Tuesday’s Workwear Report: Camen Bouclé Vest
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I’ve been seeing a lot of cute vests this summer, and this pinky-coral version from Cinq à Sept really caught my eye. I’m a vest novice, so I’m still trying to work out in my brain how I’d wear it, but I think it would look gorgeous layered over a white oxford with some navy trousers.
If you’re looking for a more casual outfit, there are (of course) matching shorts.
The vest is $295 at Neiman Marcus and comes in sizes XXS-XL.
Two more affordable options are from ASOS (sizes XS-L, $39.99) and Aqua (sizes XXS-XXL, $78 at Bloomingdale's).
Sales of note for 6/16/25:
- Nordstrom – Designer clearance up to 60% off
- Nordstrom Rack – Refurbished Dyson hairdryers down to $199-$240 (instead of $400+)
- Ann Taylor – 40% off summer must-haves + extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 40-60% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new womenswear styles with code
- Eloquii – Extra 45% off all sale
- J.Crew – Easy summer styles from $39.50 + extra 50% sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Extra 60% off clearance + extra 70% off 3 clearance styles
- M.M.LaFleur – 30% summer essentials with code + try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – 30% off all tees, shorts, dresses, and more + extra 30% off all other markdowns
Vests like this are super challenging to buy online because they really need to fit perfectly. I think best option is maybe to go one size up and then tailor it.
Agree. This color is my jam and I went online and looked. $50 off with code “JUNE” but only a few left, and still – $250 for a piece that will be out of style in at most two years is just too much.
I bought a CUTE denim vest that fit perfectly … as long as I was standing absolutely straight. The minute I bent over or sat down it was a mess.
Oh, good point. I saw one that was a bit longer and cutaway, that might be the way to go.
I was at a big industry conference recently and shocked by how many women I saw wearing vests! (also, not sure how they coped with bare arms in the strong A/c!).
Agree that the fit needs to be great or they look.. not good.
That’s because we are all so tired of lady jackets.
Agree with the tailoring point.
+1
Question – if you’re over 45, when would you go to the ER in the middle of the night if you woke up and felt weird or were in pain? There are so many stories about how heart attacks and strokes are totally different for women than for men, and the most common thing I’ve heard is that it “felt weird.”
I did end up going to the ER this morning and feel stupid but still glad I checked I checked it out. 48, overweight but o/w generally healthy. I knew there was an 80% chance it was indigestion but was really concerned. (My entire right side felt like it was in a vise from shoulder to hip and I couldn’t take deep breaths. Woke up from deep sleep from the pain, and pain persisted for the 3 hours we were at the ER.) Doc immediately ruled out heart attack but we did investigate pulmonary embolism b/c of risk factors. Can’t wait for the bill for all of that.
that sounds like I would have gone too!
I think you did the right thing going to the hospital. It’s super annoying to have to go if there’s a decent chance it could be nothing significant, but you don’t want to miss an actual heart attack.
I think it might be helpful to book an appointment with your primary care doc to discuss how to approach this kind of thing going forward. For me, I was able to learn my risk of cardiac issues, which informed how I proceeded going forward.
Yes, one-sided unfamiliar pain and breathing trouble would definitely send me to the ER. I wouldn’t feel stupid; the ER wants to exclude a lot of life threatening emergencies since it’s heartbreaking whenever someone who did need to come in chose not to when they could have been helped or saved.
I’d also schedule outpatient follow up to discuss with a non-emergency doctor what that was all about (especially if I hit my deductible at the hospital!). I wouldn’t chalk it up to indigestion before getting outpatient work up, since the ER focuses their investigation on the emergency possibilities, not on everything it could be that might still need diagnosis or treatment.
This is really good advice, anon at 8:51.
As a 19 year old college student who woke up with the same symptoms alone in my dorm one night several decades ago, I drove myself to the ER. They ran a bunch of tests and never did find anything wrong, never figured out what caused it, but each medical professional who treated me thanked me for actually coming in. They emphasized I absolutely did the right thing even though my symptoms turned out to be nothing. They said when symptoms like that do have a serious cause, the person needs emergency treatment and delay can have serious, even deadly risks.
I could have written this (except for nature of the symptoms that led me to go to ER). We are so conditioned to not be troublesome, to not take up space, to not be a bother and what might someone think??? I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older, but the truth is, I think I just wore myself out from self-doubt, over-thinking, going back and forth. You did exactly the right thing; you deserve the best health care and advice and those symptoms are terrifying. Glad you are well.
I would go for that. Anything I could describe as a new terrible pain feels ER worthy. Versus like my shoulder hurting cause I slept weird.
You did the right thing.
There’s an ER doctor on twitter who uses his account to talk about medical stuff. One of the things he says (applied to men) is that “I feel okay but my wife made me come in” is almost always a medical emergency.
That applies to women, too. “I felt weird.”
My uncle died under circumstances similar to what you’re describing.
Regarding the cost: if there’s a 25% chance that it was an emergency and the out of pocket costs are $4,000, think of it as: would you “unnecessarily” spend $12,000 so that the one time it’s worthwhile to go in, you go in?
Agree that ORs will triage to screen you for the Very Serious things ASAP especially if cardiac or stroke. That is what you want, the assurance that it’s Not Serious but also “Not Typical for You.” But if it is serious, it gets escalated quickly. Best case scenario is that you are bored and sitting for hours and get a bill. So this is a win!
My SIL’s husband was 40ish and felt bad and went to the couch to sleep and never woke up. Pulmonary embolism? IDK exactly what it was but you are not wrong to seek a qualified medical assessment of something that feels new/bad/severe vs what is normal for you.
Any time you feel weird and can’t take deep breaths is a good time to go to the ER! I ended up admitted and treated for sepsis when I was ~30. They never figured out the root cause, but no regrets about going in when breathing felt wrong and I suddenly got very exhausted and light-headed. A night of IV antibiotics later, I was fine, but I hate to think what might have happened if I’d tried to power through.
Would you be having the same thoughts in the past when an ER visit used to be $50 under many insurance plans?
Not the OP but yes, I would have second thoughts. Doctors in the ER are ruthless in telling you that you are wasting their time, even when, say, your arm is visibly broken and hanging off you.
IDK that I agree with this. A lot of people could go to urgent care (quicker and maybe with a firm appointment time if you schedule it) or their doctor. But so many things need urgent attention even if you won’t die (something like 25% or ER visits are from terminally ill cancer patients who are at the point where family can no longer give care at home and they need assistance). The broken arm shouldn’t be splinted unless you are camping and trying to get to a higher level of care. Once you are there, that is an appropriate setting.
My dad was an ER doctor and anecdotally, yes, ER doctors are not known for their bedside manner. Their job is to keep people alive and get them stable in an acute illness or injury situation, they get annoyed when people use them in place of primary care. The OP’s description qualifies as ER-eorthy! A compound arm fracture might, too, but you’ll get triaged behind anyone with shortness of breath.
