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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. So let’s ignore the fact that this silk one-shoulder dress is curiously among The Outnet’s selections for “power pairings” (you know, to wear to work), and instead focus on the great sale — take an extra 30% off at checkout, no code needed. (A reader actually alerted me to the sale and also suggested code LOVETHEOUTNET would add an additional 20% off at checkout, but I couldn’t get it to work for me.) Anyway: this Tibi dress was $345, was then marked to $155, and with the extra 30% off it comes to $108. Nice. Limited sizes only, of course, but lots of fun pieces. Tibi Printed silk one-shoulder dress (L-2)Workwear sales of note for 4.18.24
Our favorites are in bold!
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"homeless"
Hi ladies, looking for some advice. I’m in the processes of building a house with my bf. The build is taking longer than usual and we are now many months later than we thought we would be. Move in should have been months ago and now won’t be until the fall at earliest. I’ve been living with my parents in my childhood bedroom while I wait for the house to be completed. BF lives in an apartment. For various reasons (transportation, space, distance to work) I cant move in with him but I spend a lot of time there. I’m really just becoming so frustrated by not having a home. As a 30yo woman who was living independently for the past 10 years, living with my parents is a huge struggle. Getting my own apartment is out of the question because I’d only need it for such a short period of time of unsure exact duration. Can anyone help suggest ways to make this time more bearable? I feel like my happiness has taken a huge hit and that I camt really be myself until I have a place to call my own. I need to distract myself but cant figure out how. Work is a struggle right now so I cant just focus on that. I’ve asked bf to try to help me get through this tough time but I feel like he needs more specific instructions on how to do so. I’m at a loss. Feel so helpless… Anyone go through this?
Rosie
Maybe look for a sublet you two can be in together? Living apart would drive me nuts.
Coach Laura
I don’t have many solutions about being home but have you asked around to see if people need house-sitters? Someone who is going on vacation for a month or so would be ideal. Maybe post a FB message and ask friends to ask their parents?
My daughter just graduated colllege and is living at home until she starts her grad program and she has the same issues. I suggest a hobby that takes you out of the house – yoga, book club, outlining a novel, hiking. Train for a 5K or 10K. Or look for free things to do like outdoor concerts, movies, Shakespeare in the Park, art walks, wine tastings, garden tours.
Blonde Lawyer
Do any of your friends have a spare bedroom you can rent? You might feel more adult living w/ friends than living w/ parents. My husband and I have let friends in similar situations borrow our guest room for a month or so here and there.
NOLA
Hey, no real advice but I can feel your pain. After Hurricane Katrina, I stayed with my parents for about three months and it was rough. They were very generous but set in their ways and I was about 40 at the time. I couldn’t cook because my Dad is so picky, they complained that I talked to my friends on the phone too much (seriously? we were spread all over creation, evacuated everywhere), I had cats and they don’t like animals, etc. etc. I took a lot of long walks on the rail trail during that time, just to clear my head and get exercise. And I made sure to get out of the house on days I wasn’t working, just so we could give each other space. Even then, I had a total meltdown returning there after a weekend back home. Good luck and I hope it gets sorted out soon.
M-C
It sounds like you’re already doing the best thing, spending a lot of time with bf. But maybe that place could be improved a bit to make you feel more at home? Do you have spots of your own for storage there? Do you have what you need to do what you enjoy most, whether it’s your own music collection, your favorite bath products, a small knitting library :-)?
Otherwise I’d second the advice to look for some house/petsitting gig. Would save you money too, but would get you out of the feeling that you’re sliding back into childhood. On the other hand, you may consider this an opportunity to establish a better, more adult relationship with your parents. Trust me, it’ll come in very handy when you’re all older and you need to become the one who pitches in with help.
May's tech dilemma
I bought a netbook to save myself the hassle of lugging my laptop around, but have since been gifted an iPhone 4S. It’s great and let’s me connect whenever I need.
I love reading, but don’t yet own anything to read books on the go with. No kindle / iPad / tablet. My husband says this would likely end up under utilised since I don’t even use the net book as it is, and appear to underutilize my library membership.
Thoughts? Friends swear by the iPad, and I could shell out for it, but the iPhone is just so super convenient I doubt I’ll use the new gadget for anything more than reading on.
Your thoughts would be much appreciated!
CJ
It might end up underutilized. Oh well. I bought a nook simple touch, which is just an e-book reader. I really used it a lot for the first 3 months. Then my job got busier, and I couldn’t find books I really wanted to read, etc. But, it was only $80 or so. I did use the library because it was more convenient with an e-reader. (I could place holds at home, and get books at home without driving to the location.) I also scored some super cheap or free books from Barnes and Noble and Amazon. I’d say even if I never pick it up again it was worth it. I spent more than 20 hours using it. And, I probably will use it again. And I feel like it will last a while. Sure, there will be faster, larger storage devices. But I think epub as a format will stick around, so I could see still using it in 5 years.
