Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Shovonne Jacket

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I love the fabric-covered buttons and the shoulders on this cropped tweed jacket from Club Monaco. (Note that it’s labeled dry clean and not dry clean only.) I thought I saw a matching skirt in the store, as well, but it looked a bit short to my eyes… The jacket (which CM calls “a modern take on boucle”) is $269, available in sizes 00–12. Right now at Club Monaco you can get 25% off $150 or more, no code required. Shovonne Jacket

Two lower-priced options are at Lord & Taylor and T.J. Maxx, and this plus-size alternative is at Amazon.

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Comments

  1. I read the NY TIMES article about O’Reilly and his $33m settlement for sexual harassment. Does anyone know if he actually had s-x with her?

    • Anonymous :

      Well, that is her allegation, so I’m going with yes, because I believe women as a rule.

      Why do you ask?

    • Rape is not s5x, so no, I do not think he had s9x with her. But I think he must have done something $100m worth of terrible, so he paid her $32m.

      • +1. Thank you for this reminder. I make this mistake sometimes and it is helpful to see corrections to help retrain my language.

    • Anonnymouse :

      Confused by your question and my troll senses are tingling…

  2. Rockport Total Motion :

    I was the poster on Friday who asked about blister help when wearing heels. Does anyone have the Rockport Total Motion heels? What do you think of them? I ordered a pair of the Adelyn flats recently which I thought were very comfortable but sent back because they were a little snug. I ordered a half size up last night and noticed the heels. I also ordered moleskin and foot glide. I hate that I already paid so much for two pairs of Cole Haan heels that give me blisters (so going to try the moleskin in those and see if it helps), but if anyone gives high marks for the Rockport Total Motion heels, I might be willing to try them out.

    • Clementine :

      Salvage suggestion for any leather shoes that pinch/give blisters. This method also breaks in (leather) flats quickly.

      Put on a pair of thick wool socks. Then, put on the heels. Then you’re going to stand in them and get a blowdryer and use it on the hot setting to blow dry your shoes. While you do this, wiggle your toes, bend your feet, and try and stretch any tight points that you feel on your feet. I usually do this for about 5-7 minutes. The key is to then keep the socks and shoes on as the leather cools and keep walking around and wiggling your toes in them.

      Once the leather is completely cool, take off the wool socks and voila, broken in shoes. It’s the same idea as breaking in a baseball glove – heat helps leather mold and form and stretch.

    • I have a pair of pointy-toe Rockport heels. They are really comfortable but are a little snug in the toe box. Not sure where your shoes are giving you blisters – if its on the heels, you may be okay. I also know they have rounded toe styles as well – the padding is really comfy!

    • I have the pointy-toe heels. I generally find shoes to be slightly narrow, so I ordered the wide in my regular size. Those were a bit big, so I ordered wide in half-size down and those fit perfectly. I find them super comfortable and a great value.
      On the other hand, I bought the flats that everyone on this s*te loves in the same size, and I found them very uncomfortable. So the sizing and/or fit might be inconsistent.

    • I usually get blisters from shoes that are too big. For leather shoes that will stretch, I pick the ones that are snug at first and break them in. I have a couple pairs of the Rockports and find them to be very comfortable.

  3. The jacket is definitely not my style (too many fussy details), but I kind of love the idea of a formal jumpsuit-blazer combo like they show in the picture. I mean, obviously not with the cropped pant legs, but otherwise it looks like something fresh and original that could work in a non-conservative office like mine.

    • One of the physicians I work with rocks this look on the regular and looks AMAHZING.

    • Maudie Atkinson :

      I have a navy jumpsuit that I wear with a contrast (usually red, occasionally a tan linen) blazer. In the winter, I occasionally wear it with a crisp white shirt under the jumpsuit. Point being: with the right fabric and cut, I think the jumpsuit-blazer combination can work even in more conservative environments.

    • This concept of a formal jumpsuit intrigues me. Anyone have any pictures that I can look up as reference?

      • Maudie Atkinson :

        Late in the day, but here is an archived image of the one I have from the retailer where I bought it. Sadly, it’s no longer available.

        https://tinyurl.com/navyjumpsuit

    • Rainbow Hair :

      A woman I work with rocks the jumpsuit blazer combo and I love it!

      • shootie for work :

        I go to the bathroom too many times to wear a jumpsuit. At some point, it would touch something gross on the bathroom floor and I’d have to go nekkid b/c I’d not want to pull it back up. Curious how this is not only a trend, but a going-out trend (b/c what’s better than a work bathroom? a bar bathroom with mysterious wetness on the floor).

        • It’s a trend for going-out because when you’re going out, most people care primarily about how they look, and are willing to sacrifice some convenience for it. Same reason people wear tops that require strapless bras, or pants that require a thong, or high heels. You can bunch up the whole jumpsuit, legs and all, around your knees when peeing, slightly inconvenient but no big deal.

        • Because other people have different preferences than you.

        • Rainbow Hair :

          We also have a really nice and clean work bathroom — but yeah peeing is one reason I don’t do the jumper thing.

  4. I recently posted about feeling frumpy during the winter because I end up living in baggy sweatshirts. I got motivated to look for good comfy options and found this wonderful dress at REI. It’s only $50 and it is so comfortable. Best part is that it has 3 pockets, 2 are open and one is a big one with a zipper. I wore it over the weekend with 32 Degree tights.

    https://www.rei.com/rei-garage/product/119516/royal-robbins-tencel-terry-dress

  5. Patty Mayonnaise :

    Any suggestions for gentle but effective eye makeup removal? I have sensitive skin/eyes and have a really hard time getting everything off – especially waterline eyeliner. I’ve tried coconut oil, cold cream, those makeup eraser cloths… and still wake up with raccoon eyes…

    • Anonymous :

      Micellar water.

    • Stop wearing eyeliner on your waterline.

      • Patty Mayonnaise :

        I’m not really even sure it’s exactly my water line, but I just cannot seem to get everything off my lower lashes.

    • I wear a lot of eye makeup and also have sensitive skin, so I can relate. I use micellar water first, soaking two cotton pads and holding them against my eyes for a while to kind of loosen everything up and get most of it off. Then I wash my face with cetaphil, followed by some of that neutrogena eye makeup remover on a q-tip to remove what little eye makeup may be left after that.

    • Double cleansing. I like banila clean it zero, and then a regular facial wash. I rub the cleansing balm right into my eyelashes to take off liner/mascara and it doesn’t irritate my eyes.

      • s in chicago :

        Was just going to recommend the exact same thing! Banila Clean It Zero is so much more effective than cold cream. Never going back.

      • Anon in NYC :

        I agree – double cleansing with an oil cleanser first, and then a gentle face wash.

      • +1. Banila Clean It Zero followed by Cerave Hydrating Cleanser. For those who like a luxe face wash, Emma Hardie Morninga cleansing balm is amazing.

    • Patty Mayonnaise :

      Thanks, ladies. I’ll have to give micellar water a shot!

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        The Garnier wipes are wonderful. I like the normal micellar water a lot but for on the go or desk? Wipes all th way.

      • I had bad luck with micellar water on my eyes – it stings, even the sensitive skin kind. Instead, I use Lancôme bifacil. That is my holy grail make up eye remover.

        • +1 to Lancôme, it’s the best I’ve ever used.

        • What brand of micellar water did you use? I’ve had no problems with either of the Bioderma micellar waters, but when I tried to find a cheaper alternative I tried Garnier and Simple and both of those hurt my eyes.

          • Maddie Ross :

            +1 to Bioderma. So, so much better than either Garnier or Simple. I think those two both leave like an oily residue on my eyes. Bioderma is better at removal and gentler.

          • Anonymous :

            Can you get Bioderma in US? I thought only available in the French pharmacies. I love that stuff.

          • lawsuited :

            I live in Canada and Bioderma is available at drugstores here. It’s also available on Amazon.

    • Delta Dawn :

      Baby oil and/or baby shampoo.

    • Remember to do the micellar water/oil wash (I like the Neutrogena one) followed by a foaming cleanser. The oil loosens the makeup from your skin and hair with some removal, the foaming cleanser washes the makeup away.

      +1 also to soaking cotton balls and leaving them on each eyes for 30 seconds before wiping away.

