How do you use friends of friends in your job hunt — whether through LinkedIn, Facebook, or just real life?  There have been an number of questions about this lately, including Reader A, below… her friend may be starting work at a company with a great work environment and has offered to refer her for a position once she starts, but as Reader A says:

… after looking into the company a bit, I realized that company is co-owned by an acquaintance of mine’s, “Ann’s” father.  I went to Jr. high through college with his daughter, we were on HS newspaper together and had the same major in college and were buddies, but not close friends.  However, it’s been about 6 years since college and she moved across country so we’re pretty much just Facebook buddies.  I would really like to ask if she could give my resume to her father as it could be very helpful in securing a position there, but I don’t want to seem rude.  If she worked there, I’d simply pass it along to her, but is it inappropriate to ask her to give it to her dad?  Also, should I have a specific position in mind or be open to anything (which I am?  What’s the best way to ask her?  Please advise me how to go about this situation!

This is a great question, because you should definitely ask.  Sometimes a script can be helpful when approaching acquaintances with a favor of this magnitude, though, so here is what I would say:

Dear Ann — How are you?  It’s been so long; I hope all is well.  Your family name recently crossed my path while researching a company I’d love to work for — it turns out it’s your father’s company!  Do you think it would be possible for you to introduce me to your dad via email? I’d love to get his advice for the best way to get into Office X.

A lot has happened on my end of things since our newspaper and college days — I’m sure it has for you too. I took my major in __ and worked at ___, getting really interested in __ specialty.  On the personal side of things I have an apartment I love, an amazing cat, and I’ve recently started dating a great guy….  Are you still using Major __?  What’s up with you these days?  Would love to reconnect the next time you’re back in town…

So, to break it down, here’s my advice…

- Be very clear about what you want.  Remember, people are busy, so you shouldn’t bury the lead: you want an introduction to her father.  In fact, I’d even put that as the subject line to the email or FB message.

- Be as warm as possible. Just because you’re being clear about what you want doesn’t mean it has to be an arm’s length transaction. I’d also say that just because you weren’t best friends 10 years ago doesn’t mean you might not be great friends now — people grow, and I would honestly look at this as a possible “new” friend, particularly if you work in the same industry.  Briefly disclose a bit of your life — be positive without bragging, and share without giving TMI.  If you’ve noticed on her activity stream that she recently got married, or moved to a new city, congratulate her on it — tell her the dress was to die for, or offer up your favorite restaurant in that city.  Be honest, of course, and not stalkerish.  Good: “I seem to remember seeing wedding pictures on your activity stream a while back — congratulations, you looked so happy!”  Bad: “I remember from your update on June 3, 2010 that you thought ‘people should mind their own business [insert other moody and purposely vague FB post here].’ I hope you resolved whatever that was about!”

- Be generally brief so the recipient reads and decides the outcome immediately, instead of setting aside the email to read later.  A lot of this depends on the recipient’s attitude about these things, more than your wording of the letter.  Some people will think, “Cool, no problem, I’ll dash off a two-line email introducing you and him.”  Some people will immediately think “Wow, I’m so not comfortable doing that;” some of these people will tell you that and others will just not respond.  Either way, by being brief and clear in your letter, you get the response immediately — whereas writing a three paragraph salvo may just result in the person saying “wow, this is long, I’ll read this later,” and then forgetting about it entirely.  (For my $.02, if I got an email like this from a high school/college acquaintance, I’d be fine to dash off a two-line email introducing you to whomever, but I would probably make it clear in that email that Reader A isn’t my best friend, she’s just someone I know from college and high school.)

Ultimately, though, I think this is one of those things where the adage, “You miss 100% of the shots that you don’t take,” applies.  Make the call, write the email — if you miss, so what? It won’t hurt in your current job hunt, and if this person is already just an old acquaintance, it doesn’t sound like your relationship will be changed much.  (Pictured above: Basketball hoop, originally uploaded to Flickr by Steve A. Johnson.)