I also bought a Kindle fire. It’s fun. It has the bonus of magazine reading and video watching. It is wifi only, though, so it might not replace your netbook or phone for connectedness. The disadvantage is it is more lighted screen time, which I was trying to avoid with the Nook Simple Touch. It is also bigger and heavier than the nook, though smaller and lighter than an ipad.
If you only want to read, I think an iPad is overkill size and price wise.
May's tech dilemma
Thanks, CJ.
I’ve been practising for an exam on my iPhone and find the prolonged exposure to the backlit screen taxing. Perhaps I should just get a nook, then. Would you happen to know how getting books for each compares in terms of availability / cost? TIA!
CJ
Amazon, and therefore the Kindle probably has numerically more books available. However, I was able to find every book I wanted at Barnes and Noble. Prices are the same, unless one might have a sale one week, then the other the next.
If you are willing to plug a nook in to your computer, you can get Amazon books on to your Nook with a program called Calibre. Obviously not as easy as buying with the auto download, but I didn’t mind it when necessary.
Bonnie
It doesn’t sound like you need something as high tech and expensive as an iPad. I have an iPhone and a nook. I love that I can rent books from the library on the nook (you can with the kindle as well). With the overdrive app, you can also read those same books on your iPhone.
eek
I use the iphone and ipad a lot for diff reasons. In fact, I like the iPad much more than I thought and get a lot more use out of it than I thought I would. I use my iPad for: cooking (I just put saran wrap over the screen), Netflix, watching movies (I compress DVDs I own, put em in iTunes and transfer to iPad), reading, and I also really like the new app called Next Issue which is Netflix for magazines. Most of the magazines are formatted for e-readers and are quite interactive (touch picture to see before/after, change the paint color in a room, etc.). The battery life is 10 hours, so that is a great bonus, too.
Lila
What software do you use to compress DVDs?
eek
I have a Mac and use Handbrake.
anonynonynon
I have the kindle and let me tell you – if you love reading, it changes your life! The easiest thing to do is load it with all the books that are on your reading list and just keep it in your purse. When you have a minute on the subway, or just feel like reading at home, you can take it out any time and just scroll through the list to find the book you were planning on reading. It’s very light too, so it’s no big deal to carry it around in your purse. I agree that the iPad is overkill if you’re not a gadgety person. I am, so I have both a kindle, an iPad, and a smart phone and find that I get good use out of all three.
May
Thank you to everyone who advised me on this. Much appreciated!
Bluejay
I love my Kindle and read on it all the time. In fact, I probably spend *too* much time reading now that it’s so easy to just get new books. Like you, I considered buying some sort of tablet, but since I have a smartphone I didn’t really need another device for internet/email access, and I prefer the feeling of reading on the e-ink Kindle screen.
NOLA
Totally agree. I initially got my Kindle touch so I could read on the treadmill, but I have ended up reading a lot more since I got it. I used to always have a book in my hand but had gotten away from it until recently. I get engrossed in a book on the treadmill then can’t stop reading. I am spending a lot more on reading, but they’re inexpensive book. Definitely get a case, though. Mine is like a book. Great for traveling.
MOR
I love, love, love my iPad. That said, I got a Kindle about a year or so before I got the iPad and I adored it, too. The Kindle was truly an awesome e-reader and the only reason the Kindle is rarely used now is that it is inconvenient to carry two devices, and the iPad is definitely coming with me. I tend to think that anyone who gets their hands on an iPad will quickly become addicted, but I’m biased.
Polgara
I have an iPhone, iPad and a Kindle. I originally used my iPhone for reading books, and it was really convenient when I was out and about, but I really prefer the Kindle for reading now that I have it – it’s much easier on my eyes for long term reading, and then I’m not running the battery down on my phone when I want to read a book for a long time while I’m at home. If you do use your iPhone to read, I would suggest seeing if you can change the color settings – I found reading a lighter color text on a dark background (light blue on dark grey is my preference) was easier on my eyes.
I mostly use my iPad to watch videos and a few other things, but don’t like reading on it for a long time either. I really got it for when I travel for work – I can take my work laptop, which I can’t put anything personal on, and also have the iPad which is much less bulky and lets me have video, magazines, games and Skype. I did get it as wifi only, since I already had the iPhone.
I will say, if you get a Kindle, keep it in a cover – I used to take mine (kindle keyboard) out when I was reading it at home, and then one day it fell off my couch onto the hardwood floor and the screen was broken. I didn’t hesitate to replace it right away.
If you are in the US and have Amazon Prime, I think you can borrow books fairly cheaply, or maybe for free, on your Kindle. I suppose the one advantage of the iPhone/iPad over a dedicated ereader is that you can have multiple apps to access books from different stores – so you could shop around.
