Thursday’s Workwear Report: Delphine Short-Sleeve Blouse
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’re looking for a few more short-sleeved tops to get you through the last part of summer, Aritzia has a ton of great options. This button-up blouse has a gorgeous, drapey fabric made from 100% recycled material. I really like the covered buttons and slightly blousy sleeves.
Pair it with trousers and flats for an easy business casual look.
The blouse is $98 at Aritzia and comes in sizes XXS-XL. It also comes in two other colors and is available with long sleeves, too.
Sales of note for 8/21/25:
- Ann Taylor – $20 sale types (select styles), 25% off tops and sweaters, and extra 50% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 10% off new womenswear styles with code
- Dermstore – 20% off the Anniversary Edit
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off all sale
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off late summer styles, plus extra 50% off all sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything and extra 15% off $100+
- M.M.LaFleur – Up to 70% off new markdowns – try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
- Neiman Marcus – Last call designer sale! Spend $200, get a $50 gift card (up to $2000+ spend with $500 gift card)
- Nordstrom – 9,800+ new women's markdowns
- Rothy's – Ooh: limited edition T-strap flats / Mary Janes
- Spanx – End of summer sale
- Talbots – 25% off your regular price purchase, also, end-of-season clearance
- Tuckernuck – Sample sale, prices up to 70% off! (Including lots of this bestselling work dress marked to under $75)
Holy photoshop, Batman. I would not trust the fit of that considering the curved forearm.
I’m very particular about where short sleeves hit on my arm and I can make no confident judgment about that for this blouse, given the photo.
I don’t understand why companies bother with human models if they make such bizarre photoshop edits. Like, just paint an ET mannequin a human color and dress it up at that point. No need to pay either the model or the graphics team.
Don’t some companies do something similar, where they have a mannequin that they photoshop into a human?
They’re moving on to AI already.
I wish they would show clothes with a model in anatomical position. I love the photography in, say, Sezane, but I have no idea what the clothes actually look like. A mug shot and an action shot are fine. But give me a clue about the actual garment vs the lifestyle look.
Yes this drives me crazy about sezane. The photos are lovely but it’s impossible to see what the garment will actually look in daily life.
For me with Sezane dresses, the answer is always that every dress is either too short or too long.
Would love to get the hive’s opinion on this – do you always correct people when they get your title wrong? I was introduced – via e-mail – to a new group of people I’ll be interacting with and the person doing the introducing got my title wrong, think calling me a staffer vs. a manager. I won’t be acting in a supervisory capacity over the new group. I’m curious how and when you would correct this.
I would not correct it.
Far from always. If I will be working with someone longer than a one-time interaction, if they are external to the organization, and if I need them to be aware of my credentials (e. g. because I am providing advice or input, or representing my org), then it’s more likely that I’d correct someone about my title.
If it’s a big error and I’ll be working with the group for a long time to come, definitely correct. If it’s minor or a short-term project, nah, but I’ll make sure my title is in
My signature as usual.
Is your title in your signature block? If so, that should speak for itself since this was via email. Otherwise if the context makes sense could you respond with a very brief introductory bio?
“Thanks for the warm intro, Chris! Team, I have been a Manager here at XYZ Corp since 2022 and look forward to leveraging my experience on Project ABC. You can reach me by phone at …, email, or as [handle] on SMS.”
If that person mistitles you live, I would just correct it in the moment “Actually, Chris, I am a manager; staffers on the project are Bartholomew, Carrie, and Eliza.”
Not unless it changes their expectations of what you’re meant to be doing, over the course of your interactions.
Generally, I find that external collaborators don’t care all that much, and I don’t treat external collaborator team members differently based on their title anyway.
Yes I always correct the men who do this, but I work in the international sphere and I am THE person for my country, so it needs to be known.
Heck. I have one of those names like Veronica-Victoria that is often messed up. If they get the initial right, I know they, bless their hearts, are trying to get it right. Like the other poster said, it’s all in my email signature.
If it made a substantive impact regarding my role on the team, I’d probably correct it. For example, if I was introduced as having a non-J.D. title, I’d clarify I’m an attorney.
If it was more an issue of seniority/prestige, (counsel vs. senior counsel) I wouldn’t and would just assume they’d see it in my email signature.
Even if you aren’t supervising this group, it’s important they know that you are at the manager-level and have the authority to make decisions.
This is one of those things where a man or confident woman would just correct it and move on, but too many women won’t. What’s the fear here – they see you as “bossy”? I don’t get it.
I wouldn’t say fear, but if the incorrect title won’t impact the work to be done, then it’s simply not worth my time.
That feels like an excuse. I don’t think anyone’s time is so valuable that a “Nice to meet you all! I’ll be working on this project in X capacity” isn’t worth it. The higher up you are, the more worth it it is.
Eh, I feel that no one really cares about titles. Like in The Sopranos when Alicia Witt’s character says “I’m a Vice President.” It means a lot * to her* but I don’t think that a room of people really cares. You got invited to the room, no? To participate with a group? Even with a VP title, it means nothing at some orgs and a lot at others and I don’t have the bandwidth to filter.
The only time I care, honestly, if you have authority to sign for an org, and I’m going to need an officer’s certificate for that, vs someone’s word. Maybe we know by habit that Managing Directors can sign, but unless you’re a lawyer, do people really care much re signing authority?
I think the correction only makes sense at a certain lower-mid level. If the CEO is introduced as a junior staffer, it will become very clear, very quickly. If the receptionist is introduced as a manager, that will also become clear.
In the middle, it just comes across as insecurity or misplaced hubris to toss your title around all the time.
Actually, no. A confident person makes the decision and sees if anyone questions their authority to take it. Hint: they’re not going to question your authority. Bickering over a title just makes you look little and like you don’t have authority.
Yeah, this. Getting persnickety over a title undermines your authority and makes you look petty. I wouldn’t correct, and certainly not over email.
