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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I’m going to say it up front: I really, really, really wish this magenta dress came in a darker color. I’d even take a darker purple! I’m hoping the dress is so awesome that people will buy it and then Tahari will come out with more dresses in other colors. Because: look how awesome. I like the square neck, the three-quarter sleeves, and the asymmetric faux wrap detail. It’s $138 at Nordstrom, Dillards, and Zappos. Tahari Asymmetric Crepe Sheath Dress The dress also comes in plus sizes; if you’re looking for a more affordable option check out this $47 dress. Update: drat, it apparently IS so awesome that it is almost entirely sold out in regular sizes at Nordstrom and Zappos; lots of sizes left in petites at Nordstrom and Dillards has all regular sizes. Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-all)Workwear sales of note for 4.18.24
Our favorites are in bold!
- Ann Taylor – 50% off full-price dresses, jackets & shoes; $30 off pants & skirts; extra 50% off sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything; extra 20% off purchase
- Boden – 25% off through 4/18; 15% off 4/19-20; 10% off 4/21
- Eloquii – 50% off select styles; 60% off swim; up to 40% off everything else
- Everlane – Spring Sale: up to 60% off 600+ styles
- J.Crew – Mid-Season Sale: Extra 60% off sale styles; up to 50% off spring-to-summer styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off $125+; extra 25% of $150+; up to 60% off everything; extra 50% off clearance
- Nordstrom – Free 2-day shipping for a limited time (on eligible items)
- Talbots – Spring Sale: 40% off + extra 15% off all markdowns; 30% off new T by Talbots
- White House Black Market – 25% off entire purchase; $50 off $200
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
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Cb
My nana would have called that “knock your eyes out” pink! I kind of love it though. I’m wearing a red dress today (patterned, long-sleeved, nothing vavavoom) which is a change from my navy and gray palatte, and it feels really cheerful and nice.
Clarence Thomas
I LOVE this dress! Great pick, Kat.
Just read that mention of Clarence Thomas has been largely omitted from the new African American history museum. Thoughts? I know that he is no fan of civil rights, affirmative action, etc. and other issues that are of great importance of AAs and other communities. On the other hand, it’s quite a feat to be only the 2nd AA Supreme Court justice, and it does seem that the omission smacks of liberal PC-ness.
Very curious to hear what people think.
BabyAssociate
Speaking of the museum, is anyone else trying and failing to get 2017 passes this morning??
Anonymous
I think this is trumped up nonsense found exclusively on conservative news outlets that have literally never cared about black people until just now. I think it’s a brand new museum, and if your reaction is to nit pick the omission of one person, you’re racist. I think he sexually harassed Anita Hill, shouldn’t be glorified, and isn’t interesting.
I think you should get a bigger perspective on the world and maybe spend more time learning African American history and less time reading The Daily Caller.
Anonymous
Oh, and I think anytime you want to use the phrase “smacks of” you should seriously reconsider.
Anonymous
I think it’s pretty common to not make as big a deal about the ‘2nd’ at anything.
Anonymous
Yup.
Anonymous
That was my thought.
Anonymous
Has he been completely omitted, or only mentioned briefly?
I mean, it doesn’t sound like he has been a big part of African-American story in the US (despite being the 2nd African-American SCJ), so what part of his story contributes to mission/purpose of the museum? Should there be time/space spent on him, when there are other candidates that align more with the story the museum wants to tell? Because yes, not every story will get told, and yes, there probably is a spin about what is included in the story. But I imagine it’s also going to be a dynamic space, so maybe his inclusion will change.
Anonymous
Plus, as a Justice, he’s pretty boring. Doesn’t say a lot of questions or author many of the decisions. He’s no RBG or Scalia in terms of impact on the Court.
Anonymous
Right. He wasn’t the first of anything and he has arguably shaped the Court less than any other justice because he never speaks and rarely writes significant opinions. I’m sure Scalia would be included in an Italian-American history museum even if he had been the second Italian-American on the Court, not the first.
anon
I’m curious to know why you think there’s such a thing as “liberal PC-ness.” PC-ness is not a liberal phenomenon, you see it on both sides of the aisle. Like how people who oppose abortion like to be called “pro-life” instead of “anti-choice” or “anti-abortion”. Or how anti-marriage equality people get super up in arms about being called “bigots”; and, come to think of it, they also hate the term “marriage equality” – they call it “gay marriage” – that’s their take on PC. Second, plenty of super offensive super non-liberal people use PC language as a way to mask their bigoted views, as we’ve discussed here many times.
Anonymous
+ 1 million to “plenty of super offensive super non-liberal people use PC language as a way to mask their bigoted views,”
bridget
Thomas is an underappreciated force on the Court.
My understanding is that he does not participate in oral arguments because he feels that the other 8 (now 7) Justices spend too much time questioning and interrupting the attorneys.
His opinions are tight, clear, and logical. He files concurrences and dissents at a remarkable rate, mostly to make salient points that are ignored in the majority decision.
His opposition to affirmative action is based on the (unintended but predictable) results of such, which he suffered after graduating from Yale Law. He is not obligated to rule how “the community” wants him to rule, which is why is at once so very brave and so very ignored.
I am of the belief that having a variety of opinions and beliefs in a group leads to more thoughtful and nuanced solutions with better results. Obviously, many people think that ideological lockstep is the way to go.
It’s sad that Thomas Sowell and Ben Carson were also excluded.
Anonymous
100% disagree on his opinions being logical. If you think that, you should read Escobar that issued this year and try to figure out wtf the standard is. Because no federal court can currently figure it out.
Anonymous
Same with Alice. I have never written a patent claim, or seen a claim, with the words “apply it” and yet that was a serious no-no. What is an “abstract idea”? Thomas didn’t define it. What is “significantly more”? Again, no definition. Alice is a complete clusterf#ck and has thrown patent law into chaos.
Sara Lee
Plus one million on Escobar.
Anonymous
Ben Carson? Lol what? History will not remember him, which will be a good thing.
anonymous
We are considering going to Haiti for about 10 days in December. Has anyone been? Any advice or experiences to share?
Anonymous
Seriously — wait and see what the storm does; you may know much better on Monday what December may be like.
Anonymous
The same Haiti that just got hit by a devastating hurricane? Why?
Anon
I would seriously reconsider. I was there two years ago for a work thing, and it was still pretty devastated from the earthquakes–it was incredibly sad and depressing, and it made me feel a real sense of my privilege. I felt ridiculous as a well-off white person acting like a tourist in the midst of this devastated nation.
They have been downright blasted by this hurricane, and they had just barely rebuilt. I wouldn’t go unless it was in a service capacity.
anonymous
I get that, but tourism dollars benefit them too.
Anonymous
Just send them a donation.
SD
I had this same question a couple of years ago- I was spending a while in the Dominican Republic ans casually asked around whether I should visit Haiti for a couple of days. I got a resounding and unanimous “No!”, with some people concerned about my safety, and others calling me a disgusting poverty tourist for even considering it (gee, thanks guys, it was just a damn question). I ended up spending my whole time in a little surf village in DR in a little palm-roofed hut hostel, and it was wonderful. There are lots of places you can go that will be interesting and adventurous without bringing up questions of morality.
Anon4This
Unless you’re going with a charity mission group that has extensive experience in Haiti — like Partners in Health — I really don’t recommend it. I wouldn’t be glad to see you at my door, even a nice door, after poverty, being ignored by foreign aid, internal corruption, HIV infections, devastating earthquake, cholera epidemic and powerful hurricane.
The one thing I’ve learned about Haiti is that I know almost nothing about Haiti, but now’s probably not a great time to learn.
Life Happens
I disagree with all of the above.
First, I am Dominican, so I’m personally familiar. Secondly, there is a huge effort to establish tourism in Haiti and there are beautiful parts to enjoy. It is not all doom and gloom.
My friend actually has a travel company that is focused on bringing visibility to tourism in Haiti.
I recommend you check it out: http://www.HaitiGotIt.com
And yes, go!
Anon
Cool. But do you think the infrastructure will be adequate a couple of months after the storm?
VP debate
If I’m being honest, I (reluctantly) agree with the CNN poll that Pence won last night. He looked more presidential (or vice presidential). Kaine looked a bit scrappy and I didn’t like that he frequenty interrupted Pence.
I know pundits were saying that Pence didn’t actually defend Trump on many issues. But I’m sure they played that out in debate prep and concluded that there was nothing Pence could have said to defend certain of Trump’s statement. I think ignoring and deflecting was smart on Pence’s part.
One friend made the observation that Pence looked so competent that it makes Trump look even worse by comparison. I thought that was interesting, but I don’t think that will hurt Trump.
Anonymous
I think it will move the needle basically not at all. The beginning was a rare combination of boring and uncomfortable and my guess is most voters turned it off within 15-20 minutes. Kaine got better sound bites in that are more conducive to making a clip and sharing on social media. I thought Pence has a good demeanor for TV but really walked into it a couple of times — when your running mate is Trump, probably not wise to attack the other guy on Russia and Foundations because the story is going to be Trump loves Putin and the NY AG investigation.
Anonymous
All of that said, I understand why the Democrats keep hitting Republicans on Trump’s views on Mexicans and Muslims and women, but as terrible as it all is, voters know all of this and they don’t seem to care. I thought Kaine went there one too many times last night.
newbinlaw
This.
This is the problem with the Democratic party right now.
Clearly people don’t care, sad or not, so find something else to harp on. Like the economy. Which people clearly care about and vote for.
Then once we are back in control we can work on those social issues. BECAUSE WE WILL HAVE WON THE VOTES.
Emmer
+1. No one is going to remember this following the next Presidential debate.
Sydney Bristow
I only lasted about 20 minutes. I thought Kaine sounded more confident and prepared at the beginning. But I’m guessing the interrupting got old really quick. The sound bites bugged me a bit too. He sounded confident and conversational then would throw in the sound bite that just sounded overrehearsed to me.
I was surprised Pence mentioned Russia at all!
Until this year I regularly watched all the debates all the way through. I’m just over it this year.
Anonymous
+2. It pains me to say this as an Indiana resident who HATES him, but I agree that Pence won but I don’t think it will have any significant effect on the election. Maybe if the election were tomorrow it would affect the results slightly, but since it’s over a month from now and there will be so much news about Trump/Clinton (plus two more debates with them) between now and then that no one will remember this.
Bonnie
I think it was a draw. I didn’t like that Kaine kept interrupting but also found it ridiculous that Pence had no replies to Trump’s positions yet kept trying to challenge Hillary’s.
meh
I disagree that the person who “won” the debate (or any political debate) was the one who “looks presidential” and maintains the greatest degree of polish. This isn’t high school debate team. It’s not a debate pageant. Obvi there’s Trump’s dumpster-fire level of flailing, but that’s not what we saw last night. Tho I agree that no one looks good when they interrupt.
“I know pundits were saying that Pence didn’t actually defend Trump on many issues. But I’m sure they played that out in debate prep and concluded that there was nothing Pence could have said to defend certain of Trump’s statement. I think ignoring and deflecting was smart on Pence’s part.”
See, I don’t think that this means that you’ve “won” a debate when that’s what you did. Ignoring and deflecting is poor, even if its pulled off with polish.
Hmm
I get it, but the average American watching is not watching too closely. They’re watching this on a superficial level, and Pence’s confidence came through.
meh
Sure. The average american is a complete idiot. No argument there. I doubt OP is, though. Maybe she’s just saying she understands *why* the polls show what they show, not that she agrees that Pence won because he mastered his poker face.
I’m just challenging the assertion that whether someone “looks presidential” is what matters most, especially in light of the fact that Pence just ignored everything bad. It grieves me that this is how low our society’s standards are.
Anonymous
Yes, this absolutely sums it up. And the biggest thing we can be doing is not participating in the ‘looked presidential’ discussion and focusing on content.
Diana Barry
I couldn’t watch after the first 5 minutes – they were just talking over each other and it was really annoying. IMO the moderators should cut the mics off if it is one person’s speaking time and the other person tries to speak, OR both mics if the candidates are trying to talk over the moderator.