But they are right – that’s probably an urgent care visit, not ER. (Bonus – you will likely be seen faster bc they won’t be putting emergencies before you!)
A couple of times when I’ve gone to the ER it was something diagnosable- bad cardiac reaction to a new medication, severe GERD that came out of nowhere. Other times they basically told me to drink a gatorade. I have POTS-like issues and dehydration, illness, and caffeine (which I no longer drink) can cause chest pain and shortness of breath. It sucks that I’ve trained myself to ignore heart attack symptoms. But of course this usually happens late at night when my doctor’s office is closed. If something is unusual for you and you can’t talk to your PCP then go to the ER though
I remember when my dad refused to go to the doctor for his back. It got worse and worse. He hated moving and was so slow and in so much pain, my mom said she asked him, “could you / would you get out of the house if there were a fire?”
The answer to that question drive him to the doctor and honestly I think about it in other contexts too
I would absolutely go in with the symptoms you’re describing. You didn’t do anything wrong.
I would call my GP on the way to the hospital. There is always someone on call that will call back within the hour (probably before I am even seen).
You did the right thing.id have thought appendix, not heart, but either way it’s a Hosptial trip.
Doctor here.
You did the right thing.
You should call your primary care doctor today and make the next available appointment – ideally within the next 1-2 weeks. Tell the scheduler that you were in the ER this morning, and they should try to squeeze you in earlier if your doctor is booked up. Also, message your primary care doctor using MyChart (or whatever your patient portal is), and give a very very short description of what happened. Your doctor should reach out and help get you seen sooner.
Think of the $$ this way – would you rather have had a heart attack or a stroke, and paid $4000? You are so lucky. $4000 and a clean bill of health. But I agree that our health care system costs are ridiculous, and slowly imploding.
Also, make sure you know where the closest urgent care clinics are that are in your network. Honestly, it would have been ideal to go to the ER in the middle of the night when the pain was bad. Waiting until the morning, you could try calling your doctor and having them/their nurse advise you what to do, as one option could have been urgent care if your symptoms were no longer severe. But it you don’t have a reachable doctor/nurse to help, the ER is never the wrong answer.
Glad you are ok!
Definitely did the right thing, and sounds like you had good news!
My friend in her early 50s almost died of a stroke. She literally drove herself to work thinking she could push past feeling funny. Her coworkers called the EMTs shortly after she arrived. So scary to think she was driving in that condition!
I would have gone. I once ignored persistent bloating because I was afraid they would say I needed a colonoscopy. Turns out I did need a colonoscopy. I had colon cancer. Was already making its way through the lining of my colon and was making its way to my lymph nodes when it happened to get caught (low iron seen at a physical I got earlier than I would have normally because my insurance was changing). There is no big flashing red light. Sometimes you just need to err on the side of caution because the stakes can be so high.
I have interviews upcoming for three different positions at three different companies. All are clients of my firm, though not mine directly. I’m actively trying to leave my business line and move to tangential lines. I’m not a lawyer but it’s somewhat like going from a firm to in-house. The work I do now is not a direct parallel (think: I sell the widgets now and in these roles I will help manage the owned widgets, decide when to buy/sell, figure out how to maximize value, etc). It’s not unusual but it is infrequent for someone in my role to move in to these kids of roles. They’re also fairly senior, fwiw.
I have had feedback from a sample set of one recruiter for a job I didn’t get (but I think is really valid feedback) that in my interview I tended to go on the defense. I made statements like “I know I haven’t done this before but…..” and seemingly immediately defaulted to…. an insecurity? defensiveness? imposter syndrome? that I’m interviewing for the kinds of roles that I am. Like, I attempted to overcompensate and address head on my perceived deficiencies when everyone I spoke to knows my background. It’s not a secret.
Here’s a real example: tomorrow’s interview is for a role that is very senior has the whole accounting function roll up to it (among several others). I’m not a CPA. They know that. They want someone with experience managing a team, and have already said that managing this team is very high touch – just make sure people below you are managing their own teams, etc.. All I can think about as I read this particular line of the job description is … how do I explain why it’s ok that I’m not a CPA? Again… they know I’m not a CPA, but I cannot get this out of my head as I attempt to prep.
How do I overcome this? Are there prompts I can think about when trying to message my experience? Any quick reads? I have all the skills and experience, but just from a different – yet really valid and valuable – lens. Thoughts? Words of encouragement?
Focus on the parts that excite you instead of emphasizing what you don’t have experience with. Keep the caveats unspoken; say the rest out loud. Just: “I am excited to exercise my leadership abilities with this team!” instead of: “I haven’t managed a group like this before, but I am excited to exercise my leadership abilities with this team.”
+1 I made it to being 1 of the top 2 candidates for a job that felt a bit above my level by framing my experience like this.
You gotta lead with some positives (related experience you have, did you work closely with the CPAs in a previous role, did you do any financial analysis, budgeting, crunching numbers in any capacity), then admit that you’d need to learn XYZ specific skill, then affirm that you’ve always had an interest in it and will get it quickly.
At a certain level you’re not being paid to do the work of the people who report to you, that’s their job, it’s yours to understand the company’s goals and make sure the teams are achieving them. I mange a bunch of functions where I don’t have the skill set to do the underlying work but that’s not what I’m paid for (c-suite). Talk about how you manage other leaders and set strategy. You’re focusing on the wrong stuff.
I should note, in the case of this particular example and tomorrow’s interview, the recruiter said they’ve already run a search for CPA/true accounting type people and it was a bust. They got a ton of highly capable accountants but no one with real, intimate experience with our widget. None of the candidates had the executive presence they need for this very senior role, etc. So, I know they don’t want a CPA. What is my darn issue. argh.
Focus on the skills that will help you manage this group. There are things that my team works on that I could not just do, but I gained a working familiarity with how issues in their areas affect the big picture – and THAT is actually the part of it that is my job, knowing what to communicate down to them, and what to communicate up or over (like if I see something that seems inconsistent or overlapping with another area).
They wouldn’t interview you if you didn’t meet the base level of qualifications. Understand that in the depths of your soul and tailor your responses from there.
For the CPA thing, focus on how you can effectively manage teams with subject matter expertise that you lack. That’s going to involve everything from effective goal setting for your team and their teams, evaluating work product (maybe, based on your description), not getting insecure about the lack of knowledge, getting buy-in from your employees, and respecting that CPAs have licenses and responsibilities to do things a certain way.
I think you need to look at the role as someone who manages the widget and employs CPAs to help you in that task. You aren’t qualified to be a CPA, but you are qualified to hire one and direct one to get you the information you need to do the widget management.
Market where you are going, not where you are now.
Make that your mantra.
Practice talking up your transferable skills: you have X years of experience in the business, you have experience working in cross-group functions; you have managed teams of people with different skill sets, etc.
