Travel

Open Thread: What Are Your Best Self-Defense Tips?

by Kat on 01/23/2012 · 196 comments

in After-Work Activities, Commuting, Lifestyle, Travel

Self defense is not the most fun subject, but it’s been on my mind a bit and I thought it would be a good topic to talk about. As I’ve been getting back into running, I finally got a Road ID (which is every bit as awesome as I thought it was when I first heard about it). If you missed the post, it’s a simple bracelet you wear on your wrist that has your name and some “in case of emergency” contact numbers. I was telling a male friend about my Road ID, and he was incredulous about it — “That’s such a dark way to go through life, always worried about being attacked!” He continued to chide me about it, and after thinking a second or two I said, “Dude. You’re saying this because you’re a guy. This is kind of what it’s like for chicks all the time — you always have to be aware of your surroundings, and make sure you’re parking in a well-lit spot, and have your keys out before you get to your apartment, and so forth.” (Pictured: Hiyah, originally uploaded to Flickr by DRSPIEGEL14.)

Maybe my parents were extra dark and overprotective to raise me that way. I remember when I first moved to New York (in 1997!!) they advised me to “never get on an elevator with a man, alone.” That one seemed a little crazy and hard to follow anyway (if a guy got on mid-ride, was I supposed to get out of the elevator and wait for the next car?), but that rule totally went out the window when I went to my first sample sale. Sketchy freight elevator to go up to a warehouse-type loft? Well, I thought, as long as there’s a good sale behind it it’s fine. After all, the fashion editors I worked for heard about it by fax — what could possibly go wrong?

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{ 196 comments }

Tool of the Trade: My Trick for Holiday Shopping from Afar

by Kat on 11/16/2011 · 108 comments

in Lifestyle, Organization, Travel

For those of you who live a flight away from your parents, I thought I’d share my trick for the holidays, which I use to avoid traveling with gifts. It’s pretty simple, so here goes:

I send packages to Babette.

See, my mother’s name is Linda Vogele — so we’ve worked out a system through the years where if she receives a package for Babette Vogele (and this is kind of a year-round system at this point), she knows not to open the package. She puts it aside in one of her many closets (ah, the joys of living in Ohio!) and when I come home I open all of the packages, wrap them, and slip them under the tree. If it’s an occasion for which I’m not traveling home (say, her birthday or Mother’s Day or whatnot), I can direct my father to the appropriate box and he’ll open it and package it nicely and present it whenever her other gifts are being opened. (My mom tends to open all of the mail that comes to the house so this is primarily a problem with her stuff.) It’s a simple system, but I like it because it saves me from stressing about how to get gifts home, and it also means that if I see a good deal online for something my mother would like I can act on it, without having to remember to tell her that it’s coming, what it’s for, or who gets it.

Why Babette? Well… why not? We don’t know anyone with the name personally, so there’s no confusion.

Readers, what are your tips and tricks for holiday shopping?

(Pictured: Ribbons & Bows, originally uploaded to Flickr by david_s_carter.)

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Traveling With Your Coworkers

by GuestPoster on 10/18/2011 · 109 comments

in Business Etiquette, CoWorker Problems, Professionalism, Travel

Traveling with your boss and coworkers can be surprisingly difficult — the first time I took a flight with my boss I remember wondering how I should dress, whether I should “visit” her during the flight to check in/chat, and more. Thankfully, Road Warriorette has some great suggestions for how to travel with your coworkers (and you can check out her earlier post on what to pack for business travel). I’m thrilled to have her back! – Kat. (Pictured: Carry-on., originally uploaded to Flickr by _Fidelio_.)

Business travel is something so many of us do all the time, but even after several years’ experience can still be tricky. Add another person to the mix, and things can definitely get interesting. Sometimes traveling with a coworker can make an otherwise monotonous trip fun. On the other hand, it can also make an otherwise productive trip really, really awful. In my years of travel I have experienced both of these scenarios. Below are all issues that I have personally experienced, but unfortunately there are many other potential problems. A few tips for minimizing the things that could go wrong:

Be prepared. For most trips, plan on carrying on instead of checking your bag. If it’s a longer trip, check with your traveling companions to see if they are checking, because you don’t want to be the one that everyone is waiting for! Also, know your itinerary and necessary addresses when you arrive. The goal is to be competent and easy to travel with, not high maintenance.
Don’t overindulge. Winding down at the end of a long day with a glass (or two, or three…) of wine can be fun. But don’t get sloppy. It is so not impressive to see a coworker throw up in the back of a cab, with the division director looking on. Four years later, we are still talking about that one. It doesn’t look good (understatement), can lead to a multitude of problems and causes the next day to be really painful. Plus you will be more likely to share too much personal information if you drink too much. Which leads us to…..
Avoid oversharing. Traveling with someone creates a sense of intimacy. Working together, flying together, and eating meals together can foster a sense of closeness that may not hold up once you’re back in the office. Remember, the person you are traveling with is still a co-worker. Just because you are with them for three days solid doesn’t mean they need to know that you and your spouse are trying to have a baby, or that your husband cheated on you, or that you’re looking for another job.
Maintain boundaries. During a trip this year, my coworker got a little drunk and told me long stories about marital troubles, going on in excruciating detail for a while. It was kind of awkward for me, to say the least. When you are the recipient of oversharing, exiting gracefully can be a challenge. If it seems like things may be getting too personal, try to steer the conversation back to neutral territory, and wrap up as quickly as you can.
Get your work done. Just because someone is traveling with you doesn’t mean work obligations go away. You still need to check email, finish documents, and prepare for the next day. Make sure you’re not sacrificing work (or sleep!) for socializing.
Avoid romantic entanglements. I would hope this would go without saying, but just in case. Please, please do not get physically or romantically involved with a coworker on a business trip. Especially your boss.

Things can be even dicier when it’s not just a coworker, but your boss that’s your traveling companion. If you are traveling with a superior, you have to be on your best, and most competent, behavior. You want to come across as low maintenance as possible, and this can extend from your suitcase to your clothes to your dinner orders (remember When Harry Met Sally? Don’t be Sally!!). The above tips are even more important in this situation, and here are a few additional tips to look calm, collected, and like you know what you’re doing.

Be competent! This touches everything you do, starting with your suitcase. Know the airline’s guidelines so that if you are carrying on, your bag is within the correct size requirements. Also, make sure you can lift it into the overhead bin without throwing out your back or making weird noises. I recommend a simple, solid colored, neutral suitcase. Black is great, but blue, gray, brown, and red should also work. Although I love my bright pink suitcase, I try to channel Elle Woods only on personal trips.
Be productive. While on the plane with your superior, working is never a bad thing. If that’s not an option, look at a magazine that you could show your grandparents: Real Simple, In Style, something in that vein. (Not People or Us Weekly, please! Unless you’re sure that your boss shares your obsession with Brangelina.) Another option is to read a book. You don’t have to try to come across as a pseudo-intellectual, but please don’t read anything that looks like a trashy romance or something called “How to Get Your Boss’s Job.” This is a great excuse to finally get a Kindle! No one knows what you’re reading.
Know where you’re going. When you arrive, make sure you know where you are going and have a plan for getting there. You don’t necessarily need to do anything above and beyond what you would do when traveling alone. Just make sure, for example, you know the address of the office, what car rental company you are using, and the general location of your hotel. Long ago, I was traveling with a coworker and I couldn’t remember the name of my hotel, I just knew it was some kind of Marriott. I had to call all over the city to find my reservation (because I didn’t have access to my Rewards number or my confirmation code), and then it turned out my hotel was literally on the airport property. Way to look competent!!
Look professional. During any downtime that you spend with your boss, wear something comfortable but cute and well put together. It’s pretty unlikely you’ll have to wear a suit to dinner (unless of course you’re going straight from the office), so maybe a pair of slacks or dark jeans, a nice top, and cute shoes. Don’t wear anything that would make someone think you are going to a bar: nothing revealing, no too-tall shoes, etc.

The goal is to exude confidence and competence at all times. I know it doesn’t seem fair that someone could be judging you during “off” times, but that won’t stop them from subconsciously doing it. If a behavior could even remotely be considered questionable, don’t do it. But this is a time that you can show how skilled you are in areas your boss doesn’t usually get to see–so take advantage!

Readers, any tips to add? What are your crazy coworker travel stories?

