Guest Post: Online Dating for Professional Women

Online Dating for Professional Women | CorporetteOnline dating is something we’ve discussed from time to time on Corporette, such as when we asked you for your favorite online dating sites for smart chicks, as well as discussing how to find time to date when you’re busy, when to break it off, how to date a busy guy, and how to date a guy with more time (or less money) than you. I’ve been off the market for a while, so I asked reader Kryss Shane to guest post — she is a dual licensed psychotherapist who also does life coaching, and offers private Skype sessions for self-pay clients.  Welcome to the blog, Kryss!

As Kat tells me, when she was last single, there were a few main online dating sites for smart women, each known for their own crowd (one full of Christians, one just for those wanting to hook up, etc.).

A lot has changed since then. Now the web gives us some generalized dating sites (OkCupid, PlentyOfFish, Match.com, etc.) as well as options for those who are seeking a partner with shared religious beliefs (JDate, ChristianMingle) or for those in a specific demographic (OurTime, for people over 50; BlackPeopleMeet; InterracialMatch). There are sites for cougars, for those looking to date a prison inmate, for wine drinkers, and animal lovers. There are sites for fetishes, for preferences, for moods, for just one night, and for those looking for forever. Add in the apps for your cell (Tinder, Grindr, etc.) and it can certainly feel overwhelming!

For professional women, dating can already be tricky enough; some are turned on by our power, others feel competitive or resentful of it. We question whether to add our job titles to our profiles, we debate whether our photos should indicate what we do, we wonder if someone who looks but doesn’t message was turned off by our professional status. In short, we’re women who live in a society that teaches us in so many ways that we are doing what we shouldn’t: being self-sufficient, educated women.

Rather than attempting to break down the pros/cons for each of the major dating sites, let’s focus on the shared goal of trying to find the right match(es). With hundreds of thousands of people on these sites, how can a person with limited time properly narrow down the options? (Pictured: Schattenpaar, originally uploaded to Flickr by Benni.)

For those seeking long-term partners:

Start with a list
Make a list of every single thing you look for in your perfect match (between 5’10 and 6’, makes at least 75K, owns a dog named Spot, goes to church on Sundays, etc.) Make the list as long as you can. Now begin to group the items on the list into similar categories (appearance, career, free time, beliefs, etc.). Take a look at each category on its own and figure out what the overall theme is (ex: dresses well + straight teeth + short hair= I’m looking for someone clean cut!) Next, place the themes in order of importance.

Turn the list into requirements/dealbreakers
Take a look at your past relationships, at the traits of your partners that worked well for you and the aspects that created stress. Are those acknowledged on your list? Think about what is truly important and make a list of 3-5 “must haves” and 3-5 “absolutely nots.” Be as realistic as possible without worrying what someone else might think. (If straight teeth or being taller than you is truly a must-have for you, don’t remove it out of fear of appearing shallow.) In addition, take time to think about what will truly impact a relationship (maybe the person doesn’t have to have a dog named Spot, but you want to find someone who will be loving to your dog).

Your list might look something like this:

Requirements: passionate about career, steady income, similar/same political beliefs, attractive to me, affectionate

Dealbreakers: has/wants kids, lacks ambition, has a lot of emotional baggage, poor money management skills

For those seeking short-term/one night partners:

Often the requirements are more basic and largely based on attraction, availability, and convenience.  Make sure to also consider your dealbreakers: do you want someone to come to you, do you feel more comfortable going to them, should it be someone with common friends or maybe someone you’ll never run into again?

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Now, to the dating sites!

Which one(s) to choose? Spend a bit of time online reading any of the many “best dating sites” compilation lists and choose what makes the most sense to you. Consider whether you are looking to join free sites (no cost but possibly fewer people who are seriously looking for love) or paid sites (financial investment, but this may keep out those who aren’t serious in their search). Consider whether niche sites add to or detract from your end goal (e.g., if you’re seeking someone 50+, OurTime will prevent you from weeding through zillions of 20somethings.  If you’re not race-specific, BlackPeopleMeet would prevent you from interacting with those of other races who might be a great fit).

