Thursday’s Workwear Report: Ella Sheath Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This pinstriped dress at Shabby Apple is one of their bestsellers, and it looks like a nice basic dress that’s a little bit different from the norm. (Note that it may appear shorter on the 5’11” model.) Since you can’t tell from the product page, we asked customer service if the back zip is hidden and whether the dress is machine washable, and it was a yes to both. Right now this is only in stock in sizes 8, 10, and 12, but do check back — and also take a look at this other Shabby Apple dress that we featured recently. The pictured dress is 97% cotton and 3% spandex and is $76. Ella Sheath Dress Navy

Here’s a plus-size option (but note that it’s final sale and not returnable).

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Comments

  1. Dentist anxiety :

    I hate the dentist – I get very anxious (though not at a clinical level). I have to have a gum graft next week, with Novocain as the only anesthetic rather than something that would make me more “out of it.” Any advice/insight on how bad it will be? (How sore were you after, did you do a liquid diet for a while, etc.) I’ve had my wisdom teeth out before, which was bad but at least I don’t remember the actual procedure because of the anesthesia…
    They’ve given me painkillers to start on before the procedure, so please no suggestions of other meds to take beforehand.
    TIA!

    • Can they give you laughing gas to relax you?

      • Anony Mouse :

        I know you said no meds, but if anxiety during the procedure is an issue, ask your dentist to proscribe a low dose of Xanax. Nitrous oxide doesn’t work for me.

      • Dentist anxiety :

        They are refusing to give me laughing gas. I have mentioned that I’m anxious and they are not all that sympathetic, so no Xanax or anything either (to address BL and Anonymous’s comments).

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          Try asking your primary instead.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          Find a different dentist. Won’t help for next week, but there is no reason for you to be anxious when they could help and won’t.

          • Anony Mouse :

            +1 Anxiety over dental visits is hugely common. If your dentist is unsympathetic, it’s time to move on.

          • Y to the East :

            For real! Plenty of dentists are comfortable with sedation dentistry, and it is worth arranging a ride home for the anxiety reduction.
            I forget what my dentist prescribes, but basically it puts me in a half blacked out state, where time moves really fast and I don’t remember much afterwards/during. It makes you pretty silly, but it gets me through relatively anxiety-free.
            Screw mean dentist – just say fooey and move on!

          • Senior Attorney :

            +1

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I don’t know if your “no other meds” part of your question is limited to pain or not so I’ll just answer with my advice and you can disregard if you want. When I needed a root canal, I told the dentist’s office how nervous I was and they asked if I had ever taken Xanax or Ativan. I said I had a xanax prescription for flying and they told me to take one before the procedure and have someone drive me to and from. Even if you don’t have such a prescription, if you tell your dentist or PCP how nervous you are, they might be able to prescribe you some if it would not interact with the pain meds.

    • Anonymous :

      I had a ton of dental work done as a kid without nitrous oxide and it still gives me anxiety when I go in. Is there any reason they can’t at least give you a Xanax or a Valium to help you relax?

    • Anonymous :

      Both my friend and her husband had it done recently – it seemed like it was less bad than having wisdom teeth removed. My friend’s husband is a big manbabby and didn’t even take his painkillers, so I am sure you will be fine. They were both out exercising and drinking beers with me a couple days after.

      • Dentist anxiety :

        That’s interesting – my dentist said no exercise for 5-7 days after. Glad to hear your friends had a relatively good experience!

    • anon a mouse :

      I’ve had this done. It hurts right after the procedure, but I think I was mostly back to normal within a day or two. I took a half valium before hand to take the edge off, but not so much that I was unable to drive home.

      If your dentist doesn’t offer them, take headphones to listen to music while the dentist is working. I remember it took longer than I thought it would.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        +1. Had this done in 2015 and went the novocaine-only route. Definitely listen to music if you can.They gave me an antibiotic and painkiller prescription and I only needed the painkillers that night and a day after.

        Following the recovery instructions is REALLY important. Liquids/pudding/yogurt, no brushing for a week (they give you mouthwash). You will probably have stitches in your mouth for longer than you would like, but it’s to give you the best chance of a successful graft.

        Hope it goes smoothly for you.

        • Dentist anxiety :

          How long were you eating liquids/yogurt? My dentist hasn’t been specific on that; she just said I have to chew only on the other side. But I am planning on starting with foods that don’t need chewing, if only because of the initial soreness.

          One other question, for anyone who might want to weigh in: could you get home independently once you were done? I won’t be driving and was assuming I’d be fine to get myself home, but please let me know if I’m wrong.

          • pugsnbourbon :

            I went to periodontist – she was pretty specific regarding instructions and emphasized that the longer I stuck with liquids/yogurt-type things, the better my outcome would likely be. It was a week before I ate anything more challenging than scrambled eggs.

            I drove and was fine to get myself home. I definitely drooled until the novocaine wore off, so maybe make sure you have kleenex on the way home?

          • Dentist anxiety :

            I never would’ve thought of Kleenex but will definitely bring. Thanks so much for the suggestion!
            And I have a ton of soup and yogurt (and Halo Top ice cream), so I can do liquids for a while ;)

          • pugsnbourbon :

            I picked up a few of those little squeezy bags of fruit and veggie puree – better-tasting than baby food.

          • I am giving major side-eye to your dentist here – she won’t do anything to help with your anxiety, and she hasn’t given you specific followup care instructions? I know you already have this scheduled but in your shoes I would be looking for someone else to do the procedure.

    • I have vicious dental anxiety and for long procedures I listen to a familiar movie on my headphones, because I can picture the scenes in my mind. Also, if panic sets in, I recommend counting backwards from 100 accompanied by deep breathing.

    • I’m a nervous patient and get Xanax or Valium before procedures. It also calms me to wear the x-ray thing. Something about the weigh helps my anxiety.

      BTW, is anyone receiving new comments by email? I check the box but nothing happens…

    • I had this done as a teenager and they put me under (I’m not sure why) so I don’t know anything about the pain during, but after wasn’t too bad. Recovery was much easier than wisdom teeth – I was back in school the next morning and felt fine.

      Are they taking the graft from the roof of your mouth? That was probably where I had the most pain, but I know they don’t do that on everyone.

      • Dentist anxiety :

        Yes, they are taking it from the roof of my mouth. I wish they’d put me under! (But they won’t – see above)

    • NotYourLawyer :

      I had a graft done a few years back. The novocain shot will hurt more than you expect, but it’s tolerable. You might feel a “pulling” feeling during the procedure, but shouldn’t feel pain.
      For aftercare, bags of frozen peas were a lifesaver because they actually conform to your face. I tried one smoothie and then mostly ate pudding (full fat/full sugar so that it’s calorie dense and you don’t have to eat that frequently) because my graft was directly under my four front-bottom teeth and I couldn’t use a straw. I was miserable for about 3 days but kept up the pudding/mashed potatoes/oatmeal diet for about a week.
      Depending on what they’re giving you for painkillers, I’d also ask for something for sleep or at least a suggestion of what OTC drugs are compatible with your pain pills.

      • anon a mouse :

        The no-straw thing was hardest for me because I use them all the time. Add in the swelling, and I seriously had a hard time drinking from a cup without one.

        My graft was on one side, so that made it easier for me to eat on the non-grafted side.

    • I had this done and was given the option of IV sedation and decided to use it. I’m very glad I did. I could tell when they were lightening it up at the end of the procedure and I started to get anxious feeling like I needed to sit up and swallow but then also feeling like I couldn’t actually speak to tell them that I needed to swallow lest I mess up whatever it was they were doing. I finally communicated to them somehow and next thing I knew, I didn’t care so much about feeling like I needed to swallow anymore. I’m really glad I went with the conscious sedation route.

      Recovery … the first couple of days I was in some pain. After that, it wasn’t really painful but uncomfortable. I also had cadaver tissue used, so no pain from a graft site. I was probably on liquids for about a week and then gradually transitioned after that. The stitches and not being able to brush got pretty gross after a while.

    • My husband has had this done twice, and both times he was given IV sedation (and for comparison’s sake, he had his wisdom teeth pulled with only local anesthetic). His periodontist was also VERY detailed and specific about aftercare instructions. I would definitely look for a second opinion here.

      • Anonymous :

        Stupid question here – I have extreme dental anxiety due to a really really bad experience that I had at the dentist in my early 20s. This has cause me to delay dental care for quite some time. I really want to go, I am embarrassed about the state of my mouth and the level of my anxiety. Is Xanax or vallium a thing you can ask for even for the first appointment you have had in awhile? I really need to go in and I have anxiety just typing this.

        • I suppose you can always ask. But just FYI – there are dentists that specialize in dental anxiety (in NY, we have one that advertises this non-stop), and probably most will be familiar with it regardless because it’s so common that you really don’t need to be embarrassed.

    • I have three grafts next week too! Thanks for posting here, because I sure found the replies useful:)

      Good luck to both of us!

    • I had a gum graft done and it was not a big deal. They used novocaine too and nothing else and I felt a bit of scraping but nothing else really (other than the novocaine injections which did pinch a bit but were over fast). My dental surgeon kept up a running stream of chitchat which helped distract me, and the whole thing was over quickly. I had it done on a Friday and I stuck with soft food over the weekend. He gave me a mouth guard sort of thing to cover the healing roof of my mouth for a the first few days, but I actually found it more uncomfortable to wear it so I just left it off and stuck with foods that didn’t irritate my palate (ice cream, pudding, etc). I was back to work on the Monday.

  2. Anonymous :

    Has anyone ever bought anything from Shabby Apple? Thoughts on quality, what body types it’s good for, etc.?

