny rebellion against the rigors of the job — a private joke for myself.) Anyway, I like these gray/lime/light blue socks from 1901, marked — happily — down to $5.36. 1901 ‘Retro Stripe’ Cotton Blend Crew Socks

Ladies, what are you getting the dads in your life for Father’s Day? 

(L-3)

Comments

  1. EduStudent :

    I’m a fan of crazy socks, but these are a bit too…green…for me, I think.

    Question: are boots ever appropriate for the office (not in June, obviously, but October on?) And I don’t mean snowboots, rainboots, etc – polished boots, like leather riding boots or black heeled boots or ankle boots.
    If they can be appropriate, in what circumstances (what type of office dress code, what type of boot, what do you wear them with)? We talk a lot about heels and flats, but boots are in that nebulous ‘is-this-okay’ category for me.

    • If you’re in a pure business formal office, probably not. If you’re in business casual and you’ve seen higher-up women wearing them, go for it. The styles I wear to work are (1) leather or suede knee high boots with a moderate (2″ or so) stiletto heel (worn with wool pencil skirts that reach to kneecap, and dark tights), (2) on jeans days, leather flat riding boots with a small strap/buckle, (3) heeled mid-shaft boots under trousers (this is the only style I can see working with business formal, if the boots are very well maintained/polished), and (4) when I’m feeling sassy and don’t have meetings, black, 3″ heel ankle boots with black tights and a black skirt.

      One associate sometimes wears flat boots with pencil skirts, and although it’s a cute look, it’s somehow less “office-y” to me.

    • Spirograph :

      I wear boots all the time in the fall and winter. I have flat dark brown boots (similar to these http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/la-canadienne-sandra-waterproof-boot/3525030? ) and black boots with a wedge heel. I wouldn’t wear either of them with a suit, but with an everyday skirt and blouse/cardigan/jacket? Absolutely. Only skirts, though. tall boots with slacks just seems weird to me. I also have some black ankle boots with a 3ish inch heel that I probably wore 3x/week during the polar vortexes with skirts or pants. My office is the more formal end of business casual, but skews young (overwhelming majority under 35).

      • We had horrible cold/snow this year and I wore tights and boots — knee-high, 2 or 2-1/2 stacked heels, black or brown — on most days for the whole winter. I wore them with suits and with suit separates (skirt or sheath dress and blazer) and thought it was fine. At most I probably wouldn’t wear boots to the most formal situations, e.g., oral argument in federal court or maybe the first days of a jury trial.

      • And, Spirograph, I posted under your comment because I meant to say (but then omitted to do so) that I love your handle. I had forgotten about it but the name on your posts brought back spirograph memories! I spent way too many hours of my childhood with a spirograph and my all-time favorite pen, which you could click to move to one of 8 different colors of ink.

        • I had a ruler with a spirograph contraption inside it in the early years of high school – so many of my exercise books from that time are covered in spirograph doodles!

    • I’m wearing black leather boots with pants today because – even though the calendar says June it’s raining and cold here.

    • I wear knee high boots with a low heel almost every day in the winter with pencil skirts, dresses and even suits. We have to walk a couple blocks to the courthouse so it’s accepted to wear them for court hearings too. I only bring shoes to change into if I’m going to be in court all day.

    • Penny Proud :

      Know your office. In mine, every female attorney (including me) wore boots this winter. I have a pair of knee high stiletto boots that I wore during the week and knee high flat boots for casual days.

  2. Blonde Lawyer :

    For the people that posted this morning about commuting in the rain, I wanted to post my latest practical find. Target and Walmart sell golf/camping “rain suits” that are basically raincoat material pants you pull over your regular pants and a longer raincoat with hood. I have a blue Coleman one like this:
    http://www.walmart.com/ip/Coleman-PVC-Nylon-Rainsuit-Blue/13848984
    Mine was purchased for a golf tournament that was not cancelled for rain. It kept my clothes 100% dry, including the cuffs of my pants and was loose enough to move around in.

    I don’t have a walking commute. But if I did, on the days that it is completely pouring and you are just going to get drenched, I would toss on a rain suit like this. The whole thing rolls up really small and would fit easily in a tote bag.

    • I’m just putting this out there – athletes (wrestlers, boxers, etc) wear these to exercise when they need to cut weight because you sweat like it is your job. PVC doesn’t breathe. I wouldn’t throw these on over anything if I needed to look presentable when I arrived.

      • Yep, I used to have waterproof trousers like this for Guide camps etc. They’re horrible.

        What I’d rather do on a get-drenched day is walk in shorts, and duck into a Starbucks near my destination to change into my trousers. Or accept that everyone else is going to be drenched as well!

    • locomotive :

      Generally rainwear designed for golf is NOT good for moving around in. It’s not designed to be super breathable or for activity to be done inside of it – your sweat will just collect and it will feel awful. I know this from accidentally buying a golf rainjacket and looking like a steamed vegetable after walking a mile in it.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Oh weird. Good to know. I guess the makers assume the golfers are using carts and mostly waiting around and not working up a sweat? Or maybe the same stuff that makes outerwear breathable lets water in. Who knows.

