Coffee Break: SkinActive Ultra-Lift Miracle Wake-Up Anti-Fatigue Day Cream

I tore an ad for this product out of a magazine and meant to include it in our post on the best makeup products to fake a full night’s sleep, and I completely forgot until I just found it while cleaning my desk. This is getting a lot of good reviews, as are several anti-fatigue products Garnier has, all pretty affordable. We’re linking to Ulta, but I’m sure your drugstore has this as well. From the product description: “Wake-Up Hydra-Gel Moisturizer Re-charge skin with a continuous boost of hydration for an energized, radiant look every day. This unique fresh moisturizer transforms on contact into a fast-absorbing liquid-gel.” SkinActive Ultra-Lift Miracle Wake-Up Anti-Fatigue Day Cream

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Comments

  1. JuniorMinion :

    I’ve seen these Garnier products a few places – are they basically just knockoffs of some of the K beauty products? Anyone tried / have any reviews?

    • newbinlaw :

      I bought the Garnier Miceller water after seeing rave reviews for it everywhere. When I first tried it, it felt like a sucker because I didn’t really understand why I needed it. Usually I double cleanse with oil and then face wash so I used this as the first step instead of oil. Turns out – my skin immediately began looking and feeling noticeably better…softer, and somehow brighter! Plus, it seems to be more effective for removing makeup than oil I was using, and uses less. I’m not sure why it is so great, but I will be buying it again. I was also super sick for a week and this was a lifesaver to fully wash my face when I couldn’t even splash water. It gets the job done and my skin looked amazing.

      • How do you use it? I was thinking of getting some and I guess I would apply it with a cotton pad? I’m considering it instead of the Aveeno makeup wipes I currently use.

        • I apply micellar water with a thin cotton pad. Just shake a few drops onto the pad and swipe over your face.

        • Anonymous :

          I highly recommend watching the Lisa Eldridge video where she takes off a full face of makeup. At the time I thought I was being ridiculous for watching a video of someone taking off makeup, but I learned so much. Specifically, I now know to leave the micellar water soaked cotton pads on my eyes for a few minutes so the eye makeup dissolves and wipes off without rubbing. I think Garnier is the best dupe for Bioderma.

  2. I use the night cream in this line. I really like it – I use it when I feel like I can’t afford my beloved Korres sleeping facial.

  3. Repost from late on the morning thread- I read this article and wondered if anyone has found themselves downplaying their ambitions/career goals to make themselves more attractive to potential partners. I’m interested to hear perspectives!

    http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2017/04/single-women-m-b-a-s-will-downplay-career-ambitions-to-preserve-options-on-the-marriage-market/

    • Never have, never will.

      • OG Monday :

        +1. I’d so much rather be single than be with someone who has a problem with my goals or a preference for my not achieving them.

      • +1

        Also can we not call it the marriage market Harvard? Gross.

      • I so agree. Dad says that sometimes I am just to smart and that this could put off men who want to be the master of their domain. I say FOOEY! Why should I have to play dumb just so that some doosh can feel smarter? I am a PARTNER at a boutique law firm–I do NOT want to pretend I am a flirt, laughing at jokes that are not funny, and pretending that some guy with bad breathe is a catch just b/c he has the ability to impregnate me! If need be, I can get artifical insemination so that I do NOT have to face some doosh in the morning after he has stained my sheets. Once I have 2 kid’s I am most likely goeing to dump his sorry tuchus anyway, so why pretend?

    • This is something I have thought about. I didn’t think it was an issue until I got my doctorate and my ex who was also pursuing a PhD had things go really wrong and ended up with a Masters. He admitted that me having a PhD made him think I might outearn him–we were getting degrees in the same subject area but different specializations and it made him uncomfortable.

    • TO Lawyer :

      It’s an issue for sure. I was guilty of downplaying my ambition/career when I was younger (mid-20s) but honestly I don’t care anymore. If it’s a problem for someone, I’d like to know early on so I don’t waste my time.

    • Anonymous :

      I won’t because of the obvious issue that I”m not hiding who I am, but also because I LOATHE DOWNPLAYERS. It’s like the intern I just encountered who told me he goes to school in Cambridge. He may honestly think that he is making me less uncomfortable, I don’t know, but it HTG takes more emotional energy to deal with weird, vague answers and it makes me not want to ask you any other question ever.