Julia
I agree he won on facade/tactic but he lost on substance if you know the facts, and much of what he got wrong or pretended did not happen is well-known To the viewing public and it is all verifiable. To me, the latter should matter more than the former if you are viewing the debate to decide who to vote for. If you are looking for theatre, you may be in luck with a Pence candidacy in 2020.
Anonymous
They were nice and vanilla. I almost wish the tickets were flipped.
Anonymous
Pence as Prez? Truly awful idea. Indiana is hoping Trump will win just so they can get rid of Pence.
Anonymous
Hoosier here. We’re already rid of Pence, whether Trump wins or not. He was up for re-election this year and dropped out of the governor race to take the VP slot on the Trump ticket. So we’ll have a new governor for sure next year, either a Democrat or Pence’s former lieutenant governor. I’m very much hoping Trump doesn’t win, both because I don’t want Trump as President and because I never want to hear the name “Mike Pence” again.
pugsnbourbon
Indiana resident here, a Pence presidency would be horrible. Though he’s clearly been gunning for it for a few years now.
Anonymous
Oh G-d no. Do you know anything about Pence? He is virulently hateful to the LGBT community and one of the most anti-choice politicians in the US. He also tried to block Syrian refuges from coming to his state (which a court just reversed). He may be more publicly composed than Trump but I believe he’s secretly every bit as racist/anti-Muslim/anti-immigrant, if not more so, and he’s very far to the right of Trump in his positions on LGBT rights and reproductive rights.
meh
Please. Pence is anything but vanilla. This is the man who was responsible for the first “religious freedom” bill permitting discrimination against LGBT people that crapped all over his state’s economy, and who has lead the charge to incarcerating women who miscarry in his crusade to outlaw abortion. He’s a less intelligent Ted Cruz.. just as ideological.
Anonymous
But I’d vastly prefer Pence to Trump and I think that there is a real risk that Hillary will lose. Like real. Then what?!
CC
Pence once wrote an entire op-ed on Mulan (the Disney cartoon) being dangerous because of it feminist agenda. That kind of sums him up I think
pugsnbourbon
+1 to all these comments.
TK
Props where it’s due – Pence did fine. He lied, and refused to answer questions, but that’s pretty par for course in what passes for a political ‘debate’ these days. He did the only thing he could with a maniac heading the ticket – he tried to normalize Trump’s views, and he just ignored the stuff that he didn’t have an answer to.
All that being said, Trump is the genuine absolute worst, please let this election end …
Julia
I understand why everyone was annoyed by the interruptions. I was, too. But isn’t that really the fault of the debate commission for setting the format? It struck me that Kaine came prepared for the very format presented to him and it wasn’t clear Pence had even been briefed on the rules beforehand. Yes, there is a difference between “open dialogue” and constant interruptions/overtalking, but without the interruptions I don’t know that there would have been an actual exchange as contemplated.
Jitterbug
Yup. I’m a democrat all the way, but we were cringing over Kaine’s responses last night. Pence looked more composed, even though his schpiel on social issues was horrifying. But they both strayed from the topic and railroaded over the moderator, which wasn’t good. All in all, I was happy to have wine last night.
Telehealth
My insurance plan started offering telehealth services through Amwell. Does anyone have any experience with them? It sounds awesome, but obviously isn’t worth it if the quality isn’t good.
Beth
I’ve used telehealth before (via Teledoc). Not for standard care, but I used to travel a lot and would often get sick on the road. I’d call up and they’d dx me over the phone and call in a prescription in the city I was currently in. The two times it was a total life saver was when I had strep that flared up when I was on a biz trip across the country, and when I got a yeast infection but didn’t know it until I was already 1000 miles away on a biz trip.
Beth
oh, and countless sinus infections. Zpak to the rescue.
BeenThatGuy
We have Teledoc and it’s wonderful. It’s great for recurring issues like UTI’s, yeast infections, known rashes, strep or sinus infections. Saving a $40 co-pay and getting immediate relief/attention is great.
More details please?
I looked at the Teledoc website and it says I need to sign up for an account before I can really see any of the information. Can you tell me how this works? Do I need to become a “member?” This sounds great and really useful– but what does it cost? Is there a recurring fee or just pay per time used?
BeenThatGuy
It’s just a profile so you can use the service.
Anonymous
I used teledoc when I got a complicated diagnosis from my primary. My primary didn’t have the best bedside manner and rushed through the explanation and next steps. I left the office confused and scared.
Next day, I called teledoc, told them about my test results and the diagnosis. The teledoc was able to spend 30 minutes explaining my condition, the diagnosis, and his opinion. Based on the call, I decided to get a second opinion from a different doctor.
Thank goodness for the teledoc. He really helped me understand my condition.
Anonymous
It horrifies me how many people are mentioning strep being diagnosed via telemedicine. It can literally only be diagnosed via an in person strep test – and people should not be taking antibiotics for a viral sore throat. Ugh.
October
+100000 Zpaks dispensed like candy these days
Thistle
I’d wear this colour without a second thought. There is nothing like bright pink to give you energy.
Trust Officer Questions
I am currently an estate planning attorney. I’ve been at my small boutique firm for 6 years. I think I am ready for a change. I have been contacted through my network about a Trust Officer position. Any ‘rettes who are Trust Officers, especially those that made the jump from T&E to Trust Officer, willing to speak up about their role, what their day is like, and (if applicable) what the biggest adjustment was from firm life?
What do you like most about your position? Do you miss T&E? Anything that would be important to ask as I talk with different team members at the bank?
Thanks!
Ellen
I am NOT a trust officer, but my Dad knows that this will be an easy switch for you. Dad know’s a few trust officer’s and he says that you will have VERY regular hour’s which is a good thing, after 6 years in a boutique law firm like me. I too am lookeing for a switch, but hopefully to becomeing a full time home maker. I will need to find a husband first, unfortunateley b/c I do NOT plan on continueing my profession except mabye as a consultant. If the HIVE is familiar with any WC consulting firms, please let me know. I am FINALLY back in the office after staying with Grandma Leyeh this weekend in the Bronx. FOOEY!
SuziStockbroker
If you are in Canada, perchance? I can possibly hook you up to talk to someone if you think it would be worthwhile.
Trust Officer Questions
Thanks for the offer SuziStockbroker, I am US based.
Chris
I can chime in a little, although I’m not a TO, I work at a bank and very closely with the TOs. The job is to know the document and the grantor’s intent, and administer the trust based on that (mostly distributions). In your current position, you are probably doing more strategy/ design of the document. Which part appeals to you most? If you like being part of the big picture and solving problems creatively, then TO might not be for you. If you like getting the instructions and implementing them, then it might be a great fit. Personally, I see the TO job as pretty boring, but it comes with great benefits: good pay, bankers hours, low stress, etc.
nutella
I think you would want to know how much ‘sales’ that role is expected to take on, as it can vary from bank to bank and position to position. Yes, you may be expected to bring in clients, but will you also be expected to sell clients on mortgages and other services the bank offers? I think you would also want to know what advancement is like. I know a lot of Trust Officers that like their role but the lack of mobility for some gets tiring after a while. That being said, with a law degree you may be better suited to move up as a manager than others.
Paging UK Padfolio commenter
To the UK commenter whose parents gifted you a lovely luxe padfolio as a graduation/new job gift – what was the name of the company? I forgot to write it down and wanted to order something.
Runner 5
Aspinal of London
Pesh
Has anyone ever ordered something from J.Crew Kids for themselves? I know this might sound crazy, but they had a cute sweatshirt that I loved and missed out on, it’s went of stock back in January. They have the same one available in a kids version. I’m only 5’2″ with a small build and did once actually try on one of their kids tops before. I figure it’s worth a shot as I can always return it…has anyone ever done this?
Bonnie
Not personally but I have seen it done by petite fashion bloggers.
Brighton
I wonder about this, too. Are kids clothes cut more straight up and down? Or did they used to be but as kids have gotten larger (many of the 5th graders at my children’s schools are bigger than me, but it is a bigger that is not shaped like a post-pubescent grownup, so I’m really not sure).
I stopped growing in 5th grade, so I am very short from my waist to my shoulders (and have a narrow ribcage).
I have enormous hips though, but I’d buy a girls 14-16 jacket if I could find one (is it worth looking???). 14-16 was my 4th grade size :)
Wow
I think Extra Petite does this quite a bit. You can search her blog for details. She’s pretty tiny.
Cb
I buy school uniform sweaters when I need a basic black / grey sweater. I don’t know what they have in them but they wear like iron. The arms are the only area that are problematic but most women’s clothes are too short in the arms for me anyway.
Libby
Haha. I buy Lands End uniform sweaters because they DON’T DIE. I love them!
I’m short, and I’ve bought kids clothes. You have to be careful, though. I remember a blogger bought a kid’s NorthFace and was so pleased. Although it fit, she totally looked like she was wearing a kids jacket. The bust and shoulders were just totally off.
anne-on
Not from JCrew, but I definitely fit into a boys 12-14 or a girls 14-16 in some brands. I’ve done it at Brooks Brothers kids and the gap from time to time (do not ask me why those stores stock blazers for children but not adults at all times, ugh).
Anonymous
Good to know re BB. I cannot wear their regular dresses (the waists are all drop-waists on me) and they don’t sell petites. Same with JCrew (but at least they sell petites).
Anonymous
I’ve done this before from other retailers. There’s often overlap between the largest kids sizes and the smallest adult sizes. Just be aware that the fit may be different – kids clothes are often more square and less body conscious.
Gigi
I do this for sports jerseys, way cheaper to get a child’s large than a women’s small!
B
I’ve tried on J.Crew kids before, as a petite 5’1. Their children’s stuff cut is much smaller through the chest/shoulders/back, so if you have any bust to speak of, you’ll get a lot of pull at the armpit. I “fit” in the 12-14, but do not find it comfortable because of the pulling under the armpits.
Emily
I frequently buy from the kids’ section for things that don’t need to fit super well, like t-shirts and activewear. I have bought cute printed t-shirts from J Crew and Zara boys’ sections, as well as workout shirts from the Old Navy and Target girls’ sections. I’m 5’4″ but short-torsoed, usually a 00P or XXSP, and I buy M or L in boys clothes and L or XL in girls clothes. Anytime there’s a unisex t-shirt (like for a charity event or college sports team) I tend to buy youth M or L.
Anonymous
If you’re still reading and if I remember correctly, crewcuts are always free shipping so I would say why not go for it? And please report back to the hive for all of the petite readers :)
New cat
Thanks to everyone who responded about my new cat not eating well (we had tried the shelter food and also the Tiki Cat brand, but she nibbled at the most). We gave her a bowl of Friskies last night and she absolutely wolfed it down. It’s good to see she CAN eat and we’ll meet with a vet, most likely next week, and talk about her to optimize her diet. Any chance any of you have cats that go insane for healthy versions of Friskies?
Pesh
Glad you got her to eat! I’ve been volunteering at my ASPCA and fostering cats and kittens for a few years, so have some experience with getting cats comfortable in a new place and getting picky cats to eat! Just keep in mind that Friskies is like McDonald’s for cats…tastes good, but not the best for them. I’d give her chicken baby food – cats love it and at the shelter we use to help cats learn to eat wet food. Gradually mix it with wet food until she’s transitioned to eating her wet food. Also, maybe move her bowl to a more secluded area so she feels safe while eating. Make sure you pet her and praise her after she eats. Mom cats groom their babies while they nurse, so brushing her after right after she eats can create a positive association for her.
Keep us posted and if you have any questions, I’m happy to help! Make an appointment with your vet ASAP!
Anonymous
Just mkae sure the baby food doesnt have garlic or onions.
Pesh
Yes! I don’t know of any baby foods brands that do, but Gerber Turkey is what we always get. I think it’s called Stage 2 foods.
LAnon
Hooray! Very glad to hear you found something she likes. Good luck with optimizing; I would suggest leaving her on the Friskies for a few months while she gets more settled in and then very gradually switching her to something else if you want her to eat grain-free, etc. Maybe Friskies was what she had in her pre-shelter life and it’s like comfort food!
