There was an interesting article in Forbes the other week about how power women wake up early, and commenters seemed interested in talking about it more, so I thought we should explore in an open thread. How early do you get up? What do you do with the time? Any tips that make it easier to get up then? For those of you who don’t rise that early, do you have another special time of the day? (Sunrise, originally uploaded to Flickr by killthebird.)

For my $.02: I was always a night owl when I was younger. Term papers and graduation speeches alike got written in the hours between 12 and 3. I realized this was a problem sometime around high school when, reading a college admissions essay I had thought brilliant the night before, I realized a good two sentences were devoted to “finding a piece of licorice on the floor.” And not even in a metaphor way, just a “Kat had a dream while typing” way. Still, the habit perpetuated until after law school, I think. By then — working crazy long hours — I realized that my best time truly was first thing upon waking. So I started getting up earlier.

I also realized a funny thing: that the time was truly mine when I got up earlier. I wasn’t rushing out the door to get to work. I had time (and energy) for a workout. Then I truly got greedy and realized I could get the ME stuff done then — the stuff I’d always wanted to do but never had the chance to. I attempted to finish NaNoWriMo in the hours between 4:30-6:30 one November. I read books I had meant to read in college but never gotten around to — thinky books that won National Book Awards, and not just the latest brain candy. I started this blog. (In fact, most of the longer posts for the first six months of this blog were written primarily in those morning hours.) Occasionally, I would even use this “super Kat” time for good and do work work (usually when I was up against a deadline and needed super focus to get it done.) I love these hours — time to myself, and time to be proactive rather than react to the day.

All that said — I’ll admit it’s really hard to get up, especially when it’s dark outside. I’ve found that it’s helpful to set the coffee the night before, and also to put my workout clothes in the bathroom so it doesn’t take too much effort to change into them.  I also tell myself, “If something is important to you there will be time in your schedule for it somewhere, and now is that time.”

Readers, how about you? Do you rise and shine early — and do you use it for “me” time or productive work time?

This is a post about dealing with the first trimester of pregnancy, which can be particularly trying — extreme fatigue, nausea, and all while trying to keep your “situation” on the QT in case of miscarriage. (Pictured: mama·licious Sarah Work Blazer, available at Asos for $75.71)

But I suppose I should make a mini-announcement regarding some personal news in Katland. First, some hints: I’m on my third bra size since December. I haven’t enjoyed a martini, or deli meats, or zippers, in a long, long time. Lately, I’m having trouble falling asleep because someone keeps kicking me. The news, if you’re not with me yet: My husband and I are expecting our first child later this summer. Why yes, we are terrified; thanks for asking. (And for those of you who’ve been emailing me to ask about maternity clothes, I’m happy to announce a new weekly newsletter: CorporetteMoms. Stay tuned later this week when I launch the newsletter!)

One of the things I’ve been dying to talk about since becoming pregnant is the first trimester**, and the complete, mind-blowing fatigue that most women suffer. I would have considered myself a trooper when it comes to energy and the job — I’ve worked through mono and two bouts of strep throat without missing more than a day of work. But apparently mono and strep can’t shake a stick at the whole “growing another human” thing. It became incredibly difficult to get up and out the door in the morning — and by 3 PM every day I needed a nap. And not a 20-minute power nap, oh no: we’re talking at least a full 90-minute sleep cycle. I kept thinking about that Sheryl Sandberg talk for TED about how women, upon getting pregnant, should ramp up their career and go 120 miles per hour. NOW??? I kept thinking. Is she CRAZY?

This fatigue caught me totally by surprise. After all, a lot of women don’t talk about their pregnancies in their first trimester — the chance for miscarriage is highest then, and there aren’t many external physical indicators of early pregnancy (most first-time moms don’t start to show until around week 20). A poll of my friends who have children or are pregnant confirmed it — everyone was exhausted during their first trimester, and every pregnancy book mentioned it. One friend, who was finishing up her final MBA year when she got pregnant, admitted that she slept 14 hours a day. A few friends told me their miscarriage stories, where after going through nearly a full trimester full of fatigue they lost the baby, and in addition to having to deal quietly with the mental and physical repercussions of losing a baby (including surgery, sometimes), they had to get the energy up to try again. (One friend noted that between her first pregnancy, which ended in miscarriage, and her second pregnancy, which she carried to term, her billable hours were shot for the year — and when she took her maternity leave they simply doubled the hours she had before she left. Ouch.) Another friend was cursed with such a bad case of nausea that she had to be medicated for it.