        • Goretex is the stuff that makes rainwear breathable and waterproof – it’s expensive. PVC is non-breathable and cheap.

          • LLBean has Gore-tex rain pants for $170, and less-expensive nylon TEK2.5 pants (which they also claim is breathable) for $70. I have one of their Gore-tex raincoats and indeed, it’s not particularly sweat-inducing. But either way, it’s money, and those prices don’t include the jacket.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            Got it! I was going for cheap b/c I didn’t think I would be wearing it again after that event.

  3. Part-timer? :

    I am a fourth-year in regional mid-law, and also the mother to a toddler. It took me a few months after I returned to work to fill my plate again, but I have been meeting or exceeding my hours targets for the past several months.

    I have a great husband who is a super father, so it’s not a question of needing more help on the home front. I want to be there – myself – for dinner, story time, etc. as much as possible. I generally leave the office at 5:30 unless I have a particular reason to stay, but that usually means that I am logged in from 8:30 or so until late at night. I am exhausted.

    I am strongly considering approaching my firm with a proposal for a 75% target. I would plan on being in the office basically as much as I am now, but could hopefully cut down on those evening hours. My goal would be for those not directly told about the reduced hours target not to even notice. I love my work and my colleagues, but I have started to critically examine whether this job is compatible with my long-term goals. The only real downside to this job it the hours.

    I would appreciate any of your thoughts, success stories, warning stories, etc.

    • Wildkitten :

      I would be worried that ramping down would close the door to ramping back up when junior starts school in a minute, if you want to keep that option open.

      • Part-timer? :

        Yeah, that is a concern.

        I have one toddler now, but one of the “long-term goals” I alluded to above is to have at least one more (maybe two more) children. Realistically, don’t think I’ll have all my kids in regular school for 6-10 years. And anyway, I’ll want to be home for dinner and story time when the kids are in school, so I don’t think my life will be easier.

        • Senior Attorney :

          And also, I found that kids need you more, not less, when they get to be school-age. They have activities, and homework, and friend issues, and just… lots going on that requires a lot of attention even though they are physically in school a certain number of hours per day.

          • I agree, and I’ll add that they need to be driven a lot more when they get older. A driving caregiver is absolutely essential.

          • This, completely. Suddenly there are orthodontist appointments, after school wrestling meets and other sporting events, rides to & from friends’ houses, etc. We are WAY busier now that our boys are older than we were when they were younger, especially in the evenings. I think it’s in part because when they are little most of the stuff they need to go to is during the day (story time at the library, swimming lessons, etc.). Once they are in school all the stuff that used to be done during the day is now pushed to the evening, and the kids stay up later, too, so that evening stuff runs later.

            I’m hoping life slows down once they are all out of the house. Of course, that’s at the very least 10 years away for us, and is why dh & I make sure one of our careers is flexible enough to help deal with those demands. Otherwise we all lose our sanity.

          • Senior Attorney got to wear she is by “playing a game” that involves playing up to her boss by going out with him whether she wants to or not because she wasn’t comfortable enough with her own legal skills. Or maybe she plays the game now by making her male subordinates hang out with her all the time whether they want to or not.

          • Trisha, what value does a comment like yours add to the conversation? It sounds like you’re just trying to be rude and hurtful.

          • Senior Attorney :

            What on earth? This must be about the thread from the other day about happy hour after work. I will say there were very few Happy Hours in my life while my son was in elementary school!

          • We know that women deal with sexual harassment in the workplace and some women will sleep with their boss to get ahead. What will you do? Is there some time at night that you will tell your boss (25 years your senior and married) that you don’t think it is okay for him to text you? Would you risk your job by telling him to stop? So something between inappropriate interactions and full on sex is where you draw the line? There are many here, like you, who are okay with the leg-showing and inappropriate touching just to get ahead and okay with their own status when other women (those of us with integrity) say “no”because we won’t play the game.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            I must have missed that thread. Link please?

          • Senior Attorney :

            Can’t find it, but somebody was bothered because people from work were going out for drinks after work and she didn’t want to go, and I said it might be a good idea to go.

            Honestly, I am not a fan of the hair-flip exit, but really? Between this and the snarky anons I’m about ready for a C-break…

          • Senior Attorney,

            These comments apparently directed to you are so ridiculous that I just snickered in disbelief when I read them. Equating happy hour with co-workers with “leg-showing and inappropriate touching” is simply ludicrous. There is nothing inherently sexist about happy hour, and there was nothing in the original post about happy hours that suggested anything about those particular happy hours was sexist or discriminatory. Good grief.

          • SA you’re welcome to join all of us formers on tumblr.

          • locomotive :

            Trisha is just full of crazy-talk. SA, your comments are valued and often hilarious, please don’t let someone who is clearly full of crazy deter you.

