Coffee Break: Marieta Flats

which shoes to wear with navy tightsI originally flagged these flats to feature because they have an embroidered version (in addition to a navy and black suede) — and embroidery details are very trendy right now! Still, I think I like the suede versions the best. I noticed a lot of comments on the work outfit challenges thread regarding what to wear with navy tights — I always say to go ahead and wear black with navy, particularly with shoes, but if you really don’t like mixing your colors, an affordable shoe like this is another good option. They’re $52 at Zappos and Amazon, available in sizes 6-11. (Aldo Shoes has them even lower, at $41!) Marieta Flats

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Comments

  1. Baconpancakes :

    I have an audible credit I have to use up – recommendations?

    I generally prefer real-ish science fiction/fantasy and historical fiction for audio, things without a lot of hard to pronounce Elvish-type names and a cast of 20 characters. Fantastic oration is a must – I find a weird voice really distracting. A few I have loved: Outlander, Anita, The Golem and the Jinni, White Apples, Pillars of the Earth. TIA!

    • AnonMidwest :

      If you like Pillars of the Earth, try World without End. Continues the same story.

    • Calibrachoa :

      Anything narrated by Gideon Emery ;) If you have any interest in urban fantasy / spy fiction / horror mash up (It is better than it sounds) check out the Laundry series by Charles Stross.

    • Anony Mouse :

      You might like the Temeraire Series: Napoleonic Wars Britain, but with dragons. Simon Vance is a strong and prolific narrator. (Earlier this year I listened to his narration of a Thomas Hardy novel, and then was caught off guard when I realized the same person was providing voices for dragons….)

    • Baconpancakes :

      These look great! Thanks!

    • The Girl with All the Gifts. I had it as an audiobook on a long drive and it was so good.

  2. Anon in Texas :

    Can anyone recommend a Bosses Day gift for a woman manager? I don’t want to do anything extravagant, but I don’t want it to be too cheap either. I saw these cute pencil holders on Amazon that have inspirational quotes on that and thought that might something? TIA

    • Anonymous :

      Nope. Bosses Day is an abomination and you shouldn’t participate.

    • What industry are you in? Do you know much about your boss and what she likes? I would probably not do the pencil holder in case she doesn’t want to display that on her desk– it just seems kind of risky. Maybe a gift card to a nail salon or her fave coffee shop? Fancy chocolates are also usually a safe bet.

    • Unless you know that this is something that people do in your office, such that it would be odd if you don’t, I would do nothing. Bosses’ day is a made-up event – and, yeah, every day is the boss’s day. I would be distressed if my secretary or any admin spent money on me.

    • Something consumable is probably safest. Good chocolate or other treat; alcohol of choice if you know she enjoys. I once had a boss into plants so a potted plant was always a go to for him. But make sure this is a thing in your office. I’ve never worked in an office with boss day gifts or celebrations.

    • Please don’t gift up. I would be so embarrassed and uncomfortable if my staff were to give me anything.

    • Anonymous :

      Please end the tyranny of made up days and life draining pretend gift events. Enough.

    • Anonymous :

      Unless literally every other person is getting something, do not give anything.

  3. Anonshmanon :

    I just moved to the East Bay and am looking for recs for a good dentist. In the past, I have gotten a filling almost every year (pursuing ways to improve my dental hygiene regimen on the side), so I need someone who will give me enough painkillers, be patient for me to get numb, do good work on the filling, tell me what the fancy fill costs before putting it in, work with me to carve it back until my bite feels normal. I don’t mind waiting an extra half hour when they have a busy day, but a well-run practise is appreciated. (My old office once billed me for a service that the rendered to another woman with the same last name…ugh)

    • Sharon Albright on Telegraph Ave in Oakland. No unnecessary procedures recommended.

      Plus I always try to patronize women owned businesses and female professionals where possible.

      • +1; love her and her staff. She’s also very patient with more sensitive patients and takes her time. They schedule extra time for my cleaning because I’m such a baby and don’t charge me extra at all. Highly recommend her.

    • Veronique :

      Dr. Oldenbourg in Berkeley (on Shattuck, right near BART).