    • Lady Bluth :

      Clinique Take The Day Off cleansing balm! It’s amazing and washes away with water.

      • I was looking into this recently. Is it scented? I have sensitive skin like the OP and am looking for a fragrance free cleansing balm.

        • Lady Bluth :

          No scent at all – I have sensitive skin & eyes and this doesn’t bother me at all, but Ulta sells tiny $5 samples that will probably last quite a while, I’m sure Sephora has them, too.

    • The Frenchie Is My Favorite Kid :

      I have sensitive eyes and I really like the Almay eye makeup remover pads. They work and don’t irritate my eyes.

      I use double cleansing for my face, but find that it’s a bit irritating for my sensitive eyes.

      I’ve also used micellar water as the first step of a double cleanse but the water consistency means it often runs into my eyes and – surprise – irritates them.

    • I hav best experience with this combo – first, I apply Shiseido Cleansing oil on dry face, gently massage skin and eyes for 2-3mins, the rinse off with water (I may or may not use wet sponges to do this). Then I follow with gentle micellar water. Oil gets off even waterproof mascara without rubbing. I have super reactive skin (cannot use anything with sulphates or phenoxyethanol) and this works for me.

    • givemyregards :

      If you want reaaally gentle – my eyelash line gets irritated sometimes and I bought ocusoft lid scrub to treat it (you can also you baby shampoo) and now I just use that to take off eye makeup. It’s not cheap, and I don’t think the little packets are particularly eco-friendly but it really gets all the makeup off and it’s incredibly gentle.

    • Micellar water make-up remover wipes from Trader Joe's! :

      I’ve tried pretty much everything under the sun and the TJ make-up wipes are the best.

    • I have sensitive skin and eyes as well. I have been using Clinique Take the Day Off for years, which has never given me a problem. It also lasts forever, since a little goes a long way.

  6. Accounting Career Change :

    I have been planning on starting a graduate program next fall, but I just discovered that they are taking a few applications for the spring semester. It’s a two semester MS Accounting. Most people who do the program start in the fall. My life circumstances make starting this spring very, very appealing, but I am worried about whether it’s a good idea to start at the non-traditional time. Any thoughts or personal experiences about whether it’s a good idea?

    • I think you are putting the cart before the horse! Apply and get in! Then “worry” about the start date! :)
      Good luck!

    • I have no idea. But if this was something I was thinking about and I didn’t plan to go back to my current job/company, I would look into their career services and placement help. Is it geared toward students who start in the fall? What help would there be for you?

      Also, what would you do over the summer? Starting in spring means being out of the work force for a full year instead of 9 months. Can you afford that?

      Finally, I would consider how much of the benefit of the program is from building relationships with your fellow students. For some people, this would be great – you get to build relationships with 2 class years instead of one. But I know for me, it would be really hard to start mid-semester when people already had their friend groups and there were no longer (less?) events designed to introduce you to fellow students.

      • Accounting Career Change :

        I am thinking that having a summer while in the program will actually be helpful from a career perspective, because it will give me time to do an internship, so I’m not too worried about that aspect. The relationship building is the big one that I’m a little concerned about. I’m a little introverted so I’m nervous about that first semester when everyone already has friend groups, but you bring up a great point about having two class years of people to network with!

    • A lot of accounting firms including the Big 4 have winter start dates. I didn’t get an MS in Accounting but I am starting as a first year in the Audit program of a Big 4 firm this January (recruiting was late Sept with an offer extended in early Oct).

    • Anonymous :

      If I were in your shoes I’d find out first when “recruiting season” is. In some cases finding a job can be more difficult outside of the normal recruiting process.

      On another note – I switched careers to accounting and haven’t looked back. I think its a fabulous career!

  7. Can you please tell me how you coordinate holidays and visits with your families that aren’t within driving distance? The holidays are killing me this year and my husband seems allergic to planning.

    • Do you have kids? We have 3 sets of parents, none local, and follow the standard American days off, so rotated holidays – one family Tgiving, one family Christmas, one Easter.

      After kids, we wanted to be home more and stop all the ridiculous travel. Plus it got expensive! So now we only rotate houses at Thanksgiving. We host an “open house” on Christmas afternoon that family could theorectically come to but never do – it’s mainly for local friends and neighbors. And we stay home on Easter because neither of us get much time off. We do make an effort to see each family a few times a year, although we’ll only go to them 1-2 times a year because $$cost.

      It’s not perfect but it’s so much less stressful that it’s worth it.

      • Yes, I have 2 kids. I have one sister with 2 kids who lives overseas, and one sister married but no kids who lives closer (~8 hr drive). My parents split time between city that’s a 4 hr flight from us and city that’s an all-day travel affair for us (small airport, so it’s a connecting flight or long drive from major airport). Husband’s parents are local. Husband has one brother with kids who lives 3 hrs away but is divorcing, so there’s another wrinkle.

        • Anonymous :

          You can just “call it” this year and say, “We’re not traveling.” or “We’ll do this but not that.” I usually travel to family (no kids, and they all have multiple schedules to juggle, so I flex). But one year I just said, “no, I can’t. I cannot face the travel this year. I’m longing to stay home, so I will.” And I did. And we were all fine.

        • I feel you. Of our 3 families, one is halfway across the US, one is ~5 hours away, and one is ~2 hours away. Plus siblings who aren’t in any of those places. It’s so much travel and coordination and it’s just too much stress for a time that is supposed to be solemn and thoughtful.

          Sounds like you’re a perfect candidate to be home base. Are you comfortable hosting in your house? What if you start a new plan of hosting Thanksgiving every single year for anyone who can come from any side? Some years it might be just the 4 of you, sometimes it might be 20. Both can be lovely.

          Can you ask your family to start rotating who comes to YOU on Christmas? Skype with the others so they don’t feel left out, but establish that your kids will be opening their presents at home Christmas morning, so people can come to you, or you can Skype a hello. You’ll see them whenever they next visit.

        • We take turns prioritizing my husband’s family or my family. For example, this year is my family Christmas, so we are going to my parents’ place (a half day of travel away) and so are my siblings and their kids and my grandparents who live abroad. We could equally have planned spend my family Christmas at my sister’s place and then that would still count as my family Christmas meaning we would not also try and fit in a trip to my parents. We will still see my husbands family (who are local) but we fit that in around the plans with the family we are prioritizing.

        • we alternate and book our flights in May when they go on sale on Southwest. sometimes our parents will treat us to the flights in lieu of holiday gifts, particularly since my parents have health issues and it is hard for them to travel. as a kid we always traveled on holidays and then finally my mom started hosting thanksgiving every other year. while i never loved the traveling aspect (it was by car), the few times we couldn’t get together with our extended families I found the holidays very depressing bc to me a holiday means a lot of people. my parents each have two siblings, but our holidays also included my parents’ first cousins and their kids as well.

      • Anonymous :

        My in-laws host a big family holiday get-together two or three weeks before Christmas. This allows all of their kids to avoid traveling over the actual holidays, and lets them jet off for their vacation home for the winter guilt-free. It is so much less stressful and more fun for all concerned than trying to get people together in the same place for Christmas.

    • I wouldn’t. I’d stay home and enjoy making my own traditions.

      • +1 – that’s what we did growing up. My parents are both from pretty big families, so getting together for Christmas would have been all kinds of ridiculous and was never really an option on the table. Add in the fact of winter travel by driving, since flying was not an option (too many people, too expensive, rural location) and that just made my dad even more disinclined to travel. Even with the local relatives (in the same city), we might do something with them the afternoon/evening of Christmas day, but it was more likely to be whatever weekend followed Christmas, or would wait until NYE day.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes, at some point you have to decide that your immediate family (spouse and kids) is the family that takes priority on the holidays. People can come to you or not. And you can see your extended families at other times. (Love the idea of the pre-Christmas extended family get-together above!)

    • Break it down. We alternate sides of the family every other year, and then coordinate with siblings to the extent possible.

      • This is what I do with my husband, but we don’t have kids and we only have to travel ~ 3 hours to our families.

    • I just don’t. Once I had little kids of my own, we started having the holidays in our big comfortable traditional (fixer upper) house and anyone who missed us was welcome to come visit.

