Coffee Break: Rickrack Skinny Belt

Where are your favorite places to get skinny belts to go on top of dresses, readers? I always see them on sale at Loft or Ann Taylor — but Kate Spade at Nordstrom often has a bunch, and they often go on sale. This fun zigzag belt (in a “rickrack-inspired shape”(?)) would be great for dresses and tucked in looks — it was $58, but is now marked down to $34.  rickrack skinny belt

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Comments

  1. Anonymous :

    Coat advice? Can’t decide what I need for late December in London. Trench? Lined trench? Wool? I’m a New Yorker so I’m not terrified of the cold but do expect to be out and about walking quite a bit and would like to look nice without spending more than $200 on a new coat.

    • Anon in NYC :

      Maybe the Eddie Bauer girl on the go insulated trench? I find that it’s pretty warm with the lining. It could be comfortable if you wear warm layers.

    • Senior Attorney :

      When I was in London for New Year’s last year all the women were wearing very lightweight puffer coats. I’m crushing hard on this one: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/nike-sportswear-quilted-womens-parka/4783783

      • Anonymous :

        Tell me everything about what people were wearing. Are these coats ok in the rain? Will it rain? What purse do I bring that is nylon and fits and umbrella but is chic? Are people wearing sneakers? Why does all my anxiety live in travel clothing questions?

        • Will it rain? Yep

        • Senior Attorney :

          Everybody everywhere is wearing sneakers! Also Chelsea boots.

          Yes, it will probably rain. There are umbrellas for sale on every corner so I might just buy one when I got there. I took my gold leather Rebecca Minkoff backpack on the theory that when it was raining it’d be under the umbrella, and that worked out pretty well.

          Also don’t forget warm leather gloves.

          You’ll be fine! It’s so fun to see the city all decorated for the holidays! Also if you have any chance at all to get tickets for Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, it’s TOTALLY TOTALLY worth it!!

        • These are not good for the rain.

    • I have a trench with a zip-out Thinsulate liner from London Fog that suited me well when I lived in the UK. Add a wool scarf for warmth, gloves and ankle boots that are water-resistant.

    • Marillenbaum :

      I’m a big fan of the LL Bean Women’s Three-Quarter Polo Coat: it’s good for temperatures down to -20 Fahrenheit, and it’s thick enough that rain isn’t a huge issue. It’s $200 ish full price, but they have a bunch of sales on lately, so I got mine for $180.

  2. Anon in NYC :

    I am a morning exerciser, but I’m having a hard time dragging myself out of bed in the morning with daylight savings and the cold. I can do it when I book classes and face a late cancellation fee, but I need motivation for getting up to go to the gym or go out on a run. Any suggestions?

    • anonshmanon :

      someone here recommended the Fabulous app. It gives you daily reminders and if you are the kind of person who gets motivated by checking items off of a to-do list, it might be worth a try.

    • Membership :

      Two things:

      1. How much I pay for my membership, though I love the workouts anyway (think Barry’s, Crossfit, etc.). The guilt sometimes gets me there.
      2. Consistently going to the 5:30 a.m. (or whenever) class ensures that I see the same faces and those faces start checking up on me if I’m gone for a bit. Having a community makes such a huge difference!

      Back in my running days, I did the same with local group runs. You just need people to hold you accountable (and to suffer with!).

    • Since you’re a runner, how about signing up for a 5k in a few weeks? For me, at least, a looming deadline is great motivation.

    • Anonymous :

      Only thing that gets me there consistently is the late cancel fee. If there were only a way to debit my own account when I missed a run, I’d be a lot more fit…

  3. Does anyone know of a trainer in DC (Metro Center/Chinatown) who will come to your office gym? I am so lazy and need a kick in the rear.