Craft your profile
Look at your list of requirements/dealbreakers. Write your profile to attract that person. For example, if you’re seeking someone who appreciates a good novel, mention your favorite book and what you’re reading now. If you’re seeking someone who loves the outdoors, don’t talk about your enjoyment of nights in; write about your favorite hiking spots.

Choose your photos
Again, choose the images based not only on shots in which you look good but also keeping in mind the type of person you’re trying to attract. For example, if a requirement for you is someone who is clean cut and works out, you likely won’t want to choose a photo of yourself hungover and wearing sweats, but a photo of you after you participated in a Color Run would be great! If you’re looking for someone who is outgoing and silly just like you, a photo of you studying might not catch the person’s eye as much as a photo of you at karaoke.

Ok, so I have a profile up… now what?
As the responses roll in, keep an eye on your Requirements/Dealbreakers list and compare it with the people who are sending you messages. If someone meets your requirements without having any of your dealbreakers, that’s a great reason to begin a conversation! Allow yourself to chat with people who might not look the way you envisioned or who might be very different from others you’ve dated. On the other hand, don’t let yourself get sucked in by a great looking person who lacks items on your requirements list and/or who has traits on your dealbreakers list.

I’m ready to meet!

For those seeking long-term, short-term, and one-night partners:

When meeting, remember that you don’t know this person. Sometimes traded emails and texts can make a person feel secure, but the reality is that you are meeting a stranger. Use caution; meet in a public place (some folks arrive at the restaurant/bar/coffee shop a few minutes early and mention that they’re on a first date to a staff member for additional safety). Trust your instincts. (If your gut says something is wrong, get out of the situation first, question your reasoning after.) Tell a friend where you’ll be or download the Kitestring app.

Most importantly, have fun! Remember that not everyone is the perfect match but that the bartender might become your new friend or the dud date might realize you’re perfect for a colleague; you never know what might happen…

Happy Dating!

Readers, what are your best tips for online dating? Any favorite sites?

 

Comments

  1. Yay! This is a good article about trying to find decent men! I have not tried computer dateing, b/c I get more of my share of looser’s in person. Myrna uses the computer b/c the men at her bank are just interested in sex, but the guy’s on line just want to sleep with her also. Is there a sight that has guy’s that do NOT want to have sex until the woman say’s it is OK? That would work for Myrna and mabye for me also. Dad is mad b/c I am answereing on my Iphone, so I told him I would bring my Ipad tomorrow b/c it is easeir to respond. He know’s I am trying to find a guy, so FOOEY!

  2. I think a lot of the above advice is great! The only thing I disagreed with was the advice to “write your profile for the person you’re trying to attract.” Just write an honest profile. Mine was serious with a touch of silly, and the silly was what guys picked up on the most when they reached out. Genuine comes across far better than constructed.

    I met my now husband on Match. Rather than come up with a list of must-haves, I started with just a few true deal-breakers. That helped me keep an open mind about the kind of men I wanted to have initial contact with and then I narrowed it down from there. As the process went on, the list of deal-breakers grew to the point that even bad grammar in the first message was a no-go. My now-husband doesn’t check *every* must-have box, but he doesn’t have any of my deal-breakers and that was far more important to me!

    I was on and off dating sites for a couple of years before I met him. Throughout that time, I only went on 5-6 first dates, but had lots of initial contacts or conversations. I also went on dates with guys my friends set me up with. So I made sure not to put all my hopes and dreams on Match, but ultimately had a very successful and enjoyable experience with online dating.

    I met first dates in public places, usually for lunch, and let a friend know I’d be meeting someone for the first time.

  3. The only men who message me on OKCupid are black DJs from the Bronx who just say “hey.” Since they are not my target group, clearly I am doing something wrong. But what is it?!?

    • Wildkitten :

      I think it’s just that those dudes are messaging EVERYONE. Why don’t you try to do the messaging to the guys you want to talk to?

    • The “hey beautiful” guys message everyone. I don’t know why, but that’s what they do. Just ignore them or block them if you really want to.

