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When Do Girly Clothes Become Unprofessional?

05/23/2013 By 108 Comments

dressing-too-girlyIf you wear girly clothes, will you be seen as less of a professional? Reader A wonders…

I recently parted ways with a company where I was being micromanaged, like my boss didn’t trust me to do anything without his help and supervision. He never said why, but he kept treating me like some incompetent child. At the same time, I’m really into mid-century fashion, and I would wear really girly things that wouldn’t really been seen in most traditional offices – polka dots, shades of pink, lacy headbands, and even bows. I knew it was unorthodox and I may get some weird looks, but in hindsight I’m wondering if my clothing made my manager see me as a little girl, and maybe that’s why he wasn’t taking me seriously as a young professional. Do you think there was any connection between my fashion choices and my boss’s micromanagement?

Yowza. Ok. We’ve talked before about being feminine, as well as wearing vintage to the office, but we haven’t really discussed how going Extremely Girly affects how colleagues perceive you.  I do think  A few thoughts:

  • In general, wearing the occasional girly item is OK.  For example, something pink or polka-dotted will not make you seem like less of a professional, particularly if you otherwise act like a grown-up. Similarly, a bow here or there is fine, provided you don’t look like a present waiting to be unwrapped.  Personally I’m not a huge fan of headbands, but I think that sedate ones (solid ones, if not ones that match your hair color) are occasionally OK at work.
  • That said, it’s a bad idea to wear very girly things exclusively — Elle Woods was comical because she wore pink ALL THE TIME.  [Read more...]
Filed Under: Being Girly, Business Etiquette, Career, Office Culture, Professionalism, Success

That’s Ms. Griffin To You: When To Use Last Names

05/21/2013 By 152 Comments

when to use mr. in businessWhen do you call work associates by their last name (such as Ms. Griffin), or by another title (such as Attorney Griffin)? Do you have a preference how work associates refer to you — and how do you communicate that? Does calling someone else “Ms. Griffin” make you look young?  I’ve gotten a number of questions about this lately — one from reader D who notes,

I work in legal services on the East Coast, and I’m a little stumped about how to address people. On the one hand, working with the legal services population makes me eager to address people with titles, using Mr./Ms./Mrs. So-and-So as a mark of respect for folks in my office who otherwise may feel disenfranchised. On the other hand, as a native West Coaster, this level of formality is not inherent in my being and I frequently find myself slipping and referring to people by their first names.

Meanwhile, reader J was fuming because

opposing counsel start[ed] calling me ‘Ms. X’ as opposed to ‘Attorney X’. I have never seen male attorneys addressed as other than ‘Attorney Y’. The devolution to ‘Ms. X’ is clearly intended as an insult by opposing counsel. Any good suggestions for a professional but firm response?

We’ve talked about a lot of name issues — how to correct colleagues if they call you the wrong first name, how to get rid of an old nickname, and more — but When to Use the Last Name is kind of a big one.  I suspect this is going to vary widely by region, so readers, please be sure to say where in general you are.  A few notes:

  • Never, ever use “Mrs.” in a business setting.  Marital status is completely irrelevant.  For my $.02, the only person who can call me Mrs. Griffin is my husband, at least until our son has playmates who are speaking in sentences.
  • Presume, in writing, that you should use the person’s last name, at least on a first correspondence (e.g., “Dear Mr. Smith”).  [Read more...]
Filed Under: Business Etiquette, Looking Young, Names, Networking

How to Promote Your Friends Professionally

05/02/2013 By 25 Comments

how-to-promote-friendsHow can you promote your friends and colleagues in a positive way? Considering all the talk from Lean In about how women should be more supportive of each other in the office, I thought this was a great question from Reader E:

I am an intern (waiting on bar results) at a small law firm. A branch office of my firm is hiring a new attorney for that office, and my supervisor asked me If I knew anyone who was looking. I suggested my friend A., who submitted a resume. Today I found out that the attorney in the branch office wants to interview A. This attorney also wants to talk to me, “candidly,” about A. I am confident in my friend’s ability, but I know this office has had a friend of a current attorney not work out. What can I say to promote my friend and what topics or traits should I avoid?

