Coffee Break: Natural Silk Pillowcase

As I mentioned in our post on the best beauty treatments to save time, I just got my first keratin treatment for my hair earlier this summer, so I’ve been on the “take good care of your hair treatment” train, using only sulfate-free shampoos and other things that are often recommended for people who color their hair. (Here are two affordable sulfate-free shampoos if you’re hunting.) One tip my hairdresser gave me was to try to sleep on a silk pillowcase, which I’d read before as generally being good for curly hair — so I got this $20 one at Amazon (in a briiiiight royal blue, one of the 30+ colors this thing comes in). For a $20 pillowcase, I like it! Will it be as sumptuous as the $300 silk pillowcase I was drooling over at ABC Carpet & Home the other week? Nooooo… no it will not.  Will you notice a $280 difference? Eh.  ALASKA BEAR – Natural Silk Pillowcase

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Comments

  1. Kauai fan :

    Just came back from an amazing vacation in Kauai! Thanks to everyone for your helpful suggestions and especially to those who weighed in on oceanfront home (but no pool) vs. pool (but no oceanfront). We opted for oceanfront and that was 100% the right decision, as the ocean was basically so calm and shallow that it was like a pool anyways!

    Any r e t t e s live or have lived in Hawaii and practice law? I would imagine there must be lawyers jobs in Honolulu, not sure about elsewhere. I could so see myself living there.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Eh, one of my friends grew up in Hawaii and neither he nor any of his siblings stayed–my understanding is the cost of living is very high (though both of his parents are still there and are lawyers).

      • I also have a few friends who grew up in Hawaii and left after high school or post-college due to the HCOL and limited number of professional, well-paying jobs. Some of them are planning to make their money on the mainland and hopefully “retire” by take a lower-paying job back home in their 50’s/60’s. Their friends and family who stay on the island typically work in more service/tourism-oriented professions or are nurses/firefighters/etc.

    • The Hawaii bar has a reputation for being unwelcoming to outsiders. Because it’s an island and there are only so many jobs to go around, I’ve heard the locals tend to close ranks and exclude newcomers.

      • Anonymous :

        This sounds unethical, and therefore, questionable. It can be hard for everyone, certainly. That being said, being hard on haole can be an interpersonal thing, that is not limited to any profession.

        • Anonymous :

          How is it unethical to hire someone based on how deep their ties are to the state? Most law firms look for a strong connection to the local area, and that’s especially true in touristy places like Maine and Hawaii. And it makes sense – they want people who really want to settle down and live there, not people who are looking for an extended vacation and will then go back to the “real world.”
          It’s discriminatory if it’s an racial thing, but I don’t think she meant they want people who are ethnically Hawaiian. There are people of all races who were born in Hawaii and went to high school or college there, which can evident from a resume or cover letter. I know when I was a 2L I did OCI with a Honolulu-based firm. I had no intention of moving there, but I wanted a callback, aka a trip to Hawaii on the firm’s dime. They saw right through me and everyone else who did that and the only person in my class who got a callback was a (white) graduate of the Punahou School.

    • Anonymous :

      My husband was offered a transfer to Honolulu and we didn’t take it. Cost of living is insane, traffic is bad, the public schools are terrible, there is a lot of crime and there are roaches in even the fanciest condo buildings.
      I love vacationing there but it’s not a place I would want to live. I think it’s hard to work outside Honolulu except in the tourism/service industries.

      • Ok, this is the dose of reality I need. :)

      • Anonymous :

        I recall something about the schools, too. Something like the DOD has been requested to start DOD schools for military dependents but won’t (perhaps for political reasons? perhaps they are only for bases abroad?). I knew of lots of non-religious people who home-schooled or who heavily supplemented. So you’d get lots of uneremployed moms with masters degrees who homeschooled b/c they had the time due to no jobs and felt they had to b/c they couldn’t afford Punahoe, etc.

        • Anonymous :

          Why build a school when there is room on in the public school…that’s the money-saving logic.

          • Anonymous :

            I get that, but there may be space for a bad reason. I mean, Barak Obama didn’t to go Hawaii public schools.

            At any rate, I’ve never seen such large numbers of non-fundamentalist / non-hippies homeschooling before. People who never did it before or since that posting.

            But it was so beautiful . . .

            The roaches are horrific though. And cement-encased trees to keep the termintes at bay.

            Still: HAWAII!

    • I haven’t but I knew someone who clerked in Hawaii and ultimately positioned it into a job with the government. She’s not from there either.

      Yeah, it would be hard to get a job I’m sure but it’s Hawaii! Who wouldn’t want to live on the most beautiful place on earth? :)

    • Anonymous :

      Deloitte has an office there. Not sure how it’s staffed or what they do.

      I know lots of trailing military spouses who couldn’t get any sort of job there and just volunteered during their tours there. But . . . Hawaii!

    • Mainlander :

      My husband was born & raised there and is a member of the HI bar, but we live on the mainland. You just don’t find the professional opportunities in our fields there. Plus it’s so expensive to live there.

    • My sister was in NYC biglaw and her firm had a client in HI. Her husband was stationed in HI for a while and her firm told her she could work from HI, primarily on matters for this specific client, if she passed the HI bar. She took it (she was already barred in CA and NY, and IANAL so maybe she didn’t have to do the full thing? Girl is crazy though and sat for 3 separate exams in her life…). She lived and worked there for 6 years.

  2. Today I found out that the guy who wrote the Google memo has hired a female lawyer (link to follow).
    Am I the only one confused by this? Why would he want a female lawyer given his opinion on women’s skills/abilities and why would she want to take the case?

    • Initial post got stuck in moderation for some reason but here is a link: http://money.cnn.com/2017/08/23/technology/james-damore-lawyer-harmeet-dhillon/index.html

    • ALadyWOpinions :

      Same reason why Jian Ghomeshi hired a female lawyer? Optics look great and also the lawyer is probably excellent.

      • Anonymous :

        Exactly. He hired the local equivalent of Marie Henein.

      • Yes, when sexist men need a good lawyer, they come to US, b/c we are smart and we can do for men what they can NOT do for themselves. The woman lawyer is like me. Very accomplished and willing to defend a difficult case even though she may NOT agree with the underlyieng issues. I think women are smarter then men, and this proves that even men know we are smarter then men. FOOEY on men that just want us to have sex with us. We are smarter then that. We will NOT have sex with men just b/c they want us to. DOUBEL FOOEY!

        The CNN interview with this guy proves that men think they are smarter, but they are NOT! TRIPEL FOOEY!

    • nasty woman :

      So that
      1) He will look less like a sexist
      2) People will be more inclined to believe her arguments that he’s not sexist/what he said wasn’t sexist because they’re coming from a woman, and most people’s default reaction (like yours) is that a woman wouldn’t ever say anything sexist. But that’s false. See, eg, internalized misogyny. (Simplifying, of course- people’s views on their own gender’s role in society are very complex and even reasonable people can hold differing opinions about the causes and solutions to nuanced issues like gender disparities in professional fields.)