Write out questions and answers and practice saying them out loud.
This is where a job coach would be helpful. They can help you develop responses to expected questions and are good to practice with. And generally help you frame your pitch. Agree with the take below about marketing yourself as someone who has experience managing the team, and subject matter experts.
Good luck OP!
Does anyone use a travel carbon monoxide detector? I travel a lot for work and I’m staying in my first airbnb ever next week. I’m not usually a nervous person but I just heard about a person in my extended network who died of CO poisoning at a rental. This will be the 4th person I’ve had one degree of separation from in my life (I’m 40) that has died this way. It feels so avoidable…. thoughts or recs I can order online? Is this crazy-pants talk? I literally take zero precautions in other ways when traveling… idk why CO has me so irked.
I have a small plug-in one from Target for travel. I am also trying to convince my college kid to use one in the dorm.
No but I get why you would.
4 people? I know 0 people. Do you run in a crowd that stays in more rustic places, like that might have poorly vented generators or stoves or blocked chimneys?
It’s a problem in hotels too. https://www.nytimes.com/2022/07/30/travel/hotels-carbon-monoxide.html
Yeah, where are you people staying??
2 were a husband and wife in a New England ski town in winter. Rental home. Parents of a childhood friend I hadn’t talked to since the 90s.
1 was the aunt of a friend, so twice removed, on a summer vacation.
1 was another ski getaway type thing. Sibling of a childhood friend.
So none are like dear friends but I’m from a small town and even news about parents of a friend in the 90s still makes its way back to me. All occurred over a 25-year span, all domestic travel. None occurred in a hotel but I’ve read hotels are actually at a higher risk? Who knows.
Can’t you just crack a window?
+1 This is the way to go. Analyze your situation: is the HVAC system running or is there other ventilation that would mitigate this risk? And, more to the point, do you suspect a source of CO? If the answer to the first question is no and to the second question is yes and you’re concerned, crack a window.
HVAC doesn’t mitigate the risk. My carbon monoxide detector went off and I was having symptoms even though my AC was running full blast (due to stove issues)
Carbon monoxide doesn’t just come from fireplaces and generators. It also comes from improperly ventilated furnaces, water heaters, and gas appliances. It’s a risk anywhere that fuel is being burned, not just in sketchy-looking mountain cabins. It is odorless and invisible. All homes should have CO detectors, and since hotels and vacation rentals aren’t required by law to have them it’s prudent to bring your own.
I know it’s not only cabins, but the large number in the OP’s circle makes me think this is not an average risk group!
My primary home is a sketchy looking mountain cabin. It never occurred to me to have a carbon monoxide detector. I suppose I have a lot of googling in my immediate future.
What!? All homes need CO detectors. Ideally one on each floor and especially one in or just outside the boiler room.
Unless you don’t have gas. If your house is all electric and you don’t have an attached garage (or only an electric car in that garage), there’s no source of CO. But otherwise, yes, you should definitely have at least one, probably several.
Yeah, I was thinking along the lines of anon at 10:28 am. A lot of my travel is in Europe where so many places now have mini-splits for the HVAC and no cooktop or clothes dryer. It would not make sense to fear CO poisoning in them because there’s no possible source.
My understanding is that some of the AirBNB deaths were unexpected because the source wasn’t proximate or obvious (e.g. a heated water feature outdoors but it was still somehow seeping indoors).
Yeah, my comment about all electric houses was in reference to a house you own. In a rental, it’s hard to know the power sources, and many of the fatal CO leaks have been caused by water heaters, especially pool heaters, so I agree this isn’t just a sketchy cabin problem.
1. IDK how much ventilation prevents you from dying if there is a problem. Would not rely on that TBH.
2. Was raised on not opening windows if the heat or A/C was on. We’re not heating the neighborhood! And in a first floor unit (often the only choice in more rural areas), I’ve seen too much true crime where they enter through a window.
I cannot image sleeping with closed windows. I wouldn’t be able to fall asleep without fresh air.
Do you live in a perfect climate? What do you do if it’s raining, sleeting, snowing, very hot, or very cold?
Different commenter, but as the sketchy looking mountain cabin liver commenter above, I sleep with the windows open in most scenarios, with the exception of torrential rain and the coldest days in Feb.
Yeah, I live in CA, open windows all year. The rain doesn’t blow in.
#2 is silly and something to reject from your upbringing.
What?! Grew up in super-humid area. Will never open a window. I get why you can elsewhere. But not here. The outside bugs are terrifying. Windows are to let light in.
Screens are the piece of this you are missing.
I agree with anon at 10:38. If you open the windows when it’s really humid, you kind of defeat the purpose of AC.
And, many of us live in places where it’s not unusual for temperatures to stay high overnight, which, when combined with humidity, is very uncomfortable.
I visited Denver last summer and was astonished by how pleasant the nights were even if it had been 100F during the day. Sure, you can open your windows at night during Denver summers. Not so much in the mid Atlantic or SE United States.
It’s inefficient to open windows if you are running heat or A/C. Turn them off if you are going to open the window.
Thanks to horrible pollen counts and forest fire smoke fallout, I have to keep my windows closed and run my appliances far more than I would like. But that’s because of the air quality issues, not because of crime in my rural area. That’s an unrealistically alarmist take.
Screens don’t help with humidity though. 95 degrees, 80% humidity, storms likely later. Winters are bone-chillingly damp.
In your position, I would get a portable detector. It’s not worth the stress to not have it.
Get something off this list and don’t wind yourself up about it:
https://www.travelandleisure.com/best-travel-sized-carbon-monoxide-detectors-7097587
Just… open a window?
There was a recent story about americans dying at a foreign resort (caribbean?) because of carbon monoxide poisoning. I bought one after that, we stay at a lot of weird AirBnBs (in a rural area w/o hotels) and you never know who’s up to date on what.
Sure do. Just came back from the Caribbean and brought a detector with me. Zero problems thru TSA (I left it in its original packaging). I did leave it at the resort, just in case of being flagged while returning to the U.S.
After reading about the son of a long time NY Yankee baseball player dying in the Caribbean from carbon monoxide poisoning, I wasn’t taking a chance. Many of his family got sick and it was passed off as food poisoning. Having the CO2 detector gave me peace of mind. No regrets.
+1.
CO! CO2 is what makes soda fizzy.
LOL. I am a biochemist and this made me laugh. Carbon dioxide (2 – CO2) vs carbon monoxide (1 – CO)…
an entire family in my neighborhood died of CO poisoning in their main house. It was devastating and I am now very careful about it. I did not know that travel detectors existed so thank you for this post.
Also it is absolutely insane to me that hotels and rentals aren’t required to have them by code.
Every day here I learn about something new I could worry about.
LOL, my husband is now very wary when I bring something like this up–“did you get this from the comment section of your fashion blog?”
