Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Cornelia Dress

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

For some reason I tend to forget about Of Mercer, but they’re up there with MM.LaFleur in terms of interesting, small workwear companies run by women who’ve actually worked in real offices. This dress looks lovely — fluttery but still sedate, feminine but not too twee.  It’s $185 and available in purple and blue. Cornelia Dress

Nordstrom Rack has an option in plus sizes.

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Comments

  1. Anonymous :

    Wow, gorgeous dress. From the website description though it seems like it’s billed as a maternity/nursing dress?

    • I like the dress but I’m not sure about the waist line on me, especially since it seems to be specifically designed for pregnant women to wear throughout the pregnancy.

      • Anonymous :

        This. I thought I was on the moms page for a second.

      • It might work for some women through the second trimester but by the third trimester it looks like would be obscenely short on anyone who’s not very short. Real maternity dresses have a lot of extra fabric in the belly region so they don’t get shortened when they go over a bump, and I don’t see that here. It’s just a flowy dress, which isn’t going to work for most women in the latter half of pregnancy.

        • Yes, I have this dress and Frank is always putting his hand underneathe it with his pencil. He is gross. Nothing I say or do stops his weird behavior. We have a new guy in the office, Olaf, who is on loan from Fineland, where he is a student teacher and lawyer. I do not understand him but he likes to stare at me. I hope he does not turn out like Mason. FOOEY!

    • Seems like it could be both, which is awesome. I’m not planning on TTC for like 5 years, but when that time comes, I imagine it wouldn’t be a bad thing to have a couple of outfits already that can make the transition…

      • Generally you will not ever want to wear anything you wore for maternity after giving birth and getting back to a non-pregnant body (even if you’re permanently a different size). Some things work well for the first 2-3 months postpartum, but most people look at their maternity clothes and want to lock them away forever.

        • Plus something about maternity clothes just makes you look pregnant, whether you are or aren’t. A friend of mine continued to wear some dresses she had for pregnancy after and would constantly get offered seats on the train, which she just found depressing (I would have been happy to have a seat, but to each their own).

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      I LOVE this. Because of my chronic health condition, this kind of dress is my dream dress- floats over my stomach, which almost always looks pregnant, but still professional.

    • Boden has a similar dress with a more pencil type skirt (I’d probably call it a tulip skirt, because it is not form fitting, but sort of straight/loose). It has a similar neckline and same type of gathered waist. I wear it on the reg and get tons of compliments on it.

  2. Wanderlust :

    I really, really want to love Of Mercer. When I went to NYC, I tried on everything in the shop, and unfortunately nothing was flattering on a 5’4 apple with a short waist (normal size 8-10).

    • Cornellian. :

      Ooo I wonder if that means it would be good for my long-waisted self.

    • Anonymous :

      I also wanted to love Of Mercer and was disappointed. I am 5’6″ with a straight figure, size 2. I found their dresses unflattering, too short, and shoddily constructed.

      • Diana Barry :

        +1, way too short for work (I am 5’8″, size 8).

      • I thought it sounded shoddily constructed when I read the materials. Synthetic stretchy jersey is generally a cheap alternative to actual tailoring and decent construction…

      • I recently made a big order from Of Mercer (skirt dress, another dress, and a skirt) and I was shocked that everything worked great! I’m 5’4 and hourglass shaped, typically a 4 and got a 4 in everything.

        • I ordered the prince dress + prince avenue blazer for the suit, plus hudson dress, and tweed layfette skirt

      • Anonymous :

        Ditto to ALL of these – was dying to love Of Mercer, and only walked away with the Riverside dress. A lot of the dresses were tight in odd places and/or had weird or shiny fabric.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      How does one know if they are short or long waisted?

      • Anonymous :

        If your torso is long proportional to your overall height, you’re long-waisted. You would know because one-piece swimsuits/leotards would be snug lengthwise even in your regular size, you would notice that your shirts needed to be long enough to fit right (so a shirt style that fits a friend might be too short on you), even though you’re not otherwise tall, and your legs are probably not especially long.

        I am not short-waisted but have heard other women say things like “my waistline is right under my b**bs” or “I’m all b**bs and legs.” Your torso would be short proportional to your height. I am sure there are other fit nuances.

      • + 1 Exactly!

        • Measure from the top of your hip bone to the bottom of your rib cage, “Long” waisted is often 5+ inches where I (very short waisted person) have 2 inches

      • Anonymous :

        What is the distance between your bust line (or just under your bust line where the band of your bra sits) and natural waist (where your body bends when you lean your shoulders to the side)? A short distance means you are short waisted (short torso) and a longer distance means you are long waisted (long torso). I don’t think there is any specific definition as to what those distances are.

      • Cornellian. :

        Wait until people joke you have ape proportions :)

        For me, I’m short/average height at 5’4″, but petite pants are too long, and I often have to order “tall” tops/jackets in order to have sleeves reach my wrist and get belly coverage. Women are classically more leggy than men, but apparently there are exceptions.

      • Anonymous :

        Ha, people are reporting two different measurements below – which is the correct one?

        • Anonymous :

          There is no correct definition. It’s not a defined measurement like an inseam or sleeve length. It’s a description of body type.

          Here’s another one.
          https://youlookfab.com/2009/06/29/how-to-tell-if-you-are-short-or-long-waisted/

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          Per YLF I am average.
          Per the 5” rule I am at 4”, so probably also average.

      • If every top/sweater ever is too short for you, and the tunic trend has been a blessing because finally some shirts actually cover your rear or get close, you might be long-waisted.

        If the majority of blazers/suit jackets you’ve ever tried on look funny/peplum because you’re both larger of chest and the waist nips in somewhere about 3″ above your actual waist, you might be long-waisted.

        If people constantly are surprised by your actual height, you might be long-waisted.

        I’m 5’11, 34.5″ inseam leg (longer than the regular 32-33″ inseams but not long enough to wear most tall pants at 36″) and the distance between my hip and bottom of rib cage is at least 7″.

        • If you find yourself constantly tugging down a top or a dress with a built in waist, you might be long waisted. (Ask me how I know)

          • +1

            This is me as well. I often have the problem of dresses that are supposed to hit at the waist looking like empire-waist dresses on me. I’ve never measured, but that’s how I know I’m long-waisted.

        • Thought of another one: if you have ever tried on a sheath dress and seen an unflattering pouf of fabric in the region of your low back where your rear is supposed to be, you might be long-waisted.

          h/t to the people above who thought of long-torso swimming suits, inadvertently empire waists and the constant tugging down. Yes, yes yes. Oh, and bra straps are always on the longest length and may still be too short because it’s really any entire torso problem.

          • Yes! I hadn’t thought of the bra strap thing, but you’re right, mine are always on the longest length.

          • eh – I’m short waisted and my bra straps are always on the longest length because my boobs are just set low. In fact, having my boobs sit so low, is part of why I consider myself short waisted, since it limits the amount of space i have for my waist, since it has to start underneath the bust line. My natural waist (where I bend when I bend to the side) is just higher (further from the ground) than the average.

            I have to watch the wide of set in waistbands in dressed – both that they hit me at the right spot and that they are not too wide. More than 3″ and it’s starting to come over the flare of my hips.

      • I think it’s a weird term to say short or long waisted. I’ve always said either short or long torso.

    • When I was in college, my roommate was the same height as me – if we stood next to each other and compared where our hipbones were, mine was about 4″ higher than hers. Based on the way clothing fits me, this was because I am very short-waisted, while she was average or a little long-waisted. Basically, I’m 5’4″, but have the leg length of someone who’s 5’8″ (and long arms to match).

      • Ha! I’m 5’7″ but have the leg length of someone over 6″! I have to buy men’s bicycles and other items that are measured by leg length.

      • High pockets :

        My husband and daughter are like this. It’s a great look and very useful for running. :)

  3. Last minute gift ideas thread :

    Stuck on any gifts? Post about the person you need to find a gift for below and we will respond with gift ideas.

    • My husband.

      46 years old, dad of two girls. Plays way too many video games and as a result, he and I are almost completely disconnected.

      So far I bought him a blazer. I don’t know? The only thing he wants are video games. AWE HALL NO.

      • A long weekend away complete with a babysitter for the two of you.

      • Does he like nerdy things in general? What about tickets to something? We did the symphony’s Star Trek performance a year or so ago and it was really fun. Maybe an experience you can do together.

      • Puddlejumper :

        Have you ever done an escape room? You might like it and it could be a fun date night for the both of you. You have to solve puzzles and go through different themed rooms so it might remind him of video games.

        Don’t know where you live but is there a gadget he could open up and do outside with your girls and you on christmas day? Maybe a snowball maker and launcher, sled, or if its warmer out rockets or something. Backyard Ballistics: Build Potato Cannons, Paper Match Rockets, Cincinnati Fire Kites, Tennis Ball Mortars, and More Dynamite Devices – this book has been a hit with my dad in the past

        Board games? The website Ben and Birdy has a ton of great boardgames listed

        • Thanks for this! Board Games (I’m thinking Ticket to Ride) would be a perfect gift for the kids to get for Dad. I know he’d play with them.

          Escape Room date night sounds like a really, REALLY good idea! I’m going to look into it…

          • My video-game loving SO and his gaming friendgroup all love escape rooms. I did one with him over the fall, and it was way more fun than I was anticipating!

        • How about the gift of a year of date nights? Commit to one night each month in 2018 that you’ll get a babysitter and go out just the two of you. You could create coupons or an idea jar like escape room, Lego museum, symphony, long dinner, paint ball, bowling, band at the local dive bar, board games at a local park or library, beer flight, etc and let him pick which one you’ll do each month.

      • Why won’t you get him video games if that’s what he wants? I don’t really understand the opposition to video games that posters here have. It’s just like any other hobby – it can be done in moderation or it can take over your life. The problem is not the games themselves but if you let a hobby take over your life at the exclusion of work, family, household obligations etc.

        • She pretty clear states that video games have become a problem because he’s NOT doing it in moderation. Why would she encourage something that’s problematic in their relationship? It’s like if you think your DH drinks too much, you’re not going to buy him alcohol as a gift.

        • I think her comment suggests that his video game habit is taking over his life, to her/their family’s detriment.

        • Ok, here’s the deal…

          If he has free time, he plays video games. On his work from home days? He sets his work laptop on the floor beside our home PC with a game running and diverts his attention between the two screens. After dinner? He’s playing games. Do you know how many nights I go to bed alone? (Hint: most of them.)

          I took him to 3 months of marriage therapy in the spring. He couldn’t compromise on even ONE DAY that he wouldn’t play video games. He wouldn’t name a day. We were at a stalemate over it and it boiled down to me realizing: “Is his video game habit worth breaking up our family over? Because we’re at an impasse. No? It’s not worth tearing the kids up and ending our 14 year marriage? Ok, then I’m going to let the marriage therapy over video games go.”

          I decided his video game problem is HIS PROBLEM and I’m not banging my head against a wall over it anymore. I go do my own thing in the evenings and don’t even ask him to join me anymore. If he’s up all night playing games, I say nothing. It’s the Cost of Admission of being married to him. It’s not fair that he sprung this on me after 12 years of marriage, but I’m not willing to tear up my family over it. So I let it go.

          But I’ll be damned if I buy him more games and encourage it.

          • I apologize for the bitterness dripping off my post. Marriage is…not fun sometimes.

          • Quick question for a possible slight improvement. Does he game with a headset? I find a big difference between hanging out with my husband while he plays video games the usual way versus hanging out with him while he plays video games with a headset. The latter involves talking to friends and it makes it really difficult for him to divide his attention. Without the headset, we talk about stuff while he plays and I play online on the couch next to him. Sorry you are dealing with that.

            My husband recently upgraded his system (with his fun money) and really wants to set up the old system on our other TV so I can play with him and his friends on my own headset. I’m really not that into the idea but at the same time I feel like I shouldn’t knock it until I try it.

          • Hugs. Know you’re not alone in this, I’ve heard the same from friends.

          • White elephant :

            Hugs to you. I am also married to a gamer who can’t seem to understand why I’m not terribly on board with suddenly changing my 360+ days a year plan of doing my own thing in the evening just because he feels like being social for once. He gets defensive when I point out his addiction is a) an addiction, and b) disruptive to family life.

          • Oh brother. As for gifts, how about a weekend away… alone… for you? And then consider the fact that you are not leaving him over this to be his gift.

          • Jacque, hugs to you. The situation you described sounds stressful. I hope you have good friends and other support to help you. I hope I’m not being too invasive, but I’m curious whether you would have made the same decision 14 years ago (knowing what you know now). I ask because I’m dating someone with an anxiety/depression disorder that uses video games, among other things, to avoid stressors and it is VERY disruptive to our relationship. As much as I love this person, I wonder if I should break up to avoid future disappointment and loneliness. If you have any advice based on these scant facts, I would gladly listen.