Readers, what is your approach for using second- and third-tier connections in your job search?  How do you ask for referrals?

Reader L wonders if she can ask her adjunct professor for help finding a job:

I have an etiquette question for you. I am a third year law student looking for a job after graduation, preferably at a small firm or a nonprofit. One of my classes is taught by an adjunct professor who practices in the field I want to work in. What is the etiquette behind approaching him to see if he knows people who might be hiring? Thanks for any advice.

I’m curious to hear what the readers say here. Here’s my take:

Can you ask him if he knows of any open positions? Absolutely; there’s nothing inappropriate about that question. But let me warn you… here’s how that conversation is going to go: “Do you know of anyone who’s hiring right now?” Adjunct professor, thinking briefly of any jobs he’s heard of that day or week: “Nope. Sorry!” He won’t be offended, but you’re not likely to get much out of the exchange.  (Pictured: Einstein’s blackboard, originally uploaded to Flickr by rich_w.)

So here’s what you actually want to do: network with your professor. You want him to think of you when he sees a job a month from now, or two months from now, or maybe even three years from now. You want him to tell you the lay of the land in that field: who are the big players? Who are the big clients? Where is it heading? What are his favorite niche publications? Which is his favorite conference? What are the “offshoot professions” (there’s probably already a term for this, but I’m going to make up my own term for it right now) — the roads that people take if they decide they want to use their knowledge and expertise, but don’t want to be Niche Lawyer? (For example, in media law people sometimes became agents; sometimes writers themselves. They also sometimes went to work for media insurance companies.) Particularly in a tight job market, you might need to expand your search to include the offshoot professions, with hopes that you’ll still gain helpful resume experience, and networking connections, that will eventually land you your dream job.

So ask him to lunch. Make friends with him — tell her the truth, that you admire him, would love to be in his shoes, and want his advice. Ask him how he got to where he is, and slowly start to work in some of the questions above. At the end of lunch, ask him who else you should talk to — my guess is he’ll be happy to give you at least one or two names of people he knows. Your goal should be to come away from lunch with your professor with at least three action steps for yourself: something new to read (preferably an email newsletter or something free and regular), contact information for someone else to ask to lunch, and a few new Google searches to run yourself on the players and other facts you learn about at the lunch. You may even have a job to apply to, or an upcoming conference to try to attend.

Now the part that may be hard: asking an older man to lunch. There is nothing wrong with asking him to a one-on-one lunch, and if you have the guts to do it, my hat is off to you. Personally, I didn’t have the guts — when I was in law school, taking a class from one of the top lawyers in my preferred field, I wound up asking my adjunct out to lunch along with another classmate, my roommate’s boyfriend at the time. (Brutal honesty here: I wasn’t threatened by my male classmate at all — my worst nightmare would have been if my lunch date became the Golden Boy at my expense.) More reading for you: The Careerist just talked about how men are very wary of networking with younger women. Joy.

Readers, what is your advice for Reader L?  Do you have any great experiences you can share where you turned an adjunct/student relationship into a long lasting relationship?

Update: As readers are pointing out, the best way to get on the adjunct’s radar is to do really well in the class.  You may also want to wait until after the semester is over before asking him out for lunch (although I honestly think I asked my adjunct out for lunch while the semester was still ongoing, perhaps because it was a small enough class that our final in-class exam was done with numbers instead of names or some other blind grading method).

When is the best day to email someone?  Reader M wonders about this when she’s had a job interview and needs to send her follow-up email…

Imagine that I’m corresponding with someone about a job — potential boss, hiring manager, whomever. The ball’s been in their court for a week. It’s now Friday afternoon. Am I better emailing them today, or waiting until Monday? Or should I even wait until Tuesday, considering that Monday is a busy day?

In general, what day of the week do you think gets the most results? Or is it more the wording of the email that counts?

For my $.02, the simple answer is Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon. Pictured: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday… originally uploaded to Flickr by gak.

