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Reader K asks a great question that comes up, sadly, altogether too often — looking too young to get the job, and in general trying to avoid acting young at the office.
I am a 31-year-old female attorney who graduated from a top law school in 2008, went biglaw, and got laid off. I’ve had several interviews with great feedback about my resume and my presentation, but no offers. I recently met with a consultant who said I look too young to trust with bet-the-company matters. I might look 25.
I need a power look. I have great skin because I haven’t had a tan in 16 years, and I wear there-but-light makeup. I’m tall and slim, and I have light mousy brown, layered hair that is bra-length in back. I usually wear glasses, but not to interviews. My interview outfit is a lightweight black wool pantsuit with a little feminine detail, oxford pumps, tiny hoops, my wedding band, and a semi-statement necklace. I’m willing to cut or dye my hair, but not to have a bad haircut. Please help me look older.
We’ve talked about acne on the job, as well as whether long hair makes you look too young — but there must be more here because your outfit sounds fine (and I’m not about to recommend you get a Mom cut in order to look order).
I recently attended a conference where a number of senior, extremely accomplished women lawyers spoke — many of whom looked young (such as, wow, how can she have accomplished all that and still be early 30s? oh, she’s 49? oh-kay). However, they all carried themselves with gravitas, and spoke with authority — so perhaps those are issues we should talk about today.
{related: how to be taken seriously when you look young}
How to Avoid Acting Young at the Office or in a Job Interview
Deepen your voice.
I personally tend to have a fairly soft, highish voice if I’m not thinking about it — when I introduce myself to people or leave voice messages (and particularly on my own outgoing voicemail message), I do my best to speak in my lowest voice. I’ve read that Kathleen Turner used to practice talking with marbles in her mouth, which seems like an extreme option, but hey, there is that.
Speak more slowly.
Also, don’t fill empty space with “um.” These are both things I tend to do, also — when I get excited I speak quickly, and oh, the amount of “ums” that exit my mouth on a daily basis…. Neither of these things really convey authority.
On my TJ Maxx trip I met a blogger who, on our first conversation, I assumed to be in her late 20s or perhaps even my age, not because she looked old, but there was just something in the way she carried herself. I was shocked to find out later that she was 22. One of the things that she did — and, thinking back to my conference, and other authoritative women I’ve known and respected — was to speak slowly. (The blogger also struck me as incredibly smart, reflective, and well-spoken, but the age thing really threw me!)
Watch your body language.
Forbes Woman recently had an article on this, as did Real Simple — avoid twirling your hair, playing with your hands, etc. Your handshake should be FIRM.
Speak with short sentences, and answer the question.
This may seem obvious, but I’ve noticed that people who seem to meander when answering a question — particularly in an interview — never impress, and I think part of it may be because it just isn’t an authoritative trait.
For interviews in particular I’ve talked about my theory of “prepping” for the interview by remembering stories that illustrate your best worker traits (and you should perhaps keep this article in mind when thinking about your best traits) — but really, anything that helps you answer questions concisely and with authority in interviews will only help you.
How to Avoid Looking Young at the Office
While interviews are easy to look put together (just wear a suit!), sometimes for business casual offices or casual days, the trick to looking older and more polished is adding more structure to your clothes. Try some of these favorites…
Add a Blazer To Give Authority and Structure
Some of the best blazers for women in 2024 — great for wearing as separates! — include options from Cinq à Sept, J.Crew (collarless and collared), Everlane, and Madewell. Hunting for a deal? Check out J.Crew Factory and Amazon (Cicy Bell, The Drop).
A More Casual Option: Add a Sweater Blazer
Have an Easy Updo At the Ready
We’ve also offered tips on how to style long hair for interviews, as well as rounded up some easy office updos.
Readers, what are your thoughts? How can you LOOK older? How about ACTING older?
Updated images via Deposit Photos/DmitryPoch. Originally pictured: A firm handshake, originally uploaded to Flickr by afagen.)
Marsha
I am a consultant who has been in business for approximately 25 years. What I notice about some young people is how ill fitting their work clothes can be, with suit trousers that show underwear (which is a look with jeans, but inappropriate in the work environment) and tops that are tight and more appropriate for nightclubs. These things can make you look younger than you are, especially in conservative fields like law. Be sure that you are attending your interview with a conservative and high quality suit and accessories that fits well and do not show off any extra assets. If you have any extra piercings or tattoos, cover them up.
Fake Mustache
Two words: fake mustache.
Anonymous
Awesome. Not only does it help look older but also might make you look more like you belong in the “club”. I am 1 of 3 female attorneys out of 25 and might have to try this technique to not get passed over for a promotion–again!
35 years old (+/- 10 years depending who you ask)
i’m 35 years old and still, on occasion, get carded at the bar or mistaken for a college/high school (!) student, thanks to good genes and a baby face. when my hair started graying prematurely in my 20s i didnt’ bother dyeing it darker – i think the silver streaks have given me a little bit more “authority”. sure saves me on hair maintenance!
LexCaritas
There is a lot of great advice above.
I think there is another characteristic that is a green light to interviewers – it’s related to confidence and linked to ambition, but somewhat different: belief that this is exactly the career for you and the vacancy you are interviewing for exactly the position and exactly the firm for you.
This is different than gravitas, but is also something that junior lawyers often seem to lack.
I think you want to give the impression that if you thought you would make a better surgeon you would enroll in medical school tomorrow and if you would be happier running your own surf shop, you’d make that happen.
You have to do this without coming across as arrogant though, which is a challenge.
This is not unrelated to clothing, either. If you inhabit your clothes like they are a natural state for you rather than some uniform you are forced to wear to look ‘professional’, you are one step closer to putting across that ‘born to do this job’ vibe. FWIW, I don’t think this means looking like a drone at all, and making the look ‘yours’ with jewelry and styling you love is key.
ML
Fabulous comment!
Dee
I know I’m a couple days late on this, but I just wanted to say thanks to Kat for the great advice in the post and the words of wisdom in the comments. I’m 26 and about to start a job where I’ll be across the table from and expected to hold my own with a lot of people who have decades more experience than I do. I will definitely be practicing lowering my voice and improving my overall gravitas!
Sharmil McKee
It’s not your appearance that’s keeping you from finding work, IT’S the economy. You need to build your confidence in your abilities. Take some pro Bono cases. Try some cases. Experience will increase your confidence. Good luck.
AG
I suspect that the original poster is acting young more than she’s looking young. A good friend of mine is 36 and looks 20 (no joke). She has long, dark brown hair (undyed) that goes down to her bra strap and is incredibly petite (and a little too thin for my liking).
But when she walks into a room, she is *fierce.* Her clothes are all impeccably tailored. She only wears minimal jewelry (usually just modest, diamond studs) and puts her her into a chignon for court. I can’t describe it, but she just walks the walk and talks the talk. Her voice, her carefully chosen words, her stance. Everything.