      For Christmas in particular, it was really important to my kids when they were young that we stay home, because this is where Santa comes. We leave treats for Santa and his reindeer near the fireplace. We have a video of the kids coming down the stairs every Christmas morning to see the tree and get into their stockings. My mom’s midcentury house doesn’t even have a fireplace, much less stairs.

      We have on occasion road tripped between Christmas and New Years to see family, but that has fizzled out too in recent years.

      It happens. At some point your own parents stopped going to their parents house for holidays.

      • Seeing grandma for the holidays vs. coming down the STAIRS on video — the same stairs they presumably use daily. To each their own I guess.

        • Yeah I also find that incredibly weird. Like I don’t think you have to go to grandmas but to not do it over stairs and a fireplace? Santa is magic. He finds kids even in midcentury modern houses.

        • This was a pretty unnecessary comment.

        • Parents have the right to celebrate holidays with their children in their own home. We always went to my grandparents house for every holiday and I hated it and felt like we never got to celebrate as a family. If the grandparents want to see it in person, they can come to visit.

          • Yeah obvi. It’s just stairs is a weird reason to do it

          • From watching House Hunters, there are a lot of people out there with fantasies around family traditions and stairs (holidays, prom, weddings). I have seen multiple episodes where having a grand staircase is a Must Have due to this.

    • I don’t have kids, but as we’ve gotten older one of my sister’s and I are the only ones who seemed to care about trying to get the whole family together, and my dad and brother contributed to planning effort. It was infuriating, and I stopped. If your husband (and other members of your family!) is allergic to helping you plan, my $.02 is, just let it go this year. Given the number of people and the issues involved (pending divorce), you can’t be the only one trying to herd cats on this. It’s too much.

    • I’m just posting because I feel like I have a completely different POV than everyone else but obviously everyone else is completely right that this is your choice and if you want to stay home you should. I am one of 15 first cousins on my dad’s side and we were incredibly close growing up, spent every Christmas morning together and we still are to this day. We all are having kids now (27 so far and counting) and I feel really lucky that my parent’s generation is keeping up our Christmas morning traditions. One of my aunts and uncles even kept my grandparents farm after they passed and so most years we do Christmas there, just like we did when we were kids.

      I think those extended family Christmas mornings can be really special and magical.

      • I mean, hooray for you. Hopefully all 15 of you have spouses who don’t care about seeing their own families on Christmas morning or anything, so they can just slide into that plan. I know that’s harsh, but the reality is most people view their marriage as a compromise, and the holidays are typically an emotional time for both partners in the marriage where each one has a tradition they’d like to uphold. Yours sounds like a very unique situation that is pretty unlikely to repeat in most families.

        • why is my pov and my post less valid than everyone else’s? there are 20+ people saying stay home, tell people to come to you if they want to see you on Christmas morning, Skype with extended family, do it early, do it late, immediate family is the most important, etc., etc. I didn’t disagree than EBO220 was completely okay if they made that choice, I just posted another POV from someone whose family made a different choice growing choice while growing up, and who now makes a different choice every Christmas. why the snarkiness?

          • Anonymous :

            I’m actually genuinely curious – none of the 15 cousins have spouses who want to spend Christmas with their own family of origin? Or is that just “not allowed,” because your family’s Christmas takes precedence?

          • I’m not privy to all the private discussions about Christmas but I know from mine with my husband and from some of the convos I’ve been told about that although we all are flexible with every other holiday and all the times around the morning of the 25th, Christmas morning is sacred to all of us. In-laws come to Christmas morning too if they want to. Generally there is at least one set there most Christmases, mine came for our first’s 2nd Christmas when she was old enough to know what was going on. Last year we arrived on the 24th, and did a big Christmas celebration with his family on the 23rd and 24th morning before driving for half a day on Christmas eve night.

            Now that the kids are getting slightly older they’re getting insistent at being at the farm for santa. when they were babies, the whole thing was obviously just for me but now they want to see their cousins too.

            I guess I know it seems ridiculous to people outside our family but no one ever misses. One of my younger cousins spent two Christmases in overseas in the military and that was the first Christmas all 16 of us hadn’t been there ever.

          • Anonymous :

            it’s not! i think that is so nice and special that everyone has managed to make it work. the other anonymous comment was unnecessarily obnoxious.

          • I can’t with anybody who makes *their* tradition the “sacred” one and steadfastly refuses to accept anything else.

      • i agree! i loved celebrating holidays with my extended family and the few times we didn’t as a kid (and even still as an adult) I was so disappointed.

      • I agree — but it sounds like you have more buy-in from other members of your family so that you’re not the only one trying to make that Christmas-morning-with-everyone happen. I spent a few years bending over backwards at the holidays trying to coordinate with everyone because I too have fond memories of family holidays when I was a kid. What I mostly got was stressed out and resentful. These days, if I look around and no one else seems to be trying to make it happen, I quit trying. You can’t make other adults give a sh*t about getting the whole family together for Christmas.

      • Your story reminds me of what I think of as the Lake House problem. This is a real example of a really close friend of mine.

        The first generation of parents bought a Lake house sometime in the 1950s. They went there in the summers with their three kids.

        The three kids grew up and sometimes visited their parents at the lake house during the summer. They have wonderful, warm memories of their time at the lake.

        The parents got older and didn’t use the Lake house as much. Their grown children married and had children and took turns vacationing with their families there. It wasn’t big enough to house all three couples and their children at once.

        The original parents passed away and the three adult children inheirited the Lake house. One of the children moved away and wanted the other two to buy him out. They did but it was a stretch financially.

        Now those remaining two adult children are grandparents with adult children of their own.

        They are struggling with who is going to own the lake house. Some of the third generation adults don’t want it (don’t want to pay for upkeep and taxes), some do but can’t afford to buy anyone out. They really don’t know what to do. There are also divorced spouses who have a claim to the unrealized gains made on the house during their marriages.

        I think of it like a mathematical problem. The family grows and dilutes at the same time as generations pass.

        At some point everyone goes their separate ways.

        It’s like that with holidays. At some point the family grows and dilutes, and people start their own traditions. It’s very rare for people to be able to do the same thing forever.

      • I love this. My family isn’t as big, but Christmas mornings as a big family have always been very important to us. My parents really felt like kids should be with other kids on Christmas so we’ve always been around first cousins. I’m not sure I’ll continue with my first cousins when I have kids, but I know coordinating with immediate family to have my kids together with their first cousins will be a big priority for me. Sometimes choosing for yourself means choosing to do what you always have done, if it’s special and important to you.

      • “I am one of 15 first cousins on my dad’s side and we were incredibly close growing up, spent every Christmas morning together and we still are to this day. We all are having kids now (27 so far and counting) and I feel really lucky that my parent’s generation is keeping up our Christmas morning traditions. One of my aunts and uncles even kept my grandparents farm after they passed and so most years we do Christmas there, just like we did when we were kids.”

        The heck with the cousins on mom’s side, amirite? Likewise, when you have children and you continue going to your aunts and uncles … the heck with any of your children’s first cousins on your husband’s side (meaning his siblings and their children), it seems. I’m sorry, this is just not right to insist that all of the in-laws work around your precious tradition. I too find it hard to believe that all of your cousins magically married spouses who are all just fine and dandy with always doing Christmas with your side.

        Why can’t you just do the normal “Thanksgiving with his family, Christmas with mine, and next year it’s the other way around” or some variation thereof, which seems to be how most people work it out?

      • Saranon – I know you think these “extended family Christmas mornings are really special and magical.” But don’t you think that maybe, just maybe, some of your cousins married perfectly nice people who maybe spent the holidays with their own families of origin and even if it was just immediate family, they found their Christmases special and magical too? There’s really nothing more special or magical about the fact that it’s a huge number of people. It’s just a different experience, that’s all.

        How understanding would you all be if some cousin begged out because his or her spouse came from a family where they all HAD HAD HAD to get together for Christmas like yours does?

        I would be beyond annoyed if my husband were a member of this family – like his cousins’ wishes are supposed to trump my parents/siblings.

    • Had candid chats with my SILs and sibs and came up with a plan that means I travel once a year and host one event at my home and then count summer vacation as the third get together.

