Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I always love Frye boots for the weekends — they’re super comfortable, and they last forever. I like these short redwood leather booties from Frye — I suspect they’ll look perfect paired with denim. They are currently marked down as part of the Nordstrom Anniversary sale — right now they’re $189.90, but after August 6 they’ll go back to $278. Frye ‘Jane Trapunt’ Bootie

Speaking of the Nordstrom sale — they do have a ton of great shoes, bags, and accessories on sale, including:
– Boots from Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan, Tory Burch, Aquatalia by Marvin K, Frye, and Indigo by Clarks
– Pumps from Stuart Weitzman, Cole Haan, and Via Spiga
– Great bags from Rebecca Minkoff, Kate Spade, Cole Haan, and Tory Burch
– Fun accessories from Kate Spade
– Gorgeous diamonds on sale, including these huggie earrings that I now want…
– Watches from Skagen, Michael Kors, and more…


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  1. Any suggestions for Columbia, SC?

    • Rose in Bloom :

      Are you looking for things to do or places to eat or what?

      The Columbia Museum of Art is pretty good.

    • D Train South :

      . . . drive through it and head to Charleston?

      • Rose in Bloom :

        As a Charlestonian, I would have to agree that this is a lovely solution.

    • Places to eat primarily. I’ll be in class during the day but will have some down time. I won’t have a car though.

      • How much money do you want to spend? A friend of mine who has lived in Columbia for 10 years suggested Motor Supply for dinner ($$) and Pawley’s Porch for lunch. She said Motor Supply is good for lunch too!

    • I went to college in Columbia, and my in laws still live there! It’s a neat place.
      Saki Tumi (on Gervais, in the Vista) is a great sushi place, and, during happy hour, they have half priced drinks and sushi!
      Depending on where you’re in class, you might want to grab a cup of coffee at Cool Beans–it’s a great local coffeeshop (with good baked goods/wraps/soups/sandwiches) on College Street (across from campus–if you’re at the federal training center, it’s maybe 4-5 blocks away).
      Miyo’s is a really good mid-priced option (probably $15-$20/person) for Asian food about 6 blocks from the training center (off of Pendleton Street). Enjoy!

    • I have taken classes at that same location. :) There are some good restaurants in Columbia and a decent blues bar. I wish I could remember the names of the places I went. Enjoy.

  2. ChocCityB&R :

    Ladies, I need a new work bag! I’m looking for a brown leather satchel, preferably something under $200 (but I understand if it’s an impossible mission). I really like this one from JCrew: http://www.jcrew.com/mens_category/accessories/bags/PRDOVR~51653/51653.jsp?TCode=GGBS00002

    TCKFAG? Anyone?

    • You should get SOMETHING that matches the Fry boot’s. When I was in college all the peeple had Fry boots. 3 guys offered to by me a pair b/c I did not have a pare.

      Now I have alot of shoes b/c I need to look good at work. I could NOT Wear Fry boots tho b/c the manageing partner want’s to see my leg’s.

  3. ChocCityB&R :

    Ladies I need your help finding a new everyday work bag. I’m really liking the brown leather schoolboy satchel style. (Example in a link to follow). Any recommendations for something, preferably under $200?

    • ChocCityB&R :


      • I’ve had good luck with work bags at TJ Maxx. You can find stuff like Michael Kors discounted very heavily. (Though I found a random label I’d never heard of, and love it).

      • SAlit-a-gator :

        That’s a gorgeous! I was in the market for something similar. Alas, I did not find a leather briefcase for less than $200. But, I went to a huge Kate Spade outlet sale recently and they had a nice weekender bag in black nylon piped with black patent leather. It has a long strap and can double as a more non-traditional briefcase, weekender, or (future) baby bag. I love it, plus the black nylon is way more lightweight than leather. Hope your search turns up something good!

    • I can’t open your link at the office, but you might try Cambridge Satchel. They have great discounts on slightly damaged merchandise too, if you’re looking for a deal.

    • I don’t think you’re going to find a leather satchel for under $200 unless you check out stores like TJ Maxx or Nordstrom Rack.

      Having said that, from a quick search, I like these:
      Coach Madison Leather Flap Carryall
      Coach Legacy Leather Candace Carryall
      Fossil Maddox Satchel (only $218 on Zappos)
      Fossil Vintage Re-issue Weekender ($209 on Zappos!)
      MICHAEL Michael Kors Hamilton East/West Satchel
      Rebecca Minkoff Cupid

    • So, I have to agree with others who say that with leather, sometimes going cheap can really hurt the quality of the product you get. But you can sometimes find good deals at the Maxx or the Rack. But I tried to find a few examples of deals on-line.

      I like this one, though it might be a bit small for your needs. http://www.endless.com/dp/B004IYJXMK/ref=asc_df_B004IYJXMK2071195?tag=dealtend-22458-20&creative=395033&linkCode=asn&creativeASIN=B004IYJXMK

      • This one’s kind of cool, in a more briefcasey way.


      • And this one is very…british. I like it.


    • If you want something under $200, I’d suggest endless . com. I recently bought a great satchel that I love on endless, and since it was the last one it was leather and only $150 (regular price almost $400). The site tends to be searchable, which I love. Plus free shipping and free returns.

    • ChocCityB&R :

      *Sigh* well I knew under 200 was a pipe dream, especially because I particularly like the aged antiquey leather satchels most. These are amazing suggestions, I’ll check out Maxx and Rack before pulling the trigger on something online. Thanks!

    • You need a trip to Eastern Europe! I bought an amazing weathered leather satchel in Krakow for less than $100

    • You might try a Wilson Leather outlet.

    • Stephanie Plum :

      Spotted a random brown leather Cole Haan bag in the same style as your link at TJMaxx the other day- $199 down from $500 (per the CH tag). Hanging near the men’s socks, boxers and backpacks.

  4. As C[this site]s, we are the responsible, organized, overachieving chicks. Which means when there is a family crisis, the best person to manage said crisis is apparently the C[site], despite that person having a very busy job and life of her own. My grandfather is very ill in the ICU, and despite the fact that there are EIGHT adult children and spouses of his children, including three SAHMs of adult children who don’t have jobs, none of them seem willing to be responsible i.e. talking with the doctors, figuring out what’s going on, visiting him, supporting my step-grandmother. I’m so tired and so busy, but I feel like if I don’t step up, no one else will, and my grandfather will be the one to suffer for it. Has this happened to anyone else?

    • ChocCityB&R :

      Yes!!!!! Yes 1000Xs.

      My husband and I are both the “responsible ones” in our families. That means I get to deal with this twice as much. And I’ve found that in some ways, I like being the responsible one. It’s a natural part of my personality to want to help others, to want to be a leader and a confidant, to give advice and counsel. BUT THEN IT ALL GETS TO BE TOO MUCH. And I’m in that situation right now (although with taking care of other people’s children, not caring for aging adults…yet).

      So I empathize. I can’t say I’ve found a way out of the mess, other than to put my foot down on occasion so that I get a break for as long as I need to recharge. One of the great things about being so involved with the kids is that I’m able to see which will be the next generation’s “responsible one” and warn them accordingly.

      • Not sure if I’m amused or sad that we both started our posts exactly the same way. Guess most responsible family members wind up with double-duty the same way.

        • ChocCityB&R :

          I’ve noticed the same thing among my friends TBK. And the inverse is true. My crazy super irresponsible cousins/sister somehow managed to find spouses that are just as irresponsible and crazy as they are.

      • Heh… You know what they say: the best way to get something done is to find someone who is busy and give the job to them.

    • Oh, yes. Yes. Definitely yes. I’m also (suprise) married to the responsible, organized, overachieving member of his own family so now we do double-duty. I have an in-law who is sucking up huge amounts of Mr. TBK’s time. I can’t ask him not to go, but I’m also sad that the in-law is currently seeing way more of my husband than I am (this in-law tends to need him whenever we have something major going on, which I don’t believe is just coincidence, so I have to shoulder our whole burden while Mr. goes and shoulder’s in-law’s whole burden). It can be so overwhelming and frustrating because even if you’re the most organized and responsible, you can’t do everything. I hope your grandfather and step-grandmother appreciate what you’re doing. I did a lot for my grandparents before they died and it really strengthened the bond between us. It meant a lot to them that I took time for them, and the love and appreciation I got from them was incredible.

      • Ugh, “shoulders” not “shoulder’s.” I HATE grocers’ apostrophes!

        • Actually it should be shoulders’. if you want to nitpick about it :-).

          • Katie Nolan :

            Actually, if we’re nitpicking, it should be “shoulders,” as TBK’s revision was correct. :

    • Anon, my sympathies. Be sure to take care of yourself in this situation.

      Is there any way you could set up a “Chore-chart” of some sort, sent around by email perhaps and asking for help with set tasks? Things like visitation, step-grandma support, shopping, cleaning the family home, rides to/from hospital for others etc. This is where your organization skills come in and if it is a general call for help, perhaps they won’t feel like you’re nagging or being controlling, if that is their issue (not that I think that’s how you’re coming across).

      I think perhaps some of your relatives may not feel competent talking to doctors and some of the in-laws may not feel like it is their “place” to speak for the family. This may be the area where you step up and communicate to your relatives that you are going to fill that role unless someone else wants to, and that you will keep them updated if they wish. Not knowing your family, I don’t know if they would get more offended to be told what to do or to be asked to do more than they are comfortable with, so that’s your decision point.

      Best wishes for a speedy recovery.

      • I agree, best wishes.

        I also agree that this seems like an excellent group of people to delegate to. Don’t feel like you have to do it all yourself – find out what they are able to do (even if they’re a little less than willing) and make them accountable.
        I would send out an email like “I know we’re all worried and want to help, but I just wanted to make sure that everyone knows that everything is getting done. To that end I volunteer to make a [chart/list/whatever] so what people know who is doing what. Here are some things I think they need help with: x,y,z. If you prefer any of these, or if there is another way that you feel you can be of help, let me know, otherwise I’ll send out another message tomorrow so that we’re all up on the same page.”

        I mean, you understand your family dynamic better than me, but that is what I would do if no one is stepping up. They might have good intentions but just need organizing. I hope that everything goes well! Be sure to take care of you, too.

      • I agree with this. Not to defend them too much (I don’t know why they’re not pitching in, of course), but I think that a lot of people just wind up feeling stupid and unsure of what to do in situations like this. If you can direct them towards specific duties, they may be perfectly willing to pitch in.

        Best wishes to your family in this difficult time.

      • I very much like the idea of the centralized task list, with people signing up for different bits. Most people do want to help, they’re just not organized enough to know where to start :-). This sounds like a google sort of project incidentally, can you set one up? Or get a family geek to set one up?

    • Yes. The very characteristics that make you a capable professional are the characteristics that make you able to deal with a crisis. You’re a leader. Step up. The alternative is that there will be no one advocating for your grandfather’s care. I’ve been there.

      • SoCalAtty :

        True, but sometimes it is a little much. I like the idea of designating specific things to specific people, that might work. That being said, I’m that person for my family and my husband is for HIS family, so sometimes I feel like I’m caring for 2 families!

        I had a psych describe it to me once as “being the family lifeguard.” You are always the one it falls to when things blow up or need to get done, so you get that low level “what’s going to happen next” anxiety thing going. I’m not referring to the OP’s specific situation because when someone is sick or elderly isn’t the time to make a stand, but certainly I’ve taken some advice and let younger, perfectly capable (but willing to put stuff off on us if we’ll let them) family members “drown” a little. We’ll see if it works.

        • Merabella :

          This is really a great way to describe this. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop when you are, as you put it, the family lifeguard. It is hard to let some of that go, but part of it is taking a stand when things don’t really matter to set a standard for later when the issues are much bigger.

    • I have always been this person for my family too. Family members who are worried about another family members will approach me and say, “you know, JK, you should really talk to so-and-so.” After years of doing this and worrying about everyone else I couldn’t take it anymore. I don’t feel the stress of it as much anymore because I take an anti-anxiety/depression medication daily, but I am still “the responsible one.”

    • parenthood :

      Nothing to add except that this thread reminds me of Adam and Kristina from “Parenthood.” I am either the Crosby or the Sarah, so I look forward to meeting my equally irresponsible spouse in the future!

    • Anonymous :

      I am the responsible one in the family. But guess what? My brother is schizophrenic and can be very needy, along with others in the family. At the same time, my brother gets me like no one else. He can call me on my stuff and he will listen and give a hug when no one else is there. And, for what its worth, I wouldn’t trade my legal career, husband, kid, and home for his dreary and painful life.

