Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Virginia Top
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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
If you’re in the market for a statement top, Ulla Johnson should be your first stop this season. This lace trim blouse is perfectly autumnal. Pair it with some wide-legged chocolate brown trousers for a gorgeous seasonal look.
The top is $250 at Saks and Ulla Johnson and comes in sizes 0-16.
Sales of note for 9/26/25
- Nordstrom – 7400+ new markdowns! Also: 6x points on beauty.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale, plus $20 style steals
- Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 15% off
- Boden – Sale now up to 50% off PLUS an extra 10% off
- J.Crew – Extra 30% off sale styles, plus up to 50% off layers they love
- J.Crew Factory – 40-70% off everything + extra 20% off $125+
- Nordstrom Rack – UGG up to 40% off
- Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance sales
- Soma – 6 panties for $36 — readers love these no-VPL panties (and these PJs)
- Talbots – 40% off one item, plus 30% off everything else
- White House Black Market – 30% off all full-price dresses, and $50 off $200+ purchase
Blazers always fit me odd because they’re way too large on the shoulders – the edge of the blazer is way farther out than my actual shoulder. But then they’re also too tight on the upper arms. So if I get a blazer that fits my shoulders it would be too tight on the arms. What’s the solution here? Get a larger size and get it tailored? I used to try those ponte blazers because I thought they would be more flexible but those have a similar issue.
Buy to the shoulder measurement. That can’t be easily changed because taking in the shoulder means taking apart the entire garment. Very expensive. Try other brands or consider if a men’s blazer will fit you better. If you live near a city with a garment district you could also look into getting some blazers custom made.
I’ve heard buy to the shoulder measurement. But can the arms be widened?
No, not typically. But if you take in a blazer to a tailor and ask them to change the shoulder, it’ll be at least the price of the garment if not more because they have to deconstruct the whole thing. With the lack of quality of most pieces it’s not worth it (both price wise and the final result) so at that point, going custom is probably going to be the better option.
But you also can’t easily expand the arms, or in my case the bust area. I have this problem too because I have a large chest but am otherwise small framed and have narrow shoulders compared to my chest size. I haven’t come up with a good solution other than avoiding blazers with defined shoulders and just wearing sweaters or sweater blazers.
Same. It is kind of annoying though because I think defined shoulders are flattering especially when the shoulders are narrow compared to chest size!
Oh yeah this is my exact body type. Thinking of going the sweater blazer route at this point. I avoided blazers a lot for this reason too but sometimes you want a structured third piece
Looks good in strapless dresses at least
I have narrow shoulders and a big bust and often have the problem of unflattering blazers. Petites usually work better but I don’t know what height you area. The other thing is to try on different brands to see what works. For example, I can almost never wear mass dept store brands and have them fit well but theory works most of the time. I would just try different brands and see if one hits.
This is one reason why people come up with “signature looks” such as a black turtleneck or a tunic.
While I’m asking this – I only wear blazers occasionally, when a client is in town or something. So I definitely don’t need a standard black suit. Would one of the more colorful suits posted here work? I love them every time, and I would wear it as separates anyways. I’m a middle manager working at a non profit, sometimes meeting with funders or similar, but more likely in a restaurant or conference, not in their offices.
I feel like a good blazer is not a suiting part in classic menswear and I think that this take is correct. I wish it weren’t because I have a lot of little-worn suits. But they never look as good as a stand-alone piece.
I agree with this. A suit jacket is not a blazer. A blazer is made of a more textured fabric and/or has a more interesting cut or details than a suit jacket.
+1 I have worn suits broken up but it would probably be easier to get great separates if you just shopped for them that way. That said, if you love a colorful suit and want to wear it professionally I think you should.
This is a good point. I want a good colorful blazer (or maybe sweater blazer) more than I want a colorful suit.
I’m a little jealous of guy friends who get custom suits made. But I could do that too.
Given this, I’d suggest looking at different cuts. Like a tweed lady jacket in cream could go with a ton of different looks, from denim to dressy, and those tend to have narrower shoulders than traditional blazer type cuts.
On suit color, I would take your cues from how the people in your non-profit at your level or above you dress. It’s hard for me to imagine that the color of your suit makes a great deal of difference, if your general grooming and polish is good.
Yeah I don’t think it matters as much as it would in law or finance. Or consulting, which I used to work in. As long as you look polished and at the right approximate formality you’re good
Either buy the larger size and get it tailored, or get a stretchy fabric like crepe, or a sweater blazer which will have more give. But essentially – tailoring. As a short/petite person tailoring is the single best thing I can do to look polished.
Are you sure it’s not just your eye that needs to get used to the look? A tailored blazer and sharper shoulders take a minute if you’re not used to wearing them.
This could be the case, but the shoulder pad should still end at the right spot. If it projects far out past the edge of her shoulder it doesn’t fit right.
I have a similar fit issue. I buy a blazer large enough to accomodate my large upper arms, and then my tailor takes in the shoulders and also shortens the sleeves. This has always been $70-100. It’s a very reasonable investment. I rarely wear suits anymore, but I recently wore one that I had altered in 2019. The blazer and pants were probably around $300, the blazer now fits like a glove, and I’ll continue wearing them for years to come.
The tailor should be able to remove some width across the shoulders using the center back seam, which is not the radical deconstruction of the garment that some other posters are describing.
This is exactly what my tailor does.
Do you have sloping shoulders? Try some soft shoulderpads – Prym has ones to fasten in your bra strap to test, you can bring them shopping with you.
If necklines are roomy when you size correctly for your arms, you can have the back midseam taken in. This will make the neckline smaller, and if it’s collared, the collar will have to be resized. You can test for fit by clipping or tacking a new back seam.