  4. Anonymous :

    Any advice on how to stop being a germophobe? I wasn’t always – could easily sit on the floor in an airport terminal if it was packed, didn’t worry about touching door knobs or elevator buttons in public spaces etc. It’s gotten bad in the last 2-3 yrs and honestly I don’t want to go to therapy – any at home tips? Throw away the sanitizer?? I don’t want to be that person that can’t touch their own shoes bc shoes pick up so much bacteria.

    • Anonymous :

      You need therapy, but until you talk yourself into that pick up a workbook on cognitive behavioral therapy.

      • Anonymous :

        +1. This is either an anxiety response or an OCD response – neither of which are DIY situations.

    • Anonymous :

      Caveat – I do not worry about this stuff, so take my advise with a grain of salt.

      Would it be helpful to drill down into the anxiety a bit more? Is there a specific germ/type of dirt you are worried about? Are you worried about getting sick? Are you worried generally about it being gross to touch your shoes, etc?

      Once you dial down into the specific concern, perhaps it would be helpful to look at actual statistics or something like that.

      This will probably horrify you, but I don’t use the plastic bags at the store for fruit and veggies – they go straight into the cart. I also almost never wash before I use eat. FWIW, I rarely get sick and have not suffered any ill effects from this practice that I am aware of. I am not saying you need to go this practice, but I have yet to experience any bad consequences of things like this other than some people thinking it’s gross (shrug).

      • anonshmanon :

        Do you think of yourself as being well-informed when it comes to hygiene, germs and health? If not, it might be helpful to read and watch videos about the microbiome, bacteria in your gut, on your skin, the fantastic metabolic pathways that science has uncovered of how your body breaks down food, regulates your body temperature, and the bodily functions that come with all that, as well as the secrets of nature that we don’t yet understand.
        Being amazed at the intricate way the human body does its thing always helps me be relaxed about germy situations.
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dExiRwh-DQ

        Focus on what we know is true. Spreading run-of-the-mill germs on your hand is usually fine. You get sick from transferring them through touching your face. Learn proper hand washing technique, most workplaces have the info graphic in their bathroom anyway.

        If you feel like getting more information like the above would make you feel more paranoid, not less germophobic, then of course don’t go that way. In that case, some introspection with the assistance of a therapist is really the best tool to get to the bottom of the problem.

        • Anonymous :

          Op – actually this may help. I’m a finance/law type with no “real” knowledge of science beyond high school bio.

          • anonshmanon :

            There is a lot of info out there. I like Scishow because well produced edu-tainment, but if you want to go deeper, they always give sources in the video description box, linking to scientific research.

            There is a lot of fascinating stuff to learn particularly about how your body interacts with bacteria (they don’t just bring disease, but participate in a lot of our life). It’s kind of a hot topic these days. The term you want to look for is microbiome. Two links to start you off:
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VzPD009qTN4
            https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ybk7E7SLbWw

      • anonymous :

        Just came here to say +1 to not bagging and not washing. I’ve never heard anyone else admit that before.

    • Anonymous :

      Why don’t you want to go to therapy?

      I recommend the OCD Workbook by Hyman for a good at-home resource.

    • Rosa used to be like this, particularly with men. She did NOT like the idea of men in college slobbering all over her, b/c she was very petite and did not like their blubber lips. So she wound up NOT having a lot of dates. But then she figured out that w/o dates, she would NOT find a guy to MARRY her so she got over it quick. When she met Ed, she figured he would be able to make a lot of money, so she did NOT mind him slobbering all over her. Then as soon as they got married, Ed thought she should work but she did NOT so she immediately got pregenant and the next thing you know, they move to Chapaqua and now she has 3 kids, a nanny (live-in), and a personal trainer, and all she really does is to shop and look good for Ed. I should have done this rather then goieing the professional route with my legeal education. Sure I am making a lot of money, but what good is it if I have to work so hard to earn it! I would much prefer to trade places with Rosa, and even put up with Ed slobbering all over me at night.

  5. Mrs. Jones :

    I was born in the 70’s, and my mom knew how to sew, so I know what rick rack is. :) Just Goo g l e it if you are curious.