Another anon
Our cat loves Turkey and Giblets classic pate. It’s one of the higher protein & fat content, low carb. Compares well to some canned foods promoted as healthier. It’s a mix of a lot of meats- beef, poultry, fish, pork. It is by-products but I figure in the wild he’d be eating lots of mouse by-products, not steaks!
Another anon- pet food chart
http://www.catinfo.org/docs/SortableCatFoodChartCatinfo.org2-22-13.htm
Blonde Lawyer
I’m so glad that worked for you. As I said, my vet called it “cat crack.”
Inappropriate Jewelry?
I got married when I was 23. My engagement ring was a 1.5 carat round diamond in a plain thin gold band. I felt really awkward about it at the time, since I was so young and my husband and I were not very well off, and some people commented on it in a “how can you afford that” way. It was a family diamond, so it didn’t actually cost us anything. As a wedding gift, my aunt gave me a gorgeous ring with another family diamond in it, about the same size as my engagement ring, with three tiny diamonds on either side set into a thicker gold band. I wore the ring to my wedding on my right hand and I’ve worn it two or three other times in the past decade.
Would it be weird if I started wearing this ring as a right hand ring? It looks like I’m wearing two engagement rings. I hate to have something so pretty and just leave it in a box on my dresser all the time. But I don’t want to look weirdly flashy or come across as the intern with the Birkin. I’m in my early 30s and work as a paralegal, if it matters.
Anonymous
No. Completely fine. Wear it everyday. Not a problem at all.
Wow
Yes, why not? Wear it with pride!
anne-on
Wear it! If you don’t love the setting though why not have it remounted? Or set into a pendant if you think you’d wear it more that way?
lawsuited
+1 making it into a pendant is a good idea. Also, I alternate my actual engagement ring with a variety of rings I love on my left hand.
Meg Murry
Yes, converting it to other jewelry would be a good way to wear it more. Alternately, could you pass it to another family member to use as an engagement ring or to be re-set into something they would regularly wear?
I think the only way I would pause on wearing it would be if you worked for Legal Aid or some other type of job where the majority of your clients are very low income, that might seem over the top flashy. Or if the ring physically got in the way of doing your job. But if you like it, wear it. Or at least find some special occasions to wear it, like when you are otherwise dressed up and going out.
Inappropriate Jewelry?
Haha, no I work in the trusts department, where most of my clients have trust funds.
I thought I was probably overthinking it. Thanks for putting my mind at ease.
lauren
I’m 26 and I wear a 1.5 carat, round cut platinum e-ring on one hand, and a family Cartier sapphire and diamond ring on my right hand. I’m also a paralegal. I say wear it with pride, it’s a lovely family heirloom and jewelry is meant to be worn.
Jitterbug
My mom wears a three-diamond ring on her right hand, but it was an anniversary present, so maybe that’s different? Eh, I don’t think it would give anyone pause, diamond rings aren’t *just* for engagements.
Marshmallow
My sister (a dental hygienist) wears a family engagement ring on her right hand and has never gotten a weird reaction. I think it’s a lovely way to honor your family and if you like the ring, wear it!
news scan?
I’m trying to keep myself more in tune with certain companies and topics. Ideally, I’d do a lot of front-end work and have one email delivered to me daily with all the news/articles/blogs that cover the topics I’m interested in. Is there any way to do this?
If not, is my only option to set up something like g00gle alerts for each company or keyword and have it emailed to me? That seems like a lot to maintain.
Back in the day, I used g00gle reader but they sunset that offering and I’m not really having much luck with the other reader programs out there (feedly etc).
BabyAssociate
I don’t use it personally, but I know people who like theSkimm
Lana
I like theSkimm for a general morning news update, but you don’t get to pick the topics you are interested so I don’t know if it is what you’re looking for.
Anonymous
I used to like the Skimm but then I saw the founders on one of the late night talk shows recently and I thought they came across as super sexist. They were basically saying women weren’t as informed about current events as men, so they started this service for women so they could sound more intelligent at dinner parties. I always thought it was aimed at busy *people* and I didn’t realize that helping women sound as intelligent as men was their motivation in starting it. It was really off-putting and I unsubscribed.
BabyAssociate
Ewww!
ace
Gross. I may have to unsub too now.
MJ
I didn’t need to see the founders talk to chafe at their “Hey girl!” patronizing tone. HATED the Skimm. If you want a good daily brief there are so many better ones–the Atlantic, Quartz to name a few….
Anonymous
I signed up for some email from the awhile ago and unsubscribed because it was all old news. If you haven’t followed anything online at all for a week, it’ll be new to you, but if you browse the web regularly it’s a waste of your time.
b
Feedly is decent.
mascot
For news digests, I use the TheSkimm and Quartz daily emails. To monitor certain companies in the news, the google reader alerts gives me a daily digest. I use NetVibes as my rss reader, but I think it can do a whole lot more than that.
Nelly Yuki
I don’t know how you can design your own content, but I get several daily emails, and skim them all most days. Mine are Pnut, the Week, Broadsheet, and Skimm (flaws acknowledged, I think at this point I might be in it for the book recs). Pnut has the most foreign affairs, Broadsheet has the most corporate news, and the Week and Skimm are in between. Note that Broadsheet is focused on women – I like this given the dudiness of all other corporate news. Also, I’m not in a corporate environment, so I’m not in it for the Most Important News, I’m in it for Women Doing Cool Things News.
Newbie Associate
I really like Broadsheet. Less cutesy than the Skimm.
full of ideas
+1
Anon
Love the Broadsheet!
Anonymous
Feedly.
Meg March
If you liked google reader, I use The Old Reader which is designed to look like google reader did.
E
I have customized my news dot g00gle dot com page to aggregate information related to specific companies and topics. Have you tried that?
DC anon
If you’re a political junkie, Daily 202 from WP is great.
Anonypotamus
The New York Times has a daily news review that comes via email. I get both–it and the Skimm. They both tend to cover a lot of the same things, but the NYT is substantive while theSkim is much less so.
b
Three friends and I are doing a cruise this fall: San Juan port, traveling to St. Thomas, St. Kitts, Curacao, and Aruba. The last two stops, we will have a full day on the island, and board the ship at night (I think 9pm and 11pm) so we can really fill up a whole day. I’ve cruised before but have never been to any of these islands: tips for what you like to do on each, where it’s worth it to do a cruiseline-led excursion (we’re on Royal Caribbean), and where you’d go out on your own? We want to go snorkling once. Thanks!
Sydney Bristow
I loved the sea turtle snorkeling that took off from St Thomas. The entire experience was fun. We went out on a pirate ship, went snorkeling, then drank a lot of “painkiller” (rum punch) on the way back. I think it was Doubloon or something similar. The people running it were great and everyone had a great time. We booked through Royal Carribbean.
b
Sea turtles! Yes! Thanks!
Wanderlust
In San Juan, we did the cruise excursion to go kayaking on the bioluminescent bay. It was awesome.
floating hotel jail with no wifi
This is how I think of cruises. I really, really think I’ll hate it. I don’t get a lot of time at my job where I can leave and go dark for the time it would take to fly somewhere and go on one.
I could try, but there is no escape if you’re wrong (and then I’d have to wait a year to have a good chunk of vacation time). If I went to NYC or Hawaii or Bermuda, I would have less of a trapped feeling and also like I could do many things to enjoy myself if I truly didn’t like planned activities or exact location.
I cannot quite explain this. Is this a thing? I hate being called a bad sport about this, but I truly think I’ll hate it.
BabyAssociate
I totally agree, cruises have absolutely no appeal to me. I’d rather use precious vacation time to actually go explore somewhere new.
Anonymous
I am a Bad Parent b/c I won’t take a week off from work and join family on a kids spring break Disney cruise. The pressure is awful — like nothing I’ve lived through before. Y’all: I don’t cruise (Chicago Architectural Boat Cruise is the one exception and when I am a rich old lady, I could see a Viking River Cruise b/c they actually go somewhere). I could maybe even do a yacht (hello, keeping Below Deck on as background noise). But not an actual cruise out in the ocean.
Meredith Grey
+100000000, with an extra +100000000 for the Disney component. Just no.
BabyAssociate
Agreed with everything here. Have yourself a glorious staycation while your family is on a Disney cruise.
I have also heard nice things about river cruises as well as some other smaller boat cruises (Alaska cruises are supposed to be beautiful). But Disney or Royal Caribbean? Hard pass.
Anonymous
“Alaska cruise” does not equal “small boat cruise”, just FYI. There are small boat cruises to many places, including Alaska and the Caribbean, but there are plenty of megaships (incl. Royal Caribbean) that go to Alaska too.
BabyAssociate
Was not suggesting it did.
Anonymous
Cruises are a very specific kind of travel and lots of people don’t like them. Personally, I like them in limited doses but you have to know what you’re getting into. The food is edible but not great, so for that reason I’d NEVER cruise to France or Italy or Japan or some other place where I love the local cuisine. I also don’t think you see the place you’re visiting in much depth, so I prefer cruising the Caribbean (where the main thing I want is beaches and good snorkeling and it’s all fairly interchangeable) versus, say, Hawaii, where there’s a lot to do beyond the beaches. The no wifi is certainly an issue if you have a job where you have to be on-line, but I’m allowed to go without checking work email for a week and I kind of like unplugging completely.
I will say that it’s hard to top a cruise for total relaxation – there’s really no planning and once you’re on the boat it’s very stress-free, because everything is paid for and all your transportation and activities are already arranged. They’re also a good value compared to regular travel, unless you go on one of the super luxury lines.
(There are 3-4 day cruises, fwiw, so you could try it out and see if you like it. You can combine it with time in a departure port, e.g., Miami, that you know you like so that way you’ll still have a good vacation even if you don’t love the cruise itself.)
H
I was wondering about this. Is there really not that much to do in the Caribbean besides beaches? I want to go, but like others, I’m not crazy about the cruising idea so I wanted to find an island that had a lot of cool outdoorsy, but not all on the water, things to do. Ideas?
BabyAssociate
I just did a non-beach trip to Puerto Rico and had an amazing time!
Anonny
Jamaica. Hiking, waterfalls, biking, horse back riding, coffee tours, rum tours (Appleton), beer tour (red stripe), even glowing water where salt and fresh meet. Its my favorite island.
Anonymous
Puerto Rico probably has the most non-beach stuff to do, but it still doesn’t approach Hawaii in that respect, at least in my opinion. St. Lucia has some hiking in the Pitons. But many of the other islands are pretty much just beaches/snorkeling/watersports and maybe a cute town you can spend an hour strolling around in (which you can do pretty easily from a cruise).
SD
It’s only interchangeable if you do cruise and resort-type things!! Do people not think these are actual, distinct nations with their own cultures, histories, architecture? I don’t get it!
Nicaragua is AMAZING, food aside (which is a tough aside for me, since I’m a foodie). I went alone without any plans. Hiked in the rain forest; hiked up a volcano and sled down the black ash at 60mph; took a puddle jumper to Big Corn Island and then hitched an utterly terrifying ride on a little boat to Little Corn Island, and then got back again by hitching another ride on a supply boat; learned to scuba dive; navigated their fantastic informal busing system that will take you anywhere in the country for like $5; stayed in a hostel on a lagoon where I was woken in the morning by howler monkeys; met some Trinidadian hackers on a bus and partied with them; explored beautiful colonial architecture in Granada.
Next time I’d find my way to Ometepe, which is a natural lagoon set between two volcanoes, and it’s about to be destroyed by China so the time to see it is now. I’d also stay in a Finca, which is a working farm that rents out beds for cheap.
Anyway, Nicaragua. Beaches, but also so much more.
BabyAssociate
Thanks for the Nicaragua recommendation SD, might copy that trip!
Anonymous
I always thought they sounded dreadful. Then I went on one. And I was totally right. If I want to sit on the beach, have cocktails delivered to my lounger, and eat bad overpriced food I’ll go to a resort.
b
Everyone is different, so you might hate it. Guess you’ll never know unless you try one – and there are short cruises to give it a try. I’ve cruised a few times and absolutely loved it. I’m normally an action and history junkie (I want to be hiking Half Dome or exploring an ancient city). But cruises are great for groups, especially if your group has varying interests.