(L-0)

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Open Thread: What Are Your Favorite Apps?

by Kat on 07/25/2011 · 91 comments

in Accessories, Organization, Tech, Travel

iPad2 and Android I’ve complained before that I had a dinosaur of a phone — a Treo 755 — due to my loyalty to both Sprint and to my 10+ years of history with a Palm Pilot. I finally bit the bullet and bought a new phone — the Samsung Epic 4G, an Android phone available from Sprint. So far: I really, really, really love it. (Like, really.) The transition from the Palm Pilot to the Android is mostly done, and I have a few favorite Apps to report on.

In other news, I also just purchased an iPad2 from Apple (Apple iPad 2 with Wi-Fi – 32GB – Black) — so now there are even MORE apps for me to learn about. (And yes, I am looking into the viability of a Corporette app — let me know if you guys have any ideas you’d care to share! Just better reading or something more specific? Which other blogs have great apps?) (Pictured: my new iPad2, my Samsung Epic, and a G2 pen.)

I thought I’d round up some of my favorite apps, and then pose the question to you guys — what are YOUR favorites, either for productivity or play?

(Full disclosure: I’m pretty new to both, as I’ve only had the phone for about six weeks now, and my iPad for about 4 days.) (Oh, and in other terms of disclosure: while I personally paid for all of the products and Apps I’m talking about today, I do own stock in both Google and Apple, for what that’s worth.)

For the Palm to Android transition:
(and I should note that unlike some people who’ve made the transition, my goal was to completely abandon the Palm Pilot)

Tasks: Remember the Milk (free). I’ve pretty much been using Remember The Milk for tasks for a few years instead of the Palm task list, so this one didn’t need much in the way of transition. While there is a Pro version of RTM (which turns it into an app for your phone), I haven’t found the need for it yet. But keep in mind, my “tasks” are more things like “use X coupon by Y date,” “return clothes from ___ by Y date,” “make sure enough money in checking account to pay mortgage,” and “expect arrival of ___ shipment from X (ordered ___).”
Memos: B-Folders ($29.95). I had a TON of memos on my Palm Pilot that I needed to transfer over. Some of these are proper memos — lists of ideas (for gifts, for future posts, for future businesses) — some are things to buy (for the grocery store, if I’m in a Sephora, etc) — and random notes that I find helpful to have with me 24-7 (when to call the doctor if you’re pregnant, what the signs of a heart attack are, etc). Some are just random notes that the most convenient place to stick them was my Palm Pilot (for example, I used to save advice articles from legal publications that I thought were helpful into my Palm Pilot; I keep a list of who I’ve sent holiday cards to and from whom I’ve received them, etc.). Some are probably weird uses of memos, such as my Recipes folder — I kept all of my recipes in my “Memo” file, divided by the meal course (main dishes separated from appetizers) as well as a section for untried recipes. I also keep a Poems folder, which I actually have pulled out when I’ve been stuck on the train or waiting at a bar or restaurant for a friend to arrive — a little Prufrock in your day never hurts. ANYWAY: I had a ton of memos, and so far I’ve been loving the program B-Folders as an easy way to get my Palm Memos onto my Android. The sync was very easy, and I love that the memos exist on my desktop, netbook and my phone, but NOT in the cloud. There is a free 30-day trial version of the program. It’s a slight bummer that I can’t find a way to put the program on my iPad, but it’s not a huge deal at this point.
Calendar: Pimlical ($24.95). Keep in mind, I have appointments and dates on the calendar dating back to 1999 — and I actually do go back and check on things! When I go to seminars or whatnot, I’ve always taken notes in the appointment’s “Notes” field instead of in a new Memo; similarly whenever I go to the doctor I usually record things (blood pressure, weight, as well as any Qs I have for the doc and her answers) in the calendar. I was uncomfortable putting all of this information in the cloud — plus I wanted to make sure that it was archived somewhere local. I had always loved the Datebk program on the Palm (amusingly, I really liked that I could put little pictures next to appointments, such as a martini next to “girls night out” dates and the picture of a shopping bag next to sample sales) — and Pimlical is made by the same company. Pimlical was a very easy way to import all of my old Palm data into a new desktop program, and I like that I can sync some things with my Google Calendar, and archive other things just on my desktop. I’ve only paid for the desktop version, NOT the Android App (which is another $5 I believe) — so far the Google Calendar sync is fine for when I’m out and about and need to check my schedule.
Contacts: TBD. I’m still searching for a good contact management program — I have a feeling this is going to be an uphill battle for me. Because my Palm Pilot contacts data was integrated in the Treo’s phone system, all of that data made it over to my phone, and thus far the only way I seem to edit any of it is on the phone itself (and that doesn’t back up anywhere — not my desktop or the cloud). Google Contacts seems to be what most people use, but I’m not sure I’m comfortable with all of my contacts data being in the cloud. Both Pimlical and B-Folders have a contacts function, but neither is perfect. B-Folders was a cinch to upload my Palm data, but it doesn’t integrate with my phone at all — so if, say, I add a new contact for something like a pediatrician I have to add it in two separate places: first to B-Folders and then to my phone. Pimlical might be promising, but I haven’t found an easy way to do a mass import yet, nor have I found a way to get it synced to my phone or to Google Contacts. All I want is a program that will let me add a contact in ONE place, sync it in multiple places (such as my desktop, netbook, and phone) and then let me use that same “contact” file to make a call by just clicking a button, not copying and pasting someone’s number to my phone. Any suggestions?