    • Anonymous :

      It goes on the edges of your smocked childhood dresses, if you’re a woman of a certain age. :-)

      • Marillenbaum :

        So true! I mean, I was a child in the 1990s, but my mother sewed most of my church dresses (complete with matching scrunchies, because she was the best) and rick-rack was a prominent feature.

    • Yep, I had lots of tops and dresses with rickrack trim in the 70s that my mom sewed.

    • Yep, my mom sewed lots of dresses with rickrack for my sister and me.

      • So much rickrack in the early- to mid-70’s! Like on everything. My dresses. My sun hats. My bedspread and curtains. My dolls’ clothes.

        • Senior Attorney :

          …the hems of bellbottom pants…

        • . . . the outfit I wore to sing in my town’s Bicentennial pageant . . .

          • +100!

            My mom sewed alternating stripes of red and white rickrack on a denim overall jumper – both on the bib, and around the skirt – for my Bicentennial parade outfit. I also had giant red and white yarn ties in my pigtails!

    • Senior Attorney :

      Rickrack trim on smocked dresses for the win!

    • But it’s so much cuter to call attention to one’s own ignorance and laziness rather than looking up the unfamiliar word!!

      Gag.

      Anyhow, the nostalgic memories associated with rick rack make me smile.

  6. Does anyone want to dish on 90 day fiancé with me? I keep saying I’m not going to watch this anymore but that’s also what I say about eating fun size snickers so

    18 year old smug Evelyn – BLECH. Will not compromise on anything and wants everyone else to pay for it. My understanding is that now we have to hear her “sing” on the as-yet-unwatched episode sitting on my DVR.

    do you watch this show? Who do you nominate for Ugliest American (a difficult choice!)

    • I don’t know people’s names, but have watched in a weak moment here and there. It mostly makes me really…. sad??? I’m a Bachelor/Bachelorette junkie, so I’m hardly looking for saintly or normal people in my on-screen reality TV entertainment. But, this show is like a bad car crash, except worse and after 10-15 min stints I have to change the channel because I can’t take it anymore.

    • Oh and that DAVID guy in Thailand who doesn’t have a baht to his name and his poor fiancé Annie trying to fend off the creepy friend Chris who wants her to “pay rent” by giving him Thai massages by the pool.

    • Anonymous :

      The 18 yr old – seems like she’s way more interested in a picture perfect wedding than a marriage and husband, which is fine that’s why people don’t marry at 18. Azan seems fairly reasonable for a middle eastern Muslim man – I was raised in that kind of family and typically the men don’t lift a finger; he seems to help out a fair amount with a child he just met and concerning that her mom just dumps her off with his family – they seem nice but the child doesn’t know them, they speak little/no English. Same with the 40 yr old Georgia mom – how is it safe to leave your 4 yr old w your 26 yr old boyfriend who you’ve known for 2 min??

      • I guess I should feel bad for the 18 year old because she’s so young but she’s so awful I can’t summon the empathy.

  7. Ricrac is the curvy chevron-ish trim that was on a few jcrew dresses this summer- I associate it with the early 80’s kids clothes for some reason.

    • Anonymous :

      Yeah – I associated it with homemade crafts (and not in a good way). The belt isn’t bad, but it’s not a trim I’m really looking to embrace.

    • one of my favorite notions, when I was still trying to convince myself that I like to sew. (spoiler alert: i do not)

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rickrack

    • Lana Del Raygun :

      I associate it with dresses you let the hem down on after growing out of them (Kit Kittredge agonized about it!) and sailor suits.

  8. Locket Help :

    I would like a locket for Christmas, but I have no idea where to look for one or if this is even something people wear anymore. Also, I would want a relatively small one (think the size of a penny at the largest), but I do still want to be able to put pictures in it. Any recommendations for where to buy or how to print the necessary teeny photos? TIA!

    • Anonymous :

      I’m pretty sure Tiffany does lockets.