    • I went through a Shabby Apple phase in my 20s (now early 30s)–at one point I had 5-6 dresses. And I don’t think much has changed: nothing was lined, quality is hit or miss, sizing is inconsistent, it’s hard to really scrutinize their clothes because most or all the photos are editorial so key views are missing, pay shipping for returns… I loved the dresses I had when I had them, but I can’t say that any of them were of a “business casual” quality. I check in with their website several times a year, and it still seems that is the status quo.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Wow, same. Though I think I only had two. It strikes me that what they do well is curation and styling — it’s not high quality clothes, but they display them in a way that really spoke to my #goals for fashion a while back.

      • Same. All of it.

    • Anony Mouse :

      Several years ago I considered buying a couple of dresses from them, but read a number of negative reviews about the company’s customer service (difficulty with returns and exchanges). This was years ago, though.

    • Quality was super poor when I bought from them a few years ago…sometimes the dresses seemed like they’d been put together by a novice home sewer.

      • I concur with this. Better in theory than in practice – both in terms of the look of the garment, as well as the (lack of) quality.

    • I’ve stayed away given the quality concerns raised by the other commenters, but a trip to their site today tells me they are under new management, so fingers crossed?

      I’ve been intrigued by S A as an option given its dedication to modesty (IIRC, it was founded to provide stylish options for women who adhere to modesty as part of their religion, like LDS, etc), and how that helps working women looking for modest options for a different reason.

      • If you do ever spring for it, please report back! I was interested in modest workwear (not for any religious reasons, just that it’s a pain to always wear a cami or cardigan with everything), which is what drew me to them in the first place, but I haven’t been back to them since. If they’ve upped their quality and consistency in sizing, I could be swayed.

    • I ordered once and was unhappy with the quality. The fabrics were not lined and seemed cheap and stiff.

  3. d*mn, it has happened (skirt edition) :

    I have been looking for a longer, flouncy, wrap skirt for summer (that wasn’t mucho dinero (love Lisa Marie Fernandez, but I’m on a Target-ish budget). THIS may be perfect for me (and not breaking the bank spendy).

    http://www.eloquii.com/pinstripe-ruffle-wrap-skirt/1354426.html?q=pinstripe%20ruffle%20skirt&dwvar_1354426_colorCode=32&start=3?utm_campaign=Skimlinks&utm_medium=affiliate&PID=3640641&AID=11665963&SID=74968X1525084X58d4f4f66648de9109dd056e95236660&utm_source=cj&utm_content=11665963

    BUT it is only available in sizes 18 and above. And the store doesn’t even carry my size :( So, rejoice if this is your size! I will shop on . . .

    • Anonymous :

      This seems so tone dealth. You are complaining because a plus size store doesn’t carry you size. You do realize this happens to plus size women every day, not once in a blue moon, right?

    • d*mn, it has happened (skirt edition) :

      Maybe I need more caffeine. I think that this is awesome! I have grown up with women who sewed b/c nothing ever fit or fit right or lovely. Now the world has turned around a bit — this is an awesome skirt. And my sisters and aunties can go into a store and buy it. If I had their talent, I’d probably just design for them b/c they are so underserved and just want lovely things to wear (or non-sack things). To whom ever designed this skirt and took his/her talents to Eloquii — well done!

    • Not *your* lawyer :

      I think that Ann Taylor had some similar skirts in straight sizes this summer! Likely on final sale and in funky patterns–not this neutral–but it might be out there!

      As a cusp sizer, I appreciate this recc!

  4. New Yorkers, can you tell me which Manhattan Brooks Brothers store is best for women’s suiting? They finally have nice, not-weird suits again, and I’m ready to pull the trigger, but I don’t want to order online. I usually need a petite jacket and regular skirt, so need both available in the store. I can reasonably get to any of them, although Upper East Side is less convenient.

    TIA!

    • I think the flagship in the 40s has the biggest women’s section, followed by the one by WTC and last (least) UES.

      • +1 to the one on the 40’s off of Madison, biggest selection by far. They also have a great tailor in house at that location.

    • Cornellian :

      I have only ever gone to the small one near Rockefeller on 6th Ave, but I have had good luck there. It’s not a huge store, but they can get sizes from other stores, if necessary, and their on-site tailor is great. I think they do a lot of “standard” suiting because of all the office buildings nearby. So, not a ringing endorsement, but they’ve always met my needs. I know you want everything available in store, but since tailoring is free, consider that you may want to make a second visit anyway.

  5. I have a JD and I’m actively barred, but I’ve never practiced (I work in policy). My job’s been a bit slow lately, and I just got an email about pro bono opportunities available through the DC bar.

    I worked extensively for the Low Income Taxpayer Clinic during law school, but I’ve never worked on anything involving actual cases in court. It looks like the opportunities are in housing, domestic violence, child custody, probate, bankruptcy, gov’t benefits (TANF/SSDI/veterans), and immigration. I don’t have experience in any of those areas besides electives during law school. Would they want me? Or would I be more trouble than I’m worth? Any other information appreciated.

    • Anonymous :

      Most people have no experience in their pro bono assignments- worth asking! Check on the malpractice insurance stuff, org should be able to help.

    • Anonymous :

      As a former DC legal services attorney, the DC bar definitely wants you!! They give you all the substantive training you need (often pairing you up with a legal services attorney for mentoring).

    • Marshmallow :

      Yes, do it!! I appeared in family court for a child immigration matter within a few months of being barred with no other court experience and it was fine. There will be a mentor figure who can help. Just explain that you’ve never actually practiced in court, and see what they say.

    • I have worked with the DC Volunteer Lawyers Project and they’re great at training volunteers and supporting them through the entire case.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      The most important experience in my legal career, bar none, was a particular pro bono hearing. I had no idea what I was doing going in, but the stellar Legal Aid attorney who was supervising prepped me, and I questioned an expert witness and basically saved a guy’s life. The only problem is that doing that in my first year out of law school was like the definition of peaking early. :-)

    • Pro bono is great :

      I mentor pro bono attorneys on veterans issues and teach everything they need to know. Do it!

  6. Pointy toes? :

    Are pointy toes flats and pumps still stylish? I love mine, but all the new Boden chunky block heels are catching my eye as well.

    • I think they’re classic/always stylish. But I’m not a huge fan of block heels, so I might be biased :)

    • Anonymous :

      They’re classic, and they *can* be stylish, but they’re not always on trend. Right now block heels (which I far prefer to skinny heels) are on trend.

    • There are lots of pointy toe kitten heels and sling backs being shown for Fall by high end designers. So I would keep those in rotation along with any block heels you have.

    • I think they are always stylish especially if you have the type of feet that look like little hooves in the round toe style.

      My beef with a lot of the round toe chunky heels we are seeing now is that unless the style has a strap, my heels pop out while I’m walking in them. I simply don’t have that problem with the pointy toes, maybe because my foot gets jammed in tight enough that the heels don’t lift as much? Or the heels aren’t as heavy in proportion to the rest of the shoe? Ahhh the physics of shoes.

      • Pointy toes? :

        Little hooves…..ew.

        You’re onto something there — my pointy toe shoes fit and look the best. But being ‘of a certain age’, I’m keen to keep my wardrobe free of stale looks….and colored suits :) Nothing wrong with colored suits, btw, just not *my* look, and certainly not my default look, lol.

        • Hahaha, when my feet look like this in shoes I call them “pickled pig’s feet.”

        • I def get that. Part of staying stylish as you age is avoiding certain fads that seem really impractical or you feel won’t have any staying power. Easier said than done, especially since more stores are going for the trendy styles over classic in terms of work wear.

          I think the type of shoe that has the potential to look dated once the trend is over is the really open/barefoot style sandal with chunky heels. That’s my prediction anyway.

      • Anonymous :

        Little hooves. Apt description!

  7. Travel money? :

    What’s the best way to take money abroad (us to uk) when I’d like to have access to more than I will likely spend? I don’t want to get burned exchanging it back. DH wants to carry thousands in cash, but I’m pretty uncomfortable with that.

    • Just use your debit card at an ATM if you need cash over there? How much are you likely to spend?

      • This. Figure out what your bank charges to use an ATM and if they have branches there. If you plan on taking out a lot, you can always see about opening up an account with a bank that has branches in London. Another point – we have a credit card that doesn’t charge an exchange rate for this exact purpose. We use it to may for most things that can be charged and end up not needing that much cash.
        Exchanging there is absolutely the worst thing you can do even if you end up spending all the money b/c most exchange places charge more than 3 percent (which is what most banks will charge you to use your ATM card to withdraw money. (My advice would be different in a non-western European country but you’re not going there).

      • +1

        Notify your bank that you’re going, bring a few hundred in cash, and take the rest out of the ATM when you get there. You’ll likely be charged a foreign withdrawal fee (usually a few dollars and/or a percentage of the dollar amount) but to me, that fee is worth it to avoid carrying large amounts of cash and dealing with currency exchange places (which will build their own charge into the exchange rates).

        If you have a travel credit card, some offer no foreign transaction fee on credit purchases, so that might be something to consider if you think you’ll be doing a LOT of shopping or making major purchases.

        • Anony Mouse :

          +1 Amazingly, my credit union doesn’t charge a foreign transaction fee. Even if your bank/CU does, it’s still better value than the fees you’ll encounter by exchanging l0cally.

    • Anonymous :

      Is he insane? You use your credit cards for most things and get cash at an ATM as needed.

    • Leave it in your bank account and use an ATM if you need it. My bank is pretty travel-friendly (reimburses ATM fees and no foreign transaction fees), but even if yours charged a small fee, to me that would be worth forgoing the risk of losing the cash.

    • Anonymous :

      Bring a credit card and a debit card. Pay for most purchases on the credit card and use the ATM as needed.