    • NotDanmore :

      Danmore’s memo says that individuals should be judged on their abilities, although he believes the average woman is less able than the average man. His argument seems pretty similar to the one that Larry Summers made several years ago. I don’t believe the data backs him up. Nevertheless, I think it’s important to represent his argument accurately rather than make him a caricature.

    • Anonymous :

      Well, he was critical of women *in tech*. Maybe he thinks law is something that ladies can do, because it requires emotional intelligence and pleasing clients? And maybe he thinks the optics of having a female attorney will help negate some of the absurdness of his memo (“See, I do think women can do some jobs! Just not tech jobs/my jobs!”)

    • I had to look her up. A quick google search yields this profile of her from 2011: http://www.sfgate.com/politics/article/Harmeet-Dhillon-Republican-leader-with-S-F-twist-2374454.php.
      Given some of the aspects of her background that it mentions and the fact that she been an ambitious female professional, I share your confusion, anon. Maybe it’s naive to think that professional women who have been through the struggle in male-dominated professions would see why the memo was awful. Then again, I don’t know her or how her politics have evolved since the profile was written.

  3. I am so depressed reading about the hurricane and all the photos of left-behind pets, and people that couldn’t take their pets with them when they were evacuated. And wondering the best way to help. I’m in Dallas, so would the best thing be to support our local rescues that are taking in pets, or to support the groups on the ground actually doing the rescuing? Locals, are there any needs that we might not be aware of?

    • Puddlejumper :

      http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/08/28/546745827/looking-to-help-those-affected-by-harvey-here-s-a-list

      At the very bottom of this list there is a section on how to help pets

    • This made me so mad. I barely understand not being able to take an animal with you, but cannot understand why so many people tied their animals down, ensuring that they would drown without aid.

      • Anonymous :

        Idk maybe because they were panicking about humans dying?!? Maybe because they barely made it out with their lives?!? Maybe because they lacked the ability to do better? Maybe because they were trying their hardest and thought they’d be back in a few hours and better to tie the dog up so it wouldn’t escape and never imagined how high the water would get?

        Dear God try sparing a moments compassion for the humans as well.

        • People were urged to evacuate for a significant time period before the hurricane hit. The amount of rain and flooding was not a surprise. If you’re worried about humans drowning, then certainly you’d be worried about your pets drowning too. You can’t have it both ways. If it’s too dangerous for you, then it’s too dangerous for your pets. I can have compassion for people while having compassion for tied up animals that die because they’re tied up and have to sit there while the water gets higher and higher.

          • Anonymous :

            Please explain more how you’re underprivileged and yet magically preparing perfectly and handling an unprecedented disaster flawlessly. You can have compassion for animals without denigrating people. Do better.

          • Fake news. :

            I’m not sure where you got the idea that “people were urged to evacuate for a significant time period before the hurricane hit.” Maybe some localities were encouraged to evacuate, but residents of the largest area hit were specifically advised to stay home. I’m reasonably sure the mayor of Houston has repeatedly answered questions about the LACK of an evacuation order — either voluntary or mandatory.

          • lost academic :

            They were NOT. I was there Friday, I flew out in the afternoon. At that time there were only voluntary evacuation in Galveston. People did not believe it was going to be as bad as it was, and it was as bad as it could have been, really. I can’t imagine leaving a pet tied down but I can imagine totally panicking especially with kids or elderly family to try and save.

          • Anonymous :

            I live in Houston and have been stuck home for days. Anyone that has not lived through a Hurricane or lived in an area not threatened by one SHOULD NOT COMMENT ON PEOPLE’S FAILURE TO EVACUATE. It is often safer to stay home than evacuate. Why? Have you seen the roads? Imagine those roads with a couple million people drowning, stuck in the rain in small pockets of high ground? More people died on the roads in a previous less dangerous hurricane than this one. Why? Because they didn’t evacuate. Please don’t comment on what you don’t understand. And please understand that no matter how much you love your animals (I have several that are family members) THEY ARE NOT HUMANS. HUMAN LIFE IS MORE IMPORTANT.

            End weather stress induced rant.

          • I’m in Houston, too, safe, but trapped and flooded. Many subdivisions are being evacuated on very short notice. The Army Corps of Engineers is having to release water from 2 reservoirs to prevent a Katrina-like breach of the dams. The infrastructure can not handle the amount of pressure from this water and they have to make controlled releases that will destroy many neighborhoods. The alternative would be much, much worse. Many people only had 15 minutes’ notice to evacuate. Imagine having 15 minutes to prioritize, decide what you can physically carry, and pack it in garbage bags or whatever you can grab. Some of their houses will be filled with water for up to 2 months. So, while I do feel sad for the animals, the horror the humans are going through is tremendous.

      • Marshmallow :

        Oh my god I’m actually nauseous just reading that.

        • I felt the same way. This helped a tiny bit.

          http://www.lovemeow.com/woman-saves-kittens-from-drowning-in-nick-of-time-during-hurricane-harvey-2478791562.html

      • Unfortunately, taking your pets with you during an evacuation means that you need to provide transportation for both yourself and your pet and you need to find somewhere that they can stay. Vet’s offices and boarding kennels probably won’t take them with a storm coming and many human emergency shelters won’t take them. So you are stuck trying to find a pet friendly hotel ($$) that has space and will accept your 3 large dogs and a cat. Oh, and all the other people in your town are evacuating too and this storm is big so you better get ready to drive a long distance. Don’t have adequate transportation and resources to do that? Guess your best option is to hunker down and pray.

        • I know George R Brown CC is accepting them, maybe some others. Thank you Bonnie – it wasn’t a surprise. They are asking for fosters, but not too far out of town as they want to reunite them with the owners … that could be well down the road though.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          Now is a good time to also talk to your city about their disaster management plans and work with your local officials to ensure that caged animals be permitted in emergency shelters. It doesn’t just save pets, it saves humans, as many would rather stay behind and risk their own life than leave their pet. A lot of cities updated their plans after Katrina. Now is a great reminder to the rest why they need to do it.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            Just checked the maps to look to see if a former client was impacted and saw this:

            Residents needing a place to go can shelter in Bell County. Self-Evacuation destination in Bell County will be the EXPO CENTER, 301 West Loop, Belton, Texas. Pets are welcome!

            Just in case anyone knows anyone looking for a pet friendly shelter.

          • JuniorMinion :

            Unfortunately that’s 200 miles from Houston closer to Dallas which is less affected. You are SOL right now to get any sort of help in Houston unless your life is threatened.

        • anon for this :

          Yes this. Not everyone with a pet has the funds to afford to be able to do this. Get a grip. There are also various sorts of crises all around the world where people have to flee and actually leave their (human) loved ones behind. I can’t imagine the OP would think of people who do that. *eye roll*

        • anon for this :

          “Hotel”? Poor pet owners can’t afford a hotel; they’re stuck in shelters which don’t take pets.

      • People are terrible, I hate people. Harming animals is so inexcusable, but really most people do it every day whether they do it themselves or pay someone to do it for them.