Sorry, that was longer than I meant it to be. Hope it helps!
NOLA
Calling Kate! Both of my friends said they emailed you about your wedding photos and haven’t heard back. I told them you might not have checked the anonymous email address. Anyway, just wanted to let you know.
momentsofabsurdity
Argh. I am *covered* in bug bites, even though I doused myself in enough Off at last night’s bonfire to probably get cancer in 40 years. Grr. I’ve tried calamine lotion but they’re still itchy. Anyone have other suggestions?
anonynonynon
I swear by this little balm that is marketed for Chinese people called “Gwei Hua”. It has menthol, petrolatum, osmanthus fragrans, flower oil, paraffin, eucalyptus globulous leaf oil, pepermint oil, camphor, & clove leaf oil. I use it whenever I get a bug bite and it significantly reduces the itching. I was in the tropics recently, forgot bug spray, and dabbed a bit on – no itching afterwards. Not sure where you can find it (if you have a large Asian supermarket, maybe?) but I’ll post the link in the next post.
anonynonynon
http://www.eexcelasia.com/EN/Product/SV/JTSH/product43.aspx
karenpadi
sounds suspiciously like the “native” remedy I found in Honduras. It works!
Hel-lo
After Bite. It is sold in the grocery store in the same aisle as insect repellant. In a little white tube. It’s good for mosquitoes, bee stings, what ails you.
CJ
Second vote for after bite, which is ammonia I think.
Also- take an antihistimine. Your itches are a histamine reaction, so some Zirtec/Claratin/ Benadryl might help a lot.
KK
I don’t know but I’m right there with ya. I have so many mosquito bites that I refuse to go outside at night except to the car and back, and I’ve been wearing pants no matter how hot it is. And this just when I’m finally getting rid of the itchy red rash I got from some new sunblock! Oh summer.
Bluejay
NYT has an interesting article on the challenge of making friends as an adult.
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/07/15/fashion/the-challenge-of-making-friends-as-an-adult.html?_r=1&src=dayp
I recently “broke up” with my closest girlfriend (or rather, she broke up with me), and I’ve noticed that my other close friends have been off doing their own things a lot and I don’t spend as much time as I would like with them. So I found this article pretty damn depressing. I always thought that in DC it was easy to make friends because there are so many other single people in their 30s, but in reality it’s not easy to make close ones and there’s no making up for the loss of a close friend.
Going to go lie in bed with a cat now. Maybe two cats.
TCFKAG
As an adult, I’ve noticed that making female friends is like dating women. Yes its not romantic, but you have to be willing to put the same amount of work in. Its definitely not as easy, and different friendships will go through phases.
Sorry Bluejay. Things will look up. Maybe join a new club or group and make some new friends, like a summer sports club?
Bluejay
Yeah, it sucks. And I kind of feel like wallowing rather than going out to do things. I miss my (ex) best friend, and she never even gave me an explanation of why she dropped me like a hot potato, beyond that now that she’s dating someone she’s been super busy. So maybe she was never really such a good friend to begin with.
I actually have a lot of friends, just not really super close ones. I could definitely call someone up and do something if I could motivate myself. But once the other close ones I haven’t seen recently come back from their vacations and whatnot, and another one finishes her wedding, I think I’ll see a lot more of them (including the soon-to-be-married one – they’ve been living together for ages and don’t want kids, so she doesn’t expect much to change in terms of her lifestyle).
Famke
I still feel pangs of pain when I think of close childhood friends who “broke up” with me, also without any explanation. The hard thing with friendships is that they tend to fade, without the kind of closure that often (but not always) comes with the termination of romantic relationships.
One thing that is true for both friendships and relationships is that they don’t work when the interest is one-sided. So the only thing you can do is lick your wounds, treat yourself to something nice / fun, and maybe reach out to some good friends who are away about specific plans for when they’re back. Hugs!
Monday
I had a close friend break up with me a few years ago. She never told me directly, but I just figured it out over time. I think the reason was basically just that I got on her nerves. Obviously that didn’t feel good. She ended up “coming back” to me, and we did talk through it and move on. We’re friends now, though not as close (at least, yet).
I’m not saying this is any forecast, and it may not even be what you want after how she’s acted. Just an anecdote…these things are complicated.
Bluejay
I’m glad you patched things up with your friend, but… So after having not seen my friend (who lives literally 2 blocks from me) for 2 months and having her bail on multiple plans, I sent her a terse but not mean email saying, in so many words, that I was p!ssed. And she apologized profusely! And made plans with me for the following week! And then guess what – she didn’t show up for said plans. Even worse, the plans involved attending a small gathering in honor of a visiting friend, and I had already told him she was attending, and so his feelings were hurt by it too. I’m done with her.