      If you were traveling to a US destination, you would not carry thousands in cash. Most European cities feel just like US cities. Act with reasonable care with your belonging and you will be fine. In many months of European travel, the only theft I saw or heard of was in Venice – a young tourist had her (gasp) travel umbrella taken from the outer pocket of her Jansport on a water taxi.

      • +1

        When in Spain and Greece, I used my credit card whenever possible and got cash out of the ATM as needed.

        My parents will get Euros from their bank before they leave and will return them back to the bank once they’re back in US. I find it easier just to use the ATM.

      • Venice was actually the only place I wasn’t able to use my ATM card (which is from a credit union, so maybe that was part of the problem). I could use it at the airport, but not in Venice itself. Not a huge problem, because my sister’s ATM card worked, so she just gave me cash when needed. And I usually just used my credit card.

        That same ATM card worked in London, Paris, Prague, Rome, Amsterdam, and even in Morocco, but for some reason, not in Venice.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I would contact your bank and see if they can send you some cash in pounds before you travel so that you have some local currency before you land (my bank will do this). My preference would be to use a credit card that doesn’t charge foreign transaction fees, but if you need more cash when you’re there, use your debit card at the ATM if needed. It’s the best exchange rate (compared to going to an exchange counter).

    • Travel money? :

      When I use my credit card to buy clothes from UK stores online, pretty significant (usually over 5$) fees show up on my credit card. Will the same thing happen every time I use it over there?

      • You might want to look into a credit card with no foreign transaction fee then.

      • Gail the Goldfish :

        Probably–get a new card with no foreign transaction fees. I have a credit card I got solely for foreign trips for just that reason. Someone should have a no annual fee, no foreign fees card. Check nerdwallet for comparisons.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        It sounds like yours charges foreign transaction fees. Do you have time to apply for one that won’t? Chase Sapphire Preferred doesn’t as one example. Make sure your card has a chip too. You might even need a PIN. A few years back I ran into an issue in Canada because all the atms required chip technology and I didn’t have it yet. My current credit card has a chip but I don’t know if it has a PIN.

      • Depends on the card. I got the Chase Sapphire card because they don’t charge foreign transaction fees. Using a credit card, you’re also going to get the best currency conversion rate.

      • Travel money? :

        Well shoot, I definitely don’t have time to open a new account. They’ll probably apply that to ATM withdrawals too then?

        Thanks, everyone, for helping me figure out the hurdles in the situation at least

    • LondonLeisureYear :

      The first step is to see what the foreign transaction fees are for your credit card and what the ATM fees will be. Also call your bank tell them you are traveling (even this is not really necessary…I haven’t called my bank in years about travel and it is okay), Make sure your card won’t expire on the trip!

      My credit card has no foreign transaction fees so even though I live in the UK, I use a USA credit card 95% of the time. I am not walking around with thousands of dollars of cash on me. I actually can’t remember the last time I took out money before a trip. I tried to for our Moscow trip in July but the post office (in the UK you can trade pounds to other currencies at the post office) was out of rubles so we didn’t.

      All you really need is enough to get you from the airport to the hotel. We travel with enough pounds or dollars that if for some reason we couldn’t take the public transport as we had planned to our hotel we could switch it for the current currency if for some reason our debit card didn’t work in the ATM. Typically when we land we go to the ATM and get out enough cash for tips and stuff over the next few days. Then immediately go buy a snack from somewhere in the airport to break that huge bill into a bunch of tiny change so we have a tip for the taxi ride. Small cash is your friend!

      Remember you can ask for VAT return in the UK so if you are making major purchases that might be worth it to you.

      • LondonLeisureYear :

        I just wanted to say also- the UK has uber, the UK has gett – which is a black cab version of uber. You don’t need to have cash for those.

        If riding the tube – you can use contactless or get an oyster card. If you are here for a set amount of days – 7 you can get a 3 day/ 7 day travel card but check to see if you are going to ride it enough for that to make sense. The oyster card (or contactless) will get you the best rate- don’t buy individual tickets. Also when you get back to the airport if flying out of heathrow you can return your oyster card for the deposit you spent on it.

        Public transport actually costs quite a bit so sometimes its cheaper if you are traveling with a group to use a cab.

    • If you have time you can get a Charles Schwab checking account with a debit card that reimburses all ATM fees (unlimited number of times, all normal fees to withdraw cash are covered but small print does caveat that if the ATM you’re using charges a specific fee for something other than withdrawing it may not be covered) and charges no foreign transaction fees on the foreign cash. Remember you could be and most likely would be charged twice by your normal bank debit card due to ATM fees + foreign transaction fees.

      I finally got one for a trip next week but haven’t used it yet. It has great reviews and lots of people have said their customer service is amazing. You have to tie it to a brokerage account to get the checking but you don’t have to fund/use your brokerage account. If you’re opening the brokerage account google for a referral promo (nobody has to actually refer you, you just sign up on the referral page)

      • Anonymous :

        +1

        I’ve had my schwab checking account for years for foreign travel (they also used to have a great interest rate on their checking account).

        Then also get a CapOne credit card for the no foreign exchange if you don’t have a card with no FX fees.

    • Where are you going? I usually hit an ATM at the airport when I arrive to get local currency equivalent of about a couple hundred bucks cash, and otherwise just use my CC. If I’m going somewhere where I’m concerned ATM access might not be the greatest (I didn’t find one in at the airport Tanzania, for example), I bring the cash in USD and exchange it when I get there instead. But as a rule I don’t carry thousands in cash unless I specifically know that I’ll need to pay for something in cash.

    • BonVoyage! :

      I always bring ~$300 in US cash and then rely on my atm card and credit card. I’ve only had to rely on the cash when my purse was snatched in Milan (I had the cash hidden in my suitcase). I strongly recommend telling your credit card company and bank about your travel plans so they don’t freeze your account due to unexpected foreign transactions. Your bank may have a partnership with an overseas bank to avoid atm fees. For the credit card, check to make sure there is no foreign transaction fee. Also, your cc company may issue you a pin number since Europe now relies on pins instead of signatures.

      • BonVoyage! :

        Also, bring a xerox of your credit card, debit card, passport, just in case. (In Milan I was able to contact my cc company because I had a picture of the card, which had the card number and the contact number. They fedexed a new card to me at my hotel.)

    • If you have AmEx, you can go to the AmEx office in London and get currency. I did this after my credit union ATM card got eaten by a Barclay’s ATM machine.

  8. I’ve had a cold for two weeks now, and yesterday I woke up and my eyes were throbbing. Today it has spread to my temples. No sinus pain though. Is this a sinus infection, and should I go to my MD, or is the view these days that you should avoid antibiotics and just let the infection run its course? (Will try to get an appt today in any case, obviously medical professional is the person to rely on, but this is a new and very painful thing for me and I’m just trying to get some context.) thanks!

    • Are your eyes red? This past winter, I had a bad cold that turned into an ear infection and pink eye (!) which felt like adding insult to injury. Also developed an allergy to a whole class of antibiotics, so it was a sucky couple of weeks.

      I say go to the doctor. Sinuses are really close to brains, so infections need to be taken seriously.

    • Anonymous :

      I would definitely go to the doctor since it’s been 2 weeks. A cold shouldn’t be getting worse not better after 10-14 days.

      • +1 – more than 2 weeks means a doc should at least look at you (even if it did start as a cold).

    • Anonymous :

      Yeah that’s a sinus infection. Headaches are common, and your eyes hurt because your whole sinus cavity is full of goop. When I have bad sinus infections, the goop will start leaking out of my eyes. Very unpleasant. Antibiotics for sure.

    • Anon in NYC :

      I rarely take antibiotics and usually let a sinus infection/other cold-like illnesses run its course. However, I recently went to my doctor after being sick for about 4 weeks with no improvement and the NP said that they “typically” use the 2 week mark as a sort of benchmark for antibiotics. Not that they wouldn’t prescribe them beforehand, but if something lingers for more than 2 weeks it’s usually a solid indication that you need them. Feel better!

    • Antibiotics are literally life savers. Sinus infections are no joke. They can spread to the brain. Go to the doc.

    • I had a two-week cold last year that turned into a sinus infection, which turned into chronic sinusitis, and now I have to have surgery. I didn’t go to the doctor until the problem got chronic because my doctor doesn’t give out antibiotics very willingly, but he chastised me for not coming in because A., my case probably warranted antibiotics, and B., there are other things they can give for sinus infection (like prescription steroid nose spray) that could have helped. Go to the doctor, or at least the Minute Clinic, and see what they say.

      • Is there an actual reason for being stingy with antibiotics? My doctor won’t give them out unless you’ve been sick for more than 10 days. The nurse practitioner in her office encourages you to tell her the first day you had any symptom at all even one sneeze even if it was probably because you were in a dusty file room.

        • He’s one of those doctors who is super-concerned about antibiotic resistance. He told me he’s lost a couple of patients to antibiotic-resistant illnesses and he feels like antibiotics should be prescribed far less frequently than they are. Because of that, I second-guessed him about my sinus infection and I shouldn’t have; he told me he absolutely would have given me antibiotics if I had come to him after three weeks of sinus trouble. Truth be told, I kept waiting for it to go away because previously when I had sinus infections, they did. Not this time. I had a sinus CT and my right sinus is inflamed and filled with fluid, I’m having persistent sinus pain and headaches, and the ENT says the only way to clear it up is with surgery. Moral of this story: when in doubt, go to the doctor sooner rather than later.

        • Having had MRSA (an antibiotic-resistant staph infection), I can tell you from personal experience that HE!! YES there’s a reason to be stingy with antibiotics. Those infections are no joke and over 20,000 people every year die from them. I got it in 2005 when it was just starting to rise, so it could still be treated with some more accessible drugs, but I do not allow anything marked “antibacterial” anywhere in my home.