          • Silvercurls :

            +1 to locomotive. SA, don’t let the grouches scare you away.

          • Actually, there was. I clearly stated that the happy hours involved subtle sexual harassment and senior attorney told me to play. So, I am just trying to figure out what she meant. How much does she play for her position?

          • I remember your post now Trisha. You said you were being sexually harassed because people went to happy hour without you. Still not sexual harassment.

          • Please describe the “subtle sexual harassment” that you say you referred to on the original thread. Citations and quotes from the original thread (especially since you say you “clearly stated”) would be more persuasive than vague allegations. I read that thread, and there was no description of any sexual harassment. As I said, happy hours, on their own, do not constitute discrimination or sexual harassment .

          • Back Home :

            I just re-read that thread (first comment on second page of last weekend’s open thread if anyone is interested) and your original comment which SA and others were responding to stated people who didn’t go to happy hour were missing out on the scoop and there wasn’t anything that sounded like sexual har@$$ment. I thought their comments were very reasonable given what you initially wrote. It was only after you got feedback you didn’t like that you started to mention other details like younger women felt uncomfortable, felt forced to go, etc.

          • Trisha, it’s horrible to make the insinuations you’re making based on the comments you received in response what what was, initially, a vague post that many commenters (including SA) did not understand. Your responses in that thread are insulting to commenters who (understandably) didn’t read “sexual harassment” into “I don’t want to go to happy hour”. Your responses here do you no further credit, and if they are reflective of how you conduct yourself in person, I would encourage you to do some soul-searching about how you manage personal interactions.

          • Cbackson: what is confusing about “subtle sexual harassment?” How are you confused? Are you really stating that unless the boss tells someone that they have to sleep with him for a job, then it is not sexual harassment? There were commenters who did understand. As for the rest, well, I don’t see where I asked for advice. I simply ranted. If you can’t offer support then why would you comment at all?

          • Trisha, you’re doing yourself no favors. I’d advise you to step away from this rather than attacking people who did nothing but respond to a post that, on its face, said nothing about quid pro quo or workplace flirtation.

        • I say go for it. 75% is not 25% and with a wee one you have a lot of time to think of when and whether you’d want to go back up to 100%. Also, once they start school, they have vacations and summers and activities, so YMMV when they are school aged. But I think that being pro-active with the hours and expectations management is always a good idea in general.

    • Following. I’m a bit more senior but with a preschooler & a toddler, and I find that I just don’t have a 2200 hour (incl billables, pro bono, firm stuff) year in me, although I am/could be a really great attorney if I could just work 2000 hours (so ~1600-1700 billable hours; another 300-400 other).

      In my pipe dream, I would do 80 or 85% with one day not in the office (likely working from home but with childcare for at least some of the day, and billing a shorter day that day).

      • Part-timer? :

        Yes, I totally agree. Last m0nth I billed 200 hours, and I just can’t do that for a whole year.

        Why do you think that scenario is a pipe dream?

        • I worry that it will be career-limiting — that once I become someone on flextime I’ll unofficially be painted as not sufficiently committed/not a lifer/not able to hack it. The frustrating thing is that I see this move as being my best chance to stick it out and be a great lawyer for the next few years so that I’m promote-able down the road…

          I don’t know — I’ve talked myself into & out of this scenario several times over the last few months but have not yet broached it with the partner whose yay/nay determines whether it’s feasible.

          • Part-timer? :

            OK, I hear that. Those are my concerns too.

            Sometimes I wonder if it would be better strategically to set reasonable expectations and then exceed them, rather than feeling like I’m just getting by…

          • “Sometimes I wonder if it would be better strategically to set reasonable expectations and then exceed them, rather than feeling like I’m just getting by…”

            EXACTLY! Indeed, that seems to be the only way I’ve seen people make partner on a flextime schedule at my firm.

            I’ll be interested in what other people say, but it’s good to know that there are others in the same boat, Part-Timer(?)

          • Honestly I did this without a kid. But I had no intention of staying at a law firm and my career has been just fine. I moved in-house to far more reasonable and predictable hours. Fwiw, people have different needs at different times. If you need to ramp down now, do it. I think you can always ramp up later so long as you stay in the workforce. Career limiting/killing is quitting to stay home. A few slower years? Not a big deal in the long run. Careers are long.

      • anon-oh-no :

        i’m full time now, but have the option of being on a reduced schedule (usually, 80 or 90%) and have been on a reduced schedule in the past, both as a sr. associate and a partner. i waited until i had a second kid, but many others have done it with just one kid.

        its hard in litigation. not becuse of the lack of advancement thing (i made partner in biglaw on a reduced schedule, and many other women at my firm have too). however, i am glad i did it when i did. it gave me the freedom to work from home when i want/can and to tell myself that i didnt need to work more just becuase. i still do that now at full time, but dont think i would have if i didnt “learn” how on a reduced schedule.

    • My sister in law did it and still made partner in mid-size SF law. (Hi Sis!)

