Suit of the Week: Boden
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For busy working women, the suit is often the easiest outfit to throw on in the morning. In general, this feature is not about interview suits for women, which should be as classic and basic as you get — instead, this feature is about the slightly different suit that is fashionable, yet professional. Also: we just updated our big roundup for the best women's suits of 2025!
I'll be honest: I'm not entirely sure I like this suit from Boden — I'm still deciding. But it definitely makes a statement, so if you're on the hunt for a lightweight but dramatic suit, look no further.
I do like that the wide stripe is a really unusual pattern — if you're in a sea of people wearing boring suits, this will definitely get you attention.
Where does Boden imagine you wearing this? To pet a dog… with coworkers… at dusk… on a dock, apparently. Huh. OR you could wear it to a networking event or speaking engagement. You do you!
The blazer comes in 6 different colors, in regular sizes 4-18, and the pants come in regular, petite, and long sizes 2-22. Alas, if you want the matching Bermuda shorts, you'll have to choose another color.
The suit is part of the 25% off sale going on, so while they were $199-$179, they are now $150-$134.
Sales of note for 5/21/25:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has begun! Lots of markdowns on AGL (50%!), Weitzman, Tumi, Frank & Eileen, Zella, Natori, Cole Haan, Boss, Theory, Reiss (coats), Vince, Eileen Fisher, Spanx, and Frame (denim and silk blouses)
- Nordstrom Rack – Looking for a deal on a Dyson hairdryer? The Rack has several refurbished ones for $199-$240 (instead of $400+) — but they're final sale only.
- Ann Taylor – 50% off summer-ready styles
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new women's styles with code + sale up to 50% off
- Eloquii – 50-60% off select styles
- J.Crew – 60% off sale, and 40% off packing picks (prices as marked)
- J.Crew Factory – New arrivals, plus up to 60% off everything plus extra 50% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Lots of twill suiting on sale! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – 30% off dresses, skirts, shoes, and accessories
This gives pajama vibes, I like it but very PJs.
Bananas! In pajamas! Are coming down the stairs!
They’re coming down in pairs! And chasing teddy bears!
Oh god, now I’m going to have this in my head all day.
I have had random people yell at me at least a couple of times in the last few weeks over literally nothing (one guy yelled at me for not pulling out of a parking spot he wanted [I had just pulled in and was not leaving]) and another guy yelled at me for being in his way on the sidewalk, when I was matching the pace of foot traffic. My dad, who rides his bicycle around his small town instead of driving for climate change reasons, also reported getting screamed at several times a week by people who don’t want bicycles in the bike lane.
All that’s to say, to the folks who wanted to truly freak out over someone accidentally opening a door too close to their car, you are a part of the problem. No one is perfect and this bizarre rage permeating interactions with strangers is weird. Calm down, deal with your rage and stress issues, and be a nicer and more easier-going person. There is no reason to feel entitled to be a mean person in public.
I truly will never understand why people want to feel and project rage around like that. Life is considerably less stressful when you try to show compassion to yourself and others.
Sometimes I think they need to see a doctor. They are certainly acting like they’re on prednisone.
Co-sign the prednisone
i think people have completely forgotten how to deal with each other in real time in the real world. that and people have somehow gotten the impression that their feelings/ hopes/ desires are what matters.
Honestly, this place isn’t the real world. It’s gotten more and more cray by the day and I’ve been reading for over a decade. There’s simply no way that women here actually act like they post; they’d all be locked up. I assume they’re blowing off steam in some odd way.
Just this morning I had a chatty Lyft driver who went into extensive detail about the nursing assistants at her grandma’s care facility doing a poor job. Besides other reasonable parts of the story, she highlighted how she threatened physical violence towards the nursing staff to get them to treat her grandma better. She seemed to think that to be a normal thing to tell a stranger…
This times a million. Keep your car and yourself home until you can deal with your rage and realize the world doesn’t revolve around you or your stupid car.
No one was saying to go ballistic on someone who dinged their car. They said, and justifiably, that it’s annoying and sometimes costly to deal with other people carelessly damaging their cars. It doesn’t make you an enraged citizen equivalent to a man screaming at cyclists to be upset when someone damages your property because they couldn’t be bothered to be considerate.
Calling it a 9 or 10 and siding with the woman who freaked out at OP is 100% encouraging this type of weird rage.
A 9 or 10 is causing physical harm to someone in an irreversible way. Calling touching a car with your door and not leaving any ding a 9 or 10 is a part of the problem.
Also, again, OP and everyone else describing similar situations affirmed that there wasn’t even a ding, so it’s not ‘damaging property.’ People just want opportunities to be angry.
Yeah, I don’t really think it’s acceptable but it’s not a 9 or a 10 on a scale of 1-10 bad. 9 or 10 obviously involves physical harm to someone.
I was called unhinged earlier. I personally don’t care that my car is full of dents and dings. I cared very much that my aunt was so oblivious and careless about someone else’s property. I take nothing back.
You really are something else.
I’m trying to imagine a generation-younger relative leaping to such horrible conclusions and “losing their mind” at me over a mistake that had no consequences, and I just… can’t.
It might have had consequences for the car owner if the car had been dinged. Not sure who is liable in that scenario.
You response to your aunt was revolting, and unhinged. You even mentioned that she didn’t damage the car, but yet you’ve concluded that she’s “oblivious and careless.” I think it’s tragic how oblivious and careless you are with respect to a relationship. Does your aunt even still talk to you? I’d reconsider my relationship with you if you behaved that way, and continue to just be polite but distant at family events. Until you got the help you needed to manage your anger, that is.
Still unhinged even after lunch I see.
My father was like you–always blowing up at people over normal but perhaps irritating human behavior, including unintentional accidents, extremely judgmental and always leaping to conclusions– and we don’t speak to him anymore, except for occasional pleasantries. It was a horrible environment to grow up in. Food for thought.
It’s easy to judge from a few brief comments, but maybe this aunt is a consistent and severely inconsiderate person and what she did was the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Nothing that poster said that suggests that is the case. And if if is, you’d think the poster would have said so, especially considering that she took the time to defend her blow-up.
Clearly you hate your aunt. This has nothing to do with the car.
But dinging a car, or I guess potentially dinging a car, is inadvertent. It’s a mistake. Someday I’d love to be so gentle with everything but I make mistakes like this a lot.
I bashed my elbow into the wall the other day. Not out of a deep disrespect for my own elbow and my own wall but because I simply exist this way in the world. Im an imperfect person without a great sense of spacial awareness. I try but…I make mistakes. I’m not a psychopath who doesn’t return shopping carts. And really aren’t those the people who deserve our scorn?
I love when people try to be deliberately obtuse. Clearly there is a difference between someone who accidentally bumps a car door and the person who just doesn’t give an f about anyone else’s property and flings it open with force. I think almost all of us would give grace in the first scenario. The second is clearly what invites someone exchanging words.
And, sorry, the people who basically said to care less about the other person’s car and then have the audacity to think this is somehow being virtuous is what truly seems unhinged. Kindness is exhibiting basic care with things that don’t belong to you. (And if you do that, you aren’t likely to have someone shouting at you.)
You are wrong. Let it go.
That said, actually, I wouldn’t mind if the people in my neighborhood who feel no qualms about letting their dogs sh1t everywhere every single day had the experience of someone yelling at them for it. Nothing else seems to pierce their selfish bubbles, including free bags provided by the city and ample trash cans on the walking routes. It’s part of a larger issue of “me me me” existence without a thought for others. Take care when you open your car doors. Leave places cleaner than you found them.
I think this is the root of it–people live as if other people and their lives don’t matter.
And then they also expect the world to revolve around them. I’m not going to care about you, but you need to care about me.
Can’t you call your city’s by-law enforcement? Not picking up poop is a fineable offense in most cities.
I wish they cared because it’s so bad – I’ve seen literally 10-15 deposits in as many feet! There’s no enforcement. I saw a wheelchair user roll through once and felt so horrible for him. He was pissed and rightfully so.
Poop and not pick it up? OK, yes. But some people don’t even like the idea of a dog going on the planting strip (grass on the far side of the sidewalk, which is technically our city’s right of way and not private property), even if you pick up after your dog.
You sure it’s from a dog? In my city the dogs aren’t the problem….
Unfortunately it’s both, but mostly dogs.
As a homeowner who fenced their yard mostly so dogs wouldn’t crap in it, I agree. Despite the fence, we still get plenty of dog sh*t on the unfenced part of the grass. There are some people who are so selfish that yelling might actually make them change their behavior, or at least be a little more circumspect about not picking up after their dog.
You must have been reading a different thread, because they absolutely were.
A lot of people on that thread seemed to default to “eh that’s driving for you, it happens all the time!” If you open car doors into other cars all the time, then you’re not paying any attention, plain and simple. People get frustrated when they’re treated as beneath notice, even if there isn’t damage to the car. If you’re paying attention and taking others into account as you move through the world, you should open your door into another car maybe 1-2 times in a decade.
I guess my point is that it happens accidentally. Even if only 1-2 times in a decade, it does happen. And there’s really no need to get screaming mad at someone who does something accidentally when THERE IS NO HARM (the OP specifically said there was no damage done).
Of course! If it does happen and the other person saw it, a simple “I’m sorry – I didn’t realize it was so close! I don’t see any damage, but apologies again” would go far. You wouldn’t respond with “ha that’s parking for you, don’t have a car if you care so much!” The point is showing the person that you care if you mess up.
No one was saying that you shouldn’t apologize. They were saying it’s not an offense that requires someone screaming at another human.
We are saying chill out. I have a fancy car I love and I’ve accidentally opened my door into someone else and had it happen to me. It’s called driving. If I was going to get upset about either being dinged or dinging, I wouldn’t drive.
I agree with this take. Be considerate of others, park somewhere else if the spot is too tight. You don’t have a right to put your car door onto someone else’s car.
Oh my god. No one said they have a right to put a car door into someone else’s. Are we serious about this?
Mistakes happen. Apologize. If you’re irritated that someone made a mistake, fine. Don’t fly into a rage, don’t pull some smug bs like this person did on the earlier thread, and MOVE ON. Holy crap, people.
When did this board of supposedly over achieving chicks become a board for illiterate women? This can happen by accident even if the spot is not too tight. What if I was parked first and then someone parked too close to me? No one is asking for a right to “put your door onto someone else’s car.” Get a grip, FFS.
This. I can’t even remember the last time I did this. It’s nuts that people think dinging up others’ cars is NBD. It almost always leaves a mark.
The question wasn’t is it NBD – it was on a scale of 1-10 where was it, and someone said a 10. Like what else do you have going on that this is the worst thing that will happen to you? If it is I sincerely hope you’re parking your special snowflake car far from other people’s in the lots.
Honestly this whole kerfuffle is probably just the resident ODD posters going to town – who else would go hard on “it’s ok to ding other cars and you’re unhinged if you’d be mad about it”? Maybe they actually drive around doing it on purpose too, who knows.
who else would go hard on “it’s ok to ding other cars and you’re unhinged if you’d be mad about it”? – Literally no one said this.
Maybe they actually drive around doing it on purpose too, who knows. – you really don’t get to describe anyone as “ODD” when you come up with BS like this; first lying about what people are saying and then accusing people of maliciously damaging other people’s property. Seriously, go touch grass.
Truly, can y’all read?
-no one said dinging is fine
-no one has suggested or condoned just shrugging off damage
-everyone expressed that this is unfortunate when it occurs
-no one has expressed an “entitlement” to open doors into people’s cars
-no one has condoned flagrant carelessness, or intentionally opening doors such that it touches another car
Literally multiple people were saying it happens all the time that their door touches the next car.
Multiple people are trying to distinguish between touching and damaging. The original post said it left no mark, so that is what you should assume. A lot of people here seem to have cars coated in mirror glaze frosting, which cannot be touched without being disturbed. Or they half read the post and are projecting their own stuff into this discussion.
Anonymous at 5:07- doesn’t change anything I said. Touching =/= damage.
+1. Well said, OP. I’ll add that being mildly inconvenienced by other people lawfully going about their day is not a reason to honk/yell.
For example: there will be bikes taking the lane on residential roads in my small city because our state vehicle code directs them to do so under conditions that exist in much of the city. Usually, they can be passed right away. Sometimes, on a designated route to school it’ll take awhile because there’s a lot of bike traffic, but it’s possible to cut over to more car-heavy road that isn’t a designated bike route for children if one wants to avoid waiting. Per state law, drivers of cars aren’t entitled to priority use of our residential roads.
The proper time to honk or yell is to avoid a collision.
I agree!
People are so disconnected with their community and greater good.
To me service to the greater good is an essential part of humanity and something we’re all called to do.
I think service to the greater good can include both opening car doors carefully in crowded parking lots as well as not screaming at people over obvious accidents.
Maybe in reality it’s the same people who scream and who drive and open car doors like they’re the only car in the parking lot, and we’re all just burned out by it on either sides of that discussion.
Yeah, this.
Even if someone does something legitimately bad to you, like denting your car, the proper response is not to lose your $h!t. You deal with it calmly like an adult.
+1
Your comments are interesting in that they assume the door dingers are the chill people. They are only chill in their lack of regard for other people’s property.
DH bike commutes daily and deals with awful drivers. We both think door dings are super rude and unnecessary. I assume that the people who are acting like it’s fine to open their door into someone else’s car are the same people yelling at cyclists. Same entitlement vibes – think they own the road and parking lots.
No one should be yelling at anyone but also no one should be acting like it’s fine to be opening their doors into other cars. If my elementary school aged kids can avoid so can many careless adults. Hold the door when you get in and out, it’s not hard.
We live in a pretty car-heavy city and my kids are pretty good about not dinging car doors, but I’d be lying if I said they’d never done it. Not every kid does it perfectly every time.
I wonder if I gave the wrong impression when I said ‘it’s a car’. In case it wasn’t obvious (because we are all responsible adults here, right?) I did NOT mean that I go around being careless and carefree about damaging things, or that I wouldn’t be frustrated over a ding to my own car. I was specifically responding to the poster who flipped out at her aunt, which I think is overreacting. It would be so wonderful if we could find the grey in between the black and white.
Since the end of COVID lockdowns (which were forever in my dumb, beloved state of California, so maybe 2023?), I’ve noticed a lot more yelling and frustration at people in public spaces. It’s like all of American society forgot how to disagree or argue without raising their voices to 11. It’s like people’s only modes are completely pleasant and shouting.
Very Recent Example: I had a woman scream at me at a PTA meeting last night. We’ve clashed in the past, and I didn’t respond very well since I yelled back (which is of course like unto m*rder in Very Online Spaces). Honestly, I don’t think she was sober, and I was already in a bad mood, but it was a really challenging situation and I’m glad I’m leaving the organization.
Omg I’m so sorry you experienced that!! I totally agree – I am the OP and I feel like something has switched where there’s just a lot more open-nerve energy. What did the woman scream at you?
I was trying to take notes since we were doing an election and she came up to my side to try and tell me something. When I said, not very nicely, “excuse me?” she responded with (screaming), “GOD WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH ME?” I yelled back and stood up, telling her to stay away from me, and she started scuttling back to her seat, still yelling that I was mean and she was only trying to help me. I asked her if we could take it outside and when she said no, I repeated that she needed to stay away from me. Thankfully the chair of the meeting was able to rein it in a bit, but it was so disconcerting and bizarre.
This woman’s behavior has been a problem for years – she gets confused, loses her train of thought in the middle of sentences, and gets increasingly paranoid and repetitive in her requests. I’m so glad to be rid of her.
Yeesh. Sounds like early dementia.
My lay diagnosis is that it’s from mj abuse, but what do I know.
Michael Jackson abuse?
No, the plant based drug that everyone in my dumb town seems to think is a-ok because it’s natural but alcohol is a sin.
Given how much you’ve posted about hating all these people, I’m not surprised you found yourself participating in a screaming match.
but alcohol is made naturally…?
You’ve made an unhealthy number of comments about your distaste for w33d and how you hate society’s shift away from alcohol.
I 100% know what she’s talking about. Forgetfulness, paranoia, poor focus, repetition. It’s too much mj.
Thanks, Doctor Anonymous Internet Commenter! I’ll be sure to tell them I was properly diagnosed in an internet comments section when I present my self to a licensed substance abuse rehab to cure me of my half-a-glass-of-white-wine-a-week alcohol addiction.
So she tried to tell you something while you were taking notes and you responded rudely, because you don’t like this woman. Yep, you’re the victim and the martyr here.
Because being rude to someone means they have license to scream at you? JFC.
With ss on this. I’m not defending alcohol but I’m kind of done with everyone walking around visibly stoned. If you’d rather get stoned on Friday night than drink it’s cool. But I’m not convinced it’s good to be high all day every day.
I had a man scream obscenities at me *with his elementary-aged daughter in the passenger seat* last week when there was a log jam on a tight street near school (cars parked on both sides, only room for one way traffic, several people boxed in). I rolled down my window to try to work out how all of us needed to move in sequence, and he screamed over me that I was wrong and launched into a tirade about how I was a such a f-ing stupid b-. I literally could not move my car without damaging at least one or two others, and I seriously thought about it because of how unhinged he was and I was concerned he’d get out of his truck and try to attack me. It was scary!
My threshold for getting upset over tangible property damage is, if it’s replaceable with enough money, it’s not worth getting bent out of shape over.
Huh? Do you mean replaceable with minimal money?
This. My family ran an independent insurance agency for generations. There were claims every single day. People we know were calling because things went wrong. Small things. Big things. Horrible things. Cars can be replaced. People can’t. I just…the door of your car was touched without so much as a mark? I can’t imagine caring at all. It’s so low on the list of things to be aggrieved about.
My FIL always says “if a problem can be solved with money, it’s not a problem.” I guess there’s room for interpretation about how much money is a truly burdensome — rather than merely frustrating or inconvenient — amount, but in general I agree.
One of my closest friends (20+ years, met in college) asked me for advice about her marriage. I am single, no kids, she’s been married 15+ years, 5 kids (all in K-12). I am the kids’ guardian if anything happens to her +her DH. I have been the listening ear for years. I like her DH. He grew up in a farming area, rural Midwest and we all now live on the East Coast. He is quiet, cares for her, supports her high-powered career, quit his job 3 years ago to handle kid and house stuff full time but he has floundered to handle domestic labor and any variations – sick kid? Calls her. School delay? Calls her. Fridge dies? Calls her. (Or he calls his mom for help, which repeatedly ends up in MIL advising my friend to quit her job as women should be home with the kids.) My friend has gotten frustrated and tried to talk with her DH but they end up in bouts of days-long silent treatment. They eventually agreed to seek a counseler, went to his childhood paster over zoom, who advised her to quit her job and stay home. Her DH said he doesn’t need her to do that but he won’t go to another counselor- they “tried that and she didn’t like it.” I know she does not want a divorce but I also know her patience is past thin. She does struggle with letting her DH do things “wrong”- she has gotten better not nitpicking chores like laundry but she fears his forgetfulness will mean a kid misses a field trip/doc appt/etc. He says she is better at everything so she may as well do it. Honestly, other than recommending she seek a therapist of her own, I don’t know what to tell her. Advice?
If they want this marriage to work they need to go to a secular couples counselor. If he isn’t willing to see a non-misogynistic counselor, he can’t figure out how to run a household, and she doesn’t want to quit her job then nothing is going to improve.
This, plus maybe a doc apt or field trip needs to be missed so that DH is forced to face consequences of his actions. No one dies if either of those things happen, so your friend probably needs to just let it go and let him deal with the repercussions.
Right I’m a big believer of people need to feel the pain (experience the consequence) they’ve caused. If they are sheltered from it they won’t be motivated to change anything.
I think she needs to decide if she can live with it or not, because it doesn’t sound like the situation is going to change.
How old is the youngest kid? Has he always been like this or has it gotten better/worse recently?
The only thing that’s a true dealbreaker here is days-long silent treatment. The issues with him being more self-reliant are very solvable, but he has to be willing to solve them. She needs to sit down with him and find out, directly, if he wants to find a solution or not. If he does, they need to identify what that solution is (him calling her less, her letting him handle things on his own and making whatever mistakes he makes) and both be committed to it.
If he’s not willing to find a solution, and instead wants to sulk and react, she has to figure out if she can accept it as the price of admission or not. If she can, she has to truly accept it and let it go. If not, she ought to leave and find someone she can fully embrace.
+1
Has anyone succeeded in telling a friend this? There have a couple issues where the answer is either accept it and deal with it OR get over it, and I know a couple people who choose complain endlessly about it instead.
I find this is more successful when you pose it as a question instead of advice: What do you think will make him change his approach? Do you think he’s *willing* to change his approach? If nothing changes do you think you can be happy with the status quo?
Leave with 5 kids in the house? With him currently a SAHP and maybe entitled to alimony that will prevent her from being able to afford a nanny to replace him?
Absent abuse I would stick it out but ask him to return to work so they can afford a nanny who is better at it than he is.
Yeo he needs to go back to work. Clearly doesn’t intend to learn to be a good SAHP, honestly seems like weaponized incompetence
Yep, “honey you being a SAHD ain’t working, I think you should go back to work and we’ll hire a nanny”
If he will not go, she should go to a counselor on her own. Plus five kids and a career, that’s going to have her patience running low regardless. Based solely on what you are saying, I am guessing there is a degree of (i) he doesn’t want to get it wrong so he calls all the time, (ii) not distinguishing between calls to inform her of something and calls where her input is actually needed, (iii) probably a bit of guilt on not fulfilling the traditional dynamic. Look, it took me years to accept that my husband (who I love dearly) does dishes in the most inefficient (clearly wrong) way. But, I don’t nitpick because I want the chores done and he handles the bulk of them.
See what is a counselor going to do other than validate her feelings? This just needs a solution, like the one suggested above where he goes back to work to pay for a nanny. Feelings are fine but they aren’t going to move the needle.
Therapist is more likely to be a reality check for her. She can’t both complain that he calls her all the time and also complain how he does stuff. If he has to deal with it and stop calling her then she can’t complain about how he deals with it. Or they need to set aside time each week to deal with bigger decision items.
She’s probably not telling friend the whole truth, a man is not just an a-hole about chores. I’m guessing there are deeper issues, bigger hurts here. She’s protecting his image to in your eyes in case she stays. She needs her own therapist to figure it out.
There’s probably a lot of unsaid abuse, ask me how I know.
If he’s refusing to see a secular, neutral counselor then I’m not sure she really has any good option except divorce.
My recommendation is for them to find a relational life therapist (RLT). It is a technique pioneered by Pia Melody, and is heralded by Terry Real. There are couples sessions and men only groups around the USA. It is not a situation you can solve, and it must be hard to listen to. You are a kind friend for being supportive.
The silent treatment would be a deal breaker for me. Call it what you will, it is abusive.
Can he go back to work and they use some/all of that money to get a nanny or house manager? It sounds like domestic labour is just not his strong suit and maybe accepting that is ok. I also think that 5(!) kids is just really tough and this is just a difficult season of life. The silent treatment doesn’t sound great though, how is their communication on other issues?
There is the task/role question here, and then there’s the marriage relationship. And probably all attempts to solve are mushing these two things together and grinding it all to a halt.
It seems like these are key questions:
• How was the marriage up until 3 years ago, when he took on this household manager role? Do they have a good relational basis for coming together as equal partners to solve this, or has their marriage had long-standing Major Issues?
• What is his competence level for managing a storm of details for 5 kids, along with practical decision making and problem solving? Are these HER strengths, but things that he is genuine bad at? Or is he able to be adequate at these skill sets, even if he’ll never excel the way she can? If he’s genuinely bad at this stuff and can only get marginally better, no matter how hard he works, that feels miserable for both of them. She’ll always be fed up with how badly things are done, and he’ll always feel like a failure who can’t do anything right. (Not a good atmosphere in which to build a connected, healthy marriage between two equal partners.)
• What’s your personal patience level for continuing to be her sounding board and relief valve? Do YOU need her to agree to go to counseling, so she’s not looking to you to be her problem solver and strong shoulder?
Everyone can learn and improve, there’s no such thing as being permanently bad.
not sure i agree with this
Funny how 90% of the time it’s men who Just Can’t Learn how to manage a household.
Poor dears. I think we should stop letting them manage companies and countries if they can’t even learn to manage a home.
I don’t think it’s just men who can’t learn to manage a household, especially with 5 kids. My SIL is a SAHM, and to be honest, she’s kind of a mess. The house is such a disaster that she can’t even have family over. They’re routinely an hour or more late for stuff. She doesn’t really cook. Her son does travel sports, so I get that she spends a lot of time driving and at games, but I still wouldn’t say she’s rocking the domestic life.
There are also lots of books, websites, etc., targeted at women who can’t seem to get their domestic life together. Fly Lady was one of the OGs, but Kendra Adachi and Dana K. White are popular now. Their popularity shows that lots of women definitely struggle with this. But I think our internalized acceptance that women are SAHMs makes us (or society at large) accept them staying home even if they kinda s*ck at it. At least, nobody has ever suggested that my SIL get a job and use what she earns to pay a nanny.
The CEOs of companies are absolutely not managing minutia like doctor appts for five kids. I don’t disagree with your general sentiment, but it is vastly different skill sets. The executive suite has a stable of assistants for the details
All of this. It sounds like he is really not suited to being a SAHP. You can argue all day long that maybe he should be … but he is not, and he doesn’t seem to be learning or getting better. What their relationship was like before this decision would make a big difference to me.
It doesn’t seem like he wants to be a SAHP, but if he quit his job when he didn’t want to be a SAHP it also sounds like he doesn’t want to work either?
Agree that the marriage question and the life management question are getting mashed together and that’s causing problems. I also agree with the chorus recommending couples counseling but want to flag that it would be specifically to deal with the relationship issues, whatever they are (which, TBH, I think is hard to say here). Once they’re in a better place on that front, they can make better choices together about how they’ll handle their lives (this thread has lots of good suggestions, but I’m skeptical they’re going to be able to choose and implement anything right now). I do think the counselor can be helpful to facilitate those conversations, but that part isn’t why to go to the counselor–it’s because when they try to work together on the life stuff, things are breaking down, and the counselor can help them with whatever is needed to be able to work together.
I have three kids in those ages and work a light part time job (heavy career step back). I’d lose my mind if we added two more kids and then DH was nitpicking me about laundry. It’s emotionally tough taking a step back to SAHP or part time if you loved working. She needs to see that.
Therapist of her own for sure. I’m not saying he’s perfect at all but this seems solvable and not a values mismatch. Let him fail at some stuff. It’s not the end of the world if a kid misses a field trip. Figure out what the glass balls and plastic balls because some balls are going to drop with 5 kids under 12.
The Fair Play book and cards are good. She has to let go of her standards and find agreement. Like does she think the sheets need to be changed every week or every two weeks? Who changes the sheets? Agree on that and let it go. Who does the swim lesson registration? Who calendars it, makes sure the swim suit fits and takes the kid? 5 kids is a lot of coordination all day every day. Divide and conquer and build in date night time.
It seems like if it was on him a lot would simply never get done, which is not an acceptable option.
It’s not clear to me from the post whether it would not get done or whether it would not get done the exact way she wants.
Right. it’s not clear to me whether he consults her because he can’t figure things out on his own, or because he is walking on eggshells worried that she’ll be angry later when his solution was somehow wrong. The fact that the OP wrote, “she’s gotten better not nitpicking” makes me think this dynamic didn’t come from incompetence alone.
This situation sounds like she’s dealing with quite a lot of misogyny- between the childhood preacher and the MIL and the spouse who can’t seem to figure out that he is now the default parent.
There’s also a potential for abuse here- everyone in her life seems to be bent on interfering with her employment, which would be really hard with a huge family. Likewise the weaponized incompetence, the silent treatment, and the interfering MIL with her opinions all raise my hackles that something is going on.
100%
PS the standard advice like find a marriage councilor can be really dangerous in the case of abuse. (there’s no way to negotiate with someone abusing you- what would you settle on ‘only abuse me a little’?). Having her find her own therapist usually is a better recommendation, along with reading ‘why does he do that?’.
More practically, there’s no way to keep a household going with 5 kids and a big job without someone else taking up the slack. Getting some time back via hiring a nanny or a household manager person could give her breathing room to take a deeper look at her life.
If all the outside input they are getting from a ‘traditional family’ standpoint is recommending that she quit her job as the sole family breadwinner, their advisors are either very very out of touch, or delusional. How do they think this family of 7, with one working adult paying the bills, 5 children, and one sensitive manchild going to survive without her income? And why are they expecting her to do all the work and make all the concessions? She’s the breadwinner!
If they want the family to move back into the traditional roles, they should be encouraging him to get re-employed and hopefully with a job that pays more than hers. Otherwise this makes no sense. Not that they can expect her to change into a tradwife, but at least their advice would ‘make more sense’ within their worldview.
I’m curious how he came to quit his job. Life got overwhelming with 5 kids and both parents having full time jobs? of course it did! But unless he *wanted* to be a SAHP because he thought it would be enjoyable and fulfilling, the better solution would have been outsourcing. I have 3 kids, and having done both…it is way, WAY easier to work a “high powered” full time job and throw money at food, housekeeping, and childcare than it is to be a SAHP and do all of that myself with no respite, ignore that it’s tedious, thankless and mind-numbing, and then find some well of patience for quality family time.
If he wants to be a SAHP and she wants to keep her big job, she needs to let him “own” all household management and defer on how he handles *most* things, including parenting, organization, chores, etc. She cannot treat him like an employee who is executing her vision, and he cannot treat her like on-call support during the work day. They should divide up responsibilities in the evening however feels fair. If he doesn’t want to be a SAHP, he should go back to work, and they should consider all of his salary fair game to pay for help (nanny + housecleaner is where I would start, part time housekeeper who does errands and laundry to level up) since they are obviously able to live on her salary alone.
100% agree she should find her own therapist, regardless.
Bro needs to get a different job, he’s been fired from his current one due to sucking at it.
+1
I have wanted a bamboo handled bag from Mark and Graham for a long time. Maybe I pull the trigger today? But how do I manage not to keep throwing pajamas, cute little purse organizer bags, and monogrammed packing cubes into the cart?
Truth be told, it has been a hard year. And a hard time since COVID. I’m a magpie and just looking at the pretty things is bringing me some joy. I am pro joy.
Not to enable. But I have a straw-looking Mansur Gavriel clutch (it’s bendable, so not as delicate as straw) and it is BY FAR the one I use most. It literally goes with me to every dinner, work trip, etc. since it matches any outfit regardless of color.
If you want to be talked out of it, despite that bag being truly gorg, that handle is SO tough to carry and it’s darn uncomfortable if you link it over your arm. I sold it on a second-hand site.
For anyone on the looks-decent-but-is-comfy pant hunt like I am, the Athleta Endless Pant in a long size (don’t like ankle pants) was a great hit for me. Size 10/12 usually, pear. Got size 10T.
It wouldn’t work in a formal environment but it would in a smart casual dress code office.
I love these pants too. I’m 5’3” and the normal length is full length on me.
+1. This is my go to pair of pants for long plane rides (including work trips)
Random, but if you’ve been to a Miraval resort was the double occupancy rate fully twice the single rate? I understand food and some spa credits are included so you’re going to pay a non-trivial amount for the second person in the room, but usually all-inclusive resorts/cruises penalize single people and favor double occupancy since you’re taking the same amount of physical space. Miraval’s website is showing exactly twice as much for two people sharing a room vs. one person, which surprises me.
It’s the all inclusive factor – you eat all your meals there and many classes are included with the room rate. It makes sense that it’s PP in their context.
It’s not standard for all-incusive resorts though, at least not in Mexico/Caribbean/Europe – I’ve stayed in many. Usually you pay more for the second person, but nowhere near double. We could get two rooms with 1 person in each room for the same price as two people in one room, which does not make any sense to me.
I have never gone to an all inclusive besides Miraval. It’s very fancy, that’s part of the charm. It’s pricey because it’s worth it.
The way it usually works is that it’s per-person and single-occupancy has an upcharge called a single supplement.
If I were going to charged 2x the single rate, I would reserve 2 adjacent rooms (with a connecting door if possible) and spread out.
I think that’s what we’re going to do!
You do get x2 for the spa / activity credits, and that’s most of what folks spend $$ on at Miraval so it makes sense to me. I will say that I’ve been to Miraval Tuscon a few times and it is spectacular and worth every penny! I’ve had my own room and shared with a friend and both were great, and honestly, I was pleased to get the same spa/activity credit per night rather than splitting it.
Thank you, this is what I was trying to explain above.
is there any AI way to add things to a calendar? Or a Siri shortcut? I wish they’d make one.
I wouldn’t trust AI to get it right. AI summarizes all my e-mails wrong.
If you are an Outlook user, you can drag the e-mail onto the calendar to turn it into a calendar item.
What do you mean? My Apple devices have all sorts of shortcuts for adding things to a calendar.
skylight. I think you can get the app without the hardware.
Are taffeta and satin the same thing?
No, satin is shinier and less stiff and has less shape to it. A satin slip might show every curve and dimple.
No. They are both shiny, or least lustrous, but satin is very drapey and usually very light while taffeta is much more stiff. Think of an old-fashioned party dress versus a satin slip dress.
No, not at all.
My very smart, academic, mature 10yo daughter is starting to develop certain “affectations” (for lack of a better word) around her friends. For example – tossing her hair in a very airy way (not to get it out of her face), having a too-high fake laugh, using words like “um” “ish” etc.(“how are you feeling?” “ish”). I only notice it when she is with her friends and I am in the background at a playdate or birthday party. She is also frequently the leader in her friends group, the others are more childlike/babyish. Until recently, she didn’t care what she wore and barely brushed her hair in the morning. Now, she’s also wanting to wear more stylish clothes (spaghetti tops and crop tops) rather than the tees and shorts she used to.
What should I do – ignore it? It’s not a big deal but it also seems a bit fake and affected, rather than natural and genuine. It seems like she maybe learnt these things from older kids?
I have a 12 yo. My diagnosis is you’ve got a tween on your hands and this is age appropriate behavior. Tweens can be annoying to live with but are still kinda cute? Good luck!
I have a 10 year old girl and cosign this. My daughter has different affectations, but same vibe. I do expect her to use “normal” speech patterns when she talks to me, and crop tops and spaghetti straps aren’t appropriate attire for school, but otherwise tweens are gonna tween.
Do not do or say anything. That’s perfectly normal for a tween. It’s probably just what girls in her class think is cool, and getting to feel cute or cool at that age is a blessing (so many kids do not!). If she has friends and is doing well socially, trust that she is okay.
Also, I have to say, disliking a high pitched laugh or a hair flip feels a tinyyyy bit misogynistic. Let girls be girly and have frothy, teeny-bopper tastes if that’s what they’re called toward.
Welcome to tween-dom. She is starting to watch older kids and try on different personas for herself – all very normal. Keep an eye out for signs that she’s actually struggling (dealing with bullying, not eating normally, etc), but otherwise this is just life for the next several years.
^^Also, I agree with my Anon at 5:40 twin. Let her be her, and watch yourself for over-policing anything “girly.” She can be super smart and academic, and still enjoy being a girl. (Just as it’s okay if she eschews all girly stuff altogether!)
she’ll be mortified over it when she’s older. Not sure there is anything for you to do here.
This is age appropriate. I’m a little chuffed that the kids still use “ish” like we did.
Ignore it. I am so grateful for my mom who never commented on anything dumb that I did and literally drove me to Salem, MA during my Wiccan phase without judgment so I could buy a spell book and random incense/candles. I grew out of things, I wore some embarrassing items, we never fought about it, and I have zero complexes about anything.
My mom was super judgy about my vegetarian ‘phase’ so I doubled down and write environmental laws now.
Omg this is amazing. I will happily drive my 9 yo to buy spell books if she asks!