So here’s something that I’m curious about and thought we’d discuss… what magazines do you guys read on a regular basis?  Do you feel like the Internet has changed the time you spend with a magazine — or is a hot bath or a long flight still not the same without your favorite pile of mags?  Does anyone use the iPad apps? Which magazines do you enjoy the most?

For my own $.02… you’re talking to someone whose major was magazine journalism, so I always have and always will love the medium.  One of my favorite scenes in Working Girl is when Tess describes how her reading two wildly different publications gave her a great idea related to business, and I’ve always tried to take that approach.  I remember in college, going to Barnes and Noble, getting a huge stack of magazines, and sitting down to pore over them.  In my early 20s, when I worked for Family Circle, the editor in chief had me read about 30 magazines a week and flag things of interest to her, either in terms of story ideas for the magazine or things she ought to know generally as the editor of a major magazine. When I left for law school that dwindled to personally reading about 15 a month… and now I’m down to about 5 a month, maybe. I hate recycling unread magazines, and I’m just not in a place anymore where I want to keep large unread piles of magazines anymore, so I keep unsubscribing. (Pictured: Magazine Logos by Jim Parkinson, originally uploaded from FontShop.)  I still subscribe to the following:

Entrepreneurial reads:  Inc.  Love the magazine — but they have a lot of content available online. I also get Fast Company; lots of great reads. I always recommend these magazines to women who think they might have an entrepreneurial bent — it’s one of the cheapest and easiest ways to encourage yourself. I subscribed to Forbes for a while, but I ultimately felt like I preferred the servicey, how-to vibe from Inc. far better than the “profiles of titans of industry” feel to Forbes. Wired isn’t really an entrepreneurial read, but I loved that one because I always felt very inspired by all that talk of the tech world.  They have a lot of content online as well, though, so I unsubscribed.

Healthy Lifestyle Reads: Self. I prefer this one to Women’s Health, but with any eat-right-work-out-more magazine the stories are going to repeat, often… I signed up for Men’s Health for my husband, and found that is a really excellent magazine — I’m currently trying to figure out whether or not to keep my subscription.  I also get Weight Watchers Magazine (lots of good recipes).  For a while I got Cooking Light, as well as Taste of Home’s lower-calorie magazine (Light & Tasty, maybe?) — both are excellent, but I primarily use the Internet for my source of new recipes, now.  Oh!  And Nutrition Action Newsletter — I love this one, which contains lots of scientific-y looks at what the best cereal is, whether vitamins are really bad for you, etc.

Women’s Magazines:  I love Real Simple and O, The Oprah Magazine — I feel like both have reasonable fashion choices, solid self-help advice, and that both are beautiful to look at.

Shopping/Fashion Magazines:  I still subscribe to Lucky, which I have always liked, even when it swung too far in the boho direction.  I also try to look through Elle, which I get sent every month because I’m part of the Elle/Style Coalition ad network, and I’m always amazed at the good reads in it.  I always think of Vanity Fair as the fashion magazine with the best reads — that’s my splurge at the airport newstand.  I love to look at Vogue but in all my years subscribing to it I found exactly one spread of clothes that I might want to wear, and unsubscribed after I realized that.  I liked Marie Claire for a while — that is supposedly the thinking woman’s fashion magazine — but I never found anything that was a “must read” and so I wound up unsubscribing to that one also.

Career Advice Magazines.  I get Working Mother, and highly recommend it to those of you with kids or thinking of having kids.  I signed up for this before I got pregnant, in part to keep an eye on it for this blog, and it is an excellent magazine.  At least at this point in my parenting journey, the advice is fresh and new, and they address a lot of great things about the juggle between motherhood and working.   I must say, I also like subscribing to the men’s magazines, if only to see the career and money advice that the guys are getting.  I loved, loved, loved Esquire, but I finally unsubscribed since I just never got to all the lengthy, beautifully written articles in it.  I got Pink magazine for a while also, but it just felt like it was geared for much older women.  Men’s Health (mentioned above) had a bunch of great advice columns, a few of which I’ve linked to here.

Local Magazines: We still get New York magazine, but at this point we’re just recycling them almost as soon as they come.  We started because we felt like Time Out New York was too “young” for us; New York feels too old for us.  I suppose it’s probably time that we subscribe to Time Out Kids or something like that.  Sigh.  I got The New Yorker for years and years and years and loved it, but always had huge piles of it whenever I moved… and I always felt like a pseudo-intellectual if I just read just the Shouts & Murmurs section and the comics and then recycled it.  I finally stopped getting it when I decided to get Business Week, which I had always loved — but the weeklies really kill you in terms of paper, so I could only keep one.  (I no longer get either!)

