Holiday Weekend Open Thread

2017 Update: Curious about when the next big Nordstrom sale is? Check out our guide to the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale 2017, with Early Access starting July 13! Sign up for our newsletter to get our picks for workwear and beyond!

The below content is about the 2017 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale.

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

If you’re on the hunt for affordable fake diamond earrings, I always hear readers singing the praises of Nadri. These are certainly well reviewed at Nordstrom, and I think they look kind of edgy and cool. They’re great for the weekend and for date nights, and in some offices they’d be OK, too — I do think they’re better for the weekend, though. They’re available in black hematite, gold, rose gold, and silver for $60. ‘Crescent’ Linear Hoop Earrings

Psst: Happy Long Weekend! We’ll try to keep an eye on sales over the weekend and post any updates — in the meantime we’ll see you back on Tuesday! Of course you can check out our roundup of the best workwear in the Nordstrom sale — I also managed to do another mini-roundup for accessories, including some pretty awesome ones. Full details after the jump…

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Lots of good stuff!

General Notes on Accessories in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale

Great Selection of Shoulder Bags, Totes, Briefcases, and Accessories in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale!

Bags (prices start at $166!)

Pictured below: blue / black / bluerose cloud

Briefcases/Totes ($26-$333!)

Pictured: black/naturalblue / black / black tote

(Not pictured: this Vince Camuto tote is 50% off and is really cute!)

Weekend Bags (prices start at $35!)

Pictured: pink crossbodyblue clutchpink crossbody / caramel convertible crossbody

Other Accessories in the Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale

Watches (prices start at $59!)

Pictured: pinkfashionably lateblack / diamond!

Necklaces for Work ($17-$256)

Pictured: curved bar necklace (gold tone too) / circle necklace / long pendant necklace (6 colors!) / statement collar necklace (5 colors)

I’ll try to get to shoes soon — readers, what are your favorite things in the big Nordstrom Half-Yearly sale this year? Are you seeing any other noteworthy sales this weekend? 

Comments

  1. In a pinch, you could stab someone in the eyeball with these.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Perfect spy jewelry.

    • Too much chest exposed at work :

      New thread: If women promoted to management in your male dominated Washington, DC federal government legal department often wear sexy outfits, and you have no HR department, to who or what can you complain?

      For example, sexy outfits include A) well tailored suit jackets with no apparent shirt underneath and some fabric at the upper part of the fullest portion of the lower breast; B) Low cut v necksweaters with similar expanses of bare chest exposed and not even a camisole underneath?
      C) Sweaterdresses without foundation garments that are a little too tight? Black bra under lemon yellow low cut check sweater?
      D) thin fabric dresses that appear to be slips or nightgowns; E) hooker costume shoes: over the knee high heel boots; extremely high heel stacked shoes

      All of these outfits were worn for large group presentations and meetings.

      Work assignments and advancement depends on how many older white males request to work with you. Women receive performance appraisals noting whether they are cheerful and to what extent they are cheerful. Men receive no feedback on their cheer.

      Does anyone else have any experience with this issue? Is this just the legal profession?

      • Wildkitten :

        Why are you complaining? Don’t.

        • Wildkitten :

          Complain about the behavior of the men, sure. Complain about the cheerful bullsh*t? Yeah. Complain about the outfits of the women? No.

          • Agreed. Women should not be afraid to show a certain amount of skin (up to 40% of their breasts) in a work environment. Above that percentage may be unacceptable.

          • To remain conservative in the legal field, no matter what the exposure percentage, never expose your ariolas. I’ve done about 80 percent but always covered my ariolas and have never had an issue with my bosses. Just don’t let them touch.

      • Find a new job

      • Sounds like how the women are dressing isn’t really the problem; they are dressing that way because advancement and performance evaluations depend on gross men making gross judgments; the women are just working within that system. The problem is that the standards in the office are actively sexist. Depending on how significant an issue this is, it could qualify as sexual harassment or a hostile work environment. You can contact the EEOC about making a complaint, and also see about going further up the ladder or filing an anonymous complaint with your ethics hotline.

      • Still wondering what federal office has no HR.

  2. I have been going through a lot of mental stress about my practice area the last few years. I’ve been a solo criminal defense lawyer (mostly appeals) for the last four years, after 6 years of working at small firms doing criminal defense and general civil litigation. I’m tired and nearing burnout, and I’m starting to resent my clients. I’m mostly taking panel work, so my income comes from the state. I work hourly, and while it’s not a ton, it is very steady income. There will be criminal convictions forever.

    I want to branch out into estate planning. I have zero experience in this area since my trusts and estates class in law school. But the older I get, the more interesting it seems, especially as friends and family have to deal with estate planning issues. I want to help people and problem solve, but in a way that doesn’t make me want to scream into my pillow. I will probably always do a small percentage of criminal defense because I truly believe in its constitutional underpinnings, but I need something else.

    I know there are not many solo practitioners on this site, but if anyone has any advice, I’m all ears. I live with my boyfriend and will have my loans paid off by the end of this year, so I can take an income hit, although I would obviously like to increase it again over the years. I’ve never made six figures anyway. I know finding clients would be hard at first, but I live in a small town, and have contacts who are in banking and commercial lending whose own clients always need wills drafted, etc.

    Should I buy a basic CLE or hornbook and bone up on basic estate planning law? I feel like I need a base level of knowledge before I really decide what the next step is going to be. I know I am intelligent and capable and can learn quickly, but it’s obviously scary to do something brand new where no one trusts you to do it yet.

