Do people look down on professional women whose husbands have “blue collar” jobs? Reader C worries about her fiance, a mechanic…

My question is this: I am an aspiring law student who comes from a poor background. I really have no idea how educated people *truly* look at those who have less of an education than them. I am looking at T14 law schools and am very excited, with hopes for southern Biglaw (Richmond, VA). My fiance is a mechanic – he loves his career and would not change it for the world, however, I am worried – will my colleagues judge me because of this? Have you ever seen it be a problem? I hope I don’t sound shallow but I feel like it’s a legitimate concern. I want to know if I should expect anything out of the ordinary, or if the occupation of spouses is nil when it comes to things like raises, promotions, assignments, etc.

First, congratulations to you and your fiance! Whatever I or anyone else may say about this topic, the bottom line here is that as long as you love each other, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. If, when you start work, you find it’s a problem, chances are you’re not with the right employer for you anyway. (Pictured: Grease monkey, originally uploaded to Flickr by Rowan Peter.)

That said, you are likely to encounter some differing views on your husband’s profession. Readers have joked a lot that they would love to be electricians (set your own hours and prices, always in demand, etc.), and my own first thought was, “that’ll be great, because when you start to make real money you and he can buy a franchise or set up his own shop and really start to pave your own way.” But that may assume an ambition that isn’t there on the part of your fiance — maybe he has no desire to ever run his own shop or be a boss/manager. So let’s say he is just a mechanic — does it matter?

I say no, his profession does not matter: a happy spouse is a good thing. (Some bosses may even be more open to hiring a woman who definitely makes more money than her husband because they may see “stay at home dad” written all over him, whether or not that’s true.)

However, other things may have an impact on your career — for example, can you picture him in a tuxedo at a gala dinner? Will he refuse to wear a suit or more business-type clothes when you go to “bring-a-date” firm events? Can he make dinner conversation with people on “educated” topics? On a more basic level, are his table manners and his grammar good (or is he open to improving them)? Will he be understanding of the social games you may have to play, and be willing to support your social requirements at these events? These are the kinds of things that will alienate him (and you) at firm events, and they really come down to one of the main questions (IMHO) of marriage: are you both team players?  Is he a true partner?  If he is, then there should be no problem.  If he isn’t — well, you have bigger problems than what people think of his profession.

Readers, what do you think?  How do people view women with husbands in “blue collar” professions?

Reader S has a question about how to ask for the work she wants…

I am a second year associate at a big New York firm. I am in the corporate team and we rotate through two specialty groups within corporate before choosing a specialty. For my first rotation I was assigned to something that I was not at all interested in. I have been able to get a lot of good experience in this group, but it is important that I am placed in a group I am interested in for my next rotation. Can you give me some advice about networking with the partners on this team and letting them know I am interested in working in their group? I thought about asking them to meet to discuss the type of work their group does but the thing is I know what type of work they do, I have spoken to all the juniors in the group so I am familiar with the type of work that I would be doing…I am not sure what I could ask them that would not seem ingenuine. What do you think?

I think this is a really important question — often you need to be vocal in order to get the work you want. (Pictured: Any Given Saturday, originally uploaded to Flickr from She Who Shall Not Be Named.) Here is what has worked for me:

1. Ask outright. Look at this as a mini job interview and remember, as with every job you want, that this is really about what skills you bring to the table to help the partners, and not about what you would get out of the work. For example, “I’m fascinated by [your area of expertise] and would love to help you on your next case.” is OK, but if you can, go even further in pitching yourself — “I was always top of my class in [X], and I’ve heard that translates really well to work in [Y] — please let me know when I can be of help.”

2. Read. Sign up for every newsletter and news alert you can on the subject matter that interests you, and study that reading material. This is all the better if your company circulates hard copies of publications because the partner “experts” will see your name on the list of people getting the publication. For example, in my law firm days, when I wanted to work on media-related legal matters, I signed up for all sorts of things, from the Columbia Journalism Review to The Index on Censorship. There were 200+ lawyers at the firm, but the circulation lists were very short (and they were printed on a sheet of paper affixed to the magazine, so you could see everyone getting the publication). It was often just me, 3 or 4 other lawyers, and then the VIP partners. Guess who they frequently called when they needed a new junior associate on matters?