At least in the USA, we’re living through an era of under regulation, so I don’t think it means we’re nervous if we step up and protect ourselves where laws and regulations are falling short. That is what makes it irksome to me anyway.
I definitely know people who have had close calls with CO2. In one case it was only recognized because the poisoned individual was sounding loopy in text messages, and happened to be texting someone who was aware of this possibility and insisted on it. In all the other cases, it was the detector that saved the day.
The symptoms of poisoning are nonspecific (“headache”) and affect cognition, so it’s really helpful to have a device.
CO = carbon monoxide, CO2 = carbon dioxide. Both are dangerous in the wrong quantities, but they are not interchangeable.
Thanks that was pure muscle memory! Carbon monoxide.
When I was a kid, our family friend / HVAC servicer discovered during a routine furnace visit that our ancient gas pilot light stove had been pouring CO into our house at an alarming rate. I vividly remember him immediately yelling for us to open all the windows while he disconnected that stove and hauled out to front lawn by himself like it weighed nothing. He was so worried someone would try to pick it up and use it that he took power tools to it and put holes in the sides to prevent it going back into circulation.
We were all fine but only because our house was so drafty that the curtains literally fluttered in the breeze with the windows shut.
While getting a portable CO detector has never personally dawned on me as something to do, I think your peace of mind is well worth the minimal cost.
I probably wouldn’t in the summer, no.
The pilot light for the furnace is on all summer. The water heater and pool heater still run in the summer.
They sell simple plug-in versions. That what we use for our regular house. I meant to get another to bring on a recent trip and was bummed to realize I’d forgotten, but was pleasantly surprised to see our rental house had them on every floor. They are like $40, definitely do it
I take a CO detector when I travel. I started doing it after I had kids.
Thanks intrusive thoughts.
We need a new rug in our living room and I can’t decide if wool is a good or a bad idea. We would be doing a light color, and have 3 young kids and 2 dogs. I keep reading conflicting things online about ease of cleaning. Some sites say it’s easy to clean and stain resistant, others say it’s much harder to clean and absorbs stains quickly.
Does anyone have a wool rug and can speak to those points? My reasons for going with wool over synthetic would be sustainability and trying to reduce plastics, but I also don’t want to go crazy every time someone spills or throws up on the rug or something.
I have a wool rug in my living room, 3 kids, 2 cats, living room is fairly high traffic because our front door opens right into it. Wool is super easy to care for, and doesn’t trap odors. Vacuum regularly, don’t let your kids drink chocolate milk or grape juice in the living room, and you’ll be fine!
I have vintage wool rugs and dogs and it’s absolutely fine. Much easier to clean than their synthetic predecessors.
I have cleaned my wool rugs without a problem. Poly is also fine if you don’t care about the sustainability, but avoid viscose like the plague.
I had a relatively plush wool rug in my 20s because it felt like the grown up choice, and I’d heard they would last forever if laundered well. It may have just been the rug I had, but man that thing showed a lot of wear and tear — it looked much worse at the end of 10 years than most of my cheaper rugs (Wayfair/Safavieh). I also thought the cheaper rugs are more comfortable to touch.
My MIL got me a nice wool rug from Turkey and it’s the kind that can be folded and rolled. It needs a gripper beneath it but that one I think is a better ROI.
Ime, little spills don’t really show but big spills do. No kids yet so this mostly applies to food and drinks for us. A few drops of red wine? Blot it with a paper towel and it’s gone, cleaning agents are hardly even necessary. An entire glass of red wine? You’re never getting that out even if you use a carpet cleaner immediately.
They also hold onto pet messes. My elderly cat peed on a wool rug and we had to get rid of it. We completely saturated it with enzyme cleaners multiple times, rinsed thoroughly, saturated again, carpet cleaned, set outside in direct sunlight on both sides for days. It still lit up under a black light and the cat peed in that spot as soon as the rug was back in the house.
Oh I should add re cat: we have hardwood floors and used an hardwood floor safe enzyme cleaner on the floor too, but we also rotated the rug when we brought it inside. If the cat peed again, we wanted to know if it was the rug or the floor. It was the rug.
I had our rugs taken away and professionally cleaned the last time we moved (trying to start fresh and all that) and it seemed easier on their end to clean the wool rugs rather than my one with nylon blended in. That said, I feel like at home it’s pretty easy regardless? We have a steam cleaner and it works well on everything.
We have wool rugs and they are fine. I would say avoid looped pile; our cats love to pull at those and the get wrecked. But cut pile is fine. For stain resistance, my husband treated our rugs with a Scotch Guard spray when we got them, and all of the cat puke has cleaned out just fine, mostly just with water. We haven’t really had food spills.
Yes to wool rugs, but no to a light color. We have antique hand-knotted rugs that have seen generations, but they are vividly colored and patterned for a reason! We get them professionally cleaned every few years and they are gorgeous and will outlive us all by a hundred years.
Light colored rugs are so impractical for a living room, but if you’re going with a cheaper synthetic that you will replace with the trends, I suppose it’s fine for it to only last a few years.
+1 – we are the same except I only vacuum ours. More accurately, the house cleaner does. But we don’t get them professionally cleaned unless there’s some major issue. We’re not eating off them.
I use Kids’n’Pets for anything applicable and haven’t had issues. I didn’t go with a light color though or even a solid, so maybe I’m missing stains that are genuinely not visible? I did go with hand knotted or quality machine knotted (e.g. Karastan) because I didn’t want to deal with shedding. If I couldn’t get stains out myself, I had a positive experience with a Vorwerk Kobasan Snow cleaning company with a cotton rug that I really believed was done for once (and cotton stains much more easily than wool), so that’s where I would turn. But it hasn’t come up yet.
The only synthetic I’d consider would be nylon, but I don’t really want it to be chemical treated for stain resistance, which can be harder to find.
I had a light colored wool rug in my bedroom and it shedded SO much, it drove me crazy. If I dropped anything dark on the floor it would immediately be covered in white fibers.
I have an antique darker wool rug in my kitchen and that one does not shed. So YMMV.
Does that fit the pattern of the glued kind with no-slip backing shedding and the knotted kind not shedding?
No…neither one has a non slip backing, unfortunately.
A close friend who lives 700 miles away just purchased a small house in my town. This was a sudden decision due to her mom starting chemo in a couple months about an hour from my town. She toured via zoom and is closing remotely, no realtor, she is here this weekend to see it in person and pick up keys. Friend won’t move in until August, but is hoping to come back another weekend in July to measure, furnish it, etc. I am picking her up at the airport this weekend and she’s staying at my house. House was empty for months prior to sale. No buyer agent so we expect no “goodie basket,” I rent so am not sure what’s usually in those. I’d like to put together a simple basket of house essentials – things that would be nice to have when she’s there. Help? Budget ~$100 but any items I can get from my own home like TP are not included in that budget :) Current list:
– Hand soap
– 2 rolls toilet paper
– 1 roll paper towels or cleaning wipes
– $25 gift card to local restaurant near her new place
– 3-5 garbage bags. If she is cleaning, she can live without a trash can but piles of dirty cleaning wipes gets old.