    • WestCoast Lawyer :

      I did this about a year after coming back to work when my first was born. I can’t say it doesn’t impact people’s perceptions of you, but I found myself in the position of either I scale back and worry about whether I’d be able to ramp back up later, or I quit, because I was not willing to continue working at that pace and constantly feel like I was missing out on things at home. I ended up being pleasantly surprised at how supportive and respectful most partners were of my arrangement. I worked 4 days a week, although I had full time child care so I could vary the day I stayed home depending on meetings and other client needs (and I often ended up doing a little work from home on my off day, but spending most of the time recharging, running errands, etc). I did tend to get staffed on somewhat more mundane matters (so venture financings rather than IPOs and big M&A deals), but that was fine with me because the high-profile transactions inherently demand that you be available at all times on a moments notice. I eventually ended up in-house, because I realized it was better suited to my interests and the life I wanted to be living. One of the best things about being part time is it allowed me to be comfortable turning work down. When I was full time, I always worried that by turning down a project I was just making another colleague’s life more difficult, but when you take the paycut you start to think, “no, I’m not getting paid to work THAT hard.”

      TLDR: If you aren’t happy with the present situation I don’t think you have a lot to lose by giving a reduced schedule a shot. Yes, you may have trouble ramping back up again, but if you are thinking about a 2nd it may be years before you want to do that anyway, and between now and then you might decide to switch firms, do something else, or you could win the lottery and retire!

    • darjeeling :

      I left biglaw for in-house when my kids were 4 and 2; I never asked for part time b/c at least in my transactional practice, the work wasn’t evenly spaced – i.e., I could have reduced my overall hours target but could never have managed not working just in the evenings or working just M-Th, and trying to navigate that boundary seemed more stressful than just getting stuff done while the kids were asleep and continuing to do conference calls at 8, 9, 10pm… I know it’s hard to sustain though.

      It’s tricky b/c you’re now at the level where you are increasingly going to be the point person driving the case/deal forward and you may not get the plum assignments if you’re part-time, but if you’ve got partners who you think will support you I say go for it. I would probably be prepared to tell them that it’s for a limited time and that you expect to ramp back up at some point. If you do it, make sure you get paid incrementally on an hourly basis in the event you do overshoot the target.

      • FWIW, I’m in big law (west coast); I’ve been 80-85% for the last three years (starting as a fourth year) and I don’t think it’s materially impacted my career opportunities – I’m very responsive (other than my blocked off time, which is 5:30-8) and also partly because of my group dynamics. I think my group gets that this is what I need to do to make it work. That said, I’m not terribly thrilled about how it plays out hours wise; I end up doing being between 1700 and 1900 hours (I get paid for the difference, but still) because we are a small group and there’s nothing to do when things get busy. Frankly, I think if you are good they will work with you, especially since they are already accommodating your schedule. a good associate is hard to give up.

    • Part-Timer? :

      Thanks everyone!

  4. anon-oh-no :

    my kids and i picked out about 6 pairs of socks like this for my husband for father’s day. they just arrived and i wrapped them. because i let my kids pick whatever they wanted, they are this crazy, and then some. but i think they could add some fun under a suit.

  5. Gel or Shellac Manicure recs in Tahoe? :

    Recommendations for a place in the Tahoe area to get a gel/shellac manicure before my wedding there this summer. Truckee, Tahoe City, Incline, Stateline/South Lake…any place would be OK. I’ve spent a ton of time in the area, but usually hiking or skiing, not getting manicures!

    • The Hyatt at Incline has nice spa, though I only got a massage not manicure.

    • 10 year-anniversary :

      Sorry, no recommendations for a manicure, but congrats on getting married and in Lake Tahoe! My husband and I were married in Lake Tahoe, NV 10 years ago and have come back every 5 years for a second and now third honeymoon! We’ve rented a house on the edge of the state forest and we’re having fun here with our 3 dogs. (The three dogs we had when we were married were our attendants and made it back here for our 5-year anniversary but we lost them all in the five years that followed due to cancer or old age). I recommend the Tahoe Queen lake cruise for a romantic event.

  6. FYI, moms and moms-to-be: The weekend open thread over at CorporetteMoms is now posted (corporettemoms.com/open-thread-june-13-2014). We’ve also taken your feedback into account and made some changes, and you’ll see Kat’s comments about that at the top of the open thread.

  7. Sydney Bristow :

    Does anyone have a cherry pie recipe they love? I’m looking on Pinterest but there are so many options. I’d like to make the filling from scratch and do a lattice top.

    • I would look for a tutorial for the lattice top, and wing it for the fruit filling. You will definitely need cornstarch or Wondra flour in the filling, because cherries are too juicy to set up without it. But do you have a cherry pitter?

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Until I started looking for recipes, I had no idea there was such a thing! I was planning to do it by hand. Is that crazy?

        I’ve done lattice tops before, so that should be fine. One of the things I love about baking is that recipes are so precise. I think that is why I’m not a very good cook but a pretty good baker. I just can’t wing it or go by feel!