      • LOL I have heard “I went to school in Boston” many times, but never have I heard “in Cambridge.” That’s not even misplaced humility, it’s simply the epitome of humble-bragging.

        • Anonymous :

          OMG I went to Harvard, and if I ever said that, I’d have to punch myself in the face.

          I think I sort of downplay my career to seem more attractive to potential friends, especially mommy friends. Like, I’d like to find other moms and kids to have play dates with and it feels awkward telling them I’m a lawyer at bladyblah biglaw, having gone to bladyblah law school. I’m not sure why.
          Luckily, folks are too busy talking about our children to discuss careers.

          • I feel this way too with friends or whenever I’m talking with people outside of the high achieving bubble. I don’t want to focus on my achievements because first, there isn’t a reason to, but also because I think it’ll make me seem self involved or otherwise not someone you want to hang out with. Would never do it with a good friend or potential partner though.

          • I do think people in Big Law overestimate how impressive Big Law is to non-lawyers (or even most lawyers).

          • Anonymous :

            Yeah, anon at 5:08, OP here. That’s true. I think I really mean is I don’t want to freak them out by telling them I work a billion hours a week and thereby confirming that I am in fact a little nuts.

          • Anonymous :

            I’m a biglaw equity partner. In the outside world (which would include dating but I’m married now), I’m not my job. I don’t really discuss it with friends (generally not lawyers) or at kid activities. I like to think that I’m not my resume when I’m at things as a (as my military friends say) a civilian.

            My spouse isn’t a lawyer. His mom worked. If you’ve ever seen anyone working fast food, everyone works hard, so the particular jobs of other people aren’t so much of a concern. Spouse feels the same way (and has little idea of what I do other than go to an office, have a bad schedule, but generally like what I do and my clients). I am not quite sure what he does (other than it’s something with computers and also with people, which could be 90% of all jobs these days).

    • Has anyone ever written an article about men downplaying their ambitions/career plans to attract women? Or have men actually probably done the exact opposite since the beginning of time?

      To answer the question, maybe I’m not ambitious enough, but it never occurred to me that this is something you would want to do. I’ve always been of the mind that to have a successful r/ship you need to be pretty upfront about who you are from the beginning. Also, a guy who would be threatened by my ambitions would be huge turn off.

    • SA-litagor :

      No. In fact I asked my now husband on our third date if he felt comfortable dating a woman who made more money than him (we were both poor students at the time). His reply was a variation of “hell yes.” He’s since offered to stay at home if I bring in his salary too. I don’t want to marry a man who has a problem with my career – so why would I try to hide who I am? Seems like common sense to me. Plus remember all the rules from Lean In, etc the most important thing you can do for your career is marry a man who supports you career.

    • Anonymous :

      I definitely felt like I came across those guys, but I had no interest in downplaying my career to appeal to people with a very unappealing trait. Lots of them seemed like guys who were very sensitive about taking on that stereotypical role, but not ambitious enough to go out and work to be a higher earner. I had no interest in getting a worse job to assuage the fragile ego of some manchild who would rather us be poor than have me succeed.

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

      I worked hard for the fancy letters behind my name. Anyone who’s threatened by them can take a long walk off a short pier and hug an octopus.

    • nasty woman :

      Nope. Hard pass. The only thing I do is try to reassure people I actually like that I will do my best to make time to date them, and that I do want to prioritize a relationship in addition to my career. I try to weed out men who can’t put up with my hours/ambition/career priorities early on, and so am very upfront about painting an accurate picture of those things. That said, I do want the people I like to feel cared for and to know that there’s a place in my life for them. But I think that can be done without “downplaying” ambition (for me, anyways).

    • HAHAHA hell no

  4. Anonymous :

    I will be flying to Toronto in mid May with a colleague for a work related event. The event is Mon-Tue, but we will go early to arrive on Sat. My colleague is from Toronto and will be staying with her family. I am considering visiting relatives who live in the St Catharines area on the Sunday and then go to the city on Monday, Tuesday for the work thing. How easy is it to travel from St. Catharines, Ontario to Toronto? The event is at the University of Toronto. Is better to get a hotel or Air BNB for the preceding weekend or stay at my relatives in St. Catharines? I have never been to the city before hence the questions regarding ease of travel. I’m also considering asking the boss if I can just do the same thing as my colleague i.e. stay in the area for a few days after the event (at my relatives) and travel back together, my colleague told me she will be working from home for the few days after……I would stay at my relatives so no hotel needed plus would probably get to also see the Falls. This is a new job where I’m still learning the ropes but our boss also seems fairly flexible provided you get to what he needs done, done. What would you do?

