How to Handle Wedding Etiquette at Work

We get a TON of questions about how to handle wedding etiquette at work, so we've rounded up our top tips for brides (such as whether you have to invite your colleagues to your wedding, and whether to display wedding photos in your office) -- and for coworkers (such as what to wear, what to get your secretary for her wedding, and more). If you think business etiquette and wedding etiquette never mix, you're in for a surprise -- we get a TON of questions about how to handle wedding etiquette at work!

For the bride who's trying to stay professional while handling wedding etiquette at work, we've covered tips like:how to handle wedding etiquette at work -- business etiquette tips - image of a bridal bouquet

We've also talked about wedding etiquette from a coworker's perspective, including:

Have other questions, or tips, on how to handle wedding etiquette at work to share? Email us here. (Once you're past the wedding, check out our tips on marriage issues such as tips on married money management, as well as our disucussions on family planning for young professionals.)

Social media images via Stencil.

What to Put On Your Wedding Registry (And: How to Deal When Your Wedding Registry is Public)

Today we have a great question from reader K, who wants an open thread about what to put on your wedding registry — and makes the interesting point that her wedding registry will be public. Here’s her question:

Would LOVE it if you would consider doing a “wedding registry” advice/crowdsourcing post! I am registering now, and am a senior lawyer & manager in-house in big tech, living w fiance but wanting to upgrade our dishes etc. I’m sensitive to the fact that whatever I register for will be visible on the internet to opposing counsel, my reports and clients, and even regulators etc. that I deal with on a regular basis (who I KNOW google me). What do we need? And what do we need to know?

Such a good question, K! For my $.02, I really suggest you think about the kind of life you and your partner want — not just what you think you want. You go to Macy’s or Bloomingdale’s and you suddenly feel like, well, of COURSE we need $5000+ worth of crystal and china… but do you feel like washing it by hand or chancing it in the dishwasher? How many of your friends do you actually trust with an $80 wine glass — particularly after he or she has had a few? We registered for a lot of stuff that was, I think, overly fancy for us and our shared lives (those links go to my patterns) — and that was before the kids came. These days we’re down to a few unbreakable martini and wine glasses and eating off unbreakable Corelle plates I’ve had since college. You could say, “ah, but the kids will grow up!” — but by that point my mother may have tried to downsize her fancy plates and barware to my possession, to say nothing of the fancy crystal and china she inherited from her mother or MIL.

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How to Plan a Wedding While Working Full Time

how to plan a wedding while working full timeI feel like I’ve seen a bunch of fun threadjacks on this recently(ish), so let’s discuss this today: what are your best tips on how to plan a wedding while working full time (or, as many of you do, well more than 40 hours a week)? What are the best things to outsource as far as wedding planning goes — and what are the best ways to simplify wedding planning? And a corollary question: what wedding planning tasks can you do at the office? We’ve talked about homing from work, making personal calls on the clock, and a bunch of aspects of wedding and business etiquette (including whether you should invite colleagues to your wedding) — as well as wedding finances — but I don’t think we’ve ever had a post rounding up everyone’s tips on how to plan a wedding.

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Should You Buy a Wedding Gift for Your Assistant if You’re Not Invited?

wedding gift for coworker

2017 Update: We still stand by this advice on  buying a wedding gift for your assistant, even if you’re not invited— links have also been updated below.

If one of your coworkers is getting married and you’re not invited to the wedding, should you give her a gift? What if it’s someone really important — for example, should you get a wedding gift for your assistant anyway? Reader L wonders…

My secretary is getting married very soon, and I’m wondering whether I should get her a wedding gift and, if so, what I should get her. She’s in her 40s and this is her second marriage (she has adult children). She’s just having a small wedding at home, so I didn’t get an invite or anything, I was just thinking it would be nice to get her something but I have no idea what. It’s not like she’s in her 20s and just starting out, so I’m kind of at a loss. Hoping you and/or your readers can help.

Interesting. I see a lot of questions from commenters about what to gift, when to gift, and so forth, so here are my $.02… (Note that my advice is the same if your admin is a man, as well; but because Reader L has a female secretary, let’s use the feminine…)

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Tales from the Wallet: Wedding Finances

Wedding, Finances, and Budget | CorporetteWhat are the financial implications of getting married — and how does your wedding budget affect your overall financial health? What other major milestones affect your financial health?  I’ve often read that how you handle a few major milestones in your life — wedding!  grad school!  baby!  buying a house!  divorce!  retirement! — can have a significant impact on your overall financial health.  So I thought we’d start a series on Money Milestones.  (We’ve already talked about how where you live affects your finances, as well as what a general money roadmap, through life, should look like.)