3. Inform. If, in your reading, you come across something that you think the partners would want to know about (but may not have seen otherwise), pass it along to the partner with a friendly note: “I thought you might like to see this.” If there are mingling opportunities with the partners you want to work with, this is the perfect way to let them know that not only are you interested but that you are up to date on your readings. Discuss the latest case that was handed down, or a major move made by one of your client’s main competitors. The partner may or may not want to talk about it, but he or she may want to continue talking to you. When I was in law school, I knew a very young professor who attributed all of his success to something like this — he was on a circulation list for a rarely-read publication and saw an article of interest. He passed it on to the Powers That Were at his firm, and they kept coming back to him and promoting him.

4. Ask again (and perhaps ask some of the people senior to you HOW to ask). For example, shooting an email to a partner is the most non-confrontational way to ask for work — but an email can easily get buried. Another story from my past: A number of people (older associates, former associates, even partners) had told me that the way to get work in the area I wanted was to “just knock on the door and ask!”  This seemed wildly pushy to me — interrupting a partner?  To ask for work?  By dropping by his or her office?  But I swallowed my fears and I did it — I’d just “happen” to be passing by the partner’s office, and if the door was open and he or she didn’t look too busy I’d poke my head in and ask, “Need any help with anything right now? I’m looking for work in __.”  And it worked!  (Similarly, it may help to know the process — understand how work is assigned in your company or firm; this will help you figure out who and how to ask for work.)

Readers, what are your tips for getting the kind of work you want? Any glory stories to share?

Reader C has a great question about thank yous to your references…

I’m anxiously awaiting a few job offers–and am wondering if a $100 gift card to a delicious local restaurant is an appropriate thank you for each of my references? (The potential offers are for healthcare-related opportunities–hospital positions and consulting gigs.) What have you done in the past?

I first misread this question as how to thank your interviewers. (No gift cards to interviewers!) I think this is a cute idea, but one that could be tweaked to make it even better:

Instead of gift cards, take your references to lunch. Ask their career advice, what they think your strong suits are heading into any new job (and, just for your ears, what they think your weaknesses might be!). Ask them how they got to where they are, what they might have done differently given the clarity of hindsight. And then… stay in touch with them. Tell them how you’re doing, ask them to lunch once a year or so and see how they’re doing.

This is how you turn a work colleague into a mentor, at least in my experience. But if you’re far away, a gift card is a nice idea. (Although, truth be told, I don’t think I’ve ever thanked my references with any specific “gift”!)  (Pictured above: Steve’s 80′s Party, originally uploaded to Flickr by Bob. B. Brown.)

Readers, how do you thank the people who serve as your references on your resume?

How DO you deal with misogyny in the workplace? Reader J writes about a less than stellar lunch with male coworkers…

My current workplace is relatively gender-balanced, and after a year of working here I haven’t really encountered any overt sexism. However, at a colleague’s small farewell lunch two weeks ago where I was just one of two women, I was unpleasantly surprised. Most of the men (five out of six) started discussing which women in the sales department they’d like to sleep with, joking about planting webcams in the women’s bathroom, responding to advice I suggested about a software problem with “Oh, but you’re a woman, so you don’t know anything about computers, am I right?” (It is a software I use daily and most of them use once or twice every two weeks.) It was a very unpleasant lunch, and I came away with the perception this was par for the course for my co-workers, as they didn’t indicate their conversation was in any way unusual.

I have had similar experiences at a previous workplace where I did an internship.

I am looking to leave my current company for unrelated reasons (there is an iron ceiling into management, and it’s not likely I’ll be able to move up unless someone dies or is fired). As I work in a fairly male-dominated sector I’m worried I will run into this more frequently at my next places of work and as I move up the career ladder.

What is the best way to respond to casual workplace sexism like this? I don’t think running to HR would be very effective, especially when it is so endemic – but I also don’t want to ‘grin and bear it’ and give the impression I approve or think it’s funny.

This is such a great, great question, and I can’t wait to see what the readers say. First, let me just say that this doesn’t sound so “casual” to me — the fact that these men were making these comments knowingly in your presence is shocking, and says a lot about the power dynamics at that lunch and in your sector. I’m also going to assume that everyone at this lunch was, more or less, on the same “level,” and no supervisor was present.  So how DO you handle such sexism in the actual moment? (Pictured above: Pigs, originally uploaded to Flickr by andjohan.)