    • All of my local jewelers have them. I still have one that I received as a high school graduation present and I wear it often!

    • Mark and Graham has a locket, I’ve also seen a lot of vintage ones on Etsy. For photos, I’d try taking a further away shot and cropping it, or taking the photo to kinkos and copying to a smaller size!

    • anonymous :

      For a more modern but high quality locket look at Planet Jill. They do not open (their locket has a sort of cover that swings over it) and the pictures are permanent, but they are really lovely.

    • Check Etsy – I got a vintage one on there a couple of years ago, and tons of sellers

  9. Anonymous :

    I’m desperately job searching right now. I’ve had 2 interviews recently (haven’t heard anything back yet) and I just keep obsessing over everything I did wrong and what I should have said. I feel so discouraged! I read all the advice from Ask a Manager, I know I need to put it out of my mind and move on, but I want a new job so badly. Ugggghhhhhh I hate this.

    • Just some commiseration – I’m totally with you. Although I haven’t managed to even score an interview yet. It is so hard.

  10. Last year, there was some discussion on this board around an extension to the “want, need, wear, read” method of holiday gifting. I seem to recall something around “create, listen to, etc.” but searching has not found that post.

    So, what are you doing for gifting this year? I’d like to skew experiential for the husband and older teenager, but I haven’t started looking for the younger kids or my parents. Anyone want to crowd source gifting ideas?

    • I’m giving my mother flavored olive oil (or possibly flavored balsamic vinegar). She’s a great cook and loves to entertain so I’m sure she’ll find a use for it (or at least appreciate the thought). Could really use ideas for my Dad though.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Weather station for the roof?
        Amazon Echo?
        Whiskey/vinyl record/bacon/fruit of the month club?
        Fun socks? (I got my hubby some nice wool socks with a martini glass design on the ankle and he loved them.)
        Bar tools — cocktail shaker, corkscrew, etc.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      My mother recently told me she needs a new mattress cover, so I am going to buy her the fanciest, most expensive one that she would never buy for herself. It will be both need and want!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I’m really tickled about the gift I got my husband. We have a strict $50 limit for our gifts to each other this year. I found, used but in great condition, a ~garage fridge~ for $45! It’s a good gift for a bunch of reasons: (1) I did the work (scouring CL/FB/etc) to find a really good deal; (2) he’s going to be so surprised that I hauled a *fridge* around all by myself; and (3) it’s something he’s long wanted, but hasn’t really wanted to make a family expense. So part of the gift is like ‘permission’ (though permission is too strong a word) — like “I know you want this and it’s not on the top of anyone’s reasonable-expense list, but here it is!”

      I’m making my kiddo a dollhouse — husband is helping with bigger construction stuff and I’m doing floor plans and decor. Yesterday she was begging me to buy her a dollhouse at Target so I think I’m on the right track!

    • Baconpancakes :

      SO’s dad and stepmom: Sake set and fancy sake to go with family’s annual tradition of ordering a huge sushi plate for basically every “eve” holiday
      SO’s mom: high quality faux leather tote bag
      Siblings in CO: handblown low-ball glasses with the shape of colorado mtns in the bottom
      Mid-20’s siblings: nice booze
      12 and 14-yo girls: 3-month subscriptions to a book delivery club, http://www.thebookdrop.com/
      SO: Whiskey advent calendar, slippers
      Mom: overnight face mask, plane tickets to visit me
      Stepdad: Paint supplies, handmade coffee mug
      Friends: luxury hair paste (for a pixie cut girl), ring (that she pinned on her “want” board), Mary Berry’s cake book, weird toe socks because friend loves those weird fricking things

      Honestly, I’ve been picking most of my gift ideas from the Cup of Jo gift archives. I think her gift guides are just fantastic.