Just got the invitation to a family wedding, and I am flummoxed about what to wear. Ceremony is at 4 pm on a Friday in December at a church in the Kentucky suburbs of Cincinnati, and the dress code is “black tie optional.”
I had thought to wear a dress I already have (lace, sort of a bright navy, long sleeves and a bit below knee length, probably pewter/silver shoes) but now that I see the dress code I’m having second thoughts. But I don’t own anything approaching black tie and I really don’t want to buy anything just for this occasion. Would I be totally inappropriate?
Black tie optional, particularly in the Midwest, means “if you have a tux by all means wear it, but normal wedding guest c-cktail attire is totally fine.”
Your dress is fine!
I’ll add, I have midwestern family, and if you don’t specify “black tie optional” a lot of men will wear khakis and a sport coat and women simple cotton dresses. So it’s a way to say “dress formally” vs. obligate anyone to go buy a tux or gown.
I think this might just be a your family thing. While I agree the Midwest skews more casual than NYC, I don’t normally see men in khakis at weddings.
we’re talking families from smaller towns scattered around Iowa, Minnesota, Wisconsin, southern Illinois, here – not urban midwest. But the OP’s dress sounds fine to me even by Chicago standards for “optional.”
My middle class Midwest family will absolutely show up in khakis with polo shirts unless you tell them to wear their Easter Sunday suits (which are the same suits they wear to funerals and their own kids’ graduation ceremonies).
Rural southern here. Older women are very southern. Everyone else except very young women has gone with just “rural,” so I agree that precise wording is helpful for “y,all, this is FANCY” so that no one is chewing gum up at the altar or wearing unpressed khakis. Their women will know what this means and word will trickle down.
East coast town, men are always in khakis at weddings.
I live in the upper midwest in a middle class family (I think class will matter in this discussion somewhat no matter wear you live), and guys will def wear khakis and sports coats for “formal”. My sister had to specifically ask for no jeans at her wedding, and there was grumbling from select members of my extended family and the rest of us had to be like – yeah that’s not unreasonable. My uncles concession to formal was to wear khakis.
I totally agree that OPs dress is completely good to go.
Co-signing this as someone with a lot of Midwest family who presumably isn’t related to you.
I’m going to possibly disagree if this is near Louisville, which skews more southern than midwestern. I’d wear something more formal.
The “optional” part of black tie optional means you have a choice between black tie and c*cktail. The dress you describe sounds fine.
If it said just black tie it would be a different story.
I live in Kentucky and this is exactly fine to wear, although I’m not sure that I see a lot of pewter/silver shoes.
More advice from the Bluegrass State: consider the reception venue. Look for photos of weddings held at that venue on social media and see what guests wear.
I’ve found that for wedding-type venues (not church halls or hotels), guest attire is relatively consistent wedding to wedding.
That dress works! It sounds like the dress code is just wear something formal
My bf’s college friend invited us to a “black tie optional” wedding that I bought a long gown for. Turns out that the bride just said that so people wouldn’t wear jeans and everyone else was in sundresses or cocktail dresses. I was definitely overdressed.
Your dress sounds lovely and totally appropriate.
I grew up in Northern Kentucky/greater Cincy and agree your dress sounds perfect. And, its very possible that at least some people will show up in khakis even with a more formal dress code specified (as happened at my own wedding in that area). You should note that there can be a wide variation of the formality of locations in that area. For example, a wedding at the Cathedral/hotel reception likely will skew more formal than a wedding at the local Lutheran church/banquet hall reception. Your dress sounds perfect for either.
Where I live in the SEUS, nowadays men seem to treat khaki-colored dress pants + sport coat as the equivalent of a suit.
Any recommendations for workout leggings that actually stay up? Size 12/14 and even at several sizes smaller, I’ve always struggled with the stay up problem. It’s worse now with a larger stomach too. Will gladly take any recs.
Go bigger not smaller.
I have had good luck with Sweaty Betty, and size up.
You need a larger size, not smaller. Too small and the leggings will slide down in an attempt to find a place where they are less stretched.
As a size 14 pear, I prefer high-waisted with an internal drawstring and I go for at least an XL in most workout legging brands, sometimes an XXL if they are marketed as compressive. Personally, I like the Tek Gear leggings from Kohls for a good balance between decent fabric and reasonable price.
Agree with the drawstring rec. I am a similar size and like the Sweaty Betty power leggings in an XL. One caveat is that I am a bit short waisted. I also like Oiselle’s pocket jogger leggings if you want something thicker; they do numerical sizing, but I think are cut pretty generously. The Athleta leggings I have are size L.
My magic bullet for this are Vuori daily leggings (I prefer with pockets, but YMMV), one size larger than I would usually take.
Like others have told you, you probably need to size up not down to get them to stay up. It seems counter intuitive. Also, high waisted plus draw string will help. Co-signed, my calves pull my leggings down.
I think OP means that even when her body was smaller, she struggled with leggings staying up and expects more trouble now that her body is larger than it was before.
No recs, I am also this size and also can’t find leggings that stay up; I hate the drawstring feeling around my waist.
Thanks all! Sizing up sounds like the way to go. I also have unusually wide calves (just like my father…) and I think they pull leggings down.
Zella from Nordstrom has outperformed any other spendy, trendy brand I’ve tried before.
Hot tip: put a couple swipes of deodorant on your belly, where the leggings hit. It helps!
Old Navy power soft high waist leggings. If you feel like your calves are pulling them down, they have bike shorts versions and capri versions. Cheap, wear like iron, machine wash/dry, and have fit me at my various curvy 12-18 sizes. They have versions with and without pockets so just make sure you know which ones you’re clicking on.