• Gently let them know that what they’re saying is sexist, misogynistic, and inappropriate. Look at this as an opportunity to educate these poor, sad men that, in actuality, they’re speaking like pigs.  Then, change the conversation.  I’m sure that they’re all good-hearted saints beneath it all (of course!) and they have no idea that they’re a huge lawsuit waiting to happen.  It could be as simple as “And in non-misogynistic news, how’s Project ___ going?  I heard they were adding two new people to the team.” (or as direct as “Wow, guys, way to be sexist pigs.”)  The key is thus: Don’t get offended or get a chip on your shoulder, but let them know they’re being inappropriate and move on.
• Get offended. I wouldn’t advise this, but you could get in a huff and really tell these men off.  They will undoubtedly call you overly sensitive, perhaps say that you’re on your period, and ultimately call you a Bitch.  (And, do note: It isn’t a bad thing to be a Bitch — I know a lot of women who pride themselves on being one, sometimes including me — but it does limit the way you’ll be interacting with these gents in the future.)
• Get away. You don’t have to sit there and listen to it — leave the conversation.  This can be tricky when there’s no one else to talk to.
• Grin and bear it. Don’t beat yourself up too much if this is ultimately what you end up doing — it can be really hard to summon the courage to say something, even in a joking manner, when you’re being smacked in the face with the fact that you have no power.  But:  don’t forget. These men are not your friends, they are not your allies — they’re pigs.  Maintain a good working relationship with them so you can get what you need from them, and move on at the end of the day.

(If you were the supervisor, don’t hesitate to tell these jerks that they’re being inappropriate.  You’re supervising!  If there was a supervisor present during this lunch, I would have made direct eye contact with him to try to communicate wordlessly my lack of amusement.  Afterwards, I would have spoken to him, and no matter what I would start making a record of exactly what he said at the lunch and in response to your complaint.)  Beyond the actual moment, your options get wider.

a) Talk to HR. I wouldn’t advise this, and you say you’re not inclined to do this, but I thought I’d mention it anyway.

b) Talk to an employment lawyer. You may already have a case for a hostile workplace (I’m just not up on the law enough to know), but I’m not sure I would advise this either, at least at this point — being a plaintiff in a law suit of this kind is unlikely to win you any friends, and will probably affect future job prospects.  But start keeping notes of what was said, and when (including saving any emails or voicemails that are misogynistic).  There may come a time, either when you’ve been passed over for a promotion or just when You Can’t Take It Anymore, that you want to bring suit.

c) Start a networking/support group for women in your niche area. (I’m assuming one doesn’t already exist; if one does, join it!) Whether it’s company-wide or city-wide, this is the perfect kind of impetus to create a networking group for women in your niche area.   All it takes is one or two women at different companies to get the ball rolling; you could even reach out to your alumni groups to see if other women are working locally. This has a few advantages:

- You actually get encouragement and support from your female peers, and perhaps your group can even brainstorm for how to actually change things in the industry (or at least in your area).  At the very least you can educate other women that these kinds of comments are not acceptable, which in and of itself might change things.

- Whether it’s a company-wide or area-wide network, you’ll be better tapped in to new job opportunities (one hopes) than your male colleagues.

- As the founder, you’ll get some exposure and notoriety — everyone in the area will know your name, and it’ll look great on your resume.  People may even start coming to you to say “we have X job open, do you know anyone who might be looking?”

I would send out a few casual emails to see if other women in the area want to get together for drinks.  I’d avoid making the initial email a “call to action” or complaining in any way about your experience — but rather just putting the feeler out to see if people want to get together.  If other people have had similar experiences (and I’m sure they have) then your email will be welcome.

d) Leave the company. Ultimately, I think you’re on the right track by getting out of the company — this misogyny is absolutely something that should be mentioned at your exit interview, and I might even go so far as to write a letter to them so that any woman in the future (who might, say, bring suit) has evidence that the higher ups knew of the problem.

All right, readers, let’s hear it — how would you handle this kind of situation, both in the moment and down the line?

How do you take advantage of a chance meeting with a VIP — the company’s CEO, the partner with the “fun” work, the client you’re dying to work with?  What should you say?  Today’s guest poster, Belle from Capitol Hill Style, to weigh in — working in the Capitol she’s met her fair share of VIPs.  She has some fabulous tips below, so enjoy! – Kat. (Pictured: Velvet ropes, originally uploaded to Flickr by Peter576.)

Walking through the marble halls of the United States Capitol, you are surrounded by VIPs.  Every elevator, every corridor, every conference room is populated by Members of Congress, high-level Administration officials, television pundits, and occasionally, Hollywood celebrities.  You can’t swing a Longchamp bag in this place without hitting someone noteworthy.

But how can you make a good impression on these VIPs and maximize the situation for your benefit?

