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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Victorian Button Up Blouse

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This lovely blouse is one of the historically-inspired blouses that FRAME has right now — they also have this Edwardian Blouse and this Chloe Blouse, which is sort of Shakespeare/puffy-sleeves/Labyrinth-style, depending on your point of reference. I think this silk crepe blouse is just gorgeous, and it’s delicate without being too prissy — it’s fabulous. The top is available in bone and navy in sizes XS-L for $265 at Shopbop. FRAME Victorian Button Up Blouse

Here are a couple of Victorian-inspired plus-size tops at Eloquii in white and ivory.

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]

(L-all)

Comments

  1. ISO DC doc :

    Any recommendations for a primary care doctor in DC? My annual isn’t until this summer, but I need a checkup and likely blood work for a thyroid issue and back pain. There are lots of good recs for OB/GYNs on the archives (thanks!), but I haven’t seen one for a GP.

    Thanks in advance!

    • Dr. Paunovic at Washington Medical Group.

    • I used One Medical Group when I was in DC and absolutely loved it. Very much worth the $199 annual membership in my opinion. I saw Casey O’Bryan (a NP) and she was just the best.

      • I liked One Medical in DC too- especially Leslie Magnussen (an NP and Public Health person), who was lovely.

    • See if your insurance allows you to designate an urgent care center as your PCP. They’re open before and after work and on weekends, and they have tons of availability so you can actually get in when you need something instead of 6 weeks from now.

      (FWIW, I go to Medics USA bc they’re on Aetna and near my work in Falls Church, but any urgent care would work. All the docs and nurses have been so professional and understanding.)

  2. Anonymous :

    I want stealthy headphones that I can put inside my ear and cover with my hair to listen to audiobooks while I’m doing boring stuff at work.

    Any suggestions?

    • TorontoNewbie :

      The new Apple earbuds (I think they’re called “airpods”) that run on Bluetooth and don’t have any cords?

    • Anonymous :

      I have dark hair, so using small black in-ear buds of any type and then running the cords from each ear behind me with my hair down works pretty well.

    • I’m not that tech savvy, so I’ve never used bluetooth earbuds before, but a low tech option until you purchase a pair could be to just use 1 earbud in the ear that doesn’t face the door/hallway. That way, if someone walks in to talk to you, you still appear working but approachable and you can hear them come in.

      • If you might otherwise want a bluetooth earpiece for the phone (to take calls, use in the car, etc) the Bose products are great. I used to sometimes just use the one-ear phone earpiece one for listening to podcasts while cleaning, etc. I recently got the Bose bluetooth headphones but they’re aqua and actually kind of stick out a lot from the ear. Quality as always is great but aesthetically they’re weird.

    • You can work and listen to an audiobook at the same time?

    • If you have long hair, you could conceal these: https://www.nordstromrack.com/shop/product/1882615/altec-lansing-black-waterproof-bluetooth-earbuds?color=BLACK

    • The Here Ones come out in March: https://hereplus.me/

  3. This would only work for me if I had the hand maiden from Victorian times to button it up every time. #lazy

  4. NY state tax question. In the past I’ve been able to complete my tax return forms and submit electronically through the NY tax site. This year I can’t seem to find that option – it has free file software for people with lower income than me, or says to purchase software for e-filing. I filed my Fed taxes already and do not want to buy software. Have they removed the online submission option? Do I have to mail it? That seems weird and it will delay the refund.

    • You can, there are options for doing so here:

      https://www.tax.ny.gov/pit/efile/default.htm

      However, services often require you file both Fed and state together, so you’ll have to see if any of these give you the option of state only filing.

  5. In-House in Texas :

    Does anyone else have an allergy to panty hose? I wear them on occasion in the winter and by the end of the day, I have a red ring around my stomach from the elastic that starts to itch and is oh-so unflattering.

    • sweetknee :

      I am not sure that’s an allergy. Maybe just irritated by the compression of the band of the panty hose.

      I tuck my shirt into my pantyhose when I wear a skirt/blouse/jacket. That way, there is an extra layer between my skin and hose, and it keeps the shirt tucked in better.

    • Yeah, I think that’s just par for the pantyhose course. Maybe try sizing up? I think there are also some brands with wider waistbands that aren’t supposed to cut in.

      • lost academic :

        That’s what I use, and because the wider bands don’t have so much rolldown as the narrower ones (also I like the tummy control these days!)

      • FWIW, this has never happened to me. Maybe size up or try a different brand with a different material? Or see if the tucked-shirt method solves it.

        • In-House in Texas :

          Thanks for the suggestions. I’ll try them all. By the end of the day I couldn’t bear it and scratched my torso all the way home in the car.

    • First Year Anon :

      Itchiness sounds like maybe an allergy to the elastic- try tucking your shirt into them and see if that helps?

    • That does sound par for the course for pantyhose (unfortunately). Have you washed them? I have sensitive skin and washing everything before I wear it has helped control any break-outs.

    • That sounds like friction more than an allergy. Agree that it’s minimized with wider bands.

    • You can cut out the waistband. leave a thin strip of the thick part at the top of the waist and pull the threads until it’s about even. As long as you don’t cut down into the main fabric it won’t unravel, but you can also dab any tricky spots with clear nail polish.

    • Fake coffee snob :

      I occasionally get that reaction to certain rubbery bands (never had it with pantyhose, though) and it turns out it’s a slight latex allergy. Have you considered whether it might be that?

      • +1

        Agree with other suggestions to try, but avoiding latex may be key.

        • I suggest you talk to a doctor about whether to test you for a latex allergy. As you become sensitized, the reaction can get worse and you don’t want to find out you have a latex allergy in the middle of a medical procedure where they are using something containing latex

  6. Business formal? casual? start up casual? :

    What would you wear to the following?

    I’m going to visit the office of a financial firm with a start up feel. I’m going because a family friend invited me/sent my resume to HR. The office seems to have a pretty casual, “fun” atmosphere so I doubt its business formal, but its still a financial company.

    I was thinking of wearing my favorite blue-and-white patterned sheath dress and a white jacket. Or some other dress and jacket combo. This is not an interview so I don’t think I need to wear a suit and think I would look out of place, but still want to dress up.

    I also hate wearing full suits (but have 0 problem with blazers and slacks etc) so that plays into this.

    • I think dress + jacket is perfect for what you describe, especially if one piece (but not both) has some personality. I agree that you don’t need to wear a full suit for a non-interview meeting if the workplace is far from business formal. I would just make sure the cut of the dress reads pretty formal (sheath, not A-line, for example).

      • Diana Barry :

        +1. Also, I probably wouldn’t wear a white blazer in winter, but YMMV with geography, etc.