Others Magazines:  I no longer get any design magazines.  In the past I’ve gotten Elle Decor (love), Dwell (a wee bit highbrow for me), another highbrow one I’m totally blanking on, and Domino (may it rest in peace).  I end up watching a lot of property/redesign shows on television as background noise, though, so maybe I’m getting my fill of it there.  We also don’t get any entertainment magazines anymore.  I love Entertainment Weekly, Us Magazine, and Rolling Stone, but I just don’t have the time to read them! So I tend to be pretty woefully informed about what movie is coming out or what hot new show I should watch.  Oh, and I’m also liking my subscription to Parenting Early Years.

So there you have it — I’m kind of a magazine nerd.  How about you guys — what are your must-reads every month? How have your tastes changed over the years?

(L-#)

January is for resolutions, but some say the real work begins in February — today’s guest poster, Desiree Moore of Greenhorn Legal, LLC, wonders if that isn’t the case… Pictured: Dawn of a new day, originally uploaded to Flickr by rlanvin.

I have been thinking a lot lately about the way we judge time, and how we can change the way we feel about something depending on when we are feeling it.  December is a great example.  In December, there is a buzz in the office.  For many companies, it is the end of the fiscal year.  The holidays – or just some unbridled time away from the office – are around the corner.  There is a sense of winding down, of peace.

And in January, we come back to the office with a renewed energy.  With hope.  Our personal and professional resolutions are in tow, and the weight of last year is a distant memory.  This early lightness is surely an insight – this year is going to be a great one.

If you are like me, however, by February, it is back to business as usual.  The resolutions find their place at the bottom of the to-do list (Spinning at 6 a.m. – no thank you).  The cyclical nature of working in an office – traditional or otherwise – starts to weigh on us again.  Bosses, colleagues, adversaries, and clients are back to being unreasonable (or annoying – whatever).  If you are in a cold place, the early winter snow has turned to slush and being outside is unpleasant.  So we count down to Friday as if this is some benchmark of something, make the most of the weekend, and do it all over again.  And again.  Oh man.

Let’s stop right here (before this gets any more depressing) and sort this out.  What is it about December?  What about January?  Aren’t these just artificial points in time?  I understand that in those months we are given a break from our everyday lives – but can’t we mimic the thought patterns and perspectives of those months, even if just in some small way, and carry those good feelings with us throughout the year?

I can’t say I have any definitive answers, but, after giving it some thought, I do have a few ideas:

Take Note Of “Endings” Throughout The Year

Part of what is meaningful about December is that it marks a clear, unequivocal end.  It is the end of the year, and often the end of some of the big projects, deals, or cases we have been working on for months.  We can set our professional clocks to zero and start over again.  This, in itself, is energizing.

Throughout the year, however, we have the tendency to gloss over similar “endings.”  Instead of allowing ourselves the satisfaction that comes with finishing something, we move forward constantly in a linear fashion.  We’re onto the next project without hesitation.  This year, consider doing this differently.  Take note of your endings.  Do something affirmative when you finish something significant to mark that you have done so.  Get a manicure.  Take a long lunch or a walk outside.  Organize your office and file away any documents related to the finished project.  The ritual you choose doesn’t matter as much as the awareness.  Allow yourself a moment to recognize that you have completed a cycle, and move on to the next project with the strength and satisfaction that accompanies this.

Calendar Events To Look Forward To

When you pick up a new calendar, there are certain events pre-printed inside.  Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s Eve, among others.  This month, choose three to five events to add to your calendar, in addition to these big events.  The events do not have to be big (or costly) ones, though they should be markedly different from your everyday plans.  Ideally, your events will involve some preparation and some investment of time so you build up to the event and enjoy it even more when it comes.  (This will also prevent you from wishing your time away until the event, as we all tend to do.)  Plan an adventure weekend trip, host a themed dinner party, invite friends to visit you (and plan a tour of your city).  Fill your calendar with a few out-of-the-ordinary things to look forward to throughout the year and emulate some of that excitement you feel when the holidays and end of year are approaching.

Make Time For The Things That Are Important

At bottom, the end of the year, the holiday season, is meaningful because we are given permission to relish in the things that are important to us.  It is professionally acceptable to do so.  We take time away from work, visit with friends and family, and indulge in good food, shopping, and other things we love.  While we can’t realistically do this in excess year round, we also can’t afford to do the opposite – to let our work consume us, to neglect the people and things that make our lives full.  Throughout the year, make time for the things that are important to you.  Make a wine date with close friends.  Cook a celebratory meal on a random Friday night.  Buy gifts for others.  Do something charitable.  Whatever you choose, you may find that this alone restores you to that December and January state of mind (yep – even in February).