    • TorontoNewbie :

      It’s pretty easy! You can drive or take the train. It’ll take 2-3 hours generally. Look up Via Rail and Go Transit if you don’t want to drive and figure out the schedules there.

  5. If, in the wake of another school shooting, Trump opines that if the “good guys had guns, no one would have died,” I’ll self-combust.

  6. Anonymous :

    Apologies for the threadjack – I posted this question on a dead thread a couple weeks back, but does anyone have recommendations for good, not too pricy tailors in NYC? I have a few suits that need to be tailored and have no idea where to go. Thank you!

  7. Would like some wisdom from fellow Corporettes on how to write a cover letter. Say you are a in house lawyer for a company that make teapots, and you want to apply for an inhouse job at another company that is looking for a procurement counsel who would be responsible for the procurement of teapots as well as all ancillary items connected to teapots. How would you say that the you could leverage your knowledge and experience on the “sell-side” of the transaction to the “buy side” of the transaction?

  8. United Airlines :

    I know this was discussed on the thread this morning, but I’m late to the site today. I cannot believe the United Airlines scandal. How the hell is it legal to overbook passengers and then assault a man for refusing to give up his paid-for seat? Here’s an idea – don’t overbook passengers. It’s not our damn fault you can’t run your business well, and you NEVER have the right to assault someone. Plus, if they had actually stopped being such idiotic tightwads, they would have realized that raising the reward for voluntary bumping would have gotten more volunteers.

    Is there any hope for changing the law on this? Why do airlines have the right to overbook when you have paid for the service? It seriously is not the consumer’s problem to make sure they make a profit.

    I’m seriously so enraged and will never fly United again (easy to give up anyway since their service always sucks).

    • Anonymous :

      The thing I cannot grasp is that he was removed so that a United employee could take his spot. How is that legal???

      • That is incredibly common actually. It’s highly unlikely that the employee(s) (there were 4 who needed seating) were flying standby to a vacation. Rather they were probably dead heading to the next city — i.e. the scheduler scheduled them to fly out of Chicago but they were located in Cleveland (no idea where this flight originated/was going) – so then the airline puts the crew on an outbound flight out of Chicago ASAP so they can get there in time to fly the Cleveland plane out of there. So airline employees do get priority lots of times – you just don’t know it esp if they aren’t in uniform yet. Not suggesting that dragging a person off the plane is the way to do it. Why didn’t they do it the old fashioned way? BEFORE boarding – offer rewards so 4 people will take the next flight. If/when that doesn’t work, pull 4 people off BEFORE they get on based on (i) who paid the least (if they have that info available); or (ii) who checked in last. That’s how I’ve always seen it done . . . .

    • In college, I served drinks at a conference and one topic was overbooking flights. The presentation basically said its so common for people to no-show for flights (due to a missed connection or just not showing up), that its not cost effective to NOT overbook. Its a very complex art that airlines use to determine which flights to overbook and by how much.

      That was over 15 years ago, and it still makes me mad that airlines think this is ok.

      • Anonymous :

        Well, most of the time they don’t drag people off the plane. They oversell the plane and if too many people show up, they offer vouchers to people to get off. The people who get the vouchers are happy and nobody has to be forcibly removed. That’s how it works 99.99% of the time.

    • JuniorMinion :

      The crazy part though is that the flight apparently wasn’t overbooked per se…. they just needed to get four United employees to Louisville so apparently decided that the best thing to do would be to bump four paying passengers. So the situation is even worse.

      The whole situation reads at this point like how not to deal with a crisis… including all the lame United statements apologizing for needing to “re-accomodate” passengers.

    • I know, and they have a pattern of awful behavior: http://gizmodo.com/lets-boycott-united-airlines-1794174586

    • Anonymous :

      Obviously think they handled this badly but laughing bc OF COURSE an Asian MUST make it known that he’s [gasp] a DOCTOR. Bump the plumber – don’t you know I’m a DOCTOR?? And for future reference when someone asks you to get off the plane – get off – did he think if he just sat there they’d change their mind?? Sure I didn’t think he’d be dragged off like that – but I assumed he’d be hand cuffed and walked off.