My family did a cruise last year over Christmas and had the best family vacation ever. The variety that the ship offers made it for us, none of us like sitting around at all-inclusive resorts. My dad and brother enjoyed the various bars, casino and cigar lounge. My mom explored every corner of the ship and went to the spa. My sister and I did ice skating and yoga, and adult colored while we sunbathed. We went to the shows we wanted to, sometimes together, sometimes not. We had dinner together every night and did a sailing excursion that everyone loved. Usually my family is stressed when we vacation together and we argue about logistics and decisions, but we had none of that. We plan to do it again.
This time I’m with friends I’ve traveled with before. We travel really well together and love that we can be totally relaxed, see some cool islands, and we don’t have to worry about moving our luggage around. The ship pulls up, you hop off and go. We can split up in pairs or stay together. I’m the type that needs some alone time, and I can go to the gym or run on the upper deck in the morning while everyone else sleeps in.
There is wifi but it’s expensive, which is nice because it actually makes you shut off your phone and relax. I work in a fast-moving startup and it will be nice to have a forced unplug. I’ll typically find a cafe with wifi at a port stop and check texts/emergency items/post on FB for a few minutes but then go on with my day.
Sydney Bristow
My husband really dislikes the idea of them too. He says it’s the artificial environment that doesn’t appeal to him. He also dislikes Disneyland for the same reason. I’ve only been on one but I really enjoyed it. Cruises and Disneyland trips are pretty much extended family or friends trips for me I guess.
My family is planning to go on an Alaskan cruise at some point and I think I could convince him to join us on that but I don’t think I’d ever get him on a carribbean cruise. Luckily he loves to travel otherwise and plan big trips so I don’t feel like I’m missing out.
Anonymous
I’m not claustrophobic and not a fugitive, but I absolutely need an escape route all the time. Like I hate getting parked in on the driveway so I only park on the street. I guess I am just weird that way.
S-non
This doesn’t answer the OP’s question and just totally judges her vacation choice. I don’t think it’s the appropriate place for this conversation.
Anonymous
Oh please.
S-non
Would you like me to sh*t all over your vacation choices and how they are soooo terrible and beneath me?
Anonymous
I see is as you ask the interwebs and the interwebs have ADD.
But not judgy — maybe the OP thought she’d hate it and was very pleasantly surprised . . . SQUIRREL!
Blonde Lawyer
I did a 2 week one for my 10 year anniversary and LOVED it. First, I’m an internet addict and being disconnected was so freeing. I’d never have the will power to disconnect without it costing me a fortune to connect. Second, we went all out and booked a big suite on board. We had a king size bed, a living room, a bathroom with double sinks, a large shower and a big tub. We were not in one of the dinky jail cell type rooms.
We cruised Norwegian and the food was fantastic. I have a million food allergies and they bent over backwards to accommodate them and avoid cross contamination. I was far safer eating on the ship than at my destination and the food was still great.
We didn’t do the cruise sponsored activities in port. We used the ship to get us from island to island and then we explored on our own. We did a bunch of research beforehand and booked some stuff and winged it for other stuff. In San Juan we explored the historic sites and had the original pina coladas at Barracinas (sp?). We also had a couple drinks at local hole in the wall places.
In Aruba we did a Trike tour and explored the island on 3 wheel motorcycles. In Bonaire we found an out of the way place that had fancy food and lounges on the beach and spent the day eating, drinking and snorkeling.
In Curacao we walked around, shopped, watched the pontoon bridge move, had the strongest drinks ever along the canal and then stumbled back to the ship for a nap.
It’s all what you make of it.
Anonymous
Cruises are the vacations of choice for partners at my firm because the wifi is limited enough that they can disconnect. You’re much more likely to get a real break if your coworkers and clients know you’re on a cruise or camping in the mountains with limited service than if you try to vacation someplace like San Francisco or Miami.
KMO
I’ve done snorkeling in St Thomas through the cruise excursion and it was fun. For Puerto Rico, if you want to do Old San Juan it’s easy to get to from the dock (at least where NCL docks, I can’t remember if Royal Carribean docks in the same location) and the walking tours were pretty expensive so I’d recommend DIY.
KMO
Also, I haven’t cruised to St Kitts, and this was many years ago, but the beaches and snorkeling were not great. I’d look into sailing or “adventure”-type excursions (i.e. zip lining or similar). There may also be an excursion option to take a boat to Nevis, which is a much nicer island IMO. I think it’s about an hour away. Again my last trip to St Kitts was many years ago, but it’s one island where I would definitely do an excursion over self-guided.
AK
You can ride an ostrich in Curacao. I haven’t but my cousin did on her honeymoon and said it was great. The pictures are hilarious and not many people can say they’ve done it. Have a good trip!
b
HA! THIS WILL HAPPEN! Thanks!!
MC
We had a great experience with Regent Seven Seas cruises in along the southern coasts of Portugal, Spain, France, and Italy. Next time, I’ll stick with a traditional hotel. The ship and amenities were very elegant and the staff was wonderful. No doubt, it’s a luxury cruise line. If you’re looking for relaxing amenities, a cruise is great. If you really want to experience the culture, eat local foods, meet local people, or experience any nightlife, stick with land. We normally had to be back on the boat by mid-late afternoon. I loved seeing the sites but the strict tour schedule was exhausting after 10 whole days. We really missed out on local food and wine – my favorite part of travel! I described the dining this way – it’s like eating at the same 5 star restaurant for a week and a half. Lovely, but boring.
Mint alternative
I’m really frustrated with Mint for tracking finances and would like to hear of another good alternative. I find that the system always has kinks and does not pick up some very large transactions even though everything seems properly linked from my bank accounts.
Is it worth it to spend some time calling customer service and sorting through the kinks, or is there a better option?
KT
You Need a Budget. There’s a small fee attached, but it’s well worth it to me. It’s so useful and more powerful than Mint.
nona
+1
SC
Another +1
ace
Have you used mint for long? I have, and it seems to learn pretty well how I want to categorize stuff, though I also review regularly and recategorize. I’m surprised it’s not catching large transactions, as that’s not a problem I’ve had before. Is it possible it’s on the end of the other bank/company?
I’ve heard good things about YNAB, but haven’t made the switch because it sounds like a fair amount of work to get going, and my favorite part about mint is that it’s relatively automatic and little logging is required from me.
OP
Thanks to you both! I’ve used Mint for 5 + years, so that’s not it. I may try YNAB, particularly if it’s more powerful than Mint.
Anonymous
I like YNAB a lot, but as PP mentioned, it’s a LOT more work than Mint. Mint does everything for you. With YNAB, you have to manually enter every transaction. This is great for seeing where your money goes (and making sure there are no unauthorized charges on your credit card), but it’s not the same.
nona
Nope – new YNAB is web-based and you can set up to download transactions from your bank/credit card accounts. I mean, you have to manually go in an authorize the import of info and occasionally assign a spending category, but it’s not as manual as it used be.
Anonymous
@nona– I had no idea! Cool! Thanks for the correction.
ace
ooh, thanks from me for the correction too! That’s been one of my hold ups in making the switch (as I guess I said above).
nona
I mean, the import function isn’t perfect, and doesn’t necessarily work for smaller banks – but it will be able to import the majority of transactions.
anon
Honeymoon conundrum. My fiancé really wants to go to Hawaii. He has been once before; I have never been. Hawaii seems nice, and I’m sure I would like to go at some point in my life, but I’m not feeling super excited about it. I’m in big law and this is probably the only extended (2 week) vacation I will ever be able to take until I switch jobs. I love international traveling and my thought is that we should go somewhere as far away/”exotic” as possible before we have kids, etc. Hawaii seems like somewhere we can easily go when we have kids in the 5-7 age range.
We’re getting married in February and weather-wise our options are not unlimited. I’m thinking about trying to do 1 week (or maybe 8 days) in New Zealand, and the rest of the time in Fiji. Has anyone ever done a trip like that?
Thoughts? TIA!
Anonymous
Where are you now? I went to Maui on my honeymoon from DC and was so, so glad I did. It was 18 hours of travel and while I agree it would be fun to take kids, I can’t imagine taking young children there because of the travel time. If you’re on the west coast and it’s a shorter flight, I do see your point.
NZ and Fiji sound amazing too. I really don’t think you can go wrong!
anon
We’re in Philly. I take your point about Hawaii. I think I’m trying to come up with reasons to not go to Hawaii because I was looking at pictures online (we were looking for hotels, etc) and it just did not excite me. The hotels seemed so big and cookie-cutter (albeit gorgeous, like Turtle Bay). I love me a good resort, but I’m feeling conflicted.
Sloan Sabbith
Try somewhere on Kauai- Outrigger on Poipu, somewhere in Hanalei. A bit less 4-Seasons/Mariott.
anon8
If you spend time in Hawaii, check out Kauai. It’s not as touristy as Maui and Ohau and there is some amazing natural beauty. Check hawaiirevealed dot com. They have a series of guidebooks for each island and will have recommendations for different types of accommodations.
Sloan Sabbith
Jinx.
Woods-comma-Elle
Yes – Kauai, Kauai, Kauai. We stayed at the Koa Kea Resort which is more small and boutiquey and didn’t want to leave! And the Beach House Restaurant, oh boy! We only had three days in Kauai and wish we had more and there is a lot to do there – helicopters, boat trips etc. plus great snorkelling and beaches.
Woods-comma-Elle
“smaller” not “more small”. Ugh.
anonypotamus
+ a million for the Koa Kea – one of the best hotels I’ve ever stayed at. Splurge for an ocean front room – it’s literally right in front of you like 10 yards away. Service is phenomenal.
Meg March
Guys, I am going to Kauai for my honeymoon in…. oh, 11 days, and this thread is getting me so excited!
Sloan Sabbith
Kauai is my favorite place in the entire world. Spent a week there with my family post-bar this summer and it was wonderful. GO TO WAIMEA CANYON, absolutely do not miss.
I also ADORED the Mission House and church in Hanalei. It’s been preserved so well and the backdrop is omg stunning. Not religious /at all/ just really, really cool and beautiful. We went to a restaurant afterwards in Hanalei called Bouchons and got appetizers. Their coconut shrimp and calamari were both great.
Also, make sure you go to Lapperts ice cream.
A few years ago, we took a Napali coast boat tour and it was amazing. We snorkeled and I saw a sea turtle swimming; we went into the caves on the Napali coast, and you could see Nihau so well.
Also, everyone who’s saying Koa Kea- haven’t been to that one, but stayed at the place next door (Outrigger) and loved it. We’ve been there before and Poipu is such a great area.
JuniorMinion
For what it is worth I loved Maui and I am not a resort sitter. If you get away from the big hotels and are outdoorsy there are a ton of great hikes and the topography on the island of Maui is truly incredible.
Some great resources:
https://www.nps.gov/hale/planyourvisit/index.htm
(I want to do the cloud forest hike but haven’t done it ) if you aren’t into long hikes you can chopper around Haleakala
Also the Kipahulu area / Pipiwai trail is very cool – you walk through the bamboo forest up to the top of the waterfall (towards the tail end of the Road to Hana)
Kapalua – super swanky housing development but they run a free shuttle open to the public to the top of the mountain and there is a (downhill! yay!) trail down from there.
http://www.kapalua.com/activities/hiking-trails
I have also done half this trail (its not an out and back so if you do the whole thing you have to hitch a ride so we did the Maalaea side):
http://mauiguidebook.com/adventures/lahaina-pali-trail/
The view is as incredible as it is in the photo but its brutal elevation climb
Also probably worth checking out Makawao / upcountry as well as I found the north side of the island to be breathtaking.
Happy to provide more info if you end up going!
Teeks
Just went to Hawaii and we AirBnB’ed the whole thing, SO much better than a resort. Highly recommend.
Terry
Not sure if this is feasible but how about a week in Hawaii and a week in Japan, Australia or New Zealand? Will you be going immediately after your wedding? If so, you’ll probably be exhausted and relaxing in Hawaii might be just what is needed.
anon
Yes, we’ll be going right after the wedding. I’ll definitely take a look at doing Hawaii/New Zealand.