        • +1 regardless of geography unless you’re sure it’s winter white. To that end, a blue and white patterned dress sounds spring/summery to me (obviously not knowing what it looks like). But the concept of a dress and blazer sounds good.

          • Business formal? casual? start up casual? :

            Should have described it better – it’s a dark blue and white patterned dress (kinda flowers? not really?) and a cream colored blazer.

  7. Crowdsourcing :

    Here’s a fun question for the morning. We’re in the process of redoing our small narrow apartment kitchen and need to pick a color to paint the cabinets. Torn between light grey and contrasting white and navy/blue. Both seem to be having a moment. OTOH, grey is neutral and seems like we’d be less likely to tire of it after a few years. Also the gray we’d do would be very light so the small kitchen would feel open. But, OTOH, grey’s sort of boring and it feels like a waste of a custom paint job to do something so plain. White/Navy is very ‘in’ but could be tiresome after a while. Not to mention that it might be harder to pull off since our apartment is hardly a pinterest dream board and we’re doing this on our own without a fancy designer to oversee every element.

    • Anonymous :

      Grey for sure. If you want to brighten it up, pick an accent color (navy? chartreuse?) and use it for accessories like your rug and towels that can easily be changed out.

    • Do the top cabinets in white, and the lower cabinets in grey.

      • +1 – I love this look.

      • I was going to say top cabinets white, lower cabinets navy. I think either would look great.

        • To follow up… yes, navy is really in right now but it’s not like it will ever go out of style. So, I think going with navy will make you seem super on-trend right now, but will be classic forever. I think it also depends on the color of your countertops.

          • +1. The color of the top cabinets and the counter will impact the openness of your kitchen more than the bottom cabinets.

          • WorkingMom :

            My 2 cents – if it’s a smaller kitchen go with the grey – it’s most neutral and a lighter shade to brighten up a small space, but not white, which is easier to keep clean. (White cabinets are so gorgeous, but you will have to wipe them down regularly to keep them looking nice.) OR – do navy on the bottom and a white on top that is not pure white – white with a subtle hint of grey. Pure white can sometimes be a bit too bright in real life. Considering that you called it small/narrow, I’d lead toward the grey.
            Here’s another idea – have you considered open shelving to replace some of the top cabinets? I think that look is so gorgeous, and can also open up a small space nicely!

        • This is what I would do.

          Two years ago when we bought our house I was sure I’d go with white uppers and grey lowers but there is so much grey everywhere in design these days – hardwood, countertops, walls etc that the navy felt much fresher. A deep navy though – like clearly navy and not black but stay far from a medium blue.

        • Some friends of mine just painted their cabinets navy on bottom, white on top, with a butcher block counter top. It looks beautiful.

          Some caveats though–the kitchen isn’t huge, but it’s not a tiny apartment kitchen either, and I’m not sure how the dark bottom cabinets would feel in a narrow kitchen. It would probably be fine because the upper cabinets would draw the eye up and brighten the space. Also, in my friends’ kitchen, the walls are yellow, so the color scheme has a provencal feel, which is appropriate for the architecture of the house and where we live.

    • Have you tried googling on Houzz?

      I have a hard time picturing things but you can search just this — galley kitchen, grey cabinets, navy/white kitchen, etc. to see how you emotionally react to examples.

      Also, paint swatches matter. And if you don’t want to paint your stuff with swatches, get some white foamboard and paint that with two coats to see how it looks in the light you have. I had paint chips that I loved and they looked great as chips but not on my real walls. Burning through some quarts and some foam board was much less expensive than repainting a whole room.

      It really helped me pick my front door color and type/placement of door hardware.

    • What about grey cabinets and navy on one or all of the walls? I love my grey cabinets and wouldn’t want to commit to a dark color like navy on cabinets since cabinets are harder to paint, but that’s just my personal opinion.

    • Delta Dawn :

      I follow a blog called Tickled in NYC (tickled in nyc dot com) and she has almost your exact kitchen. She’s in a small apartment with a narrow galley kitchen and painted the lower cabinets navy and the top cabinets white. I think it looks awesome.

  8. Acne scar removal :

    Ladies who’ve had bad cystic and regular acne scars, I’d love to hear what, if anything, you’ve done to treat the scars once you got the acne under control.

    Most of my scars are the flat reddish-purple type that are ~the size of a marker tip, as well as a few pitted scars. I’ve been on retin A for years and while it does help some, the scars are still pretty noticeable (and I haven’t noticed any improvement with the pitted scars, not that I expected it to). I generally prefer not to wear makeup, but I have enough scars now that I’m more self conscious about going out without at least concealer (which is the longest step of my morning routine).

    I’ve read about the various options like dermabrasion, laser, fillers, peels, etc., but I’m curious for reviews of what the hive has tried, how much it cost, how many treatments it took, how effective it was, and based on those factors, whether you thought it was worth it. Also, I assume insurance doesn’t pay for this, but if you had a different experience, please chime in with that–and anything else you think is useful info!

    Thanks :)

    • Acne scar removal :

      P.S. I know this is a conversation to have with my dermatologist when we get to the point of controlling the current breakouts, but just thought it would be nice to go into the conversation with some background experiences of people who’ve tried the various treatments.

    • anonymous :

      I’m in the same boat and also looking forward to hearing replies, especially for pitted scars.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      I’d suggest going to a medi-spa for a consultation. I’ve done micro-dermabrasion, peels and lasers and have had great success. Take the time and meet with a professional that will tailor a solution for your specific skin needs.

      • How much $$ do you think you spent on each (roughly)?

        How affected was your skin to start?

        • BeenThatGuy :

          Mirco-dermabrasion: series of 6 at $150 a piece.

          Glycolic peels: series of 6 at $150 a piece.

          Lasers: series of 6 at $250 a piece.

          Skin will be very dry/flaky, with each type of service, for the first few days. Then a little oily for a few days. Then normal.

          FWIW, I had the laser therapy done on my lunch breaks. Zero redness or irritation after.

    • First Year Anon :

      Fraxel (I think that’s what it is called) might work well for you. I did it a few times but quite after awhile because honestly I felt pressure from my mom to do it and I thought my skin looked good enough at that point. Plus, I still have acne at age 30 so I figured I would do it again later in life when I *finally?** stop getting regular breakouts. It did work for me for pitted scars- I don’t have any red marks though. Best to do it on a Friday to let your skin chill on the weekend.

      • anonymous :

        How many fraxel treatments did you get? I’m thinking of doing this soon. Do you have any particular recommendations?

      • Also, what’s your skin tone like? I’ve heard that hyperpigmentation can be an issue for anyone who isn’t on the paler side of things.