    • Anonymous :

      Different approach here. Every Thanksgiving is with husband’s family. Every Christmas is with mine, rotating annually among my place, my sister’s, and our folks’. There are no get togethers for Easter. It works for us for now.

  8. My face is shiny in every picture I take. Is it my makeup? I don’t wear much – just a tinted moisturizing sunscreen and some powder foundation applied with one of those beauty blenders. Sometimes concealer, and sometimes a little bit of blush, although I shine even when I forget either of those. Is it my skincare routine? I have somewhat oily skin, so I use Cerave/ Cetaphil in the mornings during my shower, and the same again at night to take off my makeup. I use various moisturizers at night, but right now I’m using Neutrogena Retinol Anti-Wrinkle stuff.

    My makeup sort of melts off during the day, but I shine regardless of when I take a pic. The only time I haven’t had shine was when I got airbrush foundation for a wedding, so that’s why I think maybe it’s makeup related? Help!

    • It sounds like you don’t moisturize enough, so your face is overproducing oil. Especially with a retinol in your routine, you have to add something extra, like argan oil or a cream, to your night routine. Also, your face could potentially be hating the makeup you’re applying to it and that could be why you’re producing extra oil. My face turns into an oil slick depending on the foundation I wear.

      Short term fix – blot your face before you take photos. Long term – post EVERY SINGLE THING you’re using and someone here could redirect your skin/makeup routine.

    • I have shiny skin naturally, but I use Laura Mercier’s matte photo powder (it’s a white powder that goes on clearish, not my skin tone). I put on concealer, add the powder to my shiny areas, blend, then use mascara. I haven’t been shiny in pictures, and it lasts a long time.

    • Anonymous :

      I was told by the person who did my makeup for a wedding that having SPF in your makeup can cause that shininess – it reflects back with flashes.

      • That’s what it is. I was just coming in here to say that – sunscreen =shine in photos

      • I’ve heard that and I’ve also heard the ingredient silica can cause flashback.

      • Diana Barry :

        +1. Although some are worse than others – you could try switching sunscreen types and see if it makes it better.

      • Wow! I am so fascinated to learn of the sunscreen issue for photos!

        I wish I’d known this fun fact one day earlier. Did family photos yesterday afternoon. But my 5 year old was at peak cuteness, so it won’t really matter what I look like… I’ll just look like I’m basking in her glow.

      • I did not know this! But actually it makes sense I guess. Reflecting light is how physical sunscreen works.

    • If your makeup has a physical sunscreen (titanium dioxide, zinc oxide) any flash used in photography may be bouncing off the particles. You don’t necessarily look like this IRL, only in photos.

      This happened to me when I used to wear bare minerals powder foundation. I went to an evening event (corporate) with a photographer and in all the photos my face was glowing, not in a good way.

      I would wear sunscreen-less foundation for evening events. Daylight photos shouldn’t be as much of a problem.

  9. Some people just have naturally oily skin. I’m one of those people. I carry blotting papers in my bag and try to remember to use them before a picture or mid day generally. They absorb the oil without smudging makeup.

    https://www.target.com/p/oil-absorbing-sheets-70-ct-up-up-153/-/A-13970774?lnk=rec|adaptpdpexsrch|related_prods_vv|adaptpdpexsrch|13970774|0

  10. Lose It App/website :

    Just discovered it a week ago and have been using it to be mindful of calories and exercise (trying to lose weight as apparently mid-30s is the time when most’s metabolism goes to s#it). Anyone else use it and want to start a group so we can motivate each other and keep accountable?

    • I started using it at the beginning of September, and I really like it for helping me be mindful of how much I’m snacking/having dessert/taking seconds.

      That said, it’s been 7 weeks of keeping at or under their recommendation for weight loss, and I have only lost 1 pound (in theory, I’m using the 1/2 lb a week setting). I’ve been really generous with entering portion sizes, etc – trying to help avoid the problem with food journals where you end up recording way less than you really eat. Dunno, maybe my metabolism is just really slow?

      In any case, I still like it and could use some help to get through this slow start (I want to lose about 15 pounds, am currently about 35 pounds overweight).

  11. Lighting in house :

    Hi. Thought I’d ask for advice here. We have a house built in 1997. VERY open main floor with VERY high ceilings for most of it – 2 story living room, 2 story entry way. Lower ceilings in dining room, kitchen, and eating area that transitions between kitchen and living room (but still probably 10 or 12 feet high ceilings in the lower area). Kitchen is mostly white cabinetry – that is unlikely to change. We live in cluster home area – single family homes are very close together. Windows are high to allow for both light and privacy.

    My question is: what COLOR light bulbs for this main area of the house? I get “soft yellow” in dining room that we rarely use. It is open to the entry way. But you can sit in the kitchen and see the living room and vice-versa, and even the entry way and the dining room. Should all these areas be 1 color of light bulb (I assume yes for continuity sake). If so – what color? More white, more yellow? if not then what color for kitchen, what color for living room? Kitchen has dimmers. Living room does not.

    Please feel free to offer advice. Thanks.

    • IDK

      I used to live in a 1000 sq ft ranch and it seemed like all lamps / fan lights were 60 watt bulbs (1950s house, so few rooms had overhead lights; many had fan/light combos on the ceiling).

      Then I moved into a much larger house and it has tons of oddball fixtures and a few sconces. And we must have to keep an inventory of various odd sized bulbs and wattages.

      There are actually lighting consultants who are good at this stuff — maybe start there? But if not, I’d go with warm bulbs all over. KISS is a perfectly acceptable approach when you have the option.

    • I have GE Reveal bulbs because I felt like other bulbs made my walls look yellowish.

    • Do you like the way it looks now? If not, try making the bulbs more consistent (similar color temperature). I prefer a warm light (more yellow that “daylight”) throughout my apartment but this is really a personal preference issue – I think you just need to experiment to see what you like.

    • YES to all one color bulb. We have a very traditional (1880s) house that the previous owners had outfitted throughout with blue-white LEDs, so it felt like an operating theater. We very quickly changed everything to “soft white.”

  12. Just posting again about how absolutely annoying it is that the comments section arbitrarily jumps back to the beginning, whenever it feels like it, usually when I’m halfway down the page. It’s not really worth finding my spot anymore… I just read until it jumps and then give up. Kat please fix it.

    • This has never happened to me. Are you on your phone? Is it ad blocking software? Is it ads loading slowly?

    • I’m on my desktop using Chrome… it happens to me every single time I come here. It also happens if I post anything. Glad it doesn’t do it to everyone! Though I have read other comments complaining about it, so I think I am not the only one.

      • It happens to me frequently (using Chrome on my phone), but it jumps to the bottom of the comments vs. the top!

  13. Minnie Beebe :

    So, I received word on Friday that I should expect a formal job offer early this week (it’s just going to take a day or two to put the offer letter together)! I’m very excited, and am really looking forward to the new role and the new company. Old job was killing me slowly, and the new job seems like it’ll be great. I have salary/bonus #s, but don’t know anything about the rest of the benefits (PTO, etc)

    Salary is good– a small bump up from where I was. I’d be happy with the salary as-is. But I *must* negotiate for more, right? Is this an expectation, generally? I’d ask for 5% more, and if I got 3%, I’d be good (again, assuming benefits are reasonable.)

    • Maudie Atkinson :

      You should negotiate for more. You might be happy with the salary as-is, but it certainly be good for you to have more, right? And even if you don’t *need* it, don’t expect to get it, or aren’t especially motivated by money, or whatever, do it for the rest of womankind. We need women to negotiate so that it becomes the expectation, especially in places where it isn’t now.

    • Also, you shouldn’t negotiate on salary numbers until you have the full benefits package. Even if its a small bump in pay, you might actually make less if benefits are crap. When accepting my job, I laid out the numbers value of all benefits and comp (and a nebulous value of the more flexible work environment to me). If the Healthcare is terrible and you have to buy supplemental coverage (ex. short term disability if they don’t offer maternity coverage), you might want to negotiate for higher comp.

      • Minnie Beebe :

        Yeah, didn’t make it clear in my original post, but I’m not doing anything until I have an official offer letter with all benefits clearly spelled out so I’m able to evaluate the full comp. But yes, a very good point! Thanks!