So I thought we’d talk about how to deal with the first trimester — keeping your energy up, rising to the occasion, and even maintaining your professional image through it all.

Before we get into the tips, though, here’s an interesting thing to ponder (and perhaps you ladies will weigh in): does it hurt us to talk about the hardships of pregnancy? By admitting that pregnancy affects our stamina and energy, is it simply justifying all those people who discriminate against women employees in their fertile years? I’m almost ashamed to say the thought hadn’t occurred to me — and I’ve even been joking (at work, yes, and yes, my face is beet red) about pregnancy brain. One boss/mentor/friend heard me and gave me a sound rebuke (and a lecture on what it was like to be pregnant in a male-dominated environment in the late ’70s), and I think the lesson here is right: pregnancy should never be an excuse for why you can’t get something done at the office, or why the ts aren’t crossed. But that may just mean you have to step up your OWN game even more — because while in the third trimester, when you’re showing and on your way out, people may cut you slack (whether they should or not): but in your first trimester it is largely a silent struggle.

For my own $.02, these are the things I wish I’d known:

• Wean yourself off coffee and diet Coke way before you start trying to get pregnant. The latest thinking re: pregnancy is that you are allowed to drink coffee, but only about a cup of it a day. Artificial sweeteners aren’t recommended, so diet Coke is off the list also. Before I got pregnant, I only drank about 2 or 3 cups in the morning, and then a diet Coke around lunchtime for an afternoon jolt — but decreasing to 1 cup a day and no diet Coke meant I was going through caffeine withdrawal at the same time as first trimester fatigue. (I should also mention that your tastebuds may change, as mine did — all coffee tasted totally burnt to me for about 4 weeks, and regular Coke continues to gross me out.)
• Stock up on orange juice, and cut your dependency on vitamin supplements. I kept reading that pregnant women should avoid vitamin supplements during this time (beyond your prenatals) and so I have avoided my beloved Emergen-C. Instead I kept buying OJ when I needed a jolt of energy.
• Take your prenatals at night instead of in the morning. I’ve heard it’s the extra iron in the prenatals that makes you nauseous on an empty stomach — but whatever it was, I wish I’d stumbled on the advice to take them at night instead of in the morning long before I did.
• Prepare your office for naps. Yes, seriously. Bring in whatever you need to make for a comfortable napping environment — pillows, blankets, etc., because you WILL need naps to make it even to 6pm (let alone 10 pm or whatever other quitting time is usual for you).
• Eat frequently, and guzzle water. It took me a few weeks to realize that the nausea was so  much worse if I hadn’t eaten for a few hours — I also would get these whanging headaches if I hadn’t eaten.  Just a few unsalted Saltines and some cheese can help you function normally.

My final advice to women embarking on pregnancy is to time it well. The first trimester can be 6-8 weeks of feeling far, far less than your best, and I can think of a number of times in my own life when it would have been disastrous to be going through the first trimester: the first semester of law school, being a summer associate, crunchtime studying for the bar, and trial prep. So nail down your birth control methods during those time periods, ladies.

For those of you who’ve been pregnant, did your first trimester affect your energy, and how did you compensate for it at work? What tips do you have for the readers who hope to get pregnant some day?

* Oh, and some terminology for those not familiar with the joys of pregnancy: your pregnancy is counted from the first day of your last period, not the day you conceive, which means that by the time most women find out they’re pregnant they’re already “4-6 weeks pregnant.” The first trimester ends around week 13 — so we’re really only talking about 6-8 weeks of extreme fatigue. Still: I’ve known careers to rise or fall in that time, so I think it is a relevant discussion for this blog.

I don’t think we’ve talked about this yet, and I’m curious what readers say. Your job is important, and a little bit of “me” time is necessary for everyone — but how do you fit a social life into your already-packed calendar? So let’s look at the options.  (Pictured:  Busy schedule ;), originally uploaded to Flickr by lewro.)