Bluejay
ps – if anyone thinks I’m being unreasonable, please let me know. I’m at a loss here. I tried to call her a couple of times about a month ago, but she doesn’t pick up or call back. In her email where she made plans with me, she gave no indication that anything was wrong.
Seattleite
I’d be angry too…but it might be worth making sure that she isn’t going through a crisis of some kind. If she’s blaming ‘busy because of new guy’ are you sure he isn’t controlling and isolating her? OTOH, if this is her general MO, write her off with my blessing.
FWIW – I noticed that my 20s and early 30s were sort of a refiner’s fire of friendships. As we came into our own as women, it became clear, often sadly, whether we were lifelong friends or propinquity/seasonal friends. Weeding (and being weeded) was painful. But it opened up room for other, better, friends. I have several friends of 10+ years who are closer to me than my own sisters. I’d met only one of them before I was 32. Hang in there.
M-C
Bluejay, if this breakup is related to a new bf, you may want to check whether you should be worried for your friend, like is she breaking up with everyone else too? Isolating you from your friends and family is a major tactic of abusers..
Bluejay
That’s a good thought, but it’s not the case here. I’m certain about that.
Monday
Well then unless some other crisis is going on, you’re definitely being reasonable and it sounds like she’s either dumping several friends, for whatever reason, or being one of those people who bails on everything when they’re in a relationship (fooey). I’m sorry. Time may illuminate what has happened, but for now it sounds like you focus on other friendships and admit that this one isn’t what you thought.
Anon
Question for the hive – I have a family member currently going through a sudden separation. I was wondering if anyone’s ever gone through a separation and gone back to being happy married or do separation usually just lead to divorce? Also, any suggestions of how to help someone going through this difficult time would be very much appreciated. TIA.
Steelers Fan
My parents were separated more than once for months or years at a time. They have been happily married for 10 years since the last separation. I think it is not the norm though. They had to change a lot in terms of how they related to each other (especially my dad). My mother’s wise words are that you cannot change someone else, a person is only able to change him or herself. Basically, I think separations usually lead to divorce but they don’t have to. When my parents got back together after a brief separation, they had not changed what they needed to change, so the marriage continued on very unhappily. Then they separated again and very nearly got divorced. When they got back together the last time, they each did not work for almost a year in order to focus on rebuilding their relationship. I think with my parents, they have very strong personal beliefs about the commitment that marriage is, and it prevented them from getting a divorce as quickly as possible.
In terms of supporting someone while separated, be willing to listen. I think during separations, people may not know whether to go ahead with a divorce or to wait. It took my parents years of separation, but they then worked it out. So there may not be a reason to jump the gun. BUT I would say that it is helpful to identify things that need to be changed and how likely each person is to be able to change. It’s especially difficult since this is family. Are there kids involved? They especially may need someone to listen to them depending on how old they are.
Bluejay
I agree that if both spouses are committed to the idea that marriage is a lifelong commitment and are both willing to be introspective and change themselves to make the marriage work, the marriage will survive the separation. I have a family member who separated from an addicted spouse, and that was the impetus the spouse needed to get help. They attended counseling together, and reunited after about a year. I also agree with cbackson that it’s crucial that the spouses’ family support the couple’s decision not to divorce yet.
cbackson
I have not done it, but my ex-h’s brother and his wife were separated for nine months, got back together and remain happily married.
The biggest thing: as the family, you must be supportive of the couple’s decision not to divorce yet. If they are trying to save their marriage, they need to feel like everyone around them is trying to help them work toward that goal. My ex-MIL was pretty awful, and I knew she was unhappy with my BIL’s wife (who’d had an affair), but during those nine months, she never said a single negative word about her. It’s vital for family members to make sure that their feelings about the situation don’t become the struggling couple’s problem.
Another thing: if the couple has children, the family’s help in keeping things are stable as possible for those kids is critical. And family members can play a key role in helping the couple have time to work through things – taking kids for the weekend so the couple can spend a weekend together, for example.
From what I can tell (or could tell; I don’t see them post-divorce), they were a stronger, happier couple after the affair and separation than they were before.
Blonde Lawyer
Anon,
Just in case you are not a regular commenter, in Cbackson’s last line, I think she is referring to her own divorce. The couple she discusses, I believe, stayed together.
cbackson
Yes, that’s true! Sorry, should have been a bit clearer.
Ellen
Speaking personaly, while I was never MARRIED to Alan, but I did seperate from him a few times b/c it was to dificult to stay away, but finaly, I decided that it was WAY to emotional to stay with him AND the bottle, so I told him it was ME or the bottle.
I think he choose the bottle b/c he is STILL drinkeing. FOOEY on men who perfer drinkeing to a MARRIED life with women. FOOEY!
Seattleite
My own separation led to divorce. But the family members who were most helpful to me had no agenda WRT to saving/ending the marriage – and there were compelling arguments for each. What I needed most was “I love you and I want you to be happy, regardless of what road you walk to get there.”
