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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Stretch Suiting T-Shirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

I was intrigued when I saw that J.Crew has a stretch t-shirt that they’re selling as a t-shirt to go under suits, because I’ve always argued that suits and t-shirts are a match made in heaven. (They sell a tank top as well.) It looks like this one doesn’t really have a thick band around it like a lot of t-shirts do, and it seems like it has a pretty, thin layering sort of fabric that reminds me of the kind of luxury layering items you can get at Adea. (This is cotton/spandex.) From the reviews, it looks like customers prefer the tank top, but I advise not wearing sleeveless tops under suiting jackets because of laundry reasons. You’re going to be able to stretch out your dry cleaning if you’ve got your underarms covered. This top is $59.50 ($55 for black) at J.Crew, but right now you can get 20% off with code SHOPNOW. Available sizes are XXXS-XL. Stretch Suiting T-Shirt

Two plus-size options are here and here.

Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]

(L-all)

Comments

  1. brokentoe :

    https://www.nytimes.com/2017/02/02/business/nordstrom-ivanka-trump.html?hp&action=click&pgtype=Homepage&clickSource=story-heading&module=b-lede-package-region&region=top-news&WT.nav=top-news&te=1&nl=morning-briefing&emc=edit_nn_20170203&_r=0

    • Hooray!

    • SuziStockbroker :

      Yay!!

    • To quote Dory “we did it, we did it, oh yea yea yea”

    • I’m placing a “thank you” order today.

    • Ekaterin Nile :

      Excellent. I will do some shopping at Nordstrom this weekend, and I’ll be sure to tell them why.

    • Didn’t she sell/disinvest last week, before she took the role of substitute 1st lady?

      So, she got the $, and now Marc Fisher is taking the hit….

    • full of ideas :

      Came here to post same, glad ya’ll beet me to it!!

    • Cue Trump tweeting that this was a big dumb move! FAKE STORE!

    • I think this is really mean-spirited, but I guess I have come to expect this from people who are pro-women, unless a certain woman happens not to agree with you. I am not in favor of bullying people — or companies — into compliance. I am all for supporting or not supporting someone based on one’s beliefs individually, but this is playing into mob mentality and is plain bullying. I have to respect Nordstrom’s first response for being at least measured and not reactive.

      I’d also like to say that I really like Ivanka Trump merchandise — I find it to be good quality, affordable workwear.

      • Boo hoo poor Ivanka :

        Ivanka supporting her father’s racist, fascist campaign is really mean spirited.

      • Good for you, not for me!

        Ivanka could easily have distanced herself from her father, but she didn’t. Actions/inaction have consequences. No one is bullying her, please.

      • Last I checked, we are allowed to spend money where and when we want. Women didn’t buy Ivanka’s clothes, and so Nordstrom dropped her. I don’t see how *not* buying something is bullying.

        • I found the whole #GYW campaign to be a form of bullying. Individually deciding not to support a brand is one thing, but this is an entirely different animal.

          • Seriously? Words have lost content if this is “bullying.” Economic boycotts are a time-honored political tradition. No one is forcing you to participate. No one is forcing stores to carry the Trump family’s products.

          • My family can’t get into the country right now. I will not spend money with companies that are complicit with the Trump administration. There’s a difference between bullying and make ethical purchasing choices. Good grief –

          • “Individually deciding not to support a brand is one thing, but this is an entirely different animal.”

            No, it’s not. No one went and firebombed stores or anything – we just elected not to shop at Nordstrom. They then decided the business they were losing was not worth the trouble and dropped Ivanka’s brand. If you think that’s bullying, I would recommend doing some self-education so you don’t continue to use that term inappropriately; it certainly won’t help your career.

            Also – are you still buying coffee at Starbucks or are you “bullying” them by buying your coffee elsewhere?

          • Wow. Consumer boycotts are literally the tamest form of political protest.

          • I do not think this word means what you think it means.

            Look up bullying.

            Also, Ivanka’s not going to the poorhouse because of this. She will always be extremely privileged.

          • And they call liberals the special snowflakes . . .

          • Anonymous :

            Seriously. Stop overusing the word “bullying.” And calling Kelly-Anne a liar because she lies is not bullying either

        • zomg those patriots who threw their tea into the harbor totally bullying.

      • Pro-women doesn’t mean that I have to spend my dollars on something I don’t agree with. Pro-women means I want all women to have the same rights, freedoms, and workplace advantages and opportunities as any man. And if someone (man or woman) supports a cause I disagree with, and I don’t purchase their products as a result, and a lot of other people hold similar views and don’t purchase their product as a result, then there are economic consequences. Bullying would be if Ivanka Trump’s products were Nordstrom’s top seller, and they walked away because of peer pressure. Capitalism is Ivanka Trump’s products tanking in sales because people are voting with their dollars.

        Signed,
        I currently have 3 pairs of Ivanka Trump flats in heavy rotation, and 2 more unworn in boxes that I purchased 2 years ago (multiples). I’ve been wearing her shoes for probably 5 years and they are my favorite pointy toe flats. But I haven’t bought any since she came out in strong support for her father, because I vote with my dollars (and, you know, at the polls)

        • Agreed. I have two pairs of Ivanka shoes and two cardigans that are all fantastic quality. But I stopped shopping her brand many moons ago when her father first called Mexicans criminals and all the rest. I’m sure Ivanka is in a tough position, but her glowy presence helped Trump win. I can no longer support her products at all.

      • If this is your position, I’m not sure you understand how capitalism works.

        And I also like Ivanka Trump’s clothing and shoes, and regret that I will no longer be able to purchase new pairs of her stupidly comfortable, affordable, and well-made shoes. But I’m not using my money to support someone who is so visibly aligned with racism, xenophobia, Islamophobia, and rolling back my rights as a woman.

      • No one “bullied” Nordstrom. People stopped buying Ivanka Trump because they were repulsed by her support for and normalization of her racist, sexist, insane father, and Nordstrom made a business decision to drop the line because it was not selling well. Yeah, there was a hashtag on Twitter, but tens of thousands of people made an individual decision to stop buying Ivanka long before there was any formal boycott.

      • I agree with you, Anon at 11:01, and really get tired of the bullying of anyone with a different opinion.

        • Staaaaaaahhhhhp. This is NOT bullying.

        • Anonattorney :

          Disagreeing with a viewpoint is not “bullying.” Choosing not to buy from a company whose very public figurehead supports someone I consider to be the worst thing to happen to American politics in . . . forever? . . . is not bullying. And educating other people that they can protest in a similar way is not bullying.

        • Anonymous :

          Seriously. Here’s the definition to help you out: “using superior strength or influence to intimidate (someone), typically to force him or her to do what one wants.” Where’s the superior strength or influence? If anyone is a bully, it’s the Giant Cheeto singling out private citizens with his tweets

        • Random guess: your opinions must include things like “Muslims don’t share American values” and “Black people are to blame for their own problems.”

      • Well you can till buy “her” good quality workwear. Someone else designed & produced it all; I am sure some other celeb can buy the licenses she got to put her name on the brand. Jessica Simpson, JLo, Sarah Jessica, Snookie…

      • I will have to CONCUR here. I shop at NORDSTROM all the time, and I bought Ivanka’s pump’s when I was there. I really do NOT think we have to put the sins of the father on the children, so irregardless what some of the HIVE think of President Trump, they should NOT peenalize Ivanka for it. After all, she is a WORKING MOTHER of 3 kid’s who has done alot for us women, and intends to continue to do so through her HUSBAND, who has the ear of the President.

        I sometimes think the HIVE is jealous of Ivanka, who has look’s, money, kid’s, smarts (she married Jared) and most of all a great job! I do NOT think many of us has it all the way she does. I do NOT begrudge her–she did sacrifice to get MARRIED, and she married into the KUSHNER family, which is VERY sucessful. (I am NOT jelous any more, b/c I realize that Ivanka has more goeing for her then I do).

        I seriusly think the HIVE should step back and NOT be so petty when it comes to Ivanka. Give her credit for being a working mom who does NOT have to work, and be nice, even if we do NOT agree with her Dad’s position on some issue’s. That is what it means to be a profesional. YAY!!!

      • “I am all for supporting or not supporting someone based on one’s beliefs individually”

        This is literally what is happening. Lots of people are individually deciding they don’t want to support her clothing line. So you agree with exactly what is happening you just think people should like Ivanka?

      • College Prof :

        oh, waaa waaa. She’s a Republican. They are *all about* free market Capitalism. And yet the minute people decide that they don’t want to give Ivanka money based on the harmful, anti-woman agenda she’s propping up, it’s all bleeding-heart, how MEAN, “bullying”? I’m getting really sick of these super-fragile, offended by everything Republicans who cry when people exercise their right to protest, or their right to say that their ideas are dumb (“you’re oppressing my free speech, wah!”).

    • YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Apparently Neiman Marcus did the same!

    • I’ll just point out that I would have continued to buy her products IF she hadn’t actively participated in her father’s campaign. I wouldn’t punish her for her family relations – but she’s a grown woman and can accept the consequence of actively associating herself with her father’s platform. I suspect many others feel the same way.

      • I do. Exactly.

      • Same. I wouldn’t punish someone for who they’re related to or even for failing to denounce a parent’s actions, but she was one of his best surrogates. Studies done after the election showed that MANY women voted for Trump because Ivanka – beautiful, well-dressed, working mom Ivanka – spoke so highly of him and promised his policies would be good for women. She played a huge role in getting him elected and I can vote with my wallet.

      • Yep, my thoughts exactly.

      • Legally Brunette :

        + 1000.

  2. Anonymous :

    So the boycott is working. Nordstroms is dropping Ivanka Trump! If anyone likes Ivanka Trump shoes and does not want to support her brand check out the Mark Fisher shoes website. He is her manufacturer. They are the same exact shoes but much cheaper. They must mark them up so she gets a piece of the profit.It’s so annoying to think I have been paying extra $$ for the same product just because it has her name on it. I think her brand is done.

    • I believe that Marc Fisher and Ivanka have a licensing agreement, so some money still goes into her pocket.

      • Only if it has her name on it.

        • True, but if you are someone who will boycott Nordstrom for carrying the line, wouldn’t you also be inclined to boycott her other business partners (Marc Fisher in this case)?

          • Senior Attorney :

            On the contrary. I think I would want to show Marc Fisher he can do better without getting in bed with the Trumps.

          • But he hasn’t said that he is terminating the licensing agreement so he is still doing business with her. I mean everyone gets to decide where they spend their money, but he is still a business partner of Ivanka’s AFAIK.

    • big orange drink :

      I’m wondering if a better resistance strategy than contacting our representatives is to contact the companies speaking out against POTUS and voice our support for them so they don’t back down when he calls them out on Twitter? All of my state and US reps are Republicans, and it just feels pointless to write and call them.

      • Both? There are R reps who have reacted to constituent calls. Collins and Murkowski will vote no to DeVos for that reason. Jason Chaffetz withdrew a bill to sell 3 million acres of public lands because he got so many calls.

      • It is possible to boycott a brand and also contact representatives.

      • Uhhh it’s MOST important that you call your reps! They should know when their constituents disagree.

      • Please call your representatives! Especially because they are Republicans. They need to know that you — a constituent — do not support their positions. Your voice matters.

