From the category archives:

Success

Surrender, But Don’t Give Yourself Away

by Kat on 08/02/2010 · 83 comments

in Business Casual,Business Etiquette,Fashion,Lifestyle,Success,Wear to Work

Today’s guest post is from Siouxsie Law, who we’ve asked to write a few words about when to express yourself, and when to toe the line…

I am the author of Siouxsie Law — a legal blog. I am a litigator and also goth. My style does not conform to corporate standards. But it has not prevented me from attending a top-tier law school, receiving a federal clerkship, and snagging my dream firm job. (Photo credit: Siouxsie Law.)

What in the world is a goth lawyer doing on Corporette?

A few months ago, I blogged about the whole debate concerning seminars offered to professional women to help them learn how to dress and apply makeup.

People love to judge women by their appearance. Too feminine. Not feminine enough. Too confident. Not confident enough. Too dressed-up. Too casual. Too sexy. Too dowdy. Ugh. It is time to move on.

There is no dispute that there are fashion rules in the corporate world for women. Whether you think these rules are right or wrong, sexist or feminist, oppressive or well-intentioned, they exist and are not going anywhere any time soon. So do yourself a favor, if you choose to work in the corporate world, especially in a conservative office (e.g., BigLaw) play the game and follow the rules. Embrace the corporate uniform — dress well, put on some makeup, and wear the biggest heels you can find. Why? Because if you follow those rules and do it well, you get to bend them.

Recently, Kat challenged me to articulate when to play it safe and when to let your freak flag fly.

Play it safe sometimes.

If you read Corporette, then you already know that courtroom appearances and interviews are probably not the time to try to express yourself through fashion. This probably applies to any situation where you have a limited time to make a first impression, and where the stakes are high.

If you are interning or just starting out, take it slow and establish yourself first. If you are meeting with a client that is more conservative, respect that.

This means no crazy heels, no trend-setting nail colors, no pant suits, no crazy tights and no knee-high boots. Use your tattoo concealer (or, better yet, avoid getting tattooed in a hard-to-conceal location). Remove your piercings, except of course for single ear pierces.

Make sure you are comfortable and confident with these compromises. If you are not, it probably is better to break the rules and deal with the consequences.

Once people get to know you, loosen up.

If executed the right way, there is nothing wrong with being edgy, unique, or quirky. Mind you, I’m not advocating a race to the bottom. I don’t think law firms or corporations should look like a rave. But I don’t aspire to look like I walked off the set of L.A. Law either. Go slow and look for opportunities to express your individual style.

Casual Fridays and weekends are a great place to start.

The rhythm of the workplace slows a bit on Fridays and Saturdays. The rules of the workplace relax. Don’t fall into this trap. On Fridays and Saturdays, try to keep up your pace and style. Work harder and goth it up more (or whatever look you are going for). They will never know what hit them.

Casual Fridays can be a challenge. In some workplaces, the rules are not clearly defined. Instead of complaining about this state of affairs, take advantage of the fashion loophole. Just be sure not to go too casual.

No one really likes working on the weekends. But a lot of us have to. So, make it more interesting. It’s a perfect opportunity to introduce your knee-high boots, fishnets, and/or black nail polish to your office. Probably not all at once though, no matter how awesome that would be.

Not only is this a great chance to reveal your personality, it will make working on Saturdays a lot less soul destroying. And you might as well have everyone else notice that you are there. So, go ahead and stand out a little.

Take it slow and be consistent.

Have a style trademark — one thing or look that you wear all the time. By wearing something unconventional on a regular basis, you diminish its shock value. Plus, when you commit to a look that is a little out of the ordinary, it shows confidence and sets you apart. I, obviously, wear a lot of black. And I also take pride in my eyeglasses. For me, those are my trademarks.

Jewelry is another great place to make your mark. I know one attorney that regularly wears spooky kitty-cat brooches. But she always wears them with her St. John suits. Neither the brooches nor the suits are my personal preference, but it works for her.