Don’t Fade Away.  More often than not, a person’s first instinct is to agree with everything a VIP says.  To listen intently and nod when he is speaking, to laugh at his jokes, and generally give him the floor.  After all, he is important and you are not.

But the truth is, you are better off fawning over the VIP like a Twihard with a passion for public policy than you are pleasantly fading into the background.

Seize the Moment.  Don’t be afraid to talk to a VIP, even if you have to break the ice with something

I once brokered an important relationship with a Congresswoman from the South because I complimented her handbag in an elevator.  We then spent a few minutes talking about how much we love Gilt Groupe and how great Rebecca Minkoff is.  When we had exhausted that topic, she asked me what I was working on for my Boss.

Ten minutes later, I was adding her as a co-sponsor to my Boss’s bill and talking to her legislative aide about the possibility of holding hearings.

Unless the person looks busy or seems completely uninterested in talking to you, identify a piece of common ground and jump into the fray.  As long as you’re polite and behave appropriately, the worst thing that can happen is that the VIP talks to you out of pity.

Be prepared. If you know that you’re going to be meeting with a VIP, take the time to brush up on their background, what they want to discuss in the meeting and write up a few preliminary questions.  Someone who came to play is always appreciated.

Also, don’t limit yourself just to the reason for your meeting.  A friend once bonded with a Cabinet Secretary because he knew that the Secretary had season tickets to the Orioles.  During a lull in a meeting, he casually mentioned that he was going to a game.  Six weeks later, he left his mid-level Hill job to work as the Secretary’s personal assistant.

Any information that you can gather that will show that you’re a knowledgeable and competent employee is helpful.  But sometimes, it’s thinking outside the box that will yield the best results.

Don’t Kiss the Ring. My co-worker, a dedicated social butterfly with an enviable Rolodex full of VIPs, says that the trick is to talk to a VIP like a friend of a friend who you’re meeting for the first time.   Make a genuine effort to get to know him, but never treat a VIP like he is above you.

VIPs are coddled and pampered by nearly everyone around them.  Often, their looking for authentic, confident people who can set aside their status and like them for who they are.  So don’t be afraid to make a few jokes, give the VIP a little bit of a hard time and talk to him like he’s an old friend from college.

Working in a building filled with VIPs, you develop a sense of how to interact with them.  Professionalism is important, but you can’t be so afraid of making a mistake that you miss the opportunity to make an important connection.

Readers, how have you taken advantage of chance meetings with important people in your company or professional lives? Do you have any additional advice?

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If you have special eating needs, how do you navigate the business lunch, as well as other noshing and networking events? Today’s guest poster, Valerie from City|Life|Eats, tackles this very issue. Valerie is an old friend to Corporette, having posted here before about makeup and a favorite shirt. Enjoy! – Kat

It can be difficult to manage dietary restrictions with the demands on being a professional woman.  Learning that certain foods are off-limits, whether because of Celiac disease, other autoimmune conditions, food allergies, food intolerances or sensitivities, means a lifestyle change that takes adjustment.  When I learned I could not eat gluten, dairy, eggs and a host of other foods, I was concerned about how to manage these new restrictions, particularly with regards to my professional life.   As an associate at a law firm in Washington, DC, I was acutely aware that business entertaining was only going to be a larger part of my life moving forward, as would business travel and conferences.  It has been a couple of years now, and along the way it has gotten a lot easier. I do not hide the requirements of my restrictions, but manage them in such a way that the way I eat does not become a focal point of interacting with me either.  (Pictured: gluten free and dairy free ranch dressing, originally uploaded to Flickr from elana’s pantry.)

The Big Picture

I have an abnormal immune reaction to eating gluten, which means I must avoid all forms of wheat, barley and rye.  When eating out, this means both avoiding foods containing gluten and exposure to gluten through cross-contamination.  Anything less than 100% compliance with avoiding gluten is not an option, nor is eating other foods I should avoid.  My goal is always to minimize the number of opportunities of being exposed to foods that would cause a reaction but also not let that get in the way of business situations that require dining out.

The Business Lunch

The key with business meals for me is being able to order a meal without my dietary restrictions turning into a conversation piece that detracts from business at hand.  I have a short list of restaurants that I know from past visits have procedures in place where they can feed gluten-free diners safely.  I always call ahead to go over my dietary restrictions and, if I am not going to a go-to place, ask questions about cross-contamination.  I also remind the host when I arrive at the restaurant to let the wait staff know.  Setting expectations repeatedly and going to the same restaurants has generally worked, though I am lucky to generally have at least a day’s notice for such meals.