    • SpaceMountain :

      And there’s more to come as everyone is going to name you executor of their wills.

      • I will admit that, rather than naming a family member as executor, I totally named one of my fellow overachieving chick friends. Of course, she reciprocated.

        • Until this moment I had not thought about who I would name. No one in my family is a good candidate.
          Its a good thing that at the moment, all I have to bequeath is student loan debt. Maybe someone good will appear (or my family members will step up their game) by the time I have something of value.

      • This. I recently went through the exact.same.thing. with my ailing (and ultimately, deceased) Grandfather. On top of that, as the “lawyer in the family,” I simultaneously became resonsible for his Medicaid planning (note: I do NOT practice in that area), which made things equally difficult / frustrating. In addition, there are 4 children and I constantly feared overstepping my bounds as a grandchild, although no one made me feel this way. Along the lines of what Bluejay and other commenters said above, throughout the process I realized that everyone copes in different ways, and we all have different strengths. As a capable professional, my instinct was to step up and lead. I advocated for my grandfather every day because that is exactly what I am trained to do, and what I like to think that I excel at. When I sent out emails delegating responsiblities to other family members, some did exactly what I asked and others just ignored me. I learned not to take it personally because they were coping with the situation the best way they knew how. I don’t mean to sound all “kumbyah” (sp?) about this, because it took me months of frustration and tears to get to this place. Mostly, I resented being at the hospital and eventually nursing home and arguing with doctors/hospice/social workers/ Medicaid rather than sitting by my Grandfather’s side and holding his hand. But advocacy was the best way that I could serve him, and I know that he (and the rest of my family) appreciated it. And it made me feel less “helpless.” Some of us have bigger burdens to carry, and maybe we should be glad that we can handle it better than most. You can do this! (Whew…that was a bit catharthic for me…sorry for the rant!)

        • Thank you, EM. It’s important to use each of our skills.

          • Yes, EM. When I feel the weight on my shoulders, I try to remember just how good I really have it.

    • Yes, of course, I am always that person, too. But the flip side is, from the point of view of the… let’s say less accomplished…. if they do anything independently, we will just come in and criticize them for doing it wrong. There’s some truth to that, no?

  5. Boden’s fall collection is up on the site now and there’s a wool dress, with sleeves!


    • Rose in Bloom :

      I bought this same dress in charcoal last year and really like it. Typical Boden with narrower hips, but good quality. I bought the rest of the suiting pieces too.

    • I’m not sure how I feel about the construction of that dress, it looks kind of awkward on the model.

      I am kind of in love with this dress though: http://www.bodenusa.com/en-US/Womens-Workwear-collection/WQ045-GRP/Womens-Grape-Wrap-Front-Wool-Dress.html (though I know how people on here feel about cap/dolman sleeves, they just don’t bother me as much).

    • This looks gorgeous. Now I need a Boden coupon…

      • I got an email with 10% off. The sales for new lines don’t really get rolling until a couple of months in. But sign up for their email list, you’ll get coupons.

        I have to say, I had an epic Boden fail (not too upset, though, because I really didn’t need to spend that much!) with their latest big sale on summer clothes. All the shirts are so boxy! And I was so excited to get a wool cardigan with just a bit of chiffon down the placket for under $40, but it was very short and boxy, really unflattering. I find that the only items of theirs that really look good on me are the dresses and some of the skirts. I tend to do better with their jersey items, especially when they have a pseudo-wrap style. It’s a shame because I do like their style.

    • I almost bought this the last time around, but the reviews scared me off.

      Hey Boden, you don’t have to give every dress an empire waist!

    • SV in House :

      I have this dress in navy pinstripe from last year and LOVE it.

  6. Uh Oh. Is it boot-buying season again, already?!? i am in so much trouble…..

    • Seriously. I love boots.

    • I just ordered these. I’ve had my eye on Frye boots for a long time, but haven’t been able to quite justify the price. So NAS + beautiful Frye boots + not able to buy clothes during said sale = Frye boots coming to me.

      • that is a mathematical equation i can get behind

        • I ordered the cognac Vince Camuto booties. Yikes.

          • covetcovetcovetcovetcovet

          • Those are purty!! If I wasn’t terrified of the heel, and if they weren’t totally impractical in the snow, I would get them. But they are totally gorgeous.

          • I have a similar Vince Camuto pair (black suede with a chain up the heel) from last year and found them really stable and easy to walk in. Then again, no snow in Louisiana!

  7. You guuuuuuuuuuuise…
    Last night I got an invite for a facebook group – for the group planning my 10 year high school reunion. I officially feel old.
    So I figure I’ve got about 6-12 months until the reunion. I need to (1) lose 40 pounds, (2) get myself a hot husband, and (3) start making tons of money.
    In all seriousness though, someone please tell me to calm the f$%# down and that I’m awesome and I’m going to blow all those snotty b*tches who made feel like I never really belonged out of the f’ing water. High school wasn’t the most horrible experience of my life but I’m afraid that I’ll go to the reunion and I’ll discover that I’m still the EXACT SAME awkward/shy/scared girl I was then.

    /End rant. Thank you for listening. I need a drink!

    • Motoko Kusanagi :

      High school reunions aren’t mandatory. I’ve skipped all of mine (and, after my college 5-year, those too) and I have zero regrets.

      • This. I have no desire to go to my high school reunion when the time comes. Even though I only live an hour from my parents who still live in the house I grew up in, I would prefer to spend the night at home with a good movie/book! It would be a waste of my time especially since I’m not friends with a single person who graduated in my year unless you count Facebook!

    • I haven’t gotten anything about our 10 year yet, it’s usually during homecoming, if I remember correctly. Thing is, I moved away the morning after high school graduation and haven’t been back since. I’m like you, do I have enough time to get an SO, drop a few dress sizes, and snag my dream job?
      So really, I bet PLENTY of people feel that way about going to their ten year. I wouldn’t stress too much. If it’s too awkward, sneak out early!

    • phillygirlruns :

      high school reunions seem a lot less exciting now that we have facebook – which is even better, because it allows me to be very nosy about what everyone is doing without the burden of actually interacting with them.

      • Agreed. Part of the reason I’ve skipped my 10th and 20th.

      • Agree. I just did my 10th, and literally about 35 people out of 525 showed up. It was awkward, and we only stayed for about an hour, then went out dancing with friends. Go if you want, but don’t freak out.

    • My 10-year reunion will be this fall, too. I don’t have much interest in going. You don’t have to go to yours, either, if you don’t think you’ll have fun. It’s part of the beauty of being old :)

    • It’s going to be okay. I promise. This is coming from someone who was also super awkward/shy/scared girl in high school. ButI think you should go. Seriously, people chill over time. And if they’re still snotty to you, JSFAMO!

    • Oh, God, young people. Get off my lawn.

      • and mine ;o)

      • Hee hee! Ditto.

      • Srsly, I just had to do MATH to realize that my 20 year reunion is next year (I guess?).

        On topic — I haven’t been to one, probably wouldn’t go now — I keep in touch with a core group of friends and there are periodic weddings that we have mini-reunions at. I think I’m the only unmarried one, so I guess I either need to step it up and get engaged/married OR someone needs to get divorced and remarried.

        • My 30th is tomorrow in PA and I am in NC. But my 47 year old self would totally kick the a$$ of my 17 year old self. Total lack of any style or self-confidence back then. I’m sure they’ll have a lovely time at the fire hall tomorrow night.

        • OR, you could get married to yourself like Sue Sylvester and register for Manolos (or whatever’s actually cool now) like Carrie did on SATC. ;-)

          Just kidding. Though…that does sound like a pretty funny way to through a kick-*ss party.

          • Holy Cr8p, do you have to be kidding?? Cause all of a sudden I want to really do this for realsies.

          • You know, sometimes I read my own posts on here and I wonder, what is wrong with me. My apparent inability to spell is only induced by this site. I swear I know the difference between throw and through, for example. Grrr.

          • Luckily, I have a pretty awesome group of friends who would probably rally around that idea…

            When I have contemplated just eloping, one of my besties said I couldn’t, since I HAD to have a wedding so people could give me stuff, since I ‘ve been regularly giving bridal and baby presents for the last dozen years or so. (She was being funny/sweet about it, not gift grabby, so no pearls need to be clutched).

      • Senior Attorney :

        Mine, too.

        *shakes cane*

    • TurtleWexler :

      I panicked a bit when I got the FB group invite for my 10-year, too. But they ended up planning it for the weekend prior to the bar exam, so I had a great excuse not to go. Unless you really want to attend, just come up with an awesome reason not to (what’s that? You have a business trip to Honolulu that week? Aww, what a shame. Okay, maybe you should keep to something true, but it shouldn’t be too hard).

      • Merabella :

        You have been asked to be a speaker at a conference because you invented post its…

        • She was 12 when that movie came out!

          • Merabella :

            Then no one will have seen it, and she can totally pass it off as her own story.

        • Alanna of Trebond :

          Isn’t that from Romy & Michele? Because I’ve seen that and I just had my 5th hs reunion. (ok, not quite just anymore, I think I’m at 7 years from high school).

    • Anonymous :

      I just went to my 10-year last fall. I had a lot of the same concerns as you – but it ended up that over that decade, 99% of people have all grown out of that drama. None of us are the same as we were in high school. And for the one or two people who didn’t change, well, the rest of you will look at them and collectively sigh.

      I ended up having a really great time (as someone who has gained 43 pounds since high school), and I hope you go.

      • This. I had gained a lot of weight since high school but I had a blast at my 10 year reunion (and I was certainly not “popular” in high school). Most people were really nice and eager to catch up with none of the cliqueyness (sp?) of high school.

      • This. I did not have a good time in high school, and nearly threw a fit the night of my reunion before leaving because I was nervous about my husband learning what a picked-on dork I was.

        Everybody had matured, and we discovered that everyone has struggles in their life, and everyone was so kind. It really helped me to put high school into perspective and realize that everyone pretty much had a horrible/melodramatic time in high school, and that we were all really good people at the end of the day.

      • Associate :

        Agreed. Despite the mini panic attack my BFF and I had sitting in my car before going into the reunion, it was very enjoyable. Most of the people who decide to show up are the friendly types anyway. In my experience you’ll also find that if you have it even partially together, you’ll be ahead of the curve at the 10-year mark.

      • Agreed, most of the drama and cliqueish-ness will be gone. The women will look amazing, the guys less so, and people will be much nicer than you expect.

        I just got peer-pressured by a friend and reluctantly went to my (gulp!) 35th reunion, after not having gone in many years. I had a surprisingly good time, saw some old friends, reconnected — nonromantically — with my HS boyfriend and had nice conversations even with some people I hardly knew in school.

        Don’t go if you really don’t want to, but I promise you it is not something to dread.

      • Agreed. People were way nicer than in high school, and cooler. Make sure to bring your partner/family – one of my friends got married, and didn’t bring her husband, and I really wanted to meet him, because he sounds awesome on fb.

      • Research, Not Law :

        Agreed. I was prepared for a massive mess of everyone trying to impress each other, but I sucked in my new mama pouch and went. I was so glad I did. Everyone was very chill and just interested in catching up. Many people had chosen not to come because they didn’t feel like they could impress, which was so sad.

    • D Train South :

      I’m the snotty b*&ch from high school who made you feel like you didn’t belong.* Ten years out, I needed to lose 40 lbs, had no husband at all, had huge school debt and a modest paycheck, rented my home, drove an old foreign sedan, and had only a few friends. I would have been thrilled to see you at our reunion, even if I barely remembered you, and we would have talked about things other than our weight, our lack of luck in love, and our finances. I would not have said a single bad thing about you when our conversation was over. And I would have left relieved that people actually spoke to me at the reunion. People really do mature and change from life’s experiences.
      *though if you hadn’t been intimidated by me, my position in school, and my friends, I would have actually been very kind to you

      • Are you a troll? That asterisk is pretty harsh.

        • I know. I thought it was a really nice comment until I got to the last line. It was the typewritten equivalent of a scrolldown fug.

          • Yeah, and it’s totally inconsistent with the rest of the post. I’ve changed, matured, etc., but it was actually all your fault anyway, so I didn’t even need to change.

          • I took it that she is saying she wasn’t actually a b*tch, but she was in the b*tch group. So she had the status, position, and friends, but wasn’t actually an evil mean girl. So she is not blaming those that were intimidated, she is just saying she realizes that these things made a wall between her and those that were intimidated, but if there hadn’t been that wall, she would have been nice

          • Right…but that’s kind of like guys saying “Oh…I don’t want to date you because I’m intimidated by you.” Its a cop out.