    Any thoughts are appreciated. Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      Start by reviewing the Bar Ads materials for your state in respect of estate planning. Look into and attend as many local CLEs on the subject as possible. This will help you meet other members of the bar who specialize in this area and who may be a possible source of referrals if they have conflicts in some matters.

    • Anonymous :

      Our bar sponsors a lot of pro bono “learn how to do a simple will so you can go to this pro bono program for the elderly.”

      Obs very different than the will/trust/gifting client, but you can’t botch executing a will and the basic formalities and mechanics (# of witnesses your state requires / selfproving / etc.) . Maybe start there? And pay attention to the paralegals you meet — they know everything.

      If that works well, maybe see if an experienced practitioner will let you do overflow work hourly?

    • Yay! Open Thread’s! I love HOLIDAY Open thread’s and hope that Kat will publish more sales in Weschester this weekend! I also will go to Lord and Taylor up there with Rosa to look for a new leather tote!

      As for the OP, I know a guy who is doing Estate Planning law from law school. He took a few tax courses, which he says changes all the time, so if you switch, you will NOT be abel to copy and paste the way you can with Criminal Defense law. I know that is why I love WC law. All I have to do is change the name of the claimant, and all of the rest of the items and arguments are identical. My templates work about 95% of the time so the “find and replace” commands are the ONLEY ones I use to change things! This is NOT the case with wills and trusts, he says.

      Dad told me NOT to attempt to change legal fields now that I am a partner. He is very smart, so I listen to him. Besides the manageing partner knows I do a good job so he has stopped reviewing my breifs, letting me file them directly with the court electronically, often bypassing even Lynn, who has gotten sloppy and lazy.

      This weekend I am heading to the Hamtons for the manageing partner’s party. I hope it is NOT goeing to be warm enough for swimming as my batheing suit is a littel tight on me, both in the tuchus (of course) as well as in the boobies (tho that is not a bad thing). The manageing partner’s brother will be there so I have to stay clear of his hands, which seem to find their way into the WRONG places on me. FOOEY! I wish the HIVE a very nice holiday. YAY!!!!!

    • Anonymous :

      Check out NAELA, as well: https://www.naela.org/

  3. Long flight :

    What are your best tips for making a long-haul flight manageable? I’m going from the West Coast to South Africa in several weeks and I’m dreading it. I can’t sleep on planes and I always get SO dried out despite pounding water constantly. Are there any tips for making it more comfortable?

    • Anony-mouse :

      Check out Hitha on the Go. She has tons of great tips for international flights!

    • Here’s what I do:
      -bring an eye mask, small pillow, and benadryl to help me sleep (worth the extra bulk in my opinion)
      -get up and walk around as much as I can (aisle seat is key)
      -download books, games, and movies to my ipad to keep me occupied

      I don’t think any of this is particularly insightful, but this has gotten me through several long haul trips. I still dread them every time, though!

    • Shopaholic :

      I think an eye mask helps. Headphones and relaxing music/podcasts. I put something on my face when I get on the plane (no makeup, either a night cream or Sephora also has these “sleeping masks”, which is basically a heavy cream that doesn’t bother my sensitive skin). I also put a ton of hand cream and lip balm on. Wear comfy clothes – I like leggings or a maxi skirt, a soft t-shirt, a long sweater and a big scarf. I also bring fuzzy socks and put them on when I take my shoes off.

      I usually treat long flights as a chance to catch up on entertainment so I also usually load my iPad up with tv shows or movies that aren’t super serious and just zone out.

      • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

        Yeah, I have a “rule” that I don’t watch anything on a long-haul flight that will require me to follow the plot closely. It does sometimes leave me wondering whether movies didn’t make sense because they didn’t make sense or because I watched it while halfway between two continents, though….

    • Anonshmanon :

      Noise cancelling headphones made a big difference for me.

    • Cabeau evolution pillow is worth the higher price vs standard neck pillow, even if just for relaxation and not for sleep. Plus all of the above about comfy clothes, noise cancelling headphones, eye mask, no (or minimal) makeup. Face wipes, summer’s eve wipes, lotion, chapstick, and even a toothbrush make a world of difference for freshening mid-flight!

    • If you’re still following, I bring lotion and a nasal spray. I apply lotion every hour or so to my hands, face, and neck, especially the area under my eyes that tends to dry out. I use the nasal spray every 3 hours or so. I find this helps more than water alone. I also eat less than I would normally, and for some reason that helps!

    • Agree with lots of drinking water and lots of lotion. Every time you go to the lavatory (which all the water necessitates), spritz your face with a some hydrating spray and then slather your face/neck/hands with lotion. A thicker balm for lips/eyelids/cuticles if needed. I won’t get on a plane without a decent stock of hand cream and balm.

      That said, I sleep on flights. I know people say not to drink alcohol, but I enjoy a glass of wine + literary fiction to get me drowsy, and then mindless tv to snooze a little. Wrapped up in a sweater + scarf, I can really relax. In the alternative, comforting music and some sudoku helps me pass the time when I need a break from my books.

    • I make sure that I stay hydrated. I bring my own thermos and tea bags and ask a flight attendant to fill it with hot water shortly after take off. This way, I have my favourite tea at hand plus bottled water.
      I take only aisle seats for the added comfort of being able to stretch my legs from time to time into the aisle.
      I have found out that flighing during day is less bithering than flighung through night. Day flights – I just drink a lot and catch up on movies and or music on my ipad (yes to noise cancelling headphones). I try not to sleep on the plane, but rather to tire myself and adjust better to the destination time zone.
      During night flights, I do not force myself into sleep, but I make sure that in case I fell asleep, I will have a pillow, warm socks, warm pashmina at hand.
      NB I have disc disease and I do not do well when I sit for a long time. Tilting my seat back puts me in even worse position and my lower back gets very tight and painful. This is maybe why I do not really try to fall asleep.
      Also, unless I am flying business class, I order vegan meals. Somehow, they taste better to me up in the air than normal meals and – you get served first (special meals are served first).
      I also like to remove my makeup after boarding and put on a good layer of moisturizing cream, eye cream and lip balm.
      Long flights are fine. I usually have to make ling flights alone and I am sure that having company would make it even more enjoyable.

