Looking Young

Looking Young — or Acting Young?

by Kat on 11/30/2010 · 192 comments

in Career, Fashion, Interviewing, Looking Young, Success

A firm handshake, originally uploaded to Flickr by afagenReader K asks a great question that comes up, sadly, altogether too often — looking too young to get the job.

I am a 31-year-old female attorney who graduated from a top law school in 2008, went biglaw, and got laid off. I’ve had several interviews with great feedback about my resume and my presentation, but no offers. I recently met with a consultant who said I look too young to trust with bet-the-company matters. I might look 25. I need a power look. I have great skin because I haven’t had a tan in 16 years, and I wear there-but-light makeup. I’m tall and slim, and I have light mousy brown, layered hair that is bra-length in back. I usually wear glasses, but not to interviews. My interview outfit is a lightweight black wool pantsuit with a little feminine detail, oxford pumps, tiny hoops, my wedding band, and a semi-statement necklace. I’m willing to cut or dye my hair, but not to have a bad haircut. Please help me look older.

We’ve talked about acne on the job, as well as whether long hair makes you look too young — but there must be more here because your outfit sounds fine (and I’m not about to recommend you get a Mom cut in order to look order). I recently attended a conference where a number of senior, extremely accomplished women lawyers spoke — many of whom looked young (such as, wow, how can she have accomplished all that and still be early 30s? oh, she’s 49? oh-kay). However, they all carried themselves with gravitas, and spoke with authority — so perhaps those are issues we should talk about today.  (Pictured above: A firm handshake, originally uploaded to Flickr by afagen.)

* Deepen your voice. I personally tend to have a fairly soft, highish voice if I’m not thinking about it — when I introduce myself to people or leave voice messages (and particularly on my own outgoing voicemail message), I do my best to speak in my lowest voice. I’ve read that Kathleen Turner used to practice talking with marbles in her mouth, which seems like an extreme option, but hey, there is that.

* Speak more slowly, and don’t fill empty space with “um.” These are both things I tend to do, also — when I get excited I speak quickly, and oh, the amount of “ums” that exit my mouth on a daily basis…. Neither of these things really convey authority.  On my recent TJ Maxx trip I met a blogger who, on our first conversation, I assumed to be in her late 20s or perhaps even my age, not because she looked old, but there was just something in the way she carried herself.  I was shocked to find out later that she was 22.  One of the things that she did — and, thinking back to my conference, and other authoritative women I’ve known and respected — was to speak slowly.  (The blogger also struck me as incredibly smart, reflective, and well-spoken, but the age thing really threw me!)

* Watch your body language. Forbes Woman recently had an article on this, as did Real Simple — avoid twirling your hair, playing with your hands, etc.  Your handshake should be FIRM.

* Speak with short sentences, and answer the question. This may seem obvious, but I’ve noticed that people who seem to meander when answering a question — particularly in an interview — never impress, and I think part of it may be because it just isn’t an authoritative trait.  For interviews in particular I’ve talked about my theory of “prepping” for the interview by remembering stories that illustrate your best worker traits (and you should perhaps keep this article in mind when thinking about your best traits) — but really, anything that helps you answer questions concisely and with authority in interviews will only help you.

Readers, what are your thoughts?  How can you LOOK older?  How about ACTING older?

{ 192 comments }

When Disaster Strikes: Acne and the Job

by Kat on 09/09/2010 · 151 comments

in Beauty, Issues, Lifestyle, Looking Young, Stress

Face Powder with Applicator BrushI thought this might be an interesting topic for an open thread — what to do when you wake up the day of an important meeting and find you’ve got a blemish on your face? In addition to being a serious confidence killer, it can make you look younger and lead you to being taken less seriously.  (And, as an outward indicator of stress, it is definitely noticed!  Does anyone else remember that blemish George Bush had on his face during the “who won the race” time period? If you can find a picture, please forward along.)   So — what’s a working woman to do?  (Pictured: Face Powder with Applicator Brush, originally uploaded to Flickr by incurable hippie.)