    • Alameda landing dentistry Dr. Pollan

  4. Private Equity :

    I help mentor kid who is now a college freshman. She likes #s and there is a lot of banking / finance in our city where she could come back and live a home and land a good summer job. She has heard to try private equity firms and I confess to knowing that those people make tons of $, but don’t know how one would start out to get a job there.

    She has no major yet. Do those places recruit freshman (or higher levels) for summer jobs? From any particular majors? Seek internal guidance at her school?

    I confess to being a bit lost in at helping her with next steps (and she is first generation, so I am one of the few women who works and who went to college that she is close with; other working women in her family don’t have office jobs).

    • No special insight but I would suggest she make a stop at her university’s career services. They often are able to assist students in finding an internship. Needless to say, this would be a supplement, and not a replacement, for her own efforts.

      • +1 no special insight here, but I feel like some great mentor advice might be about the value of networking.
        Her career center might be able to point her in the direction of alums who are in this field and would be happy to meet for coffee (if local) or chat over the phone. That way, next year when she has a little more time under her belt and maybe a few econ/finance/math classes, she already has connection formed.

    • Paging JuniorMinion.

      She should look at WallStreetOasis – they have message boards. All the little analysts will be able to help her there.

      Generally, PE firms are less likely to take interns than investment banks. She might also look into consulting too, if she likes numbers. Banks and consulting firms like econ, finance and business majors, but they take other majors that have shown some comfort with numbers.

      I would encourage her to speak with her college career center too.

    • Your in-house accounting/finance folks might be able to give some location-specific advice as well. (“Oh, have her try Firm X” / “Company B is where I did an internship” /”Summer after first year is too soon”/ etc)

    • What about accounting? She’d have job security for life.

      The Big 4 (KPMG, Deloitte, PWC (PriceWaterhouseCoopers), EY (fka Ernst & Young)) take literally tens of thousands of interns across the country every summer, though I think you have to be further along. She could work as a secretary at a local accounting firm, though, and get some exposure to see if she’d like it.

      • Former Retail :

        Rather than a small firm, I’d target bigger companies with formal intern programs and formal training programs for new grads. One of my biggest professinal regrets is that I did not know about training programs. I wound up competing for promotions against those who were an official “trainee.” I could have really used a mentor to guide me toward these types of things.

        I say this assuming these programs still exist (25 years later.)

        • Oh yes, definitely go that route! I just meant for her first summer, when she likely isn’t all that useful to any real business and many businesses don’t offer formal programs, that she should take a job and just get exposure to the industry.

      • The large local firm I started out with took “tax assistants” who were accounting freshman/sophomores. They did a lot of admin tasks like help assemble and deliver returns, but had a lot more hands-on time with staff than a secretary would.

        I’d also suggest that is she goes the accounting route to do at least one internship with a local firm (other than really small 20 person firms, these too have formal internship programs) and one with a large national to get a feel for both. They are very different environments and anyone going into accounting would benefit from experiencing both.

    • PE firms recruit from banks after college (very rare for direct hires from undergrad) so her best bet is to get an in with an Investment Bank or doing sales & trading, and then recruit into PE post-graduation. The career-creating finance internships are officially for post-Junior year summer, though very, very few talented and hard-working sophomores do occasionally get them. Does she actively have an interest in PE or just numbers in general? It’s sort of an odd thing for a freshman to know with certainty is their interest – though good for her if that’s the case :-)

      As someone else mentioned, consulting and finance are both great more general routes for quantitative minded folks. Business, finance, econ, and engineering are all common recruiting grounds for those firms, though if you take quantitative classes and have another major that’s usually fine. Consulting is particularly good for numbers-facile but big-picture-focused individuals, a little bit more of a well-rounded set of responsibilities than intro finance jobs. However if she wants to do PE there’s basically no entrance route except finance. Hope that helps!