Other Apps:

The main one that I love is Read It Later. You download a program to both your phone and your desktop browser (it’s a plugin for Firefox) and suddenly whenever you see a longish article that you want to read all you have to do is click a button to put the article in your “Read It Later” queue. Super handy for the subway ride, and I love reading long articles on my iPad. I also like that it integrates with Gmail, Twitter, etc. so I can send articles on to friends and family. I use the free version on my phone (which limits your download queue to 10 articles; after that you have to have a signal or WiFi to download more), but I did upgrade to the full version on my iPad. (I should note that I have not tried some of the other readers, such as Instapaper or Flipboard.)

I’ve also downloaded the Kindle app for my iPad, as well as the OverDrive app (which lets you check out ebooks from your library — so far the selections are limited, at least with the NYPL and the BPL, but the checkout/returns process has been super easy). (Incidentally, for those of you with a proper Kindle — Corporette is available for subscription on the Kindle!)

Games:

Ah, Angry Birds — just as addictive as everyone said it was.
Fashion Story — I’m not proud of it, but over the weekend I was addicted to this game on my iPad. Hey, I’m building my business skills!
I also have “Words With Friends” on my phone, but only play it rarely.
I also have “Jewels” on my phone (I was a longtime fan of the game “Bejeweled” on my Palm Pilot.) This is an OK replacement for it, but nothing fancy.

Apps I Haven’t Played With Enough:

On my phone, I also have uploaded Google Goggles, Google Sky, Layar, Shopper, Shazam, and Droid Light on my phone, but haven’t used anything too much.

I’ve also added Netflix to my iPad and phone, as well as IMDb; so far they seem fine. (Am I the only one completely addicted to IMDb when watching movies at home? I love the trivia. For example: did you know that Justine Bateman was considered for the lead for Heathers? Or (not quite “trivia”, but news to me) that Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs was played by the same actor who played the police captain on Monk, Captain Leland Stottlemeyer? Clearly, Ted Levine deserves an Oscar… I had no idea.)

Android Apps I’m not Super Impressed With:

WordPress. I like that I can approve comments on the go (believe me, this is a HUGE improvement over my inability to do it on my old phone) but I wish I could sort by comments that were still in the queue — instead I just see them all in a stream for when they came in, both approved and unapproved. Sigh. I’ve also put this one on my iPad and am having some problems, but I think some Googling will help me there.
Weight Watchers Mobile. I’ve been a longtime fan of WeightWatchers (and a member since 2006? 2005?), and have continued to track my food intake even during my pregnancy (but I haven’t restricted myself at all — when I go over, I go over). The Mobile app, at least on the Android, is super annoying. (For the record: pregnant women should not diet, and WW will not even accept you if you tell them you’re pregnant. I’ve just tracked points so long it felt weird to stop, and my doctor didn’t see a problem with it so long as I wasn’t restricting my intake.) I think this app was free — I find it cumbersome to look up points, and am annoyed that the program requires WiFi or a signal in order to work (so if I’m underground in the subway I can’t put my points in and then have them all uploaded later on). I just added it to my iPad, maybe it’ll be better there since I’m likely to have a WiFi signal when I’m using my iPad.
Yelp. I’m sure this is because I refuse to turn on the GPS function on my phone (yes, I have weird privacy concerns, sue me) but unless I know exactly what I’m looking for I’ve found it hard to narrow the results to a small enough area. A friend with an iPhone (where you don’t get the option for the app to use GPS or not) swears it’s an amazing app. Personally, I long for a program similar to Vindigo — it was a Palm Pilot program (which I used with love from 2000-2008 or so, when the company folded) that would let you say “I’m at THIS intersection in Manhattan. What’s close?” And you could then sort restaurants by cuisine, rating, dollars — they even had some reviews on there (although if memory serves they were newspaper reviews, not Zagat’s or whatnot). It would give you walking directions AND subway directions, and was generally great. You could do the same for shops, museums — it would even download the movie schedules and club schedules so you knew which bands were playing, where. The other cool thing about it was that when you traveled you could download the info for that city — I tried using it a few times on trips abroad (London, Paris, Berlin, Munich) as well as in the States (San Francisco, Miami, Cleveland, Washington, D.C.) and nothing quite worked as well as the NYC version — but it was still an amazing, amazing program. (R.I.P.)
Mint. I nearly forgot about this one because I deleted it off my phone so quickly after I installed it. Love the program, am OK with my info in the cloud, but MAN what a useless App — it seemed like the only thing it would tell me was how much cash I had and how much credit card debt I had — in a huge window that came up on my phone. Talk about huge privacy issues (whether it’s my brother or a random guy next to me on the subway) and for less-than-key information than I’d want on the fly. I was so disappointed with the Android app that I haven’t tried the iPad app yet.
Tweetdeck/Seismic. I’m still searching for the best Twitter app for my Android phone — it seemed like Tweetdeck ran a lot smoother on the Windows Phone I got to play with earlier this year.

General Notes on the Products:
– Samsung Epic. Like I said, I love my phone. I bought it after also considering an HTC Evo, but I liked that the Samsung Epic had a pull-out keyboard (I’ve found touchscreen keyboards hard to use in the past). (I was also kind of considering a Blackberry Torch, but I have such negative memories from my days of the law firm-issued Blackberry that it’s hard for me to willingly buy one.) I didn’t realize it when I bought it, but the Samsung also has a cool program called Swype that makes it very easy to type on the touchscreen — six weeks in I’m still getting used to it and teaching it words (why it guesses that I’m saying “dimet” instead of “dinner” every.single.time is beyond me, but go figure), but it’s a much easier than the touchscreens I’ve used before. The guy at the Sprint store counseled us to buy a second battery, and he was right — the battery power on this one stinks (at least compared to my old Treo). To save battery power I usually keep the WiFi and the 4G networks turned off, but the few times I’ve used the 4G network it was dramatically, dramatically faster than the 3G one. I haven’t looked into it too much, but I believe the Sprint 4G network can make my phone be a “hotspot” to provide WiFi to other devices, such as, say, my iPad. (I can’t compare my Android phone to an iPhone because I’ve never had one, but I will say that I have very few problems with Sprint service and have yet to experience a dropped call — part of the reason I’ve been loyal all these years.)
- iPad2 – I’ve only had it for 4 days, but it really seems great. The battery power seems to last a long time (I used it a lot on Friday and Saturday before having to recharge it on Sunday), but the screen does get very smudgy. I definitely need an iPad case for this one before I take this baby out of the house. I can’t compare it to the original iPad (only played with them in passing) or to the whispered-about iPad3. If you may recall, I also considered getting an iPad back when I bought my netbook — definitely, definitely glad I have my netbook as well because while the keyboard on the iPad2 is fine for one-line emails and the like, nothing compares to my netbook for travel.
- Netbook versus iPad versus Android. I always have my phone with me, so if I only need to do basic things — check my email or calendar, or entertain myself for 30-45 minutes, I’ll probably only be bringing my phone. If I need to do heavy duty writing and I’m out and about, I’ll likely bring my netbook — it’s super lightweight and easy to type. My iPad I primarily got for reading, and while it’s nice that my email/calendar is easy to check, it’s not so much easier than my phone that I’d prefer it for that purpose. If we were going on a beach vacation I’d probably bring all 3; I’m also considering bringing all 3 to the hospital with me when it’s time to deliver — otherwise I’d probably just grab my netbook and phone and go.

OK, readers — favorite apps? Anyone else care to weigh in on the Android/Apple debate?