        My representatives are all Democrats but I’m still calling anyway. I want them to know I am monitoring their positions and support them. For anyone who’s worried about calling: it gets easier with practice! Please call. (The interns are not judging you about how eloquent you are. Just give them your name and zip code and your brief message.)

    • IT IS NORDSTROM NOT NORDSTROMS OR NORDSTROM’S OMG

      • Wildkitten :

        Same with Tiffany!

        • Anonymous :

          At least with that one, there’s an obvious explanation why people call it Tiffany’s (the Audrey Hepburn movie). I do not understand “Nordstrom’s” at all, except in the possessive context (e.g., “Nordstrom’s decision to dump Ivanka”) and have no idea where it came from.

          • Macy’s, Saks, Bloomingdale’s, Sears, etc…. I used to work at J.C. Penney in high school, and people still called it Penney’s.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Nordstrom, right.

        But also… Nordie’s. ;)

  3. I bought several of these shirts years ago and they were staples. I am glad to see they are back.

    I only wish that the manufacturer could figure out a way to make a smooth seam at the neck so the stitching isn’t visible.

  4. In-House in Houston :

    Can I just vent a minute? I live in Houston and I know the super bowl is a big deal. But they shut down a major street in the galleria area where I work, just because the Patriots are staying at a hotel here. Seriously? I got stuck in major traffic just trying to get a sandwich at lunch yesterday. Then this morning, at 7:00 am, it was still closed. Ugh!! Should’ve worked from home today!!

    • BeenThatGuy :

      They blocked the whole area just so no one can watch them deflate all the balls?! So annoying!

      (But seriously, I feel your pain)

    • Anonymous :

      Yet another reason to hate the Patriots.

    • Hey! Just jumping in to defend my Patriots here…

      Sorry about the traffic issues. Here in Boston we understand traffic! But this Super Bowl is one of the only things distracting us from the crisis in Washington.

      And even if you hate Brady (not me!), don’t hate on Edelman or Mitchell or Bennett. Did you know that 3 of our players have written children’s books?

      Mitchell is in a book club with a bunch of ladies in Georgia: https://www.bostonglobe.com/sports/patriots/2016/05/23/mitchell/eIJI9bANsUwhjGiAZCvjcP/story.html

      • I’m a Brady hater, but another guy on the team went to my high school and he is a good guy.

      • I live in Boston, and it has only caused me to hate the Patriots more. Wooooooorst.

      • Oh, man. I’m a Dolphins/Gators fan, so I am predisposed to hate both the Patriots and Georgia, but that Malcolm Mitchell story is super cute.

      • Brady is a Trump supporter who helped normalize him. I wasn’t a fan before but now I can’t stand him.

        • Did you hear Trump is considering Brady for an economic advisory role?

          He’s going to oversee inflation.

          (rimshot)

        • Actually, Brady has stayed mum on whether he voted for Trump. Kraft, on the other hand, congratulated him.

          I admit that I’m conflicted on this. But I love the patriots. I don’t generally follow national sports teams. And it’s a team. Some of the players have been vocal about their opposition to Trump (Bennett, in particular). Most of them are not white.

          And, as someone said earlier this week, some things are just too difficult to boycott. Boycotting Ivanka Trump clothes is easy. Boycotting the Patriots is tough.

          • I didn’t say I don’t like the Patriots, I said I don’t like Tom Brady. He didn’t say deny anything when Trump announced Brady had voted for him. That, to me, is effectively an endorsement. I don’t expect athletes to share their political views when asked by reporters but when a candidate for President publicly announces that you’ve endorsed him, you better deny it if you don’t support him.

          • Just one last comment and then I’ll stop…

            Gisele says he didn’t vote Trump. And honestly, do you really think he’s the boss in that house? Remember, he grew up with 3 sisters. I think he’s only the boss on the field, and even then he’s got Belichick in his head…

          • I’m more mad if he DIDN’T vote Trump. Trump announced right before the election that “Tom Brady voted Trump!” and I personally know people in NH, Maine and Massachusetts who were really impressed by that endorsement. I’m pretty sure most of them were leaning Trump anyway, but I actually know people who said that Brady’s endorsement made them feel more comfortable voting for him because Brady is “such a good guy” and wouldn’t support a racist/sexist/X-ist. If he actually opposed Trump, I think he had an obligation to say “um, no that’s false.” If he does support Trump, it’s ok to stay silent but then I still judge him for voting for Trump.
            I believe Gisele didn’t vote for him though for sure.

          • Is Gisele even eligible to vote here?

      • I’m pretty sure people in Houston understand traffic…. this just exacerbates the problem.

    • Welcome to my life. Something is always closed in DC. The Waze app is great at avoiding street closures.

    • I was staying at the Four Seasons this past weekend. Went to dinner. Took 45 minutes to get back to my hotel because there were so many street closures and absolutely no signage explaining what was open or how to get to hotels in the closed-off zone. (Before I left for dinner there had been only a minor closure -they locked the whole area down while I was gone.)

    • Welcome to San Francisco last year! It was a mess but it was over surprisingly quickly. I’m surprised your employer hasn’t given you special instructions for this week – mine did in SF. Everyone was asked to WFH if at all possible. Some of the die hard football fans went in anyway so that they could see the spectacle but I gratefully stayed as far away as possible.

      • Also, calling it the Superb Owl like a 12 year old somehow helped me deal with the annoyance. Every time I wrote Superb Owl (like, I will be WFH this week due to the Superb Owl on my out of office) it made me giggle and take it more lightly.

    • Ugh, I know!! I work downtown and it’s an absolute madhouse. People who aren’t familiar with downtown already panic unnecessarily and drive super erratically (because the solution to missing your turn isn’t to calmly circle the block or put your hazards on and pull over while you look at your map, it’s definitely to cut three people off and nearly kill a pedestrian making the turn at the last possible second!). This has NOT improved the situation!

      • Anonymous :

        Making a last-minute right turn from the left lane, across 3-5 lanes total, is a classic Dallas driver move–sounds like some Cowboys made the trip despite not being in the game. Enjoy our finest ;)

      • You are not making me look forward to next year’s game…

    • This is one of those times I am overjoyed to live and work in a suburb of Houston!

    • Another Galleria-area commuter here. I was really hoping that we would be told to work-from-home today, but I guess not because there aren’t any events nearby, just extra traffic. FYI, there is also a protest happening on Post Oak this afternoon at 4, so get out of the area early today.

      Also, just to clarify for the other commentors, Houston is not unaccustomed to ridiculous lane-closing and major traffic problems, but we are not used to them closing perfectly good roads for reasons other than construction. They are closing massive blocks of streets all around the city this week (and this is not a walkable place), so it’s definitely a weekend to stay at home!

  5. I have this shirt in white. I’d like to buy it in the rose and navy, because it is comfortable. However, the white is super see-through, I only wear it under a cardigan that I button up half-way.

    • All the reviews on J Crew’s website have this complaint too. Apparently the tank is double layered, but the tee is not.

    • Anonymous :

      I have been wearing the Caslon short-sleeve scoopneck from Nordstrom under my suits. The style is not currently available, but seems to return every spring. The white 100% cotton version is opaque enough. The modal blend version that Nordstrom tried to get away with one year was too clingy and see-through, but last year they seemed to have listened to the comments because they went back to 100% cotton.

    • idk if they still carry but i lurve the WHBM stretchy tees. i have th ss in black and white

  6. Any serious ice skaters here? Speed skaters?

    Newbie here (longtime skater on ice and old-school roller skates). How on earth do you ever seriously practice? I find that the only decent ice time (when there are maybe only 20 people out there) requires ducking out of work early. And speedskating is really really hard to practice when there are tons of people flying around on the ice (half of which are serious beginners, so you have to really tread lightly around them so there isn’t a collision)?

    If I were rich, I’d just buy out a rink for an hour each week. Try training on roller blades (and fight skateboarders?)?

    I like this, but I’d never want to try a speedskating race (unless there is the equivalent of a masters novice division) b/c I’d worry I’d be the out of control newbie who has never sufficiently practiced.

    [I would get over this if this were the sort of sport where you got an entrance song — I’ve had a couple of contenders for years. Back in Black? Thunderstruck? Not Ready to Back Down?]

    • Anonymous :

      I think you’ve hit on the reason why people don’t pick this sport up as a hobby. Ice time is expensive and hard to come by.

      • It’s not *that* expensive. I mean, people ski and ride horses. [Buying out an hour of ice time would be the sort of thing I’d ask for a birthday present or for making partner, so a splurgy treat not a weekly thing (pending this week’s lottery results)]. So far, it’s cheaper than golf and I’m actually getting exercise instead of pulling my back out and getting sunburned. There are two rinks in my city (although I work downtown and they are on the outer perimeter).

        I’ve convinced a rink mom to do it, too — she was so happy to put down her iphone and get on the ice (and was stuck there anyway).

        I guess I’m not sure what the tips are b/c the really serious people seem to be teenagers who move away to training centers. Are there tips for the rest of us?

        • Based on your descriptions, and as someone who used to ride a lot, horseback riding seems like a much easier hobby to get into casually and do regularly, if not less expensive…

          • People don’t usually rent out an entire ice rink for solo practice. In figure skating, either the rink will have dedicated sessions just for figure skating, or the club will rent the rink for the use of its members. The number of skaters will be limited, and sessions may also be restricted by skill level. I used to pay between $8 and $12 for a session of 45 minutes to 1 hour with a limit of something like 15 or 20 singles and one pair. Most sessions weren’t actually that crowded. Prices may have gone up since then, but probably still cheaper than riding.

          • @Anon at 11:03 – Anon from 10:40 here. I’m imagining a lot of those times would be during work hours, as OP suggested. (And would she be allowed to practice speed skating during a dedicated figure skating session?) Then price and convenience aside, if you get a riding lesson at most competent barns there’s going to be space for you to do your thing without being constantly being blocked by a bunch of kids on pony rides.

            Anyways, not trying to get into a skating vs riding fight here. I just thought based on her description that skating (for her) might veer closer to riding than she thought.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Live somewhere with winter and flood your back yard to make your own rink? I’m not a serious skater but that’s how we played hockey growing up. That or on frozen flooded cranberry bogs. I’m guessing for speed skating you need smooth zambonied ice though.

      • Yes! I’ve seen that (or flooding volleyball courts). Too bad I now live somewhere where they close schools if two days ago there was a dusting of snow. I don’t think we could get a good freeze.

        And I can see now how level ice is a must-have. As a kid, we would just wait until our river froze and shovel it off and skate on it. And then be very careful once it started to warm up.

      • It’s been a very mild winter here, and it’s made me quite sad in that my pond hasn’t stayed frozen. I got out ice skating once with my daughter, and we had a blast, but it only stayed frozen enough to be safe for about a week.

    • Anonymous :

      I used to compete in adult figure skating and synchronized skating. I trained very early in the morning before work, during club or rink freestyle and moves in the field sessions. The adult synchro team practiced late on Friday evenings. I loved it and was so sad when I had to give it up.

      I have no idea how anyone trains for speed skating. I have occasionally seen beginner speed skaters on the ice during midday public sessions, but no rink where I’ve trained has ever had dedicated speed skating sessions. I am willing to bet that serious speed skaters would not be welcome during a public session, as figure skating is usually heavily regulated during public sessions so as not to create danger for recreational skaters. I would imagine you’d have to find a speed skating club that bought its own ice time, and that ice time might not be at the most convenient times.