      I second the advice to send out messages to men you are interested in. For straight people, it’s really common for men to always send first messages and rarely receive any, so you will get a much better response sending opening messages.

  4. Anonymous :

    I find the messages that I get are from men who I wouldn’t date, or who fetishize me (I’m a minority). The messages I send are frequently ignored. I also have diffculty opening up to people I first meet, so I end up seeming cold.

    I just think online dating isn’t for everyone.

    • That is unfortunately statistically true for women of color. OKTrends (the OKCupid blog) has a couple of posts on this and I believe the guy went into more detail on it in his book. It just sucks.

  5. I would also say that the site you use really depends on where you live. I’ve had very good luck with OK Cupid in my city, but in other locations Match or one of the other sites might be more popular, and therefore get you better results. Ask your friends!

  6. Merry Miss Print :

    I dated on-line a lot after my divorce. I am now engaged to a man I met on Match.com. This article is great because it suggests that you focus on what you really want. At first, I just wanted fun, but I was pretending otherwise to myself, which as you can imagine did not end well. When I was really, truly ready to settle down, I wrote a very honest profile on the theory that I wanted someone who wanted the real me. I was attracted to my fiance’ because he said some things about himself that were genuine, and therefore could have been off-putting to some (or even many) in the vast undifferentiated masses of women on-line. I have thought about writing a book about my and my friends’ experiences. My mantra was, “if it’s not a good date, at least it’s a good story.” Take care, all!

    PS: YMMV, but I would spring for a paid site. I think it weeds out a lot of casual daters and weirdos.

    • “At first, I just wanted fun”<– This sounds like me right now. Long-term relationship just ended and while I would like to start dating again, there's some apprehension because I think in my age group (mid-thirties) everyone probably has it all figured out. E.g. ready to settle down in X amount of time while I feel like I'm just starting to put things back together. When I think about it it's kind of depressing. I'm not a hookup person either, at least from this post it seems like there are those looking for long-term relationships (assuming marriage) or one-night-ers and I would fall somewhere in between–not quite ready to settle down but at the same time I would like to take the time to know someone. That said the tips here should be useful. And if anyone also has some good books they can recommend on dating in general, please do.

      • Anonymous :

        I’m in the same category as you! My friends don’t understand what I mean by “in between.” If you find a good dating site for people like us I hope you post it.

  7. Senior Attorney :

    I see hundreds of people a week in a work context and I daresay many of them are on the dating sites and I don’t need any of them recognizing me as LawCougar or whatever. So I’ve decided to pass on online dating for that reason. And oh my gosh! After poking around a little at the very slim pickings in my age group, I’m thinking it’s not much of a loss.

    So, yeah. Online dating definitely isn’t for everyone.

    • AttiredAttorney :

      Yes, this is what I thought this article was going to be about when I saw the headline. Is there any stigma still attached to online dating? Any risks having your photo or real name attached to sites that are more strongly associated with “short-term” relationships? Are there regional differences associated with the answers to those questions? My guess to the answer to all of those is “yes.”

  8. Curly Sue :

    I met both my current boyfriend and the one before on OKCupid. We’ve been together nearly a year and he’s far and away the best guy I’ve ever met. (The ex was about 9 months but things were never as good as this is.) I don’t think there’s any magic to any of this — it’s a bit of luck of the draw to see if you can happen to find someone you’re really interested in. I’m not sure that using a free site is predictive of the length of a relationship. Honestly, I used match for a free trial once and everybody seemed really intent on a relationship, but I got a bit of a sense that some guys there had that TIME IS RUNNING OUT, MUST PAIR UP feel of the bar just before closing time.

