This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Update: We’ve still stand by this discussion on married money management methods and have updated links; you may also want to check out some of our more recent discussions about money.
We’ve talked about how to keep track of many accounts — but I don’t think we’ve ever talked about which money management method Corporette readers prefer, once married or partnered. There are a number of different methods that I’ve heard about through the years, and I’m curious to hear from you guys (particularly those of you who are the breadwinners): what is your family’s method for sharing money? There was a great series in Slate a few years ago (now available as a Kindle book [affiliate link]) that defined these main types:
- Common Potters – people who combine all of their money
- Sometime Sharers – people who have both separate and joint accounts (usually with an automatic percentage going into the joint account)
- Independent Operators – people who have completely separate accounts
Psst: In honor of this series’ original title, Tales from the Wallet — here’s a mini hunt with wallets we love!
For my $.02: my husband and I tried to be Sometime Sharers once we got married (almost five years ago) — our plan was to contribute 80% of our paychecks to a joint account, and then divert 20% of the paycheck to separate accounts, based on advice I remember reading from Suze Orman (although her advice in this link is a bit more complicated than the 80/20 system we tried). It was important to me that we have enough to cover our basic bills in a joint account — I never wanted to feel like I was “chasing” my husband for “his share” of the bills; I’d had enough of THAT particular brand of fun with roommates.
But we ran into problems immediately — if I bought him a sweater, was that our money? Or my money? (What if it was a really, really good sale that I totally couldn’t pass up?) If he went out for drinks with our best man (who is my husband’s friend, but is now like family to both of us) and bought him a round or two of drinks, was that his money? Or our money? It felt like the questions were never ending. After a few months of marriage we decided to just keep all of the money in a joint account (Common Potters), and we haven’t looked back since. (It probably helps matters here that I am both the primary spender in the family, as well as the person who manages our finances.) That said, I do still have separate investment accounts that I opened before we got married where he may be only listed as the beneficiary instead of the joint owner (I need to check on this soon!) — but all new investments have gone to jointly held accounts.
Readers who are already partnered, do you consider yourselves Common Potters, Sometime Sharers, or Independent Operators? Did you switch from one money management system to another? Readers who are not yet partnered — which do you think you’ll choose? Did breadwinner status (whether it was your partner or you) influence your decisions at all? (Those of you who’ve gone through a dissolution like a divorce and dealt with divorce finances — anything to add here?)
Social media pictures via Stencil.
PinkKeyboard
We are independent operators. We split everything 5050 and I pay and tally up his debts on our wall calendar (paper) in the kitchen. He then cuts me a check every week or so. He also pays me a portion for health insurance which is deducted from my pay through work. Neither of us are very frugal and we both think the other person buys silly things so this is the best way to keep things fair and avoid arguments over individual purchases. I am the one buying the house (he has horrendous credit) so my name is on the mortgage but he is also going on the deed.
yet another anon
We are independent operators, but we are sharing a YNAB budget that is continually updated through a Dropbox account that links our personal laptops. This system is about as close to shared as I am willing to go at the moment. During law school, I experienced an unpleasant divorce from a depressed and increasingly abusive ex, and in that relationship I had been responsible for paying for everything. In my current relationship, I care a great deal about keeping my own accounts and drawing strict lines about which expenses I am responsible for in our household. However, we set financial goals together and we have a lot of fun discussing the minutiae of our respective budgets. It helps that we’re both finance nerds, but I find it interesting that he got into budgeting as a teenager just because he likes it, and I was only really turned on to the importance of financial decisions thanks to my divorce.
Amelia Bedelia
We are common potters all the way. We’ve been married over ten years, and when we first married, he had pretty sizeable savings, but tons of student loans (like five times mine). I had very little savings and much less loans. But it just made sense to us to be joint. I made quite a bit less the first four years of our marriage, but now I make more than twice what he makes. But it works for us (wow. I hadn’t realised that until just now). We simply have our money. it all goes in the common pot and we have a rule that we must “consult” each other before we buy anything that costs more than a set amount (reevaluated every few years). Honestly, we tend to mention any spending to each other because it’s easier. The only stressers we have had with money tend to be with outside family members, but it is never a “your” family and “my” money situation. It’s more “should we be still helping deadbeats” discussion.