      • That’s a good idea — speed skating clubs. Will ask next time.

        I like the speed of it. I don’t want to do roller derby b/c it’s a contact sport (but otherwise would love the vibe of it). But that may be the closest thing.

        I have friends who skate (or have skating kids) and it’s either before dawn (like worse than being a swim parent) or very late (9pm?). Those kids all get cars the minute they get old enough and now I totally get it.

        • Anonymous above :

          If you are just in it for the speed and don’t want to race/compete, you might enjoy a power skating class (on hockey skates or figure skates depending on the class) or figure skating moves in the field. Probably easier to find ice time that way.

    • Anonymous :

      How about roller derby instead?

      • Oh yeah! The mother of one of my daughter’s friends does roller derby and it seems so badass!!

      • We don’t do much “speed skating” – but the skills are super transferable – one of my league mates is an ex speed and figure skater who is now on a national team.

    • SuziStockbroker :

      Well, I am “lucky” enough to live in a climate where we have outdoor rinks. The one a few
      blocks from my house has a skating oval around a standard rink. So, hockey goes on inside, and people pleasure skate around the oval. Early mornings and late evenings is when you’ll see the speed skaters.

      Probably not uber helpful for you, ha ha.

    • If you want to figure skate and have not had any instruction, you should sign up for group adult lessons in a “learn to skate” program. You can practice basic skills in any open skating session at a rink. The next step after that is to join a figure skating club. That will give you access to ice contracted by the club at a local rink ($12-15/hour) and access to coaches. If you’re serious about figure skating, you need an individual coach ($40/hour and up). Rinks generally post schedules for different public skating sessions at a cost of $10-12/hour. Open freestyle sessions are for figure skating, but you need to reach a certain skill level before you can skate on those sessions. You can do short track speed skating on a regular rink (hockey rink) but only during times reserved for speed skating. Again, look for a local club that contracts with a rink for practice times and offers coaches or instruction. Go to US Figure Skating Association’s website (USFSA dot org), click on the Learn to Skate USA link to find programs in your area.

    • Join a skating club and/or go super early in the morning. Ime the club(s) buy up all the ice time at reasonable hours so you have to pay club dues.

  7. I am so foul. I inadvertently came across concrete evidence that my former co-worker (who we discovered after he left was dropping balls and not following the proper procedures) was offered $30k more than me to start, and after my recent raise, still made $10k more than me. He had zero contract drafting experience, whereas I came in with 6 solid years of it. I just can’t.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Wow! That’s a huge difference. In house or firm?

      • Oh gosh, I am bad at math – his salary in 2015 vs. my offer in 2015 was $37k different. When he quit, I hadn’t gotten my raise yet, but had negotiated my starting salary up to where were were then $27k apart. With my raise, we were $10k apart. INFURIATING. My current boss wasn’t the one who made either of the starting offers and he did fight for the raise I eventually got, but it took him over a year to get it approved. My boss still thinks I am underpaid (clearly) but he doesn’t have the final say.

        I am in a JD preferred position outside of the legal department, so closer to in-house than firm.

    • Infuriating.

    • Gah! Sorry about this :(

    • In a similar boat and it’s infuriating. It’s one of the reasons I’m leaving my current job soon.

    • Any chance you’re in CA where you can convince your employer to check out the new laws about gender disparity in pay? It might not be right on point if he doesn’t work there any more, but maybe would provide some ammo to get you more $$$

      • I’m not, although we have offices/plants in CA. Our company CONSTANTLY touts diversity and equality and promoting women, blah blah blah, but it appears to only at the very high levels and it appears to be only for women who will increase the diversity look on the website (they absolutely SHOULD get promoted – I am merely making an observation based on the emails/press releases, etc.). A friend of mine who also works here and has experienced something similar said I should contact the ombudsman to note the discrepancy pointing out the vast difference in experience and skills. I don’t somehow want it to look like I am throwing my awesome boss under the boss in any way shape or form – he had nothing to do with it (someone else was the hiring manager at the time) and has always been my advocate. UGH

        I mean $5 – 7k, fine, not great, but fine, but almost $40k!?!?!?

  8. Anonymous :

    What website allows me to put in my origin city and see all last minute deals? I have some unexpected time off and would like to vacation someplace warm, but I don’t care where. All the travel sites I’ve seen (Cheap Caribbean, Expedia, Travelzoo) seem to require a destination. I’d prefer to see all deals and pick. Suggestions?

    • Anonymous :

      You can try google flights (the “discover destinations” option)

    • Cheap Caribbean has a last-minute deals section that lets you see everything available from your origin city: http://www.cheapcaribbean.com/deals/last-minute-vacation-deals.html?icid=mm_dl_dl_2

    • espresso bean :

      Try Kayak Explore! You can see a map of the world and choose your origin city, time of year, and max price you’d pay, and then you’ll see fares from all around the world.

      • I’m so tempted on the $118 flight I just found on there for a round trip ticket to New Orleans for the middle of March…

        • marketingchic :

          I went there for a long weekend in March a couple years ago. Highly, highly recommend!

        • PrettyPrimadonna :

          I LOVE New Orleans. I went there for my honeymoon around this time last year (was expecting, so non Zika destinations, and no flying). If you like music and food, you will enjoy it!

        • The Priceline Express Deal for the 4 Star hotel on Canal Street for $160/night is the Sheraton. I just booked it Wednesday for our trip next month! That Sheraton is a great hotel and that’s a great price for it!

      • givemyregards :

        +1 to Kayak Explore! The only downside is that when you click on the fares they can’t always be replicated in the updated search. But it still gives you a decent approximation of what is out there.

    • Google Flights. Or follow one of the deal-watching sites (The Flight Deal, I think Points Guy does this too) on Twitter and just wait a couple of days to see if anything comes up that’s of interest to you and during the time period you’re available.

    • Kiwi.com. You can search based on a destination anywhere, or draw a circle on the map and find flights to destinations in that range. It’s awesome.

    • follow Scott’s Cheap flights emails. SUCH GOOD DEALS!

    • Skyscanner does this!

  9. Real talk time: how much am I going to get judged if I ride around town on an adult tricycle? I never learned to ride a bike as a kid, and all of my attempts to learn as an adult have been unsuccessful. I know it’s ridiculous and I know I should be able to do it, since I’m an athletic 28-year-old with no health conditions affecting my balance, but I just can’t seem to get it. I would have an easy 20-minute bike ride to work…if only I could ride some form of bicycle.

    • a lot

    • Don’t give up! Besides looking geriatric, a tricycle may be hard to park in a crowded bike rack between other bikes because it is so wide. REI’s website used to have some great videos on teaching your kid to ride a bike that were really helpful with my daughter. Rent or buy yourself a good entry-level bike (Trek is great), take it to the park, and practice coasting downhill on a gentle grade until you get the feel for the balance. The quality of the bike really matters. When I was a kid, my parents bought me a junky bicycle from Sears that was terribly heavy, and I had a lot of trouble learning to ride it. When they gave up on that bike and bought me a better quality used bike, I was riding it like a pro almost instantly.

    • I think tricycles are much slower than bikes. I can’t imagine where you could ride one that wouldn’t be either extremely dangerous (the road??) or really annoying to everyone around you (the sidewalk? and is that even legal?). I lived in a very small college town for 8 years. The speed limit on all the roads in “town” was 25 or so. There was one woman who drove her tricycle everywhere, and she was definitely considered the town eccentric. So you could do it in a place like that, probably. Anywhere else seems terribly impractical.

    • I’ve seen some very sporty/racing trikes.

      But I would just put a big basket in front for my bag, tassels on the handle bars, and take my big old trike and ride it to work. People will think you are a total hipster, or the most practical and healthy woman riding to work….

      • Yeah this would be my approach. I veer in a hipster direction anyway, and my inspiration for this whole idea is the major hipster I currently see roaming the streets on a fancy mint-green trike.

        • The only person I’ve seen on one has some sort of special needs (and carries an oxygen tank on it). It is very slow and indeed fills up the sidewalk (so you have to go on the grass or you will be forcing walkers onto it). And it’s massive, so you could hurt someone if you are truly not bike-facile (so you can tip it going over curbs b/c if the front wheel pivots wrong, down you go).

          I think a bike is just better and many cities do adult-learner classes. Try taking the pedals off (or letting a bike shop do it for you) and just gliding / balancing like kids on balance bikes do.

    • givemyregards :

      I’ve seen people riding around on bikes like these:http://bit.ly/2kAtLcM and honestly thought nothing of it. It just seems like a practical option for hauling around your groceries. But I would agree with some of the others that a bike like this is going to be pretty heavy/slow. But your quads will definitely get a good workout!

    • People will laugh. You could try a Razor scooter to develop balance that will help you learn how to ride a bike.

    • givemyregards :

      Hm, my reply is stuck in moderation so I’ll one more time – I’ve seen people riding bikes like these: https://www.walmart.com/ip/16541352?wmlspartner=wlpa&adid=22222222227000808457&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=40334722112&wl4=pla-78295125392&wl5=9007896&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&wl11=online&wl12=16541352&wl13=&veh=sem

      all the time and thought nothing of it. But I agree with others who say it will probably be heavy/slow to ride. Still, I’d say go for it!

    • Just learn to ride a bike. And then make sure that you’re good enough at it that you feel comfortable in traffic.

      (Aren’t you in DC? I don’t think that anyone besides experienced bikers should bike on these roads. Cars here aren’t very good at dealing with bikers/respecting bike lanes. I say this as an experienced bike commuter.)

      • Not in DC. My ride would be 1/3 quiet residential street with no cars, 1/3 bike lane, 1/3 regular street with existing heavy bike traffic.

        • I think you’ll have difficulty in bike lanes and streets with heavy bike traffic because you will be moving slower and will need a wider berth.

          • This. Trike would take up enough of the bike lane that it might really be problematic for bike commuters behind you (they can’t pass you without going into car traffic, e.g.).

        • Yes, bike lanes and actual traffic lanes require you to be nimble on a bike and to have a smaller bike. A sturdier bike (like a beach cruiser) or a tricycle has a lot harder time angling and turning. You will be a danger to yourself, other bikers, and drivers. Learn to ride for real on the residential streets first before you attempt this.

    • AnonMidwest :

      Do you live in Portland? Because I feel like this would be totally acceptable in a Portland way. But I cannot imagine this anywhere else.

      • Not in Portland, but in a city with a similar level of hipster-ness. I actually got the idea from a super-hipster proudly cruising down the road on a souped-up mint-green trike. I now see her bike on the rack behind my office all the time.

        • Awesome. Ride your trike with pride.

        • Anonattorney :

          As a Portlander, I think this would be amazing. Also, I see so many different types of people riding a variety of bikes every day. I’ve never once laughed at someone, or thought they looked dumb.

          I’m on team ride your trike. #TrikePride

        • I’m pretty sure we’re in the same city, and while the area has become much more bike-friendly, it’s not so friendly that maneuvering on an unwieldy tricycle would be wise, IMO.

      • I used to live in Seattle and I was a bike commuter…there was another guy who commuted my same route on a unicycle.

    • You can ride a recumbent bike, but I would be hesitant to ride them on the road because they’re so low to the ground. If you have a trail to ride on, that could be a good option. Really though, I bet you could learn to ride a bike. A regular bike would probably be the fastest and easiest way (pedaling effort-wise) to go, but ride whatever you love. If that’s the tricycle, then so it is.