That’s where I immediately land as well. Going out of your way to correct something minor is like Dwight describing himself as assistant manager and Michael correcting him as assistant to the manager when no one really cares. If it’s something where it actually matters like ongoing role or distinctive role, sure. Otherwise it’s just petty and seems insecure.
Assistant to the Regional Manager
I feel like a confident man might not even notice! Couldn’t correcting come across as insecure rather than as confident?
Not for a blatant error IMO.
I bet we’re all imagining different titles and errors.
My ego isn’t that fragile.
Nah, I don’t think so. The mark of a senior person, male or female, is being secure enough not to care when it doesn’t matter.
In my experience it’s actually women who are more proactive about correcting titles.
My job involves writing about college faculty, but we follow AP Style and don’t use the term “doctor” unless someone has an MD. I’d say at least 90% of the people that contact me demanding I update the language to refer to them as Dr. So and So are women. I understand why – historically women in academia have had to deal with being mistaken for secretaries and lab assistants and men have not – but I completely disagree this is the type of thing a man is more likely to correct. Men care much less.
If your title is Doctor, as in a real medical doctor (not a JD/PHD), I would correct people. Otherwise, you look overly self-important.
Why would that be the line for you? I’m genuinely curious — no snark in my question!
Because being an MD/DO vs being a nurse or medical assistant is a distinction with a difference.
I generally see myself as a confident person.
I probably wouldn’t correct it over email, or if it’s a one off interaction.
Over a phone/video call or in person I would quickly mention it. Ideally when I’m introing myself or talking about my team. Don’t make a big deal of it (which is what can come off Office-like) but still stating it. It is useful for others to know that I have final authority.
I think it really depends on the situation. For me, a one-time title goof normally isn’t worth my energy… but I would definitely correct if the oversight could impact your ability to work effectively in this scenario. The one time I did make a very public correction was when there was only one other woman who held my equivalent title/position in the organization, and I was introduced by her name. I had several hundred people under me at the time and many of them were in the auditorium. It was hilariously awkward (for him).
Err on the side of not doing that! Is it going to make a meaningful difference?
I don’t usually like puffy sleeves but this iteration of it is gorgeous. Nice pick!
I like it too! and a great color for fall. I wish the picture weren’t SO photoshopped though (her arms! her legs!)… makes me wonder what the shirt would look like in the wild?
They look a lot less puffy than normal and I like the length. Good point about all the photoshopping though.
I agree this is a great look. I still can’t wear it myself, but I do really like it for others
Can someone help me dissect the differences between the Barbour quilted jackets? The Annadale, Flyweight and Calvary. I know the collars are overall structure are different, but the Calvary is almost $100 more. Is it $100 warmer?? Is it structurally somehow superior? What’s the actual difference?
Do you have an Orvis or something like that near you? I would go and try on some Barbour jackets in person.
The Flyweight Cavalry jacket is lighter-weight (I’d consider it a spring/early fall jacket). The Cavalry jacket is fleece-lined so it’s more of a late fall/winter jacket here in the South. The Annandale is boxier and somewhat easier to layer sweaters underneath. No fleece lining on the Annandale.
I have an Annandale and it’s one of my workhorses—if I were choosing between the three, I’d go with an Annandale.
I feel like this is now an evergreen item, but has anyone found any flats for fall that are a) appropriate for a business-leaning business casual office and b) actually very comfortable for both lots of walking and standing? I have a great pair of suede flats from Nordstrom (for like $100) but they are from before COVID and each year I have auditioned replacements that haven’t worked either right out of the box or after a day of FAFO on the walking front.
I wear birdies when I need to be comfortable walking but also business casual.
+1 to Birdies. Rothy’s, Sperry’s flats, Vionic, and Rockport are also generally my ‘comfort’ picks.
I wanted to love Birdies, but even adding heel snuggies, I walked out of them. I’d need a strap to keep them on (even though my feet aren’t officially narrow).
I like Boden’s ballet flats.
my feet really like the Vionic Klara flat
Vionic uptown loafers get me through conference days with tons of walking.
Birdies don’t fit my foot but the Aerosoles loafers are my go to. I think its the Winona style.
I wear loafers from Cole Haan and Naturalizer.
My feet like M. Gemi, which are spendy but completely worth it.
A coworker was wearing a pair of patent leather Clark’s MJ flats with pointed toes that were so cute and didn’t look comfort at all. I bought them and love, comfortable out of the box.
Link in mod
Vionics have really nice foot support; I wear them when I need to stand all day. I don’t particularly like the way the ones I have look (they are flats with kind of like laser cutouts throughout), but they are very comfy.
Favorite stick vacuums? The cheapish one I got on Prime day a few years ago has died. Hardwood and carpet, and I have cats, so something good with pet fur.
Dyson, no question. Pricy but worth it
Dyson. There is one on sale most months at Costco. Or maybe you will be lucky this weekend and find a good Labor Day sale.
Yep – the Dyson with the light. You will see alllllll the cat hair.
I’m still happy with our Shark brand Pet Pro that I purchased based on a recommendation here. For adults, two cats, two dogs, and it’s still working.
To be fair, I have a Roomba to do certain rooms in the house, but it can’t reach all the rooms so the pet pro is for the stairs, kitchen, crevice cleaning, and use as a Dustbuster.
Something light and fluffy for the AM- What new music are you enjoying this summer?
I’m finding myself in a bit of a streaming echo-chamber and would love to hear what you all are listening to!
Soft stuff: Vancouver sleep clinic
Loud stuff: New Fit for a king album
I have four kids sooo… KPop Demon Hunters, all day long! It’s a banger.
Same. I’ve started listening to it on my runs and I’m finding it very motivating.
Oh, funny story. Went to the gym the other day and put the soundtrack on LOUD, but oops, silly me, my earbuds weren’t connected, so the entire weight room heard my phone blasting Takedown for several mins before I realized. Don’t worry, I work out at the club in our neighborhood, so it was only older men and high school boys there. Maybe they didn’t recognize it? I am sure everyone had a good giggle about it.