    • The easiest time to get a raise is when you get hired. Once you’re in the system it’s generally much, much harder. Now is the time (to at a minimum attempt) to get more money.

    • Wait for the full package offer and then negotiate. The truth is that the package you negotiate now will be your base for many years to come. Once you are an internal employee, you will only get a raise of few percentages up, just very rarely a significant bump increase. And then most companies have an internal cap for pay raises with promotions (in my very generous pharma company, the cap is max 20% – even if you skip 2 grades at once). So think of this situation of you negotiating your salary not for this year or the next year, but rather for 2019.

    • You must negotiate :

      Yes, yes, yes, you MUST negotiate! If you give us the numbers you’re talking about and the industry/position you’re looking at, we can help you come up with a realistic number to shoot for…

  14. Two requests, in case anyone can help me out!

    1) opaque v-neck long sleeved white or cream t-shirt? for family pictures?

    2) online source for basic black tights?

    Thanks all!

  15. Never too many shoes... :

    Monday Morning Random Question – I saw this on another board I read sometimes and was floored by the answers…

    If you are at home watching tv and the national anthem is played…do you stand?

    • Obviously not. No one does this, they just say they do to manufacture drama on the internet.

    • No and it has nothing to do with the current protests. I’ve never stood for the anthem except at a public event.

    • Minnie Beebe :

      No.

    • no? I only stand in public when people are watching. That doesn’t mean I don’t respect the flag or am not patriotic though.

    • No. I will watch them standing and actually pay attention. From my couch.

    • You’re supposed to stand facing the flag when the anthem plays. Unless you have a flag on display in your living room it doesn’t even make any sense to stand.

    • No. Has nothing to do with protest. It wouldn’t even occur to me to stand, to the extent that I’m thinking, “Wait, there are people who are standing there, by themselves, in their living rooms? Really? I had no idea.”

    • nasty woman :

      No, my flat screen is not a telescreen.

    • lol no

    • No and I am so tired of this trite patriotism. Even as a kid, I just did not get it. We are Americans by accident of birth, not because we are somehow superior to everyone else. I respect our military in the same way that I respect any other professional who puts their life on the line to protect other people (first responders etc). Why the heck should anyone who belongs to a marginalized group feel the need to pay homage to a piece of cloth that represents a government complicit in his or her marginalization?

    • No. And I don’t put my hand over my heart if it is played when I’m present, because I was taught that hand-over-heart is only for the Pledge. I recognize that apparently the Flag Code says otherwise, but it feels wrong to me.

      And frankly all of this debate about the niceties of what one is supposed to do during the playing of the National Anthem really makes me think of Jesus’ “Scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites” speech: “all their works they do to be seen by man…you tithe mint and dill and cumin, but have neglected the weightier matters of the law: judgment, mercy, and faith.”

      Patriotism isn’t about what you do during the National Anthem. A man who puts his hand over his heart but doesn’t care about equality before the law, freedom of conscience, or the administration of justice is no patriot to me.

      • Yessss preach.

        And I’m baffled to hear that people stand in their living rooms if the anthem gets played. No clue that was a thing.

      • +1 million
        I love my country and always have. I am proud to be an American. I demonstrate that pride by working to ensure that everyone in our country has the same access to freedom, justice, economic opportunity, and the pursuit of personal happiness as rich white people. That does not make me unpatriotic.

    • Haha no one does this. Bunch of liars.

    • One of my co-workers once stood with her hand over her heart while the anthem was played on TV at an event we were watching in a conference room over lunch. Nobody else stood and it was totally weird.

    • What? No. Honestly, I would give a lot of side-eye to anyone who did this in front of me.

    • Yes….and this was a source of family humor growing up. My paternal grandfather was in the Navy, as was his brother, and you can bet my dad stood for the anthem on TV. I followed suit, and continue to do so. Not sure what my siblings did/do. My mother on the other hand did not, and laughed good-naturedly every time the anthem played on TV. It’s a small minority that stand for the anthem on TV, but it means something to us, so please don’t call us liars, or assume this is some sort of false patriotism. Standing is one of the many ways it’s possible for someone to love this country. We don’t expect you to stand for the anthem on TV; we just like to do it ourselves. (Coincidentally, I’m a civilian working for the Navy now, which helps reinforce my stand for the anthem habit. Depending on the company, I sing along.)

      • And on the flip side of that coin, I have two career-military brothers who stand for the anthem when at a military function but not otherwise, and are firmly in the “we fight for your right to choose to sit or stand” camp.

        • It’s not the flip side of nuqotw’s coin: she said “we don’t expect you to stand for the anthem on TV; we just like to do it ourselves.” Aka she supports your right to choose to sit or stand, just like you.

          • Except that she said working alongside Navy folks reinforces her stand habit – and my Navy brothers would not begrudge her standing in front of the TV but they’d also wonder wtf she was doing…

      • Slight nonsequitur, but I wish the anthem was always a sing-along-permitted event. At Sounders matches in Seattle the whole crowd sings the anthem and I love that. I get that it’s a tough song to sing, but I would prefer to participate than have it performed, personally.

        • I’m curious – what types of activities have you run into when it is not OK to sing along? I haven’t been to many professional sporting events but at least some of the audience always sings along at all of the collegiate events I have been to. Or is this a non-sporting event?

          • I’ve never been some place (other than elementary school and Sounders matches) where the crowd sang along. That said, my college sports experience is basically zero, so I’m thinking pro sports and other events (like community runs).

    • SF in House :

      My father, a Korea vet, did, but I have never seen anyone else do it.

    • Pretty Primadonna :

      No. And have never seen anyone do this.

  16. Carlsbad, CA? :

    I have a business meeting planned from Tues-Thurs in Carlsbad, California in January at the Park Hyatt Aviera Resort. I will be 28 weeks pregnant. I know nothing about the area (east coaster, here). Is this a spot and/or hotel that I could easily roll into a ‘babymoon’ location with DH if we stayed for a long weekend on the front or back end? What’s there to do in the area that someone that far along at the time might enjoy? If we rented a car, are there sites to see in the vicinity? TIA!

    • PS: We don’t golf.

    • Yes! I love Carlsbad. The beaches are really nice there and it’s a quick drive into San Diego for night life. San Diego is on a Bay so you have to go over to Coronado to get a real beach there. Staying north of SD is better.

      One of my favorite places to go (I’m from so Cal but living in the Bay Area)

      Definitely rent a car.

    • The resort itself is beautiful & worth spending time in just relaxing. Depending where you are coming from, the weather may be nice enough to hang out by the pool. I also like going to the beach (to walk) even in the winter. Carlsbad is only about 40 minutes from San Diego — so lots to do there.

      There is a good outlet mall nearby. (Carlsbad Premium Outlets)

      What other kinds of things do you like to do ?

      • I’ll be coming from Boston, so anything will be warmer :) We like just lounging, but also like driving/exploring. Not big for theater/arts while on vacation – we get a lot of that at home. At 28 weeks I’m not sure I’m much for ‘night life’, but we love good food! I’m thinking we would do some lounging at the hotel/spa, maybe some random shopping and a car drive somewhere (where might that be to, apart from San Diego proper? any good scenery north along the coast to the north?) Thanks for the thoughts!

        • I love all the beach towns around there. Hit Oceanside, Del Mar, La Jolla. Just go into town, park, and stroll around. Plenty of cute places to eat and shops to poke around in.

        • Rainbow Hair :

          Torrey Pines State Park is gorgeous. You’ll want to check on the hikes’ difficulty before you head out — my favorite one would not be great for pregnancy (a decent amount of scrambling) but there are all levels.

          You can eat so many tacos!

    • Yes, totally! Also, if you want to splurge a little bit, I would consider spending a night at the Hotel Del in Coronado. It’s a pretty short drive from Carlsbad and is one of my favorite local hotels.

  17. I’ve become pretty close with a newish friend over the past year or so. She recently started seeing someone and they’ve become very serious very quickly. Friend is now either unavailable or cancels plans a lot, sometimes at the last minute. And by last minute I mean, I’m in the Uber on my way to her when she texts back and says she can’t make it (before you suggest it – yes I asked her if she was ready, should I get an Uber now, and she said yes). Something like this happened 3 times over the past week.