If you want to push the boundaries, nail polish is another way. The consensus seems to be that only nude and pink shades are appropriate for a conservative office. But, if Justice Sotomayor can pull off red nail polish, and the First Lady can make light blue look good, then it is time to throw out those rules. I personally favor dark colors — reds, blues, purples, and of course black.

This wouldn’t be a proper goth post without discussing fishnets in the office. The rule is definitely don’t do it. But unlike Kat, it has not been more than 100 days since I last wore fishnets to the office. I guess some rules are meant to be broken. If you decide you want to break the fishnet rule, I recommend wearing Wolford’s; good luck!

Is any of this worth it?

It depends. If you are content with your style and current choices, then there is no need to push the limits. Let’s face it, you don’t set the standards as to how to dress in the workplace. So it is probably safer to follow them.

But if there is part of you that is looking to branch out, give it a try. Remember safety can come with a cost. The venerable Maureen Dowd recently noted:

Sometimes the thing that’s weird about you is the thing that’s cool about you. When you’re young, and even at times when you’re older, it’s hard to fathom this: What needs to be nurtured is the stuff that’s different, that sets you apart from the pack, rather than the stuff that helps you blend in.

Don’t be so quick to set that part of yourself aside.

Readers, what are your rules of thumb for knowing when to express yourself — and when to conform?

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Tagged as: black nail polish, fashion personalities, fishnets, how to be goth at the office, how to express yourself at the office, when to conform, when to express yourself

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An Attitude Revamp (or, How to Get Your Groove Back)

by Kat on 07/29/2010 · 106 comments

in Energy,Fashion,Issues,Lifestyle,Success

On Tuesday, we talked a bit about how there will be numerous times in a person’s life that you realize that you are, perhaps, a bit off track from where you would like to be. Maybe you wake up one day and realize you own nothing beyond dowdy suits, Mom jeans, and pajamas — a wardrobe revamp is in order. Other times you wake up and realize it’s your attitude that needs an adjustment. There are different varieties of this. The two big ones that I’ve seen involve a realization that perhaps you’ve been phoning it in for far too long, either because you were dealing with a personal issue (planning a wedding, having a baby, dealing with a sick parent, etc, etc) or because you just aren’t engaged in your job anymore. Other times, you realize that it’s your job that makes you unhappy; you may suddenly feel that you’ve been beaten down for so long that you don’t even remember the last time you felt calm, fulfilled, and at peace with the world. This is a type of burnout that can happen with any job, but I’ve seen it especially with those professions — BigLaw, I’m looking at you — that consume most or all of your waking hours for years at a time. Sometimes the right answer might be to just suck it up, deal with it, recognize the commitments you’ve made and the value of what you’ve got. Other times, a vacation can help — but you can’t solve every problem by a week or two in a tropical locale. (Pictured: fiji birthday drink, originally uploaded to Flickr by mjecker.)

For my $.02, the first situation is the better of the two — you still intrinsically like what you do and where you are, but you just need to reengage with the job. Some ideas for that:

Revamp your routine. If the first thing you do every day at the office is surf the web for two hours, stop that — don’t even turn on your computer if possible. I recently read about someone who “turned the mouse off” during work time to cut down on distracted browsing; you can also just put your mouse out of reach, turn it on its back, or unplug it.
Restyle your office (or move offices, if possible). It’ll make you feel like you’re at a new job again.
Reengage with your profession again. Attend a thinky seminar or conference, and really listen — take notes as if your life depended on it. Take some time to apply what you’ve learned to your current job (and, perhaps, to your boss’s job). Set up a meeting or write a memo if you come up with tangible ideas as a result.