Anonymous
Don’t. It’s crazy. Too many days traveling.
nona
+1 – you need to be in OZ/NZ/Japan for a minimum of 2 weeks to make the travel worthwhile. It is a long haul.
lawsuited
I know someone who’s family lives in Australia, and they always tack on a few days in Hawaii as a “stop-over” on the way to and from Australia to break up the trip.
newbinlaw
where are they traveling from? I’m looking for a good vacation option to add on to a week in hawaii, and traveling from CA.
Meredith Grey
When we were wedding planning, my husband was working in Big Law and really wanted to go to Hawaii and have a relax/do nothing kind of trip. I had the same thoughts as you did- this is the longest/best vacation we’re going take for a while (maybe ever!), better make it “count” and see something amazing and incredible, and definitely go somewhere it would be difficult to take children. He was dying to do beach/resort/relax being totally strung out from work, and I eventually got so overwhelmed with wedding planning, I was happy to have him take the wheel and plan the whole thing and just went with it.
IM SO GLAD WE DIDNT GO SOMEWHERE HARDER! By the time the wedding came and went, we were both sooooo extremely exhausted and overworked that 10 days totally unplugged being lumps on a beach turned out to be such an unexpected great transition for us. Admittedly, going to work the day after we got back was the biggest life slap in the face ever, but so worth to have that time to take it easy and unwind together since we’re both barely getting by between demanding jobs and annoying family responsibilities in real life.
Since then, we actually have gone on an “adventure” trip to Asia and are planning another in Jan. Turns out I was totally wrong about presuming we wouldn’t have an opportunity for more intense travel before kids. Glad we’ve been able to fit both kinds of trips into our life before our life is run by tiny humans.
Anon
+ 1 to this. We took two weeks for our honeymoon. My workaholic husband was dying to do nothing in Bora Bora, whereas I wanted to spend the two weeks adventuring around Europe. I ultimately agreed to Bora Bora, and I AM SO GLAD WE DID NOTHING. We were both so wiped out after the wedding, and being able to just lounge around with my new husband and relax together somewhere beautiful was just what we needed. We went to Europe to celebrate our first wedding anniversary, and it was the perfect compromise.
OfCounsel
Fiji and New Zealand will involve a LOT of time on airplanes. YMMV, but that would leave me completely exhausted when I got home. If your budget allows, maybe French Polynesia? You could go to one high island and one atoll or go to New Zealand first for a week and hit French Polynesia on your way back. If you husband loves Hawaii, he would love Moorea, Bora Bora or Huahine (my fav) and it is a lot less developed and cookie cutter than Hawaii.
Anonymous
I kind of disagree with everyone else. I think you should take advantage of your two weeks and go somewhere more exotic. A single island in Hawaii is doable from the East Coast in one week, and also very easy to do with kids. As you noted, this is your one chance for a two week vacation, and I wouldn’t squander it in Hawaii.
I like the NZ idea, although it’s probably easier to combine that with French Polynesia than Fiji. Air New Zealand runs promotions all the time where you can stop in French Polynesia for free on your way to NZ. I’d do 4-5 days in Bora Bora (you have to fly there from Papeete which is where your Air NZ layover would be) and 6-7 days in New Zealand, assuming you have 10-12 days once you subtract travel time. That way you start off your trip recovering from the wedding with some total relaxation in a beautiful place, but then you do something adventurous and further away from home.
Anonymous
Hawaii is basically French Polynesia, but cheaper, closer, and with more Americans.
Anonymous
Nah. I’ve been to and love both, but FP, especially Bora Bora, has a lot that Hawaii doesn’t have, including very different snorkeling and diving (including opportunities to swim with sting rays and sharks), a French/European feel especially in the cuisine, and overwater bungalows. The beaches in Bora Bora are also more beautiful than anything in Hawaii or the Caribbean in my opinion. I love Hawaii, but if French Polynesia is in the budget in terms of time and money, I’d go there, especially on a honeymoon.
Anonymous
Oh, my comment was meant as a pro-French Polynesia resort. It’s like a Hawaii:Bora Bora as Best Western:Ritz Carlton.
OfCounsel
Having been to both, I have to disagree. There are literally no multi-story hotels in FP (outside of Papeete, which is not where anyone goes for more than one night as a layover). In my experience, it is much less crowded (although I have not been to all of the Hawaiian islands) and has less traffic. The airport is tiny and easy to navigate. Even if you cannot afford the over-water bungalows (which I think are overpriced), you can get a bungalow right on the beach. Pick the right place and there is excellent snorkeling off shore in water that is warm, clear and with no current. I personally prefer the smaller, locally owned places over the larger chain hotels – although that is very much a matter of personal preference.
Hawaii is very nice, but FP wins hands-down as a vacation destination – especially if you pick an island other than Bora Bora.
lawsuited
I think pairing a more “exotic” vacation with a beach vacation is a good compromise, but for my money I’d do South Africa and Mauritius.
CDA
+1
Great combo.
(Former) Clueless Summer
I took 3 weeks for my honeymoon, the only time a more than 1 week vacation is really ok at my firm (biglaw). Hubby wanted South America (we also got married in the winter so were looking for destinations that would be nice in February) but I vetoed that as I thought we could do it in a week and a half (yes, long flight but no time difference means you can come home Sunday night and be back at work Monday morning). We’re planning South America next winter fyi.
I wanted Asia and so we picked Thailand. Given the long flights (15 hr + layover + 3 hr flight) and the crazy time difference, I knew I wouldn’t want to do it with less than 2-3 weeks. We did a 2.5 week stay plus three days at home after to deal with jetlag, for which I was super grateful.
I would really recommend picking a far-away destination like Fiji or New Zealand – you can definitely do Hawaii in a week + two weekends but you’ll never have this long vacation back again until you’re out of biglaw.
H
I always thought Hawaii seemed boring and cliche and then I went. And ended up going again a year later to a different island and had a totally different vacation.
Anon
Completely agree. I’m not proud to admit this, but I always snobbishly thought of it as a place that lower middle class people without any travel experience thought of as exotic and fancy.
Then my sister moved there for a couple of years and I went to visit her. It was amazing and so gorgeous. Snorkeling and hiking was wonderful, and we stopped at one beach and saw tons of sea turtles. The food was delicious and the culture was so interesting. I know it’s part of the US, but it seemed like a completely different culture. And yet it had all the benefits of domestic travel– no currency exchange or language barriers, etc. I would love to go back and explore the other islands.
Anonymous
Only on this s!te would people think Hawaii is a place “lower middle class” people vacation. You know where lower middle class people vacation? They don’t, or they take driving trips to destinations in their part of the country. Or they save for years and years and fly to Florida or California or take a cruise. Hawaii is really expensive and only a “budget” destination for people in Big Law.
SD
I don’t think she’s saying it’s where “lower middle class” people vacation, I think she’s saying it’s aspirational to a certain demographic BECAUSE it’s expensive and far, without actually being ‘foreign.’ And that more well traveled people would choose other destinations. And yeah, it’s a snobby attitude, which she fully admits.
Anon
Right, thank you, I only said they thought of it as exotic and fancy, not that they went there because they were too poor for Bora Bora. I was actually jumping to a conclusion about the OP, thinking that maybe she had the same snobby ideas about Hawaii that I did.
FWIW, I’m from a really weird background where half of my family is rich and from Massachusetts and the other half is desperately poor and from Louisiana. My rich grandmother gave me sterling silver flatware. My poor grandmother lived in a single-wide trailer and didn’t have teeth. I am totally aware that truly poor people can’t go to Hawaii.
SD
People are REALLY quick to jump down each others’ throats on the internet! Also, I think there’s some truth in the way you describe people’s knee-jerk attitudes towards Hawaii. I’m from a wealthy suburb outside NYC (though my family itself isn’t wealthy. I grew up solidly middle class) and my SO grew up pretty poor in a cabin in the South. When discussing hypothetical honeymoon spots, he immediately said Hawaii, and my immediate reaction was “Really? Not somewhere more… exotic?” It’s just where both of our minds went, based on our upbringing.
Anonymous
+1
I went to too many bad luau parties as a child.
Then the Navy sent a family member there and it is the most wonderful place ever. I came back and binge-watched Magnum PI. Can’t wait to go back just for hiking / swimming. And eating. Lots of eating. And going up a mountian just to watch the sun set all over the sky.
Miss Hawaii
I’m from Hawaii and you can totally have all kinds of vacations there (which is why it’s such a popular place, I think), from the affordable getaway, to the fancy fancy luxury holiday.
Or, if you’re me, hanging out with mom and dad.
Anyway, I LOVE Hawaii, but also vote that you do the faraway place–maybe you can combine adventure with some relaxation!
SC
I went to the Caribbean and did the relaxing beach vacation for my honeymoon. I was really happy we did that because I was so exhausted after the wedding. But we only had a week, and we had a $4k budget.
If you’re looking for something more exotic but still relaxing, a friend of mine took a week-long river cruise in Vietnam. She said it was very relaxing and quiet. Then they spent a second week in Thailand and Cambodia, I think. You could something similar in South America (Galapagos cruise, plus a week in another country, for instance).
I have no specific thoughts on Hawaii, except that I went with my parents from Florida when I was 10, and it was a very, very long way for a pretty well-traveled 10-year-old to travel. Plus, I remember (we all remember) our original flight got canceled, so we were rerouted on a trip with no layover, assigned middle seats on the last row that didn’t recline, and didn’t have our luggage when we landed 6+ hours later than scheduled. I know it’s a normal part of travel, but it’s all a much bigger deal when traveling with kids. A kid may be able to “handle” the trip if everything goes smoothly, but there’s less margin for error on a long trip with kids, and modern travel seems to require an enormous margin for error.
Nessie
I went to the Big Island last year for a week long vacation, and it was wonderful! We spent a little time at the beach, but most of it was hiking, snorkeling, visiting small towns, going to the top of Mauna Kea, hiking in Volcano National Park, etc. We definitely could have spent another week there to do all the things I wanted to do. With two weeks, you could do a couple of the islands. It is certainly a long flight, especially from the east coast. I live on the west coast, so the flight was about 6 hours, so add a 5 hour flight on each end of that + layover.
That said, we are taking a two week vacation to New Zealand in a month and I am so excited. Again, being on the west coast makes it a direct 14-hour flight, which is much easier. One of the flight options we were thinking of was a flight with a day long layover in Honolulu, if you want to get both New Zealand and Hawaii.
Anonymous
I did Fiji and New Zealand for my bar trip – I had a full month, though. I was in Fiji for a week, then NZ for three. It is a haul from the east coast (EWR-LAX-AKL-NAN was something like 32 hours, including layovers), but Fiji is reasonably close (3-4 hours) to Auckland. I also think there may be a direct flight from LAX to Nadi – but I used frequently flyer miles and essentially used Auckland as a three week layover on the way back, so I was stuck going via Auckland on the way out! I loved both places – with that time frame, maybe just do NZ though? You should pick one island (North or South), not try to see both. Both are stunning, with LOADS to do. The weather there should be fantastic as well – and there are some nice beaches on the North Island. Or maybe do the North Island, with a long weekend in Fiji? Just realize that you’re going to lose a day to travel at each end.
I would agree with saving Hawaii for a later date. Nothing against Hawaii, but you can do it in a week + weekends, and NZ or Fiji you could not.
NomadAnon
Having lived there, Hawaii is not that bad a flight. I know people who’ve done lovely vacations there, but if your heart’s not in it, don’t do it.
I’d recommend Bali and Lombok, Indonesia if you’re looking for an international beach vacation. You can find resorts as nice as you would in Hawaii, but you can find more authentic cultural activities and low-key inexpensive tourism/backpacker options too. Lots of English spoken and a much, much cooler vibe than Hawaii’s pre-packaged feel (which was hard to escape even living there).