Readers, when do you buckle down for your resolutions?  How do you keep that resolve throughout the year?

–
Desiree Moore is the President and founder of Greenhorn Legal, LLC. Greenhorn Legal offers intensive practical skills training programs for law students and new lawyers as they transition from law school into their legal practices. Ms. Moore is also an adjunct professor at Loyola University Chicago School of Law and was an associate at the law firm of K&L Gates. She can be found on Twitter at @greenhornlegal. Join Desiree for a live, career-defining CLE seminar this month in Chicago, Illinois.

A recent SNL episode featured a fictional campaign advertisement for a mayoral candidate.  The character, Glenda Okones (played by Kristen Wiig),  listed her flaws, including her reputation for being harsh and cold.  “Here’s why,” she said:  “I just have a naturally frowny face. Not ugly, but certainly severe looking.”

Ah, perfect, I thought: an opportunity to talk about bitchface.

I’ll admit: the main reason we haven’t talked about it before is because I didn’t want to use bad words in the headline of the post!  But I think this is something that can affect a professional woman’s career, and something we should talk about.

Now I admit, wholeheartedly, that I have a naturally frowny face.  A reader once remarked that in my videos I’m always super smiley — it’s primarily because I end up looking super annoyed if I’m not.  (If I have time I’ll have to dig out some scrapped footage from the Lancome sponsored post — I couldn’t believe the video editors got so much usable footage of me looking serious because when I sent it in I worried I just looked bitchy.  Here:  me, serene but not smiling , versus me, actually pissed off.) I think most times it doesn’t matter.  After all, if I’m talking with people they can usually tell that I’m not super annoyed, and if I’m not talking to people (such as if I’m just walking down the street), I don’t really care what you think of me.

That said, I can think of at least one time this trait affected me professionally.  A few years ago I was part of a very small trial team in federal court in Philadelphia.  After a few days of trial, I grew weary of the high calorie, rushed lunches my colleagues ate, and so I excused myself and ducked out to the Subway across the street… and promptly found myself in line, in a very small shop, with all of the female members of the jury.  The first thought that went through my mind was panic — should I turn and walk out?  (I stayed. Which, looking back, was probably the wrong decision.)  Would they recognize me?  (Of course they would — it was an empty courtroom every day except for the lawyers, jury, judge, and occasional witness.)  Should I try to make conversation?  Compliment someone’s bag?  Talk about the sandwich I was looking forward to?  (I decided not to speak unless spoken to.)

Having made all these difficult decisions in the space of about two seconds, I was left standing there wondering what to do.  I didn’t want to fiddle with my phone or Blackberry — they might see some private conversation or think I was self-absorbed.  I realized that, no matter what they thought of my case, my fellow attorneys, or my behavior during the trial, I wanted them, above all else, to not think I was a total bitch.  I didn’t want it to come up in the jury deliberation room — “oh, the side with those stuck-up New York lawyers?” — and I didn’t want it to come up in the back of their minds.  In fact, never in my life had I wanted to look so approachable, so reasonable, so likeable, as I did in those few minutes… and that includes the first time I met my future in-laws.

What I wound up doing was studying the menu — like I had never been to a Subway before in my life! — and doing my very, very best to think happy, contented thoughts.  I thought of my then-boyfriend (now husband), and our upcoming trip to Paris.  I thought of a great sale that I’d been to a week or so before.  I thought of a funny inside joke my brother and I have shared for the past 25 years or so.  And then I ordered my sandwich (being extra careful to say please and thank you), and got the heck out of that Subway shop.

Ever since that Subway experience, I’ve wondered about bitchface.  Can it really affect you professionally?  I can imagine that I probably looked like a bitch when I was taking notes in all of my classes, particularly the classes where I wasn’t engaged — did teachers think less of me because of my naturally frowny face?  In interviews, many people say the first impression, such as seeing someone in a waiting room, is what matters — should I always attempt to “think happy thoughts” during those time periods?  Does it matter that this is one of those peculiar female problems — for example, how many male politicians and trial lawyers tell themselves to think happy thoughts during their moments in repose?

Readers, what do you think?  Do you think you have a naturally frowny face — and how has it affected your professional life? 

I’ve recently gotten a few requests on how to set up a home office. For example, from reader B:

I work part of the week out of my law firm’s office and part of the week from home. I would love to hear ideas for organizing a home office that isn’t just boring filing cabinets (but I need somewhere to stash files – points for nontraditional filing cabinet ideas).