Here’s my reasoning:  No matter how the email is worded, the thing you have to realize is that you are creating work for the recipient.  They may have to check the status of your application.  Maybe they need to check the status of other applications.  Maybe they need to check with the hiring committee.  Even if it’s a straight answer — let’s say a no — they need to give your interview folder one final look-see before they reject you, and then write a politely-worded email.  Any or all of these tasks will likely take more than the two minutes most people allocate to on the spot answers, which means this task (responding to your email) will end up on their to-do list.

The other thing you have to realize is that a potential job applicant is sort of tertiary to someone’s job, especially from the “year end review” perspective.  Even if you’re emailing someone in the hiring business (e.g., a recruiter), you rank below the people paying their salary and bills: the boss and clients.  This particular task may even factor below the small, unpleasant tasks that one has to do to keep the office running such as ordering business cards, reviewing the last phone bill, etc.

So let’s look at workflow — when do people do small tasks that are low on their to do list?

- Not Friday afternoons — they’re eager to wrap things up and get out of the office.

- Not Monday morning.  In fact, not any workday morning — in my experience, most people spend workday mornings doing triage, filtering through the emails that have come in since you left work, figuring out which ones are urgent, and prioritizing the rest accordingly.  I would avoid Monday afternoon as well because it’s such a busy day.

- I would avoid Thursday afternoons as well.  While those may be OK for some people, but I think a lot of people have already started their “wrap up” process by then, which means your email may sit until the next time they’re doing non-urgent emails — which might mean you’d wait until Tuesday afternoon.

… which leaves us with my $.02 answer: Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon.

What do you think, readers — if you have the luxury of timing an email, what is the best day to send it?  Particularly in Reader M’s hypothetical job hiring scenario, when would you send the email?

How do you meet new friends and other professionals to add to your social network? Reader K wonders about the old-fashioned, “IRL” methods…

Like many of your readers, I am graduating from law school in May and will be moving to a big city for a BigLaw job. I’ve never lived in a big city and I am excited about the networking opportunities. My law school girlfriends and I are wondering: how can we go about meeting other smart, interesting women in our new city? We know how to meet lawyers, from our firms and women-lawyer events in our city. What do you suggest for meeting other women in other fields? Do your readers have suggestions of groups they have joined that they have enjoyed? Any advice would be great!

This can be a great counterpart to yesterday’s discussion on where to meet potential dates (although that was focused more online than offline, and, obviously, meeting new dates is slightly different than just meeting fun friends). I know readers have talked about this a lot in the comments, but I don’t think we’ve ever done a post on the issue… so let’s discuss. (Pictured: Making new friends, originally uploaded to Flickr by sally_monster.) Here are some top ways that I can think of to meet new friends:

- Alumni events.  You’ve been to undergrad and law school, so you have double the opportunity to network!  Sign up for a listserv or website, and start attending events.  If you have one or two friends already who are not alumni friends, consider inviting each other to your alumni events so you get an even wider base of alumni networking events.  (IMHO, it’s not weird at all to bring a non-alumni friend to an alumni event… but it’s a bit weird to go to an alumni event by yourself when you’re not an alum.)

- Charities.  The Junior League is a big one that is often recommended, and I’ve had a lot of friends who love the Junior League. It can be pretty much anything, though — many large charities have branches in major cities that you can get involved with.  Similarly, a lot of institutions such as museums and even libraries have membership groups specially designed for the “under 40″ set, with relatively low membership costs ($300-$500 per year), a number of nice events, and even seminars and more.  I’ve belonged to the New York Public Library’s Young Lions program (they had amazing seminars, actually!), as well as the American Natural History Museum’s Junior Council program (which had killer cocktail hours and private showings of the exhibitions just for the JC — really cool stuff).

- Networking groups.  Each city seems to have at least one or two networks for people in the city to meet each other. For example, DC has Pros in the City; Netparty has options in a number of different cities.  If you have a specific interest, Meetup.com has a huge number of different networking events (I’ve attended several seminars on brands, content, and fashion issues, for example) (and, ha, was even pictured in a subway ad for them).