Anon for this
My parents separated a few months after my dad started a relationship with someone else. After about 1.5 years, they got back together. While their relationship isn’t one I or my siblings would want to emulate, I think they are reasonably happy together.
My sister’s separation, shortly after the birth of her first child, led to a final split, about a year later (although my sister kept up her hopes for much longer). She and her partner were trying to work things out for about a year but I was never sure his heart was really in it and with the exception of my sister, nobody in my family was particularly surprised about the outcome.
I think intention is key. If both parties really want to continue and perceive the separation as a necessary but hopefully temporary step, there is a real chance that things will work out, although the opposite outcome is of course completely realistic. If one party appears to be very committed to the relationship while the other is just going through the motions, I’d be very pessimistic. Couple’s therapy can be damaging to the individual and all the more so in case of asymmetry. In this situation, I would advise the person who is most invested to take a hard look at the relationship and maybe even take individual therapy. If both parties take an evaluative attitude to the relationship, a break-up may happen faster (because the less committed party may just drop out once the other isn’t advocating as much for the relationship), but it will also make the process a more equal one in which each party may stand to lose something.
Steelers Fan
Agree with this. My parents went to counseling separately. Definitely both must be invested for it to work.
Anon
Pros/cons/opinions, please, for casual flat-heeled shoes on weekends. Toms, or Converse sneakers?
meme
I like Tom’s and find them comfortable. They have decent arch support (I can’t wear shoes with no arch support because I have high arches and lack of arch support causes my feet to ache after a short time). Can’t compare Converse because I haven’t tried them, but I think the Tom’s are more versatile style-wise.
momentsofabsurdity
I’d get a pair of Topsiders – I rarely wear my Toms since I think they make my feet look boatlike, I like my Converse but feel silly wearing them with skirts and dresses. Boat shoes/topsiders hit that happy medium for me. I have basic tan ones, but lately have been lusting after these:
http://www.endless.com/Sperry-Top-Sider-Womens-Angelfish-Shoe/dp/B0058ZNTEQ/ref=sr_1_14?ie=UTF8&cAsin=B0058ZDQR6&fromPage=search&sr=1-14&qid=1342301554945&clientPageSize=100&node=242169011&sort=relevance-fs-rank&keywords=boat+shoes&nodes=242169011&rnid=242169011
Bluejay
I have Lands End Gatas flats, which look a lot like Toms but I find them to be approximately 8 million times more comfortable due to the memory foam insole. I think they look much nicer with dresses than Converse do.
r
I have a pair of both Toms and Converse, and I think both look ridiculous with shorts/skirts. I would suggest a regular flat or sandal if you are going to wear shorts/skirt. If you’re wearing pants, go with Converse. I’ve worn my Toms maybe 3 times because I think they make my feet look really weird. Every time I pull them out of my closet I really regret that purchase.
gross foot question
I have a gross foot question that I don’t want to ask my IRL friends. I have never had a professional pedicure because I’m self-conscious of my toenails. I also avoid peep toes and sandals in the summer. My big toenails are quite bumpy on top. They are not yellowed, but are kind of thick at the top edges and sides. My nails have been like this since about late highschool/early college. It started with just one but the other followed after a few years. Now some of the smaller nails are bumpy too but not thickened as far as I can tell. Has anyone had this? Does it sound like a toenail fungus of some kind? Any idea how it is treated and what type of professional I should see (podiatrist?)? I need to get this taken care of (if possible) – don’t know why I waited so long to check into doing something about it.
Doctor's Daughter
See a dermatologist ASAP. It could be a sign of something serious. An MD will be able to accurately diagnose and treat.
anonBrooklyn-ite
I would recommend seeing a Podiatrist ASAP. I went to a dermatologist because one of my feet looked 100 years old on the bottom while the other looked totally normal — derm said it was no big deal. I went to a podiatrist a year or so later to get custom orthotics (at 22 years old — thanks, 10 years of ballet) and he immediately told me I had a foot fungus. Awesome. So, nothing against dermatologists, but I would recommend a podiatrist. I put a cream on my foot every night before going to sleep for like 6 months, and now I have beautiful (normal) feet.
anonBrooklyn-ite
PS: my podiatrist was super cool about it. I was really uncomfortable and grossed out by my foot problems, and he was very chill. If you’re in NYC, let me know and I’ll share his contact info!!
CJ
I went to a podaiatrist for my embarassing life long ingrown toenails, so podiatrists definitely can handle toenails. It could be a super easy happy fix. For me, he said, cut them short ignore all other advice. So now, I cut my toenails before going to the pedicure, and just have them do everything else.
May
It certainly sounds like a fungal infection. Better get it checked out by a dermatologist.
The downside is that they take a minimum of six months to clear up, though!
