We are seriously behind in answering this poor reader’s e-mail — our sincere apologies! Here’s the question:
I am a mid-level law associate and my husband is a teaching physician at a local hospital. His boss is getting married in DC in April. It is the bride’s first marriage and it will be a huge event. The wedding is at 5 and then dinner and dancing at 6 at a country club. I have NO idea what to wear. Can I wear a black cocktail dress? I am so bad at these things and I want to make a good impression for my husband and look professional for my own benefit! This may seem like an elementary question, but did I mention I am fashionably challenged? (One more thing: I am barely thirty, but my husband is a good ten years older. I don’t want to look like a airhead, but I don’t want to look old for my age either!)
Weddings, in general, are fraught with chances for fashion errors. What is appropriate — or inappropriate — tends to be very region-specific, as well as wedding-specific. Take your cues from the invitation — the wording of the invitation (are middle names used? does she call her groom a “Mr.”? is “honor” spelled with a u?) and the style of the invitation (is it entirely in script? was there an inner/outer envelope? are there any quirky touches to it?) will give you an idea of what the bride is aiming at for the wedding. In general, avoid wearing black or white to a wedding — we know a lot of places where black is still seen as a color of mourning. D.C. walks a fine line between being a cosmopolitan city on the East Coast, and a Southern city — we’d avoid black if at all possible. (If all you’ve got is a black cocktail dress, be sure to wear a very colorful, happy wrap, as well as bag and shoes.)
That said, look for a dress that isn’t too short, too low cut, too frothy, too shiny, or too bedazzled — because your husband is slightly older you may even want to go for a more demure, knee-length dress. EDressMe.com has an entire section on “wedding guest” dresses; our pick would probably be the Fuschia Sweetheart Cocktail Dresses by JAX
, pictured above (available at EDressMe.com for $195).
We recently got this request in from a reader…
Hi. I have a question about semi-formal attire I was hoping you and/or your readers could answer. I have been invited to attend a law firm event (cocktails and dinner) in early April and the invitation says attire is semi-formal. I was hoping for your thoughts on what is and is not semi-formal and maybe two or three suggestions for dresses that would fit the bill. I am still in law school, so I’m looking for something I could wear to more than one occasion. I’m hoping to keep the price to around $100. Thanks!
Semi-formal: the bane of everyone’s existence. It isn’t formal, it isn’t cocktail, and no one knows what to wear. So… where does that leave you?
Our advice here is to go on the conservative side of cocktail. Your goal is Jackie Kennedy, not Marilyn Monroe (or, ahem, Romy and Michele). As general rules, shiny fabrics and anything bedazzled are out; we would also not recommend strapless (unless worn with a bolero jacket or shrug). Sleeveless dresses are harder to avoid, but you can make them more demure by wearing a wrap. On the flip side, you don’t want to be too boring — a plain cotton or wool fabric will be too casual for the event. If you’re looking for something to wear for more than one occasion, black is your friend. Furthermore, we have no problem keeping the dress itself on the cheaper side — you may even be able to borrow something from a friend at the firm. But you may want to consider splurging on accessories — shoes, clutch, a beaded wrap, a sparkly brooch, a cocktail ring, et cetera.
The below are just some suggestions of what we’d wear… in reality, with your budget, we’d recommend hitting Filene’s, Loehman’s, and outlet malls (particularly if there’s an Ann Taylor outlet near you — we used to live near one and got numerous cocktail dresses for great prices). Readers, please weigh in, particularly if you have a recent sighting of an inexpensive but appropriate semi-formal dress!
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We like that this one has sleeves and is knee-length, but is still fancy. (Although it’s pictured in champagne, it comes in black as well.) We’d wear it with a sparkly brooch and a nice clutch, as well as some fancy shoes. It’s marked to $137 at Bloomingdales (we think only the petites are left). Sutton Studio Exclusive Petites’ Stretch Satin Pleated Shawl Collar Dress |
This dress breaks a few of our rules — there’s beading, it’s sleeveless — but the neckline is so high and the fabric so fluid that we think it would work also. We’d wear it with a wrap, though, to make it a bit more demure. Price-wise, you can’t go wrong: it’s marked to $88 from $298 at MaxStudio.com.