        • First Year Anon :

          I am white (not super pale). I think you are correct re hyperpigmentation, and also whether you had deep cystic acne (I did not). I believe I had 3 treatments. My skin could be better, but it was a noticeable improvement. It does sting so I recommend a numbing cream. You peel a lot in the days after- just let it gently come off. When I was home (not in public), I coated my skin in Vaseline which felt nice and helped the dry skin just roll off. It was about 7 years ago so I can’t recall many more specifics.

    • For a low-budget starting point, I’d recommend adding in an AHA (couple nights a week, don’t use your retinoid on those nights), and also add this product that is good for discoloration: https://www.amazon.com/Cosrx-Galactomyces-Whitening-Power-Essence/dp/B00OZE57XW
      If you’re not already moisturizing on a regular basis, definitely focus on that as well because it can minimize appearance of scars by plumping skin and help the skin heal.
      I had slight rolling scars and a lot of discoloration, and this routine has definitely helped a lot in both keeping the acne at bay and fixing scarring.

      • Anonymous :

        +1 to the AHA. I use the Cosrx glycolic acid and I apply it every night. I was also using the Murad spot corrector serum stuff with hydroquinone in it. Acne scars fade so quickly now when I used to have them for months.

    • Sorry to hear this – I have had some tough cases of cystic acne in the past and have some scars on cheeks. My skintone is very pale, so as a first step, my goal was to remove the redness; then, if needed, proceed to removing the dimples. I have had great experience with OTC creams recommended by my dermatologist. First, I started using Glycolic Acid 12% night cream – it helps to peel off upper layers of skin. It is rather strong and may irritate sensitive/thin skin (in which case, use it every other night). I have also used Benzoyl Peroxide 10% cream at night (those nights when I was not using glycolic cream), to help keep bacteria at bay. The peroxide also bleached my already fair skin further. This combo removed a lot of the redness from my skin and visually, the scars were less visible. Prolonged usage of glycolic peel helped to remove bumps and smoothed my skin. Now, I have switched to a gentler active – azelaic acid, which removes dead skincells, kills bacteria and controls pigmentation. It is also used by patients with rosacea -> it is really effective for removing redness. I do still have concave dimples, but my dermatologist told me that yes, we can try laser, but the results will not be that visible and he would not recommend it (pain, time, energx and money invested will not be worth it). We have agreed that I will wait a bit and if I decide to do it, it is fine. I haven’t done it yet. I use good makeup, use some blush on cheeks and learned to accept that with current technology, it can’t be done and I will wait for a better solution. FWIW, I can’t stress the importance of proper moisturization – as a prevention of signs of aging and general appearance of skin. Bc – once your fight with acne seems to be over, you discover new enemy – wrinkles

    • I don’t know about lasers, peels, etc., but I have had good luck treating scars with inexpensive topical treatments including vitamin E cream, Mederma, Kelo-cote, Curad Scar Therapy sheets, and daily massage. I’ve only used these on raised scars, not pitted ones. I have heard good things about scar rollers but have never used one.

    • Read through some of the reviews on RealSelf for some of the various options you are considering – there are tons of photos of before, during healing, and after, cost estimates, reviews, etc.

  9. Fed Hopeful :

    Anyone else dealing with the federal hiring freeze? I just applied for a government position and though it seems the process is still moving — how is that going to work when I know they can’t offer me a position? Anyone else dealt with this in years past?

    • Anonymous :

      There are lots of kinds of hiring freezes so it depends on the nature of the freeze. It may not apply to positions where approval to hire was already given.

    • Last time our office had a hiring freeze, we were still interviewing but the applicants could not start until we got a special exemption to hire.

    • anon a mouse :

      The EO says they will revisit in 90 days and come up with a plan to reduce the government workforce. So it’s at least a pause – my guess is that agencies will still be interviewing so that as soon as they are able to extend offers, they are ready to go.

    • In the last hiring freeze, certain agencies (USAOs specifically) kept interviewing at their normal frantic pace. They knew they couldn’t hire but their rationale was — once hiring re-opens, we have our people ready to go. Yet they kept stringing candidates along with — oh maybe we can get an exemption (you usually can’t), we’re working on it; oh we heard hiring is about to re open; we heard a plan is about to be put in place etc . . . . So IMO — if you get an interview, go do it. But if you are in a position where you REALLY need a job, look elsewhere — this could go on for years even though right now they’re saying a plan in 90 days.

    • Got an application in progress with a National Lab. Does anybody know whether those will be affected?

      • It appears that the National Lab would be affected. The wording of his memorandum exempts “military personnel” and says “the head of any executive department or agency may exempt from the hiring freeze any positions that it deems necessary to meet national security or public safety responsibilities.”

        • NatlLabWorker :

          There are many national labs! If you’re in NY the closest lab is likely Brookhaven National Lab, a Department of Energy facility where research related to energy problems is performed. They are open t the public on summer Sundays – could be a fun outing!
          #doingmyoutreach #shamelesspromotion
          https://www.bnl.gov/stakeholder/summerSundays.php

      • NatlLabWorker :

        We haven’t heard anything about it. That said, folks at my lab are not government employees. We work for an LLC (which has one client: the govt). It may be different at a more defense focused lab.

        • NatlLabWorker :

          Most national lab employees are not federal employees (I believe). Workers at Brookhaven, LBNL, Argonne, for example, are LLC employees. I’m unsure about places like the Naval Lab and Sandia. (Did the lab you’re applying to close in the last govt shutdown? Mine did not, because we’re not govt employees.)

          • Sandia employees work for a Lockheed Martin subsidiary. Los Alamos employees work for UC.

    • They may make it retroactive for hires after Election Day. See “National Treasury Employees Union v. Reagan (DC 1981). If that occurs, you may lose your offer/job if you have not already begun working as of Nov. 8. Although this hasn’t necessarily been consistently the scenario in more recent hiring freezes, it can happen. If you have other employment options, those might be safer.

    • with this administration, I think it is unlikely that you will be hired. they could even revoke an offer, if you get a solid offer. In 1981, it was ruled that hiring freezes could be retroactive to Election Day, if they wanted to do that. It’s only after your appointment forms are done (taking the oath, hr doing the papers- all usually happens on you first actual workday ) that you have any rights, but it even depends on the agency, you could still be an at-will employee with no security. If you have an even decent job now that you can stand the next several years, why risk it?

  10. gray suit :

    with a dark gray suit, do I wear black shoes or brown shoes? also, there’s no equally formal alternative to nude hose, right? (gray tights would be hard to match to this gray, black seems off…)

    • Diana Barry :

      Black shoes, nude hose if you are wearing hose.