I was pretty young when we married, and he had much more than I did and was more established. I’m not sure if I would do it the same way again if I were in my 30s when I married. But I’m glad we do it this way. If both people are TRULY on board, I think it makes for a great “we’re in this together” approach. But that’s just what works best for me.
JJ
This is exactly our approach. We don’t require “pre-approval” for any discretionary spending unless it’s over a set amount. I think it works for us because we basically have the same spending/saving tendencies. My husband is very much a saver and I’m more of a shopper, but my “splurges” on clothes are usually at Old Navy/Gap for casual clothes and work clothes on sale at Nordstrom or Lands End. So even when I’m splurging, it’s not that expensive in the grand scheme of things.
We also are very transparent and open about what we spend money on and why it’s necessary/wanted.
Marriedoneyear
This is timely as my one year anniversary was Sunday! We are independent operators and it works so well for us. We lived together for almost three years before we got married and had separate finances then with a split of all household bills (we rented) and with me making sure everything was paid (he moved in with me so everything was in my name). About a month before our wedding we bought a house and switched gears. Everything is in my husband’s name and he pays the mortgage and household bills. I pay for groceries and whatever bills I have like my car payment. My husband earns more than I do and also has no debt. I have major debt from undergrad and law school. This way I can funnel my money towards that debt. He can spend his money on whatever he wants (which is really just race cars). It works for us because we usually always agree. When we go out or travel he usually pays but I kick in when I can. This may sound old fashioned but I also do all of the cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, etc. and I feel like that makes up for any imbalance because those non-monetary contributions are important, too.
MiddleCoast
Common potters for 32 years, but this is changing. My DH has been diagnosed with a slow moving but fatal medical condition. It took a while to digest that news and face the facts; we recently met with an estate planner and are beginning the process of making decisions and moving things around in terms of asset ownership and trusts. This is complicated as he/I/we have different businesses under various types of ownership which made sense at the time they were set up, but not now. All of this needs to be sorted out and dealt with. We own our cars and house jointly I have my retirement plans which he is listed as the beneficiary/survivor, but I am reconsidering. He is a trust fund baby and we have to align our new plans with his trusts.
On the day-to-day stuff, we have joint checking and savings accounts. We have way too many credit cards, held separately and jointly depending on what the best frequent flyer mileage deal was at the time it was opened. His hobby is collecting frequent flyer miles, so we charge everything we possibly can; he strategizes on the best “capture” as he calls it. We pay them off each month. Due to this, I rarely use cash or debit cards.
He is in a field in which his income can be very flexible. It was rather nonexistent when he was first starting out, so we have always lived off of my income and invested his whenever it came in. I am in government; I tend to think of budgets in terms of Operations & Management and Capital. So our O&M budget is funded by my income. Our Capital budget is his income and the income from our various businesses. I handle the bill paying; we make joint decisions on the big stuff. We try to sit down once a month and go over it all, using YNAB.
Blonde Lawyer
I’m very sorry to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. It is also a reminder that everyone should have their affairs in order just in case. My state is one of the few where a spouse is not an automatic next of kin w/ decision making ability. It is a reminder to get some POA’s done soon.
Spirograph
I’m also sorry, MiddleCoast to hear about your husband’s diagnosis. I hope it moves so slowly that you have many happy years still ahead!
On Blonde Lawyer’s point, though, I would love love love to see a thread about estate planning. Not that I need to get all my financial advice from a fashion blog, but this is something I know I would get an F from Suze Orman on. I just have no idea where to start.