Great topic, particularly as more and more employers offer tech budgets and other accommodations to make working from home easier. (Pictured: New Home Office, originally uploaded to Flickr by TypeFiend.) Some must-haves:

- A good Internet connection. I always take my Internet connection for granted until I visit friends or family with a slow connection, and I marvel at how they get any work done at home at all.  (I think “a fast enough computer” goes without saying.)

- A good monitor. If you have a tech stipend from your employer, this is the first place I’d spend it. One for your home, and if the one at your office isn’t good enough, one for your office as well.

- A printer and scanner.  As we discussed the other day, I do my best editing when I do it on paper; I also scan things frequently.  Even though I have a good filing system at home, I still am more likely to check my computer for old but important documents.

- A system to keep your work files separate from your personal files. While I did a lot of work at home when I worked as a lawyer (mornings, nights, weekends), I never really had to keep documents at home — everything was accessible online. (The firm had its own secure system; when I worked at the nonprofit we used the program Log Me In, which allows remote access to a computer that is turned on and connected to the Internet.) That said, when I brought papers home, I always brought them in a folder or redweld, and was careful to keep things together. I frequently worked with bound volumes of exhibits; instead of throwing away older versions of the volume I would bring the volume home if I thought the docs therein would be helpful.  However — if I were your employer, to be honest, I would prefer that things be filed at the office — if you quit or leave, the employer is the one who will need those files.  And I’ll bet that the odds of having something last minute and urgent come up that requires checking the files are going to be minimal enough that you can either consent to go to the office on those rare occasions, or direct your secretary to look something up and scan it for you or messenger it to your home. That said, if you’re looking for fun filing ideas, Jeri’s Organizing & Decluttering News has a number of fun options — my favorite is the stunning filing bench, pictured at right.

- I think even a home office benefits from personalizing touches such as pictures of your family.  Because it’s in your home, you can consider going a bit more sentimental, pricey, or even inappropriate.  For example, I would display pictures on my desk at home that I wouldn’t at the office (such as pictures of me in a hospital gown holding my son), or keep things out that I wouldn’t at the office for fear of them being stolen, such as a small malachite box that was the first gift my husband ever gave me, or my collection of pennies from that j-school professor who gave a penny to whoever turned in the best story for an assignment.

Another great source for this is The Office Stylist, who frequently features fun and creative offices.  Lifehacker often covers home offices, as well.

Readers, what are your tips for setting up home offices?  How often do you work from home?

How can you improve your writing? Reader L wonders…

I am hoping that you and your readers can help me! I am looking for suggestions on how to improve my technical writing skills, either through online courses, tricks, tips — really anything.

This is a subject near and dear to my heart — in addition to being a writer, I taught Legal Research & Writing in law school. Here are a few tips from me; I’m sure the readers will have many more great ideas…  (Pictured: Pen to Paper, originally uploaded to Flickr by Orin Zebest.)

• Nail down your grammar.  No, it isn’t sexy, but grammar is really important.  Most of my grammar knowledge comes from my time spent in journalism school (my undergraduate degree), where I became really, really familiar with books such as:
• When Words Collide, apparently now in its 8th edition (and with lots of workbooks! what fun)
• The Elements of Style, by Strunk & White
• Nail down your spelling.  Yes, really.  If a writer makes spelling errors, it distracts the reader from what you’re saying and hurts your credibility.  It’s really tempting these days to let technology “help” you quite a bit, and one tip I have is to use auto-correct judiciously, not automatically.  If there are things you should know, don’t let your computer automatically correct you on those things!  For example, for some reason, when I first got to law school I misspelled “judgment” about 60% of the time when taking notes. I’m not sure what my problem was, but I thought there was an E in there.  That is a really commonly used word, and if I’d misspelled that on a handwritten test it would have hurt my credibility with the professor. So I needed to keep seeing the little red squiggle under the word — and review it every time I did a spell check — in order to teach myself how to spell it.

