Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Our guest poster this week: Lisa Carnochan from Privilege — a huge welcome, Lisa! – Kat
At any professional level, you’re quite likely going to need a pair of go-to trousers. In the 1990s and the first decade of this century it was quite possible for women to dress for work without a single skirt in the closet. While dresses may be back, for certain days in the trenches there’s still nothing quite like a pair of good pants and comfortable flats.
Reiss, a British company, has come to our attention by outfitting Catherine Duchess of Whatever She Is. These trousers ($185, Tally SLIM LEG TAILORED TROUSERS BLACK) look to be slim yet roomy enough. Also high-waisted. Short-legged humans represent. If online purchases put you off, my all-time favorite mid-range pants remain the Banana Republic Martin fit. In wool, as somehow cotton turns flimsy too fast. By the way, chalk-stripes are seriously underrated ($110, Martin fit chalk-stripe lightweight wool trouser).
Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected] with “TPS” in the subject line.
(L-3)
b23
Something about these very simple pants is really appealing to me.
Eileen
I like these. But I need to loose about 15 lbs first! Oy!
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
Lisa, I think you should become a regular guest poster. I love your writing style and (even though I’ve never heard you speak) I feel like I can hear you when reading your posts. Plus, I love the options.
Recent Frustrating Pants Experience: I was at Ann Taylor Factory Store (love that place) and I found a pair of Curvy pants that fit perfectly. So I went through the store and found every pair of Curvy pants in the same size and don’t you know not one of them fit like that first pair and, as a result, none of them fit! How does this happen?
SF Bay Associate
As a Gap alum, I may be able to explain – less expensive clothing patterns are cut in stacks because it is cheaper than doing each item one at a time. Gap jeans, at least when I was there years ago, are cut in stacks of seven or eight pairs, so the fabric on the top of the stack is the truest cut to that size, and the eighth pair is cut the most imprecisely because it’s farthest from the official pattern being cut. And of course, there will be slight variations between one stack and the next stack. So, if you grab 7 pairs of size X jeans, they will probably all fit differently. In some ways, that’s good, since it accidentally covers a wider range of subtle size differences, but it sure is a PITA when you’ve found the ONE you like and can’t find any more just like it.
Bee
You worked for Gap? How interesting! Do you know how one would research companies in the garment industry? I read that Talbots is closing stores, including some J.Jill stores…I’m curious about the relationship between brands, which brands are related to each other, etc. I know Gap is related to several brands (Old Navy?).
anon
Gap owns Old Navy, Banana Republic, Athleta…
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
And Piperlime.
E
I thought Talbots divested J. Jill (sold to private equity) a while back. No?
Ashley
You’ve also possibly shed some light on why the Target dress I tried on fit, but a few weeks later, at another Target, I bought the same size since I “knew” it fit (without trying it on). I bring it home, cut the tags, and wear it uncomfortably all day because it fit a touch snug across the back. I knew I wasn’t crazy (by crazy I mean, the scale says the same weight, so surely it’s not that I’ve gotten bigger in the 3 weeks between try-on and wear, ha!). Just goes to show that you should try on every item, even if it seems like it’s the exact same size and style you looked at previously!
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
SF Bay Associate, thanks, that’s good to know. Better than blaming myself. ;-D
jesseves
That’s so frustrating! Someone at the Gap Outlet explained it to me once. Apparently the factory cuts the fabric in stacks of 20 or more sheets at a time. The fabric pulls during the cutting process, resulting in slight (or more than slight) differences in cut from the top of the stack to the bottom. End result: two items that are the same size and style can often fit very differently.
Kady
Was the curvy pants an actual Ann Taylor Factory pant or an old AT pant sent for sale in the factory store? If the latter, it’s likely they came from different lots (which may have be produced in different factories, depending on the size of the original order).
Bonnie
Many items at outlet stores are missized. It’s a good idea to take several pairs in the fitting room, even several pairs of the same size.
E
Haha yeah – I have an Anne Klein coat from Burlington Coat Factory that’s labeled a size 8. I’m a size 14..
E
Haha yeah – I have an Anne Klein coat from Burlington Coat Factory that’s labeled a size 8. I’m a size 14.
B
The most frustrating I had was finding cute work shoes (Clarks) a couple of months ago. Both pairs of 8 1/2’s were way too small, the 9 was too big, tried on a pair of 8’s for grins and they were bigger than the 8 1/2’s (leading me to verify the size marked on the shoes themselves, as opposed to the boxes). They had the same shoe in a different color, and the 8 1/2’s fit properly, so I went to a different store and found a pair of 8 1/2’s that were marked properly. Told the store clerk that they appeared to have 2 pairs of shoes that were seriously mis-sized, so that they could be either returned to the manufacturer or tagged so someone wearing about a 7 1/2 would know to try them – she didn’t believe me.
E
I haven’t had that issue with regular Ann Taylor. All their Curvy pants fit me great (and at $150 I’d expect them to). But in addition to what others have said, not all Curvy pants are made of the same fabrics, and different fabrics and dyes can make garments fit differently.
Lisa
Ms. Basil, thank you very much. I think I write like this in countermeasure to my last writing gig, i.e. software data sheets and press releases:). BTW, I love your screen name. Children’s literature is one of my great loves.
Ekaterin Nile
Like the pants.
Threadjack! Today I am wearing a navy pinstriped pantsuit (lined) from Ann Taylor that I bought last weekend at a thrift shop for $45. It fits perfectly and is at just the right length for flats! I feel like a rock star. A thrifty rock star.
That is all.
Emily I
Congrats! As a fellow thrifty professional, you have my admiration.
MelD
They look nice for someone who has a long torso, but they would probably be too tight in the thigh area.
Anyone else hate when people ask “How are you?” and you answer “Fine” or “Good” and then people suggest you aren’t really fine or aren’t enthusiastic enough. It’s a polite greeting people, not an invitation for me to spill my life story. /end rant.
AIMS
I hate when you say “good morning, how are you” and the person answers you with “hey, what’s up?” I never know what to say because 1) the person clearly disregarded my asking how he/she is so perhaps expects me to do the same; and 2) what do you say to someone who you are briefly passing on the way in to when they say “what’s up?” “Not much?”
MelD, I am surprised anyone would question whether you are really fine. That seems like a seriously odd thing to do, esp. at work.
Samantha
Gah! “What’s up” is one of my pet peeves! I never know what to answer. Are you supposed to “what’s up” them back?
Lynnet
I’m so glad it’s not just me. I feel like I walk around in this world where everyone else understands when “what’s up?” means “hi” and when it means “what’s up?” but I can’t tell the difference.
1L-1
“Not much and you” is what I usually say.
Lynnet
That’s what I say! Have the time the person looks extremely startled that I responded at all and then obviously makes an effort to stop and answer in a way that makes it clear I wasn’t supposed to respond.
Lola
You could also just say “Hey! How are you?” Or “I’m good.”
All this “What’s up” and “How are you” stuff is just polite. It’s not really meant to elicit a real answer. I almost always say “I’m good.” If I’m not doing so hot, like if there was a recent death in the family or a breakup, it’s “I’m ok.” or if it’s really bad, “I’m hanging in there.”
No one really wants to know if you’re not doing well. Or if they do, they’ll ask a more involved question.
AD
Yeah, I got that a while ago from a senior person in another department (“you never seem very enthusiastic, aren’t things ever better than okay?”), and have taken care since then to sound more upbeat. Particularly when I know that the person asking is just asking as part of the usual polite exchange, or the original commenter. If that’s what it takes to ensure that I appear to love my job sufficiently….
Kanye East
I don’t quote my grandmother often, but I stand by her adage, “When someone asks you how you are, they don’t want to know how you really are.”
jcb
I actually own these pants – I have pretty muscular thighs and they fit fine. Yay for the Martin fit.
Penna
My related peeve: When you are exchanging casual greetings with someone and they say “Oh, you look tired.” Um… thanks? I’m not tired… guess I just look bad? Gaaah.
Lola
That’s really rude. One should never tell another they look tired. That’s about as bad as saying, “Oh, I see you gained some weight.”
(Or as my doctor told me after I came home with the Freshman 15, More Like 30, “Looks like college has been good to you!”)
Denise
I am a redhead with blonde eyelashes, so I always wear mascara in public. Once at a conference, I had grabbed brown instead of my usual black mascara, so apparently I looked wan and people kept asking if I was OK–“you look really tired, are you sure you’re not sick or something?” The really funny thing (yes, she also thinks it’s funny) was that my colleague (full, natural dark lashes) had a terrible cold and was barely able to make it through the day–and not one person asked about her, even though it was pretty obvious she was miserable.
So my advice: more makeup!
Legally Brunette
My old secretary said this to me sometimes (and all the time to a colleague, which infuriated her), and it was really annoying. Tired = bad in my books. What I realized is that I got into this habit of sweeping some blush across my eyelids as a quick eyeshadow look, and then I subsequently read in a fashion magazine that this can make your eyes look a lot worse/red. So in my case at least, I attribute looking tired to my faulty makeup. :)
Emily I
How the heck am I supposed to buy a pair of pants online when I can’t find the inseam?!?! Am I just missing it, or is it really not on the website?
Bonnie
How irritating.
E
Also doesn’t say whether it’s lined!
ADL
That’s a big no no for me; it if doesn’t say lined then most likely it’s unlined. Next, please.
found a peanut
FYI for NYC people, Bloomingdales on 59th recently started carrying Reiss and LK Bennett. I am drooling over some of the LK Bennett shoes they have.
AIMS
That’s fantastic news! I have been seriously lusting after a few LK Bennett items, including the shoes. Did you by any chance see if they have their handbags there?
found a peanut
I did not notice handbags, but I wasn’t looking for them so they could be there. Which shoes do you like?? I like the black suede booties, the brown wedges, and the brown loafers. It’s taking a lot of restraint not to buy all three pairs.
Sydney Bristow
I guess I know what I’m doing this weekend. I’ve been dying to see Reiss in person to see if the fabric lives up to what I imagine it being like.
AIMS
There is also a Reiss store on West Bdway at Soho. FYI.
Sydney Bristow
Thanks AIMS. I seem to avoid Soho at all times unless I feel the need to go to Allsaints. I’m beginning to think I need a quiet break from NYC for awhile. Somewhere quiet and empty for a few days would be heaven.
Kanye East
SoHo has morphed during the last decade into Times Square Part Deux.
E
LK Bennett is also opening a store in Chicago – I think it’s the first in the US.
Anon
The one in Atlanta (Phipps) has been open since June. LOVE IT!
KM
For all Chicago L.K. Bennett fans – I ended up in the L.K. Bennett store in the shops at 900 N. Michigan a couple of weeks ago and all I can say is that it is great, nice selection and very knowledgeable staff. I fell in love instantly and was pleased to see that they had a very nice selection of items on sale, including work appropriate dresses. (I don’t work there, I just now have a new favorite store)
Anyway – the point of this comment is that I was very pleasantly surprised to discover that Nordstrom Rack (at least the one on State Street) had a fairly nice selection of L.K. Bennett dresses on clearance. Just FYI.
Claire
Well I know what I’m doing this weekend. Thanks!
jcb
Nice! I’ll check it out, thanks.
Cat
For Philly corporettes – the Bloomie’s at KOP has an L.K. Bennett department downstairs (the shoes and bags are down there too, not with the rest of the similar merch). THE wedge heels that Cathy Cambridge (credit – Tom and Lorenzo) was wearing around were sold out, but they had lots of other lovely options.
gaijinsan
Kady and Finance Gal (I believe it was): if either of you are reading, a very belated thank you for the advice you gave me on visiting Taipei a while back. I ended up having a fantastic weekend there and hope to visit again!!
Little Lurker
+10 Corporette points for the update! ;)
gaijinsan
I believe that brings me to about 10 in total :)
Little Lurker
Just a matter of time, dear.
In general I am not a huge fan of the way HuffPo runs things, but I do like their badge system for commenters.
Kady
Yea! I <3 Taipei, glad you had a good time.
In-House Europe
Love the name! Assume you are in Japan?? :)
AIMS
I am one of those people “put off” by online purchases, especially of pants, which I have a hard enough time with even in store. Agree with Lisa on the Martin fit, except that the last pair I bought (abuot 8 months ago) is not the same quality as in prior years. The wool is rough and scratchy, and the pants attract lint like one of those swiffer dust clothes. It’s shame everything has to decline like this.
RL
Agreed. I am not at all pleased with the last suit I bought from BR (the fabric just feels different, and as you say, attracts lint), which sucks because it’s the only place I can generally buy clothes that fit me.
Batgirl
BR has gone down the tubes lately.
Monday
Yep–I tried on a suit there a few weeks ago and thought it felt $200 cheaper than it actually was, so passed.
I’d really like to hear some answers, from all of these retailers (including AT, J. Crew, etc), to the complaint that their quality has gone down so markedly. They know about it, but I have never seen anyone address it. Sometimes I truly feel like I just don’t know where to shop anymore.
Bee
Maybe the MBA/accountant types can explain the change. Cutting costs to improve margins? Poor quality control in 3rd world manufacturing?
Anon MBA
I think it is definitely cutting costs to improve margins — especially when they are doing so many hardcore sales. I was buying a suit last week for a career fair I went to today. Found a pantsuit at AT, if I bought a third item I got 40% off, so a $20 cami saved me $100. Then went to BR and got 40% off everything in the store.
Bee
So… I just now read the annual report for Talbot’s since I like shopping there. Very interesting. The tone is a little gloomy; no surprize I guess. As I read it, the economic slowdown hit them pretty hard, so BR, AnnTaylor, etc. probably had similar challenges.
BR
I personally believe that BR’s heydays were the late 90s, when I could buy BigLaw- (and even courtroom-) appropriate skirt suits, blouses, sweater sets and pants there. For the past 8 or so years, it just all reminds me of a bad interpretation of an ad agency. Doesn’t work for me.
JC
BR used to be one of my “go to” stores. Now, I haven’t bought anything from them in 2 years. All my favorite cuts (in pants) have changed and the clothes are ill-fitting (either too long in the torso, tight across the chest or generally makes me look like I’m pregnant). The quality of the fabrics have also gone down. So frustrating!
Nancy P
Me too — 30% of my wardrobe used to be from BR. I agree on the quality of fabrics — I’ve bought the same wrap dress there a few years in a row and it’s definitely declined (nor does the quality last). And I just don’t feel like they’re making clothes for work anymore. I can’t wear a silk shift dress that hits 3″ above my knee for work!
CW
Yeah – I’ve started ordering dresses/skirts from them in Tall sizes.
Amy H.
Ditto. Fully 40% of my work wardrobe used to be BR. Now I haven’t bought anything from there in two years. Really annoying.
Herbie
Agreed. I stopped buying from BR a few years ago when I had an expensive silk blouse literally come apart at the seams on me after only 3 wears.
jcb
Sadly, I agree, except to say that when I actually went to the brick-and-mortar store this summer, I did find a few quality items (on a one-day sale, to boot). A couple of pretty silk tops, a good skirt and pair of pants. They are just mixed in with all of the cheap-o items.
Anonymous
What are the replacements? I used to love Ann Taylor and now I get disgusted. I never thought J Crew was all that. I am old enough to remember when the Limited had great clothes, back in the 1980’s. Where do you shop now? I am talking about retail stores and not Norstrums.
Amy H.
I don’t have any good suggestions. I’m fed up with Ann Taylor and J. Crew too — nothing fits and it’s all “tissue-weight” crap that will pill and fall apart in 2-3 wears. Talbots suiting has improved but it drives me crazy that none of their wool trousers are lined! So I won’t buy any of those either. The only new “suit” I have purchased in the last two years is a blazer from the Gap and three pairs of the (matching black fabric) Perfect Trouser. These may well fall apart after another year of dry cleaning, but at least they cost only a third of what Banana was charging for their less-attractive (to me) black suit.
Diana Barry
Love these pants. I actually love everything on the Reiss site (I started looking at it when Catherine wore that beige dress at the meeting with the Obamas and the site crashed). I will have to visit the store in a year when I am not pregnant any more to see if their stuff is as awesome as it seems!
Herbie
PSA! Just wanted to let everyone know that this http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Navigation/Sale/AllProducts/PRDOVR~33317/99102173520/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20~~~20+17+4294967041~90~~~~~~~/33317.jsp is 60% off at J. Crew! Such a steal for an essential piece of your everyday professional wardrobe.
found a peanut
heh
Herbie
Also, on a serious note, thrilled J. Crew is finally doing free shipping for orders > $175. I still think that’s pretty steep (hello, I can get free shipping at Sephora on a $50 order), but it’s better than nothing.
MaggieLizer
When I woke up this morning I thought to myself, I’d really like to go for a cow pegasus look. I could flutter through the office feeling regal and magestic. The heather peach color would be absolutely perfect. I think the “glamorous exposed zipper” really adds that touch of professionalism that makes it great for the office.
AnonInfinity
Is it okay to wear my feathered wing shoes with this, or is that too matchy-matchy?
MaggieLizer
I was wondering where my actual wings would come from. I’m liking the cow-pegasus-Mercury look. Would it be too much if I carried a Red Bull around all day?
JJ
AnonInfinity, I would err on the side of caution and go with some peep-toe shooties.
Herbie
I also thought shoeties for this one!!
LOL
This thread is almost making up for the terrible headache that started off my morning.
anon
“cow pegasus” – love it!
Kanye East
This beast is a distant relative of the dreaded and terrible Chicken Cow.
(RIP, Wesley Willis.)
Inva
This would look great with these boots:
http://www.amazon.com/Georgia15-Faux-Knee-Boots-BROWN/dp/B004EG1A1Y
Equity's Darling
I think it’s meant to go with this top also:
http://www.jcrew.com/AST/Navigation/Sale/AllProducts/PRDOVR~43393/99102348790/ENE~1+2+3+22+4294967294+20~~~20+17~90~~~~~~~/43393.jsp
Also, AnonInfinity- though I think it would be matchy-matchy, I think we can make an exception for this marvelous outfit we’re concocting.
Herbie
Do they make feathered peep-toe shoeties? #winning.
Equity's Darling
I think that feathered peep-toe shoeties were part of the Essential Shoetie email that I got from PiperLime about a month ago…..because not only are shoeties an *essential* part of my wardrobe, but especially ones that are feathered and peep-toe. They go with pretty much everything I own. Obviously.
Bridget
Hehe. I actually posted on Corporette the day I got that email that I wasn’t sure how I felt living in a world where shooties are “essential.” So glad to hear I’m not the only one who noticed that ridiculousness.
1L-1
SCORE!
eek
The entire outfit looks like what an Ewok would wear to Prom. If, you know, Ewoks had Prom.
Kanye East
They have prom, but a same-sex Ewok couple was recently denied entry. It’s been all over the Tumblrs. We’re all outraged.
Formerly Preggo Angie
I love you all. Thanks for the laughs! Just to expand the mythology, carry around the Hammer of Thor, and you’re sure to exude authority.
Kady
Speaking of wing shoes
http://www.anthropologie.com/anthro/catalog/productdetail.jsp?id=21345582&catId=SHOES-VIEWALL&pushId=SHOES-VIEWALL&popId=SHOES&navCount=6&color=060&isProduct=true&fromCategoryPage=true&templateType=D
Herbie
Oh, wow. Despite that I have nothing to wear them with and would likely be openly mocked, there is a part of me that kind of wants those.
Little Lurker
ME. TOO.
Unsub
I would order it in a heartbeat if J Crew would assure me that I would be as thrilled wearing it as the model seems to be.
The look on her face says, “I know this is re-gosh-darn-diculous, but hey, a gig is a gig.”
Denise
This would do wonders for my hips. And as a bonus, people would know which was my chair at the conference table (it’d be the one with the molted feathers).
Monday
Reader SES, are you around? I’m just wondering how you’re doing in light of the situation with your husband that you posted about, and I’m sure I am not the only one. Sending continuing support…
Anonymous
Agreed. Update please? Good thoughts your way.
cbackson
Yes, agreed! We are thinking of you.
eek
Agreed. You aren’t alone. Went through a similar situation 2 yrs ago and while it is a very character building experience (I really had to deal with a lot of adult situations/life lessons in a very short time span), I am now on the other side of it and am living the life I always wanted, learned a lot about myself and what I want in the process, and am really proud of myself. I live for me now and whenever I feel overwhelmed by the day to day demands of life, I think of all the things I did in that time period when most people would’ve given up. A very good friend told me once “It’s like eating an elephant. You don’t eat it all at once. You eat a little bit at a time.” Sounds silly, but helped me keep from getting too overwhelmed while also realizing that I.will.get.through.this. Lots of support and good thoughts to you.
Ses
Wow. Just, wow. Thank you so much, just for caring. I am in a really busy time at work right now, (finance so… end of year, budgets… etc) which is kind of a blessing. I haven’t been able to read ‘rette during the day, so I missed this until just now – I hope you see this.
Nothing good happening with my husband. I honestly feel like he’s more lost than I am. I have realized I have family, and (far away) friends, and this community and others, and I am making it through.
I’m drinking too much wine and watching too much TV. I spent too much at Macy’s today during lunch. I guess it’s ok – this has given me a new perspective on my money anxiety. I’ve reached out to random people on the internet and discovered that there are so many amazing people out there who are just kind and intelligent and want to be friends. (Thank you Bunkster and Nat. You’re both just all kinds of awesome.)
Again, thank you all.
Little Lurker
Kat has built the most amazing community.
Glad to hear you’re surviving!
CORPORETTE HUG!
Wills
Hi gals. Need some advice from all you seasoned lawyers out there. My mom and step-father are finally getting around to making a will, and she asked if I would be the executor. She also asked if I think they need a living will.
I’m a brand new lawyer with absolutely zero experience in wills and trusts, but I suppose the law degree makes her think I know all about this stuff! What should I tell her? Thanks!
found a peanut
Tell her that you’re a brand new lawyer with no experience in wills and that she should consult an estates attorney.
AIMS
Agreed 10000%. But do encourage her to do it right away, and do encourage her to make a living will. Also, once she makes it, do take a look at the will. My mom is one of those easy going types who told her lawyer she wants to just leave everything to me and that’s it. He drafted something that — in the event something happens to me and my mom at the same time — will basically ensure that all of my mom’s estate will go to very random people. Not what she would want if she took the time to think about it.
E
There’s no reason not to be the executor if you think you’d be up to the task. How complicated it might be depends on how complex their will is. But it’s not something that requires a law degree or any special knowledge at all. The executor of my dad’s will is his sister, with his brother replacing her if she’s unavailable; mine are a couple of friends from law school.
Everyone needs a either living will or to discuss their end-of-life desires with the potential end-of-life decisionmaker. If there’s only one person who’d be making the decisions, it’s probably enough to discuss it. If there are multiple family members who may disagree on what to do if your parents become incapacitated, a living will is needed.
Writing a will is not complicated, but it would be best if they spend a couple hundred dollars to have an estate lawyer do it for them since you don’t have any experience in the area.
ADL
That she needs to find someone who specializes in this. Wills and estates are not to be taken lightly, especially if there’s a large chunk of change. Get thee to a professional, pronto.
Bee
Disclosure: I am not a lawyer, but I can at least patially answer the question. My husband lost both parents this year…we’re about LPC’s age, the parents were ill for some time… Yes, they need a living will. If they are ever in a situation where they cannot make their own decisions you will want some document to use as a guide for making decisions for them. As far as the will, it’s commonly the eldest child, but does not have to be. They may choose to put their assets in trust, making the will less important. Laws vary by state. They really do need to consult someone experienced in estate planning.
rew
EVERYONE needs a living will. You should have one too.
Also, in some states if you draft the will and you’re in it and there’s a problem with it/dispute/whatever down the line, be prepared to lose out.
I just told my parents I did not want to know what they were leaving to who and that if I was being left anything it would not be wise for me to draft the will.
Argie
You don’t even need to be a lawyer to be an executor – its just the person nominated in the will to make sure the stuff in the will happens. X Ring goes to Y person, Blackacre is given to J, etc. The only reason I would hesitate to do this is if you have siblings. It could be odd if one of the kids gets to hand out mom and dad’s stuff to all the others. Could set up some unnecessary tensions. Which is why my parents didn’t name me, and instead named one of my aunts.
As to the living will, I would definitely direct her to an attorney, since that is a legal matter that she will want seasoned advice on. And that’s fine – you’re the lawyer in her life, so she’s going to come to you with a lot of those types of questions, and sometimes the best answer will be “I don’t know the specific answer, but I know that it is a question that should be asked, and asked of an experienced professional. Do you want help finding one?” Or however you want to word it.
Annie
Ah Blackacre… how I have not missed you.
Diana Barry
Yes, they need a T+E attorney. Yes, it is fine for you to be the executor (it is administrative stuff, you can hire someone at your firm who does T+E to help you if needed). Yes, they need a living will, power of attorney and health care proxy or advance directive. These vary by state.
T&E lawyer
Second this. They need to spend more than a couple hundred dollars on a T&E specialist because second marriages are particularly complicated in estate planning. There are tax concerns (both federal and state), probate concerns (they may need revocable trusts), planning for possible future incapacity issues, health care directives and more. This is not something anyone should handle by downloading a $30 will software package from the Internet (not that anyone suggested it).
No particular expertise is needed to serve as executor, as many others posted.
Expert Advice
They need expert advice, which you cannot give them because you are not an experienced trusts and estates lawyer. Also, they need objective advice, which you cannot give them because you are a potential beneficiary.
In case I am the only one with this experience (or the only one who will post about it), let me also add: things get dicey when there are steps and kids from previous marriages. Your mom needs to be very clear about what she wants to leave you (and any full siblings you may have), what she wants to leave any stepkids, what she and their father want to leave any half-siblings you may have, and what she wants to leave her current husband. I have seen things go very awry: a girlfriend’s mother left everything (millions, literally) to her widow, who is my friend’s stepfather, for him to use or not until he dies, and for him to then leave anything that is left (ha!) to her three kids and his two kids. My friend and her two siblings now have to ask stepdad — who is gallavanting with his new lady-love — for money to pay for the kids’ college etc. It is not helping my friend deal with her mom’s death or her stepdad, whom she has enjoyed for 20+ years but who is “moving on.” Same story with another friend’s dad, who left it all to his widow (her stepmom), who spent it all and gave not one dime to his kids. And they had married in their 70s and been married just a year or so when he died.
On the flip side, my husband and I set it up so that I leave my house, where we live, in a trust for him to live in and then when he no longer needs it, it goes to my siblings (I have no kids); everything else goes to my siblings when I die. He left everything to his kids (except for a small percentage that I told him I do not want and that I plan to give to his kids anyway). The last thing I need is the kids — or their mother — thinking I was in it for the money, and at their expense.
I believe in full transparency: the money is your mom’s to do with what she wants. But she should be clear with everyone what she wants in advance.
Also, they need: wills, trusts, HIPAA consents, health care directives and powers of attorney.
Just my current thoughts on the matter.
Amy H.
Another trusts and estates attorney here. I concur with everything Expert Advice said here. Just wanted to add as an FYI that the term “living will” is used in some states and the terms “advance health care directive” or “health care power of attorney” or “health care proxy” in others. They are all the same thing — an indication of your end-of-life wishes so that your family and other loved ones know what you would want in the event that you can no longer express what you want, plus an appointment of someone to act as your health-care agent (attorney in fact) if you want to do that. This is similar to a power of attorney for finances but like it says, it pertains to health care decisions rather than management of your finances once you are unable to make such decisions or manage your finances on your own. In my state (CA), it’s called an advance health care directive and it also includes the HIPAA consents.
I subscribe to the theory that everyone needs an advance health care directive.
When to make a will
A related threadjack: when should you make a will? My dad has mentioned several times that my husband and I should make a will, even though we don’t have kids. I don’t think we have sizable assets, but my dad thinks we have enough to consider a will. We’ve got a rental property with both names on the title, our cars are in separate names, and we’re named as the beneficiaries on insurance/retirement accounts. To me, a will is something to be made either during parenthood or old age, whichever comes first. We’re mid-20s, so it just seems really early to think about this stuff!
When
You should make a will any time you want your assets to be distributed in a way that is different from what your state says is the default if you die intestate.
ADL
I made a will, HIPPA, advance directive, etc, prior to going on a two week abroad vacation with my family (since we were all going together, on the same plane, to the same location, we wanted to make sure if something happened, nothing would be left undone). I was 28 at the time. I personally think everyone, regardless of age, should have a will. If you have assets (bank accounts, retirement account, stocks, bonds, real estate, car), then you want to make sure it goes to where you want it to go to. I want everything to be air tight, no contest.
*disclaimer: not a lawyer.
Bee
Agree on the HIPAA consents. My in-laws each left the other, and only the other, as healthcare POA. NOT a good idea.
E
If you’re an adult who owns property and has assets, you should make a will even if it’s just a one-page basic thing. It isn’t always obvious who the next of kin should be, and in some places, if you die intestate your family will have to go to court and your heirs may be responsible for taxes.
Lola
If you have assets, you should make one.
If you have any wishes whatsoever about what should happen to you if you were in a bad accident tomorrow, you should make an advance health care directive/living will. (Imagine if you husband and your family disagreed about medical decisions? Not a good future.)
Lyssa
I agree with everyone else here, but I’ll add that if you’re with a firm that does wills and estates, why not refer them to the most senior one there? Of course, that wouldn’t work if there are privacy/family drama concerns, but if that’s no big deal, they will probably appreciate you bringing in business right off the bat. And if you’re not with a firm, try to find an attorney that you’ve met who can do it- that way at least you get some networking cred out of it.
T&E lawyer
It’s a good idea and worth exploring, but there can be ethical issues if the OP is referring the work to someone at her firm. Our firm (BigLaw, Midwestern city) declines to do estate planning for a family member of any firm employee if the firm employee is treated in any way differently (better) than similarly situated siblings or relatives. Example: if the OP is going to be named executor and her siblings are not, that would preclude us from doing estate planning for the parents. It’s a result of ethics rules that deem us having a potential conflict of interest because the result favors the firm employee.
Wills
Thank you all so much for your helpful responses! I really appreciate it.
Little Lurker
I have nothing useful to contribute today except an appreciation for today’s title.
Is this a Sturdy Girl thing or a Kat thing? Either way, I love it.
Lisa
Thank you. I didn’t even know that Kat would use the titles I wrote half in jest. I admire her flexibility. So it’s both of us.
AM
Catherine is the Duchess of Cambridge! Not that hard to find out (google) or remember. – perturbed Canadian.
AN
Think Lisa was being ironic in the light of the amount of publicity the Duchess has been generating both sides of the pond…..
Monday
Or snorting at the fact that “Kate Middleton” apparently didn’t sound refined enough for 21st century royalty.
E
Or snorting at the fact that in the 21st century some people still worship monarchs and care about their silly titles.
Noner
Or some of us find it interesting how different naming conventions work in different cultures. That is far different from “worship”. Its just…interesting.
Gem
It’s traditional for British royals to take their title from their parents prior to marriage and gain a title of their own on marriage – so William was ‘of Wales’ as per his father prior to his wedding and after he was granted the title ‘Duke of Cambridge’ and Kate became ‘Dutchess of Cambridge’ through marriage.
It is slightly more complicated than that, but it’s one of our traditions, and it’s polite not to mock the customs of other countries, cultures or groups without any attempt to understand them. Imagine if I were to snort at the idea of calling anyone ‘the First Lady’ for example, wouldn’t that seem rude and ignorant of me?
Little Lurker
+5 Corporette points! ;)
Monday
Gem, thank you. I actually do try to understand, but sometimes I don’t. I did not intend to be rude, but quickly saw that it probably looked that way. Apologies.
Lisa
I confess.
Anon
Don’t forget to retract your claws now…
E
I just had to share a veritable photoshop disaster, courtesy of Target.
http://target.scene7.com/is/image/Target/13436356_Alt02?wid=618&hei=618
(Also, that’s a jumpsuit, not a dress. Someone, somewhere, probably waited 4 hours in line to buy that jumpsuit.)
SkirtEnvy
Two words: Hot mess
Accountress
Good gravy! I know some people are short-waisted- but that photo editor must have been short wasted!
conbrio
“Good gravy” – that saying just made me laugh :)
Boston bound
Hi my fellow Corporettes in Boston!
Just moved to Boston last week, and will be starting in big law in October. Look forward to meeting some of you at the meet up in October. In the meantime, though, I’d love some advice. I’d like to join a few organizations to get to know more people in the area and to get involved in the community. I’d appreciate your thoughts on the following:
1. Junior League in Boston — is it more the ladies who lunch set, or not? I know every chapter is different. I joined the league in another city and although I wasn’t thrilled with the larger organization, I became very good friends with one woman in the group, so it was worth it in that respect.
2. My husband and I love the arts (I sang classical music for many years). Any young professional orgs related to the arts that you would recommend?
3. I’d like to join a choir in the area — nothing with too much time commitment though, but a decent group. Any recommendations? Something close to Beacon Hill area would be ideal.
4. Anyone involved with Big Brothers/Big Sisters in Boston? I have never joined before but I had a mentoring relationship with a little girl this past year and absolutely loved it.
So many questions, I know. TIA!
Bunkster
Hi. I live in Quincy and work in Boston.
Re: question one, I belonged to the Junior League in Rhode Island and found it helped me to meet other people. I considered joining the one here, but it’s a lot more expensive. Also, I’m from the Boston-area.
And for question two, I belong to the Boston Athenaeum (bostonathenaeum.org). It’s a private library that has lots of events both for young members and the general membership. The associate membership (under age 41) is quite reasonable.
Herbie
Thank you for illustrating why I just don’t get Missoni.
Mary Ellen
Threadjack – I am 60 yrs. old and plan to retire soon from my govt. law job. I will need to get another job to make up for the difference between my pension and my current salary, so I plan to contact some private firms in the area (Philly suburb). On the assumption (BIG assumption) that I even get an interview, I’m looking for advice for an interview suit. I have short grey hair, am 5’3, and a little chunky (not quite Hillary Clinton). I’m looking for advice on suit color, style, skirted versus pants (not great legs plus v. veins).