    • Long flight :

      Thanks so much for all the great tips so far!!

    • To increase chance of sleeping, I:
      – drink wine which makes me drowsy, helps to sleep
      – from the moment of departure I live like I am on arrival time
      – try to be tired when boarding the plane

      For hydration:
      – I use sheet masks, even eat with them on then after eating put a new one on.
      – I find apple juice is more hydrating than water.

      Other:
      – enjoy corny movies I would not other wise watch
      – light reading & magazines

      Have fun!

  4. I can't share this with anyone IRL :

    I just got an awesome (verbal) semi-job offer. It was the “Thanks for coming in, we’re going to forward paperwork to HR, we’ll be in touch” call and it’s SO well timed. Full offer will probably take 6-12 mos which means for the duration I can smile and not take my Titantic-going-down current job completely to heart. I really can’t share with anyone except for SO at this point, but it feels SO GOOD to type this. Great start to the weekend.

  5. Eyebrow troubles :

    I’m in my 40s.

    Right by my nose, where I used to have a faint unibrow, I now have the following:
    – receding eyebrown hairline on one side (both more space b/w brows and narrower at the nose end)
    – a few white eyebrow hairs

    And also: scary old man eyebrow hairs (that I have to trim).

    I think a multi-front plan of attack is required. But what besides scissors and eyebrow filler / pencil? This seems like a life-long commitment here or one day I will have no eyebrows except for 20 3-inch long hairs over each eyeball.

    • Minnie Beebe :

      Try an eyebrow growth formula (I’ve heard rogaine works as well) to regrow the hair.

      Also, don’t overtrim! Try brushing and using a wax pencil or something to keep those longer hairs positioned neatly. Filler and pencil are great – I use both. For the white hairs, I’d think that pencil and a powder filler would mostly cover those up nicely, but if not you could try something like glossier boy brow, maybe?

    • You might try microblading. I haven’t done it myself, but a friend of mine is a professional aesthetician and does this, and the results on her clients look amazing.

  6. Inexpensive decorations? :

    Where can I buy inexpensive flowers and tablecloths/tablerunners? I am hosting a party for a friend and the bulk of the budget will be speng on food and drinks. Would still like to dress up the place with flowers and tablerunners (I have white tablecloths). There will be 6 tables so price adds up…

    • Amazon for tableclothes

      • Senior Attorney :

        +1

        We’re having a party tonight. Ordered tablecloths Wednesday, they arrived yesterday. Inexpensive and nice quality.

    • Party store for cheap colorful tablecloths you can use as runners by not unfolding them all the way. Supermarket for cheap fresh flowers.

    • Costco has bouquets of two dozen roses or a large bunch of hydrangeas for less than $20 if you have vases etc. Trader Joe’s also usually has nice cheap flowers. For table runners, I think you could just do strips of pretty fabric, but I’ve gotten nice table runners at Target before too. You could check Homegoods/TJ Maxx, but I think the odds of finding 6 matching runners is pretty low. Another decoration idea I’ve done is books–pull the jackets off hardcovers and artfully stack them with bud vases or tealights. You could customize it to your friend, i.e., her favorite books or favorite type

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Target, Amazon for table stuff.

      Trader Joes for flowers.

    • Anony-mouse :

      I buy single-color bunches of flowers from the grocery store. Publix has them for 3 bunches for $12 or 3/$10 if there’s a sale. Then I either split them up in vases around the house, or I buy a few different colors and make my own (simple) arrangements. With the stems trimmed and the flowers in vases I already own, you’d never guess they were originally between the bananas and bagged salad!
      For cheap tablerunners, I’ve “made” my own by buying lengths of cloth from JoAnn’s and hemming them with a spray adhesive or hem tape. Add a tassel on the end if you’re feeling extra fancy, and you’re done!

    • Trader Joe’s has great, inexpensive flowers, and you might also check to see if your city has a wholesale flower market (or I have heard of someplace called the Flower Factory, maybe, but don’t know anything about it).

    • These look fun: https://www.amazon.com/Sequin-Table-Runner-Fuchsia-Pink/dp/B01MZ6EE3E/ref=sr_1_25?s=kitchen&rps=1&ie=UTF8&qid=1495827030&sr=1-25&keywords=table%2Brunner&refinements=p_85%3A2470955011%2Cp_36%3A-700%2Cp_72%3A1248915011&th=1

    • Homegoods. Almost my entire table linen wardrobe is from there. But, if this will become an annual, seasonal thing, you might want to splurge on nice linens that will always look good. Williams Sonoma is great for that and is probably having a memorial day sale.

  7. flip flops :

    I need something for the pool (more like: supervising small children around water / showers after) that is a better shoe than the $1.99 flip flops at the dollar store and more sophisticated than a croc (the classic crocs fit my feet and the rest don’t for some reason per the latest round of Zappos roulette). Native Jeffersons gave me a hot spot. I have some faux-Keens, but I want something is more of a flip flop and less of a shoe (the faux Keens are great, but the fabric on mine stays wet for a while and in the SEUS I’ve lost some to mildew before).

    Rainbows?
    Something else?

    Not the things with a gel insole — I almost rolled my ankle trying on a pair of a friend b/c they seemed more like a waterbed than a shoe you could be stable in.

