Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

James & Erin is one of the new Amazon Prime brands and it’s got a kind of cool girl vibe that can work with a lot of different women’s styles. This embellished shell is on a crazy sale ($15!), comes in purple and black, is handwashable, and could work with anything from skinny jeans to cargo pants to even a high-waisted look (so the bottom part of the design is tucked in and the top is a bit blousy). Like I said, it’s $15 at Amazon, available in sizes XS-XL. James & Erin Women’s Embellished High/Low Sleeveless V-Neck Top

PS. Many apologies for no morning thread — we’ll throw the weekend thread up a bit early for you, and I’ll also go back and post the one we were going to post this morning because it was a good deal. Siiiiiiiigh.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

Comments

  1. Anon for This :

    Can someone explain to me the appeal/significance of nose studs? I moved to a new city where lots of women have them (including professionals), and I’m not “getting” the appeal. Is it purely decorative or does it have cultural significance? Doesn’t the backing irritate the inside of the nose or interfere with nose stuff that needs to come out? I’m genuinely curious but don’t want to ask someone who has one lest I offend.

    • For some people, yes, definite cultural significance. Others, fashion.

      “nose stuff that needs to come out” is the line of the day, though ;-)

    • Anonymous :

      It’s a cultural thing in some Asian countries.

    • Once upon a time, my nose was pierced. There are a couple of types of studs in the sense of what the part on the inside of your nose looks like. For me, it was something fun, not permanent (you can’t tell at all I had it done now), and a way to mess with my parents (I was very mature). I never had any problem with getting my nose stuff out :)

    • Anonymous :

      I am an allergy sufferer and cannot imagine the horror of anything metal in a nostril. Plus, another hole for gunk to go into. Aiiii. No bueno.

    • Anonymous :

      Because people like them? Curious why you’re so insistent to have this explained to you.

    • anon dot gov :

      I had one and when I got a cold I took it out and it closed up. You can get nose rings that twist in but I wasn’t patient enough to let mine heal to the point where you can put one in. This was a long time ago and some biker dude simply shoved an ear gun up my nose to do it as opposed to nowadays where they use a needle. There is still a scar almost 20 years later.

    • There’s no back. The stud twists around like a hook. You twist it to get it in and it stays in place once twisted. You have to deliberately twist it to get it out.

      Picture http://www.sarraf.com/products/14k-Yellow-Gold-1.5mm-Diamond-Nose-Stud-.015-ctw.html?gclid=Cj0KCQjwq7XMBRCDARIsAKVI5QYj7SJy7Hy19PwexzZnv13QQZOuoiQoF1RYrKiPjjfXUxc3uTg-Y0EaAt9bEALw_wcB

      Personally I have had one for 15 years, and have had horrid allergies for about half that. It doesn’t bother me when my allergies are acting up. It’s just not in the way. I have mine cause I like the way they look. Same reason I have pierced ears. ::shrug::

      • Anonymous :

        Interesting. I thought they were just like earrings, so I had no idea how that would fit in what is an, ahem, active taxiway.

      • Senior Attorney :

        Thanks for this, Torin! I love the look but I, too, have always wondered about the mechanics. Another mystery solved!

      • That picture explains so many things I’ve always wondered but never bothered to look up. Thanks!
        Also the euphemisms on this s!te are my favorite, i.e. “active taxiway”

    • FridayGir :

      To me it’s a little bit of cultural appropriation but I think I am in the very minority for this one. Somehow on my mom it looks too Indian, too FOB… but on a white person so “alternative lifestyle”. It seems that there’s a type of leftish-independent lifestyle leaning person that gets these.

    • It doesn’t really have a backing inside the nose its more like just a blunt hook (like a turn in the metal) so it sits flush with the mucosal on the inside of the nose. Didn’t interfere with my snot exodus at all. I had one when I was a teenager and had lots and lots of piercings (what can I say, it was trendy at the time in my social group). You can’t even see the spot where the hole used to be now.

  2. To which skin do you try and match your foundation color? I’ve always had makeup counter people match the skin on the lower cheek, but my cheeks and T-zone are noticeably darker/redder/spotted so I think that makes me end up with foundation that’s too light on my skin. Does anyone else have the same problem?

    • Marshmallow :

      I also get a lot of redness around my nose, but I still match to my cheek. It helps cut the redness. But you could always go for a happy medium between the two shades, so you even everything out. And/or: sweep matte bronzer around the outsides of your face in a “3” motion. Foundation can make the face look a little flat and washed out, so a little bronzer can help make everything blend and come back to life.

    • lawsuited :

      Match to your jawbone. Your jawbone is likely still a little lighter than your neck, but close enough that it will still look natural. If you match to an area of your face with a lot of redness or hyperpigmentation your face will be a dramatically different colour from your neck.

    • Anonymous :

      Your jawline.

    • anon dot gov :

      Jawline but I almost always apply blush and bronzer overtop, even though I do have adult acne because otherwise my face looks really pale and flat with foundation alone.

    • Jawline/neck – you can also consider a color correcting primer underneath to help even out redness.

  3. Anonymous :

    I have permanent “headlights,” possibly due to having nursed 3 kids when they were babies, and I’m finding lately that the tips are hurting more. I think it’s because of my new bras, which might push them down more. Have any of you experienced this same problem?

    • Green Hat :

      I’m still nursing but have the same issue (because of nursing). I find that wool breast pads help a lot. They’re somewhat pricey but if you’re not leaking milk you really only need one pair that you wash every so often.

    • Yes, I too have permanent headlights and experience nip ple discomfort. I think it is hormonal (I’m 46).

    • anon dot gov :

      Me too but I had been wondering it’s the sensitivity finally returning to that area. I stopped nursing almost a year ago.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes – maybe a more molded cup would work, where it is more “free” in there?

    • I’m just imagining a corn pad inside a bra to minimize this issue, and I’m not feelin’ it haha

  4. Zits in Weird Places :

    A couple of times now I’ve gotten zits in weird, uncomfortable places like in the fold between my leg and crotch or right on my areola. They pass after about a week or so. Is it just natural for zits to pop up anywhere on the body like that?

    • I’m not sure if it’s natural, but I get them in random places too. I currently have one squarely in the middle of the left side of my @$$. Ain’t life grand?

    • I typically have dry skin, but I got a monster painful zit on the side of my neck the other day. So I vote normal.

    • Anonymous :

      I get them in the crease between my leg and crotch too, I think from sweat and my underwear rubbing. Very normal.

    • I had a really painful zit on the inside of my nostril for several days. I say normal.

      • Anonymous :

        I’ve had one of those and it was the worst. I currently have one on the back of my neck so I vote normal also.

        • Zits in Weird Places :

          Actually, the worst place for me was having one right next to the side of my lips. Every time I opened my mouth to speak or eat, it hurt like a mother. And this happened to me twice. Didn’t help me lose any weight though.

    • Pen and Pencil :

      They are actually more likely to be small staph infections than zit, especially if they look like cystic acne. Some people are more prone to these than others; I won the genetic lottery and get them all the time. A dermo can prescribe medication for you if you get them a lot, but I just let them do their thing for fear of creating antibacterial resistant strains.

