ByElizabeth Hours Updated
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Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Sanni Cashmere Sweater

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I came to the sad realization this weekend that my go-to black cashmere sweater has seen better days. A black crewneck is a great neutral to have on hand for chilly winter days (hello, Northeast!). I like to have two: a slim-fitting one to wear under suits and a slightly slouchier one to wear with jeans or ankle pants. This looks like it would be a perfect slim-fitting option. The sweater is $221 (marked down from $295) at Saks and is available in sizes XXS–XL. It also comes in gray. Sanni Cashmere Sweater Everlane has a more affordable option — it's $100 and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.  This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 3/15/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off
  • Ann Taylor – 40% off everything + free shipping
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 50% off select styles + extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – Extra 30% off women's styles + spring break styles on sale
  • J.Crew Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off 3 styles + 50% off clearance
  • M.M.LaFleur – Friends and family sale, 20% off with code; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 40% off 1 item + 30% off everything else (includes markdowns, already 25% off)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

265 Comments

  1. Elizabeth, you have excellent taste, as I too have long been a BIG fan of cashemere sweaters, and the darker colors contrast wonderfully with my hair, which is still a very natural medium blond! I am going to look at the more fruegal option, b/c these days we all need to be more fruegal! I am not working all day b/c Myrna and I have to get out to LI to stay over with Mom & Dad and go to services with Grandma Leyeh tomorrow. Grandma Leyeh has a freind who has a grandson who wants to meet me. He is an enterperneur who works in Port Washington. I do not even know what that means, but I will meet him when I visit with Myrna. Wish me luck! YAY!!!!

  2. I work in government and I’m being involuntarily detailed to another office. My supervisor and grandboss pushed back but ultimately they don’t have the power to stop this from happening. I don’t want to do it (for a multitude of reasons — work/life balance, my own anxiety, and I have to give up a really great opportunity in my own agency) but I don’t have a choice. Any advice on making the best of it? (besides apply for other jobs, which I’ve already started aggressively doing.)

    1. I don’t recognize “detailed” here – is this a forever move or a time-limited secondment? If it’s only for awhile, most things are bearable if there is a known end date. If it is forever, at least give the new position a shot before deciding that it isn’t for you. Meeting new people and expanding your network is a benefit.

      And yeah, this sucks. Are you in a position to request additional compensation as a result of this change? More money may ease the sting a bit…

      1. It’s a limited time thing, they’re saying two months but it could be up to four, and realistically this office has the power to extend it indefinitely.

        No compensation and they also rejected my request to have it officially documented at the level above mine (despite the fact that the work is at the level above mine) so it could have at least helped my resume etc. They’re not required to give compensation for short-term details but they could have at least given me the paper promotion. Another reason I am cranky about the whole thing.

        1. Are you willing to leave government over this? If not and assuming you are otherwise happy with your position, I’m not sure its worth applying for new jobs over this. It’s doubtful you would get and start a non-government job in two months time and nearly impossible that you would start a new government job in four months time.

    2. My advice depends on how long the detail is and whether you are morally/ethically opposed to the work that you would be doing on the detail. If it is a short detail (6 months?) and you otherwise love your job, I would just make it through. However, if you are opposed to the work (like being sent on a forced detail to OIL in DOJ), I would personally be looking for a new job very broadly and consider all options.

  3. Talk to me about winter hand care. I recently moved to the Midwest and my hands are dry, cuticles bleeding and peeling. Hand cream daily isn’t doing much. Neither is cuticle oil (although its only been a few weeks). I usually only get a manicure once a year to clean up cuticles – do I need to go more often? I never wear polish.

    1. The Body Shop hemp hand cream is a really expensive and great cream for cold climates. Every so often, I put a thick layer on at night, put baggies over my hands and secure with bullclips and the next day my hands are amazingly soft.

    2. Cuticle oil every day (morning and night if possible), then layer a good, thick moisturizer on top of that (Cerave moisturizing cream has been great for me), consider gloves at night. That would be a typical daily routine once healed. Try Aquafor for the short term to get everything healed.

      1. Aquaqfor is never a bad idea. I also like Smith’s Rosebud Salve. I keep it in my car, next to my bed and at my desk, and apply it whenever I think about it. Works on chapped lips, too.

        1. +1 to aquaphor. When I use that in the winter I don’t need a separate cuticle oil, but YMMV. I also keep a tube of Aveeno lotion at my desk and apply at least once a day (I applied while reading your post lol).

    4. The struggle is real, and it seems to be starting early this year. The best hand cream I’ve found is Aveda Hand Relief. I keep bottles on my nightstand, at my desk, and in the bathroom.

    5. O’Keefe’s working hands is 100% the best for this, and it’s dirt cheap. Stopped my husband’s bleeding knuckles in many a winter. Sometimes he used cotton gloves overnight with them.

      Also make sure you’re wearing gloves when you go outside to protect your hands proactively.

      3. Absolutely. Working Hands and also Working Feet are so effective. I wish the packaging and scent were lovely, they’re not; but these products work.

      1. Ditto! Also, easy on the hand soap… try a gentle one. Bring your own to work if needed. When I lived in the NE, my hands blistered and dried badly and harsh soap was a contributor.

      2. I think this is very individual. I might put hand cream on once or twice a year? Nothing happens to my hands where I’d need to put hand cream on daily, much less hourly.

    7. I use L’Occitane hand cream. It is a bit pricey, but you really only need a little so one tube could last several winters. I like the unscented kind, and I also like that it moisturizes, but doesn’t leave your hands feeling greasy.

      1. +1 to L’Occitane except I love the almond scent–yum!
        I try to put on hand cream throughout the day: whenever I come back from washing my hands in the bathroom or just whenever my hands feel a bit dry. Once a day is definitely NOT enough for me in the winter!

        1. I use a very little bit at a time because I don’t like my hands to feel greasy. Plus, March – September here (DC), at least, is generally pretty humid, so I only use the stuff for a few months a year.

          I also think that my hands get quite dry during the switch between humid summer and drier fall, but then after a few weeks they sort of acclimate so I don’t need as much lotion.

        1. Just re-stocked mine this weekend. The little tubes (~$12 in Canada) make wonderful add-ons for gifts too.

    8. In winter I slather my hands with Aquaphor before bed, cover them with cotton gloves (do a search for “CVS Health 100% Cotton Gloves Dermatological” to see what I use) and go to sleep while my hands marinate in grease. I wash several sets of gloves once a week in a bucket of Dawn dish liquid.

      In my experience, no amount of flowery hand cream applied during the day is going to cut it, particularly if you do a lot of hand washing.

      2. This stuff legit changed my life. I keep tubes of it everywhere. In winter, expect to put it on each time you wash your hands and maybe a few other times throughout the day. Aquaphor can help you get to a good place then the hand salve will keep you there. (not the kiehl’s hand cream, make sure it’s the salve)

    11. Get a humidifier for your house or at least your bedroom. If you have forced air heat you can add a humidifier unit to the heater, but if not you can purchase room units. They make a huge difference to my comfort.
      Check that your hand soaps have moisturizers, wear gloves when you wash the dishes, and I swear by Aveeno Intense Relief hand cream.

      1. +1 – won’t eliminate the need for hand cream, but you’ll feel a lot better over all with a humidifier during the winter. 40-60% relative humidity (for a 68-70 degree household) is the comfortable range. Winter can legit get to 10-20% humidity and you feel it everywhere – skin, sinuses, hair static. Biggest bang will be to have a humidifier in your bedroom, running overnight, since that’s where you’ll spend the biggest portion of your day.

    12. I’m recently back from a vacation in Colorado where my hands ached from the dryness. I picked up a bottle of Windrift Hill lotion, and it made a huge difference. It is made from goat milk, with a whole range of scents.

    13. Norwegian hand cream is a good protector during the day, and + 1 to the hemp hand cream at night.

    14. repeating what everyone has already said, and echoing that this requires some time during the winter months. wear gloves every time you go outside, even it is mild (with lighter weight gloves). use cuticle oil and heavy moisturizer every night. keep small sizes of lotions near the kitchen sink, bathroom sink, in your purse. lotion up every time after you wash your hands. get manicures more often–i too just get my cuticles cleaned up (i don’t like polish on my nails but love it on my toes). the manicures will help.

    15. I keep a hand cream at my desk. Every time I visit bathroom at work, I wash my hands with warm/hot water and soap. That does a lot of damage to my hands. So, applying a cream/lotion as soon as I am back at my desk helps a lot.

    16. Have lived in dry prairie climates and on the west coast and have also lived through the bleeding cuticles. I’m also a habitual frequent hand washer, particularly as we enter cold and flu season, so that adds to the dryness fun. Aveeno’s Intense Relief Hand Cream is the only one I’ve tried that really feels like it “lasts” through hand washings. Have heard of others out there but am pretty happy with Aveeno’s so continue to re-stock that. Worth a shot!