    That said, based on my experience and the experiences of my friends (nearly all of whom are or have been on online dating sites), I’d say the people who have had success almost universally (1) did not have a huge list of must have X/absolutely cannot be Y; (2) went on a lot of dates instead of trying to find the perfect person based on profile alone; and (3) exchanged relatively few messages with people before meeting for a drink/coffee/a walk/whatever. My friends who have struggled with online dating seem to try to outsmart the dating thing for themselves — they know that the person must be X height, with Y job, smart, funny etc., and won’t consider anybody who doesn’t immediately present as such. But there are a lot of guys who are all or most of those things but don’t know how to market themselves. Likewise, sometimes people forget that not everybody is a first date performer. My boyfriend is shy around new people, and he comes across as a bit indifferent and standoffish. I was so confused after our first date — I was walking home and talking on the phone with my sister saying “eh, it was fine but he didn’t seem that into me” when he texted me to tell me how much fun he had, that he hoped I got home okay, and that he wanted to see me again.

    • Merry Miss Print :

      I really agree with what you say about “not outsmarting the dating thing” and not messaging people for ever and ever before meeting in person. I think both of those practices are the sign of not being ready to jump in the pool. Which is fine, of course, but it goes back to being very clear with yourself about what you want.

      • Anonymous :

        I agree with this. When I first started online dating, I wanted to do the long back-and-forth messages before I’d feel comfortable meeting. And our message conversations would go well–the guys could write well, asked good questions, responded to mine, etc.–but inevitably we’d meet and just never develop a connection. It tired me out on the process because writing those long message chains would take me an hour per message, so I’d only have time to communicate with one guy at a time, and it would take maybe a month to run through the process of chatting with him, going out with him, deciding to move on. It wasn’t efficient. Now, I’m much happier exchanging 3 or 4 very short messages and then meeting for a drink or lunch to see if we hit it off. If not, there isn’t so much time lost in the build up.

        • Curly Sue :

          Makes total sense to me. I did this for a while, and I always found myself disappointed after the first date because the guy wasn’t exactly as I’d imagined him. If I’d spent less time creating a fictional version of who he was based on the words on the page, I may have been perfectly happy with the real life version. I was setting myself up for disappointment.

          I also think there’s the problem of first dates are awkward when you know way too much about a person who is otherwise a stranger. A lot of the things that become the subject of your message exchanges are great fodder for first dates.

    • Plus 1,000,000 internet points.

      IMO the way to think about online dating is “online introduction service”. You’re not trying to find your soulmate and get everything locked down based on profile. All you’re doing is meeting people you might not otherwise meet and chatting just enough to decide if you can manage to spend 2 hours with them over a drink. If you meet them and they’re boring in person, so be it. It’s so much worse to spend a lot of time chatting with someone, building up a picture in your mind, and getting invested only to find upon meeting that you’re not remotely attracted to them, or they’re not attracted to you, or you can’t keep a conversation going, and so on.

  9. KateMiddletown :

    @Kat, this should have been sponsored by It’s Just Lunch. I’ve never tried it (yet) but it seems logical and not dumb.

    • And very expensive for dating, ~ $1000 expensive.

    • I have a friend who used It’s Just Lunch some years ago after a divorce, and she met a guy she really liked. A few weeks in, she googled him and found him on the sex offender registry. So, it appears that they don’t do basic screening. I really don’t know what the exorbitant fee is for, then.

    • Everyone I know that has tried IJL has had a terrible experience. Check out the Yelp reviews.

    • It seems like it’d have a very small pool of people.

    • IJL has been a hilariously bad experience for everyone I know. Like cringeworthy bad. I am sure that they have some “normal” clients, but my best friend went on a date, said hello. He asked what she did. She said XYZ Manager of ABC in [cleantech]. He then launched right into a rant about how without govt subsidies the cleantech industry would be unsustainable and it was a crock…and, and, and….

      They hadn’t even ordered drinks yet. He was so lacking in common graces (like not completely insulting the person _he just met_ that she stood up, said, “So nice to meet you; I don’t think we’re compatible” and walked out. That’s just one of many.

      My brother did IJL years ago and they kept trying to set him up with people that lived 2+ hours from his major metro area.

      Don’t do IJL–if dating is a numbers game, the numbers are not on your side with them! /endrant

  10. I have not had much luck with online dating. I’ve tried a few sites, but never met anyone, although I admit I haven’t tried very hard. I’m thinking of getting more serious about it, I would like to meet someone, and regular avenues don’t seem to be working.

