We got this e-mail from Reader A and it raises a lot of interesting questions, such as how to treat your assistants, how to behave in a male-dominated field where you’re one of the only women who isn’t a secretary, and so forth….
I’m wondering how one is friendly with colleagues at work without becoming friends with colleagues at work. I’m an attorney and have recently moved to a firm where I’m the only female attorney, and the staff is comprised almost entirely of women. I was warned in a joking manner by one of the partners when taking the job to beware – previous female attorneys at the firm have fallen victim to being ‘friends’ with staff (regular lunches, after-work drinks, etc) and then later suffer the wrath should someone need to be called on the carpet for job performance or with claims of favoritism.
So far, I’ve gone to lunch with only a couple of people who have initiated the invitation, and I avoid discussing others in the office and steer conversation away from that topic. However, I plan on being here a long time, and I wonder if you or your readers have insight that might help me or have found themselves in similar situations.
Right? Great e-mail. So far, what reader A is doing sounds great to us. Here are some further tips:
- There’s nothing wrong with finding a friend who happens to be a staffer. Like our dating advice a few weeks ago, though, we would not recommend looking for a best friend at the office (really, among the staffers or elsewhere). Aim for collegiality. You’re all in this together, and you all have your own jobs to do, and it’s often best if emotions are kept out of it. Friendship can be harder with people you supervise directly – it’s important to see both their skills and weaknesses as clearly as possible, so you can compensate and better manage, either by delegating things in certain respects, or knowing to phrase your requests in a certain way.
- If you are the only female supervisor you have to recognize that they’re going to be looking at you completely differently. What you wear? Open fodder for discussion. How you act? It’s likely to be subjected to some judgy attitudes — e.g., if you don’t cheerfully smile you’ll be branded a bitch; if you don’t act grateful then you’ll be seen as too good for yourself. You have to walk a delicate line. Be friendly and, importantly, be cheerful whenever possible. Remember details about the staffers you work with as carefully as you would remember the details about a superior — the names of their children, their husbands, their pets — these are important things. But: be careful about partaking in activities that your male colleagues are not partaking in. Skip the manicures, girl’s night drinks, or any sort of bakery circle. Our reader is particularly very smart to avoid the gossip.
- Age differences can be even weirder with staffers. Do your best as a manager to treat everyone the same, regardless. We’ve had assistants who were just out of college, and we’ve had some who were old enough to be our mother. Try not to treat the young’uns in a mothering way, and if your assistant is older than you don’t let her treat you in that way (i.e., tidying your office if it isn’t part of her regular list of tasks).
- Seek alliances where possible. With everything above said, recognize that there are likely some very powerful women among the staffers. Perhaps they’ve been there 20 years and everyone looks to them for how to act and what to say. Perhaps they’re the top partner’s assistant and they have his ear. Either way — if they’re the one asking you to a manicure, you might want to accept.
Readers, what are your thoughts? What’s your best advice for dealing with staffers and assistants, whether you’re the only female lawyer on staff or not?
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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Pictured: Mikasa “True Blue” Espresso Cup/Saucer, available at Macys.com for $16 (was $23).
Technorati Tags: age differences, aging gracefully, basic wardrobe items, how many suits, long hair, trench coats, trial, wedding guests, weddings, white blouses
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We haven’t done a poll on this in a while, so here’s the question of the moment: are tall boots ever acceptable for a conservative office? We’re seeing lots of over-the-knee styles available at surprisingly respectable places like Saks, and obviously engineer boots, cuffed boots, and more are regular weekend wear. But what about for the office?
To us, this is one of those things that a young woman can’t be too cavalier about — if you want to be taken seriously, avoid clothes that will make some people joke that you’re a “dominatrix.” After all, if Condoleezza Rice can take flack (from a female reporter, no less) then we would say that these should be strictly off-limits for a conservative office proper. (If you want to wear them for commuting purposes or with pants, we think, have at it.) We might also argue that this is perhaps the dividing line between a casual office and a conservative office — in a casual office you can get away with more fashionable, trendy pieces. But that’s just our $.02, obviously — what are your views, readers?
Pictured: Nine West Women’s Iwas Boot, available at Endless.com in half-sizes 5-11 for $104.47 (were $190).
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Liking these posts? Follow Corporette on Twitter — this is the edited version of what we’re reading! (We also Tweet if we hear about a good sale.)
- The L.A. Times has a great profile on J.Crew’s creative director, Jenna Lyons (pictured).
- Does work/life balance exist? Or, in order to rise as high as Sonia Sotomayor, do you have to be a workaholic? [WSJ's The Juggle]
- Studies show women of color struggle to rise in law firms. [MPR] But, allegedly, women are more likely to get hired at law firms than men are. [Let the Curve Do the Work]
- Turns out no one likes the office pool party! [WSJ's The Juggle]
- Some “no duh” advice on how not to get fired over Twitter/Facebook use. [Young Lawyers Blog] For your real life, Lifehacker offers advice on how to avoid sounding stupid: a calculated pause.