    After the Uber incident, I told her that my feelings were really hurt. She gave some excuses but eventually apologized and said she’d make it up to me. She hasn’t made any effort to do so yet. She never blames the new boy for her cancellations… but I’m starting to wonder. She’s said some other things about him that are concerning, but she’s also super defensive about the relationship. I don’t want to jump to conclusions but if she’s in a bad situation with him then I want to be supportive. Or maybe she doesn’t value our friendship that much. Idk. What should I do?

    • Eh it’s not like she’s a super long term friend. Don’t make any more plans with her. She’s told you where your friendship ranks for her.

      If she wants to see you she will make an effort to see you. At this point that means coming to where you are, so that if/when she flakes it is not inconvenient for you.

      I would say she’s just a Facebook friend at this point.

    • She’s a bad friend. Stop trying so hard. I see zero red flags.

    • I’m just amazed you had plans to get together with someone 3 times in one week. I barely see my SO that much. No judgement, as I’m An Old so maybe (hopefully) I was like that back in my single 20s days and just didn’t appreciate it enough. Just realizing I’m probably a s#1++y friend now.

    • New Tampanian :

      I would suggest you phase this friend out. She’s already doing the same to you. I had a “close” friend who 100% disappeared even during REALLY tough times. I just had to accept that I was not an important person in her life and move on. It’s not easy but you have to do that sometimes. You’ll find better people for your tribe, I promise.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I’d say hang back and leave it up to her to make things right. Which she won’t. And then you will be out of a bad friend relationship and free to pursue better friendships..

      • She won't? :

        My money’s on “friend” coming back when she needs someone to cry to about no-longer-so-new boyfriend.

    • I wonder if in your relationship with her you both got close fast because she otherwise didn’t have a guy in her life – you were a placeholder, and now there is one, priorities have been reset? Sorry for the speculation, but I’ve lived this personally and it’s all I think of when I read your post. Either way, I agree with Senior Attorney – let her be in charge of ‘fixing it’ that way it’s no energy on your part, and if she doesn’t… well, you have your answer.

  18. In-House in Houston :

    Has anyone returned anything recently to Boden? I sent them back several items 2 weeks ago and still haven’t received the credit or even an email that they received it. Does it usually take this long? TIA.

    • My last return took about that long. About 2 days after I started wondering what was taking so long, I got the confirmation/refund.

      • joan wilder :

        My last return (within the last month) took about 2 1/2 weeks, about a week or so longer than past returns. I wonder if it is busier during sale season? I was wondering about it and noticed this on their website. “We try to process returns as quickly as possible, but, as stated in the catalogue, it can take up to twenty-one days when we’re very busy. Over the last season we have brought down the average time it takes to process a return. We will continue to try and reduce it this season.”

      • Same here. Takes a couple weeks. I’ve done lots of returns to them though and always get the money back, even though it takes a while.

  19. Work trip from west coast to NY this week. Are you all wearing coats yet? The temps look warm-ish and maybe rainy – will a rain coat do?

    What about tights? Are you wearing opaque tights this time of year?

    I’m such a Californian!

    Thanks in advance for any advice.

    • Bring a coat — not a winter coat but a raincoat with a lining. It’s only going to be in the mid 60s in the later part of this week – with some rain – which means it’ll be in the 50s in the morning; it’s in that uncomfortable zone for weather – too cold for no coat; too warm for a winter coat. And PS the sun doesn’t shine in NY like Ca – so you can’t expect to warm up in the sun.

    • It’s the transitional time of year here. Today, my legs are bare, but I broke out the tights a couple times last week. A light jacket or coat, like a raincoat, is appropriate. You wouldn’t want something heavy yet. If you’re here tomorrow, we’re expecting a lot of rain, so make sure to bring a collapsible umbrella and shoes that can handle it.

      • Great – arriving tomorrow PM, departing Friday midday. About a 4 block walk from hotel to office, so I will have my practical shoes :)

    • In Philly, not NYC, but everyone is still bare-legged thanks to the balmy-for-us weather. Would suggest bringing a lightweight trench coat.

    • Anon in NYC :

      It’s going to get chilly (highs in the low 60s – chilly to me) towards the later part of the week. I will be wearing pants, or dresses with tights of some persuasion (either nude or black, depending on how cold I feel), and a warm raincoat as needed. But you’ll probably also see people in dresses without tights, so I think it depends on the temps that you’re comfortable with.

    • I usually wear a trench coat this time of year.

  20. s in chicago :

    Any advice for how to handle this better the next time? On a call with four men and one of them swears. He makes a point to note I’m on the call and apologizes. I just ignore. Is there a way to get across that you don’t want the “otherness”? This happens a lot. Or someone will say “just between us girls. Oh, wait, s is on the call–sorry about that.” I know it’s not ill-intentioned. But it just, ugh…..

    The irony? One of the other four (who is in sales) has said things to me that are so vulgar when it’s just him and me that no one would ever believe it (referring to a female client as a See You Next Tues licker because her and another female at the client’s business are usually in lock-step on how they view purchase strategy).

    I don’t know what I’m asking I guess. Just frustrated. It feels like the more senior my role gets the more of this nonsense I see and I don’t know what I could/should be doing to try to make it better.

    • When someone apologizes for cursing in front of me, I just say “Its okay, I’ve heard that word before.” with good humor in my tone. That usually makes them realize that I’m not offended by it, and don’t need to be apologized to (thus eliminating the “otherness”).

      However, my office is a boy’s club, very casual and cursing is par for the course, so this response might not be appropriate for your office, but it’s worked well in mine.

    • Anon for this :

      Ugh. I recently had this happen on a call with my client and my boss. Client cussed and then apologized for cussing because I was on the call. Afterward, he sent me an email apologizing again for cussing on the call. He’s by far my favorite client so I’ve let it go… but it still eats at me. I did respond to his email but I kind of wish that I hadn’t. So, I’m of absolutely no help. However, I can relate.

    • Anonymous :

      I usually say something sarcastic, like “Oh, yeah, I’m a delicate flower” or “And here I just got over the vapors” or make the point slightly differently by saying something like “I really DGAF if you swear on this call.” I never say nothing.

    • AlexisFaye :

      I’m not bothered by profanity, but just out of curiosity, would he call a dude a C-licker? I would be bothered by this…

      • s in chicago :

        No–he wouldn’t. Unlike the person apologizing (who I know has no bad will), the sales guy is a whole other matter. He also will remark how he worked with “Bill” forever while the client was just a college kid. Um, yeah, and now she has an MBA and is “Bill’s” boss over there but heaven forbid you acknowledge the respect that’s due. (Being a client alone should be enough to be respectful if you ask me….) The other female is similar rank. I’m sure that bothers him to no end that he has to sell to them (thus the reference that they must be “intimate” with each other if they decide to change purchase strategy).

  21. Navigating NYC in Dec with kids :

    Seeking advice for California family headed to NYC in the first part of December. Our kids will be 1 and 4. Is a stroller a must? What type would be best? Weather around that time? Tips on fun things to do? I’ve googled for more ideas, but would greatly appreciate the hive’s advice! TIA

    • Anonymous :

      Weather can be cold, but has been warmer the past few years. It is too early to know now, though I’ve heard they are predicting a bad winter. The touristy stuff will be crowded, but I love seeing all the decorations. The tree in Rockefeller Center, windows at Lord & Taylor and Macy’s lights at Saks, etc. Try to go during the week and not at rush hour or lunchtime to minimize business (though it will still likely be packed).

      I was a city kid through elementary school until my fam relocated to the burbs and I have a lot of fond memories visiting the Museum of Natural History on the UWS around the holidays. They usually have a beautiful tree. My grandmother took me once and they were teaching kids how to do origami and I still remember how to make that one item. I also always loved the dinosaurs and the gems/rocks area. It’s a good place for your kids to run around, especially if it is cold or rainy.

      Obviously your 1 year old is a bit young, but depending on your 4 year olds interests, some of the stores are a site in and of themselves. The Toys R Us in Times Square, American Girl Doll, NBA Store, etc., but again assuming you don’t want to buy them things you might want to skip those.