I’ll say at the outset that I’m an introvert, of which a few things flow which may be unique to introverts:

a) “me” time comes way before “social” time — typically mornings are the only time I can get any exercise, reading, or writing done, and I need that time to myself to recharge and be productive elsewhere.

b) I’m more of a one-on-one person than a “group date” person — I was always a bit jealous of Carrie’s crew in Sex in the City, but it’s just not who I am

Still, I love my friends and family, and I think it’s important to stay updated in their lives. I remember laughing at a friend in college when she described “hierarchies” of friends, but she was on to something — as I’ve gotten more and more strapped for time I’ve had to make choices about who I keep in touch with and how often I see them. (Getting married also obviously shifted priorities — my husband is the person I strive to spend the most time with.) Personally, I’d rather see 3-6 people really regularly and be in their lives rather than see 50 people only sporadically, and so those 3-6 friends are the people I make really regular dates with, and I try to keep in regular touch by phone or e-mail with at least another ten friends who live farther away.  But all of this is easier said than done — HOW do you fit your friends into your schedule?

Weekends. Weekends can be a great time, but a) it’s only 2 days out of 7, b) you may have a zillion chores and “me” time things to catch up on, and c) you may still be working for part of it. Personally, I’m a big fan of making dates for Saturday nights with friends, but I prefer to use the rest of the time for myself. I will admit that I’m a total weirdo and I hate “doing brunch” with friends — to me it just sucks up time that would better be spent reading, writing, exercising, doing chores (or, hey, sleeping in) — but for a lot of people the brunch date is a staple of a busy life.

After Work. This is the approach that works best for me. I find that I’m a total zombie when I get home from the office — and I always have been, whether I’ve gotten out of work at 6 pm or 10 pm. Reading, writing, and exercise — the primary things I do in “me” time — are next to impossible for me to accomplish in the hours after work. But I have found that I get a second wind and can really enjoy a night out with friends after work.  As a bonus, I can often multitask and do something with my friend that’s  also important to me:  making full use of my city and checking out new restaurants, bars, and the occasional cultural thing like a show or a museum.  (And, as a second bonus, the hot restaurants or bars are often far less crowded on, say, a Tuesday night than they are a Saturday night.)   To me scheduling activities three or four nights after work is fine so long as I’m home in time for a bit of husband time and my regular bedtime.  While I occasionally have to cancel for work-related reasons, my friends understand.  (It was a different issue when I was trying to date, but, well, any guy who didn’t forgive one cancellation wasn’t a guy I really needed to date anyway.)

Weekday mornings. I’m also a fan of breakfast, at least on the occasional basis. One of my best friends and I used to meet regularly at a SoHo hotspot that was between our two jobs.   On the plus side, it made me feel a bit glamorous (we were often dining with people we recognized from the news) and it was cheaper than dining there at night — but on the downside, it usually meant skipping my morning workout and/or “me” time.

Weekday lunch. Lunches never quite work out for me unless the friend and I work in such close proximity that there is no travel time involved — I always feel rushed otherwise! I also find that I have problems transitioning Work Brain and Fun Brain — either I’m so wrapped up in the problems from the office that I never fully enjoy and connect with my friend, or else I have such a great time connecting with my friend that I have problems refocusing on the workday in front of me. On the flip side, I find that weekday lunch is a great time for networking — I’m still partly focused on my career and Work Brain, and I don’t feel quite so guilty if the lunch hour stretches into ninety minutes or more.  (For the same reason, I can’t quite make use of my lunchhour for “me” time — but I am super envious of those of you who can work out at lunch!)

Other times. As for friends who don’t live in close proximity — one of my worst habits is that I am predisposed to take cabs everywhere. I try to make the best use of my time luxuriating in the back of a cab, though, and try to call friends or family to catch up, or even to just leave a voice message to try to get a date on the calendar for a phone or Skype chat.  Once I get something scheduled, I’ll often try to multitask and do something mindless while talking to my friend — either go for a walk in the neighborhood, or do some chores around the house like sorting laundry, cleaning up the house, or more.

Readers, when is your preferred time for social engagements? How do you juggle a demanding job, “me” time, and your family and friends? For those of you with kids, how has it changed your social life?

