Thursday’s Workwear Report: Lennon Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
I love the shape of this top from Line & Dot. It’s like a mock turtleneck’s cooler, older sister. I would feel sad about covering up the shirring with a sweater or blazer, so I would probably wear this tucked into a midi skirt or some wide-leg trousers for a business casual look.
The top is on sale for $79, marked down from $99, at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes XS-XL.
Looking for more dressy tops? As of 2025, some of our favorite dressy tops for work outfits include ones from smaller brands like M.M.LaFleur, Modern Citizen, The Fold, Tuckernuck, Nation, OGL, Melloday, and Saint & Sofia, as well as bigger brands like Boden and CeCe. Some great fancier sleeveless tops include options from Loveappella, this wrap top, and this high-necked option from Amazon.
Sales of note for 8/6/25:
- Ann Taylor – Semi-annual sale, 8/6 ONLY: Extra 60% off sale and style steals starting at $25
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- Eloquii – Extra 45% off all sale
- Evereve – Sale on sale (thru Sunday)
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles & up to 60% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 60% off clearance
- M.M.LaFleur – 25% off all previous flash sale items! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Neiman Marcus – Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
- Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
- Rothy's – Final Few: up to 50% off
- Spanx – Free shipping on everything
- Talbots – $15 & up all markdown tops & 50% off all other markdowns
I recently started in an open concept office setting after years with my own office. Any recs for relatively inexpensive $100 to $150 noise canceling headphones that I can also use on calls? I also will do a lot of moving around to take calls so an easy to move riser and wireless keyboard for my laptop? I hate having to look down at my screen on zoom. thanks!
If you can stretch your budget to $229, grab the Bose QuietComfort while they are on sale. So comfortable, excellent noise cancelling.
I prefer my AirPods for calls, especially if I’m mostly just listening. If you are talking is there a room you can hop into for those?
I hate to be the Apple-cult person who suggests something more expensive than your range, but my AirPods Pros are my favorite way to take calls. I get annoyed when I forget them at home. I really didn’t get them for that purpose, but I love them a lot for that. Personally I like the buds better than over the ear headphones (I have old Bose over the ears) for the office in particular because they’re easier for me to click on and off or take out. And the noise cancellation is excellent – I refuse to mow my lawn (favorite thing to do WITH AirPods Pros) or blow dry my hair (the Shark is so strangely loud) without them.
Also, they’re on sale at Target right now for $169, so super dramatically out of the price range.
*so NOT super dramatically out of the price range
They’re $179 at costco (online price) but it includes apple care. I’ve been trying to decide whether to hold off on purchasing (to replace my near-end-of-life AirPods Pro 1) because I think the Pro 3 version will be released in September, in time for Christmas, and the price of the 2s might go down
On the other side, nothing is worse quality for your other callers than AirPods. It’s seriously insane how bad the sound is for others who have to listen to AirPod users talk in a call :(
AirPods Pro for the win – as others have noted, you can get them for close to that price point. I usually dial in from my phone since they have way better pairing with that than with my laptop, and then add my laptop for screensharing and camera if either applies to the meeting.
My husband (age 30) lost his 60 y/o dad to mesothelioma almost a year ago. He was previously super healthy and the diagnosis came out of nowhere and he declined rapidly.
Next week is 1 year anniversary and husband is struggling with grief and barely sleeping. He doesn’t want to talk to a therapist (I’ve researched them on his behalf). He tried one support group for meso and it made him worse. Sleep aids like melatonin and magnesium don’t work for him.
Of course, everyone’s grief timeline is different. Is there anything you have done for a loved one that really helped?
IDK if it’s appropriate for your situation, but maybe spending some time talking to him about the good memories he has of his father.
+1
Yes, I would have loved if someone had done this for me.
Many Jewish people have a custom of visiting the grave on the first anniversary of the death. We leave stones as a semi-permanent marker, instead of flowers. It is a nice place to pray or talk out loud or think or write. If there is no grave, perhaps a day off to be in nature is a good idea. Nature is good for these kinds of things – mostly permanent, long-lasting, easily spiritual but not too religious. Forests, rocks, oceans, water – somewhere like that
Grief is weird and ebbs and flows. My father unexpectedly passed and although I was okay for the first anniversary of his death, I really struggled around the second anniversary. Honestly nothing really helped except just letting myself feel the feelings, cry when I needed to, talk to my husband about how I was feeling, etc.
I’m so sorry. My husband has a father slowly going through the decline of FTD (a rare form of dementia). It definitely keeps him up at night as well. I understand your husband might not want to talk to a therapist but he might be able to get some relief for the sleeping issues with a script from his PCP. Sleep is so important for overall mental health. Getting a different sleeping aid made a world of a difference for my husband when melatonin and magnesium wasn’t cutting it.
My mom has this and, just ugh. Someone on here mentioned anticipatory grief, and that put a name to my feelings.
That really helped? Probably not. Time is really the only answer. If he doesn’t want to do therapy or support groups, there are podcasts and books he might check out. Terrible, Thanks for Asking is one of my favorites. Maybe he would benefit from getting outdoors more. Going back to a shared interest that they had that he could enjoy to remember his dad.
The first year is the hardest. I would continue to give lots of love and support unless he is truly showing signs of suicidal ideation or something equally troubling. Then I would get his PCP involved.
+1 on time. Therapy isn’t anything I’d want to do either, you know why you’re sad and you have to go through feeling that way.
Nothing really helps. Grieving the death of my mother was a lonely experience because no one else could really get it. Things that help me some are people who share memories and photographs of her with me, which is my favorite thing; visiting her grave alone where I talk to her, although I talk to her all the time anyway; and time (a friend whose mom died told me that people say the first year is the hardest, but she found the first three years to be the hardest, and that is lining up with my experience). I don’t think that grief at one year needs therapy; grief is a normal part of life and is a normal experience.
I observe the anniversary of my mom’s death each year. This year, I had coffee with a friend because my mom loved that I have wonderful friendships and it seemed like a great way to celebrate her. Last year, DH and I went to dinner at one of my mom’s favorite restaurants in our city. The first year I got a coffee and walked to her grave.
Thank you for supporting your husband – you’re clearly trying to show up for him. And that’s a really big deal. You didn’t cause it and you cannot fix it, but you’re there to offer him what he needs. I bet he knows that, even if he hasn’t said the words to you. It’s hard to watch someone who you love suffer.
+1 million to «I don’t think that grief at one year needs therapy; grief is a normal part of life and is a normal experience.»
It sucks and it will suck for years. Anniversaries, holidays, milestone achievements, birthdays. There are many situations where grief will be part of his life. You can’t fix it.
I like to do activities that would previously have been shared, and accept that this will be sad and melancholy. It also gives me a connection.
So true about the first 3 years. I switched to just celebrating my mom’s birthday at year 4 but it isn’t easier this year — it’s just different. Because there is always going to be an event that makes you miss them more than others. I think it helps to remember that grief is the love you had for that person. You don’t stop loving the person, it just changes shape.
Honest answer from being through it with my husband, and assuming he drinks, the first anniversary is a big one for just getting plastered and crying. There isn’t some magic bullet, it’s going to suck and he might just need to listen to his dad’s favorite music or watch a favorite childhood movie and cry it out (for guys, drinking helps to get them there). Ask him what he wants to do, don’t make any big plans for next week, and if you have to, take him to Dave and Busters and let him mindless play in the arcade with like $100 of tokens.
Yup, this sounds about right from my experience, too. Whatever helps him process.
When my mom died, my grief was so hard. I would be doing something normal and would suddenly be weeping, seemingly out of nowhere. Sometimes I could see what triggered it, but not always. My husband was amazingly patient and kind through all of it. Most of the time, there was nothing he could do but stay with me quietly as I went through it. And honestly, that was everything.
In less acute moments, he would talk about her – how he missed her, how she would react to something if she were there, memories of times spent together – and that helped me, too. But the biggest thing was just making space for grieving and letting it happen.
This isn’t for everyone, but hiking helped me. Out in nature, challenging activity, then a meal afterwards where we walked about the person we lost. It felt better than other anniversaries where I didn’t do anything and just talked.
It helped me to speak with others who had also lost a parent. I was able to vent and hear some perspective from someone who had gone through it because it is a unique experience. Especially at a relatively young age like 30, you feel pretty alone experiencing this as it hasn’t yet happened to many people.
Are any of those online contract review websites good, like RocketLawyer or LoftLegal? It’s for something business related, not personal, and while its a pretty straightforward contract its not cookie cutter.
IMO they are only good as a tool that is then reviewed by an actual business lawyer. Sometimes they are good, sometimes they say absolute nonsense, so someone needs to do a sanity check.
I highly suggest using a business attorney to review the contract. The online review sites often do not cover the same level of detail a “real life” attorney would. I have seen the types of work the online sites spit out and it is scary that basic components of a contract are missing.
This is what I thought but other coworkers wanted to try one of those sites. If anyone has suggestions for finding such an attorney in NYC, lmk. I know it must be easy to find an attorney but how do you know if they’re good.