      Lots of playgrounds in Central Park, along with a huge Alice in Wonderland statue and the Central Park Zoo is a cute zoo for a city. The Plaza Hotel is at the edge of the park and is beautiful at the holidays, along with the Plaza Food Hall. As a city kid, my parents took me to a lot of places including Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. I climbed the Statue of Liberty at age 4. Your kids are a bit young (and it might be cold), but the ferry ride over is also a fun part of those attractions.

      No kids yet, but I’ve heard from some friends that two umbrella strollers is easier than a side by side double stroller. As a kid, we had a double stroller with one kid in front and one in back and that worked fine bc it was still narrow. A wide double stroller is hard on city sidewalks, particularly in busy areas. Also, check the weather before you come and make sure you bring appropriate rain gear if rain is expected bc in the city you walk everywhere so lots of time outside.

    • I have not taken kids there, but I cannot imagine going without a stroller! I have the city mini double, which is very easy to maneuver, is a comfortable height for long walks, and fits through single doorways.

    • It is usually pretty chilly by early December in NYC (particularly relative to many parts of California). Where are you staying? What types of activities do you want to do?

      I always recommend families with small kids stay in the UWS. It is close to Central Park (and there are many other small parks/playgrounds in the neighborhood), there are lots of kid friendly restaurants, and the natural history museum and children’s museum are good indoor activities. The Christmas decorations and ice skating rinks will be up and open at Rock Center and Bryant Park, though both will likely be extremely crowded. Still fun to check out!

      As for the stroller, it depends on how much trekking around town you will be doing and how comfortable you are baby wearing. Do you have a big enough jacket that you can wear over the baby? If you end up bringing a stroller, I definitely recommend a stroller blanket/cover. And the kiddos will need hats and mittens and warm coats!

    • I would consider doing a carrier and a single stroller, that gives you the flexibility for the 4 year old to walk a little bit and the one year old to ride, when the 4 year old is tired then the 1 year old can go in the carrier. I did the Radio City Christmas show with a one year old and a 4 year old. We did the 9am show on a sunday, once it lets out you will be right by Rockefeller Center and it is early enough that it is not totally jam packet yet. Macy’s Santaland is a good experience too. You can reserve your spot 48 hours ahead which lets you skip the line, but then you miss most of the winter village. You can show up anytime and wait on line and see the village, but the wait is usually longer. Bryant Park winter village is a fun place to walk around with the kids too. Maybe ice skating for the 4 year old?

  22. Got a lighter hair color and my hair feels rough. What to do?

    • Deep condition, protein treatment, hair mask, deep condition.

    • If you are willing to spend a little more time and money, see if they will add a clear gloss. It should not be as expensive or time consuming as color. When I went overboard with the highlights earlier this year, adding a gloss left my hair smooth and silky. And, insert my usual plug for the Aveda products and salons here.

  23. tips for interviewers? (not interviewees) :

    Love the jacket, LOLed at the high-wader jumpsuit it’s styled with.

    I was promoted recently as part of a departmental expansion, and in the next few weeks I’ll be leading interviews for my first-ever direct report. Any tips on how to make the process successful?

    The position is almost entirely reliant on soft skills, so although I’m asking for work samples in the application, there won’t be any objective ways to evaluate the candidates. I’ll have two rounds of interviews (one with just me, and a finalist interview with my boss), and I’d be grateful for your thoughts on questions to ask, meeting structure, and anything else you think will be helpful!

    • Amberwitch :

      It is a lot easier to conduct an interview if you’ve got a ‘wing man’. Do you have someone else who knows/does the work who could participate in the first interview?
      Otherwise, pose open questions, listen more than you talk, and maybe let yourself be inspired by Daniel Kahnemanns description of his interview proces for the Israeli military in Thinking fast and slow.
      Suggested strukturen that works in my part of the world:
      Introductions – and let the applicant speak and ask questions as appropriate
      Present the job and how it fit into the organisation
      Let the applicant describe how they fit the role
      Questions, questions, questions
      Round up by making sure the applicant have no more questions, and run through the process ahead – next step, timeline, other activities such as references, when do you expect the new employee to start

      • I’d add to the advice re: “interview partner” that it be someone familiar with the role/needs but as different from you as possible – e.g. a man if you’re a woman, “low” on the office hierarchy if you’re “high” (or vice versa), notably older or younger, etc. You may find the interviewees respond differently to each of you and/or that you have a different intrepretation of how they handle questions. This can give you extra insight into how the new hire would fit into the office or where the rough edges might be.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      As the interviewer I felt like I got the most out of questions that called for a narrative response. “This position will require you to ABC. Can you talk about a time you’ve done something like that?” It does help you see how this person works with others, or solves problems, or whatever.

  24. Has anyone tried “the pant” from American Giant? Thoughts?

  25. Does anyone have recs for a sunshielding driving glove?

  26. What do you do when you need a large furniture item moved from one floor to another? It seems like too small a job for a professional moving company, but is definitely too big a job for my husband and his friends. Any suggestions on how to find a business that can do this? I’m really hesitant to just find an individual(s) on TaskRabbit or the like because I’m concerned about the person getting injured and suing us. I really want to use a professional who has some sort of insurance. Paranoid maybe, but I’m a lawyer.

    • Anonymous :

      Moving companies will move a piece of furniture. Call around — you’ll likely have better luck with local moving companies than with something like Atlas. It may cost you more than getting random guys off CL for a few hrs but I think the peace of mind is worth it.

      • Anonymous :

        I had a moving company come for just this. We actually needed to move it up through a window, which only a moving company could do. It was not cheap, but I would pay extra for the liability coverage even in a simpler situation. Likewise, if they bang through a wall or something, you are covered.

    • I just use taskrabbit. I think they have some kind of insurance through their platform & if you have homeowners insurance, that should cover a worst case scenario.

    • Small jobs :

      Try Thumbtack! It’s an app/website for finding people to do the random-est of jobs. Or check Craigslist for moving help – there are often people who offer up hourly strong-person help. You may or may not find they have insurance but you could always just supervise closely if you’re really concerned. Oh! Also, check out uhaul’s moving help. I’m blanking on what it’s called but when you rent a uhaul it refers you to a list of local companies that will help load and unload your moving truck – these are more likely to be insured, I’d think.

  27. I’ve been slowly gaining weight and eating horribly, and just generally feeling bad about it. Last night I decided (after ordering Taco Bell for dinner, seriously) I’m switching to a plant-based diet. Today for lunch I brought a grain bowl of quinoa, roasted veggies (sweet potato, broccoli, red onion, beets), chick peas, and a tahini dressing. Let’s hope this sticks!

    • I’m in the same boat! And hope to turn things around today too!

      You can do it!! Dried fruit is our friend.

      • Careful – dried fruit tends to be higher in calories due to loads of added sugar and the lack of water makes them less filling. Eating real fruit (apples, oranges, mangoes, bananas keep well), will probably keep you fuller and stop you from consuming too many calories.

        Weight loss is really just less calories in, more calories out.

        • +1000 to calories in, calories out.

          Also dried fruit is full of sugar and I don’t think has the same fiber content as just regular ol’ fresh fruit.

    • Anon for this :

      I tried the Whole 30 challenge for about a week before I cracked – I lost 7 lbs (!) and felt great but it was just too restrictive.

      I slowly gained the weight back, too.

      I’ve just started the weight watchers method (I googled how many points I should eat, and then just google individual foods to find points value since I don’t want to deal with memberships or meetings) and I’ve lost 2 lbs in the past week. It’s a good way to just remind yourself to eat reasonably. I did it years ago (before pregnancy/kids) and it seems to be the most sustainable option.

      Somehow I’ve slowly given in to eating terribly and its become a habit and then gotten worse. Job, kids, stress, slowing metabolism – MEH!

      Good luck!

      • Anonymous :

        if you can try again – finish the Whole 30! If that seems too long to you make it a Whole 21. You really will feel so much better after and it is not forever. I’m a terrible dieter bc I have no willpower and my office has so much junk. I do much better when I’m all or nothing (I can’t eat just 3 chips…i either have none or i have 30) Have I gained back weight that I lost during it…yes, but I also didn’t do introduction properly. I’m currently pregnant and they say you can do it while pregnant, but since I currently can only keep down saltines I’m not doing it now. I also like the my fitness pal app for calorie counting.

