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I’ve mentioned before how much I love Universal Standard for being truly size-inclusive, so I was really delighted to see that they’re doing a collaboration with Erdem this spring.
I really, really love this floral shirtdress. The floral print and small ruffles are feminine and delicate without being too childish, the cotton sateen material will be nice and cool for summer, and it has pockets!
If you like the print but aren’t looking for a dress, it also comes in a long-sleeved and short-sleeved blouse.
The dress is $174 and comes in sizes 00–40.
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
Sales of note for 8.30.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
- Boden – 20% off
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
- Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
- J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
- Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
- Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
- White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale
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Anon
For no apparent reason, today feels like a great day to have a great day. Hoping everyone else feels the good vibes and “lightness” I am feeling!
Clementine
Cheers!
I suggested to my husband that for lunch we go to a local seasonal take out burger stand. You would have thought I told him he won the lottery.
AnonATL
Work has been so slow, and I’ve been procrastinating this one task for weeks now. Need to get it off my desk. I tend to feel really sad when work is slow.
AnonATL
Finally buckled down and did the thing. Feel so much better!
Anon
Go you! You look lighter already.
Senior Attorney
Hooray for doing the thing! My “the thing” box is empty for the moment and I am loving it!
Anonymous
We are celebrating being half vaxxed!
Bonnie Kate
Yes! I have this exact same feeling for today. I’m wearing my favorite new pink jeans that I LOVE. My hair magically looks good. And I almost spilled coffee all over myself and DIDN”T so I’m taking that for a win!
Anonymous
Today’s a nice spring day where I live and I just got my first shot of the vaccine, so also feeling the good vibes today! Much needed after the mess that was last week.
Ellen
My vacine date is next week. YAY!!!
Anonymous
Today is Taco Tuesday!
Anon
This morning I said “Alexa, play ‘Oh What a Beautiful Morning,’” so clearly I feel the same!
Alice
Today I had to be somewhere by 9:30, out of the house, and I realized how much having a place I need to be at improved my morning routine. It’s easier to stretch it out, do a couple things “after work starts” when you don’t actually have to leave.
Any suggestions on adding that structure or feeling like I have to leave for WFH?
Yes I’m asking this after 1 year + of WFH. I think I’ve just gone through cycles of it working very well vs not
Cb
I have a rule that I have to be out of the house for exercise at 8am (my family leaves at 7:30). This gives me time for a walk or a cycle ride, a cup of tea, and breakfast, before settling into work. It’s a fake commute and I really find it helps set me up for a good day.
Anonymous
I’ve had the opposite experience. It was making me miserable to get up at 5:30 every day to get out the door by 645 to get to my desk by eight. I was rushing, it was not enjoyable, and I was always tired. Now I get up at 6:30 and start work right at 7:30. It’s easy and much better and I have no problem starting right on time. Why don’t you just try setting a firm start time even if you are at home? I find this very easy to implement.
anonymous
I work in software development and I have a daily status call with the developers at 9:30. That motivates me to work out, shower and get dressed before starting my work day.
Alice
This could totally be a part of it. I switched jobs during the pandemic and my previous job had morning status calls like this whereas my new one does not.
Curious
I’ve actually been trying to give myself reasons to be out of the house early on the weekend (fun things!). This has made it easier in the week because it’s the routine.
Anon
I do not miss AT ALL trying to get myself and two elementary school aged kids out the door, all three of us dressed and groomed and fed and not late. Kids are older and I don’t have an office I have to rush to by no later than a certain time. It is glorious.
Anon
TBH, what works for me is not tips and tricks but just being firm with myself on ehen work starts and finishes. I don’t permit myself to exercise or do laundry during work hours (lunch break is a nother thing entirely) and I don’t work during my time off. I realize not everyone can set this kind of boundary though.
Anonny
No advice but I am also definitely going for cycles of WFH going well and then not so well.
Anon
This dress is really nice — swap out the shoes and it could go to my office no problem.
Senior Attorney
I must confess I am strangely drawn to those shoes…
pugsnbourbon
They’re Docs: https://www.drmartens.com/us/en/p/24641100
Anon
Yesterday my company held a virtual Town Hall. It went fine. Two years ago, when they were still swearing that remote work was unacceptable and infeasible, the Town Hall fell on the day of a record-breaking ice storm. I fell and broke my wrist trying to get to that meeting, and I’m still having a lot of trouble with it. I can’t put weight on it, my flexibility is compromised, and it throbs constantly.
Today’s proof that these pointless meetings are easily held online is bringing back all the anger and bitterness. I don’t think I’m going to be able to get over this. I think I need to find a new job.
Anonymous
Go for it. I think a lot of us are baffled with what we put up with for so long. I hope you’re also getting active treatment on your wrist!
Anonymous
I think getting a new job sounds reasonable in your circumstances if you don’t think that they’ve learned a valuable lesson from the pandemic. I agree as well, it’s absolutely absurd that I used to have to come in on 100° days to a non-air-conditioned building or during hazardous smoke conditions simply because my boss didn’t like work from home. I will refuse to do things like that in the future.
anonymous
That’s awful! I’m so sorry. Definitely look for a new job. There are companies that realize working remotely works fine. I find town hall type meetings pointless in general. I’m so thankful they are all online at my company because I join and then get back to work I actually need to get done.
Anon
You realize you have agency though, right? You could have stayed home in the ice storm. You’ll argue that there was pressure, etc., but you still had a choice. Next time just remember that and make a different one.
Anon
Yes, I could have chosen to get a write-up from HR for missing it, and risk our only household income.
**** out of here, the devil doesn’t need advocates.
Anonymous
I’m the commenter above who was “forced” to go in during dangerous heat waves and smoke conditions and even though I’m still angry at my boss for that, I do think Anon at 10:17 has a point. At some point, we HAVE to speak up for our own safety and take the risk that there could be consequences. Now that the pandemic has happened, I have a better sense of how I need to protect my own safety boundaries when others won’t. I’m not saying I’m going to take a stand and go against everything my boss asks for, but if she ever wants me to come in to the office again when the AQI is over 300 (and there is no HVAC system in our historic building so the air quality inside is just as bad), I will not do it.
Anon
Yeah but there’s a way to write that comment (as you did) without being a complete jerk about it.
Anon-nah-nah
Love this comment. I could have written the last sentence myself. LOL
Anon
I think this is a fair reminder to others. OP, you may not have been able to miss it. But other people are often killing themselves trying to make it to things that do not really matter. It’s a reminder that we can and should push back, preferably as a group.
Anon
This is so obnoxious. Employers have a lot of power over employees.
Anon
Exactly. We have a very asymmetrical market: employers have power, employees have none; employees who leave or are told to leave are looked down upon by other companies; employers who are such s–ts to their employees that they leave sound all lovely when hiring new people.
If there were some symmetry, I would agree with the above poster. There isn’t.
Anon
I am not writing about your work situation, but about your wrist. I also broke my wrist after slipping on ice, a bad break with 100% displacement. Two years out, it was still pretty miserable but doctors told me that it was as good as it would get. It kept improving, though: better after 5 years than after 2; better after 10 years than after 5. I still lack some flexibility and strength, and motions that require pressure and twisting (opening a jar, for example) are challenging, but my wrist is better than I expected and my days are pain free. Sending you positive vibes that your wrist continues to improve over the long haul.
Botox
I have my first appointment for Botox (forehead) later this week. After I made the appointment, I realized that the educational material says you should not exercise the day after. Is this something other people have encountered? The appointment is easy enough to reschedule, but I’m trying pretty hard to exercise every day so I’m wondering how strict it is and whether it’s an issue of, say, not being upside-down like in a yoga class, or not getting the heart rate elevated for a long period of time, like in a cardio session.
Sunshine
I have been getting Botox in my forehead for 15 years and am a serious exercise person. I’ve neve heard this rule and certainly have exercised the day after getting my injections.
Anon222
Same. I don’t do it same, day, but certainly do it the day afterwards.
BeenThatGuy
Please, do not exercise for 24 hour after your injections! I can tell you from experience that exercising within that time frame makes the Botox “fall”. It gave me an extreme brow ridge; think Neanderthal looking minus the bushy eyebrows. Nothing could be done about it and I had to wait several months for it to wear off and look normal again. I now follow the 24 hour rule and have had no problems in the last 8 years with injections since I made that mistake.
Botox
wow, thanks for sharing that.
anon
This is standard advice. Anything that increases blood flow or blood pressure should be avoided. Too many changes in head position could cause the Botox to migrate.
Anon
This warning is on the literature I get as well. A gentle long walk is fine, but no putting pressure on the head (through being upside down or through headbands, etc.) no lifting weights, no raising your heart rate, and no sweating.
Anon
I get botox for chronic migraine (MUCH higher dose than cosmetic, but spread over my entire head and neck) and my doctors tell me that I should stay upright as much as possible afterward and not rub my face for 24 hours or so. They admit that they don’t know for sure, but think it’s more likely that botox will migrate from the injection site and cause droopy eyelids or other undesirable effects if you have your head down or push on it too much. They haven’t told me not to exercise at all, but they have explicitly said not to do yoga or anything that would have your head down a lot. I’m also pretty sore for a day or two after my injections, but I get a lot of them, so cosmetic injections might not be as bad.
Anon
Yes, that’s standard advice. Follow it.
Anon
If you can’t stop exercising for one day, you have bigger issues than Botox.
Anonymous
+1
Anon
Agree. This post sounded very specifically
obsessive. (Which I say and recognize as a person with obsessive tendencies).
Botox
hysterical. you people are a pack of animals. I’m “trying pretty hard to exercise every day” but obviously will skip one if that’s the recommended advice, which is WHY I’M ASKING THE QUESTION. so I’m “obsessive.” Vicious. SMH.
Anon
I think most people would take a medical recommendation not to exercise for a day at face value.
Anonymous
Ummmmmm this reaction is not making you seem more normal
Anon
Botox won’t make you prettier on the inside :)
In House Lobbyist
Yes, no exercise and no laying down immediately. You need to stay reclined at least for 8 hours. And no painkiller in advance because it can make your bleed or bruise more. I get terrible headaches from it and go straight home and gently recline with ice packs. But I love the results and will always do it.
Botox
thank you to everyone who kindly shared their experiences. I’ll follow the guidance.
Anon
Ugh. Yesterday was two weeks after my husband‘s second shot. In those two weeks, he had no exposure I can think of – nothing indoors with anyone, no outdoor meetups without anyone, only briefly passing people for walks outside while masked. That’s it. I am high risk so that is how we have been behaving basically all year.
Then in the afternoon yesterday, he started feeling muscle aches, some fatigue, and a low-grade fever. Could this be food poisoning? We did eat takeout food on Sunday that could maybe be a culprit. I really can’t imagine that he got covid from briefly passing people outside while nearly fully vaccinated and masked. Under the circumstances, would you get tested? I also have my own second shot scheduled for Friday but they don’t want you to come if anyone in your household has been sick…
Anon
in my experience food poisoning usually involves stomach issues, like vomiting, etc. assuming his behavior is as you’ve described, it sounds extremely extremely unlikely that he has covid, though i suppose he could’ve been exposed while getting the vaccine, but for piece of mind, i would just test asap so you can have results by friday and then call your doctor to figure out what to do. this sounds stressful. sorry you are dealing with this.
Anon
Yes, he actually did have diarrhea. Without being too graphic, it wasn’t like spending the night in the bathroom, but he did say that it was much more off than usual. I’m kind of frazzled dealing with this and forgetting details, although I know I didn’t forget any exposures.
anon
I probably wouldn’t bother getting tested at this point. The chances that this is Covid are really low if he’s 2 weeks post shot and has no known exposures.
anon
You can have diarrhea with COVID.
Definitely test ASAP.
So sorry this is so stressful.
anonymous
I think for your peace of mind, he should get tested.
MagicUnicorn
Get tested, but my first thought would be that he is experiencing vaccine side effects.
Anon
Those don’t take two weeks to show up.
AnonMom
Some actually do, though.
anon
Unlikely that it’s food poisoning because the symptoms are gastrointestinal and unlikely it’s vaccine side effects after two weeks. More likely it’s common cold, a sinus infection, allergies (some people do get fever with allergies – I’m one of them) or some other mild respiratory virus.
asdf
He may have a cold. Colds can be transmitted readily by contact (door knobs, for example). It seems overwhelmingly likely in this scenario where the sick person is both fully vaccinated and hasn’t had any person contacts. If you’re really concerned, I suggest he gets tested. If it comes back negative then you can move on and not give it a second thought!
Cat
I had this twice in the last year and it was just a stomach bug both times, but honestly, testing is widely available and quick now so why not have him go?
Anon
Of course I would get tested, there’s literally no reason not to.
Anon
The only thing giving me pause is that test results have taken over a week to come back for us in the past. That would mean I need to cancel my second shot appointment while we wait for the results. I don’t know if it’s faster now because they never tell us that. In theory, I agree that there is no downside to getting tested but I am high-risk and I am loathe to risk my second shot appointment for what may be a true false alarm given our lack of exposure.
Anon
Ignorance is bliss!
Anonymous
They may come back faster now. Things have improved. And whether you get tested or not wouldn’t change whether he may have covid. In which case, you shouldn’t be around other people, whether you know it from a test result or not. Just because you wouldn’t test wouldn’t change that.
Every time I’ve had food poisoning it’s been vomiting and/or intense diarrhea. You 100 percent know it.
anon
Don’t cancel your second shot, especially if you’re high risk. Your husband is unlikely to have Covid. Even if he did, he’s unlikely to transmit it to others. Even if he were shedding virus, you have about 80% immunity from your first shot, so you’re unlikely to have Covid, and you’re unlikely to transmit it to others. Get your shot. Wear an N95 to your appointment if you’ll be around others.
Anon
Look around for a rapid test. My cousin tested positive for covid the day before she was to get her second vaccine (ugh) but was at least able to find out same day.
The timing on testing has improved greatly since the beginning of the pandemic.
Anon
The sensitivity of a rapid test is not good (50-90%) compared to PCR. Especially for asymptomatic. A negative is fairly meaningless.
anon
unlike other commenters here, every time I’ve had food poisoning I’ve had a fever!
Anon
Any chance he got bit by a tick on one of your walks and could have Lyme? Only asking because I’m about to be tested for it for the same symptoms, minus the fever. I have very sore joints and muscles, headache and fatigue and was in the woods a week ago.
I was also 1 week post first vaccine when this happened so it could also be a vaccine side effect. Remember antibodies don’t really kick in for a week to 10 days so it makes sense that it could also trigger a reaction then.
AnonMPH
Get tested! There has got to be an option where you live (if in the US, which I’m assuming) where you can get results back in less than a week at this time. Perhaps you need to try a different testing provider, but that’s just not the turnaround time for testing at this point really anywhere in the country. Look around, ask people in your area where they have gotten tested and how long it took, check neighborhood facebook groups or nextdoor groups for recent threads about testing locations and result turnaround times. Your county may even be reporting test-turnaround times as part of their current COVID stats.
He is very unlikely to have COVID right now, but just get the test so you don’t have to worry about it.
Anon
Thanks everyone. He called the advice nurse and she thought it was very unlikely to be COVID as well, but is going to order a test. I just hope the results come back in time for me to feel good about getting my second appointment without being worried that I might have Covid or that I might spread it to others. Honestly, if either one of us has it after the precautions we’ve taken, everyone in this country is totally screwed.
Anon
recently i posted asking for tips about knowing if a house is the right house and most people said you will have some kind of feeling, you’ll be focusing on the positives of the house, rather than the boxes it doesn’t check, etc. DH and I saw this past weekend what objectively speaking is almost the perfect house for us. there are a handful of ‘nice to have’ boxes it doesn’t check, but otherwise it is great. yet, when i was in the house i didn’t have any kind of feeling. it is in our second choice neighborhood, so perhaps that is why, though a part of me thinks we are going to end up in this second choice neighborhood anyway and if that’s the case, we are passing on an incredible house. the other complicating factor is that our realtor is also the seller’s agent on this house, though she obviously wouldn’t represent both if we were to want to put in an offer, but she is a good negotiator, which is part of why we chose her, but that would obviously be to our detriment in this case. i’m scared this is going to be the house that got away and we will never find another house as good as this
Anonymous
Just to assuage some stress. I lost the house that I thought was ‘the one’ and bought the one across the street that was even more perfect the following year.
OP
thanks! i’m definitely the type of person who likes to know all my options before making a decision, which definitely makes this house hunting thing hard. we’ve only been looking for 8-9 weeks, which doesn’t feel like that long, though we haven’t seen any houses we like in our preferred neighborhood yet
Anon
Actually, this happened to us too. We lost what I thought was the one and ended up buying the house next door months later! The first house was cuter, but the second house ended up meeting our needs much more.
Anon
I guess I’d want to know more about why you don’t think you will end up in your first choice neighborhood? Is it that the price the houses actually go for (not the list price) are always above your budget? If so, how firm is your budget? Is it just low supply (there is like, historic low supply right now everywhere as I’m sure you know)? If so, are you in a hurry, or can you wait for supply to maybe eventually pick up (which it may or may not)? I think that would be helpful to more fully assess, since that seems to be your sticking point.
We ended up in what I thought was a second choice neighborhood, but it was after looking on and off for years in my first choice area and finally accepting that the intersection of what we needed (within budget, not right next to a highway yet walking distance to a few key points) just didn’t exist. I’m happy in our neighborhood now, but I sure do miss being walking distance to stuff sometimes.
Good luck.
Anon
the preferred neighborhood has low supply, but also we live in an area that is prone to flooding and we won’t buy a house that has flooded, which eliminates a lot, we also won’t buy a house that is right next to the highway or the railroad and the preferred neighborhood is sandwiched between the two. the reason it is the preferred neighborhood is the walkability (to two parks, a neighborhood pool) and the elementary school. though the school in the second choice neighborhood is still good, just based on reputation not quite as good. we can wait in the sense that we currently rent and can renew month-to-month when our lease ends, though at a much higher rate, but DH might kill me if a year goes by and we are still renting bc he’s been ready to be in a house for quite some time, though is not pressuring me at all with this house, which i appreciate bc i know he really likes it. part of it is we haven’t spent quite as much time in the second neighborhood so we both feel like at this point it would be a bit of a leap of faith to buy there (though the two neighborhoods are adjacent), but like you, to get what we want we might end up there, in which case, this will be the house that got away. this is our first home purchase and we’ve been looking at houses for 8-9 weeks.
cookies
Are you in Houston and are you talking about West U and Bellaire? I can’t help but guess but I totally understand if you don’t want to reveal. :)
OP
ha ha. i am in Houston, and i am ok with outing myself – talking about Bellaire inside the loop whcih to me feels a bit more urban and Braeswood (which also flooded) but feels more suburban. we love West U, but are priced out for what we want
Anonymous
Dang, I was close! Good luck deciding. I don’t know those areas as well (I’m in Upper Kirby) but I have heard those schools are great.
OP
and if you’re in Houston, any tips?
Houston person
I figured that out as well haha. I actually think Braeswood and Bellaire have low inventory maybe at this particular moment, but over the course of the year there’s pretty solid levels of turnover in those areas. I really like that area of Bellaire – I can see why you’re concentrating there.
I’d be tempted to expand your search to include maybe a less than ideal house in West U (less bedrooms? less updated?) or something in southside place that maybe is a little small, but that’s just me. I’m a fan of Bellaire just outside the loop too – it’s got so many conveniences! And some good parks as well. Maybe just walk around some of those areas a bit more and see if you could expand your geography just a little bit. I do like Bellaire (even outside the loop) over Braeswood personally, and I think I think about things similar to you! Anywhere that flooded just feels like a neighborhood that’s a bit in decline and the writing’s on the wall to me.
But I don’t think any houses in the areas you are describing are unicorns – there are a lot of great houses! – so if this one gets away, hang in there! We’re actually listing our house in a different neighborhood next week – the market doesn’t seem to be slowing down yet for summer!
Houston Tips
Fellow Houstonian here and I would not discount the flooding issue. I had a colleague who lived in Braeswood and during Harvey had to swim across the street with her family to a neighbor’s house who didn’t flood. Though not every house flooded, I still wouldn’t want to live on a street where people are having to swim to safety (same reason I eliminated Meyerland), even if the specific house you’re looking at didn’t flood. I’m also very happy up in the never-flooded Oak Forest neighborhood just north of the Heights. If you’re open to other parts of town, I highly recommend this area – the houses feel a little suburban, there’s parks everywhere, yet I’m also super close to everything the Heights has to offer.
Houston person
Longer response in mod – I’m in Houston! Wanted to add one thing: 8-9 weeks is a really short amount of time to have been looking! maybe for a rental but not for a house you plan to stay in for a long time. I posted more on neighborhoods but it’s still in mod.
Anon
thanks! appreciate the advice. DH and I have decided that we each get to have veto power over certain things and while West U is a gorgeous neighborhood, i think he would be very unhappy in many of the homes there and i’m not convinced the school is right for us. if we do Braeswood it would be streets that are very far from the Bayou. We think we’ve decided that we prefer Braeswood over outside the loop Bellaire. To me Bellaire feels more urban and Braeswood more suburban. I appreciate you saying that 8-9 weeks is a short amount of time to have been looking – DH seems to think it is a long amount of time!
CPA Lady
I had the “feeling” in my first house, but not my second one. The second one checked all the boxes but I didn’t have the “feeling” and it freaked me out at the time and for a while after we moved in. Now we’ve been there 7 ish months and I am SO HAPPY we moved. I have made the house more and more my own over time, and I could not be more pleased. Every time I experience a reason we moved there (close to friends, walkable to restaurants and stores and school and playgrounds, lots of kids for my only child to play with), I feel this wave of happiness and gratitude. I used to see people pulling into this neighborhood on my commute to my old house in a different neighborhood and feel pangs of jealousy, and now I get to live there too!! It’s amazing.
If the house checks all your boxes, put in an offer. The “feeling” will come.
OP
except in our case this is the second choice neighborhood, whereas it sounds like you got your first choice? basically if i could move this house to the other neighborhood, i’d be in heaven…but of course that is not the case
No Face
I bought my house because it checked the most important boxes, especially the things you can’t change about a house (like location). I definitely didn’t have ~feels~. I just knew it was fit the bill and it didn’t have any dealbreakers. No regrets many years later. Sounds like you found your house.
Anon
well this house is our second choice location.
No Face
My house is actually not in the location I preferred back when we were in the home buying process, but it is a very good location for other reasons. My former-preferred location has many historic homes, charm up the wazoo, a wonderful walkable downtown, etc. My current neighborhood is less walkable and less charming, but convenient to everything and every where. I’m glad I live here.
You will need to decide if you want to live in the second choice area or not. If you don’t really want to, then I would just stop looking at houses there and plan for a longer buying process in the first choice area.
Anon
Unless you have your heart set on a once-in-a-lifetime, one-off, architecturally significant property, there will ALWAYS be another house as good (or better!) come on the market. Waiting for it is tough, though.
It took me a while to realize that.
If time isn’t of the essence, wait, keep saving and keep looking.
anon a mouse
Disagree, depending on where you live and what the inventory is like. We had a handful of must-haves and bought a house that checked the boxes when I was very pregnant because we needed a house. It is missing several things that we would have liked, but we’re managing and slowly making improvements to add them. I’ve kept an eye on the market in the last 3 years and the only — only! — other house that checked all of our boxes that has come up for sale was 2.5x what we paid for ours (on a huge lot, slightly better location). We were looking and looking before we bought our house. How likely is it that other houses that you’ll want exist, let alone are likely to come to market this year? That should be a big consideration.
Anon
Yeah, this is location dependent advice for sure. Not to add stress for anyone but in the Bay Area (which I know is it’s own animal!) waiting and waiting might very well just price you out altogether.
Anon
I lost The One and when I drove by a few years later, the next-door neighbor was advertising archery lessons in his yard. Glad I dodged a bunch of amateurs playing with arrows.
OP
this made me lol. while most of the houses on the block are nice, the house next door is a teardown, so i’m sure there will be a lot of construction at some point
Anonymous
If you like the lot next door, message them and ask if they want to sell.
Anon
Just to put it out there, at least from observations in my neighborhoods, just because something looks like a tear down doesn’t mean it actually will be torn down for potentially years and years for a variety of reasons. Is the view of the tear down prominent from the house? Are you okay with that being a semi permanent feature when living there? (No wrong answer, just something that was a factor in some of our decisions).
No Face
Ha!
Ses
The fact that you’ve corrected people who say this checks the boxes, and you specifically mentioned several times that this is not your preferred neighborhood makes me think it’s not the one. (And that your neighborhood preference is strong.)
I personally would hold out and get more serious about looking in your first choice neighborhood.
NYCer
+1. I would wait it out for your preferred neighborhood. And FWIW, I would likely do the same if I were in your shoes.
Anon
I’m projecting based on my own experience here, but maybe not. Maybe it means she’s overthinking things. I’m deep in this process with my partner, who seems to think that we’ll know when we’ve found “the one” because angels will descend from the heavens or something. I’m trying to tell him that’s just not going to happen, at least in our price range.
OP
yes, i am not sure if i’m overthinking this, which is something i’m known to do, which is why i’m posting on this board, or if we should hold out. usually i’d talk to my mom about this stuff, and she passed away a bit over a year ago and it’s my first big decision without my usual sounding board.
Anon
Oh that’s tough, I’m sorry, OP. How’s your husband with these conversations? Can he help you work out if you’re overthinking or not? It’s just probably much easier for somebody who knows you and knows all the details.
Anon222
I have never had the feels for a house and I am on my second one and seen a LOT of houses. Both of my houses were good enough and I had no complaints with either of them after purchasing (had the first one for 10 years and have been in my second one almost two). I LOVE my current neighborhood even though I really knew nothing about it when I bought other than it seemed nice. Now, I don’t have kids, so all I really cared about was that it was safe and coming from a city where I witnessed a homicide and still didn’t feel unsafe, this is a pretty low bar for me.
You can second guess this forever, but at some point, if you want a house, you have to pull the trigger.
Anon
+1 to your last sentence.
Anon
Agreed, but don’t know that looking for eight weeks gets you to the “at some point, you have to pull the trigger” moment unless you have a baby on the way or something else like that. Particularly in a spring like this one!
Anon222
I wasn’t directing my last sentence at an 8-9 week search – it was meant at a high-level. I get the sense that she is going to fret until she finds the absolutely perfect house, which is going to take much longer than 8-9 weeks . . .
anon
My feelings about houses did not mean they were “the one.” On our last house search, we looked at over 30 houses. I had strong feelings about 2–one reminded me of my home growing up but was way over our budget. It was also directly across the street from an elementary school, which seemed nice until we drove by during carpool.
The second house was awesome and priced to sell and totally seemed like the one. I was ready to put an offer in immediately, but our realtor noticed a dumpster for the commercial lot in front of the house next door and got suspicious. She did some research, and it turned out that the holding company for a restaurant chain had purchased the watch shop two lots down, as well as the adjacent lot (next door to the one we were looking at). They had already petitioned to have the adjacent lot rezoned. I drove by a few months ago, and we would have been living next door to a large restaurant and suburban office space.
I didn’t have strong feelings about the house we bought. We’re pretty happy with it, though.
Anon
Your carpool comment made me shudder – our last house was across the alley from an elementary school and our next door neighbour had an ongoing battle (like screaming, signage, police were called and assault complaints made) with the parents who would idle in the alley during pickup and drop off.
Anonymous
I am madly in love with my house. I didn’t think it was possible, at the time I found my house I had been hunting for 6 months in a competitive market and I had made 10 in unsuccessful offers. But when I saw my house I knew it was the one, and it really inspired me to make the most competitive offer I could afford.
Anonymous
As someone who is mid housing search, I have a lot of thoughts on this. But ultimately, in every one of your responses, you focus on the fact that this is not your first choice neighborhood, which makes me think you need to pass and only look at houses in your first choice neighborhood because that’s a sticking point for you.
My thoughts, in no particular order:
1. Make sure you can actually buy a house in your first choice neighborhood. It sounds like you are looking for a house in a very narrow (and likely most desirable) part of an already very desirable neighborhood. We had similar location requirements to you and had a rude awakening when we started putting offers in – we waived our mortgage contingency but couldn’t compete with 5+ all cash offers at 15%-20% over asking on each house. This happened to many of my friends in their home search (VHCOLA) – they had to either (1) acknowledge their home search is going to take over a year and stick with it, (2) go with their second choice, (3) buy a smaller/very outdated house that needs a lot of work in first choice or (4) live in a less desirable part of their first choice neighborhood.
2. What is it that makes the first choice neighborhood more appealing to you? I would make a list and see if the second neighborhood also meets those needs. It sounds like you are less familiar with the second choice neighborhood. Maybe spend some time there this weekend (driving around, walking around parks, checking out stores/overall feel, etc.) to get a little more familiar with it. For what it is worth, our preferred neighborhood actually flipped when we started looking – we changed our minds after spending more time in our “second choice.”
3. I don’t really subscribe to the “you’ll know when it’s the one” feeling of houses. There are always more houses. Your opinions change as your search goes on. I joke about this with my spouse, but each time we put an offer in (basically every weekend, sigh, VHCOLA), it becomes the One as we start imagining our life in it. We have put offers on a wide variety of very different homes. Then we don’t get it, and we move on to the next the One that pops up the next weekend. It’s personally hard for me to fall in love with a house when I’m not actually living in it, it’s not set up how I would set it up, etc.
Anon
Hello fellow Bay Arean??? I would guess?
AnonMPH
I think when you start getting anxious at the possibility that the house might “get away” that IS the feelings. That is the shift that happened with our house, and with (which I know isn’t the same) our rescue pup after we left his foster home. In the exact moment, you have your feels, but it’s helpful to sit back later and think about how you would feel if someone else swooped in and got it and you didn’t get to live there. If you have that feeling of distress at the potential of losing it, I think you know you actually do want it.
In terms of the neighborhood thing, I obviously don’t know your particular location. But the house that we bought was completely on the other side of our city, in a pleasant neighborhood but one that was away from a lot of our network in the city, and that we really just hadn’t spent much time in. However, we spent the time walking around near the house itself, and seeing what was nearby, and realized it would be great for us.
Now that we moved in, we’ve realized that the area half a mile north of here (though still in the same general neighborhood) is actually the “more desirable” part of this area, but we were unfamiliar enough with the specific neighborhood that we didn’t really understand the differences at the time we were looking. I’m a person who has to research every last decision to death, but in this case I’m so grateful we just went for it and bought this house. Our “slightly worse” side of the neighborhood is also great it in its own way, we are still close to the “better” part, and we would NEVER have been able to snag such a great house if we had been waiting for the exact perfect location. As one fellow research obsessive to another- you really can’t obsessively research houses in the same way as you can with say, beds or curtains, because the different options are just not available at the same time. It’s hard to throw our usual research habits to the wind, but that’s why I think you have to go off that feeling of how upset you’d be if you missed it.
Anon
Do you in general get vibes about things (jobs, relationships, etc.)? If not, you probably won’t get them for a house. Just think about how you make other decisions when you can’t have perfect information.
Anonymous
I didn’t really have a special feeling when we saw our house, but it did stand out as the top choice right away. We had a very narrow set of houses we were looking at because we wanted to keep our kids at their elementary school and had specific requirements for the bedroom arrangements. We knew there would only be a few houses that met our needs and so we looked at about 8 of them (all that were available at the time) and this one had the right location, right bedroom arrangement, and had a nice backyard which wasn’t a dealbreaker but was certainly nice to have. Some things were not perfect–the storage in this house is lacking, the kitchen counters are not my preference, and there was carpet upstairs. But these are things we can fix, whereas we can’t fix location or bedroom placement.
Nonny
Disabled senior wants to move to affordable apartment in Minneapolis, MN, late summer or fall when Covid allows. Anyone have recommendations for resources (eg. checklists to compare features of apartments viewed) for apartment hunting, packing up your household items, change of address, hiring movers (reasonable price?, what if they damage things?). What to be careful of negotiating a new lease, apartment inspection, movers contract? How to find a reputable company who will be careful moving nice antique furniture. Thanks for any help you can give!
Anon
Can anyone recommend sandals that are dressy but flat or with a very low wedge or heel? I have a couple of dresses that I would like to wear to nicer dinners out this summer, but I can’t even imagine wearing heels ever again after a year in slippers, sneakers, and birkenstocks. One dress is pink and floral and the other is black and white lace (they may need two different shoes, but if I can find one pair that works for both…)
AnonATL
I have the Sofft Innis that I love and even wore for my wedding. They are several colors and also tons of other low wedge styles.
oil in houston
second sofft, they’re great
Anon
These might not be dressy enough for what you are talking about, but despite the price tag I cannot sing their paradises loud enough: https://www.zappos.com/p/naot-pixie-pearl-rose-leather-champagne-leather-silver-mirror-leather/product/8632597/color/791273
Anon
*praises
step back
Has anyone here intentionally taken a new job that was a significantly step down in responsibility, pay, etc.? I’ve been steadily climbing the ladder and am just totally over it. I was at this point last year, but WFH provided enough of a change of pace that I’ve been able to stick it out for another year. But now I’m daydreaming about going back to a non-managerial role, making a third/half of what I make now, just to get the pressure off. But then I worry I’d get bored? What’s the balance here?
Anon
I did. I went from a legal role where I was working 80 hours a week to working in compliance in my preferred area in a different company. It was about a 25% pay cut. And I have literally never been happier. I actually work 40 hours a week and when I leave for the day, I CAN ACTUALLY LEAVE. I don’t have work email or calendars installed on my phone. I take every minute of my vacation time. I take the dogs for a walk every lunch instead of eating at my desk. Did I lean out? Absolutely. But I still have lots of room for upward mobility if I decide to take that route. For now, I make more than enough to suit my lifestyle (single and childless), I contribute the max to my 401(k), and my dogs are pampered like crazy. My job is interesting enough to keep going through the day. Specifically, I don’t get bored, because I’ve decided I’m working to live and my other pursuits keep me mentally engaged. With the help of my therapist, I’m finally placing my self worth other places than my career success.
Cara
This is good to read. I just made this switch, and I’m a little bored. I was never really obsessed with my job or placed my self worth on career success, and even with the 80-hr-a-week job I took walks at lunch and took as much vacation as possible. But I just felt that since you’re at work at least 40 hrs a week it has to be something that captures your interest, and I’m not totally getting that from my current job. I think i need to focus on the other-pursuits-keeping-me-mentally engaged part. Funnily enough one of the volunteer things I was thinking of doing is similar to my old job, but I figure as long as its a contained volunteer activity, and its something I like to do its not a bad idea.
step back
Oh my gosh, I can’t even imagine not having my work e-mail on my phone. What a dream! I like what you say about “working to live” – I have enough other hobbies and interests to keep me mentally engaged outside of work, right now I just have zero energy to actually participate in any of them. This is very good food for thought.
Anokha
I literally gasped out loud at the “not having work e-mail on my phone”. That sounds amazing!
Anonymous
I don’t have work email on my phone either and yes, it’s awesome. When I’m done for the day, I’m DONE.
Anon
Seems like you have a unicorn job that’s engaging but not stressful. That’s not always easy to find.
Anon
How do you identify a job that will be like that? I would love to do something like that, but I’m afraid I’ll end up in something with the same time and stress requirements as my current job…
Bored at Work
I took a step back last year after quitting a C-level job I hated. I decided I didn’t want the stress and I took a lower stress job that seemed easy at the time (I was also unemployed most of last year since I quit before I knew COVID was happening, which threw off all my plans). Current job is way too easy and I’m job searching again because I am bored and feeling like I’m not using even a fraction of my potential. I’m not looking for another C-level job, but hoping to find some mix of interesting/challenging work without the politics and stress of my last job. Instead of looking for a job where you’d make a fraction of your current salary (and likely be bored if it was too many steps down), can you just find a company where your role would be less stressful or have fewer people to manage? And if not, could you take one step backwards rather than falling so far down the corporate ladder?
step back
Yes, these are all great points above figuring out the right degree to step back. I think being a manager is one of my least favorite parts of leadership, so I’d like to find an “individual contributor” position that’s still high level enough to be engaging. I’m just… having a hard time figuring out exactly what that is.
Anon
I did something similar (not by choice) and I didn’t take much of a pay cut. I am not bored and I love not managing people, which was a huge time suck even though it was only a team of 6 in total. I think it depends on the stage of your career – sometimes you have to keep climbing in order to even stay employed. In my field, I could pretty easily get contract work if my current job didn’t work out, so it doesn’t feel like a huge risk.
step back
Yes, not managing people sounds so amazing. So much of my time is spent managing two different teams, neither of which is particularly large, but I just don’t have the management gene.
Anon
I did something similar – went from senior director to manager with a 35% cut in pay/ bonus and loss of stock options. In my field, that meant moving from constant 60+ hour weeks to only doing two or three long days a month. I’m so much happier, and while technically I could try to move up again in a few years, I’m not sure I will want to. (I truly don’t know how I would have managed virtual school in my previous role. Once school is back to normal, I fully intend to fill those “extra” hours with exercise and hobbies and fun.)
Pay cuts weren’t fun, but I was spending a lot on extra help for the kids. I had an after-school nanny in addition to before/after care, plus paid for sitters on weekends and extended hours for summer camps. Obviously covid has changed everything, but with my current hours I won’t need the nanny or weekend sitters and likely will be able to drop before care and extended camp hours. Plus I have time to make meals rather than order food out all the time. It’s still a pay cut for sure, but has been offset quite a bit in lower kid-related costs.
For boredom at work, I’ve kept that at bay by taking on other projects. I manage our interns and I started a mentor program for diverse high potential talent. The difference is that I get to choose which projects I’ve taken on, and since I’m passionate about the subject, I don’t mind the occasional late night.
Stress is overrated. Living your life at work is overrated. I thought I’d race up to the C-suite and I’m surprised that I’ve ended up here, but I’m happy with the trade-offs in my life. This is a good spot.
Anon
I did this! My pay cut was about 30%. I make high 5 figures now, so less than a lot of people on this board. But I’m in a LCOL area, so I don’t worry about money. I don’t regret it at all. I have the brain space to devote to a creative hobby (working on my novel!) and the time to see my friends and take every moment of vacation time my job offers. The job is not super challenging, but I’m not totally bored most days. I stop at 5:30 almost every day and don’t even think about it when I’m not here. I cannot overstate how much better my mental health has gotten since I don’t have constant stress and expectations weighing me down. I’m not sure I’ll stay in my role forever, but it’s great for now (I’ve been here about 2 years).
Senior Attorney
Yes! I left a MidLaw partnership to take a government job. Significant pay cut but probably 1/3 fewer hours. And that launched me on a new government career track and when you count the pension and benefits I’m now doing quite well financially and work strictly 9 to 5. I’m not super passionate about work but I have a lot of outside interests and activities that get my juices flowing.
Fun fact: The only people who really care about Big Jobs are the people who have them or want them. Most of the world looks at the long hours and stress and just shakes their collective heads.
Anon
Me! I relocated my family for a big job in 2019, which turned out to be a bad role and culture fit. My positioned got eliminated with a nice severance package and I job hunted for about 3 months before landing a new role where there are dozens of people in roles like mine (company has more than 100k employees, old employer was about 7k). I have less access to senior leaders than I used to, but found them to be such d!cks at my last firm that I don’t consider it to be a drawback now. New employer is large and truly global so I can grow my career on my own terms and devote more mental space to young kids. I took a 33% pay cut but am not unhappy and still paying my bills, just not funding fancy vacations or house renos but oh well n
Anon
I’m in the process of doing this now. I have been interviewing with a broad range of employers, some of them several steps “up”, some several steps “down”. In 15 interviews the only job I feel myself getting excited for is several steps down, a significant pay cut, but a much better fit for me and my work/life balance goals. I feel the trade off is likely worth it, but I won’t be in a position to fully evaluate until I get an offer.
Anonny
For those of you who are in-house, do you expect to work fully or mostly remote once people start returning to the office? I’m in house at a company that will allow some remote work, but I’d like to find a job that allows me to WFH more. Trying to get a sense of what is common at other companies.
Cat
Definitely not staying fully remote, but likely that 100% in person will no longer be the expectation.
Anon222
I can’t give you any official guidance, but I suspect that ours will be a combination. That said, we had attorneys who worked from home fully before COVID, so not a significant change. I do NOT want to lose my office, so I plan to go back to the office 80% of the time. I imagine that it would be fine if I wanted to WFH the majority of the time, but I would definitely lose my office (not unreasonably so, of course).
Anon In House
I’ll continue working from home once people have the option to go back to work. My company already had a culture of remote work, and everyone who is productive from home will have the option to WFH, which I’ll take. I love it.
Anon
I’m in house and we’ve been back in the office since September…
AFT
in-house for a company, supporting people in the field (typically by phone/email/etc. – very rarely meeting in person with people in my office).
My department is returning this fall at least 3 days per week starting in the fall, with the cited reason being “collaboration” (which is totally irrelevant to my job). I’m disappointed – I have done my job well and worked more in the last year while being completely remote than I ever did in person. I worked 1 day per week from home pre-pandemic, so it’s frustrating that ALL OF THIS has happened and it’s only a single day difference from where I was in February 2020. If we were given up to 3 days remote I’d be thrilled.
Anon
I am in a similar place but I have decided to focus on the doubling of WFH permitted. I would prefer 3 days WFH, but I am getting most of what I want. Two out of three isn’t bad.
AFT
I like your half-full-glass approach… I should try to adopt it.
Anonymous in Texas
I’m in House in the Energy Industry and we’re back 100% – Fortune 50 company. We’re back 100%. We have occasional remote work for unexpected emergencies, but nothing regular or formal.
summer slippers
I need a pair of summer slippers/house shoes. My winter slippers are slip-on Glerups (felted wool with leather sole), and even though they do not actually make my feet too hot, they don’t seem summery.
I like a flexible sole, a little cushion for standing, and easy off/on. Recommendations?
Mal
The EVA Birkenstocks are great – fun colors, supportive, and waterproof! And they’re inexpensive:
https://www.birkenstock.com/us/eva-sandals/
eertmeert
I love my EVA Birkenstocks so much. I bought a second pair, even though they are both indoor only.
PolyD
I’ve been wearing Crocs inside all through this pandemic. The clog shoe style, although I never fully engage the back strap so I can slip them on and off easily.
They’re really ugly, but they are comfy. I started wearing them when I had a bad bout of plantar fasciitis and it’s never come back. It doesn’t get very cold in my apartment, but in the winter I wore them with socks, hitting peak stylishness there.
Anonymous
+1. I wear Crocs in my house three seasons, and LLBean wool slippers in the winter. They’re ugly, but help my back and feet feel good
Anon
+1 Crocs. I have the ones that are lined with warm fuzzy material. Highly recommend.
Anonymous
Merrell has summer clogs.
Anonymous
For the past year, I’ve been wearing these (in a pink color). They are very lightweight so feel more like slippers than sneakers. The tie is merely decorative; they functionally are slip ons. https://www.zappos.com/p/fitflop-f-sporty-uberknit-sneakers-stone/product/9020920/color/652
anon
I get the cheapest Sketchers slip-ons that I can find. Some are pretty cute. I got some that look like Toms at a third the price. I get them at Costco or zappos or discount stores. I’ve been wearing them all pandemic WFH.
Anon
I’m about four weeks pregnant, and woke up this morning with heavy bleeding. Unfortunately, this is my third early miscarriage in a year, so I know the drill. Just scheduled an appointment with my doctor next week to talk about options. Just bummed out.
Z
Oh no. I am so, so sorry.
anon
Sending you so much love. Be gentle with yourself.
Senior Attorney
Oh, so sorry. Hugs from this internet stranger.
Anon
I’m so sorry!
If you want a helpful story, I had several chemical pregnancy and am now in my second tri. I did talk to an RE when I was at the point where you are now, but he wanted to skip straight to IVF. Luckily I got pregnant and it finally stuck around the time we were considering that option. Good luck!
Anon OP
Thanks for sharing! This does make me feel better.
Marie
I am so sorry to hear this. Sending you warm thoughts today.
Seafinch
I am so sorry. I have had five miscarriages between 10-13 weeks, three in the last 15 months. It is exhausting.
Walnut
So many hugs.
Curious
I am so sorry. Miscarriage just sucks so much. And to have it repeat… My heart is with you.
anon
I’m so sorry.
Fashion Help
Fashion help! I’m bringing this blog back to its origins. So, I’m going back to work in person and the clothes I used to wear now somehow feel totally inappropriate. I just can’t imagine wearing pencil skirt and heels to work anymore. (Plus, I doubt any of my old stuff even fits anymore). In other words, I need a completely new wardrobe. I’ve always prided myself on being a stylish person but suddenly I am drawing a blank. I have no idea what’s in or where to even begin. I still want to look dressed up and put together, but in a less “uptight” way — does that make sense? How do I even start this process?
Anon
I hear you and cannot help. I feel like my proportions are all off. Like there is nothing wrong with my sweater, but it just doesn’t work with anything but skinny midrise bottoms. Or loose skinnies. But not mom jeans.
Anon
Well yesterday it was decided via fiat that this blog shouldn’t focus on work clothes anymore because everybody works from home now, so you might be SOL. Leggings only!
KW
What is the dress code at your office? Business casual? On the bottom, I would suggest ankle pants in a wider fit than skinny, so either straight leg or a bit wider. And definitely flats. I was asking myself this question recently because DH and I haven’t been out for a date night in so long and now that we’re both vaccinated it’s a real possibility to get out of the house…but what does one wear for such things these days?
Senior Attorney
I have been going to the office this whole time (essential worker) and I totally get you. Here are some of the changes I have made:
No high heels, hardly ever. I am rocking kitten heels, block heels, loafers, and even sneakers. Even with skirts and dresses.
After years of wearing a “third piece” every single day, I am over that. Today I am wearing blue ankle pants with a blue-and-yellow print blouse, untucked, and yellow pointy-toe pumps with a smallish block heel. And of course my mask coordinates with my blouse. ;) No jacket. I feel like I look plenty put together.
I’ve been wearing a lot of dresses, and I am kind of into flats, even sneakers, with dresses. And not uptight sheath dresses, either — more like knit Boden or Lands End or Karen Kane dresses that feel like I’m in my pajamas.
My one ironclad rule used to be “no denim at the office” and that has gone out the window — the courts have changed the dress code to allow denim so I figured if it’s good enough for them it’s good enough for me. I like my high-waisted flared jeans and I’ve been wearing them with a cute sweater and maybe a scarf.
Basically I’m wearing a mix of “business casual” and “casual casual” and I kind of love it. And not gonna lie, I mix in my old businessy pieces here and there but it’s definitely a different, looser vibe.
Anon
I think the mask IS the new third piece. That’s my story and I am sticking to it.
Senior Attorney
YES!!!
HW
Same!
BeenThatGuy
I’ve had to buy a new wardrobe due to gaining weight last year. My body hates anything with a real waist right now so I’m getting creative.
I wore something like this yesterday – pleated skirt with an elastic waist: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/401101910568350832/
Today I’m wearing this dress in blue with a denim jacket and leopard print flats: https://www.pinterest.com/pin/136093219980275847/
My look is polished and put together enough for the office but comfortable at the same time.
Senior Attorney
Yes those are looks like I’ve been wearing. Only not with high heels!
Anonymous
One starting point could be thinking about how much of your day will keep on being on zoom or similar with people still WFH. Do you need a couple of camera-suitable pieces to keep at the office?
Are you changing anything about your commute? Do you need bicycle friendly, walking friendly etc?
Do you have any colors that excite you about spring? Since you’re starting now, you’ll have spring and summer clothes to choose from. Perhaps don’t get a whole wardrobe now, wait for fall for the rest.
Think about textures – any particular types of textiles or textures you’ve missed WFH, or have loved wearing WFH. This season will be good to get linen, cotton, modal etc if you like those.
A starting point for being less formal would be less body con (like pencil skirts), less shiny materials, less all black and less heels.
anon
I always wore somewhat dressy casual but switched to comfy about 5 years ago. Ponte sheath or wrap dresses with a structured sweater, sweater/jacket or comfy stretch jacket that looks like a formal blazer. I like the MM LaFleur Jardigan or Sant Ambrouse for some dresses. Or the same jacket/sweater with a cute top or shell, ponte pants or stretch pants. In the fall/winter I wear tights and knee boots with comfy block heels for dresses and for pants I wear block heel booties. In the spring/summer I wear sandals or summer low booties. I like adding cute necklaces and earrings.
This wouldn’t work in a suits-only office but none of my clothes are uptight, most are comfy and easy.
Maybe order a bunch of dresses from somewhere with free returns and get some sweaters if you feel like you need a topper. Or you could go for a Garanimals system and get three sweaters, three pants, and 10 tops from Loft or BR and mix and match.
For wardrobe building check out theviviennefiles capsule wardrobe building articles that start from scratch.
Good luck getting back to the office.
Anon
Recommendations for bridesmaid shoes?
I am 5’2″ (and the MOH), the bride is 5’0″, all the other bridesmaids are up to 5’4″. Bride won’t be wearing heels. Since I’ll be right next to her I should also not wear heels right? So guess I am looking for flat but cute dressy shoes. Dress color is sage green if that helps.
Anon
Ask if her she cares.
Anon
No one will see your shoes if it is a long dress. I would go for nude flats!
Z
She says she doesn’t care, but I think it would look weird in the pictures if I went with heels.
Anon
She’s right. What if her best friend was 5′ 5″? You are overthinking this. Just wear what you like.
BeenThatGuy
You might be overthinking this. I’m 5’7” and in my wedding party years always wore a 3-4 inch heel. Never once did I think, or did the brides think, that it looked weird in pictures.
Anon
Being taller than someone is not a faux pas.
Anonymous
I’m 6 feet tall and have been in multiple weddings where the bride (in heels) is significantly shorter than me (in flats). I don’t think the pictures look weird…just find shoes you like!
Senior Attorney
People are, in fact, different heights. It’s not a bug, it’s a feature.
Wear what you want and have fun!
Senior Attorney
Signed, the bride who looks like I’m standing in a hole in all my wedding pictures and I don’t even care because people are different heights!
Anonymous
What will look weird in pictures is wearing flats if you are not ordinarily a flats person.
emeralds
I’m 5’4 and wore 1.5″-ish heels to my wedding. One bridesmaid was 5’6, one was 5’7, and two were 5’8. I’ve known all of these women for years and I’ve been shorter than they are in every picture ever taken of us, why would I suddenly start caring on my wedding day??
anne-on
What is your budget? My top picks for dressy but cute flats in order of price (high to low) are probably Sarah Flint, Kate Spade, and then Boden.
Mal
If you’re wearing a floor length dress you can get away with a lot! I would just ask the bride if she has any preferences and go from there.
Pasta Salad
What are your favorite combinations/ recipes for pasta salad? The spring-almost-summer weather brings back pasta salad for dinner at our house. Last night we had garlic pasta with broiled tomatoes from Dinner Illustrated and it was easy, tasty and the kids devoured it. (Top sliced tomatoes with Parmesan cheese and chopped nuts, then broil til cheese is melted and crispy – 6-8 mins. Simmer garlic and red pepper flakes in olive oil til golden. Combine oil with cooked pasta. Douse with Parmesan and fresh basil. Serve!)
Would love to hear other well loved pasta salad ideas!
Anonymous
I recently did pasta salad with feta, tomatoes, cucumber, avocado, salt, pepper, and oregano. I would consider adding white beans next time or a better dressing than the one I used (some French bottled one I had), but the basic template seemed pretty good!
Anonymous
Barefoot Contessa pasta with sun-dried tomatoes
How Sweet Eats orzo with grilled vegetables and smashed feta
Gimme Some Oven salmon asparagus orzo salad
Anon
I don’t really have a recipe but my mom makes pasta salad with rotini, lots of fresh veggies (I like carrots and cucumber) and tons of fresh herbs (basil, mint, whatever you want) with a vinaigrette dressing and it’s always delicious.
Anon
I like this one: http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/Warm-Pasta-Salad-with-Roasted-Corn-and-Poblanos-103670
I also like pesto pasta salad with lots of veggies (tomatoes, carrots, artichokes, etc.) and chickpeas. In general, I try to go heavy on the veggies and use whole wheat pasta to make them healthier, but that might not work as well for getting kids to eat them.
anon a mouse
I make one with bowtie pasta, diced cucumber, halved grape tomatoes, shredded carrots, chilled peas, shaved parmesan, diced fresh mozzarella and cubed salami. (I also add olives if it’s just me, the rest of the household doesn’t like them.) Toss with a garlicky vinaigrette. It’s the only time I really like salami, but it would work with grilled chicken as well.
Senior Attorney
I love the Budget Bytes carrot and orzo salad: https://www.budgetbytes.com/carrot-orzo-salad/
Senior Attorney
Also this is not quite salad but I made it for dinner last night and it was divine: https://smittenkitchen.com/2013/06/bowties-with-sugar-snaps-lemon-and-ricotta/
Anon
To me, this sounds like pasta, not pasta salad. Is it served room temp? (I still might think it was pasta rather than pasta salad, though.)
Pasta Salad OP
Hah! It is indeed meant to be a pasta dish, but the husband unexpectedly worked late, and by the time he got off work, the dish was definitely room temp into the pasta salad territory.
Gail the Goldfish
I like this one, with cherry tomatoes and minus the onions: https://www.finecooking.com/recipe/orzo-cucumber-tomatoes-feta
Anon
Chop ripe tomatoes (cherry tomatoes if not from your garden) and the leaves from basil stems (like a cup of chopped basil). Salt the tomatoes. Put in big bowl. Boil pasta. Drain pasta and dump still warm on top of tomatoes and basil. Add a good glug of good olive oil and toss. Top with Parmesan cheese if desired. I also like freshly ground pepper.
Not fancy but delicious. It’s all about the tomatoes and basil here, so get the best.
Anon
Ps this is a recipe where everyone says “ooh this would be really good if you added…” but I’m here to tell you it’s at its best when you don’t add anything.
Anon
Half pasta, half lentil pasta with piles of whatever veggies are on hand, topped with homemade Italian dressing.
Cat
Fun milestone – I heard about a new vax location with plenty of appointments, but all of my qualifying acquaintances (it’s for county residents only) have either had their shot already or are scheduled within a week or so anyway. Yay!
Anon
If you have connections to underrepresented communities, consider reaching out. All of my family and close friends have been vaccinated, so I am helping someone in a minority community book vaccine appointments for members of the community. Despite outreach efforts, many who want the vaccine are overwhelmed with the sign up process.
Anon
Question for attorneys, when discussing the type of work you do, do you identify your clients? Particularly if they are large companies that one would be familiar with anyway. I am interviewing for a lateral position and this issue keeps popping up. For example, say Target is a client you work for often. Would you say “I work on XYZ claims for Target” or would you say “I work on XYZ claims for a national big box retailer”? TIA!
Cat
I would try very hard to be generic. If you end up going into more detail about your experience you don’t want to be risking client confidentiality or conflict issues as you interview.
Anonymous
Never. Client confidentiality is an ethical duty and I’ve never had an interviewer press for more info.
Anon222
+1
Anon
I would be generic. The important information for interview purposes is that you’re doing a certain type of work for a large client. I wouldn’t give specific names because there’s really no reason to at the interview stage and you risk creating other issues.
anon
I would only do this if it’s public information anyway. Like, I recently worked on XYZ for ABC, which is publicly filed/announced (including that my firm worked on it). Much better to be safe than sorry. Attorneys will understand.
No Face
Definitely generic, particularly when interviewing. You want to show the potential employer that you know how to avoid revealing client information.
Anon
For litigation where it’s public record anyway, I think naming the client is fine. And if you’ve worked at a firm that publicized XYZ as a client, I think it’s fine to say that you worked on certain types of matters for them without giving specifics (ex. purchase and sale of Walmart distribution facilities).
Don’t identify clients that have not expressly given permission to be identified and don’t give enough details for people to get information on non-public matters.
Anon
What date night outfit would you wear with these heels (in the color Bardon – they are more of a dusty pink in person)?
https://sjpbysarahjessicaparker.com/products/fawn_100_bardon_26775
SSJD
Those shoes are sexy! If you want to be casual, wear with jeans (maybe white jeans) and a ruffly top (I’m picturing a floral that picks up the color). If you want to go all out vixen, put on a short skirt/dress and show off lots of leg.
Senior Attorney
Diamond earrings and a come-hither smile?
Anon
Diamond earrings and a come-hither smile?
Anon
I haven’t worked in a bit, and I’m finding myself with no references. I have heard that volunteering might help with this, but I don’t even know how to get started with that (and it has been harder with COVID). I KNOW I am in for a rough journey, and I may not ever be gainfully employed again, but I have to try.
Anon
Yes to volunteering, especially if the work you would be doing is adjacent to your career path, or uses some of the skills you will be selling to prospective employers. Good luck.
anon-other
Hugs. How long? Are there any former supervisors or coworkers you could connect with on LinkedIn, just friendly at first, before asking?
I am on a search myself and most of my references are over 5 years old. Plus I am “older” so it will take awhile but like you I wonder if it will be a “real job”. No ideas on that but commiseration.
JD
Think about your personal interests (children/education, health, dogs, art, church etc) and skills (working with people, activity planning/organization, computer skills). Search online for non-profits, charities, museums in your local area in your interest areas. The well organized ones will often have a volunteer coordinator/contact you can reach out to. Depending on the organization, they’ll have different opportunities. Better organized ones may be able to work with your interests and skills to get you something targeted to job skills (office work, phone screening, party planning, etc). If this is a longer term growth, you might start with a single volunteer activity and grow responsibility as you get more familiar with the org.
Start out with one that seems like a good fit and there will likely be additional responsibilities you could volunteer for. If you can help consistently, they’ll really appreciate it. Try to get to know someone in the organization better as the target to give you a reference. Put in a solid three months of consistent volunteering, and that’s probably enough to get a reference, although longer would build relationships and give you time to explore skills. Generally, everyone really needs volunteers and will appreciate one who keeps showing up.
Anon
When planning a trip with friends, how do you accommodate a range of incomes/abilities to spend? Do you cater to the person who can spend the least? Find a middle ground? I am planning a trip with friends and my HHI ins probably 10-20% of the others in group. I don’t want to bring down the fun and fancy factor but I also need to keep to a budget. Right now, just going is a major splurge. Any advice on how to navigate this?
Mal
Since you’re are planning the trip, you can steer the conversation around the trip and the level of “spendy” it is. I would just let the group know that you’re looking to make this a budget-friendly trip, and the suggest examples of the big-ticket items that are in your price range that you all will have to agree on (hotels, flights). From there, on the trip if your friends want to spend more on shopping, wine at dinner, etc, they can – and it doesn’t affect your budget. You can emphasize that your main goal of the trip is to spend time together vs. splurge.
Saying this, though, I do think it would be best to be honest up front about what you’re able to do. Most friends would be completely understanding about this. They can always plan their own expensive getaway for another time.
Some good advice I heard recently is to say rather than “I can’t afford XYZ,” say ” I’m saving for [thing that’s important to me].” Helps others support your goals, and not make it about what you can’t so, but what you’re planning to do!
Anon
That advice is so wishy washy. If your friend says “Let’s stay at a $1,000/night resort” you can say “I can’t afford that” and be just fine.
Anon
well they can spend more on wine at dinner, but make sure you are all on the same page about whether you will be splitting the bill, etc.
Anon
you shouldn’t go over your budget to find a middle ground. this might be a case where there is no middle ground if you have a strict budget. i would be upfront with your friends about your budget. i don’t know what kind of trip this is, but you are not going to have any fun if you’re anxious about money the whole time
Anon
I am a big organizer of friend trips. I go with middle ground. Some of the low hanging things I try to factor in are: I try to do a destination where it is a direct flight for most, and try to go somewhere where rental cars are not needed. No need to stay at the Ritz, so you need a destination where you can find a hotel cool and central, but not the best of the best.
This might make me an a-hole, but I honestly have no desire to go on a trip where we are piling 4 women in a low end hotel room and aren’t able to go to mid to nice restaurants for at least some of the meals. So if I’m planning it, I’m not planning a trip that I don’t even want to go on, but it is reasonable to not go over the top. I do try to be totally upfront as I can without being rude about the type of trip it will be, and the budget items I know ahead of time, so everybody can make their own decisions/priorities and choose to go or not. For activities, if it’s an option, cool local hiking is obviously a cheap but enjoyable option, and my friends are frankly happy to sit in a bar and get ridiculous which can be done for pretty cheap :)
Anonymous
+1 to your second paragraph. I had an awkward conversation with my friend who wanted to split the cost on the cheapest possible Airbnb in the sketchy part of town on a joint trip. We declined and told her that we were going to get our own hotel room and that we’d love for them to stay at the hotel too (if they wanted), but that we simply didn’t want to share housing. It worked out okay, but definitely be clear upfront because people have very different priorities and expectations. I went through the youth hostel phase for my own travels and I’m not in it anymore, but my friend is and it means that sometimes our goals are not aligned.
Anon
Sorry, I read your post like you had the highest income and you were wondering how much to cater to friends not in your bucket. Now I super sound like an a-hole.
I think the same ideas apply though, be honest about what the trip will look like and just know that some may be not jazzed about a super cost conscience trip if it’s in areas that affect everyone, like a not nice hotel (and I don’t mean like a not Four Seasons, I just mean a not enjoyable place on some level). But hopefully you can find a common ground where people have different options on the actual trip.
Anon
I am sorry this is awkward for you. There’s no way around it except to be honest. Just say what you said to us.
I’m much lower income now but no matter what income, I always want my own room and own bathroom. I snore and I have frequent tummy issues. I just wouldn’t enjoy myself sharing a room with someone, much less a bed. This has caused hard feelings in the past because some friends want to cram 4 people into a double room to minimize expense per head. I just can’t do it. I’ve skipped trips because of this, but I’m always honest about what I need and why.
(Even so, on one trip where I had my own room someone decided it wasn’t “fair” that she was in the crowded room and she was absolutely sure it would be fine to just move in with me. It wasn’t.)
Anon
I think it’s important for you to tell your friends that you’re excited to spend time with them, but just going on the trip is a splurge for you and what your budget is for the trip. I really, really wouldn’t want to put a friend over budget. I wouldn’t explain why your budget is what it is—that’s really not your friends’ business and it could cause ill feelings (I’d feel bad if the trips is impacting your grocery budget, but annoyed if you’re asking us to stay in a hostel because you’re saving up for furniture from Crate & Barrel).
Your friends have the choice of going on a trip to spend time with you at your price point or picking up some costs to make their trip of choice affordable for you. Or, if they would rather go on a more expensive trip and not include you, that’s your choice (and I really wouldn’t want to blow my budget on a trip where friends valued luxury over my company).
Now that I can afford it, I have rented a nice Airbnb and invited friends to stay as my guest. I love it—it’s so much less fraught than trying to split costs for accommodations. It’s kind of like inviting friends to my vacation house, except without the expense and hassle of owning my own vacation house.
Anon
So I’m the higher income one in this scenario, and frequently travel with a friend in your position (she’s a medical resident and I’m in tech, so just wildly different incomes for the same life stage). Here’s what I’d say – just BE HONEST. I have no issue planning a more budget friendly trip, or honestly, even picking up a bit of the tab if there’s something expensive I want to do – we’ve been friends for almost two decades though, so it’s not a big deal. But what drives me BONKERS is when we get halfway into planning something (even booking flights) and then she freaks about the cost. Like just SAY SOMETHING. If they’re your friends, they won’t judge you, and they’ll want to spend time with you. Just don’t go on the trip and whine about the cost without saying something upfront initially. Also, and I doubt you’d do this, but this is a thing that happened on a recent trip – don’t suggest uber $$$ activities, have your friends pick up the bill, and then delay venmo’ing them for 3-4 months (also true story).
Anonymous
Don’t spend money you don’t have. Don’t force other people to do that (by pouting or sulking about no fun) and don’t force other people to be uncomfortably frugal in solidarity (like dorm sleeping). If you know that you are by nature cheap – rather than just following your budget – maybe try not to be cheap on the trip.
What is the special bit about the trip (apart from OMG-FINALLY!)? Some examples of what I mean:
Is it making time for a group of friends who see each other rarely to finally be together and talk and talk?
Is it going to a special place that’s super exciting and known for XYZ?
Is it seeing something new and being touristy?
Is it relaxing in luxury?
Is it being active and adventurous?
How much time are you spending at the hotel/apartment/holiday home? If being together at this place is a big deal, then that’s where you’d want to spend your budget. If the adventures is the big deal, maybe you can have different hotels that cater to different budgets. You can choose different flights (or types of seats) – there’s no rule that says that trips with friends means you have to be seated next to each other on a plane. (And surrounding seats will be pleased not to have a big group of friends chatting loudly…) How much alone time do you and the others want? Don’t plan with everybody being together 24/7.
If parts of the group feel very bereft if they don’t get super fancy food they will have to handle the bill – they can treat the group to the fancy day, you can treat the group to the hard-to-find-local budget food in an interesting neighborhood. Agree upfront not to split bills evenly, if there are choices to be made that will allow some to spend frugally and some to spend more. Be upfront about being on a budget – and being excited to be on holiday with your friends.
Anon
How much would you pay for a full house on AirBNB/VRBO /similar site for a month in a LCOL area? I’ve spent too much time in a house with other people, I need to be alone for a while, so not really looking for anywhere vacation-y (I expect to sleep a lot and make meals that no one else in my house likes).
pugsnbourbon
I just checked 3 midwestern cities (including my own) and the houses mostly start at $100/night. You can find a few in the $80 range but the reviews aren’t great. Apartments start around $75.
anon a mouse
Probably $50-75 a night. If you find one you like, consider contacting the owner and asking for a long-term discount. Some automatically enter it into VRBO but not all do.
anon
usually if you book for a whole month (like july 1-july 31) you get a big discount on Airbnb / monthly rate.