Another option is to order “off-camera” – this is helpful at restaurants without gluten-free menus where I need to order a dish with several substitutions/modifications.  When I call ahead, I essentially place my order, such that by the time I am actually sitting at the restaurant, all I have to do is reconfirm with the waiter/waitress what I am ordering, rather than go through it from scratch.  This is also a good strategy if you foresee the lunch being time-constrained for any reason.  I also encourage you to check out these good tips on eating out when following a gluten-free diet, or these for dairy-free dining out.

Other Business Obligations That Involve Food

Business lunches and dinners are generally the setting where I have had to manage my dietary restrictions.  There are of course many other settings, such as:

• Socializing with Colleagues: My office does not have a culture of lunch with colleagues, so I generally I bring a lunchbox which includes a meal and snacks every day I am at the office. However, there are a couple of lunch places within a few blocks of work where I can eat a gluten-free meal also suited to my other food restrictions, which also comes in handy for the occasional lunch with colleagues.
• Networking Events/Receptions: I usually stick to not eating in these situations, but make sure that I have something to drink so that my hands do not look obviously empty.
• Conferences: At conference luncheons, I tend to just ask for a plain salad without dressing and/or steamed vegetables and supplement those with nuts and other snacks that I bring with me.
• Business Travel: I have not had to travel much for work, so am including these links on traveling to a conference, business travel and Celiac disease, and a gluten-free blogger’s resort experience.

Valerie is an associate at a law firm in Washington, DC and intent on thriving in all aspects of life – professional and personal.  She balances the demands of her work and long hours with her interests in food, healthy and mindful living, and a love for lists and planning, all of which you can find at her blog, City|Life|Eats.  You can subscribe to City|Life|Eats via RSS or email or connect with Valerie via Twitter or Facebook.

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Should your Greek affiliations be on your resume?  Reader C wonders…

I’m a current undergrad applying to law schools this fall and am finalizing my resume. I have a fairly senior professor/administrator who insists that students not put their Greek affiliation anywhere on their resume because he worries that being in a sorority/fraternity (or even the “wrong one”) could hurt a chance of a job/admissions offer. I held a leadership role in my sorority (one where there was no committee under me, but I did initiate and successfully complete some large projects) and was also a recruitment counselor for Greek life for two years (a highly competitive position at my school). If I omit these positions, my resume is rather sparse in the leadership category. Do you have any suggestions? Should I say that I was in Greek life, but leave the name of the sorority off? Or can I hope that I won’t be judged to be a shallow, snooty “sorority girl” before they meet me?

I was not a member of a sorority in my undergrad years — something that I slightly regret now.  I went about halfway through the “rush” process, but dropped out of the process before pledging (I seem to remember some frenzied late-night conversation with friends — you know the kind in college, where the World Suddenly Makes Sense — about how “sister” meant more to me than “group of girls I live with” and therefore I should drop out of the process.)  In terms of my college social life, I don’t regret the decision at all — my friends and I had great fun, and I was very involved with a more subject-specific “residential college,” as NU called them — but in the <cough> many years since college, I’ve come to wonder whether a sorority affiliation would have been helpful from a networking perspective.  I seem to remember there being a slight bias against the Greek system from professors, administrators, and a lot of students* as well. (Pictured: I just rewatched the movie “Old School” and laughed really hard — I recommend it if you haven’t seen it!)

Now, that said, should Reader C put her leadership positions on her resume? Well… I’m not sure.  In the “applying to grad school” context, I think there may be a bias against sorority girls and I think your professor might have some good points.  I’m also not sure whether “leadership” is really a quality that grad schools are looking for, above and beyond, say, critical thinking, researching, and writing skills.  I often talk about my theory of preparing for an interview by thinking of three great traits, with stories to accompany them — I wouldn’t have a problem with you pulling a story from your leadership experience at the sorority.  But in terms of written application materials, I might leave your sorority experiences as one-liners in a “Other Interests” type of section.

Ultimately it depends what else your resume looks like, though — if you really have very little work experience then a sorority-filled resume is better than an extremely sparse resume.  However you put it on your resume, I think it would look very weird to leave off the specific affiliation and just “say you were in Greek life.”

All right, ladies, I’m curious — how many of you were in the Greek system in college?  How has it affected your professional lives since — have you used your sorority as a networking tool? And, of course, what’s your advice to Reader C?