The other main kind of “attitude revamp” I’ve seen people need is when your job makes you miserable — perhaps even your profession — and you can’t easily get a new job (or a new profession). The only thing, in my experience, that I’ve seen work for this is to reconnect with some older, core version of yourself from the time before The Job. For example, maybe you were on the swim team in your youth — and you can just rejoin an adult swim club that does drills and the like. For me, I found myself in this situation a few years ago, right after I’d missed my best friend’s wedding to do a doc review — and the only thing I could think to do to reconnect with ME again was to take a humor writing class, which I hadn’t done since I was 17. I signed up at Gotham (with the very excellent teacher Sara Barron) and realized in pretty short order that a) I could write something other than a law brief, and b) I was kind of good at writing, as well as giving other people in my class useful feedback on how their own stories could be better. As soon as I reconnected with the “me” I’d been when I was 17 — full of hope and ambition and sarcasm — weirdly enough, good things started to happen. I met my future husband later that month. I got on a much better project at the job, working closely with a lawyer I truly admired, about two months later. I decided to start this blog about four months later. None of those things had anything to do with my rediscovered humor writing skills — but so much to do with my rediscovery of me, the person I’d been before I’d spent nearly 15 years throwing myself into school and work.

Readers, what are your tips for getting your groove back? What other major attitude revamps have you been through?

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The Best Dressed Woman in Government

by GuestPoster on 07/19/2010 · 136 comments

in Careerism,Fashion,Success,Wear to Work

Today’s guest post is by Christina of The Style of Politics, a great blog that critiques women in government…

There is one question I am asked more than any other in writing The Style of Politics: Who is the best dressed woman in government? It’s a difficult one to answer, actually. There are a number of women who look great more often than not: Senator Susan Collins, Secretary Hillary Clinton, Rep. Michele Bachmann, Speaker Nancy Pelosi. But my personal favorite wardrobe on the Hill belongs to Senator Claire McCaskill.
There’s a lot to think about when you get dressed in the morning, but I suggest you keep two elements at the forefront of your mind: color and shape. Senator McCaskill does both of these really well. You can do it too.

First, color:
Senator McCaskill knows her best colors are light, warm and clear. She looked great in saturated pink at the World War II Memorial:

How do you know what colors are best for you? Try this test: gather tops or scarves in three pairs: a light and a dark, a warm and a cool, and a clear (or bright) and a muted color. Put each on one and have a look in the mirror. Which one in each pair looks best? If you’re not sure, look specifically at the area around your nose and mouth – if it looks ruddier, that’s not the right color for you. Also look under your eyes – if circles or bags become more pronounced, that’s not the right color either. A good color will make your skin tone look even and your eyes look bright and awake.

Second, shape:
Senator McCaskill knows her best shapes are those that define her waist and elongate her torso, without being too stiff or boxy. She wore a great navy blazer and lemon yellow top on the Senate floor recently:

This jacket is tailored, defining her shoulders and waist, but she wears it open to keep it from boxing her in. The light color of her top underneath provides contrast with the jacket that creates a strong vertical line on the body. She looks authoritative and professional.
There’s a lot going on in that moment in front of the closet: What’s the weather like? What did I wear yesterday? What do I have to do today? What looks the most like that great dress I just saw on Corporette? But color and shape will never steer you wrong!

Readers, who is your favorite real-life style maven? What style tips have you learned from her example?

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Tagged as: Claire McCaskill, dressing well, elected officials, government, The Style of Politics, Wear to Work

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Whoopsies: How to Get Over a Mistake at the Office

by Kat on 07/15/2010 · 57 comments

in Business Etiquette,Careerism,Fashion,Success

Reader K has a question about recovering from mistakes…

I’m a young professional, recently out of college, working in financial services. I recently discovered a mistake on a project I managed, after it was already completed. Fortunately, I will be able to correct the error, but it will cost the company some money. I’ve been working for almost a year and this is my first “big” mistake. Granted, this project was reviewed by multiple people (including my colleagues, my manager, and multiple legal/compliance staff) without the mistake being caught, but as the project manager, it’s ultimately my responsibility. I already brought the error to my manager’s attention. She reacted very calmly, told me not to worry too much about it, and we came up with a workable solution.