- Hobby groups and classes.  For example, I know a lot of readers love knitting.

- Running groups or other athletic outings such as aerobic classes or yoga classes.

Whatever event you choose, arrive early, be friendly, and try to build a rapport.  Once you’ve been talking with someone for a while (maybe it’ll be 20 minutes, maybe it’ll be 20 minutes each for five classes, maybe it’ll be 20 minutes spread over 5 classes — it really just depends on the person!), ask ‘em out for coffee or a glass of wine.  If that feels too “forward” to you, try suggesting something else in the city you’ve been wanting to try — a museum, a new restaurant, a new bar — and see if the other woman bites and either invites herself along or expresses such interest that you feel comfortable inviting her along.  I’ve made a number of post-college friends that way.  Some of them were awkward “dates” where we just didn’t hit it off and we didn’t try to hang out again… others turned into BFFs.

Readers, what are your favorite ways to meet new friends?  Any specific groups in specific cities you want to recommend?

Should you network while sick? Reader M wonders, particularly when it comes to clients she already has…

I haven’t seen this covered in your advice column and have just bumbled my way through a client meeting while heavily drugged with Sudafed and wanted your take on what a better approach would be.

I work in medium law, we have major corporate clients that come in once a year or so. As a mid-level associate, I get to attend small luncheons with the individuals handling the files I work on. Of course, the day before they arrive I come down with a horrible cold. Not the death flu or anything, more of an “i can work through this but I sound horrible” cold. I made it through the lunch trying to minimize sniffling and throat clearing and maximize hand sanitizing- but should I have backed out once I realized I was sick? Even if that means missing out on an opportunity to develop the client relationship?

Fabulous question. We’ve talked about how to work while you’re sick, but not on networking while sick. (Pictured: Coffee and Sudafed, originally uploaded to Flickr by BrittneyBush.) Ultimately I think it depends on the relationship — as well as how sick you are (does “sneezing violently” enter the picture? how many tissues do you need by your side to get through lunch? are you 100% positive it’s just a head cold and not something more contagious?) — but I’m really of two minds:

A) You’re a big girl, and you know when you’re too sick to network. If you’re up for it, and taking reasonable precautions that you’re not getting them sick as well (and to me, this means not shaking hands while sick), carry on. I will say that being “heavily drugged with Sudafed” might suggest you weren’t up for it, but then I have an odd dislike of any drugs that make you drowsy. (I normally just take an Advil and a store-brand decongestant when I’m congested, in part because the combo doesn’t make me drowsy.)

B) Well… it’s a bit rude, isn’t it, to go to lunch without at least warning the client that you’re sick, right? How about at least a head’s up to them, as you’re making lunch plans — something along the lines of, “I’m so looking forward to discussing __ and getting to know you and the company better over lunch. I should warn you, I’ve got a little head cold, but I’m up for it if you are!” Some people may have suppressed immune systems (the elderly, the pregnant), others may just be weird about colds.

If you do go through with the meeting while sick, do an extra bit of work to make sure the meeting goes well despite your foggy head.  For example, before the meeting, make a list of three things (and only three!) that you want to accomplish or learn about during the meeting.  Take copious notes for yourself after the meeting, including things that you might remember otherwise (such as the name of Client’s husband).  I’d also suggest following up with the client afterwards to make sure you both agree about any action items, as well as anything else that might not have been covered.  (For example:  “Dear Jane – I’m so glad we got to talk more over lunch on Tuesday!  Just to review, I’m now going to do Y and Z, and you’ll be looking into A and B for me (thank you for that).  Was there anything else we didn’t cover that you wanted to, or any other questions I can answer for you?”)

Readers, how do you handle networking and client development things when you’re sick?