    • Teva flip flops stay on better than the cheapo flip flops. Adidas also makes some good slides for the pool.

      • I wear ones like these because they are adjustable and the water doesn’t sit on the footbed. http://www.zappos.com/p/adidas-adissage-black-white/product/115220/color/151

    • Chaco makes flip flops now (link to follow). I’ve never tried their flip flops, but I wear my chacos when I’m going to be in and out of streams while hiking.

    • I love Reef flip flops. Just the flat ones, not the platform ones. They are sooooooo comfortable.

    • For true sandals, Chacos and Tevas are cute, as long as you’re relatively polished (regular pedicures). I also really like my reef flip flops, but the foam can get slippery when wet. I’d go for something like this: https://www.backcountry.com/chaco-z-1-classic-sandal-womens?skid=CHA003A-BK-S5&ti=UExQIEJyYW5kOkNoYWNvIFdvbWVuJ3MgU2FuZGFsczoxOjM6MTIyX2Jjc0NhdDQxMTAwMDEwMg==

    • Try vionic flip flops. The’re not huge and bulky but they have arch support. I never twist my ankle in them, unlike what happens to me in $1.99 flip flops.

      • https://www.amazon.com/Vionic-Womens-Tide-Sequins-Sandals/dp/B00HIDZ7VO

        I have plain black and silver sequined styles. The plain black live in my roller bag to be used as slippers/pool shoes when traveling.

    • I have several pairs (we go to the pool a lot in the summer) of Havaianas flip-flops that I love.

      • Agreeing with this suggestion. You may even want to look at the styles that go around your foot as opposed to just thong flip flops.

    • Wildkitten :

      I love my rainbows and they are not right for this situation.

    • Pool shoes :

      I am super late, but try the Speedo Exsqueeze me sandals. Grippy, meant for the pool, fasten around your foot unlike flip flops, but just as comfy!

    • I love Dr Scholl Orthahell flip flops. I take them to swimming pool, beach and shower. They provide good arch support, they fit your feet (not afraid of losing them), and look nice.

  8. Minnie Beebe :

    Looking for good vibes, please!

    I interviewed yesterday for a new job, and I think it went well. The role is an implementation consultant with a software company, and the interview consisted of me spending an hour giving a mock services presentation on the tool that I’d be configuring for customers. I think it went well, I sent thank you emails and actually got replies, and was able to ask followup questions (which were also replied to, quickly.) I’m trying not to put the cart before the horse here, since things are out of my hands now. But I really, really, really want to get an offer so I can submit a resignation to my current company. I’m so miserable where I am, and really want the change that this new role offers.

    I’m finding myself daydreaming about my boss’s reaction when I hand him a resignation letter (and actually, I don’t know if it’ll be shock, disappointment, or relief, but am playing out all the scenarios in my head…)

    Thank goodness for the 3-day weekend. Is it cocktail time yet?

    • Minnie Beebe :

      Also wanted to add that I know the hiring manager, and have spoken with a couple people who’ve worked with him in the past. I am looking forward to the possibility of working for him, and that’s a big reason why I want this position.

    • Anonymous :

      It sounds like the interview went really well! Will be sending good thoughts to you. I’ve been there with the miserable job situation.

  9. Memorial Day :

    Since it’s Friday afternoon, what are everyone’s plan for the long weekend? I have big plans to do laundry and deep-clean my apartment, so I’m hoping to live vicariously through other people’s fun!

    • Anonymous :

      Not in the US but will be travelling to another city for a workshop next week. So cleaning tomorrow, some relaxation and then leave on Sunday

    • Anonymous :

      Sleeping, laundry, lawn care, reading, going to the gym hopefully several times (I have free access to a local gym for this week only so I’m trying to take advantage), hopefully drinking wine on a patio at some point but nothing terribly exciting.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Dinner party for 12 tonight. I broke down and hired a helper from TaskRabbit so hopefully I will get to enjoy my own party.
      Houseguests move out tomorrow morning (will miss them!!).
      Finish building the fire pit by tomorrow evening (that’s the plan, anyway).
      Cross-country friend coming for brunch Sunday (*Waving at you! So excited!*)
      Maybe a bike ride Monday.

    • I’m prepping to transition from active duty to the corporate world, so I just spent an obscene amount of $ at the mall. I’ll probably spend a stupid amount of time playing pokemon go tomorrow to be honest…

    • Sports tournament for the kid. All weekend long. Staying in crappy hotel a 6 hour drive away. Jealous of anyone with better plans, which include staying home and cleaning the bathroom.

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

      I have plans for a full weekend of pottering around.

    • Lots of kid-centric activities, too bad the weather here is supposed to be iffy :-( on Sunday morning we’re going to get donuts and watch the big local Rolling Thunder group leave the area (we’re right near a big meetup spot).
      Mental note, find some small american flags for the kids.
      Oh, and wine. For me, not the kids :-)

    • Pilates, non-profit board meeting, cleaning out my closet, dinner with friends, bootcamp workout class, farmers’ market date with a friend, going away party for some friends.

  10. Anonymous :

    Last night a friend shared that he will be buying a house in DC and I am thrilled for him. But at the same time I felt abit sad because I feel like I will never get to the same point he is in i.e. have enough to buy my own place. FWIW I don’t live in DC but I also don’t envision being in my current location beyond the next 2-3 years. He is 39 now and I’m 37 but I am also sort of starting over career wise so I feel anxious because for me a move like this means freedom in the sense that one is able to go after what they want on their own. I feel like I will never be able to do that.

