Weekend Open Thread

stretchy ankle jeansSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

I was browsing the denim section at Nordstrom recently and was intrigued to see these affordable ankle skimmer jeans from the same brand behind some of Nordstrom’s most-loved jeans, Wit & Wisdom’s Itty Bitty Bootcut jeans. The denim they use is known for being super soft, stretchy, and with great recovery — so if you prefer a skinnier style over the bootcut style, these may be for you. I also like the dark rinse — very classic and flattering. They’re $68, available in sizes 0-16, petites; the brand also comes in plus sizes with several similar options. Ab-solution Ankle Skimmer Jeans

Here’s a slightly more affordable option that’s also getting rave reviews.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

P.S. There’s still time to sign up for the start of our Four Week Work Outfit Challenge! After hearing reader feedback I decided to make it ONE email per week instead of daily emails — so for those of you who signed up, stay tuned for your first challenge coming soon. On the off chance anyone wants to share images of outfits you’re putting together on Instagram or other social media, let’s use the hashtag #corporetteoutfitchallenge. 



  1. I have problems getting workout tights to stay up while running. I’m pear-shaped with an ample behind and a somewhat flatter stomach (although I also tend to bloat a lot). I don’t know if it’s my body shape or what, but I almost always have struggles with tights and running. Can anyone recommend a brand or a style that is likely to stay up?

    • Have you tried sizing up?

      I am also pear shaped, and have this problem with leggings, tights and no pants fit me right unless they are cut for my shape (eg. the popular Loft pants for pear shapes). Even underwear was a problem. Then I realized that with stretchy bottoms or figure hugging underwear, I do much better by sizing up.

      So even though I wear a size 2 in Loft pants, I wear large underwear. My measurements are 26 waist, 38 hips.

      This is even more helpful if you sometimes bloat, as this happens to me too. Give yourself the extra space. Size up.

    • Do you wear high-waisted leggings? I’m a pear, and I never have to adjust them.

      • S in Chicago :

        +2 Anything from Athleta that’s “high rise” works for me.

        • S in Chicago :

          I mean +1 (I must have multiple personalities today!)

          • I’m “thick” with sizeable junk in my trunk, and I swear by Athleta. They have what they call a neverending drawstring if you need to cinch tighter, but my leggings from them never budge.

    • BeenThatGuy :

      I swear by the Nike Epic Run Tight. They are the only tight that says up for me (ample bottom crossfitter here)

    • Overly sensitive :

      Size up, especially if you’re between sizes, and go for a high-waisted style. Even C9 at Target has some good high-waist options right now.

    • Are you buying tights that can be tightened at the waist? I have some from athleta with a tie at the waist that stay up pretty well. The ones that don’t have that slip down.

      • I too have this issue, so I do NOT wear tight’s when I go to the gym. My tuchus is otherwise built for a size 6, but the rest of me is so svelte that I am abel to squeze into size 2 dresses (again tightly). So when it comes to pants or tights, everyone focuses on my tuchus, which is NOT a good thing. And I cant wear a cardigan or other big sweater with tights at the Gym, tho I do get away doeing that on the weekends for casueal wear.

        I wish men would look me in the eye, and NOT stare at my tuchus and boobies, but that unfortunately are the things that they look at. FOOEY!

    • I too had this issue and found Old Navy High Rise compression pants to be really great especially for the price point. They have capri, 7/8, and full length. I have a similar body type and these are the only pants I have found that are affordable and stay up. I cant spend $100 on workout pants, I’m just too cheap.

    • I also have this issue and my solutions are either something with a drawstring (hard to find) or my new favorite tights ever – Zella High Waisted from Nordstrom, buy them when they go on sale.

    • Maddie Ross :

      I find that when I wear leggings that aren’t cotton-y (so no Athleta, no C9), but rather ones that are polyester and elastene (so shiny ones) I have less problem with them staying up. I think the cotton-y ones stretch. Nike is the best for me for this. Both the right material and a drawstring.

      Or yeah, high waisted. But I get annoyed lifting and doing ab exercise in high waisted ones, as they tend to roll.

    • Thanks all – sounds like high-waisted is the way to go! Will check out Athleta in particular.

      • Anonymous :

        Target C9 currently has a style that are high-waisted and “shiny” by Maddie Ross’s definition.

      • Undies could also be to blame for droopy tights. I gave up wearing my nylon ones at the gym for that very reason and stick with cotton.

      • Elegant Giraffe :

        YMMV but for me, the Athleta high rise Chaturanga style (yes, has to be that specific) is the only thing that doesn’t slip.

    • cake batter :

      Try Costco kirkland brand leggings. They’re like $16 and have a drawstring waist. I have at least three pairs, and they stay up better than my high waisted Athleta tights.

    • Same challenges :

      Lucy revolution run tights

      I have similar challenges, with an ample butt, small rear, athletic thighs. This type of Lucy tights has been the only brand that stays in place. They have seams down the back of the legs, which helps.

  2. Ready for a Vacay :

    Posting here because I think I posted too late in the morning thread on the moms page. We have a week in March for a family vacation. We have done disney cruises the past few years and would like something different. Preferably it needs to be all inclusive (so my husband is less stressed about watching money all week long, which is a problem we have had in the past). So, what fun, but also relaxing, vacation should we do with our two girls – 5 and 7? Beach is fine, but preferably not all beach. I was thinking Costa Rica, but am really open to any suggestions. We are in the Southeast US and have an airport an hour away that has direct flights to basically anywhere. Thank you!

    • Beaches Resorts are expensive and pretty much all beach, but we really love them and your kids are at a great age to take advantage of the waterparks and kids’ activities. I have been to and loved Costa Rica but I don’t think all-inclusive resorts are big there the way they are in the Caribbean. You might be able to book an all-inclusive trip through a travel agent though.

      • Yeah I know more than one family that basically has standing reservations at Beaches. Turks & Caicos is an especially popular one.

        • Yup, Beaches T&C is our favorite. The snorkeling off the beach is phenomenal – I’ve seen sea turtles and sharks. My parents got us into it because they are huge fans of Sandals, the sister chain that is adults only. We usually go there with them so with 4 adults and only 1 kiddo we haven’t really used the on-site childcare much but at our last visit our daughter was old enough for some of the waterpark stuff and had an absolute blast.

        • Ready for a Vacay :

          Looks like Beaches is basically sold out during the week we need, but it does look fun. Any other suggestions? TIA

          • BeenThatGuy :

            I took my 9 year old son to the Nickelodeon Resort in Punta Cana last year. I highly recommend it. There’s lots of activities and the water park is fun. Spring for the rooms with the swim-out pool. Worth every darn penny.

            FWIW, we have also been to Beaches in T&C and Atlantis in the Bahamas.

    • Disney Cruise :

      I’d love to hear about your Disney Cruise experiences if you care to share. We are going on our 1st one in a couple of weeks and hoping that this can be our go-to family vacation if we like. Our kids our very young so we wanted something easy and low-key but still have lots of entertainment/activity options

      • Ready for a Vacay :

        We adore Disney Cruises. We did one each year for the past two years. So many great activities and the characters are all over. Our girls love it and they and I would do it again, but hubby wants to do something different. They loved the kids club and would spend an hour or two in it every day which gave us time to nap or relax or whatever. Have fun!

    • We just had a great trip to Costa Rica. No kids with us, but both of our destinations were kid friendly and I would not hesitate to travel there with kids when the time comes. Here’s what I’d recommend. Fly into San Jose. Spend half your week at the Parador Resort near Manuel Antonio / Quepos. This is a great resort because of the variety it offers – you’re in the jungle (we saw 3 species of monkeys, sloths, lots of birds, frogs, etc. all on the resort grounds), but also have access to a beach with snorkeling and several pools on the hotel’s property. There’s a kids club at the hotel as well, and lots to do in the area (touring the national park, for example). It’s not all-inclusive so does not check that box, but you can drive or take the hotel shuttle to the town of Quepos (10 min) for lots of cheaper food options. For the second half of the week, stay at Hotel el Silencio Del Campo, which is a working farm/resort in the Arenal Volcano area. Kids will enjoy milking the cow and collecting eggs every morning! The hotel also offers thermal baths of varying temperatures for no extra cost – and the hotel generally is inexpensive. The area offers a cool wildlife rescue center (Proyecto Asis), chocolate tours, more traditional jungle adventures (i.e., ziplining, etc.). To get from place to place, renting a car is fairly simple, or you could hire a driver. This may be more moving around than you’re looking to do, but if you’re open to moving I think this would be a great trip.

    • Anonymous :

      I have friends who love Disney cruises and they also had great things to say about Disney Aulani. I don’t think it’s all-inclusive, but Hawaii certainly has a lot to do besides beaches.

    • Anonymous :

      I was thinking about doing this exact same thing! Tripadvisor usually has hundreds of review for resorts, you can search “solo” or “single” to see if others have posted about traveling there on their own.

    • Anonymous :

      Your family would love Club Med. Try Punta Cana or Cancun.

  3. Blonde Lawyer :

    How soon we forget. I was going over our charitable contributions last night. I donate to the Lutheran Comfort Dog charity that sends teams with dogs to comfort victims after major disasters. I tend to donate to each of their deployments. I saw that I had two donations really close together and tried to remember what the two tragedies were. I know one was the hurricane but was so stumped on the other, I had to ask my husband. It was the Las Vegas shooting.

    I’m so sad that I forgot so quickly. I suspect it isn’t just me. This is just a reminder to rekindle some of that outrage you felt right after the shooting and keep doing whatever you promised you would do to see change. Don’t be like me wondering what happened in October 2017 that led to you making a donation somewhere. I know for our mental health it is easier to forget but nothing is ever going to change this way.

    • Anonymous :

      This is part of the reason I’m going to the Women’s March in my area tomorrow. There are so many things happening that it’s so much easier to let it go and forget. Looking forward to being in a positive space for a few hours tomorow.

  4. Can anyone ID the sneakers the model is wearing in the pic above? My first few tries searching Nordstrom aren’t working.

    • I think they are the TOMS lenox? Cute in the blush!

    • Anonymous :

      Tom’s Suede Lenox Sneakers. I have a pair and love the look, but they tend to make my feet sore after extended periods of walking.

    • Very similar to Blondo Jaden, but it doesn’t have the detail that the photo does.

    • I think they’re the Tom’s Lenox as well. I ordered them to try during the Anniversary Sale and liked the look, but had to return due to rubbing on my pinkie toes. I have regular width feet but my pinkies don’t hit at the right spot for Tom’s shoes.

  5. Anonymous :

    Has anyone ever done an all-inclusive resort vacation solo (as a woman)? Is that weird? I’m dying for some beach time and I think I might start saving up to take a nice trip next year, but all my friends only travel with their husbands/are having babies/not interested in beach vacations, and I don’t really have anyone to go with.

    • cat socks :

      I’ve never done it, but I would like to try it! You might want to try and adults only resort. Or some larger resorts have adults-only areas. Most people spend they day on the beach or lounging in the cabanas reading or napping. You could easily do that by yourself.

      • Yes, I would do an adults-only vacay for sure!!

      • MidwestAnon :

        Did it. A few years ago I was at my wits end with work and a failed relationship, and booked a four night stay at one of the nicer all-inclusives in Cancun over my spring break. I read, lounged by the pool and beach, made friends with the bartenders and my “butler,” and ordered room service every night. I don’t mind meals in restaurants alone, but to have the option to chill out in my room with a cocktail and a plate of french fries is my idea of heaven.

        Another thing to keep in mind – I’ve done yoga retreats in Mexico and Costa Rica that provide a blend of yoga, R and R, hiking/sightseeing, meeting new folks and an all-inclusive stay. I traveled alone but met cool new people once I arrived, and mingled as much or as little as I wanted. And trust me that you don’t have to be a super yogi to make it work for you. Lots of single travelers at the resorts I’ve visited.

    • I don’t think it’s weird at all, but you might want to ask around for specific recommendations – some are definitely more romantic than others. I saw a commercial for one chain of AIs (Secrets, I think?) the other day and it was basically softcore p0rn…just like 3 solid minutes of two very attractive people making out and basically dry humping. I got the vibe from the commercial that if you went there with anyone except a partner you were wildly attracted to, you would feel awkward and out of place. But I’m sure there are AIs that cater more to families and friend groups where you wouldn’t feel weird at all as a solo traveler.

    • Not weird. Go. I was just thinking about this as well, also single with no kids and no one who is necessarily available to travel with me. If I was in a position to plan a fabulous beach vacation right now, I’d definitely consider that option. It sounds supremely relaxing.

      • Go! I went to an all-inclusive with in a group with my guy, another couple, and a woman who’s husband wasn’t able to travel at the time. Yes, we were in a group most of the time, but our “single” friend said she didn’t find it at all weird or uncomfortable when she was on her own. She said she probably got better service than the rest of us did, as the resort staff was very attentive to her (not in an overbearing or creepy way). If I wanted to take a trip by myself, I wouldn’t hesitate to book an all-inclusive.

      • I’m married with kids and this still sounds lovely. Go. Enjoy. Report back.

    • Sort of. I was in the process of breaking up with my first husband and we went together on vacation to Hawaii, because it was already paid for. Aside from sharing the room, we said bye in the mornings and went our separate ways. I sat in a lounge chair on the beach and read novels, listened to a band at the beach bar, had spa treatments, went shopping and did all of my meals solo. One of my best vacations ever, despite the sad circumstances of my marriage. I would have liked it even better not having to share my room! Do it.

      • Thanks, that is exactly the kind of vacation I was thinking of. I’m introvert and happy spending time on my own. The thought of sitting on a beach chair reading books for a week with nobody to talk to other than the guy bringing me drinks honestly sounds like heaven.

        Thank you!!

    • Anonymous :

      I’d love to go to a fancy yoga retreat/resort in a location like Costa Rica. That seems like it’d even be better alone vs with a friend.

    • Anonymous :

      I did it, though I didn’t take the “all inclusive” package because I knew I wouldn’t eat/drink that much. I just billed everything to my room so I didn’t have to carry cash to the beach. I went to Aruba and only left the hotel property once to go snorkeling with a tour group. Yes, everyone else on the tour was a couple, newly weds, etc. but since snorkeling is really a solo activity anyway, didn’t bother me in the least. I’d love to do it again.

    • Anonymous :

      I was thinking about doing this exact same thing! Tripadvisor usually has hundreds of review for resorts, you can search “solo” or “single” to see if others have posted about traveling there on their own.

    • I don’t enjoy all inclusives, but I have done a number of beach trips to nice hotels (where you can get everything on site, but are still free to wander out if you’d like). Five days on the beach in Tulum reading and drinking Coronas and splashing in the sea were life saving. I loved staying at Be Tulum, which has an age restriction (not adult only, but maybe 14 and over — it would be totally boring for little kids), so something like that might be worth checking out.

    • At the end of a very busy period at work, I did a week at an adults-only all-inclusive in Punta Cana. I really needed a chance to decompress, so that was definitely nice. But I don’t love to eat alone. I would bring my book so it was fine, but I just didnt love that aspect of it. Bring a LOT of books though! More than you think you’ll need. I think I got through about 4-5 books and a huge stack of magazines I brought in the one week.
      Also, I don’t know if this is just a me-thing, but 1 day of the week-long vacation, I booked a scuba/snorkel excursion off-site, and it was nice to get away from the resort for a few hours. 1 week in the same place, even in a huge resort, was a lot for me. Also, it was nice because it got me some human interaction, as people are much more likely to talk to you when you’re on a trip as a group than they would be if you were just sitting by the pool.

    • Anonymous :

      I did Hyatt Zilara in Montego Bay solo for 4 days a couple years ago. It was fabulous. I read, went to the beach, pool, and spa. I sat at the bar for dinner and chatted up the bartender. I’d do it again if the opportunity presented itself!

      I would just say depending on the area, I’d probably stay on property especially at night. No clubbing etc where the risk of being solo is higher IMO.

  6. Anonymous :

    If you had a weekend to go anywhere in the EU area from London spur of the moment, what are some options? Been to Paris, London, Amsterdam, Spain, Portugal, and Iceland. I prefer culture and don’t mind sightseeing in the cold. Fri PM to Sun AM next week. Haven’t done Scotland, Ireland, Prague, Scandinavia, Vienna, or Brussels and would like to.

    What might I not be thinking of?

    I hate doing research too so where would I go to find a bunch of info in one place for places to stay and eat and things to see?

    • Anonymous :

      Forgot to add, somewhat budget-insensitive. Could do $1,000-2,000 for the right weekend including travel. Will be alone or with a girlfriend.

    • Maudie Atkinson :

      If you haven’t been to Rome, I would do that.

    • Anonymous :

      Rome for a city vacation – get last minute tickets to the Opera, check out Vatican musuems and eat all the yummy food.

      Or skiing/mountain spa in Switzerland or Western Austria – Innsbruck or Lech.

    • Aspiring Kennedy is a blogger in the UK who has traveled a lot in Europe and written about it. I think she has city guides for a lot of European cities, so you could probably just follow one of those. I’m not a big fan of winter sight-seeing, but Budapest and Krakow are my favorites of the EU cities you haven’t been to.

    • Scotland in spring/summer, Prague & Vienna anytime, Budapest, Dubrovnik

    • Anonymous :

      Prague/Amsterdam/Edinburgh are perfect for a weekend and i’m sure there are NYtimes 36 hours in X place for it. Or fly into Rovinj and hang out.

    • Prague.

    • Berlin, hands down.

    • I LOVE Vienna. One of my favorite cities. I spent 24 hours there (although I sort of wish I had spent more).

    • Berlin or Copenhagen would be my first choices. Stockholm and Rome are also outstanding, but the idea of only 36 hours there makes me want to cry. Prague is a nice small city you could cover in that time period.

      I love doing travel research, but I find NYT’s 36 hours (referenced above) to be an easy shorthand, as well as Lonely Planet (good for sites, tends a little too budget on food and hotels for my liking), and Fathom (fathomaway.com) for shopping/hotels/neighborhoods.

    • Elegant Giraffe :

      Would recommend Edinburgh and Vienna. Edinburgh might be easier to cover in a weekend, but definitely keep Vienna on your list. So amazing. Would not recommend Brussels. I was recently there. While there is certainly stuff to do, it’s really not geared to tourists. Much more focused on local industry (kind of like Milan or Chicago, vs. Florence/Venice or NYC). I think Brussels is worth it for a longer trip because you can use it as your home base for day trips to nearby locales, like Bruges and Ghent.

    • Just got back from 5 days in Vienna and loved it. I would add Munich or Bruges to your list.

    • Edinburgh and Dublin are perfect for a weekend and they are super near from London. But if you have not been in Prague you have to go. Krakov is another superb place if you do not mind the weather.

      But at this time of the year I will recomend Málaga (I know you said you have been in Spain but I asume you mean Madrid and/or Barcelona) or Valencia. Nice weather for a beach walk and full of cultural interesting things to do.

    • Anonymous :

      Thanks, all. Did a little reading of the “36 hours in. . . ” type (thanks for the ideas!) and Prague and Vienna are the leading contenders right now, with Prague in the lead. Thank you! (open to food/sights/hotel ideas for Prague in particular)

  7. Panda Bear :

    Wondering if anyone has had lower blepharoplasty (eyelid) or similar cosmetic surgery. (Even better if you have recommendations in the Boston area). I have been seriously considering it, but I’m also terrified…

    • Anon, come on. :

      I’ve only had upper eyelid blepharoplasty. Super happy with the results. I would take a full week off if you can. And have someone help you out, bring you food, put on the healing cream, etc. for the first 2 days after surgery.

      • May I ask, how old you were when you did it, and how did you decide… now’s the time?

        And also, how you went about looking for your doctor?

        • Anon, come on. :

          I was 24, I did it between 2L and 3L after my summer associate and before the semester started. It was the right time because I had time off and my mom could spend recovery time with me. Plus 24 is young and recovery would be fast. I researched doctors in the LA Beverly Hills area and review before and afters and evaluated doctors during initial appt consults. Chose doc based on those two factors. The flesh above my eye was pushing down on my lashline and I wanted deeper set appearing eyes and the ability to use eyeliner and mascara without them being disappeared by my upper eyelid. I’m really happy with my results. Along with invisalign in my 2L year, this was the other thing I did that really improved my appearance.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I had my lower eyelids done a few years ago. I had the eyes along with lower facelift and the eye part was definitely the least of it — don’t really remember any pain or physical ickiness at all. Definitely double the recovery time your surgeon suggests, not because of pain but because of bruising and other cosmetic issues. The worst part was that after the surgery, my eyelids didn’t totally stick to my eyes so there was some of the red inner eyelid showing, which wasn’t uncomfortable but looked super weird. I ended up with tiny scars on my lower eyelids that look like subtle eyeliner, which bothers me not a bit. Other than that I am very happy with the results.

    • eye practice recommendation :

      I had eyelid surgery using Dr. Lin at Lexington Eye Associates in Lexington, MA. It was for medical reasons and I was already a patient of the practice, but I believe she may also do cosmetic work. I liked her and thought she did a good job. This practice would not be a budget choice.

  8. No Regrets :

    I’m late to the “How to Decide If You Want Kids” party, but wanted to put my 2 cents in.

    I’m 44 and have been married for 15 years. I’ve never really wanted children and definitely never had a strong desire for them. When I got married, I thought there was a reasonable possibility that DH and I might have children at some point, and would have been OK with having one–but neither one of us ever got to the point of actually wanting them. I received a lot of “you’ll change your mind when you get older” comments, but never did.

    I have no regrets about not having children. Most of my friends have children, and DH and I hang out with them and enjoy it, but I’m always happy to return to my nice, peaceful life. I don’t think I’m selfish for not having kids, nor do I worry about what will happen in my old age. I’ve lived long enough to see that people can die alone or end up in a home even if they have kids. I know that I’ll never fully understand the love and joy a child can (but doesn’t necessarily) bring to a parent’s life, but that’s OK with me.

    So–no children and no regrets. It’s all good. :-)

    • Anonymous :

      Does anyone regret not having kids at 44 though? I’m not saying everyone who chooses not to have kids regrets it or that you will, but I would think that regrets – if they’re going to come – would come later, so I’m not sure how meaningful all these “mid-40s, childfree and loving it!” posts are.

      • Anonymous :

        I think this is another version of “but you’ll change your mind!!!!!!!!”. So.

        • Anonymous :

          No, I’m not saying she’ll change her mind or that she should. But it just seems a bit premature, like someone who is 6 weeks pregnant responding to a question about whether pregnancy is difficult and saying “It’s been super easy for me!” It may be true at the time and it absolutely may continue to remain true but it also may not so it’s not a very relevant data point as far as answering the question goes.

          • No Regrets :

            To answer your question, yes, I know people who regret not having kids at 44, including my sister. There are people who posted yesterday who are much younger than I am who regret not having children.

            So yes, my data point at 44, after 15 years of careful consideration during marriage, is very meaningful (as are younger data points).

    • Women's March :

      This is me, a little older. When I got married, I knew I never wanted them, and was very clear with DH. I think he hoped I would change my mind. Still together and it’s too late, but this is another thing that might haunt you – that someone stayed with you and didn’t get to have kids.

      • This strikes me as a weird response. OP is comfortable with her decision and clearly isn’t haunted. Sorry that it worked out differently for you.

        • Yeah, OP specifically says that neither she nor DH got to the point of actually wanting children so I agree this is a very odd response. I am sure it is difficult to want children and not have them because of your partner’s desires but it would also be extremely difficult to be forced into being a parent if you did not want to.

          • Women's March :

            I meant more “you” in the sense of the person that was on the fence yesterday. Not OP.

      • When you’re clear with a partner about not wanting kids, I think it’s on them to take you at your word. I guess he might feel regret in this situation, but he’s an adult who made an informed decision to marry someone who said she didn’t want kids.

      • I got divorced for this reason. We got married in our mid-20s, and I thought my mind would change, and it didn’t, so we got divorced (gently set each other free is perhaps a better description of what happened) so that we could each find a partner while we were still in our mid-30s. He was such a great guy who really deserved to be a father. We both met wonderful people a few years after our divorce.

      • No Regrets :

        I know you said you weren’t directing your comment to me, but just to weigh in…I’m not haunted. If my husband wanted kids, he could have said so. We’ve discussed the topic openly over the years, particularly as 35 and 40 came and went for me, and again when we decided for a permanent solution to birth control.

        I suppose he could still have kids if he really wanted them–just not with me.

        • Anonymous :

          I posted on yesterday’s thread about my best friend, who married a guy with a kid and he didn’t want any more kids. He told her this at one point – that he was worried that he’d “trapped” her in a marriage that wasn’t going to give her what she needed – and she told him, she has agency over her own life, and if having children was that important to her, she would have left him and had them, either with someone else, or on her own. I’m sure your husband owns his choices. If the previous poster’s husband is holding her accountable for his not having children – that’s something they should go to therapy to work out. Because he made a choice to stay in the marriage, knowing kids weren’t going to be a part of that.

      • But that person is an adult who can choose to leave a relationship and find a partner whose desire for children align better with theirs so why would this haunt me?

    • +1 – same here, exactly except I wasn’t married until 3 years ago. Never wanted kids but didn’t totally rule it out until I met and was on the same page as my husband who didn’t want them either.

    • Me too. In retrospect, I never wanted kids. Even when I was a kid and had the impression that you pretty much HAD to have kids, I remember looking for a way around that. Mr. Mom was a mind-blowing revelation for 9 year old me that I didn’t have to stay home with kids. That movie made me so happy. I know kids now who feel like this.

      I agree that children do not guarantee anything. I am a firm believer that it’s your friends who will be your support system in day to day life in old age and not your children who will be living lives of their own. I hear this (but who will take care of you when you’re old?) from friends all the time who don’t recognize their own contractions in ignoring their elderly, ailing grandparents who live 1000 miles away or having little to no relationship with their own parents. Whether you have kids, nieces and nephews, siblings, “framily”, or a crew of BFFs, you have to put in the work to cultivate those relationships for a lifetime. You don’t just get them because you birthed a person.

      • Uh, contradictions, not contractions. Freudian slip? Ha.

      • Anonymous :

        I thought that about friends in my 30s. But they all kept leaving my HCOL city to go back to a farther-out hometown. Or getting married and moving to the ‘burbs. And those with kids — the far-out burbs.

        “Friends” hasn’t been a fixed thing. And the new friends you can make in your 40s . . . hard with the only new people are recent grads.

        Maybe you make them when you move into a “55 or better” community (hard to envision b/c I’m a city girl at heart, but could see a walkable college town setting in my later years.

      • The more parents I know whose kids have severe disabilities, chronic illness, or addiction issues, the more I reject that line of thinking too. These kids can’t even take care of themselves as adults, let alone their parents. If you decide to have kids, you can’t have a transactional attitude about it.

        • +1 I have a grown kid that I adore and whose company I enjoy, but nobody should have children expecting end of life care. Have children if you want them; don’t have children if you don’t. Absolutely don’t have them because you want someone to take care of you when you are old.

          I am posting this Anon because I have an analogy I love: Having children is like running a marathon. It takes a lot of work and can hurt like *&$!. If you are a person who loves running marathons, it is absolutely worth the sweat and blisters and shin splints. If you are not a person who loves running marathons, I cannot imagine anything more like h*ll.

        • The whole “take care of you” sentiment is a leftover from multi-generational houses in the upper-middle-classes and higher ups AND it does not take into account sexism, and the fact that many, many families have both spouses working, and don’t live near parents, before we get to anything unfortunate.

          This is one reason that affordable health care for all and robust elder care options are so, so important, as we age, the entire elderly community will need support. Until that time – quality insurance, powers of attorney with trustworthy people/professionals and wills do a world of good.

          Roz Chast’s memoir Can’t We Talk About Something More Pleasant is a realistic tour through what happens when people (parents in this case) don’t plan. My spouse and I have one surviving parent.

        • yeah I’ve always thought the “have kids so you have someone to take care of you when you’re old!” is pretty much one of the stupidest reasons to do anything, ever.

          As noted above, you have no guarantees the child you have will be healthy or even capable of caring for another person, to begin with.

          But even beyond that. first off all, your children do not “owe” you some part of their lives as your caregiver. you made the choice to have them, to raise them. They owe us nothing for that choice.

          You also have no guarantees that your kids will be financially capable of caring for aging adults, or that they will DO IT. I know plenty of people who have nothing to do with their parents and would absolutely not let the live in their home or take care of them. And the parents aren’t entitled to it. I get that there may sometimes in some cultures be different expectations. But there are no guarantees.

          And not that it matters as to the validity of my opinion, but yes, I’m a parent.

  9. AnonEngineer :

    I have been in the US for many years on various visas and my employer has finally agreed to start the Green Card process. They’ve asked me to sign a contract agreeing to repay their legal fees if I leave before or soon after receiving my Green Card, which I understand is not unusual.

    I’m debating whether I need my own lawyer to review the contract and advise me on the process. On one hand I’m at a disadvantage dealing with a huge company with an army of lawyers on its side. On the other hand, I see that starting the process can only increase my options irrespective of my future plans. Any advice from people who have been through the US permanent residency process before or who work in immigration law?

    Thanks as always for the wisdom of this great community.

    • Spouse went through this. It doesn’t hurt to have an outside employment lawyer review and provide advice (if not revision). Also, is it negotiable at all? If not, a lawyer will at least be able to tell you what to expect.

    • My husband did this several years ago. Yes, you should have a lawyer review it. Big companies can pull shady things. At the very least, the lawyer can tell you if there is anything outside the norm in the contract.

    • Senior Attorney :

      I feel like the rule is “if you wonder whether you should have independent counsel review [document], then you should.”

    • Employers are required to pay all the fees for the PERM process. Either the employer or the employee may pay fees for the I-140 and I-485. So, it’s not kosher in the first place for the employer to possibly put you on the hook for the whole thing. I would certainly get your own lawyer here (in fact, get two: one to negotiate your employment contract and one to be on your side during the green card process–because any lawyer your company hires to do the green card, despite any dual representation agreements y’all may sign, is representing the company first and foremost).

    • AnonEngineer :

      Thanks – there’s a consensus from some smart ladies that I need a lawyer. A friend recommended someone who helped her so I will reach out to him.

  10. Nothing substantive to share, except that this federal employee is glued to the news… yet again. I wouldn’t argue about noon-time happy hour on Monday should we be shut down, but it’s really hard to see so much money and time go to waste, in addition to the lost pay by our contractors/consultants who have bills to pay, too, and do not get back pay. And the work piles up while we’re gone.

    Seems like this kick-the-can-down-the-road pattern is now a habit… SMH.

    • Anonymous :

      Who cares about contractors. God forbid the dreamers aren’t granted citizenship tomorrow, oh and their parents too . . . maybe we can takes care of some cousins while we’re at it. All those US citizen contractors without salary – whatever . . . .

      No Sloan – I don’t intend to shut up.

      • You know that Ted Cruz shut down the government for weeks in 2013 for, like, no reason, right? Where was your righteous indignation on behalf of all these poor US citizen contractors then?

      • Anonymous :

        Since people said all the things to you on the other thread. Just ugh. Your own life must be pretty sad if you’re spending so much time trolling around here and hating on people. Hope things improve for you soon.

      • Double Fed Household :

        Stop presuming to speak for feds. By and large we support Dreamers and CHIP. Don’t pit us against vulnerable people.

      • Who do you think you’re persuading with these?

        • Anonymous :

          No one. It’s just a tr0ll.

          Pity them that they don’t have anything better to do with their time than hang out with people who don’t want them.

          • I swear the troll is a man. Sounds just like an angry man.

          • Is this a forum exclusively for Progressives? Sounds kind of narrow minded.

          • Oh please. No, but it is for people who engage in nuanced discussions and meaningful dialogue. Spouting off about “illegals” and their “cousins” ridiculous.

          • Oh please right back at you. This s*te has about as much ideological diversity as a Nancy Pelosi rally.

            Eloquent, blunt, crass – it doesn’t matter, if it’s an insufficiently liberal opinion, it gets pounced on. We’ve all seen conservatives get chased off this s*te.

          • +1

          • Anonymous :

            No one gets “chased off” here; people choose to leave. Own your choices. Stop seeing yourself as a victim.

            People who post trolly, rage-baiting posts about anything tend to get told, in no uncertain terms, that that kind of thing really isn’t welcome here. If you’ve been a recipient of that feedback and didn’t listen – perhaps that’s your problem?

          • If everyone who “voluntarily” leaves this s *te because here politics are not welcome is a conservative, that’s not an “agency” thing; it’s a “Corpor3tt3 is a mandatory progressive mindthink s*te” issue.

            If every single person who resigned from a job were a woman, and men almost never did, would you be running your mouth about “agency” of women and not being a victim?

            You people are complete b*tches to conservatives.

        • Anon @ 4:29, even if it were, the person complaining isn’t making a good case for their point of view.

      • Anonymous :

        Oh please.

        Feds are allowed to be worried about themselves. I have made huge sacrifices to work in government and make this country a better, safer place for everybody in it, including Dreamers. Wanting to be allowed to keep going to work and doing my job and taking home a paycheck so I can pay my rent and student loans and eat doesn’t make me a horrible person. I support Dreamers and CHIP and I’m a Democrat who voted for HRC and donated to the Doug Jones campaign, and I am still telling my democrat Senator to not shut down the government. And yeah, my friends who are contractors make sacrifices too.

        • Anonymous :

          How are you supporting Dreamers if you tell your Senator not to shut down? Doesn’t that mean giving up on Dreamers?

        • Anonymous :

          You know there are Dreamers who are feds, right, contributing to the only country they know. There are Dreamers in the military serving us overseas right now.

          • Anonymous :

            Good for them. They’ve benefited plenty – starting with free public school k-12 and getting to stay. If we can help them out, I’m not opposed. If we can’t, eh. Why should we feds take a hit for them?

          • I’m not sure we can ever provide enough benefits and compensation to those who serve overseas in the military. Theirs is an enormous sacrifice and it should be approached with respect and appreciation, not griping that they got a free education.

          • Anonymous at 3:34 pm, I invite you to serve overseas and then let us know if a free education was enough compensation for risking your life for people who don’t even want you in their country…

      • Anonymous :

        Not Sloan, also want you to stop.

        • Anonymous :

          Why because no one is allowed to disagree? In case you haven’t guessed it, it’s not just one person who feels this way. My first time posting on this thread and I see 2 others above with similar views. It’s easy to scream troll and ignore but we have a point too.

          • Also not Sloan and also want you to stop. Because we already beat this to death on a previous thread. You stated your opinion, everyone else stated theirs, and the government will still do whatever it’s going to do.

          • Anonymous :

            I will fourth the opinion. And, being against illegal immigration doesn’t make you a racist. Defaulting to calling people racist because they don’t agree with you simply highlights how weak your argument is.

        • Anonymous :

          Lol. Because no one can ever be in disagreement on the internet? No one can ever be looking out for themselves?

          • Anonymous :

            No one’s laughing with you. We’re all just rolling our eyes at you. But thanks for stopping by. Hope you find some friends IRL soon.

        • Sloan Sabbith :


      • I’m confused about this whole argument. I was under the impression that federal employees always ended up getting paid anyway for these shutdowns. Am I wrong about that? It’s obviously wasteful to deal with the whole mess, but I’m unclear where this commenter is coming from. Is she complaining about contractors rather than actual employees?

        • It’s not a given that we are paid, but I am pretty sure it’s always worked out that way. A few of the congresspeople from MD and VA already have a bill ready to go to have federal employees paid back in case there’s a shutdown – I forget who, maybe Connelly from VA? So I’d say that, if there’s a shutdown, there’s pretty good odds we’d be paid back. Feds are also eligible for unemployment if the shutdown persists, although that may vary by state. During the 2013 shutdown, rumor had it that we feds should all apply for unemployment, which would put $$ pressure on the states (especially MD/VA/DC) and thereby put pressure on Congress. Not sure whether that really had an effect or not.

          Most of us at my federal office are okay with a shutdown. Immigration is a tricky thing – I believe in people following the rules and I don’t like it when people skirt around them. But, we are talking about kids who didn’t decide to come here. I’m fine with letting them stay, and maybe connecting it to serious immigration reforms that would make it more difficult to come here and stay illegally, but A LOT easier to get here legally. I mean heck, we could use those tax dollars, given all the money we’re losing because born-here Americans are all getting addicted to opiates (gratuitous insult there).

          And I’d also like to see much stricter fines on employers who hire people here illegally. It’s exploitative. If an employer can’t afford to pay a decent wage and provide decent working conditions, they shouldn’t be in business. If that means I pay more (and most studies say it would be only a little bit more) for food, so be it. We can’t have it both ways – if one wants a big decrease in people living here illegally, one needs to put one’s money where one’s mouth is.

        • Blonde Lawyer :

          The only people that are required to be paid post shut down are the people that actually had to work during it. Usually Congress passes something that grants the right to repayment to those that were off work during the shut down. That is retroactive. It is not guaranteed. For the essential people who still work, they are guaranteed pay but not until the shut down is over so they don’t even get the opportunity to pick up cash doing something else in the meantime if they could.

          Also, while many of us could whether a few paychecks waiting for retroactive pay, so many people live paycheck to paycheck that can’t.

          Anyone know what happens to fed health insurance during a shut down?

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            *weather. And to be clear – I support the shutdown if it is the only way to protect Dreamers. I just think the gov’t should stop using its employees as pawns.

          • “I just think the gov’t should stop using its employees as pawns.”

            Exactly. I don’t understand why you would blame a group that isn’t actively causing this issue. The gov’t could shut down over a variety of issues, this is just the one right now. Dreamers aren’t even responsible for being in the country in the first place, let alone shutting down the gov’t.

          • Anonymous :

            health insurance isn’t impacted, it continues during the shutdown

          • Blonde Lawyer :

            @ 5:44, thank you! My husband is the federal employee, not me, so it’s harder for me to get direct info.

        • Our consultants, many of whom work full-time in the office with us, as well as some of our contractors, are not allowed to work and do not get paid.

      • You seem to be under the impression that dreamers and other “illegals” take more from the government/taxpayers than US citizens and that is simply not true. The vast, vast majority of “takers” are poor people who were born here. Most “illegals” come here to work, and bottom line they contribute to our economy.

        Basically you’re just hating on people of another race with no other basis.

        • Anonymous :

          This. Even pre-Trump, dreamers didn’t just get to stay here automatically. They have to check in with the government and provide proof that they’re going to school or gainfully employed. Poor people who were born here (including a ton of poor white people) are a way bigger drain on the economy.

        • The ones who work in positions where taxes are paid send their taxes in like the rest of us. You might consider thanking them for lowering the deficit by their work. And contributing to public schooling. Not everyone who works does this. Before there is a “not all….” some people, like Donald Trump, don’t have taxes heading into educating the children of our community – there are variations across all communities.

          It is really, REALLY tough to get US citizenship as an immigrant, and it’s getting tougher – if you don’t have some sort of exceptional case, it’s almost the same odds as winning a lottery. It’s a hard situation all around, however, there is a need for essential services (food production, waste removal being some of the more benign, and the military is ALWAYS recruiting for infantry) None of these occupations are a path to citizenship, or even gratitude.

      • At this point, the Republicans cannot even get 100% support within their own caucus, so blaming it on the Democrats is a bit much. The House decided to pass a bill knowing perfectly well that at least two Republican senators would not vote for it so that they could grandstand and blame the Democrats in the Senate.

        And offering something (CHIP & DACA) that you SAY you also want is not a bargaining chip to get something you also want that the other side does not. If you want to trade that stupid wall for something the Democrats want, great. But since the Republicans all say they want the reauthorize CHIP and protect Dreamers, they cannot claim that they are making a fair bargain by exchanging those things for their ridiculous border proposals. (And this is coming from someone who thinks we need to improve border security, particularly at points of entry, to help stem the import of illegal drugs.)

      • Sloan Sabbith :

        I told you to “please stop talking,” not shut up, and I stand by that. Again: please stop talking. You’re literally just trying to upset people.

        Anyway. Everyone has said what I want to say. Have a great weekend!

    • It’s a good weekend to be at a Women’s March event. Lots of people there interested in change and you can share perspective about your livelihood being made into a political football. There is room for thought about creating a better option for federal workers when the budget is down to the wire.

      Call your elected officials. And Vote/Keep Voting/Encourage people to vote, especially when they hear your story – what was the “jobs” agenda? Federal work is heavily audited, so don’t let a few soundbites fool you. There is work to be done and progress to be made by many, often overworked and under-funded, federal worksites.

  11. Woolf Jardigan dupe? :

    Hi Ladies, Posting again, as I may have missed the crowd on the early post. And please forgive me if this has been covered before, but I love the look of MM Lafleur’s Woolf jardigan and want one in every color! I can’t spend that type of money right now, so have been hunting on ebay, poshmark and the B/S/T MM site on facebook for used ones. Any other places I should look? Or does anyone have leads on more affordable alternatives that look as sleek?I am xs if anyone has one they would like to sell…… TIA!

    • Leslie Knope :

      I don’t have a dupe for you, I am sorry. I have been seeing a few black ones pop up on eBay. I am wondering if you can link to the BST MM site on Facebook? I am turning into a major devotee and would love to join! I haven’t seen anything close to the jardigan concept with the quality of MM. I know they are pricey, but if you can save up and swing it, it is an investment piece.

  12. Jean fit question- I’m a petite pear, with about a 10 inch difference between my waist and my hips. All of a sudden, I seem to be having trouble finding jeans that fit correctly. They fit in the waist and hips, but are too long in the crotch, so I wind up feeling like I need to pull them up even though they aren’t falling down! This is a more recent phenomenon and it happens regardless of the rise of the jean. I feel like there should be an easy fix for this but I can’t seem to find it- anyone else having this problem?

    • Anonymous :

      You may need to buy petites or shop at a juniors store – maybe try American Eagle? They run quite short.

    • Well, hello, me!

      Try Old Navy midrise (or lowrise) rockstar or boyfriend. With a belt they have fit me and my smallish waist and big booty like magic.

      • Thank you both so much! It is almost comical to have conquered the waist/booty issue and to have this crotch issue start happening- I will try both suggestions!

  13. Does anyone have experience with Veneers? My teeth are is fairly good shape, but I have some gum recession and would also like a more uniform look. Are they painful, expensive, problematic for your teeth? Have seen some examples online of tasteful veneers that don’t look overly fake. Thank you for the input.

    • Anonymous :


    • I have them on my front teeth due to some enamel erosion that couldn’t otherwise be repaired. I have had them for about a year. I noticed increased sensitivity to cold for the first few months, but they’ve been fine once I changed my toothpaste. My dentist spent a lot of time trying to get an exact match. I think they look natural to me and I can’t really tell where the veneer begins and ends anymore.

      I’ve been told that veneers can’t be bleached because they won’t come out the same color as the teeth. I try to drink red wine rarely (but I prefer white anyway, so not a huge sacrifice). No effect on my coffee consumption.

      All in all, I’m glad I did it.

    • Anonymous :

      Veneers ruin structurally sound teeth. At some point in your life, sound actual teeth will serve you better.

      I have some clients in their 30s with dentures and it is terrible, health-wise.

      I have center top teeth that are huge relative to the chicklets next to them. A cosmetic dentist can do a lot with sound gums and sound teeth (perhaps with a referral to an endodontist). But please don’t grind off health teeth — do things less drastic first to see if you like the look (heck, even bleaching will “improve” your look dramatically and with just superficial changes).

    • Anonymous :

      I’d recommend it. I had some issues where my teeth were chipping and it was pretty much the only option. Since I was pretty happy with my teeth as they were initially, I basically had them recreated in veneer form.
      My dentist had some recommendations about the different companies that make the veneers, and I paid up to make sure that it looked less fake. They ended up around $3k for two teeth.

      I don’t know about whether they’re problematic for your teeth, but the actual process wasn’t painful. They numb your teeth for everything, so you don’t feel it at all. Like January, I had some sensitivity at first (and during the temporary veneer period), but any pain was so minimal that I wouldn’t factor it into your decision at all.

  14. Anonymous :

    For those of you in remote work environments, is email resignation common/accepted?

    • I work remotely but I would at least try to schedule a call with my boss to resign if possible.

    • If you ever talk to your boss on Skype or the phone, I think those are more appropriate ways to resign. I would only resign via email if you have only ever communicated via email (which would be pretty unusual even for a 100% remote employee I think).

    • Awkward to do, but yes, I sent my boss an email asking for a quick call.

  15. Paging Sloan Sabbith :

    I just started watching Newsroom (I know, I’m a million years behind) and WOW are “you” amazing! I’m obsessed. I never knew the source of your name until now!
    It’s also been eye-opening to remember the news from 6-7 years ago and see how a lot of it set up the current state of affairs.

    • I loved that show. Wish it had lasted longer.

    • Sloan Sabbith :

      Thanks! I love, love, love Sloan. My mom once told me I reminded her of Sloan and it remains one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten.

      I also nearly told someone today that they were going to see an emotional response on my face and a physical response directed at theirs.

  16. jeans h8r :

    I am becoming a jeans hater, right when we’ve gone casual at work.

    Stretchy jeans — emphasize or create a muffin top regardless of rise. Hard to rock a muffin top with current blouses if they are tucked in.

    Non-stretchy jeans — seams are aggressive across my lady bits. I am curvy, but even curvy cut jeans offend.

    Any magical unicorn jeans for curvy girls (esp curvy thighs / lower hips)?

    • I (pear) skip jeans all together, and have bought dress chambray ankle pants from Kohl’s. Gives me the polished-but-casual look without the headache of actual jeans. I have them also in maroon and black. I like to think that just because jeans are allowed doesn’t mean they’re required. Ankle pants + t-shirt + blazer or sweater = fine.

      • AlexisFaye :

        I have the same problem. Waist is 27/28 and hips are 39/40. I finally bit the bullet and bought expensive jeans, and I have been SO. HAPPY. I have this hoxton pair (in two colors) in high rise, ultra skinny in a 29″ waist. I baby them (wash inside out and lay flat to dry) and they are great. They also don’t get loose and schlumpy during the day.