    • healthy eating :

      Also, meal prep! If you like curries and soups, here’s a couple of my go-tos (I normally add shredded chicken, but it’s hearty without the meat as well):

      Butternut Squash Curry:

      1-2 cans coconut milk (whatever fat content strikes you)
      1 roasted butternut squash (cut in half, cook on 400 until soft)
      all your favorite veggies roughly chopped (I normally do bell peppers, broccoli, mushrooms, carrots, green beans and sometimes asparagus)
      curry powder and/or chili paste, garlic, cumin, black pepper to taste
      quinoa or brown rice for serving

      Saute veggies, puree butternut squash and coconut milk, simmer veggies in sauce for about 30 minutes or until all veggies are soft

      White [chicken] chili:

      1 box chicken broth (I think it’s ~24 oz)
      1 block neufchatel cream cheese
      green chilis to taste (I use 1 small can)
      onions to taste (I use a whole one)
      black beans rinsed to taste (1-2 small cans to start)
      cumin, black pepper, garlic salt, chili powder, cayenne to taste (start with 1tsp. each and go up from there)
      carrots, corn, and mushrooms minced to taste
      quinoa or brown rice for serving

      Simmer all ingredients for 30-60 minutes and make sure the cream cheese is thoroughly melted, mixed, and creamy. Serve with avocado sliced on top!

      Since there’s no chemistry involved, you can alter the ratios and veggie combos to meet your tastes and whatever you have on hand to toss into the pot. Both are pretty quick to make once you chop the veggies, and the leftovers reheat well. Plus, you can adjust the macros by adding carbs like or fat sources like avocado or sour cream as needed!

  28. My favorite work suits are from Club Monaco. I wish they’d bring back their no-frills wool suiting!

  29. What else could it be? :

    My son and I live in a nice apartment, towards the high end of our city’s rent scale. We are in an area with lots of gated communities, and our property mgt is just as strict as any hoa. About a month ago, we got new downstairs neighbors. I haven’t met them yet, because we’ve only seen them a couple times on our way in/out, and it’s always seemed like an awkward time. But now this is beyond awkward!

    A couple weeks after they moved in, I heard a steady tapping noise. I thought mommy and daddy were having a little fun while the kiddos napped, or maybe a lot of fun. Then more fun. And more. Yeehaw, enjoying the new place, eh? Make it your own.

    This is getting weird. I’ve been working from home a lot lately. Between that and this weekend, I can’t begin to count how many times I’ve heard ker-THUNKa THUNKa THUNKa THUNKa. A lot. At least three times already today, and it just started again, faster. What is going on? This is way more than any normal couple’s healthy appetite.

    Is there anything else that makes that characteristic rhythm? I don’t know if I’m accusing them of illegal activity or if they just have a lot of friends who need to borrow a room or what. I’m a privileged little wuss who has never had to deal with these possibilities before.

    Seriously, what would you do??

    • Obviously they’re running a brothel out of their apartment.

      But seriously, don’t ask your neighbors about their sex lives in any way, shape, or form.

      • What else could it be? :

        Ordinarily, I would never, ever bring that up!
        But this is egregious. Could I even bring it up with property mgt? Idk how they’d even know, unless they hung out in my apt for a day.
        If whoever people are paying to be with are not minors or being forced into it, I wouldn’t have anything against a prostitute being there. But she’s got to sound-proof the place! .

    • s in chicago :

      Spin cycle of washing machine? An uneven load will bang around a ton.

      • Anonymous :

        +1. This was my thought. But that’s a lot of unbalanced laundry to be happening?

        • So as someone with an old, small washer/dryer set (hey it’s Boston and i’m just thrilled my rental has one!), we need to do a load every day (two active adults) or they build up. We came home from a 2-day trip yesterday (athletic trip) and i also washed linens and towels, so it was a 7 load day. And our washer sounds like giants f’ing when it is out of balance (which happens all.the.time bc old).

    • What else could it be? :

      This probably sounds like a troll post. It isn’t. I’m at a loss renwhat to do, and embarrassed to ask for advice from people I know irl.

      • Anonymous :

        It does. You’re unhinged. All kinds of things make noise. It’s not a brothel.

      • You should do nothing. There, question answered.

        Do they have a kid? Is the kid throwing a ball against the wall? Also agree with HVAC, washer dryer, or exercise equipment suggestions.

        Even if the walls are alive with the sound of boning, it’s more likely that they’re just doing it, or that someone’s having an affair in the middle of the day (which is REALLY none of your business) but it is 100% not an underaged brothel. Also, just in case in needs to be said, Pizzagate wasn’t real either.

    • Anonymous :

      An out-of-balance washing machine can make that noise.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        That’s what I was thinking!

        Though one morning, in my misspent youth, I got visited by my super for “the noise you are making in your apartment” and I was like “what noise?” and he was like “the. noise. you. are. making. in. your. apartment.” and then the ~guest~ who was in my room stirred and I was like “OH!” and died of shame and put down carpets (which was required in the lease anyway).

      • I second this. My washer needs repair and it’s extremely loud

    • Anonymous :

      Is this happening only during the day or at night too? If I heard a weird thumping noise in my neighbor’s house during the day on a weekday, I would absolutely let them or the property management company know. There might be something wrong that they wouldn’t otherwise know about. HVAC? Some odd plumbing issue? Off balance ceiling fan? Dog going nuts from separation anxiety?

    • Thistledown :

      If the noise is loud enough to be disruptive, address it the same way you would with any other noise. Just call it a thumping noise if a description is needed. If it’s not loud, but it’s just the nature of the noise that’s weird, then I think you need to just ignore it. Maybe turn on some back ground music to distract yourself. You just need to divorce the issues of “my neighbors are noisy’ and “are my neighbors having sex three times a day?!?” Remind yourself that you don’t actually know what causes the noises, and you don’t need to know.

    • Moonstone :

      Could be exercise equipment.

    • Anonymous :

      You don’t have to know what the sound is to ask them to keep it down. Just tell them the noise is disruptive. Don’t say anything about s*x, that’s crazy.

      • Anonymous :

        +100. Also, you mention water dripping below. If it is that soft, then I think its just something you have to learn to deal with. That’s part of apartment living.

    • Anonymous :

      I agree that there’s no evidence for it in this case and it is likely none of OP’s business, but I’m a little surprised by the number of people suggesting it’s insane/impossible to think that trafficking and slavery occur in residential apartments. My understanding is that it is actually pretty common in certain cities and absolutely does happen in nice parts of town. Trafficking is real and completely separate from insane political conspiracies like pizzagate. Again, just a general comment responding to the tone in this thread, mostly unrelated to OP’s situation.

      • Anonymous :

        People are responding that simply hearing noises doesn’t equal trafficking or underage brothel, a point you agree with. People are not saying that it is impossible in a residential neighborhood, just that there is no evidence or suggestion here.

      • No, we just think OP is insane and nosy. Of course it happens in residential apartments. Even nice ones. But hearing some random banging doesn’t reasonably lead to that as a likely conclusion.

        Have you ever heard the phrase “if you see hoof prints, assume horses, not zebras?”

      • Anonymous :

        Ditto. I think some are a little oblivious to the fact that crime can occur even in areas where we might live. In Atlanta, there was a huge ring busted at a nice apartment complex near one of the best malls in the city.

  30. What else could it be? :

    Exercise equipment sounds like a possibility.
    Laundry rooms come with w/d; that’s not what or where this sound is.
    Ceiling fan? I don’t think that room has one, and if it did, I’d expect it to stay in for a hours at a time, not ten min, off, twenty min, off for an hour, ten min….
    Water dripping was my first thought, but it is not near the bathroom.

    I know it’s a weird question, appreciate people’s ideas.

    • lost academic :

      When I was in college at fairly similar times of the day (midafternoon) I used to hear the strangest tapping above my head from the room on the next floor. It sounded like a cane, but for so long! After about a week I went up and knocked. That’s exactly what it was – a guy I knew practicing for the step show coming up.

  31. And more Waiting... :

    So I gave the company the dates I could travel this week when they emailed me Friday. And I haven’t heard back… I left a voicemail for the contact today. Remind me that this is normal, please. I’m getting super antsy.

  32. Laura Bowman :

    The TJ link to the blazer doesn’t link, can anybody post the product name?

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