Hollis
Not sure if you are still reading this thread, but I had the same misgivings about Hawaii – it just did not feel special enough, but also I had been there a few times before we were married. We ended up going to Costa Rica and it was awesome – lots of hiking, adventure, ziplining, etc. in the cloud forest reserve combined with relaxing at a B&B on the beach made for a perfect honeymoon trip for me and DH. Another place I’d recommend is someplace like the islands of Nevis or Tahiti where it will be a serious pain to get there with kids but a great vacation for a couple.
ChiLaw
If I had two weeks and no kid, I would go to Vietnam, no question. There are some lovely beaches (Hoi An, perhaps?) and you can do fun adventurous things like rent motorbikes and cruise along mountain roads (would not try it in the cities). You can eat all the glorious food! You can go to Halong Bay if that’s your jam!
Anne Elliott
NZ will be gorgeous in Feb. Late summer, early autumn weather. Spend the entire two weeks there.
anon
If I order a cake from a grocery store and pick it up, say, Friday evening… will it still be good for a Saturday evening birthday celebration? How long do sheet cakes with icing typically last without getting stale? and would I store it in the fridge overnight, or will that make it get hard?
TIA!
anon8
Yes, picking up Friday evening and serving Saturday evening will be fine. Just store it in a covered container. It doesn’t need to go in the fridge. I frequently make cupcakes a day in advance for parties.
anon
thanks!
RR
It will be fine. Just keep it in the box taped closed. Store on the counter. I do this all the time (plus eat the leftover cake even a few days later).
Gigi
If you put it in the fridge, take it out to get to room temp a few hours beforehand.
Shayla
Ask the store if you should put it in the fridge. I’m no expert but I think some frostings “sweat” when they are cold and it would cause the frosting colors to run/spread/look bad.
pugsnbourbon
+1. Former grocery store deli/bakery drone here. This depends a lot on the consistency of the icing – a heavy buttercream (the kind that’s almost crunchy on top) will hold up a lot better than one with the more fluffy “whippy” icing.
Having some serious flashbacks now. The buttercream would get shipped to us in giant buckets that were a serious pain to open. My frosting roses don’t look as good now, but when I write with icing it looks better than my writing with a pen.
lawsuited
Definitely. When I’ve made wedding cakes for Saturday weddings, the baking starts on Wednesday evening, and everything still dates delicious by Saturday evening.
SC
Many cakes actually taste better after a day.
Anonypotamus
Costco bakery cakes are good for days afterwards. We kept one going for almost a week at work and it was still great.
Salutations
I’ve been in-house for a few years and am drafting an email to hire outside counsel for the first time and realized I have no idea how to sign this email. I used to sign emails “sincerely” when I worked in a law firm but apparently this is now considered outdated. Please help me overthink this. How do you sign professional emails?
Anonymous
My boss (attorney in her 50s) signs “most sincerely”. It seems very dated.
I often default to “Best”. I don’t love it, but I see it frequently used.
anon
For a letter on letterhead, we use “sincerely” or “regards”
for a formal-ish email, I’d use “best” or “regards”
Anonymous
I use ‘Regards,’. Or ‘Thanks,’ if I’ve asked someone to do something in the email.
Shopaholic
+1 – I use “best” occasionally but usually regards or thanks
Anonymous
Some people hate “best” as in “best what?” And “how can your regards be best?”. I think they are just cranky pants but I don’t use “Best” as a result.
East coaster
I use “thanks,” “thanks very much,” or “best regards,” depending on the situation. The first two of you’re asking for anything (including something minor, like please let me know if you have any questions or comments) and the third if not.
Anonymous
I use thanks when asking for something, best regards otherwise.
CountC
+1
Anonymous
I still see “sincerely” regularly, along with “best,” “regards,” and “thank you” or sometimes I have seen stuff like “look forward to working together” or “hope to hear from you soon”
Killer Kitten Heels
“Regards” or “Best regards” or even just “Best” seem to be the common conventions, at least where I practice (northeastern US).
anon
+1
housecounsel
I say sincerely. I really loathe “best” because it just seems trendy and overused to me.
Sharp
I say Respectfully Yours, I see those listed above and “very truly yours”
Ab
I’ve been trying to shift over to using all natural products and am stuck with hair product. I want something (gel, serum etc.) to put in my hair after showering, while my hair is wet. I have full wavy hair and want to control volume and frizz and help it fall better. Any suggestions? Everything I’ve tried has not been effective.
anon a mouse
take a look at the Kinky Curly line – curling custard or spiral spritz. They work well for all 2b and higher curls.
KT
Coconut oil! Back when my hair was still curly, I would put a dollop in my hair (I used the hard coconut oil that had to be melted a little) when it was still wet, then would pile it up on the top of my head. When it was dry, I’d shake it out and my hair would look super shiny and frizz-free.
KT
Like this! Depending on how cool you keep your home, it can be a solid or may melt to a liquid. If it’s a solid, just run it under hot water or put a scoop in a bowl in the microwave. http://ow.ly/JQbN304SKTG
Alana
Exactly, so the OP can place a closed jar in a bowl, placed where hot or warm shower water can accumulate and meld the oil.
Alana
*melt*
Anon.
I’m not sure if it counts as all natural but I like Kiehls for the low odor and additives. The silk groom serum works for me – same hair type.
Ab
Thanks!
Libby
Anybody in Atlanta with a recommendation for affordable alternations? I see people here mention paying $5-$10 for shortening skirts, but I can’t seem to find anything under $25.
ATL
I like Kay’s in North Druid Hills
Anonymous
$5-10 is way too low for hemming a skirt.
lost academic
Not in Atlanta it isn’t.
cbackson
Girl, I’m going to let you in on a secret. You need to know Rose. Rose’s Tailoring near Northlake Mall. Yes, it’s a haul, but her work is fantastic and so well priced. And she is delightful.
anon prof
thanks! (not OP)
Anonymous
Not the OP either, but thank you!
Mrs. Jones
Diamond tailoring in Toco Hills is good too.
AttiredAttorney
Peach’s Tailoring on Peachtree in South Buckhead on the lobby level of the Darlington Apartments. Yes, those apartments are incredibly sketchy, but Peach’s is dirt cheap for tailoring. Just check out all the glowing reviews on yelp! Definition of hidden gem.
BillingQ
Question for all of you litigators with billable hours requirements – how do you bill your time? Do you have a default minimum for quick calls/emails? Do you keep the clock running for bathroom breaks and mini distractions under a set number of minutes? Do you deliberately reserve work for your commute (if taking public transportation)? Etc.
I don’t have a problem tracking my time, but I’m wondering how people maximize their billables in a way that’s still ethical. I’m curious to hear people’s strategies to get a sense for what’s normal and what’s not.
Killer Kitten Heels
Do you have a default minimum for quick calls/emails? – .1 (so, if email takes 3 minutes it gets billed as .1)
Do you keep the clock running for bathroom breaks and mini distractions under a set number of minutes? Generally no, although I can’t say I haven’t accidentally billed for a short (.2 or less) distraction just because I’m not writing down every bathroom break or 3 minute trip to the coffee pot.
Do you deliberately reserve work for your commute (if taking public transportation)? Yes – when I was commuting by public transportation I’d usually print research or something that needed to be edited and take it with me to read/work on.
housecounsel
Former law firm associate and partner and current in-house reviewer of bills here. Your client should have a minimum billing increment. Ours is .1. Technically, can you bill .1 for every e-mail? Technically, yes, but if I know that there was a long exchange of e-mails on a particular day, with me, for instance, I will be pretty salty if you bill each one of those separately (including my e-mail saying “Thanks for the update.” I’d bill those as “e-mail exchange with client representative re: x” and fairly assess what you spent for the entire day. I don’t think you should stress about going to get coffee during your two-hour stint writing your summary judgment motion. As a reviewer, I am looking for patterns in your billing and overall fairness. It’s pretty easy to spot. The mere fact that you are asking these questions suggests to me that you are conscientious and won’t be overstepping the bounds of ethics.
Yes, definitely, print stuff out and take it on the train with you. I sure did. If you have mindless but necessary work to do, bring it home with you and do it in front of Real Housewives. I am not going to ask where you did the work or when during the day – I only care that the total amount you billed is reasonable for the task.
All this said, as an associate, it is not your job to bill the client. It is your job to keep an accurate record of the work that you do. Don’t cut your own time. If the billing partner thinks you’re spending too much time, it’s his/her job to counsel you on that and to adjust the bill before it gets to me.
cbackson
I would never in a million years include a .1 on a bill to a client. The associate gets credit, but any .1 entries on my bills get written off. It seems petty to me, and I don’t want the client to think of me as petty.
housecounsel
I appreciate that but don’t view it as petty. An attorney has to read the notice of dep and attached rider and that probably takes less than 6 minutes. Same with a phone call from opposing counsel asking for a couple of days’ extension on a deadline for filing a brief. I don’t expect attorneys to eat that time.
cbackson
We just think of that as a carrying cost. It is slightly different, I will say, if the client won’t allow block billing and thus there would be a lot of .1 entries that add up to a ton of time. But yeah, if I send one email and it’s .1 and that’s it for the day, that will not go on the bill. Again, my associates get credit for it, but we don’t think that’s worth putting to the client (especially at our billing rates).
Stormtrooper
I agree with this generally but some corporate clients require .1 increments. I’ve had time written off because of it.
I honestly think the .1 increment is a client by client thing.
And no, never bill someone for recieving a “thanks” email or something like that. Bill for substance.
MJ
I have worked at three different biglaw firms, and we were told never to bill a .1. Ever. That gets eaten by your daily admin time, or if it’s more substantive, bill .2 or up. But .1’s do look petty, and plenty of clients get angry for the billing rate x .1 = fee that’s not tiny on their bills. I side with cbackson on this one (and I’m corporate).
E
Re no 2 – my firm’s position is that if you’re taking a short trip down the hall in the middle of a project, you’re likely still thinking about what you were working on and should keep the clock running. If you’re stopped by a legit distraction, like a phone call or a conversation, it should stop (or start on another matter).
.1 is my default min on anything and I commute by car, so no work done then.
In addition, we never write in our time entries that we are meeting with other attorneys – it’s always attention to X issue, no mention of attorney meeting on X issue. I guess that is more of a time entry rule than a maximizing billables strategy, but it’s a way for me to avoid my time being written off so it’s a strategy for me.
I bill everything – even the fifteen minutes a partner sat in my office yesterday bouncing ideas off me for part of deposition prep in a case I’m not working on. He’ll probably write it off, but I don’t know that for sure.
Anonymous
Work reading on my commute helps. I chose something publicly available (like a filed court document or a decision in a case) so it doesn’t matter if someone reads over my shoulder without my noticing or I somehow manage to drop/lose the paper (figure that’s more likely vs. if it’s in a briefcase).
anon
I generally do not stop the clock for bathroom, etc. breaks and I tell juniors not to, too. I’m usually still thinking about whatever I’m working on when I’m taking such a short break, so I see zero reason to stop the clock. More generally, though, when you hire humans to do something time consuming, like doc review or brief writing, you’re not going to get the same amount value out of every single .1. I don’t charge extra for my super-productive moments, I’m not going to charge less for my less-productive moments.
What you should be more concerned about is creating value for the client. I don’t care about your .1 bathroom break. I care that you got lost down an unproductive, irrelevant rabbit hole of research that you billed 8 hours for.
housecounsel
I just reviewed a bill with the exact rabbit hole of research you describe. I agree that the side subject is fascinating. How did it advance the case? NO CLUE.
Anonymous
“What you should be more concerned about is creating value for the client. I don’t care about your .1 bathroom break. I care that you got lost down an unproductive, irrelevant rabbit hole of research that you billed 8 hours for.”
+1
I also care that there are 3 attorneys billing 10 hours each for “drafting and editing” a motion. Duplication of work is extremely annoying when I’m reviewing a bill. But that’s not so much your responsibility to prevent as an associate — that should be the billing partner’s role.
housecounsel
+1
anon lawyer
I take the total hours a day I am at work (say 10 hours) and subtract the time I know I wasn’t working (say, 30 min for lunch, 30 min surfing the web, and 30 min talking to colleagues about no-work stuff = 1.5 hrs). then I divide how much I worked on each matter.