*I will always, always, always remember taking a psych class in college and having a teacher ask the class, “What affiliation are you?” and hearing a student immediately call out, loudly and proudly from the front row, “GDI.”  “What affiliation is that?” asked the professor.  “Gawwwwd Damn Independent,” she said just as loudly and proudly. Ohhhhhhh-kay.

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Reader L has a question about networking and job hunting in a different geographic area…

I just became engaged to a wonderful young man who lives an hour and a half away from me. This is the closest we’ve lived since we began dating a long time ago, due to jobs and schooling. I’ve been at my job for 3 years, and am not happy. He loves his job of one year and it has much more potential for growth.  I’ve been quietly asking around, trying to see if anyone knows people in his city, which is the largest in our state, and he is not in the same field as I am and doesn’t have connections. Ideally I’d like to go to the same office as I work in (government) in boyfriend’s city, but it turns out there are 3 people in my own office who told me they’ve already submitted their resumes months ago to that city’s office and no response. These are people with much more experience than me so I’m quite discouraged. Should I just send my resume blindly and hope? Should I mention in the cover letter that my future husband lives in the city and that’s why I want to move there, or not say anything about my desire to move? I’ve already tried the local bar association there and the website of my law school’s career services office, but it seems like no one is hiring. One thing that’s a possibility is telling my bosses that I want to go elsewhere for a few years until my fiancee can start telecommuting with his job and then we can move back. There are 3 women in my office who have done that – 2 have done it multiple times now – and they are always welcomed back with open arms. Since both fiancee and I are from the town I live in now, I think that’s a reasonable and believable request. Unfortunately we can’t just live halfway between our jobs as my office has a residency requirement to live within a certain mileage of work.

I’m curious to see what the readers say about this one.  First, to Reader L, congratulations on your engagement!  Some thoughts on job hunting and networking are below, but I’ll say up front that the telecommuting option sounds like a great option for your situation, particularly if you know your boss is open to the idea.  Talk with the women who’ve done it before and see what they thought of the experience — what is their advice to you in talking to your boss?  what is their advice to you in telecommuting?  Once you start telecommuting you can network (and interview, depending on whatever agreement you strike with your boss in order to telecommute) in your new city without fear of using all those vacation days that I’m sure you’re hoping to save for the wedding festivities and your honeymoon. (Pictured: Map, originally uploaded to Flickr by NeilsPhotography.)

Now, some ideas on networking and jobhunting in a different city than your own…

a) Borrow your fiance’s address. One of the tips I remember from my college years (where the university was in Chicago but many people migrated to New York to work) was that you should “borrow” a local friend’s address to use on your resume and correspondence so it looks like you’re a local.  If the city is only an hour and a half drive, it should be no problem if the prospective employer wants to interview you sometime soon, like in a day or two.

b) Make plans to be in the city for Week X.  Even if you don’t have any job interviews planned, write to the employers you’re interested in and tell them that you’ll be moving to the city soon and would love to hear more about their business, and could you arrange an informational interview for the week of X?  Arrange as many as you can.  I would also add to this mix any alumni (whether you knew them or not) who are working in the industry you’d like to be in, or who work for employers you’d like to work for.  Repeat as often as you can given your current vacation time allotment.

c) Use online social networks to see who you know in the city. For example, if you sign up for LinkedIn Pro you can use the “Advanced” tab to search for connections located “in or near” a certain zipcode, and you can filter them by seniority level, which groups they have in common with you, what level of connection they are to you, and even by where they fall in the Fortune 1000 rankings.  So if I were moving to LA and wanted to find a legal job that had some relation to the IP or media law field, I would search for people working within 50 miles of 90036 (the zip code of a friend’s LA address), who work in Industries such as Judiciary, Law Practice, Legal Services, or Legislative Offices, of all Seniority Levels, who are affiliated with some of the Groups I’ve joined (such as Media & Entertainment Law Group, Medill Alumni, ThoseInMedia, The Copyright Society of the USA, Digital Breakfast, etc), and look only for 1st or 2d connections and group members who speak English.  Given my current connections, that search nets me 397 results — not a bad place to start. (Full disclosure: I have a LinkedIn Pro membership courtesy of LinkedIn;  I also have purchased a small amount of stock in the company.)

d) If you do start telecommuting, do your best to network and expand your connections. A number of my friends swear by charitable groups like the Junior League as a great way to meet new people in a city; you may also find that a number of local institutions such as museums have “under 35″ networking groups that may be great ways for you to network.  Get involved in alumni groups, local chapters of the bar association or specialty associations, church groups — whatever interests you.  You don’t mention where you’ll be holding the wedding (your city or his), but as you get to know your vendors I’d even suggest asking them if they know anyone in your field — you just never know.

e) Since you do recognize that it’s likely you’ll be back in your current city one day, don’t forget about it once you’re away. Continue to network and make business lunches with people whenever you’re back in the city.