    • Calibrachoa :

      Oh man, gifts. eep.

      girlfriend: fluffiest, heaviest, prettiest blanket I can find because she is a blanket burrito at heart
      Mother: She has specifically asked for nice new golden earrings, so those she will get. and an iPad cover. And because she is always “oh but I do not NEED anything”, she gets nice bath stuff because she can’t claim she doesn’t need soap
      Sister: ???????
      Nephews: a laser tag set, ?????
      Friends: ????? for the most part. My bff is staying over until december 5th so if he goes “i want this!” about anything in this timeframe, I will be like merry christmas dude

      • Are you dating me? I’m a blanket burrito. But seriously my fiance always gets me fancy blankets that I dutifully wrap myself and the fluffs in.

    • Professional Gifter :

      Husband – tickets to a basketball game
      MIL – gift certificate for a knitting class and supplies
      Sister-in-law – Sephora perfume sampler (got the idea from a poster on this site!)

      I recommend the Fat Brain Toys website for buying kids toys. They make it easy to sort the most popular toys by age group, and have other useful data on the average age of kids who have the particular toy, etc.

      • In House in Houston :

        Have you already ordered the perfume sampler? I ordered it over a week ago and it hasn’t shipped yet.

    • Marillenbaum :

      I’m getting my mother a book on Estonian knitting (we’re both keen knitters, but she does NOT need more yarn!), books for my nephews, and a baseball cap for my dad. I also have my stepsister’s awful husband for the extended family Secret Santa, so I’m getting him a fancy charcoal soap, because I can’t actually get him a lump of coal.

  11. Puffer / winter coat advice? :

    Looking for a unicorn coat. Help please!

    Needs to be very warm to survive a daily mile long walking commute in Boston. I’m tall (5’10”) with really long arms and need sleeves with thumb holes or atleast those that won’t stop before my wrists. And would love it to be somewhat stylish or fitted and not look like a sleeping bag. I had all this in a Lands End coat from 5 years ago but that’s fraying now. Lands End doesn’t have that style anymore and I can’t find any of their newer ones that have thumbholes. Eddie Bauer has tall sizes, but starts at medium and I need a small.

    Budget is around $200-$300. So Canada Goose is out. Any ideas?

    • Diana Barry :

      I have the Patagonia Tres and it fits the bill. (Also in Boston) Not sure about the thumbholes, I am 5’8″ and have decently long arms but I just wear gloves or mittens. I got mine on 6pm or Backcountry outlet (past season color) for around $300.

    • Anonymous :

      I have honestly never seen thumb holes in a parka before and I’m Canadians and have spent lots of time shopping for parkas over the years

      • This. I am Canadian too and have never seen this. If it’s cold enough for a parka thumb holes aren’t going to do anything – you need mittens or gloves!

      • Anonymous :

        I have a J Crew jacket that has thumbholes in the ribbed cuff…but the sleeves are too short for me to really make use of them.

        I agree that most coats will not have these, but many will have a ribbed cuff to keep the wind from blowing up your sleeve, so i wouldn’t look to hard for the thumbhole (I think it was a fad for winter coats).

    • TO Lawyer :

      Soia and Kyo is over your budget but in the past, they have had great Black Friday sales so check their website later this week.

    • Boston and Toronto :

      I just ordered the Patagonia Down With It. Might fit the bill.

    • anon a mouse :

      Get one of the Patagonia ones recommended and then get yourself some good long fingerless mitts to help keep your wrists warm.

    • Puffer / winter coat advice? :

      OP here. Thanks for recs! And would love to see more.

      I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of reviews for various coats and it’s hard to figure out if the sleeves are long enough and if it is warm enough for Boston. So hearing from actual folks in Boston and Canada is so appreciated!

      I like thumbholes because it avoids cold air from getting into the gap between my sleeve and mittens. That gap is sizable in regular length coats for me. Perhaps longer gloves that can be tucked into the sleeve is the answer here? Some of the recs above have thumbholes so that’s promising!