          The FDA banned triclosan (the active ingredient in Dial soaps and even some toothpastes) in household soaps starting in Sep 2017 because it may be contributing to the rise of superbugs.

    • Yes, that sounds like a sinus infection. Sinus infections are serious and miserable. Get thee to the doctor for antibiotics! Feel better!

    • Apparently I’ve been getting sinus infections all my life and never realized it until recently. Here’s my cycle: scratchy throat, running nose/sneezing for a couple days, cough/post-nasal drip for a couple of days, then just feeling like complete crap for 2-3 weeks with the symptoms you describe – throbbing headache around the eyes and temples, generally feeling worn down – but no coughing or runny nose. I thought that’s just how my body gets over colds. Nope. Sinus infection. Get an antibiotic, you’ll feel better in like 2 days. Might also want to take a probiotic, the antibiotic will kill the bacteria in your digestive system which can cause an upset stomach.

  9. Vacation recommendations for the week between Christmas and New Years (with two toddlers…)? We may be getting pregnant soon so are in the habit of avoiding Zika zones as well.

    Located in the middle of the country. What has been fun? With or without kids?

    We’ve historically gone skiing that week but want to do something else this year and are stumped…

    • California.

      • Anonymous :

        San Diego is just really pleasant. It’s an easy city, the zoo and safari park are fun, beaches nice. It won’t be super hot but warm enough to enjoy being outside.

        • Senior Attorney :

          San Diego is great for kids. There’s also LegoLand just up the road, which is perfect for toddlers.

    • anon a mouse :

      What about a ranch somewhere in the Southwest?

    • If you’re up for a longer trip, Hawaii has no Zika and is great for kids.

      • Anonymous :

        +1. Go to Maui! Kanapaali is great location on the island for families – you can stay at hotels that walk right out to the beach. We were there for the week between Christmas and New Years’ last year and it was fabulous.

    • Great Wolf Lodge in Grapevine (outside of Dallas). Indoor water park and nice suites for family stays, plus there is a Lego Discovery Center, an aquarium, and a Six Flags (open for holiday rides, shows and lights) nearby.

  10. Skirt Hangers :

    Alright, this is a random request. Any recommendations for cheap(ish), thin, and sturdy skirt hangers? I use a random set collected from the dry cleaners, but they’re 1) bulky and 2) a brittle plastic that breaks easily.

    Has anyone tried the tier style of hanger (will link below)? I love the idea of saving space this way, but could see it being annoying if you’re trying to get to the skirt on the bottom.

    Thanks!

    • Skirt Hangers :

      Here’s the tiered style I’m curious about:

      https://www.amazon.com/Tier-Trouser-Skirt-Hanger-Chrome/dp/B00F2NOE9I

      • Anon in NYC :

        I hate tiered hangers because I find them annoying for the exact reason you mentioned. I like the velvet slim hangers (like these: https://www.amazon.com/Velvet-Hangers-Clips-Dresses-Non-Slip/dp/B01G59NPUG/ref=sr_1_1?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1502977758&sr=1-1&keywords=slim+skirt+hanger).

        • Anonymous :

          I use the velvet slim hangars with no clips from Costco – $10 for 35 hangars. You can fold your skirt in half and lay carefully across the hangar.

      • Anonymous :

        I’ve founds those to be super annoying personally. Get those thin velvet hangers at Bed Bath & Beyond or any home store, they are the best.

      • I have one like this for shirts and it’s annoying. I use it to hang shirts I hate wearing but can’t throw away for stupid reasons.
        I got a bunch of those thin velvet hangers with clips on them at Homegoods and have been very happy. Still space saving and work well.

    • I have that kind of metal hanger, but they’re not connected. I didn’t like the connected ones because I found they’re too finicky in the morning when I’m rushing (always late) and just want one skirt, not four. The individual ones have lips/hooks where you can hang the other skirts, so mine are tiered and save space that way. But yes, the metal ones last for decades. I don’t even know where to buy them because some of mine are the same ones I grew up with.

    • Skirt Hangers :

      Ha, love that everyone is confirming the tiered ones are annoying – thanks for saving me that pain (mornings are stressful enough!).

      • Baconpancakes :

        Just to add a contrary opinion, I got rid of my tiered skirt hanger (from my high school days) because my closet is all wood hangers and I wanted them to match, and I’m now annoyed at how much space individual skirt hangers take up! As long as you hang all the skirts on the same side, I found the tiered hangers easy to use.

      • I have a couple of tiered ones but each tier swings out (similar to the pants ones). They work really well for me but unfortunately I can’t find them online. I think I got them at bed bath and beyond a few years ago.

    • I prefer the pants hangers like this–a padded bar that hinges into a frame. Like this but find the padded one to decrease creases.

      https://www.target.com/p/5-tier-swinging-arm-pant-rack-chrome-black-2pk/-/A-12963467#lnk=sametab

      Allows you to keep them flat, though you have to fold in half. Less frustrating than the tiered clippy one you linked to, more space saving than each skirt getting its own hanger with clips (ideal, imho, but I don’t have room for that)

    • I’ve never found any thin, lightweight skirt hangers that work.

      I bit the bullet and bought a few sets of these (I am a 90% skirt person)

      Women’s Skirt Hanger Set of 5 Wooden Hangers https://www.amazon.com/dp/B004RJPDAM/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_N0ALzbNMAP1HF

      The rest of my closet is thin velvet hangers so the fact that my skirt hangers are a bit bulkier works out ok. They are certainly sturdy and I expect them to last for the rest of my life.

      • I just bought eight wooden clip hangers (2 sets of 4 hangers) and I hang two or three skirts on each one (if I have a more delicate skirt, I hang it in the middle) …I find skirts seem to last the longest of all my clothes, so I have collected and kept many! The hangers work well on the bottom row of my closet, and on the upper row I have the thin velvet hangers for tops and dresses.

      • By the way, the skirt hangers I linked to can be cascaded using the little hook on the bottom side if you’re into that. I don’t do it but if you’re looking for a tiered hanger you can get that with these.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I redid my closet with those fancy velvet thin hangers (my bar for ‘fancy’ is low) and it was the *best thing ever.* I don’t have a ton of skirts but now I want to go out and buy the matching skirt hangers just because!

    • Tired Anon :

      I think the tiered ones are fine? But I don’t wear my skirts that often.

  11. Super Anon :

    Hello, hello! Question about how to best respond when your partner’s garden hose can’t maintain water pressure during garden parties. I’ve always been far more into gardening than he, even after 6 years together, but this phenomenon is new and seems to be the direct result of my asking to try new (but still pretty vanilla) activities at the garden parties last month. We’ve been long distance the past 3 years and garden parties can now only happen one weekend per month. I believe the garden hose issues are psychological (pressure to garden perfectly/fear of disappointing me) rather than mechanical issues as he is only 29. Does anyone have advice about how to be supportive? I try to be as GGG as possible and I can tell he’s frustrated. I’m completely at a loss. I would love to just talk to him openly about it, but I worry about creating further psychological damage by seeming to “make a big deal over it.” Other than this issue and the long distance being generally a bummer, I am very happy and he says he is very happy in the relationship. All advice is welcome and very, very appreciated.

    • Anon reply :

      I think the standard advice is to discuss these things outside the bedroom.
      But if you think this is a pressure thing, have you tried being a little over the top enthusiastic? I had a BF who had this issue when it came time to put on his gardening glove and it was easily solved by my seeming inability to contain myself as that was happening; it was distracting enough to get things back into gear.

    • Flats Only :

      Try whatever activities you were doing before, and see if the problem goes away? Even though they may be pretty vanilla, perhaps he finds your new suggestions to be a turn off.

    • Have one trip were you say ahead of time there will be no gardening to take the pressure off. Sometimes when something is off the table you suddenly want to put it back on.

      • Yep. Many eons ago, my now-husband and I were long-distance and only saw each other every three weeks. He started having hose-pressure problems and when we talked about it (because he seemed distressed by it) he said that he felt like since we had so little time together, if the gardening wasn’t frequent and spectacular when we were together, he was failing. A couple of visits where I explicitly said, I do not expect any gardening to happen seemed to help a lot. Guys put pressure on themselves in this arena that can, ironically, lead to performance issues. It’s not fun to have visits with no gardening (make sure you put new batteries in your personal gardening tools), but I’m betting it will help.

      • AnonForThis :

        Can you make this “no gardening trip” appear to be due to your monthly cycle rather than planned that way to reduce pressure? For additional comfort. Otherwise it may appear to be a fix to a problem he does not want to have.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      When my partner used to get all up in his head about similar things, it became a feedback loop. Worried it will happen –> it happened again! —> SO worried it will happen —> again!

      A break without gardening is a good idea. Also, in my experience, you might have to give up the particular act you were hoping he’d do. Whether that’s a deal breaker for you is for you to decide, but there are some things some people just can’t get into.

      Anyway, the thing that works the best for me in those situations is to ask my partner to do something that is entirely focused on me. Basically, “i don’t care about your equipment, please do these things to make me feel nice.” I think it takes his mind off his issues, and also seeing me having a great time seems to help restore his mojo. Aaaand then it’s clear I’m not gonna be resentful/bothered, because I am having a great time, so that decreases the anxiety too.

    • lost academic :

      I want to add that it can also be an issue that’s a real medical problem and he should talk to his doctor – there are some problems that can have this as a symptom even at his age.

      • +1 – it can be the first sign of blood pressure (I think) problems. It manifests there first because of the amount of blood flow needed and being far from the heart (I think).

        Of course that information was all based on a lunch convo with a sales rep for peni!e implants (that works for a division within the company I work for). So I may be misremembering particulars. But yes – it isn’t always a psychological thing.