    • Definitely black with nude hose.

    • Anonymous :

      Black shoes for sure

    • Never too many shoes... :

      I loathe nude hose. Well, actually hose of any colour. They just seem so frumpy and dated to me. I would wear either black tights and black shoes or a nude or black small fishnet.

      • In-House in Texas :

        I really like taupe-y hose. they seem to go with everything and don’t look as dated as nude hose.

    • I always wear black tights and black shoes with my gray suits in the winter. If the suit is a solid gray, I wear tights with texture or a conservative pattern.

    • Charcoal non-opaque hose. Just watch out for “off black” in some brands that skews a little more taupe/brown. I imagine that since you are wearing a dark gray suit and black shoes, fishnet is not the look you are going for (though I’ve done that on non-client days).

  11. Has anyone ever hosted a charity event at their house? I am working to organize a fundraising event, and am considering throwing out my house as an option for a cocktail party/silent auction. I have a large-ish house, so hosting ~50-60 people is not difficult. I have had large cocktail parties before and definitely know how to organize one at my house. But then I think about everything that could go wrong (but probably won’t!) Anybody with experience?

    • Get a special events insurance policy / rider. They are cheap, but if someone is overserved and drives home and is in an accident, you want to be extra covered. Or if someone slips and falls b/c it’s snowy / rainy / they just tripped.

    • +1 event insurance and hire professional bartenders.

    • I’m also curious how this works tax deduction-wise.

    • Hide any small valuables. You just wouldn’t believe how many people will pocket an item at an event like this. Ask me how I know.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Maybe being an insurance lawyer makes me risk averse but I would never host an event like this at home unless you know all the attendees. The anxiety over potential liability would not be worth it at all.

    • All very good advice – thank you ladies. I don’t really care much about the tax deduction. I know the financial advantages, but it’s not a huge issue for me for the event.

      Eek! I am worried because I have a lot of little knick knacks and art. Nothing crazy, just things I’ve picked up from travelling.

      Appreciate the responses.

    • Anonymous :

      Super late, but I’m doing this February 9!

      Never thought of the event rider, I may do this. The event will benefit an organization that my daughter belongs to so I am happy to host. There is a very small committee, and I am going to ask for help, one person with greeting; shoes, coats, another at the drink station, and two to help me with the food (just appetizers). Because of the date I am having red and pink as the colors and adding valentine-y decorations around.

      I expect around 50 people, and I’m nervous because I don’t like my family room furniture and my floors need to be refinished (9 year son and 2 year old lab make this not a good idea). I’m getting my carpets cleaned the weekend before.

  12. Pregnant Job Applicant :

    Hi Ladies,

    I want to know if anyone has any tips when interviewing for jobs while pregnant. I am currently 16 weeks pregnant- I am not showing that much. It is still in the questionable phase.

    Should I disclose it in the interview if I am not showing? Also, does anyone know if some companies still pay for paid leave if you have not worked at the company for 12 months?

    Thanks in advance!

    • Don’t disclose if you’re not showing. Wait for the offer. And every company’s policy is different, it’s not common but there are definitely some places (especially in the tech world) that give the same paid leave regardless of when you start.

    • In-House in Texas :

      Do not disclose it until you get an offer!!

    • Pregnant Job Applicant :

      Are there any positives to disclosing? Would it create trust and make them want to hire me? ;)

      • Nope.

      • no no no, the odds are overwhelming that disclosure will be somewhere on the neutral-to-very-negative spectrum.

      • Nope. In addition to the risk of actual discrimination, it may feel like an overshare or that you’re trying to create a false closeness.

      • While they can’t legally refuse to hire you just because you’re pregnant, it will likely prevent them for giving a full and fair consideration of your qualifications. You’ll be, “that pregnant candidate.”

        You could consider disclosing at the offer phase, so that time off (if any) is part of your offer package.

      • No, not at all.

      • No, do not disclose. They cannot consider pregnancy status in making their hiring decision so it is not useful information for them at this point. They could interpret your disclosure of your pregnancy (assuming it’s not obvious) as a set-up for a discrimination claim if they don’t make an offer.

  13. So I keep seeing all these posts on social media that I can summarize to “stop whining about the state of womens rights in the US and be grateful for what you have. You’re not in Saudi Arabia.” At first I was very angry and tried to engage in dialogue. But the more and more I see it, and the continual backlash I get, has seriously discouraged me in regards to the state of our country. What do I do?

    • It’ incredibly frustrating. While I doubt any of the “haters” would read it, you could always post this as a response https:[email protected]/about-your-poem-1f26a7585a6f#.ycg0xh65o

      But honestly? I don’t think anything you say on social media is going to change anyone’s minds. I think you would have better luck having a one-on-one discussion with someone who has said it, but it’s probably unlikely any of your close friends would say it in the first place.

      • +1 – I honestly don’t think you can win these arguments. I keep having them but also change the subject after a few minutes if I’m having it in person, or not engaging online because I think engaging is not going to get me anywhere, and honestly as a WOC, I’m getting tired of having to explain to people how they are racist and/or s3xist…

        • I keep having them, too. I’m a white woman, and my tolerance for telling people they’re being racist/s3xist is higher, because my privilege shields me from having to have these conversations as often as WOC. My fatigue is less.

          I’ve also been trying to up my consumption of feminist writings/etc that are not just from cis white women. I’m guilty of getting stuck in my own lane and not thinking about the intersectionality of all the communities that benefit from feminism as often as I should. Right now, I’m trying to focus on educating myself and doing as much direct action as I can.

        • empresaria :

          Keep having them! Social media can change people’s minds:
          https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2015/11/23/conversion-via-twitter-westboro-baptist-church-megan-phelps-roper

      • Thanks for posting this.

      • Yes, I posted this article with tangible examples of how I have personally been discriminated against. I don’t think it will change anyone’s mind, but maybe it will make some people who don’t realize how common it is or how seemingly innocuous comments can be s3xist.

    • Short answer: “We’re not in Saudi Arabia but we’re sure as F not in Sweden, Canada, New Zealand or most other western democracies.” Throw in a “I thought the USA was supposed to be the ‘best’ and we were supposed to be ‘winning’, we’re not winning for women.”

      This post really helped me: “You are not equal. I’m sorry” https:[email protected]/about-your-poem-1f26a7585a6f#.nqg2h6xct

      White men are never told to be “grateful” for autonomy over their own bodies.

    • Unfriend those idiots, stop wasting time on them, and write your representatives frequently.

    • frog prince :

      well, it’s America First now, right? by their own vote, I guess we “eff them, we’re taking care of our own.”

      also, first time any of the Fox News squad has been interested in the welfare of Muslims.