Bonnie
We are sometimes sharers and have been for a decade with few problems. We have our bank automatically move money from our individual accounts to our joint account and pay for almost everything with the joint funds: mortgage, cable, cell phones, vacations, family Christmas gifts, etc. Our single accounts are used for individual lunches, happy hours, and misc. shopping. I love not having to explain just how much I shop and he doesn’t get nagged for going out to lunch every day. It’s also great when we want to surprise each other with gifts. We contribute the same amount but since I make slightly more, I pay for the family insurance through work.
BLSF
Currently co-habitating so my BF and I are independent operators. We split expenses – rent, groceries, utilities, etc. Some people up-thread were asking about ways to monitor splitting expenses and I want to mention Splitwise. It’s an app for iPhone and Android and will keep track and split all expenses. For instance, my BF and I order-in food for dinner a lot. One of us will pay with our credit card but enter the expense into Splitwise. Splitwise charges 50% to each of us and keeps a running total for the month. At the end of the month, whoever owes money writes a check to the other one. It’s been great for us! I will say it helps that we remind each other to “splitwise” things, that way neither of us feel guilty about entering in an expense.
Great timing
I actually was just thinking about this! I work in Big Law with lots of loans. My husband is in a field with a big upside, but right now he makes about 1/4 of what I do, though he has no loans. However, he comes from a very wealthy family and as a result has a lot of nice things and pre-marital accounts with substantial assets.
For everything post-marriage, we are common potters, with a “fun” allowance each of about $1000/month. We have kept our pre-marriage assets separate. The only thing is, his pre-marriage assets are substantial, and mine are next-to-none, since I concentrated heavily on paying off loans during my single years. My husband rarely spends from his pre-marital funds, but he knows they’re there if he wants to buy something outside of his allowance that I don’t think is necessary. While I don’t love this, since I don’t have similar flexibility to spend outside of my allowance, I do also benefit from his money in that he isn’t always spending solely our joint money (i.e., he spends less in general from our joint pot than he would otherwise; for me, when I go over, I go over, and it comes from joint funds).
Here’s my current rub: I have about $45k left in loans (of $200k originally). We are working hard to pay this off (from our joint incomes–i.e., mostly mine) by the end of this year. My husband is very adamant that I can’t even consider a lower paying job until the loans are gone. At the same time, he is planning to spend a significant amount of money from his pre-marital accounts to purchase himself a luxury car for an upcoming big birthday, despite the fact that he has a perfectly nice luxury car that his parents gave him 5 years ago. I feel somewhat irked about this because if he has extra money to spend why not help our marriage out by getting rid of the student loans once and for all and giving me freedom to pursue whatever job I want! But then again, his separate accounts are not my money, the purchase doesn’t affect our joint money, and I currently drive a different luxury car that is my husband’s from before we were married. And also, there is something to be said for paying off my student loans on my own, without any help from his family or pre-marital funds.
What do you think? Do I have any grounds for feeling miffed about the planned car purchase? (I know that this is a first world/rich person’s kind of problem… but I guess it’s just the power dynamic/priorities issue that has me feeling weird about it.)
HSAL
It would bug me a lot, whether it’s reasonable or not. I’m bothered by him trying to dictate you staying in a job because of the pay, as well as the fact that despite that he makes a quarter of your salary, you both have the same “fun” allowance. If he has substantial enough assets, that should be his fun money, and I’d suggest using that extra 1K a month on your loans. I’m not suggesting you should get anything from his pre-marital accounts, but it also seems like he’s only common pot when it serves him.
Baconpancakes
If he had asked you whether you wanted the money to pay off the loans, and when you’d said no, you wanted to do it yourself, he bought a car, it would be annoying, but perfectly reasonable. As it is, he’s not giving you a choice, and is putting a new car over your happiness. The actual actions aren’t really that important here – it’s the motivations behind them.