    • It’s NOT normal, it DOESN’T happen to every guy, and IT IS A BIG DEAL!

    • This can be a reaction from too much porn.

  12. How is it not Friday, y’all? HOW?!

  13. birthday ideas for DH :

    Looking for ideas for how to celebrate my DH’s birthday. He’s not a big “birthday person” so we usually celebrate by going for a good meal with good c*cktails. This year, we’ve been on a mission to lose weight and live healthier lives (and have stopped drinking all together) so I’m trying to think of something fun/different to do for his birthday. Any ideas?

    • Sailing tour of your city, art class, healthy cooking class, dance lessons, river tubing, kayaking, special hike, interesting bike ride, amusement park

      • Senior Attorney :

        Miniature golf, Segway tour.

        I’ve done overnight-at-a-localish-B&B-followed-by-day-at-a-localish-museum and that’s been fun, too, although fairly spendy.

    • I like to go see a show on my birthday. It takes the pressure off to plan something but it still feels special.

      • +1 I don’t like lots of fanfare around my birthday, but a special event like a show is special without feeling like too much planning had to go into it.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Axe throwing! Can be a little bit competitive and fun and also a physical contest where he will not have a significant physical advantage.

    • Hike/bike your way to a picnic

    • Shenandoah :

      What about a little canoe (or kayak) trip bringing along supplies for a picnic? Or doing a cooking class together and then grabbing drinks after.

    • Minor league baseball game.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        This idea is delightful! Minor league baseball is so fun.

        • Anonymous :

          Yes! My husband and I love to go to our local minor league baseball games. He watches the actual game. I go for the funnel cake. Either way, we are both happy!

    • Kayaking and a picnic.

    • New gardening equipment?

  14. My dog needs a new bed. He tends to destroy them fairly quickly but he loves them. I’ve always gotten him inexpensive ones at places like Target, Petco or Homegoods but wondering if spending a bit more would actually be cheaper in the long run? Any recommendations for a bed that can survive some roughhousing? 28 inches or so, and not just a pillow, but with sides.

    • Baconpancakes :

      I used to have a corduroy dog bed from LL Bean that lasted the life of my dog, but she wasn’t super destructive. But in general, I would trust LL Bean to make things that will stand up to time.

    • In her youth, one of my dogs destroyed several beds. We got a big bed from Costco and she left it alone. 9 years later, it’s still going strong. It doesn’t have sides though.
      If you want to make a much bigger investment, Orvis has toughchew beds that they will replace no questions asked. It might be worth the upgrade. We got a regular bolster bed (not toughchew) from one of their tent sales and it has held up well.

    • The Orvis Tough Chew ones really are worth the money, if your dog is chewing or digging in them. I would also check out Doctors Foster and Smith online. They can be very high quality but cheaper than Orvis.

      • He fights them and then sometimes he makes love to them. Sometimes at the same time. I’ll look into those. Thanks!

        • anonregposter :

          …there’s a DJT joke in there somewhere….

        • S in Chicago :

          Can you find him an (ahem) alternative? I accidentally found out my previous dog preferred a giant stuffed bunny I had bought for a co-workers kid before Easter. I ended up having to buy another bunny since he claimed the first. But also was the last time he paid attention to his bed. Of course, Bunny practically became another family member after. Went with us on trips when he would get stressed out in the car. Usually got a throw around the living room after a good meal. (Totally normal to buy your dog a 5 ex doll, right??)

      • +1

        Orvis stands behind the guarantee as well. My dog made a small hole in one of the round ones and they sent me a second. She then (months later) ripped through the second a little bit, so they refunded my money. Even though she usually destroys things completely, she left both alone after making small tears and we’ve continued to use them.

        We bought a rectangular one for inside her crate and she hasn’t been able to hurt it at all. It was a more recent version than the first and appears to be even more indestructible.

    • Mary Ann Singleton :

      My large senior dog LOVES her bed from costco. It has sides on two sides. it was $40 and has held up much better than her more expensive beds.

    • My dog has destroyed every bed she’s ever had. What’s worked better for us is to get a thick and soft blanket.

    • Costco

  15. Marriage Weight :

    Pretty cliche weight gain problem – I’ve been married for 2 months and have packed on almost 10 lbs since the wedding! I’m just eating way too much and have trouble caring in the moment. E.g. I split a pint of Rocky Road with my hubby last night and ate three giant pieces of pb toast for breakfast. I’ve also been drinking a fair amount of wine – 1-2 glasses every night. Part of the issue is that my husband wouldn’t mind if I gained 30 lbs, as he’s in to curvy women. I’d care, both for my health and for my looks, but every time I eat lately it’s with a “whatever, I’m married!” attitude. Husband at 40 still has the metabolism of a teen and works a very active job, so this isnt a problem for him. We did live together for about a year before marriage, but I was always able to adjust my serving sizes and resist his nightly ice cream habit until lately. Help!

    • Did you diet for your wedding? It could be you’re overcorrecting now.

    • Welp, yeah, eating less ice cream sucks. I struggle with this, so I try and make life easier on myself. Breakfast on weekdays is always yogurt or oatmeal. Lunch is always a salad of some sort. Wine I bought these glasses from weight watchers that have a decorative swirl on the glass to make 4, 6, or 8 ounces. On weeknights I never have more than 4 ounces.

    • I’ve switched to spritzers during the week to avoid the “how is the bottle empty by Tuesday?!” phenomenon. One ounce of wine, a ton of ice, and some la croix. Feels special, and I can satisfy that bad part of my brain that thinks I should be able to have unlimited wine. This, plus buying really nice high quality dark chocolate and keeping it in the freezer–one square satisfies that sweet tooth!–has helped me control my weight.

    • Can you get your own ice cream? But instead of ice cream it’s mini ice cream sandwiches? Or popsicles? Or sorbet? And get some ramekins and only eat a scoop out of one of those, rather than directly out of the container. Basically, still have dessert, but limit the damage.

      • I use small bowls and fill them with berries and banana. It takes me the same amount of time to consume but I am not eating nearly as much ice cream.

        Agree on the spritzer idea, as well as the eat better the rest of the day plan. That’s usually what I do when I know I’m going out for a big dinner or have holiday parties coming up.

      • I’ve also tried to sub italian ices in for ice cream. Takes a while to eat so you feel like you’re getting more dessert somehow. And only 100 calories usually.

      • We don’t buy ice cream at the store any more; if we want ice cream, we go get it from an ice-cream place. The only ice cream we really like is 15 minutes away from our house. This stops a lot of mindless late-night ice-cream eating.

        I gained a lot of weight when I got married because I let myself fall into some bad habits along with my husband. Don’t do it! It’s so hard to get the weight off, especially as you get older. And changing the bad habits is no fun either.

    • alexisfaye :

      Brush your teeth! I find if I do this I am much more able to resist post-dinner munching.

    • JuniorMinion :

      1) Make wine something you only have a certain # of days a week. I’m not good at the “only one ounce of wine” thing so this works well for me
      2) Can you sub out your ice cream for halotop / arctic zero / yasso greek yogurt? My personal fave is halotop
      3) Make sure you eat enough protein – instead of 3 pieces of toast with PB could you do one slice + 2 eggs / egg whites? This should help with satiety
      4) Track your calories (all of it / every bite / snack / dollop) for a week or two on myfitnesspal or similar to see where you are and then plan out your deficit / what you want to do from there

      My biggest hacks have been to eat enough protein so I’m not hungry and dreaming of cookies as well as finding lightened versions of my favorite foods so I am still satisfied with my dinners / lunches etc. (ie – instead of making chicken parm, I bake seasoned chicken breasts bare in the oven and then top with sauce / moderate amount of cheese and broil. Same sensation, lower intake). I also really like a few of the trader joe’s frozen meals that fit my macros well for nights when I want something easy / in the past would have defaulted to takeout. Good luck – this is just what worked for me.

    • Senior Attorney :

      When I had this issue the thing that really really helped was to do a Whole30. Yes, it’s a fad diet but I lost 7 pounds in 30 days and it really gave me a good re-boot of my eating habits. My husband did it with me, which made it fun instead of (well, in addition to) miserable, but I’m doing another one now by myself and it’s not that bad because I know the results will be worth it.

      And yes, yes, yes to tracking calories.

    • KateMiddletown :

      Are you me? My husband has the metabolism of a teen. Literally right after huge dinner he’s game for a huge bowl of ice cream. I have trouble resisting!

    • Start calorie counting with MyFitnessPal. Once you see what you’re eating, it is a lot easier make responsible choices.

      Also, the “complete diary” button allows me to shut off for the day. So if FH eats icecream/drinks beers, but I’ve completed my diary, I automatically shut off from looking for more food.

  16. Is suede impracticable for an everyday work shoe? Eyeing those M.Gemi stellato sacchetto flats.

    • No but only if you wear them indoors-only.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I think if you live somewhere with no weather and drive everywhere it can be fine. (I live this life and I think I wouldn’t destroy suede shoes!)

    • I bought suede spray and have been able to keep a pair of black suede pumps going for several years. I don’t wear them rainy days, though.

  17. Is this normal? I’m in a happy relationship and we’ve been together over 3 years, live together for 1.5, have a dog together, talking about marriage, etc. I love my SO, wouldn’t trade him for anyone. But, lately I’ve been having dreams about my ex, and subsequently thinking about him during the day and I guess, missing him. We broke up 5 years ago, I’m the one that ended it, because he changed so much and I didn’t want to be with this new version of him. So I guess I find myself missing his old self, but he’s not that person anymore and never will be. So it’s not like I wish I could get back together with him or anything. Also, this is somewhat of a new phenomenon. Never gave him much thought in the past 5 years. I don’t know why I’m experiencing this weird mourning phase all of the sudden.