      • Can we maybe comment on the situation without being racist, or is that too challenging for you?

        • +1

          Seriously.

          I’m a doc and if I had clinic the next morning I would have done exactly as he did. I am doctor and have to get back for clinic tomorrow so my 20 patients can get their chemotherapy. You wanna bump me? And all 20 of my patients?

      • Anonymous :

        Wow, please go F yourself, you racist POS.

      • a milenial :

        he was literally unconscious and bloody while being dragged limply off the plane – how is that funny?

      • Anonymous :

        Oh come on – you know Asian doctors have a self importance and must let it be known in every situation that they are a DOCTOR. I’m Asian – I would know. But I guess you all are too PC to admit that.

    • Anonymous :

      Here’s a good write-up on why it’s not just as simple a short “don’t overbook” – http://viewfromthewing.boardingarea.com/2017/04/10/beating-doctor-united-flight-terrible-maybe-unavoidable/

      • To me what was unacceptable about this was how the competing needs (the passenger’s ticket vs the crew needing to get to the destination) were handled. People get bumped off of flights. It sucks, but it’s something we all know can happen. They’re supposed to compensate you if they breach the contract you’ve entered into by buying the ticket (though maybe they sometimes don’t, but that’s a different problem). But this? Being physically dragged and ending up with a bloody face? That’s not where this should have ended.

    • Can United be sued for assault?

      • Anonymous :

        There’s a lawsuit coming. It would be a civil claim for damages from the guy who was dragged off. It wouldn’t be a criminal assault case – that would need to be commenced by the prosecutor for whichever city he was in and I can’t see them taking this given the amount of garden variety crime they need to deal with.

    • I hear you – I’ve flown with United less than other airlines, but every time I have flown with them, I’ve found it to be subpar. I know Delta & AA aren’t exactly flocking to treat economy passengers like royalty on airplanes, but my personal experience (in terms of actually flying and online/phone customer service) has been much better with both of them and I’ve certainly never heard of anything like this. United can have their legal/PR teams spin this incident however they want, but seeing a video of a passenger being violently forced off an airplane is my last straw.

  9. Underwear :

    How much do you spend on lingerie? I’ve gotten into some higher end brands in the last year ($100+ per bra, same ballpark for briefs, and I like wearing sets) and I’m wondering what others will spend. It’s a nice indulgence for me, but totally unnecessary.

    • When you say that do you mean for actual wear under clothing or for use/removal before/during gardening?

      For the former, bras are $30ish and panties are 6 for $36 in the brands I like. For the latter, $0; I have none.

      • Anonymous :

        What undie brand? I thought the $10 for cotton Maidenform was a bit much.
        Same as Torin on bras. I watch for sales but honestly don’t replace often.
        Sorry OP, you got us cheap folks late in the day!

        • Soma. Their bras don’t fit me right _at all_ and I can’t wear them but I am a fan of their undies. I know a number of bustier ladies who like their bras, but I wear a 34A and they just do not make small sizes well.

      • Underwear :

        For normal wear – I’m set for gardening bras ATM, and I tend to get those more cheaply because they don’t have to be comfy. I have issues with most molded cup bras, I’m not sure if I’m shallow or what, but I never fill out the top. So I’ve switched to cut/sew cups and some of the higher end (not VS) foam cups, which tend to be pricier.

        If there are any recs for foam cup/ t-shirt bras for a semi shallow 30DD I’d love them.

        • JuniorMinion :

          I am late but have you tried any of the European brands? I am a 32 /34 DD depending on whether things run large or small. I’ve had good luck with Le mystere (tisha), as well as with Freya and Panache. The only American manufacturer I have gotten really good bras from is Wacoal.

        • Anonymous :

          I like Wacoal and they have 30DD in some of their bras. If you stalk them on Amazon, you can get them for about $40. Chantecaille is good too but the cups always ended up denting after I washed them. Not sure why and it was annoying for an expensive bra.

    • I am large of b00b so I buy Prima Donna bras. They are over $100. But my knickers do not match. I find those expensive ones that pair with bras have the worst VPL, crawl into places I don’t want them, and tend to run a bit skimpy. I also prefer 100% cotton. So I buy knickers with a lace trim from Soma and just wear a coordinating color to my bra.