        • To anonymous at 10:07 – would you buy an alcoholic wine for christmas? It’s a similar concept. Why encourage behavior you don’t like? There are plenty of other acceptable gifts. OP, I’m sorry you are going through this.

        • In the same way I would not buy scotch for someone with a problematic relationship with alcohol, although I otherwise consider scotch a great gift option.

      • How old the girls? Maybe something event focused with them.

        Tickets for him to do something with each of the girls – like intro to rock climbing/fly tying/painting/pottery/kayaking/whatever class with each girl. Could add gift certificate for dinner out with you as well.

      • Think of a time or thing that really connected you two in the past. Maybe a present or something like that?

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      It was my mom, until I started describing what she likes- found something! Same with my 16yo cousin!

    • My husband! 34 and dad to two toddler. Our outside hobbies have basically disappeared lately because of them (which we are both fine with, it’s just a phase). He does all the cooking at our house, but I gave him a lot of cooking related things last year. He’s getting new shirts and a sweater he wanted, but something besides clothes would be great. No concerts coming up that I know he’d be excited about… already giving my extended family gift certificates for an escape room so doesn’t make sense for him. Agh!

      • Puddlejumper :

        Would one of his hobbies have a good themed coffee table book or actual book related to it? And you could write a message in it about “Thanks for being a great dad and always doing all the cooking etc and putting “fly fishing etc whatever his hobby is” on hold for a bit.”

        Does he have a Spotify membership or Sonos speakers? That way he could play music while cooking in the kitchen.

        Would he want apple ear pods? I know they are a total splurge but everyone who has them loves them and wonders how they got by without them.

      • My husband, the cook, got an Instapot last year and loves it. I know you said no more kitchen stuff, but if he doesn’t have one, it’s sure to be a hit.

        • Eager Beaver :

          A sous vide precision cooker? https://www.amazon.com/Anova-Culinary-Precision-Bluetooth-Circulator/dp/B00UKPBXM4/ref=sr_1_2_sspa?s=kitchen&ie=UTF8&qid=1513706671&sr=1-2-spons&keywords=sous+vide&psc=1.

          • Eager Beaver :

            Reading comprehension fail. I thought TK’s comment was a new request for help for her husband. Gah.

      • My husband isn’t really into cooking, but I started ordering Blue Apron recently with the intent that I would make most of the meals, and my husband is obsessed with it. He gets so excited about the shipments and really enjoys cooking the meals (added bonus for me). I think it would work as a gift because it takes some of the work out of meal planning and shopping, and lets you try new skills/foods.

    • An almost 1 year old. She’s the youngest child and very spoiled – she already has a million toys, clothes, books, you name it. Not really sure what I can get that wouldn’t be adding more to the pile.

      • Puddlejumper :

        Membership to the local zoo? To the local children’s museum? Ask the parents if you can pay for swimming lessons or music lessons.

        Or something like huge chunky toddler crayons or playdough or bubbles or art supplies like finger paint for the bathtub that need to be replenished over time.

      • How about an experience that is just her and a parent? Like a music class or a parent/child swim class, or a trip to a local kids museum? One-on-one time is seriously lacking when you’re the youngest…

      • Subscription to Highlights Hello

    • General rec – browse the categories on https://thewirecutter.com/ for inspiration! (Their recommendations are often on point too, but I find that just browsing gets my brain flowing for ideas).

    • My husband. I need one more gift for him, $40 or less. He’s 46 and loves cycling and craft beer (but I already got him his favorite beer from his favorite local brewery). I can’t get him clothes because he’s so picky; if he doesn’t buy it himself it never gets worn.

    • My SO, first Christmas together but have been friends for a long time. Looking for one more gift in the $25-$50 range. Already getting an overnighter bag, lululemon running shorts and his own Hooty the Owl.

      He’s 28, in to computers (not super in to gaming), kind of nerdy, not really a cook or a drinker.

      • Puddlejumper :

        I always love giving gifts that can be used right then and enjoyed on the spot. Maybe a board or card game for the two of you to play? Maybe some special candy or treat he can try right then? Does he drink coffee- maybe some nice beans to make special coffee?

      • A really nice mouse/mousepad/desk pad. If he doesn’t have one set up already at his home pc

      • Lego USB drive?

        https://www.amazon.com/PNY-Brick-Flash-Additional-P-FDI32GLEGO-GE/dp/B01065RMPY

    • White elephant :

      I’m looking for white elephant gift exchange ideas – $10 limit (I’m okay with a little higher), funny or generic. Any suggestions?

      • Elegant Giraffe :

        I think I saw this on Ask A Manager, and it’s a know your office situation – a crisp $10 bill in an envelope. It’s what I’m doing for our team gift exchange tomorrow, and I know it will be a hit!

        • White elephant :

          That might work as a cop-out, but this is with extended family and not office mates. We do have a rubber chicken that makes appearances now and then. Wrapping & presentation is typically more important than the item, unless the item is fabulous.

      • Puddlejumper :

        Monopoly Deal card Game or Uno
        Horse Head Masks (cost 10 bucks exactly)
        Funny themed socks (its a know your office but there are Fox ones that have a fox face and then the word this)
        A tub of Crazy Aaron Thinking Putty

        • White elephant :

          OMG, I love the horse mask idea. My family is ridiculous and this will be a hit. Thanks!

      • If anyone else is looking for funny family tradition in this vein: my family has an obnoxious fuzzy toilet seat cover that gets given year after year at white elephant and then is snuck into less-used bathrooms of unsuspecting victim/family party hosts during the next year. If you find it while people are still there they have to take it back (although re-hiding has happened). If you find it after, it’s up to you to get rid of it in the same fashion on the next host. The indignation and bonding sparked by this darn fuzzy toilet seat is hilarious.

      • Eager Beaver :

        I’m like an infomercial for this thing, but it’s great. https://www.amazon.com/Chefn-GarlicZoom-Garlic-Chopper-X-Large/dp/B00MMQ922W/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1513706870&sr=8-1&keywords=garlic%2Bzoom&th=1

      • Magnets of animal behinds. I found some on amazon for $12 for a pack of 6 (they have dog, cat, farm, safari, etc) and they are hilarious!

      • Anonymous :

        Poo Pourri

    • Senior Attorney :

      My parents. Ages 91 and 94. Mom is quite feeble and does… nothing. Dad plays pool a time or two a week. I got them the Pete Souza photo book of the Obama administration and am sending a floral arrangement, but would like another thing or two for them to open. Was thinking about a new sweater for each of them but am open to other ideas. Price not really an object. Electronics are a no-go — I got my dad an iPhone a year or two ago and he couldn’t manage it. Experiences are out because they are too feeble to go anywhere other than my house.

      • Puddlejumper :

        Is there a food that they would like? that you could do a gift of the month club? Zingerman’s has some awesome food club options.

        Vintage Candy from their childhood?

        A crazy new clock? I feel like every elderly person I know has a clock that on every hour a different wildbird sings? Super annoying but they seem into it.

        A weather station? So they always know what temperature it is outside.

        A DVD (if they can figure out DVDs) of their old favorite TV shows or cartoons. We gave my grandfather old vintage Donald Duck movies and he loved it. Or Lawrence Welk shows etc.

        Don’t know if they live in an retirement home but the door decorations along the hallway are usually a big thing. So maybe a wreath that they can put outside their door for the upcoming winter (so not christmas themed but maybe snow men themed)

        If they are depression era people that like to use every drop they might enjoy the “Flip It Inverted Bottle Holder”. It allows you to keep your ketchup and things upside down to use it to the very last drop.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Yeah I was thinking about something to eat. Although they seem to be on this weird kick of eating as little as possible. These are all interesting — thanks!

      • I have parents in that general age range. My did didn’t want the hand me down iphone I gave him either (even though he uses an ipod touch for music, so I thought it wouldn’t be a big step, but he couldn’t be bothered). What about shearling slippers? My father has trouble with his feet and he likes shearling insoles – the slippers are just even more cushy and comfy.

      • The scarves from Block Shop are TDF. I’d love to gift one of these – maybe to your mom!

      • One thing that worked for me with older relatives – monthly flowers.
        It it something they wouldn’t necessarily spend on themselves but might enjoy.
        Gives them a surprise every month and something to look forward too.
        And doesn’t accumulate extra “stuff”

      • I’m currently making a custom calendar for my grandparents – I’m including photos of them, their siblings, children, and grandchildren, as well as old pets and their first home. Vistaprint will deliver by the 22nd with rush shipping!

        • Senior Attorney :

          Yeah, I used to do photo calendars for them every year but the last one I did, a few years ago, didn’t get hung up at all. It makes me so sad.

      • Eager Beaver :

        Electric throw blanket? I love mine. https://www.amazon.com/Sunbeam-Reversible-RoyalMink-EliteStyle-Controller/dp/B0088AHJ76/ref=sr_1_4?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1513707008&sr=1-4&keywords=electric+throw+blanket.

      • Are there any hearing impairments?
        Recently got the grandparents-in-law some headphones that sit on the temple bones, not in the ear. For them wearing hearing aids, these worked much better than regular headphones. Now grandpa can listen to the TV and not have it blaring too loud for everyone else.

      • Anonymous :

        Spinning off of your Pete Souza book idea – what about a photo book focused on the past? Like the Life: 70 years of photos book, or National Geographic 125 Years book?

      • How about fruit of the month deliveries? I used Harry & David for my parents years ago and they seemed to like it.

        • My dad got pears from someone recently and he and my mom are still talking about it. They sent my husband pears this year. He was like WTF but damn if those pears didn’t make an impact.

      • What about setting up an amazon alexa and an amazon account full of music for them? Then your mom could say, “Alexa, play Lawrence Welk” and, poof!

      • Anonymous :

        Delicious chocolate. E.g. johnandkiras

      • What about having someone come over to the house to cut hair and paint nails while you hang out with them? (Spa day comes to them.)

      • Anonymama :

        A bird feeder? My grandma had one outside her window and enjoyed sitting and watching the birds. Also gave visitors something to watch/talk about. Maybe wth a book about local birds?

    • My husband!

      I know what I want to get him and what he would love. I love gift giving and it is an absolute joy of mine to do give gifts. We’ve been fighting a ton–heavy, big, ugly fights and while we were on an upswing, it just keeps on dipping to these horrible lows and while I love him so much and don’t want to leave, it’s pretty crappy feeling that we have a horrible marriage. Also of note to those of you out there who think other people have the most magical marriages, being one of those couples who people says “goals” about constantly, it’s most likely not the case at all.

      Anyway, going shopping for him tonight, but the incessant fighting has made the holidays crap and that is why for the first time ever, I’ve yet to finish shopping for him just a few days before Christmas.

      • Hugs – hope your gift smooths over some of the hurt (on both sides) and that things get better soon.

    • Baby nephew turning 3, loves garbage trucks, cars, trains etc.

      Baby nephew’s mother aka sister in law- likes outdoor activities like hiking, low maintenance, likes fast cooking methods/tricks etc. Foodie

      • Puddlejumper :

        nephew: magnatiles, duplos with the train or cars, green toys makes trucks and trains, or a membership to a zoo which might have a train for them to ride around on

        sister in law- lunchbot metal containers for holding snacks on the trail hiking and then a bunch of awesome snacks. Depending on what she has/your budget: Whirly pop for popcorn, instant pot, immersion blender, salad spinner all make cooking go faster. Zingerman’s does great gift baskets for foodies. If she likes the outdoors then maybe the REI bach blanket that blocks sand from reaching the top would be a hit

  4. Sloan Sabbith :

    Really sorry I was rude yesterday on the first post. My comment was unnecessary and I appreciate people calling that out. I was having a bad day and took it out on a stranger, which I should not have done.

    • Cornellian. :

      I didn’t even read your comment yesterday, but yay! I love posts like this, it feels like this site from 5 years ago.

      • Agree! And kudos to you, Sloan, for coming forward and apologizing. I hope you are having a better day today!

        • anonymous :

          +1

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          Am so far. The Amtrak thing really, really upset me and then I had a thing at work I strongly did not want to have to be a part of.

          Thank you. :)

          • Good for you for recognizing you didn’t react as your best self, and also for understanding what was going on with you.

            The Amtrak thing is so awful.

          • Sloan Sabbith :

            Just so awful- it’s so close to where I live, I’ve taken that train before, and my mom is a journalist and was terrified her friends and colleagues were on the train because so many reporters were on it to cover the inaugural run. So far, everything is OK on that front, but she was panicked and that upset me.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      In my book, you’re a hero. Admitting you made a mistake is one of the hardest things to do. Add on the fact that you posted under your usual handle and not anonymous makes you a trail blazer!

      Go easy on yourself. We all have those days and the internet makes it way to easy to project those feelings in the wrong direction.

