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Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: The Sculpted Cardigan

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a woman wearing a black buttoned cardigan and blue pleated skirt

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This “sculpted” cardigan from Attersee is just so pretty. I love the mother-of-pearl buttons, and the cutaway shape gives it a really cool shape. I think it would look great paired with a pleated skirt, as they have it pictured here, or with some flat-front trousers. (Any kind of pleating would take away from the cool cutaway effect.)

The sweater is $695 at Attersee and comes in sizes XS-XL. 

Sales of note for 4/17:

  • Nordstrom – Beauty savings event, up to 25% off – nice price on Black Honey
  • Ann Taylor – Cyber Spring! 50% off everything + free shipping
  • Boden – 25% off everything (thru Sun, then 15% off)
  • Brooklinen – 25% off sitewide — we have and love these sateen sheets
  • Evereve – 1000+ items on sale, including lots from Alex Mill, Michael Stars, Sanctuary, Rails, Xirena, and Z-Supply
  • Express – $29 dresses
  • J.Crew – 30% off all dresses
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything, and extra 50% off clearance
  • Lands' End – 50% off full price styles and 60% off all clearance and sale – lots of ponte dresses come down under $25, and this packable raincoat in gingham is too cute
  • Loft – Friends & Family event, 50% off entire purchase + free shipping
  • Macy's – 25% off already reduced prices + 15% off beauty & fragrance
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235 Comments

  1. Headed to NYC this weekend and the forecast is cold! I need recommendations for gloves – warm, but not headed for the ski hill. Anyone have really warm, but still stylish and city-appropriate recommendations?

    1. It’s actually supposed to be a lot warmer next weekend that it has been! I live in NYC and just use knit Uniqlo heattech gloves and keep my hands in my pockets a lot. Unless you are planning to spend hours outside, you don’t need super warm gloves for moving around the city as you are going inside and then outside a lot. Subway cars are heated. Stations are not but tend to stay warmer than the outside unless they are fully outdoors.

    2. Coming from the upper Midwest, overnight lows in the high teens and daytime highs in the 30s are gloves-optional territory for me.

      A basic pair of generic stretch gloves for the current weekend NYC forecast should be just fine unless you are spending hours standing outdoors without moving around.

    3. A pair of basic black stretch gloves – like Under Armour, Marmot, etc – will do just fine. Don’t bother buying fancy leather or suede for something that will just get stuffed in your coat pocket the minute you’re inside anywhere.

    4. This made me laugh because everyone who lives in NYC is literally looking forward to the “warm up” that is happening this week and next weekend. It has been downright frigid for the last two weeks.

      Really any type of gloves will be fine. If you want an excuse to buy fancier leather gloves, by all means do it, but it is definitely not a necessity.

      1. Same. In the Midwest, and the temperatures were just above freezing yesterday, with sunshine. I ditched the gloves and scarf and only wore my thinner puffer.
        Feels like spring, but of course we all know it won’t last.

    6. I live here. I wear black fabric isotoners, nothing special. i do recommend gloves you can wash (not leather) if you’re taking public transportation, i wash mine alot.

    7. I evangelize for gloves because people walking around with their hands in their pockets tend to bump others with their elbows. I’ve always worn cashmere-lined leather gloves – used to always get them at Lord & Taylor (RIP) – with wool coats, and knit gloves with a puffer. Current knit gloves are fingerless cashmere, no discernable label. I never liked the way tech gloves felt, so the fingerless are a good solution for phone use outdoors.

  2. I have an interview today at a state agency doing work I’d really like to do. However, it’s a pay cut and while it’s feasible, my husband and I discussed it and it really makes sense for me to take this role in more like 1.5 years from now, to allow us to save more and give us a better safety net. Also, our expenses will decrease by about 1,000 per month next September (oldest starting public school).
    How to decline an offer, if received, while not burning any bridges? I really would like this job in the not-too-distant future.
    Why did I apply? The process usually takes close to a year. However, I know the person who would be my boss and he fast tracked me. The process happened really really fast, and now that I’ve had some time to process, I know it’s just not the right time.

    1. I think if I wanted this job within a year and a half and could afford the pay cut now, I would take it (even if that meant cutting back on some expenses). But maybe I’m not understanding the math you’re looking at.

      1. Yeah, same. Cut retirement savings for a year. If the process takes a year, you’d be knocking on their door again in 6 months? If I were hiring, I’d be annoyed by that.

      2. By “feasible” I mean that our bare bones monthly expenses are $12,000, and this job, combined with my husband’s income, would net us about $12,300 a month. That’s without retirement contributions. We currently net about 17k a month. We have a mortgage and 3 kids in daycare, and currently only 2 months of expenses in our emergency fund. We spent a large chunk of savings on a home renovation last year.

        1. That’s not even feasible in a year. Just tell your friend it doesn’t pay enough and withdraw now.

          1. +1. Sorry, but with that additional context, it’s not feasible to take that job. Maybeeeeee if your retirement accounts are already very well-funded and there’s a pension waiting…

          2. +2. I also don’t think this job sounds feasible even when your expenses have decreased slightly.

            Lesson learned: Ask about salary before you have a friend fast track a job interview for you!

        2. I don’t think I could decline now and still hope to get the same job eighteen months from now. I’ve not seen this work out for people. If you really want the job, I think you need to take the job now, and one of you needs to make more money, and you need to cut back on some expenses.

        3. If your expenses are that high, a state job isn’t for you unless your husband makes a huge salary. Waiting a year or two isn’t going to change that – once daycare costs go away, other expenses come up and you will need to catch up on 529 and retirement.

          1. This. And keep in mind that extracurriculars also cost money even if your kids don’t go to daycare any more. Maybe not thousands each month, but having kids in sports or taking private music lessions also adds up.

        4. You can’t afford to take this job. Even after all three kids are out of day care, you won’t be able to save for retirement and college.

        5. You are living far outside your means for this job. Regardless of whether you take the job or not, you need to take a hard look at your finances. You’re making money hand over fist right now, but are also one medical emergency or job loss from disaster. Take the opportunity to course correct now while you have it.

          1. Yeah, scary. Get that emergency fund built back up ASAP. High paying jobs like that are no guarantee of continued employment, an are tough to replace quickly. Even assuming the unemployed spouse will take over all childcare so no daycare bills, you are in a dangerous situation.

    2. If it’s a job you would like in a year, I would take it. The timing isn’t going to matter that much when all is said and done. Also, people keep telling me that your expenses really don’t go down that much after the daycare years are over, sadly.

      1. OP here. We pay 60k a year in daycare. Before/after care, plus summer camp, will run us about 2500 a month which is half what we pay now. Even with 1,000 a month for extra curriculars, our childcare expenses will be 18k less per year. Granted, we won’t see the full savings for four more years but the burden is lessened a bit next fall.

        1. Even so, an additional 18k a year is less than one person’s retirement contribution limit. Do you have some other reason that retirement savings aren’t relevant for you? We’d want to be saving the annual max for both people in the couple, and realistically would not take a job that would prevent that for a period of multiple years. So by our family’s priorities, you can’t afford that pay even in the future.

          1. OP here- my husband will be getting a pension of about 75K a year which adjusts for COL, plus lifetime medical benefits. We still currently save for retirement, but we do have a substantial safety net in retirement.

          2. I think you need to prioritize saving for your own retirement and your kids’ education.
            Your husband getting a pension (is that guaranteed as per today, or does that assume him working in the same job or the next 20 years?) does not save you from thinking about your own independent financial situation. What if you separate or he cannot continue to work?

        2. You’re sure banking on your husband staying at the same job, which isn’t guaranteed especially since you’re probably young with little kids. Also, what are you doing to fund college? Tuition before that if you need to? You need to plan more for contingencies and life. You can’t afford this.

        3. Can you interview, then call your friend and then negotiate for more money? I work in government, and see folks approve more money for someone they really want

          I’ve also seen external and internal candidates burn bridges by applying then decline offers. Sometimes they don’t even know it.

      2. People who say that forget how expensive daycare is.

        We do very fancy aftercare and camps and did very mediocre daycare and when our oldest moved from daycare to public K we saved $1,000 a month

        1. That may have been the case for you, but I think you’re the exception to the rule. Life grows larger as your kids get bigger. Their activities cost more, they need more equipment, they run through a pair of sneakers each month on the playground, you take them to do things, they don’t order off the kids menu anymore, etc. etc. etc. in basically everything you do in life. Not to mention the cost of summer camp, which is somewhat reasonable when your kid is maybe K-2 and less picky, but becomes more and more expensive as your kid gets older and wants to do robotics camp or whatever. I spent about $10K on various “schools out” camps last year for 2 elementary kids, including summer, random days off, spring break, fall break, winter break, etc etc. (and now I am remembering that we are now usually vacation during school holidays, instead of whenever we want, which adds cost as well because everything costs more then.)
          So I guess with meticulous planning and cheap childcare, you could realize the savings from not paying for daycare anymore, but in reality, most people would be making a mistake if they planned to see all of that cash in their pocket. You life just gets bigger and bigger.

          2. And if you have a job, you need to pay $$$$$ for car insurance when they turn 16 so you are not having to take off work to run them all over town for extracurriculars.

          3. The no longer ordering off the kids menu came out of nowhere and smacked me in the face. I was walking around all happy that my kid “finally” had a better palate then SMACK she starts wanting the $30 salmon instead of the $12 Mac and cheese. Be careful what you wish for!

        2. We also saved right around $1,000/month/kid (we only have 1 but I don’t see why it wouldn’t have been multiplied by the number of kids) switching from private preK daycare to public K. I can see how expenses increase as kids get older and our daycare was very bougie, but I think the idea there is zero savings is not accurate. Camps can definitely be as or more expensive than daycare on a per week basis, but it’s ~10-12 weeks out of the year, not year-round and that makes a huge difference.

          1. We absolutely spent the same amount on after-school care plus summer day camps as we did on full-time day care. The weekly cost for after-school care in our area is about half the cost for full-time day care, and summer care for school-aged kids is much much more expensive.

          2. Oh wow. Our daycare was around $300 per week for pre-K and aftercare is $50/week so the school year savings were massive, and summer is pretty comparable (most camps are $250-350/week).

          3. I was paying $100-125/week for after-school care more than a decade ago, and that was the going rate in our LCOL area. There are not a ton of after-school care options here, perhaps because there are so many SAHMs and most working moms are teachers.

    3. How often does this job become available? I am a hiring manager working in State government. Sometimes similar vacancies occur close in time but sometimes there are many years between vacancies. Also, as a hiring manager, I would be annoyed by someone wasting my time by interviewing for a job they already know they won’t take. And I would be less enthusiastic about a candidate if they had turned down a previous offer, particularly after being fast-tracked.

      1. +1 I helped a friend get an interview with my government agency and they turned down the job. Burned the bridge down to the ground. Wasted our time.

        1. But surely you interview candidates knowing not every offer will be accepted? What was so bad about that that the entire bridge is so burned? Maybe the pay was too low and it wasn’t known at the start or any other number of valid reasons.

          1. I am the hiring manager above and we include salary range and will pay top of range for the right candidate. There is no reason for an applicant to claim they cannot afford the pay cut when they knew before applying. That is a waste of my time and that of my colleagues.

          2. Bending over backwards for a candidate who knows they aren’t going to accept the role is not the same as letting the interview process play out naturally and having a candidate decline as they learn more about the role.

          3. “Pay top of range for the right candidate” is challenging, though. Your friend probably didn’t get offered top of range and maybe he or she had been expecting that based on experience.

          4. There are very few valid reasons to turn down the job, almost all conditions of employment (salary, hours, location) are known in advance

          5. There are plenty of valid reasons to turn down a job that are not possible to discern from a job posting. Organizational culture and leadership are two big ones.

        2. That’s insane. I’ve pushed friends and former colleagues forward many times where they’ve ended up turning down roles. If the job isn’t right for them, I don’t want them ruining their careers over it. Plenty of people decline offers that aren’t right. This is such a juvenile take.

          1. Agreed, especially when employers are so often cagey about the details until the final stages – “oh actually I know we said flexible work arrangements but what that really means is 5 days a week in office.”

          3. IME state agencies don’t have the luxury of being that selective because their pay is terrible. This opportunity will come again.

          4. Pay really varies on the state. My state pays well for government (basically in line with federal government salaries) and the jobs are very competitive.

          5. There were 500 applicants to the last job opening on my team and all details are posted up front in the ad.

      2. I agree, based on this and, the numbers you describe. I would either find a way to take it now knowing things will be tight for a while, and you’ll really have to dial in, or I’d withdraw from the process and assume you won’t be able to get it again in six months.

        1. Option C – ask to defer start date until the summer so you can save another month of emergency funding (but probably give a different explanation tied to wanting fo finish up current work).

      3. This. I wouldn’t count on this job being available again at the exact time you want it to be.

    4. Yes, same. Take it. You are otherwise burning this bridge and won’t get the opportunity again.

    5. I think you really should have done this when they reached out to schedule the interview: been very up front with the boss that you appreciate his fast-track efforts, but as you were not expecting things to move so quickly you are not in a position to move forward with the interview at this time.

      However, doing so now is not a good look. I think you keep the interview, but be honest with yourself and the agency that you realize their hiring timeline does not align with your own needs. Graciousness in acknowledging that it’s not going to work can help minimize the bridge-burning, but the job very well may not be available to you again regardless of how much you want it.

      1. I agree with this. Is there a way to split the difference?

        If you get the offer, can you say you are super excited but weren’t expecting things to move this fast and can’t start until the summer or fall and see how that flies. Maybe they are willing to wait and in the meantime you can trim expenses.

    6. Well it’s probably now or never. They aren’t going to fast track you twice and state jobs don’t come up every day. I would move ahead and figure it out.

      1. Actually now having read your budget, I don’t think you can afford this job at all. The cost of house renovations and having three kids. You have no real savings and you aren’t saving enough for retirement.

    7. Yeah, to me it sounds like your options are to take it and figure things out financially or not take it and burn the bridge. I really don’t see option 3.

    8. Is this really a good job to have if you can’t afford it now? Daycare expenses drop, but you will probably have to pay for after school care and a summer program, plus the cost of sports or other activities that happen more frequently in elementary school vs, daycare. Your child care costs will not go to zero for the child moving to public school. Sorry, it’s tough. I think it’s good to be realistic about what you can afford. So many women on this board want jobs with pay cuts. I guess it’s a good problem to have (i.e. you already have a high paying job and you have options).

      1. I think it’s crazy. OP, you’re a grownup, you have kids, you have an obligation to your family to earn money to support them. The “dream job” is just not a luxury you can afford. Sorry.

        1. But it is possible to support a family on a tighter budget. Plenty of people don’t make enough money to have such high expenses to begin with.

          2. And the fights and financial struggle is always great for family life. Why people who earn less and budget more rarely divorce.

          3. It’s one thing if you can’t make more money. It’s another entirely to be able to and choose not to. That’s selfish in this context.

          4. The point is that pay cuts can come with sacrifices, but this can be okay!

            People can stress and fight about money at many income levels, and people who make a lot of money get used to spending a lot.

            I really believe your community is full of parents who are getting by with happy family lives despite tighter budgets.

          5. If she takes this job they’d be making $13k a month. This family is RICH. They can get by, and provide for their children and have a great life, on $13k just fine. They’d just have to rejuggle priorities.

            Plenty of parents do this! My parents both left industry jobs to teach. I did not at all feel deprived, even though they took large paycuts to do so.

            Public service is an honor.

          6. That last sentence isn’t going to pay your bills. You are one ER visit or car issue away from a disaster.

          7. It’s amazing how many rich people don’t realize how rich they are. Raising a family on less than $150k a year is the reality for most people. You don’t need to have someone in a high earner job to get by.

          8. I think catastrophizing “going into temporary debt” as a complete disaster is also not great for stress levels. We all know it’s not great. But there aren’t a lot of income brackets in the USA that can completely protect against e.g. healthcare debt.

          9. There’s no such thing as “temporary debt” unless your income increases shortly after incurring the debt. If some disaster befalls you and you borrow money to pay for it, now you are paying off that debt and you have even less money to save for the next disaster.

          10. So everyone you know who has ever fallen on hard times and carried a balance on their credit card enters into a debt spiral they never escape from for all time and just end up on the streets?

            This is not normal in my world.

          11. Yes, if you were not saving anything before you incurred the debt, arithmetic dictates that you do end up in a debt spiral unless your income magically increases or your expenses decrease. This is how people end up carrying credit card balances forever.

        2. She’s not talking about taking a pay cut that pushes.her kids into “unstable housing, not sure what’s for dinner” territory (which I agree would be selfish)- we’re talking about high vs higher incomes.

          For the actual interview – if you haven’t talked timeline with the actual hiring manager yet, I’d start there! Just ask what their timeline looks like, when they’re looking to have someone start, and go from there. If it usually takes a whole year to hire, it sounds like there’s budget cycles involved, and I wouldn’t necessarily assume “hiring manager can fast track the first interview” means “hiring manager can fast track the whole process”

    9. Government jobs are often unicorns. If you want it in the near future, you have to take the offer now.

    10. if you cut after care would that make a significant dent? maybe you could negotiate for flexible hours so you could be there for pickup? I think you need to let your boss know what the issue is, say you don’t want to waste people’s time, but you really can’t think about the job while also paying for that much childcare. maybe he can help you brainstorm.

      1. I think her offer would get rescinded for making this her employer’s problem. Employers aren’t experts on childcare nor are they responsible for managing your life or budget outside of work.

        1. of course not, but i’ve heard from people in power that women need to be more up front about the kinds of things holding them back — if you explicitly tell him daycare is the problem then he can say maybe HR can give you benefit X, or we can guarantee you can pick up your kids every day at hour Y provided you check back in later in the evening.

      3. Asking for flexible hours is reasonable. Saying “you can’t think about the job while also paying for that much child care” is not. This is a wild take that will not help your negotiations.

      4. Picking up young kids from multiple locations in the middle of the day is not a quick “done” errand where you can go home and pick up where you left off from work. Young kids will continue to want your attention even after you bring them home. That request isn’t how I would lead in job negotiations.

    11. Are you able to this dream job and take on a second role either self employed or otherwise?

      I’m a single mom and kids are expensive. It’s just me so my safety net is my second job. Your household income dropping by $5k a month isn’t going to work for your family. I have 3 children. Bare bones monthly costs are $12,500. Figure out how you are going to bring in the extra $5k a month and if this job is worth that.

      1. It’s $80. Not cheap, sure, but certainly more affordable than today’s picks. If you’re wanting SHEIN prices, you might be on the wrong website.

    2. Do you have this sweater? I get nervous buying final sale things online when some people say it runs small and others say it runs big.

  4. I need some storage cubes. I prefer some sort of natural looking construction (wicker, etc.; not cloth over cardboard), but I also prefer it not to shred. IDK if there is a “luxe” version of this basic utility item, but it would be used in a visible place, so I’d like for it to be attractive (and if possible, to be able to put felt pads on it so I can slide it over the painted wood it will be put on).

    1. Look at Pottery Barn. They have solid storage baskets meant to be slid into storage cubes in their furniture.

      1. Second this. I have six from PB that I’ve used for five years in my office to hold binders. I slide them in and out on a daily basis, and they still look like they did when they were new. A quick search looks like they are from the “Hudson Woven Bin Storage” collection.

    3. Check out Etsy. There are lots of vendors who can do custom sizing for baskets like this. I also had good luck a few years ago with an Amish basket maker who worked with an online vendor.

    4. I’ve bought wicker looking ones in a few sizes and shades of brown over the years from Target. They have held up, but I’m also a single adult who isn’t hard on things.

      1. Came here to make the same recommendation – I have been really happy with the ones I’ve purchased at Target.

    7. Mine are hyacinth and haven’t shred, but I’ve seen hyacinth shred before in life, so maybe you’d prefer something tougher like rattan? I think of the Container Store as luxe in the sense of charging a lot, but never actually spent the money there to see if they’re also higher quality. I have a wicker magazine basket I’ve owned for 10+ years in perfect condition. I think it was from Pier 1 or World Market way back when!

    8. IKEA has a number of really good options in various wicker optics. You could even do mix and match.
      We have the GNABBAS which is fabric lined so the stuff you store doesn’t get caught in the wicker.

      1. I was also just looking at the IKEA VÄLTNING boxes recently which I thought looked nice and might fit the bill for you.

  5. I have an overnight flight coming up, in the slightly upgraded but not lay flat section (Delta). What are your best tips for sleeping on a plane? It’s only about 8 hours, so I really want to try to get the most possibly I can. Are those foot hammock things helpful? Any other recommendations?

      1. This. I’m pretty sensitive to sleep medication and don’t want to feel groggy, so I take one Tylenol PM about 1/2 into the flight. Works for me.

      2. This. And maybe (not admitting to my doctor friends) a glass of wine to make you extra sleepy.

    2. I used to be able to sleep well against a window (but hate this otherwise b/c I am always needing to pee). I also used to be able to sleep on the seatback tray table, but it’s so cramped that if I’m sleeping like that and the person reclines, I think I’d get my head hurt. I just can’t sleep with a flopping head and that usually dooms me for doing anything but nodding off.

    3. Please do not use a foot hammock. It is extremely rude to the person in the seat in front of you. Just put your feet up on your luggage.

      1. Caveat: if the person in front of you leans their chair back then it’s every man for himself and a foot hammock is ok.

        1. I would certainly hope people are expected to recline their seats on an overnight flight!

      2. I’ve never used a foot hammock, but what does it do to the person in front? I’m trying to picture it and coming up with nothing.

        1. You hang it over the tray table, so your feet are pulling down on the back of the seat in front of you and any motion you make transfers.

        2. It’s a sling that hangs off your tray table’s arms. As your tray table is attached to another person’s seat, sudden movement, like heavily putting your feet in it, can jostle their seat. Used gently it’s fine (saying this as having had the person behind me using one).

    4. I have tried multiple different travel pillows over the years, and the only one that has actually led me to sleep on the plane is the Cabeau Evolution S3, which attaches to the head rest and solves the neck flopping problem. Ear plugs and maybe eye mask as well. But even that is only somewhat successful and I just accept the first day is going to be a blur that requires a hell of a lot of caffeine and try not to book anything to strenuous the first day (and no driving). Sleeping against the window is somewhat better but of course then you’re in the window seat so getting out to pee is annoying.

    5. Neck pillow and eye mask if light bothers you. Don’t eat on the plane (eat before) so you can maximize sleep. Don’t drink. You are going to get 5-6 hours of sleep max. Depending on if it’s for work or pleasure, you can drink coffee at the end of the flight/when you land and/or take a nap when you arrive. Also, if you are excited about this trip, the adrenaline of being somewhere excited might help you through the first day!

    6. -if you’re in premium economy or equivalent, look to see if footrests are part of your seat structure. They are really helpful!
      -wear layers – some are freezing, esp. if you’re near the emergency exits, and some are stuffy
      -I like to layer foam ear plugs under noise cancelling over-the-ear headphones
      -good eye mask
      -have never found a neck pillow that actually works, so stopped bothering
      -if it’s a later flight (like, bedtime) don’t even try to stay up for the meal. Just go to bed. They’ll wake you up about an hour before landing for coffee and light breakfast.
      -The scents of the dinner service keep me awake sometimes; I have started bringing a KN95 for odors as opposed to germs!

      1. oh and if you don’t have early check-in at landing, consider booking your hotel for an extra night (the night you’re in the air) so you can immediately get into your room. I swear by a quick shower and then 1-1.5 hour nap on landing in Europe – any longer and you prolong the jet lag, but skip it and you’re a zombie by dinner. The nap lets me actually enjoy Day 0.5.

        1. Same! Last time I went to Europe, I used the Timeshifter app to help your body prepare for the change. Using that and a nap during early check-in worked wonders.

    7. Delta does not allow foot hammocks, although you can sometimes get away with it in the window seats. I find it helpful to make sure my carry-on is the right size (or has something in it that is the right size) to act as a foot rest. I also add a silk-cashmere scarf I can use as a blanket (I hate the feeling of the airline ones), a good neck pillow and something to block ambient light. I usually fall asleep to white noise so I make sure I have that downloaded and wear my sleep earbuds.

      Eight hours is right on the line of where I can take medication but if you decide to take anything, including Tylenol PM, be sure you try it out in advance. Tylenol PM makes me horribly groggy. And obviously if you decide to take a prescription medication talk to your doctor and follow the instructions – particularly regarding alcohol consumption – very carefully.

      I get on the airplane well hydrated but do not usually drink much on the plane to avoid needed to use the bathroom. And I skip the first meal service so I can start dozing sooner.

    8. Clothes: layers + pashmina/shawl
      Neck pillow: get the one with flat back and puffy sides, flat back means you can lean backwards as well as to the side
      Warms socks and eye mask
      If you think you’ll feel unsafe if you fall asleep, an under-your-clothes pouch for a couple of valuables
      Have a backpack or other item of underseat carry-on to use as a foot rest
      Pressure releaving ear plugs if you get sinus trouble
      Water and luke warm tea

  6. hi all, my teen aged son and i will be in houston for two nights. we are arriving by car from Austin, will have an afternoon to hang out/ walk around, then the next day plan is to go to space center and the march madness game at rice. the next day we fly out at 10am from IAH. Would like to stay in one hotel both nights, preferably one where parking is included. Any suggestions for specific hotel or neighborhood? also suggestions for where we should walk around, my son likes second hand and fancy sneakers. TIA!

    1. I’d stay in the museum district or Rice. For splurges, I’d go with Hotel Zaza, St. Augustine, or Colombe D’or. The Marleen is a bed and breakfast in Montrose that will be more affordable (probably more your vibe that your sons) and walkable to coffee/restaurants.

  7. My company now has fertility benefits, including help of some sort with surrogacy. That to me is something I hear you exploitative of poor women (and I realize that this is my personal opinion). I’m wondering, is this something that companies just do now? Do companies never think through things via a “does this harm anyone” (and do we want to be helping with that) lens?

    1. Most companies actively harm or exploit people through the work they do. Not at all surprised that that would extend to their benefits

      1. It’s very well established that surrogacy is exploitative. Many countries have outlawed it, as has the Catholic Church.

        1. If you let the Catholic Church make your reproductive decisions, I presume you don’t use birth control and have as many children as God will bless you with.

          1. Anon 10:45 here, and I’m a raging anti-Catholic lesbian :) I’m just pointing out that a major institution (that I vehemently disagree with) that’s aggressively pro-birth is anti-surrogacy.

        3. Agree that surrogacy is exploitative. But citing the Catholic Church’s stance on it as proof that many see it as such is….something.

          1. It does say something to me that the Catholic Church and e.g. the government of China see eye to eye on this.

          2. Or, that the Catholic Church allows a LOT of exploitative behavior, but even they outlawed this one because it treats children like commodities…

    3. Lol, of course they don’t think about harm (most of the time). Exhibit A: American industry.

      Surrogacy is absolutely exploitative. The fact that corporations would even wade in to “assist” is proof of that on the financial side.

    4. Companies shouldn’t be the arbiter of health decisions. That is how women get denied birth control and reproductive/maternity coverage.

    5. Sheesh; I just thought it was offered to help people build a family, especially same sex couples.

      1. As a member of the LGBT community, I want there to be many fertility options available! I want it to be relatively easy and affordable for me and others in the community to build families! I want people who want biological families to have that option! I recognize that as a gay woman, it’s a lot easier for me to have a biological child than it is for a gay man. I also want health insurance to more widely cover fertility treatments that help me (they’re the same ones that help straight couples too!) like IUI, IVF, egg retrieval/freezing.

        But, I also see and understand the arguments against surrogacy due to how it can and often is exploitative. As a member of a community that has not had equal rights for most of my life, I don’t want to perpetuate inequality or exploitative environments on anyone else.

        1. If it’s a moral concern, then you can decide whether to avail yourself. Just like you presumably do with birth control and umpteen other things. Managing others access isn’t your business.

        2. What a great argument for removing abortion and birth control coverage, too! Let companies make the moral choices for their employees. They’re better positioned to weigh the ethical and biological decisions involved than the individual who is considering it.

    6. A woman at my church chose to become a surrogate. She seemed very happy about it and would never characterize it as exploitation! She already had three kids and was married with a stable job. Not all situations are the same.

      1. I think everyone understands that things can be done voluntarily that become exploitative if they’re part of a market. It’s okay to become a living kidney donor too.

        1. Funny but my work would not accommodate either being a surrogate or a living kidney donor (either directly or via a donor chain). I feel that these benefits never benefit working women, either because you could never use them or they are designed to have you work away your fertile years in the hopes that science will just catch up. And if you never get married, they won’t let you be a single mom via surrogacy; that stuff is all for other people.

          1. Part of the reason surrogacy costs so much is that most insurance plans won’t cover it and employers won’t provide maternity leave. You have to pay any lost wages for the surrogate and their spouse. If employers can make it affordable for women who are willing able able to be a surrogate then great. I know people who explored surrogacy and it isn’t a vanity decision they made lightly. They went through a lot of pain and trauma- miscarriages nearing double digits, stillbirth, learning that any pregnancy would threaten their own life.

            But egg freezing benefits mislead women into thinking they can put off pregnancy indefinitely. The success rate is much lower than freezing embryos and it isn’t discussed enough

      2. One of my best friends was a surrogate for her sister and I am good friends with a gay couple whose surrogate was a lesbian friend of theirs who out earns them both (they paid her expenses; they did not pay her). People are painting this issue with a very broad brush.

        2. My best friend was a paid surrogate x2 and it was an extremely positive experience for her, her family, and the families she helped. They are all still in touch.

          I honestly do not understand the opposition to this?

          1. Surrogates have about double the rate of pregnancy complications due to the body recognizing the pregnancy as “foreign”. Complications like the woman hemorhagging, preeclampsia, high blood pressure, preterm birth, C section, premature birth…and it’s not even mandated to inform the surrogate of these risks.

          2. Do you really not understand? Are the potential ethical pitfalls not obvious, and is there not a great deal of information out there on this topic? It is not challenging to see how surrogacy involves power dynamics and how those power dynamics could lead to problematic conduct. It is not difficult to envision scenarios where women who comparatively lack resources feel compulsion to engage in surrogacy and/or give up autonomy/deprioritize their own health and wellbeing for an economic gain. While there are clearly some situations where surrogacy can be a non-exploitative, positive thing, broadly, there is great potential for ethical problems.

    7. Surrogacy is super unethical, but so are most mega corps so it seems to check out.

      1. I think this is right. But by offering the broadest array of benefits, they can always answer in the positive when a job candidate or employee asks if X maternity issue is covered by benefits. I also agree that I don’t want them to make moral decisions for me, since that is not in the wheelhouse of most companies, esp. those large enough to offer generous maternity benefits. By offering everything, they are letting you do that for yourself.

  8. For today’s Epstein reaction, I read that the GC of Goldman Sachs wrote to Epstein when the wife of the lawyer at Steptoe she was having a years long affair with had written her two e-mails to stay TF away from him.

    I have so many thoughts. DC is a wild place.

    2. Sort of like the song Jolene, if your man is cheating on you, do you even want him back? For a rich guy like Reid Weingarten (married man in question), I’d be rid of him and just take him to the cleaners in the divorce.

  9. Could use some words of encouragement. DD is likely going to be fired from his job. It was never a good fit. He’s been on the job just over 18 months. His boss is a disaster, as is the firm. Looking back he had some low key warnings of this during interview process but no one overtly said “your team sucks and is painfully disorganized” of course. There’s probably culpability on both sides – it was a really frustrating environment and he’s struggled to fake it. He had his review on Friday and is being put on a PIP sometimes this week. He’d already decided he was done, updated his resume over the holidays and began applying for jobs and networking.

    Two thematics of questions: (1) what can/should he do as his exit nears? Ask for positive reference? Is that even a thing? This is all very new…

    (2) what do we do overall, particularly around childcare? I have two (2.5 and 8). I have a Big Job with good income, stable. Not ideal to be the sole worker but it’s totally fine on paper. The hiring market kinda blows right now. Maybe he gets lucky. We’d already talked about him possibly looking for a part time or slightly reduced hours role given my work and travel schedule. We currently have a nanny which is $$, but if he’s out of work for an extended period, it doesn’t make sense to have her. But, what if he gets a job quickly and we give up our nanny… that’s not ideal either because there’s no guaranty we can find one again. I’m just doing mental gymnastics to figure out how to bridge this uncertainty. I’m hoping he gets 90 days so that takes us to May-ish.

    Thanks for sticking with my rambling. Just lots to consider. It’s a bummer. He needs to leave, but we both wish it wasn’t this way. Le sigh.

    2. do you mean DH (dear husband)?

      i would say if he has irons in the fire with former colleagues or actual opportunities like job openings with a perfect fit then you keep the nanny – if not give it a few weeks but then cut her loose or look into sharing her or something like that.

      would he be able to handle being a SAHP? it isn’t for everyone

    3. Start looking right now. Today. Get his resume in shape and start networking. Develop a reason for leaving that’s not “everyone else is wrong and I’m perfect.” Act like he’s been fired already because he has. Sorry to be blunt, I hope he lands on his feet quickly.

    4. On a reference, I’d seek them from friends not officially. If there’s someone there he can confide in, line that up. Also get one from a former boss at his prior job – less weird if he’s still employed while looking. On childcare, I’d keep your setup – don’t slide into making it okay to be a one income family.

      1. Agreed. Keep your childcare. It will be harder for him to get a job if you have to line up childcare last minute. The stability for your kids will be good. And he will need time to job search and interview, which is not easy to do if you are caring for a bunch of kids.

    5. I would go for part time childcare until he gets a job. In this market, it’s likely to take some time. I would guess 6 months minimum unless he’s in an in-demand specialty or something. But if he’s full time parenting he’s extra unlikely to make progress while job hunting because it is A Lot to be the primary parent without any breaks. You could talk with the nanny, see if she could make part time work, but if not I’d be willing to let her go. But I am also comfortable paying a SAHM to take my kids in additionto her own, and there’s plenty of folks happy and willing to do that in my area.

    6. Is your job enough to be the sole breadwinner without the nanny expenses? Does it make sense for your spouse to be dedicated FT to childcare and homemaking, financially and otherwise?

      In our house, we did the math and that is where we landed when the largest employer in DH’s field in our area went belly-up. He loves it, it’s less expensive for us, and I get to lean in to my career in ways I couldn’t when juggling childcare constraints.

      1. Don’t forget to factor in retirement contributions, shifts in life insurance, and any difficulty getting back into the workforce at the same spot and a decent network. I’m 52. I’ve seen too many friends pursue this when their kids were little and they are paying the price now. It’s not just an income calculation.

        1. In the poster you replied to. We are 20 years in and this has worked out well for us because we did run the numbers for all of this. Fully funding 529s and retirement accounts on my salary alone has been more cost effective than the expenses would have been for childcare, commuting, etc. for both of us to be full time all this while. My salary would not have been able to grow to what it is now if we were both juggling busy office workloads. DH thrives as the SAHP, and as empty nesters, he’s able to throw himself into community volunteering in a way that fulfills him.

    7. Glad to hear he’s already applying.

      Keep childcare for the time being. Finding a good nanny or daycare can be just as hard as finding another job! The last thing you need is a stressful scramble for day care when he gets a job.

      I also think this is a good time to evaluate work/jobs and the family over all. Do you all prefer two full time employees and a nanny? Does it make sense for him to be a stay at home parent until your little one is in school full time?

    8. I had a period of time when I was worried about losing my job at an “up or out” firm when my in-house job search took longer than expected.
      What was incredibly helpful for my anxiety was to look at our monthly spending and create three budgets: green (normal, two jobs, etc.) – yellow (belt tightening we might need to do if down to one job for a shorter period of time – less eating at restaurants, cutting back home cleaner, keeping nanny) – and red (bare bones – mortgage/groceries/car payment – no fun stuff). It made me feel a lot more knowledgeable and in control to have that spelled out.
      Do something like that and then assess how much you have in savings or can manage with the less painful cuts. For the nanny, I would plan to keep for at least a few months if you can and then reassess.
      I’m sorry, sounds like a very stressful time!

      1. +1 to this approach. We just went through this (husband lost his job at a startup that I wasn’t thrilled about to begin with but it wasn’t possible to see all the red flags from the outside). We let our sitter go but our kids are in middle school so it’s a different calculus (sitter did a lot of driving/errand running). It’s been nearly 3 months and my husband is still out of work. I’m glad we cut the sitter loose (with 2 weeks paid notice btw) vs. telling ourselves he’d find a job again in a few weeks and hoping for the best. We also did a red/yellow/green budget which helped a lot with reality based decisions vs. the initial impulse to cut out all spending.

    9. I was your DH 10 years ago, although I was laid off not fired (no PIP, just a new boss who found a way to get rid of me for a bro). I interviewed around but ultimately started my own consulting firm. Now my kids are older and having the flexibility is amazing. I made $200k when I had my corporate job. Now I make ~$100k (and have to pay self employment taxes). DH made $200k when I was laid off. Now he makes $250k.

      So, there may be an option for your DH to build or find something more flexible since it sounds like you are not going to be in dire financial straits.

      1. Funny you mention this. He’s in digital marketing and has often considered this. I genuinely thought this might be a good path for when the kids are both in school to give him some flexibility and have him home/available at 2:45pm each day. I just didn’t think we’d do it quite yet. DD #2 is a November baby so won’t go to K until Fall 28 though we are putting her in PT preschool this fall (Tu/Th 8:30-11:30).

        There have been several contract roles that he’s already stumbled on – 6 months here and there. Wonder if living a little of that life might work for a bit.

        1. oof it seems like digital marketing is going to be hit hard by AI changes and jobs will be scarce. maybe this time is a blessing to give him time to figure out a new direction, new degree or something?

          1. I know. he really doesn’t love it, even before this most recent hiccup. Prior to this he had a stable, good job for over 10 years at a bank but the bank was acquired and he was laid off. We’re 40. He knows the goal (I think / we think..) is to get a new job after this one but also he’s struggling to know what to do if not marketing. He’s really in his head right now, understandably so. He’s talking to a therapist so I’m hoping some of this gets sorted out in his brain in due time. I can only do / take on so much of the figuring out here, which he knows.

          2. i actually think it’s perfect. He can become the alternative to an FTE or even a department as orgs look to cut and replace with AI.

            I could easily see “instead of 1-3 FTEs, let’s use Contractor DH who will leverage AI and give us the same output at 40% the cost.”

            Definitely do NOT get a new degree, are you mad?! He’s like, 40 with a family.

      2. I was laid off last fall and also decided to pursue self-employment and love it so far. I’m on track to come close to replacing my prior income this year. It’s definitely not for everyone, but if it’s something he’s interested in, I think it’s worth exploring. I work harder than I did in my prior office job but can be home with my kids after school and don’t need to worry about finding before- or aftercare for summer camps. It’s a good middle ground than being a SAHP, which I wouldn’t have wanted, and working in an office with less flexibility.

    10. I would have keep childcare and have him look until summer. Then have him take the summer as a SAHP or part time and get a nanny for the fall.

  10. Hoping you all have some thoughts here. I work closely with the leader of my org. I don’t report directly to her but my boss does. My role puts me in the position of doing work on the leader’s behalf, things like writing talking points, developing speeches, etc. I am not new to my role, and current leader has been in her role for about a year.

    I am struggling hard to figure out her vision and how she wants to articulate things. I am not the only person who is having this issue with her, but it’s really not a good dynamic when I’m supposed to be her ghostwriter. An example: We have a meeting to discuss the points she wants to include, I ask questions when things don’t make sense, and by the end, it sounds like we’re on the same page. I execute, and then she comes back with feedback that either contradicts what we discussed earlier or goes off in several new directions and makes the original practically unusable. It’s like she has a very specific vision in mind, but it’s not being articulated in a way that I can understand, either because a) I’m not a mind-reader, or b) I haven’t been involved in discussions in the same way she has, and I won’t be, because I’m not considered senior leadership. I ask clarifying questions and offer suggestions when possible, but the leader is way too busy to be micromanaging at this level. I start this process EARLY, and it’s still taking up a ton of time and creating emergencies around deadlines because she changes her mind.

    My boss has not been helpful in helping me manage this dynamic. She just shrugs her shoulders and says this is how this leader is. Feeling like I’m missing the mark on a regular basis is miserable, especially when I’ve taken the steps to ensure we’re on the same page. I’ve done this same role for two other leaders, and it was nothing like this. I expect feedback, I expect to make edits, and I am not so married to my work that I think my words are brilliant and shouldn’t be changed. What I do find frustrating is that we have a direction, I execute, and somehow it’s still wrong. The weird thing is, I think the leader thinks this is a collaborative process, and to me, it feels like chaos.

    I don’t know what to do next. Our communication styles are simply not a great match at all, but I have to figure out how to make it work.

    1. I can’t tell from your narrative whether this is actually a problem that the executive is upset about.

      My role involves a lot of ghost writing. A lot. On behalf of a number of different stakeholders, to a variety of different audiences. I rarely draft something that doesn’t get edited to some extent. Many times my draft gets completely reworked and reworded. I used to get very frustrated that I was not hitting the mark, but eventually I realized no one actually expected my work to be pushed through without changes. My job is to give them something that isn’t a blank slate.

    2. I’m just thinking of how you set up a GPT with info about tone and audience and so forth – might be helpful to read some articles about that and then ask her similar questions for you to keep in your own knowledge bank.

      would it be helpful if you took a more modular approach to work product? she wants to talk about 5 things so you write 5 paragraphs but they aren’t melded or smooth, but you can do that later on. if 2 fall away or 3 are added then it’s just more modules.

    3. It sounds like you expect the leader to have a linear thought process who nails down her thoughts way in advance and then sticks to them . . . and that’s not who she is and how she thinks or operates.

      What if she’s the type of communicator who processes verbally with you, and it IS what she wants to say as she STARTS thinking about it, on the day you’re having the conversation. It’s a beginning. But when she sees it written out in front of her, she recognizes she wants to say something else or go off in a different direction. If this is who she is, then you’re not getting it wrong or failing. You’re doing what you need to do, in helping her come to her actual thing she wants to say. And what if what feels like chaos to you (because you’re expecting advance thinking, structure, nailed-down decisions, and linear action steps) actually IS collaboration, to her?

      IF this is who she is, you make it work by relaxing. By viewing that initial conversation not as the “nail it down” stage that you then execute, but as the “starting point” conversation that surfaces the origin of the idea, which will change several times before the actual message is recognized. By clearing time right before the event or deadline to make progressively different drafts until the real one shows up.

    4. Sometimes it’s just like this. Sometimes at the last minute they ditch the talking points. I wouldn’t worry about this unless you’re told to worry.

    5. I agree that feeling bad at your job is awful, but unless the exec thinks you’re a problem, maybe you need to make peace with it if you want to stay in your role, and try to do your first drafts in a way that minimizes impact to the whole if exec decides to nix a particular topic? Or maybe this person is more of a last-minute type and so you’re being TOO organized too far in advance?

    6. I suppose this is a bigger problem in my head than it is for my exec. I think I’m frustrated overall because it’s taking up a ton of time and effort, on top of other projects with hard deadlines. It’s thankless work, and I think that’s actually been bugging me more than I’ve admitted to myself. I do hear that I probably need to find a way to accept it.

      1. Yes. Not to put too fine a point on it, but you’re there to help make her life easier. Not the other way around.

        1. Totally get that. It’s hard to see how I’m making her life easier, though, if we’re going through so many revisions.

          1. Talk to her and ask for feedback on how she sees working together going and what you could change. I am like your boss in that I process things once it’s on the page and can never stick to an outline when writing my own stuff. When I work with other people that work the same way, it is easy for us because we recognize the concept is fluid. When we work with people that stick to an outline, it takes some adjustment.

      2. Put less effort into crafting the “perfect” copy, and accept that you are just there to provide a rough draft for them to work from. You don’t need to be so emotionally invested in this.

      3. Does “thankless” mean it’s just a random ad hoc task that got dumped on you even though it is not a core part of your job function or your formal responsibilities? If so, stop dedicating so much time and effort. Slap some words together and send it.

    7. Is there an intermediate step between “meet” and “execute” that would help? For example, could you present her with a detailed outline to see if you’re on the right track, or if that’s still the direction she wants to take, before you write the first draft? Or maybe you walk her through a slide deck with the key points.

      You have my sympathies. A lot of creative work is like this. Copywriters and graphic designers have to have very thick skins. It’s part of the job.

  11. Pet peeve: recipes that promise they take 20 minutes start to finish but then the first ingredient is “precooked chicken” or ” cooked and diced sweet potato.” Between that and recipes effectively allocating 0.57 seconds to chop an onion, I’m so done.

    1. It helps to know how to cook. Most outlets publish extremely quick cooking times to make recipes popular. The reality is it takes a lot more time than stated most of the time.

      1. +1. My personal pet peeve is recipes that claim that caramelizing onions take 10 minutes. I caramelized one onion for sauce this weekend and it took roughly 25 minutes to get it lightly caramelized. To get them properly caramelized for french onion soup would be close to an hour. I understand why so many people are ordering in/not cooking these days – to cook a meal, start to finish, from scratch, quickly takes a LOT of skill and knowledge. I don’t think I regularly cooked from scratch most nights until my 30s when I had kids to feed.

    2. If I’m really going to follow a recipe, I stick with recipes from sources that have real standards (Cooks Illustrated, Kenji, Better Homes & Garden print cookbook).

      Anything floating around online is just for vague inspiration to me.

      1. I don’t follow recipes but do use them for inspiration. Mostly I just do my own thing with the timing and ingredients, but it’s good to get a sense of what’s possible. For example! I was making a creamy seafood pasta and one recipe had me start with sautee’ing anchovies and minced garlic as a first step. This would not have occurred to me and it was amazing. But otherwise I didn’t use the recipe.

        1. Exactly, online recipes for me are more about ingredient combinations and ideas. If I don’t already know how to cook something, I want a recipe that I know was tested and is accurate!

    3. I feel you. I had a sushi recipe this weekend and did not realize that washing and soaking the rice was like… an hour and a half, by itself. There were more instructions on the rice bag about washing and soaking it than there were about cooking it!

    4. I really like the celebrity cookbooks that are co-authored by Rachel Holtzman. Most of them are realistic about the cooking times and not afraid to use short cuts as needed (e.g., soup mix).

    5. Same here. I also wonder just how many people DO have pre-cooked chicken hanging out in the fridge? Not at my house (haha family of 4. Husband is a former football player with an astounding appetite and my 2 kids are growing like weeds!!!).

      1. Costco families or other families who buy rotisserie chickens often have precooked chicken… you can also buy “pulled chicken” from most grocery stores these days. Or *shudders* canned chicken. Last year for superbowl I made a buffalo chicken dip that called for canned chicken and I just blended rotisserie chicken instead.

    6. I have been caught by this too many times so I always read the recipe well in advance.

  12. Any recommendations on dealing with chilblains? Used to be confined to feet in winter but now getting them on hands too.

    1. One thing is that mittens really are warmer. I don’t get chilbains but I have Reynauds and gloves + mittens kept me extremely warm in the freezing cold temps. In dire circumstances hot hands in the mittens (but above gloves) worked great.

    2. Sorry to hear you are struggling with this. How bad are they? As you know it is essential to get these under control. They will get worse with aging and when your systemic disease flares. Is your systemic disease under good control?

      Do you have a good doctor helping you? I really feel like by the time you have chilblains with open wounds you need to be very aggressive with your Raynaud’s treatment. Either with your Rheumatologist in combination with a dermatologist who treats patients with systemic disease/autoimmune disease, or a neurologist who specializes in peripheral neuropathies. Ideally you need a wound care doctor helping if your sores are not healing.

      Keep your feet / hands clean and dry. Check your feet twice a day looking for broken skin and wound progression. Have a very good dermatologist that you can send pictures to over MyChart/patient portal if things progress. If you have open wounds, make sure you are getting good nutrition with high protein and vitamins A, C and E. Are you on a calcium channel blocker at least? Have the warmest slippers and boots in winter that you can afford. I wear my uggs and shearling slippers and they are super warm. I still wear wool socks (sometimes two pairs) and use those disposable or rechargeable “hand warmers” in my boots. Be careful you don’t make it too hot. Similarly I love 2 layers of gloves – a silk layer and then shearlings. Honestly, mittens are best. Spend the minimal amount of time outside in the cold as possible. You may notice that your symptoms spread to your face/nose/ears, so a warm hat/hood are also key.

      Never put your ice cold hands/toes directly under hot water. I learned this lesson the hard way. Warm them slowly under tepid water. Use electric warmers/blankets when in the house. I wear simple gloves in the house too.

      I’ve known people who have lost toes, or had complications of bacterial infections that spread from their chilblains. Doctors who are dismissive are not the right doctor for you. And think about moving someplace with warmer winters. Seriously.

    3. I’ve gotten chillblains on my hands but never on feet. Wearing proper gloves outside has helped. Like I wear an old pair of ski gloves for shoveling or if I’m going to be outside for a long time. (And now wear mittens for actual skiing).

  13. I have the worst boss. When a colleague learns who I work for they immediately go “oh I’m so sorry you have to deal with him”. I work for the federal government, so things suck right now (and have for the past year). They’ve announced that they’re going to do another round of “deep cuts” to my agency – no job is safe. Every day I (and any one of my coworkers) could lose my job with no warning or rationale. We’ve already lost nearly 40% of our staff. I’m already doing 3 people’s jobs, two of which are at a higher GS level than I am (of course this is all uncompensated). By all accounts (including from this boss!), I’m a rock star with a very high ceiling at this agency. He screams at staff, is an extreme micromanager, has horrible social skills, and just does not let up. Every other team I interact with talks about how flexible their supervisors are being given the situation. Not my boss! He’s doubling down and micromanaging even more.

    The agency took away our flex scheduling, telework in 99% of circumstances (we used to have it 2x a week), real performance reviews and performance incentives, and all ability to move around within the agency (promotions, laterals to other teams, you name it – its gone). Of course, the ridiculous TDYs have not ended (2 hours notice to go TDY for 3 weeks? Why not!).

    I love my job, the mission, and I feel proud of the work that I do. I work with some super amazing people who have become true friends. Prior to the inauguration, this was the dream unicorn job. For my field, the job has great work life balance and pay and benefits. So, despite the current nonsense and my supervisor, I have no plan on leaving until I’m fired.

    On top of this, I have been juggling some health stuff AND I had a family emergency last week and he has been not at all helpful or understanding. Sure, he approves my sick leave but that’s bare minimum.

    But man, dealing with all of this AND an inflexible, not-understanding boss is the worst. Due to health and family stuff, I am very low on leave so cannot call out for a mental health day. It just boggles my mind that anyone could look at the situation and think oh no, why be flexible or extend grace to my staff?!?!

    1. Thank you for your service. I have family in the same kind of circumstances and I’m so grateful that they are sticking it out. I hope you can hang on and find mental ways to separate your sanity from what is happening around you. My hope is that this doesn’t last forever.

    3. I could have written this post about a year ago. I left the federal government in June of last year. I couldn’t take it anymore. I went into consulting and I don’t love it, I miss my fed job and the mission and people. But I appreciate you for sticking it out.

    4. Sounds terrible. This is not a dream job. Just because you thought that at one point doesn’t mean it’s true today.

      1. +1. I’d start doing a ‘good enough’ job ASAP and aggresively job hunting. You know you could be fired at a moment’s notice, and nothing you do performance-wise will change that. Sure your boss might not like it but truly he’ll be worse off without you so I doubt he’s going to fire you because then HE would have to do the work.

      2. I’m very committed to sticking it out. If/when my position is eliminated, I’ll cross that bridge. For now I’m holding the line.

        1. Why? I can tell you from experience that if the company cared about the work you do, they wouldn’t stick you under a horror show of a human.

    5. I’d give yourself until the midterms. If we have a fair and free election then keep sticking out the job. If we don’t then seriously look for a new job.

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