Main Line?
Holla!
Plus I bet you’re cooler/professional than Betty Draper.
Esquirette
I would suggest a good basic suit in navy, dark-medium blue, light or dark grey. Subtle pin stripes would be ok too (e.g., tone-on-tone). A good representative style would be those sold by Ann Taylor. If you search on the site, you will find numerous suggestions of other brands in range of prices (e.g., I think several people have luck at Macy’s). Regarding pants vs skirts, I would purchase which ever you feel most comfortable and confident in. The only thing with pant suits is that you generally have to pick a shoe height to wear with them so your pants aren’t too long or too short (unless all your shoes are roughly the same height). Depending on your frame, I would try on jackets with 1/2/3 buttons to see which you think works best. Also consider what length of jacket works best for you. Most suit jackets look best when not too long. When considering your options, think about the types of tops that you can pair with the suit — this might help you pick a suit color (i.e., one that coordinates with a number of tops you already have) and also help you decide between different button styles (i.e., if you generally prefer a particular neckline on your tops, you would make sure the suit jacket and neckline worked well together). Even with a basic suit, you can change things up a lot with scarves, necklaces, broaches and shoes. Do try searching this site for suit suggestions — there have been a number of great discussions (e.g., law school interviewing suit threads). Hope this helps! Good luck with the suit and job search!
a lawyer
I tried to post a response earlier and was told I was posting too quickly. At any rate, Congratulations on your upcoming retirement!!! I am a few years behind you but hope to retire from my small firm in about 4 more years. I’m extremely envious of your retirement.
Despite being more comfortable in pants, I would typically wear a skirt to an interview such as this, but I’m in the very traditional deep south and think that a pantsuit would be perfectly fine in Philly. I recommend the tropical wool series in Ann Taylor–they come in pants, jacket, dress, and skirt, so you can mix and match as you feel comfortable. I would also recommend navy or charcoal gray–I really dislike black suits although I own several and know that they are very traditional. The AT pants (signature fit) fit me great, except for hemming, and I am five feet even.
Congratulations again, and keep us posted!
Mary Ellen
Thank you for the replies! They are very helpful. Now if I could just drop 20 pounds before then . . . . .
Awful Lawful
Confession –
I am 27 years old and have been wearing makeup on a daily basis since I was 14, but I have no idea what type of makeup is best for me. I usually just go to the drugstore to grab some cheap stuff and make do. As part of my husband’s campaign to make me invest in my own self-worth, I am thinking about having a makeup consultation to find out what makeup I should be using on my oily skin, etc. Any suggestions for the best stores or lines to check out? Is Macy’s a good starting point? And if so, which beauty counter should I check out? Finally – is $200 a good estimate of what I should expect to spend on a makeup overhaul?
Mary Ellen
Don’t go to a makeup counter at a department store – the sales people (cosmeticians?) are there to sell you their makeup, not to help you decide which brand to choose from. If you have problem skin, you may want to consult a dermatologist. I have sensitive skin, and I’ve been using Clinique for 30 years, with no problems and nice effect. I always wait for the giveaway to buy something.
eek
Sephora is good because the artist will pull items from different brands they think will best suit your needs. However, from my experience, while the selection is very good, I find that the service at Sephora generally stinks (NoVA stores), but I would start at Sephora to get a feel for the different brands and then migrate to a dept store counter. I’d call the store and set up an appointment to make sure that someone is there so you don’t have to wait and also so you can explain the purpose of your visit/look you want. I like Nordstrom b/c I get reward points, they send me stuff in the mail to entice me to the store for my free sample(s), and they have a generous return policy. Like anywhere, all cosmetics departments/makeup artists are not created equally so I’d ask around for recommendations. Oh, I also went to a Blue Mercury store once and really liked it, but it’s too far away for me to be a regular. Boo. Brands I like for makeup: Chanel, Laura Mercier, YSL, some Bobbi Brown and Trish McEvoy. Skincare: Shiseido, Trish McEvoy
Good luck – I love makeup!!!
eek
Meant to include a note that on two occasions I have had consultations done and the artist did a wonderful job and was very attentive. My comment about Sephora’s service was about customer service (people on register and indifferent associates walking around the store) not makeup artist capabilities. I get that I’m not rocking 2 foot false eyelashes and “wow!” makeup, but it doesn’t mean I’m invisible/an inconvenience either — hello, I’m in your store to spend some money!
Ditto, Lisa – they don’t feel bad if you don’t purchase nor should you feel badly if you aren’t in love with a product. If you aren’t in love with a product in the store, you aren’t magically going to fall in love with it at home.
Makeup Junkie
More expensive doesn’t necessarily mean higher quality. Foundation really is a trial-and-error process, so where ever you buy your foundation, make sure you keep your receipts so you can return anything you don’t like. Department stores should take it back no questions asked, and so do most drug stores (I know Rite Aid, CVS, and Target definitely do, not sure about Walgreens or Longs)
In my experience, MAC, Clinique, Bare Escentuals, and Revlon are not great for oily skin – the colors oxidize, which means they turn darker as you wear them and they mix with your skin’s oils.
I’ve had success with Origins, Estee Lauder, Neutrogena, Avon, and Bobbi Brown; those foundations tend to stay true on my oily skin and not change color.
Lancome is nice too, but their colors never match me (I’m a darker warm color, and their shades tend to run pink/cool)
To start, you probably only need a foundation and a finishing powder. You can get mascara from the drugstore so there’s no need to spend tons of cash on that.
Good luck! Makeup shopping is my most favorite activity ever! Takes the sting out of trial prep, haha
Claire
Ditto to the Sephora suggestion. I worked there part time in undergrad, and since employees aren’t paid commission they really won’t care if you don’t buy a thing. Call the store in advance for an appointment and ask for a color expert if they have one available – they’ve gone through an extra level of training. I was lucky to open a new store and had months of training, but you could just as easily get some new part time hire who has little to no makeup application experience. Try to go on a weekday so the store will be calmer and you’ll have a better experience. Let them know your overall budget and they’ll stick to brands in that price range. Also, you can ask for samples of just about anything for free, and they have an extremely flexible return policy.