    • nylon girl :

      Hugs, Sloan! This is a crazy busy week. :-) Hang in there and hopefully today is better.

    • No problem Sloan. You slapped me good. OUch!!

      But I can take it. The rest of you let me have it too.

      I just get tired by posts that claim….. “I can get this same item for 1/6th of the cost and it is just as good….” Perhaps that was not the OP intended, but it is what I “heard”. If so, I apologize to her too.

      • But it’s ok if people say “I can get this same item for 1/6th of the cost and it is just as good”.
        It’s an opinion. If you have a different opinion, e.g. “I have tried them both and I disagree that it is just as good!” then say so. I dont think there’s anything wrong about saying either of those things.
        – Signed, not the OP but always looking for a “deal” that’s lower cost and still/almost as good

    • Thanks, Sloan :). That train accident was so scary, and I just had geographic proximity, not someone who actually might be on the train/ I-5. Of course you were upset. Thanks for circling back.

      It’s nice that you post under your handle, so we know when something you say is out of character and probably from a bad day.

      Feel better today!

  5. Rant/vent ahead. I am so exhausted. I don’t think I’ve slept more than six hours a night in months. My husband is 15 pounds overweight, which results in loud snoring. He gets his feelings hurt if I sleep in another room, so I am either kept up until midnight, at which time I finally give up and try to fall asleep on the couch, or awakened at 3:00 a.m. He won’t get a sleep study, which doesn’t really seem necessary anyway because we know that he doesn’t snore when he is at his normal weight. He refuses to exercise, which seems like it would solve the problem. I can’t function like this any longer–I am completely ineffective at work, can barely string two words together, and find it a real struggle to cook dinner and get through the evening routine. He feels rejected because I sneak down to the couch most nights and because I am always tired and don’t have the energy to be sociable in the evenings. Help.

    • Puddlejumper :

      Let his feelings get hurt! His actions won’t change unless you change your actions. You start going to sleep in another room when you need to at 10 pm and get a full night’s rest and refuse to switch back until he gets a sleep study done. If he really wants to sleep in the same bed as you, he will make a change. If the doctor says “its weight- lose it!” then refuse to switch until he gets his weight down. Not getting sleep is dangerous for your health.

      • Anonymous :

        Wow. Just wow.

        “Hey, I cant get it up because my wife is 15lbs over weight. I should just cheat on her cause she should feel bad right? If I Shame her enough she’ll lose the weight right?”

        No. That is not marriage.

        • Sleeping in separate bedrooms is not the same as cheating. Sleep is very important to her health (there are lots of studies about all the physical and mental health issues caused or exacerbated by getting less than 7-8 hours per night) and she needs to prioritize her health even if it hurts his feelings. Not remotely the same as looking outside the marriage for s*xual gratification because your spouse has gained weight.

          • It’s the tone that is the problem. Absolutely she should sleep where she can. But no, she shouldn’t deliberately hurt his feels to shame him into losing weight and it’s a revolting suggestion.

          • Puddlejumper :

            Sorry you took my tone that way. But I don’t get why she has to sacrifice her health – not getting sleep is a serious health concern for long term and short term health- for his feelings. He obviously isn’t taking his health too seriously (snoring is probably affecting his REM cycles which is affecting his health too so he needs to get it checked out). She needs to put her health first, and if he makes changes that allow her to sleep in the bed again – great! If he is unwilling or unable to make those changes – then she still needs to make sure she is protecting her health. I don’t think tip toeing around it and sneaking off in the middle of the night to the couch is really addressing the issue. She should have a frank conversation with him.

          • I didn’t “take” your tone any way. I read it clearly. Are you serious? He obviously doesn’t care about his health because he snores and he is 15lbs overweight? You are a ridiculous person. I hope you’re always a healthy BMI least your husband decide you have no value.

          • Puddlejumper :

            He has a problem with snoring that is significant enough that his wife can’t sleep through the night, night after night. I am not saying he is not taking his health seriously because he snores and because he is 15 pounds overweight. I am saying he doesn’t take his health seriously because there is a problem and he won’t go to the doctor to see if there are possible solutions!

          • Yeah, I read Puddlejumper’s tone the same way. If I always put my health first without regard to my marriage, I would stay in a hotel while my husband was sick rather than caring for him so as not to expose myself to his germs. A lot of people would agree that that would be insensitive. Sleep is a bigger problem because it’s ongoing and more drastic action might be appropriate, but “lose the weight or we’re not sharing a bed again” is extremely insensitve. I would be mortified and hurt beyond words if my husband even hinted at that to me. For many people, the intimacy of sharing a bed is an important aspect of marriage, so changing that arrangement is worth careful consideration.

            OP – I think encouraging your husband to take a sleep study will be helpful. His weight may or may not be causing the snoring, but regardless that message will be better coming from a health professional than it will be coming from you. In the meantime, perhaps you could agree to go to bed together so you get the benefit of chatting as you get ready, etc. and then you can go to another room once he’s asleep. Making it clear that this is a temporary solution until you get the sleep study results may help him feel less upset.

        • This is an insane reply.

          Sleeping in separate bedrooms is a totally different planet from cheating.

          She should sleep in another room until he deals with the issue (sleep study and medication/lose weight/adenoid surgery/whatever). It’s so mean of him to expect her to suffer like this with sleep deprivation just because he doesn’t want to sleep alone. She’s not a teddy bear. She’s a person who needs to sleep.

          OP – I can’t believe you’re survived this long. I wake up DH whenever he snores. If his snoring wakes me up, I wake him up and make him move from his back to his side. Or if he has a cold and snores a lot, he sleeps in the guest room.

          • She should! But not to make him feel bad enough he’ll finally lose weight.

          • There is literally nowhere in her post that she says she wants to make him feel bad about his weight. But if he doesn’t snore at a lower weight, then it’s also silly to ignore that he is refusing to address a known solution so she could get sleep.

          • No but there is in Puddlejumpers reply which is what I am responding to.

          • I don’t think this is shaming. This is being in a situation that is untenable for the OP’s health, and telling her husband what the consequences will be for continued inaction. In this case, the consequence is that his feelings get hurt because she’s sleeping in a separate room…until he takes some good-faith steps to tackle a health issue that’s impacting both of them.

            His feelings are going to get hurt by the fact that she’s going to start prioritizing her own health over his little fee-fees, not by the fact that she’s telling him to go to the doctor.

            OP, if it’s helpful to hear, my SO and I rarely spend the whole night in the same bed. He’s a night owl and prefers to fall asleep on the couch in front of the TV, and I’m an early bird who likes to be in bed with a book by 9:30. He usually comes to bed around 2am/3am. We both want to let the other person have the sleep routine that works best for them (sleep is my #1 self-care item for a lot of reasons), and as autonomous adults we are capable of spending the hours between 9:30pm and 2am in different rooms with no hurt feelings. Your husband needs to get with the program.

          • So Anonymous at 10:29 am, what do you think the OP’s next move is, in the likely event that he goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him to lose the weight? Is she supposed to keep not getting sleep, thereby hurting her own health and potentially her performance at work, until he’s lost the weight (if he even loses the weight, which is a big if for a lot of reasons)…so that he can avoid getting his feelings hurt by the fact that she’s a human being who needs to get quality sleep on a regular basis? What would you do in her situation instead?

          • No emeralds can you read? She should sleep in a different room. She just shouldn’t do it with a goal of hurting his feelings and shaming him into losing weight.

          • Anon 10:22 :

            @ Anon 10:44 Emeralds can read. You clearly cannot. As I noted above “There is literally nowhere in her post that she says she wants to make him feel bad about his weight.”

            She doesn’t have a goal of hurting his feelings. He is being completely inconsiderate of her by refusing to address this problem.

            Done with responding to you as I suspect you’re a tro11 and if not, dial it back. It’s a supportive community here, try 4chan or reddit if you’re looking for nasty.

        • JFC stop tone policing!!!! It’s gotta be the same person every time. Just stop!

    • Anonymous :

      Why not just let him feel rejected? Point out that yes, you are rejecting sleeping with him because he snores loudly and won’t do anything about it. Explain that you’re exhausted and the lack of sleep is ruining your enjoyment of life. Set up a bed somewhere comfy and don’t bother with attempts to sleep in the same bed anymore.

    • Try earplugs? Obvi not a long-term solution but at least you could sleep in the mean time

      • My husband snores sometimes, and as a lifelong insomniac, it drives me nuts. I find that earplugs can help quite a bit along with a fan blowing right by my side of the bed. It might not be a cure-all, but give it a try.

        Sorry, sleep is so important. I feel your pain.

    • Anonymous :

      So hurt his feelings. Interrupting my sleep, unless you’re an infant or a child with a nightmare, is #1 on my list of irritants.

      If you’re feeling generous, tell him you’re doing a “sleep reset” for yourself and because he snores, you will need to spend a week catching up on rest in another room. Frame it in terms of being able to be more energetic in the evenings.

      Side note: does he drink? He might try abstaining for a few weeks and see if the snoring quiets down some.

    • My sister and her husband sleep in separate rooms due to his snoring and they are happily married. He is fit, an ideal weight, and even had that surgery on his uvula to try to combat the snoring but it didn’t work. He just started snoring as he got older.

      I think you need to quit being so angry with your husband about his 15 pounds, and he needs to let you sleep wherever you can sleep. You’re both being childish.

      • Anonymous :

        Yeah it’s patently absurd you’ve concluded loosing 15lbs is an easy fix. Half the posts on here are about how hard many of us find it to do that.

      • As an aside, my dad recently got some sort of expensive ($500? I think?) custom mouth guard that has apparently almost eliminated his snoring. He too tried almost everything. My mom said she’s been sleeping the best she has in 40 years.

      • Senior Attorney :

        This. I used to be your husband — I’d snore and my then-husband would sneak off to sleep on the sofa and I’d get my feelings hurt, and he’s fat shame me and it was ridiculous on both sides. And guess what? I lost 50 pounds and I still snored so you can get off your high horse about his weight and he can get off his high horse about where you sleep.

        The extent of what you can do here is this: Say “Sweetie, I love you madly but when you snore I am going to sleep in the guest room/on the sofa. I adore you but I need my sleep. I’ll snuggle with you at bedtime but I need my sleep so that’s how it’s gonna be.”

        • Re. the weight, here is the situation: He used to exercise regularly and did not snore. He quit exercising, gained 15 lbs, and started snoring. Hence my conclusion that if he resumed his exercise routine, he would stop snoring. I brought it up exactly once, when he had complained for the umpteenth time how he hates the fact that he snores because he is sooooo lonely when I sleep on the couch but he has no idea what he can do about it so I should just suck it up and not sleep because sleeping apart is going to destroy our relationship. This is how I said it: “Well, I hesitate to say this, but when you were working out you never snored, so maybe if you tried going back to the gym…? Just an idea….?” Is that really fat-shaming?

          • It’s not fat shaming but it’s workout shaming (or non-workout shaming). He probably stopped exercising for a reason (even if the reason is just that he hated it… I’m certainly sympathetic).

            Like others, I believe the solution is for you to sleep elsewhere and him to understand that this is the path of least resistance to happiness for both of you.

          • The better response would’ve been, if you don’t know what to do then go to the doctor for advice. Sleeping apart will not destroy our relationship, but me being chronically sleep deprived and resenting you for it sure will.

          • Sleepy, for what it’s worth, I think that’s a fine response, in a fine tone, to say exactly once. I don’t find it shaming at all, and I’m currently a fat person who doesn’t work out. Now that you’ve said it, I’d follow the advice you’ve received here and suggest he go to the doctor every time he complains about you sleeping elsewhere.

        • Sometimes it really is weight related and it’s not fat-shaming to say so. Speaking from personal experience…

        • Senior Attorney :

          People who are fat know they are fat.

          People who are not exercising know they are not exercising.

          Seriously.

          Just stop it.

          People are not improvement projects.

          Sleep elsewhere if you must, but don’t get all up in his business about his body.

    • If he won’t exercise, would he, say, join Weight Watchers and the two of you do it together for the new year to start off on a healthy foot? I’m a WW evangelist because it’s not just about losing weight, it’s about choosing nutritious food and recognizing what a healthy diet looks like. New Years sounds like a great time to make a change.

      I thought about recommending the “this is affecting our marriage” line of conversation, but given what you’ve said, that might hurt his feelings. A “let’s make a change for the better for 2018” might be more successful.

    • My husband is a snorer too. I would recommend sleeping in another room because sleep is essential but you can also try a Dohm white noise machine, CVS earplugs, and get your husband to sleep on TWO pillows. For some reason my husband’s snoring improved dramatically once he used two pillows. Good luck.