      • “America First” in maternity leave, equal pay and reproductive rights? If only. Sigh. The slogan should be “American Men First, Ladies and Coloreds at the Back” if the Trumpers want to be accurate.

    • Women are not a privileged class anywhere in the world. The fact that most women in Saudi Arabia have it worse than most women here does not change that. We are raped, sexually harassed, abused, paid less, and worth less in the eyes of our country. Keep fighting for women’s rights everywhere and don’t let idiots who can’t think critically bring you down.

    • I like to say, Wow, we’re better than Saudi Arabia and you consider that good enough? That’s really unpatriotic. America is much better than that. That’s a really low bar to set. I’m ashamed by your poor opinion of Americans, that we’d settle for so little.

      Right now I’m going for shaming rather than specifics.

    • Thanks to the “whiners” from early 20th century (called suffragettes) women in dveloped parts of the world do have equal rights. I would say that sometimes, it takes a good whiner in order to change the status. By labeling it “whinimg”, weak people are trying to shame you and deter you. Ignore such losers and rise up. You are trying to advance the society vs current state – so obviously, you are not setting your benchmark with countries such as SA or some God-forgotten areas.

    • Marshmallow :

      Pretty sure you are me. Have been facing this in person with family members, too. I try, I really do, but it comes down to a total lack of empathy for others. “I, middle-class white woman with grown children and a husband with a great white-collar job, am doing fine. Look, I went to court the other day and the clerks were all black, so there are good jobs for them! Why are they complaining? Just pick yourself up by the bootstraps.” Deep, intractable lack of empathy. It is very sad and very frustrating. You can’t teach somebody to care about others.

  14. I live in Denver and everyone in my age group here (33 ish) runs around with bare legs in the winter, including the partner I used to work for that is 35. I always wear black tights with pencil skirts or dresses and either small heeled knee high boots or ankle boots. I feel weird for some reason wearing pumps or flats with tights. I always feel like I’m “doing it wrong” because no one else in my age group wears tights. Most women wear flat riding boots or pumps with skirts and bare legs. Has anyone else noticed this? I think it looks weird to run around in the equivalent of shorts when it’s 25 degrees outside.

    • I’m Canadian in this age bracket and this seems crazy pants. It’s winter – wear tights! How are they not cold?

    • (Former) Clueless Summer :

      Wearing riding boots or even booties with bare legs seems so deeply wrong to me. Like do you think they wear socks? Or is the whole foot and leg just naked in there? That kind of grosses me out actually. But I have bare feet in shoe issues.

      Pumps with bare legs is more standard but I would think no one is doing that in 25 degree weather.

      Anyway, no one does this in my city (black tights brigade from November to March usually) except like girls in university going to the club. So I don’t think you’re doing it wrong!

      • I had the exact same thought about naked feet+booties. Yick.

      • I wear boots without tights with dresses. I always wear socks.

      • As someone who occasionally wears boots/booties with bare legs (albeit in spring/fall), they are probably wearing socks– I know I do! Under booties I wear super low no-show socks so you can’t see them, while under knee-high boots I sometimes wear tall socks (which go up almost as high as the boots), and sometimes wear crew socks or the like.

      • lol, cowboy boots and skirts/dresses are everywhere in Texas all spring and summer, and frequently in “winter” because the actual temperatures in the winter months are so variable. Yes, we wear socks. I find it amusing that anyone would even think to question that.

    • Despite being someone who detests wearing anything on my legs (and who also doesn’t care for the way any of her clothes look with black tights), I don’t think you are doing it wrong! I would GLADLY go bare-legged here in Central PA all year long, except that my office is a TUNDRA. I could manage the walk to and from the car at home and at work, but sitting here all day is awful. Hence, FLEECE TIGHTS, in the winter. :(

    • Tall boots with bare legs is a major fashion faux pas IMO. It’s just a mismatch — like wearing a tie with jeans or diamonds for daytime. If it’s cold enough to wear boots, it’s cold enough to wear tights.

      • Really? When it’s transitional weather, like when it’s 55-65 degrees in fall and spring, I often wear knee-high boots with dresses and skirts but no tights. I like the little extra bit of warmth from the boots, but tights seem too heavy somehow. I do wear socks that don’t show.

        I live in the DC area, FWIW. Totally casual office, too.

        • Anonymous :

          Me too, especially on the weekend! I love just-below-the-knee boots with just-above-the-knee skirts and dresses.

      • Never too many shoes... :

        Umm, I wear diamonds in the daytime. Like all the time. Unless you are literally talking about the Hope Diamond. And to be honest, if I had access to it, I would wear the crap out of it all day, every day.

    • Isn’t Dnver filled with California transplants, who just haven’t learned yet?

      You are doing it right.

    • People in Denver don’t know how to dress. They have “dressy fleece” there. Don’t be like them. Wear tights.

      (I have family in Denver, but have never lived there, so I have limited perspective. I know, not all Denverites.)

    • BeenThatGuy :

      Maybe they are partaking in the wonderful world of recreational m a r i j u a n a and they feel fabulous

    • I live somewhere similar to Denver, and I’d say its probably just that finding tights without holes in them in the morning is hard and you’re outside for like, ten seconds.

  15. I have never had someone clean my house before, but tomorrow someone is coming over to look around and give me a quote. What questions should I ask her? Stuff like, does she have her own vacuum cleaner? What products do we need to supply? Etc.

    • I would ask what is considered part of a routine cleaning visit vs. what is categorized a deeper clean that may require more time/money

    • Delta Dawn :

      Yes, what does she bring with her v. what does she need you to supply. Like Jo March said, what does she do on every visit and what does she do only as needed (and does that mean you need to let her know when it’s needed– things like wipe down the inside of the fridge, for instance). A friend of mine uses a service that has a handy checklist for this. You could probably find a similar one online. You could ask if she cleans alone or if she ever brings a helper. Does she want you to be there to let her in or is she comfortable arriving after you’ve left? Is she comfortable locking up/setting the alarm when she leaves? If you have pets, can they be out while she is there?

    • I would ask for proof of bonding “for my records”

    • Will this individual be cleaning on their own or is there a team? If a team, will it always be the same people? IE: who are you bringing into my house with you?

  16. Do any of you ladies use a Roomba or other robotic vacuum? If so, how do you like it/what model do you have?

    Details: we have three cats and a dog. We just uncovered and refinished our hardwood floors on the first floor of our house, and it now makes me much more cognizant of the amount of dust/random stuff that accumulates in the house on the daily. We’re taking steps to stop that (shoes off in the house, etc), but I don’t want to vacuum every day, and still want my floors to be clean.