Manhattanite
We’re independant operators in name, but a hybrid in practice. Married for 2.5 yrs, together for 10 yrs. Everything is separate in name. But hubs has the password and manages most of my IRA and investment accounts. I have an independent investment account as well that he does not manage. He pays rent. I pay the nanny. He makes about 2X my salary. He keeps meticulous records of our financial lives. We each pay for food, restaurants, clothes, and other expenses as it comes up without thinking about it. It works for us because we have similar spending habits (both savers) and each have steady incomes. We each consider all of our finances as joint, even though we have separate accounts. From an estate planning and disaster preparedness perspective, we should probably pay more attention to legalities. Also, I think our arrangement would have to be altered should one of us be unemployed for an extended period of time or if we were to go on a tighter budget.
Another Anon
We’ve been married for about a year and are Sometimes Sharers with a joint account to cover joint expenses (I put in a little more for day to day expenses, because I make more, but big purchases, e.g., car, downpayment, we split from our own savings account).
He’d grumbles sometimes about how we should be Common Potters, but I’m reluctant because I don’t want to feel like I have to justify what I think are perfectly reasonable expenditures, even though that may never be an issue — I just know I don’t feel bad spending frivolous money when it’s from MY account, but would if was from OUR account. Also, he has a child from a previous relationship, which just adds a layer of complexity (I’d love to hear how other blended families deal with this).
To be honest, I’m not sure how much of his paycheck he has left over in his personal account after taxes, child support, retirement, and our joint, but that’s something we should probably talk about.
One money issue that did get uncomfortable was when we were doing our taxes, it turned out we owed a lot more than expected — and about 90% of it was from a premarital investment of his that was sold and the profits went to his personal account. Before we knew the tax bill would be that high, we had informally agreed we’d split the bill, since it was a joint return. Although he suggested that he pay the majority of it first, he did so only somewhat begrudgingly. He did eventually realize on his own that the assets were his, not ours, therefore the taxes should be as well, but it was a little frustrating.
The other potential issue is future child-care costs, now that we’re expecting. It may be that I end up paying the bulk of them at first, since my cash-flow is better than his for now.
Diana Barry
We have everything 100% in common, except retirement accounts that are required to be in one person’s name only. We moved to a joint account and 100% deposited into it when we moved in together (this was 2 years before we got married). We also bought a house together (joint) before we got married. This makes it easy for us – all of the kids’ stuff and all of our stuff comes out of the one account and there is no bean-counting.
I think it is helpful that (1) we’ve never fought about money and (2) we both have a tendency to be frugal, so neither of us is a really big spender.
Spirograph
I’m really interested in how everyone else handles their money. DH and I are Common Potters, although I have an investment account in only my name from before we were married. Our earnings are about equal, and I’m the primary money manager from a strategic perspective, but from a bill-paying standpoint, we both have taken responsibility on kind of an ad hoc basis. We have only a joint credit card, which we use for just about everything and pay off every month out of our joint checking account, and all our other automatic debits come out of the joint checking account as well.
I think I like the idea of an allowance that many people have mentioned… I’ve brought it up to DH before, and he agrees, but we haven’t implemented it — I get the feeling that as soon as one of us didn’t have enough in our allowance account, we’d just use the joint credit card, anyway. We need to be more disciplined. Maybe I’ll make another try this week.
One thing that’s driven me crazy is the online account management. Both of us have individual logins for our bank where we can view and manipulate joint accounts, but mortgage, car loan, utilities, cable, phones, insurance, etc have only one login. Some of the accounts are tied to my e-mail address, some to his e-mail address, some only one of us has login information for… How has everyone else handled this? If you’re the primary manager, do you just have EVERYTHING linked to your e-mail and you are the keeper of all the login info? I tried setting up a “joint e-mail account” that also auto-forwards to both of our personal e-mail accounts, so that in theory we have everything consolidated in one place, but we’re also both notified when a bill has been paid (and what the amount was if it’s variable like utilities). It hasn’t worked out so well, though. I kind of wish we just got paper bills for everything, but I’m trying not to kill trees and all. I’d love other ideas!
mascot
Electronic bill pay eliminates some of this. We have one log-in for the “operating account” and all bills get paid out of that.