– bottle of windex
– tape measure
– maybe a small handheld vacuum if in budget, broom, and dustpan
I’d add batteries (especially 9vV and AA since those are most likely to be needed for a smoke detector),and a flashlight.
I’d pick a lane, either get her cleaning supplies (boring) or a gift basket – a couple of rolls of toilet paper seem not fun. I’d stock a snack basket, include local bakery treats/something for breakfast, and wine or champagne if she drinks.
Haha on toilet paper being no fun… until you have to pee! Otherwise I kind of agree about cleaning supplies. I’m picky and would rather buy my own, but as someone who has moved a lot, a few rolls of tp, some paper towels, and some soap are the basic essentials and much appreciated. Agree on the garbage bags too. After that, I’d go with snacks and driving her to Target or Home Depot or wherever she needs to stock up on other stuff.
I would get her a celebratory gift basket and take her shopping (she buys the stuff) for household essentials.
Absolutely would go. I went to the ER for some unusual right side symptoms and “feeling weird” and the docs thanked me for coming in even though it turned out to be tendonitis and a new manifestation of sciatica at the same time as well as stress/dehydration. They said so many women don’t and better safe than sorry. What was interesting was they definitely were urgently fast tracking me as a potential stroke and did blood pressure, etc. but there was only a palpable relaxation after I passed the eye test!
Ugh on mobile, wrong thread!
if it’s a useful gift basket, I always want scissors when moving – inevitably mine get packed inside a box that’s taped shut and I need them to open all the other taped boxes too!
This is a great idea! Since she’s coming from the airport, TP is definitely appropriate. I might skip the gift card and go with immediately practical cleaning supplies. Plastic bags for garbage would be great, too. A box of granola bars, a few cups or water bottles, too.
Maybe two inexpensive chairs (like plastic lawn chairs or folding camp chairs) so there is something to sit on until she can furnish it?
I agree with some of the other suggestions, but a few additional in case you know your friend would want them:
A few cozy throw blankets
Some decent screwdrivers, a tape measure, or other small, useful tools
– Hand soap
– 2 rolls toilet paper
– 1 roll paper towels or cleaning wipes
– $25 gift card to local restaurant near her new place
+ box cutter, smoke alarm batteries and dish soap all in a bucket is a brilliant gift for someone moving into a house.
The best housewarming gift I ever received was a bottle of laundry detergent and a jar of Nutella.
a plastic liner for a shower curtain, which she can quickly put up for a shower before fully decorating her bathroom? Pick a default size but I once tried to shower before i had one figuring it couldn’t be that bad and OH BOY was i wrong. .
Has anyone taken off shutters on front windows that currently have nailed on peeling too-small to actually cover the window shutters? We need to re-side the front (rotten underlayer letting in rats) and I’d like to try no-shutters. No other windows have shutters. Husband thinks it may look weird. Will our eyes get used to it?
It really depends on the style of your house.
Yep, and there’s a lot of options here for something that could look great. Talk to your contractor.
LOL, “talk to your contractor.”
Why is that LOL? If she’s replacing siding, she’s probably using a contractor. That’s how most large scale home repairs happen.
I think the poster expected her to communicate with her contractor via semaphore.
Unless the contractor in question is more of a GC who OP has hired to help with overall design rather than just the siding replacement team foreman, that is like asking your plumber what finish the bathroom light fixture should be.
Le sigh, I use a general contractor for my projects because they always end up involving more than just the issue you think you have.
Fake shutters look worse than no shutters
My neighbor removed the shutters from her classic colonial and after a few weeks, I got used to it. I think it looks cleaner and less cluttered now.
Yes, it looked odd to my eyes for about a week and now I don’t even think about it.
We have a builder grade ranch from the 60s and it had screwed-down too-small fake shutters on just the front windows. Not only were they obviously fake and not functional, you can easily see three side of the house from the road. It always seemed like brushing your bangs without doing the rest of your hair.
It’s really easy to just not put them back for a while and see if you acclimate to the look.
In our case, we were going to paint and put them back up but the sun had made them so brittle they fell apart upon removal. For a hot second we thought about buying new ones, saw what that would cost and decided they looked dumb anyway. No regrets.
I bought a large painting (maybe 2.5′ by 4′) at an auction, and we’re finally ready to hang it up. I like the painting a lot, and I can live with the frame, which is a smooth wood in a medium shade of brown. But I might like it even better if we could get the frame a dark dark brown to match the floors, or even a black. Is this the kind of thing that I can do myself? Is it worth taking it to a framer to ask about the price? Because of the size it’s a bit prohibitive. (The painting is paint on canvas, not under glass at all.)
I’d take it to a frame shop. Michael’s usually has framing if there’s not a local independent one. Framing can be pricey, but I have never regretted spending the money to make my art look great on my walls!
Take it to a frame shop. If you could DIY to a level that would look good, you wouldn’t be asking.
+1 Especially not here.
If you want a dark brown frame and don’t want to spend hundreds of dollars on this, see if you can the art and use a gel stain to stain the existing frame darker.
*Remove* the art, of course
Take it to a frame shop. It’ll be pricey but worth it. (And if you happen to live in/near Raleigh, NC, I have a rec for a local frame shop)
Not the OP, but would love this rec! I’m not thrilled with the shop I’ve been going to.
Frame & Art Shop off of Capital Blvd a bit north of 440. Cindy is the woman who runs it and she’s great–very helpful at picking out what frame, etc will look good.
Unless this is an insurable-value piece I would just remove the artwork and either strip and refinish the frame or paint it myself, then reinstall and hang it. I am handy and have the necessary tools and space, and have actually done this more than once. Love the results.
Advice from all my painter relatives is to match the frame to the artwork, not to the room. This right frame really makes the art pop. Maybe a dark frame would work equally as well with the piece, but there often is a reason an artist chose the frame they did
Yes. I took a bunch of art I’d picked up on travels to a frame shop and was struck by how much it changed based on the frame. Good framers are artists in their own right!
How is everyone feeling about this weekend’s insane politically motivated murders?
Really really anxious. The blatant misinformation about the perpetrator’s background and motivation (he was appointed by Gov Walz to a committee so he must be a liberal), the callous reaction by certain elected officials (a certain Senator from Utah), the media’s inability to call it assassination. We are in the worst possible timeline and it gets worse every day.
I feel extremely sad for the families.
As much as I hate to say it, I think periods without lone wolf political violence are rarer in American history than periods with them, so this does not change my analysis of the current political climate.