• Know what you want to say.  What is the purpose of your writing — to inform, to persuade?  What is the ONE point you want the reader to come away with?  What action do you want the reader to take?  All of this should be said as clearly, and concisely, as many times as possible — in the subject line of the email or the re: line of the letter; in Executive Summary of the memo or the first sentence of the email, in the discussion section of the memo, in the summary of the memo, etc, etc.  Something else to consider — what else will the reader ask?  If you can answer it before he or she even asks it, you’re doing a great job.
• Be flexible in your own writing, because what you want to say may change as you’re saying it.  One of the things I’ve done through the years is to write a first draft of whatever I wanted to say — an argument, a paper — and write it down as the words come out of my head.  It’s a great way to get past writer’s block (because it doesn’t matter what or how you say, it’s just a first draft), but for me it’s a way to organize my thoughts, as well, and sort of sound out the arguments.  I’ll usually then put the draft aside (for at least one sleep cycle, but a day if I can help it) and do an outline of what I want to say, without first referring to the draft.  I almost always significantly reorganize and rework the basic structure of the piece, and most of the time I end up rewriting it, ultimately using about 20% of the first draft.  It’s a long process, but it’s the one that works for me.
• Find styles to copy. My favorite tip is one I heard long ago in a creative writing class:  when you read something you like, copy it out longhand in order to “absorb” a bit of that writer’s style.  I’m not suggesting you copy the entirety of War and Peace longhand, but find a passage that you like and copy it, word for word, punctuation mark for punctuation mark, out longhand.  I have a special notebook for this purpose so that I can go back and read the different passages when I’m adding a new one.  I’ve primarily copied fiction writers — Margaret Atwood, Woody Allen, P.G. Wodehouse — but if you find a beautifully written sample of writing in your specific field, copy that as well.
• Know your weaknesses.  Let’s just say a certain friend of mine <cough, cough> has a real problem with using way too many em-dashes and semi-colons.  She says she’s more of a Faulkner than a Hemingway (Faulkner once wrote a 1200+ word sentence that was completely grammatically correct!) but that doesn’t give her an entirely free pass, and she knows it.  Whenever she’s working on anything very serious she makes sure to go through her writing and find instances where she can use short, declarative sentences instead of long ones.  Varying sentence length helps the flow of the text, and helps give her writing more impact.
• Read your writing on paper.  (I think this is my third anti-technology tip!)  For anything lengthy, I have to print it out and read it on paper — even if I’ve read it ten times on the screen, I’ll find new things to fix.  For very important things, I often will read them aloud, as well.  (If you don’t have your own office, find a space where you can do this without feeling inhibited!)
• Finally, two last tips:
• Read. A lot.
• Write.  A lot.

 Readers, what are your best tips for improving your writing? 

Do people look down on professional women whose husbands have “blue collar” jobs? Reader C worries about her fiance, a mechanic…

My question is this: I am an aspiring law student who comes from a poor background. I really have no idea how educated people *truly* look at those who have less of an education than them. I am looking at T14 law schools and am very excited, with hopes for southern Biglaw (Richmond, VA). My fiance is a mechanic – he loves his career and would not change it for the world, however, I am worried – will my colleagues judge me because of this? Have you ever seen it be a problem? I hope I don’t sound shallow but I feel like it’s a legitimate concern. I want to know if I should expect anything out of the ordinary, or if the occupation of spouses is nil when it comes to things like raises, promotions, assignments, etc.

First, congratulations to you and your fiance! Whatever I or anyone else may say about this topic, the bottom line here is that as long as you love each other, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If, when you start work, you find it’s a problem, chances are you’re not with the right employer for you anyway. (Pictured: Grease monkey, originally uploaded to Flickr by Rowan Peter.)

That said, you are likely to encounter some differing views on your husband’s profession. Readers have joked a lot that they would love to be electricians (set your own hours and prices, always in demand, etc.), and my own first thought was, “that’ll be great, because when you start to make real money you and he can buy a franchise or set up his own shop and really start to pave your own way.” But that may assume an ambition that isn’t there on the part of your fiance — maybe he has no desire to ever run his own shop or be a boss/manager. So let’s say he is just a mechanic — does it matter?

I say no, his profession does not matter: a happy spouse is a good thing. (Some bosses may even be more open to hiring a woman who definitely makes more money than her husband because they may see “stay at home dad” written all over him, whether or not that’s true.)

However, other things may have an impact on your career — for example, can you picture him in a tuxedo at a gala dinner? Will he refuse to wear a suit or more business-type clothes when you go to “bring-a-date” firm events? Can he make dinner conversation with people on “educated” topics? On a more basic level, are his table manners and his grammar good (or is he open to improving them)? Will he be understanding of the social games you may have to play, and be willing to support your social requirements at these events? These are the kinds of things that will alienate him (and you) at firm events, and they really come down to one of the main questions (IMHO) of marriage: are you both team players?  Is he a true partner?  If he is, then there should be no problem.  If he isn’t — well, you have bigger problems than what people think of his profession.

Readers, what do you think?  How do people view women with husbands in “blue collar” professions?

A reader alerted me today to a post on XO Jane about a fashion editor wearing a sheer top to work, entitled “DO THIS DON’T: WEAR A SHEER SHIRT TO WORK.” Uh, no.