So in the example above, I have 8.5 hours of time billed. if I know I spent half of the day on 1 matter and the other half on another, I just divide in 2 and bill each client 4.25 hours. If I spent an hour and a half on a call for 1 client and then the rest of the day evenly working for 2 other clients, I’d bill 1.5 hours to phone client, and 3.5 hours to each of the other clients. you get the picture.
Anonymous
But if you don’t track the time in some direct manner, how do you know how much time you spent on each matter (or at lunch, online, ect.)? I know I can’t accurate judge time in that manner, and it would be supper shadily for me to bill like that. But maybe you have a much better internal clock than me
anon
I think the fact is that this is how most people bill. Ime it’s easy to keep track of your time when you’re junior because you’re getting discreet tasks that lend themselves well to tracking – research x topic, draft y memo – not constantly getting interrupted by phone calls, emails, and associates dropping in with questions. On days that I’m fielding a lot of questions, I lose a TON of time just switching gears. It’s my impression, though, that most people bill the gear-switching time by basically estimating – I worked on 5 matters in 10 hours, took breaks totaling 1.5 hours, therefore I have 8.5 hours to divide up; not, I had 10 15-minute conversations and did 3 hours of actual work.
anon lawyer
this is exactly right. And yes, I think most people bill this way.
anon lawyer
you just get good at it over time I guess. when I tried tracking everything, I would always miss stuff or forget, so I was estimating a lot of things. There is certainly some amount of estimation in my current process, but its a lot more accurate than before.
Anonymous
Thanks to previous posters who answered my question about anti-aging products. I bought some sunscreen and antioxidant serum over the weekend. Both smell good (read: mild) and feel good on my skin. The antioxidant serum is Trader Joe’s brand, for those recent TJ posters…I’m already a fan of their moisturizer.
Anon
Which sunscreen did you buy?
Closet Redux
Is it fair for a doctor’s office to charge a co-pay when the patient was never seen by a clinician?
I see a specialist once a month and have a high co-pay ($40) for my visits. They are quick med maintenance visits, so I usually only speak with the Dr. or PA for maybe 5 minutes before I’m on my way. It’s annoying and expensive to pay $40 out of pocket once a month for such short visits just to review labs and adjust meds, but hey, it’s my health.
My most recent visit I had my weight and blood pressure checked by the medical assistant, asked to wait, then instead of a Dr. or PA coming in to see me like usual, the medical assistant came back in, said the Dr. reviewed my labs and recommended X and Y medication change. I never spoke with the Dr. or PA, which was odd, especially since they were communicating a change in my medicine dosage.
Does this strike you as odd? Can I refuse to pay the co-pay when I wasn’t ever seen by a clinician? Should I complain to the Dr or to my insurance company? Or is this normal?
BabyAssociate
I think that’s pretty normal for a maintenance visit.
Anonymous
That’s normal and fair. If you want to see the Dr. personally in that situation, ask.
Anonymous
+1
The doctor reviewed your results, and gave their rec. you didn’t ask to see the doctor, so I presume had no new complaints.
Yes, many people want these sorts of visits for free, but is that really fair?
If you are a lawyer, what would you expect to pay for that visit equivalent. Consider rent, gathering of vital signs, interpreting vitals and lab results with your complaints if any by doctor. Enter note in computer. Plan next rec and follow up interval for next visit. Th medical knowledge and judgment required is not insignificant.
And $40 is still a bargain. Many of us pay full visit cost out of pocket until we reach our several thousand dollar deductible. So your visit would cost me a ?few hundred for Clinic visit + labs.
NYNY
Generally, the services one must pay a co-pay for are called “evaluation and management” services (E&M for short). Even if you did not see the doctor or PA during your visit, a clinician did review your results and history and make the adjustment to your meds. That clinician can fairly bill the E&M for your visit, so it’s correct that you had a co-pay due.
If your co-pay is that high, you should check your benefits to see if you have an annual out-of-pocket maximum, and if you do, see if co-pays contribute to the OOP max. If you’re going to these medication management appointments regularly, you may meet to OOP max at some point. If your doctor’s office isn’t checking real-time benefits, they may charge a co-pay that isn’t due, and will owe you a refund.
anon
Be glad you don’t have a high deductible plan! We do the same for my son and it’s 5 minutes and $110 per visit (each month). We never meet our deductible ($3,500) so it’s a recurring expense. Hopefully that makes you feel better!
Closet Redux
Ok, thanks, all! Our medical system is whack.
Anonymous
Wait, aren’t you just asking if your visit should be free and the office should be paid nothing for the visit? BC the Dr isn’t the one charging you a copay, your ins is making you pay a portion of each visit and the only way to avoid is with a free visit, correct? Am I missing something?
Bristow
It totally depends on the CPT code your provider billed you & your insurance company – all of the E&M codes other than 99211 require a licensed provider to have seen you. 99211 is designed for ongoing case management where the MA performs some type of physical exam (bp & weight definitely count – I bet they also asked you some basic review of systems questions) and there was documentation by the provider justifying the visit and your ongoing treatment plan. If you feel uncomfortable that the visit wasn’t medically justifiable or another E&M code, you should call your insurance billing department and suggest they audit the visit. Insurance auditors live for such calls and this is how overbilling is caught and prevented.
More on 99211: http://www.aafp.org/fpm/2004/0600/p32.html
Kiehl's
I tried some Kiehls shampoo and conditioner and unfortunately really really love it (unfortunately because it’s super pricey). Do they ever have sales? If so, when? Any other secondary sellers that have discounts?
sombra
I think sometimes you can get % cash back from ebate_s and they have their own loyalty program that you probably should join and you can get $ off a certain purchase level
KT
Weirdly, Poshmark. A lot of people buy pricey shampoos, use them once or twice and decide it’s not for them, and resell. I get a lot of my Oribe products on there
MargaretO
It’s just passed for this season but the nordstrom anniversary sale usually includes some kiehls products, probably worth checking out when it happens next.
CDA
They do a F&F sale once or twice a year, so just sign up for their mailing list. When combined with eb@tes, it is a decent discount.
Anonymous
Do you use your local Chamber of Commerce for networking? A friend works at mine, and she’s trying to get me to join. I don’t necessarily see the benefit. There’s a membership fee, and then most events have an additional registration fee. Is it a source of referrals? Professional networking? TBH I have a stereotype of older, white men “good ole boys” comprising the membership…
b
I do. I do b2b sales and it’s a great way to be recognized as a local company that’s committed to the community and to make connections with decision-makers. What type of networking will help you in your business? Perhaps the Chamber is a good fit for you, but depending on who you want to network with, maybe you need to find a young professionals group (making assumptions about age, there are other business networking groups) or an industry group, or something of the like? I would express to your friend that you aren’t sure whether it’s the right fit or not and ask if you can go to one of the events before you decide to join. I don’t find the good old boys club to be an accurate stereotype of my chamber, but ymmv. We have a very active, large chamber and there are a lot of young people involved, as well as a women in leadership subgroup that does events and roundtables.
E
My city has a Young Chamber, which I joined but did not get much benefit from, I think mostly because the events were too far from my office. When I did go, I met interesting people and enjoyed networking with them. It was nice to get outside of legal groups, which I otherwise primarily join.
MNF
My firm has a membership, so I’m a member. I use it all the time and find it to be a great way to meet people. If the only thing stopping you is that it’s an old boys club… well, there’s only one way to change that.
Stormtrooper
It’s referrals and networking. It can also give you opportunities to be published or speak.
Anonymous
Does anyone have an eyebrow product they love? My eyebrows have a good shape but are kind of sparse/too light for my other features (dark hair, dark eyes, very pale skin). I also don’t have a lot of patience for drawing on a zillion fine lines. I’ve currently got an Anastasia pencil; wondering if anyone has anything better/faster? Thank you in advance!
RR
I have a Dior pencil that I love. It’s a pencil on one end and an eyebrow brush on the other. I can quickly draw fine lines, and it’s pretty forgiving. It takes 1-2 minutes max.
anon
Try the Anastasia powder. It’s easy to use and lasts forever. If you want thicker brows, look at a gel. Even a clear gel over the powder can add a bit of volume and allow you to shape the brows more effectively. If you want to avoid a two-step process, some brow gels have enough color to use alone. Gimme Brow! is a good one.
BabyAssociate
I use Gimme Brow! and really like it. I line just the bottom of my eyebrow first using, weirdly enough, a brown cream eyeliner from elf applied with a brush. It works so well with my hair color, I haven’t bothered to change to anything nicer.
Calico
I love the Anastasia powder. It’s fool proof. I use a gel (Nars) when I want to really go for it, but the powder is so much easier to throw on.
Bonnie
Yes! I dye my light eyebrows using this https://www.amazon.com/Godefroy-Instant-Eyebrow-Permanent-Brown-1/dp/B00SWS1KWO/ref=sr_1_1_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1475682467&sr=8-1&keywords=brow+dye+light+brown
following the advice in the comments. It takes less than 5 minutes and lasts me about 2 weeks. I use a Clinique soft pencil to fill in.
lawsuited
I like Benefit Kabrow. I dip in the brush it comes with, draw the bottom arch of my brow in one swipe, and then feather the product upward into the rest of my brow in a few, quick motions.
AZCPA
So, I color mine with drugstore hair color every couple of weeks. My brows are too light and look sparse, but by coloring it lets all the small blonde/clear hairs show. I mix a tiny amount and apply it with a qtip. Means one less thing to do when getting ready, and I don’t look washed out when not wearing makeup.
housecounsel
I use a super-cheap Revlon thing that is a mascara wand on one side and a pencil on the other. There is a color called Brunette that I think would work for a variety of skin tones/hair colors.
Scarlett
I love Youngblood’s eyebrow kit – 2 powders & a gel (I think the formula is smoother and more natural than the Anastasia ones I used before I found this)
Sara Lee
Glossier Boy Brow. I love it. It’s like mascara for your eyebrows and is much easier than the pencils for me.
K Brit
Benefit Gimme Brow is amazing.
Anonymous
I want to buy a grown up handbag. I’ve come to the realization that buying cheap Nine West, Anne Klein, or Tommy Hilfiger purses at $40-50/ea a few times a year is a waste of money. These bags fall apart and look shabby after several months.
I’d rather invest $200-300 in a leather bag with a shoulder strap (removable is great), probably black, and use it every day. What do you recommend? I don’t like cross body bags. I do like satchel or tote shapes.
Anonymous
I think Coach is good quality at that price.
Newbie Associate
I’ve had good experiences with Coach outlet bags. Generally marked down + always running sales.
Anonymous
+1. My leather, non-logo Coach purse has held up so well. It has a removable shoulder strap.
anon
+1
Sydney Bristow
I’m really happy with my Coach Stanton Carryall (the bigger one). I’m not sure if they still make it, but it’s perfect for me. It was slightly over $300 on sale around thanksgiving. The best I’ve seen is 30% off so I’d jump if you see that.
Anon in NYC
Yes. Also, I think they still have a “lifetime” warranty. I had a purse for ~8 years or so and something wore out. I sent it to them and they determined that they could not fix it, so mailed the purse back to me and gave me a 50% off coupon to purchase another bag.
RR
I’ve been really happy with all the Kate Spade bags I’ve owned.
E
Cuyana!
MargaretO
I have a Loeffler Randal bag in that price range that I love.
SD
Do you live in NY or a big city? This might seem crazy, but… Craigslist. I’m literally never buying a new, full price expensive bag ever again. Some women buy a LOT of bags and take extremely good care of them, then sell them when they get bored. You can get next-to-new Kate Spade bag for like $150, instead of $350. I’m currently using a Rebecca Minkoff MAB that I got for $100 (originally $500), and the woman I bought it from ended up being totally sweet and is just trying to clean out her closet as she transitions to being a SAHM.
Hmm
I would be worried about knock offs though. I don’t have enough of a discerning eye to tell the difference.
SD
Good point. I generally go by who is selling them, and you don’t have to go through with the purchase once you see the bag/seller.