    • Anonymous :

      I used to work at a university career office and unfortunately, most firms do not recruit freshman for internships. The investment banks only formally recruit students for the summer following their junior year. And it is crazy –
      but these days students are often recruited during spring of their sophomore year for an internship following their junior year! (Yes, over a year in advance) Sometimes firms will recruit underclassmen through diversity programs, so that might be her best bet. It can be extremely challenging for someone to land a paid finance internship after their freshman year. She should go meet with her career center so they can help her with her resume and potentially connect her with some alums. She should also identify a list of target firms and check their websites to see if they offer any internship programs.

    • As an aside, I read that as “she likes hashtag-s” and wondered what trend I am behind on now.
      #nohashtag

    • JuniorMinion :

      All roads to good exit opportunities (be they PE / corp dev / startup / other corp finance) tend to begin with investment banking so if that’s her goal I’d start there. They usually only recruit seriously junior year for the summer between junior / senior year of college. There are as someone else mentioned certain diversity programs and the like that take sophomore interns but they are rare. In the interim if she’s interested I would focus on figuring out what the kids at her school who get those jobs are doing – i.e. are they all in the business school? Is there an investment club? Those sorts of building blocks will probably be much more worth her time along with maintaining a good gpa than any kind of internship experience would be as a freshman. I know for instance at UT that the financial analysis program / immersion within mccombs are the resumes preferred by i banks in Houston. She should spend energy her freshman / early sophomore year getting into whatever program or club this is at her school.

      Seconding whomever above recommended wall street oasis. It tends to be a good site overall albeit sometimes the Harvard / Goldman / kkr or bust crowd can be a bit off putting.

      Overall I think rather than pushing her towards PE ( which can sometimes be the green light at the end of the dock) I’d just reinforce that any of the competitive tracks (banking / consulting / product management in tech) require you to get on them quickly and hustle. This was shocking to me in college as the child of parents who though at the end of your senior year you just looked for a job…

    • There is probably an extracurricular club related to these career paths – encourage her to get involved so she can meet upperclass students who will know the details of hiring timelines, best professors in this field, etc

  5. Sheath dresses :

    Anyone else have an issue where sheath dresses never fit off the rack because your b**bs are bigger than your hips? I’m built pretty straight up and down waist to hips, but big b**bs, so there’s always too much fabric at the hips. Do you just get it taken in at the hips, or don’t bother with sheath dresses? I feel like most clothes are cut so hips are 1-2 inches bigger than the bust, but I’m 1 inch bigger in bust than hips.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes.

      I have the opposite problem and have to get waists and tops taken in on sheath dresses that I buy in a size large enough to fit my hips.

      • Sheath dresses :

        It’s probably just my perspective as a person with the opposite problem, but from my perspective it’s very common and almost expected to have hips larger than bust. I’m wondering about people with my issue – bust larger than hips.

        • Anonymous :

          I think we all tend to notice our particular fit issues, and therefore (in our frustration) feel like clothes are cut to fit everyone but us. I have the opposite problem, and fume that sheath dresses are never cut wide enough in the hips. You hit on both solutions: either have your dresses altered, or switch to a different cut of dress. Or, experiment buying from different clothing lines — they are all cut differently. For example, I’ve never bothered with J. Crew because I’ve heard so often that their clothes tend to be cut for women who are quite straight through the hips.

          • Sheath dresses :

            I guess I was in part just looking for commiseration from my side of the fence… I feel like I hear all the time from folks with your opposite issue. Was hoping to hear from folks who have same problem as me. It’s not that I think that no one else has issues, just wanted to reach out for contact with people who have same issues as me.

          • Anonymous :

            Yeah this is me. I either just wear them loose in the hips or not at all though.

          • Anonymous :

            In that case, try Boden or DVF sheath dresses. Both are too bit in the top for me and I’m always having them taken in (and I am pretty straight up and down). Particularly DVF.

    • My mom is much larger in the chest than in the hips. She loves sheath dresses and they look great on her. She doesn’t mind the extra room in the hips, though. If you do, have the dress taken in.

    • Anonymous :

      I just don’t mind if the hips are a bit big.

    • Anonymous :

      I am similar to your body type. For me, I think the issue is that most of the sheath dresses are a crew neck.
      Just a few weeks ago, I took some Lands End ponte sheath dresses in to the tailor, and she converted the neckline to v-neck and it looks better.
      As for room in the hips, I don’t mind. But I make sure the dresses are not an a-line cut to begin with.
      Hope that helps.