      • Yeah, a recumbent bike might be easier. They are harder to see but you can get flags that stick up for visibility.

        • Senior Attorney :

          OMG I feel like those are SO DANGEROUS. Yes, they have flags but they are so low to the ground and one false move by a car and you’d be squished!

        • Spirograph :

          They make tall ones! I have no idea how you get onto one, but on my bike commute, I regularly see a guy with a recumbent that is as tall as a normal bike. It looks totally bizarre, but visibility is the same as a normal bike.

          (I don’t recommend you try this, emeralds)

    • I live in a coastal city in FL and see surfers and families on a variety of tricycles, sidecars, surreys, baby trailers, all the time. Not a big deal!

      here are bikes with sidecars
      https://www.google.com/search?q=bicycle+with+sidecar&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1920&bih=946&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwiu-O2_ofTRAhWHiVQKHdC3AlUQsAQIpgE#safe=active&tbm=isch&q=bicycle+with+sidecar&chips=q:bicycle+with+sidecar,g_3:cruiser+bicycle

    • This would be totally acceptable in Tampa. I see them all the time on the jogging/biking trail that I’ve been using for over 10 years now. They’re sporty, too.

    • I think that’s a great idea and super cute. Tricycle commute! Start the trend. Be the trend! Who T F cares?

    • Thanks for the input, everyone! You’re lining up with real-life reactions, which are also a split between “Never do this” and “Great idea.”

      • As a fellow non-bike rider, I vote trike all the way. Learning as an adult just isn’t the same as childhood on muscle memory. I’m super coordinated with great balance so that’s not the issue. I did finally learn to ride in my early 30s, but I’ll never feel comfortable enough on a bike to commute or ride in traffic.

      • Adult training wheels exist and might solve the problems others have pointed out about tricycles being super wide, taking up a ton of road real estate, and extremely heavy (like, really, really heavy). With practice you might even start to be able to balance well enough to take them off.

        http://ez-trainer.com/?c=prod&sp=adult&gclid=CjwKEAiA8dDEBRDf19yI97eO0UsSJAAY_yCSjgYZA3aAEPoyhVBTHphPnaDIawTNKH5KHwFjTHcsFhoCeM3w_wcB

        Haters gonna hate — get the trike or the training wheels as you please.

    • Get a “cargo bike.” It reads hipster, not toddler. Something like the Targa.

    • KateMiddletown :

      A friend of mine posted over Christmas that her husband bought her a beach cruiser with adult training wheels. She was ecstatic.

    • Aunt Jamesina :

      I’m late to the game, but could you put a single training wheel on a regular bike? That might be enough balance help and psychological support to help you bike.

      That said, I’ve been riding a bike my whole life and I’m still not comfortable riding on the street (I stick to lower-traffic bike paths). I think there’s a really wide experience gap between “can’t ride a bike” and “able to ride on the street”.

  10. Heavy Question :

    We had the intervention of sorts for my sister this week. She listened to us and talked and answered our questions, which was good. My aunt and I were much stronger with her so I think it came across as good cop bad cop compared to other family members.

    During our talk she said she would consider postponing the wedding. She might have just said it because she knew we wanted to hear it. I texted her to reiterate my love and concern for her and she said she loves me too but she is upset to find out that none of us like her fiancé. We tried to avoid making it about whether or not we liked him but I think that is what she has taken away from this so far.

    I’m hopeful she will be going to an Al Anon meeting on Monday. We gave her a list of the meetings. We’ll see though.

    Thanks so much for all the support and advice over the past week. This is an incredible group and I’m so glad to be able to reach out to all of you.

    • This is amazing progress. Is it weird to be proud of a stranger on the internet? The fact that you took this step is HUGE. And I am so glad for your sister that she has you in her corner.

      Take care of yourself. And thank you for the update!

  11. Do any of you do your own eyebrows? If so what is your routine? I’m trying to save money in every way I can before I got to law school in the fall and dont have money for various luxuries like that =(

    • What do you mean by “do”? I pluck mine. I get them waxed maybe once/year to ensure the shape stays even, and then just pluck below the brow line. It’s not that hard and not painful at all.

    • I get a weird thrill from plucking my eyebrows, so I happily do my own. It’s not hard to do your own eyebrows especially since natural brows are very on trend right now. I fill in the sparse bits with Anastasia brow pencil every morning.

    • I get mine threaded monthly, and it costs me $12 after tip. In between I pluck and use nair.

      • That’s what I do. I also dye my eyebrows myself about once a month.

        • What do you use to dye them? Is it hard?

          • This kit. It’s very simple and the kit lasts forever. https://www.amazon.com/Godefroy-Professional-Light-Brown-Count/dp/B00CCYN798/ref=sr_1_3_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1486137337&sr=8-3&keywords=brow+dye
            I follow the recommendation in the comments.

          • Thanks, checking it out.

          • I dye mine every two weeks and just use drugstore haircolor. Super easy.

          • How has it not occurred to me to dye my eyebrows?? They’re completely white and I use a pencil to cover them in. Dye would work a lot better. Thanks for the tip Bonnie?

          • Thanks for this rec Bonnie!

            How did you choose which brown color to use? What is the natural color of your hair? Your brows?

            And can this work for spot treatment, or do you need to do the entire brow?

          • I have medium brown hair but use the light brown. My brows are really light. Some reviews said that the darker colors are really dark and you can control the color better with the light brown. I usually put it on the whole brow, leave it on long enough to put it on the other brow and then wipe off. I do it 2 or 3 times until I get the color I want. The capsules contain much more than is necessary for each use so I only mix how much I need and close the capsule back up.

    • I have Frida Kahlo eyebrows and used to get them waxed every 6 weeks. I gradually weaned myself off of that and now do them on my own. I just pluck and trim, no wax or Nair. A few things to consider:

      – Start spacing out your appointments more. That way you’ll learn what it’s like to have to maintain your brows yourself, but you’ll still have the safety net of your threading/waxing/whatever it is you do to maintain their overall shape.

      – Pluck with caution. It is so easy to overdo it and make your brows uneven and/or a weird shape! Ask me how I know…

      – If you have absurdly full brows like I do, upkeep is key. When I put on my makeup every morning, I pluck any obvious stray hairs. Once a week, I use a close-up mirror to get the finer hairs that I missed throughout the week. Once every few weeks, I use a small comb to brush my brows up and then trim any hairs that fall above the brow line (not sure if that explanation makes sense, but just Google “trim brows” and you’ll see what I mean).

      – I didn’t start using brow products until recently, but Anastasia brow pencil is good for evening out any mistakes.

    • Mrs. Jones :

      I pluck and use a brown pencil to fill in. Easy peasy.

    • I pluck my own, not because of $$ but because I’m scared of the pain of waxing or threading (plucking them makes me sneeze like crazy, but at least it’s not pain). I like my full brows though so I mostly just pluck in between them so I don’t have a unibrow. In college I overplucked them into tiny little lines and it was not a good look.

    • I wax or pluck/trim my own because I am uber lazy about going to get them done. The Sally Hansen home wax kits are easy peasy. If you don’t want to DIY wax, get a good pair of Tweezerman tweezers (and keep the cap on them when not in use) and a little eyebrow/intimate hair trimmer. Mine is straight across and the blade part is about a half an inch long. I pluck underneath and use the trimmer above and to keep long strays at bay. For the latter, I take an eyebrow brush or my finger and push the hair so that it goes up, then I use the trimmer to cut it down to where the natural top of my brow is. Then, when it lays flat, I don’t have the odd hair that lays below the natural line. I also use clear eyebrow tamer from ELF to keep them in line during the day. It’s just clear mascara.

      • Nelly Yuki :

        I follow this method for trimming my brows, except that I use a nail scissors. After trimming, I use a Sally Hansen home wax kit specifically for eyebrows for underneath, in between, and the ends of my brows. My eyebrows have a good natural shape, but the kit includes guides if that’s helpful. Some tips: buy cheap, disposable gloves (in the pharmacy/medical section of target). They do not need to be latex or sterile, but I prefer to get wax all over them instead of myself. After I wax, I use a tweezers to grab strays and extra wax. I use the soothing cream that comes in the kit, and I think it really helps with the redness. The smell is strong, though, so I do mine before I go to bed and put the cream on before my usual nighttime moisturizer. In the shower the next morning, I scrub off any remaining wax. I should say – I do all of this after I wash my face so I have a clean surface. Hope this helps!

    • I think there are some brows that really need professional shaping and some that are fine without it. Mine absolutely require professional shaping and I don’t ever cut that out, no matter how slim the budget is. I find other things to cut.

      Whatever you do, if you decide to DIY, please, please promise not to shape your eyebrows into little commas or Nike swooshes. Please?

    • I use one of those eyebrow razors every other day to clean things up, but otherwise, no plucking/waxing anymore.

    • I used to get mine threaded, but I didn’t quite like how they did them. I tweeze mine every few days. If I don’t tweeze, I get a unibrow.

  12. College Savings :

    I’m pregnant with my first child and would like to start saving for her college education. Is a 529 the best way to go?

    • We opted not to open a 529 for our daughter because it didn’t seem flexible enough. Instead, we are focusing on maximizing our own retirement savings and building a substantial emergency fund in cash. Our plan is to pay for college out of current income. If we both continue working and don’t fall victim to lifestyle creep, we will be able to live on my husband’s salary and pay for college with my salary. If one of us loses a job, then we’ll rely on our cash savings and/or financial aid and/or in-state tuition.

      • +1 This is also our strategy. We also do not intend to pay for our kids’ entire education. My preference will be to cover room/board/living expenses and help the kid choose the school with the tuition/scholarship mix they are comfortable paying for.

        • So you’re going to saddle your kid with $200k of debt for no reason? I understand there are parents who can’t afford to cover their kid’s education but if you can and don’t, it just seems like you’re hurting your kid by forcing them to get a lesser education or deal with debt that will dictate their career and life choices for potentially a really, really long time.

          • This also can breed a lot of child-parent resentment, depending on how you approach it.

            Personally, I find that people overestimate the amount of scholarships that are out there for students without specific circumstances and underestimate the cost of flagship state schools. Additionally, whether you like it or not, a lot of schools that have generous aid will take into account family income in their aid determinations, and there is almost nothing you can do to get them not to do that.

          • I think a lot of people are also unaware that top schools don’t give merit based aid. I’ve heard so many people say “If my kid can get a scholarship to Harvard, that’s great, but if not they’ll be just fine at State U.” There are no academic scholarships to Harvard and the majority of people who get in don’t get funding.

          • First off, going to a “lesser” school does not mean someone will have a lesser life. I have a friend who went to the state school in our town, she’s an executive at a big hotel chain now doing very well. I have a friend who went to Stanford, bachelor’s and masters, and he’s working in a bike store. Life is about personal drive and making good choices, not the name of the school on your diploma. Despite what some people want to think. Anyone who goes into $200,000 of debt for school thinking that would create the yellow brick road to prosperity for them made a choice; hopefully it worked out for them. There are many people out there who made different choices, that didn’t land them in hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, and are doing just as well, if not better. Additionally, people who were born on third base should not give themselves credit for hitting a triple. Anyone whose parents had enough money to send them to an expensive school debt-free are coming from a socioeconomic background that gave them substantive advantages from the jump. Enough said about that.