    • Baconpancakes :

      Totally normal. You’re feeling like it’s Real with your SO now, and so you’re going over past relationships to just make sure/mourn/get it out of your system. Don’t over analyze it. That’s what will get you into a downward spiral.

    • I think it’s normal to have some version of this when you are about to seriously commit to someone else; you’re sort of processing the end of other possibilities.

      A friend of mine once said this of her ex and I really found it helpful in getting over a similar feeling – the person I miss no longer exists.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      So weird that you posted this!! I’ve been married 12(!) years and I’ve started having reoccuring dreams with my ex from high school!! In the dreams of course I’m only dealing with his good sides, not the things that led to us breaking up. Plus we are so much older now. We recently texted about something going on at our old high school and that may have brought him back to mind. It has been very very weird though. I have this intense ex filled dream and wake up and roll over and it’s like, oh yeah, you are 35 and married and in this other state and a lawyer LOL. The dreams are so realistic and they are creeping me out.

    • I’ve been married for 9 years and together for 12. I’d say once a year I have some dream where I’m married to my ex.

      I keep vaguely in touch with my ex. I broke up with him and in waking life could never imagine a life with him- we were not right for each other. He married someone perfect for him, I married someone perfect for me. We went to each others’ weddings. Our kids are the same age and we have vaguely overlapping social circles.

      I think it happens more when I’m stressed. And I always wake up thinking, “wait, what?!” So…team it’s normal.

    • A therapist told me once not to put too much stock in dreams, as they’re sometimes a subconscious way for you to process old feelings and emotions in a safe way that won’t impact your waking life. I have periodic dreams about an ex from high school I haven’t seen or spoken to in 25 years. They can be incredibly realistic, but it doesn’t mean I’m really pining for him, or I’m unhappy with my husband. It’s just old emotions pinging around, periodically rising to the surface. The subconscious mind can be a weird, wild place.

    • New Job Who Dis :

      this happens to me too! I secretly kind of like it though; I don’t put stock into dreams, but it’s kind of like a fun alternate life you live. just think of what your S/O is dreaming of!

      I’ve been with my husband 8 years – married for almost 1 year now – and every other month I have a very dramatic, cinematic dream about meeting up with my big-ex (who is also married in real life) and we both ruin our own marriages and run off together.

      it’s very wild, and I wake up shook but like I said, it’s a weird subconscious brain thing so I don’t sweat over it.

      • In my (now reoccurring) dream we reunite (we literally have not communicated since the day we broke up) and I’m smitten and like “lets run away together!” “let’s pick up where we left off!” (or some dumb version of that) and he just HATES me and thinks I’m a horrible person. I always wake up feeling sad.

    • I think you’re kind of mourning the old you, not the old ex. Totally normal.

  18. Baconpancakes :

    Talk me down – I just found a dress similar to the lace overlay one from RTR for the same cost as it would have been to rent it, so I bought it, and now I’m looking at new shoes, a purse, and earrings to go with it. I only have one pair of fancy sandals, in gold, and I was trying to dress down the outfit for my casual, fun-loving friend’s wedding, but I don’t really need nude block heel sandals right now, right?

    • No. Rent a fun purse wear shoes you own and simmer.

      • Baconpancakes :

        Renting would cost more than buying a new one – I’m a firmly $50 and under “fun” purse woman. But I should just wear what I already have and just deal with being more formal than everyone else. The shoes I was looking at were $80, purse $45, earrings $28. Not a big outlay, considering the dress was on sale for $45, but it’s just more stuff to store when the shoes aren’t exactly what I want anyway.

    • Nude block sandals seem pretty versatile. Go to F21 or Marshall’s for the other accessories.

    • You absolutely need those sandals. Get them immediately!

  19. I know that it’s rare (very rare) for someone to ask for substantive or strategic advice, but I’m hoping I’ll get some responses from some of the excellent more experienced attorneys on here. I’m a junior/midlevel litigation associate, and was given a case that I kind of figured would be my opportunity to take the reins and prove myself. Come to find out after filing an answer, our two primary witnesses lied to us during the initial investigation, and we made representations based on their lies in documents that will become evidence in the case. Finding this out changed this from a case that we felt great about to a case we will surely lose. I am not concerned about optics for our firm because the lies during the investigation are well documented. Opposing counsel is not yet aware that we know about this (I think). So, the game now is how to play this so we get the best possible settlement – I am thinking of taking Plaintiff’s deposition early on and then pushing for an early mediation – but was wondering what others do when they’ve got a loser but OC might not they know it yet?

    • Hi, this happened to me a few months back. I was told X, and based upon that took Y legal position, and then it transpired that the facts were actually Z and my legal position was completely indefensible. I had a ton of egg on my face with the other side, but my boss knew that I had been told X and was not upset with me for taking what I believed at the time was a correct position. I pushed _hard_ to settle, before discovery and depositions. Unless you need the plaintiff’s deposition to settle, why are you taking it at all? You know you have no case, push to settle, and don’t waste time on discovery unless you have to.

    • What? This is not an “optics” issue, this is a professional ethics issue. Do some reading on candor before a tribunal. If no one at your firm is concerned about this, that would be very troubling.

      • In my state this would be a great way to become personally acquainted with the ethics board.

      • +100. You need to be speaking with your firm’s ethics counsel, not posting on an internet blog.

        For what it’s worth (and without providing any legal advice), I would have serious concerns about your approach. Settlement discussions in which you are intentionally misleading the opposing party and lying about facts are unethical. Just as you can’t lie to a court, you can’t lie to opposing counsel.

      • Anonymous :

        Woah woah, I think I left out a critical part (and made a typo in my last sentence that added to the confusion). We are definitely not hiding anything from anyone. Plaintiff’s counsel is well aware of our bad facts, they just don’t know that *we* have discovered them yet (we figured them out last week) and there has been no discovery. We will not be lying or covering this up in any way during discovery, but I don’t think we have an ethical obligation to immediately inform OC that we know about it. Promise we are not (and would never) doing anything unethical.

        Torin, thanks. I think you’re right and appreciate the response.

        • Anonymous :

          If the opposing party knows facts that make their case stronger and your case weaker, they will tell you those facts in settlement negotiations. You are not going to get a better settlement offer because they don’t think you know facts that make your case weaker.

          Given these additional facts, I’m not sure what the question is

    • Anonymous :

      What area of law?

      Relatedly, why would the plaintiff be more willing to settle after being deposed? Forget about time and expense preparing for this (and then what – hoping that the plaintiff wouldn’t ask to depose your lying witnesses, too?); you run the risk of an angry plaintiff who becomes less willing to settle.

    • You need to resolve this as quickly as you can. Otherwise you are just dragging this out for no particular reason.

  20. Can we talk about work stress? I’ve had this job five years-at first I thought it was a dream gig: non billable, high volume but low stake, no one yells, 9-5 hours, no one calls you on vacation.

    But lately, I’m stressed. Management is constantly in flux, I can’t get a clear direction on anything. Great projects seem to go to certain people ( not me!) no matter how much I ask to get involved. There’s no clear rubric on reviews and I just get really generic feedback on how I should “do more.” When pressed, manager just gives my frustrating politician style nonsense. The whole thing has me anxious all the time. Is it time to move on? I’m worried that I still have the easiest lawyer gig ever and I’ll never do better. Any been here? Any advice or encouragement would help. Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      Are you saying that you are getting negative, but non-specific feedback on your performance, and not getting desirable assignments? I would probably be in the market in that situation.

    • Anonymous :

      Moving on!!! It’ll be better.

  21. London-area ‘rettes: I’m going to London soon, and I’m wondering if knee-high boots over skinny jeans are a fashion faux pas in 2017. (I guess I might wear them anyway if they are, but I’m curious!)

    • Not in London, but I think this look is pretty dated.

    • Dated.

      • You’re right… but as someone who’s short/curvy, I looove this option! :) That way, I don’t need to find jeans that are short enough (or else pay to shorten them), and I don’t have to search for a non-skinny style with a great fit overall, which is almost impossible. (Otherwise, skinny jeans don’t work for me.) And it keeps you warmer in cold weather! I may just have to look unfashionable…

    • LondonLeisureYear :

      Yah it hasn’t really been a look here in a while. I remember when I moved here 3 years ago, it was on my shopping bucket list of something to buy when I got to London and then whoops no one was wearing them so I crossed it off and found different lower boots. You will sometimes see higher boots when its in the winter with tights, but mostly people wear Chelsea low style boots if they are going to wear boots. Its summer though! So flats and sandals are very much being worn now. Its almost 80 degrees today – you don’t want to be in boots and skinny jeans.

      What are you here for? For travel? If so I suggest finding a fashionable pair of comfortable tennis shoes and wearing those because there is so so so much walking in this city. When people visit me they tend to on average walk 20,000 steps a day. 20,000 Steps a day is 70 miles in a week. You are going to want something comfortable on those feet.

    • What about cropped pants and sandals? They keep changing the forecast for when I’ll be there.

  22. President Business just tweeted that he’s angry racist statues are coming down. But what about our culture and history!!!!

    I’m done for today, guys. Just done.

    • Is there not a museum where these statues can go? That way they’re preserved but you’re not looking at them every time you’re at a traffic light/circle – as is the case in Richmond Va now.

      • Marshmallow :

        A lot of them are indeed going to museums, or at least to other parks where they will have a less celebratory tone (explanatory plaques, etc.).

    • I just like how he called them “our” statues. Does he seriously not know who won the Civil War? The Confederacy was not “us,” it was a treasonous government that waged war against the United States and killed hundreds of thousands of Americans. And LOST.

      • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

        And also was, at its core, about keeping another population of human beings in slavery. Plus, most of them were put up as part of the Lost Cause movement as a way to glorify the South and the Confederacy rather than being about historical commemoration.

        They are not our statues. They are our history, but they are not our statues.

        • Yup, they were not erected in the immediate aftermath of the war – they’re mostly from the Jim Crow era.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I legit can’t tell how nuts I am for being unable to focus… I wonder if we should make an agreement, “if XYZ happens, we’re out” but my husband tells me I’m overreacting, points out the insurmountable practical obstacles to leaving… He literally said, “It can’t happen HERE.” and it’s like, read some Sinclair Lewis, dude.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Rainbow Hair, I have been SO distracted at work too. I’m always a bit distracted but this has been over the top. I can’t stop reading Twitter and coming here and other places where people have reasonable discourse to read about it. Part of me realizes it is getting unhealthy but the other part says we have to know what is going on. Everything is too important. We can’t let things slip by. There is so much everyday that we are no longer getting breaking news alerts because they are just constant.

        I keep telling myself I can go a few hours without knowing the news and that is okay. Get a project done, go back and check again, repeat.

        As for getting out, there were Jewish people on here pre-election posting about exit plans. I didn’t think it could get that bad. Everything they said would happen is happening. That is terrifying.

        • Rainbow Hair :

          Yeah, I’m Jewish and my husband is not, and I wonder if the stories I grew up with are contributing to our different levels of angst. I bought a lock box, and plan to put in it identity and citizenship docs and cash, just to have a grab-n-go thing… A sense of control, I guess.

          • I’m Jewish too and while I think Trump’s recent statements are absolutely horrifying, beyond unpresidential and racist (and that he is mentally ill and unqualified to be president for a billion other races) I do think a lot of people are being overly alarmist about it. Nothing has really *happened* yet. There have always been hate groups of Neo-Nazis and KKK in the United States. They have always marched and waved swastikas. They murdered a woman and that’s tragic, but white supremacists murdered people when Obama was president too and nobody was saying “We need to escape the United States.” Yes, these groups are emboldened by Trump’s defense of them, and people are more comfortable admitting to their racism and anti-Semitism in public, which is terrible. But it’s not like the Holocaust went from loud anti-Semitic rhetoric to concentration camps overnight. They were a lot of concrete, identifiable actions in the middle – they made Jews resign from their jobs, register with the government, wear identifying clothing. When those things start happening, sure you should flee. But right now this is the same racist scum that has always been here talking really loudly and having their voices amplified by a man with a very important job title. That’s disgusting but it doesn’t mean anyone’s lives are in danger.
            (Also Trump knows Neo-Nazis are part of his base and he doesn’t mind dog whistling to them if it helps his cause and he probably personally subscribes to some anti-Semitic stereotypes, but his daughter and grandchildren are devout Jews. He’s not going to take any civil rights away from Jewish people. Muslims have way, way more to fear from him and he has already done way more in terms of actually taking action against them.)

          • Rainbow Hair :

            Thanks, Anon. Those are good points. And I do appreciate the reminder that my Muslim friends have even more reason to be afraid. It’s probably a good time to send a text reminding them that they can call on me in the event that sh*t hits the fan.

          • Kat, I love this Sheathe dress. Speakeing of Trump, doesn’t the model look like Ivanka? She is very cute!

            Anyway, I am not clear about all of this Altright, Altleft stuff, but it seems to me that we need to unify as a country. I do NOT like it if people identify others by their skin color or religion. We are all HUMAN being’s and need to start acteing like one.

            As far as the statues are concerned, those people lived 200 years ago, in the 19th Century. What is so bad about statutes? Would they be heroe’s today? No. But then, they were leaders. I say, let’s move FORWARD, and forget about statue’s. We have a lot to live for. Let’s not forget the past or glorify it. I think the manageing partner and Margie agree with me on this.

        • Baconpancakes :

          We made an exit plan. My SO is not Jewish, I am, so he thought I was a little nuts, but he agreed to make the plan and took me seriously.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          My therapist put it this way (she’s Jewish) “Last time we said that will never happen we ended up dead. We’d rather be called paranoid than called victims.” I think planning for an out is a perfectly fine idea and I hope your husband gets on board, RH.

        • Rainbow Hair :

          In my husband’s defense, he did sit and talk with me rationally for like 40 minutes last night, about my worries and what a person can do, what kind of plan might make sense. Though I was surprised at how ignorant he was about nazi history… “You know, RainbowKiddo is jewish, right? Because I’m jewish and I’m her mom.” “She doesn’t have a jewish last name.” “She has a jewish mom on her birth certificate!” “NO ONE will check that stuff. No one cares that much!” … ok yeah, well, in recent memory they did.

          P.S. Baconpancakes is Jewish?! Heehee!

          • Baconpancakes :

            Firmly Reform. ;)

            Also I have a feeling you would enjoy Adventure Time if you don’t watch it already.

            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FjxAAezqJZQ

          • Rainbow Hair :

            Freaky that you mention that, because a bestie was once like, “you know your husband is basically indistinguishable from Jake the Dog?” and so I watched a few episodes and was blown away by the accuracy of the comparison. I haven’t watched in forever though — I should!

        • Marshmallow :

          I’m also extremely distracted, keep checking the news, etc. I think you’d have to be sort of callous not to be really shaken up at this point.

          We do not have an exit plan but my Muslim BFF does. I am her designated “safe white person” to take ownership of her home and bank accounts if it comes to that. It makes me so sad that this is even a thing that needs to be discussed, but I think she’s smart to have a plan.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        Seconded, can barely keep my mind on even really easy stuff.

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        I also can’t focus. Watching this happen is like the worst nightmare and I can’t wake up. I legit have wondered if this is what it was like reading the papers as someone who saw how bad Hitler was. Just overwhelming dread and horror.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I’ll be honest. Two months ago, before everything that happened, I would have had mixed feelings about destroying statues and monuments. We always hear that social media doesn’t change people’s minds but in my case it did. The tweet that fixed it for me basically said the statues belong in museums, not on pedestals. Also, upon further reflection, I completely agree that they are inappropriate and offensive. Just because they have been there forever doesn’t mean they should still be there.

      • Just to add to this – I think the context matters here. Most of them weren’t there forever, they specifically went up at time when the South was actively trying to disenfranchise and segregate African Americans and were all part of that effort. (The context argument is even more compelling for the confederate flag, which only gained popularity during the civil rights era).

        • Anonymous :

          Thank you, I didn’t know that. I saw that one of the monuments was only put up in the 1920s and wondered why that was. Makes sense now.

        • Yes, this is super important for people to understand. These were not artifacts of the postwar period – they’re largely part of Jim Crow-era mythmaking intended to shore up segregation and drive a wedge between working class blacks and whites in the south.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            A small ray of sunshine in this giant mess is that we are all learning a lot more about history. People on here have said before that their high schools taught the civil war as being about states’ rights and barely touched on slavery. I bet there are people out there that to this day are not 100% sure what the civil war was really about. They can’t escape it now. I’m hoping that as people become more educated, some hearts start changing — at least those that had no idea what was racist. There will sadly always be those that are just racist to the core and hopefully those stay in the minority.

            I also learned something new today about the statues and monuments so thank you.

      • Agreed. And while I prefer to see those statues preserved in a museum, if the cities are going to refuse to take them down, then protesters removing them strikes me as an act of civil disobedience, not vandalism. Shame on cities like Durham for pressing felony charges under these circumstances.

        • Never too many shoes... :

          Apparently a lot of the statutes were cheaply made and not particularly worth preserving.

          I love that Seth Myers said they should just change all the plaques to read Civil War: Second Place.

    • If I’m honest, I haven’t been as focused since Election Day. And if I’m being *really* honest, I haven’t been as focused since early October and the aftermath when the tape came out and Republicans said they couldn’t look their daughters in the eye and went ahead and supported him anyway. Our elected officials have no spine and don’t stand for us anymore.

      For a lot of us, these were our first sobering exposures as white women into what our minority, disabled, and marginalized friends experience every.single.day since birth. If you are like me, you were probably taught to be polite and not talk about politics. I don’t do that anymore. Because this isn’t politics, this is human decency and civilized society. In the words of one of my favorite podcasts, “denouncing Nazis is so f**cking easy.” It really is. When a 71 year old man can’t grasp that after days to think about it, with employed staff whose job it is to inform him and advise him, and with 71 years of life experience in Modern America, that is because he doesn’t agree with it. So I’m done being polite. These are symbols of our history and essential for us to remember and learn from them, but these were never symbols of our culture. These were symbols of hate and racist pride er3cted in the Jim Crow era to re-assert a white pride. And as a white woman, simply being “not racist” isn’t good enough. Because it allows white supremacy to perpetuate — literally, in *our* name — and for us to benefit from it while putting on earmuffs of the reality. We don’t get to be silent and polite anymore and pretend this isn’t our problem. It perpetuates because of us. And, hard as it is to admit, it benefits us. We need to do something about it.

      History to be learned from is not the same as culture that is celebrated. And statues on pedestals on government property *are* celebrations. But in the same way Rosa Parks wasn’t about a bus seat and the Civil Rights movement wasn’t about drinking fountains, this isn’t about a statue.

    • Does he not know that the South lost the war? What a bunch of LOSERS! SAD!

    • ExitStrategies :

      Could you talk about your exit strategies? One of the next rallies is scheduled to happen in the town where I work.

  23. PSA: 40% off most everything at ann taylor with code PSST; I just priced out a basic, fantastic 3 piece suit–skirt, jacket, dress–for 230 dollars.

    • Isn’t it 40% off there pretty much every day? Ann Taylor, Loft, BR, etc, all have that constant sale.