      • Crew necks look and fit awful on me and I don’t know if it’s because I have large b**bs, broad shoulders, or the combination of the two. Why do basically all sheath dresses have to have crew necks??

        • Anonymous :

          For me, it is the large b**bs, as I have small shoulders .
          I’ve finally stopped buying crew necks.

          My $0.02 – easier to manufacturer.
          Plus getting a v-neck just right is a) harder than you think and b) women vary so much (what is too low for me, may not be for you).

  6. Since it seems to be the topic of the past few days. What do you guys do when you’re invited to the wedding with the mistress? Is everyone in attendance really happy? Does everyone overlook the moral aspect of it? In my group of family friends there seems to be lots of these sorts of weddings which I can’t skip without risking my relationships with parents, siblings, in-laws etc. But the whole time I’m always like ‘I’m happy they’re happy’ because I don’t know what else to say.

    • nottheotherwoman :

      Is this part of a pattern of callous behavior? Does he show regret over how the relationship started? We all make mistakes in life, and disappoint ourselves and others. I’d go to the wedding of the person who goes through a tough time, screws up their marriage and tries to make the best of the result. I’d skip that of the person who thinks it’s his /her spouses fault for not having a 25 yo body at 50.

    • Anon for this :

      Considering I’m a child of a couple who got together while cheating on their respective spouses at the time, who then both got divorced, and married each other, and have been married now for over 35 years, I would give them the benefit of the doubt. Yeah, adultery is bad. But I think we all know that this stuff is never black and white, and there’s no need to waste your energy on censure. I have only been to one of these as an adult, and I just treated it like any other wedding. I was happy, had a fun time, and toasted the new couple.

    • Linda from HR :

      Not sure I know what you mean . . . wedding with the mistress, I’m assuming, means the wedding where a man marries a woman he cheated on his wife with, but are you the ex wife here or are you just a third party witnessing it go down? I guess I can totally understand being awkward about it either way, knowing how they got together, but I’d probably stick with “I’m happy they’re happy,” enjoy the free food and get appropriately tipsy. Avoid bashing the couple, no one wants to be gossiped about on their wedding day.

      • You can also just not go. Like, I’m hoping when you said “wedding with the mistress,” you don’t mean your ex-husband’s wedding to the woman he cheated on you with, but if that is the case – seriously, just don’t go. There is no reason for you to be there.

      • I’m a third party guest. Sorry if that wasn’t clear I’ve been to a few weddings where men have cheated on their wives and then married their mistress.

    • Anonymous :

      She isn’t “the mistress” she’s the bride. If you’re this intolerant don’t go.

      • +1

        Not your relationship, so you’re not the wronged party, so why do you care?

        I’m generally of the opinion that if you don’t want to go to a wedding, for any reason, or for no reason, just don’t go.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I really hate the thought of cheating and all of that, like ugh I just HATE it but but but… if you are close enough to these people to be invited to the wedding, and yet you think of her as “the mistress” — you shouldn’t go. You don’t have to like/respect/celebrate everyone, blood relation or not, and if you can’t forgive this (maybe that breakup really hurt someone you love?) then that’s ok, but don’t go to the wedding and fake it. Just my two cents.

      • +1. I don’t go to any wedding that I’m not able to celebrate in good faith. So far I have only skipped two on these grounds, and I don’t regret those decisions. I know I wouldn’t want anyone at my wedding who didn’t genuinely want to be there.

    • Torn Loyalty :

      I posted about this recently when the husband of a couple my husband and I had been friendly with re-married his (pregnant) girlfriend a little over a year after his divorce. Former wife is convinced they were having an affair when she left him; he denies that (I am told; I have not discussed it with him.)

      My husband and I were invited to the wedding. I sent my regrets because I was out of town (an orchestrated trip to avoid this very wedding). My husband went without me. Apparently it was a lovely wedding and well attended, including a number of people who had been friendly with former wife. If anyone had reservations, they kept those to themselves. The groom’s family is apparently very happy about the baby which may be overcoming any concerns they might have had, but my husband says they genuinely seem to like new wife.