I am in Minneapolis. People that I know were very anxious before the shooter was caught. It’s a little better now. But people are still on edge. It’s all just senseless and sad. Misinformation is such a problem. Tina Smith, Minnesota Senator, talked to the Utah senator who has been posting misinformation. I am so glad that she did this even though he probably does not care.
What happened to Mike Lee?! He used to be conservative but sane and opposed to Trump. I don’t know how he did such a 180.
A weird mix of “I told you so” and horror that this dystopian nightmare is our reality.
Incandescently angry. Mike Lee’s response is deplorable, but it’s been largely normalized. Misinformation is damaging, but it’s been largely normalized.
Domestic terrorism, committed almost exclusively by white men, needs to be addressed. But it won’t be, because craven politicians won’t even discuss guns as a health issue.
This country is an embarrassment.
And just now reading that Trump doesn’t plan to call Waltz because Waltz is “a mess” and he “doesn’t want to. Trump is now dropping even the pretense that he’s an actual President of the United States.
Have you ever correctly predicted someone else’s marriage was doomed to fail before the wedding? Why did you think the marriage wouldn’t work? And how long did it last before the divorce?
I’m not close enough with this person to say something so of course I’m keeping my mouth shut. But I’m curious what made you think someone’s marriage wouldn’t work and how long the couple lasted.
I didn’t consciously recognize it at the time, but I recall at the wedding, there were several weird things: the bride was nauseous all morning and had to go to urgent care for Zofran; the wedding planner literally handed them shots of tequila after they took their vows and came down the aisle as man and wife, the wedding was all about the groom (he kept taking the mic and talking and talking, there was a slideshow of the couple and it was 70% about him and his childhood photos and them together). The couple is still together now, but the cracks seem to keep getting bigger and bigger.
I’m terrible at predicting the success or failure of marriages. I usually think they are doomed to fail when one person just sucks… but those people often don’t want to leave the marriage and they marry someone who puts up with their endless bs.
The one thing that I have found that predicts the failure of a marriage: if someone is seriously considering calling off the wedding for character issues. Those go down in flames within a few years.
Ugh, this happened to someone in my larger friend group years ago. He was in this relationship and they were both clearly miserable but for some reason stayed together. They got married and everyone, including the groom, knew it wasn’t going to last. I wasn’t at the wedding but friends of mine reported it was a pretty depressing wedding because they knew the couple wasn’t happy! They got divorced after a few months.
I have thought that twice about friends getting married. One of them is going on almost 30 years, and the other is going on 15. Sometimes they know more about it than you do!
It’s been more like the friends who got divorced you say, well, yeah, OK. Not a shock, but in a different timeline they could’ve made it.
None any of the weddings we personally attended have ended in divorce yet (we’re 40), although we don’t have huge friend groups and probably only attended ~20-25 non-family weddings. My best friend’s husband is a turd and that was obvious from the day I met him, but they’re still married and will be forever I think. She’s accepted it as a price of admission.
Yes, one of my best friends. Before they got engaged, I expressed my concerns about his lack of ability to keep a stable job and what I viewed as a drinking problem, but there is only so much you can do or say. They stayed married for 10 years and had two kids. Now they are divorced and she has restraining order against him.
What about your couple seems like their doomed to fail?
I am too young for the divorces to have happened, but I have a few friends who seem headed toward marriage and I can’t imagine it will go well.
The people who crow the loudest on social media about how wonderful their bf/“hubby” is are often the ones with the biggest issues
I have one that I’m watching because the wedding and some of the lead up was so strange. The groom’s family seemed totally disinterested in the bride, her family, friends, etc. Their rehearsal dinner was all about him, speeches all about him, etc. It was awkward getting ready with his mom and sisters because they didn’t want to talk to her side at all.
I don’t see this friend as often now so I just kind of watch from afar.
Off topic a bit, but this is why I have congratulated and really supported two friends who called off engagements. I think that people feel like, once they’re engaged, the train has left the station and they have to keep going. But they don’t. It’s not funt to call it off and perhaps lose deposits. But it’s better than not doing so when you have serious doubts.
In my husband’s friend group (so people I met in their mid-20s with somewhat fully formed personalities…)
– The couple who seemed really well-suited with shared interests & activity levels surprised me by divorcing.
– One who is a serial cheater (at least up to wedding, unclear if current) and married a much younger partner in what appeared to be a “doomed” marriage is going strong 10+ years later. Unclear if he continues to stray.
When the family hates the new in-law and vice versa.
I’ve predicted that more people would get divorced than couples who have actually divorced (…yet). Idk if I’m overly picky or if the bar is in hell or both, but I would not want most of the marriages my friends and family members have. Some of them seem perfectly happy (and I’m happy for them! To each her own) but a lot of them do not.
My mom never married her BF but they’ve been together for over 30 years. They have had explosive arguments almost daily ever since I moved out (because he is the target now instead of me). She kicked him out multiple times when I was living at home, I thought for sure it would eventually stick. Nope, still together. Still bickering, still shouting.
When I left my friend’s wedding, I felt bad saying it but I told my then-fiance that I didn’t feel the feeling of warmth and love that I usually feel at weddings. The bride and groom didn’t look especially happy throughout and were generally apart for most of the night. After a year or so, they got divorced.
My ex-husband looks grim in the photos of the ceremony.
I have long thought that he’s gay and wanted to do what was right (traditional upbringing), but hated doing it.
Best book you’ve read in the first half of 2025? Any genre welcome.
You Didn’t Hear This From Me by Kelsey McKinney
Abundance by Derek Thompson and Ezra Klein
The Wedding People.
I also loved it! It wasn’t what I was expecting at all, I was pleasantly surprised.
The Science of Revenge – has altered my thinking about things.
My storygraph is a bit sparse on 5* but my 4 top reads:
Fundamentally by Nussaibah Younis
The Year of the Runaways by Sunjeev Sahota
Deep Cuts by Holly Brickley
Nesting by Roisín O’Donnell
Mine list usually leans more backlist, but top ones for the year so far:
Little Fires Everywhere – Celeste Ng
Flirting Lessons – Jasmine Guillory
The Ministry of Time – Kaliane Bradley
Margo’s Got Money Trouble – Rufi Thorpe
When Women Were Dragons – Kelly Barnhill
Just finished Margo’s Got Money Trouble – surprisingly fun!
North Woods by Daniel Mason. Gorgeous, gorgeous book.
This was the worst book I read this year. I eventually had to give myself permission to put it down rather than struggling to finish.
The God of the Woods
Same as It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo. I didn’t love her first book (I DNF-ed I think) but this one was so good.
Here One Moment by Liane Moriarty (woman on a plane starts predicting people’s deaths)
Tom Lake by Ann Patchett (family living on a cherry farm in Michigan during COVID)
The Demon-Haunted World by Carl Sagan (eerily prescient account of what technology is doing to humanity)
Becoming Madam Secretary by Stephanie Dray (historical fiction of Frances Perkins- first female cabinet secretary)
Fair Play by Katie Barnes (history of tr*nsgender sports in US)
I loved Here One Moment so much. Moriarty’s books are usually solid 3.5-4 stars for me, enjoyable but not earth shattering. But this one was sooo good.