Still, being the Type A personality that I am, I’m having a hard time not beating myself up over it. Any tips or advice on how to professionally handle your mistakes? I’ve never been in this situation before and want to handle it correctly. Also, any tips on rebuilding your confidence after making a mistake? I handled dozens of projects successfully, but this one error is really getting to me and making me second guess myself. I’d appreciate any words of wisdom. Thanks!

This is a big issue for so many successful people — even the Harvard Business Review recently had an article on it. (And there is an amazing quote from Emerson on the topic, available as a handy fridge magnet from FridgeDoorPDQ for $4.95.) Reader K has done absolutely the right thing: corrected the mistake and ‘fessed up with her boss . Still, when I’ve made mistakes, the hardest thing (for me, at least) has been to forgive myself for the mistake. For my $.02 — do your best to turn the mistake into a learning experience. Sit down and really analyze — just once — what went wrong, how the mistake crept into your day — and figure out how you can stop it from happening again. Make a note of it, and carry on. See? That mistake was helpful.

Now get over it.

Really — there’s no other way to do it. Just move forward. As Emerson says — finish the day and be done with it. If you find yourself dwelling on the mistake, try to change it in your head so you’re thinking about what you learned from it instead — not the mistake.

Readers, what are your tips for getting over a professional blunder?

(L-0)

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Tagged as: how to forgive a mistake, mistakes at office, mistakes at work, moving past mistakes, professional mistakes, Type A personalities, Type A personalities and mistakes

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How to Network When You’re on the Bottom of the Ladder

by Kat on 07/08/2010 · 78 comments

in Careerism,Fashion,Networking,Success

Today, reader A requests some advice on how to network…

I would really really appreciate if you guys did a post about how younger people can network and meet more experienced people in their field without stepping on any toes! I’m a intern at an NGO in DC and they have been great about bringing me to meetings, having me attend Congressional hearings, giving me things to do that are important and really useful experiences. Because of all of their help I am meeting a lot of people in my field, in fact the top people in their own fields. I really want to be able to network this summer while I’m here, not in the ‘give me a job’ networking, but rather picking their brains about where the best graduate programs are (I’m still undergrad) and how to go about getting into the field. If they offer a job so be it, but I don’t feel I have earned any handouts. My problem is, I don’t want to annoy or bother these people. I don’t want to give the impression that I want them to tell me all their hard-earned knowledge so I can breeze by. How would you want to be approached by a younger female intern who just wants to know anything you tell her? More importantly what would really peeve you? Any advice would be great!

Fabulous question, and reader A is a smart cookie for thinking about networking now, while she’s clearly getting some fantastic opportunities (and doesn’t need anything from the networking other than advice, which everyone is happy to give). One of the things I always think about with regard to networking is Bob Woodward and Deep Throat. If you’re not familiar with the story,two Washington Post reporters had a source who they used to break the Nixon/Watergate scandal. The source — who they called “Deep Throat” — was anonymous and unknown for years and years. In fact, people wondered if he existed at all, if he was a composite of multiple sources, etc, etc. In 2005, Bob Woodward revealed who Deep Throat was — an FBI man named Mark Felt. (Pictured above: A G-Man’s Life: The FBI, Being Deep Throat, and the Struggle for Honor in Washington, available at Amazon.) I was interested in the story (and the reveal) for a number of reasons, but personally one of the things I found most striking about Bob Woodward’s “reveal” in the Washington Post was his description of how he met Felt, just as he was finishing up his post-college tour in the Navy, and turned Felt into a member of his network. It’s a must-read, but some choice quotes for you…

This was a time in my life of considerable anxiety, even consternation, about my future. . . . During that year in Washington, I expended a great deal of energy trying to find things or people who were interesting. . . . When I mentioned the graduate work to Felt, he perked up immediately . . . . So we had two connections — graduate work at GW and work with elected representatives from our home states.