    • JAG Jeans :

      Jeans and pants made by JAG are the only ones I buy now. I have four pairs. Gives a great silhouette and doesn’t slide down. As with most skinny jeans, make sure you size down.

  17. Looking for a vicarious escape this afternoon... :

    Any recs for travel blogs with a focus on luxury/adults-only travel? I’m looking for blogs with detailed travel recaps and personal photos, not travel agent “blogs” with stock photos provided by hotels/destinations/cruise lines.

    • Check out Hither and Thither. Most of the travel now is with kids, but there are plenty of older, EXTREMELY detailed travelogues that are just the two adults.

  18. What kind of shoes do you wear with suits in the winter? All of my boots are just looking clunky but I am traveling for client meetings in snowy climates and it is just not practical for me to wear my boots and change into my pumps when I get there–there is usually no time or place. What are some other good winter work shoe options?

    • Anonymous :

      I wear a slim heeled bootie with pants and any type of boot/bootie with a skirt.

    • team tall boots :

      If it’s the very most formal of business situations, I just change from snow boots. Otherwise, I do a look closer to these:



      I find that adding color into suits becomes all the more important when the shoes add extra solidness to my outfit, so I make sure to add a colorful scarf or necklace. But this goes back to the poll from a month or so back about whether it’s ok to still wear tall boots – clearly I’m on team “yes”!

    • Exclusively skirts and dresses in snowy months, paired with suede Aquatalia knee high boots.

      • +1

        I also have a pair of Aquatalia black suede, high shaft booties (heels) that are fitted to the calf and look sleek.

    • If it’s actually snowy, you need boots. Get the sleekest boots you can find that are waterproof and have reasonably good tread on the soles for traction.

  19. Hildegarde :

    Can anyone recommend someplace to go in Florida for a few days? My boyfriend and I want to escape the cold, and thought Florida would be cheaper than the Caribbean. We’re looking for someplace quiet and with a decent beach, good food, some outdoor activities, and relaxing. We don’t want to go to a big resort or party area, or a city for this trip. We were thinking about Little Palm Island, if anyone is familiar with that, but I just learned it’s sadly closed temporarily due to hurricane damage. Thanks in advance for any suggestions!

    • St pete would be pretty cheap. Fly into Tampa. You could go to Sanibel island too but accommodations near st pete/CW are cheaper. Food is decent, there’s the Dali museum and some good people watching.

      You could also do Miami- people watching galore! If you want to spend the time getting there, you could do the Keys too. Stay on a middle key and spend less, stay in KW and be close to all the food.

    • Anonymous :

      Honestly, depending on were in the Caribbean, it may be cheaper to go there.

  20. Heading to the Women’s March Anniversary tomorrow in my MidAtlantic City, and my sons are happy that it’s not DC so they have daylight and waffles before we commute over there. They really enjoyed the signs last year. Any favorites or other inspiration for this year? We are making signs tonight.

    Several of the people at my firm are going, and I was amazed at seeing 15 or so people I knew (a few from work) in DC last year. So, if you are feeling it – share your ideas and encouragement, please!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Thanks for posting. I didn’t realize there was one coming up and because of your post I found one near me to attend today.

  21. Perpetual Ghost Hunter :

    Maybe you ladies can help me with some insight into *why* this keeps happening to me.

    Scenario: I meet a guy online, we match, start chatting, things go well so we go out on a date. I have fun, it seems like he does too, conversation is easy and not awkward, there is some flirting/light physical interaction (holding hands, kiss on the cheek, hug, very PG), we part ways with him promising we’ll go out again…I never hear from him again. I’m late 20s, but this happens with same aged guys, 30s guys, and happened in college as well. It’s like I can ace a first date but for the life of me I cannot get a second, let alone a relationship.

    This happened this past week with a guy: heavy texting week before through Tuesday along with some flirty snaps on both sides, silly snaps Wednesday, no response Thursday and the very flimsy plans we had to hang out this weekend are broken off by Friday so he could “go spend some time with his dog” at his parents’, which he did last weekend too! Haven’t heard from him since.

    I’m tired of meeting guys I click with, getting all swoony, and then getting my hopes broken. Why even bother :(

    • Just wanted you to know someone’s listening. Sounds incredibly frustrating, but there are a lot of people who seem for whatever reason to be unable to be direct, up front, honest, whatever you want to call it. I guess with each one, you can be sure that you avoided what would certainly be a relationship fraught with all those problems. Make sure you make some time just for you — for whatever you really like to do — so you don’t burn yourself out. Take care of yourself, and hang in there, my friend.

    • A lot of guys are really good at playing the game like they’re in it to win it, but really they’re just killing time. I don’t know how many times this has happened to you, but I can absolutely understand why you’re frustrated. It may be time to take a break from dating. The other tactic some women use is to double down and go on even more dates, because when they’re more frequent you tend to invest less in one individual date. I know this sounds trite, but you just haven’t met the right one yet…online dating can be a total grind (I’ve been there) and many folks here have talked about a need, periodically, to step back from it to retain their own sanity. Something worth considering for yourself, maybe.

  22. I found $200 plane tickets to Iceland (where I have been dying to travel to) in Feb. My SO isn’t willing to take any time off work (despite having over a month of unused PTO). Seriously considering going by myself, even for just a few days.

    • AnotherAnon :

      Go! Solo travel is liberating and Iceland must be one of the safest places on earth.

      Just be aware that tickets may be more expensive than they first appear when you add all the ancillary fees; WOW, Norwegian, Wizz etc. really are no-frills airlines.

    • Go! And have a great time doing all the things you want to!!

    • Just got back from a 5 day trip to Iceland! It was fantastic. And you will have no issues as a solo traveler. Be prepared with warm layers and waterproof outerwear and you’ll have an amazing time.

  23. Whistler advice? :

    Does anyone have advice on winter sports in the Whistler area?

    • Canadienne :

      What do you mean? Ski (both down hill and cross country), snowboard, snowshoe, and even mountain biking with snow tires. If it’s a winter sport you can do it in Whistler. That said I’m a fan of long leisurely down hill skis, I’m certainly capable of going down a black diamond, but I find easier green and blues really fun to do for breaks and warm ups and such.

    • Not sure if you’re still checking, but I loved Whistler. I went for a week of downhill skiing, which was great (especially compared to the Vermont mountains I usually ski on)!
      One thing to recommend was that a full week of skiing was a lot and our legs were very tired after a few days, so we took one day off mid-week and had a fun and relaxation day. We did ziplining, which I think we arranged with someone at the mountain or in town, but you could look online. It was great! We zip-lined over parts of a glacier which was cool. That took a few hours, and we spent the rest of the day hanging out in the hot tub, etc. just relaxing. Loved it. I think someone in our group did a snowmobile trip one evening as well, which they enjoyed.

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