  4. Can anyone speak to Everlane’s sizing at the top of the range? What size is an XXL? Their size charts don’t even include it.

    1. Someone can correct me if I’m wrong, but I read that a lot of their plus sized clothing was for their campaign and a lot of people had trouble finding those actual sizes on their websites and they dont carry the large sizes in their stores.

      1. I read that same article, but this sweater does seem to be available in an XXL. I just can’t tell what that is–a 14? a 20? a 10? I’m guessing like a 16/18?

    2. I am a size 16/18 with big b00bs. I recently bought a sweater at Everlane for the first time and I sized down to a L. I’m usually an XL at mall stores. Hope that helps.

  5. Searching the JCrew we site is yielding v little… Im searching for a bottoms match for the Going-Out blazer—- Does anyone known if there is a skirt or pants of the same fabric?

    2. The Cameron slim fit pants in stretch twill are the same. I think there’s a pair of wider leg pants too.

    3. Do you like the fit? I think the material is a nice weight/stiffness as a jacket- how do you like it as a skirt/pants?

  6. My bff is a new mom working full time in a new and pretty demanding job. Any ideas for a birthday gift that will make her life easier? She already has an instant pot and we get pedicures pretty often so I’d rather not do that. Budget is under $100 (preferably under $50).

    1. Can you offer to babysit? I’d love to just have someone stay at my house while kiddo naps or sleeps just to go out on a walk or to the mall to try on clothes without having to do mail order roulette.

    2. An offer to babysit so she and her partner (or whomever she chooses) can go out for a birthday dinner/evening.

      1. YES. YES. YES.

        Signed, mom of a 16 month old in a Very Demanding job that really just wants to go out with husband for my upcoming b-day and not fork over $100 to a babysitter.

    3. Is Grubhub or another food delivery service available in her area? That’d be a good option.

    4. Take her out to a tasteful and healthy lunch so that you can decompress together. With a pretty demanding job, she will need to take breaks, and having good nutrition is something she really needs to do to maintain her healthe and sanity. As a new mom, she will be more likelyneed to run home after work, so it is difficult to schedule something then. You are a good freind, so more power to both of you from the ENTIRE hive! YAY!!!

    5. I think babysitting is a good idea. Assuming she has to feed herself lunch everyday, can you help with that? Gift cards to places by her office? I find that kid + working full time means I’m lucky if I can meal prep dinners/snacks/kid lunches, my lunch is an afterthought.

    7. +1 on the babysitting. with a recommendation — if she has a partner, I’d talk to him/her and see if you can pick a date for a movie or dinner or both, and give her the offer for a specific day, maybe along with movie tickets or GC for dinner

    8. does she have a Loopy case for her phone? IMO this is almost a must have for any mom. Also being a new mom with a demanding job is pretty lonely sometimes, so maybe just set up a time to go hang with her.

    9. Babysitting! Costs you nothing, worth $100++ in saved babysitter fees and worrying over reliability/trustworthiness.

      If you want, you could cover the cost of dinner or a movie or whatever date but honestly, the babysitting is all I would need :-).

      -busy mom of 3

  7. i recently found out that one of my parents has about 6 months to live. i’ve been trying to deal with this emotionally, but now i am starting to think about some of the logistics bc as a type a planner this is a coping mechanism for me. is this something i should tell my manager at work? we have a pretty good relationship and my mom has had 3 surgeries in the 3 years i’ve been working there. i am not really asking for anything from my office, though at some point i will need to suddenly take time off. for now i am able to plan visits over the weekend. when it actually happens, would it be weird to notify friends about it via email? my closest friends know what is going on, and i will text them, but i do think that there are some other slightly more peripheral people who would want to know and i won’t have the time or energy to begin contacting everyone individually because i also live a 5 hour flight away from my parents and will need to prepare everything for my two young children to get on a plane. i’ve just never received an email notifying me of anyone’s death, so i don’t know if that is weird?

    1. I’m so sorry. This is very difficult, and there’s no right or wrong way to notify people. When I was in your shoes, I let my supervisors know of the death over email. They had some inkling that it was coming, as my parent had been in and out of the hospital the few weeks prior so I had been in touch about working remotely and taking some days off here and there. I told friends via text, email, and FB. I found it very difficult to talk about and putting up a brief post w/ funeral arrangement info was the easiest way to let most people know quickly without having to rehash the details over and over. The few people I emailed at work spread the news to other coworkers.

    2. First off, I am so so sorry. The loss of a parent is just unbelieveably hard, so big internet stranger hugs to you.

      When my father died, I gave one of my close friends a list of all the friends that I wanted contacted in advance (like you, I had some forewarning) and then just told her and my few closest friends and then she contacted everyone else on my behalf. It made things a lot easier for me not having to take the time and the emotional energy to just keep repeating what had happened.

      Hang in there, friend. You are stronger than you think.

    3. Email is totally fine. And use your friends. I would want to help a friend in this situation and if I had a list of people to contact/notify I would be more than happy to take care of it so that you don’t have to worry about sending emails/making calls etc.

      Don’t be afraid to ask people to support you now and afterwards when you are grieving. I have a special needs child so I couldn’t go over to a friend’s house to watch their kids so they get a break but I’d be more than happy to have a play date or sleepover if that helps my friend get a break.

      1. +1, I would do this in a heartbeat to help out a friend. Just think of all the posters on here always asking ‘what can I do for my friend going through this difficult time’.

    4. I find out about a lot of passings for periphery people and/or their loved ones via a shared obituary on Facebook. is that an option?

    6. I’m sorry you are going through this. I think you get to be a bit weird when you are greiving, but I wouldn’t think it was weird to be notified by email – I would think it was what you could handle. I also think telling your manager is a good idea, partly so they can give you some leeway/grace if you are not at your best.

    7. Not weird at all. We did that for my grandfather because that was how he communicated with everyone in his life.

    8. Hugs. This is hard. I lost a niece about 8 years ago and ended up taking some very last minute time off work to fly down and spend time with her, and then again to attend her memorial. Loss of someone you’re close to, loss of a parent is so, so hard. I am sending you my best wishes. You will handle this, but please, give yourself the time and space to grieve. Grief really doesn’t work on a particular timeline. See a therapist if you need. They can help.
      My 2 cents: tell your boss, as you have a good relationship with them. Tell them for situational awareness and let them know if you think you may need to delegate some tasks to ensure nothing slides (aka propose solutions to what you perceive might be problematic). They will appreciate the heads up per my experience. You may want to decide how much to share with your office mates as well.
      I really like what Anon at 9:30 am said about contacting people. Delegate, delegate, delegate. It’s kind of you to want to ensure your friends know, but don’t drain yourself to do so.
      All the best to you and your parents.

    9. (Warning: this turned into a novel but I unfortunately have a lot to say on this topic.)

      My mom passed away a few months ago. It was somewhat unexpected. (Long-term health problems that suddenly deteriorated quickly.) I had confided in one supervisor about my worries about my mom’s health, etc., since we have a more friendly, personal relationship. When my mom died, I emailed that supervisor plus a couple of others I was working on active projects with, and the one supervisor made sure that the people who needed to know were informed and took care of the work-side logistics for me so that I didn’t have to delegate anything myself. So I strongly urge keeping your boss in the loop, especially if you think he/she will be supportive. Since you have some warning, see if you can work with your boss to make a couple of contingency plans if there are any large deliverables that have to get out the door in the next few months.

      In terms of email, my friends helped me the day of by starting to help me compile an email list to send out funeral information, shiva details, etc. That is how some people learned of my mom’s death. I also posted on FB, and I called a few people who I knew were the “hub” of certain of my mom’s social networks, and asked them to spread the news. I included my supervisor on the funeral email list and trusted that she would forward the information to people at work who would want to be there for me. (FWIW, she and several others from work showed up to the funeral and shiva.)

      When people ask if they can do anything after a death, it’s very hard to come up with anything because everything is hard and overwhelming. Ask them for food that is not cookies. We were inundated with cookies, but very little real food, and going to the supermarket was overwhelming: I wasn’t hungry and couldn’t decide on anything I wanted to eat, but when people showed up with real food I was so so grateful. Ask for help with your kids. Ask for someone to be a logistical point person. Ask for someone to move your car. Whatever you need.

      Last: YOU DON’T OWE ANYONE ANYTHING. You are allowed to deal with your own stuff. Send calls to voicemail if you want. Literally hand your phone to someone else (your partner?) and tell them to answer it if it rings. My best friend literally took my phone out of my hand during shiva and fielded phone calls. People will be asking things of you, wanting you to help them in their own mourning for your parent, wanting you to explain logistics to them if they have to fly in for the funeral, etc. This is not your job. Find someone local (a cousin you are close with?) and ask if they can be this person. I was this person for my own mom’s funeral and it was hard.

      Sending so much strength to you and your family.