        • Listen to wise tesyaa. Cherry pitters are a must for pie — you’re using around 2 lbs of cherries, which is around 50 or 60. If you’re not a cherry lover, you can get a cheapo metal handheld pitter; but if you think you will have lots of cherries (or olives) in your life, go full-out for a table-mounted pitter (not permanently, just has a screw on the side so you can attach it to your table). They have a plastic chute on the top, spring-mounted pitter, and bin to hold the pits beneath. You can get them at Bed Bath & Beyond, and they’re not particularly expensive. But if you love produce with pits (which apparently I do, to distraction), they save you time and hassle.

    • Smitten Kitchen has 3 cherry pie recipes on her site – I haven’t tried them but almost everything I’ve made from her (especially desserts) has turned out perfectly.

    • Clementine :

      http://www.mybakingaddiction.com/homemade-cherry-pie-filling-recipe/

      This recipe is amazing… The almond extract really puts it over the top.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        Awesome, thanks! I already have an awesome crust recipe that I use so i really just needed the filling anyway.

    • Anonymous :

      Try searching for the chopstick cherry pit hack .. Seems helpful.

  8. My dad’s request for father’s day was framed pictures of my sister and I. Nice idea, but no one told me until a few days ago, so heck no will I have anything suitable ready on Sunday. So he’s getting a card and an IOU, but I’m in talks with a professional photographer to get a really nice picture taken of me that I’m hoping I’ll be able to give to my dad before the end of the month.

    • S in Chicago :

      That’s a great idea! Not sure if you all live close to one another, but it might be a great idea to schedule a session with the three of you. That way, you can get some all together, some individually with your dad, and some individually of all of you.

  9. anon-interviewing :

    I’m currently in the middle of the interview process with 2 different companies, and my current company doesn’t know that I’m looking at other options. I’ve been vague about my reasons for leaving the office for the phone interviews, but next week I have final interviews with both companies and will need to take 2 half-days off (separate days). Is it time to come clean before the rumor mill starts up about the last few weeks of absences, or should I continue to wait until I have a firm offer? My company is pretty reasonable about taking personal time throughout the workday, but I’m worried it is becoming noticeable. I’m with a temporary supervisor while my regular supervisor is on sabbatical, so it’s difficult to gauge what the reaction would be if I brought it up with the temporary supervisor (I would feel comfortable telling the regular supervisor confidentially at this point, if that changes your answer).

    • SAlit-a-gator :

      “I have an appointment I need to take care of and will be out on X date from 1 -5pm” Done. If they pry, let them know its a personal matter. That could mean anything so you’re not lying. It really is an appointment for a personal matter. Don’t leave a bird in hand for one on the fence. If you tell, be prepared to be fired. It likely won’t happen, but it might.

      • anon-interviewing :

        That is what I have been doing, but it is a very small, tight-knit office. My concern is primarily with using this excuse multiple times in a week. I don’t usually think anything of it when other people in the office are out for “personal reasons”, but I realize that I can be a bit oblivious when it comes to social/office norms like this.

        • Orangerie :

          People will probably assume you’re interviewing, but that doesn’t mean you should come out and tell them. Don’t say anything until you have a signed offer and are giving your notice.

        • Clementine :

          “Personal Reasons” can just as well mean dental work or a relative from out of town or issues related to a home renovation… remember that all these things are also plausible.

    • Unless you have issues with white lies, I would casually mention you are having some non-serious medical testing done. Then the next day, you have to have some follow-up testing done. The benefit of this is that medical tests often involve lots of waiting so it won’t seem weird if you don’t know how long you will be gone. Plus, unless you offer up details, most people aren’t tacky enough to ask for details about your health problems.

  10. Husband is getting Beats headphones and Dad is getting a subscription to Spotify Premium (loves music and commutes).

  11. My dad is getting a phone call. We are super close and I love him very much, but he already has everything he wants or needs and buys everything for himself as soon as he wants it! So, a phone call it is.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      My dad is the same way. His birthday is also a few weeks after Father’s Day and I always struggle to pick 2 presents. I sent him a bottle of fancy steak sauce for Father’s Day this year and have no idea what to get him for his birthday yet. It might just be a phone call this year!

      I actually really want to get him a signed copy of a book by an author that he introduced me to when I was younger. We both read every book the guy comes out with and it would be the perfect present. Sadly, the author only does book signings at one bookstore across the country so I doubt it will ever be possible for me to do. If he ever comes to NYC though I’ll be first in line to get the perfect present for my dad.

      • This sounds like a job for Task Rabbit (if that city has it). Next time he has a signing, see if you can pay someone $25 to go get a book signed for you.

      • I’ve started getting my parents presents only when I see something that screams, “Mom or dad MUST have this!” My dad’s equivalent of barbecue sauce is fancy jam/marmalade type of thing. Your comment about a signed book reminds me I should find a good used book store here in DC – he’s also a huge fan of old school science fiction. Good call on the book!