    • I get mid-range bras ($60-80), but I cannot spend that much on panties. It just makes me cranky. Luckily, since I default to black bras, they coordinate well with most of other pieces.

  10. I just purchased a new home in a different city, and it’s bigger than where I live now so I’ll need to furnish it. I want to get things now so that I can move in and get set up quickly, but I don’t have a place to store everything that I’ll need. Any ideas on how to make that work? Are there services that you can ship to that will store and deliver?

    • Two thoughts on this. You can buy now and schedule delivery for a day or two after you move in. If you don’t NEED to move into a fully furnished home, I suggest waiting until you move to buy new furniture.

    • Go to a store like Ethan Allen. It takes 6-10 weeks to get your stuff and they can deliver to your new place.

    • I just moved in the same city, but was getting a lot of new things for the new house and so had similar issues. I found a local full service mover who would store things and then deliver them (this was expensive so I ultimately didn’t do it) but I’m sure there’s something similar where you are going. I also found that some stores (especially appliances – I did this with my washer/dryer) will let you buy significantly in advance then hold until you actually need the items.

    • I would go to an estate sale in a nice area and buy a few furniture pieces. Get a good price on high-end items then arrange a moving service to pick it all up. Chances are they would also throw in other things toward the end.

  11. Anonlawyer :

    Earlier post never posted so trying again.

    I’m toying with the idea of creating a blog aimed at junior attorneys to help them transition from law school to legal practice, focusing on practical advice I find myself giving to the actual junior attorneys I work with over and over. So, question for the lawyers among us – what do you wish you had known before you started practicing law? Is there a particular training or resource you would have liked to help you make the transition? What would you like to see on such a blog?

    • Anonymous :

      The best advice I got was, “Your job is to make your partner’s job easier and to make your partner look good.”

      • Along those lines- Your partners are your clients. Everything that you give them should be as close to final form as is practical. Double check spelling and citations so that they don’t have to make technical edits. It’s also a good idea to make sure you have a pad to take notes on when you go to their office. Even if you don’t write much down, it makes you look organized.
        Everyone hates time entry. Start good habits early.
        Some resources for further reading are good ideas too: style manuals for contract drafting, swimming lessons for baby sharks and similar books

    • Anonymous :

      You want to reduce decision making brainspace, so if you can boil it down to yes/no or a few options, describe them, recommend one and wait for a response.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      I would like to know how best to utilize my administrative assistants/paralegals (particularly if they aren’t that great at their jobs but never going to get let go because one particular partner likes them or whatever). Still trying to figure this one out despite not being a baby lawyer anymore.

    • Anonymous :

      Don’t reinvent the wheel. I’ve worked with so many new attorneys and 3Ls who completely ignore the well-written, well-structured examples I give them and instead come up with a self-designed mess that I have to disentangle. You think you’re being clever but at the end of the day I’m not impressed and you disregarded my instruction to follow the organization in the examples.

      Respect the good paralegals and legal assistants. They know more about the practice of law than you do. When they’re trying to tell you not to do something, listen. Don’t assume you know better because you’re a lawyer or almost-lawyer.

    • I would have (and actually still would) appreciate a list of concrete rules on being a good associate. For example: never leave the office before the document has been submitted/filed even if your part of the project is done, always respond to emails within x minutes, always save your files using year.month.date.xyz., etc.

    • 4th Year Associate :

      Love this idea. Tactful ways to tell supervisors you are swamped. (Eagerly accepting an assignment and being very late in delivery is not helpful.) Similarly, factors in setting priorities — seniority of shareholder, litigation, importance of client, etc. Also: Consider your own assignment’s priority in context — listen to what’s going on, ck the attorney’s calendar, or with assistant, before you take advantage of an open door policy. Open door doesn’t always mean totally open at all times.

    • Late to respond but here is the advice that I wish I had gotten:

      – Senior associates and partners are your first clients
      – your job, in its most basic, stripped down form, is to answer questions/provide information. Whether it be “did X get back to us?” “Is Y document done?” or “if ABC happens, what does the current law/market practices say we should do?” or “draft this document.” you are providing information. So, however you need to organize yourself (and no, it doesn’t need to be color coordinated, but you need to have an organizational system) to answer these questions, do that. Progress is made in a law firm by answering these “questions” better and more efficiently.