    Anybody have good luck with a robot and pets?

    • Just know that if your dog has an accident, the roomba will go right through it and spread it all over the floor. Ask me how I know.

      • +100! This happened to my sister. She is still scarred by what she saw when she came home that day.

      • Were you able to get the smell out of the roomba? Mine ran over a puddle of cat urine, and we have no idea how to get it clean.

      • Good to know. We’ve had the dog for four years now and she hasn’t had an accident in 3. Same with the cats — no issues with the box.

      • TorontoNewbie :

        http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation-now/2016/08/15/pooptastrophe-man-details-night-his-roomba-ran-over-dog-poop/88667704/

    • I have no pets, but 5 kids, and I LOVE my Roomba (650 model from Costco – I think they have a fancier one now). It was life-changing (for me). It runs in my kitchen/dining areas at least once daily.

      • I didn’t even THINK to look at my beloved Costco. Thank you for the tip!

        • JuniorMinion :

          Second this!! I also got the pet series one at costco and replacement batteries on amazon and it was significantly cheaper than going elsewhere for it

      • I got ours from Amazon (can’t recall what model, but it was one of the cheaper ones). No kids or pets, but we have dark hardwood floors and lots of natural light in our home, so you can see EVERYTHING on the floors. I run it 2-3x per week as I leave for work and it is a lifesaver.

    • I have two cats (one long hair who sheds aggressively), a toddler, two large wool rugs, hardwood floors, and one of those pet hair roombas. It *can* work, but it’s not exactly the miracle I was hoping it would be. It’s better than nothing though. I hate vacuuming and it’s better than what I would do (a crappy job every several months if I’m being honest).

      You have to run and empty it every day for it to work best. The emptying process is not just dumping out the plastic box, but also getting a bunch of pet hair off of a rubber sweeper (easy) and a brush sweeper (less easy). In order to run it every day, your house needs to be roomba proofed. Little toys, random socks, computer cords, anything small like that that is on the floor will choke the roomba. It gets stuck under chairs sometimes. I flip our dining room chairs upside down and put them on our table, like you see in closed restaurants, otherwise it gets trapped under there. I don’t think we’re going to replace it when it dies.

      • Can you estimate how long the cleaning process takes you? I have a pretty high tolerance for that kind of thing (I already do dishes by hand in the evening before bed). But I don’t want to spend 30 minutes cleaning the thing, either, because I could just vacuum in that period of time.

        • Probably 5 minutes if you run it every day or 7-8 if you run it infrequently and it has a lot more to pick up so there’s more hair and stuff to get off the brush roller. It picks up a lot, I will give it that.

          • Thanks! It may be worth it for me to try. One of our goals this year is to be more tidy (not leaving shoes out, etc), so this may also help with that goal. Totally understand that frustration with little kids running around, though.

            Based on the mixed reviews, though, I think I’ll purchase from Costco for their return policy in case I hate it.

      • Thanks for this — two dogs and a cat and I was thinking about getting one. My hesitations have been 1) will it really actually pick up all of the dog hair without clogging and needing to be emptied every 5 minutes, 2) when can I even run it because one of the dogs will determine that it is threat level midnight and attack it. Didn’t even consider that it will get stuck on everything. Seems not useful enough to justify the price (they’re hella expensive!).

    • Wildkitten :

      Check the wirecutter for the best model to buy.

    • Can I just say that shoes off in the house is a game changer for us? We moved up to Boston this year and decided (hardwood floors) to have a shoes-off-at-home policy (and for guests who choose to remove their shoes – we don’t ask people to do it, but typically people notice we aren’t wearing shoes and follow suit – I would NOT ask them to remove their shoes if they didn’t). SO MUCH CLEANER.

      • Ha — outside dirt is not my huge problem at the moment (I walk in from asphalt to concrete, so no tracking in of anything b/c 99% of the time I’m in pumps). If my children could correctly eat cereal or spaghetti (and would stop sneaking salty crunchy snacks into the TV room), my house would be so much cleaner. Also WTF with the powdered cheese going everwhere??

        • Oh god. Powdered cheese. Husband loves cheese curls. He eats them in the living room. It drives me batty (but I still love him dearly).

          I live in a more rural area, so external dirt/tracking is part of our concern. The other is similar to yours — we are droppy kinds of people. And we don’t even have kids. I shudder to think what it would be like if we did.

        • Senior Attorney :

          I was at Costco yesterday and they had a big container of “macaroni and cheese” powder in the seasonings section. Amazing!!

      • I’m hoping this will fix the majority of our problem, to be honest, and I’m glad to hear that you’re having similar results to what I am hoping for.

        I also wouldn’t ask a guest to remove their shoes on my hardwood floors, but we don’t have a ton of people over, either.

      • I’m so glad it’s catching on. Growing up asian meant – NO SHOES IN THE HOUSE. I have no qualms about asking you to remove your shoes, unless you’re moving all my stuff in/out of the apartment.

        Also – on the roomba – it worked but not that well–getting caught on stuff, battery dying, etc. and it was noisy. But this was also 8 years ago.

        • Shoes in the house, especially in the winter = gross gross floors. Having a crawling baby seriously converted me to shoes off, all the time. My parents need constant reminders, but in the snowy north east its pretty common for shoes/boots to live in the mudroom or by the back door thank god.

      • +1. We ask people to take their shoes off too.

    • I have a very early model and really like it. (I’d like to upgrade to something with lighthouses so I can do the entire floor in one go instead of one room/day.) It’s loud, and you do have to have the floor clear. Basically, I run it either 1) when I leave for the day or 2) when I take the dog for her walk. It really cuts down on the amount of dog fur tumble weed.

    • I have a Neato that was high rated for allergens and dust. My place is almost all carpeted and I am the worst housekeeper ever. It forces me to keep things off the floor before it runs and I’ll be honest, I would never vacuum weekly otherwise. I only have one pet and usually set it to run when we’re going out of the house for a bit so it doesn’t freak my furry friend out (though the look on his face the first time it drove by was priceless). It definitely picks up more than my vacuuming ever did.

    • I have an older Roomba with 2 cats and a dog. I love it and run it everyday. As for collecting pet hair, the Roomba obviously won’t collect hair from areas if can’t reach so hairballs still collect behind furniture. All exposed flooring will be spotless though.

    • I recently got the iRobot. It doesn’t vacuum, but it does basically dry/wet swiffer. We have a small house with all hardwood floors and no pets. So usually at night I will either quickly sweep up with a broom/dustpan or our handheld dyson to get large dirt, then I set out the iRobot on dry swiffer mode. It is amazing!! We usually do the wet swiffer mode 1-2 times per week. Our floors have never looked so clean.