      • I have the Marmot Montreaux and it has a fleece sweatshirt sleeve type thing inside the regular sleeve that isn’t visible but helps with the drafts. It is very long and it’s the only thing that helps me survive Boston when I visit. I sized up in it and it still fit in a tailored way – not sleeping bag reminiscent at all

      • Anonymous :

        Long Armed Minnesotan here – some Helly Hansen parkas have thumb holes. I have long given up the search for such a coat. Instead, I layer and wear long sleeve base layer with thumb holes. Easier to find.

      • lawsuited :

        The Lands End Commuter parka has tight ribbed cuffs, is available in Tall and is all round great. I live in Canada and didn’t know I could be as warm as my Commuter parka makes me.

      • Lana Del Raygun :

        Yeah, tight (or cinchable) cuffs sound like the way to go! I also have long arms so I feel your pain.

    • I just got the North Face Far Northern coat, it has thumbholes and might work for you.

    • I’m also 5’10” with long arms. Eddie Bauer’s tall sizes are very helpful and they are probably having black friday/cyber monday deals. I just got a tall of their puffer coat and really like it and it is very warm (I live in Chicago).

    • applesauce :

      I’m 6’1″ and came to recommend Eddie Bauer but didn’t realize they don’t make small talls, my down Eddie Bauer coat has carried me through MA & NH winters. I would probably go to a physical store like REI that carries multiple brands and just try everything on, there can be decent variance between individual items that technically are the same size.

    • 5’11” with monkey arms and in Boston here. Eddie Bauer Sun Valley Parka is what you want. Should be at least 40% off right now. I wear it all Winter in Boston. It breaks the wind well, and keeps me warmer than my “long” Land’s End coat because it hugs me better. I promise this will be long enough! The hood sometimes needs a little reinforcement with a few stitches as the snaps are not strong enough to hold the hood if it’s off in the crazy Boston wind. Took me about five mins to do, just like stitching a button.

      • Puffer / winter coat advice? :

        Thanks all for the specific recs. I had saved the Eddie Bauer Sun Valley Parka in my cart and it is great to see that it works for the cold and sleeve length!

        @MJ did you get the tall size?

      • Duluth Trading Company down coat! Long arms, really warm, and fairly good looking.

    • Not sure if you’ll see this but I think they have the same style, it still has interior cuffs but no thumb holes –
      https://www.landsend.com/products/womens-long-chalet-down-coat/id_315698?sku_0=::BRC
      I’m so sad about the lack of thumb holes – I’m in east coast Canada and I love this coat so much. The thumb holes are perfect for covereing wrist gap in awful weather or for those days when it turns cold and I forgot my gloves.

  12. I don’t know how to talk about this, but I know I need to.

    The constant stream of news about s3xual assault and harassment is affecting my s*xuality. It started last fall before the election, and has consistently gotten worse in the past few weeks. Even though I’m very attracted to my husband and we’ve always had a healthy gardening life until recently, constantly hearing about s*xual contact in a gross, demeaning way has had a huge impact on my libido. As in, I hardly ever want to have garden parties anymore. Like pretty much every woman I know, I’ve been harassed and verbally assaulted by men. And I remember all too well how effing entitled boys acted in high school and college, and how they’d badmouth me when I turned down dates, affection, whatever. I had blocked all that out until Drumpf started bragging about grabbing ’em by the you-know-what and got elected anyway. In the past year, I’ve become increasingly angry and p*ssed about gender relations — harassment, emotional labor, the whole bit. I am having a hard time trusting men in general. At this point, DH might be the only one!

    I hadn’t been able to articulate this problem all that clearly until really recently. DH, who didn’t realize I was feeling this way, admitted that constantly hearing about harassment makes it harder for him to approach me. He is scared of being “that guy” who begs for s&x or pressures his wife. He’s very much NOT that guy, but the bottom line is that he isn’t initiating much, either.