Readers, what are your tips for jobhunting from afar? What other resources would you recommend to Reader L?

Reader H wonders whether students should get business cards…

A couple weeks ago, you did a post about stationery and handwritten notes. In the run-up to OCI, I’m wondering if I should order business cards. Many law schools offer student business cards but I personally think the branding is sort of tacky and would much rather have a plain card with my name, email, and phone number. Should students going into interview season suck it up and buy their schools’ cards? Or is there a way to have a simple, stylish card of one’s own (without seeming pretentious)?

I guess this is an issue many people will have in the corporate world, too, but at least once you have a job, someone else is paying for your cards… as long as I’m paying for my own cards, I want to be able to design them well, but I’m wondering what’s appropriate.

I think I’ve mentioned my point of view here and there on the blog before, but I don’t think I’ve ever been really clear about it: I think everybody should have business cards. Ok, not small children, but everyone else — students! people out of work! people seeking new work!  stay at home moms! In short: business cards for everybody. (Pictured: Wellspring Double Flip Case, Audrey Medallion (2420), available at Amazon for $5.91. Check out our previous guide to business card cases!)

This actually isn’t such a new idea — back in the olden days, well-bred single women were supposed to have “calling cards” that had their name and address on it, as well as the time of day (usually a 2-hour window or so) in which they accepted gentlemen callers.  I don’t remember where exactly I read about this, but when I was single I remember thinking that this was a much better idea than handing out my business card to the occasional cute stranger.  So I got my first “personal” set of business cards from Vista Print — they just had my first name, my phone number, and an email address that I used for dating.  Now, I’ll be the first to admit that this was mildly insane: I probably needn’t have worried quite so much about stalkers and spammers — and it was a little bit weird to give out a card that didn’t have my last name.  (I called them my “playa” cards, and actually was so embarrassed by them that I did in fact give my future husband my business card when we first met.)  Still, I had such a great time being freed from the law firm business card (and realized that the prices were so low) that I’ve since gotten lots, and lots, of other personal business cards, including

• when I was actively hunting for a new job — these had my full name, my phone number, and the email address that’s on my resume.  If I’d been smart about it I’d have set up a professional website for myself and my CV and added that URL as well, or just given the URL to my LinkedIn page.
• really nice Moo cards for guests at my wedding (Moo cards are great quality, but very photo-driven — so they were a perfect way to use some of our “engagement shots.”)  In the pack we bought we used 10 different images on the front, and on the back we listed the photo-sharing site that we hoped all of our wedding guests would use to share their personal pictures from the wedding with us.
• when we moved into a new apartment — we moved in December 2009, so we just tucked these cards into our holiday cards and, subsequently, gave them to people we hadn’t seen in a while.  It just seemed like the cheapest and easiest way to distribute our new address.
• for Corporette — I’ve actually ordered several packs of business cards for Corporette, not because I’ve gone through them so rapidly but more because I couldn’t decide what name I was going to use for the blog  until I actually came out back in April 2010 (Nickname or Full Name? Maiden Name Last Name? Just last name? Just maiden name?) or what I wanted to call myself (my current cards just say “Kat Griffin, Publisher.”)  I’ve used a few different companies, but have found that I really like the cards from one of the big box office stores — I’m trying to find my latest receipt and will update when I figure out which one.  The colors are nice, the ink is raised, the cards are on good stock — and the prices were really competitive. (I actually have a bit of paper guilt that I have so many unused business cards — let’s just say my necklaces are really, really organized.)

To answer Reader H’s question — I think you can have a bit of fun with design, but keep in mind that you’re representing yourself. A plain design might show that you’re no-nonsense, functional, not fussy.  A unique design might show that you’re creative, stylish, not content with the boring white card.  I think either of these two options are great — they represent who you are.  I think you want to be very careful about choosing a card using stock images (a tiny flower! or heart! or wavy lines that are slightly reminiscent of the 80s!) because it may convey things about you that you don’t intend.  Similarly, one person I know has a card that has a caricature of herself on it, looking slightly tarted up and comical — which would be great if she were a comedienne.  (Unfortunately, she isn’t.)  If you’re not overly creative but don’t want a plain design, you might want to just design a simple monogram for your card.  Some places to check them out:  Vista Print, Fine Stationery, Office Max, Staples, and other “big box” paper stores.  I usually think of Moo Cards being used by artists or graphic designers (although I know one blogger who has them), but if your personal hobby is photography (or travel, or photographing your travels) using some of your own images for the photos could be a fun but classy way to use cards with a bit of design on them.