    I like the idea of eharmony and signed up for it, but it must not be popular in my area, at least for my age group, because I rarely get any real matches, and the ones I get are “almost” matches, i.e., eharmony is just trying to pair me up with someone that they acknowledge isn’t really a match, usually someone 10 years younger than I am, or that lives 3 hours away. Tried Plentyoffish, but noticed almost every man on that site rode a motorcycle, featured prominently in their photos. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

    Being in my 50’s, I may try Our Time, has anyone used it? I do fear running into someone I know from work, a client or opposing counsel. I actually got matched with a co-worker on Match.com a few years ago in one of those emails they send you with your matches for the week, so embarrassing. He never mentioned it, so I didn’t either.

    Dating in your 50’s just isn’t easy.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I have looked at Our Time and I have to say I found it pretty discouraging. Let’s just say Mr. Senior Attorney (who signed up for All Teh Sytes within weeks after I left him) looked pretty good compared to the competition. And that was a little scary…

    • Eharmony only returned actual matches for me a handful of times in a year of use – everyone else was an “almost” match. The education level of members in my area seemed to be lower than what I was looking for.

    • Anonymous :

      I got true matches on EHarmony for the first couple of days, and then it was like they ran out and had to start offering almost matches. After that, the only time I would get a true match was if someone new signed up on the site or their circumstances changed that they now fit my criteria. I’ve since tried Match and while I don’t absolutely love it, I do think it offers an advantage over EH in that you can join for free and run searches to see what is available in your area before committing to a paid membership.

      I also got a lot of guys with kids on EH, even though I’d said I didn’t want to date someone who already had children. It seems a lot of men respond “don’t have kids” to the dropdown box so that they won’t be automatically filtered out, but then freely discuss their kids with pictures on their profile.

    • I am in my 20s and running into people you know is a fear at my age, too. Random people from childhood have reached out, but nothing quite topped an older attorney in my firm/office who clearly didn’t know I worked in his office but on a different floor.

    • What’s so embarrassing about being seen on a site by your coworker or someone else? They’re on there for a reason, too. Maybe I just have no shame.

  11. I have always been curious about this: I get how you could date someone who goes to prison or has gone to prison in the past, or even someone who is in prison who you meet accidentally (I’m sure it happens) but why would someone choose to actually actively seek out someone who is presently in prison? Like, what is the appeal? You always know where he is?

    • Anonymous :

      I know the majority of people on the prison dating site are probably people in there for short-term sentences (or at the very least not on death row), but I did see an article discussing how Eastern European women go on some site seeking men on Death Row. Apparently because their countries don’t have the death penalty, life insurers don’t know to have an exclusion in their policies for someone who has been sentenced to death already. The women will marry the guy, take out a policy in their home country, and then profit when he is executed. Then repeat. Probably not the main segment you’re curious about, but it was interesting to me when I saw that.

      • Anonymous :

        Last year 38 inmates were executed in the US so I’m gonna call BS in this.

    • bahahahah, I laughed so hard at the punchline.

  12. I am sad that this post has no mention of the glorious Farmers Only ads.

    Online dating hasn’t been great for me. I’ve gone on LOTS of dates, but ultimately, I think that my problem is that I need to be friends with a guy before we become romantically involved (esp. given that I am not willing to get physical until I’m in committed relationship that I believe could be permanent). By design, dating sites are focused on the romantic relationship (not on finding friends), and so it’s hard for me to get comfortable. I also find that using an internet search, with a bunch of options, to find guys tends to bring out my judgmental side – if I met a guy in person and really hit it off with him, I wouldn’t write him off because he lived too far away from me, but when I’m just checking boxes on the internet, I’m in a different mindset.