Hire a business lawyer.
I’m one of the AI fans, but this is something you need to talk to a lawyer about. It’s not a drafting issue but a what matters issue. You need someone who can advise you on that. The drafting is secondary.
A few weeks ago I had asked about what to put on my counter in front of my coffee maker to protect the counter. Someone suggested a bar mat and I got one – it’s been working great, so thank you!!
Oh this is such a good idea. I think I need one of those too.
Wait, I need one of these too! Did you have one that you particularly like?
Muyulin small dish drying mat
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B09MJX4PZ2?ref_=ppx_hzsearch_conn_dt_b_fed_asin_title_14&th=1
I pretty much needed this exact size, so it did take some time to find one that worked.
thank you!
Anyone from Rhode Island? I’m looking for recs on great thrift stores, consignment shops, antiques or architectural salvage. Heck, I’ll even take a recommendation for a really good HomeGoods ha. Anything home related, I’m all ears! Thanks!
No recommendations since I’m in a different area but I love to hear there’s another architectural salvage fan here.
I have a couple recs, but I’m not sure about your budget?
Aardvark Antiques in Newport has one of the most gorgeous collections of architectural salvage I’ve seen, but it’s pricey. And if you feel like wandering through some museum-quality American art, stop by William Vareika Fine Art while you are in town.
Oh, I definitely second Aardvark! So fun.
I haven’t lived in RI in 12 years, but I spent my entire childhood and young adulthood there, including owning my first home and doing a LOT of thrifting to decorate it. I’m sure my favorites are long gone at this point, but Mike’s Estate Services in West Warwick is so much fun to shop; I have tons of stuff from there. First Choice Consignment on Warwick Ave next to Spikes (the best non-NY system dogs in the state, IMHO) was a good browse, too.
Generally (and I do mean this generally!), you’re more likely to find high-end stuff in East Greenwich, North Kingstown (esp Wickford), South Kingstown, Westerly, Lincoln, Barrington, Warren, and Newport, as that’s where you may find more wealthy folks or second homes (for example, the high end clothing consignment in Newport, East Greenwich, and SK are top notch). That said, don’t skip out on any other place based on zip code alone–those two spots above aren’t in the chic chicest spots at all, but they are goldmines.
I have a comment awaiting mod on yesterday’s thread! Enjoy RI!!!
Ran across a channel on YouTube last night that may be of interest to some. The woman is Laura VonV, and she does a deep dive on fashion topics. The one that caught my eye, and that I thought was good, was on Quince – what is good, what is not, what it compares to. ((She is also very transparent on what is gifted, what is not, etc). As I look back through her past videos, she focuses mainly on value brands (think Old Navy) but also is crazy about vintage, and goes deep on what brands hold up in the vintage world. As I watched, I kept thinking how frequently there are questions posted here that she addresses. It was definitely worth my time.
I usually ignore quince ads but one got me last night for the first time. A dupe of the Juliet silk shirt from Ravella that I own and love, but in better colors. I guess we’ll see.
i was actually admiring the shirt yesterday on the bloomingdales page but I am standing by my “no shirts that need to be dry cleaned” rule. it’s so lovely for one who is neater and less sweaty than me.
This shirt is just polyester it could easily be machine washed cold and air dried.
+1
I also wash my silk blouses on cold & delicate when I used to take them all to the cleaners. It’s like $12 per shirt now so I tested it out on my least fave first. For a few minutes of ironing it’s worth the savings to me, plus they are actually holding up better!
Do you feel like the sheen changes when you do this? I’ve had some shinier silk blouses become more matte when I’ve hand washed them but not sure if that’s typical. I don’t mind it but if I could avoid it that would be great.
Mine are all fairly matte to begin with (not like, satin-shiny) so no intel, sorry!
I have definitely had the sheen change that you mentioned, and have ruined a few. And of course, make sure the garment is color fast before washing by just checking part of it.
Does anyone have a listing of suite-type extended stay hotels arranged from highest to lowest (by amenities) and segregated by family (Marriott, Hilton, etc.)? This type of hotel seems to be so segmented and as we are doing more trips where a kitchen is nice, I’m always seeming to miss the fine print (like not all rooms have microwaves and not all things billed as suites actually have two rooms)?
i know from yesterday that people don’t like AI but imo this is an excellent question to ask ChatGPT.
My thoughts exactly.
Idk, I’ve seen similar results that people “helpfully” post in other places and they include made up places.
Yea I think every time someone says “ask AI!” I’m going to start putting the question into AI and showing how useless its answer is.
If you’re not paying for it, then yeah it’s not as good.
Do you truly need extended stay? Or just a hotel with a suite and kitchens/laundry? The latter is usually much easier to find.
This
This is where I would make AI do a list for me, asking for source urls as well. Expect wrong info within the list but it would get you started, and then you can keep an ongoing list, filling in with your own discoveries as you go.
Seems simpler just to look up each hotel line within each major brand and determine which have kitchens and real suites.
Embassy Suites is an actual multi-room suite with a door. No kitchen. Microwave and mini-fridge. Residence Inn has an actual kitchen with dishes and a dishwasher but I don’t think I’ve stayed in one where there is a door between the bedroom and the living area.
Residence Inn suites
usually have a door between the bedroom and the living area if you opt for a one-bedroom as opposed to a studio.
This is what I do
Fact-check this, but it looks pretty close to what you’re asking for: https://www.thepointsanalyst.com/hotel-brands-with-kitchens/
We’ve found that in many high end hotels there is the option to book the suites (really apartments) that were developed for people to buy. It’s like a VRBO but run by the hotel – the owners tell the hotel if they want to make their units available and the hotel services/cleans then exactly like any other room. Basically the same set up as buying ‘points’ to rent the Disney Vacation Club properties.
OP here and this is perfect. Thanks!
Embassy Suites is the original and most classic all-suite hotel. Real suites not large rooms they call suites.
There are a couple of Embassy Suites locations I stay at regularly and there are no kitchens, only a mini-fridge and a microwave.
What’s with all the comments encouraging us to use AI?
I was wondering if the bots have finally arrived or maybe just some Gen Zs?
Gen Z and Silicon Valley
And see, I am experiencing wayyy more Gen Xers and Boomers loving and advocating for AI like it’s a replacement for Googling things. Chat GPT isn’t just a new search engine, but these individuals (who happen to be of these generations; I am not suggesting it’s everyone) don’t seem to understand that.
Well someone asked the question yesterday and a shocking number of people here seem to be unwilling to recognize that the future is here, they will be expected to work with these tools, and are extremely resistant to new technology. It was the most boomer thread I’ve ever read on here.
I promise I’m not a ‘boomer’ I just see how there is nothing behind the eyes of my jr staff and they are completely incapable of thought.
This sounds harsh but I kind of get where you’re coming from. If you really can’t write a thank you note for a close friend as well as a bot there is something missing in your heart or in your soul. I’m sorry but it’s true.
Yup
Agreed.
I think AI tools can have value in the workplace (like summarizing meeting notes to supplement my own). But it’s scary that people are using this energy-hogging tool to avoid a moment of critical thinking or googling in their person life.
I don’t think that predictive language text is going to be the amazing new thing that people think it will be. It’s done the easy part (statistical analysis); it hasn’t done the hard part (replicating human thought).
This. Machine learning is great for certain types of categorization problems. Generative AI is not there yet and I am not sure it will ever be.
Trying to use bad technology to solve the wrong problem is even worse than avoiding new technology altogether.
I’m a lawyer and will use it for some basic programming things that I don’t know how to do but suspect there is a faster way than doing it manually (like copilot will write me a macro to strip all tables out of a document), but it is legitimately terrible at actual legal analysis–the AI research in Westlaw is frequently misleading or subtly incorrect when you look at the underlying cases/statutes. Don’t even get me started on how often the Google AI Overview responses are completely wrong on basic legal questions. AI is not taking my job before I get to retirement age. On the other hand, if I was more junior or did more routine tasks, I might be worried.
GCAI is surpisingly good at legal analysis, redlining, legal regulatory research, policy development. It also costs about $700/mo per seat.
Software dev here. I know how the sausage is made, and I think it’s appalling the things that chatgpt is marketed as being able to do. AI can be really useful, but LLM have so many issues. But fan of analytical AI in scientific domains though! But whenever people talk about “using AI” they’re not talking about weather forecasting or medical imaging and diagnosis.
I’m not sure about scientific use, myself. I’m in the life sciences industry and LLMs have been training on data from biotech companies that have failed because they can buy it cheaply. Not exactly a foundation for success.
Also in the life sciences industry, and the most useful LLMs that I’m seeing are trained on in-house data. If you’ve got a CDMO or big pharma releasing 500+ lots a year, you’ve got a lot of data in-house.
I think this is a disingenuous characterization. The question asked how we were using it in our personal lives or at work – i.e., in the present, and the responses answered that question. For me (a lawyer), the future is not here, I’m not expected to use these tools, and I see serious serious issues that make me not want to use AI at home or work, on principle and practically. Might some of that change in the future? Sure. But is that the situation right now? Also yes.