Reader M had a question about post-interview anxiety, something I notice coming up in the comment threads a lot…

I had a second round interview this week, and I’m waiting to hear back. The job is working in-house for a big company. Their legal team is spread throughout their offices, so my first interview was with HR, then my second interview was with their VP Legal Counsel and another Senior Counsel attorney. I think it went well, but I’m so anxious. My first question is what to do with anxiety while waiting to hear back about a job? My second question is if anyone has stories from successful interviews that might shed light on whether or not it went well.

The wonderful thing about interviewing for jobs outside your own company is that they have no idea what a stressball you may be after the interview. (Of course, for jobs inside the company you have to keep your cool, which is even tougher — but hopefully less stress-inducing given that you can “read” the personalities better and they know you better.) There are two interesting questions here: what to do to ease anxiety, and how to know if an interview went well.  I’ll take the second one first.

How to know an interview went so well that you’ll get the job: You can’t. Unless you know the interviewer (or the interviewers), you really won’t have any idea if things went well. I’ve been on some interviews that I thought went laughably bad (and then was offered the position) and some that I thought went over-the-moon great (and then didn’t get the position). (I fondly remember one interview, during interview week at law school: I sat down, prepared to talk about the law firm, and was shocked when the interviewer said “Yeah, so, based on your first year grades and the fact that you’re on law review, we’re going to extend an offer. Can I answer any questions you have?” — couldn’t they all be so easy?) But interview success depends on that fine mix of who else is interviewing for the position, what the company is looking for (which may be something as simple as “someone different than the last person to hold this job” in ways that you can’t really identify), what MOOD the interviewer is in, where they are in the interview process (too early and they may not have figured out what they want; too late and it may just be a polite gesture). So how do you handle interviews? You focus on what you can control: you. You give the best interview you can, you prepare as much as you can, you follow up to the extent that you feel comfortable (there is a wide spectrum, on both sides, of what is “go getter” versus “pushy”) — and you let the cards fall where they may. It isn’t necessarily a personal reflection on you if you don’t get the job.

But all of this is easier said than done — the anxiety after an interview can be intense. We’ve talked about ways to relax before, and now might be a great time to reopen that discussion.  I think general stress is one thing, but I think of anxiety as really strong stress that is triggered by one particular situation or one thing, which you probably can’t do anything about.  Personally, I do the following kinds of things when I’m anxious:

- Exercise. A walk, a run, a good aerobics workout — it’s amazing how I can feel my shoulders and neck “unlock” in the middle of the workout. You carry so much stress with you, and you don’t even realize it.

- Make dates with a lot of friends. This way you keep occupied enough that you don’t dwell on the anxiety too long, and by seeing a lot of different people you won’t drive any one person crazy with your own anxiety. In my experience, I’ve found that friends have to be very, very close to sit through more than 3 conversations about the same stress points, especially when there a) is no clear way to resolution, or b) they’ve suggested things to handle the situation (more appropriate where it’s boyfriend- or family-related stress) and you haven’t taken the advice.

- Brain candy. When I’m stressed, I find that focusing my full brain power on anything else seems impossible. So I turn to things that I call brain candy — reality TV shows (America’s Next Top Model is a particular favorite — so many of the contestants are unintentionally hilarious) or easy-to-read books that are well-written but lurid enough to suck me in. I just devoured (again) Julia Quinn’s Bridgerton series, and Charlaine Harris’s Sookie Stackhouse mysteries always capture my attention. I particularly find that these books are great before bedtime, because they get my mind away from things that are stressing me out.

- Make lists. Maybe I’m alone here, but lists sometime help me solidify my thinking. I’ve used them to nail down what I’m worried about (you’ll be amazed at how the list goes on once you start writing them down), and to make pros and cons lists to remember that there are both pluses and minuses to getting the situation.  I find that lists are also helpful to realize that some of the thoughts in my head can be kind of silly when I’m stressed — for example, write out “this one job will make or break my entire career” — see, doesn’t that look fairly silly? (This isn’t to say that there aren’t hugely important, singular opportunities — things like a Supreme Court clerkship, for example. But those are few and far between, and if you have gotten to the interview point on something like that, your career already sounds golden.)