GRECIAN EMPIRE DRESS
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We’re less than thrilled about this one, but it will do the job: it’s tasteful and within your price range. Nothing sheer or shiny; high neckline; nothing too “out there” fashionwise. And, it’s on ridiculous sale if you’re a lucky size 8: $415 down to $76.49 at Bluefly (price may be good for today only). Chetta B Black Satin V-neck Short Dress |
Long hours at the office, plus no energy when you’re NOT at the office… these are not the great markers of a lively social life. If you’re not already attached to someone, it can be a nightmare for a young professional woman to try to meet someone intelligent — which means that online dating, a.k.a. shopping for boys, is the default plan for many. There are a variety of sites out there that pander to intelligent women, so, with Valentine’s Day breathing down our necks, we thought we’d review a few… Admittedly, it’s been a few years since we’ve been out there, so if you have any new sites or methods to recommend please write in!
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Right Stuff Dating. If you’re a bit of an elitist (hey, nothing wrong with that), then this site may be great for you — its members must prove that they are graduates (or faculty members) at a select group of “excellent schools.” Most medical schools and law schools are included, as well as the usual Ivies and near-Ivies. While the site is a bit from the Cro-Magnum era, any man who signs up for this site is definitely looking for a smart woman. |
If you’re too busy to even figure out what kind of guy (or girl) you like, Chemistry.com may be for you. Anthropologist Helen Fisher and her team of scientists have designed an extensive “personality profile” for you to fill out; it matches your personality and needs with other people who have filled out a similarly complex profile. The pros: you know the guy is serious about finding a long-term relationship. The cons: set aside 45 minutes or so for the introductory profile section. DC readers: note that they seem to have a special section just for dating in Washington, D.C. (Note that this is similar to the eHarmony matching process, but without the Christian bent. (Chemistry.com is having a special, too: Three months for the price of one on Chemistry.com! You save more than 50%! |
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| We never had good technical experiences with these sites, but you may want to check them out as well:
We’ve never tried these either, but they also have a targeted audience:
Similarly, another classic dating venue for intelligent folks that we’ve never tried (although plenty of our friends have): It’s Just Lunch. |
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| Real life venues (whaaat)?:
- the “under 40″ clubs for local museums, charities, and even libraries — the membership may cost $75 to $1000, but you and a select group of other young folks can attend seminars, dinners, and even balls. For example, in New York, check out the Young Lions of the New York Public Library, or the Junior Council of the American Natural History Museum.
- gallery openings and other artistic fare. If you’re in New York, Chicago, Miami, or L.A., check out GenArt — with packages as cheap as $75, it’s a great way to get out and about.
- trivia quiz nights at bars — try Googling “trivia nights” and your city and you’ll come upon plenty of bars; NYCers check this posting on Yelp or this About.com post |
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Further Reading:
- In the New Dating Scene, The Attraction is a Beautiful Mind [WaPo]
- No Ordinary Love [Atlantic Monthly]
We just got this request in from a reader, and we thought we’d post it for the group to weigh in:
new problem:
an 8th year i.e. someone very much the boss of me (isn’t everyone?) just found me on facebook and wants to be added. i took a look at his profile and he’s friends with most of the senior associates and about half of the partners in our group. we are friendly and he’s a nice guy, but we are not actually friends.
i don’t know what to do. i like to keep facebook for just friends, so i don’t even add people that i am acquainted with, or people i used to know (like people from high school that i haven’t seen in years). but i don’t think that rejecting the invitation is a good idea considering that i am supposed to be trying to integrate myself into the group. and wouldn’t limited profile be obvious, like what am i trying to hide?
is this the end of my facebook? there’s nothing bad on there, but it is my personal space.
help!