I love Costco leggings.
I’m also a size 12/14 with larger calves and thighs but a smaller waist. Compression leggings consistently fall down on me, regardless of whether I size up or down. Athleta, Lululemon, Sweaty Betty–they all fall down. I’ve had better luck with cheap Old Navy and Target Motive leggings and a drawstring that I pull super tight. I’ve also started wearing Old Navy joggers and they blessedly never fall down and I don’t have a drawstring cutting me in half.
have you tried old navy? i really like the high waisted ones and hike them up far too high. zella and costco ones fall down in 2 seconds on me.
i have one pieces for when i know i’m going to be doing yoga with friends or whatever.
Torrid. There’s some magic thing in the band that helps enormously. I’ve always had the same problem at all sizes and those don’t budge.
I have a work trip to Europe in a couple of weeks and somehow have a day and a half in Paris by myself (!!). How would you spend this? I would like to shop a bit but can be efficient – I have a short list of two things I’d like to get, and would like to go to Sezanne. But how else should I plan my time? I am staying in the 7th and am generally not familiar with Paris, as I went once many years ago.
It’s not super close to you, but if you find yourself in the 11th/12th, the croissants at Ble Sucre are the best I’ve ever had.
I would go to only in Paris spots – Sezane is all over the US. Astier de Viatte for a pretty ceramic piece (not only there but hard to find and originally there and close to you), Repetto for ballet flats, the reopened Samaritaine department store.
ooh fun! I would grab a copy of Rick Steves – he designs walks that incorporate landmarks or museums. With 1.5 days I probably would not spend them all in the Louvre…. maybe wander the Tuileries and go to the Orangerie, take a Seine cruise at night, see the refurbished Notre-Dame (free timed tickets are released at midnight Paris time 3 days ahead, so set a reminder), and sit in cafes and people-watch.
I would do this and add St. Chapelle for stained glass.
Sainte-Chapelle is extraordinary. If I had to choose only one, I’d go there before I went to Notre Dame.
oh good call. if a sunny day, that would probably jump to the top of my list as it is such a jewel box!
If you can’t score the timed tickets for Notre Dame – go anyways. They have a line for unticketed visitors and it moves quicker than you might think. We went in June at 11 am and only waited 10-15 minutes in line.
If it works with your schedule, go to the Louvre’s evening hours. Wandering around it at night, with very few other people, is really magical.
If you’re in the 7th, Bon Marche seems like an obvious choice.
You are also close enough to City Pharma to stock up on French skincare and sunscreen for cheap. Go early morning to avoid lines.
Agreed. If you’re in the 7th go to le Bon Marché and walk down rue du Bac to Sezane. There are lots of other fun stores on rue du Bac. I like Balzac, and get food from a picnic lower down on the street.
I always love shopping in the Marais. If you walk from the 7th you can go through the Tuileries on one side, or past the Notre Dame cathedral if you go the other way.
I also highly recommend a food tour from Paris By Mouth. And the Musee D’Orsay is lovely and much more accessible than the Louvre. (Although I always recommend a guide for either place.)
I have had good luck with Sweaty Betty, and size up.
Give me your best dazzle dry tips. I have the ridge filler, and really like it. I am finding that sometimes it will all last amazing for an entire week, and sometimes I get 1-2 days before it starts chipping. What should I work on? Possibly cleaning my nails very well beforehand? What is the optimal amount of coats to put on?
I do one coat basecoat, one coat ridge filler, two coats color, one coat topcoat. I don’t find that the extra coats of basecoat the manufacturer recommends (a second coat of basecoat before the ridge filler and another after) help with durability, and they seem to increase the risk of bubbles and slow drying. For me chips usually mean that I didn’t get all the layers all the way to the edge of the nail. For chipping early in the week, I will go back over all the nails with the prep solution, one coat basecoat, one coat color, and one coat topcoat, and that usually fixes it for the rest of the week.
I do two coats of base, one coat of filler, another coat of base, two coats of polish, and then the top coat. It generally lasts a week for me. Do you make sure to warm up the base coat so it isn’t cloudy each time? And I recently discovered there are two versions of the filler – I use the original, pinkish one but there is another that is more white in color. I have no idea if either of those things makes a difference! I do always use the Step 1 nail cleaner before I start, as well.
The pink ridge filler is thicker and more gel-like. The white one is for sheer polishes.
Thanks – I hadn’t had a chance to figure out the difference yet!
What do men wear while touring the Vatican in late spring these days? I realize that we are tourists, but husband wants to look “respectable” since he has relatives in the clergy. At home, he is a Duluth Trading Post kind of guy and wears scrubs at work, so has no clue. My casual law office is “golf attire” for men, so also not helpful.
Rather than think specifically about what to wear to the Vatican, I’d probably think about what events might come up in your everyday life where he’d want to look “respectable” and buy an outfit that would work in those settings as well as the Vatican. That way you’re not buying vacation-only clothes, and he has something nice to wear when needed. I’d have him go to the men’s department of your local department store and get a sales person there to pull pants and shirts that he can try on.
I went a few years ago. No one dresses up. Literally anything will be fine as long as it’s not a tank top or beachwear.
I should add I also had some anxiety about this being from a big Catholic family. I wore a long sleeved button down and skirt (business casual) + flats, and I felt overdressed. It was also hot. I wish I’d worn a cotton tee with the skirt or just a casual short sleeve swing dress.
Speaking of this anxiety of being respectful, I still feel weird wearing jeans to Sunday mass even though it is now acceptable.