    • Anonymous :

      I meant “being in my current location beyond the next 2-3 years so that even if things change and I can afford my own place I may not want to buy here since I would want to move within a short time frame”

    • I think the important thing is knowing your situation. Real estate is not for everyone, but is also not always as far fetched as some think. Have you ever thought about buying a home that had rental space? Like a duplex/triplex/fourplex? FHA only requires 3.5% down, and there are accepted standards of analysis on figuring out if a property’s price and rental rates are sufficient to grow on. Do a cursory search of “house hack” and look on biggerpockets.com if you’re interested at all

  11. Has anyone ever used the Sleep Styler? https://www.thesleepstyler.com/?utm_source=TipsSite I have curly hair slightly longer than my shoulders which is very unpredictable. Looking to see if anyone has used it

  12. Petty Friday :

    I know this is petty AF, but my ex (over a year out now) may be at an event being planned over group message next week and I’m subtly trying to irritate him with every response I send. For example, providing tiny bits of information about my life he doesn’t know (and he hates being out of the loop, it irritates him immensely), but not enough to actually allow him to wreak havoc on my life (like “Depends how close it is to my new place- I’m not in Neighborhood anymore!”). He was abusive to me and while I’m in a much better place now, I have not moved beyond wanting his life to involve a certain amount of irritation or misery. Also working with my best friend to figure out an outfit that says “Look how hot and amazing I am and how wonderful my life is, and also I hope you get hit by a bus.”

    Let’s be clear: I do not spend all of my time doing this, but the opportunity arose and after all of the hurt/pain/suffering he caused me, trying to piss him off is not something I feel a single amount of shame about. I’m in therapy, I’m happy, and I have lots of things I do with my time now that don’t involve ruminating on him and how I hope he’s miserable.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I totally get this.

      I haven’t seen my ex since our divorce mediation (and then only in passing in the parking lot), and if I never see him again it will be too soon, but he is still Facebook friends with my son and one of my friends and it did. not. break. my. heart. at. all. to think that he may have seen photos of me looking fabulous at my amazing blow-out wedding. So I say “enjoy!” (And you are a better woman than I am to be willing/able to attend an event with him.)

      • Petty Friday :

        Last time I attended an event I brought along a friend and made him run interference all night and STILL had a sobbing panic attack after ex was a jerk to me. I think it’ll go better now, but we shall see. It helps that my friends all know what happened. Last time it was a bar crawl and the host had agreed to not leave me alone with him. Somehow, host walked off and I was standing with ex, interference friend, and a few others. I get a text “Petty, where are you? Are you with ex?” Me “We’re outside Bar still…” From about a block down the street I hear host yell “F**K!” And about three seconds later host comes sprinting up the street ready to help me out, thinking interference friend wasn’t there. I couldn’t figure out why host looked so freaked out. He thought I was stuck alone with ex and was horrified. I have good friends and an excellent death stare when necessary.

    • I understand your impulses here, but if you want to be the better person and rid yourself of this negative energy, look at it in this light: he is still controlling your behavior.

      Wouldn’t you rather just let it go?

      • Oh come on, she obviously already has. It’s totally human to act like this every once in a while so get off your high horse.

      • Petty Friday :

        I don’t want to be the better person, though. I was the better person for 3 years being patient and kind and letting myself get walked all over and hit and called names. I want to be a jerk to him and I want him to know I’m doing it and I’m not scared and don’t have a damn problem trying to upset him since I spent SO MUCH time and energy trying not to do so.

      • Agree. He’s taking up much too much room in your head. Don’t give him that power.

    • If you figure out how to convey “I hope you get hit by a bus” through your outfit, please share – that seems like a skill that would be useful in my life!

      • Ha! Ditto!

      • Petty Friday :

        I’m thinking about my nevertheless she persisted shirt for the subtle note of “look, I moved past you,” and a black skirt that shows off my legs. Or, alternatively, the shirt he once drunkenly told me looks like a nurse’s scrub shirt (it doesn’t, I love it) and I “should never wear around him again,” with the same skirt.

    • I get where you are coming from, but I would rather piss off someone like this by communicating what a non-entity he is than wearing an “eff you” outfit that he will notice. So clothing wise, don’t wear something that speaks to him. Just wear something hot and when you see him, cut him dead with your comments. Depends on how well you do a salty face, but I would just breeze past and say, “Hello Alistair. You look…the same as always.” And go on with my hot self.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Woah, this person sounds like a total sh*tbag. Why are your friends still friends with him?!

      • Petty Friday :

        Good question. They all think he is an as*hole, which he is, but still sometimes talk to him and invite him to stuff.

        • Would you be comfortable letting the organizing friends know how you feel? They might think you two have come to a pleasant detente–which you clearly have not–so they keep inviting. Obviously, ymmv.

          • Petty Friday :

            They know. They either don’t invite him or ask me or we just do something separately. This time he asked me and I said it’s fine.

    • I totally get this impulse, but the best way to show you dgaf is to not think about him at all. Don’t speak to him at the event, wear whatever you want to wear, and just don’t engage. This isn’t a suggestion to take the high road, but to give him the ultimate f/u of simply not caring he exists.

  13. thyroid issues? menopause? :

    Went to the doc’s yesterday, they ran blood work and am now waiting to hear whether my symptoms mean underactive thyroid that came out of nowhere or early menopause (I’m in my early 30s). Long weekend means no results for that much longer. I’m so sick of being exhausted and living on ice packs, I can barely afford utility bills but have to keep the apt at 68* or lower or I’m done for!

    Hope no one else has gone through this, but would love feedback/experiences from those who have!

    • I’m confused about how an underactive thyroid would make you hot. Mine makes me cold.