Godzilla
Fossil! So beautiful, so many options. And if you don’t care if the bag is “in season” or not, you can apply coupons at Macys.
anon anon armani
I adore my Furla satchels … saffiano leather really takes a beating and water well. They have metal feet as well as the standard inner pockets. I usually haunt off fifth and last call for sales. I’ve got them in several colors. Swearing by them daily.
Anonymous
Furla is great, when I was at your same price point it was a go-to. I’m also a fan of Botkier and Milly.
I’m big on unbranded, so my preferences in bags reflect that, e.g., personal bag right now is Bottega Veneta.
Anonymous
At that price point, I’d look at Kate Spade, Fossil, Rebecca Minkof, Lodis, Elliot Luca, Cole Hann, although you may need to catch some of these on sale depending ESP if you want a bag to carry a laptop. Furla is a good idea too. Hobo maybe. Nordstrom used to make Halogen work bags but I think they only make clutches now.
Cat sitter
Help on how to find/choose a cat sitter who can handle 2-3x per day medications?
I found out last week that my kitty has an eye issue and needs eye drops at least twice (preferably 3) times a day. I was originally planning a trip in the winter, but now I don’t know what to do for a cat sitter. We moved recently so I need to find a new one, and she was always a super-easy once a day visit cat. Where do I look for a new sitter and what do I look for? I’m a bit concerned that I can’t “trust” a sitter to really come twice a day when I’m away. Is there a more “medical” sitter I can look for?
(Also, because of the move, she also doesn’t have a regular vet I can ask – we went to an emergency hospital.)
KT
My husband does pet-sitting for animals with medical needs, so this is advice based on his experiences.
Make sure the sitter is bonded and insured. That doesn’t guarantee a good sitter, but it shows that they take it seriously like a business rather than just something they do occasionally. If they’re willing to spend the $500+ on professional sitters’ insurance, they likely don’t screw around.
Look for references/certifications. My husband takes occasional classes and gets certified in pet first-aid and CPR-you don’t want just someone who says “Oh yeah, I can do meds” and your pet is the first one who has ever needed eyedrops under their care.
A good sitter will also send you updates/texts when they visit. My husband takes a picture alongside the pet and texts the owner at every visit, so they have a timestamp of when he was there.
And meet the person ahead of time! You can even ask them to administer the medicine to your pet with you watching to make sure you’re comfortable they can handle it.
Cat sitter
Thanks! Do people like your husband advertise on any kind of directories? How do I find someone like him? I was going to check care dot com later, but don’t know how much info is on there. Yelp is pretty useless on this.
KT
Care.com is all over the place, from serious people to not so much.
Rover is a bit more robust, and you can limit your search to people with X certification and experience with animals with special-needs
Pet Sitters International also has a large directory
anon
The emergency hospital should be able to recommend someone. In fact a lot of vet techs do this sort of thing as a side job, so someone who works there may be able to help you out.
lawsuited
Could you put her in a kennel while you’re away? They would administer medications as required. Not all cats can tolerate being away from home though.
Cat sitter
We’re considering this, but she does really really badly out of the home. Honestly, I would probably just not travel in this case…although not taking any vacations for possibly years to come sounds pretty draconian.
lawsuited
Given that the alternative is not taking any vacations for years to come, perhaps it would be worthwhile to put her in the best kennel you can find and see how she does? We see an uptick in our cat’s anxious behaviour for a week or so after we’ve been on vacation, but she returns to normal after that and we’ve decided that’s an acceptable outcome given that we take vacation about once a year.
Jules
Late to this question, but hope you’re still reading:
For years I lived in household with multiple cats and dogs, and we always had at least a couple on meds of various types (subcutaneous fluids, eye drops, insulin, Prozac – which I was sometimes tempted to sample). Ex-H kept the house and got custody. Our regular pet sitter is amazing and has always been able to administer whatever meds needed to be given. For the most difficult/non-compliant cats, she has just had her partner come over to help – but, honestly, she’s so good at it that she can easily do herself what was often a two-person job for ex-H and me.
Once before we met this paragon, and another time when she was booked, we arranged for one of the techs from our vet’s office to sit for us. This worked out great once, the person was amazing. (The second time, we thought later that the person mostly agreed so she could get out of her parents’ house and stay at her boyfriend’s; we had a couple of major problems while she was there, including a young and wild dog actually getting loose. Bah.) If there’s a tech at your vet’s office who you like, ask him or her directly, or maybe ask your vet for a rec. Vet techs of course love animals, they tend to be both young and low-paid so they are happy for a paid house-sitting gig and they can give meds with no problems.
We also have had our pet sitters send us daily updates by text or e-mail. This works great for keeping down the anxiety about the animal care while you’re gone.
Cat sitter
Definitely still reading! Thanks! I will call the emergency hospital and see if they have any recommendations.
Anon.
Does anyone sit on some sort of booster on their chair at work? My chair is raised as high as it goes, but my wrists still hurt from computer work so I feel like I’m just not as high as I should be. Is this a thing?
KT
Is getting a new chair just out of the question? I mean, you spend a lot of time at your desk, a good chair is a necessity. If your chair can’t be set where you are comfortable, it’s time for a new one. Any booster that I can imagine would just be uncomfortable and bad for posture.
Anon.
The last time I asked for a new chair, the new one didn’t go any higher so it didn’t necessarily solve the problem.
Anonymous
Boosters are a problem, because then it throws off where the lower back support should be.
Are you over 6 foot? If so, you may need to move to the Tall desk chair lines.
But I suspect you are misdiagnosing your problem. Does your office have a person who assesses ergonomics? You may simply need a different keyboard, or wrist support or adjustment of your computer screen height. If you are having pain/discomfort, you could also ask your doc for a script with an Occupatiinal therapist who can assess your issue and recommend changes.
Anon.
No I am short, which is why I thought I needed to be higher in relation to the desk.
We definitely don’t have an ergonomics person. I didn’t even know that was a thing until speaking to a friend in big law.
I had carpal tunnel issues during both of my pregnancies, but never had them outside of pregnancy. Now I have the same feeling whenever I am typing or operating the mouse.
anon anon armani
I have a keyboard tray at the office which helps. At home, it won’t work as the desk I use is a flat one without a pull out tray. So I literally feel your pain. It took us over six months to find positioning and chair for me to be comfortable. That being said, I would recommend a wooden bench/stool upon which your feet can rest so that you can crank up the chair as high as your wrists need. You might look at amazon on the wooden stepstools for children. Rugged and made for feet.
Those ergonomic tubes filled with little balls are in front of my ergonomic/split microsoft keyboard and I use a similar pad underneath my mouse hand wrist.
Wishing you pain free times …
Anon
It is very common to have carpal tunnel exacerbated due to keyboard issues as you describe. Try some of the online recs, mention to your doc at your next appointment, consider OT visit if not better.
https://www.verywell.com/how-to-use-keyboard-shortcuts-to-prevent-rsi-2224088
And double check that no one at work can modify your desk if needed. Your complaint is crazy common, and can lead to long term disability so a lot of places will try to fix things.
Anon.
I honestly doubt they would be amendable to modifying my desk… a) its a large wooden desk, I don’t think it can go up or down b) they are not being very accommodating with my request for a place to pump, so i assume this request will also be met with the DGAF attitude.
Anonymous
Can you lower your desk or get a keyboard tray that mounts under your desk that you can adjust downward? That would be more ergonomic and probably easier for you.
clothing consultant
Has anyone used the personal shopper/stylist service at Nordstrom? How did it go for you?
My office is fairly casual, but I occasionally have meetings with clients and want to up my game instead of dressing like I’m still giving a design presentation in college. A potential minor wrinkle: my goal is to look like a serious and professional Business Lesbi@n; am I going to have much luck at getting butcher/more menswear-esque threads?
KT
Bring some photos of the looks you like and what you’re looking to emulate. Just be clear about what you want and what works for you, otherwise they will go crazy and bring you floral dresses and the like :)
Anonymous
Honestly? A good stylist will love getting an out of the ordinary request.
Julia
This is a great season for that specific request. I suspect there are stylists at Nordstrom dying to sell some of the New menswear-inspired looks but having trouble finding the right customer. Ask for shoe recs to pull the outfit together because there are amazing choices out there right now.
potatochip
I’ve had mixed luck. I’d encourage you to try it but not be afraid to walk away if it’s not a good fit.
I used to work with a great woman who really helped me step up from t-shirt and jeans every day to blazers and more interesting shirts. She shifted me from the low to high side of my very casual workplace (science). Then, she left town. Her replacement really wanted me to start wearing $500 dresses every day and kept pulling clothes that wouldn’t flatter me.
clothing consultant
Thank you all! This makes me feel a lot better (initially I was envisioning one of the many shopping trips I’ve been dragged on with my sister/mom/more feminine friends) and I made an appointment for this Saturday!
EM
I’ve used them often and they are awesome.
Rebecca
Hive- I need your help! DH and I are going to a Holiday gala at a Country club in December- black tie.
Club- many retirees, + some 40, 50’s; upper south but lots of Northeast transplants.
Me: 50, 5’5 size 10 pear
I’ve heard its mostly long gowns; this is backed up by some grainy photos. I don’t know anyone well enough to ask for direct help! Looked at RTR and not inspired. Considering: Nordstrom Adrianna Papell scoop neck mesh in charcoal, Teri jon floral jacquard gown at Saks; Lauren shirred gown in raisin, or La Femme 21860. Budget $300 but can go up esp. if I can recoup a little from consignment for a name brand gown.
Goal is to not show up in something really inappropriate, but also to look good as this is a big deal to DH, so not playing it safe with an ultraplain black gown. I’d prefer natural fibers, but looks like even up into the thousands,there’s mostly polyester.
Help from anyone with experience at this sort of event, or maybe DC events, would steer me with this moneyed conservative vibe! TIA!
Anonymous
Which city, exactly? Your city sounds like CLT, but I’m not used to CLT events being long gowns at country clubs. BUT CLT has few social city papers that have pictures of all this (cosmetic dermatologists always have them) that you may be able to pull back issues from that event and double-check.
Junior League Wear House on Pecan would have good formalwear for this, and perhaps the place on Park Road by Tuesday Morning.
Rebecca
OK, good guess, Chapel Hill!
This is their “big event” and I think gives people a chance to wear gowns they had from other occasions?
I’m a Talbots fan, really out of my element in this area. thanks
SD
I’m likely going to move to the Chapel Hill area in a couple of years from NYC, and I still only have the vaguest idea about the social and cultural life there… my SO is from the area, but grew up super rural. So I’m kind of excited to read about galas and NE transplants and stuff there!
Native
You might consider moving to Cary, since Cary is the Containment Area for Relocated Yankees. Chapel Hill follows closely second.
Rebecca
And many of us natives are friendly to newcomers :)
Anonymous
OK — there is someone at the Talbots at Cameron Village who will know the answer to your question. And Talbots sells longer fancy evening wear — they may have something (perhaps arriving in November to their store). But I’d go that route — safe, probably even comfortable, not too spendy.
Anonymous
I had to go to a very similar event. I was also the date to the person winning an award at a similar type of event. As the “date” I cared more about hitting the dress code precisely than if I were attending for myself.
I went to a fancy dress shop that catered to the type of person that normally attended these events during a time when i expected it to be slow and asked them for assistance in crafting my look for it. I didn’t end up buying a dress that day but they were still super nice about helping me out. They were actually already aware of the event and were fantastic about giving me advice.
SW
This is great advice. Local formalwear shops will know exactly what people wear to this. The ones in my area will also tell you which dresses they have already sold for whatever upcoming event so you don’t wear the same thing as another attendee.
Rebecca
Ok thanks both- this is an excellent idea, I do know two local boutique stores that would cater to this type of clientele and event. Best place to get a clue, whether I purchase there or not!
Rebecca
Brilliant, thank you both!!
Chemical Peel
Any recommendations for where to get a chemical peel in DC?
"today in vindication"
Has this been posted yet? Because YES.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2016/10/05/its-not-in-your-head-striking-new-study-links-birth-control-to-depression/?tid=ss_mail
Anonymous
I always raged on hormonal BC esp oral pills. Just won’t take it.