Felt and I were like two passengers sitting next to each other on a long airline flight with nowhere to go and nothing really to do but resign ourselves to the dead time. He showed no interest in striking up a long conversation, but I was intent on it. . . . As I think back on this accidental but crucial encounter — one of the most important in my life — I see that my patter probably verged on the adolescent. Since he wasn’t saying much about himself, I turned it into a career-counseling session.

All of this is a fairly long-winded way of saying: a) networking is done by everyone — especially, perhaps, the people who become the greats, b) networking is always awkward and takes some work, and c) men struggle with this too — this is not something unique to women. That said, here are a few “How to Network” observations I’ve made over my years trying to network:
- A connection helps you get on a VIP’s calendar. Woodward talks about his two connections — an alumni one and a shared experience — but it can be a person, an entity (a former employer), a place (he’s your next door neighbor), anything. A friend in common counts buckets towards getting on someone’s calendar, even if you barely know the shared connection. One of the things I’ve always done is, upon having lunch or breakfast with someone Important For Networking, I’ve asked who else I should talk to — and when they rattle of their list of 4 or 5 of their closest friends, I ask, “If I contact them, may I tell them you suggested I speak with them?” and the answer is almost always yes. (In the age of Linked In and Facebook, I would still recommend asking your friends directly before trying to jump over them to connect with someone.) I’ve also found that it’s better to ask for a meeting over “breakfast or lunch” because frequently, for busy people, breakfast is the only time that isn’t 100% scheduled. Breakfast is great for other reasons, too — it shows you’re a go-getter (early bird gets the worm!), it allows you to choose some non-posh place for lunch (I’m not just trying to get a free lunch out of this!), and it allows you to graciously offer to take the check. Most VIPs will not let an intern pay for them, but I’ve always felt it important to offer (and to be sincere about the offer).

- If it’s someone really important — say, the CEO of the company where you’re interning, or a senator — try to make it worth their time by setting up a group lunch. If it’s an alumni connection, bring a few other alumni to lunch with you. Note to the competitive overachievers among us: if you go this route, make sure that a) you’re the only one the VIP ever deals with directly, and b) perhaps even go so far as to make sure that you’re the most impressive person / most inquisitive person / best prepared person at lunch. (If you feel awkward asking an older man out to breakfast or lunch and worry about sexual overtones, bring along a male colleague or two.)

- When you get the time with them: Ask them about themselves! Everyone loves to talk about themselves. A little prep work helps in knowing what questions to ask, but in general let them tell their war stories and tout their achievements. When they get into decisions they made — where they went for grad school, or which job they took when they graduated — ask them follow-up questions that are useful to you, such as where they would go if they were choosing now, or how that job led to other opportunities. The conversation should probably be 90% about them, and 10% direct questions about you. Note that this is not an exercise in placating someone else’s narcissism, but about truly learning one person’s path to success. Your path will be different — everyone’s is — but it’s helpful to see the steps that someone else took and the choices they made. If you can in the conversation, fit in an accomplishment or two of your own, but these should be brief quips, not minutes-long stories.

- After the meeting, write down everything they said. I save them as notes on my Palm Pilot’s calendar (yes, I know, I am ancient) or contact card for that person, but you should do whatever works for you. I tend to memorialize the following kinds of information:
- their path to success (even if it’s just a diagram showing [undergrad college] –> [grad school because X] –> [first job because Y] (and so on)
- personal things they told you — if they told a long story about their son’s acceptance to college, you don’t want to look blankfaced at the next meeting when they mention a son. (In fact, it’s better to follow up and ask how he’s doing when you next see them.)
- topics and things that person is interested in.

- Send a thank you note — and be specific about a story you were fascinated by, or advice you particularly appreciate. If you can, reinforce one or two choice things about yourself — I always imagine that the VIP is terribly busy and can barely remember what they HAD for lunch, let alone who they met, so I would say things like “As I apply to grad school in ___ in the fall, I’ll be thinking of your advice,” or if there was some non-smarmy opportunity to do it, I’d reference my own accomplishments. (Finding a non-smarmy way is the key, though.)