The Tom Lake audiobook is narrated by Meryl Streep and is fabulous! I don’t know that I would have enjoyed reading it as much as I did listening to it.
Mapping the Interior by Stephen Graham Jones.
It was the $5 book available with the purchase of any coffee at Barnes & Noble last month and I bought it on a whim. The story was unexpected, unnerving, and stuck with me in the way only good writing can.
The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World by Robin Wall Kimmerer. I loved Braiding Sweetgrass, and this was a much shorter read. She talks about reciprocity and abundance not only in natural systems but in human systems and what we can learn and work towards in a gift economy.
North Woods by Daniel Mason
Martyr! by Kaveh Akbar
When We Cease to Understand the World by Benjamin Labatut
Time of the Child by Niall Williams (this is the second in a series; the first is also wonderful)
Consider This: Moments in My Writing Life After Which Everything Was Different by Chuck Palahniuk
We want to rip carpet out of the bedrooms and replace with wood flooring. The wood flooring in the rest of our house seems to be either unavailable or very difficult to source, because it’s from a long time ago. We live in a single story, one long (wood floor) hallway connects to another long hallway (carpeted) at a T-shape. The current wood is a dark brown, I don’t love it, but would rather not re-floor the entire house. What other options exist for this situation? It feels like TRYING to match the wood is not a good idea; but neither is going totally different. We could re-carpet, but ew. What am I missing?
Is the existing engineered wood or finished in place?
engineered
Ouch, ok. I was going to suggest refinishing but that’s out.
I’d do a contrasting color. I think matching it will look off and bad. Better to do a complimentary color that’s a lighter shade of what you have now.
The rule of thumb for decorating I use is everything should be the same unless its obviously different.
Your existing dark brown engineered wood is basically not re-finishable, so unless you want to rip it up and replace, you’re stuck with it.
You could go lighter as long as you match the undertones- is the existing flooring warm toned? cool toned? etc.
Can you purchase and store enough material to eventually replace all of the flooring and just install it in the carpeted areas now?
I know it isn’t unusual for whoever loses the presidential race to step out of the public eye for a bit, but I kind of find it strange that Kamala doesn’t seem to be doing anything — as someone who voted for her I kind of wished I got the impression she cared more. I see Walz and Newsom everywhere, by contrast.
Uh both of them are still in office, she is a private citizen. What exactly do you want her to do? She’s not exactly hiding in her house. She’s spoken at a few conferences in the US, a real estate development conference in Australia, she’s seen on Broadway quite a bit.
The voters rejected her. Her caring will fall on deaf ears, unfair as that may be.
Yes, sadly.
I mean, she served in political office for a long time and then ran for the highest office in the country. I’m not sure why you think she doesn’t care. What do you want her to be doing now?
Why are you expecting her to do something? The voters elected the other guy – they now to get to say “whoops, our bad! We know you tried to warn us about him but we promise we believe you now!”
And curious how white liberals want Barack & Kamala to lead the fight but aren’t calling on the Clintons to do the same….almost like they expect Black people to always be on the front lines & do more than white folks. They aren’t your mules, you don’t get to command that they tap dance for you.
The Clintons are old, no one likes her, and he is significantly to the right of the youth base of the party right now.
Uh, because this white woman admires Barack Obama and Kamala Harris so much more than the Clintons. Because Obama and Harris are more effective than the Clintons. Because Obama and Harris are viable and the Clintons are not. Because Obama and Harris have the potential to be effective leaders and the Clintons do not. I just wish we had a deeper bench at the highest levels.
This white liberal has zero interest in Obama or Harris doing anything. The best thing they could do is to keep a low profile.
I think they should all be speaking up, including GW Bush, who would at least give a tinge of bipartisan credibility (though only a tinge, given his awful presidency. There are a lot of terrible things about Trump, but at least he hasn’t yet started an unnecessary war that killed more than a million people, and I think that’s one of the reasons Trump was able to take over the Republican party in the first place). But let’s be honest, Obama is really the only one popular enough to have any sway with anyone.
The “no foreign wars” thing seems like it will be changing soon. CNN says he’s keen to strike Iran.
She didn’t get elected. It’s not her job to care and she’s not being paid to make change. Let her chill.
Walz and Newsom currently hold public office. She doesn’t. Doesn’t seem like a fair comparison.
I COMPLETELY agree with you. This is old school politics – to disappear from the scene and lick your wounds – and I think it’s an outdated loser strategy. Sure when we relied on newspapers and 3 television stations there was only so many avenues for attention. But that just isn’t the case now.
One lesson we Dems could really borrow from Trump is that while he left office, he never left the spotlight. I definitely didn’t want her to deny the election, but I find it totally disingenuous to give a concession speech where the losing candidate promises to keep fighting and then disappears from public
Re what could she do? Famous private citizens can do all kinds of things to stay visible. Social media, podcasts, news segments, showing up at rallies. Make a website documenting and responding to terrible Trump executive orders. Lead the formation of a type of “shadow government” that responds specifically to the Trump admin’s actions.
It’s a strong leader’s message – yes I lost the election but I promised to keep fighting for the values we believe in, so I’ll continue to speak out and lead. The disappearance of Kamala from the public eye is old school, and really does make me feel like she doesn’t care.
We really need to stop expecting people to do good for free
and yet yesterday here everyone was saying it was our “civic duty” to go to large protest marches.
I agree with you, OP, and I think it’s suss that her husband still works for Wilkie Farr when other lawyers are leaving because of bending the knee to Trump.
He only joined them in January and has said he disagrees with the decision. If he is looking it’s confidential andrecruiting process for someone at his level takes time.
Everything I suggested would be self-serving if she actually wants to be President in 4 years.
It’s okay if she doesn’t. But last year she told us all that she does want to be President, and if she pops up in 2 years wanting to be President again I think it’s totally fair to ask – what were you doing when when normal citizens were resisting (unpaid) by calling our representatives and protesting and posting on social media to spread awareness and volunteering/giving money to organizations fighting to protect rights that we don’t want to see disappear?
There is absolutely no way Dems will run her in 2028.
Agree, she won’t get the nomaitnion in 2028 at this point. Because she’s not leading now.
If she would have never left the spotlight, she could have positioned herself as a resistance leader and had a shot. She wouldn’t have even had to do that much – something out there once a week publicly speaking against one of the 1000 terrible things the Trump admin is doing. Give a public voice to the outrage. She would have looked tough and like a leader and presidential.
But if you lose and go away, you are positioning yourself as the loser. Leaders lose, and then get back up and keep going. And in 2024-2025, this cycle is immediate.