    • Anonymous :

      So, I snore. And I’d divorce most of you judgmental jerks. The way you are all speaking about him is disgusting. Yeah, maybe I’d stop if I lost 15lbs. But also maybe not. And if my spouse wanted me to feel hurt and rejected to punish me for not losing 15lbs? I’d rather die alone with cats eating my face.

      I’m not saying you just have to suffer! But can we at least try speaking about this man who just wants to sleep with his wife with some compassion?

      • I don’t want him to feel hurt and rejected to punish him, I want *him to stop punishing *me for trying to get some sleep by telling me I am rejecting him! Or take what seems to me the simplest route back to a snore-free state so we can both actually sleep in the same room and will both be happy.

        • I just can’t fathom you think “just lose 15lbs” is simple and easy.

          Try ear plugs, get a white noise machine. If it doesn’t work, sleep in a different room. But tell him that you love him, that you miss him, and that you are just exhausted. Make a point to visit for cuddles.

        • Maybe you’re cranky because you’re sleep deprived but you thinking this is simple and easy for your husband is … contemptuous I guess. You have contempt for him. That is supposedly the number one indicator of likely future divorce, having contempt for one’s spouse.

          Snoring is out of his control. He is literally not conscious when he’s doing it. He cannot force you to share a room with him. You cannot force him to stop snoring, whether it’s the “simple” (ha) solution of losing 15 lbs or more drastic measures. He is not snoring intentionally in order to be mean to you, and you seem to be taking it that way.

          • Yes this. I hate that I snore. I feel really bad about it. I also can’t stop. Because a) I can’t lose 40lbs and keep it off, like most people and b) I come from a long line of very skinny snorers!

            Consider that it’s his increasing age not weight.

          • His failing to address the snoring is intentionally mean to her. He knows she is sleep deprived and doesn’t care enough to try to do anything about it.

          • This issue would be solved if the husband wasn’t getting his fee-fees so hurt by the OP’s desire to sleep in another room. If the snoring ends up being unrelated to his weight, untreatable, or he is unwilling/unable (which could be a legitimate end position for him, for many reasons!) to lose 15lbs, they need to find a way for her to sleep. The easiest way to do that is for the OP to sleep in another room. But the husband gets all ridiculous when she tries that.

            Earplugs are certainly an option, but from my own personal experience, I’ve tried them when traveling with a snore-y relative, and they just didn’t work for me. Maybe they’d work for the OP and it’s a great idea to try them! But if they don’t work she should not be trapped in some horrible sleepless situation by her husband’s insistence that she sleep in the same room, or suffer the consequences of his annoyance that she’s “rejecting” him by sleeping on the couch.

          • @emeralds I said that – “he cannot force you to share a room with him”

            I also have her the out that she’s maybe cranky due to sleep deprivation

            But the contempt is there, not imagined, along with your “fee fees”

          • Yeah I don’t understand the level of contempt for him for feeling sad his wife doesn’t sleep with him. I get that she may not be able to but why minimize those feelings? Cause it’s easy to hate fat People?

          • He’s allowed to feel sad, rejected, and alone. Whatever feelings he has are his, and no one can tell him not to feel them.

            What he CAN do is not take it out on the OP when she prioritizes self-care over protecting his feelings. That’s a reasonable ask. Maybe she can find other ways to show him that she isn’t rejecting him–date nights, making sure their s*x life stays robust, etc.

            I’m glad that consistently championing health at every size and body acceptance, while vocally rejecting the assertion that it’s easy to lose weight, for the seven years that I’ve been a member of this community has resulted in a charge that I hate fat people. Because I think that the OP’s husband, whose weight may or may not be playing a factor in an emergent medical issue, who may or may not choose to lose the weight, who may or may not be ABLE to lose the weight, needs to give the OP’s health more consideration than his own feelings. Which is not what he’s doing.

          • He’s entitled to his feelings. It’s what he does with them that’s that’s the problem. He could say to himself, oh wow DW isn’t in bed with me this morning, I’m sad about that, maybe I should talk to her so we can figure out a way to resolve this. Or he can do what he’s doing now, and say, I’m sad that means she should stop doing the thing that makes me sad, and I refuse to listen to or address the reason she’s doing it.

          • Senior Attorney :

            He is entitled to his feelings and I agree that OP sounds pretty darned contemptous. As I posted above, I suggest the OP sleeping elsewhere if necessary with lots of snuggling at bedtime and in the morning.

        • lawsuited :

          Dude. As people get older, a lot of them start snoring. A lot of them gain weight as well. It’s a shame that you thought you’d always be married to a 29-year old, but the indignity of getting older is exactly what long-term romantic partnerships have to weather. Definitely continue to have a loving and sensitive discussion about sleeping in another room when you need to, but blaming your husband for snoring or gaining weight is not the recipe for a happy marriage.

      • +1

      • Honestly, I’d let you. Not being able to sleep would be a deal breaker. Snoring is not a deal breaker, but my husband shaming me into staying in bed when I obviously couldn’t sleep would be.

    • With the caveat that I’m a heavy sleeper once I’m asleep, but I sometimes have trouble getting to sleep, I’ve found taking a melatonin tablet an hour before bed makes me so tired I cannot keep my eyes open and I fall into a fast deep sleep that is impervious to my husband’s snoring. Earplugs help too.

    • One- get some sleep! Tell him it’s non negotiable. 2 have him try those breathe right stripes for your nose. Also does he drink beer? That always makes my dh snore

    • Anonymous :

      This is really weird but I swear it works. Suggest – gently – that he tape his mouth closed at night. It’s actually a recommended practice for reducing snoring, I swear! I did it to try and relieve some TMD pain and as a happy side effect it also keeps me from snoring. It forces you to breathe through your nose which is a much better sleeping practice anyway.

      • I am a snorer and get terrified and claustrophobic just thinking about that, which I have never heard of until now.

        • I’m NOT a snorer, and that suggestion made me feel terrified and claustrophobic. I’d much rather sleep alone! But to each her own, I guess.

    • Anonymous :

      Ear plugs? One of my best friends snores like a freight train and this has been a perfectly serviceable solution when we travel together. Cheap and effective.

      Also, your husband needs to get over the “feelings” part — go sleep in the other room or the couch and don’t feel bad for two seconds. Maybe it will motivate him to start taking action to try and troubleshoot the issue.

    • My spouse and I use staggered bedtimes, so that I’m out by the time he comes to bed. This started when he snored; now he has a CPAP, which makes its own noise. This problem is a frustrating one.

    • My husband snores. Severity varies with his weight, alcohol consumption and state of his sinuses. He’s had some success with using the nose inserts that reduce snoring. We’ve also had non-bedtime conversations about one of us sleeping in another room during a particularly rough stretch. Being kind about it goes a long way to cut down on feelings of rejection.

      • Ooo yes the alcohol consumption factor. If you know you have a snoring issue and you choose to drink excessively anyway, you need to sleep somewhere else that night. I will not tolerate a partner prioritizing alcohol over my health.

    • Does he also have sleep apnea? My husband snores loudly (even at a healthy weight) and would stop breathing too. It affected my sleep badly and I was also worried about his heart health so he finally went to the doctor and had a sleep study done. He has very bad sleep apnea and uses a CPAP machine. But now he no longer snores and the noise from the machine doesn’t bother me, it is more like white noise to me. I know you can’t make him go to the doctor, but if he won’t go, then I think it is completely reasonable for you to sleep apart from him. If I did this though I would still try to make sure we maintained intimacy in other ways and before we both went to bed.

    • OP, I’ll be the voice of dissent. I think it’s unfair that you’re being piled on so much and asked to change what you do to protect your husband’s feelings.

      I would sleep in the other room, despite DH’s protests. You shouldn’t have to compromise your health, your work, and your family life to accommodate him. Sometimes all the “tricks” in the world won’t help you sleep better, and I’ve tried sleeping with noise-canceling headphones (over the ear) and sometimes just nothing can help. This is a change your husband needs to make if he wants you back in the same room. You shouldn’t have to bend-over backwards to accommodate him, I’m surprised people are piling on since we usually tell other posters to avoid the extra emotional labor of appeasing him. Maybe the weight issue touched a nerve here.

      That said, it seems like you need a new way to communicate to him that he can lose the weight. If he’s already overweight, he may not be willing to go to the doctor to hear that, hence he won’t do the sleep study. Can you suggest he joins WW or starts cooking healthier recipes/portion control? If you want to help too (not that you should have to,) may be you can join him in his pursuits. If he’s already overweight, a few small changes should get those 15lbs off in a couple of months. Check out some weightloss subreddits for inspiration and ideas, many people have successfully lost weight, and well more than 15lbs, and posted about their journeys there.

      • This is literally the majority of replies. No one is piling on her.

        Also crawl in a hole and die, losing 15lbs is not easy for everyone.

    • My husband also tends to snore when his weight fluctuates above a certain threshold. Buying a wedge pillow for him to sleep on has helped a LOT. I also wear ear plugs and poke him if I wake up and he is snoring. You should absolutely not feel guilty for sneaking down to the couch and you should plan to sleep in another room ahead of time.

    • Have you had an actual conversation about this? The way you talk about it makes it seem like you haven’t – you sneak away in the middle of the night to sleep elsewhere and he’s understandably hurt that he doesn’t wake up with you.

      Stop treating the snoring like he’s doing something wrong and start treating it like a problem for both of you to solve. What does he suggest? Is he willing to try OTC snoring solutions? Maybe try those on weekends when you can nap during the day. For now, you sleep in separate rooms on weekdays.

      He’s not totally off the hook though. The snoring isn’t his fault, but continuing to be inconsiderate about your sleep is. The emotional labor of fixing his snoring shouldn’t fall 100% on you. Hoping for the best and then guilting you about sleeping elsewhere isn’t an acceptable path forward. He needs to be more proactive.

    • It may or may not be the weight, but the solution is really that he needs to get over hurt feelings.

      My SO also snores loudly, has a cpap but doesn’t like it so doesn’t use it, so he snores. When it’s bad, I sleep in the other room (I sleep later than he does). He used to get hurt by it, but too bad, I’d rather sleep. Now, I’m usually so tired, I can just roll him over to stop snoring long enough for me to fall asleep (sleep deprived lawyer here) and once asleep, nothing wakes me up.

    • There’s a solution to your issue that doesn’t involve shaming your husband until he feels like s*** – they’re called earplugs. Mack’s silicone brand is hypoallergenic and easy to use. I sleep with one earplug in (I’m a side sleeper so my other ear is in the pillow) and I sleep like a baby.

      P.S., it may not be the 15 extra pounds causing the snoring. My husband has an abnormality in his sinuses that causes the snoring and the only fix is surgery that may not work, so he does nose strips and sleeps on his side. Know how we figured all this out? Because he went and got a sleep study and sinus CT done at a doctor, after I empathetically and kindly talked to him about his problem. Kindness is always an option and in marriage should be your default. Otherwise, do your husband a favor and just dump him so he can find a nicer woman to be married to.

      • Yup. This!!!! I don’t think you just have to suffer but Idk why you can’t both take care of yourself and view him with kindness.

        • anon for this :

          Because he’s whining about feeling rejected if she wants to go sleep in another room! She feels manipulated! No need to shame her about not being kind. Women get enough of that already.

          • And a lot of women here seem to use unfair societal expectations of women as an excuse to be raging judgemental b**tches, apparently. No wonder half the posts here are about “I’m single and I’m so so lonely” and the other half are about “help, my relationship is falling apart.”

          • Anonymama :

            Sigh, it is the internet, after all, and everyone seems to be very stressed out by this busy time of year, and perhaps venting anonymously helps them let off steam that they can’t release to the actual targets in person. But the answer to one person being mean is not being even meaner back: there is no prize for being the biggest jerk. Even if you think someone is being cruel, it is way more effective to respond with kindness and understanding than to escalate things with a high drama call out, or nasty name-calling. Let your anger out on inanimate objects, and not other human beings.

          • anon for this :

            You seem like you might be a man.

      • You’re awful. And apparently have no reading comprehension skills. There is nowhere that she says she wants him to feel bad about his weight.

        And she’s suffering with sleep deprivation for a long time so that he doesn’t get his feelings hurt. She’s a saint for putting up with this for this long.

        Her wearing earplugs is not a long term solution to HIS health issue of snoring. And many people can’t sleep well with ear plugs in.

        • You’re tr0lling and trying to stir up trouble, and you can’t even do that competently (otherwise, it wouldn’t be so obvious). If the holiday season is getting you down, princess, I’m sympathetic but encouraging people on this s!te to start fights with each other isn’t a healthy outlet for your feelings. Try meditation or something.

          • I think you need to go take a little break and have a cup of coffee, or something. You are way out of control here.

      • “Otherwise, do your husband a favor and just dump him so he can find a nicer woman to be married to.”

        You think kindness should be the default and yet you said this to OP? Wow. That’s pretty terrible and hypocritical. What happened to this place.