Do people look down on professional women whose husbands have “blue collar” jobs? Reader C worries about her fiance, a mechanic…

My question is this: I am an aspiring law student who comes from a poor background. I really have no idea how educated people *truly* look at those who have less of an education than them. I am looking at T14 law schools and am very excited, with hopes for southern Biglaw (Richmond, VA). My fiance is a mechanic – he loves his career and would not change it for the world, however, I am worried – will my colleagues judge me because of this? Have you ever seen it be a problem? I hope I don’t sound shallow but I feel like it’s a legitimate concern. I want to know if I should expect anything out of the ordinary, or if the occupation of spouses is nil when it comes to things like raises, promotions, assignments, etc.

First, congratulations to you and your fiance! Whatever I or anyone else may say about this topic, the bottom line here is that as long as you love each other, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If, when you start work, you find it’s a problem, chances are you’re not with the right employer for you anyway. (Pictured: Grease monkey, originally uploaded to Flickr by Rowan Peter.)

That said, you are likely to encounter some differing views on your husband’s profession. Readers have joked a lot that they would love to be electricians (set your own hours and prices, always in demand, etc.), and my own first thought was, “that’ll be great, because when you start to make real money you and he can buy a franchise or set up his own shop and really start to pave your own way.” But that may assume an ambition that isn’t there on the part of your fiance — maybe he has no desire to ever run his own shop or be a boss/manager. So let’s say he is just a mechanic — does it matter?

I say no, his profession does not matter: a happy spouse is a good thing. (Some bosses may even be more open to hiring a woman who definitely makes more money than her husband because they may see “stay at home dad” written all over him, whether or not that’s true.)

However, other things may have an impact on your career — for example, can you picture him in a tuxedo at a gala dinner? Will he refuse to wear a suit or more business-type clothes when you go to “bring-a-date” firm events? Can he make dinner conversation with people on “educated” topics? On a more basic level, are his table manners and his grammar good (or is he open to improving them)? Will he be understanding of the social games you may have to play, and be willing to support your social requirements at these events? These are the kinds of things that will alienate him (and you) at firm events, and they really come down to one of the main questions (IMHO) of marriage: are you both team players?  Is he a true partner?  If he is, then there should be no problem.  If he isn’t — well, you have bigger problems than what people think of his profession.

Readers, what do you think?  How do people view women with husbands in “blue collar” professions?

Reader S has a question about how to ask for the work she wants…

I am a second year associate at a big New York firm. I am in the corporate team and we rotate through two specialty groups within corporate before choosing a specialty. For my first rotation I was assigned to something that I was not at all interested in. I have been able to get a lot of good experience in this group, but it is important that I am placed in a group I am interested in for my next rotation. Can you give me some advice about networking with the partners on this team and letting them know I am interested in working in their group? I thought about asking them to meet to discuss the type of work their group does but the thing is I know what type of work they do, I have spoken to all the juniors in the group so I am familiar with the type of work that I would be doing…I am not sure what I could ask them that would not seem ingenuine. What do you think?

I think this is a really important question — often you need to be vocal in order to get the work you want. (Pictured: Any Given Saturday, originally uploaded to Flickr from She Who Shall Not Be Named.) Here is what has worked for me:

1. Ask outright. Look at this as a mini job interview and remember, as with every job you want, that this is really about what skills you bring to the table to help the partners, and not about what you would get out of the work. For example, “I’m fascinated by [your area of expertise] and would love to help you on your next case.” is OK, but if you can, go even further in pitching yourself — “I was always top of my class in [X], and I’ve heard that translates really well to work in [Y] — please let me know when I can be of help.”

2. Read. Sign up for every newsletter and news alert you can on the subject matter that interests you, and study that reading material. This is all the better if your company circulates hard copies of publications because the partner “experts” will see your name on the list of people getting the publication. For example, in my law firm days, when I wanted to work on media-related legal matters, I signed up for all sorts of things, from the Columbia Journalism Review to The Index on Censorship. There were 200+ lawyers at the firm, but the circulation lists were very short (and they were printed on a sheet of paper affixed to the magazine, so you could see everyone getting the publication). It was often just me, 3 or 4 other lawyers, and then the VIP partners. Guess who they frequently called when they needed a new junior associate on matters?