M-C
Another vote for quick medical attention. Those toenail fungal infections can be a really long haul to get rid of..
Anon
Can’t hurt to ask….
Would anyone ninja-shop me a wedding dress? On a tight budget and feel like I’m banging my head against the wall. Looking for a $500/less dress, knee-length or full-length, with straps/ sleeves and decent b00b converage. I’m considering the J Crew Sophia and Ann Taylor Silk Georgette V-Neck Gown. Both of those are a touch boring but would probably do the job. Any other recommendations? Thanks so much in advance.
Monday
I had similar specs and decided to buy this one:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/suzi-chin-for-maggy-boutique-cap-sleeve-surplice-sheath-dress/3261431?origin=keywordsearch&fashionColor=&resultback=1000
My wedding hasn’t happened yet but I was very happy when it showed up. Great sale price if one of these sizes is you! (I paid full price a month ago because I needed the 2.) I found it to run pretty true to size, which is also what I was told on the phone. I’m usually a 0 and need to get it taken in, but the fit is flattering and it seems durable. I wanted something I could wear again, regularly.
momentsofabsurdity
I like this one a lot
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/patra-dress-cap-sleeve-lace-sheath?ID=680474&CategoryID=51098#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D13%26ruleId%3D65%26slotId%3D9
momentsofabsurdity
I think this one is pretty too
http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/marina-dress-short-sleeve-v-neck-beaded-lace-evening-gown?ID=590083&CategoryID=51098#fn=sp%3D1%26spc%3D13%26ruleId%3D65%26slotId%3D10
Gem
I’m going to wear the all saints heather maxi for my wedding next year. Bought on eBay so worth a look
Bonnie
There are some nice ones in the sale section at neimanmarcus dot com in the $200s
roses
Yay for bar procrastination!!! :)
http://www.ideeli.com/events/100862/offers/5147354/latest_view/2667670 (hurry, it’s a sample sale!)
http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=64441&vid=1&pid=335519&scid=335519002
http://www.bhldn.com/shop-bridesmaids-partygoers-dresses/mycenaean-dress
http://www.lastcall.com/p/Halston-Heritage-Ruched-V-Neck-Gown-Evening/prod11750031_cat000001__/?eItemId=prod11750031&cmCat=search&searchType=GUIDED&icid=&rte=%252Fstore%252Fcatalog%252Ftemplates%252FP4E.jhtml%253FparentId%253Dcat000001%2526itemId%253Dcat000001%2526N%253D4294967142%252B4294966245%252B718%2526menuPath%253Dcat000000_cat000001_cat000001
Bluejay
What size are you? If you happen to be plus-sized, Kiyonna and Igigi have some gorgeous dresses starting around a size 12.
Bluejay
Oh, also, check out the website Preowned Wedding Dresses – lots of good stuff there if you don’t mind buying something that’s already been worn once.
(I’ve been a bridesmaid too many times.)
SF Bay Associate
That’s where I got mine!
Bluejay
OK, last comment. I love this dress so much I’ve been thinking of buying it in the Navy color even though I don’t have a specific occasion for it. I think in white it would be a lovely non-traditional wedding gown.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi-shoji-sequin-ruched-mesh-gown/3350482?origin=PredictiveSearch
Bluejay
Ooh, or this one.
http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tadashi-shoji-cap-sleeve-bow-belt-dress/3262425?origin=PredictiveSearch
anon
Gorgeous! As is pretty much everything by Tadashi Shoji.
Seeking Financial Planner Advice
For those of you who use a financial planner, how did you find him/her? I would love to find someone that DH and I could meet with yearly for a financial checkup, help us figure out how to meet goals, etc. From what I understand, fee-based financial planners will often offer less biased advice than financial planners who work for a financial services firm. Also, how much should I expect to pay for the services of a fee-based planner per hour? (We’re in a smallish midwestern city, if that matters). Thanks in advance.
EM
Do you have a stockbroker? I’d ask them for recommendations.
Vintage Lawyer
Take a look at the National Association of Personal Financial Planners’ website at napfa dot org. This is an organization of fee-only financial planners who don’t try to sell you products on which they’ll be paid a commission.
Hel-lo
I’ve worked with Edward Jones agents for years, in several different states, and have never felt like they were trying to sell me anything.
Check the phone book, and pick a woman.
If, after meeting her, you’re not on the same page, pick another.
anon
I respectfully disagree with this. EJ agents exist to sell EJ products. Sure, there may be agents who are less aggressive about this than others. But an inherent conflict of interest exists, as you already pointed out: “fee-based financial planners will often offer less biased advice than financial planners who work for a financial services firm.”
I second Vintage Lawyer’s thoughts re National Association of Personal Financial Planners.