      • I never understood how you can wake up to an alarm with earplugs in. Wouldn’t they block out the noise of the alarm and you’d oversleep?

      • Anonymous :

        But she said he won’t get a sleep study! I don’t know, but he needs to be part of the solution. Agree that kindness and compassion are always the places to start, but if he won’t help, then I think she’s within acceptable norms to go sleep in another room (she doesn’t have to be mean about it).

        And I’m surprised by the recommendations for ear plugs from so many people. My husband snored (loudly and irregularly) until he got his cpap machine, and I tried every single ear plug out there (including custom ones for a gun range) and they did not help.

        Snoring is not an easy problem to solve – OP shouldn’t expect a quick fix, but her husband should acknowledge the impact on her too.

    • Ughh commiseration! Sleeping with a snorer is hard.

      I know you can’t MAKE him do a sleep study, but I wouldn’t write it off either. Sleep apnea can be dangerous and cause other health issues. It’s true that losing weight might help, but it’s also true that sleep apnea can lead to weight gain (and can make it even harder to lose weight.) I think it’s important to at least rule out sleep apnea.

      Sleep studies also aren’t as big a deal as they used to be; most of the time they can be done from home.

    • First – hugs to you. I have gone through stretches of being constantly woken up and not getting REM sleep, which sends me into a rage at night and makes me non-functional during the day. It’s hard to describe to someone who hasn’t gone through this how intense the emotions are that come with it.

      Second, I would lay out a plan to address this issue with your husband that does not involve him losing weight, because you can’t force someone else to lose weight. He needs to go see a doctor or sleep specialist to get this fixed. Literally half of the US, if not more, is 15 lbs overweight, and not everyone snores, so there may be something else going on here that can be fixed. If he commits to getting the issue addressed, you can commit to trying a few solutions in the meantime, like white noise, or earplugs, or headphones (Google “Sleep Phones”). But if those don’t work, or your husband refuses to hold up his end of the bargain, you need to sleep separately, because you need sleep to function.

    • Same exact situation with my marriage. We have 3 year old twins and I work 4 days per week. My compromise is – I sleep in guest bedroom on days I work and sleep in our bedroom on the weekends with ear plugs. Most of the time I sleep pretty well. But if I wake up to snoring I don’t hesitate to go the guest bedroom. You need to protect your own health.

    • What a lot of kerfuffle over not sleeping in the same bed! I mean, separate beds (or even rooms) for married couples were not so uncommon for many parts of human history.

      My parents have been happily married for 50+ years and I would bet have not slept in the same bed for probably the last 20+ years. My boyfriend has trouble sleeping, and if he says he needs a night alone to get some sleep, I give him the sad puppy eyes and say “What!?? No cuddling??” and then I go off and sleep in a different bed without making a fuss (I just like to tease him about cuddling, he likes to pretend he hates it, it’s one of our things).

      So, yeah, don’t nag him about weight loss, although I think it’s perfectly fine for you to say, guilt-free, “I really need some sleep and your snoring is keeping me up. For the rest of the week, I’m sleeping in the guest room, and then on the weekend we can spend the night together,” or something like that.

      I also think it’s fine to encourage a sleep study, because snoring isn’t only hurting you, it’s hurting him. I know someone who had a sleep study for snoring and found that she was stopping breathing like a million times in the night. She got a CPAP or a night guard or something and was like, Dang, is this what it feels like to get a decent night’s sleep? She was a whole new person.

      • I agree, but if my SO wanted to sleep alone, you can bet he would not be kicking me out of bed. He could find his own place to sleep.

        • Cornellian. :

          Agreed. I think that it’s on the snorer to at least try to fix things so they can sleep in the same bed . If not, he can relocate.

          When I have been up and tossing and turning due to new meds or anxiety, I don’t lie next to my husband and roll over every 3 minutes until 3 AM. I go and sleep on the couch until it passes… it seems considerate.

      • Yes, I don’t understand why it’s so darned important to him that we sleep in the same room even if it means I don’t actually sleep. He is the one who is contemptuous of me, constantly criticizing me for being tired.

        • Yeah, that’s not cool. Sleep is a legitimate need, and some people need more sleep than others, which is totally fine and should not be judged.

          I do wonder if he’s also sleep-deprived (see my comment above) and maybe that’s adding to the unreasonableness.

          • This is probably the most reasonable comment I have seen so far (re. his own possible sleep deprivation).

        • Then that’s the issue to solve. The problem isn’t his snoring the problem is that he is constantly criticizing you!

          “I’m sleeping in the spare room.”

          “Because tired.”

          And then tbh marriage therapy for the contempt.

        • Triangle Pose :

          He needs to get over this. I totally support you Sleepy and I think a lot of ladies on this board, including women on here today who are normally very reasonable, are totally caught up in a red herring about weight loss and fat shaming. You are not doing fat shaming him. You are allowed to draw a connecting line and mention to him that snoring coincided with his completely stopping his exercise and weight gain. Maybe that’s the reason, maybe it isn’t, but it’s not horrible to mention it to him once, which you only did because he refused to address his snoring problem.

          He is not allowed to punish you and guilt you into total sleep deprivation because he has a snoring problem. He needs to take steps to address that or you sleep in separate beds because you, like any adult, need to SLEEP to function.

        • Linda from HR :

          It’s probably a symbol thing. He’s under the impression that sleeping together is what people do when they’re in love, especially when they live together, and he’s been led to believe that sleeping in different rooms is the first step towards divorce. He may also feel that sleeping together helps maintain that deep connection the two of you have, and sleeping separately will weaken it. Maybe explain to him that it’s very normal for a loving couple to sleep separately when one person is snoring, or up all night coughing.

          Now, it’s also possible he’s under the (very sexist) impression that a “good wife” puts up with her husband’s snoring and eventually gets used to it, and he feels slighted that you’re refusing to do that for him. In which case . . . I don’t know, he needs some kind of wakeup call.

          • +1. This is exactly how my husband feels about sleeping in the same bed. The fact that his parents started sleeping in different rooms just before they told him they were getting divorced (when he was 9) doesn’t make him any more reasonable about it. No real suggestions, other than maybe trying to discuss why he feels it’s so important for you to stay with him all night.

    • Linda from HR :

      Well actually, exercise may improve a person’s health but weight loss is mostly diet. And in any case, neither his diet or exercise habits are yours to change.

      He’s being kind of a jerk for expecting you to sleep in the bed with him when he’s making too much noise, and he’s also kind of an idiot for not just going to the doctor to figure out what’s really causing this problem and finding a solution so the two of you can sleep well together again.

      Keep your frustration on the snoring and your need for sleep. The doctor can be the one to tell him “it’s your weight, let’s figure out the best weight loss plan for you.”

    • Doctor here.

      It is terrible for your health to have poor, interrupted sleep every night.

      It is terrible that your husband may have untreated sleep apnea causing his snoring (which can worsen with weight gain) and yet refuses to discuss this with his doctor or have a sleep study. A sleep study is just…. lying down and sleeping. Not difficult. He is behaving selfishly and irrationally.

      Untreated sleep apnea and sleep deprivation can cause cardiovascular disease and heart attacks, lung disease, stroke, depression, cognitive decline, early Alzheimer’s and makes you an unhappy and poorly productive at work and life.

      You absolutely should be sleeping elsewhere if his snoring is disrupting your sleep. For him to complain about this is just….. childish, selfish, and a bit cruel.

      You should be encourage your husband to see his doctor about his snoring, and perhaps a sleep specialist to try to unpack this. You cannot let him guilt you into destroying your own health.

      If he refuses to care for his own health, you should feel free to remind him that he is now part of a family (kid responsibilities?) and you want him to survive and not put both his and your lives at risk. Time to grow up and start acting responsibly.

      Sleep deprivation is a legitimate form of TORTURE.

      Yes, defer to his doctor to discuss the weight issue as a possible contributor.

      Other things that may help….. Sleeping on a wedge. Sleeping on his side (not on his back). No alcohol in the later evening. Sure, you can try earplugs. But regardless, he needs a medical work-up.

      To me, this level of selfishness would literally make me consider divorce.

      Weight is not the issue.

      • Getting treated for sleep apnea changed my husband’s life completely. He had stopped exercising, gained weight, etc. – and had no idea how much of it was related to the fact that he was barely sleeping (and didn’t even know it).

        • Same. Before he was diagnosed with apnea, he would gasp jolt, kick, cough, and flop his whole body around every 20 seconds – between the other seconds holding his breath. He had no idea he even did it. A sleep study is a great way to get started on a fix. Earplugs didn’t help me one bit. Sending hugs and sympathy to the poster.

    • Anonymous :

      Are you me?

  6. Dry Cleaning :

    Talk to me about dry cleaning. How different is dry cleaning from shop to shop? Is a more expensive place justifiable because they somehow dry clean better? I just spent nearly $40 for 3 pairs of pants and a simple blazer. I recently discovered that there is a place across the street from my office that is $2.39 per item.

    • Jackalope :

      The differences can be significant if the drycleaner does cleaning in-house vs. ships it out to a depot. I am in Toronto where a substantial number of downtown drycleaners do not have cleaning facilities on-site; they ship all their clothes away. I use a drycleaner that does cleaning on-site because I know that special attention will be paid to my clothes and any issues like stains, loose buttons, etc. will be addressed. Personally my experience with depot-based drycleaners has been terrible (e.g. they shrank expensive wool dresses and blazers) so I am willing to pay more for my on-site drycleaner but YMMV.

      • Where do you dryclean your clothes in Toronto? One place in the path in particular I found to be pricey and didn’t do a good job.

        • I go to St. Lawrence Cleaners on Church near Hayden ish. It’s a bit out of the way but the guy who runs it is absolutely lovely and does a great job. I try to stay away from the Path unless I’m cleaning my robes.

        • Can’t tell if my reply is being held in mod so sorry if this appears twice. I go to St. Lawrence Cleaners on Church near Hayden ish. The guy who runs it is super nice and does a great job. I only go to places in the Path if I need my robes cleaned; I take everything else to him.

    • BabyAssociate :

      One of my friends is in the dry cleaning business and he explained that the super cheap places, like $2.39, are in all likelihood not actually cleaning the clothes, they’re just pressing them.

      • In-House in Houston :

        Thank you! This explains why I get my clothes back and they looked pressed but still have food or something on them!! Yuck!

    • A lousy dry cleaner may (a) not clean the clothes (they will still have stains and smells when they hand them back to you), (b) actually destroy your clothing. I don’t know if this always correlates with price.

    • Flats Only :

      I have had good luck with the cheap-o Zips cleaner that opened in my neighborhood. They clean the clothes there (we’re in the suburbs, so it’s a big store). I have not had any issues with items shrinking, or with clothes being returned not clean – everything smells fresh. Spots have been removed as requested. Granted, it’s a brand new location, and the staff seems to actually give a hoot, but if you’ve got a place like this that’s convenient why not try it out with an item that’s not your most valuable, and see what you think?

    • Anonymous :

      I just can’t do it with dry cleaning anymore. If I can’t throw it in the wash and stream it, I don’t buy it. I’ll pay $150 for MM LaFleur shirt that can be machine washed. Your prices sound similar to those in my area.

  7. Theme Queen :

    Party theme help – I’m planning a blowout bash for my 35th birthday at a rented party house and need an awesome theme that will set the tone for costumes, decorations and maybe even some of the food (or at least a fabulous cake). My 30th birthday was a dark circus theme, which was a ton of fun to decorate for and we got some amazing costumes out of it, so I’d like this one to be bigger/better. I’m feeling a little uninspired right now, so I figured I’d see if anyone had some good ideas on here!

    • Anonymous :

      Marie Antoinette?

      • Not necessarily a figure to emulate . . .

        • Rainbow Hair :

          I mean, “dark circus” isn’t necessarily the world we’d like to live in, but it sounds like a super awesome theme for a party. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Puddlejumper :

      Ideas:
      Theme: 1980s Childhood Saturday Morning – people wear pjs or costumes from their favorite cartoons, serve a cereal bar with a ton of cereals and milk, have your cake be covered with your favorite childhood cartoon

      Theme: Sally Ride was the first woman in space in 1983 so have an Outerspace Theme- everyone dresses as a planet, alien or in weird space gear. Have a great round moon cake made. Have your zodiac constellation as the image for the invites.

      Theme: Secret Garden- Bring the outside inside and have plants and fake statues and things in the rooms.

    • Never too many shoes... :

      I think you should decide what you want to wear, do, eat, drink…and then go from there.

      For example, I love to wear a corset so your circus theme would have been awesome, but I could also do pirate or Moulin Rouge. So I would work around what I want.

      • Theme Queen :

        That’s pretty much how I came up with the dark circus theme – I’m also a corset enthusiast, so I knew I had to find a costume that incorporated one!