    • JuniorMinion :

      I used to get them a lot on my backside and in the crease of my leg / groin area – I think it was from working out and being in sweaty clothes. Now I immediately change out of my workout gear post workout and workout commando and it seems to have fixed the issue.

      I did it largely because I’ve had 35 UTIs so I take all the precautions but the decrease in zits in those areas has been great.

      • Oh my goodness! Have you seen an immunologist and had a work-up for this?

        Something about your genetics is definitely different.

        What a nightmare for you.

      • Anonattorney :

        @JuniorMinion: I’m sorry you received this – in my opinion – pretty rude response. Thanks for being a helpful voice on this board!

        • Y to the East :

          Rude? I dunno. This comment seems more of the “oh no, that must be so uncomfortable, i wouldnt wish that on anyone” sort.

          • Uh, with you until this line: “Something about your genetics is definitely different.”

            Rude, or at the very least, pretty inappropriate. #bringonthewordpoliceaccusations

        • OMG you people are so sensitive. It’s a factual statement!

    • anon dot gov :

      Ingrown hairs maybe? I tend to get them on my thighs a lot and that is annoying because I’m trying to wean myself off of shaving that area. I once got one on my forearm right where you rest your arms on the desk to type.

    • Linda from HR :

      Yup, it happens. Warm compresses and some kind of anti-inflammatory help, along with whatever you normally use for pimples.

    • alexisfaye :

      The one on your nipple might have been an inflamed Montgomery gland. I’ve had that happen, and look like a pimple…

      • Anonymous :

        So, you wear workout pants and no undies and you think this helps with your UTIs? Because I get them frequently as well. I started changing my underwear 2 and sometimes 3 times a day and sleeping without them, but I do tend to run around in my workout clothes all day.

  5. I posted a couple of weeks ago about moving, partly in expectation of space for future baby and partly because of some negative experiences in our current apartment building. The consensus was to either not move, or move to another one bedroom, so we could save money for the next year or two before baby. Well, we found the best of both worlds: a smallish two bedroom in a great neighborhood for actually slightly LESS than we were paying for our high rise one bedroom. We’re giving up some amenities but I’m psyched about the extra space and the money saved. I think the comments here gave me an extra push to look harder for a money-saving option rather than just throwing up my hands and going to a two-bedroom in a comparable, expensive apartment building, so thank you ladies!

  6. If you have a few different retirement accounts from different jobs, is it important to consolidate them by rolling them all into one?

    • Anon in NYC :

      I don’t know if it’s “important” per se, but I did it for ease of management and also because I thought that there might be some benefit to having a larger dollar amount in one place (like perhaps more oversight from my financial advisor).

    • Right now, assuming you are young and healthy, probably not.

      But do it eventually. As someone who has had to manage funds for an elderly family member during her final months after a medical crisis, it helps to be as streamlined and organized as possible.

    • Anon in the asset management industry :

      Yes, I’d roll your retirement accounts from old jobs into one consolidated IRA (individual retirement account). It will make it easier to keep a handle on your asset allocation. Also, the investment options in your 401(k) (or other employer sponsored plan) are limited. They often are not the least expensive or the best investment options. You’re better off putting everything in one account and then figuring out how you want to allocate your investments (e.g., a fund that invests in large US companies, a fund that invests in smaller US companies, a fund that invests in international companies). Or you could just invest your whole IRA in a target-date fund and then you don’t have to do anything with it. You pick a fund with a date around when you’d want to retire (e.g., if you’re 40 and plan to retire at 60, you’d pick a fund with a date close to 2037) and then the fund adjusts its own allocation over time.

      • Anon in the asset management industry :

        I should mention that it’s very easy to do this. All you need to do is call up Vanguard or Fidelity or Schwab (they’re widely regarded as having the best retirement investment platforms) and tell them you want to roll over some old retirement accounts into an IRA with them. They will handle most of the paperwork for you and will walk you through exactly what you need to do to move the money over, what your investment options are, etc.

      • The downside to rolling over your 401K to an IRA is that it closes the back-door Roth IRA option (or at least makes it very expensive). If you are above the Roth IRA contribution limit and either use or think you would use the backdoor Roth IRA option, I highly recommend against rolling any 401Ks into an IRA.

    • Anonymous :

      1. Some plans will only support former employee accounts over a certain dollar amount, so a small amount (like $3000 ish) might get you paid out and having to take the penalty for early distribution. The ability to do that is usually listed in the plan documents and usually happens after you’ve been gone for a year (but YMMV).

      2. Leaving it in your former company 401k may reduce your ability to control fees and investment options. It really depends on the employer plan.

      3. What Anon in NYC and Anonymous above said – you can get some savings in fees and nicer investment options if you have a larger chunk of money to invest. And if you are the IRA holder, you have the control over where you invest and what the fees are.

      I had stuff in about 3-4 different accounts based on various jobs, and rolled those in IRA when eligible (It took about 12 months to be eligible to move some of the funds), mostly for easy of use. I only had to deal with one interface/set of reports, etc. and my totals and gains were all in one place. And the benefit of being able to buy Admiral Shares (Vanguard investor here).

    • My vague understanding is that 401k/403b accounts are covered under ERISA and are thus better protected from potential creditors than IRAs. I hope to never need this protection, but I could see it being useful in the event of grave misfortune, particularly later in life. However, this isn’t my area and I haven’t confirmed. Can anyone with expertise shed light?

      • Anonymous :

        well, IRAs have the same bankruptcy protections from creditors as 401ks (I think there’s a SCOTUS decision on it). And IRAs can still have some general creditor protections, but those are at the state level, so you’d have to check for your state’s protections. But nothing is a complete shield.

  7. Does anyone have experience ordering from this or other Amazon exclusive brands? I guess I’m old, but I’m still wary of clothes from online-only retailers. They have some cute pieces, but it seems like for that price, quality has the potential to be pretty bad.

    • Anonymous :

      You can return it for free, so there’s not a lot of risk in trying something you think you might like. I think their stuff is usually fine.

    • Amazon clothes :

      The free returns made me a convert. I’ve bought several things from Amazon-exclusive or online-only retailers via Amazon, and the quality has been pretty good. Oddly, I just purchased an amazing white 3/4 sleeve t-shirt from Hanes via Amazon… and just noticed a small hole in the side seam, so I will be exchanging it for an undamaged item.

      I have also bought a navy midi skirt that I love (Dani’s Choice), a black cropped-ish top to go with a high-waisted skirt, a multi-way dress that I love, a multi-way [email protected] that goes well with backless styles of the afore-mentioned dress, striped wedges that I love (White Mountain), and now this latest round of white t-shirts, all Hanes brand.

      I look for 4-star or greater reviews, and at least 50 reviews on an item in order to purchase it. If there’s pictures of real people wearing the item, that’s very helpful.

    • Actually, when the prices are this low, I don’t think about potential quality (assume it’s poor quality, and perhaps be pleasantly surprised if you purchase and find out otherwise). My concern is unethical labor practices–how else can you explain a $14 blouse?