    • Kind of similar to your last point, I’ve surprisingly had so much more success on Tinder than I ever did on OKC or Match or eHarmony. I believe that’s largely because I can’t be as judgmental about people when there are basically no details (and this is definitely also a huge drawback to Tinder.) With the other sites, I’d be like, “Oh, that’s your favorite book? Pass.” or “Wow, what terrible taste in music/tv/whatever.” and totally dismiss guys. Now since that information isn’t readily available, I’m finding myself going on a lot more first dates (for better or worse…) with people I probably never would have considered otherwise. Clearly, I’m still going on dates, but not all of them have been terrible — some I would have liked to be friends with, but that wasn’t our original plans, and it’s not easy to say “Thanks. I have no interest in dating you, but want to hang out again sometime completely platonically?”

    • The Farmers Only ads are one of my favorite TV ads of all time. I thought it was a joke until I Googled it! I want to fill out a profile for fun. I am a country girl at heart, so it’s okay right???

  13. This post really has nothing to do with dating as a professional woman–it’s just the very basics about online dating for anyone, and I don’t see anything helpful on here that the smart women on this site don’t already know or couldn’t easily figure out themselves by taking 5 minutes to think about what they want. I wish the post’s author had actually done some work to gear this post toward what it seems like she wanted to discuss–how to surmount online dating hurdles specific to professional women.

  14. Anonymous Associate :

    I had way better luck with online dating than anything else. It seems like a lot of men I met “in real life” were really turned off by the whole engineer-turned-patent-litigator bit. Hmph.

    Maybe I did something right with my profile, but the only people who contacted me were professional men who seemed normal enough. Oddly, every single person who contacted me was East Asian (I’m not Asian). They were also in “boring” professions, like law, finance, and engineering. Which is A-OK with me! I went out on a first date with three people, all of whom were very pleasant and normal. I really liked one guy more than the others, and we’ve been together for years now.

    I agree to make your profile honest and not trying to appeal to anyone in particular-this way you seem to get people who like you for being whoever you are.

  15. I had a pretty good OKCupid experience. You definitely have to screen out the people you aren’t interested in, which is most of them, just like in real life. Then from there, don’t email back and forth for weeks, schedule a date as soon as you’ve determined they aren’t an axe murderer or mental hospital escapee. Lots of people seem good on paper but there’s just no chemistry.

    I went on lots of dates. Some of those chaps are still friends. And my current BF is a friend of one of the folks I dated on OKC. Soon after we broke up he contacted me, we started dating, and are still together 3 years later.

    So even if the folks you meet online turn out not to be the one, they might KNOW the one, or they might be good people to know for other reasons. I’m all in favor of it.

  16. When I was ready to date again I put up an online dating profile on a site I had previously had luck on (as I said before OkCupid is big in my city so that’s what I used). I was really honest about who I am and what I wanted. I kept the initial conversations brief and then met the guy somewhere public (duh), and in their part of town so I wouldn’t risk running into them again if things didn’t work out.

    I went on A LOT of dates for a few months. I wasn’t extraordinarily picky but I knew when things weren’t going to work out. I didn’t discount too many people right off the bat because they said or didn’t say something that was a requirement. I saw online dating as the introduction- not a relationship builder. I met a man, we clicked with each other, and we’ve been together for a year and a half now.

    Part of what helped me is that several years before that I had gone to speed dating a couple of times. It is AMAZING what you can learn about someone in 5 minutes. If the chemistry was really clicking the 5 minutes went by quickly before it was time to switch seats.. If it wasn’t then the conversation fizzled to talk about the weather. Some people you just get along with and some you don’t. Applying the same idea to first dates with people I met online helped to weed people out quickly.

    Stick with it, and be opened minded. I’ve found that people who don’t have luck with online dating are either being WAY too picky, or dragging on conversations online too long before trying to take them off-line. Some people want to control every aspect of their lives including a boyfriend who is at least 6’1″ and has never been married and makes a certain salary and went to a certain school. That won’t work in real life so they never met potential matches.

    If you’re not having luck, change sites and lighten up your attitude! Get off-line! You’re Scarlett O’Hara and he’s just another boy at the barbecue!