Barrister in the Bayou
I’ve given up on Sephora if I need to ask for advice or a consultation; I find that I get much better help at ULTA. Don’t know if you have them nearby, but I ask tons of questions and end up getting great advice and service (even when I’m only buying drugstore brands).
Oh, and if you can spring for one, I totally recommend getting a Clarisonic. I bet you see a bunch of comments here singing its praises, with good reason! I love what it has done to my skin!
Awful Lawful
Thank you everyone! I appreciate the tips. Looks like Sephora is a good place to start or possibly Nordie’s. I’ll have to report back on my experience.
Lisa
Awful – I’d go to Sephora if you’ve never had makeup consultations before. They truly don’t mind if you don’t buy. And I’m absolutely the wrong person to ask about cost since I tend to believe makeup is magic and therefore worth astronomical sums. I’m sure someone else here is sensible.
don't need a boyfriend
I agree with Sephora. When Macy’s stopped carying Prescriptives, I thought my world was at an end, not wanting to spend tons of money on what I know is faux magic and empty promises…so off to Sephora I went, propelled by Corporettes. I am using Nars and a Laura Mercier pot of concealer, which is nearly magic for my gyn malpractice (nearly) mismanagement which has left me with facial pigmentation which is dark enough to look like a mustache (and I have little to no facial hair) …
The staff at Sephora was great. They also demonstrated a higher purpose concealer for scars etc…foundation f/x or something like that and sent me home with samples. Their staff person actually removed her own makeup to show me how the product worked for her! WOW!
I had no idea I could “step up” to Nars and other products and not have sticker shock.
Give it a go! Just avoid lunchtime!
Main Line?
I swear by Clinique and Bobbie Brown.
“My” Clinique lady is super professional/respectful/not-pushy and she helped me set up the perfect skin care regime for me; now I just have to stick to it…
Also, Nordstrom’s Beauty consultants are not loyal to any brand. Bet they have better customer service than Sephora.
Kanye East
It really depends where you are; I could give you a dozen places in NYC that are better than Sephora, but Sephora makeup artists in NYC are a million times (I’m not exaggerating) better than Sephora store clerks in most of middle-America. So outside of a major city, I’d take a department store sales associate over a Sephora sales associate.
And I heartily second Bobbi Brown.
Anonymous
Threadjack:
I’m a new and young (22) associate at my finance firm and I generally get along well with everyone, but there’s this one vice president that never smiles or says hi back to me when I greet her. But I see her happily chatting with other people who are also new and of the same race she is. I’m still trying to be friendly but I just want to know if I’m reading too much into it or if there’s anything else I can do.
Bridget
You’re reading too much into it. She likely is friendly with people she knows, and she does not know you. She likely met these other junior hires during recruiting (or at a diversity luncheon if applicable), or was assigned to mentor them, etc. If you wish to make her acquaintance, ask one of the other new hires who knows her and say you’ve heard x great things and would love to be introduced. Then, once you have an introduction, I’m sure everything will be fine and she’ll be friendly with you, too. No reason to panic or assume the worst.
Anonymous
The problem is that we’ve already been introduced (at the same time with other new hires).
anonymous
No one likes to hear this but not everyone is going to like you. I would continue to say hello and be polite to her but try not to let it bother you if she doesn’t warm up to you like she has the other new hires. But, if it continues to bother you, mention to one of the higher-ups you are friendly with (and I do mean someone on her level or above her) that you’d love to talk with her about “X” topic. Choose something she has a focus on, an article she wrote, any commonality you two may have. If that doesn’t work, smile when you see her and silently curse her out in your mind.
E
In addition to what others have said, she also may take special interest in diversity or feel the urge to mentor people from a similar background. Don’t take it personally.
Midori
Can I threadjack? I just moved to a small-ish town, looking for a job. The legal market here mostly small family firms. How do you apply to those? One in particular does the kind of law I’ve done and enjoy. But they don’t even have a website, just a list of lawyers on M-H (and only two last names among them). Do I just send a resume in the mail? Call the main line and ask how to address it? Just drop in one day with a resume in hand? How does one write a cover letter for a job that hasn’t been advertised and may not be available?
Niktaw
I think walk-in would be a good idea.
Lynnet
I’m basically papering my chosen geographic area with applications, and I’ve just been calling the main line and asking how I should address an application. If there’s a fellow alum from either undergrad of law school I’ll address it to them, but normally there isn’t. I don’t change my cover letter very much, other than by focusing on my experience in whatever area of law the firm does.
*shrugs* I don’t know if this is the best way to do it, but I haven’t come up with any other ideas.
AVM
Threadjack question:
I have a pair of navy pants that I have had for years but they still fit and look new (maybe because they are navy and I don’t wear them very often). Only problem is that the lining (they are fully lined) is starting to tear at one of the seams. I had another seam fixed a while ago but it feels “bunchy” where the lining was patched. To have the whole pair re-lined would cost more than the pants are worth so I’m thinking about just cutting out the lining entirely–they are a good quality lightweight wool, so they are substantial enough that I think they would still look good without the lining. And if they don’t, since I’ve had the pants for so long, it wouldn’t be a terrible loss to get rid of the pants if it doesn’t work out. Anyone out there tried this? Any advice? I know there are those of you out there who won’t wear unlined pants–but as for the rest of you–thoughts?
Esquirette
I think I remember someone mentioning on here once that they cut linings out of pants. Even if you were concerned about doing it yourself, I would hope a tailor wouldn’t charge very much for doing this. The only places I might see an issue would be around the pockets.