    • I’m wary and continue to be. An XL with a 36.5 inch bust? That looks like Jr. sizing to me.

  8. I have one friend who, unlike me and most of my other friends, is poor. Through no fault of her own she’s always had a tough life (major family and health challenges) but still manages to be a productive and really good person.

    I see her a couple times a year, and I always try to either pick a free activity or a reasonably priced one that I offer to cover. She’s also an amazing artist, and I’ve bought her work several times (because I like it/want it, but also want to support her).

    I saw her this weekend and mentioned how much I loved her latest artwork and said I’d like to buy a print if she put it in her online store. Yesterday I came home to see it on my doorstep, beautifully framed and matted. I don’t know what it cost her, but if I’d bought the print myself and framed it (which I gladly would’ve), I’d guess $200.

    I thanked her profusely but didn’t offer to reimburse her for her costs…would you have offered to pay/should I still offer? It was clearly meant as a gift, and considering her means it’s far more generous than the occasional lunch-buying I’ve done for her over the years. Basically I like and admire her a lot and don’t want to do something insensitive/disrespectful.

    • anon a mouse :

      Hang it in your home and invite her over for dinner to see it?

      Even better, host a brunch to show off your fabulous new painting and introduce her to friends who might also be customers?

      • Anonymous :

        Ooh, this is a cool idea. If she’s into it, and you have a lot of friends that might be into this sort of thing, maybe you could host a sort of “gallery” brunch??

    • Anonymous :

      I wouldn’t offer to pay. Thing is – she probably notices that you are the one picking up lunch etc. and probably feels bad that she can’t do something for you. This is one thing that she CAN do for you and it only cost her her labor and likely materials she already had laying around. This may even it out for all the times in aggregate you’ve picked up the tab for her. I say say thank you/send a thank you card if that’s your style and be done.

      • Anonymous :

        This. My father is an artist (on the side) and mats and frames his work himself. Once you know how to do it, the materials (particularly matting and the frame itself) are inexpensive.

        • pugsnbourbon :

          +1. Side note, the online store Matboard and More is an awesome resource for decently cheap mats, frames, etc. They really make it idiot-proof – I was able to mat and frame a dozen posters and had people fooled into thinking they were professional.

      • Most people want to feel needed and/or useful. Even homeless people feed birds, sometimes with food they could have eaten themselves.

    • Anonymous :

      Just trust your friend to know her finances well enough to know if she can afford that. And learn to accept generosity! I want to scream that on the internet almost every day.

      • Anon for this :

        +1 You may not intend this, but the way you’re speaking about your friend comes across as a little condescending. Also, “poor” is a relative term, and your friend may not see herself as “poor” at all, even if she knows her income isn’t as high as yours.

        • +1

          I would be so ashamed if my friends described me to others as “poor”. Struggling artist…. ok.

    • Yay! Open thread’s! I LOVE OPEN THREAD’S!!!!!

      As for the OP, Of course pay her– you said she did NOT have alot of money — just tell her you would have paid $XXX for that in the store, so why wouldnt you pay her that same $XXXX amount? She will be grateful, and she is a nice woman and freind, but face it, we all work to pay the rent, and she must also. That is her skill. If she had other skills, she would expect to be paid for those so why not just pay?

      I think if you tell her this, she will appreciate it, and face it, she can use the money, right? All right then.
      Even I, Ellen Barshevsky, will NOT turn away a paying cleint, so why would you expect her to do so? You wouldn’t so therefore you can be a nice person, get decent art, and NOT have to feel guilty about takeing a piece of art from her w/o paying for it. YAY!!!!!!

    • Anonymous :

      Send her a thank you note. If she has a website where she sells her work, promote it on your Facebook or whatever social media you use.

    • Marshmallow :

      Sounds like one of my friends who gave us a lovely painting for our wedding. She actually based it on our first dance song. It meant so much more than a check or registry gift.

      Definitely hang it somewhere prominent and invite her over to see it in your place! It was a generous gift and I bet she just wants to know that you are enjoying it.

    • Can you hang it in a public area like you office and promote her work whenever people notice it?

    • Anonymous :

      If you like her work, rather than paying for the gift, buy her other works. Also, hang it prominently, and tell any visiting friend about her work to spread the word.

  9. Chicken Salad, or alternatively, Salad with Chicken :

    I have some lovely salad greens and so lingering leftover plain shredded chicken breast. Suggestions what I can do with the chicken before I throw it on the greens, to make it more interesting? Open to everything from a second cook to a new salad dressing…

    • anon a mouse :

      simmer the chicken with a little bit of Frank’s red hot. Add to the greens and toss with some bleu cheese, and top with ranch dressing = low-key buffalo chicken salad.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I made a salad dressing the other day with oil and vinegar and curry powder, of all things. It was dee-lish. Can’t remember the details but a quick internet search turned up lots of options if you choose to go that route.

    • Min Donner :

      My go-to is to add mayo, a bunch of balasmic vinegar, fresh tarragon, chopped celery, chopped nuts (walnut, pecan, or even almond), and either chopped apple or sliced grapes.

      This is also really delicious (I upped all the spices):
      http://www.paleorunningmomma.com/paleo-chicken-salad-with-bacon-and-scallions-whole30/

  10. Anon for this :

    Ladies, my husband was just terminated from his job (nursing) during the probationary period. Apparently he made charting mistakes (last month) and they had him sign a letter extending the probationary period three months, but upper level management did not approve the extension of the probationary period. He was just let go and is adamant that he was performing well (though they of course say he wasn’t)…he suspects they let him go because they didn’t want to take the risk of his conversion to a permanent employee, which would have occurred this month. His last nursing job was more than four years and he never had any performance issues…he quit end of November since we were moving to a different state. This job was 6 months (exactly).

    This sucks. I need advice.

    Number one: What can I do to support him?

    Number two: Once he starts applying for jobs again (when would be a good time?), should he put this job on his resume? How should he discuss it in interviews? Is there any point in applying for nursing jobs with the same medical center (different unit)? Advice, please!

    • Anony Mouse :

      I don’t have any advice to offer, unfortunately, but I wanted to say I’m sorry you and your husband are going through this situation.

      • Anon for this :

        Thank you!

        And I’m searching Ask a Manager as well, and found a link or two for handling termination when job searching. Which is making me feel a bit more in control of the situation (ha!).

    • anon dot gov :

      I am not a lawyer but was told by someone else here in government that it is actually really hard fire even during the probationary period? Like you still need cause, or proof that the job is no longer required to lay him off. Passing probation just gives you extra protection.

      • In the US, at least, this is just not true. (I am a labor and employment lawyer.) “Probation” is a meaningful concept really only if there is a union contract or other contract that specifically protects the employee from being terminated except for just cause after the end of the probationary period. Absent such a contract, employment is “at will,” and most employees can be terminated without cause at any time and for any reason (except for unlawful reasons, such as race and sex discrimination, retaliation for certain protected activities, etc.).

        And to the OP, I’m sorry you and your husband have to go through this. I always say I wish there were a legal cause of action for Unfair-as-Hell Termination, because I see – and would win – a lot of those cases.

      • Anon for this :

        Yes. My husband would have been pretty protected after the end of the probationary period due to the union contract, but my understanding is that he has very little protection during the probationary period. And I think they would argue that it is for cause (i.e., that he was not meeting expectations).

      • Anonymous :

        What? No. Unless you have a contract, which is not very many people at all in the U.S., you can be let go for anything at any time. Probationary periods aren’t legally binding.

    • I’m sorry. A similar thing has happened to my husband.

      I think the best way to be supportive is to listen, to believe in his side of the story, and to let him take time to decide what he wants to do next.

    • Mine eyes smell onions; I shall weep anon. :

      This just happened to me two weeks ago. It really hurts, so I definitely feel for you and your husband. I think my performance was not excellent, but it was good and I felt like I was just getting the hang of things at the end of my 3 months. I personally am not planning to put this 3 month blip of a job on my resume. I’d rather not discuss the only time I’ve been terminated in future interviews. I’m planning on saying something like I’ve been choosy about where I’ve been applying, and I took a break to do some travel before returning to work… Some positive things to explain my long-ish absence from the working world.

    • I’m sorry, this sucks. The only question I have an answer to is when to start applying for jobs, and unless there are other factors in play here, he should be looking now. Why wait?

  11. Solo question :

    Any solo practitioners here? If you were going to take on an of-counsel attorney (who has less experience than you), what percentage of her billables would you take as your cut? If she brings business in, what compensation arrangement would you deem fair for that project or deal?

    • Senior Attorney :

      I’m having lunch with my husband in a few minutes. He’s done this before — I’ll ask him how he handles it.

      • Solo question :

        Thanks, Senior Attorney!

        • Senior Attorney :

          Okay, he says he has always just hired associates for a salary. He says he has in the past done time-for-space arrangements but doesn’t like that because “they are building their practice instead of building my practice.” That said, he says if he were going to bring somebody on, he would figure out how much it is costing to have her there (office, support staff, and so on), and take that plus 50% of what’s left as your cut. So if the overhead is 50%, you take that plus half of what’s left = 75% and she gets 25%. (He says maybe you want to give a small salary as well, like $1,500/month.)

          Forgot to ask about originations — oops!

          • Small law :

            I’m an associate but this is basically my arrangement. I make x. Let’s call it $100,000 for simplicity. I make that no matter what. If my receivables exceed $300,000 though, I get 1/3rd of everything else. The idea being 1/3rd goes to overhead, 1/3rd goes to the partnership and 1/3rd goes to me.

          • Anonymous :

            Yep. 1/3rd of billings in excess of three times your salary is standard in small law. 1/4 seems stingy, I have always been offered 1/3.

          • Senior Attorney :

            Just to be clear, I was giving the 1/4 as a hypothetical. ;)

    • Solo question :

      Interesting. 50% cut seems high (overhead is low, since there is no office, no support staff), but good to know.

      • Solo question :

        Salary isn’t in the cards right now because the of-counsel position would start out as just overflow work (though potential to take bigger role or bring in business if she wants). So, part-time, and unpredictable. Maybe that’s why 50% seems a high number. Thanks, all.

  12. Vent! I have interviewed for two new jobs this week… it’s making it really difficult to concentrate on my current job (which I currently despise) I’m trying but failing… I want out SO bad. But yet the onslaught of work/BS is just getting worse… it would be manageable if I could force myself to work but that seems unlikely at this point.

    And I likely have weeks/months of this ahead of me.

    Just needed to vent! If anyone has any advice for getting through this (or commiseration), I would appreciate it!

    • Anonymous :

      Take every free minute you have at work and use them to job hunt, research jobs, read interview advice, etc. If you have time and your company allows, focus on professional development like taking a training course or watching webinars. Make your time spent at your current job help you get a new job!

      I know it’s so hard to not just rage quit and walk out. I’m in your shoes right now and it sucks.

    • Also anon :

      I’m in a similar situation. It’s hard for me to get work done and I have trouble controlling my emotions, I hate my job and boss so much. But don’t give up! You WILL find something better, a job and workplace worthy of you!

    • No advice, but commiserating.

      I interviewed for a new company that I am absolutely in love with, and I have to wait until Monday to hear back. Honestly if I don’t get the job, I’ve thought about leaving my job without a new one. I’ve been miserable the past few days with work tasks, and I just had to watch one of my friends get fired.

    • 2 years ago, when I was dead certain I was going to be offered a new job, I spent the week waiting to hear creating a powerpoint/screen shot manual for my replacement to do my job. It gave me something to focus on (rather than checking my phone for missed calls) and felt so freeing to think of some other person having to do my soul-sucking old job.

      Then I DIDN’T get the new job. And I cried outside in the warehouse (manufacturing PM here) while hiding behind a crate. And then I picked myself up, and went back to my desk, and recommitted to be bad @ss at my soul-sucking job. After all, it was only another year to hit full vestment.

      I’m still here and while it’s far from perfect, it isn’t the monster in my life like it was before. I don’t give it that much power. I’m not stuck, or trapped, or a victim. I’m choosing to take a bad situation and make it work for my good. (Good being paying bills, etc.) When I decide that it’s not worth it to me anymore, I’ll move on and take a paycut if I have to. But for now, I’m hanging in there.

      Here’s hoping the new job pans out! But if it doesn’t, know that you have what it takes to keep going.

    • OP here – thank you all. I am really hoping I get one of the two jobs (one specifically but I would take either at this point to get out) but it’s a helpful reminder that if it doesn’t work out, I can make this situation work.

      I feel so much better going into the weekend now!

  13. I am a senior associate in biglaw. I could stay at my firm indefinitely, but only as an associate, no option to make partner or counsel. I’m also overworked, and haven’t been able to assert myself well enough to fix that. I’m considering moving to a different firm, something between biglaw and boutique. I would work on a part-time basis at prorated biglaw rates (which should in theory be a huge draw for me, but it feels like a scary change nonetheless. but not why I am posting, which is…). My biggest concern is that I would be the only person working in my subject area, meaning a lot less oversight than I am used to. On good days, I would say that I am pretty competent within my practice area, but that said, I’ve been practicing for less than a decade, and literally every day, I come across an issue where I have some instinctual response, relay it to the partner I’m working with, and am told that a different way is better or a different answer is the correct one. I am sort of freaking out about the idea of not having anyone to look over my shoulder or to bounce ideas off of. For those of you who have gone from rigid hierarchy to lots of independence (or at least a manager who doesn’t have much experience with your specific role), how did you know that you were ready to make the move (both from a “build your confidence” perspective and an “I’m not totally misleading my new employer” perspective)? And what do you do when you come across a new issue and don’t know how to handle it? For what it’s worth, the new firm is aware of the difference relative to my current firm, and they’re only looking for someone with my level of experience — meaning I understand that this is more a “me” issue than a “job” issue. Thanks!

    • I just made a similar switch, except to a tiny non-traditional law firm. I’m still figuring it out, but I can say I’m SO much happier. Reply if you want to chat and we’ll figure out a way to connect.

    • Anonymous :

      I feel your pain. I often analyze things much differently than my boss from a legal perspective, which has led to an uncharacteristicly amourt of self-doubt. I’ve been doing my job for 12 years (in-house health law), so one would assume I know a thing or two. However, my boss is MUCH more risk tolerant than me, partly because as GC she’s front facing the c-suite and it’s very risk tolerant, and partly ’cause she’s more worried about being liked than protecting the organization. I’m constantly having to self-talk to not feel completely invalidated from a confidence point of view (i.e., she MUST be right because she’s been doing this for six whole years longer than me, they like her better because she tells the senior leaders what they want to hear, etc.). I say, be confident, but also be unafraid to admit where you’re unsure. I feel like that shows true confidence more than faking it, and acknowledging your self-perceived weaknesses make you a much better employee than pretending you know it all.

      That being said, own it! There’s a balance there where you should emote self-confidence (“I totally deserve to be here.” Rinse. Repeat.) while also being self-aware, and dare I say, a tad self-flagellating at times. At the end of the day, I’d say to strive to act enormously smart and kind, but cognizant of and accommodate for, your weaknesses. But know that there will be those threatened by that particular combination of transparency, and thus will try to undermine you.

      Good luck!

    • MineAllMine :

      Hi there, I had the same sort of crisis in confidence when I went from being second eyed constantly in big law to in house with zero oversight and constant challenges outside my official remit. And you know what? It was the best thing I could have ever done. Yes, it was difficult to feel confident when I knew I wasn’t an expert or being double checked, but ultimately the experience of making my own decisions gave me the best confidence boost that I would never have gotten in big law. Every now and then, I make mistakes, but overall my track record is good and I know I’m a good lawyer now, as opposed to thinking that maybe someday I would be if I worked hard enough. And mistakes are not the end of the world, no matter how much partners may have screamed at you. 99% are fixable, and the rest are learning experiences that haven’t caused the world to stop or anyone to die. I will say it can be a bit exhausting to work outside your comfort zone, but you get used to it.

    • I’ve semi-done this (boss offered little or little helpful oversight once I crossed the 5-year mark) and am about to start a new role with close to no oversight at all (no one in the new firm practices my speciality). For me, I take note of my instinctual responses but I wouldn’t immediately act on them. I try to do my homework and a bit (or a lot) extra, then make a judgment call. The touchstone (for me) is whether I can defend the position I’ve taken – of course this doesn’t mean I don’t worry or have the occasional sleepless night, but if I know I’ve given my best then I generally feel okay. The downside is that you often have to work very hard for your peace of mind, the upshot is that you learn a lot more and you’ll probably become good at dealing with high stakes / high pressure situations.

      I also like to run things by friends or colleagues from a “first principles” kind of perspective – even if someone doesn’t deal with your specific area, they can probably tell you whether your view is sound.

      The other thing I find helpful (which was drummed into me from the start) is that you fight the case, not the opponent. I read this as meaning I have as good a chance as any other lawyer of succeeding in a given matter, as long as I work hard and do everything I can to deliver a good piece of work.

  14. So I’m turning my dissertation into a book. I have decided not to go into academia, and I don’t know anything about writing a book, submitting proposals etc. I am currently looking up information on how to write a book proposal, but does anyone have any salient wisdom on the topic?

    • anon for this :

      I’d also love any wisdom.

    • All the people I know who wrote books started off as blogs and used their fan following to leverage the book. It’s not like the old days of circulating manuscripts.

    • my post got sent to moderation…

      Everyone I know who has a book started off bl0gging first and then used the following they got from the bl0g to leverage a book.

      • Anonymous :

        That seems like a much different process than turning a dissertation into a book, though. Were your friends academics, or did they have, like, lifestyle bl0gs?

    • anon a mouse :

      Even if you are not going into academia, your adviser or other people in your department should have some advice for you. You could also look at the press(es) where peer(s) have recently published books and ask for contacts there. Different presses will have different proposal requirements.

      • Yes, what anon a mouse said – when I decided not to pursue an academic career, my advisor tried to get me to turn my diss into a book with a mainstream press. She was very supportive (and still asks me about this when I run into her around town, even though it’s been years since my defense).

    • You will have better luck at a non-university press. Many UPs will expect you to be at an academic institution (or aspire to be at one). You will also need to plan to make substantial revisions to the diss – (i.e. at least a year of rewriting). Also realize that it is extremely unlikely that you will get any royalties.

      Self-publishing is an option. So are options like Palgrave, Routledge (although this is highly ranked in many fields), etc.

      • And yes – I’m assuming you already know there’s no money at the end of this process, at least in the academic press world.

      • One additional thought regarding an academic publisher (if you go that route) – you will need to find a way to convince them that you have street cred in the discipline beyond your diss. This may be a bit trickier since you aren’t going into academia. Is your work relevant to a current problem going on in the world? Can you draw attention through op-eds, etc.? Typically, academic publishers will want you to be able to garner excitement within academia for this through journal articles, conference invites, etc, but this will be difficult if you aren’t staying in the academy.

    • Are you aiming for an academic press or a trade press? There is some overlap, depending on your subject area, but they have substantially different markets and processes. For an academic press, I’d recommend reading Germano, From Dissertation to Book for an overview of the basic process. Get a friend or mentor to introduce you to the editor at your target presses, and they can tell you what they require for a proposal. For a trade press, you probably want an agent.

  15. Small, stupid, personal victory: I had my headshot taken at work today. I am a woman of average attractiveness yet low maintenance, and somehow always end up looking like “Marla Hooch: before” in every posed photo. I was told yesterday afternoon that headshots in my (higher ed) office were this morning.

    Thanks to the advice here, I was able to figure out what people usually wore, the vibe they gave off in their photos, and how much bandwidth I really had based on my own personality, role, and career level. I forewent a jacket and just owned a red sleeved dress with a great but not weird neckline.

    I LOVE the photo. This has never happened.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Not stupid! Awesome! Congratulations!

    • Never too many shoes... :

      Congratulations.

      You also get an Internet high five for the laugh I had at Marla Hooch. One of my favourite movies of all time.

    • Congratulations. You must never look at the dark side, onley the bright side. You are likely prettier then you think you are, so never Minimize your looks. It is what diferentates us from the men. It is no sin to look good either as my dad says. I would not be where I am if I were ugly. So revel in good thoughts and you will be a sucess at work and mabye even find a decent guy to marry you. That is what I am focussed on now. YAY!

  16. New to Beantown :

    Reposting from the other thread: anyone in Boston have a PCP and/or ob/gyn they like?

    Preferably Newton/Wellesley area, but Brookline/Longwood would be easy enough too. Many thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      She’s in Waltham but I really like Wendy Gaines. She’s in family medicine but knows a lot about women’s health.

    • Judith Lytle in Back Bay – she’s a PCP but I went to her for paps as well

  17. I'm a Bird :

    So this is way TMI but I’m cracking up at myself and had to share with someone. I ate a LOT of blueberries in the last 48 hours. Like at least a pint. I just went to the bathroom, totally forgetting about the blueberries and was like AHHHH OMG What’s wrong with me??? I must have internal bleeding. I’m dying!! Are those blood clots?? Do I call an ambulance?? And as I was pacing my office deciding my next move, I saw the empty blueberry canister in the trash and realized, oh my god, those were blueberries. Face palm.

    Not as embarrassing as my law school friend that went to the doctor with a sample of a parasite she thought she’d passed, only to be told it was a whole bunch of tomato skin. Bodies can be weird.

    • This is hilarious, so thank you for sharing.

    • Senior Attorney :

      HAHAHA! And then there’s the whole thing with beets…

      • Anonymous :

        Oh man just happened to me. Now sure how my gastro felt when he inform d me that beets are often in b12 vitamins which I had just started taking.

      • It happens to me with beets, every time. I LOVE beets. I eat beets. I forget about eating the beets. Later in the bathroom: OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH ME???

        • EVERY TIME!

          Also, re blueberries, they are my 13 mo son’s favorite food, so I’m….pretty used to the situation you are describing

    • This is funny! I think “I’m a Bird” would be very surprised if she read about the Armonk Diet. I ate ate a small can of some Green Giant Golden Corn Kernel’s last week, and guess what? The next morning, I found that corn in the toilet when I made poopie. The corn came out lookeing just like it went in. I told Rosa and she said this is part of the Armonk Diet, which Rosa uses. She says that if you eat just corn (no butter or salt), you will become svelte b/c you will loose weight. The Corn will NOT be absorbed into your digestive system. Dad says she may be on to something and for me to just do it to loose weight, particularley with my tuchus. FOOEY on him! I am goeing to ask Mom and my own OBGYN about this, b/c I will NOT just start eateing corn just to loose weight. DOUBEL FOOEY!

  18. CPA here doing some celebrating! Just finished compiling over 600 pages of receipts and a several page letter to the IRS to defend a client on a mail audit they received and we are contesting. This has been hours of the client making copies of receipts and hours of my time to assemble a letter and requested documents! Hopefully a friendly IRS agent receives the letter and package of documentation and sides with my client!

  19. Can anyone speak to the quality of Uniqlo’s rayon blouses? I’m open to buy a few this fall that I tailor and can hold onto for a while. I’m open to spending more money than Uniqlo costs, but I love the colors Uniqlo is showing. I’ve gotten great mileage out of their pants and heat tech shirts, but haven’t ventured into blouse territory.

    • I just bought a black one and an olive one. They are shockingly good quality for the price point and haven’t faded yet after at least 5 wears and washes. And they are very soft. I’d say go for it.

  20. loose panties :

    It really bugs me that panties come with such weak elastics around the legs. I get that it is to prevent VPL, but I find as the day wears on certain pairs loosen to the point where they bunch up under my skirt, kind of defeating the purpose of special non VPL panties.

    So far the Calvin Klein bikini briefs you buy at Costco are the only ones I have that don’t loosen and bunch around my butt throughout the day. VS and Joe Fresh “boy short” style are the worst.

  21. My company (non-profit research) is offering to send me through a program by Women Unlimited. I’m slated for the leadership track for women with managerial experience and wanted to know if anyone else has heard of this company or these programs. It looks like a large commitment with outside work, but the networking and leadership courses are enticing. Thanks in advance!

  22. I’m trying to find a unicorn shoe for my wedding. I can’t find it anywhere and wondering if you ladies can shop vicariously for me. I’m looking for an almond or round toe pump, with a mid-height heel, and dark red/ reddish burgundy velvet; caveat of no wedge and no block heel. Any luck?

    • Have you thought about custom shoes through shoes of prey?

    • Same same name name :

      Too low/ casual
      https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/lauren-velvet-pumps-674314.html?utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.cj.us

      Similar
      https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/000999-velvet-pumps-793621.html?utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.cj.us

      Ankle strap
      https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/greta-mid-velvet-pumps-688372.html?utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.cj.us

      Too high/ pointy?
      https://www.mytheresa.com/en-us/000794-gianvito-105-velvet-pumps-787065.html?utm_source=affiliate&utm_medium=affiliate.cj.us

    • Same same name name :

      http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/christian-louboutin-decoltish-velvet-pump-women/4618691?cm_mmc=Linkshare-_-partner-_-10-_-1&siteId=J84DHJLQkR4-s_JjYXoH7VmYlp5EhsBGvg

      https://www.shoes.com/deimille-jules-velvet-pump-with-rhinestone-cluster/792738/1701092?cm_mmc=ls-default-_-none-_-none-_-none&cm_mmc=ls-default-_-none-_-none-_-none

    • Depending on budget, these are gorgeous: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/christian-louboutin-mlle-menule-embellished-bow-kitten-heel-pump/4403190?cm_mmc=Linkshare-_-partner-_-10-_-1&siteId=J84DHJLQkR4-zuVrOSfhA6KXSaKZ0f3m1Q

      You said no block heel, but Club Monaco Lesley and Kate Spade Ballina are so cute. The Kate Spade especially look great for wedding shoes.

    • If you are looking for a cheap version I like these- don’t know if you will like the front

      https://www.amazon.com/LifeStride-Womens-Peace-Pinot-Noir/dp/B01DV97A0Y/ref=sr_1_fkmr0_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1502548720&sr=8-1-fkmr0&keywords=burgundy+suede+lifestride

    • These are such great options, thanks guys! I saw the Louboutins and fell in love but they are way out of my price range, and I have a wide foot with some corny issues, so fit can be peculiar.

    • Try BHLDN – not sure if they have exactly what you want but they do have lots if velvet shoes now

    • Another option

      http://www.6pm.com/p/michael-antonio-finnea-burgundy-suede-velvet/product/8795285/color/656102?utm_medium=affiliate&PID=2178999&AID=11603149&splash=none&utm_source=ShopStyle+Inc.

  23. Sloan Sabbith :

    I did not know I could hate a book as much as I hated The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I know some people here absolutely love it and I’m not judging you, but I want to strangle Marie Kondo. She says thank you….to her purses….what?

    • Anonymous :

      I hear you, Sloan. For me it was the emptying of the purse/wallet every night that infuriated me. I also found the “sparks joy” advice only helped for me for clothes.

    • Yeah I advise people when I recommend it to take it at like 80 percent. the general principles really helped me but Im not thanking my purse

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      I could go on about the things that bothered me (clothes are pieces of fabric. They don’t have feelings) but it was really just her holier than thou tone that I couldn’t stand.

      • Totally agree. She came across as so smug and condescending I couldn’t really handle it. That tone telling me that my socks have feelings and that people totally changed their career trajectories and got divorced and stuff, all thanks to the magic of tidying …. just … no.

      • Absolutely. It seems to help folks, but MAN it was not for me.

    • Definitely not thanking my items but I do try to empty out my purse most nights. I always find random cars and dinosaurs in there.

  24. chi med-mal defense :

    Chicago readers: I have an interview coming up for what was advertised as a 3rd-5th year position at a small firm doing med-mal defense, which is an area I really want to get into. I’m told the firm typically asks up front at the interview about salary expectations. Would you be inclined to give a specific number during the interview? Also, other than asking around and trying to find out what law school friends have made in similar positions, is there some resource that would help me figure out what market salary looks like? Do any of you have an idea as to what a reasonable ask would be? Thank you so much in advance. The Chicago (and former Chicagoan) community here is always full of amazing and honest advice.

    • Also a Chicagoan :

      I’m only 1 year out but this is definitely something I would ask my law school career services. Small firms can vary so much, it’s hard to say what the “norm” is. What would be a reasonable step up from your current salary? Glassdoor can sometimes be helpful.

    • Anonymous :

      When I have been the interviewer, the partner I was working under really wanted an answer to that question and unless the person was an absolute rock star, I don’t think he would’ve “wasted” his time with conducting a second interview if he thought the person may be playing salary games.

      That said, you may be able give an answer other than a figure, like a statement that you understand market for this position is XYZ range or you’d want to be paid similar to your peers with opportunities for raises and origination or something like that if you really don’t have an answer.

  25. Tiny paychecks :

    So I was unemployed for 6 months and took a receptionist job paying 30k. I made 30k starting out in my career 3 years ago, so I figured it wouldn’t be *that* hard to revert to my more frugal ways (I was making ~40k when I was let go). Obviously that’s a significant difference, but it seemed okay to me. I just did a “paycheck estimate” via our HR website and am shocked by the tiny size of my new paychecks (getting first paycheck next week). I went through my budget that’s already pretty tight and had to drastically slash everything, including food. I usually spend/budget for around $400/mo for food for myself + 2 cats and in order to break even each month, this is having to be cut to $250. Is this doable?! Am I going to starve?? All of my other expenses are bills that are reasonable and fixed. I am *really* stressed about this…anyone have any tips on saving money or dealing with a super super tight budget? I’m looking for a second job and am also thinking about getting a roommate…

    Being an adult really really sucks sometimes…

    • 30k is not a lot of money, for sure. But you’re doing the right thing, which is figuring out your budget in advance. And – any salary is better than no salary, and this isn’t forever. With good work experience behind you, you will be able to get a better job that pays more, hopefully sooner rather than later.

      FWIW I spend $500/mo on food for myself, my husband, my son and our dog. So I think living on $250/mo for you and your cats is doable.

      I am sure you’ve probably already thought about this, but living on a tight budget requires cutting out absolutely everything nonessential. Can you get by without Internet at home, and just use your phone? How can you keep your utilities down – what can you do to save electricity or gas (drying clothes outside, keeping thermostat down or radiators off, etc.) so your bills will be lower? If you buy books and music (or subscribe to a streaming service like Spotify), your local library probably has downloadable ebooks and streaming music you can access. Can you save money on transportation by carpooling or walking/biking more? Mr. Money Mustache is a great website about frugality and choices; after reading it my husband and I realized there is a LOT we could change to save more money. A lot of the things we consider “necessities” aren’t, at all. Reading through his blog posts (I would stay off the community as some of the people on there are pretty cray) will give you some ideas.

      As for managing your food budget – eating less meat is the first thing you can do to save money. Think beans, brown rice, and lots of veggies and fruits to keep your meals both low-cost and nutritional. If you want meat, dark-meat chicken and canned salmon or tuna are good lower-cost options. Planning ahead is going to be crucial; there’s no room in your budget for a meal out if you forget your lunch. Consider looking at some listicles from Bu z zf e ed or a similar site with links to blog posts about make-ahead lunches and make-ahead dinners, where you can cook once on Sunday and then have meals for the rest of the week. An ex-coworker did this and they basically never had to eat out 0r run to the store during the week; she always had meals in the freezer.

      Roommate might be a good idea and also a side gig…in the end, having a second job might be the only way you can make it work. Even if you can just pick up one weekend shift at Starbucks, you can make enough money to give you some more wiggle room in your budget.

      I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’re tough and resilient, and this too shall pass. Good luck :-)

    • Eclipsing my birthday :

      ~$60 / week isn’t a lot, but is doable, if you plan carefully. I’m also trying to reduce our food budget, so have thought a little about this. I’m not trying to cut back equally. I’m doing the same thing I do with calories–economize in most places, and then have a couple little splurges. So I’ve identified apps and affordable meals at favorite restaurants, and made note of happy hours. I like the atmosphere, but am fine with one drink.

      • Tiny paychecks :

        Thank you for the gentle replies, ladies! I was fearing some really harsh replies, but you two have made me feel like I *can* do this. And breaking it down to a weekly amount is actually a helpful way to look at it/makes it more manageable to me. THANK YOU!

        • Anonymous :

          Yes, you absolutely can do this. I feed myself for $120 each month, and I eat well. I have to be super careful for that amount to work, which means you can easily make $250 work. (I was AMAZED at that recent thread where people were spending hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of dollars each month on food.) You’ve got $60 a week to work with, which is plenty. My tips: buy ingredients first (veg, fruit, meat, pasta/rice/ beans, milk, cheese). Only buy the extras (processed foods, convenience foods, treats, specialty items or cooking ingredients etc.) after you have all the core ingredients in hand to make meals. Oh… and no buying packaged drinks. No bottled water, fancy teas, sodas, or coffees. I’d also stay away from anything that comes in little one-serving sizes (e.g., fancy little yogurts). If you pay attention to what you spend, you’ll also have money for eating out.

        • It IS possible, but challenging. When unemployed as a 2008 graduate, my food budget was $25 per week. The other advice, like buying unprocessed foods and less meat are helpful.

    • Anonymous :

      Youve gotten great responses already but I wanted to chime in and add that it’s doable. I recently got divorced and I’m on a food budget of about $80/week for myself and my daughter. Some weeks I’m close to $65. Echoing what others have said, meal planning is essential and I do a lot of vegetarian meals as well. When meal planning, you can stretch a lot of items with the addition of rice or pasta. I also do periodic “no spend weekend” challenges (which are exactly what they sound like).
      It took me awhile to get the hang of meal planning/grocery shopping. The first six weeks or so I consistently went over budget. I started shopping using cash only – that really helped me keep impulse spending under control bc I wanted to avoid the embarrassment of being short at the checkout.

    • That’s about what I spend to feed two adults. I use lots of grains and legumes. For example salad bowls with bulgar/rice/cous cous as the base topped with seasonal veggies and lentils ot beans. If you have access to costco its really handy to be able buy a 8 lb bag of lentils for $5 or 4lbs of tofu for $5. I will also use dry beans to make soup or chili in the crock pot. When winter squash is in season and $0.49/lb I’ll​ buy 15 of them because they last forever and eat one a week for the next few months. I also eat bananas/oatmeal/pb for breakfast most mornings. The main point I suppose is to make your own food (no premade stuff!), shop seasonally, buy in bulk. Good luck.

    • Hey there, you can do this. When I was in my entry level job three years ago, I set the goal of spending $50 a week on food. For the most part, I was able to meet this goal without feeling like I was skimping on food – alcohol and meat were the two things that sometimes pushed me over (I actually became mostly vegetarian during this time as a result ha). I started eating more tuna and slowcooker meals as a result, and ate basically no red meat during this time. Slowcooker meals are great because you can use a much cheaper cut of meat.

      I’d also recommend looking at Budget Bytes: https://www.budgetbytes.com/. She has some good overall cheap cooking hacks, and most of the recipes I’ve made have turned out well.

    • You can do it. Walk around your grocery store and find the discount spots for bruised veggies and dented cans. If you have one near you, Aldi has great prices for basics.

  26. Eclipsing my birthday :

    Next weekend, we’re taking a little trip for my birthday: a day of rafting, Monday watching the eclipse, and a day putzing around in Asheville, NC.

    Does a big white linen skirt, kind of boho maximal, with flat sandals, work for Asheville?

    • [deleted]

      • Eclipsing my birthday :

        Hahahaha! No rivers in Asheville itself, and the rafting is a different day. The eclipse is day #3.

    • [deleted]

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        KAT, WHAT THE F? Ugh.

        • Eclipsing my birthday :

          Thank you. I was hoping others would chime in. Maybe I should try again with a fresh post on Monday.

        • Sloan Sabbith :

          That will probably be best. You unfortunately got hit by our new brand of t*roll.

          • Apologies, guys – both of “Penny’s” comments went up automatically without any moderation from us. I suspect this is the same troll we’ve had for years… they come up with new handles (usually a woman’s first name) and it’s always a new IP address. I can block by words, IP address, or name… there are other methods of moderating these things but the other restrictions really inhibit conversation for regular posters. I’ll go block this one’s IP address. Thank you for your patience.

          • Thanks Kat and Kate.

          • Sloan Sabbith :

            Thanks Kat. Yvette and Lydia are also problems in the last few days.

    • Asheville is super casual, if your sandals are Teva or similar brand/style, you’ll fit right in!

  27. Half Reliable? :

    Long time reader, infrequent commenter. I have been offered an in-house position in my medium sized town for a smallish company (less than 250 employees). In looking up information regarding potential salary, I found a 2016 Robert Half survey that gives ranges, and then adjustment factors for different cities. Is this accurate in your experience? Also, while I am pretty happy with the initial salary offer, I feel like I need to negotiate. Is an 8-10% increase request unreasonable? Gahhh, I have been reading this blog for years, take note of the job advice comments, but suddenly when I am in a new job situation, I have no idea. Thanks!

    • Anonymous :

      I don’t think your request is unreasonable. Ask for more than what you want. The most likely worst case scenario is they say no. its really important to get in with a salary you’re comfortable with and you feel is fair because it’s really hard to make it up later.

  28. I know there have been posts on this before but I am struggling to find some of them, suggested neighbourhoods to stay in Rome, Paris and London as a solo female traveller in my early 30s? I’m not looking for hostels and would pay a bit more if it meant not having to be overly cautious about exploring at night. I will be in each place at least a week (Paris longer). Appreciate your ideas….

    • I remember Paris. Stay on the Boulevard Saint Germaine. It is on the left bank and by the Sorbonne. Rosa and I ate at a cute cafe there too. I don’t remember about London hotels, but if you stay near Picadily Circus, you can walk everywhere. The theaters are there and alot cheaper then broadway in NYC. Dad wants me to go to shows to meet guys who can afford the tickets.

    • I travel to London 3-5x year for business and have stayed in different areas. I liked Notting Hill (safe, good connections through the underground, nice green area), but I loved my stay in Farringdon/Islington area. Now, I only book Zetter Hotel in Clerkenwell rd. It is safe area, walkable distance to the city center (please note I am an avid walker, so YMMV), nice architecture, and good places to eat closeby. Also, it is close to where my business POI is located, so it is a win for me.
      Paris & Rome – I have never felt unsafe while there, but the last time I visited was 5y ago, so I would wait for recommendations from others. A lot has changed since then.

    • For Rome, I didn’t travel alone but there 3 of us (women): we stayed in the Piazza Navona neighborhood which I really liked. It was busy so we didn’t feel afraid walking the streets at night and very central to may sites.

      For London, we (me and a female friend) stayed at the Park Plaza county hall. It was a great hotel and secure. It was also right by Big Ben/Parliament. It was very central with a tube stop close by.

    • For Rome, I would recommend the apartment we rented a couple of years ago, close to the Piazza Navona, called the “Gold Apartment” on VRBO/Home Away. It’s a 2-level/loft apt in a secure building on a busy little neighborhood street with cafes, restaurants, shops, etc. that were open late. It was a great location for seeing Rome and felt totally safe. And was cheaper than most hotels! I’ll post the link in reply. If you just Google gold+apartment+Rome, 2 options show up in the top results. The one I am referencing is not the sleek, space-age, all white one but rather the artsy one.

    • Thanks everyone, really appreciate the suggestions. Going to book in the morning and am so excited.

    • Anonymous :

      In Paris, look for AirBnbs in the 14th arrondissement, near the Rue Daguerre. A residential neighbourhood and totally delightful.

  29. Someone I know (professional acquaintance, not friend – we used to work in the same industry and are in a networking group together) has been complaining for years that all her managers are out to get her and doesn’t seem to realise that she is the common denominator.

    According to her, she somehow attracts managers who just like to criticise people. In reality she has been fired twice in the past. Once for not working on anything she was told to improve on during her probationary period as she didn’t agree they were issues (!) and once for a mistake that could have gotten her prosecuted and she was very lucky it stopped at her being fired.

    Now she’s complaining that her current manager is picking on her and making her cry. It sounds like she’s made mistakes and is annoying her colleagues. Some other people are taking what she says at face value and telling her how awful it sounds and how unfair it is. I’ve said nothing, because “Have you actually stopped to consider the feedback you’re getting?” will go down like a lead balloon and she just wants validation.

    Is there anything worth saying to someone like this, who is completely incapable of self-reflection and always thinks it’s someone else’s fault? I’m guessing not, but it’s frustrating the way she keeps sinking herself AND won’t shut up about it…

  30. Baltimore hotel advice? :

    I’ll be staying in Baltimore in mid-October. Any hotel recommendations? We are there because of a funeral in the Timonium area. We want to take a day trip to the National Mall and see the Visionary Museum.

    Ideally we want a suite that accommodates 5 people at less than $200/night. Two rooms also works.

    We’re inclined to stay downtown or in the inner harbor instead of the Timonium area because the funeral activities are happening on only 1 of the 4 days we’ll be there (and there will be very toxic family dynamics; we want to limit exposure). Somewhere with good access to yummy vegetarian food is a plus. We’re unsure whether we will rent a car or use Lyft/etc. while in Baltimore. To get to the National Mall we think we’ll Use Lyft to get to Penn Station?

    Appreciate any tips regarding specific hotels or locations to look at. Thanks!

    • If you are staying in the downtown or inner harbor area, especially if near Charles St. or Light/St. Paul, there is a free Circulator bus that goes down both streets (they’re one way) to Penn Station. You might be interested in dining in Fell’s Point, Canton, Mt. Vernon, or Federal Hill, neighborhoods with restaurants near the inner harbor. Parking in all these areas is challenging, so hotel parking or using Lyft helps.

  31. Multiple Streams :

    Do any of you have multiple streams of income/Side hustles? If so, what are they?

  32. Interesting shirt design!
    -gabby
    www.orcuttfamilydentistry.com

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