I was wearing jeans in the 90’s at my parish. Although, maybe I should say that my non-Catholic friends have been shocked at some of the short, tight dresses guests have worn at wedding ceremonies here over the years. Maybe we’re trashy and not the norm, idk.
Agree you should dress primarily for comfort. There’s no air conditioning and there are wall to wall tourists indoors. The tour itself is a lot of walking and consider how far your hotel is (we walked a few thousand steps just getting there). For a man wear dressy Lululemon-type athleisure: collared short sleeve shirt in performance fabric, lightweight pants, and fashionable sneakers.
yeah no one dresses up. But you do have to follow modesty standards, which rules out things like shorts, even nicer ones. It’s not just tank tops and beachwear that you have to avoid. It shouldn’t be oppressively hot in spring, so jeans, sneakers and a t-shirt that covers your shoulders are the way to go.
I’d suggest a collared shirt (can be a polo or a camp-style shirt) and a pair of lightweight pants. No hats, no visible knees allowed.
Honestly anything goes as long as it meets modesty requirements – so we saw men in everything from track pants, cargo pants, jeans, khakis, and dress pants, with tshirts to upscale tshirts, henleys, polos, and short and long sleeve button-downs.
DH wore linen pants with a short-sleeved linen shirt – pieces he already had and work well for warm-weather touring.
When you say “touring the Vatican”, what do you mean? If you are visiting St. Peter’s or the Museum, you need to observe the modesty standards but otherwise you can wear what is comfortable. I wore a cotton maxi dress with short sleeves and a pair of white sneakers because it was really hot. The men in my group wore casual pants and collared shirts but nothing formal.
If you are doing something else, please let us know. Obviously if you are attending an audience with the Pope the standards are different!!
Employee has been struggling. Manager is meeting with them daily, we are regularly correcting their work. (I am manager’s manager.). I have email after email clearly documenting the expectation, the feedback, the timeline that the document is expected in… Manager is doing all the things you’re supposed to do. We just had a meeting (where I was there as the next level manager) and suddenly employee is shocked and said ‘I had no idea my performance was so bad.’
…Ah yes. That performance evaluation, update, series of emails, and daily check-ins with your manager to help your performance were all just flukes. GUYS. I can’t figure out if employee is oblivious or just… dumb…
This is about 90% of these situations. They’re shocked because their livelihood is at stake and most people don’t realize when they’re close to being fired v getting constructive criticism. They aren’t managers, they don’t see work through the same lens. They aren’t dumb, they’re human. This is normal.
Agree. Give this person a break for feeling overwhelmed that their life might change in a bad way.
Anyway, was this presented to the employee in a real, concrete way where they understand what’s needed, or just a wall of writing that they might not grasp? It doesn’t make them dumb, it just means they might not have understood what was being asked of them. My exec team always thinks they are being “very very clear” and honestly, it takes a lot of context clues, parsing phrasing with other employees, to get the sense of what they actually want.
We’re at the point with this employee where it’s like ‘here is X File. Here is Y file. Please take the data from X file and use it to complete Y file. Here is a link to the directions of how to do this from the meeting where you were told how to complete this assignment which we recorded.’
It’s very VERY clear.
No girl, that says “I’m a micromanager with specific preferences” as much as it does “your performance is a problem.” I am all for working with people, but don’t confuse that with being clear about the situation. Unless you’re a manager or a person who’s been performanced out in the past, this isn’t clear.
That’s being clear about what to do, not clear about the employee being categorized as underperforming.
Sorry, I can’t seem to disengage here – by performance eval I mean that they got a formal document and meeting with their manager which they signed which said ‘does not meet expectations’ and then there’s a section where you say which step they are at and it maps that first is coaching and then manager has to fill out a coaching plan. Since eval, employee has regular performance meetings where they are given feedback – manager has been doing these and they’re all documented and signed. So the employee has a stack of things that say ‘not meeting expectations’. On top of that, the manager has done every bit of coaching and hand holding and when we had the meeting where we directly said ‘you did not improve so now we move to Step 2, if you do not show improvement you will be terminated.’ FWIW – manager actually thinks they may have another job which I don’t think I agree with but would explain a lot.
I was starting to wonder about the “another job” scenario too.
I mean… you can fire them right? It doesn’t matter if the employee agrees with it. Since there’s documentation, I assume HR is involved and is advising of the process. It sounds like a timeline was given and the check-ins are not showing improvement.
Sometimes people can improve from a bad start or recover from a slump, but sometimes they’re just not going to work in the role. Sometimes they have life circumstances that they’re not admitting, but you’ve been clear on your end.
Who knows. Maybe they believe what they need to believe. Maybe they thought you did this with every employee and that they weren’t underperforming relative to other staff. If they’re this slow on the uptake about expectations and deadlines, then it’s not astounding that they’re slow on the uptake about underperforming! Sometimes things need to be put into words and not implied.
I posted this to vent because I needed to be professional in the moment, but… I think this is it.
Frustrating because we’re being SO clear. Evidently though, telling somebody their work ‘does not meet expectations’ is ‘significantly below our standards’, ‘requires total reworking’, and ‘is not acceptable’ should have just said ‘Your work is really bad.’
Calling your employee “dumb” here is unprofessional. I’d rather be the employee then have moved up so far into layers of management that I’ve lost any sense of empathy. [And yes I’ve managed employees who had weaker performance.]
100%, this is horrifyingly unempathetic.
Fair criticism. (I wrote more but then deleted it because I’ll take the hit here. What I’ve described does make me sound like a monster. I’m being very protective of direct manager who is working SO hard and am frustrated that employee is getting paid the same as their colleagues yet is giving us 10% of the usable work that we need. If I could, I would delete this chain.)