Bluejay
So in case my recent breakup/doom to be Alone Forever coupled with being dumped by my supposed best friend wasn’t enough, today I came home to discover that I’ve somehow gotten signed up for a junk-mail subscription to… wait for it… Brides magazine.
Thanks, Universe. No really. Thanks.
Steelers Fan
Yikes. Reminds me of the time my friend signed me up for Christian Mingle as a joke…
Blonde Lawyer
My friend is going through a similarly rough time. I sent her your comment for commiseration.
SJR
I feel your pain. We are going through a fertility struggle and somehow through the magic of marketing (I’m guessing based on purchasing pg tests and prenatal vitamins on our credit card?) started to receive catalogs for baby things and samples of Parenting magazine.
Bluejay
Yep, the magic of marketing indeed! Target will know if you’re pregnant before you know!
http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/magazine/shopping-habits.html?pagewanted=all
Anon
My roommate has been attending several baby showers and started getting parenting magazines in the mail. I’m assuming it is because she constantly shops at places like Babies ‘R Us. She is in her late 30’s, divorced, and wants kids someday.
KK
I somehow got put on a marketing list for people who are pregnant, but on my parents’ address, not my own. I probably haven’t used that address in 6 years? Who knows. But I get formula samples, parenting mag offers, coupons for diapers etc. And they sent me something around the time of my phantom child’s first birthday too! So strange. I don’t have a common name, don’t often shop at kids stores, and have never been pregnant. My older sister has three kids and doesn’t get that kind of stuff. I always figured maybe they somehow mixed us up.
Bluejay
Check out CatalogChoice dot org – you can use their free service to remove yourself from mailing lists.
Hel-lo
It could also be based on your Internet browsing habits, or Facebook friends’ interests. Companies can link your personal info to all kinds of stuff.
M-C
Sigh. There is unfortunately something to the old “when it rains, it pours”..
Which would you rather have, a hot bath or a cold ice cream? Do it :-).
Bluejay
I had both. :)
Blonde Lawyer
PSA: I’m not sure if Marshall’s has the same merchandise in all of its stores but my local one has lots of very nice Calvin Klein sheath dresses, mostly size 4, mostly work appropriate for under $40 right now.
anonBrooklyn-ite
Thank you thank you!! I will check that out today! If you happen to remember/know — are they long(ish)? I’m 6′ tall and have a hard time finding long enough sheath dresses (mid thigh is just far too much leg for the office).
Blonde Lawyer
I’m 5’7″ but mostly leg. Some hit the top of my knee, some were about an inch above my knee, others were not work appropriate in my estimation as they were too short on me.
Anonymous
Views on knee high socks with skirts for casual weekend wear? I’m 30, but my legs are definitely my best feature. Can I pull it off, or will I just look ridiculous?
Gem
About your age, rock this look alot in winter (mostly as I’m always oh so cold!). It does need some thought; some combos look odd, others great, but I say yay
Miriam
I think it is doable, but what about tights? Knee high socks might give off that school girl look.
TCFKAG
Sorry…it would read a little to Clueless costume party for me.
BUT, if a Clueless costume party would be AWESOME and should totally happen. So there’s that.
NOLA
I think it would look a bit too elementary school. This very question was asked in the new InStyle. They say that you should keep the socks simple and solid, wear them with boots and scrunch the socks down to look like part of the boots. It doesn’t sound like what you’re describing.
anon
I’ve read all of the older posts about interviews but would greatly appreciate some opinions about hair. I have hair just past my shoulders that needs a trim, and I’d like to take it to just above the shoulder. My question is, is it really best to pull my hair back for interviews? If so, I’ll wait to cut it so I have enough length to put up without a ton of pins. I don’t look great with the half-up style (I feel like I have a mullet), but can practice if that seems to be the gold standard. I look young (and am young), so I have to try a little harder to look professional without looking like I’m playing dress up, and I just feel like the low ponytail looks silly.
I know I “can” do whatever looks neat and won’t be a hassle, but what is the best, most conservative option for big firms? Low ponytail? Bun? Half-up? Down? Thanks in advance!
AnonInfinity
It sounds like you’re most comfortable with your hair down, so you should wear it that way. Just make sure none of it is going to cover your face and that you won’t be tempted to play with it.
Former MidLevel
This.
Anonymous
If your “youngness” reads anything like mine, hair fully up is probably the best option. I’m 23, look about 20 with my hair down but can pass for 25+ with my hair up (bun, not ponytail). Of course, if there’s any significant difference in comfort/confidence levels between the two options, that’s the most important thing! But if it’s a wash, I would err on the side of leaving your hair long enough to wear it up for interviews.
Hel-lo
I think a high pony could be a problem for an interview, but I think a low pony is fine.
Bluejay
I think hair down is totally fine, so long as you don’t play with it.
Acclimatising across time zones
A question for you wise, globe-trotting ladies out there, please.