My kid is only 2. So it’s been a lot of Sesame Street songs every evening
gonna be, gonna be, golden!
Not new but with all the 2025-ness of it, heavy metal is back in the rotation pretty frequently.
I’m obsessed with The Arcadian Wild. My taste leans acoustic/folk more than most people’s.
For a couple of road trips, I have picked top hits from X year playlists on Apple Music. I did one for the year I started high school, and one for the year I started college. It’s so nostalgic and just takes me back.
What’s a third piece to wear on a dress that I could bring on a work trip that won’t be too bulky? Doesn’t have to be a formal blazer, but I would like something more structured than a cardigan.
What about a lady jacket cardigan? I think they have a little more structure and are lighter.
J Crew Sweater Blazer is great for this. (Other brands make similar items.) On a recent work trip, I wore mine over a jeans + blouse for the plane, and over a few work dresses during the meeting.
The ones I’m seeing are long – am I looking at the right thing? If so I do have something like that!
Yes– mine is below the hips. Mine is fairly old. I prefer the merino wool fabrics to the cotton ones.
There were kind of ubiquitous jackets in my office pre-Covid. Now, every time I wear one I get compliments and asks for where it came from, etc.
Depending on the dress, a large silk square scarf?
I love this look. And it’s great for travel because it can also be worn with jeans and white tee, with or without a blazer.
I pair all of the following with dresses depending on the circumstances: blazer, cardigan, leather jacket, denim jacket (many shapes here including denim lady jacket), chambray shirt worn unbuttoned like a jacket, bomber jacket, sweater, basically anything – I see dresses as pants outfits where I didn’t have to pick a top.
My third piece is the MM Sant Ambrose jardigan – which I think is discontinued but might be available on Poshmark?
Another option is the MM Jolie jardigan, which is essentially the Sant Ambrose with lapels.
a ruana? lots of options. i always feel like it’s an old money look.
Asking genuinely, though this will sound judgy – where is the “old money” thing coming from?
Where do you buy graphic or patterned t-shirts? I’m 90% remote, have a small child, and 2 dogs and find myself reaching most often for t-shirts. The ones I love have been worn to death and I’m having trouble finding something other than solid colors. I’m also a size 16 with broad shoulders so need something that can accommodate that.
Amazon and Etsy. Abercrombie has some cute ones too.
I have gotten them from Old Navy. Perhaps also try Kohls, I think the Sonoma brand is pretty good.
Or you could go to Tee Public and find millions of designs!
Uniqlo
My company, which my boss fully admits are “washing the car” t-shirts.
Otherwise, the campus store for my husband’s campus, PBS and NPR, the local library fundraiser, the local flower garden’s fundraiser, the local historical museum’s fundraiser . . . you get the idea. Every charity seems to have one and they would all love our donations even if they have to send us a shirt.
Target usually has a pretty good selection of graphic tees. I personally see no reason to pay $90 for a band t-shirt that I can buy at target. Old navy is another good option. If you want to spend the money, anthro.
Tee public. Basically I just searched for a certain topics. I liked along with the word tee and found vendors selling them.
https://www.teepublic.com/t-shirt/25819684-rhapsody-in-blue
Yes, I am a giant nerd. I also have one for La Boheme. It’s like a concert tee, but for music I actually like.
No shame. I have a Quark’s Bar tee shirt I got from Kohls.
I like Lucky Brand graphic tees.
I like to get them on vacation. Wearable souvenirs. Today I’m wearing one i just bought at tge Oregon Shakespeare Festival.
How do you store/organize your reusable shopping bags and other tote bags?
we have a large whicker basket that holds all that and umbrellas. The only reusable shopping bags that ever get used for shopping though are the ones that fold up into themselves and live in my purse.
Shopping bags, in my car. Totes on the hook with my handbags.
yup, grocery shopping bags live in the trunk. After unpacking groceries I put them by the door to go back in the car.
I wish I had a car just so I could stash these in the trunk!
lol, I see I’ve lived in car country long enough that this didn’t even occur to me…
In a pile lol.
If I’m trying to clean up then I’ll shove the smaller ones inside bigger ones and try to make the new pile look nice and put some in my car, but they always end up in the same pile.
Folded flat inside one of their brethren.
We have a couple of industrial hooks in our garage, by the door to our house. One is for thermal food bags and another one is for standard tote-style reusable shopping bags that can be folded and flattened. We have a small bin that is on the wall and above said hooks for the nylon packable shopping bags that roll into themselves or into a small carrying case. This makes it easy to grab what we need and go on our way out the door.
One or two nice ones hang on a hook in the entryway at the front door. By “nice” I mean they’re not shabby or worn out and they’re imprinted with logos from, say, a well-known museum. These are my everyday carry bags for weekend errands or casual social visits, and they don’t look cluttered or messy when someone enters the house.
At least one is in the pocket behind the driver’s seat in the car. I keep another in my work bag.
The other shopping bags are rolled or folded and stored inside a large bag, on a hook in the laundry room. This is next to the kitchen, so it’s convenient for replacing the bags after putting groceries away.
I shove them inside the biggest one and shove the resulting bag balls into whatever dark recess of my garage can fit them.
I have 3 Baggu reusable bags (2 regular, 1 small) that just live in my purse, so they’re always with me and I can mostly avoid acquiring more shopping bags. Canvas totes live on a wall hook near the front door.
If I were a wizard, the first spell I’d want to learn would be “returnus baggus automotivus” to magick the bags back into the trunk of the car.
Thoughts on the Lisa Cook story?
I don’t think there’s any way for her to be removed now *without* it seeming like political interference in the Fed (and the consequences of that are too negative for anyone), but I’m not happy about her remaining in office (assuming she did what she is alleged to do; and I think if that were not the case, she would have denied it more strongly). Does this seem like a real ethical problem to you all, or is this just kind of par for the course for rich people?