- Oh yes — in case you didn’t hear — Nordstrom’s Anniversary Sale
is on, meaning there are discounts on this coming fall’s merchandise.
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Wow, we asked and you guys answered: What is fair to give your secretary or administrative assistant for a holiday “present” (or “bonus” or “tip,” depending on how you want to look at it). The lively debate in the comments was a bit more interesting than the answers to the poll, but in case anyone is curious — nearly 700 of you voted, and these are the results at the moment (as always, the poll is still open).
- 40% of you are just giving cash
- 14% of you are giving a personal present
- 14% of you are giving $100 for every year you’ve been with the company or firm
- 9% were planning on giving a personal present, plus cash
- 9% weren’t planning on giving anything
- 8% were planning on just giving a generic gift (e.g., poinsettia)
- 4% are giving a generic gift plus cash
Almost all commenters fell out of their chairs guffawing at the $100/year rule — good news to those who thought that $50-$200 was more reasonable. (Someone mentioned a system that sounds even more reasonable to us – giving the first 3 numbers of your salary, e.g., $160, $200, etc.) Some commenters thought giving cash was cold and hard and a gift card was a better way to go; some assistants who commented noted that they actively hate the gift card; one even noted that “only cash” was what she wanted. According to AintNecessarilySo:
Only cash. Don’t worry about it being impersonal. Our feelings are not hurt; quite the contrary, we love that you understand that we may need the cash to pay our own Super, or our rent, for that matter (particularly nowadays).
Some commenters questioned why they were supposed to give their secretary if the company or firm was already giving them a bonus (going so far as to suggest that, if the firm was NOT giving the secretary a bonus, then the administration should be spoken to). One trend among the commenters (which we agree with) is that you should be giving a gift in addition to whatever bonus the company may already pay to the secretary is because it is the holiday season and giving something extra is the decent thing to do. As commenter MJ put it:
For all you scrooges who say, “Isn’t the firm supposed to pay my secy?” please remember that firm bonuses are TINY, and this year, at many firms, will be nonexistent. You make MULTIPLES of what your secretary makes. If she’s ever saved your booty, or does anything worthwhile, say thanks. And really actually look her in the eye or write a real card and say “Thank you.” It’s the honorable thing to do.
The other big reason to give your secretary something appropriate is because, as one anonymous commenter noted, “your secretary’s loyalty can and should be bought.” This ties in to the biggest debate among the commenters — those assistants and former assistants who went above and beyond for their boss and thought they should be compensated above and beyond, and those bosses who barely used their secretaries who couldn’t dream of giving them more than $50. Most people agreed that you should “take care of people who help your life run more smoothly,” but didn’t think that applied to their secretary. Here’s our $.02: you may not realize how much access your secretary has to your life — it may not run MORE smoothly because of her, but it could run a lot LESS smoothly because of her. We’ve heard stories of “incompetent” secretaries that are simply too much to be simple incompetence — stories of secretaries who, when given a large pile of cases to copy, removed all the staples, sent the pile through the copier, and then sent the whole mess on to the partner without ever giving it back to the associate. We’ve heard stories of secretaries who refuse to say “He’s not at his desk right now, can I take a message?” and instead insist on saying (untruely, sometimes) that “I haven’t seen him for a few days.” And so on. However incompetent or unuseful you think your assistant is, trust us, it CAN get worse. (And good luck getting a new assistant who hadn’t heard about any perceived “cheapness” on your part.) In fact, some of the support staff who commented pretty much admitted this. As commenter db said:
Secretaries get paid nothing compared to you and we have to deal with all of your whiney demands. If you were REALLY so smart you would realize what a secretary can do for your career. If you’re an associate, you give some home made candy or cookies you had better watch out because they will drop a little comment here and there about you to the Partner they also work for.
This is obviously an office-by-office issue as to what to give and how much to give. Our advice: KNOW what your office culture is, and stick to it, even if you think your secretary does absolutely nothing for you. If your secretary is that rare bird who goes above and beyond for you, show your appreciation by compensating him or her accordingly.
Photo credit: Money!, originally uploaded to Flickr by yomanimus
Technorati Tags: bonuses, holidays
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The recession is truly upon us — businesses are shuttering left and right, the outlook is bleak for bonuses, and the Dow keeps going down. Yet if you read this blog, and are employed, odds are you’ve got a hefty paycheck still coming your way twice a month. Is it gauche to be exuberant about the holidays in times such as these? Is it gross to celebrate the way you would in a bull market? (Multiple choices are allowed in this week’s poll.)