Now, as this editor admits, she’s never worked outside the fashion and beauty world, so maybe our resumes just aren’t lining up — but even for a creative field, this is the kind of look that would just make me think “Wow, that poor girl must not realize her top is totally see-through.  Maybe I should tell her?”  In fact, I disagree with almost every single line in her column.  So I thought I’d give my take on dressing in semi- or totally-sheer looks for the office, compared against her tale…

1.  “Yesterday I knew I wouldn’t have the chance to stop home after work before going out that night, so I wore this completely see-through, sparkly Isabel Marant top with a tuxedo jacket.”  Dear readers, there are these amazing things called “handbags” — sometimes called “purses,” “totes,” “briefcases,” or even just “bags” — into which you can put all sorts of things, including changes of clothes.  Now, with all due respect to this editor, perhaps she had a big work function that night that required her to wear an edgy, sheer top.  But for more conservative fields like law and others, the message you broadcast when you wear eveningwear to work is that your evening is more important than your day — not a good message to send.

2.  “In real life the nude bra underneath wasn’t visible, so I sort of looked topless, albeit glittery. Like a figure skater.”  I’m going to step away from the proposition that it’s ok to look like a figure skater at work, and instead focus on the first part of the sentence — “in real life the nude bra wasn’t visible.”  Bob, can we have a big gameshow “unnnh” wrong sound again?  If it’s visible when you take a picture of it, I’d say your bra has a 95% chance of being visible anywhere.  Just because the lighting in your bedroom doesn’t detect it doesn’t mean that the lighting in your office — or the coffee room — or the conference room — won’t be the same.  In fact, I would advise all of my readers that when you’re in doubt about the appropriateness of an outfit, take a picture of yourself on your digital camera that morning and check it out.  Sheerness, visible pantylines, wrinkles, stains, and more will all be visible.

3. “…You could always layer a nude cami under either of these options, but I never do, since adding another top ruins the way your see-through one naturally hangs.”  I’m going to disagree with all of this.  I think a good quality camisole will never ruin the way a blouse hangs on you — if it does the camisole is way too big or the blouse is way too small.  I’d also argue that for the workplace, you should never wear a nude camisole — stick with black or white.  The reason?  So you don’t look naked beneath your clothes.  While the editor describes wearing the sweater to a big meeting where “no one gave her a second look,” I’m sure that wouldn’t be true if she worked in a more conservative industry.  You never want people to have to take a second — or third — look at your outfit, because while they’re inspecting your outfit, they’re not listening to what you’re saying.  Worse, your coworkers should never feel like they CAN’T look directly at your outfit for fear of seeing something they shouldn’t.  (For example, that really nice, married, older male boss who has a daughter your age — he may be too embarrassed to look at you, or purposely avoid working with you in the future if you dress like that.)  A plain (non-lacy) black or white camisole makes it clear that they can, in fact, look at you.

4. “[Wearing a nude cami] defeats the purpose of wearing a sheer shirt.”  What is the purpose, exactly?  Is it “to show your bra”?  Because if that’s the purpose, why wear a top at all?  I would argue that there are some sheer fabrics — silks, cottons, even the occasional chiffon — that add an interesting drape, or a lovely softness, or even the perfect misty white, that make them worth wearing to work, despite the fact that they’re sheer.

I would say, obviously, that sheer or semi-sheer tops are still risky for the office (see my points above in #3), but possibly acceptable if accessorized appropriately — with a black or white camisole — or even a turtleneck — beneath, or worn under a vest.  Readers, what do you think of the XO Jane article?  Do you wear sheer tops to the office?

Reader L wonders “how nice is too nice” for an office…

I will be moving into an corporate environment soon after being a teacher for several years. I have a fabulous office and would like to really make it a place I enjoy being, however I have noticed that the other women in the office (including my boss) don’t personalize their spaces much. Would it be a faux pas to put more effort into my office than they do? Help!

I’ve worked with some people — both women as well as men — who hired a decorator to come in and “do” their office, and I’ve worked with people who seemed totally content to work amidst a flurry of papers, brown file boxes, and the occasional book strewn about. So for my $.02, it is totally personality-based and you should decorate your office how you want. (Pictured: IMG_5626, originally uploaded to Flickr by invent.)  That said, however, there are a few limits that you should consider…

- Focus first on what will make the space a productive space for you. For some people (myself included) that means it should be a “happy” space — I’ve never had an office that didn’t include pictures of my loved ones and (viewable on my side of the desk) a small piece of artwork or two. At some places it was just a colorful postcard I liked hung behind my monitor — at other places I had framed artwork on the wall my desk faced.  Some of my friends have even gone so far as to bring colorful rugs to the office, on the theory that it brightens up the space and makes it more enjoyable for them to be there.  I think all of these are well within your bounds.