      1. And also? Be very gentle with yourself. My mom passed away two weeks ago and even though it was expected and peaceful and she was 95 and basically the best case scenario, I am realizing I haven’t been firing on all cylinders at all. Like I showed up at a lunch date yesterday that had been canceled a week ago.

        And plus one to the food. A friend of ours brought a huge box on the day my mom passed, with a homemade lasagna and all the other makings for dinner including dessert and apps and salad and bread and fruit and everything — which was just perfect because we had family in town and I could have them for dinner and not have to cook. Best thing ever. I can’t wait to pay it forward.

      2. I’m so sorry.

        +1 on you don’t owe anyone anything, nor do you need to grieve in any particular way. Take care of yourself so you can still be a parent to your kids and do what you can for your mom.

        I was responsible for managing my dad’s care in his final months of life and then the funeral/estate. I had to power through his decline and death and didn’t really grieve for quite a while. I left my young kids on the other side of the country with my husband when I flew for the funeral. It sucked that they couldn’t be there with me, but it was the right call for us so I could take a couple days to grieve, deal with the estate (and the shocking callous pettiness of family I thought would be supportive), and not have to parent jet-lagged kids. I did have my mom (they’d been long divorced) with me for support.

        I didn’t tell most friends because I just couldn’t bear to deal with anything more at the time. However, the support I did have means a lot looking back and I wish I’d taken the time to notify more people, even via email.

    10. Email is fine. A year ago a friend of mine passed away and a group of us had been getting updates by email for weeks sent by me or another friend; we knew it was coming when it happened. Her mom let me know they were taking her off life support in the AM. I called 3 people, and then emailed about 12 more. Those 3 calls were, without a doubt, some of the most difficult I’ve ever had- only more difficult was the call early that morning with her mom. However, they took some of the burden off of me to manage others’ feelings- others could call them to get details and express shock and grief, instead of me having to deal with everyone while trying to survive it myself. I could just skim emails instead of having to speak.

      Another thing is that I had an agreement with a couple of people I was super close to that if I just texted a time, she’d gone. I didn’t want to have to type “She passed away around 3:40 PM” again and again, it made me sick every time.

      There is nothing easy about death. As a friend of me said to me just after I told him- “I am so sorry. Death blows.” It stuck with me because it was just such a real statement without anything extra. I am so sorry you are going through this. Make sure to care for yourself, too.

    11. Anon, I just found out my sister probably doesn’t have much time either. She’s been fighting cancer and the treatment isn’t working. So I’m just sending hugs to you. My sister is only 52 and has a 13 year old daughter, so this is devastating for my family. I just wanted you to know that someone out here is going through something similar.

      1. omg i am so so sorry. that does not even come close to my situation. my mom is in her 60s and i’m in my 30s, so i am much more of an established person than your 13 year old niece and while i know many people unfortunately lose parents when they are young, i cannot imagine having lost my mom at 13. i hope that both you and your niece are doing what you can to take care of yourselves. thinking of you and your family during this difficult time.

    13. Went to something similar and really wish I had planned things out more. For me, a huge chunk of time was spent in denial (both myself, the parent dying, and the other care taking parent). There are a lot of things to plan:

      Wills/Finances
      – make sure you parents have wills in place, not just property interests, but also what to do regarding incubating and resuscitation, so you don’t end up being the one having to decide when to pull the tube.
      – real estate titles, inheritance rights that your dying parent is entitled to. In my case, my grandparents were still alive but died shortly after my dad’s death. My uncle tried to pressure my dad when he was intensive care to give his inheritance from my grandparents to him and his siblings. My dad thankfully was clear-minded enough to say no. But after he passed, he and his siblings transferred all of the liquid assets my grandparents’ estate to their accounts, cut my mom and I out, and are constantly pressuring me to sign property rights away to them. They even tried to come after our home, arguing that they had a right to it as well. Thank God my dad’s will was very clear, but it would have been better if he had a face-to-face talk with each of them about his intent before he died. You might think my family is really decent people, so this would happen. That’s what I thought too. His siblings said a lot of caring things to us when he was alive. But the second he passed away, they started this elaborate scheme to get as much money from us as possible. It was like a Charles Dickens novel.
      – home/assets to sell: my mom had to move and sell a lot of stuff once my dad passed away. This was a bad idea as we were all numb to the pain of his just having passed. It would have been better if we had a plan in place to rent it out and move things in storage for a while.
      – you should consider having your parents meet with a lawyer and a financial planner/CPA to discuss similar issues.

      At-home help/cleaning help/cook
      – The last few minutes took a tremendous amount of toll on my mother and I. I wish we had set up this type of assistance at the outset instead of putting all those strains on my mother. Having this type of help will give you and your family time to truly treasure the time you have left.

      Emotional/Psychological help
      – Consider getting your dying parent a therapist/support group/reading materials. Elizabeth Kubler Ross’s On Death and Dying was helpful because it explained the 5 stages of emotions that the dying went through.
      – I really regretted not spending enough time with my father, or having a methodological way of spending time with him. It wasn’t until the last month or so that I started the practice of asking him a single question a day about his life growing up, or something I had always wanted to ask him, and recording them. I really wish I had started doing this the day we found out. Even if it’s a single text message in the morning a day.
      – getting a grief therapist or support community in place for your mother, or paying a few sessions for her now, so that she can know how to prepare herself or have other people who know what she is going through to talk to.
      – this might seem counter-intuitive because it entails more work for the caretakers, but sometimes it’s better to get a young puppy or plants for your dying parent. They feel better when they are near something that is young and growing in their environment. It helps them feel less depressed.

      Trips/things the dying parent had always wanted to
      – my dad always wanted to take certain trips or go to US Open game but would not do so because he felt we didn’t have the money. I wish I had asked him, made a list of this, and then did all of these things as a family in his last few months.

      Work/Social
      – It’s important that you let your bosses know what to expect, but also talk to an employment lawyer about your rights. In my case, HR did not tell me I could take certain type of leave to take care of a family member. I was in biglaw, and was also the only person with an income in my family. So I decided to continue working full time instead of taking more time off.
      – Let all of your friends know, even in as something as short of an email/text. People are surprisingly helpful in such times. Also let your dying parent’s friends know, so they can come say their goodbyes and make his life feel more meaningful.

      Hope this is helpful and hugs!

    14. I told my father’s sister and she immediately put it on facebook as I was still in the process of calling the rest of the family.I mean within the same hour. The relatives who found out via Facebook were pretty annoyed when I finally got to them 30 minutes to an hour later. Facebook backlash is real.

  8. What mistakes do you expect to see from junior associates (first to second year)? What (if any) mistakes would make you reconsider including a junior associate on your team in the future?

    1. Lots of attention to detail mistakes. My concern would be if they don’t actively work to fix them. There will be mistakes, but if you don’t see improvement overtime on specific points you have raised, then that’s an issue.

      1. Not a lawyer, but agreed to all these points. I think they really apply regardless of industry. If I don’t see someone actively working to implement feedback, I’m going to seriously reconsider working with them in the future.

    2. Lots of attention to detail mistakes, not understanding the big picture. On research I get lots of “here is 7 pages of things I have found” when what I want is 2 paragraphs of analysis with an answer. To me that’s all par for the course. I don’t use juniors again when their work is late or incomplete without advanced notice or when their work product looks lazy. They might not get it right, but there’s no reason they can’t get it in on time appropriately formatted.

      1. Agree with all of the OP’s. We must give proper feedback to our junior associates so that they know what it is we expect of them, and we must be patent with them, as they are like we were — anxius to do things right. We must tell them that they should be thorough, as necessary, within the allotted time, but not to write a toam on something that deserves a paragraph or two. Finally, we need to remember we are partners and to teach, rather then scold. If we have done all of this, consisently for at least 3 episodes, and the associate refuses or is unable to learn from our counselling, then we must tell him/her that they are NOT shaping up properly and that we must consider alternative arrangements. I had this situeation with my assocate, Mason, whose dad was a big cleint. He thought b/c of that, he could do what he wanted, which was to date my secretary and not much more. I tried to get him engaged in the work, but he did little more then carry my stuff to court, and to cozy up to Lynn. Besides, he never passed the bar exam, and we can’t be litigeators here who are not even admitted. The final straw was Mason deciding to have $ex with Lynn on the conference room table. The manageing partner then had no choice but to have me let him go. Dad told me I should fire him alot earlier, but he did not know that Mason’s dad was responsible for about 25% of my billeings last year! It was not easy for me to be the bad cop, but I do whatever the manageing partner says to do, b/c he is the manageing partner, and we must respect authority at our firm. YAY!!!

    3. I find it easier to forgive mistakes when the information isn’t all right there. I’m a transactional attorney – if I ask an associate to tell me who the manager of an entity is, or what the consequences of a default under a lease are, I expect them to read the whole section. If it’s confusing, they can talk to me about it, but don’t just read half of the relevant section and assume that’s all the information needed to answer my question.