Look I despise Trump. But he is effective because he never leaves the spotlight. He loses and doesn’t go away. He never stopped leading the Republican Party – heck those 4 years out of office made his grip on the Republican Party stronger. I don’t want the Democrat version of Trump, but it would have been interesting experiment to try if the non-crazy responsible Dem loses, transitions power, but doesn’t go away or out of the spotlight but instead leads from the outside.
Democrat politicians are employees with career ambitions, not leaders. This is why we’re supposed to feel bad for Clinton missing out the job she worked hard for, and why we’re supposed to warmly celebrate Biden finally getting the job he wanted. They’re the main characters, not us.
Oh that’s a fascinating take, I never heard it described like that. But I think you’re right. I want a leader, not a promoted employee.
This is insightful
I havent heard this take either, but you’re right — this maybe also explains why it feels wrong to push out the old people?
I think she gets to decide what she wants to do and when. Being the Governor suddenly seems like a much harder job than it did a few months ago. That might be a great fit
Exactly this.
Also, the Democrats are in disarray. She could have generic Democrat talking points (doesn’t have to be hers, specifically) and be the point person around whom opposition can rally.
I’m quite certain Harris is constantly thinking of what she would be doing different and feeling that she let people down.
That’s how I (holding an MPH and 2 decades in the field) felt after narrowing losing my hometown mayoral race to a (retired, straight, white conservative man) anti-masker right before covid hit. I tried engaging as a private citizen for a year, and the Internet troll backlash was too disturbing. Every activity and suggestion was criticized as politically motivated sour grapes despite having 2 decades of experience in community health. I ended up moving at the end of 2020.
Kat, I’m getting autoplay/sound ads for City of Laredo. Thanks.
Also for US Bank!
I’ve been getting lots of autoplay ads for a week now. There’s no way to report them (as Kat previously suggested)
I’m not sure what I’m asking for here. Good thoughts? Encouragement? At my annual physical last month my red blood cell count was just over the high end of normal. My physician noted a couple of things that were begin that could contribute but had me do a retest with some other indicators. The results are in but I haven’t gotten a call yet. I’m trying not to look at the labs myself because I don’t want to spin out. Would love some encouragement here.
Chances are you are completely fine, someone has to be on the end of the bell curve!
Sounds like you are in good hands if your doctor followed up to make sure that everything is okay!
Since this showed up at an annual physical and not on diagnostic testing in response to symptoms, I’m hopeful that either it’s nothing, or that if it is something, it’s not the kind of thing that causes symptoms, or if it’s something that can cause symptoms, you’re catching it before it does and can hopefully intervene! Best wishes.
+1 There are so many developing problems that can be caught early by labs and averted/solved by minor changes.
This can be a myriad of things that are nothing to worry about! Please don’t worry until you get more information, as in all likelihood it is one of the non-scary causes.
Sending good thoughts!
It will probably be just fine.
I have some medical tests done every 3 months because of a medicine I have to take. More often than not, one is slightly low or one is slightly high, and it means…. nothing. Maybe I was a little dehydrated. Maybe that is normal for me. There is a wide standard error for a lot of these tests, and your next one will likely be in the normal range.
If you are otherwise healthy, it is probably nothing!
I’m wondering if I’m actually being a supportive spouse here, want some outside perspective. I’m a fairly active and outdoorsy person (hiking, rock climbing, e-biking to work, etc). My husband and I initially bonded over this, though I was a little more into it than he. Now that we’ve had a kid, our fitness levels are starting to diverge. Our kid is 17 months old, I’m the same weight I was pre-pregnancy and have made a significant effort to maintain my active hobbies. My husband has not, and he is now definitely overweight. I’m not really bothered by it as long as he still accepts invitations to come out with me sometimes, though it’s often difficult for us to align our work schedules. The past couple times we have been climbing or hiking, he’s expressed that he’s finding it more difficult, he’s embarrassed and uncomfortable about his weight gain, and he’d like to improve his habits. I told him that I continue to find him attractive and don’t care how much he weighs (absolutely true), but I do still want to be able to enjoy hiking and stuff with him. I also said I will support any changes he wants to make but until he tells me something specific I’m going to carry on just as we’re doing now because I don’t want to be controlling. It’s been a couple months since he first brought it up, and we’re in the same habits where he joins me in a physical activity once a month or so and says he needs to get fitter and I reiterate my stance. Is there something I should do different here or should I keep inviting/reiterating that I’ll support any changes he wants to make?
This is tough — ultimately, this has to be up to him. Can I ask about how you both are thinking about meals? That might be a place to start.
You might also ask if there’s something specific you can do, or ask him to decide one thing he’d like to do — walk every day, or whatever. If you can join him in something low-key but consistent (after dinner walk, etc) then that might be a supportive place to start rather than stay where you are.
For what it’s worth, you sound lovely.
Thanks :)
We’re pretty independent eaters, but I’ll usually make dinner 3-4x a week, other nights are leftovers or something from the freezer section. I definitely have it easier to eat well since I don’t do shift work and have easy access to a microwave during workdays so I can pack a lunch. My husband gets cold sandwiches (sad) or fast food/quick snacks during the day.
You buried the lead here. If he works shifts, he isn’t sleeping or eating well so no amount of joining you for hikes and bike rides is going to counterweight all of that.
Why has he started working shifts? Can he get a job with more normal hours?
He’s done shift work since he was 21, before I even knew him. He’s been trying to get to the point in his career where he can get a not shift work job in the field, but we’re not there yet. Hopefully next year, but we’ve been saying that for the past 4 years. In the meanwhile it is what it is unless he completely changes careers.
Healthy and satisfying lunches are key to keeping weight off. It’s too easy to go crazy at dinner or snacking.
Can he bring healthy snacks to work? Find sandwiches that are just better (better lunch meat, more meat, healthy spreads, good amount of veggies)? Pack nuts to eat alongside the sandwich?
I don’t think you should do anything different.
Keep inviting and involve your child as well so it’s a family activity. Being fit enough to be active with our kids as they get older has been a big motivator for my husband. Obviously this doesn’t work for rock climbing unless you’re taking turns at the kids area of a bouldering gym but it’s a great age for hiking and biking.
If you have a 17 month old, on hikes you could either wear him or let him walk. Then you’ll either be as slow as molasses or you’ll be more tired with the extra weight.
What about doing other outdoor activities ? Hiking and biking are a lot easier to do than climbing and would help him build up his stamina. I am worried that sporadic climbing is dangerous if he’s not otherwise fit.
I do these activities for me because I think they’re fun. My husband is invited because he has also enjoyed these activities in the past and I like spending time with him. I am not going to drop one of my hobbies because he’s not exercising regularly and they’re getting hard for him. He hasn’t asked me to and I certainly won’t volunteer it. I expect him to know his body and what activities are safe for him at his current fitness level because he’s an adult and I’m not his mother.