        • Anonymous :

          Right. How dare they think of their human family members first.

          • Anonymous :

            +1. They have yrs of a family of 4 living in 1 FEMA hotel room and then if they’re lucky, a trailer. How dare the not consider Rover’s needs as equal to their 7 yr olds needs? Here’s a hint – bc when you’re settled with some semblance of normalcy yrs from now, you can BUY another dog – it is a commodity.

          • Anonymous :

            Ok but you’re way too far in the other direction. Yes people first but a dog isn’t just like a grill.

      • JuniorMinion :

        I’m in Houston. Thankful to be safe and dry and that my home / livelihood / family is not in danger during this disaster.

        Firstly – for the people saying everyone should have evacuated. There were no evacuation orders and there are 6.5 mm people in the greater Houston area. During (lesser) hurricane Rita, tons of people died on highways attempting to evacuate when flood waters rose since so many people were trying to leave the city at once. Likely evacuation destinations are San Antonio and Austin which are both also flooding and lack the resources / size of Houston.

        Secondly, I feel for all living things suffering in this catastrophic storm. However, criticizing people who are fighting for their lives for not caring more about their pets strikes me as you are both sheltered and insensitive. I don’t think people being air evac’ed from their roofs are in a position to grab their large dog. Also, a lot of the coastal areas flooded are not well off and those people likely have no options other than to care for a pet as long as they can and then hope for the best.

        Right now the authorities are recommending people not shelter on second floors / attics of their home unless the have an ax to break out in the event the flood waters rise that far (!!). I can’t imagine what it’s like to be in that position, making those kinds of decisions and I doubly can’t imagine making that decision lacking my level of funds / access. I know this is getting long but Houston is big and sprawling. Sure brown is taking pets, but if you’re in cypress that’s 20 miles from you and that’s not where you would be able to shelter.

    • Anonymous :

      A lot of livestock is dying as well. Not just pets.

      • Not in TX, but I’ve seen people paint their telephone numbers on their horses in case they went missing during a hurricane. It’s sobering.

  4. I had some beautiful silk pillow cases. I highly recomend them to the HIVE; they are great for smoothness against your face at night. I regret that I had to throw them out after Sheketovits ruined them with his scruffy beard. His greasy hair also stained them so I could not continue to use them. If you have a boyfreind with greasy hair and a scruffy beard, put a TOWEL over the silk b/f letting him use your pillows. FOOEY!

    I am busy trying to get all of my 600 hours in this month. It is NOT easy b/c my cleint’s are so well taken care of that not to many new employees are trying to fake injuries to collect WC. I have a few more days to get my last 100 hours in this month, and Monday is NOT even a billeing day for September so I will be VERY busy next month also. DOUBEL FOOEY!

  5. Moving to a large city and a small apartment. I need to figure out how to be a city dweller. Any tips on how to fit my belongings into a small apartment would be great. Part of me thinks I should just get rid of all my camping supplies, crafting, seasonal stuff…but I also hate to see it all go. Are storage units worth it? Anyone used Trove or MakeSpace?

    • Anon in NYC :

      I have always had a storage space, and do think it’s worth it. I store my luggage there, seasonal decorations, camping supplies. Basically, things I don’t need to access every day but don’t want to part with yet.

      In terms of fitting things in your apartment, shelving and vertical space is key.

    • Anonymous :

      Get rid of most of it. Really. Streamline as much as you can.

      • +1, and then be creative/smart about how you store what you do keep (great suggestions here!).

        Promise yourself that every 6 months, you re-evaluate what you’ve actually used and what you actually need, then donate/sell some more.

        We downsized from a three story, 1900 sq ft house in the burbs to a one bedroom 1100 sqft apartment a few years ago and I thought we were ruthless about paring down, until we kept re-evaluating and paring down more. We just relocated again to a smaller place (but with an additional br), and we got rid of even more seasonal stuff, once-a-year-hobby things (beer brewing equipment, ie).

        • Baconpancakes :

          Be careful with this, though. I got rid of about $300 worth of hobby equipment, only to have to buy it again three years later when I realized how much I missed that hobby. (It was beer brewing equipment, btw.)

          • Totally fair! We had hauled this around for 4 years and it never got used in that time. I’d have sold it to you in exchange for actual bacon pancakes, btw. 100% perfect trade.

          • pugsnbourbon :

            LOL – I feel like my husband and I have had this same conversation. He started brewing in his college apartment, pitched most of it when we lived in NOVA, and then bought it all back when we moved back to the Midwest.

            His other hobby is “woodworking” so I don’t see us ever being able to downsize too drastically …

          • I guess it depends on whether you think it’s worth that $300 to store the equipment for 3 years. If that was me, I would be fine to get rid of it knowing that I’d need to spend $300 3 years from now but wouldn’t have to deal with storing it in the meantime.

            My point is that I do think it’s worth thinking through what the cost is (whether monetary or psychological) of storing hobby stuff that you may or may not use, vs. just buying it if you need it again. Everyone’s threshold is going to be different, of course.

          • Anonymous :

            Totally off topic, but do you have any recommend beer brewing equipment? My H’s birthday is coming up and we have garage space, so I think this is something he may enjoy. Thanks!

          • Baconpancakes :

            Oof, anon, this is a thing I wouldn’t spring on someone. Beer brewing is a hobby that takes a lot of dedication to get good results. If your husband’s a beer aficionado, he probably only likes to drink really good beer, and he’s going to need to want to drink his beer if he’s making it. If he’s a more casual beer drinker (ie not type-a about it like I am) it might be a good idea.

            Northern Brewer has a lot of beginner sets, and they’re a great resource for beginners: http://www.northernbrewer.com/brewing/beer-equipment-starter-kits

            But here’s the thing about beer brewing – either you’ll do it once or twice and get bored and the 1-gallon beginner sets are fine but basically expensive dust catchers, or you’ll get hooked and have to upgrade your equipment. I avoided a lot of that by brewing with friends when I started out, so by the time I bought my own equipment I went straight for the glass carboy, partial mash, bayou burner, wort cooler setup. I would suggest letting him get into brewing himself, if it’s something he’s into, and buying him nice, bigger, more complex tools (20 gal brew pot was an amazing addition to my life).

            That said, I wholeheartedly encourage women to brew more! There aren’t enough female brewers, so if it sounds like something you’d want to do, go for it!

          • +1 to all of this.

            When we had our house in the burbs, we had an awesome set up and did it all the time. Moving to the city and realizing we preferred this lifestyle meant not doing the brewing the way we wanted to, and enjoying other people’s efforts instead!

            It didn’t matter whether we were creative with storage or execution–it wasn’t a “we can’t figure out how to own or do this” issue–we realized we didn’t have this as part of the life we wanted anymore. Shed the stuff that does that to you.

          • How much would it have cost to store it for those 3 years though?

          • Puddlejumper :

            For the person interested in beer brewing for her husband – lots of breweries offer free classes to learn how to brew beer at home. It might be a good way to see if he likes it.