            Anyway — se la vie. Thank goodness high school is over. :-)

        • karenpadi :

          Yeah, that asterisk is why I ignored your friend request on Facebook.

        • D Train South :

          No, I’m not, and I did not mean that to be harsh at all, though I can see how it can be read that way. I apologize, and please let me try to explain: I wasn’t unkind to my fellow classmates, but I was highly successful in my endeavors in those years. I just peaked early. A lot of my classmates, particularly girls, were afraid of me and avoided me because they perceived me to be judging them even though I wasn’t. As a result, I felt judged and misunderstood, too. I suffered a different kind of social isolation due to those misperceptions. While I can look back on this now and think “I should have just approached them and invited them for a sleepover”, I was 15 then, too, and just as afraid of rejection. I would be relieved now, as I would have been then, if those girls who were afraid to talk to me in high school started a conversation at our reunion and actually got to know me. That’s all any of us really wants, isn’t it?
          My point for the OP is that she may find out those girls weren’t what they seemed, or at least that they have mellowed from 10 more years of life experiences, and that they are just as nervous about going to her high school reunion as she is.

          • D Train South :

            Wow . . . just read the comments.

          • sigh, it is so easy to misinterpret a few sentences on the internet…. your explanation totally makes sense, and I know what you mean. I don’t think I experienced this exactly, but i have had situations where people assumed I was a snob because I was shy… well, D Train, wanna start the ‘Misunderstood Comment Club of the Day?’ we can have cupcakes and fondue ;o)

          • I get what you mean. Not because I was one of the cool girls. I was a COMPLETE freaking nerd, totally shy. Now I’m not. But I have started some friendships recently with people who were in my graduating HS class and with whom I was never friends in HS. The more time I spend with them now that we’re all in our 30s, the more I realize I never knew who they were when we were in our teens.

          • should have added to the last sentence: despite what I thought I knew about them at the time.

          • I knew what you meant the first time, honey. Hang in there. Sometimes I feel like the women on this site are having their turn at being the mean girls.

            Says the former band geek who honestly can’t imagine being popular high school at all. :)

          • Oh, and to add to the general discussion. I haven’t been to any of my high school reunions. I only remember one or two people and I haven’t kept in touch with them. Occasionally I’ll be back in my hometown and someone at a store or a restaurant will greet me by name and I will have no freaking idea who they are. I must have hit my head in college or something.

            “I sat by you in geometry class!” was one opening.

            All I remember about geometry class was learning about theorems (awesome!), the cute guy sitting in front of me (to whom I said not one single word all through high school and I couldn’t pick him out a police lineup today) and the fact that my teacher was missing a finger.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Well, if our conversation at the reunion went like this post, I’d walk away thinking “Yep. She’s still a snotty b*tch.”

    • anon analyst :

      I went to my 15-year reunion a couple of years ago. I was shy in high school (and still am now, but had a small group of friends. I ended up going by myself b/c my friends live out of town. Also, I didn’t bring Mr. Analyst b/c I’m sure it would be boring for him.

      I thought I might vomit from being so nervous, but once I got there I sat at the bar with a drink and ended up chatting with different people – even some of the popular guys I used to have crushes on. Everyone was really cool and mature. This was way out of my comfort zone, but I’m glad I forced myself to go.

      Find an outfit that makes you feel fantastic and go show them how awesome you are!

    • You would actually be surprised how much people change and grow up over 10 years. I was glad I went to mine. Everyone was chatty and friendly. The cliques are gone. You should go. You may be pleasantly surprised.

    • I skipped mine. Lots of mean, ignorant and racist people in my h.s., so I never bothered.

      My reasoning was this:
      1. The people who were nice from my h.s. days I’m still in touch with and I see them as our respective schedules allow, so I don’t need the reunion to see them, which leaves….

      2. My tolerance level for hearing people I either don’t ever think about or don’t even like brag about their asinine lives….which is ZERO.

      3. I have nothing to prove socially to anyone*, so I don’t care to flaunt job/relationship status/appearance/etc. at all.

      *I am not particularly gorgeous, brilliant, or successful, if one really wants to get crazy hypercompetitive, but I am really happy in my own skin, so I feel lucky in life. And that’s enough for me!

      • SoCalAtty :

        I went mostly for not very nice reasons! Everyone in high school said there was no way I could go to law school and/or be a lawyer because my family couldn’t afford to send me. They all thought it was a joke when I said I was planning on law school. By my senior year and we had to say where we wanted to be in 10 years in front of everyone, it was a big joke – “oh yeah we know, SoCal wants to be a lawyer, yeah right!” Well there I was, 10 years later, married to my high school sweetheart, new shiny car, working attorney, new horse, looked really good (I had been riding like 3 horses a day 6x a week before/after work so same weight more or less but tan and fit) and super happy. I of course have a ton of debt and my own set of pretty severe problems and setbacks in life, but that particular year was pretty fab.

        Oh man it was great. Yes, I admit I have a particularly long memory and can be a little vindictive.

        Everyone looked exactly the same, and behaved the same. I am not at all kidding. I did too, really, I had just figured out (sort of, I had someone do it for me) what to do with my hair and how to make myself look presentable. My HS go to outfit was jeans, flip flops, and a hoodie with a tank top under it! Actually, that’s still my favorite outfit. I think I made conversation with everyone, even the ones I didn’t particularly like, and I had a good time.

        You will be fine – everyone just shows up and drinks and chats. I went to a HS in a smallish town, and those kids were MEAN – think mean girls mean and every sterotype blond cheerleader you can think up. Everyone was nice and polite and circulated the room. For losing weight, I find having a time limit/goal makes it easier, so for that I would say try to find a nutrition plan (or even a nutritionist) rather than a “diet.” Something you can do forever. That is the healthier way, but it can be really tough.

        • I love this story. And I don’t think there’s anything particularly wrong with having a long memory or a speck of vindictiveness– it prevents one from being a doormat, and can nudge us along towards our goals.

        • Gail the Goldfish :

          I am super jealous that you have time to ride 6 times a week.

          Though this confirms that I need to stop being a lawyer in New York and start being a lawyer in California, because all my California lawyer friends seem to be doing far more awesome things than all my New York lawyer friends.

        • Your post has re-affirmed I should not live on the east coast where I have no time to ride and less time to be relatively tan!!

    • Do people even go to reunions anymore? Facebook has made reunions redundant – you’ve already caught up with everyone and know what they’re up to. The people from high school who aren’t on Facebook probably won’t show up to the reunion anyway. In my class of 600 students, only about 60 showed up for the 10 year reunion – and I’d say at least 200 of my class still live within driving distance of our high school.

    • I was in your situation. I joined the group since it made for an easy, one stop shop of people’s fb profiles that I hadn’t kept in touch with, thereby making it even easier not to attend the event itself even though it was local. (I could also see which people were super enthused and going, which was mainly the “beta popular” crowd that I didn’t really interact with in HS at all (um, not b/c I was so alpha popular lest that come off snotty sounding – b/c I’m the “few good friends” type).

    • I went to my 10 year and am not old enough for another one yet. I live in the same city where I went to h.s. so I didn’t travel–and it wasn’t worth traveling for. In high school, I was the introverted too tall girl with bad acne who was nice to everyone and liked by everyone, but wasn’t really anyone’s “friend” and certainly no one thought I was cool (and I didn’t really want to be cool). My class had about 100 people.

      At the time of the reunion, I was still really tall, had much better skin, was generally much better looking, was still very single, and was a Biglaw associate. I was surprised by how normal people seemed–everyone else got taller, they all finished college, everyone got a job, and we all just lived normal lifes.

      I’d say about half of the class showed up at the reunion. Some with S.O.’s, others not. Everyone just stood around and talked. The cliques from high school were gone. No one seemed to care about who was cool and who wasn’t; who’d kept up with whom and who hadn’t (I’d kept up with 2 people andam not on Facebook); who was fatter or skinnier; and who was making more money.

      It was just a fun social gathering and I’ll attend my 20 year too. You may find the memories are worse than the current reality. You’ve probably changed a lot in 10 years—they have too.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      Mine was last summer and the official reunion was awful, but my extended circle of friends got together at a park the next day for a picnic and that was great. I totally recommend doing something like that with your friends.

      Here is what happened at mine, and I’m sorry if this freaks you out. I went in there looking forward to seeing people I hadn’t seen in years. I wasn’t popular at all, but there was a person or two that I was hoping to have the chance to talk to that were in the popular group. When I walked through the door to the event, it was as if everyone reverted back to their high school ways. I’m happy and confident in my life now, which is much different than it was in high school, but I became that shy person again and everyone was back in their little groups and I didn’t feel like I could approach the people I wanted to see. It was a weird feeling. There was this weird level of pressure at my reunion that even though I felt awesome going in, I succumbed to anyway.

      That being said, it was great to see my friends who I’m still close with as well as people who were in my group in high school who I had lost touch with. And the picnic the next day where everyone was relaxed and brought their kids and dogs was WAY more fun.

    • Watch Grosse Point Blank. Best reunion movie ever!

    • My 10-year reunion is August 4th. I decided not to go for a few reasons. Partially because I was asked to be on the planning committee, and I found out none of them had changed since high school. They were still very petty, and it seemed (to me), they just wanted to go back and revel in their ‘glory years’ of ASB and cheer.

      I’m happy with my life now, wasn’t too big of a nerd/outcast in my high school, but didn’t feel the need to go see everyone who probably hasn’t changed all that much. Maybe I’ll go to my 20th…

    • Divaliscious11 :

      I dreaded mine literally until I was parking in the lot of the hotel…. but in the end, I had fun. The jerky people were still jerks, the people who were my friends that I’d lost touch with had done pretty well and were still decent people. Glad I went, and will go to 25th….

    • Just stay on facebook, lie about all of the above, and develop some last-minute excuse for not going to the reunion (like a last-minute work trip to Fiji).
      Note you can simply hire a hot bf for the occasion (or rope in the nearest gorgeous gay guy of your acquaintance).

    • You ladies are all awesome, thanks for the reassurances and comments. I think I was more freaked out by the initial “OMG, it’s been 10 YEARS!!” I’ve still got quite a bit of time to think about it and, based on what I’ve seen posted in the FB group, I’ll make a decision once the actual reunion gets closer to determine if I’ll actually go or not (I live in the general vicinity of where I grew up so travel’s not an issue). FB has allowed me to follow some what a lot of my old classmates are up to, but it may be interesting to actually get to see/be in the same room with them.
      Anyway, thanks again!

    • My mom and dad went to their 50th and 60th high school reunions (respectively) last summer, after not having gone to any of their previous reunions, and even then my mom was freaking out a little bit before hand (oh, i wonder where i get that from?) about being awkward or not cool, or what if people don’t talk to her, etc, and they both had the BEST time! Especially just finding out what everyone was up to in their lives, and telling old stories about high school. And, my mom reconnected with her best friend from freshman year of HS, and they have been visiting each other across the country and talking on the phone. It is so adorbs. ;o)

    • Migraine Sufferer :

      I was disinvited from my high-school reunion… (Due to dropping out my junior year. they sent me an invite and I RSVP’d but then they said I could not go!)

    • The “upside” to the stinking economy, as well as people growing and maturing, is that some (many?) people will be more gracious than expected.

  8. Investing :

    I am interested in what everyone does for retirement savings and investing. I feel completely lost. At this point, I have my emergency fund, my only debt is my mortgage, and I am putting 15% in a 401k with no match, just because I’m not sure what else to do. Also, I just put money I want accessible if I need it (other than emergency fund) in my savings, but it also seems like that’s a bad idea. I’m not eligble for a Roth IRA.

    So, I’m interested in what types of investment vehicles you all use. Do you have retirement funds in addition to your 401k? I guess I’m just curious what other people do to get some ideas.

    • ChocCityB&R :

      I like financial threads (and if it’s not obvious, I’m also having a slow day at work) so I’ll bite with specifics:

      I currently invest the max in my employer 401k (I think it’s 16500?) and about 500 per month in a Vanguard Roth IRA life cycle fund (target 2055 if anyone is interested). My husband does the same, except he puts half of the max in his employer 401k. We have a 12k emergency fund in a high interest checking account. After that, we still have about 10k a year left over, half of which goes to a fun splurge (maybe this year new hardwood floors) and the other half is distributed to our IRAs. We are planning to have kids in the next few years, so now we’ll likely save .25 in a 529 account, and the rest for a down payment on a new house in a better school district.

      Overall, I’m happy with our plan. We have some student loan debt (around 50k) and our mortgage debt (150k), but nothing other than this. I’m sure I’m not maximizing our financial potential, but everything is on autopilot, we don’t struggle to pay bills, and we don’t feel overly constrained by our budget. Therefore, I live by the motto, if it ‘aint broke…etc. etc. At the same time, I get sick every time I check my investment accounts, because they aren’t doing so well…

      • karenpadi :

        Excellent plan! I’m pretty much the same except I have a “normal” lifecycle fund (I think it’s a 60/40 fund) instead of a Roth IRA lifecycle fund. I don’t want to have to wait to enjoy my savings.

        OTOH, I can’t stand my 401(k) plan. I have my IRA in a Vanguard 2040 or 2035 target date fund and it’s doing fine (up 2-3%/yr). My 401k is in Wells Fargo’s equivalent fund and it’s leaking money (down 5% this year)!

      • I just want to say that I love Vanguard. Had a very good experience with them moving some 401Ks from jobs I had left into…. whatever it is that doesn’t hit you with a tax penalty. I have some of it in a lifecycle fund, too.

    • Jacqueline :

      Would also be interested to hear everyone’s thoughts on this. I’m in almost exactly the same situation — no debt, 15% in 401(k), and my emergency fund is intact but I add a little each month, just in case. I also fully fund a Roth IRA each year because I’m eligible. Beyond that, I buy individual stocks a couple of times a year. Do you do that? If you’re comfortable with higher-risk investments, it can be a good way to go.

      But like you, I have too much just sitting in an ING account that gets next-to-no interest, and I would love to know what I should be doing with it.

      • Same here… though we’re saving for a downpayment on our house, so that’s where our extra money goes :)

        In addition to our IRAs and 401(k)s we do have an investment account with Vanguard, where we currently only have a few stocks. I think when we have more to play with (as it sounds like some of you do) we’ll get in touch with a financial planner and work on more investments. When you’re young it really does make sense to buy stocks.

        And as ChocCity mentioned, never too early for the 529…. think of how much college will cost in 20 years!!

    • I play the lottery and wonder if I’m too old to still be a trohphy wife…

      • Hey, that’s my plan as well. If I put 15% of my salary into retirement, I wouldn’t be able to make my housepayment. Thinking of putting a profile on match.com that says “Looking for husband with good pension plan”

      • If you can fool some of the people . . . :

        I am 46. When, at 40, I met my fiance, who is 4 years older than I, I was extremely worried about rumors around town that he was dating a “much younger (about 25 years old) woman.” When I complained to my friend one day about it — “don’t they know that I am a 40 year old, serious, professional woman and not a 25 year old trophy wanna-be wife!?” — my friend said “hey, if you can get away with looking 25 and people believe it, work it!” She was speaking with the wisdom of a then 60 year old and she was entirely correct.

    • Former Partner, Now In-House :

      When I was in private practice, my “savings” plan was “whatever I don’t spend stays in my checking account.”

      When I left private practice, I consolidated all my accounts and saw that I had a sizable (though by no means sufficient to retire on) chunk of money. That is when I interviewed financial advisers and chose one. He actively manages most of my retirement money, which consists of an IRA that houses the money that used to be in my firms’ 401(k) accounts and a brokerage account where I put all the other money I had saved.

      I also have both a 403(b) and 457(b) at work, which I max out each year (no match). My adviser helps me decide what to do with those accounts, too.

      All of these accounts are invested in a variety of mutual funds and other non-single-stock investments.

      I also have an online account (I refuse to continue calling it a high-interest bearing account!) where I save longer term non-retirement money (a car in a few years, major renovations to the house, a future wedding) and a regular savings account at my local bank where I have my checking account (vacations, “life happens” fund).

      I would not be comfortable buying single stocks on my own. If I were doing it without the advisor, I would set it up the same way and buy a mix of perhaps 6-10 different mutual funds — a target date one, and then a couple that rise when different sectors are doing well, so that over the years, at least one will always be up.

      I agree with ChocCityB&R about looking at the statements. For the last few years, the only real increase in the value of my accounts has been the contributions that I make. I continue to invest, however, because: (1) what? I’m going to stop saving for retirement? and (2) when things recover, I will own more shares of all these funds, and then when the per-share value rises, the value of my total holdings will rise.

      I would be interested to know how people figured out how much they need for retirement and how anyone who has gotten there felt about no longer “needing” to contribute and being free to spend that money elsewhere.

    • Left Coaster :

      Related to Me Too’s comment about pensions, I’m curious about what other public employees do for additional retirement savings. I’m a government worker, and I pay 12% of my salary into our retirement fund. Under the current plan, I am entitled to a pension of 80% of my salary when I retire at 62 (or a proportion if I leave the job after vesting, which will happen for me in three years). How much more should I be saving? I throw a few hundred dollars a month into a deferred comp plan, into which I already rolled over my 401(k) from a couple years in biglaw. But I’m not doing anything beyond that . . . .

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        I also work for the government and have a pension. My retirement planning assumes that I will never get my pension and will have to live on whatever I put away myself. I asked whether I could opt out of the pension and was told no.

        I figure better safe than sorry and, as far as I can tell, the only downside is that I may end up with more to spend in retirement or more to leave behind. Am I wrong about that?

        • I work for a govt too and I cannot see govt worker pensions completely disappearing in the lifetime of people reading this blog (barring any insane SC decision pn municipal bankruptcy). Even Scott Walkers plan to realign WI’s pension and healthcare obligations still keep the plans exceptionally generous compared to private plans. (And I say this as a huge liberal.) The govt I work for is taking a revolutionary stance of asking workers to pay just 2% into their future benefits plan (up from zero). Seriously, even if I had to pay 10% it would still be a damn good deal compared to private sector benefits.

          I understand that we all need to hedge for risks as we see them but this is one I find exceptionally unlikely. Except if you work for the cities of Stockpn or Harrisburg, then good luck cause those budgets are f@@@ed.

          • Left Coaster :

            I totally agree. I work for a very solvent city in an extremely liberal part of the country. My contribution is relatively high because my salary is pretty generous for a government employee, and I am more than happy to be paying that much. I’m all for being cautious, but at least at this point in my life saving double for retirement seems unnecessary to me.

      • I’m a federal employee with 5 years in, so I’m vested. I put 15% into TSP (like a 401k for the government), and my agency matches 5% of that. I also put money into a Schwab Lifecycle fund every month, and I of course have a savings account. I have less than 10k student loan debt, and I rent, so I think I’m doing okay for now. I’m under the new retirement system, so I will get less than 80% of my salary for a pension (you’re lucky!).

      • States are cutting their pensions left and right. When I worked for the state, I assumed I wasn’t going to get it (like Social Security).

        You should have your own retirement planning.

        Start interviewing financial planners. They help you figure out whats best for your personal situation.

        • Left Coaster :

          The problem is that I’m paying 12% of my salary already into the pension, and I can’t opt out. And, because I’m a government worker, it’s not like I have a ton extra to go into additional retirement vehicles (I still have a lot of student loan debt). I’m throwing some extra money into a 457(b) but I’m already pretty stretched, so counting the pension as entirely lost money puts me in a pretty tough spot. I guess consulting a financial adviser is probably the best course of action.

          • Former Partner, Now In-House :

            You might interview 3 or 4 candidates and, along with the usual questions about fees and approach, ask them about this. It could be interesting to hear 3 or 4 different professionals’ opinions.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I cashed in my tiny 401k when I was in law school to take a great unpaid internship. Post law school, I still haven’t found full-time permanent employment, so I don’t have a 401k. I’m currently building up my emergency fund as quickly as possible with about 3/4 of my extra pay and the other 1/4 goes to pay extra on my highest interest school loan. As I hit goals with my emergency fund savings, that ratio will change and I’ll also start putting money into an IRA. Not the greatest plan, but it’s what I’ve decided will work best for me in the land of temporary document review projects.

    • Cornellian :

      I’m 26, just started working fulltime with a MA and JD.

      I have a 401K I’m on track to just about max out this year (just started in spring, so I’m not sure). i use the cheap funds, but that may change as it grows. no matching!

      I have a roth IRA with money I contributed from work during college with something like 20 K in it.

      I have another 40K invested with edward jones, 2K in shortterm savings (that’s being contributed to, i swear I’ve only been working 3 months!)

      I have a small amount of student debt I’m paying more than the minimum on

      I have an old stick shift car and rent my apartment.

      • Former Partner, Now In-House :

        So how do you decide how much to invest in which funds in which accounts?

        • Cornellian :

          General investment advice I’ve received, things I’ve read, and informal help from my edward jones woman. I am coaching myself to have a relatively high risk tolerance as I have a while to retirement. I have between 5 and 15% in 9 different funds. There are only about 20 on offer, which I think is typical with employer-sponsored plans.

  9. Francie Nolan :

    Has anyone else seen this piece of news? Sam Claflin is being cast as Finnick Odair…He does not match the image in my brain, although I don’t know who does…what are your thoughts?

    • No, I hadn’t seen that. Hmmm…I could see it, with some hair dye.

      • Francie Nolan :

        Maybe the hair dye would help me picture it. Taylor Kitsch is closer to what I was picturing.

    • I google imaged him – he’s the young guy from the last Pirates movie. That character was kind of lame, but I think looks-wise he’s close to what I imagined.

    • Actually that’s pretty close to how I imagined him! Can’t waitttttt

    • He’s going to have to be a lot…tanner then he was in Snow White and the Huntsman. But hey, I thought Josh Hutcherson looked ridiculous to play Peeta before the movie and he turned out awesome, so who am I to judge.

      • Anon Analyst :

        Yeah, I felt the same way about Josh Hutcherson. I was imaginging someone like Zac Efron for Finnick, but I’m keeping an open mind.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I definitely pictured Channing Tatum for Finnick. Mmm.

      • Jenna Rink :

        Yes, me too! I’ve been on such a Channing Tatum kick since Magic Mike came out.

    • I was totally on team Jesse Williams. Not like that was at all likely to happen but still…

  10. Ladies, I need some insight about hijacking my Nuva Ring.

    Yep. You read that right.

    My apologies to all medical professionals who may be horrified by this, but when I took oral contraceptives, I would occasionally (and responsibly, I think) tweak my body’s monthly calendar–triggering my period to occur only two weeks after the last one, or delaying it to four or five weeks. I realize this isn’t the recommended practice, but I never seemed to suffer any ill effects, and it was nice to be able to re-schedule my period around, say, vacations or really busy weeks at work.

    I’ve been on the Nuva Ring for about six months, and I can’t figure out how to achieve the same flexibility here. The packaging says that the ring will be effective for up to 28 days (rather than the standard 21 that usually come between periods), but I find that my body disagrees around day 22 or 23–so no luck delaying a period by just leaving the thing in. I know the ring’s hormones are triggered by the heat of my body, which is why my unused rings stay in the fridge–would it work to put in a new ring on day 22, take it out (and safely wrap it in the foil packet!) and put it in the fridge when I’m ready for my period, and then re-insert for the ring’s remaining viable days? Would this be crazy? Gross? Please advise.

    • It’s completely safe to skip your “period” (when on hormones it’s just withdrawal bleeding anyway). I’m on seasonale and only get my period every 3 months, but there were times in college where I literally went like a year without it (just kept taking them back to back).

      The fact that you still bleed even if you leave the ring in means, yes, the hormones are dwindling, so the only way it would make sense is to take it out and put a new one in before the hormones run out. I don’t think I would keep a used ring in my fridge and put it back in though, unless for some reason you are trying to save money on these guys….sort of gross, and most insurance will let you get a refill ~5 days before the old one runs out, meaning you should be ok to fill it while the hormones are still working on the old ring.

      • Oh, I just realized you wanted to put it back in for your period. If you want your period, just take it out. Though I don’t know why anyone would want their period ever.

        • Totally agree… I take seasonale nonstop and haven’t had a period in who knows how long. It is amazing.

          • AnonInfinity :

            Tritto. I posted this morning that I just got Mirena, and one of the huge benefits to me is that many women completely stop getting a period. My gyn (who is a man) was also VERY excited about that side effect. I’m not sure how many times he told me the good news and that if I have spotting, even for a few months, it will be worth it bc OMG 4.5 YEARS LEFT WITH NO MORE PERIODS.

            (Sorry for the Ellen caps, but he really was very, very excited)

          • One of my great disappointments with Mirena is that I have *not* had this glorious side effect. And I was a Seasonale user before (migraine with aura, so I had to stop using it) so I, too, would go 9 months+ with no bleeding.

      • I was just really excited to add my suggestion of the mirena but I saw someone beat me to it. I’m on my second one, got the first one out to have baby #2. I freaking love the things. No periods. Ever. The last one I had was when my son was 6 weeks old, and we had his 5 year birthday party last night.

        – for those of you paying attention, yes that means I’m operating on an expired IUD. It’s an amazing pain in the neck to get to the Dr. when you have a big job, a 9 year old, a 5 year old and a DH who wants another baby.

    • Call your GYN. Seriously, most of them are pretty understanding about moving your period around and they can give you safe and effective advice.

    • Why do you need to get your period? You could take the old one out and put a new one in the day before you expect your period to start. As far as I understand things, your period isn’t really a period when you’re on hormonal BC because you don’t ovulate and there’s no danger in skipping it for months or years on end.

      • Of course, consult your gyno; meant to say that before I hit submit.

      • I used to back to back my pill packs all the time for years. I had between 4 and 6 periods a year. Then I switched to NuvaRing and tried to back to back it too. I usually have ridiculously clear, nice skin, for which I am very, very grateful. With the second of the back to back NuvaRing, I got the *worst hormonal acne ever* on my chin. It actually scarred. Apparently this is a rare side effect for NuvaRing. You are forewarned.

        • Jenna Rink :

          I had that too! I got the worst cystic acne of my life when I was on the Nuvaring. But other than that minor detail, I loved it so much that I still used it for 5 years!

    • Did You Know :

      An interesting piece of trivia I recently learned:

      Orthodox Jewish women can only get married while they are “clean,” which only happens after a certain number of days have passed since their period ended and they have been to the ritual bath. Apparently, at least in some Orthodox circles, one way of ensuring that you will be “clean” on the day that all your relatives and friends have purchased plane tickets and made hotel reservations and you have hired a caterer etc is to take the Pill for a couple months straight so that you don’t get your period until your wedding day is safely passed.

      I learned this recently from the woman who takes care of our local mikveh, and it answered a lot of my questions.

      • SoCalAtty :

        Yep, even many conservative or reform brides to be do this and go to the mikveh before. It is a pretty neat thing to do with your jewish girlfriends, actually.

        To the OP: I did this with the regular 30 day BC, ortho cyclen. You just don’t ever take the blanks. I would guess this would be the same thing – just replace prior to period. I read a study somewhere that less periods actually lower your risk for certain cancers? That was a long time ago, I would check NIH and, obviously, check with your gyn. Mine was always really great when I wanted to schedule things, so to speak!

        • Did You Know :

          My fiance, who is Israeli, had another solution: “lie to the mikveh lady.” Apparently this is what the Israelis do. Of course, they have no choice because there is no civil marriage ceremony there so you have to be married by the (Orthodox) rabbinate.

        • Theoretically, fewer ovulations lower your risk of ovarian cancer. The theory is that as the egg bursts out of the ovary during ovulation, it “wounds” the ovary. The wound healing process involves cell growth and division – each time a cell divides, there’s a chance for a mutation to occur that could allow the cell to grow out of control, which is basically what cancer is.

          I think the epidemiology is pretty good that fewer ovulations = decreased risk of ovarian cancer.

    • I’ve left mine in an extra 7 days so I skip my period on occasion. It’s a bummer that that doesn’t seem to work for you. Have you tried it more than once? Maybe that one ring was a fluke.
      If your insurance will cover it or you can talk to your gyn I would get extras so you have a new one after the 21st day. I’m not sure the fridge thing would work, I get the impression that once its “active” it can’t become “dormant” again.

    • Yeah, I wouldn’t put the old one back in at all. It seems kind of gross to me. I’m also on nuvaring an I usually just switch it every 21 days and put in a new one, although the one time I tried 28 I had no problem (its just that getting pregnant now as a single lady would be no bueno and I’d rather be safe than sorry). After about 6 months I usually schedule a period/forget to order another 3 month supply. If for some reason i need to have a period i just take it out and start a new one 7 days later. They tell you to use a new one if it’s out for more than 3 hours (I think) so I doubt putting it in the fridge for a week is doing you or it any favors.

      Ive been pretty successful at getting free samples when I go to the dr, so if it’s a cost thing, I’d try that first. I’m pretty up front about it and say that these are expensive I skip my periods and that makes my yearly exam happen about every 10-11 months. Ive never not gotten a few samples to make up the difference.

    • Nuva Ring is meant to provide a constant level of hormones for 28 days. Once the ring reaches a certain temperature, the 28-day clock will start. Putting it back in the fridge after it has been activated will not delay the 28 days. I recommend talking to your doctor. I know I need a higher dose of hormones to be able to skip my period because I tend to have a very heavy period when I am not on hormones. I was never able to use Seasonale and I had about 4-5 other friends who had similar bad luck with it. It may have been that your old BCPs delivered a higher dose, which allowed you to be more flexible about moving your period around.

    • I took Nuvaring continuously for about years, letting myself have a period maybe once or twice a year. I had no problems at all, and your GYN can write the Rx so that you “have to” take it continuously.

    • Just a little reminder from a DES daughter that messing with your hormones rarely seems to have much of an effect on the spot..

    • I’m not a doctor by any means, so do not take my endorsement as medical advice, but I have found this to be a good resource: http://thewelltimedperiod.blogspot.com/

  11. Whee! I just did my first review of a problem employee as a middle-manager – acting partially as her advocate (the improvements we’ve already made together and why/how they need to be recognized) and partially as support to our head (the improvements that still need to be made and how they will happen). It’s the first time I’ve really been free to manage and train someone the way *I* think is the most effective for her – collaborative, skills-building, etc. – and it seems to be working.

    We’ve set up discrete tasks, metrics to measure improvements, and timelines (she’s someone who desperately needs structure and has difficulty imposing it from within). Our head is going to run interference with other mid-managers who have a legacy of problems with her while I continue to get her up to speed. She’s genuinely finding the changes helpful and it’s impacting her personal life as well (she has a bit of a hoarding problem at home – again, organizational issues – and she’s started working on cleaning up one small area at a time).

    I’m proud of her and proud of myself. Now, gosh darn it, somebody hire me to do this full time!

    • That’s terrific! I think this is one the hardest things to do. It’s one thing to set expectations, but the way you describe really focusing on her and working with her to help her be a better employee is impressive. I bet if you do this effectively, it won’t be long before you’re doing it full time. I just don’t think it’s a very common skill.

    • Way to go! I know it can feel so good to make an impact in an emloyee’s life – she must feel really lucky to have you advocating for her.

    • Congratulations! It sounds like you’re going about this in all the right ways :-). Good to hear that you’re seeing results, it’s excellent for both of you.

  12. Dear Coworkers,

    I totally understand you are hungry, since we are sitting in an all-day, brain-melting, off-site meeting for 8 hours, and that our workplace never considers paying for or providing food at our meetings. It’s not like I got up early to prepare food to bring for myself, so that I can eat or anything. Cause it’s not like I have blood sugar issues or anything. So, please, continue to go ahead and reach over and help yourself to my food, and ask (whine) to have some of my coffee. Cause I wouldn’t want to make you all be adults and go shopping/prepare your own food or anything. That would just be silly.

    Your mother (apparently)

    • SO much crazy! How can your employer not provide ANY refreshments? And how rude and self-absorbed are your colleagues? Good thing it’s Friday…

      • SpaceMountain :

        I work in a government office, and they never provide refreshments. Everyone learns to hit the Starbucks ahead of time or bring along a granola bar.

        • That’s sucky! My government office definitely provides food and bevvies for all-day events, and even coffee at lunch meetings.

    • You cant eat at a meeting and not offer any to anyone else. Seriously, you sound like a b#*#&

      • Okay, errrrybody needs to dial it down a few notches. I know its been a tough week out there, what with the heat and you know…life, but seriously. Take a chill pill.

      • omg, you win! you totally figured out I’m a b-, do you know me IRL or something, cause usually only my bestest of bffs know just how huge of a b- I am… or you must work with me, cuz that’s the only way you’d know my office and the meeting process/culture here to judge me so accurately from only a short post on the interwebs… hugs, new BFF!! xoxoxoxo

        • karenpadi :

          FWIW, I’ve met zora IRL and she is not a B-.

          When there is a famine, bring your own food. Don’t steal other’s food unless they offer it to you–then it’s not stealing.

      • phillygirlruns :


      • Here, have a bite of my half eaten protein bar. I’m sure you don’t have any germs. Why don’t you drink out of my coffee mug while you’re at it?

        Seriously, have our cycles all synched up and now we all get PMS at the same time? What is with the commenters lately?

      • i think that post was sarcastic?

        • Oh man if it was sarcasm that makes much more sense! Because the orginal post was sarcastic too. Man, what if we all jumped on a lady who was actually supporting zora, but didn’t make it obvious enough? Oh dear… Let’s all go back to bed and start over.

          • CT- that is the best idea ever, I totally need a mulligan on today! Do you think that they would mind changing the agenda so i can go back to bed and try this again? :o)

      • You need to eat some FONDUE. Yes, we have enough to share with everyone.



      • Lay off of our zora!

      • I work in government, too, and usually everyone attending a meeting knows, or is informed about, our new rules prohibiting us from offering any (free) food. I think it would be crazy and in fact, rather b*tchy, to expect others to pack a lunch for you when you know full well there will be no food.

        It’s nice to offer, but I know if I packed myself a lunch I would have packed enough food for me to be satisfied and not much more, so yeah, I would be annoyed to have someone trying to mooch my lunch. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to anyone else, either!

      • You are vile, gfd.

    • I was always taught it was impolite to eat in front of others unless you have enough to share. Perhaps you could have eaten your snack out of sight?

      And your employer definitely should have provided some refreshments!! Shame on them.

      • Glucose Sensitive :

        But does that rule apply when you are eating on schedule for medical reasons?

        • AnonInfinity :


          And even if you don’t have a medical reason for eating, we are grown ups, not children in an elementary school classroom, and a meeting is not an occasion where one individual would normally bring food for the group.

    • Wow, sorry you guise for starting a whole blog-splosion! I was trying to make it funny, but apparently…. i need to eat more fondue ;o) kisses!

      • No, my dear, the gfd-person is the one who needs to eat more fondue. I will share with her, really, I promise.

        You are just fine as you are, zora. :-)

        • awww, but what if I *want* some fondue? Esp. if it’s chocolate. Can we all share?? :o)

  13. I really want to get a tattoo. I have thought about the design and the placement for awhile and am ready to go for it… but I am worried about what my mom and dad will say. I know that sounds ridiculous coming from a 27yo, but it would be somewhere that they would be likely to see it at some point and I despise disappointing them. Backstory: I have two small ones already, that are 100% covered in public and that they know about and were less than thrilled with me for getting. I got them eight or nine years ago. My dad has even offered to pay for removal of them. (Which I don’t want because I hardly notice they are there, and I like them because they are a part of my life.) I don’t know if I need advice or just commiseration or someone to tell me to suckitup, buttercup.

    • momentsofabsurdity :

      My parents still don’t know about mine but it’s not in a location they would see (I’ve had it ~4 years, at this point).

      My only worry would be if you are getting it in somewhere your parents will likely see, are you also getting it in a place that might be visible in work attire? If it’s something like a back tattoo that would be visible since you and your parents take a lot of beach vacations, then I would say go ahead and get it and don’t worry so much about what your parents think. You will never make choices that are 100% acceptable to them and I think in the end, as long as you reassure them you are still the daughter they’ve always had, they’ll get over it. On the other hand, if it’s, for example, a wrist tattoo, I think that is probably inadvisable (depending on your industry!), unfortunately, and I would rethink placement.

      • It would be on the inside arch of my foot. Do you think that placement is a bad idea? I feel like I could cover it if necessary for work (attorney), but I would like to hear any feedback on that you might have. I appreciate the rest of your advice, though. I have lived my life in a way that I know makes my parents quite proud and I know I can’t please them all the time, you’re totally right!

        • OMG ow ow ow ow ow. I cannot imagine. I am a person who has to clench every single muscle in order not to kick the pedicure lady in the face. Ow ow ow.

          re: your parents, suck it up. And then tell them they need to suck it up too. You’re an adult and can make your own decisions. My father doesn’t like my tattoo either, but he only felt the need to tell me once and has dropped it for the 15 years since.

          • Merabella :

            I once accidentally kicked a pedicure lady. I felt so awful. I think I tipped her like $30 for a $15 pedicure.

          • I can’t get pedicures for that same reason, or really the lady (because only one person could bear with me) has to be very patient lest I kick her.

        • Been there... :

          Like you, I have a couple in places no one would know unless I were naked. But I’ve taken trips with mom so she has seen them and voiced her displeasure. My dad saw my navel ring and asked “what. is. that.???” to which I replied “jewelry” and he dropped it. I got another tattoo a few years ago after my first Ironman and it’s on the outside of my right ankle. I’m also a lawyer and I never thought twice about it. In fact, my mom has never said a word and she certainly knows it’s there. So they’ll get over it. And they are part of who I am so I’ll never cover them up.

          • An Ironman deserves one. Congratulations.

          • I used to have pierced cartilage. Just one [stainless steel] ring. I did it my freshman or sophomore year of college. My mother went BALLISTIC when she saw it and immediately threatened to tell my father. My father’s reaction? “Herbie Middlename! Why didn’t you get GOLD?!” And he was serious.

            So I guess you never know how your parents might react to these things.

        • From experience with a foot tattoo on the inside arch, they will definitely fade from rubbing/shoes. So make sure your design is one that will still have the same meaning if fading happens!

        • Foot tattoos are tough. The area moves a lot and encounters a lot of friction, so they are hard to heal. You may experience fading after a few years and will have to get touch-ups to keep it looking good. Just be prepared to take care of it more so than your other ones, which I am assuming are on easier-to-heal spots.

          • Also thinking about a foot tattoo on the inside arch of my foot. Fading isn’t too big a deal I don’t think, but does this mean script (my plan is for a few words) is a no-no?

    • Thanks for the responses so far. I am going to go ahead and get it done. I am sure my parents will get over it and this particular tattoo will mean a lot to me. If they don’t get it, I guess they just don’t!
      Been there…, I agree that an Ironman certainly deserves a commemorative tattoo. Thanks for your advice.

      • When I got my first tattoo, I actually posted pictures on my blog of the process (kind of gross but fascinating!) and then just let my mom call when she saw it.

        The second one I think she noticed when I was changing or something at her house. It’s on my back.

        Perhaps you could offer to pay for their first tattoos!

    • It is silly to be worrying about your parents at 27. However there should be lots more to worry about, like potential future corporate pool parties :-), or simply the fact of getting a tatoo nearly 30 years after Cher has hers removed because they aren’t cool any more. Just saying..

  14. In addition to reeling from the horrible shootings in my state, I can’t get over the freaky-ness of the fact that one of the victims was nearly killed last month in a mall shooting while vacationing in Canada.


    I’m finding it very hard to focus on bar prep right now. Everything seems stupid. And pointless.

    • Cornellian :

      step away from the computer. I would either

      a. go to a movie (you’ve paid and probably wont leave halfway through even if you start itching to study some obscure rule of proeprty law), or
      b. run/walk/bike in a straight line 30 minutes from your house. No other way to get home but to do the same 30 min path back!

      I just took the February bar so this is very fresh to me, but please, please, please step away from the books in the last few days.

    • Agreed! No on taking the Bar this week should be studying this weekend. If you don’t know it by now, you won’t learn anything this weekend.

      Get outside, take a hike, listen to music while you play Words with Friends, or watch reality tv. Chill. Get rest and eat healthy food.

      • anonynonynon :

        YES. I’ve been waiting for an excuse to stop studying all along… here it is!!! Ahh.

  15. Y’all I just spent an hour and a half at a very nice outlet mall with many designer stores (hello Michael Kors) with my brother’s family and they don’t like to shop! Managed to hit Jockey and stock up (my faves have apparently been reinstated) and bought a new pair of gym shoes. But holy crap the damage I could have done!

  16. Does anyone have any recommendations for books? I typically read non-serious books – Nicholas Sparks type with the romantic aspect.

    Looking to get into some great books on my upcoming weekend vacation!

  17. I have a game to play – so today i was looking at the care tag on one of my favorite sweaters and i realized it’s from 2007 (on banana clothes they say like summer 07) This sweater is a once a week type deal, thin, bright colored, comfy cardigan – i could not believe how old it was! so – what’s the oldest piece of clothing you have that still continously gets a place in your wardrobe?

    • Anon Analyst :

      I think I have some skirts from 2002 that I still wear. One is a classic gray pencil skirt. Another is a black and cream geometric print skirt that I mostly wear in the summer.

      I think there are probably others. I tend to prefer more classic/basic styles so I have several items that stick around as long as they are in good condition.

    • Oooh, I know! A gooorgeous maroon velvet blazer my mom bought me in high school from Anthro before anyone had even heard of Anthro. And I was like, mom, I am like waaaayyy too cool to be wearing a like blazer! Why did you not buy me some baby ts or something (I can’t even remember what I wanted in high school!) for the amount that you spent???

      And now, twelve years later, I adore it still. I hate that I can only wear it in the winter.

      • Oh, that was 1999, by the way.

      • Oh man. Baby tees. Definitely a fashion choice I will not be repeating if it ever comes back in.

        • emcsquared :

          I saw a teenage girl in overalls last night and felt so bad for her (it was a costume for a play, so not her choice). She was built a lot like I was built in the … erm…90’s, and I realized how lumpy and dumpy I must have looked back then.

          • Oh my. . . remember when you’d wear one side of the overalls unsnapped. No? Just me?

    • I have some skirts and dresses that I had made when I studied abroad in Ghana in 2000, and I have a clutch purse that belonged to my mom in the 1960s. I probably have some older things that I don’t use regularly, too.

      • Oh, duh. I still have and wear my very first college sweatshirt, purchased in 1998.

    • phillygirlruns :

      j.crew sweater, fall 05. v-neck cardigan, green/pink/white argyle. bonus points because i picked it up at buffalo exchange for about $15 – easily my best per-wear rate.

    • Oh, this one’s fun! I have a pair of cotton shorts that still look good that I have been wearing on a regular basis since I was in high school. I believe my mother bought them for me in 1995.

    • this is an awesome game! I am trying to think, but I’m not sure i have any idea. Also, I’ve been putting on weight lately, so I have been slowly retiring pieces as they get older and older. I used to hang on to things for a really long time, though, I was still wearing a few things from college for about 10 or 12 years. I don’t think I do that as much anymore. Maybe my oldest things are from 2008?

    • I have a Target faux wrap dress (Merona brand) that’s a black & white pattern and a Gap black faux wrap dress that I got during Sophomore year of college (2005/2006) that I wear to work now on a regular basis. Have both held up great!

      • *Both have held up great.

        I’m too old to see a movie at Midnight…. running on 4 hours of sleep.

      • anonymiss :

        Grey wool pencil skirt from Warehouse London (when they used to have a store in Soho, sigh) that I bought in eighth grade. Which was 1998 or 1999. I’ve lost and gained weight such that in college it was too small and now it’s a bit too big, but I can’t bring myself to throw it out. It was only 10$ back then on super-sale, and is still in perfect shape and going strong.

    • 1994 – a pair of Nike soccer shorts from high school. I don’t know what fabric soccer shorts are made out of, but the three pairs I have are so old and still look the same. The waist elastic is stretched a bit, but that’s it.

      For work clothes, I have a Banana skirt from 1998. Again, some synthetic fabric that just holds its shape and color amazingly.

      • I have a pair of 3/4 length black spandex leggings from high school (~2000) that I still wear constantly. Whatever they were made out of, they are amazing. have not ripped, sagged, or faded. I think I bought them at Kmart, seriously.

        Until last year I wore the same Express suiting as from high school….yeah, I know. It took gaining weight for me to ditch that stuff and buy real work clothes.

        My college sweatshirt as Bluejay mentioned is another- bought it in 2001 I think, and have worn it ever since. My school rebranded all their crap about halfway through my time there and I haven’t bought anything since, I think the new logo/mascot is so ugly.

      • I have a pair of boxers that my best friend in 4th grade gave me. I’m over 30 now and still wear them as PJs. The only reason I can wear them is that the elastic completely degraded and the waist is bigger than it was so many years ago.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I have my grandpa’s pea coat that was issued to him when he was in the Navy in the 40’s. I had it tailored for me. He is so tickled when he gets to see me wearing it :)

      • 2/3 attorney :

        But maybe this was only meant to be stuff we bought. If so, sorry, I just love talking about that.

        • manomanon :

          whether or not it was things we bought that story is awesome! My little brother has our great uncle’s navy issue pea coat (which is probably identical to yours lol) and he always looks warm and fabulous in the winter. If I could steal it and get it tailored for me I would :)

        • my brothers and i used to fight over our dad’s navy issue pea coat. warmest. coat. ever.

      • aw, that is a great story ;o)

    • K...in transition :

      When I’m leaving the house in jeans/tshirt wardrobe and it’s too chilly for nothing but too warm for a coat, I wear one of my very favorite things in my closet: A 1989-1990 mint condition New Kids on the Block tour jacket.

      • Dying of the awesome.

      • I still wear the scars a girl gave me in 1992 when I told her NKOTB sucked and wasn´t a real band. I was a 100% metalhead back then. :) Respect to you and your jacket!

        • Mighty Mouse :

          I got your (metal head) back, Pip. And I’m singing Master of Puppets. ;)

          Not a fan of New Kids back then, either! We were such a minority, I think.

      • You’ve got the right stuff…. baby….. :o)

      • OMG. I got NKOTB tickets for my 8th birthday – my very first concert! If only my mom would have bought me the tour jacket, I could be as cool as you.

        • Migraine Sufferer :

          It probably wouldn’t fit…

          If I could find a NKOTB touring jacket, I would absolutely buy one for my sister- who was pathetically *in love* with them all!

      • You should totally wear that to the concert they have in Hershey, PA on August 18 (as a bonus, you get Backstreet Boys and 98 Degrees too). I can only assume the aging-boy-band overload will be amazing.

    • Black BB suit: 2006

      Grey BB suit: 2000

      Black Varda pumps: 2002

      Sweater sets (various colors) from Barneys: 2007

      Silk wraparound pants purchased for US$7 in Vietnam: 2002

      White cotton cropped pants by Espirit: 1999

      Burgundy J Crew wrap dress: 2003

      Black Coach leather backpack: 1999

    • I have a lot of clothes from my high school years.. and I graduated in 2002

    • Navy Pinstripe Blazer from H&M dating from 2000. I bought it a few weeks after H&M opened its first NYC location on 5th avenue!

      • The oldest work clothes in my closet are from H&M, 2004ish — some of their stuff holds up SO well! (And some disintegrates immediately, sadly.)

    • A pair of strappy sandals bought at a supermarket in the mid-nineties. I wear them every summer, and apart from a few scuffmarks (which barely shows on the dark grey material) they still look fairly new. They are magical – no matter how hot it is or how much my feet swell, they never chafe or hurt. Best buy ever.

    • Well I would have had my winter coat from the early 90s (soft red corduroy barn coat with quilted lining) but I left it on a plane coming home from Boston in March and it was never found. I have a Heinz sweatshirt that was from when my brother worked there, also in the early 90s. I still wear it.

    • Research, Not Law :

      I literally just got rid of underwear from 1995.

    • Cornellian :

      I have a girls’ size 10 pair of boxer shorts that i wore this week, purchased when I was (unsurprisingly) about 10. so… 1996?

    • I have a navy pencil skirt that I bought in college for rush and still wear to the office on occasion. Vintage 2001.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      until they finally fell apart last year, I still slept in what were either my middle school or high school gym shorts. So, 1998, 1999, probably? I still have some sweaters from high school and college. Actually, I still have a lot of clothes from high school. I should probably get rid of some of those. And for special occasions, I’ll break out my great-grandmother’s silver purse from 1921.

    • Trina Turk black pants from 2004. Worth every single penny I paid for them.

    • Alanna of Trebond :

      I have a shirt that I wore in middle school that I really like–I think I got it at Marshalls. So that’s 2000 I think. I can’t remember if its from 7th or 8th grade. I have some skinny jeans from forever 21 from 2007. I have a great pair of Nine West pumps from 2005, when I first entered college.

    • DVF wrap dress bought at Loehmann’s when I was in high school (so the late 1990s)! And the dress I wore to my college graduation almost 10 years ago.

    • Boots from 1995. (20-eyelet kind of rugged black leather, with a nice grippy sole). I heart them.

    • A black poly blend skirt from Limited that like, halfway between an A line and a pencil, from 2003.

      A pair of black ponte knit pants from Express circa 1997. They are my most favorite yoga-type lounge pants. They skim but do not cling, are matte, and slightly bootcut.

      A purple college sweatshirt from a school no one in my family has ever gone to, but that my parents bought my older brother when they were on vacation in either 1992 or 1993. I got it as a hand me down in about 1995.

    • Associate :

      I have a J. crew dress I wore for my 8th grade graduation that I wear around the house/the dog park now. I’m 29, so that was….1997?

    • Fun! i love this game. I have a few:

      Awesome a line skirt from middle school – Express circa 1994. I wear it to work, to travel, on the plane, on the weekend. it doesn’t wrinkle or show dirt and goes with everything. amazing.

      shift dress from 8th grade graduation black with white polka dots, recently wore it to a very casual wedding! (can you tell i haven’t grown since middle school? :) )

      i have a great hat i got on a vacation with my mom when i was 16. I wear it every winter and always get compliments!

    • Belle et Rebelle :

      I have a t-shirt from an overnight trip my 8th grade class took to PEEC (Pocono Environmental Education Center) in 1986 that I still wear when I paint. The fabric is getting so thin that it’s probably not long for this earth, but I’m not tossing it. Also, it’s kind of fun to see splatters from all the different paint colors I used over the years in different places I’ve lived.

      I also still have a sweatshirt from 7th grade with the school mascot on it, but I never wear it, so I don’t think that counts.

    • Not counting anything truly vintage (my mom’s from back in the day etc.), a pink t-shirt with a red heart-shaped design on the front that is that perfect, soft, worn-in texture. I got it from my cousin as a hand-me-down sometime in early- to mid-elementary school…so, before 1995. It was probably 5 years old then. It has always been insanely out of character and yet somehow one of my favorites. And it managed to survive that awful period in college when I was cutting the necks off all my t-shirts. (Am I the only one who did that?)

    • I started going to a great dress-maker nearly 15 years ago and still have pretty much all of his stuff in regular rotation – many have gone back for multiple repairs and I still love them all. I also have some 90s Armani and Helmut Lang suits – the bottom halves died long ago but the boyish small-shouldered jackets still go strong and I’m holding out for as long as I can between dry-cleanings to make them go further.

      I also have some wonderful traditional dresses and blouses from my mum and my husband’s family, plus some very stylish polyester dresses from when mum was a cool young teacher in the 70s. These aren’t really regular rotation though – they only come out for special occasions.

    • The jacket of my interview suit is Ann Taylor and was purchased for me in 1999 when I started highschool at a school that required girls to wear coats (but not ties!). I swear it’s still interview appropriate! I got compliments on it last fall at EIW.

    • Sports bras circa 2000. Somehow they made it through high school, AAU, college bball, and now my regular workouts. Although they are a little worse for the wear! (I can’t bear to spend $15/ea for a cheap one to replace the set!)

    • I have a skirt I bought at Club Monaco over Memorial Day Weekend in 2005 (yes, I actually remember exactly when I bought it. I was in Chicago for a wedding, and we didn’t have Club Monaco’s in my hometown or where I went to law school. Thus began my love affair with Club Monaco). It’s received tons of wear over the years, and it still looks great.

    • I have two shirts that are probably as old as me, if not slightly older, that were my mom’s. I was born while my dad was a captain and stationed at a AFB in Michigan. Apparently a bunch of the squadron wives got together and had shirts made with the squad’s name and emblem on it. One of the shirts is a regular t-shirt and the other is raglan style. I think I found them in the house some years ago and claimed them as mine. The cotton’s gotten rather thin so I have to wear a cami underneath, but I still love them.

    • I have a pair of slouchy gray super stretchy socks…with a huge LA Gear tag on them. I must have had them since 5th grade or so, so approximately 1990. Every time I clean the sock drawer I think I should throw them out, but they are the perfect wear around the house on cold winter mornings socks. Stylin’

      • Anonymous :

        Most of my clothes are from 2007 or so. I had a black button down that I wore for twenty years but I got too fat for it. What is the normal number of years to keep an item of clothing?

    • There are two silk dresses stored at my mom’s house that used to be mine. They were from Talbots in 1990 or so. I swear I’m going to wear them again someday. And they are at my mom’s house because she wore each of them to occasiona.

      (Talbots used to be a lot nicer, and I used to be a lot poorer, so these were major splurges for me even on sale in 1990.)

      I also never throw away any sweater I handknit. I have sweaters stored from as far back as the ’80s, but the ones I wear are from about 1995 and 2003.

    • Pair of jeans that I wore in middle school that I made into shorts (my 14 year old self actually did a very nice hem job) when they got too short for me. Still have the shorts and they fit on “skinny days”. Almost never wear shorts at all though, except for working out. So those would be from about 1995… 17 years old.

  18. Sydney Bristow :

    I only got one response the other day, so I’m trying again. Does anyone have a premium LinkedIn account? Do you find it more useful and if so, how?

    • maybe all the silence is your answer – I don’t know anyone that has one :)

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I’m thinking you’re right! I thought nobody saw it because it was below the last name change thread. :-)

  19. Merabella :

    After a long drawn out drama between my mother and I, I finally got my wedding pictures and now have no idea what to do with them all. Where do I put them? I don’t want my apartment to now become a shrine to the wedding. How do I hang them/put them out without our apartment becoming wedding central 2.o?

    • One picture in your bedroom, one picture in the family room, the rest of them in an album on the coffee table.

      • One for your office and one for your husband’s office is fine too. And if you have family pictures, you can frame one or two of those in addition to the ones of you for your bedroom and living room.

        • I like this idea.

          My mother wanted me to expand a particular shot (the one where she said I looked the prettiest) to some ridiculous size and hang it in our bedroom. I told her that I may be gauche, but I’m not *that* gauche to turn our bedroom into a GlamourShots Memorial to Me.

    • I bought one of those big frames that’s kind of like a collage (you know, holds a few different photos of different sizes and shapes) and put it in a spot that I go every day but is out of the way of visitors so that I’d see it frequently but others don’t get bombarded with it every time they come over.

    • emcsquared :

      We have a wall that is visible from our living room couch, but only if you know to look there (like, you’d have to turn your head away from the TV and all of our actually tasteful wall hangings). I hung a big print of my favorite wedding photo in a big, tacky frame that my husband loves on that wall. So we can see it and enjoy it, but it doesn’t accost visitors.

      Otherwise, all my wedding photos went in a wedding album that I pull out only when asked. It wasn’t a big expensive Wedding-with-capital-W photo album; just a pretty ring binder from Target with some three-hole punched photo pages.

  20. Dupont Circle :

    DC ladies who went to the meetup – I remember we talked about the recent shooting in Dupont Circle, but I don’t remember who asked for more info and I didn’t get everyone’s email addresses. At any rate, here’s the information we received from ANC representatives, via the Dupont Circle Yahoo group (which I recommend you join if you live in the neighborhood):

    We met with police last night and also spoke with the detective
    handling the case. We impressed upon them that residents are confused
    as to exactly what transpired and concerned that there could be
    follow-up violence in the neighborhood.

    I spoke by phone with the detective and he was very helpful and gave me
    a pretty clear picture of the events he is investigating:

    On Saturday afternoon, two juveniles with guns (neither juvenile
    resides in the District) were in search of robbery opportunities. They
    started at the Dupont circle and then decided to walk east on Corcoran.
    They saw two adults carrying cash and saw them go to the apartment
    above the Cairo Liquor Store.

    The adults (neither resides in the District) were there because they
    were hired to paint that apartment. They were completely unknown to
    and previously unconnected to the juveniles.

    The juveniles went upstairs and found the painters in two separate
    rooms. They then attempted to rob both painters. However the painters
    struggled with them and stopped them. During the struggle, one painter
    was shot twice in the leg. Both guns were either taken or
    relinquished and both juveniles fled. One was caught.

    (The detective believes that the painters exercised restraint in not
    shooting the juveniles. However, I did not ask him about the reported
    shots at the street level. The officers we spoke with last night said
    that someone (perhaps one of the painters) fired shots either in the
    air or at the juvenile who got away.)

    Police are now on the lookout for an African-American teenager, aged
    16-17, who was wearing a black skullcap, torn jeans with green
    underwear. Some witnesses said he was wearing a white tee-shirt and
    had short dreadlocks.

    NOTE- The detective said that the paint job was close to completion,
    so the painters mayor may not return. He does not see any reason for
    the other juvenile to return to the scene because they have no known
    ties to the neighborhood, and because of how actively/quickly residents
    and police reacted on Saturday. But police are on the lookout just in

    The arrested juvenile is being cooperative. But he will be charged as
    an adult. Therefore we will be able follow his judicial process and
    give you more updates over time.

    • Dupont Circle :

      Oops – forgot the final paragraph. The body found nearby the same day was unrelated to the shooting.

      PS- Police have also confirmed that the Latino male found dead
      Saturday morning in the alley near 17th/P died of natural causes and
      there is no suspicion of any violence. We will also follow up on this
      over time to get any additional details.

    • I wasn’t able to make the meetup :( but thank you for this info!

  21. My sister-in-law is 10 weeks pregnant and I want to send a congratulatory gift – any recommendations? I’m at a lose as it seems to early for baby clothes/things. This is their first child. Thanks!

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I gave my cousin a teddy bear for the baby when she got pregnant with her first child. I also got her dog a toy as a “big brother present.”

    • If you are close to her, I like to give L’Occitane Shea Butter. It’s the best for preventing stretch marks. (I say close because stretch marks are a personal thing).

    • Research, Not Law :

      How much do you want to spend? A prenatal massage gift certificate would be nice later on. A gift card for Gap would let her buy maternity or baby clothes.

      While I didn’t expect anything, I received baby clothes, food (ginger candies and such), baby books, and maternity clothes. I liked the maternity clothes best, since it adds up. Food is too particular.

    • A gift certificate to get a pedicure, or just some flowers! I received both when I announced, and appreciated both.

    • How about some books? “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy”, “Baby 411”, “Baby Bargains” and “The Happiest Baby on the Block” were all given to me when I was pregnant by friends and they were helpful.

  22. Oh.so.tired. :

    What shoukd I eat for breakfast before the bar exam? I have to survive 5 hours of zero munching or drinking (even water!) during the AM sessions of the bar. What will keep me full but give me energy?

    • Oatmeal with brown sugar and some craisins in it (and nuts if you like nuts) with a juice and a coffee for the caffeine?

      • that’s like sugar (brown sugar) + sugar (craisins) + sugar (juice). a whole lotta sugar.

      • oh.so.tired :

        despite never eating breakfast, I often each oatmeal for lunch (er, sometimes even for dinner when I’m too lazy to cook), and I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Quaker Oatmeal with Walnuts, Raisens, and Dates. Sooo goood! Thanks for the suggestion- I may bring a few packets with me to the hotel.

    • You can drink water during the bar exam.

      • Maddie Ross :

        It’ll depend on the state. Of course there’s always a water fountain, but many (ahem, Virginia) don’t allow you to keep water with you in the room.

      • oh.so.tired :

        I think it varies by state- in my state we’re not allowed to bring water into the exam. Although I’m assuming there is water fountain somewhere in the huge conference center, I don’t want to spend time leaving the testing to find it unless I absolutely have to.

    • Protein and fibre will keep you full longer.

      • oh.so.tired :

        Thanks. I’ll search for breakfast foods that contain a lot of protein and fiber. As you can probably tell, I hardly ever eat breakfast so I really needed to think this one through!

        • Anonymous :

          If you have a Trader Joe’s nearby, they sell single serve containers of greek yogurt (which has lots of protein) with fiber added. If you want to avoid too much sugar, get the plain kind and add some fresh fruit.

    • I guess it varies by state (and I’m sure the people in my row hated me) but I got up to go to the bathroom/water fountain multiple times during each session of the bar exam. I just can’t sit still that long.

      • I recommend going to the bathroom or water fountain at least one time. The chairs in my state were so unbelievably uncomfortable that I found that I had to get up once each session just to stretch my legs.

        As for food, try to have protein/fiber and stay away from diuretics that will make you have to go to the bathroom multiple times during the morning sessions. I actually found that afternoons were harder because the adrenaline rush had worn off and I just ended up crashing.

    • 2/3 attorney :

      I am in no way comparing the LSAT to the Bar, but I will just mention that instead of drinking coffee before the LSAT for the caffeine, I took a no-doz so I wouldn’t have to pee.

    • Cornellian :

      I’m not sure, but try it out this week!

    • another anon :

      I wouldn’t deviate too much from things that you would normally eat for breakfast. The day of the exam is not a time to mess around with eating new things that might upset your tummy or with eating so much that you get sleepy. I would just eat slightly more of whatever your most filling regular breakfast is.

      I also would not mess around with taking any new medication (e.g., no-doz)–you just can’t predict how it will affect you.

      And can you really not leave the room during the entire 5 hours? Surely even the strictest jurisdiction would have to allow for bathroom access during a 5 hour block of time??? If you can leave to go to the bathroom, there will probably be a drinking fountain (or worst case scenario you can at least get a few sips from the bathroom sink).

    • OC Lawyer :

      I hid Werther’s candies in my bra and when I wanted a break, I went into the ladies room and into a stall to put one in my mouth. The proctor followed me into the ladies room, but not into the stall. I assume that if she heard the wrapper, she thought it was a tampon.

    • emcsquared :

      If you’re looking for protein and fiber, I recommend yogurt (plain, nonfat) and granola, maybe with some berries for sweetness. Or scrambled eggs and high fiber toast with peanut butter.

      I ate my normal breakfast but also carried a protein bar and water bottle with me to the bar exam and powered them down just before they let us into the room (since I, like everyone else, got to the exam site 45 minutes early).

      I agree with the commenter who said to follow your normal morning routine, if at all possible (even if that means moving your normal breakfast earlier in the day). I used to teach LSAT prep classes, and I had one student who got sick from eating rich food before the test, and several who passed out from not eating before the test.

    • West Coast 3L :

      I am having issues with this, actually. My state allows food and liquids, so coffee’s coming in with me for sure, as I’ll get a migraine without it. The problem? I seem to have developed IBS (or something) in the last year and my stomach has started grumbling constantly, particularly in the morning. I think it’s due partly to the caffeine or acidity because as my consumption’s increased in the last week or two, it has become louder. So loud, in fact, somebody gave me the stink eye during a simulated MBE. It was mortifying.

      Any suggestions on how to deal with this for the test? I don’t want to be “that girl with the loud stomach” and distract my fellow students (and myself, being self-conscious about distracting them). I usually have greek yogurt with some fruit or granola in the morning and I’ve tried switching to something more substantial, like eggs and toast, and it hasn’t made a difference.

      • oh.so.tired :

        meh. I would eat whatever breakfast food you need to help you do well. Most people, myself included, will be bringing in ear plugs. A room full of thousands of people frantically typing will probably drown out any stomach grumblings. And on the MBE day, I expect people will put in their earplugs if it is bothersome. I wouldn’t give anyone the stink eye for something they dont have full control over!

        • Belle et Rebelle :

          Agree – most folks will have ear plugs in if they are sensitive to noise, and I guarantee that your stomach rumbling will not be the most annoying sound in the room anyway. Eat whatever you normally would before the test but maybe bring some kind of food in with you if you think that would help if your stomach does start rumbling during the exam. Maybe a banana or some string cheese? Or a PB&J sandwich from home? I’m thinking something relatively quiet and bland.

          • Except in CO! No ear plugs for us. Can you believe it?!!!! I’m quite irritated about this, actually.

          • AnonInfinity :

            Why can’t you have ear plugs? That is out of control.

            (I did not use ear plugs, but I don’t see the point in not letting folks have them?)

    • Just wanted to say good luck to everyone who is taking it! I will be right there with ya. I’m a little more relaxed as it is my second bar (new state), and I echo what everyone else has said. No major changes the morning of the bar!! I’m gonna be sporting a banana while standing in line waiting for the VBBE to let us in and eat some eggs and oatmeal at my hotel. So excited!!! (rolley eyes)

      • Good luck in VA! Make sure your suit is of a breathable fabric, and don’t put on the jacket until you get inside. Roanoke is HOT in July, even in the morning, but the Convention Center will be cool inside.

        • Thanks! Am I going to get kicked out if I wear sheath dresses with a blazer? I don’t have a skirt suit but all my pants are crazy long and I want to wear my comfy flats . . .

          • No, that will be fine. Although a piece of great advice someone gave me for VA was to wear both a cardigan and jacket into the exam b/c it could get cold in there. I was freezing for a good part of the exam. When I warmed up, I could take off the jacket and type in my cardigan which is much more comfortable.

  23. 2/3 attorney :

    Has anyone heard of a watch brand called Charles-Hubert? I found one I like on amazon for a reasonable price but it seems too good to be true.

    • 2/3 attorney :


    • I haven’t, but I’ve had perfectly nice watches in the <$50 range, so I wouldn't consider this at $96 too good to be true. It's not a prestigious brand, but who care – if you like it, go for it!

    • Merabella :

      I got a watch from Kohl’s and I really love it. It was I think $60 with tax, because they are always having sales, and I get tons of compliments on it.

  24. For Nordies Price Adjustments – does it still have to be available in your size or is just available enough? I’m only a yellow belt in Nordstrom-fu (I’m looking at you, black belt) :)

    Thanks ladies!

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Did you buy online or in store? Online purchase with online adjustment –> they just need one item in any size in any color of that same item in stock; chat with the online rep. In store purchase with in store adjustment –> they may try to tell you that you only get an adjustment if they still have it in stock in your size. I’ve heard this sometimes and it’s one of the reasons I don’t shop in store much anymore. Push with management and they will give you the adjustment.

  25. Woods-comma-Elle :

    I suspect I will need to bring this up again after the weekend, but bar exam prep. Yes, I’m thinking about it. Looking at the various prep programs, obviously BarBri is the best known name, but the distance learning course in the UK is like twice the cost of some of the others e.g. BarPassers.

    Has anyone used BarPassers and is it any good? The whole flowchart concept appeals to me as I would probably make flowcharts anyway to learn and remember ths stuff, but should I just suck it up and throw $5k at BarBri?

    Any suggestions/feedback on alternative bar prep providers would be welcome!

    • Does PMBR/Kaplan offer a full course for your state? The distance option tends to be less expensive than the in-person classes. I found the materials to be quite thorough.

      • Woods-comma-Elle :

        Yes, I could do Kaplan, but it costs almost as much as BarBri. Just to clarify, I’m in England, so my options are limited to distance learning.

    • I did the remote learning BarBri. At that time, it was an ipod course. It worked. It was expensive, but you only want to do this once. It’s worth the investment.

    • CA lawyer :

      I thought Themis was good.

    • I’m currently using Themis (CA) and have friends using it for other jurisdictions. I feel pretty prepared (*hopefully*) and so do they. The pass rates are also pretty good. Beware that it is all online and there are occasionally problems with the website, but in the grand scheme of things that is pretty minor. Its also less than $2k.

    • West Coast 3L :

      I did/am doing the full BarBri course (although it was $3500 for the full thing — in-person lectures and books) and regret having paid what I did for it. I think it depends completely on how motivated you are/how well you figured out the basics of law school exam-taking, but I definitely felt like the overall program was catering to the least common denominator. I know how to use IRAC, I’ve taken a few timed tests in my life, and understand this thing called “process of elimination.” I didn’t need to pay $3500 for someone to tell me that’s how you pass the test.

      If I had to do it again, I would just buy the materials from BarBri (which would’ve only been $500, I think) and make my own ten-page outlines from the Conviser Mini Review (and do a ton of multiple choice). The lectures were terribly hit and miss; a couple were great, but went into way too much detail, others were sub-par, and still others got the law completely wrong. And I still ended up having to make my own outlines because the 40 page “lecture notes” I had for each day weren’t something I was capable of digesting for all 19 topics.

      Also, there’s just something about the setup that makes me think part of their teaching strategy hinges on making you as terrified as possible that you’re going to fail and, well… come on. That’s just mean.

      Anywho, that was my experience and it may have been different for others, but I wish someone had at least warned me. My money would’ve been better spent on a trip to Cabo in August.

      • Bar Member :

        Please give us this advice again when your results come out.

        Yes, BarBri is a pain in the a$$. But you don’t know whether the lectures will help until you know if you’ve passed or failed.

        The exam is next week. No one can be super-sure they will pass.

        • I know that things have changed over the years. I took the Bar in 1982 afer working full time as a federal law clerk in another state for the preceding 14 months, bought BarBri materials, studied nights and weekends pretty religiously (as in going to library and locking myself there on weekends) beginning early May, and one week of work off before the Bar. Law students have made it this far in school and have done fairly well, and I find it hard to believe that most people cannot pass by buying the materials and studying on their own. You have already had most of the materials in law school, presumably, and whatever godawful class you did not take (UCC for me), you can learn by reading and studying.

          West Coast 3L is probably correct in her assessment. These bar courses are hugely unnecessary in most instances.

          • But that’s not to say I was not scared to death at the time. All my friends took the actual courses.

        • West Coast 3L :

          I would be happy to check in with the Hive when results come out!

          And I didn’t say I was super sure I will pass. If I was, I wouldn’t be spending this beautiful Sunday cooped up in the library. I did say that the lectures weren’t worth the extra three grand for me, especially given the fact I had to go re-outline the material from scratch myself because the lectures were unreliable and bloated.

          Case in point: the torts lecturer said, “Oh, don’t worry about this area, I’m not even going to cover it because it’s never been tested in your state.” I looked up past exams on the State Bar’s website (for free), and what did I find? Twice it was the focus of an entire interrogatory. On top of that, it was all over BarBri’s own practice MBE questions.

          Helpful to some people? Of course. Worth it for me? No.

          • Anon NJ and MD Bar :

            I agree with this. The Barbri lectures are okay, but not great. Most of the lecturers are terribly boring and they go off on tangents. It reminded me of law school classes without the cold calling. They tell stories and sing songs when all I want is the relevant information and some tips. Time is so valuable that it is frustrating when they waste 5 minutes telling us about their family or personal life. I focused mostly on the lecture information which was a mistake because they did not include a lot of important information that was on the essay and practice questions. That was probably my biggest mistake and may cause me to fail. I think the bottom line is that the lectures are not worth it. You just need the books.

          • Bar Member :

            I think these same criticisms could apply to most of my law school professors.

            Yes, they went off on tangents and some of what they said wasn’t relevant.

            Part of being a lawyer is being able to distill what is being said to you into what’s actually relevant.

            If I were doing it again, I’d take BarBri again. Bar study is tough enough without having to make your own schedule and do your own research.

          • West Coast 3L :

            Yes, distilling information is part of being a lawyer. But if I’m going to have to distill the material anyway, shouldn’t I save myself the three grand and cut out the middle man? Plus, teaching 19 topics in two months for a three day test of mixed multiple choice and essays is much different than teaching one topic twice a week for an hour and a half each day over the course of seventeen weeks for a three hour caselaw-based essay exam.

            I’m not suggesting studying for the bar from scratch. The Conviser Mini Review is where it’s at, and I believe you can buy it (plus multiple choice, essays, and MPTs) for $500 (as I mentioned above). If someone’s looking to save money (which Woods-comma-Elle was), it’s a serious alternative to consider.

            And the Paced Program isn’t rocket science (though I think you might get a copy of it if you just buy the materials). 60-70% of my fellow bar-stuudiers ended up ignoring it after the first two weeks because it was physically impossible to keep up with. A strategic Google search would probably provide you with a template you could customize for your own learning style.

            I’m not knocking anyone it worked for and that’s great you would do it again, Bar Member. But I didn’t perceive the value of my purchase.

          • Anon NJ and MD Bar :

            I think law school is completely different. You are listening to the professor for about 13 weeks and engage in class discussions. It’s inevitable that things will get off track, but Barbri should not be treated like law school. I just think the lectures could have been better. As for the paced program, I think you can easily map it all out and 1-3 subjects per week.

      • Although I think the lectures were helpful for me, I also regret taking BarBri. I found their multiple choice questions and practice essay model answers to often be inaccurate and/or unclear. Additionally, it seems like their strategy is to give you way harder questions in practice exams to freak you out, even though the real questions are nowhere near as hard. The online tools often malfunctioned, and the people working for BarBri (the ones you could ask “substantive questions”) were completely unhelpful. However, I will say that there is value in having a schedule to follow – not sure I could have self-paced appropriately without *some* program.

    • Not sure what state you need but look into BarMax. I believe they do NY and CA. It is much cheaper. I used their MPRE free program on my phone and I really liked it.

      • Oops didn’t read the whole post before replying. Fail! Ignore my last post!!

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