            Maybe some folks are not old enough to have had these same experiences, but I have seen multiple times that people tend to not appreciate things that are handed to them. My husband and I had to work our way through school and get scholarships to get an education. It made us appreciate that hard work leads to results. We went to school with people whose parents paid their way, and saw a lot of slacking off and dropping out. That’s why people like Warren Buffett and Bill Gates are giving away almost all of their money rather than leaving it to their kids. It’s never too early to get the message across that 1, life is what you make of it and 2, hard work pays off. Children aren’t victimized by that; they’re empowered by it.

          • Warren Buffet and Bill Gates paid/are paying for their children’s education in full, and I believe Bill Gates has said he’s setting them with a small amount of money beyond that – small to Bill Gates could very well mean $1M. There is an enormous difference between telling your child they can count on a future $10 billion inheritance, and paying for their education. No one is saying people from state schools can’t be successful, but I don’t see why someone who can afford it wouldn’t want to pay for the best school their kids can get into. If your kids turn out to be lazy and unappreciative, you can always yank the money at that point – why not assume the best that your kids will still work hard and will appreciate the head start you’re giving them.

          • My parents have covered room/board/living expenses for four out of five children thus far. They were very involved in helping us look at schools and ensured we were fully aware of the costs we would be incurring. I went to a state university mostly on scholarship (turned down the flagship state U and elite private school because I didn’t want to take out the cost in student loans.) My other siblings have chosen a local state college, a in-state trade school and private school. All of us worked through college to minimize debt load. The fifth kid is still in elementary school, so we’ll see how that works out in the long run.

            My parents were always up front and we had a lot of very frank discussions around financing school. Finances in general were always a point of discussion in our household and we were encouraged to both work for the family business and to work other part time jobs in high school. We had Roth IRA’s and also encouraged us to save for college in our own savings accounts.

            And trust me when I say, I didn’t come from elite beginnings. Hicks from sticks is probably a more appropriate label.

        • Walnut – My parents helped me as much as they could, and what they could was what you mention–room, board, and flights home. And I turned out fine. Sure, it be great if I didn’t have law school loans, but given all that my parents sacrificed to give me as many opportunities as possible, no complaints.

      • This was my parents’ plan…but life happened, job situations changed, and paying for my college was a huge burden for them (and for me). I really wish they had saved something.

        • Anonymous at 10:20 :

          My parents saved nothing and life happened, and thanks to need-based and merit-based aid I was able to get through a very good state school without much debt and with zero parental contribution.

          If something goes wrong, I would rather have my savings tied up in a retirement account that doesn’t count against my kid on the FAFSA, instead of in a 529 where it all counts towards EFC.

        • Tramp Stamp :

          It’s the same pot though. When times get hard, you want to save your house and buy food. You can’t cash out of some investments for that.

          I save, but want the flexibility of using my money as needed. Plus, I may want capital gains treatment (vs other tax treatment) of long-term savings $.

          Ultimately, I want to send my kids to college w/ my house as paid off as possible. And my retirement as funded as possible. The best long term gift I can give them is a solvent momma who is $ savy, so while they can go to community college vs state u vs private u, they’d probably not like it if I had to come live on their couch b/c I spent all my $ on their schooling.

          • “The best long term gift I can give them is a solvent momma who is $ savy, so while they can go to community college vs state u vs private u, they’d probably not like it if I had to come live on their couch b/c I spent all my $ on their schooling.”

            This is our philosophy also. We have a 529 for our son and hope to contribute additional money to his college from another savings account, but ultimately we want to put our money into retirement so he does not have to care for us in our old age. My parents weren’t able to contribute much towards my education, but they do not need any financial support from us and because of their frugality and wise investing, they never will. I have some friends who are now partially or fully supporting their elderly parents and believe me, I’m grateful my parents put their money into retirement instead of my college account.

          • Anonattorney :

            This. If you are deciding between spending money on college or, for example, extravagant travel or luxury clothes, etc., then probably squirrel some away for college. But every single piece of financial advice I’ve read says save for retirement first and only if you have extra, save for college.

            Now that I’m in my mid-thirties I have a lot of friends who are trying to figure out how they’re going to support their aging parents. Don’t put your kids in that position.

      • Anonymous :

        I am really curious as to what flexibility you are looking for. You can use it for any college, if you make a non-qualifying withdrawal–then it is a 10% tax on the amount earned (not the original contribution), you can stop and start contribution, others can gift contributions in. If you are looking for a household “slush” fund, then yes–not flexible enough. But that and saving for college are two very different things. 529 is a solid option that depending on the state offers decent tax deductions. There is a movement afoot to create a federal deduction as well–but it is low on the Congressional priority list right now.

        • Aunt Jamesina :

          I think the “flexibility” they’re referring to is the ability to use the funds in the event of something other than college– like a medical emergency or long-term unemployment. In that case, a 529 doesn’t make sense.

    • Yes, it is – but you can’t open a 529 without a SSN, so you’ll have to wait until she’s born. Once she’s born and has a SSN, there are a lot of different options…definitely do your research! We just went through the process with our 5 month old son. Good luck!

      • Actually, you can start the 529 before your child is born. Name yourself as the beneficiary and then change it to the child after she has been born and obtain the SSN. We did this for both kids.

    • I think the child needs a SSN (so has to be born first).

    • Yes, that’s the conventional wisdom. I like my kids’ 529 plans. They are age-adjusted portfolios, so the mix of stocks vs bonds changes according to how soon you expect to need the money.

      • I should mention that return-wise, my kids’ plans have done better than my personal investments. :/

    • Usually, yes. Remember you can use other states 529 plans also, though if you use your own state’s plan you may get some state tax benefit.

    • I think 529 is the way to go. In my state, you have to fund it with after-tax dollars (unlike retirement) but we get a state tax credit of 20% up to a certain amount. So if we put in $5k, we essentially get $1k back as a credit on our income taxes. And the money is not taxed when you withdraw it, so all the interest is not taxed. It seems like a pretty good deal compared to retirement and other investment accounts.

      • Anonattorney :

        Yeah, it basically depends on what your state tax benefit is. Oregon allows you to deduct 529 contributions from state income tax (up to a certain point), and you don’t have to pay federal or state income tax on the gain. This makes the 529 much better for us than if we saved in a different type of account.

    • First child born a month ago. After a ton of research on conventional savings vs S&P 500 type investment account vs 529, we did a 529.

  13. Sydney Bristoe :

    The Nordstrom posts above reminded me that I forgot to report back on my feedback to them. After the cusp sizes post this week I said I was going to contact Nordstrom to ask that they separate XL and XXL in their filter options so it wouldn’t result in items that were actually a size 12 showing up in a filter meant to show sizes 16 and 18.

    I got a response within an hour and she said she has the same issue! She passed along my request to the web team. It can’t hurt to have others request the same thing. As seen above, there is power in numbers!

  14. I just discovered Cuyana, and their silk tops are so gorgeous. They’re also a little out of my usual price range for a standard top. Are they worth it?

    • givemyregards :

      I don’t have a top, but I have one of their silk dresses and it’s really, really nice. I’ve worn it to a rehearsal dinner, casual nights out, etc. etc. For me it was a splurge but definitely worth it because the quality is top notch and it’s so versatile.

    • I’ve found their quality to be really high – I have a lot of their things and they’re all going on years without showing wear and generally look new. I’m a huge fan and think they’re totally worth it.

    • Threadjack to ask–I am obsessed with Cuyana’s aesthetic, does anyone have recs for similar brands?

  15. I’ll be watching the Super Bowl at home with my family — any suggestions for easy dinner/ party food that we can make ahead of time? Thanks!

    • Chili. Big sandwiches. Guacamole. Nachos.

    • My other post disappeared.

      Buffalo chicken dip
      Ham and cheese sliders (I use the recipe from Annie’s Eats)
      Hummus and carrots and peppers
      Fruit and dip

    • All the cheese dip, kept warm in the crockpot, plus pigs in blankets (prebake and reheat).

    • A crock pot of pulled pork or chicken and crusty rolls for sandwiches, broccoli salad, chips and salsa.

  16. Ummm. Gee thanks J Crew for sizing all the way to XXXS, but not larger than XL. Super.

    • It’s such bs. The XXXS is the size that their XS used to be. They are making the clothing bigger but adding sizes at the bottom end rather the top end.

      Signed, a small person who used to be a size 0 at J Crew and now finds that 000 at J. Crew is sometimes too large ( I am the same weight that I used to be)

      • This. J Crew’s XL is probably really XXXL.

        • It’s not – vanity sizing really only applies to smaller sizes! The discrepancy gets smaller as the sizes get bigger.

          • +1 – In my experience, the 12/14, L/XL end of the spectrum is pretty stable. As in, I’ve been a size 12 my entire adult life (despite gaining about 15 lbs) and I’m only now (15 years in) starting to need to size up. So, my end of the spectrum has grown with me, but hasn’t otherwise shifted wildly.

        • It’s not though. There’s no “magic” to sizes – their XL is smaller than an Ann Taylor XL, which is smaller than a Talbots XL. But bigger than the XL of many more expensive brands. They do exclude more women on the larger end than on the smaller end, for whatever it’s worth.

        • It’s absolutely not.

        • Nope. I’m a 16 just about everywhere else but cannot make the 16/xl at J. Crew work on any level. It’s smaller sizes that get the “vanity” treatment, as others have said.

      • Yeah, sizes now are probably 2 sizes bigger than they were 15 years ago. Try the XL, you may be surprised by how large it is.

      • Ugh, I hate this. This (sizes getting bigger) happened to me at another brand and I asked a salesperson about sizing changes – she basically suggested that maybe I had gained weight and that’s why the sizes felt different… way to completely misunderstand my problem, lady.

      • Yup. The sizing is ridiculous. I’m a size two there, where I used to be a six. I guarantee that my hips and thighs have not shrunk post-baby to warrant that change.

    • Not the original questioner, but can someone comment on a size equivalence for their XL in another brand? I’m a 16W and wonder if the XL would fit me.

    • This “vanity sizing applies to larger sizes” thing explains a lot. I went from a 6 to a 10-12 over the last 5 or so years and went from consistently sizing down in J.Crew by 1-2 sizes (I was never a 2/4, despite what the Jcrew tag said) to taking the same size at JCrew as everywhere else (10-12).

  17. non to for :

    I see a fair number of conversations here from lawyers considering a move into the non-profit sector. I’m curious to hear if there are non-lawyers among us who have done the opposite: gone from non-profits into for-profits. In your experience, are there particular career tracks or skillsets that transfer well? Is it possible to make this transition while still moving up in terms of title/responsibility/pay, or is a lateral move inevitable?

    Here’s why I ask: I’m mid-level in a non-profit and thinking about my next steps. I’m in a big city with lots of non-profits, lots of higher ed, and lots of big companies, and they all intersect regularly, so track-jumping doesn’t feel totally impossible. Also, my organization has had an extraordinary few years (that correlate almost exactly with my tenure, although obviously it’s not all me), so in general there’s a lot of recognition and excitement citywide around the work we’ve been doing. However, because my title is specific to fundraising, I’m wary of pigeonholing myself–I *don’t* want to go be a major gifts officer for a research hospital (although there are a ton of those positions available), but I do have a lot of communications/strategy/planning skills that I think could be leveraged and applied to other efforts outside the non-profit world. No sinister reason for thinking about leaving, but I recognize that this could be a good moment to take advantage of the org’s momentum. TIA for any thoughts, either specific or general.