AnonPara
I am 44 and have never been married. This topic is a big scary place for me. I have supported myself my entire adult life and the thought of combining finances with someone is the stuff of nightmares. I am so relieved that many of you who have spouses/partners that are actually good with money are still independent contractors. To my surprise, I am finally in a relationship that could lead to marriage. Unfortunately, he is terrible with money and has even thought about hiring someone to pay his bills for him. I don’t want to be seen as a complete control freak about my money, nor do I want him to think that my probable desire to keep things separate is any reflection on my feelings for him. Thanks to everyone for sharing.
EB0220
When we first moved in together, we were Sometime Sharers – one account for household expenses (mortgage/rent, utilities, grocery & joint outings) and also two independent accounts for our own use. I think that our paychecks went to the individual accounts and we auto-transferred funds to the joint account each month. We tried to use separate credit cards for joint vs individual purchases, which got complicated. When I started grad school we moved to the Common Pot (since I was earning very little) and haven’t looked back (that was 8 years ago). We have auto-transfers to all of our various savings/investment accounts, reviewed every so often, and we also have budget reviews occasionally if we feel that our balance is a bit low for a few months.But we’re both relatively laid back about money and don’t spend out of our means, so we rarely have contention.
EB0220
After reading through the earlier posts, I remembered that we also have the rule that we run any purchase above ~$250 or so by the other person as a courtesy.
mascot
We do this too in our common pot.
Heather
When my boyfriend first moved in it was really hard to get the money part straight. I own my condo and pay mortgage and was hesitant to make him pay me for part of that since it was MY house and MY credit score. I’d pay bills and he’d pay me back for utilities. The thing is, he’s terrible about paying me back, never looks at bills and just doesn’t care about finances as much as I do.
In January we finally opened a joint account. I figured up all of the shared bills and that is the total that goes into it every month. Our income is about 65%/35% (mine is higher, I’m definitely seeing a trend here), so I put in 65% of the money to cover joint expenses, and he puts in 35%. So if we need $1000 for monthly expenses (easy math) I’m contributing $650 and he’s contributing $350.It is automatically drafted from our accounts on payday.
I pay all of our shared bills but he has access to the account at any time and can see where the money is going every month. We had an extra pay period in April so we both just took out what we had contributed and did with it what we pleased. (Paid down some debt for me, part of a car down payment for him.)
I LOVE THIS SYSTEM and I have never looked back. I don’t worry about the mortgage thing anymore- I consider it rent and so does he.
As for other expenses- we split groceries since we usually grocery shop together. We also take turns paying when we eat at restaurants. It seems to work itself out.
techx
We are sometimes sharers – have a joint account for mortgage & household expenses, including gas & groceries, with separate individual accounts for discretionary spending and individual cars. Spouse is fine with carrying a car payment, I prefer to save up instead.
One particular reason this works for us is that we each have children from previous marriages, so we each pay for our kids’ expenses out of our own individual accounts, including their college tuition. We earn a similar amount now but in the past have sometimes had one party contributing less to the joint account than the other. We do some saving together, for house and vacation stuff, and other saving apart, for our own savings goals.
Since we met as independent adults it was an easier integration for us this way. I can see how other arrangements suit different situations.
anon +45
Sometime sharers for 15+ years. I don’t understand why it’s so hard – the things that are shared are easy to define: housing & anything connected to the house (like furniture, decor, repairs), groceries (& no, we don’t nitpick who eats or uses what; if he throws in his deodorant & I throw in tampons with our food for the week, fine, it’s all paid from our joint account); utilities; insurance; also our car & gas bec. that benefits both of us. Really, that’s the underlying principle: stuff that benefits both of us is paid for out of the joint account. Don’t overthink it.