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Jobhunting in a Different City

by Kat on 07/19/2011 · 51 comments

in Career, Commuting, Interviewing, Networking, Transitions, Travel

Reader L has a question about networking and job hunting in a different geographic area…

I just became engaged to a wonderful young man who lives an hour and a half away from me. This is the closest we’ve lived since we began dating a long time ago, due to jobs and schooling. I’ve been at my job for 3 years, and am not happy. He loves his job of one year and it has much more potential for growth. I’ve been quietly asking around, trying to see if anyone knows people in his city, which is the largest in our state, and he is not in the same field as I am and doesn’t have connections. Ideally I’d like to go to the same office as I work in (government) in boyfriend’s city, but it turns out there are 3 people in my own office who told me they’ve already submitted their resumes months ago to that city’s office and no response. These are people with much more experience than me so I’m quite discouraged. Should I just send my resume blindly and hope? Should I mention in the cover letter that my future husband lives in the city and that’s why I want to move there, or not say anything about my desire to move? I’ve already tried the local bar association there and the website of my law school’s career services office, but it seems like no one is hiring. One thing that’s a possibility is telling my bosses that I want to go elsewhere for a few years until my fiancee can start telecommuting with his job and then we can move back. There are 3 women in my office who have done that – 2 have done it multiple times now – and they are always welcomed back with open arms. Since both fiancee and I are from the town I live in now, I think that’s a reasonable and believable request. Unfortunately we can’t just live halfway between our jobs as my office has a residency requirement to live within a certain mileage of work.

I’m curious to see what the readers say about this one. First, to Reader L, congratulations on your engagement! Some thoughts on job hunting and networking are below, but I’ll say up front that the telecommuting option sounds like a great option for your situation, particularly if you know your boss is open to the idea. Talk with the women who’ve done it before and see what they thought of the experience — what is their advice to you in talking to your boss? what is their advice to you in telecommuting? Once you start telecommuting you can network (and interview, depending on whatever agreement you strike with your boss in order to telecommute) in your new city without fear of using all those vacation days that I’m sure you’re hoping to save for the wedding festivities and your honeymoon. (Pictured: Map, originally uploaded to Flickr by NeilsPhotography.)

Now, some ideas on networking and jobhunting in a different city than your own…

a) Borrow your fiance’s address. One of the tips I remember from my college years (where the university was in Chicago but many people migrated to New York to work) was that you should “borrow” a local friend’s address to use on your resume and correspondence so it looks like you’re a local. If the city is only an hour and a half drive, it should be no problem if the prospective employer wants to interview you sometime soon, like in a day or two.

b) Make plans to be in the city for Week X. Even if you don’t have any job interviews planned, write to the employers you’re interested in and tell them that you’ll be moving to the city soon and would love to hear more about their business, and could you arrange an informational interview for the week of X? Arrange as many as you can. I would also add to this mix any alumni (whether you knew them or not) who are working in the industry you’d like to be in, or who work for employers you’d like to work for. Repeat as often as you can given your current vacation time allotment.

c) Use online social networks to see who you know in the city. For example, if you sign up for LinkedIn Pro you can use the “Advanced” tab to search for connections located “in or near” a certain zipcode, and you can filter them by seniority level, which groups they have in common with you, what level of connection they are to you, and even by where they fall in the Fortune 1000 rankings. So if I were moving to LA and wanted to find a legal job that had some relation to the IP or media law field, I would search for people working within 50 miles of 90036 (the zip code of a friend’s LA address), who work in Industries such as Judiciary, Law Practice, Legal Services, or Legislative Offices, of all Seniority Levels, who are affiliated with some of the Groups I’ve joined (such as Media & Entertainment Law Group, Medill Alumni, ThoseInMedia, The Copyright Society of the USA, Digital Breakfast, etc), and look only for 1st or 2d connections and group members who speak English. Given my current connections, that search nets me 397 results — not a bad place to start. (Full disclosure: I have a LinkedIn Pro membership courtesy of LinkedIn; I also have purchased a small amount of stock in the company.)

d) If you do start telecommuting, do your best to network and expand your connections. A number of my friends swear by charitable groups like the Junior League as a great way to meet new people in a city; you may also find that a number of local institutions such as museums have “under 35″ networking groups that may be great ways for you to network. Get involved in alumni groups, local chapters of the bar association or specialty associations, church groups — whatever interests you. You don’t mention where you’ll be holding the wedding (your city or his), but as you get to know your vendors I’d even suggest asking them if they know anyone in your field — you just never know.

e) Since you do recognize that it’s likely you’ll be back in your current city one day, don’t forget about it once you’re away. Continue to network and make business lunches with people whenever you’re back in the city.