Im a lawyer at a SV tech company, and not only am I expected to use AI, we are expected to share about our use cases, our prompts, our productivity gains, new tools we are playing with, build chatbots to deal with low-hanging-fruit queries, etc. The future is now for companies that are jamming this down our throats.
There are legal tasks that are more rote and easily replicable, there are areas that are super-nuanced and complex. AI is able to do more complex tasks.
I love perplexity too because it will cite to sources and provide links, and put things in pretty charts. It’s pretty awesome, and it’s free.
While I can clearly see the value for certain tasks (AI analyzing brain scans to detect tumors before humans can is a fantastic use I can think of), I am beyond reluctant to let the Silicon Valley billionaires once again hijack society and further mediate (and often fracture) human relationships so they can make even more money. We’ve been down this road already with smartphones and social media, why are we giving them another chance? I said it below, but we have got to stop prioritizing frictionless consumerist experiences over messy human interactions.
I attending a wedding last year where both the MOH and best man admitted they had AI do the first draft of their speeches. I find that horrifying. I want the sincere, imperfect words of my friends over some overwrought AI drivel. Not to mention the environmental cost!
❤️
Eh I dunno, I hate the environmental impact of AI , but I googled for a MOH speech template in 2008. I’m assuming AI is basically doing a more sophisticated version of that? I wasn’t asking the search engine for personal anecdotes about my friend. I was asking for basic info about the standard format for a MOH speech.
They said they plugged in a few anecdotes and it spit out a speech, which they then cleaned up. To me, that’s far beyond looking up examples and tips. I feel it ceases to be your own work at that point. Others are obviously free to do that, but I’m personally really put off by that and would be bummed if my bff had done this at my wedding.
I can one-up you. At the advent of the AI boom, I officiated a friend’s wedding where the groom’s vows were so weird–they were JRR Tolkien inspired. I found this very puzzling at the time–the groom is a whipsmart, but is not that verbally gifted plus he’s a non-native speaker). AI was so uncommon at the time, it didn’t even occur to me that he used AI. Turns out, he used AI.
I’m resistant to the exponential expansion of stupidity for little to no benefit. Would love to have an AI tool that is actually helpful, reliable, and doesn’t introduce risk (either by misusing my confidential and sensitive data, creating massive negative environmental impacts, discouraging critical thinking skills, or totally bs-ing its response). We aren’t there yet.
The expectation of working with these tools is a problem, particularly in education. I wonder if the crowd saying “the future is here” is the same group that can’t BELIEVE that schools don’t teach grammar via sentence diagrams.
Tools aren’t just anodyne technologies. They change the way we think, interact, and work. As someone in education, I promise you there are all sorts of losses that come with the AI gains, and from where I sit, the AI gains don’t offset those losses.
I’ll add that rejecting AI isn’t the same as refusing to learn it. To the contrary, many of us who have learned it, learned about it, and understand it deeply are resistant to it.
I think the people expecting AI in education and the people who want sentence diagramming are in completely separate circles on that Venn diagram. Anyone who actually cares to understand how things work quickly sees that AI is only useful for certain types highly technical problems and is misapplied in education. Those are the same people who want grammar taught. Proponents of AI in education are the same lazy thinkers who bought into the Lucy Caulkins nonsense.
The comments weird me out too, because large language models like ChatGPT and Claude aren’t search engines or encyclopedias… they’re just predicting the next word in a sentence with a very high degree of accuracy using context clues. They have no “conceptualization.” Tech companies don’t seem keen on clarifying this, but with this knowledge, model usage as a search engine or source of information is just weird to me. They’re good for getting your thoughts in order and for task automation, though.
A lot of the info they provide is just copy and paste from existing web pages. Travel queries in particular often spit out multi-paragraphs copied verbatim from bl*gs or places like TripAdvisor. Which isn’t any different than what existing search engines do and they use 10-20x less energy. It’s an insane amount of energy to burn to save yourself 10 seconds of clicking through to a web page.
Yes. It’s not “Boomer” to understand the limitations of technology based on how it works. It’s a very fancy version of autocomplete.
You’re correct on how large language models work on a technical level; but most of the “user-facing” (ie. Google’s Gemini, ChatGPT, etc) products people call “AI” are running much more than a pure LLM at this point (including programs that analyze what you’ve written and decide when to run a Google search in the background) & have access to search the live internet (unlike when they first launched), so they’ve gotten much better at this sort of query over the last few years. I still find it 50/50 on whether it takes more time to mess with the query until I force it into actually doing what I want, instead of spitting out 25 paragraphs of blather about “what is an ensuite hotel” and inane recommendations like “you can consider calling the hotel to ask about amenities”.
This is my issue with it for that purpose – I don’t need a lot of “personal preferences may vary!” And “there are many options available.” No sh1t. Give me the ONE product with the best reviews across the internet or stfu.
It’s very annoying. I know that search engines and ChatGPT exist. I ask a question to this group of women for a reason. I ask a question to an autism parenting group for a reason. I ask questions to a forum of black women with natural hair for a reason. I ask a question to the FIRE crowd for a reason. I want specific answers from real people who are similar to me in some relevant way.
Exactly — it’s not weird to want to talk to real people. Like the question yesterday about fridges, yes you can put it into chatgpt and get some info about fridges copied from big box store webs1tes (although because the data it’s trained on is so old, it will no doubt give you some info about models that aren’t sold anymore) but it’s not crazy to want opinions from real people who can provide their lived experiences with the fridge and tell you things that aren’t captured on the webs1te of Home Depot or whatever pages the AI is scraping. A personal experience is a totally different thing.
Yes but when you ask questions on boards like these roughly half of the responses will be snarky, mean and generally unhelpful. AI tools like ChatGPT At least help you avoid the negativity and give you the answer you are looking for.
Look I’m not trying to make anyone use AI. Ask your questions wherever you want and use the resources you are comfortable with.
Most questions here actually don’t get a lot of snarky or useless answers. It happens, but it’s not the norm. Especially if you’re talking about bland requests like which fridge should I buy.
And AI doesn’t give you the answers you’re looking for. It’s factually inaccurate waaaay more than posters here are.
I agree that responses here can be beyond rude, but we have got to stop prioritizing frictionless consumerist experiences because other human beings are messy. It’s just making real life even messier and more fractured in the long run.
Very well said.
+1000, I value input from this group because it’s filtered by “smart women who understand nuance (for the most part)”
This!
not a bot. i’m a real person and a reasonably old one at yet. AI has its place and using it to help you compile a list of hotels is exactly the kind of thing its good for. Refuse to learn about it at your own peril.
It is extremely bad at tasks like this. Every time I ask it for travel ideas, restaurant recommendations, etc., it gives me inaccurate information. It takes more time to fact-check AI than it does to run your own search.
Yup.
I actually think it’s better at writing condolence messages than giving travel info (even though I question where we’re headed as a society if people can’t write condolence cards without AI…) As someone else said it can kind of autocomplete sentences in a natural sounding way (ish). It can’t give you accurate info about hotels and restaurants when the data it was trained on is from 2022.
AI is terrible even at summarizing e-mail messages. At least 50% of its summaries have blatant factual errors. My favorite was “Your Prime membership has expired and you cannot rejoin” for a message begging me to rejoin. Another favorite was its characterization of a choir rehearsal as a “vocal fitness session.”
lol to vocal fitness session.
I have a copy of an etiquette book published in 1952 that has several pages of suggested wording for condolence letters for different circumstances. There’s a handwritten margin note that I think my great-grandmother (board member for the library, active in her church, wide circle of friends, etc.) wrote to my grandmother (ditto). It’s clear they actually referred to and used this section. The urge to make sure that you’re saying the right thing in the most appropriate way is not new.
But what is the peril here? Not having a good list of hotels so you end up in a non-optimal hotel? It’s being thrown at us for for so many things – I’d much rather learn to use good, well developed AI for a very specific use case at work (one of the life science people above) rather than use the crap that I see to make daily life “less frictionless”. I can come up with a less polished but heartfelt speech for a friend, I can stay in a bad hotel, and I can get the wrong fridge and it makes me a human who can roll with the punches.
People love to be lazy
to be clear the original post was how to compile a list or if it exists and it was suggested that chatgpt could help you compile it. this is not the same thing as someone saying, ‘looking for a boutique hotel in santa fe” and someone responding with ask AI. AI can, in fact, synthesize existing information available online making it a good tool to help start a hotel search etc. That does not mean there’s nothing behind my eyes or that i can’t write a condolence note.
Okay. Or people might not enjoy wasting time. Why spend hours looking up tons of hotel chains when an AI can do that in a few seconds and get you what you need. I can accomplish 10x with AI than by doing everything manually.
See, I don’t need more than a few seconds to craft a traditional search that surfaces the information I want.