Our incomes have varied over time. He’s made more, then I’ve made more, only occasionally have we earned the same. So we’ve adjusted how much we each contribute to our joint account. It ends up being 60-75% of each of our incomes, & we can each do whatever we want with the rest. We each have personal bills, like our own cellphones, & of course clothes & hobbies. Sometimes we’ll make a joint goal of saving up for something big, like travel or a house remodel project, & that comes from our individual accounts.
I can’t imagine combining everything — no freedom, no independence, always having to check with my partner if it’s ok to buy a pair of shoes or spend money on dinner with friends? Yuck.
We tried both keeping totally separate accounts for a while, but the hassle of splitting every last monthly bill 50/50 was annoying. A little bit of sharing is just enough for convenience, but still lets us each keep some of what we earn.
NYC
Yep, I’m with you!
Anon
This is a really interesting discussion. We are independent operators but we do not yet have kids, which i think probably will change the situation. It also helps that we both work in biglaw and while my husband makes more than b/c he is a few years more senior, we still make comfortable enough salaries that having separate accounts work for us. The initial reasons why we decided to separate finances was (1) i owned a condo prior to us getting married that i needed to sell and thought it would be easier to keep things separate while that sale was going on and (2) i had a lot of student loans from law school while he had paid his back by the time we got married. I wanted to pay off my student loans myself but we also wanted to pay the loans down as quickly as possible so our solution was to separate finances. He does end up with more of the financial burden since he pays our mortgage and car expenses. I pay for all utilities and any groceries/eating-out expenses. I used to pay him a certain amount each month to help pay for the mortgage/car but since i’m close to paying down my loans this year, i have stopped making extra payments to him. Sorry this turned into a novel but i think it’s nice to hear that there are other independent operators out there (no one i know does this). But i recognize this only works for us b/c we both make somewhat similar salaries and we have no problem paying for the other if necessary. I do think we think of money in each of our accounts as “ours” rather than the individual’s but we haven’t really had any issues where we’ve had to delve into this too much.
NYC
We are Sometimes Sharers. The hubs assumed we would be Common Potters when we got married and I really wanted the arrangement we have now (joint checking/savings/investment/cc, but also separate accounts for discretionary spending). DH really doesn’t care how much I spend on clothes and hair, but I know I would be controlling and bossy about his spending. A big thank you to my parents for fighting about money for 45 years so I could learn that I have some of their tendencies! I earn slightly more and everything is based on percentages. Now that we have a kid, our personal share is very small, but I still like having it. I also like having it for bachelorette festivities, gifts to friends, personal travel, etc. It would drive me crazy to know any of my $$ went to bachelor party activities…. Our incomes are about to change, so we might go to more of a set dollar amount allowance, with some accommodation for the fact that he still has a student loan left.
anon for this
Great topic. Yesterday i was reading another message board that I frequent, and it seemed like everyone was a common potter and made judgmental comments about being all-in to those of us who think differently.
I am not married yet, but live with my SO. I consider us Sometimes Sharers. Out arrangement is definitely odd because we have VERY different (like polar opposites) values about money. It is definitely the main stressor of our relationship, but we each acknowledge it. We make about the same amount, I like to save and am frugal, he likes to spend and like status symbols. Our situation is this: he owns our house and I pay him rent. Initially, we wanted to do a common account with 15% each for small combined household items, like cleaning supplies, pet stuff, and shared food (and we pay for separate meals w/ friends, at work etc separately) and also contribute jointly to a shared savings account. However, dear SO kept spending too much money and would not contribute what he committed to me to our savings. So, he now contributes his entire paycheck out shared account and pays the bills from that. I contribute both my rent and my 15% to the joint account from which he pays bills. It is working much better – he still has a tendency to overspend though. I think when we get married I may need to take over all bills and give him an allowance. I know that sounds completely insane and controlling, but he is not opposed to it. He is really not good with money and even carried a credit card balance until I made him pay it off. Before he met me, he had no savings (although he does have a decent 401K) because he feels he can rely on his parents for emergencies. Of course I am cautious about entering marriage with someone like this; however, he does usually listen and implement what I am asking for.