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Victorian toys! I’m imagining brocade doll costumes, nutcrackers, kinda creepy, lots of red and gold, menw with hats and mustaches, big skirts, weird games, those bicycles where the front wheel is bigger.

      Dadism! This is always the best party theme, but your friends have to be weird enough.

      Narnia/wintry/icy stuff! White fairy lights everywhere, including in drinks containers. Frosty eyelashes and pale lips and light colored clothes. Iridescent streamers. Faux sheepskin throws to cuddle up with. This is the easiest I think.

      Jetsons/googie/retrofuturism! Miniskirted aliens and robots lookin’ all adorable and funky. Rock the MCM thing that’s trending everywhere anyway.

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Inspo:

        1) https://www.flickr.com/photos/littlest_asian/albums/72157625579258668

        2) http://guestofaguest.com/new-york/parties/dances-of-vice-at-don-hills-leads-new-york-into-a-surreal-fantasy

        3) minus the wedding: https://www.elegantweddinginvites.com/wedding-blog/35-breathtaking-winter-wonderland-inspired-wedding-ideas-s/

        4) https://www.pinterest.com/pin/185210603396148406/

    • Senior Attorney :

      I had both a 60s party and a 70s disco party this year and they were both HUGE hits. And my 30-year-old son keeps asking me when I’m going to have an 80s party. People love to dress up and dance to oldies but goodies. For your age, I think and 80s party would be great because people would remember the clothes and the music.

    • Your dark circus party sounds amazing! How about dark Wonderland, Venice by night, or cursed fairy kingdom?

    • Theme Queen :

      You guys are awesome, thank you :)

  8. Two Cents :

    This should have an obvious answer, but I don’t know what it is. I’m looking for a pump with a 3 inch heel, leather lining, very comfortable, ideally something in multiple colors. I currently wear mostly 2.5 inch heels and would like to buy one slightly higher but I can’t wear anything more than 3 inches. Everything I find it either too low or too high, or with a synthetic lining.

    Bonus if I can buy it at Nordstrom, Zappos or Amazon. Thanks!

    • I mean, Louboutin made a name for themselves doing exactly this. A classic pump in two different heel heights available in lots of colors.

      But if that’s not in the budget, maybe Rockport?

      • I would advise against those- I’m pretty comfortable in heels but my Loubs are limited to events where I know I will not be walking anymore than from the car to my seat

    • Corso Como?

    • I was going to recommend what I wear: Michael Kors Dorthy flex pump but their heel is 3.25″ tall. Then I saw LK Bennett Floret on Zappos. I think those meet your criteria.

    • Lining is synthetic, not leather, but I’ve been super pleased with the Banana Republic Madison 12 hour pumps. Heel height is 3.3″ (85mm) however with the way the heel is designed (farther at the back of the foot vs directly under heel), I’ve found that they “feel” lower and really are comfortable to wear all day in a way that most heels are not.

    • I really like the Sam Edelman Tristan but the lining is not leather – bonus, not super expensive.

    • biglawanon :

      Jimmy Choo and Manolo Blahnik for higher end. Cole Haan and Bally for more “moderate” pricing. I find all of these very comfortable, especially Bally.

    • LK Bennett ftw.

  9. Puddlejumper :

    Ideas:
    Theme: 1980s Childhood Saturday Morning – people wear pjs or costumes from their favorite cartoons, serve a cereal bar with a ton of cereals and milk, have your cake be covered with your favorite childhood cartoon

    Theme: Sally Ride was the first woman in space in 1983 so have an Outerspace Theme- everyone dresses as a planet, alien or in weird space gear. Have a great round moon cake made. Have your zodiac constellation as the image for the invites.

    Theme: Secret Garden- Bring the outside inside and have plants and fake statues and things in the rooms.

  10. Bunion shoe help :

    Someone please help me ugh. I have bad bunions on both feet. I have ONE pair of black flats that I can wear to work and they are falling.apart. They’re the Abella Lindy flat (a wide size), I got them at DSW several years ago. But now they’re not available in my size online and I can’t find them anywhere, including ebay and poshmark. Help! I’m late-twenties and not ready to wear the recommended bunion shoes from Footsmart. Any suggestions for black flats for bunions? Or any leads on where I can find my beloved shoe somewhere online?

  11. What would you buy with a $500 amazon gift card? Some things I’ve been thinking about: a new mattress and bed frame (yes seems crazy, but some of the reviews are really really good); LeCreuset dutch oven; new iPad (but is it safe to buy Apple products on Amazon?). I might just hold onto it and use it throughout the year, but love to hear what you’d buy!

    • I’ve bought several iPads on Amazon, not sure why it wouldn’t be safe.

      • Anonymous :

        because of counterfeit

        • Anonymous :

          Amazon stands behind all their products. If you did have an issue with a counterfeit product they would have no problem replacing it or giving you a full refund. Just don’t buy from a third party seller.

    • Veronica Mars :

      I wouldn’t get a LeCreuset unless you want the brand name/prestige. The Lodge enameled cast iron pans are 1/4 the price and work just as well. They also come in more colors than they used to. I recently bought a second in emerald and it’s so pretty.

      • +1

      • It may not make a noticeable material difference immediately, but the Le Creuset pans are legitimately better made, and are made in France by well-paid workers. The Lodge ones (at least last time I researched this a few years ago) are made in China. The other difference is that Lodge uses a single mold over and over. Le Creuset makes theirs in sand molds that are broken up to get the pan out after it is set. It creates a finer, more evenly heating pan.

        Like I said, you may not notice a huge difference, especially if you don’t keep it for decades, but there is a reason for the price premium. They didn’t just put a different stamp on a Lodge pan.

        • Also you can send in your Le Creuset pan and they will re-enamel it for you for free if it wears out in 20 years!

          • Yep you can pry my Le Creuset pots from my cold, dead hands. Which you will probably have to do because they will certainly outlast me.

        • Agreed – I’ve had my Lodge for about five years. I really like it, and I’m still not at a point where I want to drop Le Creuset money, but the enamel seriously shows wear. One day I will upgrade!

        • I’ve gotten a few Le Creuset pieces at their outlets- they sell seconds and discontinued pieces. I love the pieces I have gotten.

        • JuniorMinion :

          Lodge cast iron is made in the US. The enameled Lodge products are not because supposedly lodge could not find someone to do enameling in the united states.

      • Jackalope :

        #nerdalert Going Lodge vs. Le Creuset depends on what your needs are and how much upkeep you’re willing to put into your cast iron. I have both a Lodge and Le Creuset cast iron pan. Lodge requires special care (e.g. cannot ever be air-dried, needs to be re-seasoned if it is accidentally washed with soap, etc.) but has better heat retention for searing meat etc. Le Creuset cast iron skillets can take a pretty hard beating without any special care required and can be washed with soap.

        If you are looking for a French/Dutch oven for making stews, braises etc. IMHO you need enameled cookware like Le Creuset or Staub, not cast iron like Lodge.

        • Lodge does enameled also.

        • It is an old wives tale that seasoned cast iron can’t be washed with soap. When cast iron is seasoned, it is through many rounds of heating the pan and coating with oil which builds up layers of polymerized oil that is bonded chemically to the metal to create a non-stick coating. It’s no longer oil per-se, and won’t be affected at all by washing with soap.

    • I think if you just put it on your account and use it throughout the year, you’ll be disappointed at how fast it goes and will feel like you didn’t really get a gift.

      My son has one of those amazon mattresses and it’s good so I don’t think that’s crazy.

      I love my Le Creuset pots so I’m down there – around 5 qt size is classic but I am partial to my 7 qt and my braiser.

      I don’t know about iPads on amazon. I’d probably buy that from the Apple store personally.

      I’d probably look at jewelry too.

      • +1. I get amazon gc at work and just load them on the account, and they mostly go toward paying for my ebook habit. A chunk went towards Christmas presents. I’ve also used them to by shoes. So i just chip away at it throughout the year.

    • Anony Mouse :

      I’d probably use it over a period of time.

      Myself, I’ve yet to be convinced that it’s worth spending the money on a Le Creuset dutch oven over a Lodge pot.

      • Hmm…first try at response got eaten…but basically I said. The Le Creuset is a better made product. It’s not just the same pan with a different name. They are made in France vs. Lodge made in China. They use a single-use sand-based mold to create a finer cast iron. Lodge uses multiple-use molds. Not all of these are noticeable differences when you first use them, but they are better made.

        • +1 Having cooked on both, the Le Creuset is a superior product.

          When I was in graduate school, I splurged on my first Le Creuset piece, and it was literally the only decent piece of cookware I had for years. It stood up so well and was such a joy to use, that I ended up buying many pieces over the years, probably too many and definitely more than I need. But they are all always a joy to use and clean even. While they are showing wear at, on average, 10 years old now, they still function great and are, I believe, worth the premium.

          • I received the 3.75qt le creuset “everyday pan” (i think this is a crate and barrel name for the braiser) and it is hands down the best pan I have. We use it for everything – the nice tall sides make it function like a wok, but the even heating and the nonstick enamel make it perfect for just about everything that we’d cook on the stovetop. I feel a little bit guilty that I also have some great all clad stainless pans, and I just stick to using this one.

          • @kk I have the Le Creuset braiser and I didnt know it was marketed as the every day pan but that is literally what it is for me. Not just stovetop but I use it to roast chickens too

            And when everything is done it is pretty enough to plonk right onto the table

        • So, they’re made differently. Does it ultimately make a difference when using it? How/why?

          How often do you have to use it to really notice the difference? what’s the cost/per use point for breaking even on each?

          • See my post below – the practical difference is in the cooking surface. So, for the same 7-quart pot, you have less room to cook. It’s up to the user if that ultimately matters. This is a difference I think you would notice immediately if you tried making the same recipe in both. Another difference I thought of is in the design of the handles – the handles on the Lodge are smaller, so trying to grab a heavy, 450 degree cast iron pot with pot holders is easier with the Le Creuset vs Lodge. Again, user based as to how much you care about this.

            I imagine that for many people, the materials difference is like using copper cookware – unless you’re a top tier candy maker where .001 of a degree throws everything off, you won’t notice it in your cooking.

    • Elegant Giraffe :

      I’d just add it to my Amazon account and enjoy all the “free” items for the next several months or however long it takes to run it out.

    • Puddlejumper :

      I would buy the The Breville Sous Chef Slice and Dice 16 inch food processor.

    • If you’d like a Le Creuset, get the Le Creuset- the difference with the Lodge (which does work, from a materials standpoint, every bit as well as the Le Creuset) is the shape of the pot. The Le Creuset(and Cuisinart) have straight sides, so you have a larger cooking area at the bottom. The Lodge rounds off at the bottom, decreasing your cooking area with in a pot that’s technically the same size.

      That’s the cooking difference that I would consider.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I’d buy a whole bunch of smart outlets to use with my Amazon Echo. I love the whole “Alexa, turn on the living room lights” thing!

      • Senior Attorney :

        And when I did have a big Amazon gift card, I bought two Nest thermostats so I can say “Alexa, turn the heat to 70 degrees” without getting out of bed. Love it!

        • Anonymous :

          Ha I love this! I already have smart outlets for pretty much all the outlets in my apartment where they would be useful. I can’t wait to own something so I can get Nest thermostats!! (OP)

    • Vitamix? Not sure if you can buy those on Amazon. Do you have a KitchenAid mixer? Breville toaster oven? Honestly, I have a fancy toaster and it is the BEST. Totally worth the price.

    • All the ebooks!

  12. Can anyone with a very high prescription comment on ordering eyeglasses from Warby Parker or similar? I usually get the lightweight frames when I order at the eye dr because regular lenses would be super thick. Would love feedback on this. Can’t remember my exact eyeglasses rx but my contact lense strength is -6.5.

    • Oh, I’m a goof. I see that Warby Parker has the option for high index lenses. Still interested in feedback though!

    • Diana Barry :

      I have fairly high strength glasses and astigmatism on top of it. I couldn’t get Warby Parker to work – the way they made the glasses put the focus in the wrong place so it was always a little warped looking. The place at my ophthalmologist always gets it right (at 3x the price!), but I wasn’t willing to always have vision that was a little ‘off’. I don’t know whether that was from the strong prescription or from the astigmatism, though!

      • I was wondering about this. When I get glasses in person, they always measure my eyes with that handheld gadget to make sure the focus is right. Sounds like you can’t get that online?

        • Baconpancakes :

          I’m not sure they still do it, but when I bought mine a few years ago, they would reimburse you the cost of taking it in to a optometrist’s and getting the focus adjusted (via adjusting the arms). They request your pupil distance in your prescription – you ask your optometrist to write that on your prescription.