    • Another quick tip: if you have any area rugs with tasseled edges, the Roomba will get stuck on those, something to consider.

  17. Gail the Goldfish :

    Love this, but not $265 love (plus, I am too lazy to hand wash silk and hate paying for dry cleaning). Has anyone seen something similar for cheaper that’s easier to care for?

  18. Lay Off News :

    My husband works at a Fortune 500 and they are making reorg announcements today. Part of the reorg, of course, is layoffs which will include his department. He’s survived several of these in the past and understandably thinks his time has finally come. He’s naturally an anxious person so this only makes it worse. He’s not a young guy any more. I understand his fears. Has anyone gone through this? How did you handle it or what would you do or can you do?

    • Anonforthis :

      Line up an employment attorney to advise on the paperwork HR will ask him to sign. It likely contains waivers he should not sign without knowing what they mean, and he’ll be too rattled to figure them out.

  19. frog prince :

    This ridiculous MS senator…….McDaniel

    state senator (attorney) who says mysogonistic things. Then, when there’s pushback, posts this crazy screed telling his constituents how after this pushback from the angry liberal women, he’s now totally committed to wholesale defunding PP and repealing Obamacare ….. (lol….didn’t know they let state reps vote on federal law).

    Trolling, blocking/deleting negative comments, posted a CONSTITUENT’s negative comments and encouraged others to contact her (took that one down though).

    Seems pretty sleazy and unethical.

    • Patton Oswalt was trolling Piers Morgan with #MensMarch. Someone needs to start a troll of McDaniel with all the things he’s going to say he’s committed to that he doesn’t actually have authority as a state senator to do. #McDanielWill Renegotiate NAFTA/ Not Sign TPP/Overturn the Iran deal etc.

    • You are giving a state senator from Mississippi WAY too much publicity.

      • No, that’s where it starts – state level. Someone in that sort of position of power, no matter how low-level it seems, SHOULD be publicly called out and shamed for that sort of behavior.

        Let it go and next thing you know he’s in the US Congress.

        • frog prince :

          Yeah, he already ran and was defeated.

          just bizarre behavior.

        • I’m concerned that publicity is exactly what would get him elected to the US Congress. We’re living in a clickbait world now. Next thing you know he’s a conservative hero for “telling it like it is” and making the circuits on the Blaze/Fox News/Breitbart. One of Trump’s strongest selling points is how much he pisses off liberals.

          • Anonymama :

            Ugh yeah, it does seem like ever since Sarah Palin (Ann Coulter?) the number one qualification for Republican popularity is ability to outrage liberals. I try to disagree as politely as possible. Like, chipper and earnest, as if you are talking to your favorite great aunt who is misguided but well-intentioned. Like a cool blanket of neutral facts on a trash fire, instead of a tank of gasoline.

  20. Emergency Aquitalia Question :

    leather vs suede?

    The is beautiful. I usually don’t have good luck with suede holding up. And at this price, maybe it’s very sturdy or will look great for years. My winter weather is more wet than snowy.

    For the leather, since it’s so tight, it might appear to be PVC to some and not real leather (which is a looking-like-a-teen issue I have).

    HELP!!! Good sale on my dream boots and right now I’ve got a choice as to which to get in my size.

    • Honestly, I love the suede. It is weather protected. I take good care of it though. I don’t go splashing through puddles. I remove all salt/snow stains by dabbing with diluted vinegar at the end of the day, and brush the nap. At the beginning of every season, I spray on another 2 coats of weather protector/suede protector. They last for years.

      I love suede in fall/winter.

    • Anonymous :

      Late reply, but I have a pair of suede Aquatalias (the ones Kate has) and they’re fantastic. The nap is very low and they still look new even through they’re four years old. Go for the suede.

  21. Emergency Aquitalia Question :

    leather vs suede?

    The suede is beautiful. I usually don’t have good luck with suede holding up. And at this price, maybe it’s very sturdy or will look great for years. My winter weather is more wet than snowy.

    For the leather, since it’s so tight, it might appear to be PVC to some and not real leather (which is a looking-like-a-teen issue I have).

    HELP!!! Good sale on my dream boots and right now I’ve got a choice as to which to get in my size.

    • Aquatalia Owner :

      I have a pair of their leather boots. Purchased several years ago. Outside was leather. Bottom is a plastic (which holds up well). Inside is a synthetic fabric. Not a huge fan but not a deal breaker either. If site not disclosing materials of pair you want to buy, research at other sites. Suede will leave marks if it gets wet.

    • I’m wearing Aquatalia suede booties today that I bought four years ago. I consider them my best NAS purchase ever. I’m in NYC and am really hard on shoes. They still look good and are waterproof and warm.

  22. Baconpancakes :

    Bllerrgggg my hot desk smells like whomever sat here yesterday wiped the desk down with a piece of mackerel left in the sun. WTF. I am gagging. I’ve already wiped it down with 409 and it still smells. Oh god kill me now.

    • I am super sensitive to smells. I’m sorry! Try wiping down the chair, the chair armrests, the keyboard, the mouse, the underside of the desk where someone would pull themselves in, even the sides of the monitor. You have my sympathies.

    • If you have access to a CVS try a small bottle of vinegar. Wiping it down with that (or cheapo vodka) kills just about all smells.

  23. Paging Stella Link

    Did you find your cat?

  24. I may be asking this too late in the morning thread but here goes

    My husband hates his job and his profession and wants to retire. He’s 60 years old.

    I’m 10 years younger and make 4x what he makes. He figures we can live off my income just fine. I agree, though we would have to cut back losing 20% of our income.

    My concern is this – it would be all on me. We could get by on his salary if we needed to, for a while, if I were to lose my job. Nothing is certain in this world.

    Also, I worry that if something happened to our marriage, which is not always smooth sailing, that he would be entitled to alimony, or more alimony.

    I’m resentful because he also did not start saving early (before we met), so his 401K is a fraction of what it should be, and he certainly could not retire on that if I were not in the picture.

    Any thoughts on this jumble of issues?

    • Anonymous :

      What does he plan to do once he’s retired?

    • anon a mouse :

      There are really two questions here. One is financial, the other is your relationship. They are intertwined.

      For financial – run the numbers, figure out different scenarios. Would he start taking SS at 62? Or 65? What does your cash cushion look like? Is he willing to go back to work if you got laid off or had to stop working for health reasons? Would he be willing to get a part-time job to keep him busy and help with the income?