AI tools may be faster for you if that is not a skill you already have, but for me, there is no time savings and the results my search generates are much more reliable, so my time has been used more efficiently.
+1 I think some of the AI advocates are just really bad at regular googling.
Some of us want the richness of thought and connection that comes with not defaulting to AI. I could type in “give me an itinerary for Athens, mid-range budget” and follow the regurgitated list of activities to the letter, or I could say to myself “hm, let’s see, my mother is going and she loves not being rushed at museums, so we should allow enough time for the National Museum, but I’ll call her and ask for preferences. I haven’t been to Athens since study abroad but I’ll check my old photos and see if I can identify that fantastic park we all loved. Oh, I’ll text Tom too since he was there last year and he’s such a foodie.”
Completely difference experiences. We’re not Luddites or boomers for WANTING the richness.
Has no one ever heard of a starting point? How about do some research, use AI to get some ideas and then refine them with real people. I loathe all the LMGTFY posts on here where people don’t bother to do the most basic queries first. I’m all for input but come to the table with something.
I’m a huge proponent of AI and an elder millennial. I bought an AI tool specifically for lawyers and it’s really impressive for things like reviewing a contract and pointing out the major risks or revising specific language to make it mutual, bring it inline with our playbook, etc., as well as analysis of bills or drafting policies. I review everything it suggests or generates and it provides citations to fact check it against legally-appropriate sites (i.e., not Reddit), so I’m not in any way suggesting that it’s foolproof or should replace legal advice. But I have more junior attorneys under me who still miss things in contract reviews that would have been picked up by the AI tool and I’m getting fairly annoyed, frankly. I bought it as a tool to help us be more efficient, but at the moment it would also be a backstop to make sure they’re not missing risks in contracts. Learning how to write proper prompts or using AI iteratively is a skill that people are just going to need to have in the future to be effective and efficient at their jobs, whether they like it or not. This reminds me of old partners who refused to learn how to use computers and just wanted to dictate and make their secretaries type everything out.
GCAI? Looking into that and wondering if you’re using that or a different tool.
Yes, that’s the one! It was recommended to me by a former colleague and I’m really impressed so far (and I’ve tested and previously bought so many other AI products for lawyers out there, so I feel like I can say this pretty definitively).
Thanks! I’ve had a few colleagues recommend it too and my department is very intrigued.
I’m genuinely curious on your perspective on how AI will impact attorney training and development. I see the argument that it’s a tool lawyers can use (vs. something that’s simply going to replace lawyers any time soon), but how does this play out in an apprenticeship profession where junior people need experience doing legal analysis and issue spotting to develop those skills, and their overall lawyering skills.
OP here and I actually am worried about that. If the tool can reliably redline a contract against a playbook, I don’t know how more junior lawyers or contract managers will learn that skill. But I wonder if that’s the future – that contracts can be reviewed without humans and instead lawyers will focus their skills and time elsewhere? I think that’s a little scary and struggle to think how you could be a successful legal leader if you don’t understand contract risk or drafting, though to me that’s not a reason to not use the tool that’s reshaping our industry. Personally, I’m hoping the tool can help train my junior lawyers instead of me having to carefully review all of their work since they’re still missing things, but that doesn’t really address your question. It is absolutely changing how I use outside counsel, though, and I do think this might finally be the catalyst to change how first and second year lawyers are used and charged.
What I want to know is if we replace junior staff with AI, who is going to generate the data that we train AI on in the future? If no one produces genuine human work product, pretty soon AI will be training itself. The quality will just spiral downward.
When I went to law school the big fear was that Westlaw would preclude lawyers from learning legal research. Tools advance. They don’t replace thinking but they let you get better.
Yeah, but there were still junior lawyers using Westlaw. If AI replaces junior lawyers then there will be no one to learn lawyering skills, and therefore eventually no one who is capable of catching AI’s mistakes. And AI will be training on data it created itself.
And if we replace junior staff (or half their tasks) with AI, how are we going to generate mid levels and senior associates and partners who actually know how to practice law and advise clients?
I just listened to the Oddlots podcast episode titled “What AI is already doing to the legal industry” and found it really interesting – I’m a librarian and find that info from other sectors is most useful for analyzing likely impact. Link to follow.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfxWI0VT6LM
I think AI has just become hugely prevalent very quickly. Regardless of your personal thoughts on it, the reality is that millions of people are using it all the time now.
Yep. This.
Is anyone arguing that? I don’t understand the insistence that AI is already here and widely used. Everyone knows that.
The question is when, how, & why it’s used. Many of us are pushing on that. Not the fact of its existence and prevalence.
I don’t use it for everyday tasks like the ones suggested here, but I’m not naive that it’s going away.
For instance, I’ve used AI to create short videos for explanation. Am I going to hire a graphic designer to do that work? No. I don’t have the budget for that. But I can use AI and get an appealing video. It doesn’t have to win an academy award either.
I can use a research AI to synthesize the documents I upload to it and turn it into talking points. Yes, I could read all of those documents, but I don’t always have time. Why don’t I use Google? Because that’s not what Google does.
It’s not a magic bullet, but it isn’t making people dumber than the dumb television or books or whatever people waste their time on.
I have seen otherwise smart people fall in to being overawed by LLM-generated babble that *looks good* so it must be *correct* to a degree that surprised me; and I think that risk is worth being aware of.
Story time – my job is to keep up with & introduce emerging tech to our company more broadly and early on in LLM days, I ran a workshop for the engineering dept, where we fed it a list of all the comments on Twitter/reddit/etc about our product. We skim those regularly anyway, to keep an eye out for “unknown unknowns” and any moderately strong engineer can make a good snap judgment of “hey, this *might* actually be something, let me pull up the logs” vs comments that are complaints about known bugs, or intended functionality, etc, etc. The LLM’s summaries of the issues & judgment about whether they might represent an unknown bug were terrible – full of hallucinations, inaccurate, no technical intuition, etc. My original plan for the workshop was to have engineers summarize & categorize the comments, then we’d compare them to the AI’s, everyone would see how terrible the AI’s judgment was, then we’d mess around with the prompting and see if we could make it better, using “is this AI performing a lot worse, a little worse, or about the same as me” as the criteria; with the goal being to introduce some of the basic concepts of prompting to the team. It fell apart at the very first step – people almost universally judged the AI output as better, even when it was obviously false. And when I asked why, they said things like “the AI summary is very detailed and sounds professional” (even though it’s not true!). And when I pointed out specific hallucinations, half the team STILL said things like “yeah, AI found all of those details, I must have read the comment too fast and missed them”. One particular one we sat down and read out loud before people would believe all of the “helpful details” the AI found were totally false.
In an ideal world, the prevalence of LLM-generated text will make people more aware of that cognitive bias (“it sounds good; so it must be good!”) and they’ll have to think *harder* about what they’re actually reading, but it’s certainly designed to appeal to the lazy part of your brain.
This is horrifying.
I have a regular dermatologist appointment soon (mole check, will see a PA) and wanted to talk about some anti-aging type stuff as well. I’ve only ever used drug store creams and feel overwhelmed whenever I try to research this. I feel like they usually ask what I would want, but I don’t know – I want someone to tell me what would be helpful! I’m 45 and I’d say my biggest area of concern is eye bagginess.
Any tips for what to ask for or discuss? They do have some sort of medispa on site, but I would really like not to have to make a separate appointment.
Do this, but also consider face yoga. YouTube has a few tutorials. It helps w puffiness and building up face muscles. I don’t swear by it but I put in 15 minutes 3 times a week and like the results.
You might have to make a separate appt. My annual skin checks are solely for that, not for a detailed discussion about skincare.
Yes this.
And OP – a PA is doing your skin check? Of all things to see the actual Dermatology MD for, it’s the skin check. You want the most experienced eyes, who see you every year, and get to know your skin doing your skin check.
my derm refused to discuss anti aging at my regular mole check. had to make a separate appt. I think it has to do with insurance covering the moles but not the other. That said, when you ask her I would tell her what you told us, that your biggest concern is eye bagginess and what are options and go from there. once you open the door she will definitely suggest/sell….
Same. Some doctors have been very clear that they don’t do any cosmetic work at all, while others are happy to do it, just at a separate appointment, for insurance reasons.
Hi! I’m not an expert but I’ll tell you my take. Others will chime in, but eye bags are really tough, in my personal opinion, to treat non surgically. Generally, with skin care and most med spa treatments I’m aiming to improve the tone and texture of my skin.
Bags, sagging and wrinkles are generally best solved surgically, with the very notable exception of Botox which I personally love but just for forehead lines (people use it for crows feet but I need those crinkles around my eyes or my smile feels incomplete) and bio stimulating injections like sculptra. I’d be hesitant to do other injections outside of the lips.
Back to my first point, dont create issues where there aren’t any. Don’t fix what doesn’t bother you. However, I really think that improving texture and skin evenness creates meaningful improvement and you might ask your derm her thoughts on a yearly laser treatment.
Yes to all of this.