      My husband does not really understand my reservations. His attitude is basically that the divorce was unfortunate but it happened and both sides are now free to live their lives and be happy. He supported my desire not to go but that was because he supports me doing what I want to do and not doing what I don’t want to do. And in all honesty if I had been less friendly with the wife, I probably would have adopted the same attitude as he did and just gone and wished everyone well. I can honestly say I hope for the best for everyone involved – regardless of how likely I think that is.

    • Let us all remember: when a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening.

      • Sheath dresses :

        That’s pretty funny.

      • Anonymous :

        THIS THIS THIS. I have never seen a man (or woman for that matter) get together with the person they cheated with, and then remain faithful to that person. I’m aware that theoretically it happens, but I have never ever seen it work out with the mistress (or mister). If he cheats with you, he will cheat on you.

        • If we are trading anecdote, I know of at least four couples where the cheater – husband in two cases; long-term, live-in boyfriend in one; and wife in the 4th – married the person they had cheated with and are still by all appearances happily married 8-20 years later.

          Does anyone know of any actual statistics?

    • I mean, there are really only two options that when you’re invited to a wedding that you object to for any reason:

      1) Go, have fun, and give the couple your best wishes, keeping all your reservations to yourself
      or
      2) Don’t go

      There is no polite option for “Go, but sit primly the whole time with your mouth pressed in a firm line, refusing to enjoy yourself, because you don’t approve,” or “Go, but gossip with everyone at your table about how you weren’t sure if you should come because she’s The Mistress” or “Go, but make vague references to ‘the situation’ the entire time to how awkward it is.” If you’re leaning towards one of these options, just stick with Option 2 above.

      • Anonymous :

        Be like my aunt, and refuse to be social media “friends” with the bride because they are LIVING IN SIN !!!!!!!! until the Catholic wedding was over (they’d been married legally a year prior) then add her AT THE RECEPTION. Is that level of petty in there? ;)

        • Hahaha this is amazing!

          Yes. If you’re going to be petty, be THIS PETTY so that at least the bride has a story to tell when discussing crazy new relatives!

  7. Depressingly accurate.

    http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/world-41502661/100-women-i-transitioned-and-lost-my-male-privilege

    • Baconpancakes :

      I can’t remember the name, but one academic who transitioned F-M recalled multiple times submitting the exact same paper before and after transitioning, and the male-named paper getting accepted and the female one rejected. And once at a conference, being told, “It’s great that your family all works in this field, but your research is a lot better than your sister’s,” under the assumption that his pre-transition self was his sister.

    • Anonymous :

      It’s awful, but it also makes me want to scream because it still feels as though no one believes us!!

      Dr. Ming came to speak at a company event – it’s the only company event I looked forward to attending!

  8. R. Phalange :

    Pet peeve: coworker answering questions about work I handled while he was out without consulting me on the project status. He has no idea what the status is and is acting like it’s all a mystery. Insert Kris Jenner *this is a case for the FBI* gif.

  9. I am preparing to get a dog, but when I was growing up, I had a SAHM and went home right after school (as did my siblings) to play with a small dog, so I’m trying to figure out how a dog will work into my current life with two full-time working parents and 3 young kids who go to aftercare.

    My specific questions are as follows: For potty-trained dogs, about how long can they go without having to be taken outside? How much do dog walkers typically charge in a MCOL city and is the charge different for breeds that don’t need a lot of exercise? Can you socialize a dog with other dogs in the neighborhood after a dog (say, a rescue) is an older dog and doesn’t like other dogs? How do I increase my chances of getting a very easy to care for and fully potty-trained dog?

    • Anonymous :

      $20 a day and you need them daily.