      • True, I guess I was just excited that it wasn’t particularly limited in terms of what the discount could apply to.

    • Yes, but typically suiting isn’t included so this is a good deal.

  24. I’m wearing this skirt ( link to follow ) from J. Crew Factory for the second time today and I noticed the stitching is coming apart at the seams! Luckily, I only have to leave my office once today so hopefully not too many people will notice. I bought it on final sale at the beginning of the summer, but I can still return this because of the quality defect, right? I normally don’t buy things final sale online because I’m wary of fit. This skirt fits perfectly, but I haven’t even washed/drycleaned it and the stitching is already coming apart. Ugh.

    • https://factory.jcrew.com/p/womens-clothing/skirts/mini/linencotton-sidewalk-mini-skirt/41575?sale=true

    • Marshmallow :

      Definitely call or email them. It’s the same customer service for both J. Crew and the Factory and I can’t imagine they would say no to a request like that.

      • Sadly, they must be used to this kind of call by now. They seem to be trying to turn the corner on the customer complaints of poor quality, so I’d imagine they have a process for this.

      • I just checked my email receipt and whoops I bought it in March not June like I incorrectly remembered. However, I didn’t wear it all until now (took the tag off last week when I wore it for the first time). Do you think they’d still honor it? There’s no J. Crew Factory store in Manhattan so I don’t want to schlep to a J. Crew store only to be denied…

        • Baconpancakes :

          I’ve complained in Factory item reviews and had customer service offer to trade it in for a new item (I kept the item and had it repaired by my seamstress because they didn’t make the style I wanted anymore).

    • KateMiddletown :

      Factory quality is notoriously bad. Unless you find lucky items on clearance, it’s made in a completely separate factory/quality level than normal J.Crew (which is also kind of sucky as of late, IMO.)

      • I feel sort of opposite: I think the main store quality is awful–notoriously bad–for what they charge, and the Factory quality is spot-on for the price point they charge. In ever increasing instances, the quality of my Factory items has been almost indistinguishable from the main store of late. I’ve had better luck with Factory by and large for the past 5 years, though I guess my shopping habits of only buying on sale or with a coupon code help me manage expectations. I’m surprised at Jo’s situation, tbh, but I totally see it being possible with some garments.

        • KateMiddletown :

          I worked for Factory right out of college, and most of my items never lasted more than 1 season. To be fair, you’re 100% right about the price points – I’m happy to pay $14 for a shirt that I’ll wear 10 times throughout a season and then goes to goodwill, but not $70 for the same.

  25. Hopeful Entrepreneur :

    Hi friends — husband and I are seriously considering opening a new business in our smallish town, specifically a barre studio. The nearest one is 20-40 minutes away (depending on where in town you live) and my opinion is that boutique workout facilities are on the rise. We would go independent, not franchise. I’m curious to talk to others who might have taken a risk like this…what did you wish you’d known? We would keep our day jobs, at least for now (I know, tons of work — sleep is for the weak, right?).

    • Initial thoughts – if you are both at your day jobs, who will run the studio? How many instructors are you hiring initially? Just 1 or will you be able to afford more than one – bc how do you know how many students you’ll have? Bc what happens when that one instructor calls out and you’re both scheduled to be at the office? IMO people are not really forgiving about things like canceled classes – if they show up and there’s a sign on the door that says you’re closed, some of them may not return. I think this will work best if you hire 1 instructor PLUS either you or DH commits to this as a full time job. With any business like this (service business) reliable help is the #1 obstacle . . . which is what makes them hard to run if you have other jobs.

    • I would talk to a husband and wife team that already did this. Like Uforia in Palo Alto. Ask them what the experience was like.

    • I’d honestly look into franchising instead of going independent to cover yourself in some of the areas anon at 11:31 raises. That, plus brand recognition will help you in recruiting both staff and clients. The Bar Method owner in DC, Kate, was a lawyer who made the shift to ultimately FT running two or three studios. Very cool person, teaches a great class, but I think this consumes her life (that was her intention, I think).

    • I have not done this, but a friend has worked for a pilates studio owned by a brother and sister team. Neither one was ever around or invested in day to day running of the business and it struggled. It seems to me if you want to do this one of you should commit to being there full time.

    • My initial concern is that while boutique fitness is on the rise, barre is trending -I don’t know that there’s necessarily a long term market. (Eveyone I know who does barre also dabbled in hot yoga, spinning and Pilates-my concern is: what’s next?) Also, my mom and brother run a franchise (different industry) and while it’s successful, the first years were brutal. The franchise support was their only saving grace. Not all franchises are created equal, of course, but I suspect the launch is generally more difficult without name recognition and operations processes in place. That said I’m pretty pro-small business, wish you good luck but wanted to offer honest insight.

    • I don’t think these are usually that profitable if you’re only offering classes (one of the studios I go to has aerial yoga and I think they do a pretty brisk kids’ birthday party business). I think owning a studio is usually especially hard in the summer, you have to make most of your profit during the other months and accept that you’re in the red for a few months. Multiple yoga studios I have been to have closed and one of the partners at my local barre studio (franchise) backed out a year in, causing some drama. One of the other barre franchise owners did swoop in and buy one of the failed yoga studios for her second location though, so that might be a smart route to go if you want to sort of get a client base off the bat. I would definitely do some hard number crunching – it may be worth it if you live in an affluent area and will be the only game in town, but it’s a hard business to own.

    • anon for this :

      A family member of mine opened a barre studio (a franchise) a little over a year ago. Like any small business, it’s been tough. She works insanely hard and is there a lot, including many early mornings, evenings, and weekends. From what I understand, the studio lost money for most of the first year and is now just barely making money. The franchise used some misleading numbers about how quickly new studios made a profit.

      I would not do this as a side project.

    • pugsnbourbon :

      I agree with the comments above that at least one of you is going to have to commit the bulk of your working time to this. Also a Barre studio seems very specific, especially for a small town – do you really have the population to support it?

      I have been a member of several independent gyms, and the ones that do best are the most versatile – they can offer different types of programming, a wide range of class times, etc.

    • PB Seattle :

      I’d do a franchise. The support is already there. The Seattle barre owners, Sami and Brandon Sweeney, are rockstars in the Pure Barre community and Brandon is a lawyer.

    • SFAttorney :

      You wrote that it’s your opinion that boutique workout facilities are on the rise. It’s my opinion too, but I’m not sure. If you haven’t done any market research be sure to do so. Also the cost info from the bar method on opening one of their franchises might be helpful. I know you plan to go independent but they provide figures for expenses besides the franchise fees.

    • Tired Anon :

      Do one or both of you have an innate desire to be an entrepreneur? Or do you just think this would make money? If it’s the former, figure it out and go for it. If it’s the latter, don’t do it. It’ll be way too much work for little reward.

    • My smallish town just got an independent barre studio this summer and it seems to be doing well so far as far as expanding class times/instructors, but I have no insight into financials. They started with one or two classes per day, like noon and 5:30 pm and have added as there has been interest. We also have a very successful (at least in terms of business) yoga studio. I think the key here is to keep it inexpensive so people will try it out (unless you live in a higher income smallish town; mine is not. Very lcol). The cost of working out here is half or less than half of what a class costs at the franchise 40 minutes away. Same with the yoga studio. And the owners of both are very passionate about their businesses. Idk if there is money in it right away, but they treat it like a community plus a business and I think that’s why people come back. Best of luck if you try it.

  26. Couch search :

    Anyone up for vicarious interior shopping? I need an 8 foot long, navy blue sofa—kid friendly, comfy. Less than 3K.

    Thank you

    • Bassett.

    • https://www.roomandboard.com/catalog/living/sofas/york-sofas?filter=Fabric%20Sofas

      • Second Room and Board! Their performance velvet is amazing and comes in navy. When I say amazing, I am not exaggerating. I’ve gotten crayon, market, paint, spit, snot, cat puke, blood, and p00p out of it, no problem. Even better, performance velvet is in the lowest cost fabric group.

        • How does it stand up to pet hair? I’m sure that if you can get poo out, pet hair won’t be an issue, but I guess I worry about the hair/velvet magnet effect.

          • We ultimately selected a mid-grey performance velvet instead of the navy blue or dark purple I had my heart set on because the white cat hair was alarmingly visible on the dark samples we brought home as a test. With the grey velvet, you don’t have to worry about seeing it as much. But with either color, it’s so easy to just wipe up the hair with a damp paper towel.

    • Macy’s. For sure. Especially if you want kid friendly and don’t want to break the bank. They have a ton of sofas and sectionals, and you can order custom fabrics. I love my sectional that I got there.

    • Anonymous :

      Recently bought this and very happy with it: http://www.mgbwhome.com/cara-sofa/CARA_SOFA.html — they have all kinds of fabric options that you can see in the store if you have one nearby, including a sort of microfiber one that is apparently very kid/stain resistant that we went with.

    • I love my Karlstad from Ikea. It no longer comes in the 8 foot size, but I think the Vimle and Norsberg are the newer versions (you can email Ikea’s customer service to make sure that’s the case).

    • Rainbow Hair :

      What styles do you like?

  27. Attorney B :

    I missed yesterday’s hacks. But I wanted to add “insta-styler”. Thanks to the person that mentioned it in the comments last fall. Within 5 minutes of use in the morning, I look like I had a blow-out.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Oooh tell me more! Is this the thing that looks like a curling iron with a duck beak on top?

      • Attorney B :

        That sounds about right, the price is around $80. and can be found at any drug store.

        • Attorney B :

          I have slightly wavy hair and when I used a flat iron, it made my hair look “flat”. The styler just straightens my hair and leaves it less stringy on the ends.

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