      I’m in non- early menopause and it’s manageable. I’m also hypothyroid (hashimoto’s) and it’s also manageable. I don’t take anything for menopause, but you could. I do take levothyroxine for my thyroid and would be a fool not to.

      Thank goodness for modern medicine. You’ll get through this. Best of thoughts to you.

      • turtletorney :

        Hijacking OP’s post to ask you about your experience with Hashimoto’s. I don’t know anyone in person that has it and researching online can be a bit much. What do you find works for you? (that is, of course, if you’re willing to share) I’m late 20s, diagnosed early 20s but not taking anything (yet) because my doc says I don’t need to . I feel generally fine but the looming potential symptoms have me freaked out and always wondering if when I do get hit with it, will my life be normal ever again?

        good wishes to you OP

    • anonymous :

      There are thyroid patients here. Hang in there till you get your test results! (I have a thyroid condition and PCOS, so I hear you on temperature tolerance…)

  14. super Anon :

    This is embarrassing sort of.

    I have spent the last 3-4 years getting a really good work and casual wardrobe together. I finally cured myself of my clearance rack shopping habits, which left me with a lot of things that I didn’t love, didn’t fit quite right and a very mismatched closet.

    I have been more or less full price shopping in a very calculated way to build a wardrobe of several high quality separates that all go together. I have capsules in navy, gray, black (so much black) and a bit of taupe. I have shoes and accessories that coordinate with all of this. It’s so nice to walk into my closet and always have something to wear that I know I will feel good in. This sounds like a humblebrag but that’s not how I mean it.

    The sort of embarrassing part is this – I’m in this shopping habit now. When I have downtime I’m still browsing Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus websites. I still read this place plus other fashion blogs. I think the hunt has become a habit.

    I hate to be such an unimaginative creature, but I’m not sure how to replace that consumerist habit. Don’t tell me to work out instead. It’s not the same thing. I don’t get that “oh look at this, it’s perfect, I need to get it” buzz from anything else.

    I don’t know if I would call it a shopping addiction because though I’m spending more than I really need to, I’m not deeply in debt and I can afford it.

    I don’t know what I’m asking. Have you ever found yourself in my situation and how did you divert your attention and efforts to something else?

    • Senior Attorney :

      I have been in that situation. I diverted my attention to house projects, which turned out to be even more expensive, so I’m not sure that’s the best solution for you! ;)

      The standard advice, of course, is to unsubscribe from all the shopping emails and just stop going to the blogs and shopping sites. Another thing that’s helped me is to say I can shop all I want but I can only click “buy” on the weekends. Much of the time I forget what’s in my card by the time it’s been in there since Monday, or I realize I don’t really want it anyway.

      Also, play in your closet and makeup outfits from the clothes you have. Shopping your closet isn’t as much fun as shopping at Nordstrom but it’s pretty fun and it’s a lot cheaper!

    • Cold turkey is really the only thing that’s worked for me.

    • I mean, you don’t have to replace the shopping habit with working out, but you do need to replace it with *something,* assuming that you want to cut back. If you don’t, though, that’s cool, too – you’re not asking us how to get out of the massive pile of debt that you shopped your way into. Also, personally, I’m not a minimalist. Maybe having a capsule wardrobe isn’t as satisfying as you thought.

      I like reading books. It engages my mind enough I don’t have to do something else. Maybe you’d like house projects, like Senior Attorney says. Do you need to declutter? You could plan a vacation, take up knitting, learn to cook, adopt a pet… I could go on. But basically you just need something to do that engages you.

      • “Also, personally, I’m not a minimalist. Maybe having a capsule wardrobe isn’t as satisfying as you thought.”

        This is me also. +100 to the people who have a tiny wardrobe and love it; in a lot of ways, I wish that was me. But I love clothes and I love having tons of outfit options, and I figure, as long as I’m saving enough money for retirement, emergencies, etc., spending a reasonable amount of disposable income on what I love isn’t the worst thing in the world.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          Same here. I love clothes and I wish I was a minimalist but I’m not and it makes me so happy to see my closet and clothes options.

    • Anonymous :

      I think you have to acknowledge the buzz and face up to the fact that you’ll have to live without it. You CAN live without it (you used to, before you started shopping as much). Doing that is easier for me than trying to find a new way to find the buzz. Then I just turn into a buzz hopper, continually looking for the next thing. I’d rather learn how to be at peace and not need it.

    • If you have what you need and it’s become more of a creativity outlet, you might try putting together sets on Polyvore? (It’s easy to find unshoppable stuff there, unless your budget is truly unlimited…).

    • Petty Friday :

      I made an agreement with myself that in the month of May I wouldn’t buy a single item of clothing I didn’t need. I needed a few pairs of workout pants and sports bras, but nothing else. You might read Better than Before to get some ideas how to break a habit. For me, I need a full cold turkey break for at least a month and then usually I can be more reasonable afterwards.

    • Delete all the bookmarked shopping sites off your computer, phone and tablet (ditto shopping apps) and clear your browser history. Unsubscribe from all store emails.

      I started playing video games I downloaded off Steam, which keeps me from the “I’m bored, let me see what Nordstrom has on sale” hunting that turns into a $200 order 2 hours later.

      If I really need the “hit” I thrift shop, in person. It’s thrilling to find something neat and at thrift-store prices the shopping trip usually doesn’t go above $30, and usually I can talk myself out of buying most of what I find (I did not talk myself out of the St. John Caviar dress I found the other day for $10).

      It’s like anything else – the more you can eliminate casual opportunities to fall back into the habit, the easier it is to stop it. I don’t buy potato chips because then I eat potato chips. You know?

    • Surprisingly, I’ve found that going to the library and bringing home new books gives me the same sense that shopping does.