          • Anonymous :

            You can get a gift certificate to a local home brew shop- lots will offer lessons. Best to start with a supervised brew.

      • +1000

    • Anonymous :

      Some buildings offer storage in the basement which I strongly prefer over offsite storage, if you can find a place that offers that. Agree that streamlining will be important.

      We keep stuff we don’t use often in a few places –

      – baskets above the kitchen cabinets (usually a gap there)
      – console tables with shelves behind the couch
      – under the bed (we have rolling bins that slide out)
      – storage bench in entry way
      – ottoman with storage in living room
      – storage cubes behind the bar for clothing in the bedroom closet
      – added storage to the bathroom

      • pugsnbourbon :

        My favorite closet hack is adding tiny Command hooks to the wall just inside a closet door – great for necklaces, belts, scarves, etc.

    • Baconpancakes :

      If you’re a camper, and you’re moving to a city, do NOT get rid of your camping gear. You’ll need it when you get sick of the crowds and want a weekend escape to recharge. Crafting and seasonal stuff you might find you don’t need as much – I downsized my crafting to a single drawer and a laundry basket of yarn stash, and kept one storage tupperware of seasonal decor.

      If you can get a storage unit near your apartment, or even in your building, that would be great, and if you find you can downsize bit by bit, as you decide what you really need, you might even be able to get rid of it.

      If you can hang things on your walls, get the storage bars from IKEA and hang everything from them – kitchen tools, mugs, towels, bathroom stuff, etc. Just makes life better to have things on the walls instead of trying to cram them into drawers and on counters. Make sure you can fit storage under your bed – with a bedskirt, low risers can be hidden, and that’s a good spot for a ton of storage. If you buys any new furniture, think in terms of multi-tasking: can your couch serve as a guest bed? Can an ottoman be craft storage? Can a dining table be a desk during the day, with a small caddy for all your office supplies? Cute baskets make storage feel nicer, and if you give yourself permission to really care about how things look on the inside – of cabinets, of drawers, of closets, etc, you’ll be happier when you open those storage spaces and more likely to keep them organized.

      • Marshmallow :

        +1. I thought my husband was certifiably insane for buying an inflatable kayak but we use it all.the.time. The need to escape the crowds and see some blue and green is REAL.

      • Anonymous :

        OMG yes, do not get rid of your camping equipment if you are an outdoorsy person and are about to be trapped in the big city. If you have lots of bulky car camping equipment you can downsize some or most of it to backpacking equipment, but keep it!

    • Marshmallow :

      Yeah, get rid of as much as you possibly can. We live with a lot less *stuff* than our suburban-dwelling friends and don’t really miss it.

      That said, we do have a small storage unit. Our camping/kayaking/outdoors stuff lives in there when not in use. I also have a couple of pieces of family furniture that are worth paying to store but don’t fit into our lives right now, so those are in there too. And a few boxes of Christmas decorations because you can take the girl away from the suburban Christmas tree but you can’t take the Christmas out of the girl. I would not try to use the storage unit for things like off-season clothes, extra pots and pans, etc. Even if it’s close, it will be a hassle to get to and you won’t actually use it enough.

      We have a coffee table that lifts up for storage inside where we keep board games and our laptops, and a small ottoman that stores throw blankets. If you have shelves at the tops of your closets, those are a good spot for plastic containers with out of season clothes. We don’t have a linen closet so we keep our sheets and blankets in plastic drawers under the bed.

      • As a suburban dweller, I’ll say how nice it is to have space for our camping gear, hobbies ( husband does woodworking and beer brewing, and I maintain a few collections myself) and instruments, and separate closets for seasonal clothing and shoes. Minimalism may be “in”, but there are reasons people like space and creature comforts. A storage space seems like a nice compromise between minimalism and hoarding too much stuff that you might not derive joy from using.

    • Anonymous :

      You don’t necessarily have to get rid of that stuff; it depends on how creative you are with storage and how much clutter you are willing to deal with. My husband came to my apartment from a 300 square foot studio with, among many other things, a full complement of sewing supplies, 3 laserdisc players, and 3 cats. We now live in an admittedly large (1000 sq foot) apartment with our child and still have multiple sewing machines, closets full of tools and art/craft supplies, etc. It just depends on your comfort level and priorities. My best storage tip is to go vertical – double hang clothes in closets, install shelves to fill every inch of space within closets, install shelves to take advantage of high ceilings, store things under beds/furniture, over kitchen cabinets, etc. And yes we do have a storage unit with some older artwork I’m not ready to part with, tax files we don’t need regularly, and christmas decorations. Storage units are relatively cheap, and a good way to temporarily keep things while you decide how much you will miss them.

    • If you use your camping gear regularly, do not get rid of it. I live in a 550 square foot apartment with my spouse and we are buying more stuff to facilitate our hobbies after years of fetishizing minimalism and finding ourselves with no equipment to do the things we love. Trust me, it’s a lot harder to plan a camping getaway or a quick ski day when you have literally none of the gear anymore. Keep the gear, get creative with storage space, and get a unit if you need it.

  6. I have the LULUSILK Mulberry Silk Pillowcases from Amazon and LOVE them! They’ve made a huge difference for my hair.

  7. microneedling w/ prp :

    I just had my 2nd microneedling treatment for acne scars, and I promised to report back on how it’s going- First, I’m very pleased by the results so far. I feel like the derm definitely undersold me on the benefits. She said that i wouldn’t see major improvements until weeks after the 2nd treatment, but there’s been significant improvement already after the 1st. The pain/discomfort is tolerable, and my downtime was about 24 hours until I could wash my face. I looked pretty normal after that. I’m also a WOC, and my dark-ish skin hasn’t experienced any hyperpigmentation, which is always a concern for me. So far, it has exceeded expectations, and i’m not really supposed to be seeing any results yet!

    It is expensive, but honestly if I had known how it would turn out I would have done this a long time ago.

    • Glad to hear that it worked! How did you decide on which treatment to pursue? My skin looks fine but the scarring still bothers me, so I’m trying to figure out which direction I should go in.

      • microneedling w/ prp :

        I came in asking about fraxel because that’s where my internet research led me. The derm suggested microneedling because she said it gets consistently better results without the risks of hyperpigmentation, which is apparently a risk for everyone but especially for those with darker skin. She answered all of my questions in a thoughtful, fact-based way and directed me toward research to read, so I felt comfortable going with her recommendation. Oh, it also costs less than fraxel, which was appreciated. She also said that I should expect about a 5o% improvement after 3 treatments, and I feel like I’ve already seen that after 1- she specifically said that she likes to give very conservative estimates of improvement, but this still way exceeded my expectations.

        I’m rambling, but this is to say I didn’t really consider a whole range of options. She made the rec, and I did some research to make sure it seemed like a good idea.

    • BabyAssociate :

      I’ve been considering microneedling and got pretty much the same advice from my dermatologist. Thanks so much for sharing!