They should be able to set you up with a skincare routine at the appointment. Most derms will suggest basic, gentle cleansers, moisturizers, and sunscreens at a drugstore price point. Then they can prescribe active ingredients in their actual medication form, like tretinoin, and instruct you on proper usage. This tends to be more effective and cheaper than a cosmetics-based routine.
Procedures can be trickier, because their recommendations need to be based on what you think is the problem; you don’t want a stranger who works in aesthetics pointing out everything they think needs improving on your face. But you don’t need to know the specific procedure, just describe what is bothering you. Unfortunately, as far as I’m aware, the gold standard for treating eye bags is still surgery. Fillers may work, but not in all cases, and with a high risk of serious complications (blindness), so you want someone who not only will tell you if it is appropriate for your case, but can also manage complications. Honestly, a good concealer and/or color corrector (in a salmony to orangy to reddish tone, darker than your skin, under foundation or another concealer in a true color match) and proper technique can get you very far, so I would look at makeup tutorials. No eye cream can fix this; keep your money.
I think people in that field expect to be asked for their opinions, so you shouldn’t hesitate. Let her know about your eye-area concerns. Think about whether you have concerns about skin texture, pore size, brown spots, redness, etc. I occasionally watch dermatologist YouTubes and some talk about patients coming in for a concern that is really minor, compared to what the dermatologist sees. For example, a patient focused on small wrinkles around the eyes or between the brows, when the dermatologist sees overall blotchy and discolored skin on the face. If you step back a foot, you don’t see the former, but you do notice the latter. If you have time, take a look at the YouTube channel of Dr. Sam Ellis.
Anyone have a home scale that tells you lean body mass and other info? I’m being stalked on social media by one brand and I’m really considering buying one. Wondering how accurate they really are and if it’s worth it.
Not at all what you asked because I don’t have a rec for that. But I have started doing a DEXA scan each year, and I like the data that it provides about body mass. They’re under $100 in my area.
Trying to remember the correct stats term for it – they are generally accurate on a comparative reading by reading basis but may not be accurate overall. Said differently, they can tell you if your weight or body fat percentage is going up or down, but are not necessarily accurate on your true body fat percentage or weight. I have the Renpho scale, and it’s been less buggy that past app adjacent scales (FitBit, Garmin).
I had a Withings and replaced it with a Wyze when it started malfunctioning. They both work with apps. I preferred the Withings app but the Wyze is also fine. I do think they both were accurate in capturing change, and was able to confirm that as to the Withings because my gym was simultaneously doing In body scans showing similar changes. As the other poster noted, it is hard to say if the numbers are perfectly accurate, and I don’t recall trying to match up the Withings results with the InBody to confirm. (I wasn’t that interested/obsessed but was trying to make changes.)
Another ‘rette looking for anniversary ideas for my mid-40s husband. He’s very active (running, hiking, not golf), doesn’t drink or grill, loves reading, travel. I would love to get him something luxurious that he wouldn’t buy for himself. Not terribly concerned about cost.
What about a nice travel item like a fancier duffel bag or backpack to take with him on trips?
-one of those pouches for phone, tablet, charger, headphones that slips into the seat back? (also useful if you’re in a bulkhead and can’t have your bag at your feet the whole flight)
-nice noise-cancelling headphones
-upscale sunglasses? my DH would never have asked for them but he loves the vibe of the aviators I got him for city trips, vs. his plastic beach sunglasses
In the headphones dept. By husband recently bought some bone conducting headphones for running and has really liked them so far.
Robe with hood. I don’t know why but it scratches some sort of “this is kinda like my childhood superhero costume” itch that guys never outgrown.
Massage gun?
Newest Garmin, if he likes tech.
Some ultra-light kit for hiking. Titanium kit, ultra-light windbreaker, silk long johns and tees, light and waterproof e-reader?
Heritage brand utility wear? Pendleton blanket?
It sounds basic, but top-of-the-line sunglasses and/or sports goggles (not sure if y’all ski, but nice ski goggles can get expensive).
And +1 to the poster who suggested a massage gun. We finally splurged on a TheraGun and it’s SO much better than the cheaper alternatives. We’re both athletic, so we use it frequently.
For travel, upgrade to first class or business on your next trip. My husband surprised me by upgrading us on an international flight and it was amazing. We can’t spend that kind of money on every trip, but it made me feel so fancy to sit in first class and definitely more worth it for a 10-hour+ flight vs. a domestic flight.
International business is really a game changer. I don’t care about first class for domestic flights (if I get a free upgrade it’s nice, but it’s not something I’d pay for) but I really struggle to do economy for any flight over about 8 hours now.
If he likes travel, why not an experience instead of a thing? Book a weekend trip. Do the thing! You won’t regret it!
Quince is his or miss for me, but I’ve had a few real hits lately. These toddler dresses are $15 each if you buy three, and they are of much better quality than Old Navy or Target (the material is just slightly less thick than Hannah Anderson). I have also been very happy with the set of linen sheets I purchased and the 100% cotton fisherman’s sweater.
https://www.quince.com/baby-&-kids/apparel/organic-cotton-fit-and-flare-pocket-dress-2-pack-toddler-girl?Toddler=age&color=lilac-unicorn&toddler_girl=agegroup&tracker=collection_page__%2Ftoddler-girl%2Fdresses__Dresses__1
Same here – hit or miss – but I am wearing linen pants for the first time today from quince that I’m hopeful about. I really liked them when I first put them on. I feel like you don’t really know how well linen pants wear until a whole day of wearing them though, so tbd.
I’m waiting for some shoes to arrive – trying their Italian Leather Bold Buckle Slingback Flats. hoping they’ll work but I always feel like it’s a 50/50 chance that I’ll be returning to Quince.
Has anyone here tried those clear polishes from manucurist and can tell me if you liked them and which ones? I’m taking a break from professional gel nails and it would be nice to have something simple on my nails.
not sure what you mean from manicurist? I use nailtiques which is increasingly difficult to find but i suspect any clear polish/ base coat from the drug store would do the job
Manicurist is a brand that is following me around Insta – they purport to be the best ‘your nails but better’ sheers. I’m curious too!
I’m obsessed with “MNBB” lately since I can’t keep up with a color mani and a toddler. I love the Londontown Illuminating Nail Concealer. The original/white color is great with one coat, but I also like it in the pinkish color with two coats. Many people like Dior Nail Glow, which I have. i love the brightening of the white part of the nail, but ultimately found a little too blah in indoor lighting. I have and sometimes use Essie Mall Crawler for a more purple-pink that’s similar to Dior but without the “whitening” effect Dior has.
Manicurist is amazing! My nails were in such bad shape after gels and dips and nothing else worked. I bought the kit that included Base Fortifiante and my nails are strong and healthy for the first time in a decade. For the first few weeks I recoated my nails daily or every other day and now I just paint them once a week or every other week. Cannot recommend highly enough!
Help. How do I play this?
Poster from last week with dueling final interviews, both with current clients. The TLDR is that I’m 15 years in to a company, fairly senior and deeply toxic environment. Deeplyyyy. Two clients were interviewing me for two extremely different job functions. We’ll call them Job A and Job B. I’m in a niche of finance.
I just received a verbal offer from Job A and the written is coming today/tomorrow. It’s an AMAZING company (household name-type place). A lot to like.
Job B’s hiring manager and external recruiter they use both tell me that if their hire was solely up to the Job B hiring manager, a Partner, it would be mine hands down. But it’s very senior, high profile and sensitive for Reasons that I fully understand and agree with, so they are currently running an “expedited benchmarking process” to prove out that I’m the right candidate. Theoretically they’re mid process right now but I haven’t had an update in about two weeks.
Without Job B’s existence, I would take Job A without reservation. Job B is likely to be considerably more comp so even if I want Job A, it would be nice to have Job B’s offer to negotiate. BUT, as of this moment, I genuinely don’t know which I want if I had the lucky problem of having to make a choice. Perhaps a post for another time if I get to that point.
How do I play this? I’ve emailed the Job B recruiter to ask if they have an update on timing as I have a verbal offer and the written is being drafted. Do I also reach out to the hiring manager directly, who reached out to me directly initially about the job? Recruiter was only engaged to run the expedited benchmarking process, though I’ve been talking to her a bit.
Also, do I hold off on attempting to negotiate anything with Job A until I have some (hopefully fast) clarity from Job B? Job A does know I was part of a final round process on another job fwiw.
Happy problems. Yip!!!
You tell A you’re very pleased to receive the offer and you’d love more info and details on their benefits and you’re going to get back to them within a week (once you have the written offer). You tell the hiring manager at B that you remain interested in the role but you have another offer and you have to let them know by Date. And then you take the offer you have
Yep.
And if B comes back later than that with an offer that is really, truly fabulous, you decide then whether to burn the bridge with A after accepting or stick with it.
Take A. Bird in hand and they want you. B might be reasonable but they aren’t moving quickly. Household name and real company is likely better than B, a partnership, too.
Take A if it comes down to it; but tell B your deadline explicitly (when you get the written). Last time I was in that situation, I called the hiring manager on the day of my deadline to tell him I was sadly withdrawing from consideration since I hadn’t heard from them, and I needed to get back to my solid offer… and he begged me to hold off, and got a written offer to me within an hour. It wasn’t a priority for the CEO who needed to sign off until then; my future manager needed me to say “I am withdrawing” to be able to stand outside CEO’s office and say “I need you to sign this Right Now or I lose my best candidate”. So if you really want B, it might be worth building in a <24 hour grace period to your deadline for their offer.
One thing to be aware of though – is your success dependent on the CEO being really excited about you? And, is this a sign of things to come, that your manager doesn't have the authority and independence someone in their role should have? (it sounds like no, since it sounds like you agree that the "sensitive for Reasons" are good reasons, but just to be aware of)
Has anyone been to Solvang, CA? Is it worth an overnight stay on trip up the coast with kids? Other stops that would be fun on a trip between LA and SF? Right now we are thinking Solvang and Pismo Beach … open to other suggestions.
Please don’t tell me to ask AI. Looking for a human opinion as I already asked AI ;P
Solvang is tons of fun and kid friendly, also very dog friendly too. I don’t have kids and I’d still choose it 10/10 over Pismo beach. It’s all Dutch, great bakeries, totally unique. Great antiquing there too. Also don’t miss Los Olivos – a couple of stops up, great Auberge property there and cute town.
I think “I don’t have kids” is the key phrase here. I’ve never met a kid that cared about architecture and antiquing.
I think that’s more about education than age and just depends what is being covered in school.
Yes, this is just something the public school children would never understand, unlike those who are schooled around Harkness tables with Algebra I no later than fourth grade.
I was that (very, very weird) kid. I went to public school so I basically read all the coffee table books at my house and got obsessed with things like Louis XIV furniture and Chinese palaces in elementary school. And no, I wasn’t gifted OR talented.
It’s actually Danish, not Dutch.
It’s ok but not a super kid friendly place. It’s mainly known for wine. (It’s where the movie Sideways was set.) I’d skip it with young kids.
What are you talking about? It’s a disneyeswue town with fudge shops, ice cream stores and danish bakeries every five steps and tons of kids and dogs. Have you been there? The central coast has wineries (many of those are kid friendly too) but Solvang is one of the most kid friendly places around.
Yes I’ve been with kids. I didn’t mean like it’s inappropriate to take kids there or anything, of course there are kids around. But there isn’t much to do with them. Fudge and bakery shops are tasty but don’t entertain kids for very long. It’s not a place I would choose to stop with kids when the whole California coast and all its great nature stuff is available.
+1 not a place for kids. Could they tolerate it? Sure. But enjoy it, no.
I was there earlier this year and definitely wouldn’t recommend it for an overnight. There are a few Danish architectural elements and some very meh Scandinavian bakeries but otherwise the same tourist boutiques you see everywhere.
Yeah, I mostly agree with this too. I also agree with another poster that it isn’t the most exciting place for kids.
OP – If it is in your budget, the Ojai Valley Inn is super nice and kid friendly. It is a bit closer to LA than Solvang, but still would be a good option. Otherwise, I would stop somewhere in Santa Barbara instead.
I stand by the Solvang recommendation but I would splash out and stay here for the night and go there for the day
https://aubergeresorts.com/matteistavern/
It’s fine for a stop at the bakeries, but very crowded and not worth spending too long there, in my opinion. I’d personally rather spend time along the coast, like seeing the elephant seals, the sea otters in Morro Bay, the Hearst Castle, and Big Sur (depending on the state of the road). I like San Luis Obispo and Paso Robles too, if you’re looking for bigger cities to stay in, though it’s been long enough since I’ve stayed overnight there that I don’t have specific recs. And I’d definitely go to Monterey for the aquarium and all the other touristy stuff around there.
I’m the 11:23 poster and this is what I was trying to say. It’s not that Solvang is so terrible, it’s just that there are much better places to stop with kids. My very non-outdoorsy kids would prefer tidepools, elephant seals and even hiking to shopping. I haven’t been to Hearst with kids but I think that’s a great idea too.
Yeah, Hearst Castle probably depends on the age of the kids, but if they’re a bit older, they could be into it. And if not, you still might spot the zebras along the road (near the elephant seals).
Completely agree with all of this. I think Hearst Castle is great for kids — I still remember going there as a kid and loving it. And the beach is way better than Solvang, for sure. They do have an ostrich farm near Solvang, though, and that might be a fun stop.
Technically an ostrich ranch. The ostriches live out their days there, they’re not killed for meat.
I say this because we went to an actual ostrich farm (in a different place) and my sensitive then 5 year old was traumatized to learn the ostriches are raised for meat. Important distinction for that age group – and maybe some adults ;)
Been there, with kids. Definitely not an overnight trip. I do love the wine but I found the town very boring, and if I found it boring my young kids definitely did.
Bottom line: Solvang is a retirement community so…
I’ve always thought of it as a kitschy road trip stop. Fun for a couple of hours if you happen to be passing by, but not a destination unto itself and not something to prioritize if you don’t live in CA.
It’s both. Once a long time ago I represented the City of Solvang in a lawsuit, and that’s when I found out most of the residents were Very Very Old. One time I was meeting with somebody to prepare for his deposition and his busybody neighbor, I kid you not, got in his giant Lincoln Continental and DROVE from NEXT DOOR to crash the meeting.
Oh, yes, it is a retirement community, but just pointing out that beyond that it is not a vacation destination.
I prefer Cayucos over pismo and solvang. The beach is long and flat with a pier and lots of surfers to watch. The small downtown is right on the water, as well as an eclectic skate park.
Hearst castle and Elephant Seal Point might also be a good stop. Harmony has a neat glassblowing studio as well.
If your family likes to hike, you could also go inland to pinnacles national park instead of stopping on the coast. California condors and caves too!
Literally did this exact trip at Easter–stayed the night on the beach in Cayucos, went to see the elephant seals up in Cambria. Did not go to Hearst bc I have been there many times.
If you are looking for good CA road trips, highly recommend you use Google but browse Sunset magazine–they have the best recs, including CA road trip food, Highway 1 guides.
Note that Highway 1 North of Hearst is closed due to the washout and you have to “go inland and around” to get to Big Sur from the South.
Re Solvang–I don’t think kids would hate it, but it’s good for a few hours at most. I recommend Industrial Eats/Industrial Kitchen in Buellton and Ostrichland USA is a trip. There’s also three Spanish missions in very close proximity there that are worth quick stops to see the historic buildings and understand what happened there with colonization/subjugation of indigenous peoples. This is CA’s heritage and CA 4th graders like to see missions! In Solvang, it’s pretty kitchsy and oddly, many of the bakery goods we bought were actually stale, so…taste before you buy too much
Does anyone have a recommendation for a divorce attorney in Connecticut? Fairfield County or surrounding areas? Or provide some guidance on how to locate an attorney?
The short story is a friend is divorcing her financially and emotionally controlling husband. For example, he earns more than twice what she does but they contribute 50/50 to household expenses. They have two children. I don’t know the whole story, but DCFS was involved at some point, but closed the case.
She called around to find an attorney and was quoted $60,000 – $100,000. She works in local government, there is no way she can afford that, their household income is maybe $220,000 annually. The divorce isn’t excessively complicated, it’s a house, children, and I hope child support. Her husband is not a good guy, so any help anyone can give to help her protect her and her children’s interests would be so meaningful. Thank you.
I’m so sorry for your friend. As a benchmark, I was divorced about 6 years ago, NYC area, one child, “simple” mediated divorce, 2 one hour long mediations, never a single court appearance, and it cost me about $15k. So the numbers your friend is getting quoted are unfortunately what I would expect. It sucks.
Doesn’t $60k still seem high?
Yeah I was going to say $15k and $100k are very different! This data point makes the quote seem less reasonable, not more reasonable, to me.
This sounds like a quote for a litigated divorce. The $15K was for a mediated settlement.
Presumably her husband will be difficult on at least a few points
Agreed re the distinction between mediation and litigation. Litigation makes costs skyrocket fast.
OP here. My friend was advised to contact “the best” divorce attorneys. I’m not sure what that means, but there are many wealthy people in CT with complicated assets and divorces, so I assume expensive divorces. This is basically a house, two kids, and an untrustworthy husband.
How does one locate a divorce attorney or mediator? Obviously, I know you can search, but the situation is difficult so I’m trying to find either a referral or a way to parse through attorneys to find someone appropriate. My friend’s husband controlled her access to other friends etc. for more than a decade, so suddenly doing things on her own is a lot. Thanks in advance!
Was she given that advice so that the “best” lawyers would be conflicted out of representing her husband?
Came her to say this. She should try for a consult with a bunch of “Best” attorneys, even if it’s a little pricy, because then they can’t represent her husband against her.