Eeesh. We hate these decisions. We would probably accept him as a friend, but then our Facebook friends list has become overrun by former classmates from our Midwestern hometown who just discovered Facebook. (And boy, do they love to update their status.) In other words, we’re not really too picky about it — unlike LinkedIn, where we only link with people we could happily recommend to someone else. On the other hand, you could ignore him — if he asks about it later you could lie and say oh, I haven’t checked that e-mail account in ages, or “Oh, you know I saw that and then totally forgot about it” and let it go. We’d probably do the latter if we had an active dislike for this guy.
Readers, weigh in: what would you do? (Also, if anyone is so inclined, become a fan of Corporette on Facebook!)
Ellen Parsons took interviewing seriously... so should you!
Wow, it’s the start of the interview season already for those of you still in law school. Good luck! Stay tuned; we’re going to (try) to do a lot about interview tips and a guide to women’s suits. Immediately, though, we have this question from a reader named Summer:
I am a 3L law student looking to buy a nice conservative suit for interviews. I am also a big fan of corporette! I have looked around malls and nothing seems to be nice enough. The only thing that I have found in my size online is Talbots. I also ran across the site www.mycustomclothing.com. Do you think this site is legitimate? Do you have any other recommendations?
Thank you so much for your kind words! We’re not familiar with the site, but we wouldn’t recommend going with a custom suit for a big interview unless you already had a relationship with an amazing tailor. Our best advice with interviewing for conservative jobs is that the entire goal of your interview wardrobe should be to take the focus off your appearance and put the focus where it should be: on your mind, your accomplishments, and the way you carry yourself. You can show your personality, your taste, your quirky sense of humor — whatever! — later, after you’ve got the job. That said, we might suggest adhering to some simple guidelines when buying clothes for interviewing.
- Buy within your budget. No one’s going to “ding” you on an interview because your suit isn’t Armani.
- Choose a dark suit. A black or navy suit is always more conservative than a brightly- or lightly-colored suit, and if you have to buy something inexpensive then it will hide the imperfections in the fabric and the seams.
- Buy a skirt suit. We know, we know: feminism, equality, misogyny, etc. We’re not saying it’s cool. We’re saying it’s a crazy world out there and you should go with the most conservative option available if you want the job — which for women is a skirt suit. The skirt should be knee-length or slightly above the knee. If there’s a slit in the back of the skirt, make sure that a) you’ve pulled out any threads that “closed” the slit with a big X, b) the slit doesn’t go so high that you’re showing your upper thighs or worse — if you’re wearing control-top pantyhose those control tops should not be showing, and c) if it’s an old skirt, make sure the slit isn’t in need of repair. We tend to wear dark pantyhose (“off black” or gray is our preference, for some reason) but in writing this we’ve realized we’re not absolutely sure what’s appropriate — good thing tomorrow is the poll of the week! Be sure you pull a chair over to a full-length mirror and practice sitting in the skirt suit; you want to see what the interviewer will see and make sure you look appropriate and tasteful.
- Dress for the season you’re in. If you’ve got an interview this week, please don’t go in wearing a tweed suit — you’ll look like you’re not aware of your surroundings. Similarly, if you’re interviewing in January or April, don’t go in wearing a white linen suit.
- Wear a suit that fits well. We’ve all had it happen: you gain a few pounds and swear you’re going to take it off so there’s no point in buying new clothes. Trust us, we hear you. This is one of those times that you’ve got to just suck it up and go buy a bigger size (or two), because you will be dinged for your appearance if your suit is too tight. See our Lisa Cuddy 360 Review for reference, but here are some telltale signs your suit does not fit you:
- You can’t button the jacket, or the buttons don’t lay flat once buttoned
- The skirt is “smiling” because it’s being pulled so tight across your hips
- When you walk the skirt hikes itself up because it’s too tight across your hips
- Your arms look like sausages in the jacket
- You can’t lift your arms above your head
