Kat’s “Time to Break it Off” Test (and other Dating Thoughts)

Pink and Red Hearts Cupcake, originally uploaded to Flickr by Zen Cupcake.How do you know when a dating relationship isn’t worth pursuing?  How do you know when to break it off with a romantic interest?  I thought this might be a fun topic for today, in part because I was just reminded of (and thankful for!) one of my “it’s time to break it off” tests for relationships, and in part because it’s been far too long since we talked about dating.  (Pictured.)

Let’s say you meet a person, either through a friend, or an online dating site, or maybe even the office.  Things are going great! Then, five or six dates in, things start to take a turn for the worse.  Maybe your phone stops ringing quite so much — or maybe it’s ringing too much for you.  Maybe the conversations you’re having leave you with niggling doubts.  This is all the normal start of a relationship, right? It takes some time to get used to another person in your life!  No one is perfect; everything is a compromise… right?

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Finding Time to Date When You’re Super Busy

finding-time-to-dateReader J suggested a post about advice for finding time to date …

I liked your post today “Fitting a Social Calendar into a Busy Life” and I have an idea for a related post. What about one about dating? I know you’ve been off the market for a while, but I imagine you’ve had some experience in the arena! Specifically, making time to date when you’re a busy, professional woman and/or how to meet men when you’re a busy, professional woman.

We’ve talked a bit before about where to find guys to date, as well as on dating at the office, but in terms of general advice on dating when you’re busy, I don’t really think we’ve gone there.  So let’s get into it a bit.  (And, my usual caveat applies: apologies in advance for every time I say “he” or “him” or “the guy” — I really do mean “your prospective date” or “the person you’re dating.”)  (Pictured: Hearts and Candy, originally uploaded to Flickr by Rdoke.)

I’ll start by saying that I met my husband in 2007, when I was a fifth-year associate — it would have been a ton easier had I met him in law school or even at the office, but, alas.  So it can be done — but it isn’t easy.

A few tips from my experience:

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Open Thread: Dating at the Office

dating at workWe’ve talked about dating a wee bit on here, but something we’ve never talked about is dating at the office.  (Disclosure:  This author has no experience with it personally — and as a newlywed, we hopefully never will).  Still, it happens frequently — a 2003 study by the American Management Association found that two-thirds of managers and executives say it’s okay to date someone at the office, and 30% have done so.  We’ve certainly known (and respected) folks who dated people at the office — in fact, a lot of those people wound up marrying that co-worker.  So what are the rules for dating a co-worker with dignity?

(Pictured:  Linda Lee Johnson Claddagh Ring, available at Barney’s for $3200.)

We thought we’d throw some suggestions for the single ladies amongst us — readers, please chime in.

  • Do not view your office as a dating pool. It doesn’t matter how big the company is, or how many floors or offices it has — word will get around, and it will hurt you professionally.  There should be a chance for the relationship to be a fairly serious one — do not just “date” a co-worker for a “distraction.”  If you happen to really like someone you work with, let your feelings develop naturally, and let the relationship progress naturally.  (We might also advise that if you’ve already dated someone at the office and it ended, then you should be very, very careful about dating anyone else at the office, lest you be seen as someone who does view the office as a dating pool.) [Read more…]

Weekly Roundup

Liking these posts? Follow Corporette on Twitter — this is the edited version of what we’re reading! (We also Tweet if we hear about a good sale.)

– Lots of blazer news this week: SheFinds gives you advice on what to wear with a blazer.  Meanwhile, other outlets are on to NEXT season’s trend (apparently) — blazers with very, very strong shoulders. WhoWhatWear advises how to wear it, while Fashionista wonders whether Mary-Kate Olsen or Anna Della Russo (fashion director at large for Vogue Nippon) wore a strong-shouldered Balmain dress better.  (And, hello! The jacket pictured at left — by Aryn K — is only $82.)

Forbes advises how to date when you work all the time.  (See our own dating advice here!)

– We thought we’d alert you to this series by Patricia Handschiegel over on The Huffington Post — she’s been writing about various aspects of the new “power girls” — the latest is all about how they like to discuss business over meals or drinks.  [TheHuffPo]  Meanwhile, The Glass Hammer is reporting that more women business owners are turning to coffee dates in this economy. [The Glass Hammer]

– Finally:  The Daily Obsession raves about a new apparatus for your hair, The Clever Clip.  We’ve already ordered a set and will let you know how it goes! [The Daily Obsession]

Shopping for Boys

Long hours at the office, plus no energy when you’re NOT at the office… these are not the great markers of a lively social life. If you’re not already attached to someone, it can be a nightmare for a young professional woman to try to meet someone intelligent — which means that online dating, a.k.a. shopping for boys, is the default plan for many. There are a variety of sites out there that pander to intelligent women, so, with Valentine’s Day breathing down our necks, we thought we’d review a few… Admittedly, it’s been a few years since we’ve been out there, so if you have any new sites or methods to recommend please write in!

right-stuff-300x276 Right Stuff Dating. If you’re a bit of an elitist (hey, nothing wrong with that), then this site may be great for you — its members must prove that they are graduates (or faculty members) at a select group of “excellent schools.” Most medical schools and law schools are included, as well as the usual Ivies and near-Ivies. While the site is a bit from the Cro-Magnum era, any man who signs up for this site is definitely looking for a smart woman.

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Poll Results: Day to Night Transitions

originally uploaded by Drunken Monkey

About a week ago we asked you how you handled the much-talked-about day-to-night transition — do you change outfits entirely?  change elements of your outfit to make it less business and more fun?

The poll is still open, but here’s how it’s looking thus far:

  • 33% of you maintain elements of the same outfit, but change to denim or a more dressy skirt if you’re going out on the town
  • 30% of you wear totally different clothes than what you wore to work
  • 21% of you scoff at the idea of being able to get out of the office to enjoy a night out on the town. (Our unsolicited advice: C’mon, guys, you can do it! Youth is fleeting — and you can sleep when you’re dead.)
  • 14% of you wear the exact outfit that you purchased thinking it would be a good day-to-night transition.

Since the majority of you wear elements of the same outfit, we couldn’t resist recommending this top and these shoes — wear the Velvet Leaf Dylan Blouse Cut Out Sleeves in Royal Blue (available at Revolve Clothing for $105) with a regular black suit with a pencil skirt and pumps, and before you leave the outfit, ditch the jacket and change into more trendy shoes such as these Nine West – Dasolina (Dark Purple Suede) – Footwear (available from Zappos for $99).

Velvet Leaf Dylan Blouse Cut Out Sleeves in Royal Blue
Nine West - Dasolina (Dark Purple Suede) - Footwear