    • I’m a Development Director in a major HCOL city, and I tried and failed to switch to the private sector. I paid a career coach to help me update my resume, but my 10 years of nonprofit experience (since college) hurt me, in my opinion. I applied to sales and marketing positions, which I felt were very relevant given that fundraising is like sales, only you’re selling a mission instead of widgets. I had a few interviews but no offers. It was frustrating because even a junior level position, requiring 1-2 years experience, would be the same or higher paying that what I make now as a senior level nonprofit manager. Student loans were the motivating factor to switch. I gave up on that. If anyone’s had success, I’d love to hear it!

      • Are you in the Public Service Loan Forgiveness (PSLF) program? I have a friend who is about to get $80,000 in loans forgiven because she’s been in nonprofits and on PSLF for 9 years.

      • non to for :

        Ugh, this is so frustrating, [email protected]:46. I am sorry to hear it! Though you must be a rockstar to have gotten to the interview stage, at least–I think the part that intimidates me the most is getting through HR screening of my non-profit-heavy resume.

        Do you see yourself staying in development at this point, or are you looking at ED roles down the line?

    • Anonymous :

      My SO is trying to do this now. He’s in non-profit and has already gotten a couple of phone interviews at big banks in their compliance departments, and I’m also urging him to look into policy stuff at FinTech firms. It’s definitely an uphill battle and it’s nerve-wracking that he won’t be able to do it, but I’m pretty sure he *can* with enough strategy and networking. He’s 4 years in right now.

  18. Not the secretary :

    A male colleague who is only slightly senior to me is constantly treating me like his secretary. We have similar educational backgrounds and responsibilities, and he is one step ahead of me in the same job track. He is even staffed on some projects I direct. He frequently e-mails me asking me to set up meetings, reply to e-mail messages originally addressed to him, book meeting rooms, arrange conference lines, print out documents for him, etc.

    In our organization it is customary for professional staff to handle these types of tasks for themselves. It is completely inappropriate for him to be asking me to do this stuff. We share an admin, and I have been forwarding all of these requests to her with a cc to him. He is not getting the message. I have previously brought this up when interviewed about him as part of our annual performance review process, and our manager has dismissed my concerns. What else can I do to make it clear that I am not the secretary?

    • I would stop forwarding the requests and respond to him with something along the lines of “As is customary at company XYZ, please direct administrative requests to [ADMIN].”

      I am so over being nice this week though, so YMMV.

    • Don’t pass along his requests to the admin. Start immediately replying to all such messages with “Please get in touch with Admin directly about this.” (no apologies, no softening language – just short and to the point).

    • Instead of forwarding the email for him, either ignore it or email him back and tell him you don’t have time today for that. He isn’t getting the message because you are still ensuring it gets done.

    • Ditto what others have said. Next time he does it, respond and say “This is admin’s responsibility, you need to talk to her directly.” Repeat as necessary.

      • Ditto, and I would also say OP that I think forwarding the requests up till now was probably not a clear enough “hint”. He probably sees you forwarding the request as you delegating a task he assigned you, not a hint that it’s not your job. Don’t hint. Just tell.

    • I would respond with an email saying Why are you sending these requests to me? Either send them to Admin or do it yourself. That should solve the problem.

    • “Direct this request to Nancy. Thanks.” Then if he still doesn’t, next time ignore the request and when he ends up without a conference room and clients standing in the lobby and turns to look at you — then turn to him and say — booking conference rooms and getting your lunches isn’t part of my job, sorry. And walk away as he figures out for himself what to do with the client.

      • Exactly. Once he ends up embarrassing himself in front of your manager, or some clients, he will probably figure things out. It’s called “natural consequences;” some people have to learn things the hard way. OP, I would retain copies of the emails you send him about this so if he cries to the manager once he makes a fool out of himself, you have proof you addressed it with him. And also mention that you did bring this up with your manager, and in his performance review, and the behavior didn’t stop.

      • This is my favorite because it commands while being faux polite. I would also add in a delay before responding, as AnonX suggested below.

    • Ha. Our most senior partner used to do this to an associate who is now a partner. He still does and it gets forwarded to me and I forward it on. He sees who gets it done. I’ve never approached him about it. As long as I don’t have to do it. I forward so many responsibilities. But if you don’t it would bother me.

    • Other Anon :

      “I am not your admin. Future emails asking me to act as your admin will be cheerfully deleted at no extra charge.”

    • Reply to him “You sent this to me by mistake. It’s an admin request. It goes to ADMIN NAME”

      Same response every time.

      • Haha, I know I’m a bit passive aggressive on this stuff,

        ‘Hey Jack, thanks for the email. No need to loop me in on these type of requests, happy for you to go to Nancy directly’.

    • What? I would return the request once with an email:

      “Do not send me requests to _____ (print/schedule meetings, etc).”

      Then I would ignore them. Don’t get steamrolled.

    • If it’s customary in your workplace for professional staff to book their own meetings, print their own documents, etc. rather than admin staff, then telling him to direct all those tasks to admin might not be the correct message. I think I’d ask him in a somewhat mystified/incredulous tone: “is there some reason why you are asking me to book your meetings for you?” I doubt he’ll have a reason beyond “because I’m lazy” or “because I think you’re my support staff because you’re a woman” and hopefully won’t be stupid enough to say either of those.

    • I am an Engineer and I was in kind of similar situation. Another male engineer, three years senior than me was treating me like a technician. He would constantly ask me to do experiments that he thought would lead to solution for the problem I was trying to solve. I used to have something else on my mind that I wanted to do. At one point, I didn’t have an opportunity to any analytical thinking(which is what makes the job interesting and you trained for so long). By the time, I am done with something he suggested, he would have next thing ready for me to do. It got so tiring, I stopped responding to his messages. I would complete everything I wanted to do. Then respond to his message with a “Sorry..I didn’t see your message. Regarding the experiments, I did this-this-and this and the issue is resolved now”. I did this few times and he backed off.

    • Hmm, telling him to fuck off and die in a fire probably wouldn’t work, although that’s what I would want to do.

  19. Does anyone use an Apple magic trackpad? Any ideas on how to make it more comfortable to use? I love having a trackpad to use while my computer is docked, but it has a weird angle to it.

  20. In-law advice :

    My husband has suspended contact with his father (temporarily, I believe). I occasionally get short messages from my FIL (e.g. ‘Happy New Year’) and respond in kind, with my husband’s knowledge and consent. During this estrangement we have moved and did not provide our new address. My FIL has now mailed a package to my parent’s house and asked him to forward it to us. I’m extremely annoyed that my family is being pulled into this. I’m completely unsure of how to proceed (if it matters, we don’t yet know what’s in the package). My FIL has already pushed boundaries by hinting that he’d like me to intercede with my husband (I have ignored those hints). I feel that in involving my parent’s he’s really crossed a line. I’d love to hear others’ perspective, and any words of wisdom you may have.

    • Ignore. Tell your parents to throw it out.

    • Team up with your husband. Tell his father to stop, “please don’t send us any more packages or contact us. We’ll be in touch when we’re ready.” Then stop replying to him.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes, this. I think in hindsight it wasn’t the best idea for you to be interacting with him while your husband was estranged from him.

  21. Are there people now who are vapers (like they didn’t ever actually smoke cigarettes, they just vape)?

    I had this horrifying thought and fear it is true.

    • If/when pot is legalized in my state, I’ll be one of these people. :hides:

      • you can vape weed?

        • I don’t smoke anything, but I’ve only ever heard of vaping in the context of p0t…

          • Sorry — I meant the e-cigarets and vaping bars that I’m seeing in my non-MJ-legal state.

            I used to think that people used nicotine patches for planes or when they couldn’t get out to smoke and the fake cigarette thing just was more comforting (like a pacifier). Now I think that people just do that and don’t actually smoke tobacco.

            I’m not usually a whole foods shopper, but I’d rather smoke actual tobacco than have a bunch of chemical fumes to breathe in.

          • Anonshmanon :

            This comment is confusing to me. Most studies point to vapor being much less harmful than tobacco smoke.

    • UGH yes. Adamant non-smoker here. I think it is disgusting and (if you are under 35/40ish) that you are a complete imbecile. Thanks to vaping, a tooooooooooooooon of smokers has suddenly re-emerged.

      • First Year Anon :

        Whoah, I would actually prefer people vape than smoke since it seems to be less harmful. I have never been a smoker and think it is gross too, but shaming people isn’t a good idea either. I understand why you think it is dumb to start up ‘vaping’, but…a lot of people do bad things. At least the vaping isn’t as bad as second hand smoke.

        • I know people do bad things, but I reserve my right to say if you are under 35 or 40ish, you grew up knowing that smoking caused cancer and killed you and yet picked it up anyway… thinking it was cool, I guess, and that is stupid. I hate vaping because it releases the biggest cloud of smoke and you can’t walk a city block anymore without walking into several clouds of vape smoke.

          • Agree, the smoke is obnoxious, and vaping really isn’t any better for you. There are many articles on this. Also, if you’re enjoying the mint or raspberry or whatever flavors, please look up popcorn lung.

          • I think that vaping lounges are just a nightmare, from a health perspective.

            I would never date a vaper. If I were older, I might consider an older smoker (like if you were >55). Vaping to me is like a guy who can’t drive stickshift. Something in me recoils and it is just not cool.

            — signed, guy in the next cube won’t STFU about how annoying it is to wait to get the BMW he wants with automatic (I am almost surprised — I thought everything was automatic these days except maybe in Europe)

    • I know at least one person that used to be a heavy smoker and is now a heavy vaper. It’s better for his health and the health of his wife and child though, so that’s a good thing.

      • Is it? You’re still breathing in a ton of chemicals. I am not optimistic that the long-term use of that has really been studied (and you’ve got to be exhaling them, too, so I’m not sure what the second-hand vape stuff is like for the rest of us).

        Just get a nicotine patch!

        • Anon at big uni :

          Ditto to Lawsuited! A dear friend quit her 2+ pack/day 40 year smoking habit thanks to e-cigs. The savings compared to regular cigarettes covered the monthly payment on a new car. Her health has improved dramatically. She’s cut back on the strength of the “juice” in her e-cig and doesn’t use it nearly as much as she used to smoke. I’m beyond thankful for e-cigarettes coming on the scene.

        • First Year Anon :

          I am not pro vaping or anything, but have a lot of knowledge about nicotine for reasons I wont get into. Patches don’t help as much as vaping because of how it is delivered and the rate of delivery- which is what gets people hooked on cigarettes in the first place.

        • Anonshmanon :

          But that’s the whole point, you are _not_ breathing a ton of chemicals. E-cigarettes contain a bunch of chemicals, most of them are introduced together with the nicotine when it is extracted from real tobacco. All the levels of impurities that have been found are lower than in tobacco cigarettes, which produce smoke containing 4000 chemical compounds.
          I am not and have never been a smoker, but this is a prime example when panic over a “synthetic” alternative to a “natural” product is just so, so misinformed.