  8. This is about 10 years late, but can someone tell me about ebates? Do you only get the cash back deals when they choose the specific retailer? Do you find yourself spending money that you wouldn’t otherwise because of that? As far as I can tell, it is not something you can use and get cash back on for any retailer you want to buy from, right? Just the ones they pick for the week/day/whatever? Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      I’ve used them a few times, mostly for big purchases from home improvement stores. It’s easy – just buy online through their link and then a few weeks later I’d get a check in the mail.

    • I use ebates almost every time I shop online; they link with most retailers. I don’t browse through ebates, just go there to checkout once I’ve made a decision to buy something online.

      • treble clef :

        +1

        I have a little icon in the corner of my internet browser (“E”) and I click on it when I am in any website that I may buy something from. It automatically “loads” my specific % cash back, and when I check out, it automatically searches for other coupon codes online for that realtor that I may have missed, and adds those to my checkout page.

        I don’t visit their website. I don’t buy more because of it. Honestly, I don’t even understandwhy/how they work, and all they do is give me money!!!!! Love it.

    • ALadyWOpinions :

      I use it for two things

      1. if you login into the website and click through using their links you get a small percentage back- usually a few dollars but most of the places that I shop online have a referral link (Ann taylor, j crew, walmart, target llbean etc)

      2. Has all the coupon codes and often extras that aren’t advertised on the website. You can often use two at a time for bigger savings.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I use it all the time (want me to send you my referral link!?) — I just online shop like I usually would, then before I go to the cart to check out, I close the store’s tab and navigate to it from the ebates page, so I get 3% cash back. I think you get checks quarterly. They’re never huge for me, but I’m also not gonna turn down $15!

    • Anonymous :

      They have a pretty large range of retailers (minus Amazon) all the time, but most of the cashback is a pretty small percentage (0.5% to 2%). Even so, if you do a lot of online shopping, the cashback adds up pretty quickly.

      They’ll have larger cashback percentages for certain retailers on certain days/holidays going up to 10% or even 15% cashback.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I use them a bunch (whenever I remember). They don’t have every retailer, but I can get pretty decent money back. They can send the money to a paypal account, and then you can transfer that to your bank (so you don’t need to wait for a physical check). They disburse money about 4x a year, I think. That said, I opened a 529 for my kid and I now try to shop through Upromise, which typically gives a better percentage back. But it’s linked to my 529 account so I never see the money – it just goes directly there.

    • I used to use it, but switched to befrugal and have gotten more cashback (1st check just came last week!) – even on Amazon, which was a pleasant surprise. Happy to share my referral link if you’re interested.

    • love ebates :

      I thought it was too good to be true, but it actually works! check the site for special deals — now they have 6% off at Loft, for example, and sometimes sephora is 8%. Also, they don’t send you a bunch of emails, they just mail you a check, which is fun. I haven’t made a ton of money, but it’s kind of a fun little perk, you know?

    • Anonymous :

      Ebates is awesome. I am surprised at how much money I’ve made through it. I use the browser plugin and don’t generally decide to shop somewhere due to an ebates deal, although I occasionally look at their emails. Every now and then there are double cash back deals, or a really high cashback percentage related to a sizeable purchase – hotel and airfare sites – and my last check was over $50. It’s really pretty easy and well worth it, IMO.

      • Can I just correct one thing? You are not “making money” using ebates… saving money on purchases, yes, but not making money. The fact that they advertise it as “making money” on their commercials is a big pet peeve of mine.

        That being said, I do actually really like getting rebates of money based on what I purchase. So I do recommend the site.

        • Anonymous :

          I disagree. I am buying things I would buy anyway, and getting money from Ebates because I use it. I am not getting a discount from Ebates on a purchase. If you return items, you don’t return the cash back you received from Ebates. So it is different than a discount program.

    • This may be a few hours too late, but…

      I’m signed up for a couple of the rebate websites. This website lets me know which one has the higher rate for a particular store (at the time when I am ready to make a purchase):
      http://evreward.com

  9. Question for lawyers:

    I’m reading that the Nixon pardon was ruled to be constitutional & that a presidential pardon could be granted at any time, even before charges were filed. Does this mean that a pardon can be a blank check, or must it specify charges? How detailed does it have to be?

    • Anonymous :

      There are really no limits.

      • Correct. This is an area of constitutional law that has not really been interpreted, but it seems to be that it is pretty much a blank check. Charges do not need to be specified; they do not even need to be charged with anything; it just needs to be anytime after the alleged crime happened (it can even be after someone served time). The only real limit is that a president cannot pardon him or herself (or anyone) in cases of impeachment and that it is for federal crimes (governors would have the state crime pardon power).

        • Future crimes. :

          I think it also is supposed to be for past conduct only. You can’t preemptively pardon someone for something in the future.

  10. donations by non-profit :

    Can anyone point to any guidance for a non-profit organization giving a monetary gift to an individual? Former long time employee and friend of the organization passed away, organization is aware that family may need help with medical bills and funeral expenses. Organization would normally send flowers, but also realizes that more tangible help is appreciated. There is no policy in place.

  11. Dharma Trading has silk pillow cases for $16 each. https://www.dharmatrading.com/clothing/silk-charmeuse-pillowcase.html

  12. Need to vent about wedding planning. My future MIL regularly complains to my fiance that she’s concerned about how “behind” we are for our wedding next spring. He, in turn, gets all worked up and starts pressuring me to do more wedding planning so that he can show her we’re making progress. I get frustrated because there are still a number of things the two of us need to work out that will shape the direction of the whole wedding.

    For example, we never agreed on a final guest list. Instead, he took the full guest list his mom created and added it to our save the date list. Suddenly, our 100 person list morphed to nearly 275 people. When I suggested we talk through who everyone was and who we most wanted to include, his response has been, “I talked to my mom and she’s willing to pay more because I’m inviting more people on my side.” He’s now insisting we send those out this week. Meanwhile my mom has suggested I only invite those I’m closest to so that I can enjoy my wedding with those I’m closest to.

    I know I need to suck it up and either 1) accept that my fiance’s family is willing to chip in more to have the giant wedding he/they want or 2) find a way to politely reign this in and keep it small as we originally discussed. I’m just frustrated that everything FMIL says to stress my fiance out comes back to me and then I feel like I’m letting them both down. Only 8 more months of this….

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe don’t get married until you figure out how to communicate effectively with your fiancé? It’s actually a lifetime of this.

    • Baconpancakes :

      This isn’t a FMIL issue. This is a fiance issue.

      You and fiance need to get on the same page. This isn’t even about the size of the wedding, it’s about you two negotiating what kind of wedding you want to have and not sticking to that decision. This will not be the last time you and FMIL disagree on something, but FMIL isn’t the one getting married here. FMIL’s desires can be taken into account, even given a lot of weight, but she isn’t given a deciding vote. You and fiance are the only two deciding this.

      • +1

        This is an issue with your fiancee, not mother in law.

      • Senior Attorney :

        +1

        And I hate to break it to you, but if you are even contemplating a 275 person wedding in 8 months, you are behind.