Readers, have you ordered your own business cards?  Where have you had great experiences? How much design is too much design for an “I’m looking for a job” card?

Reader R has a question that goes pretty well with our discussion of networking with older men — how to network with older women. Here’s the question:

I’m a 24 year old summer clerk with a public defender’s office. I got the gig by networking through my friends; specifically, by getting to know their mothers and fathers who work in the legal field. Now, however, I’ve gotten to become friends with my friends’ parents and their colleagues, who are in their 40′s and 50′s. Do you have tips on navigating the waters of friendship with women who are quite literally old enough to be my mother? I’m frequently invited to lunches and happy hours with them and I always accept the offers and enjoy my time, but I’m curious as to what tone I should be striking. They always address me and treat me as a colleague, and I’m frequently told I act like I’m 30 (in a good way), but I want to keep fostering these friendships in an appropriate way.

It sounds to me like you’re doing a great job and don’t really need any advice! For my $.02, here are some thoughts:

• It’s probably a good idea to be clear with yourself about what your goal is — it’s to learn from these women, not to enjoy the mozzarella sticks at the bar. Your goal is to get on their radar as someone who they would recommend for a new hire, and possibly even consider you as a mentee.
• To that end: during this summer, try to listen more than you speak. The concerns these women face now will probably be struggles you’ll face in your own career at some point. Listen to the advice, and ask questions where you can.
• It’s fine to talk about yourself if you’re asked, but within limits. Don’t overstep by talking too much about yourself — not everyone at the gathering will be thrilled to hear the latest drama that occurred between your boyfriend, roommate, or mother, or your 5-minute take on the new restaurant or movie.
• Watch your table manners when you’re out, and don’t drink to excess.  (And this is a minor note, primarily because I couldn’t think of anything else to use to illustrate the post, but it probably isn’t the best idea to order “young” drinks like Midori Sours if you’re out with older friends — if you can order what they’re having.  Pictured: Midori Sour, originally uploaded to Flickr by Nicole Lee.)
• Start building your contact files. This sounds a little creepy, but stick with me because I got this tip from some movie (which escapes me now), but if it’s from a movie it must be the proper way of business, right? In any event, what I’ve done — primarily with older people — was to keep written notes on our conversations. If they told me how they had gotten to where they were (a fairly typical question I’ve asked), I would briefly note the progression so I didn’t have to ask again the next time I met with him or her. It might look like this in my notes, which I would usually keep with their contact information:

from SmallTown, OH –> [Ivy League schools]–> worked as a ____ at [large nonprofit]–> [firm] –> inhouse for [large nonprofit]–> inhouse for [giant company]–> current position at [small nonprofit]

I’d also keep track of their partner’s name, as well as any children that they mentioned and a few facts about them (“just bought house upstate; recently into spelunking”).

• When you leave the internship, try to stay on their radar. With the example contact above, if I saw an interesting article that I didn’t think she’d have come across on spelunking, or something on one of the entities she had worked for, I would send it her way. Aim for one or two lunches or breakfasts a year to stay on their radar, as well — review your notes on them, see if there’s anything you want to ask them about that will further benefit your career (“So when you went from [firm] to [large nonprofit], how did that happen exactly? Who did you use for your references? Was it awkward to leave [firm]?”) as well as remembering the course of conversation (“so are you and X still spelunking upstate?”). Maybe I’m alone in that I have to keep track of things like this, but for friends you don’t see often it helps to have notes. Like I said, when I was younger this was primarily with older people who I only saw once or twice a year in a mentee capacity — now I keep notes on friends I haven’t seen in a long time, keeping track of what their partner’s name is; if they’re married, what date they were married; what their kid’s name is; when the kid was born, etc. (All of this was made easier by my Palm Pilot — I’m just recently upgrading to an Android phone, which is requiring some new contacts systems, but I’m sure I’ll get it sorted eventually.)

And I should probably note — to me this is just what a healthy networking relationship looks like (as opposed to one where you’re worried there’s some sex-related ulterior motive); there’s nothing specific here for older women.

Readers, what’s your advice for networking?  Would you give Reader R any additional advice, or different advice?