- Sleep. Everything looks better in the morning.

- Avoid anxiety loops. Every so often, I let myself get overwhelmed by stressful, anxious thoughts, and I go into what I call “loops” — StressPointA takes me to slightly-related StressPointB which takes me to slightly-related StressPointC (and so forth) which leads me back to A. When I find myself caught in a loop, I can’t actually make any decisions or come to a helpful point of view — I just get panicked and frenzied, leading to sleepness nights and totally unproductive days.  Avoiding the loop is critical — getting enough sleep (see above re: brain candy and exercise), keeping occupied, etc.  I also try to avoid too much “alone in my head” time when I’m in one of those moods — I once broke down in tears in a yoga class because my brain was looping.   (Once you’re in a loop, well… a glass of wine may help you ease up or cause you to loop further; it really depends on you and the moment. If you find yourself frequently in this situation, talk to your doctor because there may be a prescription that can help, either on a sometimes basis or an every day basis.  Be careful, though: anxiety drugs can be very addictive, so don’t borrow a friend’s pill — talk to your doctor about them, and follow his or her instructions.)

Readers, what do you do when you’re trying to relax from anxiety, either from a job interview or from a particularly stressful situation? And, do you have any fun interview stories to share — times you knew you nailed it, or wondered how it could go so wrong?

Reader S has a business etiquette question about eating during business meetings…

I have an business etiquette question. I have low blood sugar and have to eat every couple of hours. Is it rude to eat something that can’t be shared, like a piece of fruit, during a meeting? In today’s example, we didn’t have a break, and the senior person passed around a tin of cookies, so I assumed it was OK to snack. Otherwise I wouldn’t be able to pay attention….

Hmmn. I’m a big believer in the importance of keeping your blood sugar level steady for energy, brain power, and mood purposes, but I’m not sure about Reader S’s question.   I guess the answer here depends on the kind of meeting. If everyone is eating (or it’s a BYO kind of lunch meeting), I think its fine to bring something of your own, whether it’s shareable or not. I would, however, pay mind to whether or not your snack might be disruptive — if it is loud (crunchy apple? crinkly wrapper?), smelly, or involved (such as if you need to set up a staging area to spread cheese or peanut butter on top of something), I would strongly suggest you reconsider bringing it to a meeting, even if people are eating.  (Pictured: Food for the trail, originally uploaded to Flickr by trekkyandy.)

If, however, people are not generally eating, then you have fewer options. First, you could rely on liquid calories — take your sugar with coffee and cream, so to speak. (Or just fill your cup full of milk or soy milk when everyone else gets coffee.) The second best option would be to excuse yourself to the bathroom and eat a few quick bites of something filling, preferably in the “lounge” area of the bathroom that a lot of offices have (and not in, you know, the actual stall). My list of quick and stashable bites would include things like a handful of almonds or trail mix, a banana, or even an energy bar.

All this, of course, presumes that it is a Long Meeting (2-3 hours) — if it is less than that I would really suggest you bend your eating schedule around the meeting.  If it’s a Very Long Meeting (3+ hours), of course, the planners will hopefully/probably build bathroom and snack breaks into the meeting.  (If you are one of the planners for the meeting, implement one!)  If you regularly have Long Meetings or Very Long Meetings with the same players, you might just take a moment to explain to them that you need to eat every few hours and see how they react.  (If this were me, though, I would still probably excuse myself when I needed to eat, unless I was assured it was ok to eat anyway.)

Readers, what are your thoughts on munching during meetings?

Reader J would like a post on under-eye routines…

I would love to see a post about your (and your readers’) “undereye routine.” After working some long hours, I am more and more frequently starting to notice that I look pretty haggard under the eyes with puffiness and/or dark circles. I have an undereye concealer, but I don’t care for it and really want to find a new one that I like. I could also use recommendations on eye creams or any other products that people like to use to help them appear more “fresh.”

