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Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Tailored Trousers

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A woman wearing a maroon trouser pants

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

These tailored trousers from H&M look like they could become a wardrobe workhorse. They’re high-waisted and straight-leg and could cover the entire spectrum of business casual.

For a more “business” look, I would add a white top and camel blazer. To make it a more casual, I would do a short-sleeved sweater and your favorite office sneaker.

The pants are $19.99 at H&M and come in sizes 0-26. They’re also available in black, brown, and gray. 

Sales of note for 4/10:

290 Comments

  1. Looking for your thoughts on a scenario.
    I recently attended a county bench-bar meeting featuring a speaker, one of my state’s supreme court justices. It was a sit-down dinner and reception at the local country club and everyone was in business formal and casual work attire. At the event was about 50 of our local bar members (it’s a small county) and all of our county judges.
    Another woman attorney who had her second child recently (8 weeks) brought the baby to the event. I was at the table that she sat at. After she arrived, the baby was in her car seat beside the attorney-mom’s seat, and the attorney-mom stepped out for a minute. When she came back in, she was holding her wearable breast pumps, which were full as she apparently just finished pumping. She sat them on the table. Then, she proceeded to get out bottles and storage containers (like the little 8oz tubes you get at the hospital) and measure out the milk from the pumps into the bottles before putting everything into her cooler bag.
    I, too, am a mom to two young kids and a full-time attorney and did pump with one of my kids. So, I get that While I fully applaud normalizing breast feeding/pumping/prioritizing working parents, I found this to be inappropriate for the setting. I’ve always taken the approach of handling those tasks in my home, another comfortable semi-private setting like my car or office, or in some circumstances around close friends/family. It would just not occur to me to do that at the dinner table in that setting rather than in my car beforehand or step out and go to another room.
    Also, her husband was home with the toddler, so I am not sure why she brought the baby. I did find out that she takes the baby to work and to court proceedings (real estate assessment appeal hearings as a solicitor, not hearings in front of a judge, but with other attorneys and a panel of professionals).
    I have no intent to say anything, but I’m curious if this is now the norm, and I am just more conservative.

    1. I’ve been a pumper, but a private one. I have a chronic sinus condition and will excuse myself to blow my nose so it’s not at the table, so I seem to be of a “no bodily fluids at the table” sort of person. I know noses and nose fluids are natural but I feel like we’d all have a better meal without calling attention to them.

    2. That would have given me the ick. Bodily fluids should not be at the table. (I don’t even drink mammalian milk).

    3. I have a lot of sympathy for litigants in court bringing babies and feeding them discretely but it’s a formal setting when it’s your workplace. And this event was more workplace than a social lunch (in which case, why bring the baby if you are going to pump?). Curious what an employment lawyer would think and also if you are a solo practitioner, I guess you just get to do what you want and deal with any fallout.

      1. Because she wants to be with her baby and may not be able to nurse. This is something moms who could nurse easily often don’t get.

          1. I was responding to the question about why she brought the baby if she was also going to pump.

    4. She’s working with an 8 week old baby. I don’t think it’s that appropriate either but it’s not the main thing to be outraged about.

      1. I don’t think any outrage is necessary here. We don’t know the circumstances of her working. She may really have wanted to attend this dinner, which sounds like it had an interesting speaker and was a terrific networking opportunity. Women should be able to take appropriate family leave, but we should also normalize women who want to continue to be ambitious professionals even when they have children.

        1. The OP said she has also been going to work in court, which implies that she went back to work well before eight weeks. We’re socialized to think that’s normal in the US but it’s not. If a woman goes back to work that early, I think we all forfeit the right to criticize anything she does to make her life easier.

          1. Plenty of people go back that soon. Talk to people who work for themselves or for a small business or work PT.

            I am a solo and was working well before that, but not FT and all remotely (just dealing with a pumping schedule really impacted workflow and availability for many things and when I did a test call, you could clearly hear the pump in the background). I would not have gone out with a baby to a big indoor event that early because they have no real immune system.

      2. I agree. My reaction would be very different if the baby was 8 months old. But if a women with a 8 week old has been forced to return to work (as evidenced by her being in hearings), then I’m willing to give a lot more grace.

        1. +1. Yes, a small minority of women truly want to go back that early. But usually they leave their babies with nannies then. The fact that she’s bringing the baby everywhere suggest she does not in fact want to be away just yet.

    5. Did this country club have a private place for her to pump that wasn’t the bathroom? If no, then you have your answer.

      1. Most country clubs have ladies lounges with couches and such, and also private areas where you could talk on your phone (because you aren’t supposed to be on them in that setting).

      2. And was there a place with a large enough flat surface for her to safely transfer milk without a risk of spilling? If not, that’s the answer. I’ve seen cute little pumping room setups with no table/ counter space.

    6. I mean feels like you just wanna have some fun judging her. Sure it’s unusual. But why does it matter to you?

      1. because if one woman does stuff like this then we ALL get judged for this stuff. can’t invite the people on maternity leave, they’ll be gross with pumping and milk, EW. (but i do agree that this was gross.)

          1. Some behaviors deserve to be judged.

            Usually people who bring babies along to work events are doing it for obnoxious performative reasons. It’s mostly women but I have seen men bring their babies to conferences where they are presenting too.

          2. Some things are just not table things in this culture. I knew a couple what would pre-chew their kids’ food, like birds. Fine for them, in their home. Not what I want to see at my meal though.

          3. Tell me more about how parents are taking care of their eight week old infants solely for “obnoxious performative reasons”, @12:23! I bet they’re doing it just to annoy you.

          4. You cannot take care of a baby and work at the same time. Full stop. People who bring babies to work are asking for attention.

    7. She should have done the repackaging in whatever room she did the pumping. I’ve had 3 babies, pumped/nursed through all of them, had my share of breast milk drama. For lots of reasons, if only convenience on her end!

      1. She was using wearables. I presume she chose to use wearables so she wouldn’t be excluded from the business conversation. That’s probably also why she didn’t leave for a long time to do the repackaging – or maybe she didn’t want to take the baby in the car seat on a wild goose chase looking for a private place to handle it in someone else’s country club.

        This whole post feels so judgmental.

        1. I mean, people are also excluded from business conversations when they leave the table to use the restroom. Are we now going to perform all bodily functions in public to avoid missing out?

    8. No, this is totally unprofessional, and I say that as a mom who br**stfed, pumped at the office, and took my baby places. (And who can’t help noting the irony that we can’t type the word br**st to avoid mod.) Bringing her baby was just fine, as would be nursing at the table, imho. She obviously found a private place to pump, which is appropriate. But pulling out bottles and pouring milk into them at a professional dinner table is just weird. Think of similar gender neutral examples – you wouldn’t bring all of your pills for the week, put the bottles on the table, and work on portioning them out into a daily pill dispenser. You wouldn’t bring a bunch of cash that you just took out of the ATM and portion it into different envelopes to work on your budget for the week.

      1. Those aren’t similar examples because you don’t have to portion out pills into a container every three hours or risk mastitis. You’re not on a time crunch processing bills from the ATM because a hungry baby is waiting.

    9. Since there were definitely places she could have done all this (women’s lounge, her car, even a quiet corner), I feel it was not appropriate at the table. If she was someplace that there was no where she could do this then I would be okay with it.

      I thought you were going to say she started breastfeeding the child at the table. Not sure how I would have felt about that.

      1. Breastfeeding at the table is fine. The prosthetics would probably weird me out more? But if we want professional spaces to be more inclusive, we need to change what is considered appropriate.

    10. It sucks both that that woman felt like she needed to be networking at 8 weeks postpartum and that she is now the subject of gossip on the internet. Sometimes, you have to just turn a blind eye to other women’s little weirdnesses, especially in the vulnerable perinatal period, and chalk it up to “she’s handling this differently than I did.”

      1. +1. Maybe she sat down at the table and was like “OMG I forgot to put away the milk. ugh this is embarrassing”

        1. At 8 weeks postpartum, I was so sleep deprived it wouldn’t’ve even clicked for me to be embarrassed. Probably would’ve figured it out about 12 weeks later…

    11. Postpartum is just a really really weird time full of messy body fluids from mom and baby.

      The rest of us are grossed out by the idea of someone’s body fluids at the dinner table, but she’s probably completely desensitized. To her, she’s just divvying up her kid’s food for the next few meals.

      I think the postpartum hormone addled brain is not sensitive to normal ick factors. (Eg. weird larval lumps become adorable. Eww.)

      I’m going to guess she didn’t have a more convenient place to do it, didn’t have a third set of arms to carry her infant and pumping supplies and walk around to find a more private place, didn’t want to leave her infant for more than a minute, so table was easiest.

      Not anymore off putting than watching people shovel dead things into their oral cavity and then masticating the food bolus?

      I can’t bring myself to judge because our society is not set up to accommodate working moms with newborns.

    12. I am not a mom, and am also a professional, often attending events. I have no problem with it.

    2. If you click through and look at the pants, they seem like basic work trousers that could be a workhorse. It is the styling in the photo (and the lighting, which makes them look velvet or something), that is off.

      2. Yeah, the photos for the other colors make them look more like work pants, tho they still look mid-rise at best.

  5. Happy Friday! Low stakes question, what’s your favorite daytime moisturizer that has SPF and works well under makeup. Everything I try seems to pill.

    1. La Roche Posay. I layer the SPF moisturizer with Saie tinted SPF moisturizer. No pilling.

    2. La Roche-Posay double repair SPF30 or Beauty of Joseon relief sun SPF50.

      I bounce back and forth. No pilling ever, and both serve as a light primer under tinted moisturizer or foundation. I think the Joseon is a bit lighter, so I often choose it for the warm months.

    3. Perricone Vitamin C Ester Photo-Brightening moisturizer. I tried a sample and rebought the full size; I really like it.

    4. I use Cerave, let it sink in, and add isntree on top. Best solution for me so far, zero pilling.

    7. I have started using an SPF serum (like Mad Hippie) as it goes on light and is great under makeup. I use my regular moisturizer than the serum. I have not been able to to find a good moisturizer with SPF that is good under makeup, so this seems to be a good solution for me.

    10. I don’t wear make-up beyond lipstick and mascara but I really like the Trader Joe’s daily sunscreen/moisturizer, which apparently is a dupe for the Supergoop one. I think it would make a good base – worth a try.

      1. I was coming here to say this. Supergoop Unseen Sunscreen, or the TJs “SuperDupe” as I call it, is good enough to do both: daily moisturize and act as a makeup primer.

      2. Came here to say this. I’ve got really dry skin, so I do use moisturizer under it, but it’s a staple for me. I’m not always putting makeup over it, but when I do, no pilling.

  6. Hi hive,

    I posted yesterday afternoon and didn’t get any responses. I’m mid-40s and changing jobs for the first time in a decade because my work situation has become untenable. An ideal job for me was just posted yesterday and my mind’s a little scrambled bc of how urgently I need to change jobs.

    – Are we allowed to use a bit of color on a resume, like writing our name or category headings in blue?
    – Someone I worked with in 2018 now works for this target company. How do I politely cold contact them on LinkedIn to tell them I’m applying? This person and I had a particularly good working relationship, but 7 years is a long time.
    – Do I mention in my cover letter that I know Person in Department? We’d work for the same overall division at the same level, like me a VP in east coast sales and him a VP in west coast sales.
    – How much am I supposed to write about each job on my resume? Now that I have a 20 year work experience, a meaty paragraph of verb-started sentences feels like enough for each job, but in some ways it also feels like nowhere near enough.

    If there’s anyone out there who regularly hires to know what’s current and wouldn’t mind taking a look at my resume and cover letter, I’d be eternally grateful. If you’ll post a burner, I’ll be in touch asap.

      1. Yeah at least reach out. The company may have a referral program that she can put you in.
        A few years ago, a former co-worker of mine messaged me on linkedin that she was looking at a job in my department at my new company (I had been there almost 2 years) and if I could take a look at her resume since we had done the same job at our previous company. I was thrilled she reached out and to help. She got the job at the new company and has been crushing it ever since.

        1. Yes, just be clear about what you want when you reach out. See if she can give you a referral. Some companies offer referral bonuses so it might be a win-win. I wouldn’t ask for a call “for her perspective” as mentioned below unless that’s a genuine ask and not a roundabout way to get a referral. I asked three old colleagues for referrals at different companies in my last job search and they all eagerly replied yes. I think this is a common practice.

    2. Very limited color like what you describe is fine but unnecessary. 99% of what I receive is all black. I’d actually just default to all black TBH.

      Do not include this person’s name without contacting them first. Reach out on linkedin and ask to have a call. Don’t come at it like you’er looking to use her name – say you saw a posting and would appreciate her perspective, then, depending on the tone of the call you could eventually ask if you could include her name in the cover letter or as a referral if asked for one during the formal application process online.

      I will die on this hill: your resume can be two pages. HOWEVER, you do not want “meaty paragraphs” or paragraphs at all. Bullets. 3-5 max per role depending on tenure in the role and relevance to the one you’re applying to. I’m 40, so 18 years in to my professional career and just switched jobs for the first time in a long time. My oldest roles were 1-2 bullets of 1 line of length a piece. My most recent company for which I had 13 years of tenure and 4 different jobs was 2/3 of my first page. My total resume was just shy of 1.5 pages.

      1. As you move along in your career, it’s also okay to leave jobs off that are more than 15 years ago. You would probably never discuss them in an interview anyway. You can also leave off your graduation date if ageism is a concern.

    3. To answer:
      – Are we allowed to – NO
      – Someone I worked – YES. 7 years is nothing. Definitely!
      – Do I mention – Fine either way
      – How much am I supposed – with 20 years, two pages, with more length for key jobs and less length for entry-level work

    4. Unless you’re a lawyer color is fine and done well, is nice to see and can make a resume stand out. I hire lots of non-lawyers and many are doing this well. Agree you also need a plain text version for application systems but mostly you should be sending materials to your connections. A resume is a marketing document not a permanent file and needs to be one page. I don’t care how long you’ve worked, edit. And yes, get in touch with your former colleague, that’s how you get jobs.

    5. Please get in touch with your colleague. Am I reading it right that it’s in government or just adjacent? If government look up some tips online about government hiring. It’s generally important to create some kind of linkage between each point and your qualifications. I would not point out gaps. Take more of the approach of answering the question you want to answer. ChatGPT is also really good at tailoring a resume to a job description but obviously you have to check it. With 20 years experience, two pages sounds right. Good luck!

    6. Fine for a non-lawyer to use (tasteful, minimal) color on a resume but make sure that it reads well if printed in b&w, because somewhere along the way that will happen. Bullet points are easier to take in than sentences, and you don’t have to include all 20 years of experience. Edit out the early career stuff unless it’s impressive or relevant to what you’re looking at now. Also, always finalize your resume as a pdf so you don’t run into weird formatting stuff in other people’s systems.

      Definitely reach out to your contact, over email if you have it, but LI is fine.

      You’ve got this!!

    7. OP here. Thanks all! Very helpful.

      Re: my resume. It’s bullets, but presented in paragraph form, rather than an actual bulleted list, if that makes sense. So I have 8 bullets for my current job, “Manage XYZ. Organize 123. Oversee ABC.” presented like that instead of:

      “Manage XYZ.
      Organize 123.
      Oversee ABC.”

      I don’t know where I picked that up, but that seems to be the only style I’ve ever known ha. Should they be in a bulleted list specifically?

      For a script for reaching out to my old colleague, I’m to go with something like, “Hi Colleague! It’s been years – how are you?! I live in City now (+a few more personal details to make it seem chatty?), and I just noticed that Company is hiring for Position and I’m looking to make a move. Do you know anything about it? How’s the team? Would love to catch up sometime! Anon”

      I worked in a completely unrelated career field 15 years ago. Think something like firefighting vs being an art critic now. Rather than dredge up ancient bullets that have nothing to do with anything anymore, I’ve simply listed it at the very bottom of the resume as “Fire Company 14, Junior Firefighter, 2005-2010. Information available upon request”. Is that ok?

      1. Chatty is fine. No need for info on request for unrelated jobs. You don’t even have to call them out specifically, you could edit everything down w a line that says “firefighter from 1990-2000, City X” – play with it with your real facts but listing the industry and years is fine.

        1. You don’t have to include old jobs on your resume at all. Age discrimination in hiring is real, so it sometimes helps not to show your whole work history. In this case, I’d leave it off.

          2. Yeah I made the original comment and agree with this. I see a resume as a highlight reel not a collection of job descriptions. Pick the most relevant stuff and focus on that.

      2. I’m not sure I’m understanding the distinction you’re making for bullets in block v. paragraph. I think bullets-as-bullets is actually much more readable so I wouldn’t convert to paragraphs.
        Make sure you’re using active/results oriented language in the bullets – try to describe your achievement versus scope. Think “managed litigation footprint across 12 divisions” to “achieved successful resolutions of litigation across 12 divisions”

      3. I have a section at the bottom of my resume for “other work experience” that doesn’t include any bullets, just the title, location and start and end dates.

        I also have a “key accomplishments” section at the very top where I’ve pulled three big wins from different roles. Things like “completed a project $X under budget” or “reduced operating costs by X%”

        My work history is ~16 years and my resume is a page and a half. I limit myself to 5 bullets per role (and some have only 3).

    8. Seven years is nothing. I just got off of the phone with someone I worked with 15 years ago, so long ago that I’d forgotten, but she hadn’t. She is now at a different vendor but remembered our interaction positively.

    9. I wouldn’t use color
      YES
      Do not mention so and so in your cover letter. Make it about you and how you’re a fit for the job. However, reach out to her/him
      Go back 10 years, there are ways to add other experiences.

      Sounds like you would benefit from a job coach, not just for the resume, but interviews, strategies, etc. may I also suggest using YouTube and AI. AI is not a replacement, but can help match, especially if your target employer uses AI to sort through resumes.

      GOOD LUCK OP!

    1. I loved this! And I saw a group of older ladies playing ukuleles and singing ‘this land is your land’

      I feel like a 70s hippie vibe would be hard for Trump to counter.

      1. I mean they’re smoke bombing clergymembers while they are praying so… maybe frog costumes is better than hippies.

        1. Not really — there is video of an ICE agent spraying pepper spray directly into the frog’s air vent. Froggie bounced back the next day though.

    3. I totally agree.

      Force the Fox News folks to have no other photos than ones like this.

  8. Please help me shop– I am attending a bat mitzvah in mid-December near Philadelphia. Between having kids/Covid, I really do not have any winter occasion dresses. I am seeing some of this stuff in stores now, so I’m hoping now is an ok time to start shopping.

    Requirements–
    — Unfussy, I will have a toddler and 4 year old with me.
    — Can be worn with flats or boots with a low heel.
    — I still have a bit of a mom pooch and larger hips. Slightly pear shaped. Current size would be a medium or 6/8.
    — Budget would be <$200.

    1. My go-to dresses are dark florals silk midis – they’re easy to dress up and down. Nordstrom usually has a lot but your budget is a bit too low for anything but a lucky sale. A decent dress is closer to $500.

        1. You’d be very surprised – I’ve got plenty and they’re the most flattering dresses I own. You need a heavier weight and don’t skip a slip or buy too small. They’re amazing.

          1. Well, I can’t help you there other than to say you shouldn’t have to sacrifice everything to the motherhood.

      2. Nordstrom Rack may have something within your budget. I have found nice dresses there.

      1. Party or both– I have some things that would work for the service, or I will get a sweater dress. It would be too hot to wear a sweater dress at the party though.

    5. I think Ann taylor has quite a few nice dresses right now. The gathered satin middy dress in particular would look great with a kitten heel. I also like some of the hyacinth house dresses on tuckernuck.

    6. I just bought the Current Air 3/4 sleeve mixed media dress for some fall events. It’s surprisingly flattering and that brand has several midi dresses that are $128-$158. I am curvier on the bottom and find them very flattering and nice tailoring for the price point.
      I echo the person that said wear a slip. They have fallen from favor, but do just as much to smooth you out as spanx, but without the squeezing.

    7. This calls for Boden. They have some velvet dresses, they have an ottoman shift dress that can be dressed up or down with jewelry and shoes. Their dresses are forgiving on a bit of midriff. Check Talbots too.

      IME East Coast bar/bat mitzvahs are a very mixed bag dress code wise–many women wear pants, not a lot of skin is shown because you’re going from temple to a lunch usually. If it’s for an evening party, Boden still works!

      1. Thank you! And yes– I was planning on doing pants in the morning (warm + easy to chase kids). Just needed something for the party.

  9. Favorite foundation for 40-something skin? I’ve been wearing Clinique Even Better for years but it’s starting to settle weird on my face as I get older.

    2. 44 and while I rarely wear foundation anymore, I’ve been happy with Bare Minerals, Laura Gellar Balance and Brighten, and a Merit stick foundation that Sephora once accidentally included in my order.

    3. Try a silicone-based foundation, like Face Atelier ultra skin. They don’t settle into fine lines and wrinkles like water-based formulas.

    4. I like Chantecaille but have also been interested in some of the reviews of Jones Day foundation. I didn’t care for the scent with the blushes (or the saturation) but maybe the foundation would be ok?

    5. I’ve been using Merit’s stick concealer. You can use it for allover coverage. It blends well and is very creamy on my skin.

    6. Haus Labs or the Dior stick foundation. Both are really beautiful, especially on older skin

  10. For reasons, I have recently gained weight and need to fill in some work wardrobe gaps. I am looking for size 16, full length trousers with a real inseam of at least 30″ and neither knit nor 5-pocket casual. This should be a one-season size fluctuation, so I prefer not to break the bank, but I also don’t want to go with Old Navy pants that stretch into diaper-saggy butt throughout a single day’s wear. Any ideas?

    Glaring at the JCF Remy’s that advertised themselves as filling all of these wishes, but came in at 27.5″ instead of 30″ because apparently we are cool with rounding these days…

    1. Aritzia, maybe? They’ve got a lot of work pant options. I forget which style I bought recently for work (new agency, maybe?) but it’s the (re)ssential fabric.

    2. If you like the JCF Remy otherwise, order them in the tall version for a longer inseam.

      1. I actually tried that first! The rise was built for extra long torsos, so the crotch hung down like penguin pants on me. For anyone truly tall (including in the torso, who isn’t just looking for a longer inseam) those would be a great option.

    3. If pleated is okay, look at the 365 high rise pleated trouser at the Gap. The regular length has a 31.5″ inseam.

    4. I would try jcrew, i like the natalina pant. The kate may be too short, but could be worth checking out. The carolina in 4 season stretch has a front pocket I don’t like, but otherwise look really good.

    6. You might check out the Taylor trousers from Old Navy. I have had good luck with them as transition size pants this year and didn’t have the stretching issues that I’ve had with Pixie pants from there. The regular inseam is 30”.

      1. Thank you for this context! Pixie pants specifically have left me flummoxed at why they are so popular, since every time I tried them they would bag out after and hour or two. I might try the Taylor just to tide me over.

        1. The Pixie pants’ fabric changed about two years ago and is really much lower quality than it used to be. It’s a shame–I have versions from 8+ years ago that are way thicker and hang better (and do not stretch).

          Ann Taylor, BR Factory also carry 16s. Regular BR no longer does.

          JCrew Factory also has some cute pants that come in 16 too. I am a 16Tall, even harder to find. GL!

          1. I actually noted above that I first tried a JCF 16T, and it didn’t work b/c the rise was too long for me. You might check there!

    8. I had good luck at that size (I fluctuate 12-16 depending on life) at Talbots honestly. They have both 16 and 16W and petite, regular, and tall and their work wear (ignore the embroidered capris) is solid and there is often sales.

    9. Talbots has full length pants and the misses sizes go up to 18 and have a 30 inch inseam. $129 so more than Old Navy not not insane.

      1. Try the Talbots Straight Leg Ponte Trousers. They’re about $50 right now, but I got them on sale for less than that and they are great.

  11. My in laws come over maybe once every other weekend. They always bring their own food. It’s been about 8 years now.
    We always have meals and snacks that we offer them, but they are pizza and cheesesteak people and we eat healthier food. My FIL used to make downright rude comments about things like black bean burgers, though he has not said anything recently.
    Sometimes they come to help with the kids, and I do feel a little weird not serving them anything. But when I do, they decline and instead either order takeout or eat food they brought.
    Do I just keep the status quo? Do I start giving them pizza?

    1. Are you vegan/vegetarian as a moral principle or just because it’s healthier. That changes the calculus

      1. I’m not sure why you think we are vegetarian. We are not, though we don’t eat a lot of meat.
        That’s mostly for financial and health reasons, though I personally didn’t ever really develop a taste for meat since we didn’t eat much meat in my family growing up.

        1. Because you mentioned serving black bean burgers (which, btw, I love), when your guests don’t like them. Figure out what they’d like to eat, and make that. They probably eat things other than pizza, but that’s the easiest thing for them to bring over or order out. Honestly, I get that it sounds like they have very limited food preferences, but it’s rude to make things for guests (particularly family that are helping out with your kids) that they don’t like.

          1. I think it would be reasonable for both sides to budge a bit. ‘Treat them like a guest’ is not 100% applicable if they are close family members coming over twice a month. But if OP knows what they like and it’s something so mainstream as pizza, why not accommodate them at least some of the time?

    2. Keep the status quo. This does not sound like a food allergy issue, just that they are oddly dedicated to their own preferences (like, 8 years and they aren’t even curious enough to try a veggie burger once??). Let them continue to own that.

      1. Maybe they know they are gross and overly processed? I would decline a veggie burger every time….

        1. OP here and I make Sally’s Baking Addiction black bean burgers. I find them to be really good! I don’t find them gross and overly processed- give them a try!

          1. Never. Beans cause violent stomach issues for me. They’re actually quite polarizing. Whether processed or made from scratch.

        2. This seems like an intentionally obtuse take. Presumably OP isn’t serving only black bean burgers every two weeks without fail for 8 years running.

    3. Why can’t you just have a pizza night every other weekend on the night when they come over? We have pizza night every Friday, and I think we are generally healthy eaters. I feel bad for your kids if they aren’t allowed “unhealthy” food even twice a month.

      1. My kids eat chicken tenders and mac and cheese like 3 nights a week and my oldest, aged 3, categorically refuses vegetables, chill.
        I’m talking about adult meals.

      2. +1 if you think having pizza or cheesesteak twice a month is too unhealthy you’re being way too rigid.

        1. My children are literal babies and toddlers and no I’m not giving my 6 month old cheesesteak twice a month. I guess you can feel bad for him if you want. This board is endlessly annoying with how we all have to spell out every detail in every initial post.
          My question was how to handle the ADULTS being offered meals and declining in favor of takeout.

          1. Not the OP, but this sounds like a suggestion for adults. Why not have pizza when they come over?

          2. I have celiac disease and cannot eat pizza. In laws don’t like the texture of GF pizza so they refuse. I also don’t like the texture, so I don’t eat it either. Not sure why they can’t just eat something different once every two weeks especially when they’re bringing food they know I cannot eat, in my own home.

          4. The idea is find something everyone likes. They don’t like your bean dish. I sure you can find something else that everyone likes. It’s rather rude to never try to figure this out.

          5. I mean it’s been 8 years. I’ve offered probably dozens of different meals to them and they’ve declined all of them. It’s not like I give them nothing but black bean burgers. Last week was a chicken pasta dish, the week before was baked chicken with a quinoa salad. Can’t remember all the others off the top of my head. They don’t come for dinner specifically, but are often here during a mealtime. After 8 years of them declining everything we offer, I’m kind of out of ideas.

          6. What’s your spouse’s take on how the inlaws in question see this? I have older relatives that would be completely happy with this status quo (they eat what they want /and/ their daughter in law isn’t stressing about everyone’s food preferences – although they’d be stressed out to know that you are secretly stressing about it!). If your in laws are like that, I give you all permission to stop worrying that food being prepared for guests is a “should”; you all have found a system that works for you!

            Second option, is there a snack that you could reliably have in stock for them? Or something like their preferred tea or coffee setup? That might scratch the “I want to show hospitality and that we know & respect your preferences” itch without actually changing up the meal plan. [And I would totally make this your spouse’s job to figure out what it is]

          7. I am with 12:07. It sounds like your in-laws are actually trying to make things easier for you. You are on some sort of gluten-free anti-cheesesteak high horse and want to bend them to your will.

            I don’t eat red meat and cook a whole lot differently than my in-laws do, but when they come over I make something that everyone will eat.

          8. This is a whole lot for detail that wasn’t in the original post. But fwiw I’m the person who said pizza twice a week is not unhealthy and I’m including adults in that. Obviously don’t eat pizza every day but if you can’t have that (or something similar that fits your dietary restrictions) I think your eating habits are fairly disordered.

    4. Keep the status quo. My family would say rude things about black bean burgers, too. People’s food preferences are very personal, and they seem content to handle their own stuff.

      But maybe keep drinks they like on hand.

    5. My in laws do this too. I find it super odd and kind of rude, but it’s how they do things and I have decided to let it go.

    7. This depends so much on your in-laws. This would be the kind of thing my stuck in his ways 85 year old FIL would do, and I would simply let it go. He’s like that. He won’t change. Heck, he’d probably not even like it if I ordered pizza because it’s not from that exact place he has been going to for 47 years.

      if this were my MIL or my dad or any normal family member, I’d talk to them and meet in the middle, making sure to serve food they like. My MIL might bring food over thinking she doesn’t want to be a burden- and that’s ok too.

    8. Your in-laws are being rude. That said, after 8 years, just keep the status quo. You could let them know in advance (“Looking forward to seeing you — black bean burgers tonight!”) if you wanted to, I suppose.

      1. This response would be even ruder. Don’t serve guests things you know they don’t want–it doesn’t matter if it is your house.

        1. For real. I always have a conversation with people about what I’m thinking of making and at this point know preferences and accommodate “I just don’t like tomatoes” people as much as anything else. I can eat them another night. So rude to not think of guests in your home.

          1. I’ve offered them a variety of meals for 8 years, they decline every single one, they bring food they know I cannot eat, and somehow I’m the rude one?

        2. A slight tweak would make it friendly: I know you and PopPop like your cheesesteaks, but you are welcome to try one of Jimmy’s homemade black bean burgers tonight if you like. Looking forward to seeing you!

          And I agree that this board seems hellbent on reading everything in the most stilted, obtuse interpretation possible.

        3. There’s such a thing as being a good guest as well as being a good host. I find people who just refuse to eat what’s offered (excepting allergy or health issues) incredibly selfish and rude.

          1. If they’re demanding you cook what they like, sure. If they’re saying “I know we’re impossibly picky so we’ll BYO,” that’s fine and not worth getting worked up over.

      2. Honestly, the literalism of this board & the fixation on details rather than the actual issue is so stark. No one is suggesting that once the OP knows they don’t eat black bean burgers that she keep serving them, specifically.

        There is no real solution here, since OP has offered a huge range of things and has dietary restrictions herself. You could keep the status quo. You could ask in advance (“We’re excited to see you — what can we make us all for dinner?”). You could have a heart-to-heart (I’m not recommending this, by the way).

        This sounds like something to let go. It’s not really worth the frustration, though I can see why it’s frustrating.

      3. I think it is ruder to expect to be accommodated or to expect people to ear your food than it is to just feed oneself independently. Maybe it is antisocial, but feeding oneself isn’t rude.

    9. I want my MIL to help and be present in my kids life as much as possible. And I’m very used to various family members who adhere to various diets and food preferences (some have CKD, some with T2D, one with autism who just eats about half of what many kids eat, but is predictable). If they are predictable, then, yes — ask what you can keep on hand at your house for visits. And don’t get offended when they bring — coffee drinkers get a pass on this when they are particular. I’d ignore comments (which don’t seem to be current) and include them on any planned meals: “Linda, what place do you get pizza from again?”

      FWIW, my “healthier” would kill my CKD dad: lots of spinach and bananas. And my spaghetti would be bad for my T2D sister in law. They are healthy foods *for me.* And the most unhealthy food is the food you won’t eat. And people need fuel. It is what it is. Accommodate with grace. This is the life you are given.

    10. Is there anything that you make that they like? My inlaws are similar. We make things that just don’t work for their palates– lots of beans, grains, and vegetables– but there are a couple things we make that they do like– 5 bean chili, hearty mac and cheese, or grilled chicken and veggies– and when they come, I lean into those recipes.

      I dont think you need to make a change as it sounds like you’ve landed on something that works for everyone. But if you’d like to make a change you can try to find that intersection between what you like to make and what they like to eat. (So long as you are not judging them for being a rude guest, and they are not judging you for the being a rude host!)

    11. My in laws sound like the have a similar palate but I try to accommodate. It’s not really an issue for me to grill a frozen burger next to a frozen veggie burger and server a side they’ll eat in addition to the sides they won’t, like salad. You could mention that you’re going to order pizza or whatever next time they come over – ask if they’d be interested so you can order enough.

    12. How about once a month accommodate them? Ask your husband to carry the torch here, as I am sure there is something he grew up eating with his parents that he likes too and you can tolerate. And pizza once a month, for everyone, is a great compromise.

      I’m actually shocked it took you 8 years to ask this questions.

      And I agree with the other poster that black bean burgers and a lot of heavily processed vegan/vegetarian convenience foods are not as “healthy” as you might hope.

        1. Most people don’t make these from scratch, and someone else pointed out beans can cause digestion issues for people.

      2. How is pizza once a month a good compromise for the OP who posted they cannot eat pizza due to celiac disease?

        1. So the buns are gluten-free when she does the black bean burgers, and presumably for the pasta meals, etc.? I would skip as well.

          1. Wow so focused on the black bean burgers! Perhaps they’re served with no buns. You’d fully refuse GF pasta? That’s silly and rude. Barilla makes a really good version.

          3. ETA – you’re proving all of our points. If you’re going to serve meals or foods at very regular meals that people may not like (gluten-free, burgers with no buns?!?), you can’t be surprised when they decide to bring their own.

    13. Maybe something on the middle ground, I think bringing their own food is fine. If your feeling an urge to have something to offer is there a drink they like you can keep stocked?
      My MIL comes over often to see my kids, usually unannounced, and always declines our food if we’re having a meal. But I do try to keep a can or two of Diet Coke in our fridge to offer her. Neither my husband or myself drink soda, but it’s pretty easy to keep some cans of it, it doesn’t really go bad any time soon, and it’s nice to have something I know she’ll always take me up on.

    14. There’s a lot of daylight between cheesesteak and black bean burgers. Can you cook something that’s naturally gluten free and balanced but not food pretending to be other food? Think whole foods like roasted potatoes, sheet pan vegetables, and chicken with simple seasoning. Or rice, grilled vegetables, and a steak for them and grilled portobello for you. Make recognizable foods without exotic spices or sauces. Maybe they really only eat cheese-smothered beef, in which case they can keep bringing their own meal, but I suspect you’re not meeting them in the middle.

      1. OP here and all of those meals have been offered. It’s not like we give them nothing but quinoa. We make all kinds of normal family meals, and they reject them every time.
        They eat pizza literally daily.

      2. Now I see your comment about chicken pasta and quinoa. When hosting people who aren’t adventurous it’s best to keep the components separate and simple. Think of it like feeding a picky kid. They won’t eat an assembled pasta dish but they’ll probably eat roast chicken with a side of vegetables and a bowl of penne marinara. If you used brown rice noodles or chickpea noodles of course they weren’t interested. Maybe you prefer quinoa but these are the type of people who want white rice.

    15. If you’ve offered them multiple types of meals and they consistently refuse, then I wouldn’t do anything differently from this point on. Obviously you weren’t saying that you literally only serve black bean burgers every single time. Responders here need to seriously chill.

    16. It’s an in-law situation:
      1. What is your husband’s take on all this?
      2. Why aren’t you just letting him handle (which seems like just continuing to do nothing and they bring food)?

      If I were kind, I’d stock non-perishables that they seem to like. But if your diet is driven by having celiac + having young kids who already eat separately, I’m not surprised that they choose to bring in their food. Just leave it alone and keep the “we eat healthier” to yourself.

    17. Have you never asked them what they like to eat? Or eaten at their house? What do they eat there? Would they be happy eating mac and cheese or chicken tenders with the kids? I don’t think you’re obligated to make or order food you can’t eat, but there has to be something you know they eat that isn’t too offensive to have around.

    18. Maybe try and cook things that are naturally GF, you kind of buried the lede on that one. I won’t eat most purpose made GF things (like buns or pasta) either because the texture is no bueno. But something like pad thai, Chana masala with basmati rice etc would be good.

        1. No I’m not saying corn pasta is not real food, it is, I just don’t like the texture. Don’t lump me in with you.

        2. It’s truly so weird to me that someone interprets homemade black bean burgers, corn pasta, quinoa salad, and baked chicken as “fake food.” But thinks daily pizza and cheesesteaks are totally fine.

        3. Yeah, I think the answer is definitely going to be cooking Thai and Indian food for this pair with a pizza-centric diet. Laotian and Ethiopian foods might also be up their alley and something you can all enjoy together. Solved it.

      2. OP here and I’ve made chana masala, chicken tikka masala, and various chicken stir fries for them. FIL was openly rude about the Indian food, including some ethnic “jokes” I won’t repeat here.

    19. I highly doubt your in-laws only eat pizza and cheesesteaks every day of their lives. Yes, it sounds like they’ve made rude comments they shouldn’t have made but quite frankly they probably just don’t like your cooking.

      I’m not sure what the issue even is if you refuse to accommodate their preferences? Dietary restrictions are very limiting for that person, but I’ve never heard of a case where someone is annoyed that a person not subjected to those restrictions won’t follow them as well unless it was something potentially fatal like a nut allergy.

      The easy compromise here is ordering takeout that you enjoy and takeout food they enjoy. Pick restaurants you like and let everyone order what they want. Or do something easier like sandwich night where you have gluten-free bread and regular bread with many toppings people can choose for their own.

      1. I commented above that OP should make simple meals with separate components. I stand by that but in her defense, celiac basically is an allergy. Small particles can make the person very sick. Strict cleaning is required if you bring gluten into the kitchen. OP has to deep clean afterward if she cooks any wheat products and cross contamination is still a concern- regular buns for the in laws can’t go on the same platter as her GF bun.

        1. I don’t eat GF fake pasta or bread because it messes up my stomach. Given that she needs to avoid cross-contamination, OP should just let her in-laws keep bringing over the foods that won’t make them sick.

          1. So, calling food “fake” is not only rude, but factually untrue. If eating pasta made from corn and rice messes up your stomach, you should see a doctor.

          2. It is fake food, just like dairy free yogurt is fake food. Fine for some, but not good for most people.

          3. No, those are foods made with different, yet completely real ingredients.
            You’re just upset because pasta “should” be made with wheat? I’m not aware that “most” people have problems with corn and rice…

          4. The GF breads and snacks aren’t just made of corn or rice. They are full of additives for texture, stability, etc. Corn tortillas are perfectly edible because they are just tortillas made of cornmeal. They existed in a GF form before anyone heard of celiac disease because they are actual food. Bread made of rice flour, on the other hand, is filled with weird chemicals and has no fiber.

            If you have celiac disease and desperately want a burger bun, then eat whatever you want. But don’t try to force these ultraprocessed, unhealthy fake foods on your guests. They are also very expensive, so why wouldn’t you just serve real food that is naturally GF?

        2. But she didn’t say that in the original post. She said they eat healthier as if it was a judgement on eating pizza every day. Her actual question seems to be getting her in-laws to understand that she can’t have gluten in her home which is completely different and an essential part of this scenario. That should be a conversation her husband has with his parents. And even then, I would say ask them not to bring specific foods instead of being upset they won’t eat food they don’t want. They could just eat prior to coming.

          1. Yeah OP gave examples of completely normal home made meals so idk why this poster is off on a tangent about crackers and bread.

          2. OP has not mentioned once that she is concerned about the food the ILS bring triggering her celiac when only they are eating it. Where is this even coming from?

    22. I would keep the status quo. My parents are similar from the other direction – they’re VERY into health foods – and I’ve noticed over the years that like a lot of older people, they’re getting more set in their ways. They come over with their own salad ingredients and yogurts and while I’ve tried to change this up sometimes (we have many foods that they would theoretically enjoy, including many vegetables and yogurts) I think it’s almost a comfort/anxiety thing for them? I love hosting so sometimes makes me a little crazy, but in the end I feel like this is just an area to back off.

    23. “Hey in-laws, I feel bad that you come over to help with the kids and I don’t feed you. Is there anything I can make or have on hand that you would like?” And when they so “no dear, we do not mind bringing our own dinner”, you respond “Let me know if that changes. How about drinks? Snacks?”

      Then let it go. You have done your duty as a hostess and there is no need for more..

      1. OP here and thank you! This is the kind of comment I was looking for. A way to address the situation without making it seems weird or awkward.
        Did not realize everyone would hyper fixate on black beans and accuse me of centering everyone’s meals around my six month old (?).

        1. lol, you asked whether to keep the status quo or not. Most everyone said keep the status quo, but OK, only look for the answer that supports your own biases best.

    24. This is my exact situation, and some of these comments are missing the point. It seems to be a gray area if in-laws are being rude or not, but I certainly feel insulted. I have tried to accommodate them and communicate in advance that I will have something they like but they still bring their own food. I would say keep the status quo but find an outlet for your feelings so you don’t build up resentment.

      1. You gotta get over it. They’re handing you the gift of a cheaper grocery bill and less mental overhead. Take it.

  12. Any tips or favorite recipes for veggie lasagna? I’m making it for a meal train and don’t cook lasagna often. I plan to bake it in an aluminum pan and precut it after refrigerating.

    1. Are you taking the whole pan? Don’t bother pre-cutting; that risks not only making the layers sloppy but also introduces the potential of poking through the foil pan and turning it into a reheating mess.

    3. In the fall I like the mushroom lasagna from Smitten Kitchen although I know not everyone likes mushrooms so YMMV.

    4. The recipe doesn’t seem to be online anymore but I make lasagna with fresh spinach (sautéed before baking) and pesto and even non-vegetarians looove it.

    5. I don’t have an online recipe, but I make a spinach lasagna with nutmeg that’s to die for. Basically one layer is tomato sauce, one layer shredded mozz, and one layer a mix of sauteed spinach, garlic, onion mixed with ricotta, nutmeg, and probably s&p.

    6. Americas test kitchen vegetarian lasagna is so good, but thanks to the poster who shared Cookie and Kate’s which I will try!

    8. My main tip is to make sure whatever recipe you pick, it involves pre-cooking the vegetables to remove most of the water. Otherwise you end up with a mess. I like the smitten kitchen recipe.

  13. New patient at a doctor’s office: “What insurance do you have?” “I have Behemoth Gold Advanced East.” “So, Behemoth West?” “No ma’am, we aren’t in the west, we’re in the east, so it’s Behemoth East – Gold Advanced specifically.”

    This morning’s mail from doctor’s office: “Your insurance company – Behemoth West – did not cover your visit. Please pay $475.”

    :headdesk:

    1. I’m snarky so I would call them up and ask the billing department what actions they are taking to remediate the fact that they sent my PHI and PII to the wrong company, against my express direction to send to my own insurance company.

    2. It’s possible that the insurance company name is hard-coded that way in the EMR, so don’t jump to conclusions that the registrar messed it up. You’ll get better results if you call to ask about the denial and confirm that they got the insurance right. If you haven’t met your deductible, it’s possible that the doctor’s office is right.

    3. yeah, I’m trying to get quotes for an international move. They emailed me “is this an international move? Your intake form specifies a location in Australia” Me: “I’m sorry, I intended to enter Oxford in England as destination. So, it is an international move indeed”. Next email “we are pleased to present this quote for your move to Oxford, Australia!”.

    4. We live in VA and our daughter goes to school in MN. My employer is based in TX so we have Behemoth TX, not Behemoth VA or Behemoth MN. Not one health care provider has ever entered the insurance information correctly the first time. Most mess it up the second and third times too.

  14. I bulk bought some Betsey Johnson 30D bras that have all given up the ghost. It looks VS now has my size (formerly stopping at 34B, which I wore throughout college as the closest thing out there). What else is good now that is in a 30D? I prefer a light lining (not no lining; I get cold and have headlights). Underwire is OK IF the bra actually fits. I have narrow shoulders and strap slippage has been a problem on bras over the years, followed by squashing the girls (they are side-set, if that matters). It’s hard to fine in stores and I hate playing several rounds of mail-order roulette.

    4. If you haven’t checked in a while, run your measurements through the ABTF calculator before sinking $ into new bras.

    5. Go to a bra store – you are looking for one with little old lady sleeping sets in the front of it, not fun night options. They will have a selection of boring options in your size. Lately, my favorite brand has been prima donna, but it really depends on your size. Buy one bra then hunt them down for cheaper online.

    6. Not a VS suggestion, but I am very similarly sized and shaped to you, and I have the Freya Idol Balcony in 4 colors. I get mine from Bare Necessities.

      1. Yup and lingerie depot sometimes has these sizes at excellent prices. They had an Amazon store front. I think now they have a subsidiary in the US.

    7. Herroom dot com. They will have lots of reviews from people your size, and they carry more Euro brands where that band size equivalent is more common. Do note that they have a pretty fast return policy, so stay on top of that. But their selection is A+!

  15. This will be a little industry dependent. I’m your age and regularly see resumes for same-age peers. They are ~2 pages of **relevant** experience. No color- just not necessary. Exception: if this is the norm in your field/industry (I have seen some creative resumes for marketing type roles).

    For your peer- 100% without question reach out. Reconnect. It’s only as awkward as you think it is. I have people do this to me and I always think “so nice to catch up!” even though they clearly want something- which is fine! I like being useful! Tell them you are looking for a move, looking at XYZ role and do they have any thoughts or insights. Depending on what they say and how warm they are about it, ask if they can pass along your resume. Best case scenario it’s a good fit and she can put in a good word. Or it’s a snakepit and you get the heads up.

    If you don’t connect with your former peer beforehand, I wouldn’t mention it in the cover letter. If you do, try and get Peer to forward your stuff directly. Especially if this is a saley/marketing type role this is very common and everyone will appreciate it (hiring manger wants good candidates and the role filled ASAP!).

    Re: how much to write: keep it relevant. Unless you have a very industry specific reason for anything else, keep that resume <2 pages for sure. I'm probably not in your industry but I'd be happy to review the resume if you send it along with the job description. let me know!

  16. was the table all women? 8 weeks PP with a toddler at home, maybe this was a cry for help? “LOOK HOW REDICULOUS MY LIFE IS! SOMEONE PLEASE ASK ME ABOUT IT”

    1. Yup. The comment that her toddler was home with Dad stuck with me. If he was home with the toddler he should have had the baby too. I bet mom is home with both regularly.

      Might be projecting but I think was her. My ex husband left the house at 5am on my first day of work in a new job because daycare was closed post hurricane. It was overwhelming.

  17. I am the sort of person who likes to learn very complex things and understand how things work. I detest memorizing. I can sometimes find a method to the madness and make memorizing fun or at least interesting (multiplication tables, periodic table, vocabular words). But OMG I am realizing that while I love figuring out the how and why of various health related things, I am never going to be a doctor because I am realizing that the heroic effort I’d need to mount on just memorizing is not going to be something I can do. I thought I’d take a year off to work on my MCAT and it’s just been a lot of discernment and I could learn how the tax code works and why it is the way that it is before I get down on all of the various chemical reactions that the body does, bones, points of insertion of muscles, etc., etc. Argh. I wish I’d figured it out as a teen when being good at the sciences seemed to automatically mean “you can/should/will be a doctor.”

    2. What on earth are you posting about?

      Sounds like you’ve figured out that most jobs are more complex than they seem in high school.

    3. Are you saying that you took a year off work to study for the MCAT? Are you also taking the pre-req courses needed to get in to medical school? The courses teach a lot of the MCAT content. Yes, getting an MD requires a Herculean ability to rote memorize AND deeply understand complex processes.

    7. Medicine may not be for you. There is a huge volume of memorization that is required for years, just to form the foundation for you to think on a higher level. And that needs to continue lifelong, as you will continue to have testing and CME requirements for the rest of your career. And medicine is exploding and it is very hard to keep up.

      You also, ideally, need excellent communication skills and interpersonal skills and I worry a little bit about that from what you have posted. Of course, as we often complain on this board, most doctors don’t have great skills in everything!

      You should be spending this year shadowing doctors in different disciplines to see if this is how you want to spend your days.

      Yes, High school science has nothing to do with being a doctor.

  18. I am an attorney just north of 50. I am mindful that it is going to start getting harder to get a job. What are changes that people have made to their resumes to blur how senior they are? I have long since taken off my years of graduation but i do still have the years for where i was working so i’m not sure that’s hiding anything. Do people just cut off the first 10 years of their career? any other suggestions? I already color my hair, dress currently etc should i get an interview.

    1. I leave my first legal job (5 years) off my resume but honestly they are going to look at my admission date when they do their due diligence and that will immediately tell them how old I am. Age discrimination sucks!

    3. I’m your age, a lawyer, and I wouldn’t do this. Experience is valued unless you’re shooting for a role too junior. For senior level roles, keep it on. Just make sure everything else is current, your look, your LinkedIn, don’t use outdated email addresses, etc.

  19. Halsbrook is closing as of November 1st. I am in mourning. Eff the orange fool and his tariffs. If there is any thing there you want, it’s on deep discount but I think it’s final sale.

  20. I feel like we are OK with nursing in general, assuming it’s discrete (I had an indiscrete baby, so also a hooter hider). But it’s the tableside production. It’s not guac. Like my mom had a feeding tube and then a PEG and fiddling with those tableside, even though food is a need, IMO would not have been OK unless it’s all a similar crowd (like a skilled nursing facility maybe).