Readers, what are your tips for jobhunting from afar? What other resources would you recommend to Reader L?

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Networking with Older Men

by Kat on 06/20/2011 · 155 comments

in Business Etiquette, Career, Networking, Professionalism, Transitions, Travel

Can a younger woman network with older men without getting into questionable situations? My friend J told me of her interesting dilemma over the weekend…

She’s traveling a lot for business these days, and on one of her latest trips she sat next to an older businessman. She’s generally against talking to her seatmates, but wanted to have a bit of chitchat before she made him move to let her go to the bathroom — and she discovered that he’s the Chairman of the Board of a huge non-profit foundation (like, huge). They exchanged business cards when they got off the plane. Great contact to have, right?

Later that night, the text messages started. They were friendly at first (to which she replied warily), then turned slightly suspicious (to which she increased her delay before responding, then finally stopped responding all together). They’re no longer in the same town, but the question that’s left is: can she still network with this contact, or should he and his possibly less-than-pure motives be left in the dust? Call me an opportunist, but I’d hate to throw away a potential networking contact like that just because the guy was a bit skeevy. We’ve talked about how to handle it when a potential client hits on you, as well as how to network when you’re the low man on the totem pole, but not necessarily when a potential mentor/networking contact hits on you.

I’ve been in the situation myself, although in my case I think my defenses went up too soon — I vividly remember being asked “So what do you want?” when I took an older gentleman to lunch when I was around 23 (he practiced in a specialty I wanted to get into). Nothing but advice, I answered honestly, but I somehow still felt a bit dirty. I made sure that the next time I asked an older gentleman out to lunch (this time an adjunct professor whose specialty I was dying to get into), that I had a male classmate there with me at the lunch.

In my friend’s situation, though — this VIP could open a number of interesting doors to her. He’s a successful businessman with lots of contacts, and through his work with this big foundation he has even more contacts. His advice would undoubtedly be invaluable, and a very successful older friend is never a bad thing to have — you never know who will hear about the next big career opportunity. But how can she manage the relationship so it’s clear that she’s not interested in funny business?

For my $.02:

- I think the relationship needs to be managed the right way from the start. One of my female mentors (who came up when there were few women in senior positions) noted that she generally encouraged a “father/daughter” relationship.

- Know a bit about flirting so that you DON’T do it — simple things like

shake hands with him (businesslike — firm handshake, ladies!) as soon as you exchange names
do not touch his arm or encourage physical closeness of any sort (for example: don’t show him your phone or magazine in a way that might make you two huddle together)
watch your eye contact — I’ve heard that “business” eye contact is between the eyes and nosebridge; “friend” eye contact is between the eyes, nose, and mouth, whereas “dating” eye contact involves, um, lower eye contact. Also, watch the duration of your eye contact.
perhaps put something between you and him — casually put your purse on your lap, or even an in-flight magazine.
don’t seem too interested in his personal life

- As a “rainmaking litigation partner at a Biglaw firm” noted in comments a while back, “There is typically an inverse corrolation [sic] between the female summer associates that I want to date and the ones I want to hire. The qualities in the ones I want to hire are: hard-working, thorough, intuitive, and detail-oriented. The qualities in the ones I want to date are: flirtatious, spontaneous, and fun. Know which category you want to find yourself in and act accordingly.”

- Shut him down quickly if it goes there. “I’m flattered by the attention, but not interested like that.” This is better done sooner rather than later.

- Realistically assess when to abort if the attentions continue. What do you really want from this guy, and how many awkward conversations are you willing to endure to get there? In my friend J’s case, I might suggest first studying the VIP’s resume (which should be publicly available, at least on the foundation’s website), and sending an email — from whatever email address is on her resume — to say it was nice to meet him, and then asking direct questions toward things she’d like to know from his background. E.g.: “After perusing your profile on the ___ website, I noticed that you had moved from <Field X> to <Field Y> — I’m interested in making a similar switch myself, and would greatly appreciate any advice you have on that point. Did you join any organizations, or find any reading materials to be particularly helpful?” And if his response is still a bit questionable — well, move on.

Readers, what are your thoughts? What would you do in this situation — would you try to salvage the contact or move on? What is your best advice for how to network with older men?

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