      • ElizabethM :

        This might be too late to help but some of my parents favourite authors sell books from their websites with a signing option. Or you can email through their website and they author will sign the book before arranging for it to be sent. You could also have it sent directly to your dad as an extra surprise if he likes mail.

    • Yay! Open thread’s! I love Open thread’s and these sock’s! I am goeing to order sock’s for dad on line and tell them they will be delivered b/c he is away this weekend on some sort of reservist training. I think it’s so funny b/c he is still workeing in the defense of our country, even tho he is NOT the same guy that was in the Cold War during Glazznost, making the world free and at the same time having sex with alot of Eastern Europpean women instead of mom. I think it was OK b/c I was not born yet and they were NOT even MARRIED! Mom has her suspicon’s she told me b/c dad came home with a big rash down there and he said it was poision Ivey, but she made him get penecillin b/f she would do anything w/him! YAY for MOM!!!!

      I wanted to go out to LI this weekend, but have to gugggel 3 other guys this weekend and Sam too. FOOEY! I can onley imageine how busy I would be if my tuchus was in shape! All these men say they want me for my brain’s, but Myrna says it is my body first. If that is the case, I need to get married YESTERDAY, b/c my body is NOT what it used to be. FOOEY! By the end of the week, it is all I can do NOT to just want to crawl up and watch TV.

      Butch want’s me to consider dateing him exclusiveley, but I said NO. Soon he will expect sex from me. FOOEY on that! I think he could easeily become another Alan, who alway’s wanted sex, but useually petered out after 3 minute’s, soileing my Egyptian Cotton sheet’s and leaveing them for me to clean! FOOEY! I will be leaveing the office soon to find some food for dinner. I do NOT want ot cook anything. FOOEY! Have a great weekend, fellow HIVER’s!!!!! YAY!!!!!!

      • Trust me. The way this woman is going, with her naïveté and hot body, she’ll be in a ménage a trios with these men by Labor Day and in labor by Groundhogs Day! The only question will be who the father is?

    • Mine too. Not only does he have everything he needs, but he & my mom are living overseas for several months, so anything I send over he’d have to bring back anyway.

      • One thing that actually has worked is getting my parents experience-type gifts, like a gift card to a restaurant they would never otherwise try, or tickets to a show. YMMV since they’re already overseas.

    • My Dad is a quirky scientist type. I got him a small periodic table poster to replace his torn out page from a catalogue, a toy model of a human brain that you can take apart into many pieces, and a gift certificate to a Tai Chi class.

  12. My dad is getting a bottle of whiskey. I have to admit I don’t know my brands – any recs in the $40-60 range?

    • Spirograph :

      Does he drink Scotch, Irish or American? Single malts or blends?

    • CapHillAnon :

      Red Brea$t, made in Cork. It’s named after the robin redbrea$t, one of the few birds who stay in Ireland over the winter. It’s delicious and very Irish and in your price range.

    • Get J&B. I had a bottle in law school and nursed 1 bottle for a semester. I married a guy who drank J&B and we now have 3 kids!

      • I hope none of your kids were conceived in a drunken stupor. I would never drink Scotch in my dorm room or sleep with a fellow alcoholic, if only for the sake of the children.

        • Silvercurls :

          Nora, please go outside and enjoy the fact that it’s June and the fireflies are out. If your environment is too urban, cold, or rainy for fireflies, do something else that’s just plain fun.

        • Oh goodness, no. One should never drink scotch in one’s dorm room.

          That’s what the library is for.

    • Jameson for sure! It is the best!

    • If you’re in NYC, I suggest going to Park Avenue Liquors. My husband is a whiskey drinker and they took the time to show me a bunch of different small batch whiskeys and scotches that are hard to find and had some interesting taste notes. Nothing against Jameson or Bushmills, but I wanted something he wouldn’t have necessarily picked up in another store.

  13. I have a quick question about funeral etiquette. When a partner at a firm loses a parent or other close relative, is it appropriate and/or expected for co-workers to attend just the viewing, or to also attend the funeral? Curious about people’s thoughts and experiences with this.

    • Wildkitten :

      I would do neither, but would send flowers from the office. Do you work at an especially small firm?

    • Depends on your closeness with the partner (or other co-worker). I’ve attended the memorial services for parents and children of co-workers, but never the actual burial (or scattering of ashes).

    • AnonInfinity :

      I would not attend a viewing for a person I didn’t really know. I see the viewing as a more of an intimate gathering and the funeral as more of the public service. I’m in the South in case this is a regional thing. My experience has always been that friends and family go to the viewing, and sometimes people who would normally go to the funeral but couldn’t make it. Then the funeral is much larger with supporters and well-wishers.

      I would attend the funeral only.

      • I’m in the Northeast and this is the exact opposite of what I would do. The viewing is normally for coworkers, friends, etc. to come pay respects to both the family and the deceased. I’ve gone to several viewings where I didn’t really know the deceased, but knew a close family member well. However, the funeral is for family and close friends. Is this really a regional thing?