    How the heck do we turn this around and separate our s*xual relationship from what’s happening around us? It’s so wrong that even consensual, married s*x is affected by our messed-up culture. It is a very strange thing to be attracted to men, yet scared of them at the same time.

    • Anonymous :

      By going to therapy.

    • I hear you, sister. I’m increasingly creeped out by all men. My poor 14 year old son is getting constant lectures from me about how he’s not entitled to any girl’s body or attention (he’s never even been on a date but still) and my husband made the mistake of describing some of these men as “can’t control themselves” which I needed him to change to “DON’T control themselves” and caused an ugly argument. He thought i was overreacting.

      Because I’m #metoo, the issue has always been an angry one for me, so finally I just told my husband all my past experiences in detail rather than summarizing or glossing over them. He finally got it. Like, he was really upset that it had happened to me, and was so upset that some of it was recent and men STILL think it’s ok.

      It was that discussion that put our intimacy back on track. I choose him and he chooses me, and no one is coerced.

      I do think maybe you need someone to talk to about your past experiences, and I don’t mean to be flippant about it.

      • I’ve struggled with whether to talk to DH about my #metoo. I has some pretty terrible things happen to me when I was 4. I haven’t told DH, because I’ve more or less made peace with it but if he knew he’d never be able to look at me the same way again -it would make him so sad and mad. Plus he’d worry that certain acts would remind me of / resemble that trauma. He’d be so timid and nervous – doesn’t matter how often I’d say, ‘really, I’m fine’ because he could never un-know it.

        Plus I don’t want to give him the option of initiating conversations about it, or of accidently sharing it with others.

    • Anonymous :

      I think it’s really unfair for you to punish your husband for something he has nothing to do with. Depriving him of gardening is just going to send him to get his gardening elsewhere. Is that what you want? If you married a pig, that’s different. But if he’s a decent guy, then I think you need to get a grip.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I have found therapy really helpful in this regard. I was dealing with fallout from one of these things riiiight at the time of the election last year. My therapist does some traditional talk therapy stuff, some EMDR, and some CBT. We really trudged through a lot of that hard stuff, and there were definitely times when I just could NOT w/ s*x, but I came out on the other side and things are better — it’s like the air is clearer. The air inside my head. Therapy really can be as great as everyone says.

    • I don’t have any advice but I wanted to say you’re not alone. The #metoo trend has made me primed with a low level rage against men (and it forced me to revisit past bad experiences) and it didn’t help that I just went through a breakup with a guy who ended up being an entitled do*checanoe. Sigh.

    • Lana Del Raygun :

      Can you stop reading all these stories? It’s important for them to be told, but it’s not necessarily for *you* to hear them, or anyway not all of them. You already believe them; you already understand that this is a real and important problem; etc, so the only function that reading about all this serves in your life is to make you unhappy (right? You just said “news” so I’m assuming you’re not working in victims’ advocacy or whatever). It’s not helping you fight back, even.

      Talking to your husband is also really important! For me, it really helps that my husband is also angry and understands my anger–I can say “I’m feeling very upset about the patriarchy and I just want to go to sleep” and he will be only sympathetic.

      Maybe you would both feel more comfortable initiating affectionate, non-s3xual physical contact? And then you can move into s3xy stuff if you want, or he can just hold you and say “I’m sorry men are so terrible,” depending on how you feel. If he’s worrying about pressuring you, this gives him a longer and gentler on-ramp of you encouraging him to escalate (or not), so that if you want him to he can be more confident that you do. And even if you don’t decide to have s3x, you’re building intimacy and affection and trust.

  13. To the weekend poster looking for Indian clothing :

    I have had very good luck buying on utsav fashion dot com.
    Got a saree, a couple cotton kurtas to wear with jeans, and something for my kid – all were delivered, stitched (for the saree blouse) etc. in good condition and well in time for a wedding deadline I had. They have a lot of variety so everything from full on sarees to tunics.

  14. Anonymous :

    Anyone else hitting the brakes on grad school considerations in light of the tax bill?