        • This is a great point. OP, do you have a venue and date reserved already? If you want to stick to a smaller guestlist, perhaps your fiance can talk about the limits of the room with his mom. On the other hand, if you are open to a larger wedding but just didn’t know how to pay for it and your FMIL is willing to help make that happen, then although her deadlines are stressing you out, it seems like she is trying to help you plan because 8 months is a short amount of time for a wedding that size, especially if it is in the wedding months. Either way, you need to learn how to discuss this with your fiance. And then he needs to learn to discuss with his mom. If you guys compromise somewhere in the middle and this is the only thing that is stressing you out, I would advise you (as a recent bride myself with a 250-person wedding) to lean into the help. Do you have a wedding planner?

        • Anonymous :

          My best friend planned a 400 person wedding in five months (because she really wanted to get pregnant ASAP and wanted to be married first). It can be done…

          • Yeah, of course it *can* be. Doesn’t sound at all like OP wants that, though.

    • Marshmallow :

      If your MIL is contributing money, she’s going to want a say. What she is showing you right now is that she wants a LOT of say, and your fiance is showing you that he is willing to please her instead of you.

      I’d have a major sit down with my fiance now. Lay out what you want, why MIL’s demands don’t work for you, and share your concerns that you won’t be happy at your own wedding. Maybe the ideal outcome here is that you decline your MIL’s money and plan the smaller wedding that you want. See if your fiance is on board, find out what HIS ideal wedding is (maybe he actually wants 275 people? or does he just want to make his mom happy?) and go from there.

    • Anonymous :

      umm… the reason people find wedding planning stressful is that it’s not just about the day. It’s about how you handle conflict with your respective families and whether you can work as a team to do that. So yes, “just 8 more months of this” and then he bends to his mother’s will when xyz emerges? The two of you need to sit down together as a team and figure out what you want for your wedding, then you figure out how to incorporate your respective family’s wishes as well. Figure out how many people you will invite, how many you will allow your respective parents to invite, and if they get any extra invites that they have to fully pay. Your future DH needs to stop panicking and start standing up to his mom.

      It is insane to send out invites or even STD in August for a wedding next spring. Almost no one can commit that far in advance.

      • Baconpancakes :

        STDs are 6-8 months ahead of time. 10 months for destination weddings or weddings when most guests will have to travel a fair amount. Invites are 3 months. Again, longer for destination weddings.

        • Anonymous :

          I’m assuming June wedding (ten months out) but not destination wedding based on the 275 ppl list.

      • Anonymous :

        Save-the-dates (I refuse to use the acronym) are now commonly done 6-9 months in advance, based on my experience in the last five years. A save-the-date does not require anyone to commit or RSVP, so it can’t be rude to send it out way in advance, since the recipient can just ignore it. Agree that invites should not be sent more than two or three months in advance, and should have a reply deadline of no more than six weeks before the wedding, ideally more like four weeks.

        • Brunette Elle Woods :

          I do not understand why people use that acronym. I always do a double take when I’d see it in this context!

    • Anonymous :

      Why are you marrying someone who so clearly does not respect you or your opinions or your time or your right to have a say in who is invited to your wedding?

    • It sounds like you and your fiancé need to sit down and get on the same page. How long have you been engaged so far? It is expected that you would need some time to make the big, overarching planning decisions. Then, once you do, you can inform your parents of your wedding plans. Unless they are paying for it, they don’t get to decide. Maybe encourage your fiancé to tell his mother you will need another week or two to make your next round of decisions.

    • Thanks for the candid feedback. You’re all right this is about a much larger communication issue and sometimes it takes someone else laying it out in black and white to make that clear. We’ve not done a good job talking about these things because he’s so stressed about keeping to his mother’s time frame, so it’s nice to hear that I’m not crazy for thinking we can wait another few weeks to figure out how we’re going to approach this jointly. I don’t doubt there will be bigger issues in the future and building that coping skillset is important. Thanks for the perspective.

    • Co-signing the idea that this is more than just about the wedding. You’ve got to figure out how decisions will be made in this marriage, not just for the wedding day. And how do your families fit into those (especially when no one else is paying for things)?

      I’m not willing to make the judgment that your fiance does not respect you based on the little information we have about you, an internet stranger, but I would encourage you to think about how the two of you will approach hard decisions like this and how you can respect one another.

    • Anonymous :

      I agree you and your fiance need to talk about this and make your own decisions, preferably without interference from his mom or your mom (honestly it sounds to me like your mom is meddling quite a bit too). That said, if your MIL is willing to foot the bill for “her” guests it seems a little rude to tell her she can’t invite those people. If you or your parents are paying and you can’t afford that many guests, you should absolutely prioritize people based on who you and DH are closest to. But does it really harm you to have another 150 people at your wedding if you don’t have to pay for them? Especially because a good chunk of those people are probably your extended family-to-be or close family friends of your in-laws. Honestly, on the scale of crazy things MILs do around weddings, wanting to invite and pay for extra people is really not that big a deal and I’d just say yes in the interests of keeping the peace. I understand you don’t want a 500 person wedding, but 275 is still a pretty normal and manageable size (plus if you invite that many, probably only ~200 will show up) and after greeting every table or doing a receiving line or something like that, you will be able to spend most of your time hanging with your own friends.

      • I think this is what I’m struggling with. Like, is this really something to be upset about in the grand scheme of things? As you articulated, it seems rude/unjustified to tell someone that they can’t invite extra people (even if it’s 100 extra people) if they’re willing to foot the costs of that.

        • No, that’s insane. It’s not the MIL’s party! It’s OP’s and her fiance’s. If they don’t want 300 people at their wedding they absolutely get to make that choice.

      • Disagree that 275 is not that different from 100. Even if 200 show up, that’s double the guest list the OP & her fiance had originally planned.

        DH and I had 125 guests at our wedding, and were able to make it the intimate gathering we had pictured. No assigned seating, lots of mingling, casual, fluid vibe. With 200 people, we would have had to give in and assign tables, schedule more closely, and have more staff to keep things going smoothly. It’s not the same thing at all.

        • Anonymous :

          I don’t know. We had a little over 100 guests too and it didn’t feel different than weddings I’ve been to with 200 guests. With <50 guests I can see how it's a very different vibe but with 100+ you're not meaningfully interacting with everyone unless you make an organized effort to do so. And I've been to giant Indian weddings with no wedding planners or coordinators so I disagree that's a requirement at a certain size.

      • Senior Attorney :

        I agree that 275 people is vastly different than 125. I have had both and 125 feels festive but still pretty intimate, and 275 or even 200 is huge and you don’t really get to do more than say hello to everybody.

    • Agree with all the others that you and your fiance need to have a come to Jesus talk. If you had previously agreed on a smaller wedding, and FMIL wants an extravaganza, you both need to be on the same page, and one or both of you needs to compromise. Also, you need to ask fiance why his mother’s wishes are being prioritized.

      Try to roll with it all though, and pick your battles. Weddings are laden with all sorts of intergenerational baggage, and you don’t want to duke it out every time something comes up. As I recall, the majority of fights DH and I had pre-wedding were along the lines of “Your mother is crazy/No, YOUR mother is crazy.”