It is always best to push for mediation, but IME, if a spouse is a jerk, they’re going to be 1000% more of a jerk in the spirit of being uncooperative once divorce is happening. They will burn the house down in terms of finances and rack up enormous legal fees drawing things out for years.
https://thevklawfirm.com/
They are very good.
Thanks so much!
Advice from a lawyer who is in the process of getting a divorce:
She doesn’t need a firm that can handle eight-figure asset divisions. Nix all the places that want $60k up front. They are telling her that they aren’t the appropriate firm.
Look at Google reviews. She’s going to want to see the following:
-At least a dozen positive reviews
-A firm that doesn’t delete negative reviews (ie if it’s only five star reviews, run; someone will be mad that they didn’t get a call back, had to put down a $10k retainer, or their unrealistic expectation weren’t met)
-Language about honesty
-Avoid the following: “kept me updated every step of the way” (usually that means billing the client for hand-holding), “fought for me for three years” (lawyers will fight as long as you pay them; it’s hard when they tell you to settle and forgo their billables); doesn’t answer calls, emails, doesn’t return retainers, etc.
Set up an appointment with a few lawyers and hear what they have to say.
Thank you so much!
I don’t have a lawyer recommendation but I do have some insight as I’ve been through something similar.
First this seems to be DV territory with financial abuse being the first flag. Having been through this, the divorce is going to be complicated because he will be combative. You will most probably need to go to trial which is expensive.
A good lawyer isn’t someone who is used to working with high net worth families. My ex husband is similar and high net worth. I used a divorce attorney recommendation from the DV charity, who was $625 an hour. He was very judicious with his time and he connected me with a therapist and Rebecca Zung to do an online course to learn how to document his behavior. My divorce was $85k and I did a lot of the work that a lawyer would typically do. An expensive lawyer isn’t what you need. Someone who really understands DV and can communicate to the judge the hidden abuse which has happened during the marriage and how this impacts the children is what you need.
ChatGPT has made it easier. You can use it to document the issues. It will then create the report for you that is sent to the lawyer. I also use it for all messaging.
Highly recommend getting the children into therapy. You need to have a firm strategy for what you want. Do you want week on week off or a different schedule which isn’t 50/50 time? Financially speaking what will life look like post divorce? Schools? Second job? Family? I found it helpful to go into the process with a clear idea of what the goals are.
Good luck and if he is turning violent or being creepy she needs to be mindful that the police don’t always care about women but they do care about children. If she needs to call she needs to emphasize the children are at risk. My experience was they are much faster responding.
The attorney should know how to approach mediation (if required) when there is a power imbalance.
Thank you so much, that is great insight about potential risk to children.
I have a comment awaiting mod on yesterday’s thread with some thoughts. Enjoy RI! I love it there.
I should think estatesales.net would be a good place to look for older furniture. You can narrow your search by a mile-radius and zip code.
Does anyone here with bunions wear minimalist wide toe box shoes? My Pilates teacher really wants me to try this and I’m looking for recommendations. Do you find them helpful? Are there any cute ones?
Yes. Altra is my go to brand.
I have a pair of Topo athletic shoes, and they are OK. I wouldn’t rave about them, but I do wear them. Although not minimalist, I’ve traded my No Bull athletic shoes for New Balance 880s, and that has really made a difference for me, especially my big toe.
This doesn’t directly answer your question but have you looked at bunion relief socks? I bought some from SockWell, and wear them running and to work out, and they have been a relief for my toes.
I adore Altra, but if you want shoes that look a little less sporty, Lems are also pretty good. I’m fully committed to zero-drop wide toe box shoes, they’re the best for me and my wide feet.
How do you deal with giant egos? I was talking to a colleague about a work product and I recommended they talk to our other colleague who literally wrote the book, like they authored the major text on this issue which is legally binding. They won’t talk to the expert says they ‘can’t provide insight’. Holy ego Batman.
The only way is just to let them reap the consequences of their own decisions. It’s harder when you are the expert and the giant ego is your boss.
Does it impact your work or your ability to do your job? If not, just be glad to have that information about how poor their judgment is and move on.
My Maytag washer is done. I am looking at replacement bundles at Costco online. May as well replace the dryer too. Costco has an LG bundle priced half off at $1000 for both units. But…
All the highest rated machines are Samsung, despite the discussion on this board that Samsung washers and dryers are the absolute worst.
Is Samsung getting better? I know this board loves Speed Queen but the idea of spending $3-5k on a bundle is not palatable to me these days, plus the Costco 2 year warranty/free install/90 day returns is huge and they don’t carry Speed Queen.
Why not just replace the washer but not the dryer? Replacing a functional appliance seems insane. Then you can get a really good washer. The cleanliness of my clothes is not something I cheap out on.
I’ve considered that. Think the obvious mismatch will look unattractive. My existing set is dark grey and the new washer will likely be basic white. Plus I want the two units swapped – new washer where the dryer is – and the installers may refuse to do more than simply drop the new unit in the old unit’s place.
Unless you move the water, power, and gas (if applicable) hookups, you may not be able to change the position of your washer anyways. There are building codes about how long you can stretch the hose connecting your water lines etc.
Unless you have a perfect setup and plenty of wiggle room around your appliances, relocating the dryer probably involves routing a new vent unit (i.e., you need to cut a new hole in your house and patch the old one), and the washer may be too far from the supply/drain hookups to be code compliant (i.e., you need a plumber to relocated those utility connections). That’s not going to be cheap, and trying to swap them without properly relocating things can be burn-your-house-down dangerous.
Also…future price increases and product shortages due to tariffs, etc.
I absolutely love my LGs.
I would reexamine why you feel like you should replace the dryer. Is it having issues? You can cut your spend in half easily just by taking the path of least resistance here.
I can’t imagine doing this. For a color mismatch.
I had a disatrous Samsung dryer and would never use them again. The repair people (many) concurred – when they work, they’re great, but the failure rates are high and there isn’t a good (cheap/easy) way to fix the issues. If you can’t afford a speed queen I’d go with another Maytag or Whirlpool as they’re generally easier to repair.
My disastrous Samsung refrigerator turned me off from the entire brand of home appliances. A tv from there? Sure. In fact, it was the only thing on my fridge (that came with the house) that worked in the end.
I posted yesterday in the fridge thread but our appliance guy told us Samsung has the most repair calls by far.
I love my LG washer dryer. And yes, I am a bougie princess who once replaced a working dryer when I replaced the non-working washer, as these are on my main floor, visible from the kitchen and family room, and are in a open laundry room that is a drop zone, etc. So the look was really important to me. I did give the dryer away, however, so it was not a total waste.
+ to this – we replaced our horrific Washer but oddly the Samsung dryer was fine. It went to our neighbors with 4 kids who were thrilled with an extra dryer!
Bosch are great.
Any suggestions for things I can do to help some friends while the husband/father is dealing with injuries from a bicycle crash (multiple broken bones in face, etc)? They live about 40 minutes from us and have two kids between 5-10. Normally doordash or ubereats is my go-to but they live in a town of less than 5,000 people, so it’s just fast food places and they have diet restrictions.
Deliver a meal yourself? Offer to help with driving the kids around?
I received a Spoonful of Comfort care package once and it was really nicely done. Packaged so we could freeze or use right away, the whole thing was self-contained, and it didn’t matter that I live in a restaurant desert.
Ooh, +1 to Spoonful of Comfort.
Soooo expensive though. If I lived 40 minutes away, definitely make it yourself or buy the huge chicken soup from Costco.
Can you make or buy a meal or two for the freezer and drive it to them? (Also: OUCH!!)
could you send them some pre-made meals, or do a costco run and stock their freezer for htem or something like that?
Make them a meal. Set up a meal train for their neighbors to make them meals?
Bring a meal yourself or offer to take the kids for an afternoon. I know when I had my bike wreck, having some quiet time was amazing – concussion made me much more sensitive to noise and fast/erratic movement than I ordinarily am.
Maybe not food but entertainment? Not the same thing, but it can be hard to stay entertained when you’re recovering from surgery and stuck at home. Maybe gift cards that can be used for ordering family movies and have movie night supplies delivered? Or something else that might keep the kids entertained?
Can you send a gift card for grocery delivery? I know people want to send a tangible thing, but arranging the logistics of life are also challenging when you can’t or don’t have time to go stores. The nice thing about gift cards are that they can be used in week say 5 when people aren’t there for the immediate meal delivery.
Any recommendations for recruiters in London or Dublin who could help a US-qualified corporate lawyer (with significant cross-border experience) find an in-house position in either of those cities? My partner and I are getting serious about getting out of the US and those two cities are our best options for a handful of reasons.
Are you already in-house?
You might want to speak with Kate Reder Sheikh. She’s at MLA in SF and does law firm recruiting but is kind and connected and used to live in London.
Also, you will likely need to qualify as a local solicitor–they have UPL issues there too, and it’s pretty hard to do deal work that’s only US law unless you are at one of the larger biglaw firms. Exception is privacy work–you might be able to do privacy or AI governance and not be qualified.