For my $.02 — and I normally have pretty clear skin, except for a few annoyances here and there — here’s my line of attack:
a) assess what can be done before the meeting — and how important the meeting is. I’m curious — would anyone visit a dermatologist, or has anyone had any success with those tiny devices for zapping zits, like the Zeno? What other methods have you guys found work best?  (I have my own methods, but, well, it seems a bit too TMI to get into — maybe I’ll post as an anon commenter!)
b) if the meeting is later that day, I’ve found all you can really do is apply cover-up and Visine (dab some on a cottonball and apply to the blemish — it gets the red out).
c) finally, I’ve found that a darker lipstick helps “detract” attention — you don’t want the blemish to be the reddest thing on your face.

So, readers, what are your tried-and-true strategies for dealing with the occasional breakout? Does anyone keep a dermatologist on call, or use one of those devices?

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There’s No Crying in Baseball

by Kat on 06/15/2010 · 210 comments

in Beauty, Being Girly, Fashion, Looking Young

Reader S has an interesting question…

Recently, I posted to a so-called professional site discussing whether or not it was ok to cry at work. The person who started the thread claimed to be a Director who cried a lot at work. Since she cries at work, she wanted to know how other women felt about women crying at work. I shared that ironically, I had just returned from a recent Conference with 600 Attendees, where another attendee volunteered to help the Guest Speaker with a role playing exercise. And, how shocked and discomforted I was (as well as the Guest Speaker based on her initial reaction) when the volunteer started crying on stage during the second phase of the role playing exercise. Not only was the role playing exercise cut short as the Speaker attempted to comfort the volunteer, everyone present was left trying to determine what had happened to cause this woman to start crying. I responded that personally, I felt that crying in the work place was inappropriate as well as unprofessional. And, that women who cry at work, never make Partner, Attending, Director/CEO or get offered other advancement opportunities. Surprisingly, save for 2 males and 3 females including myself, most of the other repliers felt crying at work was ok. Even more surprising to me was the couple of responses which questioned whether or not I was female since they felt my reaction to the volunteer’s crying on stage in front of 600 other attendees was cold-hearted and unsympathetic because I termed it a “display”. One person snipped that just because she tended to cry at work, it did not mean she was not as capable as any man in her Department to which I responded that while crying was not indicative of ability, crying would prevent her from getting the opportunities to prove her ability. So, since we tend to discuss everything else that is work related here on Corporette.com, what are your opinions regard women crying in the workplace?

For the Corporette $.02: There really should not be crying in the office, unless it’s out of joy. If you’re frustrated, if you’re sad, if you’re angry — bottle it up until you can get to your office or, better yet, to your house.  (As Kelly Cutrone says, if you have to cry, go outside.)  (Pictured: Crying is okay here., originally uploaded to Flickr by A National Acrobat.)

That said: I’ve cried at work, and absolutely hated myself the few times I did. I felt like I lost points with my superiors, I felt like I looked weak, and I was disappointed with myself that I couldn’t keep my cool. Keeping cool is a big part of being professional. The most notable time I remember crying was in NYC  one Friday morning, several Augusts ago.  I remember the exact date because my best friend was married in London the next morning, and I missed it — I just couldn’t find a flight that would get me to London in time for her morning wedding but also allow me to meet a pressing work deadline (document production).  I had taken the news in stride at the time I’d asked my immediate boss and been denied — after all, my friend had thrown the wedding together quickly (a morning civil ceremony in London), and assured me that I didn’t need to attend, and the deadline WAS important — but as I sat in that meeting, the day before my best friend was married, and we talked about the deadline, I found my mind completely and utterly focused on the terrible work/life balance I had. I was furious with myself for, apparently, selling my soul for so cheap a price, and I wondered how I could live with myself for missing my. best. friend’s. wedding. For a document production.  And then, in the meeting, my boss’s boss asked if I’d managed to find a flight to London, and oh, what a pity.

And before I knew it — with such little prompting as that — tears were welling up in my eyes.  They were of fury and of self-pity and self-loathing — and the more I focused on keeping the tears at bay, the more they welled, and, finally, began spilling down my cheeks. I made no sound, and did my best to keep my head down and continue to take notes. And the meeting droned on, with no one saying a word. I wasn’t entirely sure if it was because the person leading the meeting had poor eyesight — maybe she just didn’t realize I was crying — or if she thought it best to carry on despite it — she was, after all, the one who had asked the question.  At one point, in a break in the meeting, I said, “I’m just going to pop up to the bathroom and get some tissue,” in a cheerful, I’m-trying-to-pull-myself-together-here-if-you-happened-to-have-noticed-that-I’m-silently-sobbing tone of voice, and the meeting leader said, in just as cheerful a voice, “Oh, I have some tissues here!” Great. GREAT. And the meeting went on, and we never spoke of it.