    • Anonymous :

      This sounds like my ex-MIL during our wedding planning. She wouldn’t take no for an answer and my ex-H always came down on her side. It got worse when the grandchildren arrived. I agree with others who are advising you to figure this out with your fiancé. I just kind of went along for the ride to keep the peace, but the dynamic was a partial contributor to the eventual demise of our marriage. I wish I’d stood firm from the beginning and really understood how my ex’s willingness to be steamrolled by his mother would impact every aspect of our lives.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 milllion to this.

        I have two kids that I adore but our lives are way harder than they need to be because DH is unwilling to deal with his mom like a rational adult. This behavior wasn’t a big deal during times like wedding planning when it just affected me/us, but now it affects our kids too. I don’t even blame her, he has set no boundaries and led her to expect us to do whatever she wants whenever she wants it.

      • +1 He always says he’d rather just go along with what she wants so he doesn’t have to deal with her, without seeing the bigger picture.

      • Look, I hate to be THAT random internet person with Big Thoughts on your relationship, but really, truly take this seriously.

        My sister’s marriage is on the rocks (5 years and 2 kids in), and MIL issues are a big part of the reason why. I love my BIL, but I’m not the one married to him. His allegiance is still with his difficult mother and appeasing her, not his wife. The awful part is that you could see this coming during the wedding planning process. MIL steamrolled them into having a huge wedding they didn’t want and nobody dealt with it well. And all these years later, my sister is made into the “bad guy” literally every time they want something different than what MIL wants. Like I said, I like my BIL, but I wouldn’t blame my sister a bit if she decided to leave. It is exhausting, demoralizing, and will only get worse if you have kids.

    • Anonymous :

      If that’s how your fiance is acting now, be prepared for him to let his mother walk all over your marriage for the rest of your life.

      • Canadian lawyer :

        So, i have been there and it’s rough- my now husband is conflict averse and my MIL is so very controlling and we had A LOT of talks about my limits and how she does not get to make decisions, we get to make decisions, and she cannot use money as a way to buy her way into our lives. Although I also had to accept that my husbands family is here to stay and unlikely to change and I need to deal with them. We found pre-marital counselling helpful. It’s a complicated time but you need to be adressing this with him and laying down the ground rules of your future lives together.

    • Anonymous :

      LOL to the “only 8 more months of this.” More like the rest of your life, or at least, your married life.

    • Why isn’t he helping you plan?

    • I seriously think you should elope. But you shouldn’t marry someone who won’t stand up to his mother. Elope with someone else!

    • I think everyone else’s suggestions are right. Did you and your fiancé discuss the size of your guest list/vibe of the wedding originally?

      If so, I would start by asking him why he changed his mind. Get him to drill down into it – was it because he always wanted a big wedding, or (more likely) that he felt pressured by his mother to do so.
      When people are contributing money to your wedding they will expect to have a say. We sent our guest list to both sets of parents and asked them for their input if they felt we missed anyone out, bringing out total to 85 people. We picked a venue with a capacity of 100, and we get married this weekend with a total of 80 people present.

      You and your fiancé need to discuss the type of wedding you want to have and how you will approach this together as a team. If it comes to the push where you decide that 275 people is not the sort of wedding you want, you BOTH need to talk to your MIL and tell her that and expect her to remove all of her contribution. If she doesn’t and she sees your point of view, great. If not, this is where you need to ask your fiancé to be strong willed and stand his ground. Make sure it is clearly stated that this is your view as a cohesive team and not him being swayed by you.

  13. Where to stay/eat in Tuscan wine country :

    I’ll have two days and one night driving around Tuscany later this week and am looking for recommendations on wineries, places to eat, and a place to stay. I’d hopefully like to eat dinner within walking/taxi distance from my lodging so that I can drink all the wine. I found some great travel recs from past threads on Florence, but haven’t seen anything on Montepulciano, Pienza, Montalcino, etc.

    • We stayed at an agriturismo in Orvieto and it was a lot of fun (I can’t remember the name). I’d look at some of those.

    • Montalcino! The Banfi winery is there as well as Altesino. Castello di Velona is incredible and has been renovated to include a spa since I was there. You will have to taxi into town, but town is tiny so not sure about the accomodations available there. My theory on Italy is that if there isn’t a menu with pictures on it outside the restaurant, it’s probably great. Enjoy!

    • Montepulciano is one of my favorite towns in Tuscany (wear good walking shoes – it’s hilly!). We stayed at Poggio Piglia, a B&B in the Tuscan countryside, during one trip, which is about a 30 minute drive from the town, and we really liked it. They have a great pool and the onsite restaurant is delicious (I still dream about the amazing breakfast cakes and pastries).

      For dining in Montepulciano, I’d recommend L’altro Cantuccio for lunch or dinner. There are many wine tasting rooms in the town as well. If you want to go to a winery, ask your hotel if they can help make you a tasting appointment at a nearby local winery for a more authentic experience. If you prefer to do it yourself, you can make an appointment for an English speaking tour and tasting at Avignonesi or at Dei online or via email (both are great wineries).

    • I stayed in the tiny village of San Lorenzo a Merse and loved both Montepulciano and Montalcino. I enjoyed Montalcino the most, but it was the first I went to. If you want to soak in some hot springs between your wine tastings you can try this spot. The link is for the real resort spa, but you can park and soak for free right next to it. http://termedipetriolo.it/ Enjoy!

  14. Decorating help :

    I just ordered a new bed over the weekend and now I’m a little worried it’s going to look silly. My current bedroom furniture (including my bed) is all dark cherry wood and my walls are painted sky blue. All the dark wood (in a small-ish room) looks pretty dark so when I went to order a new bed I selected a white headboard/footboard because I thought it would brighten the room. Is that going to look ridiculous?

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t see how sky blue walls + white bed + dark cherry wood dresser will work together. Other may have suggestions for a new wall color or bed linens to make it work.

    • Are they the same/similar style? How much of the bed will actually show once it is made up (for example, will most of the headboard be covered by pillows? If they are complimentary styles (ie all pieces are traditional, or all are really modern) and the difference looks intentional (so perhaps a white upholstered bed with cherry wood furniture) it could look really nice. But otherwise, it may look like too stark a difference.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I think a better choice would be to keep the furniture matching and brighten things up with the bedspread.

    • If you want to lighten up the room, I’d pick a bed with an upholstered headboard with lighter-colored fabric and cherry trim.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I think it sounds great, provided they’re similar styles. I think all matching furniture is really passe.

      • I agree. A matching bedroom set screams 90’s suburbs to me.

      • Senior Attorney :

        If you are willing to touch your existing furniture, think about painting the frame of your dresser or nightstand white and leaving the drawer fronts cherry. Boom!

    • I think you should consider whitewashing your cherry furniture. It won’t be white but it will be lighter and more modern. There are lots of tutorials online. The whitewashing I’m speaking of is using milk paint.

      Just do it one piece at a time. Start with something small like a nightstand.

    • Magenta throw pillows on the bed and you’re fine.

