Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Tobie Pleated Blouse
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’re looking for a bit of a twist on the traditional white button-up blouse, this pleated and buckled version from Anthropologie caught my eye. I haven’t seen this in person, but I think it could look really chic with the right outfit.
I would wear this top with some light gray trousers for a summery business casual look.
The top is $148 at Anthropologie and comes in sizes XXS-XL, XXSP-XLP, and 1X-3X. It also comes in black and brown with the buckled details, but it comes in a wide variety of prints, blouses, jumpsuits and dresses.
Looking for more interesting basic blouses? General brands to look at include CeCe, 1.State, and Sézane (very affordable!), as well as L'Agence, Rebecca Taylor, Club Monaco, Alice & Olivia, ASTR the Label, and Anne Fontaine.
Sales of note for 6/4/25:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has begun! See our full roundup here. Lots of markdowns on AGL (50%!), Weitzman, Tumi, Frank & Eileen, Zella, Natori, Cole Haan, Boss, Theory, Reiss (coats), Vince, Eileen Fisher, Spanx, and Frame (denim and silk blouses)
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+) + Father's Day gifts up to 60% off
- Ann Taylor – 50% off dresses, jackets & shoes + extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 15% off new womenswear styles
- Eloquii – $19+ up select styles
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off women's dresses + up to extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50-60% off summer styles + up to 60% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – BOGO 50% off everything, includes all markdowns
OK, this is a new one – wide leg pants and public bathrooms. How do you keep your pant legs from flopping on the floor? I feel like I don’t have enough hands to hold them up on the bottom and pull them down on the top!
So I recently learned in John Green’s “Everything is Tuberculosis” that a big influence on the rise in hemlines at the end of the 1800s was actually the germ theory of disease, and the discovery of many bacteria and viruses that cause common diseases (including the bacteria that cause tuberculosis). People didn’t want their dresses touching the floor.
This is so fascinating! That book has been on my list.
So I definitely have paid attention to the floor in an airplane bathroom and don’t want my clothes touching that, but I never have considered it with regard to a normal public restroom. It’s not like a men’s restroom where people dribble on the floor, and I don’t, like, touch the hem of my pants and then eat food or anything. This would be different if there was obvious dirt or something else gross on the floor I could see.
I’ve never gotten TB or any other disease from my pants touching the restroom floor (that I know of).
I recently took a flight wearing (not even really wide, but) looser, slightly flared pants, and I remembered why I always wear leggings on flights. In normal everyday life, I won’t stop wearing wide pants but I will look for the cleanest stall.
I take each leg of the pant and fold it up to my knees or calves, so the pants will stay in place. Sometimes it’s one fold or more.
It works well and I do this in a plane bathroom too. Even pants that are not wide leg get rolled if needed, because the floors gross me out, which is when I decided to try this.
I used to worry about only wearing narrow pants on a plane or leggings, but now I can wear my comfy widish leg ponte pants an a plane and I roll them to my knees like long shorts, and then unroll.
This is what I do as well and what I thought everyone did.
Me three
It never occurred to me! I tuck my pant leg into my sock if it’s otherwise wide enough to go over my shoe and touch the floor.
+1
If I’m wearing crew socks I just tuck them into my socks.
This is what I do too.
if the floor is visibly damp or soiled then I fold them up to the knee as others have said, but otherwise I just… let them graze the floor. Not like I’m going to actually touch them much if at all afterward? I trust my washing machine to do its job.
Same. And since I often re-wear pants a few times before laundering, if I have encountered a floor-grazing situation then that pair automatically goes in the wash regardless of how many wears it has been since the last time.
I just pull them up and crunch them around my knees?
I think I’ll have to do this – I have a lot of the Athleta wide leg pants and they don’t really stay put in actual rolls. Spending a lot of time in portapotties and yucky bathrooms lately for my kids’ athletic activities!
Pull pants down while standing up, then pull up pant legs before sitting and hold while sitting.
Does anyone else just not think about this?
🙋♀️
But sounds like OP (due to sports) spends a lot more time at events with portapotties than I do. I’d probably think about it more in that case.
OMG – thank you for posting this. This has actually been on my mind for a while – I love my wide leg cotton gauze pants, super comfy for travelling, but last time I wore them on a flight, I couldn’t figure this out.
Honestly, I only buy dark colored pants. If the floor looks gross, I would try bunching them up by pulling around my knees as I sit down.
My Therapist gave me $100 off my appointment and told me to celebrate getting the judge to sign off on our final divorce agreement.
Could be anything – food, buying something necessary, buying something dumb, an experience like a massage or indoor skydiving, a few months of a dating app (ha!)
Please don’t ask me what I want. I really can’t think right now. I am torn between an experience or something consumable or disposable, and something that will Last.
Open to suggestions. What do you think?
$100 won’t buy a massage near me sadly, but it would buy a decent seat at Swan Lake!
I think something fun and thrilling. Not something you enjoy doing, but something really fun. For me that usually means a physical activity with friends that either provides a thrill or a lot of laughing. With your list, that would be the indoor skydiving with one or more friends. Or a water park or amusement park (rollercoasters).
Thanks. The list is not comprehensive nor complete, intentionally.
I like the mandatory fun experience idea.
These are opposites, but I would choose either a massage or a tandem skydive.
I’d probably take a friend out to lunch or dinner — I get to do something nice for a friend, and I have someone celebrate with me.
My biggest advice: if you’re an over-thinker or a dither-er like me, just do something today . . . even if it’s not “big” enough to really count, or it’s not the “right” thing. With this kind of thing, I tend to get stuck in what it should be and if it’s meaningful enough or enjoyable enough, and then I never do anything — and the money sits in my checking account and goes to pay a utility bill.
+1
Call my most supportive friend and take her out to lunch to help me celebrate.
How fun! My favorite celebration is a “shouldless day.” I release myself from the tyranny of what I “should” do. In that spirit, I would wake up whenever I wanted and take that $100 to go to my favorite coffee shop for a leisurely breakfast, preferably while reading or doing a puzzle. Then I’d probably use the rest to buy whatever new book called out to me in the store (not what I feel like I “should” be reading). And then late lunch if there’s anything left. Then I’d spend the rest of the day walking around a park, reading the new book, taking a bath, etc.
I love this concept — will adopt in my own life! Thank you for sharing
Take the afternoon off, go to a cafe, get a pastry, watch a movie in a theater, then go shopping.
I would get something for the bedroom.
Bedding, silk pjs, new bras and knickers, gardening tools…
My favorite kind of day involves antiquing and $100 can get you a pretty oil painting. I’d probably make a day of doing that.
Take a weekday afternoon off, go find a restaurant with a great patio, order yourself a pile of truffle fries and day drink the afternoon.
This is really specific to me, but I’d buy either a pretty medium size crystal from a crystal shop, or a large houseplant.
Congratulations!
Congratulations! I would probably see if there’s anything in the house (kitchen items, curtains, etc.) that I use frequently and that needs replacing, and then use that money to buy whatever new, shiny, expensive version I like to spark joy every day.
If this were me, I would do something that my ex never liked to do and that I gave up to help the marriage.
Where can I get XL twin bedding that is actually cotton (even a blend is fine, just no microfiber) that doesn’t look horribly institutional? Including blankets and quilts / comforters?
Company Store?
Target sheets are kinda fantastic. I love the organic percale patterned ones in 400 thread count. I’d buy the duvet cover in the same fabric for sure. I’ve also bought comforters from Target. Plenty warm (I keep house at 60 degrees overnight in the winter).
I love my Target sheets!
I got rid of all my expensive Cuddledown duvet inserts because they were clumping and leaking and replaced them with the Casaluna brand from Target.
Target is the place for this. They are the sweet spot of quality, price and style when it comes to back-to-college in particular and bedding in general.
You will find more options in a month when stores are targeting kids moving into dorms.
I know. That’s what kills me. Some college dorms are being used for a camp kiddo is going to. Very excited to be in a climate-controlled dorm with hall bathrooms and not in a tent for once. But I need to find stuff this month and it looks like Target is as good as it might get right now.
Haha I thought these sheets were for you.
Your kid will survive summer camp on Target sheets.
JC Penney has nice sheets in twin Xl oddly enough.
Lands End / LL Bean?
Assuming they still make them, I really liked my college XL Twin sheets from here. They were soft, all cotton, and held up well in the wash.
My own college kid didn’t like the colors so we have some from Amazon. They are wearing thin after one year, and the corner seams on the fitted sheets have had to be sewn up after the original seam fell apart. Wouldn’t recommend them myself, but the heart wants what the heart wants and apparently avocado print bedding was it.
Pottery Barn’s twin sheets also fit twin XL. The regular Pottery Barn 400-thread count organic cotton percale sheets are superior to the PB Kids and PB Teen sheets.
You don’t need XL blankets and comforter, you just need a fitted sheet and mattress pad that work on a twin XL mattress. Regular twin flat sheets, blankets, and comforters are fine, and XL versions don’t really exist.
Many twin fitted sheets these days are made with extra elastic and length so they will work on either a twin or twin XL mattress. Check your kid’s current bedding to see whether this is the case. Otherwise you can buy twin/twin XL sheet sets pretty much anywhere you’d normally buy sheets. Target has some in cotton percale.
Brooklinen for sheets and Company Store for a mattress cover.
Most twin sheets fit on twin xl even if they’re not marked. I buy regular sheets not for my kids’ twin xls and have never had an issue. I’d buy the twin xl if they come in that size but manufacturers seem to add extra room to their standard twin size.
Ikea and H&M
I am oddly fascinated by IG accounts focused on cleaning and saw one this morning that had me wondering about any real life experience the hive may have had. It showed the same model dryer I have and while I religiously clean out the lint filter after every load, they unscrewed the casing that the lint trap slides in and out of, and underneath HOLY H–L there was so much lint there. The comments said this was a known issue with this dryer model. Has anyone every done this, or seen it done IRL? )? I’ve had someone in to clear the air ducts and dryer vent before (where they use a huge vacuum to blow out the vent to the outside) , but never someone to actually disassemble the lint trap casing. The machine is out of warranty so I don’t need to worry about doing something to void it, but I’ve been led down the wrong path by IG before. Any IRL experience here?
We have a 1990 dryer. We use a vent brush at least once per year to and my husband removed the back last year and it had a decent amount of lint inside it. Our machine just had a bunch of screws securing the back panel on. I don’t think there’s a downside to removing it if it’s easy to remove!
For my old dryer, I got a special narrow attachment to vacuum the area that held the lint trap since lots of lint accumulated there. I didn’t have to disassemble anything, though.
My new heat pump dryer has a secondary lint filter that I’m prompted to clean every few dozen loads, but no big accumulation of lint anywhere difficult to clean (and, of course, no vent to worry about cleaning!).
One of my friends is a firefighter and honestly I don’t recommend it, he tells me about all the dryers (and other flammable household hazards). Constant anxiety checking and cleaning those things because I hear about the fires they cause and I’d never be able to forgive be myself for a self inflicted inferno.
I thought you were talking about a hair dryer and I was fascinated and appalled by the idea that the handle of my hair dryer could contain so much lint!… no experience cleaning this myself but maybe ask a duct person if you’re concerned about it? or check reddit for that dryer model?
Haha, I also thought this was talking about a hair dryer and could not imagine hiring someone in with the sole purpose of cleaning that out.
That said, I have fully dismantled my ancient gas tumble dryer many times to replace the thermal fuse (it lasts about 3 years). If you are mechanically inclined and have reasonable knowledge of electronics and gas line safety, it isn’t that hard. But if that’s not you, check for appliance repair services that will do this for you. And ask them if the felt gasket needs to be replace on your dryer; if that is worn out it will drastically increase the amount of lint getting in places it shouldn’t be.
I watched a repair guy disassemble my dryer for a repair one time and yea, there is more lint than you would think. I got one of those super narrow vacuum attachments specifically to clean vents/dryers.
The heating element in my dryer died last year, and I decided that it was a fix that I could do myself. I took the dryer apart, and the amount of lint that was inside the dryer was shocking. I vacuumed it all out, replaced the heating element, and put the dryer back together. It was a total pain to take the dryer apart, but worth it in my situation.
This is important to do. I babysat for a family in Brookline during law school. Their house BURNED DOWN due to a dryer lint fire. Terrifying. Don’t sleep on dealing with this.
Semi related: if you haven’t done so recently, pull out your refrigerator and clean all the crud off the back coils. It isn’t a fire hazard, but it doesn’t do wonders for your appliance.
Yeah, it’s amazing to do this. I have an old fridge and need to do a lot of cleaning/vacuuming underneath as well. But the fridge works so much better after!
If your dryer has screws that you can take the lint trap section off, you can easily do that and see what is there. For my dryer I would have to take off the whole panel or something complicated like that, so I bought one of those flexible hoses that can reach all the way down to the bottom of the dryer and vacuum up what is there.
another thought: my friends dryer started a house fire while they were home_ do not leave the dryer on when you leave the house.
our home inspector had us replace the flex hose on the dryer with a semi rigid one as they collect much less lint.
I hardly ever use a clothes dryer, since they just strip the cotton from the clothing (which is what lint is –your clothing). I do experience a weird pleasure in cleaning the lint screen. I also have twelve-inch tweezers that I use to pick out the bundles of lint that accumulate all around the lint-screen-area. Pull out the lint screen, and then dig around in the catchment area. There’s always a lot more there.
I should add that I do this for the dryer in my apartment building –it’s not actually my lint, since I only use the dryer once or twice a year. I’m such a good neighbor!
I didn’t know how many things I wasn’t cleaning before IG and I am not happy about it.
I have a recent Siemens dryer, and the caddy that the lint thingy slots into just lifts out, it’s meant to removed and cleaned.
Any good books people are reading right now?
I’m in a bit of a slump, I had fun reading A Drop of Corruption, but can’t muster the excitement to get through the rest of my planned reading challenge books (by the way, if anyone has ideas for a book with a left handed character, let me know, because Sandy Koufax’s biography was not grabbing me).
I read Holly Brinkley’s Deep Cuts and oh my goodness, Bay Area elder millenial nostalgia. So, so good.
Recent nonfiction that I loved:
You Didn’t Hear This From Me: (Mostly) True Notes on Gossip by Kelsey McKinney
Abundance by Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson
Burn Book by Kara Swisher
Random other fiction books:
Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt – if you haven’t ready it
Sipsworth by Simon Van Booy – lovely book, similar to Remarkably Bright Creatures
There’s a new Taylor Jenkins Reid book that came out yesterday that I’m looking forward to. I like the whole TJR universe for fun books.
+1 for Remarkably Bright Creatures.
Currently enjoying If Cats Disappeared from the World – it’s a quick read which may help in getting reading momentum going again.
I caved and bought Original Sin, and must admit I find it both compelling and infuriating. I could not get into The Light Eaters.
+1 for Original Sin
I’m 100% the target market for this book and will probably end up reading it, but I hate the title of this book a lot. It irrationally annoys me a lot.
I usually comfort myself that titles and book covers may not have been the author’s decision (I did not look up whether it was the publishing house or the author’s call in this case).
I started Ducks, Newburyport but don’t know yet if I really have it in me to finish. The gimmick is not putting me off as much as maybe the satirical edge, but I don’t know yet where it’s going.
I read and finished Greek Lessons and the Gone World.
A commenter above mentioned Everything is Tuberculosis by John Green, I also read it recently and highly recommend.
Recent fiction reads:
The God of the Woods – well written, I enjoyed this and now have the rest of the author’s catalogue on hold at the library
From Below – cheap entertainment, set aside your literary standards
Gideon the Ninth – a little slow to start but riveting once I got about 1/4 in
I really liked The God of the Woods too!
Me too!
I loved Naomi Klein’s Doppelganger! Illuminating, incisive, powerful.
I’ve gotten into the British Library Crime Classics and am enjoying A Telegram from Le Touquet. It’s set in the French Riviera and has a really summery feel.
+1 for British Library Crime Classics!
I couldn’t put the Monsters of Templeton down! All of Lauren Groff’s books have been solid reads, IMO.
Cloud Cuckoo Land by Anthony Doerr who also wrote All The Light You Cannot See
Tilt by Emma Pattee
Just finished Piranesi by Susanna Clark. Highly recommend.
+1
I’m just finishing Good Dirt which I think is very good.
What’s the right balance on being transparent and honest vs. glossing over and spinning up the positivity for a performance review when its been a rough year? If you have one that covers things like job statisfaction and motivation.
We’ve had a rough Q1 and Q2 to date – I felt like I was go go go for 4 months with large scope projects being suddenly prioritized, and a spotlight and critical eyes on my subject areas.
I’ve had some time off and I’m recalibrating to a chiller summer mindset but….work just feels like one big Yuck, No Thanks right now and my motivation is in the crapper.
Always spin up the positivity. Acknowledge the challenges so you don’t sound tone deaf, but emphasize the positives, the wins and what’s next.
You don’t know when a company is planning a RIF or your most recent review will be weaponized. Don’t give them the weapon.
Acknowledge the challenges and then point out all the positive ways in which you responded to those challenges.
This. I’ve had a year that sounds similar to yours, OP. But given the situation with the federal government, everyone is kind of in the same boat. I acknowledged the hard parts but also what I had done well.
I do not typically advertise myself and prefer to give credit to the whole team, except when it comes to my performance review. There, I absolutely channel the ego of every mediocre white male colleague I have ever had and talk myself and my accomplishments up as much as I can. Even small accomplishments. My boss teases me for some of the small things I document in my reviews, but having those in my file has helped make the case for raises and promotions much easier.
I would not focus on the challenges of the past year but reframe the things that hurt your job satisfaction into asks for the coming year. If you took on more responsibilities or got better results, translate that into a request for a bigger raise. If your team is short-handed, translate that into a request for a new team member. If a one-off project made the last year painful, ask for a one-time bonus at year end in recognition of it.
Do not write negative things about your job satisfaction or motivation! You can mention challenges but your company wants/expects you to be adaptable. That’s a requirement of so many positions.
We had a reorganization and an executive would make a point of asking people if they are happy and like their job, not because he cared, but because he wanted to get rid of people who weren’t committed or fully on board. Only be vulnerable with the right people and the right time and that is not during a performance review.
thanks for the advice yall! I have a draft started from yesterday thats probably not pumping myself up enough. I’ll come back to it tomorrow to look at it with this all in mind.
Any tips for a Baby Shark? I just got the Shark hairdryer as a replacement for one that died after 10+ years of service, but I only used the concentrator attachment for my baby fine hair that is limp and fuzzes in humidity. I have two brush attachments and two of the curling ones, all of which I understand to be for dry hair, along with the concentrator. Advice? Good YouTube tutorial accounts to scroll through at lunch today?
Curse you! Now the loop of that song is running through my brain on repeat.
saaaaaame
I didn’t know what you meant at first and had to think about it…. Damn. Earworm.
For my fine hair, I use a Shark with the diffuser attachment. None of the other attachments work for me.
I would love some wedding guest attire advice.
I have a friend getting married – 3pm on a Saturday – on a farm in the midwest followed by a reception at a golf course. Attire is cocktail. I’ve done some googling, but I can’t figure out what my best course of action is for wedding attire. I’ve got four choices. (I’ll put links in comments).
1) A navy tuille midi (Elina dress) from citychic. I really like this one, but think it is too fancy.
2) Gray polka dot jersey midi from Ralph Lauren. I also really like this one, but I wonder if it is too casual. I thrifted mine, so it is missing the belt, but I would replace it with a white belt and wear a gray wrap.
3) Lane Bryant blue and white maxi dress (blue base, white pattern). I like this one in theory, but the top fits weird so I’d have to Macguyver it a little bit.
Those three dresses are all hanging in my closet, but I had a brainstorm last night (often dangerous :) ) and found this fourth option.
4) Eliza J scarf print midi dress. I don’t own it, but could send it to my location and pick it up. A while back (when I was in a not good relationship), I ordered a different style of this dress with the same pattern, but my dirtbag ex told me I looked stupid in it so I returned it. I can’t find it the OG dress secondhand in my current plus size (18), but found this one which is very similar. I wonder if it is worth reclaiming that feeling (I loved that dress so much) for this wedding.
I’ll put links in comments. I appreciate people’s advice!
CityChic Elena Dress: https://www.citychiconline.com/plus-size-maxi-elina-navy-222612navy
Ralph Lauren Polka Dot Dress (mine has no belt): https://www.ebay.com/itm/225379561573
Lane Bryant Blue and White Dress: https://poshmark.com/listing/NWT-Lane-Bryant-FauxWrap-Wedding-Guest-Maxi-Dress-60a14f34e107bba4b4dd4d15?srsltid=AfmBOoqybSwPDUiKNADt8oHGYzaISKY2NhWH0T3RPjoyz2cwo7P1l6VgzyU&gQT=1#utm_source=gdm_unpaid
Eliza J Scarf Print Dress: https://www.macys.com/shop/product/eliza-j-plus-size-printed-square-neck-maxi-dress?ID=21673405&isDlp=true
1 is beautiful and not too fancy!
2 is a “it’s a hot day and I have no big meetings” office dress. Def no.
3 I’d pick if the whole wedding were farm, but maybe not for the country club vibe
4 is cute, but a little more “fun brunch day” than wedding
I appreciate the take on #2 – I work in higher ed in a fairly casual office and I think that’s skewed my view of what’s fancy and what’s not.
Thank you!
I love 2 but would need to choose the accessories carefully, and then 3.
Without links I’d do 1, all the others have issues. Never wear something that needs MacGuyvering. And Eliza J styles haven’t been current in years. Don’t buy that. I don’t think you can be too fancy at a cocktail reception but you can be underdressed.
After links, 100% the first one. And everyone had that Eliza J dress 10 years ago, if you love it, get it but know it’s memorable and a little dated. I wouldn’t for an event but absolutely for a night out with friends.
To be fair, I think I had the OG version of that Eliza J dress about 10 years ago, so that’s about right
Thank you for your advice!
Reclaim that dress!
I have no advice on whether it’s appropriate or not, but why not use this occasion to get the dress you love?
I also could look into seeing if I could find the original from 10 years ago secondhand – I only did a cursory search to start with.
Thank you!
I’d do 1 but do a more casual sandal like an espadrille. And, I’d also track down 4 just because.
second this! definitely track down 4 just to have (and wear) it!
I was planning on wearing some close toed pink sandals regardless of the dress, as I am old(ish) and have arthritis in my knee.
Thank you!
#1 is beautiful and definitely not too fancy.
#2 is too plain.
#3 is fine, but I like #1 better.
#4 is fun.
Thank you!
It seems the consensus thus far is #1.
I like the Lane Bryant dress the most. But would depend on how the top looks (do you mean pin dress to bra to prevent bra showing or something more drastic?). Disagree with the other poster in that you can be too fancy.
I am sort of handy with a needle and thread. I think it needs a little bit of gathering at the shoulders to better match the bodice – it would be both an easy fix and easy to remove if I didn’t like it.
I do agree that you can be too fancy – what I don’t want to feel like is out of place. I also am mindful of how much wedding guest fashion is now cheapie dresses from amazon (which is fine, but very noticeable) and want to steer clear of that as well.
Definitely 1. My friend went to an outdoor wedding on a farm and wore something similar. I don’t think you can be too fancy at a wedding and you should feel great in what you wear. I’d wear a pair of nice flats for the ceremony and maybe a different shoe for the reception. I would assume a farm if it’s rained that week would not be a place you’d want to walk around in sandals or espadrilles.
I love #1 for the wedding. Also get dress #4! It will make you happy.
#1 is the right answer – the others are too casual. #1 is on the casual side of cocktail, so even if they really mean semi-formal, it will be fine.
From my experience with Midwest farm weddings with golf club receptions: dress for the golf club reception, not for what “farm” might mean to you.
Some farm weddings can be quite fancy; think more “horse farm” than cowboy boots and BBQ. Given the golf club reception, I would imagine that it’s more the former than the latter.
When in doubt, look to the Pioneer Woman’s daughters’ weddings and what the attendees wore.
Agree that #1 hits the perfect note.
I own that RL midi and am always surprised by how much more formal it looks with neutral accessories. Something about the shade of taupe. A leather sandal does wonders.
You’ll look lovely in any of these.
A former colleague who is now in a sales role invited me to lunch to talk about her company’s offerings. I shared that I’m not in the market for those offerings but ultimately accepted the invite. What is the etiquette for paying for lunch? Either of us could pay and expense it. I want to avoid a rug of war over the check.
I assume she will pay. She invited you.
Not sure what the formal etiquette might say, but in my opinion if she initiated contact and she is trying to sell you something, she’s buying.
Your former colleague should pick it up.
She pays. She is trying to sell you.
Definitely goes onto her expense account.
My pores are very noticeable and I have an uneven skin texture. I’d love to be able to wear a bit of makeup to make my skin look a bit better, but I can’t find a primer that seems to let me use liquid or powder. What do people with really rough skin use? Rosacea (I have the kind that induces breakouts and not just red skin from burst capillaries) is a beast.
Ilia skin tint is nice and my skin loves it. Has zinc oxide which can be calming.
You need to make sure you’re using the right type of primer for your foundation – don’t mix water-based and oil-based.
Also–try Cerave Retinol Resurfacing serum. It’s in the acne section of the store. Target has it. It’s amazing at retexturizing and reducing pores. Cannot recommend more highly.
I would skip primer–it’s going to emphasize the pores.
I genuinely thought that the point of primer was to smooth out the appearance of pores.
Retinol is terrible for rosacea prone skin.
Yup, don’t do it.
My derm has me on prescription retinol (adapalene) and something with ivermectin in it (!!) for rosacea. Primers or other makeup products won’t fix the root issue so to me they’re not worth the time.
I haven’t had great luck with primer for reducing the appearance of pores. TBH, I just live with my imperfect skin, which also has texture from rosacea. I no longer get active breakouts, but the pores are still enlarged from when I did.
I like the Laura Mercier primer. I let my SPF dry down first, then just take a dab and pat it into places I have visible pores. I don’t put it everywhere.
I also have sensitive skin and rosacea.
Do you put anything else on top? Or just spot use primer as a concealer?
I have the same type of rosacea. Prescription Epsolay and azelaic acid plus BBL Laser treatments have resolved mine almost 95%. Talk to your dermatologist about it!
I need to find a good pouch / clutch that can be tossed inside a larger hauling bag for essentials (wallet, phone, keys, chapstick, etc.). Everything I pull up looks like a cosmetics bag or a pencil case. What are some A+ examples for someone to use at the office in case you run into the higher-ups but isn’t some $$$ item?
As a higher up, I have never given any seconds of thought to what’s in someone’s bag. Get what you like.
Lululemon City Essentials Pouch (probably the smaller 2L version – it’s not too big)
I totally use a gift with purchase cosmetics bag for this purpose. Nobody sees it but me.
Ha, same. Might as well put them to good use. I also have a Scout pouch that I use for travel. It’s cute, imo.
I use a Mark and Graham leather pouch for this, assuming you mean it’s something you could carry to meetings vs. something used just for running out to lunch? I think it was around $50.
I was gifted a Polene Sierra Pouch and it my phone, keys, chapstick, and has space for ID or credit cards. So maybe a clutch in a similar style would work as well?
Rothy’s pouches are the answer for this. They have a great strap.
Also, Talbots does wristlets and they are often cute and often 50% off.
Try the brand of your larger bag and see if they have something
Nobody is thinking about you that much.
Are wristlets totally out? That’s what I used to use for this but they seem so dated now. What’s the alternative “little purse you take to lunch but keep in your big work bag”?
https://verabradley.com/products/large-pouch-5026920133
Madewell has a bunch of cute “pouches” and makeup bags that look like they might fit your needs. And they look more like a small purse versus a makeup bag, so that might be more professional looking than pulling out a makeup bag. And their prices are decent.
Kind of pricy but I have similar from same band that is 17 years old and still looks new.
https://www.longchamp.com/us/en/products/pouch-34174987001.html
I love my Haiku bags.
I am on an H1B visa. My friend is getting married in October, and she is having a wedding in our home country, which is a 20+ hour series of flights away. She is a citizen of the U.S., so she isn’t aware of issues with H1B visas right now.
Last week, I lost my job, and as a result don’t think I will be able to make it to her bachelorette trip in two weeks. I’ve already paid for the hotel and flights for the bachelorette trip, but it’s international and I am worried about leaving the country right now and not being let in (my visa is still valid but it’s scary). I’m also wanting to focus everything on recruiting, as there is a narrow period before I will get kicked out of the country if I don’t find another job, so I don’t think I can take a 5 day trip to party.
I texted her yesterday morning to tell her I lost my job and that I won’t be able to go to the bachelorette trip. She read the message but still hasn’t responded. I think she may be mad at me. I was going to visit another friend this same week, and told her I’d have to cancel as well – the other friend called me immediately to make sure I was okay. For additional info, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to go to the wedding either, so I think she may be angry about that as well.
I guess I’m asking – AITAH? Is the visa issue and job loss a good enough reason to not be able to make the bachelorette trip, or should I have still gone? Do you think she will end the friendship over this or that our friendship will never be the same?
A good friend would understand and not be upset. I work with people on H1B visas and understand your concerns – please don’t jeopardize your status. If your friend ends the friendship over this, she’s not really a friend.
Do not assume the worst just because she hasn’t responded immediately. However, if your friend is going to be mad that you’re not coming to her bachelorette party because you lost your job and are afraid of getting kicked out of the country, her priorities are not in order. I once had to cancel on a destination wedding invite because of some unplanned expenses, and the friendship was fine. October should be plenty of time for her to figure out attendance.
No man, these are scary times for a lot of people, and she should understand that. Even without immigration issues, I’d totally understand someone backing out of wedding events when they’d just lost their job!
Right? I cannot even fathom being mad at a friend for bowing out of an international (!!!) bach trip after getting laid off or fired. That doesn’t compute for me.
+1
NTA. Bride might be disappointed, and to the extent there were going to be any big group expenses split among bach attendees (like a boat charter or whatever), Bride might not know what to do about it (since that puts a higher % on the other participants) but you are still NTA.
She may end the friendship over it because apparently that’s a thing now, to prize bachelorette party attendance above all else. I once had a bride get mad at me for leaving hers a few hours early when my (local) grandma was hospitalized. That said, if she does that, it’s on her and not you. This is a scary, unprecedented time for immigrants and any decent friend should understand that, no questions asked.
Omg I’m so sorry to hear that. How long was the bride mad at you? Was she a selfish person in general or just about the bach trip?
Forever, lol. The friendship never recovered. She was distant at her wedding and purposefully misspelled my husband’s name on a wedding notice thing – think spelling “Casey” as “Cacseee”, so no accident. I lost interest in repairing things after that and didn’t think I should need to grovel when I attended 99% of the party anyway.
NTA. Before you analyze too much, what is your friend’s texting style? Does your friend normally leave things on read and prefers to talk later, or forget to respond? If I received a text like that, I probably would have read it and decided I need to think about my response as it would be more than a quick text, then potentially got distracted before I actually responded.
I’m assuming that if OP posted this, it’s because she has a legitimate suspicion. The friend is probably normally an immediate texter or it wouldn’t have raised alarm bells. If it were me in the friend’s shoes, I would be rushing to respond right away – losing a job while on H1B is major. I’d reassure her immediately.
NTA and I wouldn’t assume that the non-response means anything. You’re only 24 hrs out from the text. She could be dealing with a bunch of other work or family stuff and didn’t want to respond until she had a moment to engage with you on the issue. Or she’s a jerk about it in which case, forget about her and focus on your job hunt.
Why not pause and wait and see what her response is before jumping to conclusions about how she feels about you?
NTA for all the reasons above.
Some of these responses are kind of odd to me. Would y’all really leave a good friend on read for 24 hours (a full day!!) if they were on an H1B visa and just lost their job? Even if I want to engage more presently with that conversation, I would reply immediately to say something like “Oh my god I’m sorry and will respond more fully later.” It’s such a traumatic event at a crazy time that I really can’t imagine skipping over it.
Agreed. I would never do that.
For something big like a family member had an accident? Or I lost my own job? Or my dog is suddenly sick at the vet? Life happens – she may have meant to text back and life intervened and she forgot. I try to give good friends grace until I know what was happening.
Well I think I could be that person. Here is a hypothetical inner dialogue: oh my God, my friend is going through this really bad thing, I can’t just send a quick acknowledgement and then go back to my day. I must find a quiet moment to compose a sincere response (and obviously never ever use AI or any assistance —sorry couldn’t pass up the chance to snark). I’ll get back to her soon. A few hours pass, I am stumped on what to say that’s good enough to be appropriate. I get distracted by other stuff, a few more hours pass. Now the mortification of leaving her on red adds to my hesitation to write back.
This doesn’t happen all the time, but it’s within the realm of what could happen.
I know it’s not good, but I’ve definitely done this
It could be an honest mistake – I’ve definitely thought I’ve sent a text when it didn’t go through or I’d composed it in my head and then forgotten to type it out.
can i just say, people need to learn to pick up the phone! idk your friend and how closely she follows the news, etc. and whether she is aware of everything going with visa restrictions, etc., but I would’ve either called her or texted saying let’s find a time to chat. Obviously it was right of the other friend to call you right away….but you could also pick up the phone
If your friendship ends because you can’t afford something over a job loss, it probably wasn’t a great friendship to begin with. I think it’s more than understandable that you don’t want to gamble in this climate with being deported or locked up. I also think that’s the risk with having a destination wedding. People not attending because of a range of factors: money, PTO, other life priorities.
I wouldn’t attend the wedding either. No way would I try to re-enter the US right now without a US passport.
I’m a US citizen and as much as I’ve been avoiding the news, even I’m aware that there are issues with H1B visas right now.
She may just be busy or forgot to text back. But if she’s mad, she’s an a-hole. You don’t need friends like her if that’s what counts as a friend.
Hello
I have curly hair (3C/4A) and have never used a hair dryer/diffuser. Could you please recommend a relatively inexpensive (<$100 if possible) diffuser that will be used with minimal heat.
Thanks!
I bought a cheap “universal” diffuser at Sally Beauty Supply yesterday. Haven’t used it yet, but it was < $15 and the cashier said she has the same model and loves it. https://www.sallybeauty.com/tools-and-brushes/hair-dryers/black-universal-diffuser/SBS-301148.html
Is the hole flexible? I am tired of hauling my entire hair dryer to the gym just so I can use my diffuser. The gym has hair dryers, but they have an oval nozzle and my diffuser is circular so it doesn’t fit them.
It’s rubbery, so it’s flexible. Reviews say it didn’t work for travel dryers, but I think it would fit most standard dryers.
It’s a little flexible but I’ve definitely encountered dryers that it won’t fit because they’re too big. Here’s my traveling hack: I buy two of them. Leave one as-is. Take a pair of sharp scissors and cut off the tightest part at the bottom so it’ll fit over larger nozzles. Then I bring them both. They’re collapsible so it doesn’t take up any extra space and then I’ll always have a diffuser when I’m on the road.
You can get silicone diffusers that can attach to different shaped nozzles.
Anyone want to do some fun shopping for me? I want to get some red earrings for a sporting event (primary color is bright red, along with black and white). I usually wear stud earrings so I don’t want to make too big of a statement, but I’m open to dangly earrings on the smaller side. Any fun options? I hate hoops.
Actually, just found this lovely set on Etsy! I think I will get this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/210820696/red-pearl-set-select-size-pearl-necklace
If you do a search for “earrings + UGA” or “Georgia colors,” you’ll get some cute options.
Thank you to this board for your advice over the years about acknowledging someone’s wedding when the invite specifies no gifts. I’d only ever been to “no gifts” weddings that involved extensive, expensive travel, so I followed their mandate and wrote a nice card and maybe brought a cute “bride” beach bag or hat or something for the bride. Recently, we were invited to a local wedding like 10 minutes from our house, so we didn’t even have to get a hotel.
Champagne is usually my go-to but the bride doesn’t drink, so I looked through the archives here for ideas. I sent the couple a nice flower arrangement a few days before their wedding. They had a lot of family staying with them so I figured they’d enjoy flowers. They loved the arrangement so much that they put it on the table with their guest book at the wedding! Thanks to all!
Oh, that’s sweet!
That sounds lovely!
What a great idea! And I like that you sent it a few days in advance, because if it comes the day before or the day of the bride is probably too busy to appreciate it.
What cologne are teen boys wearing? Cool aunt has been tasked to buy a bottle for a gift.
Not Davidoff Cool Water??? (dating myself)
lol, that takes me back! Smells like 1998.
Haha, the smell of my high school boyfriend. Someone passed me wearing it recently and I went back in time 25 years.
I did bought Christmas gifts for to a teen boy in foster care and he had requested Ralph Lauren cologne. Didn’t specify which one so I got a gift set from Macy’s for like $40.
I don’t know about teen boys but I liked my ex’s fragrance, which was D&G Light Blue
Adding that you should make sure you get the “for men” one as there is also a women’s version
I’m a fan of Dior Homme Sport.
Byredo has some great scents that are very cool
I’ve averaged 5-7 calls per day from different numbers, all in Texas and most in Austin. All of them have asked for some variation of my name or some information roughly related to me. For example,
“Hi I’m looking for Mr. Anderson.” My maiden name.
“Hi I’m looking for the owner of 123 Elm Street” No relation to that address – got two of these calls with diff addresses unrelated to me
“Hi I’m looking for Liz” My name is Elizabeth (it’s not but you get the point)
“Hi, Ms. Anderson?” Again, maiden name, this time using Ms vs Mr.
The cynic in me says someone is trying to gain access to accounts somewhere and they’re going through one of those quizzes that are like “Which address have you been associated with?” or whatever and trying to figure out how I respond to then make the right choice on their end.
How do I make it stopppp. It’s been non-stop since Friday. I have all of my accounts locked down tight. Credit is frozen. I’ve taken all the steps so the system is working. I was victim of identity theft 2 years ago – someone tried to open 8 diff credit cards and bank accounts in my MAIDEN name, which is why I’m wondering if that’s what’s going on again this time. At the time, though, nothing was successfully opened given my fort knox approach. So effing annoying. Do I just hope they give up and move on?
Don’t answer the phone for unknown callers! I’m an elder millennial and I never pick up if I don’t know who it is. They can leave a voicemail that I can check if it’s not a number I know.
It won’t stop if you keep answering the phone.
This.
Yup.
Why do you keep answering??
Because I’m in a business development role where i often get calls from numbers I don’t know. Personal cell and work cell are the same number. Not ideal, but nothing I can do about it. Going to ignore anything unknown from TX for the foreseeable future though.
Get a dual SIM and have two numbers. One phone for both work and personal is problematic enough but the same number is asking for issues.
My teenager was roasting me for answering my phone even though I get spam calls, but the problem is that with 6 80-something parents, in-laws, and step-in-laws, there is a nonzero chance it’s a doctor, lab, or hospital calling with something important.
There have got to be fixes for spam calls, we sent a man to the moon, this could be addressed but neither party gives a crap.
I think both parties must take money from people who make money on spamming people.
The reason I answer calls is medical offices that can’t/won’t leave voicemail no matter what forms I sign.
I’ve never had an issue with medical offices leaving a voicemail. Some will not leave details but just leave a message to call the office.
Don’t answer phone numbers you don’t recognize.
I tried to explain to my kids the other day that we used to answer the phone and not know who was calling and I had such strong vibes of my parents telling me about black and white television. Like what do you even say when you don’t know who it is?
“Hello, this is the Smith residence. May I ask who’s calling?”
Not only that, people would run to answer the phone and worry if they missed a call that it was something important (which it sometimes was). A ringing phone could not go unanswered, because until the 80s most people didn’t have answering machines either.
Do you have family who might fall for this? If so, I would warn them, too.
Don’t answer the calls, block the numbers, set up MFA on all your logins if you haven’t already. It does sound like your info is back out there again, unfortunately,
Stop answering the phone.
I’m baffled that everyone is just saying don’t answer the phone tbh! I mean, I get it on the one hand but also… people call? I’m not that old – I’m 40! I’d be really interested to know the average age of the “stop answering the phone” respondents. Is it generational or is it really just the norm these days?
I’m also in a job where we’re on the phone all.the.time. So the phone isn’t a scary thing to me the way I know it is for so many, and particularly the younger generation around me at work.
No one I know (42 y/o) picks up the phone for random numbers. That’s what text message is for.
We talk on the phone. We call back after someone leaves a meaningful voicemail.
I’m 44 and I don’t answer from unknown numbers.
I’m 45 and I can’t remember the last time I answered a call from a number I didn’t know. People can leave a message if it’s a doctor’s office or whatever and I’ll call them back. Plus anywhere I’ve interacted with before is saved in my phone.
For work, I talk to people multiple times a day on the phone or via Teams, both incoming calls and outgoing but I don’t answer unknown calls. It works as I rarely get spam calls.
I’m 60 and don’t answer calls from unknown numbers. It’s either spam, or it’s someone who can leave a message. If I’m waiting on a call from a doctor’s office or car repair place, I pick up.
66 here and same.
I’m 43 and only answer known numbers, and those only at select times. My job does involve some phone calls, but calls are typically scheduled or at least agreed upon through some other medium, not impromptu or unannounced.
If the number is not in my contacts, is not a local exchange and I have no reason to expect the call, I never ever answer. VM all the way.
40 and I never answer the phone for unknown numbers (unless its something specific, like I’m waiting for a DR call, and will only answer for the right area code)
I’m over 40, have no problem calling people, and do not pick up the phone from an unknown number. I have zillions of people in my contacts – including my doctors, coworkers, etc. And the prevalence of cold-calling has also dropped way down at work since Covid because it became the norm to schedule time vs. just call. So 99% of the time an unknown number is junk.
Fascinating. I think my job has really desensitized it for me. Thanks for the straw poll!
I’m 45 and I answer calls. It taxes 2 seconds to determine if they are spam and I block the number if it is after telling them to put me on the do not call list. I get about 2-3 calls a week at most.
Not answering phone calls drives me insane. Just pick up your phone and block spam callers. They soon go away. It is not better that someone texts first or have someone leave a vm that I then have to call back.
I’m not scared of talking on the phone but 99% of the time if I don’t have the # saved, it’s spam. So I never answer a random #. It’s wild to me you’re in bd & don’t have a separate phone or at least google voice # for work!
I agree. I do not understand the problem: I answer the phone and if it is spam I just hang uo
46 and I don’t answer the phone. Why doesn’t your job just get you a Google number or something?
I get 4-5 a day from NY numbers leaving messages about debt consolidation. I don’t pick up.
And donotcall.gov. It’s clunky but it works.
Have they said why they are calling? I don’t even respond to their question until they tell me why they are calling.
Then ask them to take you off their call list.
I just went through your experience, but was just letting all the calls go to voicemail, and they would leave partial messages. So finally I started answering them, told them to stop, and they stopped!
which is easier to maintain 14k solid gold or 18k gold vermeil?
14k solid
+1; it also retains its value. Vermeil is like setting money on fire.
This reminds me of all the people who got ‘white gold’ wedding rings 15-20 yrs ago and were horrified to realize that it had to be re-dipped to maintain the color.
If you have the budget for gold just get the gold. Vermeil is the budget option and will eventually need upkeep.
And the sterling silver under the gold plate WILL tarnish. It will make the gold dull. The plate wears off eventually, too. Not worth it.