Great question!  Personally, my under-eye area is one of those “beauty musts” for me, as I look slightly ill/dead without concealer. My personal routine generally consists of a special under-eye cream when I get out of the shower, before I put on my general facial moisturizer with SPF — and then before I put my makeup on, I swoop a general concealer on the skin beneath my eyes (and on my brow bones and around my nose if I think about it). If I have evening plans, I generally try to revisit the under-eye area with a highlighter before I leave the office — I prefer YSL’s Touche Eclat, but lost my last container and can’t remember *exactly* what color I had, which is preventing me from ordering it online. In short, I’m kind of on the lookout for new products for all of these steps — so I’m curious to hear what you guys say! (Currently I use Aveeno Active Naturals Positively Ageless Firming Eye Cream and Maybelline Dream Mousse Concealer Corrector, Fair Light 0-1 (both available at Drugstore.com for $19.99 and $8.99, respectively) — both are fine but I’m not agog over either one.  (I think Elle just had a round-up of the best concealers, incidentally.)  Readers, what are your preferred products for the undereye region?

(Pictured: Bags Under The Eyes, originally uploaded to Flickr by DerrickT.)

Today’s poll is inspired by reader V’s question:

I work in Big Law and throughout the recruiting season, I shake a lot of hands. Now and then I encounter someone who says, I’m sorry, I don’t shake your hand I’m sick. While I respect that and appreciate that it’s considerate, frankly I find the little spiel about “not shaking your hand because I’m sick” a bit off putting and it sure as hell makes for awkward introductions.

Interesting… I’ve always thought it’s common courtesy to *not* shake someone’s hand if you know you’re sick.  The only caveat I can think of is one outside the recruiting context — where, say, you’re sick and in a situation where you’re the most junior person in the room — and your boss barks out to the VIP some half-introduction and you’re expected to dive forward, shake VIP’s hand (with a firm, competent handshake!), and then recede back into the shadows to do all the work.  In that situation, it would break the flow of the half-second transaction for the sickee to inform the VIP and boss that s/he is sick, and really, at that point they deserve whatever they catch from you.*  (Pictured: Shaking Hands, originally uploaded to Flickr by Aidan Jones.)

But, like I said, that is usually not what happens in the recruiting context.  I agree, being on the receiving end can be a little awkward — but I usually just say “oh, thank you! feel better” and move on with the conversation.  If I really feel the need to make some sort of movement (because I’ve held my hand out too enthusiastically or whatever) I might do a slight bow, perhaps with both hands pressed together in front. But that’s just my $.02 — let’s hear from the readers.  First, we’ll take a poll from the sickee side of things:

How have you guys handled the situation from the other side of things?

* Apologies in advance if this attempt at humor has gone awry: I’m having an off day.

On Tuesday, we talked a bit about how there will be numerous times in a person’s life that you realize that you are, perhaps, a bit off track from where you would like to be. Maybe you wake up one day and realize you own nothing beyond dowdy suits, Mom jeans, and pajamas — a wardrobe revamp is in order. Other times you wake up and realize it’s your attitude that needs an adjustment. There are different varieties of this. The two big ones that I’ve seen involve a realization that perhaps you’ve been phoning it in for far too long, either because you were dealing with a personal issue (planning a wedding, having a baby, dealing with a sick parent, etc, etc) or because you just aren’t engaged in your job anymore. Other times, you realize that it’s your job that makes you unhappy; you may suddenly feel that you’ve been beaten down for so long that you don’t even remember the last time you felt calm, fulfilled, and at peace with the world.  This is a type of burnout that can happen with any job, but I’ve seen it especially with those professions — BigLaw, I’m looking at you — that consume most or all of your waking hours for years at a time.  Sometimes the right answer might be to just suck it up, deal with it, recognize the commitments you’ve made and the value of what you’ve got.  Other times, a vacation can help — but you can’t solve every problem by a week or two in a tropical locale.  (Pictured: fiji birthday drink, originally uploaded to Flickr by mjecker.)

For my $.02, the first situation is the better of the two — you still intrinsically like what you do and where you are, but you just need to reengage with the job. Some ideas for that:

• Revamp your routine. If the first thing you do every day at the office is surf the web for two hours, stop that — don’t even turn on your computer if possible. I recently read about someone who “turned the mouse off” during work time to cut down on distracted browsing; you can also just put your mouse out of reach, turn it on its back, or unplug it.
• Restyle your office (or move offices, if possible). It’ll make you feel like you’re at a new job again.
• Reengage with your profession again. Attend a thinky seminar or conference, and really listen — take notes as if your life depended on it. Take some time to apply what you’ve learned to your current job (and, perhaps, to your boss’s job). Set up a meeting or write a memo if you come up with tangible ideas as a result.