    • Anon-a-dog :

      Taking your specific Qs in order:
      – Dogs vary, but most have a hard time holding it beyond around 8 hours. If you have a true 9-5 without a long commute you might not need a dog-walker. But otherwise, a short mid-day walk is helpful
      – I’ve never heard of dog walkers charging different amounts based on breeds. Instead they charge different amounts based on how long of a visit/walk you request. Around me 15 min is pretty standard for a mid-day walk and the cost is about $15-$20. I have no idea if that’s average.
      – It’s going to be hard (but prob not impossible with a LOT of work) to socialize an older dog that does not like other dogs. Definitely depends on what you mean by “older” too. A 3 year old dog is going to be in a very different place than a 12 year old dog.
      – And now for the million dollar question. How can you increase your chances of getting a very easy to care for and fully potty-trained dog? I definitely don’t have an answer to that one, but if you figure it out, please let me know!!

    • My serial answers:
      For potty-trained dogs, about how long can they go without having to be taken outside?
      -It depends on how old they are and how tired they are when you leave them. If the dog sleeps while you’re gone, he can wait longer. If he has lots of energy and is playing, he’ll want to pee.

      How much do dog walkers typically charge in a MCOL city and is the charge different for breeds that don’t need a lot of exercise?
      -Mine is $17 a day, and it doesn’t vary by breed, just by length of visit (mine is 20-30 minutes, but she stays more like 45-hour because she loves my dog).
      -I highly recommend regular doggy daycare visits so your dog is getting enough exercise. Mine goes 2x/week.

      Can you socialize a dog with other dogs in the neighborhood after a dog (say, a rescue) is an older dog and doesn’t like other dogs?
      -It really depends on what “doesn’t like other dogs,” means, but I wouldn’t count on it. Assume you will live with the dog you are getting, not some future dog that your dog might be able to become.

      How do I increase my chances of getting a very easy to care for and fully potty-trained dog?
      -Adopt from a rescue where dogs foster in-home so you can get lots of information from the foster family.

    • How long a dog can hold it depends on age, and just on the dog really. A puppy can’t hold it as long as an adult, but should still be able to hold it for a few hours.

      I pay $15 per half hour walk in Houston; the price does not vary by breed.

      Go to the shelter and meet and spend as much time as you can with some adult dogs and ask a lot of questions, is all I can advise you on finding the dog right for you. But a dog is going to be a commitment of both time and money; I’m not sure what you mean by a dog who is “easy to care for”. My 7 year old dog is relatively well behaved and fully house trained, but she still needs a lot of exercise and attention. Most dogs do.

    • Anonymous :

      My dogs can generally go 8-9 hours. They sleep most of the day and are fairly low energy older ladies. We feed them at set times so they are very much on a schedule. Both were adopted as young adults. One was fully housebroken, one needed a couple of months of work on her skills. When they were younger, we did dog daycare at least one day a week in addition to some long walks to help with energy management.
      One of my dogs is leash-reactive and doesn’t do well when she sees strange dogs or when those dogs come up to her. She was fine with off leash daycare, we did training classes, she was fine with extended family dogs, etc. But we are also realistic that she’s just not going to be the dog that does well on outings to pet stores and farmers markets where there is a lot of interaction with strange dogs. So if that kind bomb-proof personality matters to you, work closely with a rescue/ dog foster that knows the dog’s personality.

    • My potty trained 8 y/o dog can wait up to 9 hours to go outside, but he is an exception (he also sleeps 20 hours per day).
      I don’t know what dog walkers cost; I walk my own dog to force myself to get exercise. My dog walks one mile 3x per week because I make him. Again, he’s an exception.
      Socializing with other dogs will depend on your dog; mine is a rescue and while he isn’t mean, skittish or territorial, he just flat doesn’t like other dogs. He thinks he is a person, so why would he associate with dogs? I’ll echo others that you need to spend some time with the dog you’re thinking of adopting (preferably an hour in a non-shelter environment) to get a feel for what s/he is like.
      I think you can increase your chances of getting an easy, potty trained dog by going with a breed-specific rescue.
      If I may say, gently, it might be a good idea to wait a few years before you’re ready to add a dog. Our dog is sweet and easy, but he just doesn’t get as much attention as I’d like, and we only have one kid! Plus older kids can help with pet care. Good luck!