  15. Sloan Sabbith :

    Just threw up in my office bathroom (which is totally not soundproofed). So, yeah, I think today is done. UGH I hate super strong antibiotics.

    • Yay Sloan Sabbith is out of the hospital; not fully recovered, but at least home, right! Let’s all have a nice round of applause for Sloan Sabbith. Her co-workers are sureley pleased to have her back also, though not so much with the vomit! FOOEY!

  16. Instapot – yay or nay? I have a crockpot that I use regularly in the winter, but I’m really interested in the idea of cooking things faster. Is it worth it?

    • So, this may or may not be a helpful data point, but another department in my office had a potluck last week. Several people cooked stuff in Instant Pots. I don’t know what I was expecting, but the pots were huge! Like CrockPot size in width, but somehow taller and bulkier overall? So, be prepared to make space for the thing if you have your heart set on one.

    • SO WORTH IT!!! Post again tomorrow if you want recipes, etc.

    • The NYT Cooking section has a really nice guide to pressure cooking. I’d check that out and see if those are the kinds of meals that appeal to you. Like most cooking tools, it’s great for certain applications and not good for others.

    • I think it’s worth it. It seems pretty easy to switch from a slow cooker recipe to instant pot. I love being able to make delicious soups and stews in an hour. Homemade chicken broth is fast and simple too. Plus being able to sauté in the pan is fantastic and I think it’s way easier to clean than a slow cooker.

  17. Does anyone else ever feel like they are faking their way through this thing called adulting? This is probably the wrong group to ask since I know many (most?) of you are lawyers and so probably have your lives in order. But I just came from a meeting with a tax accountant and am now dealing with navigating an HR system and feeling a little bit like a teenager who is playing dress up as an adult and hoping nobody notices. Someone please tell me I’m not alone in feeling this way!

    • Anonymous :

      Girl do you come here often? That’s 100% of us, at all times!

    • Anonymous :

      Haha, everyone feels this way, I think. I’m a lawyer with a husband, a house, two kids, a retirement fund and college funds, and I feel like I’m flying by the seat of my pants most days.

    • Dude, EVERY DAY. It helps to realize that no one has any idea what they’re doing, some are just better at projecting confidence.

    • I’ve come to understand that the secret to happiness (or at least feeling a lot less insecure) in adulthood is to realize that no one else has any idea what they’re doing either.

      • Also, that most of it doesn’t matter in the end.

      • Anonymous :

        yup yup yup yup yup. I jokingly say that I’m certified smart (because I have a PhD), but honestly, I was submitting my health insurance changes today, fighting with the badly-designed website, praying that I made the right choice in this tangled mess of silly sounding options.

        • OP here. Thanks everyone! I really needed that reminder today. :-)
          It did occur to me that if I am going to be playing dress up, I might as well like my outfit. (Didja like how I tied that into the purpose of Corporette – heeheee!!!)

    • Anonymous BigLaw Associate :

      Oddly, having kids made me feel like LESS of an adult because I am pretty unlike the other moms I interact with at my kids’ schools. It makes me feel like I am somehow less compared to them because they are stereotypical American moms. It is hard to put in words, but I feel weird and foreign and don’t do things in the same way, so therefore something must be wrong with me. And this usually leads to me concluding I am immature and irresponsible and a bad parent, which really couldn’t be farther from the truth if I step back and be realistic. Fun times in adulting!

  18. Jumping off of the gift ideas thread earlier — I recently started dating a guy, it’s not “official” but we’ve been dating long enough that it is sensical to start thinking about his birthday in the second week of December. Suggestions of a good gift for when you’ve only been dating a couple months….? Ditto for Christmas.

    • Anonymous :

      Is there a booze he likes? An author or artist you’ve talked about together? The first xmas I was with my now-husband, I gave him a bottle of his then-favorite whiskey (not too pricey) and he gave me a gorgeous coffee table book of Dali paintings.

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