    • Just a note on being sensitive here–many of us have been online dating with an open mind and without an extremely picky must have/must not have list, and we are still not having luck. We have light attitudes, go on tons of dates, try different sites, change profile photos, have real lives, etc. etc. But for many of us (myself and MANY of my amazing single girlfriends included), we have been trying to do all of that for YEARS and it’s still not working despite the fact that we are nice, normal, funny, smart, attractive women.

      It’s just really frustrating to see so many women who HAVE had luck assume that those of us who haven’t are being too closed-minded, too picky, too serious, or too whatever else. So these comments seem really judgmental even if that’s not how you mean them to come off.

      • Of course I’m not trying to be judgmental. I almost put that in my comment but it seemed like I was apologizing for being honest about what worked for me. I’m sorry if you read me as being insensitive, I was sharing what helped me with online dating as well as my experiences and those of my friends. I hope you get what you’re looking for. It is never easy, online or off.

        • Eh, if you’re from a community that strongly promotes marriage and you fit in with your community and share its values, it’s not as difficult. Women who live in those communities and find a mate young-ish have no idea what it’s like elsewhere, because in large cities, many men are not interested in monogamy or settling down.

  17. I have done A LOT of online dating the past few years and to respond to a comment below, I think it is harder if you are an ambitious, professional woman. I think there were some guys who were intimidated by me, or I didn’t find them driven enough. I have recently met a guy who is a similar kind of professional with similar work/life balance (or lack thereof) and it was SUCH a difference to go out with someone who ‘gets’ it.

    • Platinomad :

      This is a little interesting because I have found it hard both ways. In the past few years, I have vacillated between dating other “high achievers” in intense professions and then guys who are still sort of finding their way, but are fun and cool and have awesome personalities. With the high achievers, our schedules feel impossible, we talk endlessly about work, and often end up feeling sort of competitive but it comes with the pluses of feeling endlessly intellectually challenged, impressed with eachother, and that piece of them really “getting” your life. With the chilled out guys, things often last a lot longer. They help me relax, I help them get focused, we have lots of fun… but then inevitably I get sort of burnt out by their lack of focus/direction/perhaps success and feel like they just don’t see life like me or get my commitments.

      Interested in more thoughts on this…

  18. I had my first Tinder date on Monday. He was actually cuter in person, he got my humor, he was also funny, it was going really well . . . and then I made the mistake of showing him my fantasy football roster . . . for my team which is named Ex Boyfriends R Us. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I am still laughing about it. I haven’t heard from him, which is okay, because I am likely moving anyway, but the whole thing makes me laugh.

    • You should’ve been like, there’s a spot open for you! I need a new Tight End!

  19. Online dating can be tough, but I am a success story (engaged to someone I met on Match). Here’s what I did:

    I signed up for Match a month after I finally ended a long-term relationship that had been dying a slow death. I mentally made a list of the characteristics I was seeking (non-smoking, comparable income to me, likes pets, wants kids, and someone who had graduated from college). I was as honest as I could be in my profile, and made sure to put in scary phrases like “I am an attorney,” “3 cats,” and “wants kids.” Then, I looked at the profiles of everyone who met most of my criteria. Even if their profiles weren’t very detailed or they didn’t have many pictures, I still gave it a shot. I didn’t want to wait on men to message me, so I messaged everyone who struck my interest. I met the interesting ones in person after exchanging a few messages with them because I didn’t want to have set expectations for them before meeting them in person.

  20. As a single attorney in her late 20s, I have had some success with an app called Hinge. It is free and matches you with friends of your Facebook friends. If you both say yes, you can text via the app. Plus, it pulls some info from your Facebook profile, so it shows where they work, where they went to school, likes/dislikes, etc. I feel much more comfortable matching with a guy when I know he is friends with a few sorority sisters or a couple of friends from law school.

    I’ve been on it for about a month now and have been out on first dates with multiple people, and even a few second dates. While I haven’t yet found anyone I want to focus on exclusively, the caliber of guys has been high – bankers, lawyers, engineers, marketers – and I have not had a horrible date yet. I’ve recommended it to a few girlfriends who have also joined but have not had as much success as I have. However, I think I have been better about putting myself out there, which is a requirement for online dating.

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