          I have astigmatism and my worst eye is -4, so it’s not quite a -6, but it’s pretty bad. The thin metal frames from WP look weird with my prescription in them, but the thick plastic tortoiseshell frames look fine, and they look better on my face anyway.

    • I was surprised at how cheap some Warby Parker frames felt. Some were nice, some were awful. Definitely try the frame you want to buy first.

    • I wear -7.5 and have a pair of Warby Parkers. They’re great for an extra pair, and I only wear them at night at home. My fancy glasses are better if I’m going to wear them all day, which is rare for me.

    • I also have a very high prescription (higher than yours -7+!) and have the high index lenses from Warby Parker. The lenses may not be quite as thin as I could get at the eye doc, but I’ve been happy with them. Just be careful about the glasses shape. When I tried on frames at the store, they told me I needed smaller frames where my eye was very centered, to avoid getting a fish bowl effect.

    • I wear -6.5 and have two pairs of Warby Parkers. One of them is really great, and one of them I could never get to fit right — they are my bedtime reading glasses only. I’d recommend going to a Warby Parker store and get them fitted properly if there’s one near you.

    • Jackalope :

      I am -6 in both eyes and have Warby Parker regular frames and sunglasses. I agree you should go into a store and get them fitted properly. I had lots of options for regular frames but was told that certain sunglasses would have the lenses poking back from the frame because of the thickness of the lens, even with high index. I managed to get a pair without that problem but it’s definitely worth going into the store if you’re looking for both regular and sunglasses.

    • Cornellian. :

      are you in NYC? t hey have a flagship you can physically go to.

      I have had good luck for the prices with WP, but I am +6.5, not -, so results may differ.

    • Anonymous :

      -10 or so, no problem with Warby Parker. Wearing them right now.

    • Not That Anne, The Other Anne :

      No actual comment on WP, but I’m ruefully chuckling at “high prescription” being -6 (even though I know that is still considered high prescription) . Last time I went to the optometrist, I was -11 on both sides.

      “Okay, and will you tell me the first line on the chart?” “There’s a chart?”

  13. Recommendations for Etsy shops for belts and jewelry for my upcoming wedding? Looking for simple, classic, and affodable.

  14. Betty White :

    I’m in the market for a standing desk for my home office (which is my primary office since I mostly WFH). Paying out of pocket, and it’s for serious back problems that have gotten worse over time and are largely due to how I sit at my desk. I’d like something decent, preferably with a keyboard tray, but would prefer not to break the bank since I’m not sure how committed I will be to using it long term (i.e. what if it doesn’t help or a different part of my back starts to hurt from standing too much?). Thanks in advance!

    • I strongly suggest that you try it out before buying anything. You should be able to find somewhere you can prop your computer or monitor up on books or cardboard boxes to get it to the right height- it won’t look nice, but it will be enough to see if it helps or not. I have neck problems and a standing desk made them worse, so I definitely would not assume that it will be better than sitting with a well adjusted ergonomic chair, though I suspect it’s more likely to be helpful with back problems than neck problems. If you do decide it helps, then you can find cheap tables with adjustable legs at ikea and pair them one of those adjustable computer stands.

    • New Tampanian :

      I would also suggest talking to your doctor and using FSA/HSA if you have available. Your health insurance may have a deals website for stuff like this too. If there is a good return policy, 30-60 days, even better!

    • I have a varidesk that I bought for myself to use at my office. It sits on top of my desk, has a lower shelf for my keyboard, is big enough for two monitors, and doesn’t noticeably wiggle when I’m typing when it’s elevated. Since you’re not 100% committed, this low cost option (maybe $350) could work for you.

    • I bought one from Amazon – Dland brand standing desk, about $140, which doesn’t seem to be available now. A very similar-looking desk by Smugdesk is $170. I almost bought the $25 cardboard one by Ergodriven to try it, but ultimately decided to pay a bit more for a more reasonable test.

      I’m pleasantly surprised – I use it daily for at least half the day and like it. I also recommend an anti-fatigue mat – I got the Ergodriven Topo mat; again, surprised by how much I like it.

    • Also consider the Ergotron Workfit S, which is an add-on like Varidesk. I’ve used the Varidesk mentioned above, and prefer the Ergotron, but ymmv. The Ergotron goes up and down via pneumatics – you can’t rest your entire weight on the surface, but you can definitely take notes and stably rest a drink there.

      DEFINITELY get a mat. I used a sit/stand desk for a year before adding a mat and it’s made a world of difference with how comfortable it is to stand.

  15. My husband’s alligator band on his fancy watch is getting worn out. Good sources for replacement watch bands?

  16. Stationary :

    I’d like to order some stationary with my name on it to help facilitate my new year’s resolution to write more handwritten notes. I would like something professional but still with some personality, and I prefer something slightly thicker than traditional paper. Does anyone have any suggestions of where to look? Bonus points if I snag a good deal!

    • I’m sorry, I just have to say *stationery

      That said, Americans Stationers is a great company. I have been using their monogrammed note cards for a long time.

      • These are the exact notes I use:

        https://www.americanstationery.com/always-correct-embossed-notes.html

        (Well, I mean, with a different monogram)

        They have 25% off right now and guaranteed dec 25th delivery

      • Love these products too!!

        • Stationery* :

          Thanks for the spelling help and the rec! Do you use their classic paper or the double thick paper?

          • I don’t know – I’m guessing the double thick, but I don’t recall that being a distinction when I bought them.

    • It’s expensive, but Dempsey and Carroll makes classic cards like this. It’s the most expensive the first time you order because they have to make your name plate, but the product is gorgeous. They have an annual sale around now – it might be in January- when a lot of their products are 50% off. I get about 200 cards every few years.

    • Reaves Engraving. Family business from North Carolina. I’ve been ordering from them for years. Gorgeous products.

      • To add: I use their correspondence cards for business thank yous. Mine look like the second sample shown under that category. https://www.reavesengraving.com/social-stationary-and-thank-you-notes

      • Eager Beaver :

        Reaves did our engraved wedding invitations. They were beautiful and they sent us the plates after, which is a cool keepsake.

    • I use correspondence cards from Paper Source, with my monogram on them, and I’ve been very happy with them. I would recommend also getting some plain correspondence cards without a monogram – I find I prefer non-monogrammed stationery for condolence notes.

    • Another vote for Dempsey & Carroll! I love the cards I got there and I definitely send more mail because I have fancy stationery :)

    • Crane

  17. Best productivity timers? Looking for something along the lines of the pomodoro method with short and longer breaks. Pop-ups preferred, but if I keep my sound low I could do a low-key timer sound too.

    TIA!

    • on a recommendation from this board last week, I have been using the app Forest. Game-changing.

      • yes! seconded. There’s a chrome browser extension. also you can adjust the time +/- 25 minutes.

        • Baconpancakes :

          I got it too, and I love it, but I can’t figure out how to get the breaks timed as well as the focus times. I’m also not super happy with having to start a timer on both my phone and my computer – and then it counting that time as double.

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            Same but in reality my phone and my computer are both challenges for me so I guess I should get credit for avoiding both of them. Instead of a reward for staying focused it is a reward for avoiding the net and an award for avoiding my phone.

            The phone app has a break timer but I don’t think the web app does.

  18. I’m looking for a therapist in nyc ideally midtown to help address relationship problems and who takes insurance. I saw one that was $250 an hour and that’s out of my price range. Thanks!

    • Cornellian. :

      This has been a tough search for me. Have you tried zocdoc? I got some leads there.

    • I have been able to submit a claim to my PPO independent of my doctor, who didn’t take insurance. It was not a big deal at all, much to my surprise.

  19. Your favorite organizational hack? :

    Hi hive, I am trying to organize my house before we get into the next year. What has been your favorite organizational hack or tip you have tried out at your home and have been able to easily maintain? I went down a rabbit hole on pinterest last night and would love some real life advice on what has worked really well. Especially if it pertains to handbags, cosmetics, but honestly everything else too!

    • I got a couple of hanging shoe and sweater cubbies to hang in my closets for scarves, gloves, clutches and other small bits.

    • Two things – I have a “I have to see it” rule. this means that I can’t have more clothes than what I can see in my closet at one time. it also means things need to be organized and displayed. I found that when I don’t see it, I don’t use it.

      I turn every cabinet into some sort of drawer by adding a sliding shelf (search “Lynk chrome pull out shelf”) – this avoids things getting stuck in the back of some lower kitchen cabinet.

    • I can’t believe I’m throwing this out there as a tip, but it’s worked really well for me for 2+ years. My bathroom drawers are deep, which is great in theory, but in reality, they quickly turn into endless pits of junk. I use the empty cardboard beer carrier to store my hair products. It’s the perfect height and the bottles never fall over!

    • I have a long, skinny desk that I use as my vanity. I have lined the drawers with trays and have neatly organized my cosmetics, so I can just pull open the drawer, do my thing, and then close it. On the wall I have a mirror, one of those pull out magnifying mirrors, some shelves, mounted containers for hair stuff, and hooks for jewelry and necklaces. In part of one drawer I have those stackable earring containers from the Container Store. Handbags I don’t have a great solution for, I just put them in their dust jackets and stack them on shelves in my closet.

    • The best organizational hack is to purge most of your things. If your purses have to stack Just So in order to fit, you won’t maintain the system. And to really think about where your placement is. Don’t move your purses to your entry closet if you pick them out and pack them when you’re getting dressed in the morning.

    • Hang your purses on a hanger in your closet with clothespins. Tie scarves to the bottom of a hanger too. My workout clothes, pajamas, and sweaters are folded in a dresser. Everything else in some fashion gets hung up. To me stacking anything is not a great organizational system cause it just topples over.

      For cosmetics, silverware trays.

    • This might be remedial, but I spent years as a slob and thought this was a very helpful tip:

      Let the container set the limits– I don’t own more dish towels than fit in my towel drawer. I don’t own more pants than fit in the bottom drawer of my dresser. No shoving and no cramming to get the drawer to close. No having to make decisions about how many of something to have. No overfull drawers or cabinets.

      • I’m not a slob but I attract clutter. One thing I have learned is that if the same things are always going missing or left out and never put away, “away” is the wrong home for them. You have to have the storage place or drawer or whatever for your stuff where you actually use it and not inconvenient to put away.

        Other clutter happens because things do not actually have a home. You have to look at your clutter and ask yourself if you want to keep it enough to find a home for it. Baskets are not the answer. I used to put baskets around for newspapers & magazines, toys, backpacks, hoodies, etc and the baskets just filled immediately and became the permanent home for all of those items, and they were soon forgotten and never used again.

        One of the things I plan to do over the three day holiday weekend is go to all of my catch-all drawers, empty them into a big cardboard box, and then decide what I really need to keep vs toss, then put it back in a more appropriate home.

  20. Sloan Sabbith :

    I’ve started to think about my 2018 resultions. My 2016 resolutions went OK:
    Knit a scarf (no)
    Save $1000 (yes, but over a few accounts; would have saved more but I put $100 a month into an extra loan payment)
    Go to Canada (no)
    Read 52 books (I’ll have read 104)
    Go to bed by 10:30 5 nights a week on average (Fitbit tells me my average time is somewhere between 11:15 and 1 for the last 4 months. Didn’t look farther back than that because this seemed representative.)
    Average 7500 steps a day (Fitbit tells me my average is just over 10K steps a day; again, I looked since August because that period has had both very active and very inactive weeks.)
    Run a mile without stopping (No, and I’ve decided I don’t care. I can walk for 7 miles without stopping and do a cardio based barre class without difficulty, I’m not worried about my cardio abilities).
    Popsugar reading challenge (Done in June)
    Journal 275 times (No)

    I wish I had created some professional development, personal development, and “fun” goals. So I want to do that this year.
    Fun:
    Go to Canada
    Ski
    Take a trip alone (maybe to Canada)
    Pay off private student loans
    Make something for my grandma. But not knotted. That was such a failure.

    Personal development:
    Read 104 books. This year, of the 101 books I’ve read so far, 91 of them have been books I’ve never read before. For most of college and law school, I was in a rut- I’d read a lot, but much of it was stuff I had read already (or, uh, many times already). I have a few favorites I like to go back to, but it’s been good for me to push myself this year- and I’ve found some new favorites!
    Develop a nighttime and AM routine and stick to it.
    Use my Ink+Volt planner daily and intentionally
    Pay off my car loan (likely 15-18 months early)
    Make my bed every day

    Professional development
    Write a paper that combines my interest areas for publication
    Actively participate in the boards I’m a part of and seek out new opportunities in my field
    Set out 3 tasks per day and complete them before moving to anything else
    Get a new job that better fits my skills and passions

    What are yours? I’m particularly interested in any professional goals you have.

    • Sloan, what are the “few favorites” books that you said you like to go back to? Just curious. I admire all that you’ve accomplished and think I need to focus on the professional goals, too.