Omg people. We’re allowed to anonymously vent about chronic underperformers here. Get a grip.
I posted here a couple months ago about putting an employee on a PIP who just didn’t seem to understand how serious it was, even though we (HR and I) literally spelled it out in the document she had to sign AND verbally: “this is a workplan; if you don’t meet the expectations laid out in it, we move to termination.” The folks on this board were *aghast* that I would even dare put someone on a PIP at all, let alone clearly state that termination was an option. My point in sharing this: Don’t listen to the negative comments here, they seem to think everyone deserves a job even when they can’t perform it to a bare minimum standard!
I went through this situation this summer with a direct report, and it’s exactly it. I was doing an enormous amount of hand-holding. He didn’t see it that way until I was very, very direct about how poorly he was performing. Then he quit 2 days later because I was so very mean.
But that was what you wanted, right? For him to quit?
I’ve also been there, where we had a formal document that said the employee wasn’t meeting expectations, with a deadline to improve. In hindsight, I think they were totally unsuited for the role, which is why they couldn’t make the needed improvements. At that point, I get how being in denial about the situation is a normal reaction, however exasperating for the manager.
What I can’t figure out (as the manager’s manager) is whether this employee is not suited for the role because struggling with the actual tasks or if they’re just not actually working during the hours they say they’re working. I mean, based on their output they literally might be just staring at a screen…
Maybe this is just reality hitting, but think about it – employee is seriously underperforming, which suggests a lack of understanding/skillset necessary to meet the demands of role. So this person probably also lacks the insight, experience, perspective, etc. to realize just how big of a gap there is between expectations and their performance. Some people who aren’t typically high performers are used to receiving lots of constructive feedback. Prior employers might have allowed similar conduct to go on for quite a while. It’s possible that they just do not care and or are entirely dumb, but I think this is unsurprising.
I wonder. I got special “leadership training” once that was a career development thing (to get to a higher level). I see how someone can see “getting extra training” is that you are investing in them and their work and their future when it is just the opposite (remedial training vs advanced training). The ear hears what it wants sometime. And since the world has so many euphemisms, I see how this can be the case. You’re not getting the hard coaching at the NFL combine; you are getting a last chance to meet minimums.
This absolutely does happen (people thinking that remedial training is extra investment).
It’s really possible that this employee has never encountered a corporate process like this before, and didn’t recognize what it was! Whereas, you and the manager thoroughly understand what you’re doing and why you’re creating a paper trail.
I didn’t know that a process like this existed, and that it means “you’re headed toward being fired” until I read about it on this forum. I’ve always worked for small organizations, or mom-and-pop businesses, and none of them had formal processes like this.
I feel like the wording should be more dire initially: We will be letting you go in X months unless we determine you are doing markedly better a month from now.
DH had an employee who was chronically late. Nothing he said mattered. It was all heard as “you can do better” or “we prefer X”. The guy either didn’t want to change or didn’t care (we thought he lived at home with parents even though he was an adult). I have no idea. DH tried and tried and DH wants to be a nice guy and hates conflict. I now think that with a problem employee, you need to err on the side of bluntness, as if there is a 3-month warning that their absolute final day is 3 (or however) months away. [Often, where I work, we offer 3 months of severance and signing a waiver and it’s ALWAYS taken. I swear this is kinder on everyone. I’m not sure these people ever get the memo. Hard/soft/any coaching often fails to achieve the goal and takes a lot of emotional labor.]
Unless you said “you are at risk of losing your position if we don’t see X improvement,” you may not have been as clear as you think. Giving someone step by step instructions for a task might just seem particular instead of a warning.
I saw the OPs follow up comment above, so I’ll give a little grace that they care very much about the efforts of their direct report.
I’ll only say step-by-step directions are hard for me to grasp in writing, but it’s easier to grasp once I play around with things and do them in real life.
My only comment: it’s late September. Please be direct with this employee and suggest that she/he starts to job search now. Hiring slows way down around Thanksgiving, and no one likes to be unemployed around the holidays. It’s easier to get a job when you have a job.
Be as direct as possible about this.
On a side note, did you or your direct report label this as a PIP? Sometimes, that helps to get the point across.
Yeah, because of our structure the process is long so not concerned about that. It’s technically still a ‘coaching plan’ and the formal PIP is next in the process.
Somehow in the midst of me coming off as having no empathy, I lost the fact that I really REALLY want this employee to succeed. Frankly – we need this person on our team and even if they were functioning at 50% of their peers that would be great. We have also had to do things I really hate doing like require hour by hour documentation when employee is working from home and actively check in because we’re not seeing any work (literally almost zero) accomplished if employee telecommutes and it’s a case of ‘I will not let one person ruin if for the rest of the team.’ All in all I’m frustrated and thanks for letting me process externally because I still have to do my actual job.
why is this person allowed to work from home if their productivity is so awful when they do?
…allowing this person to continue to wfh when having performance issues is poor management
Can you take away the work from home privilege for this employee? That might help force them to be more productive and take some pressure of you and your direct report from having to manage their day to day tasks. It also might convince the poor employee to quit (or give up the second job you suspect they have) so you don’t have to go through the lengthy documentation process.
To both you and the individual above you – yes, that is what is happening as next steps. And… the goal was never to get employee to quit, it was to get them to do the job we hired them for.
Managing remote underperformers is nothing but frustrating because you spend so much time chasing them and being ghosted and having to document it all and then doing the work they didn’t and you still have your job to do on top of it. 0/10 do not recommend.