3. Inform. If, in your reading, you come across something that you think the partners would want to know about (but may not have seen otherwise), pass it along to the partner with a friendly note: “I thought you might like to see this.” If there are mingling opportunities with the partners you want to work with, this is the perfect way to let them know that not only are you interested but that you are up to date on your readings. Discuss the latest case that was handed down, or a major move made by one of your client’s main competitors. The partner may or may not want to talk about it, but he or she may want to continue talking to you. When I was in law school, I knew a very young professor who attributed all of his success to something like this — he was on a circulation list for a rarely-read publication and saw an article of interest. He passed it on to the Powers That Were at his firm, and they kept coming back to him and promoting him.

4. Ask again (and perhaps ask some of the people senior to you HOW to ask). For example, shooting an email to a partner is the most non-confrontational way to ask for work — but an email can easily get buried. Another story from my past: A number of people (older associates, former associates, even partners) had told me that the way to get work in the area I wanted was to “just knock on the door and ask!”  This seemed wildly pushy to me — interrupting a partner?  To ask for work?  By dropping by his or her office?  But I swallowed my fears and I did it — I’d just “happen” to be passing by the partner’s office, and if the door was open and he or she didn’t look too busy I’d poke my head in and ask, “Need any help with anything right now? I’m looking for work in __.”  And it worked!  (Similarly, it may help to know the process — understand how work is assigned in your company or firm; this will help you figure out who and how to ask for work.)

Readers, what are your tips for getting the kind of work you want? Any glory stories to share?

Reader C has a great question about thank yous to your references…

I’m anxiously awaiting a few job offers–and am wondering if a $100 gift card to a delicious local restaurant is an appropriate thank you for each of my references? (The potential offers are for healthcare-related opportunities–hospital positions and consulting gigs.) What have you done in the past?

I first misread this question as how to thank your interviewers. (No gift cards to interviewers!) I think this is a cute idea, but one that could be tweaked to make it even better:

Instead of gift cards, take your references to lunch. Ask their career advice, what they think your strong suits are heading into any new job (and, just for your ears, what they think your weaknesses might be!). Ask them how they got to where they are, what they might have done differently given the clarity of hindsight. And then… stay in touch with them. Tell them how you’re doing, ask them to lunch once a year or so and see how they’re doing.

This is how you turn a work colleague into a mentor, at least in my experience. But if you’re far away, a gift card is a nice idea. (Although, truth be told, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked my references with any specific “gift”!)  (Pictured above: Steve’s 80′s Party, originally uploaded to Flickr by Bob. B. Brown.)

Readers, how do you thank the people who serve as your references on your resume?

How DO you deal with misogyny in the workplace? Reader J writes about a less than stellar lunch with male coworkers…

My current workplace is relatively gender-balanced, and after a year of working here I haven’t really encountered any overt sexism. However, at a colleague’s small farewell lunch two weeks ago where I was just one of two women, I was unpleasantly surprised. Most of the men (five out of six) started discussing which women in the sales department they’d like to sleep with, joking about planting webcams in the women’s bathroom, responding to advice I suggested about a software problem with “Oh, but you’re a woman, so you don’t know anything about computers, am I right?” (It is a software I use daily and most of them use once or twice every two weeks.) It was a very unpleasant lunch, and I came away with the perception this was par for the course for my co-workers, as they didn’t indicate their conversation was in any way unusual.

I have had similar experiences at a previous workplace where I did an internship.

I am looking to leave my current company for unrelated reasons (there is an iron ceiling into management, and it’s not likely I’ll be able to move up unless someone dies or is fired). As I work in a fairly male-dominated sector I’m worried I will run into this more frequently at my next places of work and as I move up the career ladder.

What is the best way to respond to casual workplace sexism like this? I don’t think running to HR would be very effective, especially when it is so endemic – but I also don’t want to ‘grin and bear it’ and give the impression I approve or think it’s funny.