  15. Introverts Unite! :

    Best ways you’ve made new friends in a new city? Looking for small groups or even individuals to do a pizza/tv show night with or someone to grab coffee and chat with sometimes, etc. Most everything I see for advice is to find groups to join, which is overwhelming for me.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Do they have meetup.com in your area? I have a friend who swears by it.

      Failing that, how about hanging out where you want to hang out and striking up conversations with other singletons?

      Oh, and I’ve made great friends at the gym!

    • Anonymous :

      Let me know when you’ve figured it out. I’m an introvert and I’ve lived in my current city for two years and still don’t have a real friend here. Meetup is overwhelming to me and I’ve never been able to just strike up a conversation with someone at the gym. I really wish they had Tinder for friends.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      No advice, same boat here, but if you’re in Seattle, let’s get coffee.

    • Are you in a major city?

      I reach out to my friends who live elsewhere and ask if they know anyone in my city that can give me some advice on the city, etc… just to get my foot in the door. Contact those people to ask to get together for coffee/walk/pizza etc.. I treat.

      Met some lovely people at a community political volunteer event.

      The best is when you have a hobby/interest you are passionate about, and then you go to something related to that. You can always talk about your passions with other people who enjoy them….

  16. How to make the barking stop :

    Any tips on making a dog stop barking at what he sees out the window? Have a giant picture window so I can’t just cover it and it’s visible from the entire 1st floor, so I can’t just block his view. Dog is 6 yrs old and about 9 lbs and I don’t want to permanently scar him or make him afraid of the window or the living room but he’s barking when people walk by or drive by or birds or anything! It’s making my husband nuts!

    • Wildkitten :

      Treats! What he needs is a treat every time he sees something so he knows “see something = treat” instead of “see something = threat.” I’d use a remote-control manners minder treat dispenser, but you can also just throw some zukes at him every time he starts to freak out.

  17. No advice sadly. But if you’re in DC, I would be happy to be your friend

  18. offer accepted! :

    I wrote earlier this week about pending job offers and interviews, and I’m happy to say that I’ve accepted an offer! It turns out that the first one I received really was the best fit. They gave me time to think it over and vet out the other opportunities. Every new piece of information confirmed that Company A was still at the top of the list. It’s a great fit, I think my new boss and I will get along well, and I’m starting in just a few weeks. I am now going to have a glass of champagne to celebrate successfully completing this process :)

    • Congratulations! I was rooting for Company A. It’s nice to go somewhere they really want you, and also to find out that it really is your best option and fit.

  19. RitzAndCheddar :

    I’m having a struggle with my son and need some insight.

    After years of being a pretty agreeable eater, not very picky and willing to try new things, my 11yo son has moved into a phase where all he wants to eat is about four foods, none very healthy, and he’s declining (or outright refusing) to eat anything else. He’s always preferred carbs, like most kids, but for the last three weeks or so he’s basically lived on Ritz crackers and cheddar cheese slices with the occasional banana and pear thrown in. We sit down for family dinner every night, and regardless of what we make – grilled chicken with vegetables, spaghetti, turkey sandwiches, bratwurst with roasted red potatoes (used to be a favorite of his) – he’ll pick at it and claim he’s not hungry, and then when I go into the cabinet to put things away after dinner I realize another sleeve of Ritz crackers is gone. I’ll offer to make a smoothie for him in the morning, and he’ll decline, and then I’ll see him eating a banana and later he’ll tell me that’s all he had for breakfast.

    He’s relatively healthy and active – that’s part of the reason why I’m worried; I don’t know how he can keep up his energy for all the stuff he does living on what he’s eating. I remember going through picky phases, but my parents had limited tolerance for that kind of thing, and we weren’t really allowed to not eat at least half of our dinner, which included vegetables from my dad’s garden. I realize forcing kids to eat isn’t the best idea. I don’t want to make a bigger deal out of this than I need to, but I also don’t want to not do something, and then he ends up malnourished, or something (which I know would take a long time). Do I quit buying Ritz crackers and cheddar cheese? I’ve tried taking him grocery shopping with me but he doesn’t express any real preferences for anything (except Ritz crackers and cheddar cheese) so that didn’t help. I seriously don’t want to turn this into a power struggle but I’m worried. He just had bloodwork done in December (for suspected mono) and everything came back normal, but I have thought about taking him back to the doctor.

    • Wildkitten :

      It’d be great if he was eating vegetables, but subsisting on bananas, ritz crackers, and cheese is actually pretty balanced for a picky eater. He’s getting carbs, and protein, and healthy fats. Would he eat gummy multi-vitamins? That might be a way to help yourself feel better, to know he’s not missing out on any crucial nutrients.

    • If everything otherwise seems healthy/typical, why worry? Don’t make a big thing of it, always offer to include him in whatever you’re preparing, but let him opt for what he likes for a while. He may be testing boundaries, he may simply be going through a phase, or it may be some sensory processing thing about those specific foods that he prefers at the moment. If at any time he seems lethargic or refuses to eat at all, maybe then it’s time to see a doc, but in the meantime, let him go through the process and let him know he can change his mind at any time, and then let him be :)

    • This is probably just a normal phase he’s going through and you can wait him out, but it could be worth making sure there’s not an underlying health issue. I have some health problems that cause frequent mild nausea and this is exactly how I want to eat then- bland, salty foods are the only thing that appeal and I just can’t stomach the thought of eating more “complex” foods I used to like (anything even slightly bitter is a big turn off). You could try offering him similar bland foods to get him to branch out a little. And as Wildkitten said, at least he’s getting a mix of carbs, protein, and fat, and if you could get him to take a vitamin or at least some other kind of fruit with more vitamin C (or juice, if he won’t eat real fruit), he’ll be okay for a while. If it continues, though, I would wonder whether there might be a digestive issue or something else triggering nausea (this could include anxiety or depression). I don’t think it’s very common for kids that age to suddenly become this picky without SOME reason behind it.