I feel like a PIP is corporate doublespeak to the crowd that needs to hear a “you should come to Jesus or look for another job now.” It’s a plan. To improve their performance. If they do anything to try to improve their performance on the plan, they see it as success (A for effort, even if the results are horrible and the effort is meh). “I am doing what you told me to do” is their puzzled reaction to being fired.
I also think the name is not helping.
Right? I plan to improve my performance all the time. At work. At the gym. It’s how things are. But the name is false when used in this context. Everyone is planning to do better next year but John is getting sacked not because his performance doesn’t meet expectations (in any group, someone is the worst; we could all do better; the Chiefs should have won the Super Bowl), but because he ISN”T DOING THE JOB. Period. Anything else is gibberish to someone who has a performance problem (and is why people are also successfully working two jobs).
I worked in a department where the director did not believe that PIP meant “we are about to fire you.” She would put people on PIPs and then be shocked and angry when they found another job and quit because “but we were investing in improving their performance!” LOL, what? I explained it to her multiple times, but she never got it.
HR manager here: Sooo common that employees are ‘shocked’ to learn that their performance has put their job in jeopardy. Employees really don’t get it until you are very, painfully clear at the start. I tell managers that the first time they meet with an employee about a performance issue they need to say the message of consequences three times, three different ways: “If you don’t fix this you could be fired. That means you will lose your job and you won’t work here any more.”
Managers who did this said it really got the message across.
So true. We terminated someone in my department today, who was on a PIP. She was shocked. I had a quick check in with our HR lead and we have agreed to change the language in the PIP form to be clear on the consequences or not improving (eg may lead to termination) and to provide the manager a script to start the conversation with.
Thank you both! Our org has a long process. First the employee has to get evaluated as ‘does not meet expectations’ and the immediate assumption is that they need additional training/coaching to improve. Here – that’s not the PIP, that’s technically the ‘coaching plan’ that comes out of the poor eval. One of the immediate steps that happened today is that employee got their WFH revoked. Here we need a ‘documented performance and/or productivity issue’ to require 100% in office. Even though employee had been told ‘we have noticed work is not getting done when you telecommute. If work does not get completed, your privilege of telecommuting will be revoked,’ they were shellshocked when we followed through today?
The next steps go into the formal PIP and that’s where HR starts joining the meetings, etc. The first line of the letter that we do next says basically ‘There are problems with your work detailed below. If you do not fix them, you will be fired.’ I think somehow I gave the impression that we were just telling someone they were fired out of the blue… so so far from that. It’s more of the scenario of somebody is being told ‘here is how to make a widget’, they are being given all the time and support and materials, and coming back with a half done widget that they claim they worked night and day on for weeks when really it looks like a 10 minute job… and then they’re saying ‘I should be the senior widget maker on this team’ oblivious to the fact that they failed to make the single widget… meanwhile the rest of the team (I haven’t noted gender at all on purpose but will note that the rest of the team are all women and really good) are all completing 30 widgets/day AND trying to help employee.
I’m crippled in my search for a new work bag and could use some vicarious shopping and recs. My current Cuyana structured leather tote is almost 7 years old and is in much need of retirement. It’s beyond repair. I’m in finance and about to start a very senior job among a lot of men. I want to look crisp and put together.
My style is polished, preppy? Classic looks, colors and lines. Minimal/no logos and no recognizable prints. The bag needs to hold a laptop, notebook, wallet among other smaller things. It would be used daily, carry it to external meetings, etc.
I’m just not in love with the current Cuyana styles after seeing them in person. Someone told me one of the totes slips off the shoulder a lot, too. If I don’t find anything else I love, I will get one but want to broaden my horizons some.
Budget is loose, but probably $500-600 range but I’ve had my eye on Mulberry Bayswater which i know is around $1200-1400. If someone tells me that’s the greatest bag ever, I’d ignore my budget and go for it. So if anything else is in that price range and you can convince me, I’d stretch for it. I’ve heard Coach is having a bit of a comeback but I’m a little…. selfconscious? about carrying a Coach bag knowing how over saturated they were for SO long…but I can also get over that if it’s extra special. Help??
In case anyone has first hand experience with the below, a few have caught my eye after searching “mid luxe work tote”:
– Tory Burch Romy Tote
– Strathberry Osette Shopper (new to me brand)
– Veronica Beard Dash Bag (how is their bag quality?)
– Staud Maude Carryall (new to me brand)
– Freja Paloma Tote (new to me brand)
I’ve looked at that Mulberry and it is HEAVY. If you are somewhere with a store I would go try it on and load it up with all the stuff you carry daily. I think the big question on what bag you need is whether you need to carry a laptop daily and if so what size. Your options get much slimmer if you’ve got to put one of the big macbooks in every day. Aspinall of London or Coccinelle might have options in your price range and are very good quality, as well as being less oversaturated in the US. Go lurk on the handbags subreddit for a bit — lots of honest reviews there.
It won’t be a big macbook. I will get the computer on 10/1, but based on what I know it’s a relatively slim, low profile standard issue dell or HP.
No one carries it in store near me (Boston area). I may just order it from Nordstrom or Bloomingdales and do a quick return if it’s too heavy. I have to get the satchel out of my brain…..
Right there with you. Leather is heavy but looks good empty, which does not help. I have not loved Tumi. I feel it’s fine, but not perfect. I am using a Lo & Sons Seville (with the outside pocket on the leather one), but I converted to the nylon sleeve for a trip and that was a while ago. It’s so convenient. Experimenting with smaller secondary bags to tuck into it or carry separately (in my city, I often go out with a small bag vs the laptop tote when meeting clients for lunch or events and lugging a big bag feels odd sometimes; it’s fine on travel though).
I kind of love the look of the Coach Flatiron. I hate that they still market briefcases/work totes primarily to men.