If she has done it she should resign. But 1) she has not even been charged, 2) The circumstances of the political fight here plus the track record of this administration when it comes to these things make me very skeptical of believing these allegations outright before any evidence has been brought, and 3) The secretary of commerce is being quoted saying “But the fact is, if this woman committed mortgage fraud, she should be respectful to the United States of America, to the Federal Reserve, where she says she cared about them, and she should go off into the sunset and hope to God the police don’t follow her, right?”
— well, if this is the standard that we apply to government officials, then how about we apply that to all of them, not just the black woman?
Of all the unqualified and unethical people currently running this country into the ground, I’m happy that the individuals keeping our economy from collapsing won’t bend the knee to Trump. Whoever he replaces her with will be far more unethical and will destroy our economy.
Moral relativism is the same as no morals at all. You cannot seriously take the position “the next person will be more corrupt so her corruption is fine” and retain any credibility.
You absolutely can when the next one is a fascist. But I assume you voted for Trump and are one of those people yourself.
agree with 12:30 — this “everyone is a crook” mentality does not help us with some people are bringing flamethrowers to a knife fight. (admittedly, the dems are bringing butter knives if they’re even showing up at all, but still… or maybe just the butter. they’re bringing butter to a knife fight.)
No, I did not vote for Trump. I actually believe in my moral values, which ruled him out. But they also rule out anyone else who actually commits fraud.
If your values are so loosely held that you’ll set them aside for someone on your “team,” you are a morally adrift tribalist and are no better than any other morally adrift tribalist.
Anonymous at 12:58, you’re blinded by partisanship. The way that Democrats treated Trump was appalling, from the Russian collusion hoax to impeaching him for investigating Hunter Biden’s crap to the appalling lawfare after he left office.
Prosecutors said that they would find crimes to get Trump on. That’s sick.
In November, you were told by nearly 80 million voters that the way Trump was treated was wrong.
Butter knife? You’re delusional.
What is she actually accused of doing? All I’ve heard is “mortgage fraud.” But what?
She’s accused of applying for two mortgages (in quick succession, like ~4 weeks apart iirc) and claiming both of them were going to be her “primary residence”. You can get a lower rate for a “primary residence”, so there’s a financial incentive to pick that option.
Here’s a WSJ background article – it does sound like it’s one of those “intent matters” issues, so it’s *possible* to really have two mortgages, even close together, that you both really intended to have be your primary residence at the time you filled out the paperwork, it’s just not that likely
https://archive.ph/SuGnW#selection-747.106-747.186
If only there was a way to search for information online…
Ugh, I think this is what I’m struggling with too – I don’t want to be “on Trump’s side” and I agree that 1) he’s targeting her for political reasons [both to pressure the fed to make rate changes; and to “demonstrate” to his base that Black women in positions of power are “unqualified”/weren’t properly vetted] and those are both Very Bad Things and 2)on the scale of corruption in the Trump administration, this is small small potatoes and 3)any replacements is very likely to be much more ethically compromised
And at the same time… I *want* to live in a society where we hold people in positions of power to ethical standards. If the opposition to this administration becomes just “it’s ok when our people do it”, I don’t know how we recover from that, long term.
I’m willing to wait for the legal process to play out, and certainly think the Trump administration needs to put forward their proof – but her lawyer’s statements so far have centered around “oh, *if* this happened, it was before her confirmation, so it’s irrelevant”, and, as a non-lawyer, that sounds to me like “yeah, it happened”
I think those sentiments are both perfectly compatible and feel the same way.
However, there’s the separate issue of whether this constitutes “cause” to remove her. Whether it was before her confirmation may not be “irrelevant” to her overall ethics, but it may be irrelevant to the question whether she’s being fired for cause. That’s not just lawyer-speak, it’s a very important legal issue that determines how much control (legally and practically) the president can exert over the Federal Reserve, which has very important implications. (I am a lawyer.)
Assuming she did what was alleged, clearly she should be removed from office.
I do not think prior administrations would have waited for a charge/conviction here, so I am fine with this one not, either. If other administrations have waited, then I’d be more sympathetic to an argument that this one should have, too.
I have no objection to her suing to retain her position if the allegations are in fact false and she can demonstrate that.
My concern about the timing is less about whether waiting for a charge or conviction is a norm (has anything similar to this ever happened before in the history of the Federal Reserve?) that’s now being set aside, and more about the fact this simply isn’t being done in good faith. The Trump Admin doesn’t care about corrupt government officials. The Administration is looking for any excuse and any method to exert control over the Fed (and continue expanding executive power over independent agencies generally), which is an unjustified power grab that could have serious negative implications on our economy. That’s why they’re not waiting.
Sure. But also, if you commit mortgage fraud (or fraud of any sort), you should not be in a position of power at the Fed. And if prior administrations weren’t checking for that because the Fed was playing nicely with them, isn’t that just as bad as the inverse?
“But also, if you commit mortgage fraud (or fraud of any sort), you should not be in a position of power at the Fed.”
This doesn’t really respond to what I said.
“And if prior administrations weren’t checking for that because the Fed was playing nicely with them, isn’t that just as bad as the inverse?”
What do you mean “checking for that”? Appointees’ backgrounds should be investigated prior to appointment, not during their tenure so that they can be fired if the administration doesn’t like what they’re doing in their position for political reasons. I’m sure that there are pretty rigorous background check procedures for positions like this – are you really doubting that previous administrations weren’t looking into appointees’ backgrounds? You’re accusing previous administrations (with no evidence) of turning a blind eye to potential fraud as some sort of quid pro quo because the Fed was intentionally doing what the administration wanted, which is decisively NOT what the Fed is supposed to do (that’s why it is independent!) That’s a pretty wild accusation. This is not some routine background check- what we actually have now is loyalists in government who can access to mortgage applications reviewing those records (and likely anything else they can get their hands on) to see if there’s anything they can use to nab people to remove them. That’s not a good-faith background check that didn’t happen in previous administrations and you know it.
The accusation is coming from a man convicted of financial fraud. I think that matters here.
If he were appointed, I’d support his removal, too (or, more accurately, would have not supported his confirmation). He was elected. The distinction matters in terms of how removable from office someone is.
And if you throw around national security info on a group chat, maybe you shouldn’t lead the military. And if you reject medical evidence, maybe making healthcare decisions for the nation isn’t something you should be trusted with. I’m really not ready to apply this moral standard to this one person alone.
I agree with you, anonshamon, but whattaboutism is a deflection tactic. The same standards should apply to all of them, but are you really arguing “if the standards are waived for one person, we should waive them for all people”, rather than “she should be held accountable and so should they?” The former is moral bankruptcy.
as I have said more than once here, I think the same ethical standards should apply to public officials across domains.
Previous administrations don’t seem to have engaged on all-out political retribution in the same way as this administration. There is pattern in which law firms, which universities, which states, which companies, which vaccines, which federal agencies, which [insert entity of your choice here] are being targeted with no evidence, flimsy evidence, or flat out lies. So no, I don’t think she should be removed until it’s proven under this administration, this administration is clearly not like other administrations. The podcast Odd lots had an episode with law professor Lev Menand on the attempt to fire her that people might find interesting.
Like I said, I’m fine with her suing and for a judge to evaluate whether a preliminary injunction is appropriate based on the legal arguments she and the administration present.
I feel like it’s why I can’t have a nanny because I need to have my tax situation 100% compliant with the law for my job. No one wants to work on the books in my city and I don’t need a FT 6-figure hire, given my actual budget. In my city, only doctors hire FT care past the day-care years.
I was just reading the NYT story on how to look up your mortgage data and get it removed from public view. it is increasingly becoming a tool to use against political enemies — Ken Paxton, Lisa Cook, a few others. That worries me greatly.
Gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2025/08/28/business/mortgage-data-privacy-lisa-cook-trump.html?unlocked_article_code=1.hk8.uK4w.cl7mnTpNVjUL&smid=url-share
I think this is a good thing for private citizens to do, but the solution for public officials is just not to commit mortgage fraud…
Also, private citizens should not commit mortgage fraud.
Totally. I meant more that this data is useful for scammers who are trying to get people to buy things like fake mortgage protection plans or whatever.
It’s completely pretextual, as we all know, and coming from someone who committed lending fraud (as determined by a jury of his peers) at orders of magnitude greater than what she is alleged to have done. No, I don’t think this is what “for cause” means.
Agree. Exactly this.
It’s so easy to either make an oversight yourself or someone at the bank, county recorders office, tax collector or somewhere else mess something up in the process of obtaining and recording a mortgage. That’s not fraud. That’s a letter goes out and you pay the extra taxes for the non-homesteaded property or whatever.
The pattern of purging women, particularly women of color and black men from high level positions for crap reasons or no reason at all is undeniable. Any of us could be next and I say that as someone who is extremely careful and conservative in my financial life.
hear hear.
Have you bought a house? It is not an “oversight” to represent that a vacation home will be your primary residence when it won’t be. It would be very, very hard to accidentally screw this up.
Yes, three times. The first time, my name was spelled wrong in a place and it was deemed not worth the hassle to correct. Another time, in the course of moving, didn’t notice that the county didn’t remove my homestead exemption. 2 years later when they noticed an error, they sent me a letter, I paid the difference in taxes with a small idiot-tax and we all got on with our lives.
I know several people who had serious life events within weeks or months of purchasing a home that necessitated another house and additional mortgage . It’s not as uncommon as we probably all hope it would be. I certainly hope I never find myself in that boat.
Jumping straight to fraud in these cases is a huge leap, and not one done in good faith.
Any of us would be guilty of something similar, if not mortgage, then illegal downloading, running a stop sign, sharing a prescription, planting an invasive species, jaywalking or any myriad, fairly trivial infractions.
You can easily be next. That’s not hyperbole. The US is sliding into authoritarian rule.
A misspelling in a single place is not at all at the same level of concern as screwing up a major representation in your mortgage application paperwork (which you have to specifically review and initial at closing).
If you are capable of accidentally screwing this up, you’re not competent enough to have that senior a role at the Fed.
It does seem like there’s some ambiguity here, in the sense that your mortgage company defines a primary residence differently than it’s defined for tax or voting purposes. Supposedly Adam Schiff says he has documentation from his mortgage company that they were aware that his DC house wasn’t his primary residence for legal purposes (which is obviously in CA, and I assume his wife mostly lives there?), but he does actually live in DC for most of the year, so they said it was a primary residence rather than a vacation house or a rental or investment property. This seems fair enough to me, since he does really live there a lot of the time, which is what the risk calculation is based on.
Unfortunately, in Lisa Cook’s case, we have yet to hear any such explanation and it seems to be a rental property currently, though to prove it was fraud, you’d have to show that she was planning to rent it when she bought it. But given that the two mortgages were taken out so close together and she doesn’t have the excuse of being in congress and having to live in two cities, it’s harder to come up with a good justification, though she should certainly be given the chance to do so.
I don’t like people cheating, but I’m not sure this is a firing level offense, and it’s also very clear that this is Trump going after his enemies for anything he can, which is quite scary.
No, its not that easy. You have to sign several specific pieces of paper stating that it’s your primary residence.
Georgia is an attorney-closing state, so that’s not an excuse, either.
I don’t give an f if she “did it” or not. You don’t even have to follow the story to know this is completely politically and racially motivated. Trump wants yes men, and he gets off on firing people to prove his power (see: The Apprentice). When you have a felon as president, who has appointed all sorts of people with charges or credible evidence of wrongdoing against them, you don’t get to cast stones.
Honestly, Democrats have to stop doing “the right thing” and making examples out of each other a la Al Franken. Stand up to this maniac with whatever it takes.
(And before I’m accused of being some crazy liberal, I was a registered Republican until 2020…but enough is enough! These are not normal times!)
The hypocrisy of Donald Trump calling someone unfit for office due to mortgage fraud is too much for me.