- If your job involves outsiders visiting your office — clients, customers, whatever — then think about their comfort when purchasing items for your office as well.  For example, if having a more comfortable visitor’s chair also involves buying a chair that’s more pleasant for you to look at, it’s a win-win.  I’ve heard of people who keep antique tea sets in their office for this purpose also; even purchasing a nice card holder can be a mini-way to personalize your office in a way that makes it more appealing to visitors.

- Avoid purchasing anything too “young.”  For example, I once worked with a man who had a giant, sports-themed beanbag chair in the corner of his office — and that pretty much said all it needed to say about his personality and workstyle.  For women, similarly, there are right ways to do pink office accessories and wrong ways (such as, ahem, the above), and I think most of the “wrong ways” start with “purchasing desk accessories meant for a teenage girl.”

- Finally, consider ways that your office decor might encroach on your coworkers’ space.  For example:

• Nothing smelly. Commenters continually mention how much they hate to smell perfume on people, and I think the same would go for any office fragrance. When I first started work I bought a “room spray” that I thought would be great for work — a lemony, slightly spicy scent from Anne Fontaine — and I would spray it occasionally, late at night, before leaving my office. A few times people commented something along the lines of “oh, your office smells nice” — which probably is enough to tell me that it was too much scent. Similarly, don’t do any decor that is going to smell for a few days (such as paint).
• Reconsider window dressings or other treatments that “darken” the space considerably.  (In fact — when we’ve talked about office decor in the past, readers questioned my inclusion of window dressing as one way to liven up your office walls. Like I said above, I’ve seen people who went all out with the decorator, but perhaps it’s best to say you should leave any serious decoration until you’re a partner or owner of the the business.)

Readers, what do you think is “too nice” for office decor? What are some ways you’ve seen office decor fail entirely?

Have you ever been denied a promotion because you were too good at your current job?  Reader N suspects this may be what’s at play at her workplace, and wonders what she can do about it.

I just read your article “Getting the Work You Want” and I wanted to ask a follow up question. I’ve found myself in a position of getting passed over for moving into a complex litigation team, despite having openly expressed my interest, and my superior agreeing that I would be better used in that area. (I’ve had this reinforced by rave reviews for my senior attorneys and from fellow co-workers who I’ve helped out.)

From what I can tell, it seems that my superiors (and theirs) place more value in the fact that I can manage my workload and simultaneously back up three to four people at a time. I’ve backed up coworkers in the complex team, too, but as for moving up with them permanently… nothing.

So what’s a girl to do when I have spoken up and asked… and nothing happens? Have I shot myself in the foot by having quality and quantity? Should I just take the rave reviews and recommendations and look for work elsewhere?

Fabulous question. There are a million reasons why people don’t get jobs and promotions — including not being right for them.  That said, something I’ve seen happen is when a boss keeps a “good worker” in the trenches because his or her own life is made so much easier by the worker.  The boss knows the job will get done, and done well. He or she doesn’t have to hire or train anyone new.  It’s great!  For the boss, that is.  For the worker (which may be Reader N, here) you don’t grow at all.  For a particularly selfish boss, he or she may also try to restrain you from working with other people, give you lackluster reviews or recommendations to keep you with them, and maybe even talk down to you to make you question whether or not you “deserve” better than your current job.  (Pictured: Held back, originaly uploaded to Flickr by Matthew Wilkinson.)

This is one of the reasons why it’s so important to be the master of your own career.  You need to be the one constantly assessing where you are — and speaking up until you get to where you should be, even if that makes you feel pushy.  If you do find yourself in a situation where a boss is holding you back, in my opinion, there isn’t much you can do about it beyond getting away from the the toxic personality. And if that means taking a new job, so be it.

However, I would give every boss the benefit of the doubt — once.  For example, here, Reader N says “from what I can tell” — N, have you spoken to your superiors about why you didn’t get moved to the area you wanted?  This is a 100% valid question. Approach it with a learning mindset — be as far from “entitled” as you can be. Frustrated is fine — exacerbated even — but be careful about crossing into “angry and emotional.” Sit down with your superiors, show the different ways that you made your preference known, the positive feedback you got, and then express your confusion over the lack of movement that followed. I’d also ask when you can next expect to be moved to your preferred area.

Once you have their official answer, look at it objectively.  Maybe you were lacking a certain skill.  Maybe Person X had more of the skills needed.  Maybe they wanted to keep you in your current department until a particular big project finished.  Maybe a more formal process is required for a move like the one you want.  Whatever they say, try to make sense of it.  It’s still fair for you to get angry, and it’s still fair for you to look for a new job — but it’s also fair to say “Oh, that’s what happened,” and then sit tight until the next window of opportunity arrives.