Photo Credit: Presents Presents Presents!, originally uploaded to Flickr by danagraves
Last week we asked you whether a visible tattoo was ever acceptable to women lawyers. And wow did you guys respond — roughly 1500 of you weighed in. Although the poll is still open, here are the results thus far:
- 43% of you said a professional woman could never have a visible tattoo
- 30% of you said it was fine if it could be covered by clothes or makeup
- 12% of you said only so long as it wasn’t visible when you shook hands or interviewed
- 8% said sure, a visible tattoo was fine
The commenting section was where things got ugly — some commenters accused the reader who had e-mailed of already having gotten the tattoo, and just seeking assurance. Some commenters referred to “tramp stamps” (which, we agree with the commenter who noted that that’s only generally referring to a lower back tattoo). The extremely helpful “billybob” opined that tattoos were for hookers, not lawyers. Quite a few readers noted that tattoos were only in style in the late ’80s.
Others wrote that tattoos could be a distraction, and anything that distracts is a bad thing. Strategic business communications specialist Gretchen Neels wrote in to note that she knows many a professional woman who regrets having gotten a visible tattoo in her youth, noting that over time “that tiny heart can morph into a dark blob.” Gretchen gave the valuable advice that if you want to get promoted, the tattoo could be seen as a lapse in judgment by people who would otherwise hire or promote you. This was echoed by commenter “robbit,” who wrote that he did not hire people with tattoos, and if people showed him their ink after the fact then he filed it away as “an example of poor judgment, under career killer.”
Our favorite comment was this one:
As with many things, it seems like a situation where you have to weigh the risk that a tattoo will hurt your career . . . against your desire not to sublimate your entire personality in service of some perfect, conservatively feminine-professional ideal. The answer is probably different for most women, but I imagine many wouldn’t be happy in a job that was going to judge them too harshly for a half inch daisy on their right ankle anyway.”
Another commenter also noted that she herself had a nose ring and a tattoo and it has not thus far hurt her career. She noted that “at some point in your career, you have to try to find a job that fits you, rather than the other way around. If an employer won’t promote me based on my body art, I don’t want to devote the majority of my waking hours to working there anyway.”
Last week, we said that we thought a tiny inner ankle tattoo was the outer limits of what might be acceptable. We stick by that — our reader could always wear a pantsuit or dark hose to interviews and court appearances. Ultimately, though, one must find a job that suits your personality — and not change too much to suit your job. This seems to be one of the biggest struggles for young women in conservative professions — and we’ve yet to find an easy answer.
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Photo: AP
Last week, we asked you guys for your views of Palin and the media coverage of her. Multiple choices were allowed, which makes it tough to summarize, but:
- 53% of voters thought that Palin was just being crucified because she’s “honestly so incompetent and McCain’s so old” (nooooo, we weren’t biased at all when we wrote the poll!)
- 28% thought the coverage was deserved
- 26% thought no one should pull any punches with her, whether it be Biden or the media
- 17% could only sigh
- 9% thought feminism was taking a hit when Palin looked dumb (and accordingly hoped that Biden or the media would pull punches with her)
- 7% thought the coverage was horrible, as a woman
- 6% blamed the liberal media
- 4% of voters thought Palin was getting extra rough coverage in the media because she has such a manicured beauty about her
Readers wrote in with some great comments. Some noted we hadn’t adequately represented the choices (Peg asked, “Where is “the media is being totally unfair to her” choice that I can pick without having to say that I feel that way “as a woman”? Meanwhile, jojo noted there was no choice for “Palin is incompetent to the point of embarrassment and disgrace.”)
Zoe, who lives abroad, noted
I do think that Palin’s disastrous interview with Katie Couric was when I went from thinking “who is she” to “I can’t believe this person could end up as President.” . . . There are intelligent Republican women who I can actually imagine on a presidential stage – Olympia Snowe and Kay Bailey Hutchison spring to mind – and I think it’s kind of an insult that they were passed over in favour of someone who can’t speak coherently when asked a simple question.
She went on to pinpoint exactly what has been bugging us about Palin, as well:
As a lawyer I’ve worked really hard in an academic setting for years to succeed. I’ve always been told to work hard and do well in school. Academic success has always been a goal to strive for, and it’s one that’s helped me get a great job that I love. I feel a real sense from Palin not just that she has no qualifications, but that academic achievement is to be mocked and isn’t worth pursuing. The anti-intellectualism she represents is horrible, especially since getting the best education available is the best way for women to succeed. I don’t want an average person as my President or VP – I want someone who can run intellectual circles around every other world leader. In Palin I see someone who embraces and celebrates academic mediocrity, which is against everything I’ve ever valued as an educated professional.
Sing it, sister! As always, the poll is still open.
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