First up:  the financial implications of getting married.  The question to everyone who’s been through this: what choices did you make that affected finances? What would your advice be to someone just going through it (either for the first time or again)? To those of you who decided NOT to get married because of the financial implications — please share some of your thoughts with us!

For my $.02, these are my best tips:

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What to Wear to Officiate A Wedding

Suzi Chin for Maggy Boutique Ruched Faux Wrap Dress

2017 Update: We still stand by this advice on what to wear to officiate a wedding — links have also been updated below.  

What should one wear if you’re officiating a wedding? Reader W has a unique question, so I thought I’d tackle (even if it is a bit farther than our usual topics)…

I suppose because I’m an attorney and all-around upstanding citizen, I’ve been asked to officiate the wedding of a very good friend this summer! I’ve actually performed one wedding already and I wore a somber black suit that was appropriate for the occasion. However, this time around the wedding and reception will be held during the day at a Northeast yacht club in July (meaning WARM) and the dress code is more of a summery semi-formal. Probably not a black wool suit occasion! I was hoping for your advice on what would be appropriate dress. Naturally, I’ve asked the bride what she thinks and was no help at all (“Wear whatever you want!”), but I still want to be respectful of the bride with NO possibility of upstaging/distracting and taking into consideration I will be feature in the ceremony photos. My initial thoughts are no wacky colors, sleeves or a blazer which can be removed after the ceremony, and minimal accessories. Does this mean I should wear a shapeless beige sack? Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated!

First, congratulations; I think that’s quite an honor. I might first ask what the wedding colors are, and if the bride wants you to work within those parameters. Here are my tips:

1) Wear black. Here in NYC, most women wear black for everything, including weddings, but I know in other parts of the country it’s poor form to wear a black dress to a wedding.  I’d talk to the bride about it if you feel uncomfortable — considering that the groom and his men will likely be in black tuxes, it will be a nice visual for all the pictures. [Read more…]

Love, Marriage, and Pre-Nups

should I sign a pre-nupReader C has a great question about how to deal with her fiance, who wants her to sign a pre-nuptial agreement…

After 7 years of dating (since my junior year of college) and one year of being engaged, my fiance just brought them up. Both of us have advanced degrees but he’s in finance and I work in public interest law. I am significantly less financially secure than him and will make significantly less in my career. But we’ve always functioned like a team. We’ve both made moves and career decisions for each other. He’s my best friend. But I’m really hurt. Our wedding is only a month and a half out and this feels very rushed to me. We both have said we would never get divorced (and after 8 happy years together, I truly believe we’ll make it), but his phrasing is that “he analyzes risk for a living and he just wants to be extra secure that in the unlikely event of divorce, he is prepared.” I think that even having a pre-nupt opens the door to divorce and don’t understand why if he says he doesn’t believe in divorce that he’d request one. This feels like the biggest breach in our relationship ever. Advice? Am I being ridiculous? Is he? How many corporette readers have pre-nupts (statistics I found said 5-10% of marriages but that includes second marriages and marriages with children from previous marriages where I think it makes more sense)? Can anyone help me get on board with this or am I right to be freaking out (after all, a pre-nupt can only hurt me)?

Interesting question.  I’ve seen articles that say pre-nups are on the rise (even though the oft-quoted statistic that 50% of couples divorce isn’t really true).  Personally, I come to pre-nups from the other side of things: even though I’m wildly in love, as well as Catholic and of the “divorce is not an option” mindset, I’m the one who brought them up with my husband, R. I broached the subject with this little speech:  Good Kat and Good R are marrying now, and we love each other and of course would want to take care of each other (or at least be fair to each other) even if something were to happen and if we were to divorce.  But — if we actually WERE to divorce, that would be a sea change (because we love each other so much right now and can’t possibly imagine it!!) and, in that event, we’d probably be dealing with either Bad Kat or Bad R or both.  And my point was that if we really loved each other now, wouldn’t it be a nice thing if Good Kat and Good R had agreed to the terms of the divorce — and not Bad Kat or Bad R, who probably would have hurt feelings and maybe a bit of blood thirst. Furthermore, even though the pre-nup terms we discussed were very close to New York state law, something else I liked was that if the law changed, or if we moved to a new state, we wouldn’t have to deal with new information — the terms of the divorce would always be a known quantity.

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