    4. Not understanding the big picture. Not understanding the process or what the end product should look like. Not understanding how to provide exactly what is needed (i.e., when you ask for some case cities to support a statement in the brief, they give you four pages of summaries of cases without pointing out what is the more relevant or on-point).

    5. I expect to see in a first year:
      -Mistakes that come from lack of substantive knowledge (saying X is a big problem because they don’t know Y)
      -Bad judgment calls (saying X claim is likely to succeed when it really isn’t)
      -Not understanding the level of detail at which you have to think through the implications of language (is the meaning of word X really clear enough or could that be the subject of dispute later?)

      I would be concerned by:
      -Spelling and grammar errors (if a first year turns in an assignment once that hasn’t been spell-checked, I’ll say something about it; twice and I don’t want to work with them bc that’s so, so easy to get right)
      -Blowing deadlines
      -Sloppiness (poor formatting; not using the same convention for defining terms throughout; not checking cross-references)

      Basically, the stuff that you should be able to get right without knowing anything about the law bothers me.

      1. +1000

        I expect mistakes. It’s just part of it. A lot of it is how they react, too. I find more and more that I get excuses. I don’t want to hear them. I’m not your mom. I’m your client. Fix it, as quickly as you can, and move on.

    6. This question is so timely for me as I’ve been struggling for two weeks now with a jr. associate to get some oppositions done, and despite multiple rounds of editing we’re still not there. I’m ready to give up and just do it myself but they are brand new so I’m trying to be understanding and use this as a teaching moment… but it hasn’t been easy.

      So +1 to all the things above, ESPECIALLY the lateness on turning in work product without advance notice. Like, hi, I noticed that I still don’t have your draft, don’t think you can avoid me and get away with it. I hate when I feel like I’m hunting you down to “touch base” on something you were supposed to have to me last Friday. That, and also a bunch of superficial cites to the law with little to no application to our case. (Sensitive issue for me at the moment, as you can tell.)

      1. Someone who assigns work shouldn’t have to chase a junior for the work. If there’s going to be a problem getting it done on time, let the assigning person know ASAP and what the revised timeline is. If the junior is hitting a roadblock, let the assigning person know.

        As someone who assigned a ton of work to lawyers at a range of levels, it’s also nice if more senior lawyers don’t make you chase and let you know right away if a proposed deadline will work. Being easy to work with is one of the main things a junior can do.

    7. Lots and lots of mistakes are expected. For many young associates, the first law firm job is their first job ever, so I’m mindful that they’re getting used to everything from learning the technical legal work to understanding what work is at a fundamental level (adding value, making your boss and client look good, etc.) and how best to relate to a boss. But very few would make me reconsider a hire. What makes me reconsider a hire is bad attitude.

    8. I once had an associate advocate for lying (think: represent that some minor vendor agreements had been reviewed in M&A due diligence when they hadn’t been). I shut it down and will never work with him or recommend him for anything. He was totally comfortable with lying and didn’t appreciate how very bad it would have been to lie to the partner and client. It would have been reasonable to check with the partner if the agreements really needed review, but advocating for lying is inexcusable for anyone.

    9. I’d expect to see the same mistakes from a 1st year attorney as I would from a 2L summer or 3L intern- ideally, there would be some growth in 3L year, but not everyone does a clinic or internship that year to keep building those skills they, hopefully, worked on as a summer.

      So, things like other people have said above- not understanding the full picture, making assumptions without the facts. I would also expect to see not knowing where to look- in my niche area, Westlaw or Lexis is not actually the place to go for 99.99% of our research, and a lot of it is actually just figuring out what to search in a search engine. Figuring that out takes practice. Often, a new attorney or intern says “I searched but couldn’t find anything about this.” I don’t doubt that they did search, and probably did it well. But usually I can find something if I then search it because I just have more practice knowing what to look for and how to find it.

      I would also expect law school level writing- and law school level speed of writing. I know that the way I wrote in law school and very early practice and the way I write now, starting my 4th year, is much different. It took me maybe 2 years to write assertively, and I’m still improving. I was always a “good” writer, and my writing from about 2L on got the job done, but it wasn’t as effective as it is now. That came with both practice and seeing the practical impact of what I wrote on cases. Also, writing was very slow for a long time. I wasn’t confident enough in my skills yet to just write something and know that it was probably a solid draft as a 1st draft, so I did a lot of reviewing and editing to get it to a place I knew was acceptable. Now, I know that a lot of the time, my first draft isn’t perfect but it’s effective as is so I can turn things around faster.

      Last, I would expect discomfort around identifying and telling others when there is just too much to handle competently. I think a lot of brand new attorneys really, really want people to think they have it completely under control and, yes, of course they can take on this and this and this. But it takes some practice to know when you really do NOT have the ability to take on something else and do competent work on the rest of your to-do list- and being able to get that across to people you work with in a way that doesn’t feel like you’re just trying to get out of work. I try to build this in from the first days of supervising even a 1L intern. We review what they have on their plate, we review timelines, and I mentor them about “Keep in mind what’s coming down the pipeline so that you don’t take on too much and can’t get it done, or can’t get it done well.” I want them to feel comfortable coming to me and saying “This is just not going to happen.” Because that happens. And I’d really, REALLY prefer to know it now then when it doesn’t happen.

      I get frustrated about the errors other people have said- sloppiness, not getting things done on time without prior notice, and generally lack of follow through. I also get frustrated when there’s no reflection about what they don’t know- of course, there are “unknown unknowns,” things they don’t know they don’t know and so can’t ask about or even consider, but when they KNOW they don’t understand something (the “known unknowns”) and don’t ask about it, it is frustrating.

    10. Agreed on all of the above. I think not understanding the point of the assignment, their role, or the value they can bring to the assignment is a big hurdle that just takes time.
      I get frustrated when I have to make the same comments from assignment to assignment. I expect that a junior associate will understand that a basic comment made on one assignment (think: “use full sentences in the diligence memo”) also applies the next time they turn in that type of assignment.
      Another big frustration for me, recently, has been with a junior associate who turns in assignments just way too fast. So, for instance, if the assignment is rule-checking a 10-K, which would take me the better part of an afternoon, and the junior turns it back to me in an hour. Then I know that they didn’t really give the assignment the attention it deserved, which usually means I need to re-explain the assignment and ask for a do-over.

  9. I have a job that has an end date of next November. This is common knowledge in my community – I work for an elected official who is terming out. Lots of people come up to me and say, “what are you going to do when your boss terms out?” The answer right now is that I’m not sure, but the thing is is that I would love to work for a lot of the people who ask me the question – I need help crafting a good response that implies that I’m interested in talking with them about my future. Right now, I usually mumble an answer about not panicking about a new job yet, but I need a cleaner, better scripted answer that expresses my interest to people. Any advice?

    1. I’ve been so fortunate for the time I’ve had working with X, but I’m also looking forward to my next adventure. X has always been my passion, so I’m looking into opportunties that would really allow me to take my (relevant experience) and bring it to that. If you hear of anything, keep me in mind!

    2. I don’t have much advice about a script, but my initial thought reading this was that a lot of the people asking are probably trying to gauge if you’d be interested in working for them.

    3. “I’d like to (continue) work in x industry and I am exploring my options for doing that. If you hear of any opportunities, please keep me in mind”
      Or, for people that you know may be hiring, ask directly what their hiring needs and timeline are. If you like what you hear, ask how to apply.

    4. “I’m looking to keep working in xyz field. Are you hiring? Can we get together for coffee and chat?”

      2. +2. Or “Actually, I’d love to move into your field/company/area! Do you have time for coffee or a chat about what I should start doing now to try to make that happen?”

      3. +1 If they’re people you have a good personal or working relationship with, be fairly direct!

  10. Recommendations for affordable, comfy loungewear for recovering from a medical procedure? Will be laying around the house for a few weeks and want to be comfy without looking like a total slob…

    1. Target has some great options in their pj section. My best friend is going through chemotherapy and I bought her some things from there. They are super soft and make her feel put together, even when she feels horrible.

      1. +1. I just ordered several sets of the “super soft” 2-piece, button front pjs from Target as I am getting ready to have surgery myself later this month. I’ve already broken into them though and can attest to how comfy they are.

    3. I just got some joggers/sweats from Loft (I think they were Lou and Gray) and they are the softest, comfiest pants I have ever owned and all I want to wear. Wait for a 40% off sale to buy them.

    5. I’m in this same boat with a major surgery scheduled next month. I went to TJMAXX this past weekend and was able to find several pair of black sweats (reebok, Adidas – with pockets!) As well as a couple longer length cozy sweatshirts. Didn’t care to spend a lot of $$ on things I wouldn’t otherwise wear.

  11. Anyone have a good dupe for the Steve Madden Randi bootie? Mine are shabby, and the secondhand market (Poshmark, eBay) isn’t coughing them up in the right size and color.

  12. It’s been a fairly rubbish start to the week – I’m now up to six job rejections for internal job moves this year, five of which were ore interview and one was post interview when the funding was withdrawn. I’m generally a resilient person but this is making it tough. (Post-restructure I’m in a role that isn’t what I applied to do so trying to find a way to do a job that’s more me while staying at the organisation I like)

    1. Knowing nothing more than what’s in your post, I would wonder if someone is tanking your prospects because they want to keep you where you are. :(

    2. Rejections sucks in any way shape form. I’m sorry. Six times extra sucks.
      Consider working your internal network and or building/expanding it. Especially after a restructure.

  13. My boss unexpectedly left last week and I have taken over one of her projects that I thought was basically all but done – and I have discovered this is not the case and now I am frantically scrambling while people send me emails with questions that I can’t answer. Help.

    1. Who is your interim boss? Or your boss’s boss? Go to that person. Let them know what happened. They might be able to connect you with resources who can help; hopefully someone else was working on this project too. At a minimum, they can shift your existing workload to others until this project is finished.

    2. Just stay curious and keep asking questions. You may be feeling frantic because you were caught off guard and have an expectation of yourself that you should know what’s going on. That expectation is unrealistic. You’re new to this. Give yourself grace and patience to get a lay of the land.

    3. Been there! Have a good sense of humor and work through assumptions together with the question-askers.

  14. Frivolous question for today, does anyone belong to a country club or similar (yacht club, private members club?) Just curious how common this is among professional women who have made their way to this site. I don’t belong to any clubs and probably never will (although I have fantasies of belonging to a drag hunt fox hunt club), but I’ve worked at one before.

    1. And actually, now that I mention it, whatever happened to that poster whose parents wanted to pay for her family to join their country club, but the husband was opposed to taking their money for it? Haven’t thought of that in so long but would love an update if there is one!

    2. I’m not sure what a “drag hunt fox hunt club” is, but assuming you mean fox hunting, it is incredibly, incredibly cruel. Barbaric really.

        2. I don’t know what it is either but all I can think of is the characters of Downton Abbey going fox hunting dressed as drag queens hahaha

      2. Feel free to google before outrage. Drag hunting uses an artificial scent to hunt so that no Fox is hunted or hurt.

      3. It’s fake fox hunting, so maybe google before you judge? Someone drags a fake scent on a predetermined path, so all the fun of cantering through the countryside, none of the cruelty of hunting an actual fox (or chance of injury from unknown hazards, because again, predetermined path).

        1. OP here and that’s what appeals to me – the fun of the challenge and fresh air and social ties, but no questionable morality. I’m on the fence about the morality of the sport and it really depends where it’s happening/how it’s done, but I ultimately fall more to the side of wanting to drag hunt only. American hunts may not seek to kill the fox, but even still.

          1. A lot of American live hunts don’t even really hunt foxes – more coyotes, especially outside of the NE (but also in the NE). Coyotes tend not to get caught, and the hunts don’t really want to catch them.

    3. Yes. I belong to one of the private members clubs in NYC. I like it for social reasons, but it’s not really all that beneficial to my career as most people tend to be lawyers, investment bankers, and some doctors (and I’m not in one of those industries).

    4. I belong to a country club. I joined because they dropped the rates dramatically and waived the initiation fee at a time when a lot of my friends had just joined. I used the pool and tennis courts a lot over the summer, and my dad likes to golf when he visits. Ours has lots of fun events and great food, too.

    5. Yes, we are members at a local country club. The whole family golfs (though not as often or well as we might like), we use the pool, kid activities, and dining.
      I’ve not used it a whole lot professionally, but I am a lawyer in a midsized SE city and many of our colleagues and clients are members of one of the clubs in our city.

    6. We don’t. That’s not to say that we don’t still do the activities one usually has a club for – we just do it independently (we keep our own boat, rather than at a marina; we hunt with friends, rather than a club, etc). There’s a yacht club (best expressed as a “yacht” club ;) ) in our town, but we just don’t see the point. We’ve met a large number of baby boomers who are OBSESSED with material culture and outward signs of wealth and acquiring stuff…yacht/golf/hunt club memberships included. We fish and hunt for the joy of nature, for sustainability, for the quiet time. We don’t do it to – and don’t want to – share back-slapping stories. And we don’t golf.

      1. I’m guessing you might be in the mid-Atlantic or England – totally agree about the social climbers. I saw people at a relative’s yacht club who had two mortgages on a huge boat. It was a nice boat than my relative’s old, small day sailer, but she and I are both personally opposed to loans on “fun” items.

      2. I’m just amused that in different areas of the country a ‘hunt’ club means such different things! I literally never even thought of a hunt club where people well, hunt animals, in our NE suburb it truly is for horseback riding only.

      3. +1….we fish and hunt and do anything outdoors for the joy of nature, not to impress or social climb

    7. Do you mean a hunt club (ie, a club for horse jumping)? Full fledged country/hunt clubs are pretty common in my area and our family seriously considered a social membership (no golf privileges) before joining a pool/racket club. We don’t really golf, I’m not a SAHM who would use the lessons/childcare option, and our families don’t have historical memberships that would entice us to ‘keep up’ our membership. My kiddo likes joining others at their fancier clubs on play dates/guest days but we really just don’t have enough hours in the day/weekend to make the most out of a membership. If we seriously golfed or rode it might be a different calculus as the local hunt club has great stables/pools/tennis and reasonably priced kids lessons.

      1. Where do you live, out of curiosity? I’ve never heard of a hunt club that has actual amenities other than horse-related things. That sounds kind of amazing.

    8. Not-fancy swim and tennis clubs are a big thing where we live and in my fantasy life I would join one, but we just don’t have the time to play enough tennis to make it worthwhile and my family gets bored hanging out at the pool. Maybe when the kid is in college and we have time to play sports ourselves instead of spending all our time watching her.

      We do belong to the Y, along with half the people in our neighborhood. Does that count?

      1. Right, we belong to a swim and tennis club. But it’s $500 per year, with all the (lack of) amenities you’d expect at that price point. Definitely not a networking thing, although great for meeting other parents to swap play dates with.

    9. Hubby and I belong to a local social club (not the fanciest one in town — the other one). We had our wedding reception there and I’m having my mom’s Celebration of Life there next week. Right now it just offers breakfast and lunch daily plus frequent social events, but Mr. SA is president-elect and he has big plans to add a gym and pool and otherwise drag it into the new millennium. It’s purely social for us although maybe DH gets a client referral once in a blue moon.

    10. We belonged to a pool and tennis club as a kid because my siblings and I were on swim team. It wasn’t fancy. It was attached to a gym. I don’t see any point in paying money as an adult to be part of a social club.

    11. The country club in my neighborhood has a 200k initiation fee and is 1k a month. So no. Although some of my co-workers do belong. Instead, my husband and I belong to the rec center at a large university in our area for access to pool, gym, track, and tennis courts. It is about $400 a year. And we go to a public golf course.
      I’ve thought about joining a professional club, but most in my city are not in my area (lots of driving) and don’t enjoy when I go as a guest. I feel out of place even as a woman, let alone a WOC.

    12. I don’t know anyone at all in our mid-size metro area who belongs to such a club. I know a few country clubs exist, and an “athletic club” or two, but it’s… just not a thing. We belong to the jcc which has a pool, but it’s the equivalent of the ymca.

  15. I’m a rising third year associate in who just had my evaluation with one of the partners (Partner A) in my practice group. The evaluation meeting was all positive except Partner A said that I need to “watch” my realization rate. I don’t have access to this information but from the numbers they mentioned quickly, it sounds like my billable rate is $120 more than my realized rate (note: I’m at a biglaw firm with high rates). Partner A said they’ve never written off my time, so they don’t understand why there’s such a gap . I get about a third of my work from a different partner (Partner B) who writes off a ton of associate time. It’s Partner B’s method to write off a chunk of every bill, and I think that my write-off rate is comparable to that of other associates, possibly better. What am I supposed to do with this realization information? From my perspective, there’s nothing I can do. Pivoting to do less work for Partner B would solve the numbers problem, but I can’t refuse work from a partner in my group. I also don’t mind the work from Partner B, so I don’t really want to pivot to avoid it. I also don’t understand how I’m supposed to “watch” a metric that I don’t have access to. I reviewed our billing software/time reports and can confirm I can’t see my realized rate.

    2. I would just ignore it. There is nothing you can do about the realization rate, absent some problem with your work such that you take too long to complete projects (which doesn’t seem to be the problem). That just seems like lazy feedback from a partner who is either out of touch and doesn’t realize that associations have no involvement in billing or who couldn’t come up with any other feedback to provide.

      1. This. The only other thing you could do would be to approach the partner who is writing off time and ask if he has any concerns or if that’s just the way it must be for his client, and whether there’s anything you could do on your end to improve it. If you were being horribly inefficient, they probably would have told you.

    3. I would reach out to someone other than Partner A to try to get confirmation on whether the issue is write-offs or that you’re doing work for partners whose clients have significant discounting. If it’s discounting, you can’t help that. If it’s Partner B, you can’t help that either (unless he’s writing off more of your time than of other associates). But if you are getting written off by others at a fairly high rate, then I would try to get to the bottom of it. It sounds like that’s not the case but it’s worth some factual investigation.

      I say this because I have an associate who does really good work but is INCREDIBLY inefficient and it’s to the point where I’m having trouble using him – because I’m having to write off tens of thousands of dollars of time, and when I do that, I get a talking-to from our finance department.

    4. I’d ask if there’s a way to get access, or if they’re willing to help you get access. This is important information for an associate to have.
      1. If you’re not meeting a partner’s expectations as to efficiency, then you need to know that. Ideally they should tell you, but if they don’t, then it’s up to you to ask for feedback.
      2. You should be proactive about balancing negotiated rate and normal rate matters. I’ve gotten amazing experience from negotiated rate matters, but when I was more junior I would try to pick up a doc review every couple of months to keep me on track for my bonus/raise.
      3. Advocate for yourself when you see big discounts. I’ve been on a couple of matters that discounted everyone across the board, but associate time took a bigger hit than partner time. I haven’t always been successful in getting it changed, but it’s important for your immediate supervisors to know what’s going on even if they/you can’t change it.
      4. A corollary to #3 – partners who look at your realization rate will assume that it’s low because you’re inefficient. If that’s not the reason, you need to show them that. If a matter is discounting significant time, you might ask that partner to write a note to the powers that be so you don’t get dinged for it at bonus/raise/review time.

  16. A friend is starting chemo on Monday. She has a 14 month old. I want to send her something that will arrive before Monday to support her. I was thinking a cozy blanket. Any other thoughts? She is not super into self-care.

    2. I am also team blanket. A gift card for meal or grocery delivery would be another consideration.

    4. Cozy blanket, and splurge-y slippers if you can do both. Everyone I know who went through chemo was very easily cold/chilled at one point.

    5. as someone with two 16 month olds, i cannot imagine what she is dealing with. so hugs to you and to your friend. even though she might not want to eat much, i agree with gift cards for food delivery so she can easily feed her child.

    6. Counterpoint – I feel like everyone sends blankets. Honestly, all I want is frequent check-ins – text messages that don’t require a response, even funny memes, random cards or little treats in the mail, etc. It doesn’t have to be spendy. I just want to know people are thinking of me and haven’t written me off yet.

      2. Yes. Every time I see a cozy blanket recommended I think about the ten cozy blankets stuffed into my closet because I feel too guilty to get rid of them (yet). Little treats are great. There’s a $5 cookie delivery I’ve used a couple times. Some fun socks. A packet of her favorite candy. But also gift cards/foot are great.

      3. +3 to no more blankets please. I have a ton of them and some are gifts, and need to find a place to store all of them in the hot summer.
        Food, gift card to restaurants, gift card to baby stuff store like amazon or target or even CVS, gift card to movie experience or hand lotion or some other luxurious consumable bath and body item.

    7. If you live nearby, I think homemade food is the absolute best gift anyone can give someone going through something difficult. Even if she’s not very hungry, the kids need to eat. Delivery gets unhealthy and expensive for most people in short order.

    8. When my mom went through chemo, she went through a lot of hard candy. The medicine left a horrid taste in her mouth. So I often include a package of jolly ranchers and/or lemonheads (her favorite) in chemo care packages. And something to do at chemo. Chemo days were often when she felt best – because they were the longest point since her last treatment, and it often took a few hours for the ickiness to set in after each treatment. So maybe some puzzle books or an iTunes gift card for some shows to download.

    9. My mom likes lemon and ginger teas and candies (lemon is one of the few things that still tastes ok), body products (aquaphor, eucerin, antibacterial and sanitizing lotion and wipes, eyebrow pencils, biotene toothpaste), cozy fuzzy socks, extra long chargers, magazines. Chicken soup if you can work that logistically.

    10. Do the stuff, or help her outsource the stuff, that still has to be done to be a human in the world but feels like WAY too much when you’re nauseous or tired or sick or in pain- an Amazon grocery delivery membership (not a meal delivery service- when I was nauseous on meds for 7 months I lived on scrambled eggs, tortellini, and pho and I absolutely positively did not want to make anything else or even see it in my house), babysitting, Lyft or Uber gift cards, auto-delivery of things you know she likes, or baby supplies. The last thing I wanted to do was run out of, for example, paper towels and have to go get more when I wanted to collapse in bed 100% of the time. Warm stuff is nice, but I’d suggest fuzzy socks or a scarf, not a blanket. Blankets SOUND like a good idea but if you’re freezing cold, and you want everything from your neck to your feet to be covered, it’s actually better to do it piece by piece with warm stuff. A blanket means you can’t use your hands. A huge blanket poncho is ugly, but it was great because it was warm and cozy and I could wrap up in it but also use my arms and I or nurses could access any central lines with minimal re-arranging.

  17. Any travel recs for Tanzania? We’re considering visiting friends there next year. (Super excited for the opportunity to socialize with locals in their own homes.)

    1. Keep an eye on the WHO findings regarding unreported Ebola virus in Tanzania before you go, but hopefully it’s a non-issue by next year. The blog Design Darling wrote about her safari experience there if you’re interested in that.

    2. Go! If you want to do a safari while you’re there (and obviously you should), I highly recommend Access2Tanzania. They were great. I loved Tarangire, Ngorogoro Crater, and Serengeti national parks. Lake Manyara was fine but not worth the limited time, in my opinion. We went in late May, which is technically still the “rainy season,” (dry season starts in June), so still got cheaper rates but it didn’t rain once while we were on safari.
      And if you’re considering a trip to Zanzibar for the beaches, I was underwhelmed. Partly this was because we stayed at a resort and I have discovered I am very much not an all-inclusive resort type person. The beaches, while nice, weren’t any better than the caribbean. Stonetown was cool but probably not worth a trip just for that.
      While you can get a visa on arrival, we sent our application/passports to the Tanzanian mission to the UN in NYC and it was totally painless (send here and not to the embassy in DC as it is apparently worse). Just do it as soon as you can (you can’t send it in until I think 3 months before your trip?) in case something goes wrong and you need to replace your passport. The line for visas on arrival was long and slow and we were glad we could walk past it.

    3. If you are a hiking or athletic person, I did a Kilimanjaro trek a few years ago and it was the absolute highlight of my life! So, so, so amazing. You have to do it through a licensed guiding company though. We used REI and they were great. All the guides and porters were Tanzanians and it was fun getting to know them and hearing about what it was like to grow up in Tanzania. We also did a safari at Tarangire, which was lovely, so many elephants!

    4. I’m Tanzanian! Oh my goodness you will have an amazing time. I would suggest you talk to someone about doing an intense northern circuit safari. Stay in the camps NOT in the hotels for the best experience possible. Ask about walking tours and guides that can help with bird-watching not just large animals. If you can afford it splurge on the balloon ride over the Serengheti. Ask about eating local food not western food and they will be thrilled to share local food with you.

      DO NOT bring young kids. If your kids are under 12 (and possibly under 15) this trip is hardcore wasted on them. Anyone who has ever dealt with families on safari will tell you this.

      Lake Manyara is known for the flamingos (ignore that previous person, maybe their guide sucked and go see it). Aside from Kilimanjaro which is super touristy I suggest climbing Ol Donyo Lengai (you climb in the dark because it’s too hot in the day).

      1. Oh, in case you see this – when our Tanzanian friend’s family came from Tanzania to see him graduate from his U.S. school, we had them over for dinner and his wife brought us lovely hand-painted art on silk cloths. (We had them framed.) What a brilliant thing to pack in a suitcase and take along as thank yous! Is there anything American that would be particularly well received in Tanzania as gifts? I feel like American things are mass produced and global, but maybe the Tanzanian culture particularly values something in particular that I could bring with us?

    5. OP here. Thank you all! Fantastic recs I can’t wait to look into. And I’m thrilled to know this blog has a Tanzanian poster! :)

  18. In the market for a new mattress after 15 years. A lot has changed since I last bought a mattress! I’m seeing all these memory foam options like Casper. Looked at Tuff and Needle. Has anyone got a mattress they would like to recommend? I would like memory foam or at least a memory foam topper.

    1. I have a Casper and I love it! I don’t share it with anyone so if you do maybe also get feedback from someone who shares their mattress

        1. I have the Essential and use it with a slatted base. I’m in the UK where I don’t think box springs are a thing?

    2. I have a tuft and needle and it’s way too firm. I’ve tried every variety of topper but I wish I had just returned it. I’m going to sell it and buy a new one. If you like firm mattresses, though, I thought their customer service was very good and the price for the quality was nice too.

    3. generally, memory foam runs hot, which turned me off from all of them. that, and i tried as many of them as i could at local stores. i ended up with a hybrid from sterns and foster, purchased at macys. super happy with it.

        1. We bought (and returned) the Tempurpedic breeze, which is supposed to run much cooler than the other brands. It was still too hot for us.

    4. We love our Tuft & Needle! We are both side/stomach sleepers for the most part. H sleeps like the dead but is very restless when he is awake, which is often during the night. I never even notice.

    5. We got a luxury firm mattress from Stearns & Foster, and put a 4″ memory foam topper on it. Supportive and soft at the same time. We also have jersey sheets. We just set the AC at 70 at night.

    6. I have an Original Purple and I generally like it. It is a little firm but I purchased a topper on Amazon that solved that problem for the most part. Hubs is a furnace and I am not; our last memory foam mattress was HORRIFIC and made me so hot, I’d wake up in the middle of the night convinced that I was dying. We don’t have that problem with the Purple. He’s mostly a back sleeper and I’m mostly side. Only issue is that it took about 3-4 weeks to get used to the mattress after the memory foam one before it, and it wasn’t the easiest transition time.

  19. We’re taking Christmas card photos next weekend and I have no idea what’s in style for casual clothes for women in their late 30s. (I seemingly own athleisure or work clothes, with nothing in between.) Pinterest is hard because it turns up so many young women in their early 20s. Any recs for inspiration? Thank you so much!

    1. I just wore this in the Victorian Jade color for pictures. It is a nice quality thick material that seems a lot more expensive than it is.

      https://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=483362#pdp-page-content

      Ideally, I would have found a great necklace or scarf to go with it. But I was short on time. I wore it with brown open toe flats, but ideally would have gotten some new wedges. But, again, time… I really liked the fit and color.

      1. Ooh, that’s a great dress! How was the sizing? ON usually runs large for me, but the word “fitted” gives me pause.

      2. Also interested in fit- how long/short is it? I notice they have it in tall, but wondering general length.

      3. The length was good! Above the knee but well past the tips of my fingers. I am about 5′ 4.5″ for reference. If you’re between sizes, I’d size up. I ordered two sizes and kept the larger one.

    2. My go-to for Christmas photos is a big sweater, jeans or dark pants and tall boots.

        1. No. People have lives, they aren’t comparing this year’s Christmas card to last year’s and being horrified that you wore a sweater in both.

    3. You Look Fab is a great blog with ideas and inspiration for women of all ages – highly recommend!

    4. An outfit that involves a sweater blazer over a cute top or one of those open faux leather jackets that Blank NYC has a million varieties of — basically, a casual third piece to pull the outfit together. You can wear a cropped jacket over a longer dress with ankle boots or a longer sweater blazer with jeans.

  20. I am a government attorney who spent about 15 years working with a specific agency as my client in a litigation role for a specialized area of law. A few years ago I went in-house at that agency. I didn’t love the in-house work and missed the excitement of litigation, but I was content even though not challenged. After about 2 and a half years in-house, I went back to my former job with a nice increase in pay and a bump in title and now I’m representing the agency I was in-house at in litigation once again. A big incentive for me going back to my old agency was the idea that I would get new training and a leadership role. The problem is that I’m not particularly happy at my new/old job. The promised opportunities for growth that were a big impetus for me going back have not panned out. I think a large part of the problem is that one of the other litigation attorneys unexpectedly left right as I was coming in, so we are short staffed and my promised case load of 30 or so cases has become 100 cases. I’m trying to decide if I need to stick it out here for a minimum amount of time (I’m thinking a year) or go ahead and look to make another move. There is supposedly a plan in place for filling the empty position within the next few months but I’m told it will likely be with a young attorney with very limited litigation experience. I’m trying to determine if I’m just in a season of discontent or whether things are going to get worse from here.

  21. What are good date outfits to wear during this season of fall where it’s technically fall but still is in the 90s? Sandals and sundresses feel seasonally inappropriate, jeans and booties are too warm. Dress + booties?

    I typically default to all black + a red lip for fall dates, but that also feels seasonally inappropriate when it’s 90. I’ve been going on a lot of dinner dates recently where jeans + cute top works, but then I get stuck on shoes as well and end up wearing loafers which are not “date like”. I strongly dislike wearing heels.

    Help?

    2. I like the blouson dresses from WHBM– they have sheer sleeves that feel very fall appropriate, but aren’t too hot for the changing weather. It’s my go-to transitional outfit.

    3. Yes, a dress with ankle boots sounds perfect! Makes it seasonally appropriate, and the boots feel more date-like. Block pumps could also work.

      Completely agree with you that loafers feel all wrong. Funny how a shoe can totally change the vibe of an outfit!

    4. Instead of loafers how about flats? There are tons of options from casual to dressy.

    5. I think this dilemma is exactly what the open toe or perforated bootie was made for! Feels more fall appropriate but takes the temperature into account.

    6. For going out with friends the other night, I wore a sequined tee from the Macy’s INC line and a dark wash denim skirt. I think it would have worked well for a date!

  22. I’ve become trustee of a small trust that provides for a small cemetery (~20 graves). The previous trustee worked at the small local bank (15 branches) where the funds are managed, and I just want to check that fees and such are appropriate. The trust has $97k in it and needs to last in perpetuity (it’s already been in existence for 50 years).

    The papers the bank sent over say the funds are invested 60/40 in equities and fixed income, that fees are 95 bps, and that there’s an annual fee of $300 if I want the bank to do the annual court and tax filings. It’s certainly easiest to leave the trust where it is, but am I missing anything? Any other questions I should ask? Things I should be looking for? Thanks.

    1. Bank statements, check registers. You still need to file annual returns whether you do them or the bank. I do trust accounting, and it’s fairly straightforward. Think of it as a kind of non-profit, so transparency is a must.

    2. You could shop around for a better deal on fees, but the tax and court filing fee seem like such a great deal that it might not be worth moving the money for a better deal on the investment fees elsewhere. Unless, do you have the ability to do those filings (assuming they’re required) and have it be nbd?

    3. I am actually on a board of a cemetery and would say the fees are in the realm of reasonable, but on the high side. We’re paying 65bps and I think the services we are getting could be had for 50bps or less if the rest of the board were willing to leave the bank the funds have been with forever…As for the 60/40 equity/fixed income split that is very appropriate for a perpetual fund. I would look at the expense ratios of the funds that the cemetery is invested in. Ideally it’s passively managed index funds that are 0-20bps. In reality they are proabbly mostly or all in actively managed funds charging 50-150bps…

    4. I have no information to add but I am so intrigued that two ‘rettes are on cemetery boards. Who knew? Thanks for taking care of our dearly departeds!

  23. My husband and I are considering a vacation in Southern Spain in late March. Any recommendations? Would be around 10 days. Would love to throw in Portugal or Casablanca, but realize that may be too much. Or any other European vacation destinations that are temperate in March?

    1. Granada & Seville were my absolute favorite in Spain (over Madrid, Barcelona, & Malaga). Also recommend a day trip to Ronda. Not too sure about the weather in March, we went in early May and it was perfect. If you decide on those cities, post again and I can give more detailed recs! If you’re flying in and out of Barcelona or Madrid, I think 10 days is perfect to stay in Spain.

    2. Highly recommend Granada. I have not been in Spain at that time of year, but my understanding is that it has really extreme temperatures. They definitely get a real winter, so it may still be cold in March. I was in Seville in late May, and it was already unbearably hot at that point. Granada is sort of in the mountains, so even in July it was cool.

      If you are able to fly into Lisbon, I think you could figure out some way to make an itinerary work with Lisbon, Granada, Seville, and then maybe fly out of Madrid. Lisbon is worth 2-3 days, Granada maybe 2, Seville can really be done in a day. That leaves you time for traveling between them (probably by car) and maybe some day trips, a day in Madrid, and a stop somewhere else in Portugal (maybe Lagos, though it would be too cold for the beach in March).

    3. We were in southern Spain in February of this year. It was the perfect weather (60s to 70s). We went to Granada, Cordoba, and Sevilla in 8 nights, and our last night in Madrid because we flew from there. I know some go to Cordoba as a day-trip but I recommend staying in all three cities. We mostly walked around and ate good food, no real agenda. We took a food tour in Seville and tried out the hammam (which was fine but I’m spoiled by Japanese onsens). In Seville we also saw a flamenco show. Go to the ones that don’t serve food. Supposedly those are catered to tourists. Buy your Alhambra tickets ahead of time. The timed entry is for the Nasrid Palace, not the general grounds. So don’t miss your time to the palace because they’re very strict. The Cordoba Mezquita is free in the early morning and The Sevilla Alcazar is free on Monday afternoon if you want to save money.

      1. Came her to say all this but anon at 12:14 already did :) I second everything in the above post. Stay in all three cities (if anything, plan more time for Seville). Have fun!

      2. When we were in Sevilla, we hired a guide who drove us to Jerez where we toured two sherry companies.

    4. If I have to choose 3 places in Andalusia will be Cadiz (check Carnival dates), Cordoba (check “Patios” dates) and Granada (buy your Alhambra ticket in advance, and go there for the flamenco show in the Albaicin neighbourhood). After that Malaga and Seville. Now the high speed train connect all of them with Madrid in a few hours. 10 days will be ok for that region.

      Not sure if it is your first time in Spain, but if you want to see a bit more of the country out of the stereotypes, maybe I will add a couple of places in the romans “Silver way” (Vía de la plata) as Merida and Caceres that could be done in the way to Lisbon for example.

    1. Coming from someone who sometimes feels like a glass case of emotion- the biggest game changers for me were understanding 1. that “all feedback is good feedback” and 2. sometimes good things happen for bad reasons and sometimes bad things happen for good reasons and it’s just outside of your control. These understandings helped me reframe what I was perceiving as failures

  25. I’m pregnant and due in April. I’d like to buy some nice jewelry that incorporates the April birthstone (diamond, opal or sapphire. Im early 30s attorney and not a fan of sapphire. I would like something I could wear most days, $600 max budget. To get a sense of my jewelry style, I like these David Yurman earrings

    https://www.davidyurman.com/products/womens/womens-earrings/pearl-earrings-with-diamonds-e09009dss.pdp.html?swatchCode=E09009DSSDPEDI&&ecid=cse_brand_pla_google_us_Brand_Earrings_F_Brand_Earrings_F_Below_1000&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIpfD_4P-M5QIViZyzCh1TrQ_pEAQYDCABEgJPZ_D_BwE

    1. Just my $.02 that you might want to wait until the baby is born to be sure the April birthstone is the correct one. Babies are maddeningly imprecise. Choose now but pull the trigger later?

      1. Yes, but also, since diamond is April’s, I say feel free to pull the trigger whenever. It’s such a classic. I was so psyched to have an April baby for this reason.

      2. agreed on this. g-d forbid something happens you might not want to be wearing a daily reminder

    2. April is pretty far away in pregnancy terms… it’s awful to even think it but something can happen or baby could come a month early. Wait to buy when you’re holding the baby.

  26. This q feels ridiculous but what the heck: I’m in an extended gardening dry spell and thought maybe my work conference across the country would be a good time to break it. Ummm, how? Surely someone here is getting some at a convention from time to time. Share your ways with me. Pls?

    2. It is easy enough. You are going to a different place to an industry convention where similar people to you will be. Assuming you are willing to open up your private parts with a virtual stranger, there are no shortage of men who will around looking for such an entrée. Once you have set your sights on one or two likely candidates, you can go up to them and make inquiry. If they are receptive, you can select one, and tell the other one that he may be of service the next night. Then, assuming #1 is capable of undertaking to provide you with appropriate tilling, go for it. If he is worthy of a second night, then inform #2 of such, and repeat the performance with #1. If on the other hand, #1 is not worthy of a repeat performance, inform #2 that he is now eligible for audition, and assuming he is still available, undertake to do with #2 what you did with #1. If you are there for more then 2 nights, you can rock back and forth, otherwise, you can either take a day off or find a #3. I wish to note clearly both the the OP and the HIVE that I am not endorseing such behavior, but am just pointing out the logistics as to how such behavior may be undertaken.

    3. Go to the happy hour or reception or whatever. Let that carry you into the bar. Make extended eye contact with a hottie that you have already established is single. That should get things moving, but at some point you will have to be direct.

      1. If you’re not on Tinder, that also explains your local gardening dry spell. Try it out for the conference, and consider using it at home as well.

    5. I did this once pre-tinder. Made sustained eye contact with a hot guy from across the room (participants were seated so that we were facing each other from opposite sides of the room). We never actually spoke at the conference, but he knew the colleague I was with (tiny professional community), found me and messaged me via FB, we messaged back and forth, then he drove across the state to take me out a few weeks later. We were not long term material but he was exactly what I needed.

  27. Hello wise hive! What is the easiest way to get from DC to Long Island, NY (Hicksville – to be exact)? Bus or train work. It doesn’t have to be the fastest route, just easy, since I am planning this for my parents who are not very travel savvy. Thanks!

    2. Flight to airport in NYC area (JFK, Laguardia) and then car service/Uber to Hicksville would be easiest (about 1-1.5 hour drive depending on traffic). Alternatively, Amtrak to Penn Station and then LIRR (Long Island Rail Road) to Hicksville station (about 1 hour train ride). You can connect from Amtrak to LIRR within Penn Station, although they are on opposite sides of the station.

    4. I think the easiest would be Amtrak from DC to Penn Station and then LIRR from Penn Station to Hicksville. They will likely just have to go down from the Amtrak level to the LIRR level at Penn Station. They can buy tickets for the LIRR at the machines at Penn Station or you can download the LIRR app and buy tickets in advance (need to be activated on the app before they get on the train).

  28. Anyone have advice for quickly getting psychiatric medication refilled when you’re not on insurance and you don’t currently have a provider? I just graduated and my school psychiatrist can’t see me anymore. It’s hard finding a psychiatrist who will see me (with all my issues) and has availability before my works starts.. but I’m super worried I’m not going to do great at my new job without my Vyvanse prescription (that’s another issue – hard finding someone who is quick to prescribe controlled substances to new patient). My school psychiatrist recommended I go to an urgent care, but would they actually prescribe psych meds?

    1. Do you have a PCP yet? I’ve had PCPs who were willing to write refills for existing meds in cases like this, even if they won’t start you on meds or do active medication management. I’m also on stimulants.

      1. +1 to PCPs or even a GYN.
        If you can get into a medical health professional who isn’t a psychiatrist (psychologist/LCSW), they may be able to refer you to someone for medication management.

    2. My gut is that urgent care won’t be able to do this. Can you get on a cancellation list for psychiatrists and/or primary care doctors that will do medication management in connection with a psychiatrist. Be prepared to send your medical/mental health records to support that this is a known diagnosis of ADHD and you’ve been taking this medication already without issue.

    3. I think you’re right that Vyvanse will be particularly hard. Can your school psychiatrist call or write your new doc? Maybe with that referral and an appointment in the near future on the books new doc would write an rx for you. It would probably be super expensive without insurance though, look on their website for a coupon, go to a local non-chain pharmacy.

    4. If your psychiatrist recommended urgent care, that seems like a good start. Otherwise, maybe a video visit doc or a sliding scale/free clinic?

      If nothing else works, will your school psychiatrist write you a short term Rx to tide you over until you get insurance and a new job?

    5. Can your school psychiatrist do a letter for urgent care summarizing the situation? Like noting that they have no concerns with your use of the medication and recommend continuation but cannot treat you after graduation, that you have been prescribed for x years, citing diagnosis that the medication is used to treat, please call me at xyz number if there are questions re medical history etc. A letter like that might make urgent care more comfortable prescribing the medication.

    6. If you decide to try urgent care, I would call ahead, explain the situation, and ask if it’s possible and what time would be best. Many urgent cares are staffed by nurse practitioners, and the level of prescriptive authority they have varies, so the provider who happens to be working at the urgent care when you walk in may not be able to prescribe Vyvanse (or other Schedule II drugs).

      For that much effort, you could also try a GP.

  29. Hey ladies, is it possible to replace just the heel of a shoe? I have some leather heels and absolutely destroyed the heel walking through Boston cobblestones. The rest of the shoe looks fine, so it’d be a shame to throw them out.

  30. Please talk me in or out of this! I’ve had above-shoulder length hair for years. I get sick of growing it out, refuse to spend more than ten minutes styling it. My hair is naturally wavy and will either work straight or curly, but the natural wave is a little out of control. I’ve been wearing it curled above my shoulders for a few months but want to start wearing it straight again. It’s a little longer than I like for straight hair – it’s just above my shoulders, and a little “blah” when straight.

    I’m thinking about having my stylist chop it to a bob, slightly under chin length, NOT the “mom bob” / inverted style – more like Katie Holmes’ old bob cut, but without bangs. Face shape/look – my celebrity doppelganger is Emmy Rossum.

    Thoughts??

    1. Regardless of who you resemble, it’s more about who your HAIR resembles :) Will your wavy hair get poufy and curlier with a short cut, making more styling hassle for you?

  31. Our city’s only women’s shelter posted today that they needed toothbrushes so that was super depressing (their funding must be pretty bad). Went with a colleague at lunch and bought a bunch for them. Still depressed about it though.

    1. Or they want to use their funding for harder to source services. More people can provide toiletries (and are happy to provide something tangible) than can provide bigger aid- counseling, housing, job support, etc. Might as well get the easy stuff donated.

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