      You seem much more concerned about the relationship aspect, and I probably would be too. On one hand, you don’t want him to suffer if you are able to support him get away from something that’s making him miserable. But you also don’t want to be his sugar mama.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I have no helpful suggestion, but I would be exceedingly annoyed if my spouse wanted to retire but could only afford to because I was still working, because unless you really love your job, it’s not like you’re working just for fun.

      • Yeah, this comment resonated with me most. It’s like, hey I hate my job but you can keep working so I don’t have to. It’s not like I’m in love with my job. It’s not something I would choose to do for fun if they didn’t pay me.

        • Anon at 1:44 :

          I can’t fairly extrapolate my experience to an internet stranger – but for me marrying someone 8 yrs older, I always figured I’d be in the workforce longer anyway. Several years early didn’t make a difference, and it’s made life at home much easier. It depends on whether your insurance can cover him at a reasonable cost, and maybe on whether he will do more at home. I still cook, but DH picks up a lot of slack and takes care of a lot of household stuff.

    • I’m sorry you’re so resentful. It makes this seem like more of a relationship issue regardless of employment. I’ve been in a very similar situation with my older spouse for several years- he dropped out of a very high stress job and its all me, and it’s fine. He does laundry, errands, finances, and is home and in a good mood.

      • Same. My dh was a SAHD and is now 90% retired (kids in college). He picks up odd jobs every once in a while. It’s always been all me, and we work with that plan. It’s works well, since he handles the home front and does a lot of the heavy lifting for his siblings in dealing with his aging parent.

        I’m sorry you’re resentful and I hope you two can work it out.

    • Anonymous :

      Is he medicare-eligible? If not, can he be on your health ins?

      I’m a big fan of stepping back (not quitting entirely) while one spouse is working FT. I’d see if he can work PT or enough for health insurance and to keep putting into his 401K until he is at least 65. When you are old enough to retire, then you retire (or step back when he turns 65).

      Health ins is no joke — at his age, you ought to factor that in.

    • Anonymous :

      Do you want to keep working? Because if you both are ready to retire, it seems really unfair that he gets to do it just because he’s older when you are the one with the savings and higher income. What does he want to do when he retires? Will he step up and take on more of the home responsibilities? You can contract away alimony with a post-nup, and I would probably want to do that in your situation. But if you have minor children, note that you can’t contract away child support and you might still be on the hook for that if you split.

    • Anonymous :

      Get a divorce. If your reaction to your 60 yr old husband wanting to retire when you can afford for him to do so is worrying about alimony, just quit wasting your time and get a divorce now.

      • Anonymous :

        I think she will also be liable for alimony long term… perhaps for life of her husband… regardless of whether he quits now.

      • Anonymous :

        “when you can afford for him to do so”

        This is key. He isn’t really retiring because he’s saved for retirement and it’s the end of his career. He’s becoming a SAHH and just wants to live off her.

        • Anon at 1:44 :

          Ok then a lot of the women I know, with grown kids, are just “living off their husbands”. For me this is part of feminism- either partner can step up while the other leans out, for whatever reason- kids, health, horrible job. Of course it’s between a husband and wife to decide and that’s valid. But a blanket statement that a woman can stay home but a man can’t , is very sexist!

          • I agree with this. Individual couples decide what is and isn’t OK.

            But there’s no blanket rule that men can’t lean out and women can. I’ve leaned out and leaned on my husband’s income, and I expect that when he’s ready to retire (he’s 8 years older than me) he will lean on me a little more (though he’s also saving for retirement pretty aggressively).

            OP, if you’re still reading: I’m not saying that your upset is because of gender. But you should talk to your husband about these concerns.

            But — you married him and his financial situation. You presumably knew at the time that he hadn’t saved a ton for retirement and would need to catch up. Would the additional four or five years until standard retirement age make a huge difference in the amount in his 401K? Is this really unforeseen?

      • I think this response is a cop out. There are issues in all marriages. I’m just trying to take a clear-eyed look at mine.

        • Senior Attorney :

          I definitely think you should get a post-nup if you two decide to do this. You can contract out of alimony and I think you should give it a shot.

    • potatochip :

      You’re not wrong to think about the future of the relationship. Is there any way you could meet with a lawyer to find out the worst case scenario? More information won’t hurt the decision making process.

    • Coach Laura :

      I’ve seen a lot of couples with this issue.

      Couple of thoughts- seeing an attorney would be good. How long have you been married? If it’s more than 10 years your spouse (or ex spouse) is eligible for spousal SSI at a higher rate tied to your earnings when they reach 62 I believe. That might make a difference in the pro/con analysis. Check into it.

      If it were me, I’d do a post-nuptial agreement that limits your alimony if y’all decide to divorce later. If you were to divorce even now you might have to pay more than you’d expect.

      As for him going back to work if you lose your job, I think It’s unlikely that a 60+ low career-committed guy could get a job after being out of the workforce. Plus who knows what his health would be then.

      Perhaps you should live on just the bare minimum for the next 2-3 years, bank the equivalent of his earnings at a minimum as emergency savings, do a post nup and then let him retire at 63. He should then do all shopping cooking cleaning etc. I think you have to be very ruthless and spell everything out. Otherwise you’ll have a lot (more) resentment.

      Excuse errors-on phone.

    • Another thing to remember is people idealize and romanticize retirement before realizing its not that they want to stop working, they just want to feel like they don’t have to. Especially if you’re continuing to work, he isn’t going to go anywhere without you and sitting on the couch all day gets old fast. Tell him he can retire if he gets a new hobby that pays. ;)

  25. This top is very silky and easy going! And I love the detailing of the buttons. Some nice dress pants would work great with this blouse. I could even see floral bottoms if you want to step outside the box. Great Post!

    https://officiallychic.com/

  26. Hill staffer :

    Hi friends – here’s something that I would encourage you all to keep an eye on in the next few months: http://thehill.com/policy/finance/314991-trump-team-prepares-dramatic-cuts

    Traditionally, the President’s budget comes out in early February. In presidential transition years, it usually comes out a bit later.

    The President’s budget is not legally binding. It’s basically the administration saying “This is what we want Congress to fund.” Congress then doles out the money via appropriations bills. Usually, the appropriations process begins in March/April, when the Appropriations Committee solicits input from other members of Congress about what they would like to see in the bills. Early March is a good time to call your members of Congress and advocate for whatever programs are important to you. Then, from April-early summer, the Appropriations Committee marks up the bills (meaning discusses them in committee and considers/votes on amendments), then sends them to the floor for consideration.

    Usually non-policy people that I talk to don’t understand how important the appropriations process is, but I encourage you all to read up on it/get involved! This year in particular, the cuts could be so catastrophic to so many programs that people rely on.

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