        • Clementine :

          Also in the Northeast and we refer to it as ‘Calling Hours’. In my area, the viewing generally happens in the evening say 4-7 while funerals are held weekdays at 10 AM or so.

          I share Anon at 4:10′s experience/opinion.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          Same. Northeast. Wake is for everyone. Funeral is for close family and friends. I think it has to do with the time commitment. You can pay your respects and get out of a wake in a half hour after work. A funeral is usually mid day and at least an hour. Interesting that this might be regional.

          • Eastern Canada – this is exactly the same in my city – would definitely attend the wake if the parent of a partner passed

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Interesting. I’m from the South too and usually have the opposite experience. Usually the visitation is what a lot of people attend and the funeral is mainly family and close friends. The twist on this is if there is a separate burial and funeral service, in which case the burial is family/close friends and the funeral service (usually held shortly before/after the burial at a church) has more people.

        • AnonInfinity :

          Hmmm. Maybe my family is strange. It just seems so much more intimate and less formal to have the body right there rather than going through a ceremony type thing.

          • AnonInfinity :

            I will add that all the funerals I’ve been to also do the burial service. So, there’s a viewing, a funeral, and a burial. I think the burials usually have the fewest, then viewing, then funeral.

          • I’m in the South and have had the same experience as you. It seems like the most people go to the funeral ceremony, the least to the burial, and somewhere in between for the viewing. I’ve noticed viewing attendance somewhat changes based on the age of the person – probably based on whether most of their friends are working or not.

        • Back Home :

          I am in the South and have had the same experience as Gail – more people attend the viewing than the funeral. In my experience the viewing is a more casual drop-in event and other than family and close friends, most guests don’t stay the entire time.

          • Same in the Midwest — the viewing/visitation is the more public event. The funeral is more private (and the actual burial, if there is one, is the smallest and most private).

    • Where are you located (generally)? AnonInfinity gives a Southern perspective. IME in the Northeast, the wake/viewing is the more public event and the funeral is usually just for closer friends and family.

    • This is probably not super helpful, but it shows what my gut response is. My husband is a senior associate and when the father of the GC for a big client passed, he was expected to attend the funeral along with a partner (he did). I thought it ridiculous and borderline inappropriate. My husband barely knows the GC, let alone his father.

      • I'm an associate :

        I think everyone has a different opinion of what is appropriate/inappropriate for attending visitations and funerals. Where I grew up, it is very normal to attend the visitation of someone who you have never met. It is often just a sign of support for the survivor. And beyond this, the survivor is not always someone who I am particularly close with.

        So to me, it seems perfectly normal to attend the visitation of a colleague’s relative. But I’m aware this is not always how people feel about the topic.

    • OP here. Thanks for the thoughtful responses! I am also in the northeast, and the consensus amongst those in a similar position seems to be that attending the viewing only is appropriate.

  14. Rachelellen :

    Have any of you bought a house, and would you be willing to share thoughts about what to look for? I am a homeowner already, but of a Manhattan co-op, and I have lived in apartments my whole adult life. I’m working with an agent on the hunt but am trying to educate myself on, y’know, houses. How often do roofs have to be replaced? How do different types of heating systems compare? I’ve actually been surprised at how little info is out there… so I assume I am not looking in the right places. Thanks in advance!

    • I bought a house a few months ago. I would go to amazon – we bought several books about buying a house/maintenance in the beginning of our search.

    • If you are in a seller’s market and/or you are interested in specific neighborhoods, you may be unable to rule out a house because it has oil heat instead of gas heat. However – while you are looking, you should also line up a very qualified home inspector. You can get someone to do an inspection for less money, but you want someone who will spend hours inspecting the entire house and give you a written report. The inspection will tell you whether the roof is about to go or has 10 years left on it – and you can decide what that means to you.

      And don’t expect to find a house with few or no problems. You want to avoid dealbreakers, like repeated flooding that cannot be remedied, or a leaking underground oil tank (obviously). You may not be able to avoid things like old, drafty windows (unless you’re looking at newer construction).

      • Rachelellen :

        Yes, good point. I am looking at used homes, slightly older. And thanks, MNF, I have been looking at maintenance books… do you think that’s the best way to educate yourself on the choosing process? If so I might hit a Home Depot and look for more.

      • I’m no expert on roofs or heating systems but moving from city to suburbs we did not (unfortunately) consider the following:
        1) Snow – Will you have a covered garage? Will you have to dig your car out when it snows? Are you on the corner? Will you be responsible for shoveling both the front and side of your house? What about stairs? Where is your mailbox – street or house? (We bought a corner house, long, uncovered driveway, and mailbox on the house up a paver stair path. Every time it snows we have to dig out 2 cars, shovel front and side, shovel driveway, plus path/steps up to the house so the mailmain can get to the box. Never considered this in the city.)
        2) Lawn – How big is it? Does it need to be mowed (dumb question – probably!), is it on a hill? Will you need a lawnmower? Riding mower? Push mower?
        3) Landscaping – Is there a lot? Is it intricate? Lots of beds, shrubs? Is it close to the house? How much weeding will you have to do? How much mulching, edging, etc?
        Learn. From. My. Mistakes.