    • My husband is into vaping. He smoked socially before I met him, but not since (so no smoking for 10+ years). He just vapes the flavored stuff, no nicotine. I don’t love it, but his other vice is drinking, so at least this way he’s not impaired? And vape liquid (sorry, no clue what it’s really called) is way less expensive than scotch.

  22. Anonnynonny :

    I just wanted to say thank you for all the responses I received yesterday regarding loss and infertility. So many experiences and suggestions resonated with me. I’m one of those people who HAS to work (especially right now) or I will lose my mind, so I’ve made a lot of short check lists of things I can accomplish and feel good about. I’m going to schedule a concentrated time every day to allow myself to grieve. I’ve also scheduled a trip or yummy restaurant or something every weekend for the next month, and when I can finally take some time off work, we’re going to Iceland for two weeks! I didn’t think I needed something to look forward to, but it really helps. I also really, really appreciate the direction to “let” myself feel badly about this news and mourn the future I thought I’d have. You were all right that to me, this is devastating, and I don’t need to just be “okay.” And that’s okay. Thank you for helping me feel human.

    Plus, I didn’t even know that I needed it and thought I didn’t want it, but the sympathy I received was incredibly healing. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so supported during this infertility process as I did yesterday, and I am so grateful for all of you who responded.

    • hugs to you. I found myself thinking about you last night and hoping you were ok. xoxo

    • Patricia Gardiner :

      I am going through infertility and seeing a therapist (after being advised to here!) who calls it a “life crisis,” akin to the death of a loved one. I find myself thinking “I haven’t felt this awful since my dad died.” Just saying it is ok for you to feel terrible, to mourn, to acknowledge you are going through something incredibly painful. Big, supportive hugs to you.

  23. Tramp Stamp :

    Is term offensive to you?

    I said the term and didn’t know that a person in the group I was talking to had one and it mightily offended her. I wasn’t commenting on them, just saying how I’d read that some doctors would give people with them epidurals b/c of some concern or other (which I have no idea if it is true, just repeating something I’d read).

    I think it’s just a term (and that no one thinks that having a tattoo there means anything about the person with it). Yes? No? I don’t have one, but I know that they are called that (and would have known that going in b/c I think it’s pretty common (although also maybe a bit mid-90s)).

    • Um, yes? Just as offensive as someone saying man that’s a $lutty outfit or whatever. It is meant to be derogatory, so yes, if someone said it in reference to a person they have preconceived notions about the type of person they are.

    • I would have gone with “lower back tattoo” simply because I don’t see the point of using loaded, judgmental terminology unless I actually have a judgment to convey.

      • +1 Although “tramp stamp” is widely used, I think “lower back tattoo” is the neutral and most-accurate term.

    • Yeah, it’s common but still a pretty rude term. By saying that, you’re implying that having a tattoo there makes the person a ‘tramp.’ It’s also sexist because it only applies to women.

    • Yes. Obviously. You literally called her a tramp. If you want a non-offensive term, lower back tattoo works.

    • Yes. Why would you call anyone a tramp? That’s not cool.

    • I have one. I agree with others that “lower back tattoo” is an accurate description that avoids loaded language. I think it’s a little odd that you’re defensive about this? Why didn’t you just say “lower back tattoo”? This isn’t a situation where “tramp stamp” is literally the only way to describe this kind of tattoo so I don’t see how you were trapped into using that phrase.

    • Yes and no. Coming from someone who called herself a “ho” yesterday, I think this is a term that has been reclaimed by people with tramp stamps. Like, they will refer to their own work as a tramp stamp.

      • I think of it like Resting B*tch Face — the b-word is not at all commentary on the person. [And if you mention RBF as a concept, it’s not like people who have RBF would get offended.]

        But people old enough to have a [lower back tattoo] are probably old enough to be coloring their hair and driving a minivan — like the youngest person might be in here mid-30s by now? And I am guessing that no one younger than that gets them anymore (and we’d be unlikely to know since ultra-low rise pants are not really done anymore).

        • Senior Attorney :

          But, as I said below, why are we going around using that term as a discriptor for women? Why is that discourse even okay? Ugh! Just… no!

        • You’re right on the age group. My daughter is in high school and her math teacher last year had a…. lower back tattoo…. which was visible all the time because the teacher was still wearing low-rise pants. Boys and girls alike were squicked out.

        • Like RBF, though, there’s a big difference between using that term to refer to yourself vs. others. Fine to say “I have RBF!” Not fine to say, “Hi relative stranger, you have RBF!”

    • I have one on the side lower back and a little girl at the pool pointed at it and said tramp stamp once. I just laughed because the mom was so embarrassed but it’s because she didn’t know any better. I wouldn’t be offended but I rarely am.

      Interestingly enough, I have seen this term used in actual medical records (not mine but all for women). “Her pain was just above the tramp stamp and radiated down her left leg.” So it was quoted in records etc. I remember reading it and thinking well how am I supposed to know where exactly it is but I guess it’s fixed on her. But I have seen it used by an ER, an MD, and a chiropractor in three different cases over the years. PS I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS OKAY JUST THAT IT’S HAPPENING.

      Last, I remember in How I met your mother I think one of the men getting a tramp stamp. Also, I’ve had a gay guy in a deposition describe all of his tattoos and called it his “tramp stamp”.

      And that’s everything I know about tramp stamps.

    • Senior Attorney :

      At best, it’s disrespectful and anti-feminist. I feel like the word “tramp” in itself is offensive in pretty much any context.

  24. worst wife ever :

    There is a stomach virus working its way through my house. My kids had it recently, and now my husband does. He of course, is handling it a lot worse than the kids did. I’ve been leaving work early to be home when the nanny leaves, since he can’t get out of bed to take care of the kids. I know that he is not feeling well, but I am feeling incredibly resentful – its like I am balancing taking care of him (although I am admittedly doing to the bare minimum in terms of caring for him) and the kids and work, with work obviously getting the least of my attention, but if the roles were reversed, I wouldn’t have the “luxury” of being sick, that he would not adjust his work schedule to accommodate me but would just have the nanny work longer hours to help out, or be physically present with the kids but working instead of paying attention them, so that the kids would basically be parked in front of ipads and when I recovered the house would be a disaster.

    I’ve also been sleeping on the couch so I don’t catch it, and so that the kids don’t bother him in the middle of the night, which means I am not sleeping that well. I walked into work today and when making small talk with a male co-worker, he said that I do not look “relaxed” considering its Friday. I said, “correct, not relaxed, sick husband” and he made one of those comments about how women are much stronger than men blah blah blah so I nodded and walked away. So between my general irritation, having someone confirm that I look as miserable as I feel and then tossing out than general BS trope, I am done, but this frustration is just not productive. I feel like I am being a bad wife and a bad worker, which only makes me feel worse. Worst wife ever that I want to run away for the weekend?

    • Can you ask the nanny to stay later, let the kids get some iPad time, and let go of housekeeping for a while?

      • Also – not worst wife! My sympathies for your situation, it sounds tough. I’m just trying to say that maybe you can go a little easier on yourself given everything that’s going on.

    • Why are you doing this? Pay the nanny to stay longer, park the kids with their iPads, and do you work.

      • Agreed. I’ve noticed the way I am often willing to re-arrange my work to accommodate my husband whereas my husband does not default to that for me. At first I was resentful, but then I realized, he doesn’t expect me to do that. I was creating the imbalance, not him! Don’t apologize for working late if you have to, don’t apologize for outsourcing if it’s within your means, especially if those are things your partner has shown comfort with by doing them himself.

        In my experience, I largely only feel like I’ve “failed” at things because I’ve set expectations for myself that no one else has for me!

        • Senior Attorney :

          Yes, take a look at this.

          At least once a week Lovely Husband gently says “you don’t have to wait on me” because I’m so used to being the one who does all that kind of thing (and, with my former husband, being resentful about it).

    • You need to watch this (man cold vs. mom cold) –

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLj7fj-3L78

    • Other Anon :

      MAN COLD

    • Other Anon :

      This is literally true – this fall I was being tested for cancer. I was having invasive biopsies and it was looking very suspicious and we were all freaking out… and then my husband caught a cold. Forget cancer, he had a cold! His throat hurt! His nose was stuffy! It was the end of the world.

      I don’t know. It’s a stereotype for a reason, I guess.

      (and as far as I know, I don’t have cancer. I have something they haven’t identified that looks like cancer)

    • How on earth are you a bad wife? He can take care of himself.

      Extra IPad time or nanny time won’t hurt the kids if it helps you out right now.

    • (was) due in june :

      This is exactly, exactly my week too. And I’m a ball of resentful rage because I also don’t get to be sick in bed. I just suck it up and keep going, and take care of the kid and the bare minimum of chores and work. But DH can’t do it, and really does look ill. WTF is up with men being such wussy whiny babies about being sick?!

    • Bewitched :

      My son had the stomach virus this week, puked for 12 hours straight and ended up at a clinic with IV fluids and anti nausea meds. Stomach bugs are not MAN COLDS. I wouldn’t wish them on my worst enemy!

  25. I love the look of the loose fitting drapy tops that Loft has right now. They are 100% polyester so I refuse to spend more than $25 on one. I picked one up at their half price sale last week but I’m sweating through it. I used my prescription liquid deodorant and that helped a lot but I’m still sweating enough to see it. Any tips? Maybe I can wear armpit guards or something?

  26. Stupid question, but when you have to email someone a bunch of unrelated questions is “Questions” or something like that an ok email subject? I know you should be specific in subjects but I can’t really say “Questions about….” without making the subject way too long because there are too many topics.

    • Is it for a professional email? To a client, to a coworker? Depending on the formality, I might write “Request for Additional Information” or “Follow-up Questions” or just call them to let them know I had some questions regarding a number of on-going projects and I would send them by follow-up email so they know it’s coming.

    • I’d send one email per subject — makes it WAY easier to reply or handle one at a time, without the rest getting lost.

      Give the recipient a heads-up, either email or phone, that they’ll be getting a bunch from you.

  27. Re: the discussion of appropriate responses to Milo yesterday: http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/12/milo-yiannopoulos-harassed-a-trans-student-at-uw-milwaukee.html. He was planning to do something similar to undocumented students at Berkley and give the audience a lesson in how to find and doxx undocumented students. If that’s not inciting violence I don’t know what is.

    • Other Anon :

      I don’t agree with the anarchist Black Bloc group that showed up to break stuff and start fires, but I’m proud of the real protesters for showing up en masse to not normalize this guy.

      (also, when you see violent protesting over Black Lives Matter in Oakland, that’s also the work of Black Bloc. They are masked cowards who are neither left nor right wing. They’re just anti-everything.)

      • Other other anon :

        That’s not exactly accurate. Black bloc is a tactic, not a group; it’s most often employed by the far-left antifa (antifascist) movement, starting with the 1999 Seattle protests; and in the Bay Area and BLM protests in particular, it was absolutely the antifascist movement and groups like By Any Means Necessary who employed the tactic.

    • Source for that claim?

      • Other Anon :

        https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/morning-mix/wp/2017/02/02/black-bloc-protests-return-for-trump-era-leaving-flames-broken-windows-from-dc-to-berkeley/?utm_term=.794cf1a3e2d4

      • I’m in moderation, not sure why, but washington post had an article yesterday about the role of black bloc in protests.

        • Ah, I didn’t mean for that, but for the claim that MY was going to doxx undocumented students.