Oh–also look at rollonfriday – it’s a website that’s a mashup of reddit, abovethelaw and fishbowl. You might have good luck asking for recruiter recs or advice on your situation there.
This top looks like a nursing cover.
Anyone else in house and baffled by the quality of outside counsel? If I email to ask if you want to do some work, I expect some sort of same day response. If someone files an appeal, I expect to know before you send me a responsive brief with one day to review it. I don’t need you in a suit for a zoom but it is 2025, you should be clearly visible, decent lighting, and look like you spend more than 10 seconds preparing.
Yes. I recently sent out our standard contract for review and their comments were so useless. Lots of adding fluffy like “hereby” everywhere, zero substantive input. Luckily I noticed an issue due to a recent legislative change because it wasn’t on their radar at all. This was an expensive top tier law firm.
I am outside counsel and think you should fire those yahoos immediately.
> If someone files an appeal, I expect to know before you send me a responsive brief with one day to review it.
Fire this team. The other two could be excusable depending on the situation; I don’t need a same day response from low cost outside counsel for small matters, for example. Same thing with the last one; for domestic counsel during normal business hours, yes, sure, but I deal with a lot of international counsel who are making accommodations to meet with me at a time that works in my time zone, and I routinely tell them they can be camera off since they’re talking to me at 6:30 am or 8 pm or whatever.
I don’t expect same day responses on non-emergency matters, but otherwise yes I have seen the other behaviors from time to time. I am the GC, so I just stop using these lawyers, but it is odd. I have had so many video calls where outside counsel is not appropriately groomed or dressed. It’s embarrassing, esp in front of the client. And don’t even get me started on the calls where their dog is constantly barking. Law firms need to revisit wfh policies because the cracks are starting to show.
Judge here, and the zoom issues are real. Lawyers are still appearing in court with bad lighting, microphones, weird backgrounds, etc. I don’t think suits are necessary on zoom, even in court, but I have one lawyer who appears with her hair back in a ponytail and wearing a cotton sleeveless t-shirt, clearly just post-workout.
I went in house about 2 years ago and was surprised to find how widely the quality varies among big law firms. Several big firms that I thought would really shine have not shined. Another big firm has pleasantly surprised me with attorneys who are consistently excellent, both substantively and personally. The smaller firms/insurance defense shops we use on our insured matters range from solid to disappointing, with far more on the disappointing end. This isn’t terribly surprising, but it’s still rough to deal with.
Also in-house, and I agree with this.
The best advice I have is to not settle for bad lawyering. If you at all can (ie you’re the one who makes those decisions), find another firm. Give them some of the work, see how they perform, and if they perform better than your original firm, move matters over. If not, thank them for their help once they wrapped up the project and move on to a different firm.
Also consider fractional counsel.
Do companies just not want to sell stuff? I just spent half an hour on a chat with a salesperson to learn that they have no way to connect me with a technical salesperson who can tell me whether the software does what I need it to do. Our office is going to spend a lot of money on one of these systems, and this company is going to lose the sale if it does not show us the product’s capabilities.
100% can confirm they won’t want to actually sell you the software. If you’re asking for the technical person, they see you as a potential problem user who will ask for programming updates they don’t want to make.
I’d love non-judgmental recommendations on how to support one’s partner to exercise. To be clear, I am not fat shaming. DH has been unhappy with his weight for a while and it has affected his energy, sleep and everything else. I’ve verbally encouraged him, taken over kids care, reminded him AND we’ve been paying for gym membership for years now without him using it (not exaggerating, we have paid for YEARS). I workout during the day and our gym doesn’t have childcare.
What are ways you would use or have used to encourage starting exercise? He feels that my reminders are borderline nagging and I really want to see him get some energy back.
There is no way to do it. You can support diet goals if you are the family shopper and cook, but you can’t exercise for them.
I would stop nagging him. It’s only support if he wants to do it. He clearly does not. If he’s unhappy with his weight encourage him to talk to his doctor about a GLP-1
Agree. Exercise will make more sense to him after some weight comes off. That starts with food, and if he can get it, medication.
Exercise as a family. Take the kids on hikes or bike rides or swimming or the climbing gym or whatever else you like to do. People only exercise when they like what they’re doing and it fits into their life, so figure out what that means for your family.
You can’t. He has to make the decision for himself.
This
+1
Well, first step, stop nagging.
Second step, offer to go for walks after dinner as a family. Amazing how good an entry point for fitness a family post-dinner walk is.
This, plus go ahead and cancel the gym membership.
+1 to these three things.
He should see a doctor.
My DH is in a similar position. I finally got him to a doc…he was put on BP and Cholesterol meds. He just shrugs and says that’s life/genetics and hasn’t changed anything. It is so frustrating.
Go on family after-dinner walks. Just start there, and say nothing to him about getting more exercise. He knows.
Agreed with an earlier poster — if you do some or all of the grocery shopping and/or cooking, make the available food in your house healthy.
Beyond that, it’s up to him.
+1. This is the only way I think.
Agree with others that he’ll do it on his timeline and will also say that if there’s something getting in his way that you can help with, he can ask you for that help. You don’t have to (also can’t and shouldn’t, probably) make the path so smooth that he just walks on down it, and trying to do so is a recipe for resentment on everyone’s part.
I agree with the walking together advice. I was the recipient of one of these talks. It was well-deserved and well-received. I immediately started with serious dietary changes and walking daily (on my own, we don’t live together) and the walking turned into running and going back to the gym. If we lived together and he asked me to go on evening walks, I would have both gotten the message and appreciated the support and company. Starting was the issue for me, so easy to say “tomorrow,” but if you are standing there ready to go, with a positive approach, he will go, and in my experience he will want to keep moving after that.
Get him a dog that needs to be walked.
I like this idea. It will likely help his mood too, and don’t I know how closely my mood is intertwined with my eating/exercise habits!
Only if he likes dogs. But it’s absolutely worked for me, and helps me in so many ways besides!
As others said, the only option is turning it into a routine family activity like nightly walks. Other than that, people have to want to change. The best thing you can do is accept that.
I like the evening walk idea as a couple, or getting a dog to get him outside.
But as we discuss every other day – how is he eating? Do you keep junk in the house or does he eat more at work? Maybe starting there and moving to healthier foods at home is a start.
Plan things that require just a bit of outdoor walking and then ramp from there. A picnic, free summer music in a park, free music in the mall, etc., sound like fun, and will get him into some tennis shoes.
Mat Leave Notice: how much notice have you typically given your employer? I’m in big law and only required by HR policy to give 3 months notice. I’m currently 14 weeks and don’t feel ready
Both times, I’ve given formal notice after the anatomy scan, but also, both times, it’s been visually obvious well before that.
i was pregnant with twins and there is no way i could’ve waited that long. i was maybe like 14 weeks
I told my boss at 14 weeks and everyone already knew.
I don’t know what the rule is but at some point it becomes really obvious even if you WFH. For various reasons I waited until about 20 weeks, but I can’t imagine waiting much longer than that.
I told my partners at 20 weeks for both pregnancies. For my second, it was a little awkward because there was another woman in my group who was due after me but told everyone first, so it looked like I was keeping it a secret longer than I should, but it all worked out and wasn’t a big deal.
I told my big law firm at 21 weeks with my first.
Pretty sure I waited till 16 wks with both pregnancies as an associate in biglaw.
The fathers tend tell early (like, 12-13 weeks) – relevant because they get 6 or 8, I forget which, weeks paternity leave.
Mothers sometime between 12-18 seems to be the normal range. At one firm I worked at, someone didn’t tell until 3 months prior to her due date, and it was so super obvious that she is still talked about as firm “lore” by associates who were in high school when it happened.
Now to a month from now is fine, depending on how much you are showing. A good chunk of the people you interact with probably already know and have the good manners not to say anything. At my old biglaw firm, the assistants were always the first to know and would protect and cover for the female lawyers.
I started showing very obviously at 23 weeks. My body went from “fluffy around the middle” to “obviously preggo” within a week.
That said, I would say right around week 20 or 21. Three months from there takes you somewhere between week 32 and 35; if your baby is born prematurely, you’re still within the appropriate time range for taking leave.
No later than 20 weeks. Waiting until the 20-week anatomy scan is defensible even if you “pop” sooner. Note that people will definitely see that you are pregnant by 8-12 weeks, but those with any sense will say nothing and will not judge you for not disclosing until 20 weeks. But if you wait longer people will think you’re a weirdo who thinks everyone else is blind and stupid and has no consideration for advance planning.
(Raises an eyebrow) How pregnant you look at 8-12 weeks depends a lot on your own body.
I’m tall and had crazy strong abdominal muscles. I most definitely did not look pregnant for a long time.
I’m 29 weeks and no one can tell. I’ve always been chubby
I would wait as long as you can in biglaw. Firms will claim they don’t mommy-track, but they are full of boomer partners who make staffing decisions. These decisions affect you very much. Even if you’re quite obvious, wait until at least 20 weeks.
All the best to you.