I have a complex situation with my parents. Thank you for reading if you manage to get through it. They’re “high school sweethearts”, even went to college together. Both turned 70 this year. My mom is fit, runs a lot. My dad is… not. He’s not unwell per se but he life was his career, never exercised, has a good health scare every few years but so far he’s chugging along. They’re both retired, though mom has a hobby part time job at a local bakery 2 mornings per week. They live 10 minutes from both my sister and I.
Mom is… difficult. Seems sweet as pie but she’s always picking on dad. She comments about how late he sleeps, how he eats, his apparent lack of energy. He sits in front of the TV. He doesn’t have hobbies (he had a very amazing one until he had to sell The Thing because it was physically to much to handle). She absolutely has some borderline narcissistic behaviors that either were always there or have developed later in life… my sister and I debate this often.
Dad is… also difficult. He was raised rigid irish catholic. Very traditional household roles. Doesn’t lift a finger or cook, other than grill from time to time. Expects a warm meal. Raises his voice. In disputes, he is right in his mind, and Mom is generally wrong – very little to no talking things out. Sleeps until 11 daily. Like I said, his health is fine – he doesn’t have a diagnosis, but kind of a general ho-hum American Boomer-esque lifestyle. Borderline diabetic. He has a short temper (it’s gotten shorter with age).
We find ourselves in a situation where mom seems increasingly emotionally erratic, and way more so as of late. Shows up at our houses unannounced, begs to see the kids (she sees them 3-4x/week). She sometimes calls repeatedly until someone answers and if no one answers, calls our husbands to make sure we’re not dead. This week she drove to my house at 730 pm the night before the first day of school to make sure I was ok (we spoke 2 hours earlier). I know this is kind of a parent thing but trust me when I say it’s an extreme. We both literally see her and talk to her SEVERAL times a week, even with full time jobs and 5 kids under 8 between us. Sister and I are on the same page about boundaries with them, which is great. But we agree mom is getting worse in her behavior. We also agree that dad is worse – his short temper is REALLY short.
There’s a part of me that thinks this is the byproduct of being together for 53 (!!) years and retirement is just hard after a lifetime of working (mom worked too, but more of a job than career). Part of me wonders if there’s something medical deteriorating in both of them (no Alzheimer’s in either family fwiw). They are both cancer survivors and are generally monitored pretty well. Sister is an NP and watches them closely but admittedly doesn’t have their every medical record to review. There’s another part of me that watches mom push dad’s EVERY button, and then dad pushes them right back. And a final part of me thinks mom is being verbally/emotionally abused by dad and she’s crying for help… but we don’t know what to do. Mom is NOT innocent – I’ve watched her poke and poke him for years. But, if she’s a victim isn’t’ that an unfair statement? I’m really unsure what to do / how to view all of this. Back to the irish catholic thing (IYKYK, I guess..) she would die before she goes to therapy, despite me suggesting it several times. Sister and I are adamant that we are not marriage counselors and we cannot/will not hear out her complaints to us. Dad tries to complain a lot less frequently, but we hold the same boundary with him. Outward image/perception is EVERYTHING to both of them so they go along like all is good until we get these one-on-one interactions with mom and she’s a hotttt mess.
WWYD? This is wild and so deeply toxic. I love them for who they are, and want to support them but I can’t and won’t do it at the expense of me and my sanity. OOOOF.
You should probably look at reactive abuse (I hate that term). Your mom was subject to years of abuse and finally cracked. She’s reaching out to you and the grandkids because she has no one else and wants to spend time with safe people.
I think that this is making a lot of assumptions. But I agree with OP’s sense that something is deeply not right. I have a kid who gets counseling and will often book a parent-only call just to run some things (of the family-dynamic flavor) by her for a gut check. Maybe you and your sister can try jut talking things through with someone (of the eldercare social worker variety).
My dad became increasingly anxious and irritable right after my mom died. That has eased over time, but his aggravation threshhold is about half of what it was (so easing in to swtiching doctors or scheduling appointments for him — just 1 a day or he gets overwhelmed).
are these incidents happening at all times of the day or often in the evenings? i was just reading about “sundowning” as a sign of early dementia
All day long.
I’d be more concerned about mom showing up announced etc. Are you listed on their medical records to receive information? If so, I would reach out to mom’s doctor and talk about scheduling a checkup and mental health screening. You can ask for the basic memory test to be done which is how we found out my mom had dementia.
You are right that you can’t force them into counseling or a divorce or anything like that. Maybe they would listen to a neutral physician. Your mom could also spend more time out of the home doing activities she enjoys. She shouldn’t waste her time trying to change him (and vice versa) but she should live her life how she wants. And to be fair, he can’t demand she cook or clean for him either.
That’s a lot. Im sorry you’re dealing with this. I feel like I know these people. My mom comes from a huge irish catholic family with a ridiculous dynamic that looks insane to my millennial mind. You’re right that they’ll never go to therapy but therapy for you might be helpful. I had a therapist explain boundaries to me and it was super helpful in managing my own stress and figuring out where I could and couldn’t help my boomer relatives. I feel the need to solve problems in situations like this and it helped me take a step back and realize what I could and couldn’t control.
On the Irish Catholic thing, are your parents practicing? If there’s any chance they’d be open to therapy – marriage or individual – but they genuinely think it’s “not a thing” Catholics do, and you want to borrow an internet stranger’s moral authority, tell them I said to go. Tell them I go to Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation, tell them I believe what the Church teaches about marriage, heck, tell them I can say the Nicene Creed in Latin, or whatever other shibboleth might resonate with them, and I think they should try it.
No, they are not practicing any longer. Even when they were practicing, it was questionable. I call it “Boondock Saints Catholic” – meaning more for show/out of blind obligation than intention. As an example: I have a vivid memory as a kid of leaving mass with my dad behind the wheel of the family station wagon, and while exiting the church parking lot, he laid on the horn so hard in a fit of rage at another exiting congregant who evidently cut him off (?) that he eventually got out of his car in the middle of the exit line to walk over to the other car and scream at the guy behind the wheel.