    • My 13yo son has some pretty strong anxiety reactions to new/threatening situations and, somewhat oddly, new foods are one example. For him, it’s not about the food, it’s about a series of emotions that he has trouble processing, especially when he’s hungry. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has been very effective for him. (This is only one example of his anxiety. )

      I offer that background to say: honestly, I’d consult a therapist and/or someone who has some expertise in eating disorders, if for no other reason than you can get an assessment of his behavior. Is it NBD and will pass? Cool. Is it veering into disordered eating? Then you need some help and some tools to address this problem.

      He’s likely to have increased appetite in the next few years, and if he’s having some difficulty trying/eating food that’s pretty ordinary and common in your household, it’s going to be tough for him to consume enough calories to keep up with his growth.

    • Anonymous for this :

      I cannot recommend these books (or anything written by Ellen Satter) highly enough: https://www.amazon.com/Child-Mine-Feeding-Revised-Updated/dp/0923521518/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1496069680&sr=8-1&keywords=child+of+mine, or also: https://www.amazon.com/How-Get-Your-Kid-Eat/dp/0915950839/ref=pd_bxgy_14_3?_encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_i=0915950839&pd_rd_r=4P0AW5E522MY9ATKSC8R&pd_rd_w=Irlft&pd_rd_wg=m8ZDU&psc=1&refRID=4P0AW5E522MY9ATKSC8R

      I so feel your fear and worry. You are obviously a wonderful mother and your sweet boy is lucky to have you. This book was recommended to me when I was worrying and fretting about my own children and the knowledge I gained through reading was been very freeing. I would say odds are you are doing an amazing job, Mummy!

    • RitzAndCheddar :

      Thanks for responses, everyone (sorry for replying late, we ended up going on a last-minute trip to the lake). He is going through some changes, moving to middle school next year and also going to a new camp this summer, and so my mom and I, in talking about it this weekend, were theorizing that he may be doing this as a means of control – what he eats is one thing he can have control over at a time when things are changing. Which I don’t necessarily like or think is healthy, and so I am going to consider going to a therapist if this keeps up (as Anon at 10:22 suggested). My mom also told me that my brother went through a phase like this that lasted for three months before he hit his 12-year-old growth spurt…so who knows. Thanks for the thoughtful responses, I got some good suggestions and I appreciate it.

      • Anonymous for this :

        I typed a reply but it is lost in the ether somewhere!

        You are a wonderful mother and your sweet boy is lucky to have you. You might also consider reading anything by Ellen Satter including Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense, and How to Get Your Kid to Eat (But Not Too Much). Both of these were recommended to me in similar circumstances and remain important works today. They are an easy read as usually only some chapters apply to any given situation.

        You mom is probably right that things will resolve over time, but it’s easier to see that as a grandma than a mother I’d bet.

        Good luck! Keep us posted but we will be cheering for you anyway!

  20. So, the WSJ has an article on J. Crew. Apparently, instead of returning to their well-made classics, they intend to double down and make even cheaper clothing. Why???

    • Jcrew is terrible :

      It’s really shocking that people at the top of the company — who are paid millions to get it — just don’t get it.
      JCREW IF YOU ARE LISTENING: PEOPLE WANT BETTER QUALITY CLOTHES. NOT THE CHEAP JUNK YOU ARE SELLING.

    • Confused why you say even *cheaper* as if prices have been going down at J. Crew. Jenna Lyons-led Crew jacked prices through the roof. In the article in question the CEO admits the brand lost a lot of appeal by getting too trendy and pricy.

      • pricey* gah

        • I agree, but suspect that was is meant is “low quality polyester crap” which is what Jcrew is currently making. I’m willing to pay for well-made clothing in quality fabric, but they seem really hard to find these days.

  21. I’m thinking about buying my first nice watch as a congrats to myself on hitting a big career milestone but am lost in all the options. Want to get something small and classic (no bling for me!) that I can wear everyday. Is mixed stainless/ gold okay or is it outdated? My wedding rings are platinum so I was thinking the 2 toned would give me the option to wear gold or silver jewelry. Brands? I was thinking omega or Cartier. I’m late 20s and working in finance and know this as silly as it is watches at work send a message. Thank you!

    • I personally really dislike mixed metals in watches but it’s a classic look so if it’s what you like, go for it! Omega and Cartier are both great choices, classic and timeless. My one real tip is that soooo many women’s watches are covered in diamonds (I get incensed by the diamond industry and refuse to wear them), so you might consider a small men’s watch instead, or a vintage men’s watch because the faces tend to be smaller. Going vintage also means great deal potential for the smaller faces.

  22. Could someone give me some MM LaFleur jardigan advice?

    I am a high waisted pear. I was planning to get the shorter version of the jardigan. Does this work for pants, or is it so short that it is more shrug like and can only be worn with dresses or very high waisted pants/skirts?

    Also, any recs on sizing? I have fairly narrow shoulders and have nothing on top (32A) that puts me into the Xsmall, but my waist is more in the Small range. Is the jardigan cut loose enough that I should go for the Xsmall?

    Or should I order both the small and Xsmall to try? Do I pay for returns?

    I tried to sign up for a Pop-up visit in my city, and didn’t get in. I was annoyed that they didn’t even bother to email an acknowledgement…. I’m pretty tough to size, and had hoped I could figure out my sizes so I could buy future things.

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