This is such a great, great question, and I can’t wait to see what the readers say. First, let me just say that this doesn’t sound so “casual” to me — the fact that these men were making these comments knowingly in your presence is shocking, and says a lot about the power dynamics at that lunch and in your sector. I’m also going to assume that everyone at this lunch was, more or less, on the same “level,” and no supervisor was present.  So how DO you handle such sexism in the actual moment? (Pictured above: Pigs, originally uploaded to Flickr by andjohan.)

• Gently let them know that what they’re saying is sexist, misogynistic, and inappropriate. Look at this as an opportunity to educate these poor, sad men that, in actuality, they’re speaking like pigs.  Then, change the conversation.  I’m sure that they’re all good-hearted saints beneath it all (of course!) and they have no idea that they’re a huge lawsuit waiting to happen.  It could be as simple as “And in non-misogynistic news, how’s Project ___ going?  I heard they were adding two new people to the team.” (or as direct as “Wow, guys, way to be sexist pigs.”)  The key is thus: Don’t get offended or get a chip on your shoulder, but let them know they’re being inappropriate and move on.
• Get offended. I wouldn’t advise this, but you could get in a huff and really tell these men off.  They will undoubtedly call you overly sensitive, perhaps say that you’re on your period, and ultimately call you a Bitch.  (And, do note: It isn’t a bad thing to be a Bitch — I know a lot of women who pride themselves on being one, sometimes including me — but it does limit the way you’ll be interacting with these gents in the future.)
• Get away. You don’t have to sit there and listen to it — leave the conversation.  This can be tricky when there’s no one else to talk to.
• Grin and bear it. Don’t beat yourself up too much if this is ultimately what you end up doing — it can be really hard to summon the courage to say something, even in a joking manner, when you’re being smacked in the face with the fact that you have no power.  But:  don’t forget. These men are not your friends, they are not your allies — they’re pigs.  Maintain a good working relationship with them so you can get what you need from them, and move on at the end of the day.

(If you were the supervisor, don’t hesitate to tell these jerks that they’re being inappropriate.  You’re supervising!  If there was a supervisor present during this lunch, I would have made direct eye contact with him to try to communicate wordlessly my lack of amusement.  Afterwards, I would have spoken to him, and no matter what I would start making a record of exactly what he said at the lunch and in response to your complaint.)  Beyond the actual moment, your options get wider.

a) Talk to HR. I wouldn’t advise this, and you say you’re not inclined to do this, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

b) Talk to an employment lawyer. You may already have a case for a hostile workplace (I’m just not up on the law enough to know), but I’m not sure I would advise this either, at least at this point — being a plaintiff in a law suit of this kind is unlikely to win you any friends, and will probably affect future job prospects.  But start keeping notes of what was said, and when (including saving any emails or voicemails that are misogynistic).  There may come a time, either when you’ve been passed over for a promotion or just when You Can’t Take It Anymore, that you want to bring suit.

c) Start a networking/support group for women in your niche area. (I’m assuming one doesn’t already exist; if one does, join it!) Whether it’s company-wide or city-wide, this is the perfect kind of impetus to create a networking group for women in your niche area.   All it takes is one or two women at different companies to get the ball rolling; you could even reach out to your alumni groups to see if other women are working locally. This has a few advantages:

- You actually get encouragement and support from your female peers, and perhaps your group can even brainstorm for how to actually change things in the industry (or at least in your area).  At the very least you can educate other women that these kinds of comments are not acceptable, which in and of itself might change things.

- Whether it’s a company-wide or area-wide network, you’ll be better tapped in to new job opportunities (one hopes) than your male colleagues.

- As the founder, you’ll get some exposure and notoriety — everyone in the area will know your name, and it’ll look great on your resume.  People may even start coming to you to say “we have X job open, do you know anyone who might be looking?”