  21. I dread packing for long weekend trips. The whole process of packing for myself and two young kids, loading the car, inevitably forgetting something, and then having to unpack after the trip makes me dread these weekends even if I enjoy them once we get there. Does anyone have tips to make packing and getting out of the house easier for a disorganized household?

    1. I don’t know if this will add to clutter but I pull out the suitcases and start throwing in what I plan on taking as I come across it or as I think of it starting at least a week before the trip. I’m pretty disorganized so if I don’t grab the phone charger when it occurs to me I’ll never remember it again. Obviously this doesn’t work for all clothing items or toiletries but it helps me cut down on forgetting some things.

    2. I had packing lists, small roller luggage, and dopp kits for each kid. As young as 5 they had to pull/pack what was on their list. Then one of the adults would go over it and the stuff to finalize their packing. It made me less cranky about trips, and to their credit they became really good at it.

    3. Start early and have duplicates of things. One pain point for me is needing to pack things I’m also using until the last minute, like my phone charger, but having a duplicate that lives with the travel gear helps a lot.

      Also, reframing helps. Tell yourself on repeat that it’s not that bad, that it’s all worth it, the things that are worth doing require logistics and that’s fine – might sound hokey but it legitimately helps me.

      1. Agreed. I created a travel go-bag for my kids, which includes all the various medications we might need on a trip (things like benadryl, tylenol, diaper cream, etc), travel toothbrushes & toothpaste for them, spare miniature stuffed animals in case I forget the real one, a spare blankie for my youngest for the same reason, diapers/pull-ups, and some books nobody will miss but that we can use for bedtime books. I used to have a travel sound machine but it died and I haven’t replaced it yet. That basically meant I only had to pack clothes (which takes me 0 time but I’m not very discerning), outerwear, extra shoes, and a million snacks. I keep the travel go-bag inside a duffel that always comes with us, so it never gets left behind.

    4. My rule is that I make sure everything that would cost more than $50 or an hour to replace is packed, and anything less that I forget is a target pickup order when we get there. Practically speaking, that means we’ve accumulated one extra water bottle, a handful of extra chargers, some extra toothpaste, and some extra MiraLAX (iykyk) over the years. All the consumables get used when we return home.

    5. I keep a checklist in the Notes app on my phone. One for each person, the dog, and a separate one for different events (i.e., camping needs different gear than a weekend at my mom’s). Any time I realize I forgot something, I add it to that note for next time. If I don’t need an item for a specific trip, I check it off the list immediately. Once the trip is done, I clear the checks and have it ready to go for next time.

      1. +1. In my Notes app I keep a baseline packing list, a list of items and tasks for the morning I leave (pack my night guard, adjust the thermostat), and add-on lists for each type of destination.

        Pack your toiletry bag the evening beforehand then do your nighttime and morning routines from your kit. You’ll realize if you forgot something.

        Bring a packing cube or bag for dirty clothes. When you get home dump the contents into your hamper. Unpacking the rest of your suitcase feels less daunting because you don’t need to sort through it.

    6. I make a list for me and when my kids were younger, I would make them a list too. I keep extra toiletries in my travel toiletries bag and so only restock those when necessary. I always check when I return home from a trip if anything is needed and restock right away so it is ready to go. We keep extra chargers in our travel bag as well. I check what my kids packed to make sure that the generally have everything (especially appropriate shoes and outerwear) but I don’t worry too much about it. If they have to re-wear their pants or whatever that is fine.

      When we are on our trip, I keep a plastic bag full of our dirty laundry. That gets dumped into the washing machine on the way into the house. Then everyone is responsible for unpacking themselves. I always do my suitcase immediately, but my kids sometimes wait a day or so. There isn’t usually too much to unpack because the toiletries stay and the dirty laundry is already in the wash. So usually just extra clean clothes that weren’t worn, shoes, and sometimes like my hair dryer or whatever.

    7. no kids but maybe still helpful:
      I have a google sheets checklist for types of trips; check things off as you pack. Easiest way not to forget things. Adjust it over time so you’re not overpacking.

      have doubles of things like charging cords so it’s not a last minute rush to grab them. I have a separate set of travel toiletries that live in their own bag (and get refilled as needed after a trip) so I don’t have to worry about that.

      use packing cubes so you don’t have to sort through laundry when you get home.

    8. I have a 7 day packing check list on my phone, it’s shared with DH, and we check things off as we pack.

      It’s divided into sections for kids, me, DH, and family.

    9. I keep travel only items— like a hygiene kit, makeup bag with travel makeup, swimsuit, etc that always stays in the bag. Helps with the back and forth.

  22. We’re doing family pictures next weekend. I have the following dress:

    Tuckernuck Chambray Lyles Dress

    Small daughters are in blush pink/floral dresses (not matchy-matchy). DH will be in… something. Prob mid tone khaki pants and a navy sweater or quarter zip.

    I need shoes. I’m in greater Boston and we’ll be on a farm/outdoors. What do I wear?? HELP! I’m the worst at shoes…

    1. Do you have brown boots? That seems like the most straightforward choice for this dress. It’s likely too cold and maybe wet for sandals in the NE right now.

    2. Flat knee-high boots might be heavy, but you could try them. I don’t mind the flat Mary Janes they’ve styled the dress with. Maybe wedges if it’s warm? Nothing open-toed on a farm.

  23. another scenario for y’all – my friend always celebrates her daughter’s birthday on Facebook by loudly proclaiming how the daughter “was the best gift DH ever gave me” and how she’s so special and amazing to her. AFAIK they did not do IVF. She has 2 older boys.

    The whole thing just gives me the ick… but maybe that’s my perspective as someone who would have loved a girl but had 2 boys and decided to stop there unless we were going to do IVF to 100% ensure that we were getting a girl.

    1. Well, I think you need to work out your gender disappointment/jealousy issues, and she needs to work out that statements like that don’t belong anywhere her boys might eventually find them. Homework for everyone!

    2. How old are the kids?

      From the perspective of someone in their 30s, my mom hates my brother, my parents have poured so many resources into him and he just refuses to become a better human. My mom in social settings will gush about me and just never bring up my brother. It’s a tricky line to walk where you don’t want to lie nor disparage your own kid.

      1. I mean her poor boys, who are being told their sister is better than them. Not yours.

    5. I wouldn’t read that much into it. My husband’s mom says things like “he is my everything” about my husband. But she’d say the same thing about his brother. For all you know she means “my children, including my daughter, is the best gift DH ever gave me.” Or she uses superlatives to express intensity of feeling, not literally. I say things like “Lacy is the nicest person I’ve ever met,” knowing that there are also other people I’d consider ‘the nicest person I’ve ever met.’

    6. I’m not at all saying this would justify it, but how would you even know if she did IVF or not. That’s a weird thing to speculate about.

      1. Right, you have no idea whether they did IVF and I don’t see how it’s relevant. Maybe she miscarried before having her daughter, maybe it was an unplanned pregnancy that turned out to be a welcome surprise, maybe she had pregnancy complications and she’s grateful she and the daughter are both healthy. More of my friends than not have experienced fertility and pregnancy issues but they don’t share the details with everyone. If this couple did IVF she went through a long, expensive, invasive process so of course she considers her daughter a gift.

        Or it’s just hyperbole and you shouldn’t read into social media posts this deeply. What you see online is rarely an accurate reflection of someone’s life.

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