Readers, have you ever been held back because you were doing too good of a job?  What did you do about it?  What is your general approach if you don’t get a promotion you’ve lobbied for?

Are you feeling burned out by your career — even if you’ve only been at it for a few years? A month or so ago a reader sent me a link to this article on career burnout for the under 30 set, and it seemed to generate a lot of discussion on Twitter/Facebook — and my link last Friday to the Men’s Health article on how to recognize and cure career fatigue (including some, er, interesting advice, such as “get laid more”) seemed to generate even more discussion. So let’s talk about this — have you felt burned out? What have you done to correct the issue, if anything? We’ve talked about this a bit before in my post about how I got my own groove back after feeling out of sync with my career and life, but let’s discuss more today. (Pictured: Burn Out, originally uploaded to Flickr by mikecogh.)

If your career exhausts you, here are some of my top tips to help start the journey back from burnout…

1) Recognize that your job is not your career, and your career is not your life.  This is a mantra I repeat to myself sometimes when I’m feeling burned out.  Whatever you’re doing right now, it’s just a job — maybe it’s a piece in your overall career, maybe not.  And if you’re really depressed, remember — neither your job nor your career are your life.  Still, try to see the value in your current job.  For example, it helps you meet your financial obligations.  At least ten other people would be thrilled to have it.  You’d be even more depressed if you were out of work.

2) If your job is the problem… Figure out what about your job bores you or makes you unhappy.  Is it a personality conflict?  A particular task that you dread?  Or are you just not excited by anything you do?  If you can narrow down what stinks, it helps you assess what you need to do to make it better.  Would a new job help matters?  Or can you reconnect with this job in a way that would excite you, such as by taking on new responsibilities or working with different people?  You can also revamp your routine, restyle your office, or reengage with your profession again, as I’ve advised before.

3) If your career is the problem… Advice I’ve gotten myself (and agree with) is that you don’t get to say your career is the problem until you’ve held at least 2 or 3 jobs in your career.  Maybe that’s more than you want to invest in a career that you know is wrong for you, but — particularly if you have spent money on education for this career — then you owe it to yourself to try other aspects of the career.  If you’re absolutely, definitely sure it’s your overall profession that’s making you unhappy, figure out what you need to take the next step towards Plan B.

4) If you know what Plan B is… start moving towards it.  Start meeting people.  Come up with an action plan.  What’s the next step?  Is it another degree?  A new job?  A “bridge” job?  One friend knew she wanted to leave the law and work in public relations, and she found her first job doing public relations for a law firm.  Another friend of mine recently decided she wants to open a gourmet barbecue business, and she and her husband have a five-year plan mapped out (starting with trying out lots of different barbecue recipes and visiting big barbecue cities).

5) If you have no idea what Plan B is (beyond “not this”)… you need to assess your finances and your life to figure out how adventurous you can be.  How much debt do you have — and how much can you knock out if you buckle down and save?  How much do you have in savings — could you take six months to yourself to figure out what you might want to do in life (and then enough in savings to hold you over until you find a new job in that career)?  (With today’s economic climate, this probably means having about two years of living expenses.  (In some circles, you’ll hear this referred to as “F-you money” — how much money do you need before you can say “F-you” to your current boss?)  Could you take a job that requires less time of you (but allows you to meet your financial obligations) until you figure out what Plan B is?  If none of these seem likely, I can think of two things you might try to speed along the process of figuring out Plan B:

- Reconnect with yourself.  This is what I was getting at when I wrote about how I took a humor writing class that helped me get my groove back.  You may regain some of the self-respect you may have lost over the years, or you may get in touch with a more optimistic or hopeful version of yourself.  (This kind of gets back to the idea that your job is not your life — make your life outside of work as excellent as it can be by doing the things you love.  It may lead to a Plan B or it may not, but at least you’ll be enjoying your life again.)

- Start thinking like an entrepreneur.  One of my favorite suggestions here is to start subscribing to the magazine Inc. — even before I knew what kind of business I wanted to start, I subscribed to the magazine and found myself looking at the world with fresh eyes.  Even now, I’m always inspired to hear about how someone launched a multi-million dollar company with no more than $3,000, and I love a recurring feature where they take a snapshot of daily life (e.g., the tennis court) and point out all the different businesses involved backstage.  There are lots of women-centric groups out there if you’re more comfortable with that, too, such as Ladies Who Launch, Savor the Success, or MomInventors.

6) Whatever you do, at least the very least, fake interest in your current job (as the Men’s Health article also advised). Arrive on time.  Be sociable.  Look as professional as possible.  Smile.

 Readers, what have you done when you’re suffering burnout?  How have you battled burnout?