    • Anon in Texas :

      Look for rescue groups in your area that have a foster program. I’m a foster for a rescue group and the dog stays with me at my home with my dogs for several week with the hope of socializing and potty-training. The foster family can be very helpful letting you know what the dog is accustomed to (i.e. staying in a crate X hours a day, how he/she is with other dogs, routine, etc). All of the dogs I have fostered have gone on to great homes, partially, I think, because I was honest with the potential adopter about what the dogs is like. Of course there’s always going to be an adjustment period. Good luck!

    • Not a response to your question but opening space for alternative thought. Dogs really get lonely when they’re alone for long periods and then sometimes destructive. Is it possible you could time-share the dog with another family in your neighborhood? I know people who have done this and it worked our really well for when one family or the other had other obligations.

      • How does an animal share work? Does one family own the dog but the other has custody on a schedule? I’m really curious, this is a new concept to me.

      • Wildkitten :

        This sounds like a terrible idea :(

    • You need to research muuuuch more before you get a dog if you have so many questions. As an owner of three (and many more growing up) I recommend that you concentrate your time on 1) what a realistic daily animal schedule would look like for your life and if that will really work for you, 2) animal breeds for size and personality, some breeds have general traits that may be more amenable for your lifestyle, and 3) age of dog, I purposefully only adopt older dogs who have gone past puppy age because they tend to be more settled in their personality, lower energy, and can hold their bladders.

      Also, dog walker, Houston, $15hr / 20 min. walk.

    • Wildkitten :

      My current foster isn’t even one yet and she holds it fine all day without a walk. I get her a walk if I have after work plans. $20. If you’re in Chicago you should adopt my dog! She’s great.

      • Wildkitten :

        Normally I wouldn’t expect a dog to hold it all day until they’re at least one, and the energy level starts to drop at 3.

    • Anonymous :

      My small-ish (25 pound) house-trained adult dog can hold it comfortably for 9 hours and that is usually about how long she’s alone for while we work. She has held for 10-11 hours (and on one very weird occasion when she was in pain from a shot and didn’t want to move, for over 15 hours) but it’s clear that’s too long because then when we get her outside she races to pee immediately. 9 hours seems fine though and on her evening walks she usually walks and sniffs for a while before peeing. If you’ll regularly be gone for much longer than 9 hours, you’ll probably need a mid-day dog walker.
      Ask the shelter to match you with a calmer, adult dog who can be alone all day and who can hold her bladder. Such dogs exist, and the shelter people will definitely want to help you find one – it’s really important to them to make sure the dog you adopt is a good fit for your family and lifestyle.

  10. Panic Attack :

    Tips for fighting off a panic/anxiety attack? Trying the deep breathing, but it keeps turning into hyperventilating I’m so anxious. I’m at work and cannot leave- I could take a walk, but to get out of my office I’ll have to pass by quite a few people and I’m on a complete hair trigger right now.

    • Anonymous :

      Square breathing. Inhale 5, hold 5, exhale 5, hold 5. Repeat.

      • Minnie Beebe :

        Yes, square breathing works for me. Regular deep breathing does not.

        Signed,
        An Anxious Person

    • Anon-a-dog :

      Can you listen to music? That helps me.

    • Do the technique where you ground yourself by naming 5 things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. Repeat to yourself “I have everything I need to get through this feeling. I am safe and I will be ok.” Breathe deeply and slowly.

      • Anonymous :

        +11 — do this 5/4/3/2/1 thing. It sounds odd, but what it’s doing is getting different parts of your brain into play, and disrupting the panic thought patterns. It works.

        • Anonymous :

          Adding: Literally, look around your office, and say out loud, “i see a clock. I see blue curtains. I see my computer monitor. I see the white coffee cup. I see my totebag. Then notice four things you’re touching: I feel the floor under my shoes. I feel the keyboard…” Literally walk yourself through this, noticing and saying this out loud. Don’t just read about it or think it. Say it.

    • Panic Attack :

      I was a bit too late and ended up throwing up in the bathroom. One of my favorite colleagues heard me, got me face wipes and water and calmed me down. But I copied these for next time. Thank you.

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    – Electrician (replace knob and tube)
    – Contractor (move washer/dryer connectors; and kitchen update later on)
    – Landscaper (replace dying grass with drought tolerant plants in front yard)

    Any leads would be much appreciated!

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