So, like, he’s always been like this to some degree? And pulling that about 4 minutes after exiting the pew on a Sunday morning doesn’t make me feel that listing to the homily now will suddenly change him.
They need more things to do away from the house and each other. What that looks like is up to you and them, but that’s the solution.
I just want to say I am so sorry you’re dealing with this. It sounds really painful and frustrating.
I’m not Catholic, so please forgive me if this is ignorant, but is there any chance they’d talk to a priest or clergy from their church? It sounds awful for everyone involved.
Another thought: do your parents ever spend extended time away from each other? I wonder if your mom could take a trip somewhere for a week or two, see how her mental state feels when she has a break from their marriage dynamic. It sounds like your dad is willfully incompetent, but maybe that’d be good for him to struggle a bit.
Ooh also, if they’d be open to it, there is probably a list the diocese has somewhere of Catholic therapists, marriage and otherwise. I know plenty of people who’ve been able to go to a secular therapist and just say “look, we are not at all considering divorce, our goal is 100% to make this work, can you help us with that” and most have a good experience; but some people are going to be more comfortable with a Catholic therapist and that’s okay too.
*I think it needs to be mentioned here, that in cases of abuse, the Catholic church in fact recognizes the option of pursuing a civil divorce and separation. It is literally in the code of canon law. Sometimes older people don’t know that.
This is tough and I don’t have great advice. But I hope you’ll appreciate your last sentence: that you will support them but not at the expense of your sanity. That’s really important.
I think if it were me (another Irish Catholic rigid background here, so I totally get it): with your mom, I’d say that you’re concerned about her showing up at your house unannounced & repeated calling, since it seems like new, over-anxious behavior. (Be prepared to get pushback.). And then let her know, gently but firmly, that she can’t do those things anymore with you.
Beyond that, I wouldn’t engage in their marriage, toxic or not. You can not put up with your dad’s temper, but your mom and dad’s marriage is their own.
As someone who has a lot of Alzheimer’s and dementia in their family, I think you need to consider managing the situation over fixing the situation. For example, if you have a dog that barks at the door you can try and teach them not to put you can just not have people over. This sounds like a really intractable problem that probably isn’t fixable. My solution would be to avoid spending time with them in places/situations where the worst behaviors come out. Tell them you’ll revisit that stance if they go to therapy/counseling with you. I would also make sure you’ve got plans for their care of they do get mentally unfit. You should just assume it’s going to happen whether they get dementia or not. My grandma got a UTI that wasn’t detected for months and it severely impacted her memory while she had it and it has left lasting damage to her mental capacity, no dementia required.
Change a few details and you are describing my parents. You are not alone – down to repeated calls and the surprise stopping over from mom in a panic.
I really found the book adult children of emotionally immature parents helpful in framing how to deal with them and how to view the behaviors. We also find that the behaviors are worse whenever something is out of whack with them (e.g., blood pressure not well controlled, hiding injuries) so if you can get them to go to the doctor, never a bad thing.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this. It is not normal behavior for your mom or your dad. Being Catholic has nothing to do with it- I’m a life long Catholic in a long term marriage and I am sure the Church would not condone much of the sniping behavior that seems to be going on. A medical check up is needed for your mom ASAP, given that she is suddenly behaving very differently. A doctor can figure out if there’s something that needs to be addressed, and can also ask questions that lead to determining if she and your dad need some regular outside help. It could be that with some regular help with housekeeping or groceries, etc some of the pressure will be removed and things might improve. Lots of hugs to you!
If there’s money they can throw at it, can they build an ADU of some sort on their property so she can have her own space/place without “moving out” (keeping up appearances) and a cleaning person/meal prep for him?
To rule out cognitive decline and possibly mental health issues like depression and anxiety, maybe you could try to get each of them, or maybe just your mom, a neuropysch evaluation? Probably easier – see if she will talk to her PCP about anxiety; an antidepressant might help and might be more palatable to her than therapy. Your dad’s anger may also be a manifestation of underlying depression/anxiety, but not sure how you could get him to deal with that unless he is complaining about something. (It seems like your mom is asking for help more, at least a bit?)
But really, this is so hard. I have been through similar stuff with my aging parents, and it is just impossible. I think you have to accept that you cannot force them to do what they need to do to improve their quality of life – you can’t fix them. And it sucks to be in the middle of their marriage issues.
Does anyone have a recommendation for an accountant in the UK? There’s a chance I may have to establish a branch of my company in the UK (London probably) and I’d like to get some guidance around that. Thank you!!
I just rejoined a gym and am hoping to start swimming laps, but for the life of me I can’t find my ancient swim cap and goggles so I need to buy more. Any favorites from the lap swimmers in the group? (I have curly hair and a lot of it; if memory serves the plain silicone/plastic speedo-type caps fit me best in the past. Intrigued by the Hairbrella though!)
(Any other things like paddles? Earbuds? Etc)
Just whatever from SwimOutlet. They do make caps these days marketed as being larger for those with lots of hair.
If you wear glasses/contacts, I started swimming again recently and was astonished how cheap decent-quality prescription goggles are these days – highly recommend! You can just order them from Amazon in standard prescriptions if both eyes are somewhat close
I ordered the swim cap from hairbrella a few days ago! Happy to post a review when I have had a chance to try it out.
For swim goggles I like aqua sphere, in the smaller women’s size.
I prefer a silicone swim cap over latex but my hair does get wet either way. Really hoping the hairbrella one is as waterproof as advertised.
I have some no-name cap from Amazon; I like it well enough. It’s rubbery and has a shaped edge so it covers my whole hairline and over my ears. It does not keep water out, but does keep my goggle strap from yanking my hair. I always rinse in the shower before putting my cap on, so my hair is wet with non-chlorinated water first.
I have Speedo Vanquisher goggles that are fine; the anti-fog coating lasted all of a few weeks before it came off in gross slimy sloughs. Now I just literally give the inside of each lens a very wet lick while in my pre-swim shower, a very quick rinse to get the spit off, and then I don’t deal with fog at all during my swim. A little gross but very effective.