    • Wanderlust :

      This might be too late, but from the transactional side, learning the theory behind negotiating an agreement. Who has the leverage, what will happen if you don’t get what you want, etc.

  12. Another decorating question. My living room is feeling dated and ugly to me. But Mr. gov anon is extremely resistant to change, so painting is out. He’s also not a big fan of color so currently we oak floors with a beige rug and sofas with beige and brown slip covers and brown tables and curtains that are, you guessed it, beige. About 2 years ago, I got him to agree paint one wall with an accent color. After 6 months of dithering on his part, he agreed to Benjamin Moore split pea. (Which despite the awful name and the way it looks on the paint chip card, turns out to be a surprisingly easy color to live with). The other whiles are linen white (the man really loves beige ). Although the easiest option, repainting isn’t on the table. And much as I’d love new furniture (I’m looking at you ugly coffee table!), Mr. gov anon would want something as close to what we have as is humanly possible. But, I think I can get him to agree to new covers on the sofa pillows. And may be new curtains and lamps. Help me decide on colors/patterns to go with my green and beige living room.

    • He sounds like fun. ;)

      What about navy throw pillows? It’s almost a neutral!

      • Imagine the fun we had we the coffeemaker died and he learned that appliance maker do not make the same models as they did 10 or 20 years, and no, the buttons won’t be in the same place and you may get *GASP* features that are new and that you may or may not want to use.

        I hadn’t considered navy. Could definitely work on the pillows, but would probably make the room too dark if used for curtains.

        • Anonymous :

          Introducing a patterned rug?

        • Hahahaha. My parents are like this. How long did it take you to replace the coffeemaker?

          • I had to put my foot down after 4 cranky mornings. And told him he had to the end of the day to pick on of the options on Amazon and order it. :) And whether he likes it or not, he’s getting new silverware on my next trip to Ikea. Because I’m not living with only 2 forks anymore.

    • Anonymous :

      Oh dear, I fear I may be mr gov anon! That said, my defense is that I will, at some unspecified time in the future, add accents to the room, and the less colorful stuff is less popp-y to allow me to do so! I’m thinking, for myself, interesting artwork and interesting sculptures on the mantel (when I find them!). I also plan to get a more interesting rug (which sounds off the table, but maybe you could find a gem of a vintage rug somewhere and try to convince him?) and pillows. Maybe find a cool pattern for the pillows that is not just one color, but that brings in the green color you are describing? Or some that are green-ish, and some that are that cool pattern?

    • Search for “green and beige living room” on Pinterest for ideas. Many of the rooms have different accents thrown in.

    • Get a new rug. Get a Persian style with a lot of deep, rich colors. Then get throw pillows or other accessories in some of the accent colors in the rug. It will look classic and intentional and not too modern/cray for the mister.

      I love Persian rugs so I’m biased, but really. They are classic and don’t go out of style.

      • +1 I love Persian rugs too. Find one that has green and beige in it, and then pull one of the other colors and use that for your accent pillows.

      • I’d go for something in these colors. I’d probably skip adding more beige but having some pea green in there is a good idea

        https://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/nuLOOM-Traditional-Flower-Medallion-Orange-Rug-710-x-11/11403694/product.html

      • Or this one, which is wool and now I want it.

        https://www.overstock.com/Home-Garden/Hand-tufted-Coliseum-Rust-Traditional-Border-Wool-Rug-76-x-96/4718113/product.html

    • Yeah, you need pattern. There are lots of things that have pattern in these colorways – artwork, rugs, pillows, etc. What about leopard? There are some fab leopard pillows out there that look sophisticated and not trashy and cheap. Or an oriental rug? Or just pillows and throws with patterns and some different colors?

      Tell your husband that (1) you might not be able to re-sell your house because it will lack appeal or (2) you feel like you live in corporate housing/a hotel and buy some things that brighten up the room for you… you live there, too! These things are not permanent; if he can agree to a split pea-green accent wall, he can get used to some freshening up of the place!

      • Anonymous :

        I would much rather live in corporate housing than own leopard pillows.

      • Seriously I am over leopard being considered a ‘neutral’. Totally fine if you like leopard. But it a leopard, as in wild animal that runs like the wind, pattern, not a neutral.