I actually think there is some etiquette involved when it comes to promoting friends and colleagues, talking up their accomplishments, and even helping them network. Here are some pointers, but I’m curious to hear what else the readers say:

- When suggesting your friend for a specific job: Ask A (let’s say her name is Allison) for a copy of her resume, and what she thinks her top three selling points are. I would then either a) write a short email attaching the resume, or b) swing by the hiring partner’s office, hand-delivering a copy of the resume, to say basically, “My friend Allison just applied for Position Y, but I wanted to bring you her resume myself. Allison is a good friend from law school; we worked together on law review and she won the moot trial competition. I think she’d be a great addition to the firm.  Please let me know if I can answer any other questions.” Note a few things about this: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Business Etiquette, Career, Interviewing, Job Hunting, Networking, Professionalism

When to Accommodate Co-Workers

04/11/2013 By 109 Comments

when-to-accommodate-coworkersWhen should you accommodate coworkers to be a “team player” — and when should you hold your ground to avoid looking weak? Reader K wonders, particularly whether she should give up her window:

I have an office etiquette question. I’m a lawyer in the public sector and we were recently told that we’re going to have to double people up in offices to make room for new staff. Our offices were made to be doubles, they’re long and narrow, so the person in the back half of the office gets a window (prime seating) while the front half doesn’t. I currently have the window half and was told I am getting an officemate. The person moving in has been an attorney for 15 plus years, but I have seniority at our current office because I started first. She is not happy about sharing an office and is further frustrated because she’ll be getting the windowless half of the office. I’m a brand new attorney; should I offer to switch sides?

Interesting question.  I’m curious to see what the readers say, but here are my initial thoughts for why I’d be polite and welcoming to the new officemate, but would stay put near the window: [Read more...]

Filed Under: Business Etiquette, CoWorker Problems, Office Decor

Cupcakes and the Office

04/02/2013 By 168 Comments

avoiding-food-pushers-at-workHow do you politely say no to cupcakes at the office? Reader A has a great question, with shades of “how to stop the food pushers at the office,”  as well as how to adapt to the “snack culture” at a new office, and more. Here’s the Q:

I recently started in a new office, and people love to bring in food and snacks all the time. Trouble is, I don’t like to eat lots of sugary snacks, and, frankly, don’t enjoy flavorless cakes with too much icing. How can I say no without appearing standoffish or snobby?

Well, I wouldn’t include the bit about “flavorless cakes with too much icing.”  Instead, how about: “This looks delicious, but I’m good, thanks.”  or “What beautiful frosting! None for me though.”  or even “I’m not a big snacker, but thank you for offering!” [Read more...]

Filed Under: Business Etiquette, CoWorker Problems, Transitions, Weight Control

Should You Visit Coworkers in the Hospital?

03/19/2013 By 78 Comments

should-you-visit-sick-coworkers-in-the-hospitalShould you visit coworkers in the hospital? Reader E wonders…

I’m a second year associate at a very small law firm (there are, essentially, five full time lawyers), and have worked very closely with one particular partner since I started with the firm. She found out a few weeks ago that she needs major abdominal surgery, and it’s scheduled for next week. I like and respect her enormously, and she’s been really fabulous to work for, and I want to get her something while she’s in the hospital. I had two immediate thoughts: 1) flowers or 2) an iTunes gift card (she has an iPad) Any suggestions?

I’m also not sure what the protocol is on visits. She told me what the surgery is for, but I don’t want to cross any boundaries or be intrusive while she’s healing. Should I stop by while she’s in the hospital?

I have only had two stays in the hospital, luckily, and one of them was for my birth (which I don’t remember) and the other for the birth of my son.  For the second one — for my $.02 — I would most certainly not have wanted any visitors beyond family to the maternity ward.  I was exhausted (hooray for 34 hours of labor that started at 9PM), felt groggy and out of it, hated being confined to a bed and a hospital gown, and generally skedaddled out of there as quickly as I could.  (Possibly too soon — we left about 36 hours after my son was born, and I nearly fainted while walking out.)  But then I had a less than stellar experience at the hospital for a lot of reasons, so this may be completely unique to me.

Anyway: I think flowers and an iTunes gift card sounds really sweet, and perfect — and I might save a visit to her for when she’s home and recovering.  I think my answer might be different if your colleague were so sick that the stay would be a very long one, or one that might not have a happy ending of going home to recover — but I think for a few days to a week in the hospital, no visit is necessary.

Readers, what do you think — have you visited, or would you visit, a close colleague in the hospital?  Would you want to be visited if you were going to be in the hospital?

Filed Under: Business Etiquette, CoWorker Problems, Lifestyle