The other main kind of “attitude revamp” I’ve seen people need is when your job makes you miserable — perhaps even your profession — and you can’t easily get a new job (or a new profession). The only thing, in my experience, that I’ve seen work for this is to reconnect with some older, core version of yourself from the time before The Job. For example, maybe you were on the swim team in your youth — and you can just rejoin an adult swim club that does drills and the like. For me, I found myself in this situation a few years ago, right after I’d missed my best friend’s wedding to do a doc review — and the only thing I could think to do to reconnect with ME again was to take a humor writing class, which I hadn’t done since I was 17. I signed up at Gotham (with the very excellent teacher Sara Barron) and realized in pretty short order that a) I could write something other than a law brief, and b) I was kind of good at writing, as well as giving other people in my class useful feedback on how their own stories could be better. As soon as I reconnected with the “me” I’d been when I was 17 — full of hope and ambition and sarcasm — weirdly enough, good things started to happen. I met my future husband later that month. I got on a much better project at the job, working closely with a lawyer I truly admired, about two months later. I decided to start this blog about four months later. None of those things had anything to do with my rediscovered humor writing skills — but so much to do with my rediscovery of me, the person I’d been before I’d spent nearly 15 years throwing myself into school and work.

Readers, what are your tips for getting your groove back? What other major attitude revamps have you been through?

Today’s reader mail is asking for an open thread discussing relaxation techniques…

It would be fun to see an open thread discussing what readers do to relax/pamper themselves. I just bought the Discovery Channel “Planet Earth” series, for example, because it was on sale and helps me calm down before going to sleep.

Excellent topic! (And perhaps useful as it is also just in time for Mother’s Day, for those of you who have difficult-to-buy-for mothers.) (Pictured: Day 94, HNT Massage, originally uploaded to Flickr by lintmachine.)

For my own $.02:

• I find that exercise is absolutely essential to helping me unwind, even though I work out in the mornings. It just seems like if I go several days without exercising, I can’t unwind at all.
• I love sitting with the hubs and talking about our days while listening to chill music and enjoying some wine. (I have a “Smart Playlist” in my iTunes library, and tag dinner-party-appropriate songs with the “genre” dinner.”)
• Also, shopping — physically, in stores — relaxes me. I think it has to do with it being a tactile experience, and not a terribly intellectual one: I like to walk around and touch the clothes, play with color combinations in my mind, and so forth.  Buying isn’t necessary!
• I love a good massage, also, if we’re talking serious pampering, or — if budget or circumstances allow, a trip to a spa with a girlfriend for a series of spa treatments. (I’ve only done that twice, though — once to help a friend celebrate her 30th birthday in Sedona, and once for a semi-bachelorette party at Canyon Ranch in Las Vegas.)

Reading before bed can be helpful, but I find it depends heavily on what I read — anything that has to do with an agenda on my “to do” list makes me anxious, and anything that’s too “brain candy” like makes me want to stay awake and read it.  I’d love to learn more about meditation (sometimes I say the rosary, which is supposedly the Catholic form of meditation).  At various points in my life I’ve also tried to get into habits like drinking Celestial Seasoning’s “Sleepytime Tea” before bedtime, or putting L’Occitane’s lavendar hand lotion on my hands before bedtime, just to give myself a Pavlovian cue that “it’s time to relax and go to sleep.”  Finally — I don’t have a television in my bedroom, but if I’m stressed enough I will rewatch my favorite movie on my laptop or whatever.

Readers, what do you do to relax?  How often do you have problems relaxing?