Link: https://www.coach.com/products/flatiron-portfolio/CCB55.html?frp=CCB55+MPL
I have a coach empire 48 in maple and I love it. I do need to have more holes added to the strap.
I’m in a senior role and spent months searching for a perfect work tote. I ended up landing on a Tumi. Not ostentatious but nice, professional, and very practical.
Tumi voyageur line works well — it’s nylon, so it won’t wear nor show dirt, and if you get a computer tote, you can carry a bunch of stuff inside, including a smaller Tumi cross-body or similar bag that you can consolidate for boarding a commercial flight or fish out to take with you to grab lunch or a coffee, without toting the whole big tote with you. The Tumi tote will carry a spare pair of shoes, small umbrella, etc. Good luck!
Kindly, men will not care about your bag, unless it is interfering with your ability to walk or carry stuff. For the women you encounter, your instincts on a Coach bag are probably right depending on how high the position is. If you want a true prestige (designer) work bag, your budget will need to be 3,000 at least. With that said, Mulberry and Strathberry both hit above their price point in terms of prestige, and quiet luxury. Another good option is Serapian and other old school European brands which makes lovely high quality bags that are going to be a bit more expensive but not Botegga moeny. I’d browse around Moda Operandi and NetaPorter, as they normally have a few more options.
Thanks for the tips.
I don’t mean to suggest men care. Just intending to comment on the work atmosphere.
Definitely not looking to spend “true prestige” or Bottega money at this point. I suppose I can afford it but it’s just not where I want to spend my money at the moment. I know YSL has a tote that’s about $1600 but it looks like a very boring, basic tote. I’d be paying for the brand, which I’m not interested in doing. It was so much of my attraction to Cuyana. Low profile luxe.
I was in your shoes a couple of years ago and replaced my old Cuyana tote with one from Mulberry. Very similar aesthetic but much higher quality. Bonus points that the brand isn’t super recognizable in the US. I’ve since bought a second one in another color because I like it so much.
Do you recall which one you have? They have the Bayswater Tote and the Bayswater Satchel… the satchel is prettyyyyy
Sorry I’m late to come back but both are the Bayswater Tote. It fits my not small laptop, notebook, water bottle, etc with no problem.
I have the Longchamp Le Foulonne Large Leather Shoulder Tote and its worked well as a classic and simple leather tote. It’s $600-700 I believe.
I love my KAAI Pyramid tote.
Interesting. I was considering a coach bag this morning. My feeling is that coach is back and cool with the younger crowd. So it feels kind of youthful and stylish partially because people my age and over are avoiding it. Talk about over thinking…
I think the dash bag is chic choice but I worry that it’s kind of fleeting. Like it’s some kind of a Hermes riff. Have you looked at the Masion du Sabre palais? I think it’s a chic look but they also have laptop bags.
For my money, I’d probably get something second hand. Heaven help me, I love the Ysl Sac du jour and how it looks like a redwell and I don’t see that changing. I wish I’d bought one fifteen years ago.
I am SO glad I checked back because that Masion du Sabre is beautiful. Thank you for the idea!
You’re welcome! If you get it report back!
Look at Tumi, if you’re willing to do nylon over leather. IMO clean nylon looks more chic than beat up leather.
What prepackaged diets would people recommend? factor seems to be me be quite caloric and nutrisystem is a lot more packaged and processed then i want to go. Point is to help me lose weight! thanks.
I really liked Thistle.
I also like Thistle, but note that it’s probably not enough food for an active adult! They expect that you’re supplementing with nuts or bread or whatever. I think they only provide 1200-1400 kcal of food a day, and even if you’re trying to lose weight, that’s not enough if you’re not petite. Double check me, because it’s been a few years so maybe they addressed this. Food is delicious.
Maybe it changed? I used to track the macros and for me just the Thistle food was usually around 1600-1700 calories per day, I think protein for the veg option was at least ~80g, and the fiber was ~40g. I found it to be very filling. The only weird thing was that some of the dinners would have chunks of veg like sweet potatoes that were clearly not going to cook in the time they said, but they seemed to have started parboiling them in the last round I did.
It must’ve changed looking at their current menus. Good!!! The food is phenomenal.
Factor isn’t that bad, calorically. I got it for convenience, but it turns out the delivery wasn’t very convenient at all (I wanted it delivered at work, but it wouldn’t get to work until 6 p.m.) I also didn’t like the food very much. Sometimes I’ll hit up the whole foods first thing in the morning and see what’s at 50% off and just go from there.
I’m not sure any of the packaged diets are sustainable for weight loss, but it’s pretty decent for a kick-off effort.
I used factor. I just selected the lower calorie options.
I would check to see if there are local options to you. I found a couple of ones in my city that were much better reviewed than the big brands.
A ~very~ faint breeze is in the air today and I can’t wait for actual fall weather to arrive. Drop your favorite fall recipe below. I made Fall One-Pan Chicken And Veggies from Erin Lives Whole for dinner last night and that is now on my rotation. My family loved it! Next time I will add in extra apples.
Fall is when I remember that soup exists. I made the below vegetable soup so many times last fall/winter I had it memorized.
https://cooking.nytimes.com/recipes/1024427-vegetable-soup?unlocked_article_code=1.oU8.nv9o.3oqTI0kyNPeu&smid=share-url
I also usually make a Acorn Squash and Sweet Potato Soup – something like this –
https://www.amandafrederickson.com/all-recipes/2018/10/29/acorn-squash-and-sweet-potato-soup
Ina Garten’s lentil soup is great, easy, and freezes well.