Does your gym have paddles and etc.? I would give those a try before buying anything. I don’t use paddles, but do use a kickboard to warm up, sometimes a pull buoy, rarely fins.
Also, if you don’t know what the paddles or fins or whatever are supposed to be doing for you, you might want to take a few classes. Paddles used incorrectly, for instance, can be hard on your shoulders.
I just buy whatever Speedo cap and glasses look good from the Speedo shop on Amazon.
I also have curly hair and wear contact lenses because my eyes are weird (big diopter difference between left and right).
More and more retailers are prompting me to “add purchase protection” for online orders, saying that it will protect against lost or stolen packages. They used to generally give refunds for truly lost or stolen packages; will they still or is this new money grab the only way forward?
I don’t know the answer, but it’s wild to me that we are doing this instead of just enabling the system to actually prosecute package thieves. Now we’re paying taxes for a police department that can’t solve this problem AND for a commercial solution to it. Sucks for the average American to be paying for this twice.
My god, I am so glad we’re not paying enough taxes to have the millions or billions of dollars of extra policing it would take to stop package thieves because people are too lazy to stop at the store.
I don’t understand why people don’t use the post office/ups/Amazon pick up points. They’re so convenient and no stolen packages.
Because they shouldn’t be necessary in a functional society.
Alright then, be stubborn and have your packages stolen. I’ll keep walking to the bodega on the corner to safely pick up my things.
Consider the possibility that they aren’t actually convenient for everyone.
You seem to live in an area where parking is not a concern. I’m in an urban area. I drive but the Amazon lockers are in a place with no parking that is not walking distance from my residence. I’m up against this all the time.
They’re not convenient for everyone. I used to live in a city, and while there was a pick-up point pretty close to my apartment, those packages can be heavy and big, so depending on the item, I wasn’t going to lug them by foot. Now I live in a small town, and they’re just out of my way most days. I’m personally fine with trading off the risk for convenience – I’ve only had packages lost/stolen very rarely – but I understand it’s a much bigger issue elsewhere.
Imagine thinking that ecommerce is the result of “people being too lazy” to shop at “the store.” What an odd take.
I would shop at the store if it actually carried the things I need to buy.
Oh yeah, that’s it. People are just too lazy! Really sums it up.
Oh yeah, the poor working single mother who lives in a crime-heavy area and is most affected by this issue is definitely just too lazy to help herself.
Have them sent to a pick up spot or your office or something.
My question is whether I “have” to get this purchase protection. I’ve had packages marked as “delivered” even though they never were (with me being home on the porch during the alleged drop off time, etc). Sometimes tracking shows a photo of drop off at a wrong address. Do I really need to pay extra money to protect against something I’m not the one effing up?
I wouldn’t and would either buy elsewhere or do a chargeback if they refused to bear the costs.
Why would you do a charge back? If you order something to your house and know there’s a chance somebody is going to come steal it, how is that the fault of the company you bought it from? They’ve delivered on their end of the bargain.
You’re not a lawyer, are you? The responsibility for delivering packages safely has historically always resided with the shipper, not the recipient.
Also, truly wild to think that I haven’t “delivered on my end of the bargain” by being a victim of a crime. Do you want me shooting package thieves to make sure they don’t steal off my stoop or something?
I mean, no? Of course you don’t have to buy it . . . ? But also why should Amazon foot the bill for something that’s not their fault either?
Yes, poor, poor, poor Amazon. Definitely cannot afford to bear the cost of this externality.
Tariff talk.
One of my favorite small UK perfumers, Sarah McCartney of 4160 Tuesdays, put out an announcement a few days afot that she can no longer ship to the US. At all. DHL won’t accept US bound packages from her at this point. Some of her customers were receiving tariff notices from DHL holding their packages hostage until paid. Many were returned to the UK. DHL hasn’t been answering her questions because they say they don’t know the answers.
What a colossal f up.
(I’ve already hoarded my favorite Asian sunscreens but I know those days are numbered too.)
This timeline is both terrible and stupid.
My teen had a package help for this.
DHL, the post offices of many countries: welcome to our isolation.
My kid is a recreational ballet dancer and while she doesn’t go through pointe shoes like someone trying to go pro, I’m wondering how much the next pair will cost. She’s been doing it for 8-ish years and a pair has gone from $80ish to $110 a pop. The ones she prefers aren’t custom or even an obscure-ish brand (Bloch). It’s also going to be hard on the dance store – people don’t impulse buy a skirt or some pins or whatever when the shoes are so $$$, and having a physical store is super-helpful for getting the right shoe and preventing injury. This nonsense is unnecessary.
Thoughts and insight please. Trying to book hair and makeup for a black tie wedding in Paris and the quotes seem high but it might be the very weak Canadian dollar that is causing me to have this reaction. Hair is shoulder length blow out with some clip-in extensions and just generic make up. Quotes are 300 Euro or $350 USD…but that’s $480 Canadian which is really high for me.
Does the price include the extensions?
No, I have them already. Trimmed and coloured for me.
Are you looking for someone to come to you, or are you going to them? I expect to pay a premium if they’re coming to me.
That seems right for hair + makeup especially if it includes extensions. Are you going through the hotel? You might have better pricing at a non-hotel salon but I can’t imagine the savings would be worth the time it would take to find a place you are confident with unless you have a local connection for suggestions (or someone here has a great suggestion). Plus then you have to get to and from the salon without mussing your hair.
This is where I am landing. I have an old friend who was our Deputy Ambassador and assumed she could give me a referral but she didn’t have one so a friend gave me a reputable one that comes to you, which as you say, is very convenient. I still have to travel because we are not staying at the Georges V where wedding is but it’s close by. But one minor commute is better than two. I just have to suck it up an accept the dollar exchange will always hurt. Not many chances to attend a black tie event at the George V during fashion week, so c’est la vie! Thanks to all!
Um, yes! We need to hear all about this when you get back!
That seems like a reasonable price in my US city.