I would send out a few casual emails to see if other women in the area want to get together for drinks.  I’d avoid making the initial email a “call to action” or complaining in any way about your experience — but rather just putting the feeler out to see if people want to get together.  If other people have had similar experiences (and I’m sure they have) then your email will be welcome.

d) Leave the company. Ultimately, I think you’re on the right track by getting out of the company — this misogyny is absolutely something that should be mentioned at your exit interview, and I might even go so far as to write a letter to them so that any woman in the future (who might, say, bring suit) has evidence that the higher ups knew of the problem.

All right, readers, let’s hear it — how would you handle this kind of situation, both in the moment and down the line?

How do you take advantage of a chance meeting with a VIP — the company’s CEO, the partner with the “fun” work, the client you’re dying to work with?  What should you say?  Today’s guest poster, Belle from Capitol Hill Style, to weigh in — working in the Capitol she’s met her fair share of VIPs.  She has some fabulous tips below, so enjoy! – Kat. (Pictured: Velvet ropes, originally uploaded to Flickr by Peter576.)

Walking through the marble halls of the United States Capitol, you are surrounded by VIPs.  Every elevator, every corridor, every conference room is populated by Members of Congress, high-level Administration officials, television pundits, and occasionally, Hollywood celebrities.  You can’t swing a Longchamp bag in this place without hitting someone noteworthy.

But how can you make a good impression on these VIPs and maximize the situation for your benefit?

Don’t Fade Away.  More often than not, a person’s first instinct is to agree with everything a VIP says.  To listen intently and nod when he is speaking, to laugh at his jokes, and generally give him the floor.  After all, he is important and you are not.

But the truth is, you are better off fawning over the VIP like a Twihard with a passion for public policy than you are pleasantly fading into the background.

Seize the Moment.  Don’t be afraid to talk to a VIP, even if you have to break the ice with something

I once brokered an important relationship with a Congresswoman from the South because I complimented her handbag in an elevator.  We then spent a few minutes talking about how much we love Gilt Groupe and how great Rebecca Minkoff is.  When we had exhausted that topic, she asked me what I was working on for my Boss.

Ten minutes later, I was adding her as a co-sponsor to my Boss’s bill and talking to her legislative aide about the possibility of holding hearings.

Unless the person looks busy or seems completely uninterested in talking to you, identify a piece of common ground and jump into the fray.  As long as you’re polite and behave appropriately, the worst thing that can happen is that the VIP talks to you out of pity.

Be prepared. If you know that you’re going to be meeting with a VIP, take the time to brush up on their background, what they want to discuss in the meeting and write up a few preliminary questions.  Someone who came to play is always appreciated.

Also, don’t limit yourself just to the reason for your meeting.  A friend once bonded with a Cabinet Secretary because he knew that the Secretary had season tickets to the Orioles.  During a lull in a meeting, he casually mentioned that he was going to a game.  Six weeks later, he left his mid-level Hill job to work as the Secretary’s personal assistant.

Any information that you can gather that will show that you’re a knowledgeable and competent employee is helpful.  But sometimes, it’s thinking outside the box that will yield the best results.

Don’t Kiss the Ring. My co-worker, a dedicated social butterfly with an enviable Rolodex full of VIPs, says that the trick is to talk to a VIP like a friend of a friend who you’re meeting for the first time.   Make a genuine effort to get to know him, but never treat a VIP like he is above you.

VIPs are coddled and pampered by nearly everyone around them.  Often, their looking for authentic, confident people who can set aside their status and like them for who they are.  So don’t be afraid to make a few jokes, give the VIP a little bit of a hard time and talk to him like he’s an old friend from college.

Working in a building filled with VIPs, you develop a sense of how to interact with them.  Professionalism is important, but you can’t be so afraid of making a mistake that you miss the opportunity to make an important connection.

Readers, how have you taken advantage of chance meetings with important people in your company or professional lives? Do you have any additional advice?

(L-0)

Interested in writing something similar for Corporette? Check out our guest posting guidelines.