You may say that this — missing your best.friend’s.wedding for a work deadline — was an appropriate time to cry.  Yet it really, really wasn’t.  The drama got the better of me, I let myself feel sorry for myself, and I felt like a fool afterwards.

A good friend has since told me that the trick he uses, every time emotions threaten his control, is to sing the MacGyver theme song in his head.  For what it’s worth, once the crying is over and you’re trying to walk the halls without red-rimmed, swollen eyes, I’ve also found that Visine helps (it gets the red out), as does the cold-water-on-the-wrists trick I mentioned earlier today.  (And, of course, as the picture says, crying is always welcome here on this blog.)

Ladies — those of you who CAN keep your cool when emotions get the better of you — what are your tricks to keep your cool? What are your thoughts on crying in the office in the abstract?

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Does Long Hair Make You Look Younger?

by Kat on 05/27/2010 · 153 comments

in Hair, Looking Young

Long HairReader A has an interesting question about the perennial problem of looking too young…

I’ll be spending this summer in my Michigan hometown working as a student ADA. They’ve even promised to let me try some misdemeanors. My problem is that I will be working in a very small town where many of the people knew me as a child. Furthermore, despite my conservative and classy attire (thanks for your help on that!) people still guess I am a mature 20 year old, rather than the 26.5 year old I really am! I’ve decided that the problem might be my long hair, which falls approximately in the middle of my back. My boyfriend, like most guys, doesn’t want me to cut my hair into an “old lady hairstyle.” Can you recommend an appropriate place between sorority girl and dowdy matron? How long is too long?

Hair is a highly personal thing — it really depends on the woman, her stature, how she carries herself, and more.  Most will tell you that a length somewhere between your shoulders and the top of your bra strap in the back is acceptable. Some women look great with it longer than that; some don’t. (For this author, for example, hair that reaches the bottom of my bra strap makes me look as if I’m headed to Woodstock.)  We would also suggest you consider your makeup carefully for the summer — a bare face can look just as young as an overdone face, as readers have noted previously.  (Pictured:  Long Hair, originally uploaded to Flickr by madaise.)

If you really don’t want to cut any of your hair, we would advise you to learn how to put it up in a way that is professional yet flattering.  For example, we’ve written before of our love for the low ponytail tucked-into-itself, and we recently(ish) saw the blogger at I Am Style-ish describe how she did a big bun. Real Simple also recently described how to do a “quick” French twist and YouTube is filled with women talking about their hair, in depth.  Even just a big claw can help you pull your hair up in a way that’s flattering.

If you do end up deciding to cut your hair, please consider donating it — you have to cut at least 8″, but it can make a difference in someone’s life.

Readers, how long do you think is too long?  What are your favorite up-dos for the office?

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What Makeup to Wear While Interviewing

by C on 01/26/2010 · 91 comments

in Beauty, Being Girly, Fashion, Fashion Gaffes, Hair, Interviewing, Looking Young, Makeup That Stays Put

Today’s reader mail is another request for interview advice, this time in terms of makeup…

I have several on campus interviews for 1L summer jobs the first week in February. I have my conservative gray and black suits. I have my sensible Nine West pumps. I have worked on pulling my hair back off my face. The only piece of the puzzle I do not feel confident about is makeup. I have heard that minimal is the way to go, and I wasn’t planning on breaking out my extensive color palette for eyeshadow or lipstick. But how conservative should I go? Are we talking just foundation to cover flaws? Mascara and lip gloss? Neutral eyeliner and eyeshadow?

To be honest, we’ve never really thought much about what makeup to wear when we interview — but then, we tend to be somewhat boring in terms of daily makeup, to the tune of just varying the eye shadow color from day to day.  So we’re curious what the readers have to say on this one. (Pictured:  This is why you don’t give little girls makeup, originally uploaded to Flickr by Checkered and aMUSEd.) For our $.02, the makeup you wear should have two goals:

  1. Making you look awake and alive
  2. Not distracting the interviewer

For us, this translates as follows:

In terms of looking awake and alive:  every woman has her level of necessary makeup, which, if she leaves the house without, will inspire responses ranging from “Wow, are you feeling okay?” to “Get the shotgun, Pa, the zombies are attacking again.”  For us, this bare minimum is a) undereye concealer (we like Neutrogena 3-in-1 Concealer for Eyes), b) blush (lately we’ve liked Benefit Cosmetics Benetint 0.4 oz Benetint), c) curled eyelashes (we swear by shu uemura Eyelash Curler).  But that’s just us — other women feel naked without foundation; others feel naked without eyeliner.  Figure out what you need to look awake, well-rested, not ill, etc., and then be sure to wear those products.  (We’re not saying not to wear more — our own daily regimen, for what it’s worth, also includes brown or black eyeliner, neutral eye shadow, eyebrow powder, and mascara.  We wouldn’t interview without those things on.  However, the interview makeup tip we pass on in terms of requirements is that don’t-look-like-you-were-out-all-last-night-partying-or-possibly-have-an-alien-creature-living-inside-you one.

In terms of not distracting the interviewer, things you want to avoid include: a) anything sparkly, b) anything too stagey (hello, false eyelashes or blue eyeshadow), c) anything applied poorly (for example, we almost never wear foundation, so for us this would be a danger zone because we’d probably be walking around with it improperly blended), d) anything that fades unevenly.  With regards to (d), we’re primarily thinking of red lipstick, which we think can look amazing — but no matter how carefully we apply it, it always wears unevenly and starts to fade at the center of our lips more than at the outer line of our lips.  This is obviously not the rule — we were fascinated to note the number of speakers wearing red lipstick at a recent conference we attended — but for us, that’s the harsh truth.  We would also add the obvious thing — make sure your makeup flatters you. For example, if you never wear lipstick because it always turns an ugly coral shade on you, don’t feel obliged to wear lipstick to an interview.  No interviewer will sit there wondering, “God, why isn’t she wearing lipstick?”, but they might sit there wondering, “God, her perception of reality must be OFF if she thinks that lipstick looks good on her.”

In fact, the only thing we might do differently for an interview would be to very carefully apply a long-lasting lipstick (we’re fans of L’Oreal’s Infallible LipColour) to last the interview, particularly if lunch is included in the day.

Readers, what are your thoughts on the matter?

(L-4)

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Reader Mail – Makeup Tips for the Summer

by C on 06/02/2009 · 37 comments

in Beauty, Fashion, Looking Young, Makeup That Stays Put

Because the usual author is on her honeymoon, today’s reader mail has graciously been answered by City Girl, who writes about a variety of topics pertaining to city living as a professional woman, including beauty and fashion for the workplace. City Girl is also an associate at a law firm in Washington, D.C.

I am wondering if you can do a post on what kind of make-up is appropriate for the office. Do you have to wear make-up at all? If so what should you wear? Are there particular brands you recommend? Any advice on this would be very helpful.

Office-appropriate makeup goes a long way towards adding polish to your image as a professional woman. It is not mandatory, nor need it be complicated or time-consuming, but it really adds to looking put-together – plus who doesn’t have a bad complexion day where you want to reach for concealer? I am personally of the school that if you wear makeup to feel put together when you interview, then you should wear makeup as a summer associate, because it will help you feel confident and put-together all summer. Either way, even if you don’t plan to wear much (or any) makeup, do consider some of the products below. If you had to pick just three products, I would recommend tinted moisturizer, mascara or eyeliner and some sort of lip a product.

Foundation

Light coverage is best as it makes you look natural and polished and it’s easy to work with. I am a huge fan of tinted moisturizers and my top three picks for tinted moisturizer are Bobbi Brown, Laura Mercier (this comes in an oil-free version as well) and Smashbox. Bobbi Brown’s has the most range of colors, though all three have a fair number of shades. All three have good sun protection, and are very much fool-proof in that you can just apply with your fingertips and be done. If you are not used to wearing makeup often, this is a good way to add polish without fuss, foundation brushes and sponges or the risk of applying too much. It’s worth it to get matched at the department store though the beauty of tinted moisturizer is that it blends into your skintone because it is sheer. Another advantage to tinted moisturizer is that it survives summer heat much better than a medium or full coverage foundation.