  15. Sad and anxious :

    I’ve been dosing off of Xanax (under dr guidance) for a few months, and this week I’m pretty much to the lowest dose! I’ve gone from 4mg daily to .25mg daily. It’s been really hard, but for some reason this round is extra difficult. I can’t sleep, my hands are shakey, I’m having anxiety dreams. I just cried in the bathroom at work. Not much the doctor can do other than tell me to push through. I’m not interested in other drugs (other than the others I’m currently on), and am working with a therapist too. Benzos aren’t recommended for long-term daily use, but I’ve been on it daily for 2 years.

    On top of that, a close relative had a brain aneurysm last week. She’s still alive but it’s really touch and go, and my mom is grieving hard.

    It gets better right? I feel like I got hit by a bus, physically and mentally.

    • Anonymous :

      Can you go back to the previous level for a bit? It may be that you need to taper more slowly that this point.

    • Anonymous :

      I haven’t come off Xanax, so I can’t give you any personal experience, but … (this is going to sound odd, but hang with me, I really mean this) … look how well you’re doing! Seriously. Yes, you can’t sleep and your hands are shakey and you’re having bad dreams and you’re crying in that bathroom. But … you’re OK! You’re AT work instead of being huddled in a corner somewhere. You’re making it! And you’re even making it at a time when your family is extra emotional! Realize that a couple of years ago, you might not even have been able to be this OK. Keep going. Just for today. Then deal with tomorrow tomorrow. (Also, if you can do something this evening to lighten up, do it — watch something that make you laugh, get outside, take a drive in the summer evening and stop at an ice cream stand for a malt.)

    • treble clef :

      Wow…. 4mg xanax a day. How long has the taper been going on? That’s a lot of xanax to be using daily. Good for you for getting off it. It is highly addictive, and yes withdrawl can be rough. Very slow taper is key and yes you may need to slow down this last part.

      What kind of doctor is doing the taper? Give them a call.

      Are you on a regular anxiety medicine that you are taking daily (ex. SSRI)? Does that dose need to be increased?

      Honestly, they should have started you on a long acting benzo while you were tapering this to help, but at this point….. pull out all of your stops on your behavioral changes. Exercise, meditation, massages, get outside and take a walk around the block, and call your therapist.

      • Sad and anxious :

        Thanks for the reply. It’s a psychiatrist and the tapering has slowly been going on for months. About .25 less every three weeks. I think at some point a longer lasting benzo was prescribed, but I really just want to be off of this stuff. New respect for recovering addicts. And anger at doctors prescribing drugs like this soo liberally.

    • My take on it is that you’re experiencing stuff with your family (and maybe your job) that would make anyone anxious, and you have to get used to feeling anxious again in anxiety-provoking situations.

      Anxiety disorder is when you feel anxious for no known reason, or overly anxious in response to low anxiety triggers.

      Feel your feelings and be honest with yourself about how the situation with your relative sucks, and see if you can knuckle through without the meds to mask the sadness and anxiety.

      • also, one of the reasons this round may feel harder is that this is the first round where you’ve literally cut your dose in half. Going from 4 to 3.75 is a small reduction. Going from .5 to .25 is big.

  16. Anonymous :

    I have this silk pillow case, and I’ve never owned the nicer version so I have nothing to compare it to, but let me say I regret my purchase. After just a few uses the silk began to pill in a way… the fabric was no longer smooth and looked like it had been rubbed against sandpaper. After 2 weeks and 1 time handwashing it looked so horrible I went back to my cotton pillowcase. No noticeable difference in my hair or skin in the 2 weeks I used it.

    • Cuddledown makes a nice one; I used to wash on delicate but now I just throw in with the rest of the laundry and still really nice. About $70 ish.

  17. Anyone been to Whole Foods today, in the new era of Amazon pricing?

    (I realize it’s still the middle of the work day, but anyone have anecdata about the change, maybe from a lunchtime visit or a spouse/partner running errands?)

    • Apparently they’re selling farm fresh Echos!

    • Haven’t been yet, but there was a Business Insider article posted today that compares a Whole Foods shopping trip last Friday to one today and they saved over 20% of their bill. Link to follow in order to avoid moderation.

    • How does the amazon prime thing work? Do you have to sign into your account at the store? I, um, maybe don’t know my password (my phone knows it, but will only tell me that it’s *******)

      • I don’t think the Prime discounts are up and running yet. I read that was a future plan that they will be rolling out.

  18. Botkier/Lord & Taylor Return? :

    I purchased a Botkier purse at L&T about a year ago. I’ve used it a handful of times and the detachable crossbody strap keeps coming undone when I am wearing it, so it literally falls off my body. I was able to fix it a few times but the last time it happened the hardware broke and now its not fixable. Would you return something under these circumstances? Anyone had luck with L&T returns like this? If it were Nordstrom I’d go for it. Also – I thought about complaining to Botkier but their website said they have no warranty and deny “any implied warranties of merchantability,” which to my non-lawyer reading means “we don’t care if you’re not satisfied or the product did not meet expectations, so I don’t think I have any recourse there for replacing or repairing.

    • After a year? No, that’s too long.

    • You probably can’t return it, but a decent cobbler can likely fix is almost good as new.

    • I might try getting L&T to fix it, especially since it was expensive and not used many times, but I sincerely doubt they’d give you a refund. Maybe they’d swap it out for another. I know Nordstrom would.

    • L&T has their return policy online (link in separate comment). There is no limit for used merchandise returned due to defects. I say go for it. And leave a scathing review for the purse.

  19. Anonymous :

    As a curly hair self-proclaimed guru, I’ll let you guys know that a satin pillowcase works just as good if not better than silk and is much much cheaper, and easier to clean. I go through at least one or two satin pillowcases were year (because I do overnight hair treatments that can stain) but an $8 satin pillowcase from Target will last you years.

    • Anonymous :

      +1 – it’s not the fabric so much as the texture/finish. The point of either is to have a slippery surface that won’t rub/catch your hair.

      • + 100 it is the texture of the pillowcase, though I like the breathability of silk. I have been known to tie a silk scarf around my pillow and this works as well!

  20. We need to get rid of a lot of old personal bills, statements, etc., all with confidential information. Can anyone recommend shredding service in Chicago? Or a free place I can go to and shred all these papers?Thanks!

    • Do either you or your partner work in your typical white collar office speace? If so, make use of your employees industrial strength shedders. If you are worried about nosey colleagues, either come to work early stay late one day to get it done.

  21. Newbeee777 :

    I’m trying to make my wedding registry as practical as possible with items that will make life easier as a working lady. Of course, there’s a fancy programmable crockpot. What else am I forgetting?

    • Depending on budget/if a couple family members might go in on it together, I swear by the robot vacuum. Mine turns itself on as I leave for work, entertains the cat for a few hours, and I come home to a clean floor.

  22. I’ve heard from numerous hairdressers that a silk pillow is a must have for healthy hair. The silk helps to keep your hair from drying out. So you’re on the right track. $300 is a bit much though. $20 isn’t too bad.

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