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        Moloka’i is my all-time favorite book and I usually reread Harry Potter, but this year I really enjoyed Underground Railroad, March, Me Before You, All the Light We Cannot See (although I’d read that in June 2016…still good 15 months later), Better than Before, Option B, Dear Ijeawele, and Turtles All the Way Down. I also reread Station Eleven and Thank You For Your Service, and I’ll probably reread Tribe after I finish my book prompts for 2017 (since I’m going to finish my prompts before December 31st).

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        Either it accidentally disappeared or it went into mod, but I forgot to put in my email/it didn’t autofill, so check back later to see if it appears, because I don’t know.

    • Just curious why Canada? And any particular place?

      I would like to get a better handle on my finances and pay off my credit cards in 2018. I think I am getting better, but it’s a slow process. I guess I should remind myself that any forward progress is good.

      I just started a new job in January of this year and I really like it. I think my professional goals would be to take on more responsibility and find opportunities to be *the* contact or representative of my division to external contacts, like giving presentations and attending external meetings solo.

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        I live in Seattle, so Canada is close, and I’ve never left the US>

        I pay off my credit cards and they they inch up again. :/

    • TorontoNewbie :

      Come visit! Canada is great.

    • You should ski in Canada! Best skiing in the world, but I may be biased. Also if you haven’t picked a “where” for your Canada trip my vote is Ottawa, especially for Winterlude.

    • I’m going to put some more thought into this, but my big resolutions so far are:

      Throw a dinner party once a month
      Declutter/clean for 15 mins each night to keep the house in order
      Career — ???? I can’t decide if I want to set a goal for the number of hours I bill or what, here.

    • Personal fun/development
      – Sugar Pop reading challenge (inspired by you)–I haven’t read much fiction in years, this will be a great entry.
      – Practice piano daily, so that next Christmas I’ll have all my favs ready to go.
      – wash my face daily–as is I’m in the bad habit no makeup=no need to wash and have realized that’s not true.
      – exercise daily
      – create art that will go on public display
      Career fun/development
      – land that ‘dream’ job
      – reach out to and meet with someone inspirational, once a month
      – get those lingering papers submitted for review

      More will likely come up, but that’s what I’ve got for now.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      I only have one professional one so far but it’s a big one: walk into rooms like I belong there, deal with my faceblindness and shake hands with everyone like they should know that I belong there, etc. Just like, filling up the space that is appropriate to my role.

  21. I'm so nosy :

    Six years ago a friend from college (now living in a different state) posted on her fb about her cheating husband, all the deets all the time. In between with ‘normal’ good times. I love it because it’s actually real, and quite brave of her, I think. About two years ago she started being public about a guy she was dating. They seemed like such a lovely match. Cute, kids got along. Then she stopped posting pics of him a few months ago. Now she’s posting with a different guy. They seemed so cute, such a good match. What happened?! I’ll never ask, it’s not my business because we’re not close but I dearly want to know and this time none of the laundry is hanging out.

    • Anonymous :

      Maybe it was just a boring break-up? People break up all the time and it’s not always super dramatic. Just because people seem cute together on social media doesn’t mean they’re happy or really compatible on all the big issues that are important to long-term partnership.

    • She could be my cousin, exact same story. The “perfect match” guy put her down all the time in private, and decided that her kids were brats who just needed more spanking.

      You never know.

      • I'm so nosy :

        Anon 1:27 I’m glad your cousin isn’t with that person anymore.
        Anon 1:11 True, but with all the ‘yuk’ from the divorce chatter, I thought she’d already let it all out!

    • Baconpancakes :

      It makes it pretty awkward when you finally catch up with a distant friend after a year of missed communications and have to say, “So, what’s new with you? Other than your breakup, the midnight texts he’s been sending you, how you got back together and broke up again, your new haircut in order to spite him, the new pet you got because he was allergic, and the new guy you’re over the moon about using literally the same words you use when you were over the moon about the last guy?”

      I sound like a crotchety old person but I wish we had to actually direct communication at people we cared about instead of spamming the internet and calling it “keeping in touch.”

      • lol I don’t really think it’s keeping in touch unless you interact with each other’s posts/send private messages. At the same time, sometimes the spammers are fascinating!

  22. Reading challenge :

    Reading used to be one of my favorite hobbies, but my time and interest have drastically dropped off in the last couple of years. When I do read, it’s usually nonfiction. Nothing wrong with that, but I do miss getting lost in a good book with characters I love. What are your tips for getting back into reading? I have two young kids, so time is limited, to say the least. (I’ve tried audiobooks and just can’t get into them … weird, because I love podcasts, but those feel more conversational!)

    • Can you wake up 15 minutes earlier and get a cup of coffee and have your reading time?
      Can you go to bed 15 minutes earlier for reading?
      Could you read while you exercise?
      Could you read on your commute?
      Could your whole family do a daily DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read) where everyone in the house finds a good book and looks at it (if they can’t read yet) or reads for 15 minutes?
      Could you bring a book and read while waiting for school drop off/pick up?
      Could you join a bookclub so the pressure is there to finish the book?

    • Delete social media from your phone.

    • Carry the kindle like your phone. Have 2-3 books going at a time so you have options based on how much time you have to read. 2-3 minutes here and there adds up.

    • Linda from HR :

      I was the same way for many years, I hadn’t read a lot of fiction and didn’t know where to start! What got me back into it were the bargain tables at the local bookstore, there was always something (usually 2-3 things) that caught my eye, and they were all around 6 bucks so it wasn’t a big gamble if I didn’t like it, but I almost always do! If you can hit up a bookstore, go, and just browse the tables.

      That said, finding time was another story. I really only read when I’m commuting, traveling, or sitting around waiting for something, like a class to begin or a train to start boarding. Or my morning bagel to toast.

    • Kindle (or other ebook), not doubt. Light to carry, won’t lose the bookmark. Power up for 5 minutes and it will save you place. stays charged for weeks (as long as you turn off the wireless). Can checkout stuff from the library without having to go to the library.

    • The best of both worlds had a podcast on how to read more as a parent. Might be worth a listen.

    • Are you me? I got back into it by (1) buying an inexpensive Kindle years ago that is still rocking and rolling and worth the $ spent on it times 10, and (2) signing up for a library card and downloading eBooks directly to the Kindle. I have also been reading books that may be disparaged as “easy” – mostly plot driven, not necessarily getting tons of awards, but things that appealed to me. For instance, I read all of Lianne Moriarty’s books and all of Kevin Kwan’s.

    • sugar pop challeng from Sloan Sabbith’s 2018 to do list–such a broad compilation of topics!

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t watch tv, I read instead. I think you need to carve out time by getting rid of something else. Once you find the right book, 15 minutes here and there isn’t going to cut it and you’re not going to want to jump around between books – if a book bores you, stop reading it and move on to something better.

    • I download a reading app for my phone and find that it helps.

    • Anonymous :

      Read every single night before bed. That’s your new routine, without fail. Even if it’s only 15 minutes, it helps.

    • Anonymous :

      After not reading much in college and law school I got back into via light, fluffy, page-turners that would probably mostly be categorized as “chick lit.” Once I was reading those kind of books regularly, I was able to transition to more serious literature, non-fiction, etc.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      I’ll comment, but check back later- might be after the afternoon post goes up, I’m running to lunch now.

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        OK, so, here’s what I did to go from reading maybe, MAYBE 20 books last year (not including ones I’ve reread a dozen times…) to over 100 this year:
        1. Always have a physical book and a book on your phone/kindle and, if it makes sense, an audiobook. I don’t love audiobooks, but I’ve found a few this year that I loved and tore through- Where’d You Go, Bernadette; Paris for One; Modern Romance (I almost crashed my car I was laughing so hard….), Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me. I have the Kindle app on my phone, so I pick it up to read something any time I have a free few minutes.
        2. Keep a list of what you want to read and what you’ve read. I use Goodreads and reading challenges, which I fill in with ideas for what I want to read as I find them- I keep it in a Google Doc that’s available offline on all my devices so that I can always keep it updated. I like Popsugar, Modern Mrs. Darcy, and Read Harder for challenges. I’d start with Popsugar, it’s got a huge variety. Any time I see a book I want to read, I add it to my Goodreads “to read” list, and I keep track of how far along I am in books, too. Planning what to read doesn’t work for some, but I love, love, love looking down my list of prompts and books and figuring out what catches my eye and what I want to read next. And because it’s just you completing the challenge, for yourself, you can be really generous with the prompts. For 2018, I fit the entire Outlander series into one of my 104 prompts. DGAF, I like them and they’re fun and relaxing.
        3. Don’t feel forced to finish a book. Don’t feel like you have to read that one book everyone loves if it doesn’t speak to you. If you’re having A Week, read a fun book. I found that if I was going through something or wanted to figure something out, reading a book about it kept me interested in that book- so, when I was having a serious confidence crisis last winter, I read the Confidence Code. When I wanted to create better habits this spring, I read Better than Before. When I was an anxious mess, I read Turtles All the Way Down.
        4. Use your local library- I got a card for both my city and my county library, and I synced them both to the Overdrive app on my phone so I can download audiobooks and eBooks- some of them are also available as Kindle books. I don’t go in person much, but I do put stuff on hold pretty frequently on the app.
        5. Read when you’ve got 5 minutes. Read when you’re waiting for the bagel to toast, when you’re waiting for the coffee to finish, when you’re waiting in line, when you’re on the bus. I read at lunch every single day- usually on my phone. I also read while I drink my coffee in the AM and I read in the bath or before bed most nights.
        6. Sometimes, when I’ve found I’m not reading as much as I like, I set a totally arbitrary goal- like “Read 200 pages this weekend.” I am gold-star motivated, so if I set a goal like that, I’m going to make sure I hit it for the personal satisfaction. This is also why I like having a list of prompts. Not gonna lie, my 2017 book list of prompts had some I made up/switched JUST so I could fit in another book (“A book about Christmas,” “A book with a green spine,” “A book about poverty or homelessness.”
        7. If you use it, keep a Pinterest board of book challenges/book lists.
        8. Sign up for the Goodreads and Modern Mrs. Darcy kindle daily deals. I buy probably 1 book a week off of MMD and they’re never more than $4- and they’re recent books, too. I therefore always have something I want to read on my Kindle.
        9. If you’re to-do list oriented, print something and check off books as you read them. Modern Mrs. Darcy has a bookshelf you can color in if that’s satisfying to you.
        10. Ask for book recommendations! I always find a few books that I want to read when I read someone else’s question on here or on Facebook. it was how I found Station Eleven and Confidence Code.

        • Yes to all of this! In terms of audio books, I was like OP in that I couldn’t get into them until I started limiting them to only those read by the author. It makes a huge difference – it feels more like a podcast and less like my fourth grade teacher reading aloud to us.

    • I have a 2.5-year-old, and I got into reading this year. Here are my tips. (1) Use your local library. I have a hard time spending money on myself, but it turns out that my library has had everything I wanted to read this year. (2) Use a Kindle and the Kindle app on your phone. I go back and forth between the two, but my phone is always nearby. (3) Don’t wait for a long stretch of time to read. Read in the 15-30 minute periods when you’d normally check social media or the news–when you wake up before the kids but don’t want them to hear you get out of bed, at the beginning of nap time or when they’ve just gone to sleep, when you’re hiding in the bathroom for some peace and quiet, etc. It adds up.

    • This was me! Two big things for getting back into reading for me were going to the library on and reading instead of social media. Also good reads challenge. I am happy to say that I’ve read 35 books this year when last year I think I read 6. Our library has a great kids room so on weekends we’ll take a family trip to library and my husband plays with my daughter while I browse and get my books.

    • I also started reading at my desk during my lunch, which gave me a much-needed break from the computer I had been staring at all day. I also found it was a nice way to refresh/recharge, even if I only took a 20 minute lunch. In that vein, I keep a physical library book in my desk drawer for lunchtime reading. I also have made efforts to go to bed earlier, where I read an entirely different kind of book. My preferred lunchtime reading is suspense novels, whereas, before bed I like to read light plot-driven fiction.

  23. I like the goodreads app – I can see what other people are reading, and read reviews after I’ve finished a book to see if others had similar impressions. I also am a nerd who likes to have a list of everything I’ve read; entering a book as “read” on the app feels like an accomplishment somehow.

    • This was supposed to be a reply to the Reading Challenge thread, but I’m terrible at everything today.

  24. What are your favorite lounging around the house shoes? Bonus for items around $20, but I’m open to any price if they will withstand machine washing.

  25. Mineallmine :

    Isotoner pillowstep slippers are so comfy and washable. And should be less than $20 (I bought mine in the UK) though they look nicer. I’ve been wearing mine daily for about 6 months with a few washings and they still are soft and fluffy. I got the kind with straps rather than clogs.

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