I’m flying west (5hour time difference) to sit an exam. I get quite stressed out and the long daylight hours in London together with the exam related anxiety and new sleeping arrangement will probably make me quite insomnic.
I’m keen to adjust ASAP so as to be alert during a mid day written exam, two days after I get there.
Do you have any tricks up your sleeve you’d care to share?
May :)
Hel-lo
Flying east has always gotten me worse.
Go to bed and get up at a normal London time.
I do not heart jet lag
As soon as you get on the plane, set your watch to the arrival city’s time and start living by that time (eat at arrival city meal times, sleep at arrival city sleep time etc).
No alcohol from a couple days before the flight until after the exam.
Exercise (even just a neighborhood walk) every day from a couple days before the flight until after the exam.
Clean food only (no caffeine, no greasy processed foods, no heavy meat, mostly fruits and vegetables and lean protein in their natural states) from a couple days before the flight until after the exam.
Lots of water from a couple days before the flight until after the exam.
When you arrive, go to your hotel, leave your bags, and go out for a walk outside. If it is daytime when your arrive in arrival city, stay outside until dinner time, have dinner at dinner time in arrival city, take a hot shower and go to bed at arrival city bed time and wake up at arrival city wakeup time. DO NOT go to sleep before arrival city bedtime (for a nap or for the night). If it is night time when you arrive in arrival city, take a quick walk outside, hot shower and get in bad and GET UP at arrival city wakeup time (no matter how tired you are) and go outside for a walk and eat breakfast and start your day.
This usually works for me. After two days of this, you should be firmly on arrival city time and functioning clearly.
Good luck on your exam!
Extra credit: bring a candle you like or some other comfort item for the hotel room.
Bluejay
I find that what works best for me is not to allow myself to sleep at all during travel, go to bed around 10pm in my destination (or if my flight arrives after 10pm, go to bed immediately), take a melatonin supplement before going to bed, and set my alarm no later than 8am. Frankly, though, the second day is almost always the worst in terms of sleep. You’re going to have an uphill battle being well-rested for your exam. Definitely get some melatonin.
Misty
I’m starting a new position within my company in a new division (thank god, no more monster boss). I want to get some cool office supplies as a treat. Where’s your go to sources?
Khar
See Jane work dot com
NOLA
I don’t know about cool, but these are fun: http://www.yourgiftgoddess.com/item_143/Pretty-Tools-Floral-Stapler.htm
And someone recently bought me a high-heeled pump tape dispenser. Looks like Amazon and Office Depot carry them.
In the Pink for THE SKIRT
What’s this I read the the skirt is change and original discontinued?
I tried to search out a referenced thread but the site search here wouldn’t find it for me.
I see in the catalogue there’s a two tone, but later on (p.33 item 530869) it looks like the tried and true The Skirt.
I only keep 2 credit cards so I don’t have the fab Nordies rewards. Sob. makeup counter this weekend (prepping for a black tie wedding and reading at the Mass) really tempted me, but we’ve had credit card fraud twice in our lives and put a block on any new applications…
So, on this F when the plebs get to shop, I won’ find The Skirt?
Do tell Nordies insiders. Please tell.
ChristinaMD
I don’t know about The Skirt yet, but I just wanted to mention you can get a Nordstrom’s Debit card. Pulls directly from the attached bank account, but you get all the other Nordstrom Rewards/Note earning opportunities. Just wanted to let you know :)
eek
Yep, my nordstrom debit card number only works at Nordstrom. I think it’s only 8 or
9 numbers, not 16 and not linked to visa/MasterCard/discover/AmEx…etc. No fees, no nothing. Transactions take 1-2 days to post to my checking account.
Bluejay
OMG, really? OMG.
Godzilla
Yo, Allergies PSA, how are you feeling? As for the surgery, we’re waiting to see if steroids + religious use of nasal sprays will clear enough of my sinuses out. If it doesn’t work, my doc will recommend surgery. I’ll know for sure in a month or so.
"Allergies" PSA
I am on day 10 of 24 of the Prednisone/antibiotics/Pulmicort spray regimen. As usual, while I am on steroids, my senses of smell and taste have returned. I am taking full advantage of both senses — smelling my way through the farmers market yesterday was a treat for which I am very grateful now!
No way to tell if this regimen is clearing everything out until the CAT scan on July 30. I have steeled myself for surgery if it doesn’t. Despite my irrational fear of general anesthesia, I won’t live the rest of my life this way. So better to do the procedure before I get any older and before the sinus situation develops any complications.
So we should know at about the same time. Keep being strong!
Godzilla
We got this, no worries. Yay for smelling and tasting :)
anon
Might be too late on Sunday for this, but any ideas for solo international travel? I would love to go on vacation somewhere but am mostly a blank state (anywhere but Central/South America). Any ideas would be much appreciated!