    • Clementine :

      Get a really good home inspector. A REALLY good one. Don’t always go with the one your realtor suggests- look for someone who is going to tell you every thing you might need to be on the lookout for. It’s not unusual for a home inspection in an older house to last 2 1/2 to 3 hours.

      Bonus- our inspector found items that the seller had to repair for the sale to go through that a previous inspection had missed. It was an electrical issue that cost them probably $500 but would have been a nasty surprise as a new homeowner.

      • Second this. We backed out of a purchase once after the inspector told us the house had so many problems it was “a divorce-maker.” Eek.

      • 10 year-anniversary :

        My husband is a home inspector and gets most of his business from referrals from homeowners he has inspected for in the past because he tells it like it is. Ask your friends who have bought homes for referrals or you might try Angie’s list (or its equivalent in your area) or another referral site. Your realtor will usually give you three options and they work for you, not the realtor, if they are ethical, but you are not obligated to choose one. If the house is a money pit a good inspector will tell you (not in so many words) to walk away.

      • Flying Squirrel :

        Fourth this recommendation. As a result of our home inspection, the sellers had to repair the roof which saved us some $ and hassle. There were a few other fixes that they made.

        We also learned that we would need the furnace replaced sooner rather than later (doing that now, post-winter). While it didn’t save us money to knot that, it did help us plan.

    • Commute from the house you’re thinking of buying and check it out at different times of the day if you can.

    • Houses are all so different but assuming a decent inspection meaning nothing major to fix offhand (they’ll tell you about your roof), I budget about 5k a year for house stuff of the minor variety. You just need to keep up on things all the time. Pipes, appliances, yards, etc. It’s not too different from a condo except you probably have more room and a few more things to deal with (mostly relating to the exterior – roofs, window leaks, etc.). 5k is more than I need some years and if I get a slush fund, I just start improving things (repaint,replant , upgrade furniture etc.)

      • This! Put aside that $5K (or whatever is appropriate for your area) when you buy the house and just keep adding to it every year. I have a similar fund which I use for improvements, etc… but I never let it dip below that threshold. Just in case.

        Also, second on the top-notch home inspection. You don’t want to skim on that. If there is a major issue like a roof that needs to be replaced within 2-3 years, my advice is to renegotiate. Don’t allow the seller to replace the roof (or any other major system) before you move in. You want to be in control of that scenario. A friend of mine years ago made this mistake; she was not particularly familiar with roof systems and the seller slapped a low-quality product on top of the existing roof (which was technically allowed by code in their area but did not comply with manufacturer’s installation instructions so the warranty was void).

        Personally, I would even ask for an allowance on paint and flooring versus the seller updating those items before the sale. Another anecdote – my sister bought a house and one of the conditions was that the seller would refinish the hardwoods and replace carpet in all bedrooms before the sale. They did a good job and chose a very high quality carpet/pad, but when my sister moved in it just didn’t look right with her bedroom furnishings. But it would have been wasteful to tear out brand new carpet, so she lived with it for 5 years.

  15. West Coast :

    I’m getting my dad a year’s sock subscription. I have a bunch of guy friends that really like Sock Panda, link in reply below.

  16. *yawn*
    Take your weird drama somewhere else.

  17. Do I have to wear pop socks with trousers and flats?
    For the ballet flat kind where the top of the foot is visible (which I think look odd with trousers anyway….)?

    Also, for actual ‘shoe’ shoes like brogues, should the sock match the shoe, the trouser, or my skin?

  18. Have a good friend who asked for my help finding a telecommute position. She has a Master’s degree but is looking to be able to have a flexible schedule (her mother has some medical issues, as does she, that require flexibility so she can handle both). Any ideas of places for someone with a high level of education/skills to find such (whether it be part time virtual assistant or more full time)? The basic google search results seem to be more geared toward those without much education or scam companies trying to solicit info. Thanks!

    • What’s her field?

      • she has a degree in administration of some sort (tried to call to get the specific degree but she isn’t answering). I know she has worked in offices before and did a lot of her classwork for school online, so she is good at working independently and with paperwork/writing/deadlines. With all of the “work from home scams,” I just want to help her as I know she’s in need of some money but must have flexibility due to the medical things.

        • Try weworkremotely.com for remote work.

          Also, if flexible schedule is what matters, that’s what she should be looking for. I have no idea why people continue to conflate “working remotely” with “flexible schedule”. These are completely unrelated.

  19. Ekaterin Nile :

    At my dad’s request, I donated to Room to Read. I also send a Jacquie Lawson e-card.

  20. Cards Against Humanity :

    Opinions? Fans?

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