Senior Attorney
We did the “I handle everything and give him an allowance” thing and it was the one and only thing in our marriage that worked spectacularly well.
Not yet married
We’re engaged and planning to become mostly sharers. We’ll be common potters for all paychecks and credit cards going forward, so expenses will be commonly shared without dividing those up. We haven’t figured out the details on how we’ll handle our separate savings accounts that we’ve accumulated pre-wedding. We’ll likely keep them as separate accounts with each other named as the beneficiary (401k, Roth, etc.). Mortgage-wise, it’s under my name (as well as title), and we’ll probably mostly follow CA community property rules in our pre-nup. Fortunately for us, talking about money is easy since we share the same attitude and saving habits, and communicating is stress-free and open.
Blue Anne
My husband and I are Independent Operators at the moment. The rent and utilities come out of his account, and I have standing order set up to send him my half every month. Some of the smaller bills come off my account. We do have a joint savings account which we both try to chunk money into regularly, but that’s about it. Everything else we figure out from our own paychecks and bank accounts.
It works pretty well for us, because it makes it necessary to talk to the other person. If my husband is getting a wedding present for friends of ours, he’ll ask if I could contribute towards it, and we’ll talk about budget. If I have a big purchase coming up, I’ll check that he’s not expecting any big bills I need to contribute towards that month before I make it, etc.
oedipa maas
For those who are sometimes sharers (what I think I want to be if I ever get married), how do you handle things like makeup and clothing? As I see it, some makeup and clothing is necessary, but some of it is for fun. And women tend to require higher clothing expenses than men, and we almost always require infinitely more makeup than men. So it doesn’t seem fair to me to say that all makeup/clothing comes out of the joint account or that it all comes out of the individual’s account.
And while I’m at it, if you’re at the grocery store buying joint necessities and you also purchase fun individual items, how do you handle that?
Bonnie
We pay for our own clothing as that’s more of an individual expense. With shopping that includes both, we look to see what the majority of the tab is so if I’m buying a bunch of makeup and happen to pickup a tube of toothpaste, I’ll pay for the whole thing.
NYC
Clothing is a separate expense for us. I think we actually spend the same amount on clothes, but I resented his super expensive suits and shoes (even though he only buys once a year). Grocery bills and drug store bills are almost always a joint expense, even though it might be a mix of things for me and things for him. If I am going to the drug store just to buy make up, I might put that on my personal card (he does the same if he just picks up power bars and razors). I definitely would use my personal card for department store make-up.
Bird
We have all our finances separate but we have a joint credit card on which we put all our shared expenses (groceries, vacations, utility bill, etc.). This works for us because we were older when we got married so already had our finances in order and it just seemed like a pain in the ass to combine things that were already working for us. It’s also easy because we don’t have kids and make relatively the same amount of money. We just each spend what we want and at the end of the month, each write a check for half the credit card and half the rent. I recognize this only works if you are both pretty much on the same page about spending, but we are. Neither of us are misers or spendthrifts.
Allie
Independent Operators: I am newly engaged and have been living with my fiance for a year, dating for about 2.5. When we moved in together we made the decision to split our bills 50/50 and it has worked splendidly so far. We each have our individual accounts and credit cards, but we have one joint account for bills, which I pay each month.
We discussed moving to a common system once we marry, but we don’t see the point just yet. We don’t own any property yet, nor do we have children. We are both relatively new to our blooming careers and have chosen to live far, far below our means. We kind of enjoy just splitting the necessities down the middle, saving some, and doing whatever we want with the rest, no questions asked.
We alternate who pays when we go out on dates, and it works so well for us. No tension. Everything is 100% fair. We both make sure we have sizeable emergency funds that would cover a year of expenses in case one of us loses their job… until our living situation becomes more complicated we like it this way.