Getting the first meeting is the easy part of networking, though – it’s the second meeting (and the third, and… ) that is where the real art comes. My technique has always been to send newspaper articles on a shared topic of interest. It’s best if it’s’ something off the beaten path that the VIP probably would not have seen — you’re really providing them a service then, as well as showing that you’re engaged on this topic deeply. Don’t worry if they don’t write back. Maintain the relationship in this casual “Saw this and thought of you” manner until you are in need of different advice — next step advice — and then try to get on their calendar again for lunch.

Some final advice: networking is about making friends. Friends help friends. Genuinely be interested in their story, and in remembering their personal issues.

Anyway, that’s my $.02 on networking — readers, share your own networking thoughts and advice!

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Tagged as: connections, grad schools, how to network, internships, Networking, networking advice

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How to Be a Great Worker

by Kat on 05/25/2010 · 37 comments

in Careerism,Networking,Recommended Reading,Success

Today our friend W e-mailed us with a personal question:

So, my upcoming new job is seriously the first job I’ve ever had that I’m truly excited about. Obviously, I want to do well. I’ve never really cared about other jobs nor my performance in them. I realize this is totally cheesy and earnest, but any suggestions on some decent books in the “how to succeed” genre?

I dashed off a quick e-mail, recommending Why Good Girls Don’t Get Ahead… But Gutsy Girls Do: Nine Secrets Every Working Woman Must Know (which I read a zillion years ago and now looks like it’s out of print) as well as Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-Free Productivity (seriously a great book), promising to look for the post and thread where commenters listed a bunch of other good books, and reassuring W that she’ll be great. (She will!) Then I started thinking about it more, and with her permission thought I’d share her query here on the blog. (Pictured: grandmother’s report card, originally uploaded to Flickr by victoriabernal.)

The best advice I have, upon contemplating this for a few hours, is thus: treat your job as if you’re doing it for a grade. We all know that there’s a difference between when you want an A . . . and when a B+ is fine . . . and when it’s a pass/fail class. Sometimes, all you want to do is show up, keep your head down, and get your paycheck. That’s working for a “pass.” And it can be fine, for a little while — but in our experience that kind of daily existence feels hollow.

Other times, a B+ is fine — you know you’re doing better than most, and sure, you probably could be doing a lot better — but you’re juggling too much and right now, a B+ will have to do.

Then you’ve got your A game. You go the extra distance, you engage on an real intellectual basis, and you strive to do better even if you’re already getting rave reviews. You’re invested. It’s the difference between training for a marathon and phoning in a daily workout.

For our friend, we would also recommend a few more steps:

1. Research.

Do some job-specific research: Set up a Google Alert on your company, and if there are some superstars there that you’d like to work with / someday be, set up a Google Alert on them as well.
Do some career-specific research, by mining the Internet for the best sources for advice and news for your industry. You want to be on top of the issues that will affect the way you do business — the new technology that will make it easier to do, the regulations and decisions that will make your business harder, and general “tips of the trade.” If there’s a magazine or newsletter on point, subscribe; otherwise just be sure to regularly check the blogs (or set up an RSS feed). You may want to see if your field is covered by SmartBrief, as recommended by venture capitalist Guy Kawasaki in a recent blog post.

2. Network. All that networking that you did to get the job? Reach out to those people whose careers you admire, and see if you can take them out to lunch again — ask them for their best advice on how to succeed in the industry, what their path was, what mistakes they’ve made, and more. (I might even say that your list should include people who you interviewed with — and connected with — even if you didn’t get the job. Write them a personal e-mail, let them know where you landed, and see if you can take them out for lunch. What is there to lose?) In our experience, this is the best kind of networking — where you truly don’t want anything from them except for their advice. If it feels like you’re aiming really high, ask them if you could chat with them on the phone for 10 or 15 minutes instead — everyone has time for a 15 minute phone call.

If you have time before your job starts to read some books, these have been recommended previously by commenters: