Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Stripe Split-Neck Popover Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
This Frame top came up when I was poking around Nordstrom looking for some short-sleeved tops to wear to the office this summer. I like the split neck and slightly blousy fit, and it seems like a fun way to wear pinstripes beyond the typical button-up.
I would wear this with some navy trousers for an easy business-casual look.
The top is $298 and available in sizes XS-XL.
Sales of note for 6/4/25:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has begun! See our full roundup here. Lots of markdowns on AGL (50%!), Weitzman, Tumi, Frank & Eileen, Zella, Natori, Cole Haan, Boss, Theory, Reiss (coats), Vince, Eileen Fisher, Spanx, and Frame (denim and silk blouses)
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+) + Father's Day gifts up to 60% off
- Ann Taylor – 50% off dresses, jackets & shoes + extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
- Boden – 15% off new womenswear styles
- Eloquii – $19+ up select styles
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off women's dresses + up to extra 50% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 50-60% off summer styles + up to 60% off everything + extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – BOGO 50% off everything, includes all markdowns
Has anyone been to Stonehenge? Is it worth the trip?
I did a day trip that included Stonehenge, the Cotswolds, and Bath, and it was completely worth it. As for Stonehenge itself–it depends on how much it’s featured in the books you’ve read. I loved seeing something depicted in my reading.
I’m glad I went but more in the “glad I checked that off the bucket list” way than actually enjoying it.
I loved it. A really treasured memory
lol are you really asking whether one of the wonders of the world is worth it? Just go.
eh, I have the same question. From info online it looks like you can’t actually get anywhere really near the stones themselves and so it’s just looking at them from behind a fence with a bunch of pushy tour groups. Is it better IRL?
You get close enough to the stones! I don’t remember a much crowd at all, let alone a pushy crowd. You can’t like touch them, but you can see them clearly. And being in the place makes the mystery much clearer – you can see how much work it must have taken to put them there etc.
I don’t remember much of a crowd either; however, I went in April and it was a bit chilly. I booked a day trip from Bath, we visited Stonehenge and Salisbury.
I went to “Mount Sinai” in the Egyptian desert for a sunrise or sunset or something. It was a terrible experience. Don’t go.
A top 3 experience is Taj Mahal. I am lucky to have been more than once and I love it. Go go go
I went to Mt Sinai for sunrise- arrived at the base around midnight and hiked all night until dawn. It was an incredible, treasured experience. Granted, I’m a little old for all night hiking now.
I did this, too. The kind of thing only my 20-something energy would support, so glad I did it young!
Like in the next part of the month? I might see if there is any chance that summer solstice crowds are a thing there.
I went on solstice to see sunrise and it was awesome. The crowd energy was really positive and there was just a great festival atmosphere
For me Stonehenge wasn’t worth the trek, but Bath was interesting.
We stopped to see it on the way from Cardiff to London and really enjoyed it! My kids thought it was very cool. We were there on the spring equinox, but later in the day and did not find it particularly crowded. Apparently, sunrise is the time to go on the equinox.
We just went and I really loved it! Admittedly we splurged on a private cab tour there and back and the cabbie knew a lot about Stonehenge. I think we went thru Discovery London. But it was definitely a bucket list item for me, blame it on the Time/Life Mysteries of the Unknown books. And it is a UNESCO heritage site.
I thought it was fascinating, but I kind of showed up with not a whole lot of background knowledge and really geeked out on the science and theories of where the rocks are from and how they got there. Spent a lot of time in the gift shop and reading the information they shared. Less time actually looking at the rocks. We were there around summer solstice last year. There was actually a druid group there when we were there, and they had a little parade and actually went into the rock circle, which the general public is not allowed to do. My kids remember most the strawberries we bought at a roadside stand on the way out as the best strawberries of their lives.
Oh, and I will add that I am not the type of person who would add Stonehenge as a thing to do on a trip by myself. My husband really wanted to go, and I’m glad he did!
I did it en route to Bath and enjoyed it. It didn’t matter to me to read the official site “stuff” nor to see it super close, so my spouse and I hiked a footpath (maybe 2 miles?) to see it from the opposite side as the main attraction. We were obviously fenced off, but we saw it and enjoyed a wonderful stroll through farmland and sheep on the way. We were driving, not sure if this is possible by transport only.
I found it a bit underwhelming. It was cool to see something I had read and heard so much about but you cannot get very close so you basically get out of your car, take a look, and that’s it. I did it as part of a day trip elsewhere and am still glad I went, but it wasn’t a super memorable experience and not something I would carve out an entire day for, especially in a short trip.
How much of a history nerd are you? I loved it. I took a bus tour with a bunch of “old people” (I was 21) because that’s what I could afford. I think a narrative of some kind is pretty important to appreciate a site like that. Otherwise it’s just rocks in a cold windy field (I went in July). We stopped by Bath on the same trip, which wasnt on my radar but was also really cool.
These days, I’d stay in Bath for a day or two and find a Rick Steves or similar narrative to listen to on my own time for the visit to Stonehenge.
I loved it, but I was a huge history nerd and a teenager.
I enjoyed seeing Stonehenge, and I enjoyed seeing Salisbury Cathedral and the Magna Carta more.
Yes and it was underwhelming. Surprised nobody has mentioned Avebury. It was amazing! Way more of the experience I had expected from Stonehenge, set in a beautiful village and far fewer tourists. You can touch the stones and it’s a huge site.
Deploying my hand-sewing skills (IIRC hand-sewing is what is required for haute couture) because not all summer tops need to have non-closable openings that extend to the sternum. I do not need ready access for CPR at all in my clothes — that is what trauma shears are for.
I do this with all garments when I first bring them home. Any gaping button bands, too-deep crossover v-necks, skirts with vents or slits that go too high, etc. I either sew them shut permanently or install a snap in the gap if it needs to be able to open. Makes clothing work without requiring mental energy just to wear it, rather than being something I have to fiddle with all day to get it to behave.
Agree. I do one round with fashion tape to make sure I have the right adjustment and then make a permanent commitment. Cannot believe that I used to wear wrap dresses requiring several pieces of the stuff to wear without a malfunction.
Picked up two items from the tailor this weekend for this exact purpose. And these are work tops, not going-out tops.
Okay, good for you.
Quiet luxury: home edition
What makes a home interior quietly luxurious? Is it the furniture and decor themselves, or the layout, or something else?
We are renovating our first floor and at a place in life where we do not need to buy IKEA, but are still mindful of our budget. I’d love to know what pieces are worth spending more for, and what we could pick up at Target or HomeGoods and still have things look really nice. There’s coffee tables from Target and then there’s coffee tables from Arhaus and to my untrained eye they look similar but I’m sure there’s a difference that matters.
Solid furniture, intentional decor rather than clutter or kitsch, and good lighting. Some sort of coherent theme or style (even if the style is eclectic).
Apparently good lighting also = points of light throughout the room vs a giant overhead light or can / track lights.
I do love me a pineapple, but that’s the coastal VA heritage from my youth. I had no idea that it can be associated with swingers until recently.
I read somewhere a long time ago that a decently lit room needs something like 14 “sources” of light. That sounds like a lot but it can be something like a reading lamp on each side of the bed, a 3-bulb floor lamp, 2 windows, and a dresser mirror that doubles it all.
Of course, arrangement and levels that make sense for the size of the space, time of day, and the room’s use all matter, but having enough light is a good start.
Yes! In my laziness this is what I use smart lights for – love that a single remote can turn on/off like 15 lights.
Good place to start: don’t buy a “matching set” of any furniture pieces and don’t have wall-to-wall carpet. No framed posters, no “boob lights” for overhead, and no golden pineapple figurines from TJ Maxx. Hang original art (doesn’t have to be expensive), incorporate brass, and show the books you love most. Have a real clock.
I can get behind much of this advice. Focus less on luxe and more on the best versions of things you love. We do fresh flowers every weekend in a mix of Waterford vases and jam jars, have nice wool blankets on the couch, and mid century brass figurines we find every now and then.
I don’t shop at homegoods because I don’t trust their fabrics, so maybe find some estate sales for a good mirror, prints, and things you love.
grass cloth wallpaper, nice drapes, unique art.
I feel like grasscloth brings out strong feelings. I have to admit that I like it for a note of texture and feeling of warmth but am scared to pull the trigger and wallpaper in a humid climate scares me. I am all for stenciling walls (thank you living near Amish country), but it isn’t for what people in my area do and I feel like it’s a pain to get rid of (but hear me out — it is just so much better than wallpaper especially in a humid area; it is the fresco of America).
Fwiw, grass cloth is amazing if you like to change your art up, it’s very forgiving and doesn’t show nail holes.
Minimal clutter, both because there are places to put away things and there aren’t too many things.
To me, an empty surface radiates luxury. It doesn’t have to be totally empty, but a side board with like, one lamp and one plant or object, and otherwise letting the grain of the wood be the star. I like it so much. Sometimes that wood is fake from Wayfair but the lack of clutter is key.
No, fake exposed wood just screams ‘trying really hard’
Can you tell at a glance in someone’s home whether their table is real or fake wood?
100% can tell almost instantly. Of course I don’t say thing but my mind is immediately like “why wouldn’t they thrift something real wood for the exact same price”
Are you shopping online or in person? I’d start training your eye by doing in-person window shopping at the high-end stores in your area. Getting a feel for what better made/higher quality furniture is like will help you develop more of an instinct for when you can go with the Target dupe and when you need to stay away from it.
OP here and we have been spending some time in high end decor stores. I feel like so many of the pieces are nicer, but I can’t quite figure out why! I can’t tell if it’s the general environment of a beautifully laid-out decor store, or it’s the pieces themselves. I can tell they’re quality pieces, but I can’t figure out how I can tell that, if that makes any sense!
We just bought a sofa from Arhaus. Their customer service when we had an issue was atrocious. By contrast, Restoration Hardware was super helpful.
It depends on the piece, but in general the quality of the joints in wood pieces are a dead giveaway. With sofas you should be asking about the frame (should be cured wood, all one piece not MDF glue together), the springs (8-way hand tied and secured with steel, not plastic staples), the type of fill in the sofa cushions, and the warranty. We bought a Hancock and Moore sofa from a dealer in NC and I fully expect it to last a solid 30 years if not more.
My personal rule of thumb is to spend more money on anything you sleep or sit on, good money (less but not nothing) on storage pieces, and ‘cheap and cheerful’ for things like side tables/decor. Lamps are generally a place you want to spend a decent amount, otherwise they tend to short out or just die on you.
I find it difficult to tell the difference from high and low quality online, but in person it looks obvious to me. Materials, craftsmanship, and with furniture, size. A lot of inexpensive furniture is weirdly small.
Not sure of your definition, but for me all brand new things are the opposite of quiet luxury. Vintage/antique furniture, rugs, or decor keep it from looking sterile, and make the room look curated. Original art, esp. large pieces, nicely framed are the epitome of quiet luxury IMO. Probably because they’re legitimately super expensive, lol.
Nothing from Target or IKEA – get vintage or antique side tables, coffee tables, etc. and nice/expensive couches and sitting chairs. Recover antique chairs and accents with nice fabric. Get pillows made in nice fabric too – Etsy is great for this.
FWIW as someone who is very much a decor girlie, vintage Ikea can be iconic and the exact right modern pop in a space. Most modern Ikea suck a though.
Fair, I’m referencing going there now. I also have some vintage outdoor chairs from there, but it’s a rare find.
I second this – go secondhand where you can. Modern day furniture and decor is absolutely crap in terms of quality.
And, think about textures.
Yes to textures! This was a revelation to me that I love in our home now– variable and contrasting textures on the sofas/chair and beds. E.g., we have a sleek leather couch with an impossibly cozy soft throw and couple of real woven and velvet throw pillows. I love the contrast between the cold, masculine leather and the soft, feminine fabrics.
I would also say real hand-knotted rugs are 100% worth their money. I can spot a cheap rug a mile away. Oriental or Persian rugs will last literal generations and can be found at good estate sales.
Make sure your area rugs are large enough for your space. Nothing cheapens a room more than an undersized rug.
Yes. And avoid plasticy materials for rugs.
Go big is good advice for mirrors too.
Nothing particle board/MDF/melamine only solid materials: stone, wood, metal, glass etc. Wall paneling/wainscoting/headboard etc makes rooms look expensive but again the cheap versions are noticeable and real wood is much better. Warm lightbulbs!!!! Real art whether that’s thrift finds or purchases from local artists, never put something from a chain store on your walls. Curtains hung and hemmed properly is huge in making a space look done, blinds are so bad.
Is there a way to tell if a “wood” item is real wood? Or that stuff that was once partially a tree but is pressed wood, particle board, or something else? I have a dresser and while it looks to be made of “wood,” I feel like at least the top is some sort of plastic-coated weirdness because it got dinged up in a move and won’t take scratch-cover and seems to be not wood the way the furniture my grandfather made clearly is wood.
[I’ve taken to buying off of Craigslist because if you buy from an older person, their stuff is the mahogany they say it is and apparently no one wants it but me.]
You can look for veneering and grain lines etc. But eventually you just learn what’s ‘right’ and your brain automatically pings. So my advice is to touch a lot of furniture
Look at the non-public parts of furniture to see what they are made of. The bottom of things where the feet attach, the edge of panels from the back and underside, pull out the drawers to see how they are built and look at shelf edges. Actually solid wood pieces won’t have that extra glued on surface layer that veneer over wood or MDF and laminated MDF have. Veneer isn’t bad, especially if it is over another solid wood or decent plywood. Laminated MDF is what you want to avoid.
If the drawers are tongue-and-groove, might the whole piece be actual wood?
Tongue and groove is a pretty good indicator that at least the drawers are made out of real wood because you literally can’t make the cuts for the tongue and groove from MDF and the like.
I think you mean dovetail joints rather than tongue & groove. Dovetail drawers are sturdier and more expensive to make. Their presence doesn’t guarantee the rest of the piece is solid wood, but at least that part is better quality.
Dovetail joints are a type of tongue and groove joinery. (now the wood “groove” looks really weird to me!)
None of the multiple woodworkers in my family would consider dovetailed joints to be a subset of tongue & groove. Rabbet and dado might be a specific application of tongue & groove, but usually tongue & groove joins wood planks side-to-side (like in flooring). Here’s a visual: https://mtcopeland.com/blog/types-of-wood-joints/
Random plug for full extension hardware! My first experience with it was the fancy Amish custom bedroom set my parents got me for my wedding but you can get the hardware for many ikea drawers and so forth.
I love a lot of color so for me the ultimate splurge is being able to have wild wallpapers or other design choices. If I was a chef I might spend $$$ on a Viking range or something like that. I’d also add things that are design choices you’ve probably made – real hardwood, not engineered. Tall ceiling heights and door heights. Windows in every room. A nice door near the garage where guests park. A kitchen sink large enough for platters, maybe a cocktail sink too. For furniture I just don’t care. There’s a Habitat for Humanity store near us that frequently has store models from Arhaus, all marked down like 90%. They’re huge, heavy pieces so we haven’t bit, although we’ve been tempted a bit. If this is your forever home maybe go for hardwood furniture but if you have kids, pets, or hope to move one day then I don’t think it matters.
Suburbia is calling with the garage door comment 😂
Mass produced neighborhoods are not luxe.
A neighbor sold part of their yard, and somebody slapped up the kind of house that is a garage with living quarters arranged around it. The plot was small, but they wanted to build a big house, so they made more space for the house by giving it hardly any front yard, making it face an odd direction, and expanding it in backward behind the looming garage front. This is an old neighborhood with older homes, and it would have been so easy to build a house that matched the neighborhood style in a typical size for the neighborhood. It’s also not the cheapest neighborhood, so I really believe they could have built something that doesn’t look cheap and short lived and still made money. Anyway the overpriced ugly eyesore has been waiting for a buyer for more than a year; we’ll see how long it ends up taking.
I know of a very similar house, down to waiting for a buyer. Gabled beyond belief, too.
Do you live in Louisville????? This is an exact house in my neighborhoood!
I do not, and it sounds like the gabled house is different too, but I hope all of our pretty neighborhoods will long outlast these slapped up eyesore houses!
But aren’t those a. Thing wherever people drive? The hamptons come to mind
In expensive neighborhoods where people drive you still enter in the front door. Having guests use the side door is tacky.
Suburban cookie-cutter neighborhoods often have a massive garage door front and center, with a garage-adjacent (or inside the garage) entry door that is way more convenient than the actual “front” door, which is usually set further back, is highly landscaped and weirdly hard to get to because it doesn’t always have a walking path that is reasonably accessible from the driveway where guests park. Unlike a lot of older neighborhoods where cars were an afterthought or an accessory, rather than the main feature.
Go to a consignment store for designer furniture (the stuff interior decorators have to order for you), and get to know the brands and what their pieces feel like. You can get used woods items like coffee table and side tables and lamps from those good brands at a steep discount and in really good condition. Look for quality sofas and chairs at the Room and Board price level. Don’t buy used sofas.
Honestly if you have to ask it’s not.
+1 Seek out nice things, but don’t call it quiet luxury when all you’ve done is stopped shopping at Target for housewares.
Hollow-core doors are not luxe. No one wants to spend $ on doors that feel “heavy” when you move them, but solid-core doors and quality hardware is just such a nice feeling. Also: all of the woodwork and trim. In my dreams, I have paneling but I’m content with the heavy wood trim in my rooms.
If only I could deal with my “horizontal filing system” ability to generate clutter.
Yessss! Cheap hollow core doors are the worst. Solid wood doors are so much better bonus points for solid brass knobs.
I’m finishing up a house build. Step 1 is have a superstar builder who doesn’t cut corners and has relationships with quality subs who care about their work. In terms of selections, I agree about getting solid-core doors. Work with a custom cabinet maker for built-ins. Look up This Oak House on instagram – it’s a home renovation account run by Nancy Meyers’ daughter. Tons of good construction tips. She has a big budget but you can at least get ideas.
In terms of interiors, work with a designer who can help you create a cohesive scheme and order trade-only furniture for you. Designers get discounted prices (then charge you a % fee on top of the base price) and it works out to be cheaper than the open market for nice furniture.
Lots of great suggestions. One additional item, I think oversized furniture in small spaces really cheapens a home.
I live in the midwest, so the number of oversized couches you see in living rooms that make it difficult to walk around is pretty common.
For an older home with smaller rooms, I feel like high quality apartment sized couches really helps.
Is it oversized furniture that’s a problem in a small house, or is it furniture designed for American lifestyle like giant L-shaped couches? Oversized furniture can actually really improve the scale of small houses if done well
I have a five seater corner sectional (I think that’s L shaped) in a tiny, tiny living 1940s room. Big furniture can be the most efficient use of a small space, and it looks less cluttered (to me) than a bunch of small pieces.
But “oversized” would still not have worked; I had to look hard for a sectional that would fit in the space at all, and I think mine is extremely spacious to sit on, but I’d consider it apartment sized. IKEA had nothing that would fit; I had to spend more to go smaller.
Where did you find the smaller sectional?
I went with Sabai though their prices have gone up since I purchased.
My theory on furniture, art, decor is that time and effort is what makes a space quietly luxurious, much more so than a big budget. You can pay someone for their time in finding the perfect piece that will perfectly fit the space and vibe, or you can spend your own time finding the piece that perfectly fits. When we don’t have time, that couch that isn’t a little too small or a little too big but you make it work anyway is what we use and is fine but isn’t luxurious. With effort and time, we can find the perfect size piece, which may or may not have cost a bunch of money. A mix of furniture (including some vintage pieces) that goes together takes a lot more time and effort, but to me feels better and more lux than a room right out of Restoration Hardware. On the flip side, you can spend a $$$$$$$ amount of money on furniture and it’s all wrong for the space and might look expensive but doesn’t look lux.
Similarly, cabinets that fits the space perfectly are quietly luxurious. For example, custom cabinets are made exactly to the dimensions of the space, vs builder cabinets that almost always need a little filler to fill a gap.
Materials for flooring, cabinets, and countertops that are selected for longevity vs. how expensive they were are quietly lux.
Other things that are just structural but quietly luxurious – high ceilings (I prefer flat 10 or 12 foot ceilings vs vaulted), lots of windows, and a good layout that is easy to live in.
Finally, I think it’s quietly lux to just GO FOR IT with something that you like – like colorful wallpaper or paint or a bold floor choice. It’s a luxury to stop asking “will this hurt resale value?” and just go for the thing.
I think I am a high (or ideally 10 feet) ceilings girlie. I also want cabinets to go to the ceiling (and yet I am short). I don’t want to be dealing with the crud that can get on top of kitchen cabinets if they don’t go all the way up. You can’t dust in a room that has a stove in it — eventually there is a film and it is gross.
Same on all of that! We design/built our home 5 years ago. DH really wanted 10 foot ceilings and I love them a lot too. I designed the kitchen cabinets to have one full wall (inset) of cabinets that surround the refrigerator. The cabinets that are way up high can be easily accessed with a step stool, and hold our internet/wifi router, file boxes of paperwork, and then overfill china. All stuff that I would have to keep somewhere, but now there’s an easy spot for them. The other wall is windows and a vent hood, and the other two walls are open.
Ooh now I really wish there was a plug in one of our super tall cabinets so we could hide our router in there…
One of the benefits of having a Master Electrician as a husband who oversaw wiring the house….I didn’t have to explain 8 times why I wanted that. :)
The weight and thickness of everything increases as you go higher in price. Cushier carpets, thicker upholstery, heavier fabric in the curtains. Not only does it look and feel nice, but it contributes to the quiet that help define more luxurious interiors. A simpler example is that fancier kitchen countertops are 2″ thick, iirc.
Honestly, it still doesn’t sound like you’re in a place to be aiming for luxury. You’re aiming for decent quality, which is different.
Wood furniture (not composite), thoughtful lightening schemes, and the details. Quiet luxury is in the details.
Scale: The rug for sure but also the furniture needs to be correctly scaled to the space and the other furniture. I say this as a person whose home has lots of ikea, but the home goods stuff is often garbage in part because the scale is off. This can be studied and learned. Bigger isn’t always better but I do find the discount case goods are weirdly cheap.
Form. Form is so tricky. You don’t need to name a Louis XVI style chair but you should, using your eyes, understand how it differs from a Lou’s XV. It sounds so rude but really, LOOK at the shape of stuff. A LOT of box store stuff is hideous.
Clutter. Please do not spend days of your life and thousands of dollars trying to make your home beautiful just to insist that your pantry overflow be kept on the kitchen counters.
And yes, this is snobbish, but an eye for design can be faked when you know you’re doing. It’s luxurious as heck to walk into a room that works intuitively. If the path of travel makes sense, if there is comfortable lighting and a place to put one’s drink that feels good.
Also put luxury where you can feel it. I currently have my coffee on an ikea side table and an alpaca throw blanket that costs four times what the table did on my lap.
Finally, and this is personal: go for honest and humble before faux luxury. I think this is where a lot of people go wrong. I have a suburban farm ranch style home. It’s a laid back style of home. It gets extremely non luxe to try and turn it into Versailles with fancy…well almost any on a middle class budget. Respect the bones!
To me luxury means actual wood (and not soft pinewood or cheap orange wood). Rugs that are correct size and are not the cheap type made of viscose or power loomed poly. Accessories are curated and not all from big box stores.
Arhaus is one step above Target in quality, maybe equivalent to PB. At the Arhaus price point you can get much better stuff from other brands. I like Gat Creek.
Ironically, antiques aren’t necessarily more expensive but are usually better quality. That being said, not everyone appreciates having a cultivated home like that. I have a lot of antiques in my house — almost every piece of furniture, in fact. Minimalism is harder for me, but in my opinion, high end wallpaper usually is a giveaway. Nice curtain material. The most important thing is to spend money on what you value.
I need new pajamas. I have a bunch from target (the cloud knit notch collar from Auden) which I really like but which have worn poorly and gotten too sheer.
I want a knit/jersey fabric, short sleeves, 3/4-full length pants. Less than $100. Any recommendations?
Soma has some that I think would fit the bill!
I used to like that kind of fabric but have switched to all cotton sets from JCrew. They are so much cooler to sleep in and look nice as loungewear. They’re usually on sale and sub $100.
Here’s a link, but noticing they have long sleeves and pants so you might not like them. Others might though.
https://www.jcrew.com/p/BA014
I like no-stretch cotton as lounge wear, but jersey seems to help for actual sleeping. Maybe I sleep too restlessly (I also cannot tuck in my sheets).
Garnet Hill has some.
https://www.garnethill.com/asian-wrap-organic-cotton-short-sleeve-cropped-pajamas/clothing/categories/sleepwear/506349?uniqueId=506349&isNewProduct=false&newItemBadge=false&hideNewTagFromPLP=false
I like Soma because the bottoms have pockets. My Gap pjs that look similar to the target type you have seem to have worn better – I also had the target ones and had to throw them out.
I like Soma. They wear so much better than the Target options.
Speaking of luxury, what shoes are worth the extra price, either medium expensive or designer?
I’ll put in a plug for Paul Green flats. I have a pair that I must’ve repaired three times already. Very comfortable and just utter workhorses.
The ones that are comfy and durable! I pretty much live in Birks in the summer and Blundstones in the winter.
In my experience, designer shoes by brands that are actually shoe brands are usually worth it. Examples: Tod’s, M. Gemi, Gianvito Rossi, Aquatalia (RIP), Stuart Weitzman. Nothing has worn like Bruno Magli for me (the brand of the fugly shoes OJ was wearing).
I really like my Ecco slip on sneakers. They are on the expensive side for things I normally buy.
Sarah Flint. Very padded and comfortable.
Shoes made of nice leather, not the cheapest “genuine leather”.
I have duck feet and M width Ferragamos are too narrow but fit in the heel. Per the podiatrist, I need to switch to quality shoes. Has anyone gotten W width Ferragamos for something like the Varina or Vara if your feet aren’t legit W but are “I broke my toes and they heeled wider and nothing fits” feet? I’d have to order and hate having rounds of ordering / returning. I know they are spendy, but I need a decent pair of work shoes for client meetings where I will be doing some standing / city walking. Can afford and have ruled out a lot of other “comfort” brands as not being business-formal enough or not working for my peculiar feet.
No specific experience with Ferragamos, but as someone with a wide toe box and narrow heels, I have had success with ordering the wide and adding the little gel pads at the heel. Worth a try if you otherwise like the shoe!
Which leather are your current shoes? If you have patent and switch to softer leather that might be enough extra give to solve the problem. As someone with wide but compressible duck feet, Gianvito Rossi also makes a good number of suede shoes (both stiletto and block heels) that have a bit more room and give.
I’ve tried leather Varas (not patent) and they are lovely but my toes were elegantly crushed.
Compressing your feet is a bad idea, even if they are “compressible” as the poster at 10:20 describes hers. If she’s made it to 50 or 60 without resultant tissues, she’s lucky, but she’s in the tiny minority.
Kindly, compressible is a descriptor commonly used among dancers that deals with a particular type of foot. Not an endorsement on wearing too narrow of shoes.
Check out Beautifeel shoes – hard to find, but absolute workhorses. The leather is soft and will give, but not too much; most have at most a kitten heel, they wear like iron and are perfectly appropriate for client facing meetings.
I wonder if Ferragamos are what your podiatrist had in mind.
Hopefully a fun topic – what are you secretly snobby about? I think of myself as pretty down to earth and open-minded, but there are a few things that I am (inwardly) snarky about.
1) Designer baby clothes with logos. If you want to buy Baby Dior go ahead, but turning your child into a walking billboard is tacky (this was inspired by a very sweet little girl at brunch yesterday who was wearing head-to-toe Fendi).
2) In line with the interior design thread above, knock-offs. If you can’t afford designer furniture, that’s totally fine, but the fake pleather Eames or the Togo chair from Amazon look a bit silly to me. Same with fake purses, etc.
3) People who use foreign expressions all the time but they are completely wrong and aggressively misspelled.
I promise I am not otherwise a terrible person. And I would never say any of this IRL.
Baby clothes with words. My baby wears a lot of hand-me-downs and I keep most, but “daddy’s little slugger” and “I woke up this cute” onesies go straight to Goodwill, no matter how good the condition.
+1 – I’m the poster below about kids clothes ha
+1. Cheesy sayings or worse, borderline inappropriate wording on kids clothes are gross.
I take all logos off everything, I find them sooooo tacky. When I got my new kitchen appliances I warmed up the glue and popped the logos off all of them.
I’m very snobby about poor quality things in general polyester clothes, particle board furniture etc. No this isn’t being classist, when I was living below the poverty line I still felt like this and meticulously thrifted/FB marketplaced so everything I interacted with felt nice. Obviously I’m never saying this out loud but I do want to crawl out of my skin when I am at someone’s house and I can feel their polypropylene rug.
I noted below that I grew up very working class, however my mom/grandma/aunts all sewed and were very snobby about fit/finishes/fabric. I grew up turning clothing inside out to check seams/seam allowances. I still (silently!) judge some of the very senior women I work with when they wear designer clothing that has not been tailored to fit them properly, or when people spend 4 figures on a piece that is badly finished (patterns not lining up at the seams is my biggest pet peeve!).
I do agree bad seams are the worst. ‘High end’ pieces that are serged together are a crime, I love a good enclosed seam. I’m so snobby I sew my own PJ shorts with flat felled seams.
“Vegan” leather bags. It’s plastic.
And I’m sure you use this feeling to make snarky comments about vegan food too.
Disposable fossil fuel byproduct shoes and accessories seem like the farthest thing possible from a plant based diet. Why would someone who takes issue with cynical marketing language also take issue with how someone eats?
I believe in ethical consumption. Vegan leather, or plastic, is bad for the environment! Whereas veganism is generally a net positive. Vegan leather often feels like greenwashing to me, just call it what it is!
Good to hear you eat a plant based diet.
I found the vegan
Who knew beans made you a lameo.
I grew up very working class and despite studying art/art history in college I had zero exposure to most interior design. At 21 I could name artists but would have zero idea who/what an Eames or Togo are so I’ll give people some leeway there.
There is a LOT of interior design knowledge that isn’t explicitly taught via magazines/TV shows/social media the same way that cooking, clothing design, makeup techniques are. As a 40-something I would love to see a content creator or Magnolia/HGTV show breaking down the style of Edwardian vs. Georgian or Craftsman vs. Arts and Crafts for example. Even the ‘old house’ rennovation shows aren’t nearly as educational as This Old House used to be.
There is an episode of Downton Abbey where Lady Mary scoffs at people who buy their furniture.
I’m from Europe, and once took my American boyfriend to visit some family friends who are wealthy old money types. They owned a gorgeous mansion on a cliff overlooking the beach that had been in their family for centuries. We were invited inside and it was all really old furniture – think worn Persian rugs and uncomfortable wooden chairs with no padding. Boyfriend later expressed surprise that people that rich wouldn’t renovate their space, and I had a fun time trying to explain the whole “my ancestor fought in the Crusades and he sat on this chair” mentality. As I say this as someone who grew up in a solidly IKEA apartment.
That same line is in a much earlier episode of Midsomer Murders. I can only assume it’s something people really say or used to say in the UK?
apparently it’s a reference to something that was said by a snobby British politician once. Inheriting is the appropriate way to acquire furniture. I forget the details.
I’m snobby about dressing kids/kids clothes. I think it’s really tacky to dress kids in clothes with tons of logos/screen prints/cheap looking prints. Also boys who exclusively wear athletic wear (I get that boys like these type of clothes – but you can sub out above the knee cotton shorts and a nice cotton tee or polo to get the same comfortable feel without looking sloppy). Classic styles, colors and prints (stripes, plaid, ditsy florals) don’t have to be expensive (if you are selective at places like H&M, Zara, Target, Carters, etc). I guess I’m into the quiet luxury look for kids… (and yes, my kids still wear lots of color – light pink, baby blue, navy, red, royal blue, purple…)
I agree with you but I’ve seen some mom bloggers take it too far. I don’t know that kids need to be wearing polos and driving loafers on the playground every day, haha.
“Quiet luxury” for kids certainly is a snobby take – glad you own it
Have you considered that many kids kids have sensory issues and find polo collars, buttons, or khaki fabric uncomfortable? This kind of snobbery is pretty ableist tbh
Honestly snobbery is often great for sensory issues. You just have to go even higher end for all natural fabrics and no fussy details.
I love how the equestrian Instagrammer Callie Coles dresses her kids. It’s probably a big part of the reason she went from 10k followers to over 500k just in the time I’ve been following.
I’m snobby about anyone who uses their children online for commercial purposes, no matter how they dress.
Yeah I actively judge and think less of people for using their kids as social media props.
Hahaha. I say this in a very lighthearted and great for you, not for me kind of way- I’m secretly smug that I let my young kids dress however they want and don’t force them into clothes for my aesthetic.
Same. I do make my kids dress appropriately for the occasion … like, no athletic wear for church or to a show or a nice restaurant. but day to day running around and to school? they wear what they want. Some of it is straight up ridiculous, because my sister loves buying crazy/whimsical fabric and making clothes for my kids out of it, but it makes both her and them happy.
I’m the opposite – I think kids should wear clothing they like, which might include shirts with fun graphic. I hate polo shirts and khakis for kids. I recognize that my feelings on this are irrational but I’d feel like I’m putting my kid in a d-bag costume.
Americans. Just. Ugh.
As one myself, fully agree with this sentiment.
As someone who is half American, half something else, and has lived in a few different countries, I can assure you that everyone is snobby about something (although it’s usually about different things).
Yes absolutely. And my something is Americans. Why so loud?!
I travel a lot and I never get offended by the hate for Americans. It’s punching up. We have all the money, resources and power (for now until this idiot in charge destroys it all)
We like to be heard (I know I’m loud when I get excited)
I think that I am just a person who had to leave your country because my ancestors there were too poor or too persecuted to stay. The hate has reached my generation!
Vanishingly unlikely
Why do you think this is vanishingly unlikely? Most of the people I know whose families immigrated the US a few generations back came here (a) to not starve or (b) because they were marginalized and persecuted where they were from or (c) both.
Well you certainly have that iconic American education with a lack of geopolitical knowledge.
Because people just love to leave their home, families, language and culture, possibly never to return. I think we forget how hard life used to be.
Because I’m from New Zealand and while you might have gone there to escape oppression it’s vanishingly unlikely that generations ago your family migrated from New Zealand to the US.
Yeah. I’m not defending America but I’m here because a lot of people in a lot of Europe really didn’t want my ancestors there.
Material or material-ish things I’m snobby about:
Wine glasses. I own and use stemless washable wine glasses for pizza night; however, I’m of the firm belief that stemware should be heirloom quality. I have a nice collection of Waterford champagne flutes, wine glasses, coupe glasses, and rocks glasses that I use whenever I have people over and sometimes on my own.
Cars. The craftsmanship on a good car (even if older) is obvious. It’s a different driving experience.
How I hate the idea of Disney vacations as the pinnacle of travel.
I had a lot of waterford at one point, and I still love it! In theory. But then my life changed (not in a good or bad way, just in a need less stuff in my life way) and I gave it all away and mostly drink wine out of small juice glasses. So I respect the crystal devotion, even if I am no longer a follower.
What was this life change? Is that a weird euphemism for having kids
Haha, no. We had a midlife crisis and moved into a 200 year old cabin.
Wasteful overconsumption. I love fashion and I follow trends, but I try to do it mindfully and only own a reasonable amount of things. I mostly wear fast fashion (it’s in my budget – I do buy a lot secondhand ) but even fast fashion lasts for years and years for me.
Education. Most education in my area is “fine”. It’s passable. You’ll get into college and that “fine” college will get you a job and you’ll have a nice life, but most people aren’t well educated especially in the humanities.
In line with education, people who are completely unaware of major things happening in the world. I get that we all have different levels of awareness and that the news can be exhausting, but I have had conversations (including with very educated people, one was a doctor) who are completely unaware of really basic things like the upcoming election or a major conflict and will blissfully say “oh I don’t really follow the news!” and I can’t believe people are going about their lives so completely clueless.
Education is a lifetime commitment.
they might say it because they don’t want to get into a discussion, sort of as a white lie.
I’m the poster above. I promise I’m not trying to engage in heated political discussions with random people. But I mean conversations that go like this: “Oh [coworker] is stressed because of the war in [her home country]” and the person goes “oh really, what’s happening over there?” when this is something that has been over the news for years now.
This gives too much credit for a lot of people I know who are like this. They genuinely just don’t care about anything in the world outside of the small pocket of their lives. Which, fine, I guess, as long as things are good and the outside world doesn’t affect them. It just seems dangerous to me.
I have a friend who only reads local news. He knows who won the local garden club contest but he doesn’t know about world events.
I think it’s important to know both! Macro and micro are equally important … but I side eye him for not following national
And world news
I agree. In March when DOGE was starting its chainsaw massacre, I mentioned to someone that my friend was visiting and had recently lost her job at USAID and the person replied “what’s USAID?” In normal times I could understand someone not knowing this particular federal agency, but I was pretty shocked that they were unaware of what was happening. I assume it was a political difference.
Eh, I’ve returned to school and have given up on the news until a gap in semesters. It’s all bad and anything Trump says is either different in 48 hours or is under challenge. I spend my time where it matters and not following news that will soon be stale.
I honestly respect people who seem to understand how much it matters what they know / how much what they think actually matters.
Also people who have a little skepticism towards manufactured discourse.
Often the industry specific news that is more relevant to someone’s profession is very different from what’s just on TV anyway.
Do you not follow the news thats relevant to your field of study though?
I’m also snobby about overconsumption, especially when someone is trying to rope me in, like the PTA asking my kids to wear a specific color (different for every grade!) for a school photo to signify support for an anti-bullying effort.
What a nonsensical concept. That would make me enraged.
It wouldn’t enrage me but I’d definitely ignore it.
Lmao, I love this because what are they going to do, bully the kids who don’t comply?
LOL
Have you met PTA moms?
PTA moms are the F-ing worst.
It’s hard not to agree on education. The successful students who went to fine schools are likely get the same As as the students who went to really excellent schools, but their educations aren’t genuinely comparable. I feel bad for the motivated students who simply weren’t given more opportunities.
Yes! People think that because they landed on their feet that State U is great.
State U is fine, but not great.
Yes, we certainly can’t have the State U people thinking they know what life’s really about! So sad.
They really missed out on the SLAC experience :-(
Oh I’ll play. I also would never say any of this IRL and I don’t judge you if you like, I just don’t like the item for myself.
1- Designer bags with logos.
2 – Initial and name necklaces. As someone who hates wearing any kind of name tag, the name necklace just feels like an extension of that.
3 – Lame letter art (like “in this home we dance”) but weirdly I love iconic, ironic or snarky letter art that I think is cool.
The letter necklace! When I turned 18, my then boyfriend gave a me a necklace that spelled out my name. It was a nice gesture, and probably a lot of money for him at the time, but honestly, I found it so stupid. I know what my name is! I don’t want random strangers to know it immediately! It felt like wearing a dog collar. I never really wore it and I think I hurt his feelings. Still hate my own name on anything, but I do have a pendant with my daughter’s birthstone which feels less in your face to me.
Yess a dog collar. It’s totally like that.
Birthstones are totally different. :) Call me woo woo, but I also like a zodiac constellation necklace. I like lots of personalized jewelry….just not my name.
How to you feel about nautical flags (my love language, often cross-stitched) or morse code (husband’s)?
Nautical flags sound fun! Do they spell out words? I am completely ignorant of this but would not judge anyone with either nautical flags or one of those morse code necklaces.
Love nautical flags. I actually love most flags hung as decor, now that I think about it. I also generally like pennants as well.
I’m not sure I’ve seen many so no strong opinion, but I’d probably like morse code art or necklaces. :)
That’s not what a love language is
But if you like it, it’s cool!
Same for all of these. The name/initial necklace upsets me in an unreasonable way–like wasn’t this tacky in the 90s? But I also do a lot of searches for vintage and antique pieces, so I know that in some ways, initials are timeless (in the past 150 years.)
that makes sense, and perhaps is partly why I feel like I’M being the unreasonable one for not wanting anything monogrammed. Like monograms are traditional, but for some reason I’m a hard no for myself.
I probably could be more easily swayed into wearing a vintage monogrammed necklace that has nothing to do with my actual name.
And I monogram anything that can be monogrammed.
I do on gifts I give to other people so they can tell I thought of them specifically (cast iron pans, wallets, polo shirts, anything that lets me) but won’t on anything of mine.
I’m very snobby about lame letter art/signs. I need to be more “secretly” snobby about it though. My little niece has a “in this house we dance” sign over her pretend little kitchen and I find that hilarious. But my mom got mad at me for mocking it.
Fanning over Disney as a brand. Dine-in chain restaurants. People in professional roles who use the phrases “comprised of” or “a myriad of” and who don’t apply commas consistently.
So you don’t like phrases used in patent drafting…?
If someone drafting patents is using “is comprised of” they are doing it wrong.
There are myriad ways to construct a document comprising language used incorrectly.
*non-sarcastic applause*
I am snobby AF about improper usage and grammar. My former boss seemed to think “whom” was just a more formal way to say “who” and it drove me insane.
+1 to letter art in houses. I don’t mind name or initial jewelery, but would never wear it, myself.
I have a colleague who doesn’t understand the different applications of me, myself, and I. He tries to correct people, too; at least he is gentle rather than pushy about it so he usually comes across exactly as confused as he really is.
“Please respond to myself and Jane” or “Jane and me will prepare the report” show up frequently in his emails. He will try to mumble-correct “to Jane or I” when someone states “the envelope should be returned to Jane or me by the end of the day” and he always looks so sadly forlorn when the speaker doesn’t acknowledge it.
myriad doesn’t need “of”
we also don’t need the Oxford comma, yet some people think it enhances readability…
Apples to oranges.
Actually, we need Oxford commas for precision in drafting.
I will go down with the ship defending the Oxford comma
My boss uses porthole for portal. As in “Save that file in the vendor porthole”.
Lol I’m going to think of this now.
I’m snobby about the term “snatched”, which I hate. But I’m mainly snobby about snobbery – I kind of can’t stand it and this thread is giving me hives
Ha! I hear you. I respect it and aspire to it. I’m snobby about people play-acting a person they are not (so a lot of social media influencers, people who want to dress younger, people who dye their hair outside of their natural color, people who have nails that say “I don’t do labor”, people who use the term quiet luxury.”
One area where I’m snobby about snobbery is landscaping and birding. No, grackles are not “garbage birds,” there’s nothing wrong with pretty local plants just because they were free and not imported and purchased from a store, there’s nothing wrong with marigolds, etc., etc.
I am snobby about food, shoes, and suburban life.
I am decidedly not snobby about cars and handbags.
Wait… you’re pro suburbs? Generic @ss suburbs or the nicer planned 40s and 50s neighborhoods?
I love my 40s vintage suburb. Mature trees, close proximity to downtown, cute brick houses. I know all neighborhoods have to start somewhere but the new developments where they just raze woodlands and put up a bunch of mcmansions make me cringe.
Oh trees may be one for me. I remember someone feeling bad for me because of living in a neighborhood with so many trees (I guess they’re perceived as messy and high maintenance?). In my world (and I guess climate!) a neighborhood with a mature canopy is highly desirable, and a neighbor who cuts down all the trees in their yard is a blight.
The centrally located brick 40s suburbs are very cute! Bonus points if the front door is arches.
12:44 again, and my front door is a pointed arch! we had to replace the storm door a few years ago and custom shape storm doors are $$$. Worth it for my house to be adorable, though, it makes me happy every day.
Different poster but I’m snobby about the burbs in that I judge people who a) buy new construction and b) who move to the suburban h3ll suburbs rather than the walkable streetcar suburbs which abound in my area.
I didn’t get the hate for the burbs until I was older because my world was so focused on older, well-planned, walkable and transit friendly burbs.
These burbs do not have McMansions, so I assume if you live in the new burbs it’s so you can have your poorly constructed, disgustingly large and wasteful McMansion.
OP – I was imprecise. I am anti-suburb. Give me a good historic town, especially colonial, and I am in, but otherwise I am for city life and country life and abhor the basic-ness of suburbia.
I think I actually am snobby about cars when it comes to oversized gas guzzlers. I grew up in the country and am very skeptical that all these people in the city have a real need for their massive trucks and SUVs. But I’m not snobby about somebody’s decades old Toyota.
OP- I am with you on oversized cars in the city. I get outraged daily when trying to maneuver around giant SUVs parked in the parking garage of my downtown high-rise office building or hanging out of the parking spaces (usually nose out – ugh) at my downtown neighborhood grocery store.
People who aren’t aware enough to realize their “good enough” is not that good. You need to know enough to fake it and act like you’ve been there before.
I was a scholarship kid at prep school and a top university. I was middle class at best, but from a family that was previously wealthy.
I am academically well educated, but also was raised to be well rounded in the circles I grew up in. I played soccer and ran track in high school (and track in college), but of course I can also play tennis and squash and golf and I can sail and ski. I wasn’t a debutante, but of course I took cotillion classes. I’m conversant in a wide range of topics, with a deep understanding of history and literature.
Thank heavens you took cotillion classes! And imagine navigating life without squash skills. Your refinement shines through.
LOL.
Dear me, how can I possibly hold my own in a discussion about history or literature without that cotillion experience??
“of course I took cotillion classes” is a hell of a phrase.
Car loans for new cars for the non-destitute. Why are you paying interest on a depreciating asset that is going to have a huge value drop the second you take possession? Embarrassing. Just buy a barely used car.
Honestly, car loans in general for well off people are pretty cringe.
Yeah, but isnt the point that well-off people trade in the car for a new model every few years? Financially it makes more sense to make monthly payments for three years than to pay for the car outright given the depreciation. For an economy car maybe not, but for a Cadillac? Absolutely. This is what my inlaws do and it drives me crazy, but it is actually smarter given the high pricetag on their cars and their plans to upgrade every 2 years.
That’s also embarrassing. It’s a tool. Being overly into your car is either new money or no money behavior. Déclassé.
Well off people but a nice but reasonable car and drive it into the ground.
It’s gauche to get a new car every few years.
This. HNW here and I like a nice car, but I drive it forever.
I’m a “well off person.” Our HHI is nearly $350k. We have one car loan, at 1%, on a car we purchased certified pre-owned for $40k. I put half down and financed the rest because it was 1%. Our other car is now paid off, but was purchased new in 2020 and 100% financed at .9% for 4. It’s a minivan.
So, yes, wealthy people can finance cars. Why? Because instead of cashing out money that was in the stock market, I let it sit for 3.5 years and over that time it made almost 30% returns in the market.
Lay down with dogs, get up with fleas. Car loans are trashy.
Yeah, we’ve had car loans for most of our cars simply because the math works out in our favor to have one.
Actually well off people are not so worried about the potential returns on $20k that they’re willing to deal with the headache/general scumminess of car loans. It’s just not a thing worth optimizing for.
Fleas? Are mortgages classy enough for you lot?
There are billionaires who take out business loans because it’s financially advantageous. You just sound like you don’t understand money.
You all are being tr0l1-ed
Mortgages are typically not taken out on depreciating assets.
As a rule of thumb, if the difference between financing and not financing a car is material to your net worth, you cannot afford that car and should buy something cheaper.
I can afford 500 a month and I can’t afford not to have a reliable car. This is how most people do car math. What a weird conversation.
This post explicitly isn’t about broke people. If you have no savings and can only conceptualize of cars as monthly expenses, you’re a broke person.
Honestly this whole thread (not just this car opinion) is pretty cringe.
+1
People who aren’t well rounded.
I know doctors who don’t know basic history. People who love the arts and don’t know the first thing about sports, people who love sports who don’t know the first thing about the arts. People who don’t understand the history and the why behind current world events and politics. People who only read romantsy (romance fantasy). Others who only watch Bravo. People with a limited range of hobbies or no hobbies at all. Folks whose personal style is 100% what’s in fashion and nothing they’ve determined they like on their own.
Yeah in college a very smart sorority sister of mine who now has a STEM PhD didn’t know who Ho Chi Minh was.
It doesn’t matter how intelligent you are if you’re not well educated.
I remember (a lifetime ago) our valedictorian told our AP English class that she didn’t know who the pope was and didn’t care.
I was mortified that she’d be representing my class as “the best” among us. She was also a grade grubber. We had classes and played sports together but I could never bring myself to have any respect for her after that.
It’s interesting that STEM people are chastised for not knowing humanities, but we’d be in a much better situation right now if more humanities people understood STEM. Like germ theory and just a bit of immunology. Also statistics.
We’re in the position we’re in as a country right now because STEM and business people don’t understand humanities.
I am super snobby about romantasy! And generally “beach reads/chick lit.” I really only read things that have been longlisted for a major prize– booker, pen, national book award, pulitzer, nobel, etc. I am actually trying to work on this given how hard it is for new voices or marginalized communities to break in to those prizes (and not be tokenized), so I get that there is really good literature out there that these prizes miss… but sorry, Fourth Wing is not it!
Very snobby about writing. I can’t read romantacy or most beach reads. But if the writing is good, content doesn’t have to be amazing. Just picked up the Father Dowling murder mysteries for the first time and am enjoying them.
I am snobby about romantasy and beach reads and chicklit (including ott historical fiction like Kristin Hannah’s) only when people gush over it as if it’s literature. I read longlisted prize books, world lit, voices from different racial/ethnic communities, AND genre fiction because I enjoy all of it depending on my mood…but I definitely know the difference.
Anon at 12:20 here – I wouldn’t say I read high brow books (I read lots of historical fiction and mysteries) but the smut is so, so bad.
But, I’d probably judge anyone who doesn’t have any variety in what they read.
I’m somewhat snobby about what people consume but mostly in relation to TV. I’d much rather have a conversation who reads romantasy and discusses it than whatever reality dating show is on tv. At least romantasy is creative.
My snobby thing is people who aren’t curious. The people who never want to learn anything new or try anything uncomfortable.
Grammar and vocabulary. How well-read a person is.
Music, at all levels. Students should not play and sing garbage music because it’s “fun.” Mediocrity is not actually fun at all. Give the kids something that’s technically accessible but has some real musical interest. At the professional level, there seems to be a mistaken belief that programming schlock increases ticket sales, even when the statistics show the opposite.
You just made me realize one of mine. Church music. I honestly think so much of it is sentimental schlock that would flirt with heresy if any real meaning could be pinned down from the repetitive lyrics… and there’s so much really good music out there (that’s copyright free!).
As an Episcopalian – I refuse to believe that any decent church music has been written in the last 100 years. Stick to the old classics!
Listen to some
Of Mark Miller’s arrangements
Oh, this made me realize it’s one of mine too…I wouldn’t call it church music, because I only attend traditional services always choose my church home based on the quality of the choir and organist, but Christian Rock is the worst, both musically and lyrically. I love hymns and sacred classical music. How did we get from there to straining praaaiiiiiissseeeee hiiiiiim over some guitar hacks? And why do some people think it’s an improvement?
Jeeeeeesussss is my boyyyyyyfriend…
Ew.
As a church musician I heartily agree. I particularly despise the music of John Rutter because it’s schlock that masquerades as serious music. Even our snooty church choir director loves Rutter and programs far too much of his work.
Don’t even get me started on contemporary church music. Most of it is pretty gross, and then there isn’t even any printed music so the congregation can sing along.
I am still wondering whether there is only one vociferous John Rutter hater here or several, but every time someone chimes in with this very specific Rutter hate, it kind of makes my day! 😄 (I don’t have particularly strong feelings about Rutter, and didn’t mind singing his Magnificat in community chorus, but agree 100% he’s no Bach/Mozart/other classic composer of sacred music.)
1. Wine. I think it’s awful when nice restaurants don’t take wine seriously. The hottest restaurants in my town has thick glasses and nothing interesting on the wine menu.
2. When people stack the dinner plates at the table. A friend of my parents, the nicest man, actually stacked up my plates when I excused myself briefly from the dining table a few months ago. I’m actually glad I missed my mom’s reaction to him scraping and stacking plates during what was a nice meal.
Oh and mlms.
Not plate stacking! Good thing you have the good WASP sensibilities of your mother to help you judge a friend cleaning up after a meal.
Genuinely it depends on the restaurant. It’s something I absolutely do at some restaurants and wouldn’t dream of doing at others.
…you should never do this yourself at a restaurant.
It’s not “acceptable”, but I can forgive it if the person clearing the table does it at home.
Hard disagree. You don’t stack up plates while your host is still seated. Because you don’t get to decide the meal or the course is over. It’s crazy rude. Agree it’s different if you’re sure the host is finished with this course. But I don’t stack at the table.
Haha. My mom grew up so poor and Irish that she’d be proud to pass for a wasp. And I stand by the judgement. It’s rude to stack at the table.
My mom’s side of the family are all WASPs and my dad’s side of the family are formerly “shanty Irish” who are now middle class.
Culturally, e be surprised how similar they are when it comes to etiquette and other such matters!
Whoa! Ive heard my mom use that exact term to describe people doing tacky things.
Oh for us shanty Irish just meant poor
I think it’s rather rude to judge people for breaching etiquette rules, especially one like this that might not be widely known in many circles and was clearly an attempt to be helpful.
The purpose of etiquette is to attempt to have shared conventions so that everyone is more comfortable and can navigate social interactions more smoothly. Not so you have a social ruler to measure others by.
Agree to an extent. And of course this is secret snobbery. I agree making a big deal about it would be worse than anything he did. Still, you don’t need to go to etiquette school to know that as a guest you don’t decide the meal is over by stacking the plates up as people linger. It’s intuitively rude on a level that using the wrong fork just isn’t. Stacking them as you clear is not something I’d do either but it’s less intuitively wrong.
People who don’t dress for the occasion. I wish more places had dress codes now. If you’re out for a nice dinner, your outfit should demonstrate that.
this
I’m not really snobby about other people at all, but there’s a lot m snobby about for myself and my own purchases.
Club/travel youth sports. We are surrounded by kids that are on all these “elite” travel teams that fly around the country to play other “elite” teams and it is totally laughable. We looked into it once for her and basically there are a small handful of very competitive clubs with really talented kids (what I’d have called “club” back in my early 1990s youth), and then the other 85% of the market which just slaps “elite” on their teams, has “tryouts” that are simply to assign you to a team, and then takes your $5-10k.
I almost feel like it’s the MLM of sports.
Yes, as a parent this drives me batty. I don’t want to take my kids more than an hour away to play sports, especially while they’re in elementary school. My children do not need to play soccer in Spain.
People who don’t know a thing about a religion or denomination other than their own. And, those who don’t know much about their own religion or denomination!
As an Episcopalian we are constantly misunderstood by both Catholics and Protestants.
I was shocked at some posts I saw online during the conclave … some Protestants don’t consider Catholics to be Christian?! In what world!
As a graduate of Episcopalian schools, I was taught a lot about world religions and my Jewish and Muslim friends are always pleasantly surprised in how much I know about their religions.
I’m a lapsed Catholic, but also get really annoyed by the whole “Catholics aren’t Chrisitans” discourse. There is plenty to snark about in Catholicism, but we/they are the original Christians? It’s such a weird thing to gatekeep.
And yes, agree that some base line knowledge of all religions makes us better world citizens.
It’s a theological issue.
And I’m snobby about all religion, I can’t respect an adult whose critical thinking skills haven’t evolved past it.
I’m snobby about adults who can’t apply their critical thinking skills to religion and just dismiss it all out of hand.
Which mythical diety do you believe in?
At least in the west where I live, I’ve not honestly found that people who consider themselves too sophisticated for religion typically have more logical or coherent belief systems. At least major religious traditions have put a lot of honest effort into wrestling with reality over centuries? But maybe the irreligious will get there one day, and maybe we should support this effort. I don’t think they’ll get there by cultivating ignorant contempt of religion though.
It’s a shame your critical thinking doesnt allow for nuance.
It’s often easier to just tell people I’m Episcopalian than it is to explain that I don’t believe in a higher power that interacts with us (my views are somewhere between Diest and agnostic) but I deeply believe in the teachings of Jesus. I believe he was a real person who preached radical love and acceptance and that were called to follow those teachings, but I don’t believe in his divinity.
I live my life by these teachings the way someone who is religious may do so.
If you don’t believe in a higher power what do you get out of religion? Is it just the fact that the moral code is pre-constructed and you don’t have to create your own?
It’s almost more for accountability. I also have my own moral code (and I don’t follow Jesus word for word), but if I’m stuck I can ask myself WWJD.
I can also rely on the Gospels for guidance or inspiration or a quote that might stick with me.
I was pleasantly surprised that my public middle schooler had a unit on world religions this year! obviously not in any sort of real depth, but it at least covered the basics of the biggest five or six and where their followers are geographically concentrated in the world.
Why wouldn’t it be in depth?
Because it’s 6th grade history in a public school. There’s not much depth in most of what they study, tbh, but inch deep and mile wide is appropriate at that age, in my opinion. I’d rather they learn a little bit about a lot of things so they can put context together and figure out what interests them and go further, vs exhaustively studying one thing that may or may not resonate with everyone.
Because it’s public school
People who dedicate no time, effort, or other aspect of their life to a greater good or cause.
I’m not terribly religious, but I think we were all given gifts (by a higher power or the universe or whom ever) snd it’s our duty to put them to good use – not just to enrich ourselves but to give back to others
I am not religious but I agree with you.
I am a snob about engagement rings — I despise big ones or really shiny / glitzy ones. I’m an outlier in that I really don’t care about engagment rings at all and think they’re kind of ridiculous, so don’t listen to me. Just my own little personal thing.
Of course, I would never say this to anyone. the right answer is always “How beautiful! And congratulations!”
It takes all my will power to not make snarky comments about people’s blood diamonds.
I really really hate the halo style rings. To me it says I wanted the biggest looking ring possible, bby couldn’t afford it so I added the halo. Ditto a pave band.
I think the classiest is a solitaire
I’m a snob about people who use the word “classy” and any variants of it.
I hate the whole girly mentality once women are way past college age. The “we’re going to have a fun girly night and dress up and pretend we’re 17!” thing.
Oh man. I hated this when I was college aged. “Girls Night” for adults is embarrassing (even more embarrassing than car loans! 😂)
To be fair, I feel the same about “boys night.” You don’t have to call it something just to go hang out at the bar.
Purchasing dogs or cats from breeders
I judge people for this so hard. Commodifying life is so icky.
Just please train your rescue dog; I’m so tired of people’s dogs running and jumping on me and mouthing over my body and things while someone explains that they have to do whatever they want because they’re traumatized from their previous life and their stint at the county shelter.
I’m with you on cats mostly because scientifically literate and ethical cat breeding doesn’t appear to exist as a thing. But I do think that types of cats people especially want will be in shorter and shorter supply those are the cats that are disproportionately altered and placed in homes.
I am snobby about sanctimony. Like nails on a chalkboard.
I’m looking for honest opinions. I am considering wearing the dress and sandals below to an outdoor wedding in July in the SEUS. It’s a casual, non-church wedding. Bride is close in age to me and has indicated that foofy dresses are welcome, but warned we may want to stick to cooler materials. I am 60 years old, and yes, I know that ultimately I can wear what I want. But I don’t want to present as mutton dressed as lamb, especially at a wedding.
Alterations: I’ve removed the shoulder ruffles because I didn’t particularly like them, and then used the material to slightly fill in the deep vee of the neck because I have never felt comfortable in a low neckline. Seeking opinions…
https://banjanan.com/products/chandra-dress-protea-crabapple
https://castaner.com/en-us/products/sandalia-metalizado-oro-viejo-valle-142?country=US
This looks like a complete normal entirely unremarkable outfit
My only comment would be that a pedicure that coordinates with the dress colors is essential.
That reads as way too casual to my eye. At least it’s a dress and not jeans. The shoes are cute.
I’m not sure where you are, but as a lifelong southerner, this dress isn’t too casual for an outdoor wedding in July here.
And it’s insane people do this. I’m glad you’re going, and I’m sure your friend is lovely, but yowza.
I’d also get a fan that looks nice with this because you’re going to want it!
+1. Especially since OP said the wedding is casual. I vote that it is totally fine. Definitely bring a fan.
Agree that this is totally fine for a summer wedding in the south. A big floppy hat would be cute, too! Depending on where you are, that might be The Vibe, Kentucky Derby style.
I think it’s fine. I do think whoever planned an outdoor wedding in July in the SEUS is slightly insane, though. It doesn’t matter what fabric you’re wearing, you’re going to sweat.
I am from the SEUS and wedding guest attire outside of really “fancy” people trends much less formal than in the north east. I remember being completely flabbergasted the first time someone on a fashion blog recommended a long, black (the horror!) gown or a cocktail dress for a wedding. Wedding there are much more fancy church clothes and much less Academy Awards.
OP – I am around your age and would not wear this because I hate my knees but it is lovely and completely appropriate for the occasion.
That looks like a totally normal average dress. But like the kind of thing I’d wear to a daytime backyard kid birthday party kind of thing. If that’s how casual the wedding is, totally fine.
I don’t see this a mutton dressed as lamb, and the whole ensemble sounds cute together as long as it isn’t too casual for your friend’s overall vibe. Personally, I might opt for a longer hemline to keep my thighs from sticking to chairs if it’s a swampy day.
This strikes me as too casual, and likely not flattering on most body shapes.
+1 – I’m in decent shape at 50 and you couldn’t pay me to wear that.
I don’t love the color, but otherwise I think it’s cute for a casual wedding. I really struggle to find dresses that look good on me and this is pretty much the only silhouette that does flatter me (I’m short and busty, with nice legs, though I’m sure it would be much longer on me than on the model).
I love those shoes!
Me toooooo.
Thank you all for your thoughts! It is a very small, very casual wedding.
I think the dress and shoes look great together.
Way too casual for a wedding. This is a backyard bbq dress
The shoes are lovely but the dress is too casual. I’ve been to a lot of SEUS weddings and agree they trend more casual but I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding I would wear this to.
It’s a courthouse wedding.
There were some discussions here in the last year about cars that are really bad about using touchscreens for everything. We just got a new Hyundai (2025) and a lot of physical knobs were returned. There’s still a touchscreen for some controls, but it’s very manageable and doesn’t bury controls within three screens of instructions. Thought I’d pass it along!
Good to hear! Physical controls work so much better with how my brain works (not to mention keeping eyes on the road).
2025 Honda CR-V is nice and knobby where it needs to be.
Our 2024 Toyota has knobs too. Knobs were a non-negotiable in our selection process.
Similar to the quiet luxury thread, are mirrors in a living room dated? I have a large wall that I’ve been trying to style for a year. We have a Frame TV over the mantle on the opposite wall, and it’s framed in gold to make it look better. There’s a long console table (that used to hold a TV) on the other long wall and I’d like to hang something over it but can’t find the right thing. Haven’t found the right painting plus it’s a dark and kind of small room so maybe a mirror would help?
You should check out the tvtoohigh r3ddit.
I don’t think a mirror reflecting the TV would be good – it would reflect movement. A mirror that reflects light is what you want, across from the windows or behind some lamps
Mirrors are classic and never dated as a concept. A TV, even a Frame TV over the mantle is something I’d rethink.
Please make sure you have family/friends to go stay with if needed. Or if not, take the DV suggestions. Taking sentimental stuff is good advice – my similar sounding exH got rid of various pictures and things (and told me I must have been crazy and misplaced them). Read up on divorcing a narcissist (sounds like he might be). Prepare mentally for having to share custody. Depending on insurance situation, take care of appointments now.
I started reading this thinking you were being unfairly dramatic about the tv over the mantle. Like yeah, it’s likely too high but she needn’t evacuate her home…it’s good advice to the other poster though.
I’m seriously considering a divorce. DH has anger issues (screaming , slamming doors, waking me up to continue fights in the middle of the night, throwing and breaking things around the house, etc.) and has not been willing to get help. He also has some behavior that borders on power/control dynamics. And I’ve reached my breaking point. I already had an initial consultation with a lawyer, so I have a general idea of how things would go. But I’m feeling really overwhelmed with the whole situation/process, including how to tell him (despite him often threatening divorce during fights, I think he’ll be really surprised). We have two very young kids. Would love to hear from anyone who has been through something similar, how they finally did it.
It sucks, and it will suck monumentally, but you’ll make it through and the peace of being free of abuse is amazing.
If you haven’t already, call you local DV hotline and make sure your friends and family know about your plans to leave. I wouldn’t say that this man is owed a private conversation about your plans – I’d make sure all sentimental items and important documents are in your possession somewhere he doesn’t have access to. Lock down your personal accounts and make sure you have screenshots of join bank account information (heck if your lawyer says it’s ok I’d move half that money to your account). Do NOT underestimate the possibility that he may cause harm to you and your children. If you plan to leave the family home do so with witnesses/help on site (can the police be called for this? maybe?).
Great tip about sentimental possessions – too many men I know kept valuables away from their ex-wives out of spite.
Actual conversation:
Police officer: sir, did you take all of your wife’s shoes?
Man: I don’t know what you’re talking about
Police officer: bring her shoes back, sir, or I will come get them from you
Man: ……….. okay
No advice but you’re doing the right thing. I guess one piece of advice would be to get the absolute best lawyer you can to get custody of your kids.
based on nothing more than this post, I would tell him in a public space.
This, and with some support for you present, and your children somewhere else in good hands. And with the divorce papers in hand to give him right then, and then end the conversation and leave the place, going somewhere undisclosed.
Perhaps your lawyer has some tips about how to tell him? It might be about the venue (yes to a public space!) but also about what words or how much detail to share or not. For me, I had a go-bag packed and in the car, in case I needed to leave immediately, but it didn’t need it.
I would set up a place to stay/live before even telling him, so you have somewhere to go.
No advice but I’m proud of you for taking this step. Be safe and check back in with us when you can.
PLEASE connect with a domestic violence hotline or a DV-informed therapist before you tell him you are going to leave. The most dangerous time in a relationship is now, and your post tells me that there is a risk here — maybe not a huge one, but one you will be wise to mitigate.
A DV hotline helped me get out of a similar relationship. They’re really good at this. Call them.
Some tips I remember (it’s been years now):
get a burner phone that you take with you to anywhere related to leaving (new apartment, lawyer’s office, bank, etc.). Leave your iPhone at a neutral location, like your locker at the gym while you’re at these places. This helps if you share locations.
Get your/the kids’ passports/birth certificates into a safety deposit box now.
If you have a pet, you need a plan for getting the pet out, too.
Agreed. Lawyer and DV advice before you do ANYTHING else
No advice, but this internet stranger is really sorry you’re going through this. Based on the details you’ve shared here, you’re doing the right thing.
kudos to you for seriously considering this step. the one thing to remember, is that in most places the default is shared custody. as much as you can document, document. waking you up to continue fights in the middle of the night, is a form of abuse. do you have close friends/family nearby? do you have a sense of the legal market in town and whether you should interview some of the other attorneys so they are conflicted out? i realize that can get expensive, but i want to make sure you have good legal representation. do you know if you are in a state where it is legal to record someone without their permission? if so, and while staying safe, if you can even get audio recording of this, or if you use nest cameras or some other kind of camera as a monitor for the kids and it picks up any of the recordings, save them.
Be careful with who you conflict out. You want him to have good representation. Just not a shark. I shared with a mutual friend two lawyers that I thought would be helpful for his representation so I could get the process moving. It worked as planned. She told her husband who told my ex husband and he picked one of those two thinking he was ‘winning’. We got divorced in 18 months. It was painful but his lawyer kept him on track and didn’t let him play games. It could have easily been a 5year $700k ordeal. Instead it was $175k and 18 months. My costs were $50k, his was $125k.
I left my abusive ex husband.
The domestic violence agencies are not all amazing. The one I used first time around was a shadow of the second one I used in Texas. Go to them all in your local area even if it’s the next county over.
What I did was get out all items of value, documents (passports, SS cards, birth certificates) including support. I highly recommend getting Blink cameras up so you can record his behavior with the children. Know that the courts don’t care that he is abusing you when it comes to the children. When he can’t abuse you it’s highly likely he will abuse the children. You need to document this properly. I told my ex husband we got a $500 discount on the home insurance renewal and he luckily didn’t question me.
Your path to divorce and post divorce life will be bumpier than average and I wish I had known this. Post divorce abuse has been very hard as my children are used by him all the time. You must get your children in with therapists now. Count on a GAL being involved because divorcing these people is typically very difficult and often will fight over everything including your ability to parent the children. Have a therapist to help you document everything. This way your health insurance is covering some of the cost.
When it comes to serving him, what I did was wait for him to go on a 2 day business trip. He was served when he got off the plane before getting home. I had moved out with the children. You can’t take furniture unless it’s very much yours (your lawyer needs to advise) and you won’t be able to bring more than 50% of the children’s toys or kitchen items.
Dont scrimp on a lawyer and get one that’s firm. In Texas my lawyer was a male and it really helped me a lot. Know your audience and act accordingly. A cheaper rate isn’t the discount you think it is. Also, on the flip side, understand this is an industry. Don’t get sucked in and sucked dry. This will continue until your youngest child is at least 18.
Lastly don’t involve mutual friends. Only involve your best closest friend if they already hate him and your immediate family if they also don’t like him. Don’t be afraid to move in with your parents if you can especially if that’s the area where you plan to be in long term. If it’s in a different state ask the DV agency for help getting to your parents. I had to cross multiple state lines. They helped me with movers and a letter of safe passage.
I agree so much. would never say it to my wise, sweet and educated Americans friends, but many Americans tourists are just awful. So full of themselves and ignorant.
Americans are not even top 5 worst nationality of tourists. I think Italians and Australians might tie for the top spot!
And how about the buses of Germans offloading in a town. At least Americans tip well
Honestly, that’s only a good thing to Americans. Everywhere else you don’t have to deal with this tipping nonsense.
Have you met the English? So drunk and loud.
I was a waitress in a beach town. German tourists were by far the worst – cheap AND demanding.
Sometimes I wonder how much of what annoys people about Americans is that a lot of us are pretty German.
(Especially if we’re talking about the large, loud white American tourist with main character syndrome stereotype)
I was once in the main train station in Rome waiting to buy a ticket while the family of German tourists behind me was anxiously (and loudly) discussing how inefficient the ‘line’ was and how this would never happen in Germany. In fairness, the Italian idea of a line is more of a triangle of people gradually funnelling towards a choke point but the degree to which they were so personally offended by this behavior was hilarious.
I live somewhere that lines are basically a religion and people forming into big globs is such a faux pas.
My husband and I first encountered this triangle shaped line at a ski resort in the Alps. We still call it an “Austria Line” because that’s where we were, but upon reflection … there may have been a lot of Italians influencing the line shape.
I studied abroad in Italy years ago and still recall two things from the local news clearly – the prime minister telling everyone to take longer siestas and eat more gelato during a heat wave, and the same prime minister saying that they should ban and/or heavily tax German tourists invading their beaches in August.
Right. You can ALWAYS tell a German tourist. I don’t mind them, but they are a definite type.
That is a weird take: because your ancestors were terribly
persecuted in Europe, you should go back and be really obnoxious? By that logic with your current administration you can look forward to some special tourists in years to come
The logic wasn’t that they’re obnoxious; the logic was that they’re still hated for being whatever persecuted outgroup they were to begin with, because Europeans are still quite prejudiced.
I made that comment and im not European. I just think y’all are loud and tacky
it is you Americans who are obsessed with your European heritage. we cannot see if your ancestors were Italian, German or Polish, but we can recognize an American no problem
At least we can nest comments correctly.
O yeah I am so embarrassed by this, how will I survive