Smitten Kitchen’s chicken pot pie
We like throwing peppers, onions, & brats on a sheet pan, then serving with pierogies (you can get them frozen) and grainy mustard.
Personally I prefer summer but Soup Time is a big comfort in the colder part of the year!
I like to sauté an onion with Trader Joe’s holiday hash and add lentils and broth to make an easy fall lentil soup.
This blouse looks like it belongs on a pregnant, Halloween baby. That’s my $.02.
I needed this laugh today!
i think it’s so pretty!
I like it!
Help me get through the next 3-6 months. Work has become unbearable. We are a small team that is short a person due to serious medical issues, and everyone is picking up the extra work but a lot is falling in my shoulders. Add to that a junior new hire and restructure that I warned 9 months ago would hugely add to my workload and impede my ability to focus on my area of expertise is (surprise, surprise) adding significantly to my workload and slowing down progress in my subject matter area. Manager is aware and supportive, but still the work needs to get done. The soonest we could potentially hire someone to offload some of the extra work is after the new year, and I would have to put in the extra work to lobby for the new role, create a job description, and work with HR and recruiter to bring in and onboard a new person. I have been sprinting at work for months on end, and now with with start of the school year, kids activities (I have teen/tween kids), etc I’ve been going nonstop on weekends too.
I’m on the verge of quitting out of desperation. What can I do to get through the next few months to see if things improve without losing my mind? I’m squeezing in exercise in my limited downtime and my spouse is trying to pick up slack at home as best he can.
If you’re ready to quit, your employees are, too.
I think this is a time to hire a skilled contract worker. It might be easier to get that approved than to get a permanent employee approved, and hiring for those positions moves pretty fast.
Your other alternative is to set strict boundaries (no more weekend work), and tell your manager that some of this isn’t getting done. You’re overwhelmed because someone up the chain from you isn’t solving this problem.
Is life, limb, or eyesight on the line? No? Then you go to your manager and explain that you can’t continue and that X will not be getting done.
Get a contractor to help you. Even my failing company that was laying people off regularly was open to hiring contractors because it’s much cheaper overall and can scale up or down. Read the book Burnout Immunity for a lot more advice.
You are not Atlas. The org’s continued progress should not fall on your shoulders.
You have a few choices:
– kill yourself and get no credit for ruining your life and your health
– speak with your manager to strategize solutions because what is happening is not sustainable, not even until the new year.
– lean out and look for a new job
– go on leave
– quit
It is not your fault that they are not staffing things properly, but it is also not your job to do other peoples’ jobs and your own and deal with short-staffing that is ruining your life, indefinitely.
As others noted, if you decide to stay, then you cannot continue at the same workload or output as when you had additional teammates, so your manager needs to choose what should be cut back, or moved to the “not doing now” pile. It is not on you to “make it work.” It is not working. You are not being compensated for this extra stress and the toll on your family. This is a manager problem and you need to set better boundaries. I’ve been there–your first instinct is to try to fit it all in. That is the wrong instinct. The way to go is to prioritize and agree that your current service level is not possible going forward.
Do not waste this crisis. If the org feels no pain because you are killing yourself to make it work, they will not make any changes. You must make them feel some pain (and in the process, preserve your sanity). Ignore your instinct to do more. Instead, prioritize more. Good luck.
OP here. Coming back to say thank you for this perspective! I needed this wake up call.
I’ve always tried to be a team player and step up when there’s a vacuum of leadership, but you are right that it is not my job to keep the org afloat single handedly with no additional pay or recognition. I don’t want to ruin the end of the year, holidays, etc being miserable and overworked.
I’m going to talk to my manager to try to find a solution before year-end.
Can you leave for a new job? Sounds like your employer is taking you for granted, and not trying to improve. I wouldn’t expect them to change.
Hello, friends. I’m looking for recommendations on incorporating flexibility into a perimenopausal exercise routine. Basically, cardio wasn’t cutting it in terms of health, so I cut that down and added weightlifting. Now, I can lift but I’m exhausted every day and starting to develop osteoarthritis in my shoulders and need to trim down that, too. I think incorporating more flexibility is probably a good idea. I’m fat but have good numbers on all my medical tests, so I need to keep up with exercise of different sorts. So, what 20-or-so minute daily routines have we enjoyed?
Pilates
Yoga — you can get 20-minute videos online in a bunch of places. If it’s really just for stretching, then search for “gentle yoga” or “yin yoga.” But going to an in-person studio is (in my opinion) a great motivator and it helps build strength, mobility, and flexibility all at once.
The key to whatever you choose — you have to do it, and you have to do it very consistently.
i love restorative yoga thru the app “down dog” (now possibly called something dumb like “yoga”). i’ve also seen a bunch of routines from one of those “animal movement” people and they look fun. i’m hypermobile though.
for lifting though – make sure that your form is 100%… i wouldn’t think you’d need to cut back, but maybe to strengthen smaller muscles like you would at PT.
also – if you’re having pain look into fascia, i’m a huge believer in myofascial release and because they run throughout your body your shoulders could be referred pain from your hips and so forth.
+1 to yoga and the Down Dog app.
Yoga for sure. I started when I was perimenopausal. So wonderful for my joints, flexibility, balance, strength and for helping with the increasing pain with the menopausal transition.
Am heading to NYC in a few weeks and planning to visit the new Printemps. Any brands or items that I should be sure to look for? If you love this particular department store, what draws you in? hoping to do more than wander aimlessly, although I can do that too….
Maybe I went at the wrong time but I was underwhelmed by Printemps for shopping. Location and vibes were worth the trip, but most of the stuff I wanted to buy was not available to take home that day or out in my size. Much better luck with actual shopping on 5ave/Madison.