  28. AEK to Moonstone :

    I hope this isn’t lost in the long comment section today, but I had to publicly thank Moonstone for putting out her spare Hamilton ticket here! I had long since stopped trying to get a ticket & I was so lucky to be lurking here when her post went up. The show last night was everything I hoped it would be, and Moonstone and her party were so welcoming and lovely.

    THANK YOU!

  29. Hello! Need some clothing help-next week I’ll be going to the Caribbean for a work conference. We’ll have meetings during the day but a 2 hour walking tour followed by dinner-what would you all wear for the tour/dinner portion?

  30. After years of soul searching, I have finally decided to leave private practice as an attorney. I am sick of the stress, long hours, toxic work environments, etc. I’m absolutely done and it feels wonderful to finally allow myself to let it go. That being said, I’m interested in going into banking/financial compliance. I don’t have a background in this area but I do have some connections. Has anyone made a similar move? Any tips or advice on how they secured a new position or things to avoid? TIA!!

    • If you want to avoid “stress, long hours, toxic work environments” then banking/finance is not the place to look.

      • Thanks. Do you have any other suggestions?

        • Senior Attorney :

          I’d look into government work. Lots of government legal jobs are way less stressful than private practice, and some of us still have actual pensions.

        • What do you have a background in? What are you interested in? Teaching either adults or children? Policy development? marketing? human resources management? – I’m not saying that these are all low stress/short hours/non-toxic work environment but they are not Biglaw/Big Finance.

      • I don’t mean that in the snarky way it reads!

      • I didn’t mean that to come off so snarky! Sorry!

        • Not offended. I probably could have been gentler in the ‘yeah, no.’ to banking/finance as less stress/hours than BigLaw

      • SuziStockbroker :

        Truth.

    • Also, not sure ‘banking/financial compliance’ is a high priority of the new administration so this might not be a growth industry, at the moment.

      Mostly joking, but … well, maybe not joking.

      What kind of law are you leaving? That might help guide some more helpful answers.

      • Anonymous :

        I can’t really see financial compliance being a growth industry under the current administration.

    • I don’t think there are many truly low-stress jobs but you might consider insurance claims work or insurance contract work. Hours tend to be fairly stable. You’d take a big pay cut.

    • Anonymity :

      I’m in banking (not I banking or high finance) and somewhat disagree. I’ve known 25+ in-house counsels and most have decent work/life balance. This would be in a mid-size bank like Fifth Third or Umpqua or the like. Sure if you’re the top attorney for Citi or Bank of America it’s a pressure cooker but large regional banks are not.

    • OP here. I currently do estate work at a very small firm. The commination of the hours, salary, work environment, and benefits just do not make it worth it. I feel like one of those memes where the girl is literally crying under her desk with a bottle of wine!! I just started an investigation into some other fields, something related to law, but not private practice. I know some people with JDs who are no longer practicing and went into various compliance jobs who seem happy. I’m open to other thoughts and anecdotes about people who have successfully left traditional legal practices.

  31. What’s the etiquette on looking for a new job shortly after getting a hardfought promotion? The fact that this bump is taking so long to come through is dispiriting and makes me question long-term growth opportunities.

  32. Sliver of sunlight :

    With all of the very justified very negative press this administration is getting, I stumbled on a funny article that made me smile. Don’t worry, it did not make me like Pence at all. The Pence kids, however, have a pet rabbit named Marlon Bundo. Marlon Bundo has his on Instagram account listing him as the BOTUS. There are some news pics of the Pence family getting off the plane in DC. They are carrying their cats (Pickles and Oreo). Then there are pictures of some poor secret service guys lugging the rabbit cage off the plane and into a limo.

    The look on the guys face is priceless. They told me I was assigned to the VP family. I felt important. I’m protecting the family rabbit. FML.
    http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/ae9b746d89777a7cd2f95a888244fc7ff184a435/c=0-183-2304-1915&r=x404&c=534×401/local/-/media/2017/01/10/INGroup/Indianapolis/636196549933196292-AP-17009733798167.jpg

    • Mike Pence’s youngest kid is 22 and he doesn’t have grandkids, which makes this story a lot weirder.

      • Yes but either the youngest kid or middle kid (22-24 yrs old) lives at home and seems a bit like a failure to launch. She’s the one who is a “filmmaker” (in Indiana and now DC??) and is ALWAYS with her parents. “Kids” like this often live like they are 16 when they are living at home at 23.

        • OMG, just like Catherine Meyer. Where is the ‘Kissing Your Sister’ film about this administration?

          • Senior Attorney :

            OMG there’s a photo on Google Image of her and both parents and the bunny that makes me want to slap someone…

      • Sliver of sunlight :

        Bunnies can live long lives. Maybe they got the bunny when the kids were younger? I agree though. Weird and hysterical.

    • Wasn’t Marlon Brando gay? Why did they name their rabbit after him?

      • Anonymous :

        I had never heard that, but according to Wikipedia he did say that he’d had homosexual experiences at one point. I think he’s mostly famous for bedding tons and tons of women though.

    • This led me to a picture of the Pence family boarding the airplane, with Mrs. Pence and Daughter Pence each carrying a cat, sans carrier, in their arms. While boarding an airplane. And waving at press.

      I feel secure in concluding, based on this behavior, that the Pences are not actually cat people. I can now retreat to the comfort of knowing we have nothing in common.

      • Sliver of sunlight :

        Yikes! I hope they had leashes. There are other pics of the bunny where it is clear he(?) desperately needs his nails clipped.

        • No visible leashes or harnesses! There’s one in which Charlotte is both waving and hooking her thumb under the cat’s collar (with the same hand), but that’s the only gesture I see that indicates an awareness of how desperately those cats must have wanted to bolt.

          I guess offering refuge for pets fleeing fascist owners is probably pretty low on the resistance priority list, but still: Oreo and Pickles, I am here if you need me. (And we can give you new names.)

    • Anonymous :

      Not gonna comment on any politics, just wanted to say thank you for linking to a cute bunny. Definitely need that to brighten up my week.

  33. So I’ve heard that ACLU is hiring up lawyers right now – no idea if this is true or just a rumor. Any guesses at what the salary would be for a lawyer with about 10-12 yrs experience (in NYC or DC)? Just looking for a ballpark. I feel like this question gets asked for much smaller non profits here and the answer (for NYC) ranges in the 70-90k range. Similar at ACLU? Or more/less? Just debating it in comparison to a gov’t job that would be in the 120-150k range (prob closer to 120-130k starting though).

    • glassdoor dot com, my friend

      • Other Anon :

        I hate to see people recommending glassdoor. The company I work for has been heavily trolled by a competitor or maybe just an unstable person with an ax to grind.

        The glassdoor people have no means of verifying current or former employment, nor do they make any effort. The facts in these reviews just don’t add up, and as a smallish company, we just don’t have that many former employees!

        Anyway, please take anything on glassdoor with a very large grain of salt.

    • Anonymous :

      I would imagine $120-140K for someone entering in (with room to grow up to $150K) with that level of experience but only at the national offices. I expect the local offices pay less. I work at a similar org and we try to match our comp to similar groups like the ACLU.

      • Former ACLU-er here and this is about right. I was at a big city office. Note that they work biglaw hours, though, without the perks like pay, bonuses, and support (like overnight doc services). These people run on passion 24/7, which also means if you want to complain, you won’t find much sympathy if say, you’re tired of working consecutive late nights or your client is terrible, no good, very bad but you strongly believe in the cause. Now that they have so much support and attention, I’m sure there are a lot more extra hands around, but it won’t mean people are getting paid more or working less. They are a phenomenal organization, but you should know going in with your eyes open — it’s why I didn’t want to stay on from the front lines and am happier supporting from the sidelines with donations or occasional volunteer help.

        • Tatted in-house :

          Nutella, any chance you would want to give further advice to individuals looking to apply to ACLU law jobs?

  34. If you've been ghosted... :

    I posted about a month ago about an odd run-in with a previously close guy friend at my house. There was some more drama, bs, we used to work together, but the short story is though I did reach out again, he has basically completely fallen off. It’s crappy and not fun, but it stings a heck of a lot less now than it did 4 weeks ago and I feel like I’ve become closer to other friends, and even made a couple new ones, in that time. But I read a quote somewhere on the Internet that resonated and helped me process, and I wanted to share for anybody who may be going/gone through something similar:

    “That behavior doesn’t come from a place of wanting to hurt somebody. It comes from a place of not wanting to be hurt.”

    That’s all I got. This community is great.

  35. Wanted real numbers and figured someone here has interviewed/considered it. Glassdoor has a sample size of 1 for a senior staff atty at 140k — which sounds high/like an outlier to me.

  36. Hidden Rainbow Hair :

    Am I totally nuts for considering getting some rainbow — well, purple and pink and red — underlights in my dark brown hair?

    I am AGC at a mid-size not-for-profit. Few visible tattoos on office staff, but no one dresses particularly formally: you’re more likely to see a tunic over dark jeggings than a suit. One of the highest ranked women wears a yellow patterned jumpsuit with a blazer sometimes. But generally the style leans more dorky than fashionable. Everyone has “natural” colored hair.

    My dream hair would have the rainbow hidden when I wear it straight and down, which is 100% of the time at work, but when I move my head or touch my hair a tiny glimpse of rainbow might show.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I think that sounds great! I hope you do it!

    • Not nuts. I had the same inkling several years back. When I told my long-time colorist I wanted to do a blue streak, she said no way: “First, Aveda does not make blue. Second, I think you are having a midlife crisis.”

      (Aveda now makes blue.)

      I say, do it! Fun-colored hair is everywhere now. I have a mid/late 30s friend who just went all pink. She’s awesome.

      • Hidden Rainbow Hair :

        Uh oh! Is 34 too young for a mid-life crisis?

        But my regular, suburban hairdresser has a ton of rainbow hair up on her IG, so it can’t be that nuts. And it’s cheaper than a sports car! ;)

    • DO IT. A senior colleague–probably in her 50s–at my non-profit has half her hair bright blue and turquoise. It looks great on her and no one batted an eye.

    • One of the partners at my last law firm (large firm in LCOL city) put pink in her blond hair for awhile. People seemed to not care.

    • Go for it. I have several friends with streaks and fun hair and they are in similar work environments. It’s totally reversible if you hate it…unlike the tattoo that I’ve been contemplating, which my husband is convinced is an early (36) mid-life crisis.

      • Hidden Rainbow Hair :

        But tattoos can be covered with clothes so easily! (I love tattoos. You’ll never, ever see mine at work though.)

    • Tatted in-house :

      I work in-house and for the GC directly, have tattoos, naturally curly (“wild” in some people’s opinion) hair and I get comments just on those two on occasion so really, a. what would your GC say about it and b. will you care when they do say something? I’ve started employing the blank stare for everything that is merely a comment and giving an honest straightforward serious answer when I get a question. It has minimized most of the comments.

  37. Hi ladies, I saw this on the net: “Donald Trump’s directive that female staff should ‘dress like women’ ” and thought I’d throw it out for discussion. Link:

    https://www.yahoo.com/style/donald-trumps-directive-female-staff-131145521.html

    • I just found this a few minutes ago – same story but better :)
      http://www.forbes.com/sites/clareoconnor/2017/02/03/working-women-respond-to-white-house-dress-code-report-with-dresslikeawoman-campaign/#7c00db586bd8

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