We smiled when we got this reader mail because, well, it’s a subject near and dear to our hearts:

I would love to see a story on what everyone eats! Given that the topics of conversation frequently discuss clothing size, size of models, etc, I’d love to know what everyone eats. How do women have enough energy to make it through long days? Are people subsisting mostly off of coffee and redbull? Do people order in all the time or bring PBJ (like me!)? How much is typically spend on food a week? (I know that will vary greatly by location)

We’ve talked about it a bit here before, but it does seem like an evergreen topic. So here’s the question: What do you eat for the days when you know you need to make it through a super long day at the office? (Pictured: Dinner @ Office, originally uploaded to Flickr by jetalone)

For this author, the answer depends upon small meals that keep energy levels high and blood sugar levels constant.  For us, this translates to lots of fiber and protein.  A typical long day might look like this:

• first breakfast (within an hour of waking up) – a few raw almonds, half a banana, or maybe a few prunes (with coffee, of course, which I usually drink black)

• second breakfast (after getting to the office after a workout) – yogurt mixed with a high-fiber cereal, maybe oatmeal, maybe hard-boiled eggs, maybe eggs over hard if I’m eating breakfast at home, or maybe an egg sandwich if I know I’ll be really busy that morning and unable to snack.  Also, at some point I got into the habit of filling a stainless steel water container (like these Klean Kanteen Stainless Steel Water Bottles from Amazon, available for $16 or so) with water the night before; I’d start drinking that when I arrived at the office (with the aim of finishing it by lunch, then refilling it and drinking a second one by the time I left that night).  (I’d pour the water into a second cup so I didn’t have to wash the water bottle very often.)

• snack - apple or other fruit

• lunch – could be anything, but popular choices include: a Subway sandwich, a sandwich I brought from home, maybe a toasted bagel with cream cheese,  a spinach salad with feta and cheese (or lately I’ve been liking spinach, shrimp, alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes, carrots, balsamic vinegar, and Saltines crumbled up in the salad — try it!) to some soup from the place downstairs with maybe half a piece of the whole-wheat bread.  Oh — my afternoon caffeine hit is always Diet Coke with lunch — I’ll start drinking Bottle #2 once I’m done with that.

• afternoon snack - ranges pretty widely, from a decaf skim latte, to some oatmeal or other breakfast-type choices, to a 100 Calorie VitaTop, to some nuts, to candy or chips.  (Regarding candy or chips as a snack — for me it seems to make me more hungry, more quickly, and so I try to only eat it if I know that I plan to order dinner fairly soon.  But: hey, you know what they say about best laid plans…)  Oh, and occasionally I’ll have a jar of peanut butter on hand and just eat a spoonful or so.

• dinner — here, it really depends how long a haul I think I’m in for, and who’s paying for the dinner (at my old job we were allowed to bill a client for dinner from Seamless Web if we stayed past 8:00 — at least up to a certain amount.)  So if it was 6:00 and I thought I’d be working until midnight, I tended to order foods that didn’t have to be eaten all at once.  For example, if possible, it’s great to eat fruit BEFORE you eat your dinner — it seems to give a burst of energy and, by the time your sugar levels spike and you’re starving, it’s time for the main meal.   Or ordering soup (to eat first) and a half a sandwich (to eat in 2 hours).  Other frequent dinner items at the office included things like omelets, grilled salmon or other fish, sushi, Chinese food (I like to order chicken or shrimp with broccoli, steamed, and black bean sauce on the side).  Sometimes I’d order frozen yogurt and fruit for dinner, sometimes grilled, lean steak.  I also liked cooked veggies like spinach, bok choy, green beans, broccoli, and whatever strikes me as interesting that day.  If I hadn’t had a salad for lunch I’d often eat a salad for dinner.

• final snack:  On the days I intended to be there until midnight and really needed to crunch, I’d mix a cup of regular and decaf coffee and drink that around 10:30 or 11 — because I’d do it only occasionally, the effect would be to spike my energy levels SUPER high, and then I’d completely crash about an hour and a half later– just in time for bed.  (My personal rule was that I tried not to work past midnight unless I really had to — I found my work product was better, and my energy levels the next day better, if I left at midnight and got up at 4:00 or so the next morning to finish whatever it was.)  If I was hungry again I would maybe eat the same kind of snack I would have in the afternoon, also.

So that would be my “long haul” day — oh, and I’d estimate the cost to me would be less than $10 for everything so long as the dinner could be billed to the client.  What does your long-haul day look like, readers?  What do you do if you CAN’T bill a portion of the day to your client?