Concealer

If you are blessed with good skin, a tinted moisturizer will be enough. If not, you will want two kinds of concealer – a soft creamy one for under your eyes and a more pigmented one for any redness or blemishes. I love Laura Mercier’s Undercover Compact because it has both in a tidy little compact and some setting powder too. Perfect for touch-ups during the day. Incidentally, you don’t need to buy the taklon brush Laura Mercier recommends – just buy this Eco-Tools set. The concealer brush is very similar to the Laura Mercier brush, and the other brushes will take care of what you need for eyes and powder and blush

Powder

Again, you want light coverage – the best way to achieve that is with a finely milled powder. Some swear by loose powder for morning application and pressed powder for daytime touchups, but I think it’s fine to just invest in one pressed powder. That way you can use it in the morning and keep it in your purse for touch-ups. If you don’t get a transluscent powder, don’t try to mix and match colors across brands without testing the powders at the store. Generally, it’s just easier to buy the powder from the same place you bought the tinted moisturizer. The powder brush from the Eco-Tools set works great for both loose and pressed powder.

Blush

I love blush, but I don’t think your time as a summer associate is a good time to have lots of different blush looks. Use something very neutral and/or rosey and stick with it for the summer. I was a big fan of Laura Mercier’s Rose Petal when I was a summer, and her Wild Bouquet is lovely too. Nars has some good colors (just pick a color without chunky shimmer) that last and last and last, as does Bobbi Brown’s – just try blushes from their blush rather than their shimmer blush line. If you want to go the drugstore route, I like a lot of the blushes from Almay’s Pure Blends line — they are sheer and blend well.

Bronzer

Be very sparing with bronzer – you don’t want to look sunburnt – but it can give a nice glow. You could use it instead of blush, or with blush, as long as you use sparingly. I think Nars Casino and Laguna are great and don’t oxidize and go orange, and their slight shimmer is just the right amount to give a light glow without being too shimmery. I also really like Laura Mercier’s matte bronzers. If you get a drugstore bronzer, test it several times before using – the biggest downside of bronzer is that it can go orange, and that happens with many low-, medium- and high-end bronzers.

Eye makeup

The operative phrase here is a clean eye look – one base shadow (over some sort of a primer) that is close to your eyelid color, with just enough lightness to brighten up and open the eye, liner on the upper lids, and mascara. Crease shadow is not necessary but if you do want to do crease work, go for taupe. My absolutely foolproof combination for summer makeup that does not melt is Bobbi Brown’s Cream Eye Shadow as a base/primer followed by a dusting of either Bobbi Brown or Laura Mercier powder eye shadow (I prefer Sateen or Matte), and either Bobbi Brown gel liner or Clinique Cream Shaper Eyeliner and Organic Wear Mascara. If you have oily lids, Urban Decay’s Primer Potion is magic as primer, but otherwise the Bobbi cream shadow is great because it gives you the primer/base effect and some pigment. For mascara, pick something water-resistant and basic that doesn’t irritate your eyes. The only eye makeup item I really recommend not getting at the drugstore is a primer/cream base – everything else can easily be bought at the drugstore – Almay’s Pure Blends line is a good place to start. And avoid any liners that get too smudgey.

Lips

You will want something matte and understated, that enhances your lip color without being too flashy – also known as Your Lips But Better (YLBB). Besides avoiding anything too glossy, you have tons of choices. I often do just a basic tinted lip balm or lip stain as they are long-lasting, hydrating and give me just a bit of color, but a good basic lipstick works well too.

A note on makeovers at cosmetics counters…

…If you get one, go to Bobbi Brown or Laura Mercier. As someone who has had makeovers and owns makeup from pretty much every brand out there, I can assure you their makeup artists are really well-trained to put together an easy professional look suitable for all ages, including women in their 20s and 30s. In fact, that type of understated, low-shimmer but enhancing look is the cornerstone of these two brands. Bobbi and Laura makeup artists will understand what you mean if you ask for an understated professional look, with a clean eye, and will help you choose products and colors accordingly. Ask about how to line your upper lids if you don’t know how – I have received excellent tutorials that way. That said, as you can see from my recommendations above, the only things I really recommend buying high-end is tinted moisturizer/foundation, powder, concealer, and eyeshadow base. If cost is a concern, skip bronzer – it’s hard to find a good inexpensive one. Everything else (blush, shadows, mascara, even liner) you can easily get at the drugstore. I would say get the makeover before the drugstore shopping trip, because then you will have colors in mind when you shop.

Have a wonderful summer and feel free to ask questions here in the comments or over on my blog.

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