      • In his defense, he did go a little nuts in the guest room. He painted the walls white. ;)

  13. Ladies… am I overreacting? Over the weekend, I excitedly told my best friend from law schook that I was getting a bonus, in the form of a watch, from my boss. My friend straight up said, are you sleeping with him? To be clear, I’m not, would never, and go out of my way to work hard, be professional and beyond reproach at work. Further, another (male) co-worker is getting the exact same bonus aka a watch. I was (am) furious that she would even joke about that. She later apologized and said she was projecting but am I wrong for being offended post-apology? I feel like it really trivialized the hard work I have put in, and from a friend too. :(

    • It did trivialize the work you did. I’d be mad and insulted and pissed off, too.

      But if she’s your best friend you have to work through this.

    • Anonymous :

      You are not over reacting. I would not expect this from a friend either. I would be very offended.

    • In my friend group that would totally be something one of us would say if one of us received a personal item instead of a cash bonus. Not that a watch in inappropriate, especially if more than one person is getting one. But its a gift, not a bonus to a lot of people. You’ll know your best friend far better than any of us to know if this reaction is typical from her – I can’t imagine that someone you consider your best friend would have said it to hurt you, so I think letting it go would do you both the most good. I’m sure based on your reaction that she won’t joke with you like that again.

    • Curious…. did she mean it as a joke, or was she serious?

      Neither are appropriate, but if she was seriously asking that question I would be deeply offended

      And it would be clear my “best friend” didn’t know me at all.

    • ok I’ll disagree – a watch is kind of a weird bonus to me. Like, bonus = cash, not a personal gift of what is essentially jewelry. Yeah there’s the old school “gold watch for retirement” cliche, but otherwise… this seems like a fine candidate for your best friend to tease you a little before actually talking about your awesome work.

    • JuniorMinion :

      I would think this is about context a bit….I would think it was slightly strange if someone told me they were getting a personal item from a boss as a “bonus” – it sounds like a gift / recompense for a personal favor and would definitely be a bit concerned that that person was getting themselves mixed up in something they shouldn’t be. It’s a bit far outside most business norms to give someone something like that as anything other than a gift (and straight up against the law in fields like finance or for anyone who has significant FCPA risk as it would likely be treated as a gift as opposed to structured payment for services rendered) so I could see how your friend might get the wrong idea and maybe didn’t express it well in the moment. If she apologized I personally would give her the benefit of the doubt that she was concerned and not trying to actively make you feel badly.

      • Fair, but she knows me and should know that I would never do something like that, as well as how hard I have been working. Also, now I’m like I can’t even enjoy this bc everyone will be casting aspersions. Maybe the point here is just to never mention anything good to anyone.

        • Anonymous :

          Girl please. Maybe the point is to give your best friend a break when she says one wrong thing.

        • Anonymous :

          OK, now the bit about “everyone” casting aspersions and “never” mentioning anything good … that part is the overreacting. : )

          Your friend responded poorly in a way that took the edge off your good feelings over the watch. You can either hold it against her or forgive her for it. (I’d do the forgiveness thing.) But don’t take it out on the watch. Wear it and enjoy.

        • I worked as a research assistant in law school and the professor I worked for invited all 3 of his RAs to his house for a pizza party. I ran into a very good friend from college en route and when she found out I was going to my professor’s house she asked me if I was having an affair with him. Obviously I wasn’t and to be honest I’m not even sure she was joking but I didn’t take offense and all these many years later I’m really glad because she’s a really great friend,even if she did think that I would sleep with a 60 year old professor for a few minutes. I’d give your friend a pass.

    • Anonymous :

      Why is your boss giving you a personal item as a bonus instead of cash? That’s strange and unusual and I can see why she thought it was odd.

      • Anonymous :

        +1. Her comment was rude and inappropriate but I can see why she’d find this odd.

        • I’ll give you old-school but not odd. I’ve worked for two companies now that give watches for hitting certain milestones.

  14. Not sure. She said it was a joke but only after I was visibly taken aback. Also, she said “are you sleeping with him?!” in more of a j’accuse way than a joke. Ugh. I have to get over it but I just wanted to make sure I wasn’t being crazy.

    • How to be a good person rule no 6 :

      If you have an issue with someone to the point where it affects your relationship, and you don’t address it with that person directly, you’re valuing the issue more than your relationship. In other words, you don’t need to go validate your feelings to outsiders. Just tell your friend how you feel about what she said and why. Then either accept her apology (or don’t) or let it fester and ruin your relationship. Be a mature adult with your best friend.

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